Revealed: John Boehner's Early American Foundations
By Nell Scovell
Photograph at left by Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty Images.
It's no coincidence that House Minority Leader John Boehner chose the Tart Lumber store in Sterling, Virginia, to unveil the G.O.P.'s "Pledge to America." Not only did it appeal to the middle class, it also allowed Boehner to pick up a few cans of the wood finish he uses to maintain his complexion.
An examination of hardwood samples reveals the Ohio Representative's preferred tone falls in the rich mahogany family. And while a lesser patriot might choose a more natural "fruitwood" hue, Boehner proudly stains himself "Early American" (while standing in front of a podium that's "Colonial Maple," so as not to clash.) Truly, there's no better way to honor the Founding Fathers than by letting their essence soak into your skin.And the Pledge? That's not just a political agenda. It's also an advertisement for how Boehner cleans and dusts his face—just a little Pledge on a damp cloth (and no waxy buildup).
Nell Scovell
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