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Hugging Artists 14

The ribbon round your neck Against your skin, its pale as bone It is my favorite thing youve worn The band is playing our song And we wont go home till morn

Little trip to Heaven on the wings of your love Banana moon is shining in the sky I feel like Im in Heaven when youre with me I know that Im in Heaven when you smile Though were stuck here on the ground I got something Ive found and its you I dont need to take no trip to outer space All I have to do is look at your face And before I know it, Im in orbit around you I thank my lucky stars that Ive found you When I see your constellation Youre my inspiration and its you Youre my north star when Im lost and feeling blue Youre my sun thats breaking through, its true And all the other stars seem dim around you I thank my lucky stars that Ive found you When I see your smiling face I know nothing gonna take your place and its you And its you And its you And its you And its you And its you, ooh

If you don’t want these arms to hold you If you don’t want these lips to kiss you If you’ve found someone new Put me back in the crowd Put the sun behind the clouds Put me back in the crowd There’s a battle going on Between the blue and the grey And if you don’t want my love Don’t make me stay Take back your name Take back these wings Take my picture from the frame And put me back in the crowd Put the sun behind the cloud Put me back in the crowd Put me back in the crowd Put the sun behind the cloud Put me back in the crowd

Mamas in the kitchen, daddys on the phone And nobody knows whats going on But Ive got them so long Ill see you Cause my Buicks outside waiting blues Well one for the money honey, two for the show And its three to get ready, Toms gotta go Hes got them so long Ill see you Cause my Buicks outside waiting blues Well bye, bye, bye, well bye, bye, bye Sing bye, bye Scooby Do bye, bye Gotta skeet skat outta here Skeet skat outta here And your mamas in the kitchen, and your daddys on the phone And nobody knows whats going on But Ive got them so long Ill see you Cause my Buicks outside waiting blues Well, Tommys gotta skeet skat, hes gotta skeet skat outta here Skeet skat right outta here And one for the money, two for the show And three to get ready, I gotta go Cause Ive got them so long Ill see you Cause my Buicks outside waiting blues Outside waiting blues, its outside waiting blues Said the Buicks outside waiting blues And skeet skat outta here, gonna skeet skat outta here Skeet skat outta here, gonna skeet skat Got so long Ill see you Buicks outside waiting blues And skeet skat outta here Gonna skeet skat outta here Gonna skeet skat cause Ive got so long to see Buicks outside waiting blues

There was an old woman, lived by the seashore Bow and balance me There was an old woman, lived by the seashore A number of daughters: one, two, three, four And Ill be true to my love If my love will be true to me There was a young man come there to see them Bow and balance me There was a young man come there to see them And the oldest one got stuck on him And Ill be true to my love If my love will be true to me He bought the youngest a beaver hat Bow and balance me He bought the youngest a beaver hat And the oldest one got mad at that And Ill be true to my love If my love will be true to me Oh, sister oh, sister lets walk the seashore Bow and balance me Oh, sister oh, sister lets walk the seashore And see the ships as theyre sailing on And Ill be true to my love If my love will be true to me While these two sisters were walking the shore Bow and balance me While these two sisters were walking the shore The oldest pushed the youngest oer And Ill be true to my love If my love will be true to me Oh, sister oh, sister please lend me your hand Bow and balance me Oh, sister oh, sister please lend me your hand And you will have Willy and all of his land And then Ill be true to my love If my love will be true to me Ill never, Ill never will lend you my hand Bow and balance me Ill never, Ill never will lend you my hand But Ill have Willy and all of his land And Ill be true to my love If my love will be true to me Some time she sank and some time she swam Bow and balance me Some time she sank and some time she swam Untill she came to the old mill dam And Ill be true to my love If my love will be true to me The miller, he got his fishinghook Bow and balance me The miller, he got his fishinghook And fished that maiden out of the brook And Ill be true to my love If my love will be true to me Oh, miller oh, miller heres five gold rings Bow and balance me Oh, miller oh, miller heres five gold rings To push the maiden in again And Ill be true to my love If my love will be true to me The miller received those five gold rings Bow and balance me The miller received those five gold rings And pushed that maiden in again And Ill be true to my love If my love will be true to me The miller was hung in the old mill gate Bow and balance me The miller was hung in the old mill gate For drowning little sister Kate And Ill be true to my love If my love will be true to me

Youre the tree that you cant eat the fruit from I heard horses come to ride me away I want shade and a good place to shoot from If I was a clock, Id be the end of the day You know youre not the boss of me You can lift your skirt, you can shake your hair But I got all the time in the world Youre the ditch in the road where the wheels keep spinning Youre the same dead cat clawing its way back, grinning You know you got a bad reputation, your nine lives way down the line I got a jacket to put on and a hat to wear I wouldnt waste a gallon on you out there And Ive got all the time in the world A bridge is only there for you to jump off of And there aint no rain clouds that are blue I do declare my independence Baby, I shot off all my fireworks for you The rivers burning and the trees are on fire Theres lots of good rubber left on these tires And Ive got all the time in the world Baby, youre the light that wont change that I got stuck at Youre the fan that wont work at the motel They were all out of red, so I got me a blue one Baby, youre always using mine Why dont you get you one? I know you wont go very far You left your blonde wig in the car And I got all the time in the world

Well the stairs sound so lonely without you I aint made my bed in a week Coffee stains on the paper Im writing And Im too choked up inside to speak And yes, I know our differences pulled us apart I never spoke a word heart to heart And Im glad that youre gone But I wish to the Lord that youd come home And Im glad that youre gone Got the feeling so strong And Im glad that youre gone But I wish to the Lord that youd come home Well my guitar still plays your favorite song Though the strings have been outta tune for some time Every time I strum a cord, I pray out to the Lord That youll quit your honkey tonkin sing my song And Im glad that youre gone Got the feeling so strong Yes Im glad that youre gone But I wish to the Lord that youd come home So Ill throw another log onto the fire Now Ill admit Im a lousy liar As the coals die down and flicker I hear that guitar picker Play the song we used to sing so long ago And Im glad that youre gone Got the feeling so strong Yes Im glad that youre gone But I wish to the Lord that youd come home And Im glad, damn glad youre gone Got the feeling so strong Yes Im glad that youre gone But I wish to the Lord youd come home

The sky is as deep as it can be Bend down the branches Close your eyes and you will see Bend down the branches Youre like a willow Once you were gold Were made for bending Even beauty gets old Climb the stairs theyre not so steep Bend down the branches Close your eyes and go to sleep Bend down the branches

The smart moneys on Harlow And the moon is in the street And the shadow boys are breaking all the laws Youre east of East St. Louis And the wind is making speeches And the rain sounds like a round of applause And napoleon is weeping in a carnival saloon His invisible fiances in the mirror The band is going home Its raining hammers, its raining nails Its true, theres nothing left for him down here And its time, time, time And its time, time, time And its time, time, time that you love And its time, time, time Well, they all pretend theyre orphans And their memorys like a train You can see it getting smaller as it pulls away And the things you cant rememeber Tell the things you cant forget That history puts a saint in every dream Well, she said shed stick around Until the bandages came off But these mama boys Just dont know when to quit Matilda asks the sailors Are those dreams, or are those prayers? So just close your eyes, son This wont hurt a bit And its time, time, time And its time, time, time And its time, time, time that you love And its time, time, time Well, things are pretty lousy For a calendar girl The boys just dive right off the cars And splash into the street And when theyre on a roll She pulls a razor from her boot And a thousand pigeons Fall around her feet So put a candle in the window And a kiss upon his lips As the dish outside the window Fills with rain Just like a stranger With the weeds in your heart And pay the fiddler off Till i come back again And its time, time, time And its time, time, time And its time, time, time that you love And its time, time, time And its time, time, time And its time, time, time And its time, time, time that you love And its time, time, time

Nobody, nobody Will ever love you the way I could love you Cause nobody, nobody is that strong Love is bittersweet And lifes treasures deep And no one can keep a love thats gone wrong Nobody, nobody Will love you the way that I could Cause nobody, nobodys that strong Cause nobody is that strong Nobody, nobody Will ever love you the way I can love you Cause nobody, nobodys that strong Youve had many lovers Youll have many others But theyll only just break your poor heart in two Nobody, nobody Will love you the way that I could Cause nobody, nobodys that strong Cause nobody is that strong

Ill tip the newsboy Ill get a shine Ill ride that dream To the end of the line Im going to be going places Ill get a ride Take me to the Riverside Im gonna take you, New York Ill make it happen Im on the Garbos Im drinking Manhattans Ill take a splash on the big town Thats how I will arrive Have you got two tens for a five? Youve got to roll out the carpet Strike up the band Break out the best champagne when I land Youve got to beat the parade drum Hit all the bars I want the moon and stars Im gonna take you, New York Ill make it all happen Im on the Garbos Im drinking Manhattans And I know someday Theyre gonna name a street after me Right next door to old Franklin D Im gonna take you, Big Town Come on, New York Come on, move over, Big Town Ill take New York Come on, Big Town Come on, get happy New York Come on

Long way going to Get my medicine Skys the autumn grey of a lonely wren Piano from a window played Gone tomorrow, gone yesterday I found it in the street At first I did not see Lying at my feet A trampled rose Passing the hat in church It never stops going round You never pay just once To get the job done What I done to me I done to you What happened to the trampled rose? In the muddy street With the fireworks and leaves A blind man with a cup I asked Would he sing Kisses Sweeter Than Wine I know this rose Like I know my name The one I gave my love It was the same Now I find it in the street A trampled rose

All night long on the broken glass Livin in a medicine chest Mediteromanian hotel back Sprawled across a roll top desk The monkey rode the blade on an overhead fan They paint the donkey blue if you pay I got a telephone call from Istanbul My babys coming home today Will you sell me one of those if I shave my head Get me out of town, is what Fireball said Never trust a man in a blue trench coat Never drive a car when youre dead Saturdays a festival, Fridays a gem Dye your hair yellow and raise your hem Follow me to Beulahs on dry creek road I got to wear the hat that my baby done sewed Take me down to buy a tux on red rose bear Got to cut a hole in the day I got a telephone call from Istanbul My babys coming home today Will you sell me one of those if I shave my head Get me out of town, is what Fireball said Never trust a man in a blue trench coat Never drive a car when youre dead Saturdays a festival, Fridays a gem Dye your hair yellow and raise your hem Follow me to Beulahs on dry creek road I got to wear the hat that my baby done sewed Will you sell me one of those if I shave my head Get me out of town, is what Fireball said Never trust a man in a blue trench coat Never drive a car when youre dead

Take me home You silly boy Put your arms around me Take me home You silly boy All the worlds not round without you Im so sorry That I broke your heart Please dont leave my side Take me home You silly boy Cause Im still in love with you

The flash pan hunter sways with the wind And his rifle is the sound of the morning Each sulfurous bullet must have its own wit And each cartridge comes with a warning Beware of elaborate telescopic meat It will find its way back to the forest For Wilhelm cant wait to be Peg Legs crown And the briar is strangling the rose back down His back shall be my slender new branch It will bend, it will sway in the breeze As the Devil does his polka with a hatchet in his hand As a sniper in the branches of the trees As the vulture flutters down, as the snake sheds his dove Wilhelms cutting off his fingers, so theyll fit into the glove For Wilhelm cant wait to be Peg Legs crown And the briar is strangling the rose back down The briar is strangling the rose back down

Not much chance completely cut loose from purpose He was a young man riding a bus through North Carolina on the way to somewhere And it began to snow And the bus stopped at a little café in the hills And the passengers entered And he sat at the counter with the others And he ordered the food arrived And the meal was particularly good And the coffee The waitress was unlike the women he had known She was unaffected and there was a natural humor which came from her And the fry cook said crazy things And the dishwasher in back laughed a good clean pleasant laugh And the young man watched the snow through the window And he wanted to stay in that café forever The curious feeling swam through him that everything was beautiful there And it would always stay beautiful there And then the bus driver told the passengers that it was time to board And the young man thought Ill just stay here Ill just stay here And then he rose and he followed the others into the bus He found his seat and looked at the café through the window And then the bus moved off down a curve downward out of the hills And the young man looked straight forward And he heard the other passengers speaking of other things Or they were reading or trying to sleep And they hadnt noticed the magic And the young man put his head to one side Closed his eyes and pretended to sleep There was nothing else to do Just to listen to the sound of the engine And the sound of the tires In the snow

