Douchebag Jar
What is Douchebag Jar?
Final Appearance
The Douchebag Jar is a running gag on New Girl. The purpose of the jar, which sits in the loft living room, is to help correct Schmidt's behavior much like a more common "Swear Jar" - he is to put money in the jar for anything he says or does that is considered douchebaggery. Infractions are typically worth one dollar, but have been worth up to $50, at the discretion of his roommates. The jar, however, is mostly ineffective, as Schmidt takes pride in everything he does that warrants an infraction, and rarely argues when he's told to put money in.
In "Bathtub," Jess and Winston buy a tub against Nick and Schmidt's wishes and without telling them, but while they're filling it with water on the roof, it cracks a hole in the ceiling above Schmidt's closet and destroys all his suits. To cover their tracks, they use the money from the Douchebag Jar to get them drycleaned and pretend they were robbed - twice. Schmidt believes them both times, but he considers the thieves "typical meth heads" for taking his suits and leaving the money in the jar.
Schmidt is the only character in the series to put money in the jar, but Jess encouraged Sadie to pay up after she says, "I know my way around a Grizzly Adams" in the episode "Eggs."
Jess' Annoyance Bowl with Schmidt's Douchebag Jar in the loft living room.
Despite the jar's ineffectiveness, by the episode "Pepperwood," the roommates have devised a similar plan for Jess - an "Annoyance Bowl" which sits next to the Douchebag Jar in the living room. She incurs the first seen bowl infraction by punch-dancing over her excitement at making a breakthrough with one of the creative writing students in her adult education class. Like Schmidt, she is prideful of the moments that incur annoyance infractions.
By season three, Schmidt is beginning to face the issues he has that make him so douchey, but he's doing it slowly, in Schmidt's typically douchey fashion. Seeking personal space, he moves his belongings across the hall from the gang, into the empty apartment 4C, and takes the Douchebag Jar with him.
In the season 5 finale, Schmidt smashes the jar with his foot as he kisses his bride. This ends the life of the Douchebag Jar.
List of Offenses
(To Jess): "This is L.L.S. - ladies love Schmidt!" (Coach tells him to put a dollar in the jar)
(To Jess): "I gotta talk to my boys, my bros." (Nick tells him to put money in the jar because 'my boys' is "not a thing.")
(To Cece): "Can I hit you up with some tea - a little herb tea? Some tea bag action? And I wasn't..." (though he doesn't finish his sentence, Nick still insists it's enough for him to put money in the jar)
(To Cece): "I'm gonna be honest with you, I did not hear a word that you just said, cuz I can kinda see your party hats right now." (Nick puts the jar in front of him again and demands to know why he's talking like that)
(To Jess): "I just want you to know that, for me at least, no matter what, I would still totally do you." (Jess says that's sweet but tells him to put money in the jar; Nick and Coach agree with her.)
(as he and Jess struggle to stuff the turkey into the oven, she cries, "I can't get it in!", so Schmidt says): "We've all been here, am I right?" (without skipping a beat, Nick catches the jar infraction)
When the dryer explodes with the defrosting turkey inside, Schmidt pulls the shirt off his back to yank the bird from the smoke-filled laundry room. Running back into the hallway, he slides down in front of the gang on his knees, topless, carrying Hank in his grey t-shirt, and Nick says, simply, "Jar."
The Story of the 50
(To Jess): "Someone's personalized condoms just came in the mail!" (she's grossed out and tells him to put $20 in the jar)
(To Winston): "Did you know that N.W.A. didn't stand for 'never walk alone'?" (disturbed, Winston thinks the infraction is worth $30)
He walks into the loft wearing a black tank top and brown pageboy cap, which in itself is enough for Nick to demand he put money in the jar.
After Jess arranges his 29th birthday party bus, it crashes. While Schmidt and Jess wait for the tow truck, he tries to kiss her. When the gang finds out they all, including Nick's girlfriend, Julia, insist he's made a $50 infraction - the largest amount he's ever incurred.
Immediately after putting in the $50, he put his arms over his head, points down at himself, and chants "29!" This causes Nick to demand he put in $10 more.
(To Jess): "I just found a Groupon for hypnosis lessons! Think about what you could do with that...sex stuff!"
"Has anyone seen my good pea coat?" (Winston insists it's a jar infraction)
"Has anyone seen my sharkskin laptop sleeve?" (Nick insists it's a jar infraction)
"Darn it - has anyone seen my croquet cleats?"
(To Jess): "Have you seen my other timepiece?"
(To Nick): "I came up with the best name for an uncircumcized penis - Bishop in a Turtleneck!"
"Damn it - I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere!"
Fancyman (Part 1)
(To Shelby): "Question - how do you forget [Calvin Coolidge's birthplace]? Answer - you don't. I'm gonna jar myself on that one!" (he decides on his own that he's just said something jar-worthy, and puts money in without being told)
(To Winston, who isn't as good at trivia as he is): "Don't worry about it, man, it's your public school education - you'll catch up! Jar again!" (again, he puts money in on his own, without being told)
(To Jess): "Are you cooking a fritatta in a saucepan? What is this, prison?" (Nick tells him to put money in the jar, and Schmidt already has the money ready)
(To Sadie): "You're a gynecologist and a lesbian, which makes you, well, a vagenius..." (Jess finds this jar-worthy)
(Sadie to Schmidt): "I know my way around a Grizzly Adams." (surprised at her friend, Jess also finds this jar-worthy)
(To Sadie): "As an adult male, I would like to ask you a few questions about, you know, the downstairs girl-cookie." (grossed out, Jess demands jars all around. No money actually makes it to the jar on camera, despite the exchange.)
(To Jess and Winston): "They took El Capitan! Damn it. The only thing he left was my summer suit with the lightning bolt on the back. I keep that in my summer bin, with my summer condoms - citrus-flavored for a more refreshing summer experience." (they both agree that the statement is jar-worthy)
Despite the fact the jar was emptied before Christmas to dryclean Schmidt's suits, the jar is now full again a few months later, indicating that Schmidt has continued his usual behavior. It is also revealed in this episode that there is now an "Annoyance Bowl" in the loft for Jess, and she incurs an infraction by punch-dancing.
Elaine's Big Day
(To Nick and Winston at Cece's wedding): "Bros ever before the hoes." (with the Douchebag Jar back at the loft, Nick jokingly asks aloud if anyone has one they could use for that comment)
Referring to a time when he first met Cece:
Schmidt: "Looks like it's finally just the two of us, huh?"
Cece: "Oh God, you're about to say something stupid, aren't you?"
Schmidt: "Yeah...girl...(holding out $5)...I'm-a marry you."
Cece: "Jar."
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1 Nick and Jess