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Citation, DOI & article data Testicular sarcoidosis is more common in African-American patients, as are other forms of sarcoidosis 1. Up to 5% of patients with chronic sarcoidosis have evidence of testicular disease on autopsy 2. Patients may be asymptomatic or present with pain or a mass 2. Testicular sarcoidosis should be considered in cases where there are multiple masses in the testis and epididymis 3. On ultrasound, enlarged epididymides and multiple nodules with decreased echogenicity can be expected 2. Expected findings on MRI include 2: T1 C+ (Gd) - enlarged epididymides - may be unilateral and solitary, however, more often are multiple, small, bilateral nodular lesions - enhancing with contrast - T2: as above however lesions show low signal intensity Treatment and prognosis Excluding a testicular malignancy and preserving fertility are the main goals of treatment 1. - 1. Rao PK, Sabanegh ES. Genitourinary sarcoidosis. (2009) Reviews in urology. 11 (2): 108-13. Pubmed - 2. Woodward PJ, Sohaey R, O'Donoghue MJ, Green DE. From the archives of the AFIP: tumors and tumorlike lesions of the testis: radiologic-pathologic correlation. (2002) Radiographics : a review publication of the Radiological Society of North America, Inc. 22 (1): 189-216. doi:10.1148/radiographics.22.1.g02ja14189 - Pubmed - 3. Koyama T, Ueda H, Togashi K, Umeoka S, Kataoka M, Nagai S. Radiologic manifestations of sarcoidosis in various organs. (2004) Radiographics : a review publication of the Radiological Society of North America, Inc. 24 (1): 87-104. doi:10.1148/rg.241035076 - Pubmed

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Cancer Counseling Hotline |Vietnam||Tiếng Việt English| Early detection of cancer is important. If a cancer is found in its early stages, it can greatly increase the chances of successful treatment. There is a wide range of tests that can be done to check for cancer cells in a patient’s body. People of a certain age, especially those who are at high risk of getting cancer, are advised to go for regular screenings. But screening tests can sometimes also help in preventing cancer from developing in the first place. Parkway Cancer Centre’s Dr Zee Ying Kiat looks at two screening tests that can help you prevent cancer. Large intestinal or colorectal cancer is the most common cancer in Singapore, with about 1,200 new cases diagnosed each year. At the same time, it is also one of the most treatable and preventable forms of cancer if it is detected early. A large majority of colorectal cancers arise due to adenomatous polyps, gland-like growths which develop on the mucous membrane lining the large intestine. Adenomatous polyps generally do not display any symptoms and they are present in as many as one in four men by the time they turn 50. The prevalence increases with age. The time taken for these polyps to become malignant is usually between five to 10 years. This means that colorectal cancer has a significant period of detectable premalignant phase before the polyps become cancerous. One of the most common screening tests for colorectal cancer is a colonoscopy. This is when a thin, flexible tube known as a colonoscope is inserted through the rectum to allow doctors to look at the inner lining of the patient’s large intestine. A colonoscopy can be done within 15 minutes. Before the procedure, the patient’s bowel must first be thoroughly cleaned. This is usually done the day before or the same morning as the colonoscopy. The patient will be given medication to induce diarrhoea. Patients usually feel only a little pain although mild sedation is typically given to relieve the patient’s discomfort or anxiety. Most patients can resume their regular diet later in the day and there is hardly any down time. Most polyps can be removed during colonoscopy, avoiding the need for surgery to remove the growths. A Pap test, also called a Pap smear, is a simple procedure to test for cervical cancer where the doctor gently brushes cells from the narrow neck of the cervix and sends the sample to the laboratory to examine for any changes in the cervix, which is the opening of the uterus or womb. Two days before the Pap smear, avoid sexual intercourse, douching, or using any vaginal medicines or spermicidal foams, creams or jellies as these may wash away or obscure abnormal cells. Avoid scheduling a Pap test if you are menstruating. The test takes only a few minutes and is usually not painful although it can be a bit uncomfortable as an instrument is inserted into the vagina to hold it open so that the cervix can be seen clearly. A plastic spatula and small brush are used to collect cells from the cervix. The cells are then tested and results are usually out in a few days up to a couple of weeks. The Pap smear detects pre-cancers before they become invasive cancer. Pre-cancers can be treated, preventing cervical cancer before it begins. Experts say that cervical cancer is one of the most easily preventable cancers and the best way to do this is to get a Pap test done regularly. While colonoscopy and Pap smear can help prevent cancer, other tests for cancer such as mammograms, blood tests and CT scans are equally important in the fight against cancer. Very often, cancer which is detected early can be nipped in the bud and patients go on to live normal lives after that. Many studies over the years have consistently shown that a patient’s chance of survival greatly increases when cancer is detected early. With late detection, cancer cells may have a higher chance of spreading to other parts of the body, complicating the treatment process. For example, studies on bowel, breast and ovarian cancers have all shown that more than nine in 10 patients with an early diagnosis of these cancers survive beyond five years, compared with only about one in 10 for those diagnosed with the most advanced stage of the cancer. Written by Ben Tan |POSTED IN||Cancer Prevention| |TAGS||cancer screening, cancerous polyps, colonoscopy, common cancer, mammogram, pap smears, prevent cancer| |READ MORE ABOUT||Cervical Cancer, Colorectal Cancer|

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The Society of Laparoscopic and Robotic Surgeons (SLS) was founded on the premise that members of individual surgical specialties can best advance their expertise by sharing their experiences, knowledge, and techniques with each other as well as with members of other surgical specialties. This non-profit, multidisciplinary and multispecialty educational organization was established in 1990 through the leadership and vision of Paul Alan Wetter, MD and Janis Chinnock Wetter to provide an open forum for surgeons and other health professionals interested in minimally invasive surgery and therapy. SLS endeavors to improve patient care and promote the highest standards of practice through education, training, and information distribution. SLS provides a forum for the introduction, discussion and dissemination of new and established ideas, techniques and therapies in laparoscopic, endoscopic, robotic, and minimally invasive surgical techniques and technologies. A fundamental goal of SLS is to ensure that its members have access to the newest ideas and approaches in these evolving fields. SLS’ unique multispecialty focus provides a comprehensive view of minimal access therapies to promote improved patient outcomes. SLS has grown to become a vibrant, global, professional organization with a, virtual in-house publishing staff, equipped with state-of-the-art computing and web tools to produce innovative and journals, meetings, textbooks and websites, as well as a resource for postgraduate training fellowships in advanced minimally invasive and robotic surgery, and surgical simulation JSLS – JOURNAL OF THE SOCIETY OF LAPAROSCOPIC & ROBOTIC SURGEONS, is a widely viewed and read MIS Journal, with over 1.5 Million downloads in 2019 and with an impact factor of 1.65. JSLS is under the editorial leadership of Michael S. Kavic, MD. This peer reviewed journal was first published in January 1997. It is available online with open access for download. Recognized around the world as a leading MIS publication, JSLS continues to expand and has repeatedly placed in the TOP 100 of 15,000 scientific publications on IngentaConnect for full-text downloads. This is a monumental achievement for a specialty society journal. Prevention & Management of Laparoendoscopic Surgical Complications is a Textbook originally published in 1999, with a Second Edition in 2006. It has been translated into Chinese and Portuguese and is popular around the world. The online version of the first edition was the first of its kind to also be published online, with advanced Web 2.0+ features, including the ability for any Surgeon to access the open access information from their computer, cell phone or other mobile device. The third edition, PM3, was introduced on the SLS website in 2011. Its features include electronic translation to 23 languages, with open access portability and ability to be downloaded to electronic devices, embedded videos, social networking, complete web searchability, and local searchability. PM3 was expanded to 72 chapters by 131 distinguished authors. The fourth edition, PM4.0 was launched in 2012. PM4.0 as one of the first interactive iBook Textbooks for iPad. It incorporates the text from PM3 and adds in more features to make the book even more interactive and easier to navigate. SLS – The Future of MIS At SLS, We Don’t Wait For The Future…We Create It. The Society of Laparoscopic and Robotic Surgeons (SLS) is a non-profit, multidisciplinary and multispecialty educational organization established to provide an open forum for surgeons and other health professionals interested in minimally invasive surgery and therapy. SLS endeavors to improve patient care and promote the highest standards of practice through education, training, and information distribution. SLS provides a forum for the introduction, discussion and dissemination of new and established ideas, techniques and therapies in minimal access surgery. A fundamental goal of SLS is ensuring that its members have access to the newest ideas and approaches, as rapidly as possible. SLS makes information available from national and international experts through its publications, videos, conferences, and other electronic media. - Provide an efficient, centralized source of information and instruction for surgeons and other health professionals through high quality educational opportunities, publications, videos, website content, and other electronic media. - Promote continuous improvements in the standards of practice of laparoendoscopic surgery through education and training. - Encourage scientific study and its publication. - Recognize individuals who have made outstanding contributions to minimal access surgery. - Encourage and support hospitals, medical schools, postgraduate educational programs and other entities in the provision of high-quality programs and training in laparoendoscopic surgery and related techniques. - Collaborate with other organizations to maximize benefit to our members, other health professionals and patients. The Society of Laparoscopic and Robotic Surgeons (SLS) is a non-profit, multidisciplinary and multispecialty educational organization established to provide an open forum for surgeons and other health professionals interested in minimally invasive surgery and therapy. SLS is committed to attaining the highest standards of educational quality. PURPOSE: The purpose of our CME program is to: - Stimulate interest, inform, enhance skills, and foster the productive exchange of ideas, approaches, and experiences among practitioners who use and contribute to laparoscopic, endoscopic, and minimally invasive surgery. - Enhance the quality of teaching and learning in laparoscopic, endoscopic, and minimally invasive surgery. - Focus on the knowledge, competence or performance needs of practitioners to improve practice and clinical outcomes. - Improve the quality, safety and outcomes of patient care through educational opportunities and bridges with other entities and stakeholders. CONTENT AREAS: SLS is an educational and information dissemination organization, focusing mainly on those issues, techniques, skills, and strategies that will enhance the quality of laparoscopic, endoscopic and minimally invasive surgery and improve the ability of physicians to prevent and manage complications related to these procedures. SLS content will improve the quality of patient care by increasing clinical competence and performance by increasing the knowledge of participating practitioners and by striving to identify and reduce the barriers to change. TARGET AUDIENCE: Our primary audience is comprised of physicians in various specialties, who use or who want to use laparoscopic, endoscopic, and/or minimally invasive surgical techniques, including those who teach in this field. Our secondary audience is comprised of other health professionals, including nurses, technicians, midlevel providers, and others, who work with and support those who make up our primary audience. TYPE OF ACTIVITIES: SLS fulfills its CME mission through interactive, innovative educational conferences, postgraduate courses, and workshops using experts in laparoscopic, endoscopic, and minimally invasive surgery and in education as presenters, faculty, workshop leaders, and as facilitators of the exchange of information and understanding among peers. SLS interacts with other national and international professional organizations with similar goals to promote professional dialogue and understanding that will catalyze change and improve patient care. EXPECTED RESULTS: SLS endeavors to continually improve and expand its educational offerings in its role as a leader in laparoscopic, endoscopic, and minimally invasive surgical education. The CME programs offered will be consistent with the intent of the essential requirements for CME of per ACCME criteria. Measurement of continuous improvement in these activities will be developed and will include, but not be limited to, the following indicators: - Participant evaluation average scores of at least 4.0 or 80% (out of 5.0) with regard to content quality and relevance, and appropriate teaching methodology for its CME activities. - Improvement in the educational content of its CME activities by enlisting experts in the field to review course offerings and incorporating adult education strategies in its programming. - Increased interaction among the various specialties that use minimally invasive techniques and with professional and specialty organizations with similar interests and goals. - Increased attendance by the target audience in its programs, and hits to the SLS website. - Increased knowledge and comprehension of minimally invasive surgery procedures and techniques for the targeted audience as measured by a sampling of periodic course testing or a sampling of skills testing by simulation as may be appropriate to the educational activity. - Increased knowledge of strategies to recognize, address and minimize potential complications of minimally invasive surgery as measured by a sampling of periodic course testing or a sampling of skills testing by simulation as may be appropriate to the educational activity. - Evaluation of the impact on improvements in patient safety, quality improvement and clinical outcomes by monitoring publications in the peer reviewed literature and/or through studies conducted in collaboration with other organizations or entities as may be relevant to these topics. - Opportunities for the exchange and transfer of information to professionals, as well as to the general public, as is appropriate and prudent through the website, publications and other activities. SLS CME PROCESS In order to provide a high level of continuing medical education for its members, the Society of Laparoscopic and Robotic Surgeons (SLS) follows the Criteria of the Accreditation Council for Continuing Medical Education. To help as a planning guide, SLS has a CME mission statement, which includes the CME purpose, content areas, target audience and type of activities provided. SLS also identifies the expected results of its CME Program. This is reviewed on at least an annual basis, by the CME committee, Board of trustees and CME staff and published in activity syllabi. SLS identifies the educational needs and desired results for all CME activities. This is done using numerous methods, a needs assessment, which encompasses surveys of members, post conference evaluation sessions with feedback from faculty, participants, board members, and other experts as well as literature reviews. A statement of purpose or objectives is provided to the learners so that they are informed prior to the activity. This is usually provided in the conference brochure. The effectiveness of the CME activity in meeting the identified educational needs is accomplished by participant evaluations which are summarized and evaluated by the CME committee, Board of Trustees, Faculty, Program Directors, and CME Administrative Team (CAT). Input is also obtained from correspondence, and post conference evaluation sessions, which is a separate short meeting at the conclusion of each CME activity. Based on this and other information the CME process is reviewed several times a year by the CAT, Board of Trustees, CME Committee and Education Committee and recommendations are made for improvements to the CME program. SLS has an organizational structure that supports our CME Program. An organization chart outlines the various resources and how they function. This chart shows the relationship of the Staff, CME Committee, Education Committee, and Board of Trustees with regard to CME. There is also a written business and management policy manual that relates to human resources, financial affairs and legal obligations. This helps SLS administer to these obligations and ensures that obligations are met. Information on disclosure and commercial support is provided to learners before participation in the CME activity, so that participants are made aware at the time of presentations of any relationships that speakers have with commercial interests. In order to achieve a level of CME excellence for our members SLS has developed a “Template of Excellence”. This document lists various examples of innovative ideas that SLS utilizes to exceed the basic level of compliance required by the ACCME. SLS looks forward to input from its learners in order to continue to improve these processes and provide meaningful continuing medical education in minimally invasive surgery. SLS’ AIDE Initiative ACCOUNTABILITY, INCLUSION, DIVERSITY & EQUITY A commitment to diversity, inclusion and equity is critical to the practice of medicine and the provision of high quality patient care. The mission of SLS is to promote excellence in patient care by providing an open forum for surgeons and other health professionals interested in minimally invasive surgery and therapy through the introduction, discussion and dissemination of new and established ideas, techniques and therapies in minimal access surgery. Without a dedicated commitment to the advancement of diversity, inclusion and equity across health care, such a mission cannot be approached in a way that ensures the needs of all individuals are met such that they are able to thrive. Efforts and initiatives are needed to increase diversity in the medical workforce and ensuring that workforce and leadership representation reflects the diversity of the US population. Bias and discrimination based upon background, race, color, age, disability, gender, gender identity, gender expression, genetic information, national origin, sex, sexual orientation, religion or veteran status should be opposed. SLS pledges a commitment to diversity, inclusion and equity. SLS recognizes that efforts and initiatives are needed to increase diversity in the medical workforce, that the pipeline of underrepresented students entering graduate school, medical school, residency programs and advanced fellowships needs to be increased, and that inclusive curricula in undergraduate, graduate and continuing medical education needs to address the unique health concerns of underrepresented individuals. SLS supports the eradication of bias, the development of policies that promote diversity and inclusion, and diverse educational programming. Opportunities for structural change include: joint collaboration with educational institutions and like-minded organizations, development of mentorship networks and resources, facilitation of educational opportunities for basic and advanced training in MIS and robotic techniques and technologies, and efforts to increase representation of skin of color, others underrepresented in medicine, and advancement of women in medicine and surgery, among others.