Small Change got rained on with his own .38 And nobody flinched down by the arcade And the marquees werent weeping They went stark-raving mad And the cabbies were the only ones That really had it made And his cold trousers were twisted and the sirens high and shrill And crumpled in his fist was a five-dollar bill And the naked mannequins with their cheshire grins And the raconteurs and roustabouts said Buddy, come on in Cause, cause the dreams aint broken down here now Theyre walking with a limp Now that Small Change got rained on with his own .38 And nobody flinched down by the arcade And the burglar alarms been disconnected And the newsmen start to rattle And the cops are telling jokes About some whorehouse in Seattle And the fire hydrants plead the 5th Amendment And the furniture is bargains galore But the blood is by the jukebox on an old linoleum floor And what a hot rain on 42nd Street And now the umbrellas aint got a chance And the newsboys a lunatic with stains on his pants Cause, cause Small Change got rained on with his own .38 And no ones gone over to close his eyes And theres a racing form in his pocket circled Blue Boots in the third And the cashier at the clothing store didnt say a word As the siren tears the night in half and someone lost his wallet Well, a surveillance of assailants if thats what you wanna to call it And the whores hike up their skirts and fish for drug-store prophylactics With their mouths cut just like razor blades And their eyes are like stilettos and her radiators steaming And her teeth are in a wreck, and nah She wont let you kiss her but what the hell do you expect? And the gypsies are tragic and if you want to buy perfume Well, theyll bark you down like carnys Sell you Christmas cards in June But, but Small Change got rained on with his own .38 And his headstones a gum ball machine No more chewing gum or baseball cards or overcoats or dreams Someones hosing down the sidewalk, and hes only in his teens Cause, cause Small Change got rained on with his own .38 And a fistful of dollars cant change that And someone copped his watch fob, and someone got his ring And the newsboy got his pork pie Stetson hat And the tuberculosis old men at the Nelson wheeze and cough And someone will head south until this whole thing cools off Cause, cause Small Change got rained on with his own .38 Yeah, Small Change got rained on with his own .

Im going out west where the wind blows tall Cause Tony Franciosa used to date my ma They got some money out there; theyre giving it away Im gonna do what I want, and Im gonna get paid Do what i want, and Im gonna get paid Little brown sausages lying in the sand I aint no extra baby, Im a leading man My parole officer will be proud of me With my Olds 88 And the devil on a leash With my Olds 88 And the devil on a leash I know karate, voodoo, too Im gonna make myself available to you I dont need no makeup, I got real scars I got hair on my chest I look good without a shirt on Well, i wont loose my composure in a high-speed chase My friends say Im ugly, Ive got a masculine face I got some drag-strip courage I can really drive a bed Im gonna change my name to Hannibal Or maybe just Rex Change my name to Hannibal Or maybe just Rex I know karate, voodoo, too Im gonna make myself available to you I dont need no makeup, I got real scars I got hair on my chest I look good without a shirt on Drive all night, get some speed Im gonna wait for the sun to shine down on me I cut a hole in my roof the shape of a heart And Im going out west Where they appreciate me Going out west Where they appreciate me Going out west Going out west Gone...

Thats the way the stomach rumbles Thats the way the bee bumbles Thats the way the needle pricks Thats the way the glue sticks Thats the way the potato mashes Thats the way the pan flashes Thats the way the market crashes Thats the way the whip lashes Thats the way the teeth knashes Thats the way the gravy stains Thats the way the moon wanes

They say youre seeing someone Youre wearing his ring They say you laughed when you heard my name They say he takes you dancing He holds you so near They say hell buy you anything Tell me am I foolish? I dont believe these stories And Ill be coming home soon Louise, Louise, if its true Tell it to me I know you will not see me But I know you have a daughter And I hear she has my eyes They say she calls him father And hes proud of her And he believes all your lies But for all your faithless beauty Id give all my tomorrows And if youre still thinking of me Louise, Louise, if its true Tell it to me Louise, Louise, if its true Tell it to me Louise, Louise, if its true Tell it to me

Im going straight up to the top, oh yeah Up where the air is fresh and clean Im going straight up to the top, oh yeah If you know me, you know what I mean I cant let sorrow pull ol Frankie down Live for tomorrow, I have found you Im going straight to the top, oh yeah Up where the air is fresh and clean I just know that I will never stop, no no Until I know Im wild and free Im like a champagne bubble, pop pop pop Im like those birds high up in the tree I cant let sorrow pull ol Frankie down Live for tomorrow, I have found you Im going straight up to the top, oh yeah Up where the air is fresh and clean I cant let sorrow Pull old Frankie down Live for tomorrow, I have found you Im going straight up to the top, oh yeah Up where the air is Up where the air is Up where the air is Up where the air is Up where the air is fresh and clean, yeah

Whats he building in there? What the hell is he building In there? He has subscriptions to those Magazines... He never Waves when he goes by Hes hiding something from The rest of us... Hes all To himself... I think I know Why... He took down the Tire swing from the Peppertree He has no children of his Own you see... He has no dog And he has no friends and His lawn is dying... and What about all those packages He sends. Whats he building in there? With that hook light On the stairs. Whats he building In there... Ill tell you one thing Hes not building a playhouse for The children whats he building In there? Now whats that sound from under the door? Hes pounding nails into a Hardwood floor... and I Swear to god I heard someone Moaning low... and I keep Seeing the blue light of a T.V. show... He has a router And a table saw... and you Wont believe what Mr. Sticha saw Theres poison underneath the sink Of course... But theres also Enough formaldehyde to choke A horse... Whats he building In there. What the hell is he Building in there? I heard he Has an ex-wife in some place Called Mayors Income, Tennessee And he used to have a Consulting business in Indonesia... But what is he building in there? What the hell is building in there? He has no friends But he gets a lot of mail Ill bet he spent a little Time in jail... I heard he was up on the Roof last night Signaling with a flashlight And whats that tune hes Always whistling... Whats he building in there? Whats he building in there? We have a right to know...

I want to thank you all very much for coming this evening It really made my night It would have been real strange here if nobody would have showed up Id like to introduce my group this evening and its been a real preasure A preasure and a plivilege to work with these gentlemen Id like to introduce Please give a warm round of applause for Michael Melvoin on piano! On saxophone, Pete Christlieb On bass, Jim Hughart And on drums, Bill Goodwin Yeah They all come from good families But over the years they just kind of individually developed some ways about em that just arent right You know, I was real pleased I noticed everybody coming in this evening Youre all decked out in full regalia and everything And I appreciate you getting dressed up for an affair such as this You know, I think its something that Ive always tried to be as concerned about as possible And somebody said to me one day Christ, Waits! You look so goddamned raggedy Why dont you get yourself something to wear, you know? I said, Yeah well, not a bad idea Maybe a serious seersucker Saturday evening cranberry accoutrement ensemble would be nice So I went down to Zeider & Zeider And I said, I want something sharp! I said, Im kind of in the market, in the neighborhood of something Like maybe some green gabardines with bonnaroo britches And a leviticously deuteronomous sort of catastrophic lunchbox Stetson, you know Id like to get some danger high-voltage slacks With high-top, mid-noon, brushed suede penny loafers So I can be passing out wolf tickets regardless of where I go. Walk into the Twenty-Grand Club And the Soul & Inspirations are playing Yeah, and youre cutting a rug and pulling on a coat and emoting Band is kicking into some long version of Harlem Nocturne or something You get designs on a girl in the corner You say, Say baby... live around here? Yeah... I think Im gonna plant you now and Im gonna dig you later Make like a bakery truck and haul buns Make like a hockey player and get the puck out of here I gotta go see a man about a dog Ill see you later Thank you very much for coming this evening

Dont go to church on Sunday Dont get on my knees to pray Dont memorize the books of the Bible I got my own special way But I know Jesus loves me Maybe just a little bit more I fall out on my knees every Sunday At Zerelda Lees candy store Well its got to be a chocolate Jesus Make me feel good inside Got to be a chocolate Jesus Keep me satisfied Well I dont want no Abba Zabba Dont want no Almond Joy There aint nothing better Suitable for this boy Well its the only thing That can pick me up Better than a cup of gold See only a chocolate Jesus Can satisfy my soul When the weather gets rough And its whiskey in the shade Its best to wrap your savior Up in cellophane He flows like the big muddy But thats ok Pour him over ice cream For a nice parfait Well its got to be a chocolate Jesus Good enough for me Got to be a chocolate Jesus Good enough for me Well its got to be a chocolate Jesus Make me feel good inside Got to be a chocolate Jesus Keep me satisfied

Goodness gracious...my bass player should be chained up somewhere I wanna take you on a kind of inebriational travelogue here Well, aint got no spare, you aint got no jack, you dont give a shit you aint never coming back Maybe youre standing on the corner of 17th and Wazee Streets, yeah Out in front of the Terminal bar theres a Thunderbird moving in muscatel sky Youve been drinking cleaning products all night Open for suggestions Its a kinda about eh...well its kinda about going down to the corner and say Well Im just going down to the corner to get a pack of cigarettes Ill be back in a minute Yeah, check out the street and it looks likes kinda of a... Kinda of a blur drizzle down the plateglass And theres a neon swizzle stick stirring up the sultry night air Looks like a yellow biscuit of a buttery cue ball moon Rollin maverick across an obsidian sky As the busses go groanin and wheezin Down on the corner Im freezing On a restless boulevard in a midnight road Im across town from EASY STREET With the tight knots of moviegoers and out of towners on the stroll The buildings towering high above Lit like dominoes or black dice Used car salesmen dressed up in Purina Checkerboard slacks And Foster Grant wrap-around Pacing in front of rainbow EARL SCHLEIB $39.95 merchandise Like barkers at a shooting gallery They throw out kind of a Texas Guinan routine Hello sucker, we like your money just as well as anybody elses here Come on over here now Let me put the cut back in your strut and the glid back in your slide Now climb aboard a custom Oldmobile and let me take you for a ride Or they give you the P.T. Barnum bit Theres a sucker born every minute You just happened to be comin along at the right time you know Come over here Well you know, all the harlequin sailors are on the stroll In a search of LIKE NEW, NEW PAINT, And decent factory air and AM-FM dreams And all the piss yellow gypsy cabs That stack up in the taxi zones and there waiting like pinball machines To be ticking off a joy ride to a magical place Like truckers welcome diners With dirt lots full of Peterbilts and Kenworths and Jimmys and the like Theyre hiballin with bankrupt brakes Man, there over driven and there under paid There over fed and there a day late and a dollar short Christ I got my lips around a bottle and I got my foot on the throttle And Im standing on the corner Standing on the corner like a just in town jasper Im on a street corner with a gasper Looking for some kind of Cheshire billboard grin Stroking a goateed chin, using parking meters as walking sticks On the inebriated stroll With my eyelids propped open at half mast But you know over at Chubbs Pool Hall and Snooker Well it was a nickle after two, yea it was a nickle after two And in the cobalt steel blue dream smoke Why it was the radio that groaned out the hit parade And the chalk squeaked and the floorboards creaked And an Olympia sign winked through a torn yellow shade Old Jack Chance himself leaning up against a Wurlitzer And he was eyeballing out a 5 ball combination shot Impossible you say? Hard to believe? Perhaps out of the realm of possibility? Nah Cause hell be stretchin out long tawny fingers Out across a cool green felt in a provocative golden gate He got a full table railshot thats no sweat And I leaned up against my bannister And wandered over to the Wurlitzer and I punched A-2 I was lookin for maybe Wine, Wine, Wine by the Night Caps Starring Chuck E. Weiss or maybe... Maybe a little something called High Blood Pressure By George cryin in the streets Perkins, no dice Cause thats life, thats what all the people say Your riding high in April, seriously shot down in May But I know Im gonna change that tune When Im standing underneath a buttery moon Thats all melted off to one side It was just about that time that the sun came crawlin yellow out of a manhole At the foot of 23rd Street and a dracula moon in a black disguise Was making its way back to its pre-paid room at the St. Moritz Hotel The El train tumbled across the trestles And it sounded like the ghost of Gene Krupa With an overhead cam and glasspacks And the whispering brushes of wet radials on wet pavement With a traffic jam session on Belmont tonight And the rhapsody of the pending evening I leaned up against my bannister And Ive been looking for some kind of an emotional investment With romantic dividends, yeah kind of a physical negotiation is underway Well, as I attempt to consolidate all my missed weekly rendezvous Into one-low-monthly payment, through the nose, yeah With romantic residuals and legs akimbo But the chances are that more than likely Standing underneath a moon holding water Ill probably be held over for another smashed weekend

