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on September 22, 2019 at 17:40 UTC
AndrewMO
Is it hopeless?
I wrote in a few months ago and things aren't getting better.
To make a long story short, the girl I was dating looked through my phone when I wasn't looking and found a message from a guy friend of mine she didn't like because he said something he shouldn't have when they first met.
I hadn't talked to him because I asked him to apologize and he wouldn't. Then he randomly sends a group message inviting people over his house.
She asked me if I ever talked to him and I said "no" because I didn't think that was anything worth telling. We fought, made up (we both apologized to each other) and then broke up the following week because she feels I lied to her. Which I was not trying to do.
I asked why she went through my phone because I never gave her a reason to not trust me and even though she told me did and that she was falling in love with me that apparently wasn't the case. She said she did it because I said I had nothing to hide.
I didn't think I did.
When we first broke up, I admittedly tried too hard to convince her that this wasn't worth breaking up over, so I didn't text her for a month. 2 weeks ago, I reached out and said "hi, how's everything? been thinking about you."
She told me I was scarring her because at first I was "blowing her up" and now I deactivated my social media. Which I did so I wouldn't be tempted to reach out to her.
I responded by saying "I was just trying to give you space like you asked. Wasn't trying to scare you, I care about you.
Earlier this week, she appeared in a dream that I had so when I woke up I sent her what I consider the clean slate text and just said "I'm sorry for the way I acted and I understand if you don't want to speak. I'll stay out of contact." Then I deleted her number.
I want to fix things but I don't know what to do except let her text me because I deleted her number so I wouldn't text her again.
It's confusing because literally the night before she was telling me how good we were together and that she was falling in love with me which lead me to think everything was good, then she get's mad over something I didn't even really do?
It really makes me mad.
Edited on September 22, 2019 at 17:57 UTC by the author
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14 answers and 10 replies
Natural Send a private message
AskMen Reader
What did your male friend say that was so bad that she didnt want you to talk to him anymore, failing which she breaks up with you? Do you have bad connections? Often times, its either you get rid of the bad associations or the girlfriend gets rid of you. Whats the game here?
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AndrewMO Send a private message
@Natural: So truth be told no one really likes him. He's not a friend more like an acquaintance that people tolerate. Everyone says the same thing about him "asshole." One night we were at a bar. Me and my girl were dancing, my back was to him, my girl asked him and the girl he was with to come out and dance too. Idk why but he gave her the finger and mouthed "**** you" to her. Like I said I didn't see it so when I found out what he did, I questioned him and said either apologize or leave. And that was the last contact I had with him for months. Until he sent the group text. I declined that and haven't talked to him since.
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@AndrewMO: For the record, she never explicitly asked me not to talk to this guy. I did that myself. He's no loss to me.
mytwosense Send a private message
@AndrewMO: Petty foolishness. She is super petty and obviously likes to control everyone around her. Why was it so important for them to dance at the same time? It wasnt. She is likely an annoyance he puts up with qjust because of you. So then she reported it to you to punish him. Maybe he is an @$$hole, but then she is, too.
@AndrewMO: At first, I thought that your gf was a whole lot to handle, but now I think that there is much more to this story than you are telling. Two things for sure, that guy really is what he is called, and your gf is gone. What are you going to do? Look at the whole story, see why she is gone, and if you like her think about whether there is anything you can do to make her change her mind.
@Natural: Which is why I was done with him when he said he wouldn't apologize. Except for a few disagreements here and there between her and I, also over dumb shit, everything was good and getting better. Like I said, literally the night before she was telling me how good we were together. So this blindsided the hell out of me. I cared about her a lot and I'm just upset and frustrated that it's not improving.
@AndrewMO: You are stuck on her emotionally but you can do better than a manipulative woman who makes you jump through hoops, yo-yos your emotions and has a flair for dramatics. Upgrade your relationships all around.
@AndrewMO: Seems then that your gf is pretty volatile. If this is what you like, then you can always chase her around. It seems like a drama show and she will be back.
