Duh doesn't want to start a savings account for his brat with part of their tax return because his parents didn't do the same for him. Uhh, isn't that what people are supposed to do? Give their kids what their own parents couldn't give to them? My guess is setting aside a few bucks from the tax return might eat into Duh's potential spending habits like video games, cigs, booze, pot, takeout, a new computer, and so on.
Oh, but of course he's a Great DadTM. Mmhmm sure, a great dad who doesn't want his kid to have a college fund. I can honestly say I have never heard of someone who could afford to open a savings account for their kid and refused to.
https://old.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/mldc7d/savings_for_the_baby/
We just had a baby in November. I told spouse I was going to use the tax return to pay of some of the hospital bills. I said today I'd also like to take a little bit and open an acount for daughter and just have it there and make deposits when we can so there's a little fund for her for the future. Maybe college? Maybe if she wants piano lessons or something? Idk just to have for her and only her. He shot it down. Said we're not wealthy enough to do that?? And "I didn't get shit from my parents." I'm not talking like a ton of money just a little bit from the tax return and then add to it when and what we can.. Idk. I think I'll do it anyway. Just frustrated me he doesn't want to have something like this for her. (We're not married)
I'm sure this happened.
https://old.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/mkyqnn/my_pregnancy_is_over_but_my_grief_continues/
Today my toddler said, "[babys name] is dead mommy. The baby in your tummy is gone."
We are 4.5 months out from a TFMR. I'm so devastated.
My husband refuses to try for another. I'm 39.
Grateful for my living child but feeling like the world has ended.
What the fuck's a TFMR? I had to look it up and it stands for "termination for medical reasons." Basically means the fetus was FUBAR and had what doctors often refer to as a "condition that's incompatible with life."
And I very seriously doubt that a toddler has the sense to point out that the fetus is dead because toddlers have no idea what dead is. If they did, they wouldn't do shit that could make them dead like stick forks into electrical sockets, eat everything except edible foods and swan dive down the staircase wearing a Peppa Pig blanket because they want to be Superman.
But with how much Moos go on and on and ON about their dead clumps, I wouldn't be surprised if the kid is just being a little mynah bird and repeating back to the Moo what it heard its handlers say. Duh probably doesn't feel like dealing with this whiny horse shit from her for another five months minimum, which is why he's saying no more.
And orly, if you're so grateful for your existing child, why are you making such a fuss over one that never got born? God I can't fucking stand these whiny moaning heifers who mourn for years over a clump loss like they're going to wind up childless spinsters when they've all got at least one live child. Can you imagine how the living children in such scenarios must feel while their Moos lay there and wail for months on end about their dead clumps? Like WTF are their living breathing kids? Chopped liver?
Wow, the new car smell hasn't even faded on the baybee yet and he is already refusing to open a savings account in the baybee's name.
Way to go, no savings Dud. He sounds completely not resentful about having a baybee, does he not?
Here I go again, being snippy and judgmental, but I noticed at least half of these women bred with a "partner," not a spouse, which could suggest oopsies or a lack of planning. But even so, a fair number of them are calling this Dud irrational.
Get this stellar response. Do these women all breed with the same guy? By all means, let's HAVE A KID with a guy who is financially irresponsible. These are the same women who will be bitching they are broke or homeless when their partner decides he no longer wants to pay for the kid.
I'm not married to my partner so it might be a little easier for me but I take some money here and there and I contribute it to a 529 for our son and my own emergency savings account. He doesn't know about the 529 or my fund, and my mom is the emergency person on both accounts. My partner isn't a bad person, he is just terrible with money and I don't want him to have access or even know about these accounts because he has tried to make me feel guilty for hoarding money before when he needs help paying his % of the bills. Although he wouldn't need help if he didn't blow his checks on video games or fishing gear...
I've never understood how these manchildren aren't good enough to marry, but fine to get knocked up by.
Moomy can't understand why husband is checking out emotionally and thinks it's from having to work night shift. I'm sure that's part of it, but I'm also sure it can't possibly be from having to support SIX boat anchors in a non-spanking household. Why didn't this dumbass get snipped?