Well, I had me a girl in L.A I knew she couldnt stay Had me a girl in San Diego One day she just had to go And I had me a girl Tallahassee Boy what a foxy lassie And my doctor says Ill be alright But Im feelin blue And my doctor says Ill be alright And my doctor says Ill be alright And my doctor says Ill be alright But Im feelin blue And my doctor says Ill be alright And my doctor says Ill be alright And my doctor says Ill be alright And I had me a girl in Mississippi Oh, she sure was kippy Had me a girl in England She done split for the mainland And I had me a girl in New York She up and pulled my cork And my doctor says Ill be alright But Im feelin blue And my doctor says Ill be alright And my doctor says Ill be alright And my doctor says Ill be alright But Im feelin blue And my doctor says Ill be alright And my doctor says Ill be alright And my doctor says Ill be alright Then I had me a girl in North Dakota She was just fillin her quota Then I had me a girl in Chula Vista I was in love with her sister Then I had me a girl in And my doctor says Ill be alright But Im feelin blue And my doctor says Ill be alright And my doctor says Ill be alright And my doctor says Ill be alright But Im feelin blue And my doctor says Ill be alright And my doctor says Ill be alright And my doctor says Ill be alright Then I had me a girl in France Just wanted to get in my pants Had me a girl in Toledo Boy she sure was neato Then I had me a girl in North Carolina Shes still on my mind And my doctor says Ill be alright But Im feelin blue And my doctor says Ill be alright And my doctor says Ill be alright And my doctor says Ill be alright But Im feelin blue And my doctor says Ill be alright And my doctor says Ill be alright And my doctor says Ill be alright

She drove a big old Lincoln With suicide doors And a sewing machine in the back And a light bulb that looked like An alligator egg Was mounted up front on the hood And she had an Easter bonnet that had been signed By Tennessee Ernie Ford And she always had saw dust in her hair And she cut two holes in the back of her dress And she had these scapular wings That were covered with feathers and electrical tape And when she got good and drunk She would sing about Elkheart, Indiana Where the wind is strong And folks mind their own business And she had at least a hundred old baseballs That shed taken from kids And she collected bones of all kinds And she lived in a trailer under a bridge And she made her own whiskey and gave cigarettes to kids And shed been struck by lightning seven or eight times And she hated the mention of rain And she made up her own language And she wore rubber boots And she could fix anything with string And her lips were like cherries And she was stronger than any man And she smelled like gasoline and root beer fizz And she put mud on a bee sting I got at the creek And she gave me My very first kiss And she gave me My very first kiss Talking bout my little Kathleen Shes just a fine young thing Someday shell wear my ring My little Kathleen

Why plant a seed deep in the ground? Why why why? Why put a stone on a grave in town? Why why why? Tell me, tell me, tell me Tell me why its so Tell me, tell me, tell me Tell me, so Ill know Why does a wedding ring have the hardest stone? Why why why? Why does a little dog bury its bone? Why why why? So the river will not drown it And the highway wont take it And the dust will not cover it And the sun will not blind it And the wind wont blow it away Why put a songbird in a cage? Why why why? Why write I love you on every page? Why why why? Tell me, tell me, tell me Tell me why its so Tell me, tell me, tell me Tell me, so Ill know Why does a bird build its nest so high? Why why why? Why hold a baby when the baby cries? Why why why? So the river will not drown it So the highway wont take it And the dust will not cover it And the sun will not blind it And the wind wont blow it away So the river will not drown it So the highway wont take it And the dust will not cover it And the sun will not blind it And the wind wont blow it away

Well it’s a quarter a two And looking at you And going down, going down slow Well it’s a quarter a two And looking at you And going down, going down slow Tv went off about one, we have only begun I know that the wednesday may come But I have no intention of going home Well it’s a quarter a three Digging on me And going down, going down slow Could stay here all night They claim your outta sight Please get up and turn out the light There ain’t nothing better than the middle of the night And it’s a quarter a four Begging for more And going down, going down slow Going down, going down slow Going down, going down slow Going down, going down slow

Blue skies over my head Give me another reason to get out of bed Blue skies shine on my face Give me another woman to take her place Aint got no money, cupboards are bare No cigarettes and the kids got nothing to wear She walked out without a word Now the only sound left is the morning bird singing Blue skies over my head Give me another reason to get out of bed Blue skies shine on my face Give me another woman to take her place Blue skies over my head Give me another reason to get out of bed Blue skies shine on my face Give me another woman to take her place Give me another woman to take her place

When you walk through the garden You gotta watch your back Well I beg your pardon Walk the straight and narrow track If you walk with Jesus Hes gonna save your soul You gotta keep the devil Way down in the hole Hes got the fire and the fury At his command Well you dont have to worry If you hold on to Jesus hand Well all be safe from Satan When the thunder rolls Just gotta help me keep the devil Way down in the hole All the angels sing bout Jesus mighty sword And theyll shield you with their wings And keep you close to the lord Dont pay heed to temptation For his hands are so cold You gotta help me keep the devil Way down in the hole...

I love the way the tattered clouds Blow wind across the sky The summer goes and leaves me With a tear in my eye Im taking out my winter clothes My garden knows what is wrong The petals of my favorite rose In the shadows dark and long Though every year, its very clear I should be used to carrying on But I can be found in the garden singing this song When the last rose of summer is gone The last rose of summer is gone

Well shes as mean as a needle Dont get too close to the heater Shes like a mean shop keeper Who got an extra gun She about 64 and shes a wrecking ball Now go ahead and kiss her She brought the bad weather with her She got you coming through the dog door She got you coming through the dog door Now pigs get fat hogs get slaughtered You ought to walk away Well you cant but you ought to Climb the rickety stairs She got the long black hair But dont sit there Electricity chair She got you coming through the dog door She got you coming through the dog door Pitchfork Crowbar Claw hammer Hot tar Shes got ruin in her name But she can make it rain Shes a small town jail And youre starving in the belly of a whale She got you coming through the dog door She got you coming through the dog door Pitchfork Crowbar Claw hammer Hot tar

Dream away the tears in your eyes Dream away your sorrows Dream away all your goodbyes Dream away tomorrow I promise when the sun comes up I promise Ill be true And just like before the band starts to play They always play your favorite tune And dream away when everyones gone Dream away your grey skies too Dream away and nothing is wrong Dreams have wishes that are waiting for you And up ahead the road is turning Turning for you and me And just like before the band starts to play Now theres that twinkle in your eye And dream away

Aint goin down Aint goin down Momma to the well Momma to the well Momma to the well Momma to the well No more Aint goin down Aint goin down Momma to the well Momma to the well Momma to the well Momma to the well No more Im a true believer Im a true believer Believer Aint goin down Aint goin down Momma to the well Momma to the well Momma to the well Momma to the well No more Aint goin down If I ever get able If I ever get able Able To pay this debt I owe Aint goin down I aint goin down Momma to the well Momma to the well Momma to the well No more Aint goin down Momma to the well Momma to the well Momma to the well No more Aint goin down

You used to dream yourself away each night To places that youve never been On wings made of wishes that you whispered to yourself Back when every night the moon and you would sweep away To places that you knew you would never get the blues Now whiskey gives you wings to carry each one of your dreams And the moon does not belong to you But I believe that your heart keeps young dreams Well, Ive been told to keep from ever growing old And a heart that has been broken will be stronger when it mends Dont let the blues stop your singing Darling, you only got a broken wing Hey, you just hang on to my rainbow Hang on to my rainbow Hang on to my rainbow sleeves

When I was a boy The moon was a pearl The sun a yellow gold But when I was a man The wind blew cold The hills were upside down But now that I have gone from here Theres no place Id rather be Than to float my chances on the tide Back in the good old world On Octobers last Ill fly back home Rolling down winding way Scare crows are all dressed in rags Out at the edge of the field I lay And all Ive gots a pocket full Of flowers on my grave Oh but summer is gone I remember it best Back in the good old world

I must have brought the bad weather with me The skys the color of lead All you left me was a feather On an unmade bed Its always me whenever theres trouble The world does nothing but turn And the ring, it fell off my finger I guess I never learn And its over, its over, its over Im getting dressed in the dark Our story ends before it begins I always confess to everyones sins The nail gets hammered down And its over, let it go So dont go and make a big deal out of nothing Its just a storm on a dime And Ive always found theres nothing That money cannot buy Ive already gone to the place that Im going Theres no place left to fall Now theres something to be said About sayin nothing at all Cause baby, then its over, its over Its done, forgotten and through The story ends before it begins I always confess to everyones sins The nail gets hammered down And its over, let it go You got to let me go Im gonna let it go I wanna let it go I wanna let you go I wanna let you go

You better get some sleep tonight You better get some sleep tonight Honey, just warn your friends You better get some sleep tonight You always watch the sun go down The same old shadows crawl over town Those thoughts of you it shivers me The moon grows cold in memory Baby you better get some sleep tonight All you got to do is close your eyes You better get some sleep tonight I wish you baby, all the best If you turn out like all the rest This darkness baby, its chilling me Stars store down in sympathy They robbed you of your dignity They even steal your heart from me It isn’t revenge, you understand Baby I just want to know who death this hand Baby, ah thats alright Baby you better get some sleep tonight All you got to do is close your eyes Baby you better get some sleep tonight You better get some sleep tonight You better get some sleep tonight

Well, I remember it as though it were a meal ago, Said Tommy the Cat, as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign Matter may have nestled its way into his mighty throat Many a fat alley rat had met its demise while staring point blank Down the cavernous barrel of this awesome prowling machine Truly a wonder of nature, this urban predator! Tommy the Cat had many a story to tell But it was a rare occasion such as this that he did: She came slidin down the alleyway like butter drippin off a hot biscuit The aroma, the mean scent, was enough to arouse suspicion in Even the oldest of the Tigers that hung around the hot spot in those days The sight was beyond belief! Many a head snapped double, even triple, takes As this vivacious feline made her way into the delta of the alleyway Where the most virile of the young tabbys were known to hang out They hung out in droves Such a multitude of masculinity could only be found in one place And that was OMalleys Alley! The air was thick with cat calls But not even a muscle in her neck did twitch As she sauntered straight to the heart of the alleyway She knew what she wanted! She was lookin for that stud bull She was lookin for that He cat And that was me Tommy the Cat is my name, and I say unto thee Say baby, do you wanna lay down with me? Say baby, do you wanna lay down by my side? Baby, do you wanna lay down with me? Say baby Say baby Say baby, do you wanna lay down with me? Say baby, do you wanna lay down by my side? Baby, do you wanna lay down with me? Say baby Say baby Say baby, do you wanna lay down with me? Say baby, do you wanna lay down by my side? Baby, do you wanna lay down with me? Say b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b Say baby, do you wanna lay down with me? Say baby, do you wanna lay down by my side? Baby, do you wanna lay down with me? Say baby Say baby Say baby, do you wanna lay down with me? Say baby, do you wanna lay down by my side? Baby, do you wanna lay down with me? Say baby Say baby Say baby, do you wanna lay down with me? Say baby, do you wanna lay down by my side? Baby, do you wanna lay down with me? Say baby Say baby Say baby, do you wanna lay down with me? Say baby, do you wanna lay down by my side? Baby, do you wanna lay down with me? Say baby Say baby

