Exchange student revisits her second home
By Leah McDonald |
ONEIDA – In 1978, Dhina Kadarsan and Tami Tubbs walked across the stage at Vernon-Verona-Sherrill High School to receive their diplomas, after which Kadarsan returned home to Indonesia. This week, 30 years later, Dhina (Kadarsan) Sayogyo returned to see her "second family" and visit with "sister" Tami (Tubbs) Gagen. "I have happy tears all the time," Sayogyo said, sitting in the home of Don and Dee Tubbs, her "parents." "If you ask my parents how many kids they have, they'll tell you four," Gagen said. "Dhina is just a part of it." They actually flew out to Indonesia in 1985 for Sayogyo's wedding to her husband, Darto, and she visited in 1988 with her oldest son, who was only 13 months old at the time. "My sons are all a lot older now compared to that first time I came here," Sayogyo said. "I want them to know their family here, their American family here – Grandpa and Grandma, Aunt Tami and Uncle Jay. The family that brings us back here." She said the bond she has with her host family from so long ago is hard to explain, but that, even though they spend a long time apart and live on the other side of the globe, they've never stopped loving one another. "This is her second family," Gagen said. "I remember one of my phone calls to Mom, she asked 'Why do you live so far away?'," Sayogyo said. "That motivated us to save up and come to the United States." When she came to the U.S. the first time in 1977 through the American Field Service program, Sayogyo said she and sister Gagen did a lot of traveling, visiting Florida, California, New York City, Niagara Falls and several other places. "We learned a lot about each other's culture," Gagen said. "We learned a lot about the differences and the similarities," Sayogyo said. "We respect each other and we can open our hearts. Once you open your heart, no one is a stranger to you." "She was not just part of the family," Gagen said. "She was part of the community. The post office was her second home." "And the ice cream parlor," Sayogyo added. She said that, even after she left, she and her family kept in touch and continue to do so, both through hand-written letters and e-mail. "We live so far away on the other side of the globe, but we're never far away," Sayogyo said. Gagen said she would like to travel to Indonesia with her husband, Jay, sometime in the future to visit her sister in her home, but for now, they're enjoying the time they have together before Sayogyo and her family head out to Boston to spend time with Darto's host family, who he has also kept in touch with from his days in America. "It's a dream come true," Sayogyo said.
Leah McDonald