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Fasab's Fascinating Festive Facts
December 23, 2014 December 22, 2014 fasab Factoids, Unusual	age, artificial Christmas trees, Austrian priest, author, Blitzen, born on December 25, British armed forces, British dogs, castrati, celebrations, Celts, charts, chi, Christ, Christmas, Christmas dinner, Christmas Eve, Christmas gifts, Christmas song, Christmas tree, church organ was broken, Comet, Cupid, decorate an official White House Christmas tree, ecclesiastical abbreviation, education, electric Christmas lights, Entertainment, fact, factoid, factoids, facts, fascinating festive facts, female, first president, first printed reference, Franklin Pierce, Germany, gold, good luck, Greek, green, hanging balls on a Christmas tree, heal wounds, increase fertility, information, irreligious, James Pierpont, Japanese expression, Jingle Bells, jolly attitude, Joseph Mohr, kurisumasu keiki, left-over Christmas cake, light, magic powers, male reindeers shed their antlers around Christmas, Merry Christmas, Mistletoe, officers wait on the other ranks, One Horse Open Sleigh, origin, owners, Papua New Guinea, Port Moresby, red, rent-a-Santa, Robert Louis Stevenson, royalty, Santa's reindeer, saucy 'kiss encourager', seasonal training, Silent Night, symbol of life and rebirth, tables, thanksgiving, the blood of Christ, tidbits, traditional, traditional three colors of Christmas, Treasure Island, twenti krismas, United States, ward off evil spirits, wealth, Xmas
Hi, and welcome to fasab's fascinating festive facts.
Everything on my blog this week is in Christmas mode including these tidbits of information that you may be able to work into the conversation if you are at a party or two this week.
Enjoy and have a very Merry Christmas.
The traditional three colors of Christmas
are green, red, and gold.
Green has long been a symbol of life and rebirth;
red symbolizes the blood of Christ,
and gold represents light as well as wealth and royalty.
The first printed reference to a
Christmas tree was in 1531 in Germany.
Apparently seven out of ten British dogs
get Christmas gifts from their doting owners.
A lot of people don't like it,
but the abbreviation of 'Xmas' for
Christmas is not irreligious.
The first letter of the word Christ in Greek is chi,
which is identical to our X.
Xmas was originally an ecclesiastical abbreviation
that was used in tables and charts.
Electric Christmas lights
were first used in 1854.
Some people who were born on December 25
feel hard done by because they have to
make do with one present instead of two
and share their big day celebrations with everybody else.
Robert Louis Stevenson, author of Treasure Island,
recognized the problem. When he died on December 4, 1894,
he willed his November 13 birthday to a friend
who disliked her own Christmas birthday
Franklin Pierce was the first president to
decorate an official White House Christmas tree.
Silent Night was written in 1818,
by Austrian priest Joseph Mohr.
He was told the day before Christmas
that the church organ was broken
and would not be repaired in time for Christmas Eve.
have outsold real ones since 1991.
In the British armed forces it is traditional
that officers wait on the other ranks
and serve them their Christmas dinner.
This dates back to a custom from the Middle Ages.
Long before mistletoe became a saucy 'kiss encourager',
it was considered to have magic powers.
It was said to have the ability to heal
wounds and increase fertility.
Celts hung mistletoe in their homes
in order to bring themselves good luck
and ward off evil spirits.
Each year there are approximately 20,000
"rent-a-Santas" across the United States.
"Rent-a-Santas" usually undergo seasonal training
on how to maintain a jolly attitude
under pressure from the public.
They also receive practical advice,
such as not accepting money from parents
while children are looking and
avoiding garlic, onions, or beans for lunch.
In Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea,
your age is measured not in years
but in how many Christmases you've lived through;
you're not 20, you're twenti krismas.
Rather less charmingly,
the Japanese expression to describe
single women over 25 years old is
kurisumasu keiki – left-over Christmas cake.
Most of Santa's reindeer have male-sounding names,
such as Blitzen, Comet, and Cupid.
However, male reindeers shed their antlers around Christmas,
so the reindeer pulling Santa's sleigh
are likely not male, but female – or castrati.
(I wonder if that is the origin of hanging balls
on a Christmas tree comes from?)
The popular Christmas song "Jingle Bells"
was actually written for Thanksgiving.
The song was composed in 1857 by James Pierpont,
and was originally called "One Horse Open Sleigh".
I'm Starting A One-Man Band – Email Me If You're Interested.
