Your Guide to the 2016 Presidential Election
All Trump Needs to Do to Win Is Promise to Cut These Imaginary Government Agencies
The U.S. Ghost Guard actually sounds pretty awesome.
By Matt Miller Published: Apr 7, 2016
Horror Movie Scarecrow Donald Trump isn't exactly sure how this whole government thing works.
There are all these agencies running around doing who knows what! And since Trump hasn't really bothered looking into what they are, or what they've accomplished, or even really their names, he might as well get rid of them completely. Like this one that must exist called the "Department of Environmental." Even though it doesn't actually exist, it's doing a really, really poor job at doing the thing it was never created to do. Now, this is government at its most streamlined. Instead of creating these agencies, and wasting federal funds in the process, we can just imagine them, pretend that they fail, then shut them down before they even have a chance to ruin the country. Boom. Country saved.
Last night, Stephen Colbert brainstormed a few more government agencies that are wasting precious space in Trump's overactive imagination: The Federal Bureau of Moneying, the Department for the Farms, the Bureau of Birds and Foxes, the Environmental Erection Agency, the U.S. Steak Department, the U.S. Ghost Guard, the Department of Justins, the Department of Health and Human Centipedes. You see, if you've been following Trump's campaign (and of course you are!) his main platform revolves around these imaginary ideas.
And, well, it's working.
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