Fare Finta Di Fare L'Amore
"Help!" my friend Kate tells me one morning. "Yesterday afternoon, my daughter Anna, the one who's 5, wanted to play 'Making Babies' with the babysitter!"
"Ok, how exactly?" I ask intrigued.
"Well, the babysitter came to me and said Anna wanted her to pretend to be the father, and lie on top of her, while my girl pretended to be the mom. And all of this on our king-size bed…"
"Oooops. And what did your babysitter say?" I ask.
"She told me that she explained that those are things only adults do, but then Anna insisted that she only wanted to do it 'for fake', 'just pretending'. Then the baby-sitter told her she had something else to do and managed to distract her. But the next time, she asked me what she should tell Anna, and I honestly don't know" says Kate.
Neither do it, to be quite honest. It's such a delicate topic. You neither want to make it a taboo, nor – however – do you want to encourage the babysitter to lie on top of your daughter pretending to make love…Anyone have any suggestions?
Anti-Nido a Otto Mesi
09:57 AM | di Juliet Linley
"How's Simonetta?" I ask Signora Luigia at the local market one morning while choosing grapes at her stand.
"My granddaughter is behaving badly these days. She doesn't want to stay at daycare…" She answers showing definite signs of irritation.
I've known Nonna Luigia for a good two years and she's always kind to our daughter when I do the shopping — a cherry offered here, a banana there, and always with a smile.
Since her son gave her a granddaughter, she regularly shows me with great pride the pictures he uploads onto her mobile phone for her.
Today, however, she seems a lot less proud of her adored little girl: "I really don't understand. All the other kids play happily, but Simonetta wails and won't let go of her parents."
"Luigia," I venture, "but when you were 8 months old, I'll wager you were also glued to your mother, no? The difference is that no one expected you to let go of her at such a young age, don't you think?"
(Especially as child psychologists say that 8 months is precisely when babies develop their fear of strangers.)
"Well, yes, that's probably a point…" She answered thoughtfully.
"And I'm ready to bet that until the age of 4 or 6 both you and your son — Simonetta's daddy — stayed home, period." I continue. "Nobody expected you to stay at a daycare centre at that age, right?"
"But the kid's mom has to get back to work, otherwise she'll lose her job," Luigia tells me indignantly. "She's taken all the leave she can. And now the girl needs to cooperate too…"
"Unless," interrupts a 50-something lady who's been waiting patiently throughout our exchange for Luigia to weigh her San Marzano tomatoes, "the State starts paying mothers to be mothers when they have small children."
Luigia raises her eyes to the heavens impatiently and hurriedly weighs the tomatoes.
I look at our new conversation partner and say "Actually, that wouldn't be bad at all."
But the lady immediately adds: "Pity that even without the current financial crisis, nobody would ever dream of a measure of that kind. It's an investment in the future, but no seems to see it that way."
La Teatroterapia e i Giovani
"One afternoon, I was very tired and discouraged by problems at work. Nobody seemed to notice, except Michele — one of the disabled boys in our lab. He limped up to me, gave me his hand and invited me to dance. Stuttering, he said:"Don't worry, Costanza, everything will be alright. I love you."
Costanza d'Ardia, 30 years old, is an actress and social worker specialized in theatre-therapy (or drama-therapy) — a type of therapy that I had heard of, but never bothered much about. I was impressed by this young actress and her wish to combine her passion for theatre with helping youngsters less fortunate than herself.
"What happened that day with young Michele — at first very withdrawn and unwilling to have physical contact with people — showed how we had built a relationship based on authentic recognition of each other. There was no longer an 'I' and a 'You', but a We," continues Costanza who, after graduating in Social Services, followed training courses in film, television, theatre and dubbing to extend her passion for acting.
"Theatre unites without affecting your individuality — and you learn things that cannot be taught otherwise. The stage provides infinite space for communication and has always been a meeting place. It brings together, it creates friendships, it educates and it sets in motion mechanisms that can truly bring improvements to a person's condition."
The actress then explains to me that theatre-therapy allows you to bring on stage your group experiences, following the technical advice of the actor — aimed at prevention, rehabilitation and curing certain psychological disturbances. "After all, everyone can benefit from it. There are no 'specific cases' in the theatre, only actors," Costanza continues. "Art is first and foremost an imaginary place with no limits. 'The Game' removes differences and brings participants together by highlighting individual capabilities."
"It's not a form of therapy in the strictest sense, since you don't work on a particular symptom," says Costanza. "I'm an assistant, not a therapist, and I like working within the group as an actress — applying the cathartic principles of theatre within the groups, unrestricted by specific methodologies. I love measuring the effectiveness of my work by gauging the reactions of the public. The emotion that applause sparks is important, it is a form recognition. And who doesn't need to feel recognized? Or appreciated in a new way? This need is even stronger in people who, because of a health problem or other disability, risk feeling isolated."
It must not be easy to balance the jobs of actress and social worker. How does she do it?
"The social work helps me to act for others and consider myself at the service of art; not the other way round. Both professions focus on the human condition and are able to increase self-awareness. One of my projects is to bring 'under the spotlight' the stories of persons — less well known to the general public perhaps — who defended their ideals with courage, at times even paying with their own lives. I've just completed a script for TV, and if I manage to shoot it, that will be a dream come true!"
Baby Pit Stop
You need to make a pit-stop and have no idea where to go. Ok, so finding a gas station isn't that difficult — all you have to do usually is ask.
But finding somewhere you can change a diaper and breastfeed when you're out and about with Baby? Now that's a little more complicated.
(I'd be amused to hear the kinds of answers you'd get here in Rome to the simple enquiry: "Excuse me, where can I nurse my child?")