July 31, 2014 July 25, 2014 fasab comedy, Humour, Language, Puns	a front, age, amusing, Annette, bad jokes, bend over, birthday, Comedy, disappointed, drop my trousers, Entertainment, factual, fiancée, Fishing, flying off the shelves, friends, funny, girlfriend, Gordon Ramsay, Hanoi, headlines, heartbreaking, Humor, Humour, jokes, lilo, literally, little boy, metaphorical, mixed reception, My post box, new book, new doctor, New York flights, newspaper, number, pants, piles, play darts, police officer, Poltergeists, pun, pun day, puns, racially segregate, Rod, silly jokes, stolen, stupid, stupid jokes, swimming inflatables, tear jerking tales, thrown a milk bottle, time traveler's convention, touched by my Granddad, Vietnam, weather, wedding, whole name, word, word play, word plays, WOrld War Two, youths
Welcome to the last Pun Day….
Of this July that is, I hope you didn't get your hopes up too high.
Anyway here are the latest offerings.
This nice weather doesn't fool me one bit.
It's just a front.
What do you call a couple
who go fishing together?
Rod and Annette.
I hate jokes about Vietnam.
They really Hanoi me.
My new book about Poltergeists
is flying off the shelves.
I was touched by my Granddad
when I was a little boy.
His tear jerking tales of world war two
were simply heartbreaking.
I was telling the police officer
how local youths had thrown
a milk bottle at me and just missed.
He asked, "Skimmed past your face?"
I replied, "No, full fat over my shoulder."
'My post box'
has got nine letters in it.
I told my fiancee and friends that I wanted
to racially segregate our wedding.
They didn't really warm to it.
I was met with a mixed reception.
Age isn't
– it's quite clearly a word
People who confuse
the metaphorical and the factual
make my head literally explode.
My girlfriend was disappointed when
I bought her New York flights for her birthday.
But not as disappointed as I was when
I found out she didn't even play darts.
I've just stolen loads of swimming inflatables.
I'd better lilo.
I went to see my new doctor this morning about my piles.
He told me to drop my trousers and pants and bend over.
As I pulled my cheeks apart, he said,
"I'm going to need your whole name."
I said, "I just call it my asshole."
Gordon Ramsay reminds me of a newspaper.
Only with more headlines.
Time traveller's convention next June.
I'm there.
A Different Sort Of Quiz Today
July 14, 2014 July 13, 2014 fasab comedy, Humour, Questions, Tests	abdomen, abdominal cavity, adultery, age, Airport, amusing, artificial insemination, benign, birth control, body, borax, bowels, boy, boyhood, brainium, bull, buying a house, Caesarean Section, canoeists, carpets, cigarettes, Comedy, commentary, condominium, contraception, cow, dead sheep, dew, Different, earth, education, education system, Entertainment, farmer, Fibula, Flirtation, fools, four seasons, fungus, funny, grit, Humor, Humour, intercontinental, jokes, major disease, milk turning sour, Moon, mortgage company, mushrooms, mustard, nature abhors a vacuum, normal quiz day, oceans, pepper, perspire, pollutants, Premature death, processes, puberty, questions, quiz, quizzes, Roman emperor, Rome, safe to drink, salt, sand, SAT, Science Exam, seizure, sick, small lie, stairs, steroids, stupid, stupid people, stupidity, sun, terminal illness, test, tests, tides, Twenty questions, umbrellas, varicose, vinegar, water, well endowed, World Cup football
To give you a bit of a break from the normal quiz day – yes, I'm still watching the World Cup football and the final was yesterday. Well done Germany, commiserations Argentina.
So instead here is one taken by other people.
Twenty questions from a SAT Science Exam and, as well as being amusing, it is also a good commentary on the state of the education system these days.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Witty One-liner Wednesday – Some Sayings Of The Late George Carlin, part 3
September 12, 2012 September 26, 2012 fasab comedy, George Carlin, Humour, Inspirational, Language, lawyers, Uncategorized, Unusual, vacation, Witty Sayings	age, Alzheimer's, America, attention defecit, attention deficit order, Blogs, bowling, butterfly, capitalism, car, caterpillar, client, cloud eight, cloud nine, comedian, Comedy, cops, education, Entertainment, eulogies, eulogy, fear of falling, fear of heights, frisbee, frisbees, frisbeetarianism, funny, George Carlin, heights, Humor, Humour, language, lawyer, lawyers, Life, lost memories, low self-esteem, memories, meow woof, Misc, Miscellaneous, money, national holidays, no comment, old people, one-liners, People, police, property, questions, quotes, Random, self-esteem, smiles, stupid, stupid people, stupidity, television, Thoughts, tv, witty, witty one-liners, work
Today I have great pleasure in presenting the third, but unfortunately, final part of this short series of Witty One-liners from the late and great George Carlin.
Where have all the clever comedians gone, I wonder?
Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.
Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
"Meow" means "woof" in cat.
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
"No comment" is a comment.
If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
I don't have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.
It isn't fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.