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Our keepers are constantly on the lookout for any abnormalities in the collections they oversee. So when a bird is sick in an aviary, they notice. Recently a couple of diamond doves (Genopelia cuneata) were brought to the veterinary hospital due to weakness and/or neurologic signs. The next line of defense in animal health are the clinical veterinarians. Some would say they’ve seen it all given the diversity of rare and endangered species they’ve cared for over the years. This case would argue in favor of that, as they quickly suspected the cause of the doves’ clinical signs to be due to a parasitic infection and began treatment. These diamond doves were heavily infected, and thus the treatment the clinical veterinarians implemented was not able to save them. However, post mortem exams by the Disease Investigations team were able to confirm the vet’s diagnosis by identifying the characteristic parasites in the muscle of the birds (Figure 1). The culprit: Sarcocystis. This infectious organism represents a large group of protozoal parasites that infect many animals, both wild and domestic. The life cycle is complex, but involves both a predator species and a prey species. The parasite replicates in the intestine of the predator, and infective “oocysts” (eggs) are passed in the feces into the environment. Here, a prey species can ingest oocysts, which then spread the parasite to multiple tissues in its body. While the parasite can go anywhere, one particular tissue of interest is the skeletal muscle (“Sarco-“ comes from the Greek word meaning “flesh” and “cystis” indicates the parasite encysts itself in the flesh. Gross). Now the prey’s flesh is loaded with the parasite, and the predator comes along, eats it, and voila! – the parasite has successfully propagated itself. Unfortunately, when the parasite is spreading throughout the body and encysting in the tissue, the body treats it like any other infection and tries to combat it. The subsequent tissue damage can be fatal, especially when organs like the brain, lungs, and heart are involved. It is helpful to identify the specific infection affecting the birds, so we can take additional steps for prevention. There are several predators that can pass the parasite in their feces and contaminate an environment. We used molecular techniques to speciate the parasite and identify it as Sarcocystis calchasi. This is important in order to predict WHICH predator it likely came from. In this case, the species of parasite indicates that the predator host was a raptor (a predatory bird like a hawk, falcon or eagle – not a velociraptor for you Jurassic Park fans). We’ve seen this parasite in the feces of both sharp-shinned hawks and Cooper’s hawks found on Zoo grounds. Opossums are notorious for harboring different types of Sarcocystis dangerous to many animals (such as S. neurona, the cause of equine protozoal encephalomyelopathy or “EPM,” which is a big deal to horse owners), but we can let them off the hook in this case. Because we were able to rapidly identify this infection, several other birds exhibiting signs of disease were successfully treated. Go team!

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Adenocarcinoma of the gallbladder combined with a malignant peripheral nerve sheath tumor (MPNST) in the gallbladder in an 81-year-old woman is reported. The resected gallbladder showed two distinct tumor components, the epithelioid type of MPNST and adenocarcinoma with areas of mucin production. Although the immediate postoperative course was uneventful, a pathologic fracture of her right upper femur developed 4 months after the cholecystectomy. The pathology was determined to be a feature of metastatic MPNST rather than of adenocarcinoma. A whole body bone scan revealed multiple metastases, including the left parietal skull, left ninth rib, seventh thoracic vertebra, and right upper third of the femur. Despite cholecystectomy and postoperative irradiation therapy, she died 6 months after diagnosis of the tumor. Without an autopsy the primary site of the MPNST was unknown. We found that the prognosis was very poor in patients with distal metastatic MPNST, especially in older patients. |Number of pages||4| |Journal||Journal of the Formosan Medical Association = Taiwan yi zhi| |Publication status||Published - Jul 1997| - gallbladder neoplasm - malignant peripheral nerve sheath tumor ASJC Scopus subject areas

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This study prospectively evaluates the efficacy and complications of the percutaneous pneumothorax catheter. Twenty-five patients were treated with the percutaneous catheter for 19 episodes of spontaneous or iatrogenic pneumothorax, six malignant effusions, and one infected bulla. The catheter was effective in all but a single episode of spontaneous or iatrogenic pneumothorax and was especially useful in three patients with tension pneumothorax. Further experience is required to define fully its feasibility in the treatment of malignant effusions or infected bullae. The ease of insertion, good response, and low incidence of complications suggest that this catheter may be a useful alternative to tube thoracostomy in selected situations. ASJC Scopus subject areas - Pulmonary and Respiratory Medicine - Critical Care and Intensive Care Medicine - Cardiology and Cardiovascular Medicine

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The Peutz–Jeghers syndrome is an autosomal dominant hereditary disease characterized by hamartomatous polyps of the gastrointestinal tract and by mucocutaneous melanin deposits. The frequency of cancer in this syndrome has not been studied extensively. Therefore, we investigated 31 patients with the Peutz–Jeghers syndrome who were followed from 1973 to 1985. All cases of cancer were verified by histopathological review. Cancer developed in 15 of the 31 patients (48 percent) — gastrointestinal carcinomas in 4, nongastrointestinal carcinomas in 10, and multiple myeloma In 1. In addition, adenomatous polyps of the stomach and colon occurred in three other patients. The cancers were diagnosed when the patients were relatively young, but after the Peutz–Jeghers syndrome had been diagnosed (interval between diagnoses, 25±20 years; range, 1 to 64). According to relative-risk analysis, the observed development of cancer in the patients with the syndrome was 18 times greater than expected in the general population (P<0.0001). Our results suggest that patients with the Peutz–Jeghers syndrome have an increased risk for the development of cancer at gastrointestinal and nongastrointestinal sites. (N Engl J Med 1987; 316:1511–4.), THE Peutz–Jeghers syndrome is an autosomal dominant disease characterized by hamartomatous polyps in the gastrointestinal tract and by mucocutaneous melanin pigmentation.1 2 3 The hamartomatous polyps were initially thought to have little potential for malignancy, and the disease was believed to have a relatively benign course.4 Reports in the medical literature, however, have associated the syndrome with gastrointestinal carcinoma5,6 and malignant tumors of the breast.7 8 9 10 11 12 Some of these studies have underscored unusual types of associated tumors, such as the ovarian sex-cord tumor with annular tubules and adenoma malignum of the cervix.13,14 In addition, two cases of the very rare Sertoli-cell tumor of…. ASJC Scopus subject areas

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An event intended to raise awareness for one of the leading causes of cancer deaths in women is planned for next month in Rogers. September is National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, and First Security Bank will host a “Teal Talk” luncheon at John Q. Hammons Center Tuesday, Sept. 8, with some of of the leading OB/GYN and Women’s Health professionals in the region providing information on ovarian cancer prevention, detection, treatment and recovery. According to the American Cancer Society, ovarian cancer is the fifth leading cause of cancer deaths in women age 35-74. One in 72 women will develop ovarian cancer in their lifetimes. In Arkansas, approximately 200 women are diagnosed with ovarian cancer each year, and 150 deaths occur per year from this disease. There is currently no early detection test for ovarian cancer. Until there is a test, the key to early diagnosis is awareness. The key to awareness is knowing the subtle symptoms of ovarian cancer and urging women to take early action. Unfortunately, most cases are diagnosed in their later stages when the prognosis is poor. However, if diagnosed and treated early, when the cancer is confined to the ovary, the five-year survival rate is over 90 percent. That is why it is imperative that the early signs and symptoms of the disease are recognized, not only by women, but also by their families and the medical community. Participants in the Q&A roundtable discussion include Dr. Todd Hannah, OB/GYN with LifeSpring Women’s Healthcare; Dr. Joseph Ivy, gynecologic oncologist with Highlands Oncology Group; Dr. Toni Terry, OB/GYN with Parkhill Clinic; Miki Biggers, director of Social Work Services for Hope Cancer Resources; and Alesa Garner, education director for Arkansas Ovarian Cancer Coalition. The luncheon will take place from 11:30 a.m. until 1 p.m. The event is free, but seating is limited. To reserve a ticket, call (479) 527-7015, or stop by any First Security Banking Center.