But I was reading on the La Leche League website this morning that since 2004, they've been trying to put together a list of places in Italy where you can happily make a Pit Stop without being obliged to buy anything.
Sadly, the list is pathetically short. Only 9 regions of Italy are listed, with Piedmont at the top of the list with 6 listings (three of which are bookshops). Latium and Lombardy only have 4 each.
So, I say: spread the word. Let's encourage restaurants, bars, cafes, bookshops and other places to add their names to the list, by clicking here.
After all, even if there's no obligation to consume, most women are always going to spend at least some money when they're in a quiet, welcoming place. Right girls?
Tinte E Pancioni
Staying on the subject of pregnancy's slightly more frivolous side, there's the whole issue of highlights, hair color and dyes.
Sure, there are women that are happy to swan around with white hair for 9 months and for the following period in which they breastfeed. But there are also those that would rather not be mistaken for Julian Assange — however intriguing they might find Mr Wikileakes — and they are hardly a minority.
So I asked myself: Do hair dyes exist that are absolutely 'baby-friendly — in other words, without ammonia, peroxide and the other chemical substances that could harm a foetus or a nursing baby?
In the three health shops I went into here in Rome, they suggested either Henna (but the reddish hue isn't to everyone's taste or liking) or hair colors that wash out pretty quickly. They had nothing that was 100 percent natural and of a more permanent nature.
While at the Aveda centre closest to home, they said they could guarantee a product that is 97 per cent natural.
Not bad, I thought to myself initially.
But then Susanne, a friend who lives in London and is nursing her two-month old, told me why HER usually bleached-blonde hair was currently a mousy grey.
"When I got pregnant I decided to seek out a natural dye," she told me in between feeds. "So I went to one of the Aveda centers in London — ready to have my hair done. But would you believe it? The hairdresser strongly encouraged me not to!"
"Don't do it," she insisted. "Just wait."
And in fact, as I scoured some of the greener web pages — like The Daily Green (even if this article was written a few years back) — it became clear to me that it would be best to err on the side of caution.
However, since the potentially toxic substances in hair dyes become an issue when they come into contact with the scalp, this article from Pregnancy.Org suggests that highlights are a good alternative since they only affect the hair strands.
Meanwhile, here I am starting my 6th month, and I've resorted to pulling out those few (phew) white hairs that I have.
Some say seven will grow for every one that gets ripped out? Never mind. At least I have the assistance of our daughter, who couldn't find our little OWH (Operation White Hair) more amusing.
The only problem is that she's now begun wanting to vigorously extract the white elements that have started working their way through Daddy's beard. And that's a whole different story.
Uno Smalto BUono Davvero
At the beginning of the summer, i wrote about my search for a brand of nail varnish that is safe during pregnancy.
Well, after two months of totally 'au natural' nail, my London friend Lia called me today to say she'd discovered little BU nail polish in the Harrod's kids' department. "It hits the nail on the head. It's absolutely what you were looking for. It's safe for little girls who want to imitate mommy, and it's safe for pregnant or breastfeeding women," she told me triumphantly.
I checked their website and Lia had indeed scored a touchdown. These nail varnishes are:
– water-based
– non-toxic
-odourless
– they dry in two minutes
– they easily wash off clothes
– they're not tested on animals
– they're available in three finishes – cream, crystalized, pearl
– they're available in fun, fashionable colours
– they're free from the 'Big 3': Dibutyl Phthalate, Formaldehyde and Toluene
– they contain no Phthalates, Bisphenol A, Ethyl Acetate and Acetone
– they're pregnancy safe
If I then think about how hard it's been lately to convince our daughter not to play with (and breathe in) the nail polishes mummy used to use — a fixation which I counter by allowing her to paint her toe nails with face-paints — Little BU seems to be the ideal solution for mummy and child.
And, given that founder Patricia Dente Haimes used to work for Estée Lauder and Chanel, the hope is that the product will fit the aesthetic bill — not just the ecological one.
I'm bemused. Our 4-year old adores chocolate and candy (I don't quite think she's the only one). And she asks for it pretty often.
Every now and then we give her a treat, every now and then we don't — explaining that too many sweets are bad for her teeth and her tummy, too.
But I've seen some chubby kids whose parents get into real fighting matches with them, trying (often unsuccessfully) to stop them from constantly munching on candy and getting even fatter.
It's almost like an addiction.
Actually, it is an addiction: surprise surprise, sugar has a habit of getting you hooked.
So, one day I hear an American mom here in Rome saying that one needs to fight this strong desire for sweets with something tantamount to 'shock therapy'. In other words, leave all possible forms of sweets strewn around the house — so that at every corner there are candies, lollipops, chocolates, cookies and cakes — at kid-level.
"You'll see," she said. "The child will gorge on all those delicacies and will most probably feel really ill. But then, he wont want to come near a sweet for months, if not years."
I'm not convinced. (I mean, 'All-You-Can-Shoot-Heroin' is not exactly the kind of therapy drug-addicts get, right?) And most importantly, I wouldn't be willing to try out this theory on my child.
I wonder, though, whether anyone has tried it and been successful?
…And then, I wonder what kind of birthday cake (or lack thereof) a child who's been 'cured' by this form of 'therapy' would want for his birthday…
I Sette Detti Per Bambini
According to Dr Deepak Chopra, there are seven simple sayings that can have a profound impact on your child's life.
– Everything is possible.
– If you want to get something, give something.
– When you make a choice, you change the future.
– Don't say no — go with the flow.
– Every time you wish or want, you plant a seed.
– Enjoy the journey.
– You are here for a reason.
(from: 'The Seven Spiritual Laws for Parents — Guiding Your Children to Success and Fulfillment')