I don't know what to think.
My husband and I have 5 kids, and we've been married 14 years. We met, married, and had kids young.
Husband has been NOT dealing with his depression and ADHD our whole marriage. I've struggled with depression as well. I've taken meds, gone to therapy, and tried to manage my depression through diet and lifestyle. Covid has obviously been tough, because my kids were home until just recently. Husband is an essential worker who works night shift, which added extra stress when the kids were home for a year. I haven't worked since we had our first baby.
Husband has been withdrawn lately. Absorbed in a video game on his phone. Very impatient with the kids. Hardly smiles or makes eye contact with any of us anymore. He is not having an affair (as far as I know— but I'm friends with a lot of his work friends and trust they would tell me). He has been looking for a new job (for day shift) and has had quite a few interviews, but no new job yet. He just isn't happy. Ever.
We have been in marriage counseling since last fall when he said he wanted a divorce because he wasn't happy. I have worked really hard to not be so controlling and a few months ago he said he didn't want a divorce anymore. He has worked hard on controlling his temper and regulating his emotions better, so he's not as angry but still grouchy all the time.
BrMoms, he's not happy. Is it me? I want to bring it up in our next marriage counseling but I'm afraid to hear the answer. I don't know what else I could be doing. I've been trying to connect and he just is apathetic towards me and the kids. He's apathetic towards everything right now.
I'm also angry because I feel like he has put so little effort into being a better parent. He was raised in a yelling, spanking household and while he doesn't spank, he goes from not paying attention to the kids to yelling at them. He doesn't want to talk to them, doesn't want to hear from them. I get it— I've been with the kids every day for 13 years! But that doesn't mean it's okay for him to act like their an inconvenience on his life.
I'm lost and hurting and angry. What do I do?
So far the clueless responses have been to blame it on night shift.
https://old.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/mloi61/husband_just_doesnt_want_to_be_part_of_the_family/
She is always going to be broke with this guy unless she takes 100% control of the money and gives him an allowance (like a parent instead of a partner) and then cue the resentment from the duh. Financial irresponsibility is hard enough if you're childless/child free in a relationship and nearly impossible for parents. Relationships are ended based on financially irresponsible behavior. If it is really bad it can limit employment.
Reference Night Shift Dud: I am so fucking glad that I always had my own money and a way to support myself and therefore I'm not having to twist myself into knots to make someone stay with me who clearly does not want to be there. So many of these women are unable to support themselves, therefore they are trapped and subject to the whims of some guy.
And a guy who wants a divorce and then suddenly decides to stay? I GUARAN-DAMN-TEE you that he was having an affair and figured out that a divorce would break him financially and it wasn't worth it. (Although he can still get his tail on the side.)
This guy will probably leave he minute the kids turn 18 and he's no longer liable for chyld support.
And ITA with the sentiment, why the fuck didn't this guy wrap it up or get snipped? I have a hard time believing someone got oopsed FIVE FREAKING TIMES. BED. MADE. LIE. Now deal with these kids you made so you don't fuck them up.
Yeah I seriously doubt it's work that's got the night shift Duh so fucked up. A lot of men start looking forward to going to work once sproggen come along because work is an "escape" from screaming kids and nagging wives and they get paid for it. If all I had to look forward to going home was half a dozen brats, I'd check out mentally too. Probably doesn't want to get on meds because he figures it's not worth bothering with it or he thinks it's not manly to be on anti-depressants or some shit. But hey, he can't be so naive that he doesn't know where babies come from, so I don't feel sorry for him. You don't want a gaggle of brats and you're a guy, you either wrap it, snip it or keep it in your pants. Or get a sex change if you're feeling particularly adventurous.
Moo needs to quit going to therapy and trying to single-handedly fix her marriage. Counseling works when both people are willing to work at it, but when one is shouldering the work and the other gives no fucks, all it will be is a big waste of time and money. It's great that he's improved a little for whatever reason, but it's painfully obvious he hates his life and everyone in his house. You can be depressed and love your wife and kids, but the fact that he's so short with all of the other inhabitants in the house makes it pretty obvious he hates his life and he's taking it out on the kids and the Moo because he resents them for "making" his life the way it is.