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How often does papillary thyroid cancer spread to lungs? The presence of distant metastatic disease at presentation is relatively rare, with a rate of 3% to 15%. In our study, 22 (46.81%) patients had lung metastases at the initial presentation, and 25 (53.19%) had delayed lung metastases during follow-up. Is papillary thyroid cancer invasive? Despite its well-differentiated characteristics, papillary carcinoma may be overtly or minimally invasive. In fact, these tumors may spread easily to other organs. Papillary tumors have a propensity to invade lymphatics but are less likely to invade blood vessels. Is papillary carcinoma metastasis? Papillary thyroid carcinomas are typically nonaggressive tumors with the survival for stage I disease approximating 100% . These malignancies often show an indolent clinical course, with localized disease commonplace, and typically do not recur or metastasize beyond local lymph nodes . What is the survival rate of papillary thyroid cancer? The 5-year survival rate for regional papillary thyroid cancer is 99%. For regional follicular cancer, the rate is 97%, and for regional medullary cancer, the rate is 91%. For regional anaplastic thyroid cancer, the rate is 10%. How can you tell if thyroid cancer has spread? Other symptoms of thyroid cancer that may be present early on before it has metastasized include: Changes in your voice or constant hoarseness. Pain or soreness in the front of the neck. A persistent cough. Metastatic thyroid cancer symptoms include: - Nausea and vomiting. - Loss of appetite. - Unexpected weight loss. Can thyroid cancer recur after a total thyroidectomy? During the follow up of patients who underwent total thyroidectomy, the rise in thyroglobulin levels or in thyroglobulin antibodies without rise in thyroglobulin levels are usually indicative of recurrence of thyroid cancer. Does papillary thyroid cancer spread quickly? Papillary thyroid cancer is the most common kind of thyroid cancer. It may also be called differentiated thyroid cancer. This kind tends to grow very slowly and is most often in only one lobe of the thyroid gland. Even though they grow slowly, papillary cancers often spread to the lymph nodes in the neck. How long does it take for thyroid cancer to metastasize? The 5-year survival was 77.6% in patients with single-organ metastasis and 15.3 % in patients with multi-organ metastases. The average interval between the first and second metastases was 14.7 months. Progression from single- to multi-organ metastases occurred in 76% of patients at 5 years. Is papillary thyroid cancer curable? This cancer type grows slowly. Although papillary thyroid cancer often spreads to lymph nodes in the neck, the disease responds very well to treatment. Papillary thyroid cancer is highly curable and rarely fatal. Follicular: Follicular thyroid cancer accounts for up to 15% of thyroid cancer diagnoses. What causes papillary carcinoma? The exact cause of papillary carcinoma of the thyroid is unknown. There may be a genetic mutation involved but more research is need to confirm this hypothesis. One risk factor for the disease is exposure of the head, neck, or chest to radiation. What is papillary adenocarcinoma? Papillary adenocarcinoma is a histological form of lung cancer that is diagnosed when the malignant cells of the tumor form complex papillary structures and exhibit compressive, destructive growth that replaces the normal lung tissue. How many lymph nodes are in the neck? There approximately 600 lymph nodes in the body, and 200 of this are located in the neck. A neck dissection is useful not only to remove the cancer, but also so that the nodes can be examined by a pathologist.

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Call Us Today!(973) 577-4055 An annual gynecologic (GYN) exam,gynecological well-visit, is a routine checkup to ensure that you’re on top of your health, inside and out. A GYN exam is performed by a medical provider with specialized training in gynecology, the medical specialty for women’s reproductive health. As a woman, this is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself – it can help detect certain health problems as well as prevent future ones from developing. How to Prepare for a GYN exam A GYN exam is intimate in nature, and it is quite normal for women to feel some discomfort. But this is not a reason to not go for the exam. A GYN exam is crucial for women and should not be avoided because of embarrassment. You should schedule a gynecological exam between menstrual periods because menstrual flow can interfere with both the physical examination and the results of laboratory tests. Prior to the appointment, sexual intercourse should be avoided for 24 hours, and you should also refrain from inserting anything into the vagina, including douches or vaginal products, since these may invalidate test results. Make sure you take note of the date of your last menstrual period and at what age you started menstruating. Be open about your sexual history, sexual habits, nutrition/eating habits, fitness routine, and alcohol consumption. Should there be any abnormal pain or vaginal discharge, you should also report it to your doctor. What to Expect During Your Exam Tests will be performed during your annual visit to check all areas and aspects of your health. Some of the tests are: If you’re looking for a trusted and reliable women’s healthcare provider in New Jersey, we’re here for you! At the office of Women’s Care in Paterson, we provide skilled, compassionate gynecological and obstetric services to adults and teens. Our mission is to help women enjoy physical and emotional wellness, sexual health, and function. In addition to offering a broad range of medical services to diagnose and treat issues affecting women at every stage of life, we also provide patients with the information and resources they need when contemplating family planning or birth control, dealing with menopause, or addressing other concerns.

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Colonoscopy is a visual examination of the colon, otherwise known as the large bowel. A video endoscope is inserted through the rectum and advanced to the end of the colon. The endoscope is a long, flexible black tube with a camera at the end, which projects constant images of the colon onto a video screen for your doctor to watch. WHY HAVE A COLONOSCOPY? There are many diseases that can occur within the colon. Making a proper diagnosis sometimes involves examining the colon lining with colonoscopy. Although there are many reasons for having a colonoscopy, some of the more common reasons include looking for the following – colon cancer, benign growths called polyps, inflammation or ulcers termed colitis, sources of bleeding, causes of diarrhea, and reasons for anemia. WHAT IS THE PREPARATION FOR THE EXAMINATION? In order to safely maneuver through the natural curves of the colon and adequately see the lining, the colon must be cleaned and free of stool. Your doctor will prescribe a cleansing method, which usually involves drinking a flushing solution, laxatives, and/or enemas. In most cases, you are asked to consume only clear liquids and eat no solid food the day before your procedure. Your physician will provide advice on which medications are safe to use up until the day of your colonoscopy. WHAT SHOULD I EXPECT THE DAY OF THE PROCEDURE? Colonoscopy is typically an outpatient procedure. You can expect to spend less than half a day for completion. You may be given sedative medications through an IV that will produce a light sleep or relaxed state of mind. Once you are comfortable, your doctor will maneuver the colonoscope through your bowel. Air is placed into the colon to allow good visualization, and this can create cramping in some people. Turning the colonoscope around corners can also cause discomfort, and these are two of the main reasons patients are given sedation. One of the medications can produce short-term amnesia, so some patients forget or simply sleep through the colonoscopy. Your doctor can discuss the details of these medications with you prior to beginning your colonoscopy. If polyps are found in your colon, your physician will remove them with a heated lasso or biopsy teeth. Polyp removal does not produce pain. Biopsies will also be obtained if any other abnormal tissue is seen. The exam usually lasts 15-45 minutes. You will recover from the medication effects quickly. You should not drive a vehicle the rest of the day. For complete instructions see our website at www.idahogastro.com WHEN WILL I GET RESULTS? Your doctor will be able to explain what was found on your exam directly after its completion and provide specific recommendations. If biopsies or other specimens were taken during the exam, pathology results usually return within 4-10 working days. ALTERNATIVES TO COLONOSCOPY Other methods to evaluate the colon include flexible sigmoidoscopy, barium enema, virtual colonoscopy, and stool blood testing. Most of these testing methods do not allow for polyp removal, tissue biopsy, or direct visualization of the entire colon. Colonoscopy remains the most comprehensive means for complete evaluation of the colon. WHAT ARE THE RISKS AND SIDE EFFECTS OF COLONOSCOPY? Due to the air placed inside the colon during the exam, some patients feel gassy or bloated after colonoscopy. This usually resolves once you are able to pass gas. Serious risks of the exam include, but are not limited to, bleeding, infection, adverse reaction to the sedative medication, and bowel perforation, which is inadvertently causing a hole in the colon. The chances of these serious side effects are small, but any adverse outcome can result in hospitalization, surgery, or even death.