Theres a blue eyed girl with a red bow tie And a string of pearls with one good eye In a rainy town the chimney smoke will curl No one likes clowns on the other side of the world And the children know shell never let me go Theres a one legged priest that tangos with the farmers wife Beauty and the beast is taking her own life And a tear on a letter back home turns into a lake of your own And a crow turns into a girl on the other side of the world And she tastes like the sea and shes waiting for me In the spring the weeds will show that he brought back the only rose And he gave it to his girl on the other side of the world And I drink champagne from your thin blue veins She visits his grave wearing her mothers shawl Should I shave or end it all Theres an old sailor song that the children know Their fingers curl round the other side of the world On a bone white mare lost in Kathleens hair In the spring the weeds will show he brought back the only rose And he gave it to his girl on the other side of the world

Well, the sun came in my window Wednesday morning And your love was like the golden rays again Now Im lyin here on a Thursday and youre lovin someone new And it looks like Im up shit creek again And I cant help thinkin of your lovin ways And Ive cried a quart of tears since youve been gone And I cant face the morning by myself love And it looks like Im up shit creek again Since you been gone I cry all the time And I cannot stand leaving you behind So Ill pull myself together and Ill dry away the tears But the mornin light has brought back memories And I cant face the morning by myself love And it looks like Im up shit creek again So Im out a-walkin on this dusty highway Cause youve given me no reason for to stay And Ill walk until Ive found someone who loves me not in vain And it looks like Im up shit creek again And it looks like Im up shit creek again

Silent night, Holy night All is calm, all is bright Round yon Virgin Mother and Child Holy Infant so tender and mild Sleep in Heavenly peace Sleep in Heavenly peace Silent night, Holy night Shepherds quake at the sight Glories stream from Heaven afar Heavenly hosts sing Hallelujah Christ, the Savior is born Christ, the Savior is born Silent night, Holy night Son of God, loves pure light Radiant beams from thy Holy face With the dawn of redeeming grace Jesus, Lord, at thy birth Jesus, Lord, at thy birth

Okay, alright, thank you, alright… now we can chat a bit. Okay, um, this is really weird. You know, vultures, I’ve seen a lot of vultures since I’ve entered the Texas border, a lot of vultures. The interesting thing about vultures is that, well, the reason they spend so much time in the air is because they’re so light because they eat so infrequently. So they’re mostly feathers, so a lot of times you’ll see them doing this and you’ll think “Oh, he’s probably going to land soon and eat,” but a lot of times he’s thinking to himself “How the fuck am I gonna get down there?” Now here’s the sad part and imagine if you had to make the same choice yourself. After dining, and frankly most vultures that are injured, this is according to the Bird Rescue… most vultures that are injured were injured while dining. That’s kinda sad… to be hit by a car while you’re eating, but the problem is that once they’ve landed and they’d eaten a lot, they eat so much cause they eat so infrequently, they eat so much that they can’t take off without throwing up. I know, that’s tough… so what a choice, you know, you just had a big meal and you have to lose the whole damn thing just to get back up in the sky again. I think of that all the time when I’m having hard times Here’s another interesting thing about them, the gas company has started using them to spot gas leaks in the field, because, well… think about it. They think it’s a dead animal but it’s just a gas leak, you know, so they gather… anyway, I find it interesting anyway. Okay, enough about me. Okay, uh, one last thing… you know during World War II, they made, this is in Germany… they made a soup, like an alphabet soup, only instead of the alphabet it was swastikas and they called it pastika soup and apparently it was very popular in Berlin. I’m sorry about that one too Okay, here’s something really interesting, I found interesting anyway. You know, rats don’t eat because they are hungry… they’re just grinding down their teeth, and if you don’t believe that, well… my dad found a rat in a room, a concrete room where there was absolutely nothing to eat, not even a rock… and he’d been in there for two weeks and hadn’t had nothing to eat. What happened with his lower teeth is they’d grown through the roof of his mouth and had come out through the top of his head and his uppers had gone down through his chin and they looked like a little goatee. I know, I know… it’s hard to find people that are as interested in these things as I am One last thing. Now, they found out that elephants in India, you know they have to wear a big bell around their necks so people know where they are all the time, and you can imagine how fucking annoying that must be, you know, especially in the middle of the night when you’re hungry. So now, elephants scoop up a big hunk of mud and they stick it in the bell to dampen the clapper and then they go off in the middle of the night and steal bananas. Pretty good Okay, well… we were in Oklahoma for a while, boy it’s weird in Oklahoma… well it’s weird everywhere if you think of it like that but in Oklahoma, they’ve got laws, there’s laws down there that are still on the books that they feel compelled to enforce. That’s what bothers me and I’m not traveling with an attorney so it makes it difficult, you know, you can’t wash your car on Sunday using wooled underwear, especially if you are wearing an unusual haircut. I never got the connection there between the haircut and the underwear… the other thing that’s weird is that chewing tobacco is strictly enforced, that took some getting used to. Uh, what else? You can’t photograph a rabbit in the middle of the week for some reason, it’s okay on the weekends, I guess they like it better on the weekends… I don’t get it. The other thing is you can’t eat some place that is also on fire. That really limited our choices. Okay, uh, let’s see… there’s something else, here’s another weird one… you can’t get a fish drunk in Oklahoma. They just had a lot of problems with that, they finally had to put an end to it… and you can’t make a monkey smoke a cigarette, that’s the other thing… I know, I know, I know… Okay, let’s see. Do you know that shrimp, this is really disturbing though, but shrimp... they never give anything to charity. I’ve never known a shrimp to give anything to charity and it’s always bothered me and finally someone told me that basically they’re shellfish and it’s gonna happen… okay, I knew I went too far with that. Thank you for putting a stop to it. Okay, does anybody out there have a parrot? Do you own a parrot is the question. Does anybody in the whole audience own a parrot? Okay, well then you can understand why I went on E-Bay and bought a year’s supplies of parrot diapers. Man, I’m telling you… parrots, I like the conversations; I like the fellowship, but damn… get a grip. Here’s a theory that I have and I’ll run it by you because you’re here… my theory is that if everybody in China, on the very same day, at the very same time, on the very same day, got up on a ladder and jumped as high as they could and came down on the ground, you know, that it would throw the whole Earth off its axis. I haven’t been able to get anybody to go with me with that, like the United Nations or anything… uh, anyway, we should be ready on our side. We’ll pick a day, buy a ladder, get ready… uh, just to keep things… okay Okay, what else? Oh, the graveyard shift. Now, when I was a kid I always worked jobs at night and I always had graveyard shifts and everybody kind of threw that expression around very loosely and I wondered what the hell is a graveyard shift is anyway? Other than the fact that you’re working at night, okay I know that much, but what’s the origin of the expression graveyard shift? And then I worked for a while in a graveyard and my boss, Joe Corvello, he explained it to me. What happened in the old days, way, way, way back, hundreds of years ago, people were very nervous about being buried alive, not anymore nervous than we are today it’s just that the technology was not really with it, you could be taking a nap and they’d fucking bury you. So, there was a law that everybody who got buried had to have a string tied around their wrist in the coffin and then they’d run it up through the roof of the coffin and then they’d go up through the dirt and then they’d go over the branch of a tree on which they’d put a bell… and then there’s a guy who sits in the graveyard all night long waiting to hear a bell… that’s the graveyard shift. You’ll like this one too… the bell and the whole apparatus and everything, you know if you find the guy who actually is alive and underground, he’s called a dead ringer. I’m not kidding You know, about a year ago… this is really weird and I don’t tell everybody this… during the summer I ingested some pond water, you know, and it’s the weirdest thing… a couple of days later I started to feel something moving in there. I thought, am I pregnant? I don’t know… Anyway, several months went by and I finally had to go to the doctor and they put an ultrasound on me and they found three toads in my stomach… oh boy. But you know they’re off to themselves, they’re off to one side, and you know… why put them on such a bummer… it’s only a drag when we’re watching television and they get really loud and other than that, you know, I’m fine with it, it’s just a thing Okay, who has the largest brain in proportion to its body? No, no, no… the ant, swear to god. Who has the largest penis in proportion to its body? No, no, no, no… the barnacle, thank you. Okay, we’ll get on to some actual songs in a minute here… there are more insects in one square mile of Earth then there are people on the entire Earth, think about that, more insects in one square mile than there are people! Imagine if they got to vote or drivers licenses or anything… now, um, you know what the moon smells like? Wrong again, you’ll love this… fireworks. That’s what Neil Armstrong told me, “It smells just like fireworks, man.” And it makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? That’s where we’ve been shooting them for all these years. He says it’s just crazy up there with the fireworks… Do you know how many omelets you can get out of an ostrich egg? Fourteen… that’s a lot of omelets. I’ve gotten along with most of the ostriches I met and um okay… let’s see… Here’s one… you know the word “bamboozled”… didn’t you ever wonder what the hell they mean when they say “bamboozled”… well way, way, way back, thousands of years ago in China when you got busted for something, they take a piece of bamboo and they’d whack you. You know if you took like fourteen candy bars, you get fourteen whacks. You see the connection though? Bamboozled, bamboo, bamboo, bamboozled… okay, that’s all. One last thing about Sara Bernhardt, the famous American actress… hey, she was a babe, man… she was a total babe. She had her own train car, she slept in a coffin and when she was seventy, she was playing Juliet, babe. Think about that, Juliet… at seventy… and she lost a leg and when she lost her leg, Barnum and Bailey bought her leg, of course… and put it in formaldehyde and charged like, six, eight bucks to come see it. And that was depressing for her, of course… cause she was working across the street, you know, the full her… and to know that your leg is over there making more money than you was so depressing for her… but that’s the business, that’s the business that we’re in. One day, Moe Green got a bullet in the eye but this is the business that we’re in. (Man yells: “Hey Tom, I want to have your baby.” Oh Jesus… well you know, nowadays, I think it’s possible. See my manager, Stuart Ross, but I gotta tell you, my sperm is very expensive now. I’m like a fucking race horse, baby Have you’ve wondered why you can never swat a fly? How do they know we’re coming? They don’t know what a swatter is. Do they say “Yeah, swatter coming, swatter coming…”They have no idea what a swatter is. I’ll tell you what happens… they take off backwards. It’s that simple… they’ve taken off backwards their entire lives… okay, that’s all. Uh, my health? My health is fine… you know what, write it down and pass it forward and I’ll take a look at it Anyway, Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon who actually walked on the moon and the guy right behind him on the ladder going down to get to the surface of the moon, now that was Buzz Aldrin… he said “Neil, you are the first man to walk on the moon… I am the very first man to wet his pants on the moon.” He said that, really, he did. He said it to me personally. I know Neil and I know Buzz, so there… and you don’t… okay. But then again, Science Magazine said that the compression of actual moon rocks, the closest thing that they can find on Earth that is closest to the compression of the rocks from the moon is provolone cheese or Vermont cheddar… I’m not shitting you, I wouldn’t shit you… and pig fetuses, you know, they are injecting pig fetuses now with human hormones because they want to use their organs to transplant them into humans so they want to give them some kind of humanistic juice in there so that when the transfer happens, it’ll be a little more commensurate with the… it’s crazy. But now pigs, the fetuses are being born with strangely human faces… one looked just like my Uncle Phil, exactly like my Uncle Phil, even Phil said it looked like him. Ok, I know, I know… we’ll get on, we’ll get on, we’ll get on… What was that for? Because we’re getting on, right? Oh, I see… you’re trying to push me into a song… I know that trick. You know the problem here? The problem here is you guys have never worked together before and you have no actual elected officials so it’s kind of like the early days of America, you know, and everybody’s kind of yelling shit out and somebody’s going “Shut up, shut up…” What? See… you have no President; this is what we call Marshall law Ah, okay, do you want another little story or a song? What do you want? That sounded like a cross between a story and a song… you see you can’t get all in line… get in line, babe. Okay, alright, it’s up to me, that’s it… I’m gonna have to take over… Oh, oh, way down in Oklahoma we went to the Spam museum, that was really amazing. They’ve got stuff carved out of Spam, they have portraits of people carved out of Spam… never seen anything like it, but as a Spam fan, I took some of that home with me and I got some of that in my living room and all like little portraits, you know, and “Whoa, whoa… what is that Tom, what is that?” and I said: “Whoa, it’s Spam, it’s Spam”. The thing is it never really deteriorates, the smell is not like it’s decomposing… it’s impossible for it to decompose… and that’s what you’re smelling is really the freshness of it, the eternal freshness of it… it’s kind of embalmed meat is what it really is… what? Oh, oh, oh…I read today that one out of every ten men is important. One out of every ten… and then I realized I read it wrong, I went back and it said “One out of every ten men is impotent”. I don’t know how I changed… I left the R out… so which are you, are you important or are you impotent? I guess that’s all there is to choose from I don’t know about you but I spent my entire day at the lost baggage center, you know, have you ever been over there? Fascinating… how they advertise it… things from all over the world… at incredible prices. Its lost baggage is basically what it is… if you ever have lost a bag, your bag is there being sold to somebody else… and it’s right here in Birmingham, I swear to God. So, here’s the ironic thing… I flew in to go to the last baggage center early so that I could shop for basically underwear and socks and they lost my bag. Isn’t that crazy? Okay… here’s one that maybe you’ll like… spiders, spiders, our little eight legged friends, the spider… when the male spider is done building his web, you know those elaborately beautiful webs that they build at night while you’re sleeping and you wake up in the morning and it’s glistening and beautiful like that… when he’s done building the web, he reaches out one of his legs… we assume it’s a leg that he’s reaching out, not certain but we assume it’s a leg… and he strums the web and the sound that that makes… that’s not the actual sound, how could I know the actual sound? But it’s not bad, is it? I mean, if you were a female spider, you’d be like… anyway, what happens is that the sound that the web makes is irresistible to the female spider and she comes… some of them come in from different states when they hear that and they get in line for the big guy. Anyway, it’s just kind of a kooky thing that happens in the world In Oklahoma, you can get in trouble for kissing a stranger. Think about that, I mean you can go to jail for kissing a stranger. I mean, we’re all strangers at a certain point, how could the world continue if somebody didn’t kiss a stranger, right? But, uh, I travel with an attorney so… here’s another thing; you know that a mink and an ermine are the same thing? And you know that a mink and an ermine are all members of the weasel family? And if you see a beautiful woman wearing a mink, you can walk right up to her and say “I love your weasel.” And she can’t slap you… I mean, theoretically she can’t slap you. I would do it with an attorney present at all times… so every time in the world there’s a male ejaculation, I know that’s a tough word so from now on we’re just gonna say “it”… whenever “it” happens, it releases two hundred and fifty million sperm… now only one of those sperm obviously can actually fertilize the egg… so if you’re here, you’re already a winner. You know what I mean? That’s the way I see it Okay, here’s a little story for everybody now… you know what really gets me? I was in a community, let’s just say it was a bad neighborhood and I used to refer to it and I’d say 9th and Hennepin, boy, 9th and Hennepin… here’s what bothers me, they really cleaned the place up and every time I said 9th and Hennepin, people looked at me like I was doing card tricks for a dog… and some guy would say “You know my wife, she got some sandals down there… they have a little frozen yogurt place”. And I went: “You could get killed for sandals down there!” Anyway… okay, you know I’ve always been a word guy, I like weird words and I like American slang and all that and words that are no longer being used… I like to drag them out of the box and wave them around… this is an interesting one, it’s amazing how in addition to punctuation just a little pause in the wrong place can just completely transform the meaning of something. I’ll give you a really good example… you know, you’re at the ball game and you got your hot dog and you look around and say “Where are all the condiments?” and they point over there and you go “Oh, okay there’s the condiments.” I’m so glad that they said it like that because when I said it I heard “Where are the condom mints?” That’s just me and I have to live with me. I didn’t say it back to her or she would have slapped me but then I thought that’s not a bad idea… someone could get a hold of something like that and come up with a whole new product… I just offer it to you tonight and we’ll just wait and see what happens I made one really ridiculous purchase… you know this is really weird… somebody took a picture of me and they got a picture of my watch, you know, and they said “Well he was wearing a really ratty suit but I think he had about $300,000 watch on. I really got a kick out of that… $9.99 at CVS, but hey, if it looks like $300,000, it is! I’m in show business. Everything? Play everything? I don’t have that much time. I was out there earlier and I sat in some of those chairs you’re sitting in now… pretty damn comfortable, maybe a little too comfortable. You have your own TV? You mean in the chair? You see some of the seats are better than others… she has a VCR and an I-Pod thing you can hook into. Does your chair vibrate? That’s the vibrating chair. I heard it’s against the law to have an unusual haircut here… and you can’t buy booze without a note from your wife. That’s really weird… I travel with an attorney, of course… Here’s another thing… a little food thing. You know how every time you get a piece of fish they give you a little piece of lemon with it and everybody thinks that it’s because the flavor is so much better with lemon on it… untrue. The idea was when people ate fish originally, they were so afraid of ingesting bones and having the bone caught in their throat and dying, somebody told them if you put a little lemon in your mouth after you have a bite of fish, it will kill the bone, it’ll dissolve the bone, it’ll just disintegrate the bone, which of course is total bullshit but that’s what happened and now we’ve got lemon and fish and all that… I had a math teacher when I was a kid whose name was Mr. Falby and he had a piece of fish during a test we were having and he choked on a fish bone and he died in the middle of our math test… it was kind of an answer to a prayer that I made earlier. It wasn’t that specific… I didn’t mention anything about the fish or the bone or even on that day… but we have a connection I guess I’m sorry, what? You’re still working at the airport? I’m happy for you. I’ll see you on our way out. Here’s a deal… pardon me? Piano is just on beer and wine now. You know what really bothers me is when somebody tells you that their cell phone is also a camera. I just hate that. What’s wrong with having something that’s just what it is and being happy about it? It makes me want to say to them… “My sunglasses are also a tricycle.” But I don’t… okay, we’ve been traveling for about two months now so the laws change from community to community. It’s just bizarre the kind of laws that are still on the books… that’s one of the laws here in Edinbourough that you can no longer order eggs and sausage and it’s sad but it’s just the way it happened with that new mayor. What do we have, what do we have, what do we have? Oh we were gonna try and do this one, we’ll see, this is um…