What you fucking do is get the divorce, or at least get a separation. Stop living together. Maybe he'll be a better parent if he and Moo don't live together, or maybe the kids will be better off with no father than one who treats them like crap and screams at them constantly.
Just a big thread about the morons these women married who need to have their hands held through the most basic things and need to be told where towels and clothing go in their own homes. Some of the Moos mentioned it already in the comments, but I highly suspect a lot of these asshats just pretend to be ignorant and incompetent so Moo will just do the chore for them.
I'd bet a good chunk of them weren't so useless when they were single and figure the whole point of settling down was to get a little wifey to do all this crap for them like mommy used to do for them. And I get that some guys are just plain not good at domestic crap like cooking or sewing, but consider the terrifying fact that the brain-dead men these women are describing hold down jobs, made new human beings, have licenses to operate vehicles and I imagine at least a few attended college. But they don't know where their own clean underwear go.
And these men can't be asked or told to do shit because then they get upset over being treated like the morons they are or they accuse the Moo of nagging. I really don't think it's possible for someone to be so genuinely ignorant about the layout in their own home. I suspect a lot of these fools play dumb on purpose so they can put forth as little effort as possible. They do it with chores, they do it with childcare, they do it with everything that isn't sex or video games. Sadly, Moo ceasing do do things for them doesn't work a majority of the time because these idiots they marry will gladly live in filth, wear dirty clothes, leave food out to go bad, neglect their children and spend money on takeout every day (instead of washing dishes) before they'd ever consider doing chores or being active parents.
I really, really want to know what attracts these women to these types of men because this is a prevailing theme on that sub. Like were they this helpless when they were still dating? I imagine they didn't all have shotgun weddings, so what about these men who can't fold a towel or scoop a litter box without detailed instructions got these women all frothy in the loins?
https://old.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/mm5tyj/do_they_do_this_on_purpose/
Another dumbshit who didn't want kids, but had them anyway because her husband said he'd only stick around if she gave him two kids (which was negotiated down to one). After tons of fertility treatments and scheduled sex for a wholly unwanted child, Moo gets PPD and finds out Duh is a crappy partner.
Why is it so hard to grasp that if you really do not want kids and your partner really does, you are incompatible as a couple? It doesn't mean let's have a kid anyway! It's not fair for a kid to be born into a home where only one of the parents wants it because I can assure you, the parent who did not want to be a parent can only mask their resentment for so long before it becomes too exhausting to keep it up and they just blame the kid for their shite life without subtlety. STOP HAVING KIDS YOU DON'T WANT.
https://old.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/mmbvp4/did_i_take_the_red_pill_or_blue_pill/
I had a kid 2 years ago with my husband. Is this all I can expect in life now? Because this is not what I signed up for nor expected. I can see there are 75,500 members of this group so I can't be the only one who is thinking, "what the fuck is this shit?!?"
I did not want kids. I said that to EVERYONE, for so many years, because I knew I wanted my career and independence. I married a man after dating for 8 years because I was not ready to commit to him. The ultimatum came from him, the only way he would marry me is if I had kids. He wanted 2. All my family and friends encouraged kids -- be like Marissa Mayer from Yahoo. Okay, so I negotiated for 1 kid. Once upon a time, I truly loved this man....
We endured infertility treatment for 3.5 years. The happy times were squashed under planned sex, infertility drugs, hormones, and sperm samples. The whole time, not one single person said to me, "hey, maybe this is a sign that you should not have kids". Nope, down the rabbit hole I went thinking life is going to be good again after this.
I developed Postpartum Depression early on after having my kid. I am out of it now. However, the reason why I got PPD was because I realized my life was never going to be "care-free" again. My kid started showing signs of Autism and my husband turned out to be a shitty life-partner. I had a hard time accepting that my old life was over. I grieved the loss of my old life. I wished I could get it back, and wishing for it only made mourning its loss that much more.
