The GQ+A: Stephen Merchant Was Once Set on Fire During a Bad Date
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Watching Stephen Merchant go on dates will make you feel better about you going on dates. He strikes out, he gets stood up, he stands too close to a nearby candle and...fire! Your schadenfreude fix: see Hello Ladies: The Movie. (The HBO comedy special inspired by the series of the same name written by and starring Merchant premieres Saturday.) Of course there's more than just hilarious date fails—and fire—in Hello Ladies: The Movie. There's a dating philosophy that Merchant's character stumbles into that will make you feel a whole lot better about finding The One. We rang up Merchant to learn more.
GQ: What is it about dating that's so rich with comedy potential?
Stephen Merchant: I love to believe that the search for a mate is sort of the fuel for storytelling, really. I mean there aren't many stories that, in some way, don't turn on a romantic pursuit or a love lost or revenge for love destroyed or whatever it may be. It's the way we keep the species going, right? It's in our DNA. We understand what's at stake. We understand the jeopardy. We all have been on dates. We know we want it to go well. We know what it's like when it's painful or you don't get along with the other person. We know what it's like if you try too hard or if the conversation hits a brick wall. There's a sort of inherent drama in it because, in a sense, when you go on a date, most people are hoping it will end in love and romance. Maybe they're just hoping it will end in a shag. But even then, you know, if that's your goal, then there's some work to be done.
There's a sense of romantic hopefulness in Hello Ladies—do you believe in soul mates?
Well, there's this theory we mentioned briefly at the end, about percentages. The other person is never going to be perfect, but in the end it's sort of what percentage you're happy with. And I think that's probably the reality of most people's relationships, and it may not seem as romantic, but for some reason I find that very charming. It's the same way that, ultimately, the friends we choose are the people we like spending time with the most but we don't want to spend all our time with them. When it comes to relationships, there's the idea that somehow we want to spend every waking hour with that person, and that person is sort of this angelic figure who chimes with us, and we never have a cross word. And I just don't believe that exists. I don't know of anyone who's had a relationship where that happens. But I do think there are people we connect with and you just can't quite imagine not having them not in our life. Like I say, the good outweighs the bad. But ultimately, I think I do have a romantic spirit. And it's funny—I feel like I often get accused of being cynical or mean-spirited. I think if you watch the work I've done, it always has hope and the prospect of friendship and connection and romance. It's always there. It's just we try to deal with the reality of life.
Where do you think that cynic label comes from?
I don't know. I remember criticisms of The Office, when we did our version in the early days, that it was cynical and it was bleak. And I think that's people watching things superficially, because we don't go for everything bright colors and constant hugs and kissing and reassurance. That's just not been my experience in life, so the hope is you try and reflect the life as you find it.
Do fans ever come up to you, post-Hello Ladies, and talk about their dating lives?
A drunk man came up to me the other night in a club and told me that Macaulay Culkin had died—which I didn't discover had been a sort of Internet rumor for about 24 hours—I don't know why he thought I had to know immediately. He saw my Home Alone T-shirt, and he thought, This guy.
What's the worst date you've ever been on?
I don't know if I've ever been on really bad dates. I've been lucky in that regard because to me, I suppose, they're always sort of fuel to the fire. I've always had that ability as a kid to slightly step outside of things even as they're happening, and think, Oh, there's going to be something in this. There's a moment in this special where Wade sets his tie on fire—when I was in university, I bought a shirt that I thought was pretty classy. I thought it was pretty good. A red faux silk shirt. And I wore it to this party, and I thought I was looking pretty cool, and I got talking to this girl, and it seemed to be going well. There was some laughter. There was a vibe. And she said at one point, "Steve, you're on fire." And I said, "Thanks very much." And she said, "No, you are on fire." And my sleeve had caught a light on this candle that was on this mantle. And I'm not at my sexiest when I'm rolling on the floor, screaming, "Put it out! For the love of God, put it out!"
Thoughts on ****_The Game**_**?
Well, I'm fascinated by it, as an outsider, because what's interesting when you read those books, when you see those programs, the guys who are the sort of "masters" are fundamentally sad nerds. And I can relate to that. I understand that they've tried to find a mechanism to try to make life easier for themselves. We all, I think, are putting on a front in some way. I think there's often a danger, there's a kind of air of misogyny about that kind of stuff, which I find unpleasant. But I often find them hilarious. We were doing research for Hello Ladies, and I was listening to this podcast, that's my excuse any way, and it was a guy saying, "Yeah, so you go in the club, okay? And you've got to be there three or four nights a week. You're in the bar. You're in the club. You walk in. You buy a drink. You do a search. You clink glasses with all the girls. You sit down. You maybe give an hour. You go around and you maybe clink the glasses again. You see which ones respond to you." And as I was listening, thinking, This has taken up like three or four hours of your evening. You're doing this three or four nights a week. You must be exhausted! How are you getting any work done? Your liver must just be shot because you're just drinking constantly. Sure, if you put this much time in it, I'm sure you can get laid, but my God! Who's got the time and energy?
What's a sign that a date is going badly?
To me, it's all about whether you're struggling for conversation. Because typically that boredom is the biggest thing. I mean I've been on dates in L.A., where I felt like I was doing all the work. I was really kind of paddling beneath the surface. I remember telling a girl once about how I had recently met Bill Clinton. And she sort of went, "Huh." And I thought, Give me a fucking break! Jesus Christ! How many dates are you going on that people are telling you about their recent run-ins with former presidents? Really? I notice you're not offering up any hilarious ex-president stories. It's just those things where—even if you're not interested, try and seem engaged just out of politeness. Even if I'm not into the person, I'm trying. It's a couple hours, and then you can go home and just never see them again. But come on. Try and seem engaged.
How do you get over rejection?
There were always people, when I was at school or when I was young, who just sort of never got affected. It was like a numbers game for them, you know? And if I had been happily married for twenty-five years, I'd feel more comfortable answering that question. But I think all of the relationships I've had that I've valued, in the end, it's like you can't fool someone into being interested in you in the end. All of The Game trickery—that's like a short-term thing. It's like the short con. But ultimately if someone doesn't really connect with you or they don't want to hang out with you, it's kind of impossible to persuade them otherwise. I mean as I get older, I feel like I just can't be bothered. Like I said, I met President Clinton.
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