That woman will take you That woman will break you That woman will make you Something youve never seen That womans got claws That womans got laws Now look out man Youre gonna lose your mind I had a friend, his name was Frank He walked on the water and Lord he sank We used to go stag, now hes got a hag It looks like Franks got a brand new bag That woman will take you That woman will break you That woman will make you Something youve never seen That woman got claws That woman got laws Now look out Frank Youre gonna loose your mind What happened to Frank Can happen to you Just find you a woman And watch what shell do That woman will take you That woman gonna break you Look out man youre gonna lose Youre gonna lose your mind

Oh-yeah Oh-yeah Jackie is a punk And Judy is a runt They went down to The Mudd Club And they both got drunk Oh-yeah Oh-yeah Jackie is a bookie And Judys taking loans They both came up to New York Just to see The Ramones Oh-yeah Oh-yeah Oh I dont know why She wrote that letter I dont know why We cant forget her Oh-no Jackies playing hooky Judys playing pool They both got caught for cutting Now theyre going to summer school Oh-yeah Jackies playing hooky Judys getting rammed They both got kicked outside They aint got no time Na na na Oh-yeah Oh-yeah Oh I dont know why She wrote that letter Oh yeah I dont know why We cant forget her Oh-no Oh-yeah Oh-yeah Jackie is a punk And Judy is a runt They went down to The Mudd Club And they both got drunk Oh-yeah Oh-yeah Now Jackies playing hooky Judys playing pool They both got caught for cutting Now theyre going to summer school Oh-yeah

Thanks, uh... You know uh, this is weird uh... Most of us have dogs, all right? I dont know if its a local thing where I live, or if its everywhere, and Im checking it with you because uh, I dont get in the area that often and Im just checking to see if... Theres a new kind of a dog treat. And uh and theyre available in the pet store and for the longest time I just thought that it was some kind of a prank. Or uh... I wasnt really sure what it was, until I read the label on the back and it said Bull Penis I was a little shocked! I know you can get just about ANYTHING in this world You can get a whales pancreas if youd want one! I can get you one! But comon, a bulls penis! How busy they were their whole lives And they throw it to a dog, like that, for a snack! Now, are they available here in the Los Angeles area? They are, arent they? Doesnt that make you a little weazy? Makes you wanna live a long time And on the back, on the bottom it said: 100% natural! I mean... thats the part that really got me. And it said: A Real Meat Snack Theres just no dignity in that. Uh, anyway... The other thing is that theyre 36 inches long! Theyre so long they had to cut them into bite-size portions And then they take two of them and braid them together I know, I know! I never want it done. But uh... This is a song written for Gregory Peck for his dating my mom... Thats a lie!

Down through the ages all of the sages Said dont spend your wages on love Its graft and collusion about the intrusion And preceding foreclosures theres overexposure Down at the crossroads the question is posed Bridge is washed out and the highway is closed Gotta have good reason to firmly believe Love was designed to exploit and deceive Theres an addendum wherever you send em In your chest you will see Simple addition keeps with tradition Dont spend your wages on love Take any burgh any city or town Just get on main street and drive all the way down You see love has a graveyard nurtured for those That fell on their sabers and paid through the nose Your shovels a shot glass dig your own hole Bury whats left of your miserable soul Down through the ages all of the sages Said dont spend your wages on love Its graft and collusion about the intrusion And preceding foreclosure there is overexposure Down at the crossroads the question is posed And the bridge is washed out and the highway is closed

Im just a scarecrow without you Baby please dont disappear I beg your pardon dear I got a bottle for a trumpet And a hatbox for a drum I beg your pardon dear I got upset I lost my head I didnt mean the things I said You are the landscape of my dreams Darling I beg your pardon Id give you Boardwalk and Park Place And all of my hotels I beg your pardon dear Please dont go back to St. Louis Cant you tell that Im sincere I beg your pardon dear I got upset I lost my head I didnt mean the things I said You are the landscape of my dreams Darling I beg your pardon

Everything you can think of is true Before the ocean was blue You were lost in a flood run red with your bloods nigerian skeleton crew Everything you can think of is true The dish ran away with the spoon Dig deep in your heart for that little red glow Were decomposing as we go Everything you can think of is true And fishes make wishes on you Were fighting our way up dreamlands spine With black flamingos, expensive wine Everything you can think of is true The babys asleep in your shoe Your teeth are buildings with yellow doors Your eyes are fish on a creamy shore

A cab combs the snake Tryin to rake in that last nights fare And a solitary sailor Who spends the facts of his life like small change on strangers Paws his inside P-coat pocket for a welcome twenty-five cents And the last bent butt from a package of Kents As he dreams of a waitress with Maxwell House eyes And marmalade thighs with scrambled yellow hair Her rhinestone-studded moniker says, Irene As she wipes the wisps of dishwater blonde from her eyes And the Texaco beacon burns on The steel-belted attendant with a Ring and Valve special Cryin, Filler up and check that oil You know it could be a distributor and it could be a coil The early mornin final editions on the stands And town cryers cryin there with nickels in his hands Pigs in a blanket, sixty-nine cents Eggs, roll em over and a package of Kents Adam and Eve on a log, you can sink em damn straight Hash browns, hash browns, you know I cant be late And the early dawn cracks out a carpet of diamond Across a cash crop car lot filled with twilight Coupe Devilles Leaving the town in a-keeping of the one who is sweeping Up the ghost of Saturday night