Like other women here, adult responsibilities are not evenly distributed in our house. I am the primary income; I always have been. My husband is a good Dad; that's about it. I haven't had sex with him in over a year because I just resent him so much.
Why do people encourage having children as if family life is an amazing joy?!? Life with children is REALLY HARD mentally, financially, socially, and emotionally. Do I love my child? Yes, absolutely. I hate being a mother, though. I have no independence, no freedom, no choice, no sanity. Every weekday is the same routine. Every weekend is the same exhaustion of chores and extra-curricular responsibilities. This can't be all there is to life! Why did I sacrifice good years of my life to be a slave to my kid and husband? Why are women constantly stuck in this hell by our society?? Who the fuck does Marissa Mayer (who's worth $600 million) think she is by telling women to "lean in"??
LOL, it was Sheryl Sandberg and not Marissa Mayer who used the term "lean in." I guess these women are too busy attending to brats to keep up with current events.
The responses to the Formerly CF Woman Who Caved (FCFWWC) should be required reading for anyone with CF leanings. The woman with the five year old was enough to make my introverted soul shrivel.
Make her breakfast! Even though I just want to be sleeping, relaxing, alone. Get her ready for school! Tell her 50 fucking times to get dressed while she scampers around ignoring me and I try to remain patient. Brush her hair! The biggest battle of all. Then I work all day, no breaks, rushing out in the middle to pick her up. But I still have to work! So she's home, chattering away and I need to do my work and she needs 50,000 SNACKS and needs to tell me every thought in her head. It would be cute but I CAN'T WORK while someone is giving me a non-stop verbal stream of consciousness download.
That would annoy the shit out of me, but isn't this the nature of children? They try to get their parunt's attention with the lookitme stuff. It's not fair to have a kid then be surprised at all this.
The FCFWWC puts the blame on her ex?-husband for giving her an ultimatum that he would not marry her unless she agreed to have kids. While ultimatums are not ideal, the reality of relationships is that people have bottom line, non-negotiable things and he was being upfront about his. It's a shame they dated for eight years and presumably went through the idiocy of continuing a relationship with fundamental incompatibility. Why do humans do stupid shit like this? Particularly Breeders, when there are PLENTY of men and women who want to breed.
Still, someone could have been the Adult in the Room and ended the relationship or stopped it before it got that far. And if she didn't want kids, she should have dumped him.
She acts mad at him when the reality is, her extreme self-betrayal would be hard to get over.
Thanks to feminism and living in the First World, this woman had many choices, yet she didn't feel like she could be self-determinant and choose the one that would have made her happy. I do not get it.
It baffles me when people who really seem to be CF just cannot follow through. Earth won't fall off its axis if a woman (or man) decides not to breed. You may get some shit for it, but who THE FUCK cares what other people think? All the choices and freedom in the world won't matter if you cannot stop enslaving yourself to cultural expectations. Fuck that shit.
Speaking of feminism, I wonder if this woman is the type who says "Oh, I'm not a feminist," when feminists first launched the idea that women could do things other than get married and breed. And as much as everyone in that thread is ranting about Not Knowing The Truth, how many of these bitches are assauging their cognitive dissonance by doubling down on the "Being A Mooother Is the Greatest Thing I've Ever Done" rhetoric, when they are miserable inside? And how many of them are trashing CF people and places like this site?
I bet a lot of them are.
April 08, 2021 Registered: 9 months ago
This one is upsetting. Moo somewhat glosses over the fact that her husband bullies and abuses their 2-year old. The Duh provokes the 2-year old and then punishes them when they lash out.
https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/mm5xmu/why_are_men/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Why are men
Yep that's the title. Just why
Two things I need to rant about.
