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When You Tell A Woman You Like Her, This Is What She's Thinking
Dessidre Fleming Updated: Aug 21, 2017, 18:23 IST
Three words, seemingly harmless. Incredibly impactful; even if just to mess with a woman's head and even if you didn't mean to mess with the woman's head.
True that isn't your intention at all. And true, it isn't our desire to run off on the horse of wishful thinking and jumping guns, either. But, those three words are a lot more impactful than the words, 'I love you'. Shocking, I know. But, absolutely true.
Like changes the dynamics of a relationship more than love does. Like makes a woman wonder… what more could there be? Is there any more to it at all? What does he mean by like? Does he like me as a friend? Does he like me as a person? Does he like me enough to want to be with me? What does like mean?
It could mean anything and everything. And that's also why it might mean nothing. We're taught to believe as human beings and bearers of positive reinforcement, that something is always better than nothing. But, 'like' is the worst kind of something to have a woman subject herself to. Unfortunately, more often than not, it's what happens.
You see, for you, it's as simple as forming a sentence. For her, those three words put together are like a validation of the fact that you like her enough to say it out loud. But, hold on. It's also a lot more than that. It's about this instant, yet subtle realization that there is something that has been said out loud; it's been laid out on the table. It may not be everything; but, it's still something—it could be an appetizer, a main course, or dessert; she could choose to lap it up, or let it sit. It wouldn't phase you all that much, would it?
When you tell a woman that you like her, you don't expect anything more to come out of it. You were in a moment when saying that mattered. That's all. For the woman, however, that moment is frozen, for a lot of reasons. One, she now knows that you like her. Two, she knows that you said it out loud without making a big deal about it because it really isn't a big deal to you, anyway. Although, to her, it is. It's at the very least, a deal. It could make something, even break something.
And, believe it or not, this becomes one of the single most misleading sentences in the history of double-meaning sentences. You see, liking someone is casual. You like your friends, you like your work station, you like ice cream, you like a certain flavour. You also like sex and you like visually beautiful women whom you will look at, just because. You like peace of mind and you like peaceful coexistence. You like trying out new things and then, you like me. There is no chain of events, no build up of emotions, no sudden realization. Nothing. It's just that. You can see how it could mislead, right?
Like, as an emotion, is a lot like a good snack. If you tell a woman you like her, what it means to her is that if she were offered up to you, you wouldn't mind having her. In her head, she sees herself becoming a viable option to you—she may not be available, but, if she were, you'd consider it. Do you know what it's like to be "considered"? It's like being a part of a menu of delicious food to eat. And the thing with a menu is, there are always options.
True, that 'like' can be a lot more than this. But, just as the word 'can' signifies potential that may or may not be met, 'like' does the same thing. There's an uncertainty principle attached to liking someone that is all the more uncertain and dubious than being someone you are interested in. Like doesn't necessarily imply interest, now, does it? The 'Like' word is the uncertainty principle of relationships. It's the 'I don't know' that can be said casually, with a shrug of a shoulder. It is the wink of an eye, or the smirk on someone's face. It doesn't necessarily have to do with the heart or with something in the future.
Like is momentary, even in its longest duration. It's a mood. Like is plain and simple and bland. More often than not, it amounts to nothing in a woman's head. A lot of men like her. But, how does that change anything? Liking equals convenience. Liking equals getting out of something without ever having felt responsible for, or obliged to it. Liking implies never having to make a promise and stand by it; but, always hiding behind the improbability of something.
Like is not defined. It is not definite. It is not concrete and it certainly is never enough. Not for you, not for her. Like is renting out something that you eventually can return when you're done with it. Like is a money-back guaranteed policy. It means you don't have to follow through and never have to be held accountable for it. Like lacks accountability. Like lacks assurance. Like lacks guarantee.
Like is the easy way out.
'Like' is the word we use to describe someone we would swipe right on Tinder but not intend to do much else about it. It's going with the flow, but not wanting to reach the other end, or any end, in particular. It's about keeping your options opened. 'Like' is like being one of the options to a multiple choice question with more than one right answer and no negative marks for the wrong choices. There are no repercussions and no one is held answerable. Like is not a full stop, it's not a comma, a semi colon, no. Like is an ellipsis. There doesn't necessarily have to be something after it.
So, when you tell a woman you like her, to her, it simply means 'Congratulations! You are now an option to me.'
Photo: © Unsplash (Main Image)
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