Woah I, know Ive been changed And I know Ive been changed I know Ive been changed Angels in heaven done sign my name Angels in heaven done sign my name Well, I know I got religion Lord knows Im not ashamed Well, a holy ghost is my witness And the angels done sign my name Oh, I said: I know Ive been changed And I know Ive been changed, yeah Know Ive been changed Angels in heaven done sign my name Angels in heaven done sign my name Lord knows Ive been converted Lord knows Ive been redeemed Well, you can wake me up in the midnight hour Im gonna tell ya just a what I seen I said: I know Ive been changed And I know Ive been changed, yeah Know Ive been changed Angels in heaven done sign my name Angels in heaven done sign my name Angels in heaven done sign my name Angels in heaven done sign my name

The sky holds all our wishes The dish ran away with the spoon Chimney smoke ties the roofs to the sky Theres a hole over head, but its only the moon Will there ever be a tree Grown from the seeds Ive sown? Life is a path lit only By the light of those Ive loved By the light of those I love Lifes a path lit only by The light of those Ive loved By the light of those I love

As sure as fire will burn Theres one thing you will learn Is things you have cherished Are things that you have earned Luck is when opportunity Meets with preparation The same is true for every generation Little man As you climb on my knee The whole future lies in thee Little man Little man Never hurry Take it slow Things worthwhile Need time to grow Little man Dont look back There are things that might distract Move ahead towards your goal And the answers will unfold Little man Love is always in the air It is there for those who care Little man Dont look back There are things that might distract Move ahead towards your goal And the answers will unfold Little man Love is always in the air It is there for those who care Little man

I know an oldtimer Just a nickel-and-dimer At the bar down the Adios Lounge And for whiskey and smokes Recites poems and jokes But hes not just your average clown And hes entertaining nightly Down the Adios Lounge And he puts it politely But he does lay it down Now I lie here alone in my bed With these words running wild in my head He said... Dont let nobody go there for you Dont be satisfied with a second-hand life Dont let nobody stifle or bore you Handle your troubles or take on your strife Dont let nobody live your life for you Not your friends, not your kids, no not even your wife If you want to know where the rainbow ends Its you who´ve got to go there and find it my friend So Im going back down To the Adios Lounge Where theres no one to wait up for me I hope hes still around Oh, that crazy old scrounge To tell us how things ought to be He said... Dont let nobody go there for you Dont be satisfied with a second-hand life Dont let nobody stifle or bore you Handle your troubles or take on your strife Dont let nobody live your life for you Not your friends, not your kids, no not even your wife If you want to know where the rainbow ends Its you whove got to go there and find it my friend So I buy him more drinks Just to hear what he thinks Oh, its worth it to see him almost smile Its worth feeling free for a while At the bar down the Adios Lounge At the bar down the Adios Lounge At the bar down the Adios Lounge

If you want money in your pocket And a top hat on your head A hot meal on your table And a blanket on your bed Well today is grey skies Tomorrow is tears Youll have to wait till yesterday is here Well Im going to New York City And Im leaving on a train And if you want to stay behind And wait til I come back again Well today is grey skies Tomorrow is tears Youll have to wait til yesterday is here If you want to go Where the rainbows end Youll have to say goodbye All our dreams come true Baby up ahead And its out where your memories lie Well the road is out before me And the moon is shining bright What I want you to remember As I disappear tonight Well today is grey skies Tomorrow is tears Youll have to wait til yesterday is here Well today is grey skies And tomorrow is tears Youll have to wait til yesterday is here Youll have to wait til yesterday is here Youll have to wait til yesterday is here

When the show is over and the work is through I want the big face money Ill get all that cash and bring it home to you Ill get the big face money Ill get the big face money I want the big face money Ill get the big face money

If I was a seagull high and aloof Id sail to your house, perch on your roof But I aint a seagull, you know my name And the winds blow fortune, winds blow pain And so it goes, nobody knows How to get to the sky How to get to the sky If I was a puppy dog in the early dawn Id make it to your house and sleep on your lawn But I aint a puppy dog, you know my name And the winds blow fortune, the winds blow pain And so it goes, nobody knows How to get to the sky How to get to the sky How to get to the sky How to get to the sky

Come on, people, got to get on board Train is leavin and theres room for one more God, dont listen to the devil, he got ways to move you This train dont carry no smokers, this train Well, come on, people cause its startin to rain Get on board, its the gospel train, yeah Dont listen to the devil now People, dont listen to the devil Satan will fool you Satan will fool you I said Satan will fool you Well this train dont carry no smokers This train This train Wooo Wooo Come on people, get on board Train is leavin and theres room for one more Just trust in the Lord Wooo Wooo Wooo Listen to me Come on, people, cause its starting to rain Get on board, ride the gospel train Dont listen to the devil He got ways to move you

Im going straight up to the top oh yeah Where the air is fresh and clean Im going up up to the top oh yeah You know me you know what I mean I cant let sorrow pull me on down Live for tomorrow oh baby I have found you Im going straight up to the top oh yeah Where the air is fresh and clean I know I just cant stop oh no Till I know Im wild and free Im like a champagne bubble pop pop Im like those birds high up in the tree I cant let sorrow pull me on down Live for tomorrow yeah I have found you Im going straight up to the top oh yeah Where the air is fresh and clean yeah I cant let sorrow pull me down Live for tomorrow oh baby oh baby Im going straight up to the top oh yeah Where the air is where the air is Where the air is where the air is Where the air is fresh fresh and clean yeah Fresh and clean fresh and clean Fresh and clean fresh and clean Fresh and clean fresh and clean fresh and clean Get on up get on up now get on up get on up Get on up get on up get on up get on up get on up Get on up get on up get on up get on up get on up Get on up get on up get on up get on up get on up Get on up get on up get on up get on up

They hung a sign up in our town If you live it up, you wont live it down So she left Monte Rio, son Just like a bullet leaves a gun With her charcoal eyes and Monroe hips She went and took that California trip Oh, the moon was gold, her hair like wind Said, Dont look back just come on, Jim Oh, you got to hold on, hold on You gotta hold on Take my hand, Im standing right here You gotta hold on Well, he gave her a dimestore watch And a ring made from a spoon Everyones looking for someone to blame When you share my bed, you share my name Well, go ahead and call the cops You dont meet nice girls in coffee shops She said, Baby, I still love you Sometimes theres nothin left to do Oh, but you got to hold on, hold on Babe, you gotta hold on Take my hand, Im standing right here You gotta hold on Well, God bless your crooked little heart St. Louis got the best of me I miss your broken China voice How I wish you were still here with me Oh, you build it up, you wreck it down Then you burn your mansion to the ground Oh, theres nothing left to keep you here But when youre falling behind in this big blue world Oh, youve got to hold on, hold on Babe, you gotta hold on Take my hand, Im standing right here You gotta hold on Down by the Riverside motel Its 10 below and falling By a 99 cent store She closed her eyes and started swaying But its so hard to dance that way When its cold and theres no music Oh, your old hometowns so far away But inside your head theres a record thats playing A song called Hold On, hold on Babe, you gotta hold on Take my hand, Im standing right there You gotta hold on You gotta hold on, hold on Babe, you gotta hold on Take my hand, Im standing right there You gotta hold on Hold on, hold on Babe, you gotta hold on And take my hand, Im standing right here You gotta hold on

Well now, its story time again Im gonna tell you a story about a truck driver Storys written by a guy named Red Sovine Its call The Ballad Of Big Joe And Phantom

This blinding kiss breathes helium into my heart And erases the embraces of all other lovers With this kiss Your ruby lips speak for themselves, they tell nothing but lies I dissolve into the wax of a flickering candle With this kiss This isnt real, in Chinatown everythings cheap Im shipwrecked on the coast of your shoulders And this kiss And this kiss And this kiss And this kiss And this kiss And this kiss This kiss With this kiss

A window left open and the pillow is soaking wet Who says love ever comes without tolls? She sends no kindness, no words of regret Then she puts the fork in the road Theres a ring with a diamond missing It was lost in the backseat of a car And theres a dollar on the floor in the kitchen Christmas lights blinking on a long dead tree in the parlor Cheaters never prosper Cheaters never win Cheaters never prosper Cheaters never win Cheaters never prosper Cheaters never win Long hair, big eyes, and she always needs money Did I find her or was she the one who chose? I wanna drown like a fly in the honey And she stole the blush from the rose Long hair, big eyes, and she always needs money Did I find her or was she the one who chose? I wanna drown like a fly in the honey Because she stole the blush from the rose Because she stole the blush from the rose Remember she stole the blush from the rose Because she stole the blush from the rose Because she stole the blush from the rose From the rose, from the rose From the rose, from the rose

Will you take me across the Channel London Bridge is falling down Strange a woman tries to save What a man will try to drown And hes the rain that they predicted Its the forecast every time The rose has died because you picked it An I believe that brandys mine And all over the world Strangers Talk only about the weather All over the world Its the same Its the same Its the same The word is getting flatter The sky is falling all around And nothing is the matter For I never cry in town And a love like ours, my dear Is best measured when its down And I never buy umbrellas For theres always one around And all over the world Strangers Talk only about the weather All over the world Its the same Its the same Its the same And you know that its beginning And you know that its the end When once again we are strangers And the fog comes rolling in And all over the world Strangers Talk only about the weather All over the world Its the same Its the same Its the same

The ocean doesnt want me today But Ill be back tomorrow to play And the stranglers will take me Down deep in their brine The mischievous braingels Down into the endless blue wine Ill open my head and let out All of my time Id love to go drowning And to stay and to stay But the ocean doesnt want me today Ill go in up to here It cant possibly hurt All they will find is my beer And my shirt A rip tide is raging And the life guard is away But the ocean doesnt want me today The ocean doesnt want me today

They shot him down They shot him down They thought he was a monster But he was the king They came to his island And they brought her with them They wanted to get his picture But they were surprised By his enormous size And when he saw the woman He took her without question Because after all He was the king And he loved the woman He loved the way she looked And she wouldnt stop screaming But he loved the woman And he fought a Tyrannosaurus Rex And it was a bloody battle But he fought it for his woman And he climbed up a mountain And he looked around Some kind of forest With all these dinosaurs And he stripped his woman He stripped her bare But there was a pterodactyl There And then a hero Came and took his woman And they fell off the mountain Into some water And then later He came looking for his woman But they were waiting And they threw a bomb And they tied him And took him across the ocean And they chained him And put him in the show And when he saw his woman He broke loose And everyone fled in terror And he was looking for her And he overtook a train And he was looking in the street And then he found her in her apartment And he climbed up The Empire State Building It was like a phallic symbol And he took his woman To the top of that towering temple And he climbed up and looked around Some kind of city With all those skyscrapers And all the cars Just him and his screaming woman And they were finally alone He loved his woman You could see it in his eyes His great big eyes He loved his woman From the moment that he saw her He was all choked up inside But when the airplanes came He was soon to die But he hung on long enough to set his woman down And make sure that she was safe And as the bullets pierced He looked at her so sincere Before he fell Because he loved his woman And they shot him down They thought he was a monster But he was the king Who killed the monkey twas beauty that killed the beast And Willis OBrien died A tragic death There wasnt much That he had left And Ray Harryhousen said That when Willis died Thats when the king was really dead They shot him down They shot him down They thought he was a monster But he was the king