One, this morning I was in a great mood, I made everyone breakfast and I was going to sit down and watch a movie and eat. Well my son (2) decided he didn't want to eat what I made, no biggie. As I'm trying to figure out what he wants his dad is in the background picking on him to get him to cry more. I told him to stop and he said "why? It's funny" he then did it one more time and my son threw his whole plate on the floor, his dad spanked him and put him in time out. Well I'm still trying to figure out what he wants to eat so I go get something else and his dad tries to block me in the kitchen saying no he can wait. I told him to move out of my way bc I'm just seeing what he wants to eat and don't tell me what to do. He then says that I'm spoiling him by going to see if he's ready to eat something else. I then say "Actually I'm communicating with him, surprise kids can have feelings and all that too, I'm not going to let him watch everyone else eat and him not get to" He tried to argue with me about the spoiling thing but I don't believe that
Then the second thing..
We're getting a new couch today so we have to move our old one out and clean up and make space for the new one. Well he's cleaning up the backyard and painting the kitchen. FOR WHAT???? The couch isn't even going past those rooms wtf.
I'd bet a good chunk of them weren't so useless when they were single and figure the whole point of settling down was to get a little wifey to do all this crap for them like mommy used to do for them. [/u]
Yes. I married one that did just that. Was living on his own and was very responsible. Once married everything became my responsibility and he turned into a slob overnight. Marriage ended a couple of years later but not soon enough.
Since then I've figured out for him the dating was the audition (dating is lots of work for him because he has to hide his true self) and he sees marriage as a relief, as it doesn't involve pretense and he has much less to do overall.
Most people see marriage as lots of work. Some are responsible prior to marriage and some become responsible when marrying.
I think there is an unknown element to marriage BUT there is divorce and if bad behavior emerges then it is sensible to refrain from having childrun!
I really dislike this "we're all in this together" mentality being communicated by ultra-wealthy womben. It is nauseating. Other than bodily functions and basic human DNA most womben have absolutely nothing in common with these ultra-wealthy womben. Just because an ultra-wealthy womban breeds doesn't mean she can understand what the plebes face. If you can afford round the clock nannies you can't relate, even if you foolishly choose not to have nannies. And gender bias? Womben with C level roles may have experienced it but clearly they were able to beat it, other women find it difficult to impossible to do this.
Ultimately she made the decision and she needs to own that instead of giving her power away and then blaming others for her decisions. And I agree, she betrayed herself in this situation!
I will also never understand the mentality of, "Oh you don't want kids? Well we should have one anyway!" from the person making the ultimatum in such situations. If you yourself want kids so bad, why the fuck would you want to have them with someone who does not want them? Seems like they'd make pretty poor parents, but if you've been with the person for several years and this crops up, I think it can become a matter of settling and the supposedly CF person caves and feels their partner is worth breeding for. That is never the case 100 percent of the time. No one is worth having unwanted kids for, and this never becomes more true than when both people attempt to raise said child together because there will almost always be conflicts of schedules, division of care, parenting styles and so on.
Funny, when you hear about someone like this who has kids they don't want for their spouse, there is almost always major regret and the relationship often ends. But on the rare occasion when someone gives up a desire to have kids out of overwhelming love for their partner, there is usually only mild regret, at worst. Could it be because whether they are wanted or not, having kids is far more miserable than not having them?
A long time ago, I moved in with a long-term partner who had some shared- custody kids.
Knowing that I am mainly child-free and independent, I thoroughly discussed beforehand expectations surrounding kids and housework.
Within weeks, those agreements went out the window and the expectation became that I would be free domestic labour.
Eventually, kid issues and the desire to not be a free domestic labour is what broke that relationship.
Partners often think once you're married or move in together they can do what they want and there is nothing you can do about it. This might be enough of a hold if breeding has occurred but not for us independent and sassy ones!
That doesn't surprise me. They probably figured they'd just lie through their teeth to secure the relationship and once you were all moved in and settled, they no longer had to uphold ny promises because they figured once you were there, it would be easier to adjust to their expectations than to call it quits and leave. Kinda like how people lie on a resume to get a job and hope employers will just keep them and train them instead of spending time interviewing more candidates.
