Tax Quotes
by ezTaxReturn Expert Staff | Jan 1, 2017 | Tax Quotes
"Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."― Margaret Mitchell
"…but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."― Benjamin Franklin
"I like to pay taxes. With them, I buy civilization."― Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ― Herman Wouk
"I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes." – Mark Twain
"I am thankful for the taxes I pay because it means that I'm employed." – N. J. Carmody
"The best things in life are tax free." – Joseph Bonkowski
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged." – Roger Jones
"Dear IRS, I am writing to you to cancel my subscription. Please remove my name from your mailing list." – Snoopy
"Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes." – Adam Carolla
"Nothing in life is certain except death, taxes and the second law of thermodynamics." – Seth Lloyd
"You can't have a rigid view that all new taxes are evil." – Bill Gates
"The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes." – William Feather
"The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love." – Joe E. Lewis
"Taxes grow without rain." – Jewish Proverb
"Even Albert Einstein reportedly needed help on his 1040 form." – Ronald Reagan
"For every tax problem there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong." — anonymous
"Every advantage has its tax." – Ralph Waldo Emerson
'Did you ever notice that when you put the words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS?"' – Author Unknown
"It was as true… as taxes is. And nothing's truer than them." – Charles Dickens
"I always felt thrilled and amazed that I could put actor on my tax form." – Geoffrey Rush
"I was never charged with tax evasion. I've never been a tax protester." – Wesley Snipes
"Tax time is the perfect opportunity to jumpstart your spring-cleaning by tackling your financial to-do list." – Alexa Von Tobel
"There's just one thing I can't figure out. My income tax!" – Nat King Cole
"An income tax form is like a laundry list – either way you lose your shirt." – Fred Allen
"I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons." –Douglas Adams
"The trick is to stop thinking of it as 'your' money." – IRS auditor
"I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?" – Milton Berle
"Solar power is the last energy resource that isn't owned yet–nobody taxes the sun yet." – Bonnie Raitt
"Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income." – Alfred E. Neuman
"In levying taxes and in shearing sheep it is well to stop when you get down to the skin." – Austin O'Malley
"Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax." – Charles Kettering
"I love America, but I can't spend the whole year here. Ican't afford the taxes." – Mick Jagger
"On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away." – Tom Lehrer
"I put all my money into taxes. They're the only thing that's sure to go up!" – Anonymous
"America is a land of untold wealth. Most of it is untold on the tax forms!" – Milton Berle
"You must pay taxes. But there's no law that says you gotta leave a tip."–Morgan Stanley advertisement
"Taxes are paid in the sweat of every man who labors." – Franklin D. Roosevelt
"The United States has a system of taxation by confession." – Hugo Black
"A fool and his money are soon parted. The rest of us wait for tax time." – Anonymous
"The payment of taxes gives a right to protection." – James M. Wayne
"No matter how bad a child is, he is still good for a tax deduction." – American Proverb
"Taxation is the price which civilized communities pay for the opportunity of remaining civilized." – Albert Bushnell Hart
"Of all our natural resources, the first one to be exhausted may be the taxpayer." – Anonymous
"Nothing hurts more than having to pay an income tax, unless it is not having to pay an income tax." – Thomas Robert Dewar
"Taxes and golf are alike, you drive your heart out for the green, and then end up in the hole." – Anonymous
"The promise of yesterday are the taxes of today." – Mackenzie King
"The thing generally raised on city land is taxes." – Charles Dudley Warner
"When all is lost, ask the I.R.S. — they'll find something." – Doug Horton
"Today's dime is really a dollar with all the taxes deducted." – Anonymous
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall." – Denis Healey
"Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others." – Oscar Wilde
"There's always somebody who is paid too much, and taxed too little – and it's always somebody else." – Cullen Hightower
"People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women." – Anonymous
"If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck." – Jeff Foxworthy
"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale." – Arthur C. Clarke
"Income tax time is when you test your powers of deduction." – Shelby Friedman
"It is getting harder and harder to support the government in the style to which it has become accustomed." – Anonymous
"The rope by which the great blocks of taxes are attached to any citizenry is simple loyalty." – Stephen King
"The tax code has just grown so complex and so ugly, like an unkempt hedge or lawn that never gets mowed." – Alan Blinder
"There is no simple tax, at least no simple tax that is also fair." – Joel Slemrod
"An old tax is a good tax." – Old Folk Saying
"The most pernicious of all taxes are the arbitrary." – David Hume
"Don't get excited about a tax cut. It's like a mugger giving you back car fare." – Arnold H. Glasow
"Taxes are an investment in America." – Bill Gates
"Taxes are the chief business of a conqueror of the world." – George Bernard Shaw
"All taxes are disliked, and the more directly they are imposed, the more hateful they become." – William Waterson
"What at first was plunder assumed the softer name of revenue." – Thomas Paine
"I have only one thing to say to the tax increasers: Go ahead, make my day." – Ronald Reagan
"All money nowadays seems to be produced with a natural homing instinct for the Treasury." – Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh
"It is a general idea, that when taxes are once laid on, they are never taken off." – Thomas Paine
"The current tax code is a daily mugging." – Ronald Reagan
"There may be liberty and justice for all, but there are tax breaks only for some." – Martin A. Sullivan
"Tax complexity itself is a kind of tax." – Max Baucus
"Philosophy teaches a man that he can't take it with him; taxes teach him he can't leave it behind either." – Mignon McLaughlin
Mignon McLaughlin
"The power of taxing people and their property is essential to the very existence of government." — James Madison
"To tax and to please, no more than to love and to be wise, is not given to men." — Edmund Burke
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is – I could be just as proud for half the money." — Arthur Godfrey
"Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund." — F. J. Raymond
"A tax loophole is 'something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform.'"
— Russell B. Long
"Taxation with representation ain't so hot either." — Gerald Barzan
"Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it." – Ronald Reagan
"What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin." – Mark Twain
"Censure is the tax a man pays to the public for being eminent." – Jonathan Swift
"Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia." – Judith Viorst
Judith Viorst
"Bats have no bankers and they do not drink and cannot be arrested and pay no tax and, in general, bats have it made." – John Berryman
"America's got quite reasonable tax rates from an employee point of view." – Jim Ratcliffe
"Everybody should pay some tax, just as everybody should vote." – Amity Shlaes
"If you don't drink, smoke, or drive a car, you're a tax evader." – Thomas S. Foley
"The Eva Longoria who worked at Wendy's flipping burgers – she needed a tax break. But the Eva Longoria who works on movie sets does not." – Eva Longoria
"Unmarried couples should get married – that's an excellent tax avoidance measure, if a bit drastic." – John Whiting
"Tax reform means, 'Don't tax you, don't tax me. Tax that fellow behind the tree." – Russell B. Long
"What's the difference between a tax auditor and a rottweiler? A rottweiler eventually lets " — anonymous
"If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation."— Farmer's Almanac
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it." – Anonymous
"Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an automatic extension." – Anonymous
"Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose." – Evan Esar
Evan Esar
"Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten." – Lord Bramwell
"Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands." – Jimmy Kimmel
"This is the season of the year when we discover that we owe most of our success to Uncle Sam." – The Wall Street Journal
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of May Day!" – Robert Knauerhase