Outside another yellow moon Punched a hole in the nighttime, yes I climb through the window and down the street Shining like a new dime The downtown trains are full with all those Brooklyn girls They try so hard to break out of their little worlds You wave your hand and they scatter like crows They have nothing that will ever capture your heart Theyre just thorns without the rose Be careful of them in the dark Oh if I was the one You chose to be your only one Oh baby cant you hear me now Will I see you tonight On a downtown train Every night is just the same You leave me lonely now I know your window and I know its late I know your stairs and your doorway I walk down your street and past your gate I stand by the light at the four way You watch them as they fall They all have heart attacks They stay at the carnival But theyll never win you back Will I see you tonight on a downtown train Where every night is just the same you leave me lonely Will I see you tonight on a downtown train All of my dreams just fall like rain All upon a downtown train

Daggers of moonlight Murder the sheets And the stink of a four dollar room And Daddys gone a hunting For a dime bag schoolboy Tied up with a yellow balloon So hush little baby Daddy must go Ill cover you up with a blanket of snow By the time I make Jersey Youll be in heaven In a pretty blue shoe box I know So sing a song of ten grand With a pocket full of dough And I cant take you with me to Baltimore Wake God up in Heaven Have him look down below Theres a little lost angel blooming in the snow

Oily night Oily night Oily night Oily night Oily night Oily night Oily night Oily night Oily night Oily night Oily night

Daggers of moonlight Murder the sheets In the stink of a four dollar room And Daddys gone a-hunting For a dimebag of schoolboy Tied up with a yellow balloon So hush little baby Daddy must go Ill cover you up with a blanket of snow By the time I make Jersey Youll be in heaven In a pretty blue shoe box, I know So sing a song of ten grand With a pocket full of dough And I cant take you to Baltimore Wake God up in heaven Have him look down below Theres a little lost angel Blooming in the snow

Here comes the bride and there goes the groom Looks like a hurricane went through this room Smells like a pool hall wheres my other shoe And Im sick and tired of picking up after you Looks like you spent the night in a trench And tell me how long have you been Combing your hair with a wrench The roses are dead and the violets are too And Im sick and tired of picking up after you Well Ive told you before I wont tell you again You dont defrost the icebox with a ball point pen This railroad apartment is held together with glue And Im sick and tired of picking up after you Because I know Ive been swindled I never bargained for this Whats more you never cared about me Why dont you get your own place So you can live like you do And Im sick and tired of picking up after you Take all your relatives and all of your shoes Believe me Ill really swing when youre gone Ill be living on chicken and wine after were through With someone I pick up after you

Fairy tales can come true it can happen to you If youre young at heart For its hard you will find To be narrow of mind If youre young at heart You can go to extremes with impossible schemes You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams And life gets more exciting with each passing day And love is either in your heart or on its way Dont you know that its worth every treasure on earth To be young at heart And as rich as you are its much better by far To be young at heart And if you should survive to 105 Think of all youll derive out of being alive Then this is the best part You have a head start If you are among the very young at heart Dont you know that its worth every treasure on earth To be young at heart Or as rich as you are its much better by far To be young at heart And if you should survive to 105 Think of all youve derived out of being alive Then this is the best part You have a head start If you are among the very young at heart If you are among the very young at heart

I know an old-timer Just a nickel-and-dimer At the bar down the Adios Lounge And for whiskey and smokes Recites poems and jokes But hes not just your average clown And hes entertaining nightly Down the Adios Lounge And he puts it politely But he does lay it down Now I lie here alone in my bed With these words running wild in my head He said Dont let nobody go there for you Dont be satisfied with a second-hand life Dont let nobody stifle or bore you Handle your troubles or take on your strife Dont let nobody live your life for you Not your friends, not your kids, no not even your wife If you want to know where the rainbow ends Its you who’s got to go there and find it my friend So Im going back down To the Adios Lounge Where theres no one to wait up for me I hope hes still around Oh, that crazy old scrounge To tell us how things ought to be He said Dont let nobody go there for you Dont be satisfied with a second-hand life Dont let nobody stifle or bore you Handle your troubles or take on your strife Dont let nobody live your life for you Not your friends, not your kids, no not even your wife If you want to know where the rainbow ends Its you whove got to go there and find it my friend So I buy him more drinks Just to hear what he thinks Oh, its worth it to see him almost smile Its worth feeling free for a while At the bar down the Adios Lounge At the bar down the Adios Lounge At the bar down the Adios Lounge

You used to dream yourself away each night To places that youd never been On wings made of wishes That you whispered to yourself Back when every night the moon and you Would sweep away to places That you knew Where you would never get the blues Well now, whiskey gives you wings To carry Each one of your dreams And the moon does not belong to you But I believe That your heart keeps young dreams Well, Ive been told To keep from ever growing old And a heart that has been broken Will be stronger when it mends Dont let the blues stop you singing Darling, youve only got a broken wing Hey, you just hang on to my rainbow Hang on to my rainbow Hang on to my rainbow sleeves

Well my babys fine Even her car looks good from behind Oh yeah Well my babys so fine Even her car looks good from behind But the train that took my baby It went clang, boom, and steam

With a suitcase, and a couple of bucks Im gonna skip this rhubarb, slide down the boulevard I aint gonna take that dame with me Shes full of malarkey Just as soon as its dark, Ill get a one-way token On the first thing smokin out of town And Im goin out to East St. Louis, Kansas City, and Chicago Wichita, New Orleans, Baton Rouge, Miami, Florida Downtown Tulsa, Champaigne-Urbana Bangor, all aboard, Houston and Atlanta Goin to Joliet, Bernadette, maybe Philadelphia Picket out to Tittsburgh , any burgh, hamburger Springfield Junction, Primrose Lane I may get me a nose-job and change my name Cause she drinks all my liquor and she steals all the covers And she swears like a sailor If I ever have to bail her out of jail again, Im gonna lose my mind Who needs the aggravation Charlie, take me to the station Get a one-way token on the first thing smokin out of town And go out to East St. Louis, Kansas City, and Chicago Wichita, New Orleans, Baton Rouge, Miami, Florida Downtown Tulsa, Champaigne-Urbana Bangor, all aboard, Houston and Atlanta Goin to Joliet, Bernadette, maybe Philadelphia Picket out to Tittsburgh, any burgh, cheeseburger Springfield Junction, Primrose Lane I may get me a nose-job and change my name

Little boy blue, come blow your horn The dish ran away with the spoon Home again, home again Saturday morn He never gets up before noon Well, she used to render you legal and tender When you used to send her your promises, boy A diller, a dollar, unbutton your collar And come out and holler out all of your noise So little boy blue, come blow your top And cut it right down to the quick Dont sit home and cry on the fourth of July Around now youre hitting the bricks So abracadabra, now she disappeared Everythings Canada dry So watch your behavior and rattle your cage With a bottle of bourbon, goodbye So little boy blue lost little Bo Peep She fell through a hole in the nest Now aint it peculiar that shes finally cooled your big wheels Just like all of the rest Whenever it rains, the umbrellas complain They always get played for a chump So mark it and strike it, shes history now And youre hanging out at the pump Little boy blue, come blow your horn Dish ran away with the spoon Home again, home again Saturday morn He never gets up before noon Well, she used to render you legal and tender When you used to send her your promises, boy A diller, a dollar, unbutton your collar And come out and holler out all of your noise

Well, its hotter than blazes, and all the long faces Therell be no oasis for a dry local grazier Therell be no refreshment for a thirsty jackaroo From Melbourne to Adelaide on the Overlander With newfangled buffet cars and faster locomotives The train stopped in Serviceton less and less often No, theres nothing sadder than a town with no cheer Vic Rail decided the canteen was no longer necessary there No spirits, no bilgewater, and eighty dry locals And the high noon sun beats a hundred and four Theres a hummingbird trapped in a closed down shoe store This tiny Victorian rhubarb kept the waterin hole open for sixty-five years Now its boilin in a miserable March twenty-first Wrapped the hills in a blanket of Patersons curse The train smokes down the xylophone, therell be no stoppin here All you can be is thirsty in a town with no cheer No Bourbon, no Branchwater Though the townspeople here fought her Vic Rail decree tooth and nail Now its boilin in a miserable March twenty-first Wrapped the hills in a blanket of Patersons curse The train smokes down the xylophone, therell be no stoppin here All you can be is thirsty in a town with no cheer

Well the eggs chase the bacon Round the fryin pan And the whinin dog pidgeons By the steeple bell rope And the dogs tipped the garbage pails Over last night And theres always construction work Bothering you In the neighborhood In the neighborhood In the neighborhood Fridays a funeral And saturdays a bride Seys got a pistol on the register side And the goddamn delivery trucks They make too much noise And we dont get our butter Delivered no more In the neighborhood In the neighborhood In the neighborhood Well big mambos kicking His old grey hound And the kids cant get ice cream cause the market burned down And the newspaper sleeping bags Blow down the lane And that goddamn flatbeds Got me pinned in again In the neighborhood In the neighborhood In the neighborhood Theres a couple filipino girls Gigglin by the church And the windoe is busted And the landlord aint home And butch joined the army Yea thats where hes been And the jackhammers diggin Up the sidewalks again In the neighborhood In the neighborhood In the neighborhood

Will you take me across the channel London Bridge is falling down Strange, a woman tries to save What a man will try to drown And hes the rain that they predicted Its the forecast every time The rose has died because you picked it I believe that brandys mine And all over the world Strangers talk only about the weather All over the world Its the same, its the same, its the same The word is getting flatter The sky is falling all around And nothing is the matter For I never cry in town And a love like ours, my dear Is best measured when its down And I never buy umbrellas For theres always one around And you know that its beginning And you know that is the end When once again we are strangers And the fog comes rolling in

If you want Money in your pocket A top hat on your head A hot meal on your table And a blanket on your bed Come to New York City And Im leaving on a train If you want stay behind, wait until I come back again Because all our dreams come true All our dreams come true One, two, three, four Todays grey skies And tomorrow And tomorrow Is tears The moon is up before me The moon is shining bright I want you to remember As I disappear tonight Todays grey skies And tomorrow And tomorrow And tomorrow

You gotta stomp, whistle, and scream You gotta wake right up in your dreams You gotta jump, whittle, and drive Keep that feelin alive You gotta kick, holler, and shout Im gonna tell you what its all about You gotta tell me that you love me Tell me that youre mine Were puttin on the dog tonight Were puttin on the dog tonight Well be puttin on the dog tonight Puttin on puttin on the dog tonight Well be puttin on the dog tonight Well well be puttin on the dog tonight Puttin on the dog Puttin on the dog Well flip, follow, and fly Just do it now and dont ask why You gotta strut, wiggle, and slide Let everyone know that youre alive You gotta crank, gallop, and twist Do it once, youll never resist Tell me that you love me Tell me that youre mine Were puttin on the dog tonight yeah Puttin on the dog tonight, all right Well we could go into a zuki jump Its rainin, it pours Big ol Lincoln with the suicide doors Tip that bottle from the brim to the dregs You aint dancin till you cross your legs Puttin on the dog tonight Well be puttin on the dog tonight Well be puttin on the dog tonight Puttin on the dog tonight Puttin on the dog Ill be puttin on the dog Puttin on the dog

Well I dont mind working Cause I used to be jerkin off Most of my time in the bars Ive been a cabbie and a stock clerk And a soda fountain jock jerk And a manic mechanic on cars Its nice work if you can get it Now who the hell said it I got money to spend on my gal But the work never stops And Ill be busting my chops Working for Joe and Sal And I cant wait to get off work And see my baby She said shed leave the porch lite on for me Im disheveled Im disdainful And Im distracted and its painful But this job sweeping up here is Is gainfully employing me tonight Tom do this and Tom do that Tom, dont do that Count the cash, clean the oven Dump the trash oh your loving Is a rare and a copasetic gift And Im a moonlight watch manic Its hard to be romantic Sweeping up over by the Cigarette machine Sweeping up over by the cigarette machine I cant wait to get off work and see my baby Well shell be waiting up with a magazine for me Clean the bathrooms, clean them good Oh your loving I wish you would Come down here and sweep Ame off my feet This broomll have to be my baby If I hurry, I just might Get off before the dawns early light

