jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Yes! Yes, Mr. Bergstrom?
Lisa, your homework is always so neat. How can I put this? Does your father help you with it?
No. Homework's not my father's specialty.
Well, there's no shame in it. I mean my Dad could really --
Not mine.
You didn't let me finish.
Unless the next word was burp, you didn't have to.
In a sample taken in this very classroom, a state inspector found 1.74 parts per million of asbestos --
That's not enough! We demand more asbestos! More Asbestos!
Wow! You made the front page.
Aw, Dad. It's just a popularity contest.
Just a popularity contest?! Excuse me, what's more important than popularity? Now, Bart, do you really think you can win?
Sure, why not?
Woo woo! All right! I always knew you had personality. The doctors said it was hyperactivity, but I knew better. President Simpson. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it, boy?
Hm, yeah.
Now, go get 'em.
He says, there aren't any easy answers! I say, he's not looking hard enough!
Oh, you'll never go broke appealing to the lowest common denominator.
You're going to miss your brother's antics.
When? When your life takes you places the rest of us have only heard about.
Places where my intelligence will be an asset, not a liability?
Yes, there is such a place, believe me. It's true.
I believe everything you say, with your words, your body language and your Semitic good looks.
"Dear Miss Hoover: You have Lyme disease. We miss you. Kevin's biting me. Come back soon. Here is a drawing of a spirochete. Love, Ralph."
Oh, that's great, Ralph!
Hey, kids. I've learned that in two weeks the Springfield Museum of Natural History will be closing forever due to a lack of interest. I urge you to see it while you can.
Hmmm, Lisa needs to go to the museum tomorrow, and I think you should take her.
The Museum!
Hmmm huh.
Tomorrow... ugh; oh, Marge, I'd love to, but I was planning on... sleeping... eating a big sandwich... watching T.V... spending some time with the boy. Spending time with the boy. The boy needs attention, Marge.
Homer, I've been talking to Lisa and I'm concerned about your relationship with her.
Me, too, Mom. I think they're drifting apart.
Shut up, boy.
Homer, please.
Marge, you don't understand. I can't do it because... you're trapped. If you were smarter, you might think of something, but you're not so you just might as well... all right! All right! I'll take her. Lousy brain.
Hey, what do you mean by, "Suggested Donation"?
Pay any amount you wish, sir.
And what if I "wish" to pay zero?
Then it's up to you.
Oooh, so it's up to me, is it?
I see, and you think that people are gonna pay you four dollars and fifty cents, even though they don't have to, just out of the goodness of their... Well, anything you say! Good luck, lady! You're gonna need it!
Mr. Bergstrom!
Hi, Lisa.
Hey! You don't have to pay! Read the sign!
And this must be your father.
His teeth had jagged edges to rip through your body, but he could've swallowed you whole!
Actually, Mr. Simpson, they do know a great deal about the process of mummification. First, they pulled the brain out through the nose with an iron hook, and stuffed the insides with sawdust and onions!
Ewww. Gross.
Ohh, pretty creepy. Still, I'd rather have him chasing me than of the Wolf Man.
Oh Lord.
Mr. Simpson... I'm gonna be presumptuous. I have noticed that Lisa seems to feel she has no strong male role model.
She said that?
Well, no, she didn't say it, but, you know, she...
But you can tell, right? She looks around and sees everybody else's dad with a good education, youthful looks and a clean credit record and thinks, "Why me? What did I do to deserve this fat old piece of -- "
Mr. Simpson, you have got to be a bigger man. There is a wonderful girl's future at stake.
Well, if she's so wonderful, give her an A.
I am giving her an A.
Great. But don't tell her it was a favor to me. Tell her she earned it.
Mr. Simpson, she did earn it.
You are smooth. I'll give you that.
He ruined the one chance I had of getting to know Mr. Bergstrom outside of school.
Well... I'll tell you what. Why don't we invite Mr. Bergstrom to dinner?
Oh, Mom, that's wonderful. Can I find out his favorite dish and help you make it!
Can I wear your jewelry?
Can I get my ears pierced?
Can I dye my shoes pink?
Can I paint my nails?
Can we have wine?
Can I have wine?
Does Bart have to be there?
Can we do it this week?
Mr. Bergstrom, we request the pleasure of your company... no... Mr. Bergstrom, if you're not doing anything this Friday... no... Mr. Bergstrom, do you like pork chops... oh no, of course you wouldn't...
Good morning, Lisa.
I'm back.
You see, class, my Lyme disease turned out to be...
Psy-cho-so-ma-tic.
Does that mean you were crazy?
No, that means she was faking it.