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Survival Rates For Inflammatory Breast Cancer Inflammatory breast cancer is considered an aggressive cancer because it grows quickly, is more likely to have spread at the time its found, and is more likely to come back after treatment than other types of breast cancer. The outlook is generally not as good as it is for other types of breast cancer. Survival rates can give you an idea of what percentage of people with the same type and stage of cancer are still alive a certain amount of time after they were diagnosed. They cant tell you how long you will live, but they may help give you a better understanding of how likely it is that your treatment will be successful. Keep in mind that survival rates are estimates and are often based on previous outcomes of large numbers of people who had a specific cancer, but they cant predict what will happen in any particular persons case. These statistics can be confusing and may lead you to have more questions. Talk with your doctor about how these numbers may apply to you, as he or she is familiar with your situation. What Are The Systemic Symptoms Of Metastatic Breast Cancer As with any cancer that has progressed throughout the body, there are some systemic, or full-body symptoms of metastatic breast cancer. However, because these symptoms also overlap with symptoms of many other health conditions, it’s best to consult with your doctor before jumping to any conclusions to ensure you get proper treatment. In the case of metastatic breast cancer, these systemic symptoms are a result of your cancer cells starving your body of nutrients. “When you have metastatic disease, the body is really competing with the cancer for survival, nutrition, and energy,”Evelyn Toyin Taiwo, MD, hematologist and oncologist at Weill Cornell Medicine and NewYork-Presbyterian Brooklyn Methodist Hospital, tells Health.“The body has to work a little bit harder than it normally does [to function.” Here are some of the more common full-body symptoms of metastatic breast cancer: Early Signs And Symptoms Of Metastatic Cancer Metastatic cancer is a tumor which spreads from an initial site to different locations within the body. Cancer cells can spread to closer lymph nodes, tissues, and organs. This is how metastatic cancer occurs and it generally happens at stage IV of cancer. Metastatic cancer is identified by the primary cancer name. For example, breast cancer that has been spread to the lungs is called metastatic breast cancer. The cancer cells in the lungs will have the same features as that of breast cancer. How it spreadsThe disease is dangerous because of its ability to spread to different parts of the body. The cancer cell multiplies at the primary location and invades nearby tissues and moves through blood vessels or lymph nodes to the other parts. The most common parts where cancer is spread are the lungs, liver, and brain. Breast cancer is spread to the bone, brain, liver, or lung where it reflects the metastasis breast cancer signs. Sign and symptoms of metastatic cancerThere are no early signs of metastatic cancer. However, when they do appear, they depend on the location of the tumor. Some of the most common symptoms that are related to the lungs, liver, brain, and bones are: Metastasis breast cancer occurs after several years of primary cancer and may be diagnosed at the initial stage. There are no major metastatic breast cancer signs. Some common symptoms include: You May Like: Is Stage 1 Breast Cancer Curable Symptoms If Cancer Has Spread To The Lymph Nodes Lymph nodes are part of a system of tubes and glands in the body that filters body fluids and fights infection. The most common symptom if cancer has spread to the lymph nodes is that they feel hard or swollen. You might have any of the following symptoms if your cancer has spread to the lymph nodes: - a lump or swelling under your armpit - swelling in your arm or hand - a lump or swelling in your breast bone or collar bone area One of the first places breast cancer can spread to is the lymph nodes under the arm on the same side as the breast cancer. This is not a secondary cancer. Life Expectancy For Brain Metastases Life expectancy in patients with brain metastases depends upon the variety of factors. It depends upon the stage at which the cancer is diagnosed. It also depends upon the type of primary cancer and its spread in other body parts. The life expectancy also depends upon the number of brain metastatic sites. The complications related to brain metastases further depends upon the neurological damage due to tumor. Although various treatments are available for the management of brain metastases but none of the treatment completely cure the disease due to various reasons. Chemotherapy is rarely effective due to the fact that most of the chemotherapeutic drugs unable to cross the blood brain barrier at required concentration. Surgery of brain tumor is highly complicated and requires precision. Also, the patient and relative fears with surgery due to significant risk involved. Even if the risk of brain surgery is taken, most of the times the tumor cannot be completely removed due to its inaccessibility. Read Also: Is Weight Gain A Symptom Of Breast Cancer Emotional And Spiritual Care End-of-life care also includes emotional, mental, and spiritual therapy. A personâs healthcare team may include social workers, counselors, mental health professionals, and religious or spiritual advisors. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, up to 40 percent of people with cancer experience serious mental distress. This may include anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and post-traumatic stress disorder . Medications, therapy, religious or spiritual rituals, and support groups can help a person cope with mental health issues and stress during this difficult time. Caregivers may also need help with stress, anxiety, and depression. The palliative care team can usually also provide support and advice to caregivers for their emotional needs. What Should I Ask My Healthcare Provider About Metastatic Breast Cancer If youve been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, ask your provider: - What are my treatment options? - What is my prognosis? - What side effects can I expect? - Will complementary therapy help me feel better? - What if I want to stop treatment? - How can I feel my best during treatment? A note from Cleveland Clinic Metastatic breast cancer is advanced breast cancer. Providers classify it as stage 4 breast cancer. It happens when cancer cells, often left behind after previous breast cancer treatment, start to spread to other parts of the body. While there is no cure for metastatic breast cancer, treatment can prolong your life and help you feel better. There are many medications available, so if one treatment isnt working, your care team can try a different approach. If you notice any symptoms or dont feel your best, especially if youve undergone breast cancer treatment in the past, talk to your healthcare provider. Last reviewed by a Cleveland Clinic medical professional on 04/14/2021. Read Also: How To Cure Breast Cancer With Baking Soda Symptoms Of Breast Cancer Metastasis To Liver Metastatic breast cancer may grow silently in the body while you are completely unaware. Early on in metastatic liver cancer there might not be any signs or symptoms to alert you. As the cancer grows, you may experience liver swelling. This may cause the following symptoms: - Bloating of your abdomen - Mass on upper right abdomen - Fever, chills, sweats - Confused thinking Knowing the early symptoms can help you find and treat breast cancer that has metastasized to the liver early on and slow the progression of the disease. Things Early Stage Breast Cancer Patients Should Know About Metastatic Breast Cancer Warning Signs Susan G. Komen recently talked with Teri Pollastro, who has been living with metastatic breast cancer since 2003. Pollastro, a Susan G. Komen Advocate in Science, shares her experience going through early stage breast cancer, having a recurrence, and what developments shes the most excited about in breast cancer care. Liquid biopsy: a blood test the looks for cancer cells or pieces of DNA from cancer cells that are circulating in the blood. Komen: We talk a lot about the warning signs of breast cancer and the importance of knowing what is normal. Did you notice any signs of a recurrence or metastasis? Pollastro: I was a young mom with small children and I just totally dismissed that I was losing weight. At the end of the day, I remember thinking, Gosh, did I eat today? I love to eat, so that should have been a cause for some concern for me. I had more fatigue than was probably normal. Again, I just attributed it to my having young children. My breast cancer metastasized to my liver, and by the time I would have had glaring symptoms, it may have been too late for my liver to metabolize the chemotherapy. Komen: Do you have any advice for early stage breast cancer patients about the warning signs of metastatic breast cancer? Komen: Is there anything on the horizon in breast cancer care that makes you excited? Komen: How could a liquid biopsy improve your quality of life? Also Check: Breast Cancer In Lymph Nodes Prognosis Dimples On The Breast Yet another one of the common and warning signs of breast cancer is the presence of dimpled skin around the breast region. It is very common for you to experience dimpling around the skin when you wear tight clothes and such. But, the problem does arise when the condition is persistent and doesnt go away. If you find that the dimple in the skin around the breast is persistent and doesnt go away, it is best to consult a doctor to get the same checked out. This is predominantly caused when the tumor inside the breast causes a pull in the skin, thus leaving behind an indent in that area. If you are confused as to how you will detect the same, it can easily be done when you do lift your hands above your head and check whether the whole skin of the breast rides up and down with the motion of your arms. Other Symptoms And Signs Of Metastasis Loss of appetite If you are concerned about any changes you experience, please talk with your doctor. Your doctor will ask how long and how often you have been experiencing the symptom, in addition to other questions. This is to help figure out the cause of the problem, called a diagnosis. If the doctor diagnoses metastatic breast cancer, relieving symptoms remains an important part of care and treatment. This may be called palliative care or supportive care. It is often started soon after diagnosis and continued throughout treatment. Be sure to talk with your health care team about the symptoms you experience, including any new symptoms or a change in symptoms. The next section in this guide is Diagnosis. It explains what tests may be needed to learn more about the cause of the symptoms. Use the menu to choose a different section to read in this guide. Also Check: Breast Cancer Weight Gain Before Diagnosis Thick Area Around The Breast Yet another one of the factors that pose as the early signs of breast cancer is the feeling of a thick area around the breast. If you have a spot around your breast that does feel less squishy and instead feels tight and dense, it is possible a sign of breast cancer. The thickening of the breast tissues is often common during menstruation or even if you are breastfeeding. The problem arises if the condition is persistent and doesnt go away. If you find that instead of healing, the same is getting bigger and spreading around, it is possible that the same could be a sign of breast cancer. This thick presence is mainly because of the accumulation of the cancer cells which then on block the circulation around the breasts. It is quite different from the hard lump that many people often tend to confuse this with. Integrative Therapies For Metastatic Breast Cancer You may find it beneficial to add integrative therapies to your treatment plan. There are many evidence-informed integrative modalities to boost the mind and body. Practices like gentle yoga, meditation, massage and music therapy may feel enjoyable and reduce stress and anxiety levels. To help our patients maintain quality of life after a metastatic breast cancer diagnosis, our team of breast cancer experts may offer supportive care services to help manage side effects of the disease and its treatments. These may include: You May Like: What Are The Symptoms Of Stage 1 Breast Cancer Metastatic Breast Cancer Treatment And Planning After a diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer, its helpful to take all the time you need to gather information and make decisions about your treatment. Learn about the medical specialists that may be involved in your care, treatment options, genetic testing, taking a break from treatment, and more. SurgeryDoctors sometimes recommend surgery for metastatic breast cancer in order, for example, to prevent broken bones or cancer cell blockages in the liver. Learn more. ChemotherapyChemotherapy is used in the treatment of metastatic breast cancer to damage or destroy the cancer cells as much as possible. Learn more. Radiation TherapyYour doctor may suggest radiation therapy if youre having symptoms for reasons such as easing pain and controlling the cancer in a specific area. Learn more. Hormonal TherapyHormonal therapy medicines are used to help shrink or slow the growth of hormone-receptor-positive metastatic breast cancer. Learn more. Targeted TherapyTargeted therapies target specific characteristics of cancer cells, such as a protein that allows the cancer cells to grow in a rapid or abnormal way. Learn more. Local Treatments for Distant Areas of MetastasisLocal treatments are directed specifically to the new locations of the breast cancer such as the bones or liver. These treatments may be recommended if, for example, the metastatic breast cancer is causing pain. Learn more. Invasive Breast Cancer Symptoms Most breast cancers start in the ducts, or the tubes that carry milk to the nipple, or in the lobules, the little clusters of sacs where breast milk is made. Invasive breast cancer refers to breast cancer that spreads from the original site to other areas of the breast, the lymph nodes or elsewhere in the body. In these cancers that form in the ducts or lobules, invasive ductal carcinoma or invasive lobular carcinoma , the cancer spreads from the ducts or lobules to other tissue. Depending on the stage, you may notice symptoms. Invasive breast cancer symptoms may include: - A lump or mass in the breast - Swelling of all or part of the breast, even if no lump is felt - Skin irritation or dimpling - A lump or swelling in the underarm lymph nodes You May Like: What Is Stage 3a Breast Cancer Treatment Options For Metastatic Breast Cancer Treatment for metastatic breast cancer often is based on systemic therapies, which use drugs rather than surgery or radiation. Metastases treatments are designed to shrink tumors and slow their growth, help ease symptoms and improve quality of life. Treatment may change, such as when one therapy stops working, or the side effects become too uncomfortable. Rather than having only one treatment, most patients undergo several treatments combined to help fight the cancer. The four broad categories of drug-based treatments are: How Will Hospice Help Many people are amazed at the help available when hospice is instituted. In addition to care from the team, hospice most often provides a hospital bed, oxygen, and any equipment or medications needed. This can save a lot of running around for your family and make you as comfortable as possible. Many people want to spend their last days at home, surrounded by loved ones. With hospice care, the police do not need to be called, as they typically do with any unattended death. Your family can spend time with you until they wish to call the funeral home. Dont Miss: How To Treat Stage 0 Breast Cancer You May Like: What Is The Survival Rate Of Breast Cancer Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer Blood Tests Different blood tests may be used to detect breast cancer: - The CA 27.29 blood test measures the level of a protein called the CA 27.29 antigen. In theory, the level rises as there is more breast cancer in the body. This test can, in some patients, help determine if cancer is growing in the body, or whether treatments are working. Similar tests include the CA-15-3 and CEA. - Circulating tumor cells may also be measured through a blood test. CTCs are extremely rare in healthy individuals and patients with nonmalignant diseases but are often present in people with metastatic cancer. Some clinical studies indicate the assessment of CTCs can assist doctors in monitoring and predicting cancer progression and in evaluating a patients response to therapy. CTC testing and use is still in the experimental stage. For more detailed information on MBC treatment and resources, download or order a free copy of our Metastatic Navigator. Where Can Breast Cancer Spread The most common places for breast cancer to spread to are the lymph nodes, bone, liver, lungs and brain. The symptoms you may experience will depend on where in the body the cancer has spread to. You might not have all of the symptoms mentioned here. Remember other conditions can cause these symptoms. They don’t necessarily mean that you have cancer that has spread. But if you have symptoms that you are worried about, discuss them with your GP, cancer specialist, or breast care nurse so that you can be checked. Read Also: Prognosis Of Stage 3 Breast Cancer Outlook Once Cancer Has Spread To The Bones The research on cancer metastasis is rapidly growing. As researchers better understand the mechanisms of bone metastasis, new drugs and other treatments are being developed. These target particular processes in cells involved in how the cancer cells invade and grow in bones. The use of nanoparticles to deliver drugs is very encouraging. These tiny particles are able to deliver drugs to the bone with minimal toxicity to the person with cancer. Rapidly treating bone metastasis can lead to a Also Check: What Does It Feel Like To Have Breast Cancer

Medical Studies

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3 simple steps that anyone can learn to help save a life from suicide. Just as people trained in CPR and the Heimlich Maneuver help save thousands of lives each year, people trained in QPR learn how to recognize the warning signs of a suicide crisis and how to question, persuade, and refer someone for help. QPR training occurs in groups from 10-40 people and takes about 1.5 hours. As members of the ISU community you are often the first individuals to notice signs and symptoms of suicide in a colleague, student, resident, coworker, friend, etc. This uniquely positions you as the first line of defense to assist someone in getting help. As a QPR-trained Gatekeeper you will Learn how to recognize the warning signs of suicide Learn how to offer hope Learn how to refer someone for help In a suicide crisis, the ability ro recognize signs of distress -- and to intervene effectively -- can mean the difference between life and death. All members of the ISU community are encouraged to complete QPR training (faculty, staff, students, etc.). To schedule a training for your organization, department, student organization, etc. please contact Gina Meyer at Student Counseling Services. Trainings are free to all members of the ISU community. For more information about QPR please visit qprinstitute.com. Gina Meyer Illinois State University Student Counseling Services 320 Student Services Building Normal , IL 61790-2420 (309) 438-3756

Child Rearing and Family Relationships

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Discipline vs Punishment There’s a significant difference between punishment and discipline. Punishment gives a negative consequence, but discipline means “to teach.” Punishment is negative; discipline is positive. Punishment focuses on past misdeeds. Discipline focuses on future good deeds. Punishment is often motivated by anger. Discipline is motivated by love. Punishment focuses on justice to balance the scales. Discipline focuses on teaching, to prepare for next time. Jesus Didn’t Have Kids Jesus didn’t have any kids but he had disciples. The words “disciple” and “discipline” come from the same root. The goal of parenting is to disciple your kids in what it means to live life. This training comes in several ways: modeling, instructing, talking, practicing, and even correcting. The problem is that many parents lose their positive sense of parenting when it comes to correcting their kids, not realizing that correction is a gift. The reality is that correction is one of the ways that kids learn. So parents need to have an attitude toward correction that keeps discipling in mind. The child who teases relentlessly, or whines for a snack, or bickers with his brother all have one thing in common: a need to change patterns of behavior and a need to change the heart. Some parents only use condemnation or anger to motivate their children. This attitude says, “If I just point out the problem enough times, he’ll eventually change.” Or, “If I give him enough consequences, then the punishment will make him want to change.” Unfortunately, the negative approach that punishment often takes is counterproductive, weighs heavily on the relationship, and often hinders forward progress. What these kids really need is firm correction with a positive focus. Keep discipline positive by affirming approximately right behavior. That means focusing on what your children should do to replace the negative behavior. It takes more work to discipline instead of punish but the rewards are worth it. Children grow when you balance firmness with relationship and develop new patterns of healthy relationships. You may be saying, “Yes, I know discipline is supposed to be positive but how can I be positive when my kids are doing the wrong thing?” One way is to state rules and requests in positive terms. Instead of saying, “Don’t shout,” you might say, “We talk quietly in the store.” Instead of “Stop being rough with the dog,” you might say, “Be gentle.” Instead of complaining about the clothes all over your four-year-old daughter’s room, you could say, “You need to put your clothes in the hamper when you take them off.” It’s About the Words You Use Eleven times in the book of Proverbs God tells children to listen to parents. For example, in Proverbs 1:8 he says, “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.” If kids are supposed to listen to their parents it must mean that parents have something to say. Your words are important. Don’t abuse the listening ears of your kids by yelling words of condemnation and revenge. Anger at kids may seem justified but is rarely wise. Use your words strategically as tools for heart change and character development. Carley has four kids under the age of seven. She carried around a clicker on her arm for a day. She clicked down once for every negative statement and up once for every positive statement she made to her kids. Carley was surprised at how many times she made negative comments. So, she went to work to change her approach. She looked for ways to affirm, but she also looked for ways to say negative things more positively. Instead of, “No, we’re not having snack right now,” she said, “Yes, you can have that as a snack at 3:30 pm this afternoon.” An interesting thing happened that Carley didn’t expect. The attitude around her house began to take on a different atmosphere. Her kids seemed to accept her comments better and relationships seemed to improve. It may take some work, but clearly stating or restating a directive in positive terms gives your child a clear picture of what you expect and keeps your interaction on a positive note. Give gentle, positive reminders to point your kids in the right direction. See Parenting to their strengths to address weaknesses And It’s About the Way You Correct Of course, many children need more than just a positive way of talking about their weaknesses. They require correction, but the way you correct can mean the difference between resistance and responsiveness from your children. Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” The first part of the verse describes a negative way of relating to children. Exasperate gives the impression of being harsh and causing discouragement. In place of that negative response, fathers are instructed to do something positive, bring their children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. You don’t want to discipline your kids to simply get rid of negative behaviors. The purpose of discipline is to train children and show them a better way to live. Many of the problems children have are either behavioral habits or character deficiencies. It would be nice if they could have a “burning bush” experience that would change their lives instantly, but it usually doesn’t happen that way. Even Moses had to spend forty years in the desert as a shepherd leading sheep before he was ready to lead God’s people.See overwhelmed parents need to start here to define the problem. Training Is More Than Giving Consequences Change takes time and many small corrections and reminders can contribute to long-term growth in your child. The word “discipline” used in the Old Testament is translated from the Hebrew word “chanak.” It means “to train.” Training implies guidance to a particular goal. Every day you’re training your children to become healthy, responsible adults. It’s easy to get upset when your children need a lot of correction or when they can’t seem to change right away. Some problems take longer to overcome than others. Your response is important. Exasperation can damage the relationship. When parents understand and embrace the difference between punishment and discipline, it changes the way they relate to their kids. Instead of giving a consequence to balance the scales of justice, they use consequences to teach and to train. Instead of viewing discipline times as annoying detours on the path of life, they see them as opportunities to further develop character in their kids. A small change in perspective can make all the difference. Children need firmness, direction, limit-setting, instruction, and correction. But don’t forget, they also need a lot of love. See Dr. Turansky’s blog here on How to Love your Kids when they need correction Listen to Dr Turansky’s podcast on Using Jesus’s Teaching Techniques with Your Kids.

