Philip Maddocks: House Republicans extend 'Pledge' to include Mephistopheles
Philip Maddocks
House Republicans announced this week that they were extending their "Pledge to America" to include Mephistopheles.
GOP leaders said the pledge — an outline of their policy agenda that was introduced Sept. 23 amid much fanfare at a Virginia hardware store — was, like the Constitution, a living document and so they see no problem with updating it to include mention of the famed demon featured in German folklore.
"This party has a big tent. We welcome new voices as long as they support repeal of the new health care law and want to make the Bush era tax cuts permanent," said one Republican leader. "We think Mephistopheles will certainly broaden our party's appeal and increase our momentum heading into November."
Added another GOP congressman, "We need this demon in order for America to return to fiscal sanity. Voters can read all about it in our 'Pledge to America and Mephistopheles.'"
While some GOP lawmakers questioned the wisdom of welcoming into their midst a creature whose only allegiance seems to be to the devil, most party members said they were keeping an open mind and withholding judgment on Mephistopheles' satanic past.
"None of us is perfect, why should demons be held to a different standard? To do so strikes me as blatantly hypocritical," said one longtime Republican lawmaker, who thought the demon "had a lot of upside potential" for his party and its immediate agenda.
"If we can tap into Memphistopheles' powers, even for a few years, well that looks pretty appealing given what has happened to us since the last election cycle," he said.
Other House members pointed to the lack of specifics in the "Pledge to America" as further proof that Republicans are hardly in the position to turn down help from anyone, let alone a creature with mythic power.
The enormous increase in political promises in recent years, they say, has strained the resources of leaders and their legal representatives in both parties, creating challenges that any non-demon might find overwhelming.
They point out that the percentage of politicians' promises that were delinquent by one year or more stood at 9.5 percent in the first quarter of 2010, up from 4 percent in the same period of 2008.
"I'm not sure what Memphistopheles' delinquency rate has been over the centuries, but I would bet it is a lot lower than ours," said one junior house member who says he has been lobbying party veterans to embrace the new mythological creatures that are now available to politicians. "This is about tapping into new social networks and staying current. This is where the new voters are or are going to be."
The junior congressman said he is happy that the "Pledge to America" condemns federal debt and is only 45 pages long, including the photos. But he is also aware that adopting one of its main policy proposals, making the Bush tax cuts permanent, would add about $3.7 trillion to the debt over the next decade.
"We could tell people, that we intend to abolish all of federal government, but I don't think that will work," he said. "It's clear we need something more than the 'Pledge' to win over the souls of voters in November."
The "Pledge to America and Mephistopheles" contains no specifics about how the demon would involve itself in the midterm elections, and the agenda does not outline the terms of the deal Republicans would have to make with the devil in return for unlimited political knowledge and for having a soulless and captive electorate and Democratic Party at its pleasure, saying only that lawmakers "will make the decisions that are necessary."
The inclusion of Mephistopheles is designed to give voters a broad picture of what voters and Democrats are up against in next month's elections It also aims to answer a favorite attack line of Democrats: that Republicans have no new ideas and are merely the "party of no."
"We dare any voter or any Democrat to say no to Mephistopheles. I think we have put that idea to bed for good," said a congressman as he headed to a meeting with fellow party members in a wood outside Wittenberg, Germany
Democrats sought to downplay the significance of Republicans joining forces with Mephistopheles, saying the demon is too extreme for most voters and will make the Mephistopheles-backed candidates unelectable in a general race.
But Republicans remained confident that they have a message to which voters are responding, and they scoff at Democrats who are calling for more details about how the GOP plans to balance the budget.
Said one, "When they ask for specifics, we just tell them the devil is in the details."
Philip Maddocks can be reached at pmaddock@cnc.com.