Yes! Yes, Mr. Bergstrom?

Lisa, your homework is always so neat. How can I put this? Does your father help you with it?

No. Homework's not my father's specialty.

Well, there's no shame in it. I mean my Dad could really --

Not mine.

You didn't let me finish.

Unless the next word was burp, you didn't have to.

In a sample taken in this very classroom, a state inspector found 1.74 parts per million of asbestos --

That's not enough! We demand more asbestos! More Asbestos!

Wow! You made the front page.

Aw, Dad. It's just a popularity contest.

Just a popularity contest?! Excuse me, what's more important than popularity? Now, Bart, do you really think you can win?

Sure, why not?

Woo woo! All right! I always knew you had personality. The doctors said it was hyperactivity, but I knew better. President Simpson. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it, boy?

Hm, yeah.

Now, go get 'em.

He says, there aren't any easy answers! I say, he's not looking hard enough!

Oh, you'll never go broke appealing to the lowest common denominator.

You're going to miss your brother's antics.

When? When your life takes you places the rest of us have only heard about.

Places where my intelligence will be an asset, not a liability?

Yes, there is such a place, believe me. It's true.

I believe everything you say, with your words, your body language and your Semitic good looks.

"Dear Miss Hoover: You have Lyme disease. We miss you. Kevin's biting me. Come back soon. Here is a drawing of a spirochete. Love, Ralph."

Oh, that's great, Ralph!

Hey, kids. I've learned that in two weeks the Springfield Museum of Natural History will be closing forever due to a lack of interest. I urge you to see it while you can.

Hmmm, Lisa needs to go to the museum tomorrow, and I think you should take her.

The Museum!

Hmmm huh.

Tomorrow... ugh; oh, Marge, I'd love to, but I was planning on... sleeping... eating a big sandwich... watching T.V... spending some time with the boy. Spending time with the boy. The boy needs attention, Marge.

Homer, I've been talking to Lisa and I'm concerned about your relationship with her.

Me, too, Mom. I think they're drifting apart.

Shut up, boy.

Homer, please.

Marge, you don't understand. I can't do it because... you're trapped. If you were smarter, you might think of something, but you're not so you just might as well... all right! All right! I'll take her. Lousy brain.

Hey, what do you mean by, "Suggested Donation"?

Pay any amount you wish, sir.

And what if I "wish" to pay zero?

Then it's up to you.

Oooh, so it's up to me, is it?

I see, and you think that people are gonna pay you four dollars and fifty cents, even though they don't have to, just out of the goodness of their... Well, anything you say! Good luck, lady! You're gonna need it!

Mr. Bergstrom!

Hi, Lisa.

Hey! You don't have to pay! Read the sign!

And this must be your father.

His teeth had jagged edges to rip through your body, but he could've swallowed you whole!

Actually, Mr. Simpson, they do know a great deal about the process of mummification. First, they pulled the brain out through the nose with an iron hook, and stuffed the insides with sawdust and onions!

Ewww. Gross.

Ohh, pretty creepy. Still, I'd rather have him chasing me than of the Wolf Man.

Oh Lord.

Mr. Simpson... I'm gonna be presumptuous. I have noticed that Lisa seems to feel she has no strong male role model.

She said that?

Well, no, she didn't say it, but, you know, she...

But you can tell, right? She looks around and sees everybody else's dad with a good education, youthful looks and a clean credit record and thinks, "Why me? What did I do to deserve this fat old piece of -- "

Mr. Simpson, you have got to be a bigger man. There is a wonderful girl's future at stake.

Well, if she's so wonderful, give her an A.

I am giving her an A.

Great. But don't tell her it was a favor to me. Tell her she earned it.

Mr. Simpson, she did earn it.

You are smooth. I'll give you that.

He ruined the one chance I had of getting to know Mr. Bergstrom outside of school.

Well... I'll tell you what. Why don't we invite Mr. Bergstrom to dinner?

Oh, Mom, that's wonderful. Can I find out his favorite dish and help you make it!

Can I wear your jewelry?

Can I get my ears pierced?

Can I dye my shoes pink?

Can I paint my nails?

Can we have wine?

Can I have wine?

Does Bart have to be there?

Can we do it this week?

Mr. Bergstrom, we request the pleasure of your company... no... Mr. Bergstrom, if you're not doing anything this Friday... no... Mr. Bergstrom, do you like pork chops... oh no, of course you wouldn't...

Good morning, Lisa.

I'm back.

You see, class, my Lyme disease turned out to be...

Psy-cho-so-ma-tic.

Does that mean you were crazy?

No, that means she was faking it.