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DatingEventually, most parents from an adolescent is suffering serious relationship Deficiencies in friendsIf she or he does not appear to have nearest and dearest, following that’s problems. As the everyone will need to have household members, it creates she or he insecure. Should your incorrect person comes up to, just who can be looking to make use of teen in the place of very feel household members, she or he will never see it upcoming since she’s going to end up being so grateful to possess a friend. And that means you want to get with the bottom of why an effective kid’s public every day life is way less than level. If you can’t pick it up your self, up coming send your youngster getting counseling. Unlike risk labels she or he, new attraction is the fact “she’s going to grow out of it Just like the a people, we look down on individuals with a “mental disease,” that may become depression, for-instance. ” However, mental affairs are like bodily of them because the afterwards your deal with her or him, the new bad it rating as well as the more complicated he or she is to resolve. Therefore inspite of the attraction to vow your issue is only a demise stage, I strongly recommend you do it and possess professional help if you see anything unusual on your own teen’s conclusion. If you’re not sure, then take your teen observe the ones you love doctor. And when your child brushes off of the disease and you may lets you know in your thoughts your own business, never tune in. If you see signs of troubles, perform anything to make the journey to the main cause and contract in it. Great things about counselingI appreciate this individuals hesitate to post children to possess guidance There are even things you can do yourself. Try to see if you can learn to make your teen more desirable. Maybe if your cellar got those types of large-monitor Tvs, which could try to be a lure. Or if perhaps your child encountered the most recent video games installed to help you it. If for example the adolescent was over weight and you think that is a component of one’s state, generate a good concerted work to greatly help reduce some of those lbs by perhaps not to get processed foods, signing this lady upwards to own an exercise group, getting your a bicycle, otherwise anything else was of use. While most youngsters make friends either in school or perhaps in brand new society, that isn’t always the right approach for most of the teenager. If the a teenager keeps a specific focus that’s not mutual by the anyone else, the guy wouldn’t easily fit into and now have would not bother in order to take action. However, such as for instance a teen nonetheless requires companionship. During the instances by doing this, try to assist your child find individuals that for example the same thing. Such, if your da pub or the school has no one, see if and there is a drama group in the city, and help the woman register. Whether your man loves to create however, his schoolmates think this is just too unusual, try to place your with a world internship from the a neighbor hood cafe. Even if the anyone around commonly his age, they share a comparable notice; and if he could be significant, it could be a first step toward a career since an effective cook. Don’t assume all boy matches the overall mildew, so when your son or daughter’s parent, it is for you to decide to see where when you look at the society your child you’ll match top then promote them a boost to track down here. Certain teens are resourceful, and others commonly, nevertheless when you have made him or her went in the correct guidance, they are going to rise. Which is browsing wanted another “talk” because the regardless of how thorough you were a few moments, at this juncture you must make certain that you mark all your i’s and cross the t’s.

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What can be said? Identity as a constraint on knowledge production Social representations are produced and reproduced through social interactions. Gerard Duveen made an important contribution by revealing the subtle processes through which the microgenetic production of knowledge is constrained by the identity relations between the participants in an interaction. Relations of symmetry and asymmetry constrain what can be said and heard. In this paper, we show how these ideas yield fruitful analyses in the context of two research projects. First, in a project concerning professional advice-giving by Health Visitors to parents, we elucidate the identity stakes involved in offering, receiving and resisting advice. Giving advice is not simply presenting new knowledge, it re-positions the advice-giver and advice-receiver with complex consequences for each person's knowledge and action. Second, in an experimental study of communication conflict we show how hierarchical identity positions constrain what can be both said and heard. Across both studies, we draw attention to the processes allowing speaking and listening on the one hand, or self-silencing and dismissing on the other. To take this line of inquiry further, we conclude by suggesting directions for future research, calling for investigations of how specific identity content and identity relations mediate knowledge construction, and for studies of the kinds of social contexts that might make transformative dialogical engagement more likely.

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This article about books for kids behaviour was last updated in 2022. We love our kids to the moon and back a million times, but when they misbehave it can be super hard to know the right thing to do. Different kids behave differently. The way they react to the environment around them and express themselves depends on various ever-changing factors. For this reason, there is no “one size fits all” solution to discipline our children. In this article we recommend a number of books about getting kids to behave. Hopefully you’ll find one (or maybe two) that work for you. And, in case you’re wondering who I am … I’m Lucy, a single mum and the founder of the website you are on. I spend my time helping other single mums embrace independence, redefine their paths and be the best they can be, all whilst being brilliant single mums. You can get more in-depth, personalised support from my “You’ve Got This” Single Mum eCourse, which has already been downloaded by 2k+ single mums from around the world. Discipline Without Damage By Vanessa Lapointe Getting kids to behave without messing them up is a difficult challenge for all parents. This science-based book shows that with the right disciplinary strategies, it is possible to correct immature behaviour without losing your cool and driving your children away from you. Take it from the author and psychologist who has helped hundreds of families raise happy, well-adjusted kids. Recommended for: Parents who need an effective and healthy approach to disciplining their kids even in the toughest situations. Calm Parents Happy Kids The Secrets of Stress free Parenting Dr. Laura Markham We’ve all lost our tempers when our kids act out, and often we feel guilty about it afterwards. Calm Parents Happy, Kids is a practical book based on the latest research about getting kids to behave without threats, manipulation or power struggles. You will learn a three-step programme on how to set limits with a focus on empathy and emotional awareness. Recommended for: Parents who want to help their kids want to behave instead of forcing compliance. From Boys to Men By Maggie Dent The teen years are probably the most difficult for any parent. But teenage boys come with their own unique set of challenges. In this common-sense guidebook, Australia’s boy expert and parenting educator Maggie Dent shows parents how to communicate effectively with their sons, teach them to deal with failure, foster healthy relationships and more. Recommended for: Parents of teenage boys. Packed with practical and ground-breaking tips to help you navigate day-to-day adolescence. BOOKS TO HELP MANAGE YOUR CHILD’S BEHAVIOUR (CONT.) How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk By Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish This bestselling book is not just a practical guide on getting kids to behave. It is also a treasure trove of positive parenting strategies to help you set limits without disconnection, resolve conflicts peacefully, encourage cooperation from your children, and allow them to express anger and negative emotions in a healthy way. Recommended for: Families looking for a practical and complete positive parenting guidebook that works. By Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson Getting kids to behave is usually a drama-filled exercise. But it doesn’t have to be. This book offers a different approach to discipline, one that is built on respect and connection, to encourage children’s innate drive to please parents and get along with others. Best of all, you’ll help your kids develop emotional and social skills that will serve them for a lifetime. Recommended for: Parents who are tired of high-drama and high-conflict discipline. The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) By Philippa Perry There’s no perfect parenting plan for getting kids to behave, but there’s a perfectly good one offered in this book by Philippa Barry. Drawing on the psychological history of both parents and children, she helps you understand in a judgement-free way why your own upbringing may affect the way you discipline your kids. Learn how to break negative behaviour patterns, learn from mistakes and cope with difficult feelings. Recommended for: Parents who are scared of messing up their kids the way their own parents did. Discover more books to help you parent here:

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Home Page . Services / Contact Information . Parenting Articles . Separation/Divorce Articles . Video Clips . Links A strength-guided, goal-oriented approach to the positive growth and development of people and services. Back to Parenting Articles You may open and print this article as a one-pager for handouts or use in a newsletter: Your Kids Be Of “Good Character”? At some point most parents think about the kind of person their child will grow up to be. This is different from what they may do for a living. This involves issues of integrity, honesty and caring for others. Will your child grow up to be of good character? The answer to the question can be determined by examining parental behaviour from very early on. As parents nurture their children and act in their presence, they provide powerful lessons that will set the tone for what kind of adults their children will turn out to be. Two key ingredients can go a long way to developing your child to be of good character: 1. Helping them to take responsibility for their actions; 2. Helping them to participate in doing good deeds. When two-year-old Jacob spills his juice, the parent has several choices in how to respond. Jacob can be scolded; ignored; helped to clean up the mess or the parent can clean it up alone. Each response carries its own message to Jacob. Scolding is upsetting in itself and teaches Jacob to avoid getting caught. Ignoring suggests the spilled juice doesn’t matter and the behaviour can be repeated. The parent cleaning up for Jacob suggests Jacob has no responsibility what-so-ever for his actions and thus he can do as he pleases. Finally, the parent engaging Jacob in the cleaning process without scolding suggests there is a natural consequence to behaviour and he must assume some responsibility for restoring or repairing the situation. When Jacob is four-years-of-age and he aggressively takes a toy from another child, again the parent has choices in how to respond. However, if the parent explains to Jacob how he hurt the other child’s feelings, has him apologize, return the toy and then negotiate sharing, Jacob learns the impact of his behaviour on others, restitution and then negotiation. Based upon these experiences, when six-year-old Jacob breaks a window playing ball, you have increased the likelihood that Jacob will return to you on his own to report the accident and seek your help to clean the mess and correct the situation. He will have learned that you are caring, reasonable and responsible and he will be following the behaviour you modeled and taught him. He will act less with a concern of punishment and fear and more with a concern for caring and responsibility. To further their children’s good character, parents are advised to encourage their children to join them in practicing “good deeds”. A good deed is when someone does something for someone else without being asked or without expecting anything in return. We teach children about good deeds by their observing our good deeds. We also teach about good deeds when we ask our children to help out, with only providing our thanks in return. Our thanks can of course include expressions of affection! Through good deeds, children learn that the world doesn’t just revolve around them, but includes other who may benefit from our help. At first the reward may come from our praise, but as the child ages, they learn to derive satisfaction themselves from helping others. Children can help clear the table, help the neighbour with the yard, share a toy and join us when we do our volunteer work. Being of good character doesn’t need to happen by chance. Parental behaviour that encourages children to take responsibility for their actions, correct situations and practice good deeds can go a long way to assuring kids grow up to be of good character. Direnfeld, MSW, RSW For information on Direnfeld's book, Raising Kids Without Raising Cane, click here. Are you the parent of new teen driver? Check out this teen safe driving program: www.ipromiseprogram.com 20 Suter Crescent, Dundas, ON, Canada L9H 6R5 Tel: (905) 628-4847 Email: [email protected]