When I was a boy, the moon was a pearl the sun a yellow gold But when I was a man, the wind blew cold the hills were upside down But now that I have gone from here theres no place Id rather be Than to float my chances on the tide back in the good old world On octobers last, Ill fly back home rolling down winding way And all Ive gots a pocket full of flowers from my grave But now summer is gone I remember it best Back in the good old world I remember when, she held my hand And we walked home alone in the rain how pretty her mouth, how soft her hair Nothing can be the same and theres a rose upon her breast Where I long to lay my head and her hair was so yellow And the wine was so red back in the good old world

Dont go to church on Sunday Dont get on my knees to pray Dont memorize the books of the Bible I got my own special way But I know Jesus loves me Maybe just a little bit more I fall out on my knees every Sunday At Zerelda Lees candy store Well its got to be a chocolate Jesus Make me feel good inside Got to be a chocolate Jesus Keep me satisfied Well I dont want no Abba Zabba Dont want no Almond Joy There aint nothing better Suitable for this boy Well its the only thing That can pick me up Better than a cup of gold See only a chocolate Jesus Can satisfy my soul When the weather gets rough And its whiskey in the shade Its best to wrap your savior Up in cellophane He flows like the big muddy But thats ok Pour him over ice cream For a nice parfait Well its got to be a chocolate Jesus Good enough for me Got to be a chocolate Jesus Good enough for me Well its got to be a chocolate Jesus Make me feel good inside Got to be a chocolate Jesus Keep me satisfied

You cant unring a bell Junior Itll cost you to get out of this one Junior Shes got big plans that dont include you Take it like a man Cause you you cant unring a bell sucker Youll need an attorney for this journey Junior Hows it feel How do you like it in the slam Youre a little man in a great big town Perhaps you were a little hasty He he he he he he he You cant take back the things you said man Cause you cant unring a bell junior Ah hurts dont it Take it like a man Get it through your head Suffer He he he he he he he

Well I broke down in East St. Louis On the Kansas City line And I drunk up all of my money That I borrowed every time And I fell down at the Derby The nights as black as a crow It was a train that took me away from here But a train cant bring me home What made my dreams so hollow Was standing at the depot With a steeple full of swallows That could never ring the bell And Ive come ten thousand miles away With not one thing to show Well it was a train that took me away from here But a train cant take me home I remember when I left Without bothering to pack You know I up and left With just the clothes I had on my back Now Im so sorry for what Ive done And Im out here on my own Well it was a train that took me away from here But a train cant bring me home It was a train that took me away from here But a train cant bring me home

Clicking by your house about two forty-five Sidewalk sundae, strawberry surprise Got a cherry popsicle right on time I got a big stick, mama, thatll blow your mind Well, Im your ice cream man Im your one-man band Your ice cream man Baby, Ill be good to you If you missed me in the alley, baby, dont you fret Ill be coming back around and dont forget When youre tired and youre hungry and you want something cool I got something better than a swimming pool Im your ice cream man Im your one-man band Im your ice cream man Baby, Ill be good to you If you see me coming and you aint got no change Dont worry, baby, it can be arranged Show me a smile, just for me Ill fix you with a drumstick and Ill do it for free Im your ice cream man Im your one-man band Im your ice cream man And, baby, Ill be good to you If you missed me in the alley, baby, dont you fret Ill be coming back around and dont forget When youre tired and youre hungry and you want something cool I got something better than a swimming pool Im your ice cream man Im your one-man band Im your ice cream man And, baby, Ill be good to you Im your ice cream man Im your one-man band Im your ice cream man Baby, Ill be good to you Im your ice cream man Chocolate and vanilla Im your ice cream man Strawberry fella Im your ice cream man Im your chocolate man Im your black walnuts Hanging from a can Ice cream Sweet dreams Butterscotch Pecan cherry Blackberries Yeah, Im full of them blackberries Im your ice cream ...

Theres a crooked street In Houston town Its a well born path Ive traveled down Now theres ruin in my name I wish I never got off the train I wished Id listened To the words you said Dont go down to Fannin Street Dont go down to Fannin Street Dont go down to Fannin Street Youll be lost and never found You can never turn around Dont go down to Fannin Street Once I held you in my arms I was sure But I took that silent stare Through the guilded door The desire to have much more All the glitter and the roar I know this is where The sidewalk ends Dont go down to Fannin Street Dont go down to Fannin Street Dont go down to Fannin Street Youll be lost and never found You can never turn around Dont go down to Fannin Street When I was young I thought only of getting out I said goodbye to my street Goodbye to my house Give a man gin, give a man cards Give an inch he takes a yard And I rue the day That I stepped off this train Dont go down to Fannin Street Dont go down to Fannin Street Dont go down to Fannin Street Youll be lost and never found You can never turn around Dont go down to Fannin Street

Smelling like a brewery, looking like a tramp Aint got a quarter, got a postage stamp Been five oclock shadow boxing all around the town Talking with the old man, sleeping on the ground Bazanti bootin al zootin al hoot and Al Cohn Sharing this apartment with a telephone pole Fish-net stockings, spike-heel shoes Strip tease, prick tease, car keys blues And the porno floor show, live nude girls Dreamy and creamy and brunette curls Chesty Morgan and Watermelon Rose Raise my rent and take off all your clothes With trench coats, magazines, a bottle full of rum Shes so good, make a dead man come Pasties and a G-string, beer and a shot Portland through a shot glass and a Buffalo squeeze Wrinkles and Cherry and Twinkie and Pinkie and Fifi live from Gay Paree Fanfares, rim shots, back stage, who cares? All this hot burlesque for me Cleavage, cleavage, thighs and hips From the nape of her neck to the lipstick lips Chopped and channeled and lowered and lewd And the cheater slicks and baby moons Shes a-hot and ready, creamy and sugared And the band is awful and so are the tunes Crawling on her belly and shaking like jelly And Im getting harder than Chinese algebrassieres And cheers from the compendium here Hey sweetheart theyre yelling for more Youre squashing out your cigarette butts on the floor And I like Shelly and you like Jane And what was the girl with the snakeskins name? And its an early-bird matinee, come back any day Get you a little something that you cant get at home Get you a little something that you cant get at home Its pasties and a G-string, beer and a shot Portland through a shot glass and a Buffalo squeeze Popcorn, front row, higher than a kite and Ill be back tomorrow night And Ill be back tomorrow night

Books of Moses Bringing stone news Wet in the water Weeping in the sun Books of Moses Got some splinters Didnt you? Books of Moses Brought me right here Back to you Flaming heart Aint it sweet Lighting the world At your feet Books of Moses Myth and truth Books of Moses Bring me back to you Heros welcome There stands your king Where the serpent shudders And the angels sing Books of Moses Happening again Yes he knows us Well welcome him Your friend Books of Moses Bringing stone news Wet is the water Blood covering the sun Books of Moses Myth and truth Books of Moses Bring me back to you

She wore red shoes by the newsstand The rain splashed the nickel It spilled like chablis all along the midway Theres a little bluejay Wearing red shoes on a sad night One straw in a root beer A compact with a cracked mirror A bottle of evening in Paris perfume What is this sad tune He told her to wait in by the magazines For he told her to wait for the magazines Bring a raincoat Bring a suitcase Bring your dark eyes Wear those red shoes red shoes red shoes Red shoes red shoes red shoes red shoes Theres a dark huddle at the bus stop Umbrellas arranged in a sad bouquet Caesar got caught Little Caesar got caught going down to second Little Caesar got caught going down to second He was cooled Changing stations on the chamber To steal a diamond ring from a jewelry store for his baby He loved the way she looked in those red shoes He loved the way she looked in those red shoes He loved the way she looked in those red shoes Red shoes red shoes You got to meet me tonight by the drugstore baby Meet me tonight by the drugstore baby Going out tonight Going out tonight wear those red shoes Going out tonight put on those red shoes Going out tonight put on those red shoes Red shoes red shoes red shoes red shoes red shoes Now the hounds splash the nickel full of soldiers Now Santa Claus is drunk in the ski room And its Christmas Eve in a sad café When the moon gets its way Theres a little blue jay by the news-stand Wearing red shoes She wearing red shoes You got to meet me tonight by the drugstore baby Meet me tonight by the drugstore baby Going out tonight Put on your red shoes Put on your red shoes Put on your red shoes Put on your red shoes Put on your red shoes Red shoes red shoes red shoes red shoes red shoes Red shoes Put on your red shoes baby Red shoes red shoes red shoes red shoes red shoes Red shoes red shoes red shoes red shoes red shoes Red shoes red shoes red shoes red shoes red shoes

He can run faster than a fax machine His urine is blue He smells like a campfire He was once slapped by the Queen He has walked the equivalent of three times Around the Earth Like Keith, the Phengaris rebeli caterpillar strums His bottom like a guitar and the chord attracts females At one concert in Java in the 70s Men screamed, women fainted, and a small boy Broke his arm in the chaos And it rained thousands of black worms the size of Honeybees He wrote his share of the songs from Sticky Fingers In a henhouse in Malta He once won the Hope Diamond in a poker game And in the same night lost it in a game of craps He owns a lug wrench and a tire jack made of solid gold He was born in a cloak room and had always been prone To fits of weeping followed by hysterical laughter One of his first jobs was cleaning out the lion cage At the London Zoo Like the praying mantis he has only one ear and It is located between his legs He can hold a note up to 6 minutes and has 7 or 8 notes More than the ordinary voice And they are equally sonorous and clear Hands like a woodworker Arms like a swabby A back like a soldier A mind like a detective Shoulders like a boxer A voice like a choir boy And a country western face His tunings are furiously guarded secrets He claims one open tuning he utilizes was inspired While waiting for a train in Detroit In a vacant lot, the remains of a barbed wire fence Were half circling the remains of an old foundry And there, amidst tin cans, old mattresses and dolls heads It occurred to Keith that a guitar is -------At its most rudimentary level------- Wire that has been stretched across wood that when Strummed produces a pleasant relationship between Disparate components Noticing the wire fence in effect contained these same Ingredients, Keith took the lid of a discarded paint can and Strummed the tightly stretched fence wires Violently, rhythmically, and repeatedly Thus satisfying hhis curiosity and releasing the peculiar Voicings of the chord we all know to be the chord At the beginning of Jumpin Jack Flash Transcribing the notes and adapting them for guitar, Keith lost none of the angular chords mystifying and Natural jaggedness and thus, the fence chord was born Keith once took my 10,000 dollar overcoat To put down across a mud puddle To allow an octogenarian laundress Named Clementine Moorehouse to cross the street Comfortably Thats Keith always the gentleman

Well, you gassed her up, behind the wheel With your arm around your sweet one in your Oldsmobile Barreling down the boulevard Youre looking for the heart of Saturday night And you got paid on Friday, your pockets are jingling Then you see the lights and you get all tingling Cause youre cruising with a six Youre looking for the heart of Saturday night Then you comb your hair, you shave your face Trying to wipe out every trace Of all the other days in the week You know that thisll be the Saturday youre reaching your peak Stopping on the red, youre going on the green Cause tonight will be like nothing youve ever seen And youre barreling down the boulevard Youre looking for the heart of Saturday night Tell me, is it the crack of the pool balls, neon buzzing Telephones ringing, its your second cousin Is it the barmaid thats smiling from the corner of her eye Magic of the melancholy tear in your eye Makes it kind of quiver down in the core Cause youre dreaming of them Saturdays that came before And now youre stumbling Youre stumbling onto the heart of Saturday night You gassed her up and youre behind the wheel With your arm around your sweet one in your Oldsmobile Barreling down the boulevard Youre looking for the heart of Saturday night Is it the crack of the pool balls, neon buzzing Telephones ringing, its your second cousin And the barmaid is smiling from the corner of her eye Magic of the melancholy tear in your eye Makes it kind of special down in the core And youre dreaming of them Saturdays that came before Its found you stumbling Stumbling onto the heart of Saturday night And youre stumbling Stumbling onto the heart of Saturday night