I dont mean to be rude. Just saying that your gf is putting on a show with her volatile and uncontrolled emotions. If you want my opinion, that gets old in the end.
tomodachi58 Send a private message
Highly agreeable
It's over. Leave it that way.
colette Send a private message
She snooped through your phone.
She found a message which indicated you weren't following her orders.
She dumped you for a 'lie' that wasn't actually a lie.
You are better off without her. Keep her number deleted. I know you don't believe that now, but if you want advice, that's mine.
DevWife Send a private message
You may be attracted to this girl and have a connection, but it doesn't mean that you are right for one another; Sometimes relationships aren't meant to be, and this seems like one of those cases.
Zombie Send a private message
Did you ask about this before?
Regardless she sounds super dramatic. Reactivate your social media block her from it and forget about her.
@Zombie: Yeah I did. Just as more thing unfolded, I grew more anxious about it.
@AndrewMO: I think if you look back a lot of us said to let her go and find someone better for you... and I think that advice has been bourne out by your experience here. It's time to move on, act as though she doesn't exist and move on with your life. You'll be fine, it's just a matter of moving on.
ThisGal Send a private message
Very agreeable
Leave her alone....she deserves better than a guy who would keep company with such scum.
He gave her the finger cuz she asked him and his gf to join them on a dance?
You should have blocked his number from that point on....no wonder your gf went snooping, she probably wanted to follow-up on your weak butt...why do you feel loyalty to such garbage "acquaintances"? Is he like your secret boyfriend on the downlow?
@ThisGal: You seem like a nice person. But I felt loyalty to no one but her.
kenmele Send a private message
Trusted Poster
No it is clear she wants to break up with you over a reason she is not willing to cop to (because it makes her look bad). Maybe there is another dude, who knows? All you can do is ignore her, she unfortunately will be back.
wytchinghours Send a private message
She snooped that would always be the end for me............
eWicked Send a private message
This woman is an attention ****. Move on.
You ask this guy for an apology. He didn't give you one and you rightly downshifted that relationship. What more did she want you to do?
Starburst Send a private message
Honestly... You love her, you're attracted to her... I get it but she sounds emotionally immature, controlling, and unreasonable. Whereas you sound like you try your best to be a decent boyfriend. My advice would be to work on your own self-esteem and self-worth and then look for an emotionally stable and kind woman.
HoneyBear Send a private message
What a mess. Time will give you both a better perspective. If she is a reasonable person she will reach out and mend things. Let the dust settle for now. You have explained yourself enough already. You can't talk someone into trusting you. She will have to find that herself. If she doesn't see it then she is not worth it. There will be other dramas to be honest as I find the whole situation reflects more of her own personality and insecurities than yours.
mossgard Send a private message
Been here since the start
This all sounds like a whole lot of immature people playing a game called Drama Love and everyone is losing it badly.
People who care about each other don't need to snoop, they don't get upset over things people said, they don't block, delete and cancel you over minor little things.....
What I would do if I were you? I'd go get some life experience... join the army, get a job on an oil rig, take a job on a steamer ship hauling coffee to Africa...something to learn about life and how love works.
Everyone is sitting home on their little social media and if she blocks them, they die. That only happens in online dramas. If real life you're too busy actually living life to be concerned about some girl somewhere online who doesn't "like" you anymore.
puppetman Send a private message
You know... initially I agreed with most of the commenters here, during your first post on this. But now I don't after I realized what that other guy did and your exact reply to him later. So some guy flips the finger and says **** you to your gf. You asked him to apologize and he says say no so you leave and don't talk to him for a bit. Ok, thats fine.
Now fast forward a bit, he invites you and a bunch of people to a party. You exchanged a few messages finishing off with, "maybe, probably going out though". Really...? Thats how you handled it after he verbally assaulted your gf. No wonder she left you, you need to grow a pair. The fact that you choose to still associate with this guy and give such a polite reply like nothing happened showed to her that you don't have her back and will run away or play neutral at the first sight of trouble.
You two are not compatible and you are not what she wants in her life.
obladi Send a private message
She sounds like a head case. If she's driving you this crazy so early on, it can only get worse over time.
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