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Do you often wonder why your kids have very different characteristics even though they live under one roof? I do, and I ask myself what could have happened between carrying them in my womb and delivering them. Then I read about the different personalities and types of temperament and how I can make the necessary adjustments to my parenting style to match my kids’ personalities. If you’re a parent of two or more kids (like me), you probably are astounded by how unique your kids seem. One may be bubbly and carefree, while the younger sibling is overly timid and sensitive. One is flexible to change, and another may require more time and space to cope. These kids were undoubtedly brought up by the same parents, born in the same beliefs, and living in the same home, but they each take life’s roads and challenges differently. How could this be? It could be temperament. Definition and Background Temperament is defined as a person’s various personalities and his or her responses to life events and occurrences. Researchers and psychologists suggest five different features when discussing temperament. - Activity Level – the severity of activity done by an individual - Emotional intensity – the level of emotions that an individual is capable of showing or presenting with - Frustration tolerance – an individual’s capacity to tolerate stress or any kind of emotion or situation - Reaction to change – how an individual responds to the changes around him - Response to new people – how an individual reacts when he is around people he is not familiar with Every individual is born with her or his distinct personalities and temperament. Temperament, on the other hand, is not a product of something that you were able to or not able to do. It is not also caused by the culture you were born in, although a child’s surrounding environment can affect how he sees himself and how he can adapt to life. Sufficient knowledge of temperament can assist parents in adjusting their approach to their children’s needs. Making Adjustments To Your Parenting Style Be more understanding. Your older daughter dilly-dallies throughout the day, mostly procrastinating. You, on the other hand, are making sure you are achieving your to-do list. You and your spouse love having new people in your home, but your daughter prefers to stay in her room, not even getting out once for introductions. Often, this is a gap between a parent’s personality and a child’s personality, resulting in conflicts. Be more understanding and patient with her and take a few steps back so you will gain insight into her responses. Rather than feeling frustrated, try to look for some compromise or solution. For instance, you might want to tell your child that someone is coming over to visit so that she will have time to fix herself and her composure. Tell her how to respond initially when someone comes over and encourage her to join in small group activities whenever possible. Recognize your child’s personality. Observe your child’s usual behavioral patterns. Does she love talking to new people and learning new things, or does she require more time to prepare for social gatherings? Maybe she is somewhere halfway. Is she more sensitive than others, is she more expressive of her feelings, or is she quiet but deep? Think about where your child falls on a mental or physical chart that discusses different personality types. You can usually get this from The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning or CSEFEL. Separate your own needs from theirs. One of the most common challenges in parenting is not mixing up your needs and personality approach from your children. You may think that your child requires a substantial amount of social interactions, for instance, but the truth is, it is you that desire it. Be clear on your parenting needs and approaches so you can maintain stable boundaries between you and your children. See them as separate individuals. Support your child. In today’s culture, formal and quiet personalities are usually rewarded. So if you have a son or daughter who is lively, emotionally intense, and highly assertive, you’ve most probably heard relatives and significant others judge them. Knowing that temperament is not the same for anyone can help eliminate the pressure, enabling you to perceive your child’s personalities as strengths, not weaknesses. This gives you more leverage to defend your child against negative reactions and comments. It would be easier for you to say, “Yes, my daughter is carefree, independent, and knows precisely what she wants. And she’s also learning how to meet halfway.” Temperament is not always a constant feature. Kids with, say, an introverted personality can learn how to become more friendly and social. Someone born with a quick temper can certainly be more patient and in control later in his life. As a parent, improve your knowledge and understanding of your children’s temperaments while trying not to assign labels on them that might cause them not to grow mentally, physically, and emotionally.

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Teaching children about what is right and what is wrong is an essential part of their upbringing. I totally agree that punishment is the only way to persuade kids about the consequence related to their actions. essay will discuss why strictness is required and how moral values can be inculcated in young ones. , at an early age, it is difficult to persuade a child about his or her wrongdoings through communication. , children are not mature enough to understand the seriousness of their actions. At stage, what works well is the harshness of guardians as they are well known for their dependency on elders in the family. A perfect example is my cousin, she once stole money from her mother's purse for buying ice cream. When her mother realised , she slapped her and scolded her severely. Since that moment she never attempted to steal again. , severeness is required to discipline offspring. , there should be a few limited ways to penalise kids or else the extreme harshness can affect their mental and physical well-being over the years. parents know well how to control their young ones, they can discipline their children by not allowing them to do their favourite thing at the moment. On the other hand , mentors can make their pupils stand or assist teachers throughout the class. , one of my friend's young one is given treatment for her wrongdoing and it works well. She understands that if she misbehaves, she might have to address the severity of elders. , in spite of handling them harshly, we can prolong and repeat a few simple punishments to discipline them. To sum up, according to me, punishment is a must so as to guide and nurture future adults to some extent. , severe behaviour might affect their mental development.

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For most of us the words “My Teen is having Sex!” would send us spiraling into terror. Our pulse would race, we’d be gasping for air, and most likely our minds would go into that world of “What If’s”. We’d start blaming ourselves for what we didn’t teach our kid or what we did wrong in our parenting. We’d want to lock our kid in their room until they are 30 and can make better decisions. In other words–we’d want to control the situation and possibly make sure it doesn’t happen again. If you are like most Christian parents, teens having sex outside of marriage affects you deeply at the core of your value system. And depending on how you might have struggled with your sexuality as a teen or young adult, the potential regrets and possible abuse involved, or a transgression from a spouse could send you to the very place the enemy wants you–a place where your desire for your teen’s obedience and compliance with your values becomes more important than the relationship. So how can you stay calm in the midst of the emotional storm that threatens to take you into a pit of despair? How can you maintain the relationship with your teen in a healthy way that breathes life into your relationship rather than playing the game of blame–blame toward yourself for not being a good enough parent and blame toward your teen for not following the right path? - Acknowledge that your teen is a separate human being who can and will make their own decisions. At this stage of the game you can mentor–walk beside them–but you can’t control their every move 24/7. Tell this to yourself as well as your teen. - Validate your teen’s sexual desires and talk about the world’s view versus your view. Let’s face it, sex is everywhere in our culture. TV and movies portray sex like shaking hands. You and I are friends, let’s hop in bed together is the world’s mentality. Remember that our teens are having to make choices between our beliefs and the world’s when their frontal lobe won’t be fully functioning for almost another decade. - Listen to your teen’s view on sex without judgment and without emotion. Find out how invested they are in the relationship. You can share your beliefs and make suggestions after hearing them out, but be sure to agree to disagree if need be in a calm manner expressing your sadness–not your anger. - Take necessary precautions. This is where I know I’ll get into trouble in the Christian community. If your teen is choosing to have sex, make sure it is safe sex. Here’s why. A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity. As Christians, we need to think about how we can best love our teen who is struggling. Why would we want to bring potential harm to this person whom God gave us to tend and nurture when we have the means to help protect them? Once we have knowledge that our child is having sex, we now have the ability to arm our teen with the means to protect them from something more–pregnancy, STD, or some other fate. We need to not believe the lie that providing birth control means that we are condoning the behavior. Be honest, tell your teen why you are doing it–to protect them and you. Arm them while still putting boundaries in place–especially in your home that you can control. But continue to stand firm on why you think their promiscuity is a mistake. Yes, there will still be other possible consequences such as future regret and a broken heart that we can’t protect, but we need to remember that the relationship is more important than the behavior. I’ll admit, ten years ago I would never have bought into the concepts in this post. It’s amazing what God does to a person’s heart when He allows us to see the pain and broken relationships other women have endured from God fearing Christian parents who had good intentions. Working with women who have the scars of their family’s love that turned into anger-filled control when they “made wrong decisions” helps me see their need for love and acceptance in spite of their choices. What these women long for more than anything is to feel the loving arms of their parents saying “I don’t agree with your decision. I wish I could change your mind. I wish you would accept that as your parent I do know that this mistake will lead you to a place you really don’t want to go. You know what the Bible says about sex outside of marriage and this decision is about your relationship with God more than it is about your relationship with me. But as your mother, I accept that you are your own person and I will walk beside you and will always be here when you need me.” I re-engaged with a woman a couple of months ago who was caught in this very dilemma more than a decade ago. Her teen daughter was having sex and rather than becoming that hysterical mom she calmly and rationally talked about the situation. Knowing her daughter wasn’t going to change the behavior, Mom took her daughter to the gynecologist in an effort to create relationship as well as prevent an unwanted pregnancy. I asked her specifically, “How is your relationship with your daughter today?” Her response, “It’s good. She is happily married and I see her at least once and sometimes twice a week. She is even talking about trying to get pregnant soon.” Isn’t that what we want as parents–to see our kids thrive after we’ve walked with them through the difficulties of life. Dare you to not let the enemy steal your relationship with your teen as you navigate the turbulent waters. “Let go…and let God”, I’d love to dialogue with you over the issue of teen sex in our culture today. Got thoughts you’d like to share?

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It can be difficult to provide a clear answer without spending a lot of time getting to know you and your family. The best way to stop lying in my house will not be the same as yours. However, from your word choices, I can see what looks like a path forward. Feel free to have your own opinion on it. The key phrasing for me was "My daughter knows we value honesty above everything in our house." Now from a philosophical perspective, one can argue that we never know what someone else is thinking. You assert that your daughter knows you value honesty, and its totally valid to make that assertion. You may even be right. However, it is in conflict with the evidence. She's acting in a way which challenges that assumption. This, to me, points in a direction to start digging. It's entirely possible that, in your house, you'd really rather her murder someone than lie about something. Who am I to judge? Far more likely than that extreme outcome is that you actually have a rather complicated set of values in your house. I don't know a household today that doesn't have a complicated set of values, so this wouldn't be all that unusual. In such a situation, your daughter may not be interpreting your priorities in values the same way you think she is. The easiest way for two people to fail to communicate is to start from faulty assumptions. It's best to make sure you give enough time to clarify these along the way. Of course, this is also the kind of topic that is really hard to talk about. What you need is time. You need to give time for you and her to communicate on this topic. This incident has shook the confidence I had in her. I think your opportunity lies here. Step 1 will be repairing your confidence in her. Easier said than done, right? In theory, she should be the one who has to act to repair your confidence right? Well, that is the normal course of things, but you're a parent. You get stuck doing things because your kid doesn't. That's the name of the game. Consider trying to adjust your own mind such that, instead of having your confidence shaken, you still have your confidence in her, but it is under attack. Something (i.e. this event) is in the process of shaking your confidence. This shift can be hard, but it opens a door for her. Damage that is done is done, but damage that is in the process of being done can be responded to. Give her something worth responding to. Show her how this event is destabilizing your confidence. Let her feel what it will do to your relationship -- not in one big slug, but slowly in a steady way which lets her feel just how bad it is. She doesn't need to comprehend the depth of the hole she needs to get out of, but she does need to be able to feel how steep the walls are, and how far the edge is away. Finally, be flexible about the outcome. You and I both know you don't want your confidence in her shaken. You want this thing to be resolved. Be flexible. I mentioned earlier the assertion "My daughter knows we value honesty above everything in our house." Maybe your confidence can get a boost from you better understanding what your daughter really knows. Maybe you don't get to the point where you feel she will always be perfectly honest, but you gain some other unifying factor which neither of you even thought to look for until you started looking. People are complicated, and if we had all the answers when we started, where would the fun be? I can't say its a full solution for a lying daughter, but the path has some merits. Most of the things that need to be done at first are done by you, to you. You start out on a path that's independent of her, and only as you communicate does the work shift more and more towards her. This gives you control over your life, and I have a feeling that's a big thing for you right now! My prediction would be that, if your daughter can see that she can't disturb your inner calm with her life choices, but does have to answer for them when the bell tolls, you and her will come to an agreeable solution.

