on March 31, 2016 at 19:50 UTC
He's not 'affectionate'?
So I'm dating this guy I had been friends with for a few years, when I first met him he was an arrogant little bastard but he seemed to genuinely love the girls he would date, he would publicly declare his love via longa$s facebook posts, and he would dedicate songs to them etc, I saw all of this go down. Somewhere along the line he had some sort of spiritual awakening, he really became a good person, shortly after, we began dating, and I guess I expected the same treatment that he had given other girls, but it's not there. He tells me that he loves m, but that's it. He never tells me that I'm beautiful, or that he's happy that I'm with him, or anything really. we have a really good sexual and intellectual connection, but I don't know what happens when it comes to emotions...how can I talk to him about this? how can I say that I need more from him? honestly it feels like we are friends who have sex.
P.S. could it be because we've known each other for such a long time? we've only been officially dating for 3 months, but we've known each other for about 4 years.
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2 answers and 2 replies
Zombie Send a private message
Early Adopter
"He tells me that he loves m, but that's it. He never tells me that I'm beautiful, or that he's happy that I'm with him, or anything really."
I'd talk to him about it. I don't think you're being used. I suspect you might be comparing his past boisterous activities to his current behavior and wondering why you aren't getting the special treatment when in reality that might have been part of a game he isn't running on you. That type of behavior (e.g. the over the top declarations) also looses it's appeal as you get older and start mellowing out (I.e. get less arrogant about assuming everyone wants to/needs to know)
It might also have be more related to the honeymoon phase in those past relationships which won't quite be there for you in the same way because you've known him for multiple years as opposed to being super excited about new possibilities etc.
Lastly consider that he might not have done those things in his past relationships either so calling him out that you used to say these things to other women might not be accurate.
fallen_angel Send a private message
@Zombie: She said he did in his other relationships.
I'm thinking that maybe he did then but it wasn't genuine, it was a manipulation and since he's changed he doesn't want to do that to you.
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on April 1, 2016 at 17:10 UTC
@Zombie: Hey, wow, thanks, I hadn't ever thought about it from this view, the age thing never came to my mind, the relationships that he was in were from age 17-20, now he's 23.
Screw_You Send a private message
He sees you as a sex object and that's it. You said it yourself that he's not emotionally connected so if that's what you're looking for, but aren't getting it, you need to let him go or do you want to continue being His "sex toy" which is why he keeps you around.
Edited on March 31, 2016 at 20:23 UTC by the author
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