Generally speaking, single parents will say and do anything to get a non-childed person to get with them and if they manage to snag the person, any promises made disappear. It's just lip service because they seem to think that once you're there, you're "trapped." They fail to understand that you have neither a financial, biological or emotional obligation to their brats and can leave without repercussion.
reeniebessagain
I guess a SLIGHTLY more positive interpretation is that the childed person ASSUMES that you will come to luuuvv and be dedicated to their golden cum trophies!
8 year old girl that cannot stop masturbating and rather than doing it in private, will just have her hand in her pants 24/7. Telling the kid to do it in her room falls on deaf ears and she'll just do it wherever and whenever she feels like it. Trying to make her stop or redirecting her results in arguments and whining. I presume this is a brat that has been raised with no boundaries and Moo trying to enforce them now is ineffective.
Is is normal for a prepubescent child to masturbate, or to masturbate this frequently? Of course, some people suggest she might be an awtard because isn't that always a suggestion? Others are suggesting a yeast infection, which I think would cause itching and underwear tugging and not so much pleasuring oneself.
Everyone's also suggesting walking on eggshells about it to avoid body shaming the kid, but maybe she needs some shame to make her knock that shit off. Adults who don't jack off on the bus refrain from doing it because of shame. Is Moo prepared for her kid to get expelled from in-person school because she's fingerblasting herself during math class? I also don't know why she hasn't hauled the kid to a doctor. Usually when kids are hyper-sexual like this, it's the result of abuse. Maybe Moo doesn't want a professional finding evidence of sexual abuse?
And I'm sure, in typical child fashion, this little perv doesn't wash her hands after playing with herself. Moo ought to try dipping the little bastard's fingers in tabasco sauce if she's not going to listen to reason. I bet she'd stop masturbating once she felt that.
https://old.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/mrl9n4/8_year_old_daughter_constant_has_her_hands_down/
My 8 year old daughter won't stop masturbating around other people. Thankfully just in our house so far, but she asked me once if she could do it in church.
I have been having conversations with her about it for close to a year. I have been very careful to assure her that it's totally ok to touch yourself, it's not a bad thing, but it's something that we only do in private. At first, when I'd see her with her hands in her pants, I'd gently bring her attention to it, and suggest she go in her room or the bathroom if she wanted to continue. When it seemed to have no effect, I explained to her that any time were doing anything that includes private parts (dressing, bathing, going to the bathroom, etc), we do it in private. Still catching her with her hands down her pants several times a week.
When I asked her why, she says that it feels so good that she can't help it. Again, I told her that there's nothing wrong with that, but if she feels like she wants to touch herself, she has to go to a private place. I've had these same conversations with her a dozen times or more. I've explained that it can make other people uncomfortable to see that when they don't want to or aren't expecting it.
This morning, I came downstairs, and she was sitting in front of the TV with her brothers, and she had her hands in her pants and was all glassy eyes and red faced. Thankfully, the boys were oblivious and didn't seem to even notice, but I was just at my wit's end. I yelled at her. I feel bad about it, because I don't want her to feel like it's wrong, but damn it, it's inappropriate to masturbate in the middle of the living room in front of your siblings!
What the hell do I do here? She sees the school counselor once a week because she was having trouble with frustration and temper tantrums in the beginning of the school year. The kids are doing virtual school, and she has a low frustration tolerance with technology. It seemed to help talking with the counselor about ways to manage her anger. Do you think I should mention this to the counselor? I don't know if that's the best idea. I just don't know how to handle this since nothing I've tried had worked.
She's going back to in person school in the fall, and the last thing I want is to get a call from the school saying she's masturbating in class.
Kid needs to be examined by a physician and counselor. Classic behaviors for a child who has been molested.
With a background of many child normal and abnormal psychology classes and working with young offenders, the majority of whom were sexually abused, I completely agree with Thom.
The abuser is very likely to be a person of trust who has close access to the child.
Another vote for the kid getting serious professional help. Some prepubescent kids do figure out how to masturbate and that's normal. But this kid is clearly troubled and has likely been sexually abused.