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Q. I am really trying to parent my two kids, 5 and 7, differently than the way I was raised. I am good at telling my husband and my friends that I want to parent with connection. But when they say what does that mean, I’m lost. I get about as far as – ‘Well, it just doesn’t feel right to parent the old way.’ And of course I have my days when I lose it and do everything wrong. I wonder if you could help me think thru why I want to do a connective approach and what I can say to my naysayer friends. A. This is a common conundrum for many parents who want to parent differently but who haven’t yet absorbed the principles of why or experienced the results of a connected relationship yet. It takes time to incorporate a new method before you can explain to others why you are doing what you’re doing. It also requires a certain amount of child development knowledge not well understood in traditional parenting to know what can be realistically and appropriately expected for a child to succeed at meeting those expectations. As well as a trusting understanding of your child’s unique temperament. The following statements may help explain why you want a connected approach: - I choose to be a connective parent because flexibility and self-direction are the two critically important competencies needed to succeed in the 21st Century. - I want to connect instead of direct my children so they do not grow dependent on someone else making decisions for them. - I choose to connect instead of punish because I don’t ever want my children to be motivated to behave out of fear or to ever think they aren’t good enough. - I want to connect because I know that making my children feel worse about themselves is not the way to get them to behave better. - I choose to empathize with my child because understanding her point of view is the best way to establish a good relationship and accept her unconditionally. - I don’t choose to be the boss and enforce ‘my way or the highway’ because who is to say my way is right for my child? - I connect and empathize because that is the best way to influence my child. - I connect so that my child trusts that I have his back no matter what. - When my child feels connected, he knows I will listen instead of telling him what to do. That way I ensure that he comes to me with problems. - I don’t want to engage in power struggles with my child because a win/lose model never wins. - I don’t use time out because I don’t think it’s right to isolate a child who is having a problem. - I don’t spank or hit because I don’t want to teach my child that using physical force is a way to get what you want. - I don’t take away privileges because intentionally provoking my child’s anger or resentment is never the way to gain cooperation. - I don’t ground my child or take away what is important to him because it won’t feel fair, will break connection, and he will learn that I don’t understand him. - I choose to problem solve instead of punish or dole out consequences because it is important for children to express their feelings and opinions and to work through a problem to find a solution that incorporates the needs and wishes of others. - I choose to problem solve instead of direct and punish so that my child’s prefrontal cortex gets a strong and regular workout. - I allow my children to argue with me and negotiate because I want them to have the benefit of developing their own opinions and strong voice. - I don’t fix my child’s problems because I want to instill in her my trust that she is capable of solving her own problems, knowing I will support and help her if needed. - I allow the natural consequences of his behavior to be his most effective teacher. Sometimes that means he must fail to learn resilience. - I don’t blame my child for making a problem for me or disrupting my life because I take responsibility for my own problems and emotions. - I don’t take responsibility for my child’s feelings and desires, but I take full responsibility for everything I say and do. (These last three are what constitute strong boundaries) - I treat my children respectfully even when setting limits because that’s how I want them to treat others. - I take care of myself because my job is to model the type of person I want my child to become. - I work toward never screaming, yelling and blaming because I don’t believe that is the way to conduct relationships. - I consider myself my child’s authority figure and guide but not his boss or director. - I take my child’s unacceptable behavior as a sign that she is having a problem, not being a problem—and then connect with the emotion provoking the behavior. - I don’t blame or criticize my child because I don’t want him to react defensively. - I choose relationship above and beyond all else because in the end that is what matters most. These are only a few reasons for using a connective approach. Please add your own as you learn and grow as a connective parent.

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Passive aggressive behaviour is something many of us have encountered, but not many of us know the correct way to counter it. We asked the psychologists at online psychological support organisation LYSN for their advice on dealing with the behaviour, Here is what psychologist Noosha Anzab had to say. “The thing to be curious about when it comes to passive aggressive behaviour is intent,” says Noosha. “It isn't always done to be evil, malicious or hurtful. Sometimes, passive aggression is employed as a coping method by those who are attempting to avoid potential conflict. People who engage in passive aggressive behaviour are allowing themselves to act out their hidden anger or frustration in what they believe to be a discrete way.” 1. Understand the behavior Noosha says there are many different things that can fuel passive aggressive behavior, and the best thing yu can do is learn how to spot it. “It might come in the form of a snarky remark, breaking a promise, acting stubborn, ongoing excuses, silent treatment or claiming to be a victim. It’s likely that person has repressed some hostility, anger and resentment from the past. Knowing how to spot their indirect aggression can help you to know how to react.” 2. Try to avoid triggers Try to avoid fueling the passive aggressive behavior by removing the opportunity for the person to be passive aggressive. “If you have some awareness around why the person might have some pent up aggression when it comes to a particular topic, try to avoid giving them the opportunity to be passive aggressive,” says Noosha. “Never normalize unacceptable behavior. Instead, consciously avoid talking about certain topics or reacting in particular ways which might ignite their aggression - in whatever form it may be. Try to limit your interactions and maintain boundaries around self-care.” 3. Don’t take the bait One of the most important things about dealing with passive aggressive behavior is not reacting to it the way that person wants you to. “If you know that their response is intended in a purely passive aggressive manner, don’t take the bait and respond to it the way they’re expecting you to. Try not to engage in the drama they’re trying to create and instead take the high road – That means answer the content not the context (if they’re being sarcastic) or changing the subject all together.” For example, if a person sarcastically says ‘thanks for all your help’ is a way that’s passive aggressive, respond to the content of their comment and simply say ‘your welcome!” 4. Focus on the ‘now’ If you plan on confronting the passive aggressive behavior, Noosha suggests satying in the present, taking a deep breath to stay grounded and rather than airing a long list of past transgressions, talk about what happen right now in the present moment. “If you decide to call someone out on their behaviour, be sure to focus on the present moment and don’t bring up the past,” says Noosha. “Tell the person how their words have made you feel by using "I feel [this way] because of [this action]" statements and concentrate on facts rather than judgment or speculation.” 5. Be assertive “Passive aggressive behaviour is all about avoidance, so don’t react in the same way. Instead, be assertive by focusing on issues head on. Use ‘I’ statements in response rather than blaming and accusatory ‘you’ statements. The aim isn't to fight fire with fire. Try to remain calm, and avoid pointing the finger as blame can trigger the defense mechanism and really escalate conflict.” You might also like:

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Parenting Tips, Info, & Advice Leading by the Power of Our Example When President Biden gave his victory speech on November 7, 2020 and again when he addressed the nation at his Inauguration last week, he said “We will lead not merely by the example of our power, but by the power of our example.” The power of our example. Wow. It’s a powerful statement for the leader of the free world, but as he was speaking, all I could think was “what a powerful statement for a parent.” Do you lead your family and parent your children using the power of your example? Or do you rely on the example of your power? Culturally, I think we are conditioned to think we have to overpower our children—to win over them rather than to win them over. We are told that we need to be the boss, that we need to make them behave, and that they will only respect us if we demand it. But stop for a minute and think about that. Is that really how we want our kids to live? Is that really how we want to parent? Is that really cementing the type of relationship we want to have with them? Imagine for a moment that you had a boss like that (as some of you may). A boss who was constantly looking to prove that they were more than you. A boss who was committed to being right and proving you wrong. A boss who demanded respect but didn’t give it. A boss who who took credit for the good things you did. A boss for whom you did work not because you were empowered and committed to the cause, but because you were fearful of the consequences. And a boss who did not make space for mistakes and the growth that stems from them. I wouldn’t want to work for that boss. And your kids don’t either. So how can we parent using the power of our example rather than the example of our power? Here are some thoughts from the trenches: We can learn to regulate our emotions. Problems and behavior issues don’t always need to be addressed in the moment. There is a lot of power in waiting until everyone is calm so that we can decide how to respond rather than react. If we are yellers, we can teach ourselves to be more mindful in the moment so that yelling doesn’t become our go-to strategy for being heard or gaining compliance. Learning techniques to regulate our own emotions puts us in a better position to teach those skills to our children. We can learn to make good, heartful repairs. Few things are as useful in relationships as knowing how to say “I’m sorry,” and few things are as powerful in our parenting as letting our children hear us admit we screwed up. A meaningful repair has three key components: we have to RECOGNIZE the mistake we made and take responsibility, we must RECONCILE by apologizing from the heart, and we RESOLVE the problem by working together on a respectful solution. We can build a culture of mutual respect and appreciation. What if rather than demanding respect simply because we are their parent, we flipped the script and decided that our children are deserving of respect and kindness simply by virtue of the fact that they are human. Families that regularly cultivate mutual respect for one another routinely see fewer behavior issues in need of correcting; after all, it we tend to be kind and respectful to those who are kind and respectful of us. We can give credit where credit is due. Too many of us have our egos wrapped up in our parenting: when they fail at something, we feel as if we have failed. And when they succeed, we love to take the credit. But leading by the power of our example means giving credit where credit is due and letting them celebrate their own successes. We can provide encouragement and empowerment. When we allow children to make mistakes in a variety of contexts, and allow those mistakes to be opportunities for learning, we open the door to some really cool stuff! By praising effort rather than outcome, we empower our children to solve their own problems. And when we connect with them before correcting them, we invite them into constructive self-evaluation rather than destructive self-judgment. Unburdened by shame, children can use a mistake to launch them to their next success. The skills that serve us well as stand-out leaders in the workplace, and exemplify what President Biden was referring to when he suggested the U.S. should lead by the power of its example, are really not that different from the strategies that allow our families to thrive with love, joy, and connection. Are you relying on a show of power with your children? Are you leading with fear? Or are you traveling on a different road? In the words of our president, “without unity, there is no peace, only bitterness and fury.” We all have the power to choose each day how we want to show up for our children. Are you choosing unity? Are you showing up as the example your children deserve? As we embark as a country under new leadership, I wonder…maybe it’s time we do the same at home? Christy Keating is a certified parent coach, positive discipline educator, and motivational speaker. She is the founder and CEO of The Heartful Parent Collective, which includes Heartful Parent Coaching, Savvy Parents Safe Kids, and Heartful Parent Academy. The mother of two amazing daughters, Christy strives to build a happier, healthier world - one child, one parent, and one family at a time. Bark is phenomenal monitoring software that parents can use to connect to 30+ platforms to monitor text messages, emails, and social activity for signs of harmful interactions and content. To get a one-week trial and 20% off for life, use code BNDN7PF. Gabb allows parents to provide kids with a phone they can feel good about. Many parents feel pressured into a smartphone purchase for safety reasons or because their kids want to be able to talk to their friends. Get more information and receive an automatic discount on your child’s Gabb phone!

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Maintenance and improvement of maternal mental health is reported to be as a pressing issue in the field of maternal and child health. In the general Japanese population, the prevalence of mood disorders and anxiety disorders is 3.1% and 4.8%, respectively [Reference Kawakami, Takeshima, Ono, Uda, Hata and Nakane1], indicating that many Japanese people have poor mental health. Among mothers, poor mental health not only diminishes their quality of life, but has also been shown to negatively affect their children. Examples of negative effects include long-term problems in the mother–child relationship [Reference Beck2–Reference Kasamatsu, Tsuchida, Matsumura, Shimao, Hamazaki and Inadera4] and mothers performing fewer suitable childcare behaviors [Reference Lefkovics, Baji and Rigo5]. It has also been suggested that poor maternal mental health can be detrimental children’s health and development [Reference Beck6–Reference Liu, Kaaya, Chai, McCoy, Surkan and Black8]. Thus, maintenance and improvement of maternal mental health are paramount for children’s healthy growth. Poor maternal mental health is reported to be associated with a myriad of factors including history of previous depression, prenatal anxiety, single marital status, and low socioeconomic status [Reference Beck9]. The support of close family members is also related to maternal mental health [Reference Ohara, Okada, Aleksic, Morikawa, Kubota and Nakamura10,Reference Horwitz, Briggs-Gowan, Storfer-Isser and Carter11] with the support of partners playing a particularly important role [Reference Hawkins, Bradford, Palkovitz, Christiansen, Day and Call12,Reference Nomaguchi, Brown and Leyman13]. Some studies have examined the association of less paternal time engaged in childcare or child-related chores with maternal depression, anxiety, and stress [Reference Mezulis, Hyde and Clark14–Reference Kim, Delahunty-Pike and Campbell-Yeo16]. According to the World Gender Gap Report, Japan ranked 121st out of 153 countries in the Global Gender Gap Index 2020 . Among East Asian countries, which historically have a patriarchal culture, Japan has one of the largest gender gaps in participation in political and economic activities. Japan’s Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications has reported that the time spent by mothers in childcare for children under the age of 6 years is 4.7 times that spent by fathers . Moreover, Japanese fathers spend on average 41 min a day engaged in unpaid work at home, including housework and childcare, which is far less than the average of 136 min in The Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) countries . To address this, the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare’s Healthy Parents and Children 21 campaign has set concrete numerical goals for maternal and child health, one of which is to promote paternal childcare [Reference Osawa, Ojima, Akiyama and Yamagata20]. In countries with large gender gaps such as Japan, where the time that fathers spend engaged in childcare is low, it is important to know which of their behaviors are associated with improved mental health of the mothers, in addition to spending more time engaged in childrearing activities. However, no studies have examined the association between paternal childcare behaviors and mothers’ mental health. If the specific paternal childcare behaviors that are beneficially associated with mothers’ mental health can be identified, then specific recommendations can be given for fathers. Some challenges exist in determining such associations. For example, longitudinal studies face the problem of maintaining and examining a sufficient sample size. Thus, assessment of the association between paternal childcare behaviors and maternal mental health requires adjusting for these other factors. To address this, in this study, we analyzed data from the Japan Environment and Children’s Study (JECS), a large-scale cohort study, to determine the frequency of some specific paternal childcare behaviors in a general Japanese population in order to examine how such behaviors are associated with maternal mental health. The JECS is a government-funded, nationwide birth cohort study that aims to evaluate the impact of environmental factors on children’s health and development. In total, 103,062 pregnancies were registered from 15 Regional Centers across Japan between 2011 and 2014, and detailed descriptions of the JECS can be found elsewhere [Reference Kawamoto, Nitta, Murata, Toda, Tsukamoto and Hasegawa21,Reference Michikawa, Nitta, Nakayama, Yamazaki, Isobe and Tamura22]. Participant recruitment involved a face-to-face explanation of the survey to mothers, and written informed consent was obtained and recorded. The authors assert that all procedures contributing to the present work comply with the ethical standards of the relevant national and institutional committees on human experimentation and with the Helsinki Declaration of 1975, as revised in 2008. All procedures involving human subjects in the JECS protocol were approved by the Institutional Review Board on Epidemiological Studies of the Ministry of the Environment (100910001), and the ethics committees of all participating institutions. This study examined data from 92,790 mothers with singleton, live births recorded in a JECS dataset (jecs-an-20180131); data from mothers with multiple participations (5,647), multiple births (949), and stillbirths/miscarriages (3,676) were excluded. After eliminating cases with incomplete items on the Kessler Psychological Distress Scale (K6) at 1 year after delivery and mothers who did not live with the child’s father (i.e., the mother’s partner), data from 75,607 mothers were analyzed (Figure 1). Of these mothers, 98.9% responded that they were married. The self-report questionnaire was administered to the mothers at registration, during the second/third trimester, and again at 1 month, 6 months, and 1 year after delivery. Data were collected on demographics, medical and obstetric history, physical and mental health issues, lifestyle factors, occupation, and socioeconomic status. Based on the mothers’ survey responses at 6 months after delivery, paternal childcare was assessed for the following seven behaviors: (a) playing at home, (b) playing outdoors, (c) helping with feeding, (d) changing diapers, (e) dressing, (f) bathing, and (g) putting the child to bed. Responses were provided on a 4-point scale (always, sometimes, rarely, and not at all). We selected these behaviors because all have been similarly assessed in previous studies conducted in Western countries, in other Asian countries, and in Japan [Reference Hawkins, Bradford, Palkovitz, Christiansen, Day and Call12,Reference Nugent23–Reference Chu and Lee27]. Maternal mental health was assessed in terms of psychological distress, using the K6, at 1 year after delivery. The K6 was developed by Kessler et al. [Reference Kessler, Barker, Colpe, Epstein, Gfroerer and Hiripi28], and the validity of the Japanese version was determined by Furukawa et al. [Reference Furukawa, Kawakami, Saitoh, Ono, Nakane and Nakamura29]. The six items are assessed on a 5-point scale (0–4), yielding a total score of 0–24. Psychological distress was assessed over the past 4 weeks, with a higher score representing greater psychological distress. Severe mental illness is defined as a K6 score ≥ 13, a score proposed by Kessler et al. [Reference Kessler, Barker, Colpe, Epstein, Gfroerer and Hiripi28] as the optimal cut-off for achieving a balance between false positive and false negative results. This cut-off has been widely used in epidemiological studies [Reference Yoshida, Shinkawa, Urata, Nakashima, Orita and Yasui30]. The optimal cut-off for the Japanese version was determined to be 4/5 by Sakurai et al. [Reference Sakurai, Nishi, Kondo, Yanagida and Kawakami31], and thus a K6 score ≥ 5 has been proposed as the optimal cut-off to be comparable with the Center for Epidemiologic Studies Depression Scale in the detection of mood and anxiety disorders. The present study operationally defined K6 scores of ≥13 and 5–12 as severe psychological distress and moderate psychological distress, respectively. Cronbach’s alpha was 0.85 at both 6 months and 1 year after delivery. Potential confounding factors and covariates were included in the statistical analysis if they were found in previous studies using JECS data [Reference Tsuchida, Hamazaki, Matsumura, Miura, Kasamatsu and Inadera3,Reference Kasamatsu, Tsuchida, Matsumura, Shimao, Hamazaki and Inadera4,Reference Honjo, Kimura, Baba, Ikehara, Kitano and Sato32,Reference Matsumura, Hamazaki, Tsuchida, Kasamatsu, Inadera and Japan33] to be associated (or are theoretically inferred to be associated) with the outcome. The covariates comprised the following variables: maternal age at 1 month after birth (≤24 years, 25–29 years, 30–34 years, or ≥35 years), parity (nullipara or multipara), educational background (junior high school or high school; technical junior college, technical/vocational college or associate degree; or bachelor’s degree, postgraduate degree), annual household income (<4 million, 4 to <6 million, or ≥6 million JPY), alcohol intake (never drinker, ex-drinker, or current drinker), smoking status (never smoker, ex-smoker, or current smoker), passive smoking (no, outdoors, or yes), employment status (no job, self-employed, permanent full-time employee, part-time or temporary employee, or other), history of depression (yes or no), history of anxiety disorder (yes or no), history of schizophrenia (yes or no), history of dysautonomia (yes or no), diagnostic record of mental disorder during pregnancy (yes or no), psychological distress during pregnancy (total K6 score ≤4, 5–12, or ≥13), postpartum depression at 1 month after delivery (yes or no), experiencing sadness during the past year (yes or no), anomaly in the infant (yes or no), infant’s sex (male or female), intensity and frequency of infants’ crying (quite often and long, sometimes and short, or hardly), co-resident family members during pregnancy (parent(s) or parent(s)-in-law), partner’s age at 6 months after delivery (≤24 years, 25–29 years, 30–34 years, or ≥35 years), partner’s highest educational level (junior high school or high school; technical junior college, technical/vocational college, or associate degree; or bachelor’s degree, postgraduate degree). This study defined anomaly in the infant as one or more of 31 congenital anomalies that are easily detectable at delivery and that generally require prompt medical attention after delivery [Reference Mezawa, Tomotaki, Yamamoto-Hanada, Ishitsuka, Ayabe and Konishi34]. Postpartum depression at 1 month after delivery was assessed using the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EPDS), with a score of ≥9 used as a cut-off [Reference Okano, Murata, Masuji, Tamaki, Nomura and Miyaoka35,Reference Yamashita, Yoshida, Nakano and Tashiro36] to categorize results. Cronbach’s alpha for the EPDS was 0.82, as shown in our previous study [Reference Matsumura, Hamazaki, Tsuchida, Kasamatsu and Inadera37]. To estimate the risks of severe psychological distress and moderate psychological distress for each level of paternal childcare, we performed multinomial logistic regression analysis to calculate odds ratios (ORs) and 95% confidence intervals (CIs). Two-sided p values less than 0.05 were considered to indicate statistical significance. Missing data of covariates were included as categorical variables in the adjusted model. Data were analyzed using SAS version 9.4 software (SAS Institute Inc., Cary, NC). Table 1 shows the participants’ characteristics. More than 60% of the mothers were aged ≥30 years and more than half were multipara. Overall, 45.3% of mothers responded that they were full-time homemakers or were unemployed while pregnant. During pregnancy, 24.4% of mothers were classified as having moderate psychological distress and 2.7% as having severe psychological distress; 13.2% demonstrated symptoms of postpartum depression. Approximately 60% of mothers responded that their annual household income was ≥4 million JPY. Overall, 5.9% of mothers lived with their parents and 12.2% lived with their parents-in-law. There were slightly more infant boys (51.3%) than girls (48.7%). The most common age range of partners was ≥35 years (43.0%). a Postpartum depression: total EPDS score of ≥9. Table 2 shows paternal involvement in each aspect of childcare. More than 70% of mothers responded that fathers always or sometimes played at home and played outdoors with their child. Play at home was the most frequent of the seven behaviors, with 47.4% of mothers responding that their partners always played with their child at home. Among the caregiving behaviors, bathing was the most frequent, with 41.1% of mothers responding the father always bathed the child, and 60–70% of fathers always or sometimes performed the other caregiving behaviors, except for putting the child to bed, which was the least frequent among the seven behaviors (45.9% of fathers always or sometimes involved). Table 3 shows the ORs for all paternal childcare behaviors in relation to moderate maternal psychological distress (K6 score 5–12) and severe maternal psychological distress (K6 score ≥ 13) at 1 year after delivery. Overall, even after adjustments were made for all covariates, with “not at all” used as a reference, all paternal childcare behaviors showed some significant associations with both moderate and severe maternal psychological distress. The ORs for severe psychological distress were generally lower than those for moderate psychological distress. For both moderate and severe psychological distress, the ORs for play behaviors were roughly equal to or lower than the ORs for caregiving behaviors. The following trends were observed for the two play behaviors. When fathers always or sometimes played with their child at home, fewer mothers tended to have moderate or severe psychological distress at 1 year after delivery. Trends were generally similar for fathers who played with their child outdoors. The following trends were observed in the five caregiving behaviors. When fathers always or sometimes helped with feeding, changing diapers, dressing, and bathing their child, fewer mothers tended to have moderate or severe psychological distress at 1 year after delivery. When fathers always or sometimes put the child to bed, fewer mothers tended to have moderate psychological distress. When fathers sometimes or rarely put the child to bed, this tended to be beneficial only for mothers with severe psychological distress. a Covariates were adjusted for mother’s and father’s age, parity, mother’s and father’s educational background, annual household income, alcohol intake, smoking status, passive smoking, employment status, history of depression, history of anxiety disorder, history of schizophrenia, history of dysautonomia, diagnostic record of mental disorder during pregnancy, psychological distress during pregnancy, postpartum depression at 1 month after delivery, experiencing sadness during the past year, anomaly in the infant, infant’s sex, intensity and frequency of infants’ crying, co-resident family members during pregnancy (parent(s), or parent(s)-in-law). Bold type indicates statistical significance (P < 0.05). Abbreviations: CI, confidence interval; OR, odds ratio. This study examined how specific paternal childcare behaviors are associated with maternal psychological distress at 1 year after delivery in a general Japanese population and found that all of the paternal childcare behaviors showed some associations with reduced risk of maternal psychological distress. To the best of our knowledge, this is the first prospective study on the association between paternal childcare behaviors for infants and maternal psychological distress in Japan. The results were adjusted for 22 covariates, including maternal mental health history, maternal psychological distress during pregnancy, and depressive symptoms at 1 month postpartum. This suggests that paternal childcare behaviors are associated factors with respect to the maternal psychological distress at 1 year after delivery. Our finding that paternal childcare is associated with reduced risk of maternal mental health is consistent with that of previous studies conducted with general populations in Western countries and some Asian countries [Reference Horwitz, Briggs-Gowan, Storfer-Isser and Carter11,Reference Nomaguchi, Brown and Leyman13,Reference Lin, Chang, Chen, Lee and Chen15,Reference Racine, Plamondon, Hentges, Tough and Madigan38]. These studies have shown that women with depression perceive greater inequality in marital decision-making and in the division of household chores compared with women who are not depressed [Reference Whisman and Jacobson39]. Accordingly, paternal play and caregiving might lessen maternal feelings of inequality in parenting behavior. Nomaguchi et al. [Reference Nomaguchi, Milkie and Bianchi40] reported that although mothers enjoy spending time with their children, the need to spend long periods of time with their children puts pressure on them, which affects their well-being. Of particular note, our results show that fathers always playing with their children had the lowest OR compared with other caregiving behaviors. Therefore, fathers playing with and watching over their children may relieve some of the pressure on mothers, allowing mothers to have some time to themselves. More than 70% of fathers in our sample always or sometimes played with their children. This can be important for fathers to know, especially if they have little experience with childcare, lack sufficient childcare skills, or work long hours that prevent them from spending enough time interacting with their children. Almost all paternal childcare behaviors were associated with better maternal mental health; however, for mothers with severe psychological distress, no improvement in mental health was observed when the father always put the child to bed. Although it is not clear why fathers always putting the child to bed differed from other behaviors, this was the least common answer (10.9%) among the behaviors examined (Table 2). Mothers in Japan generally sleep in the same bed with their children, and they can rest at that time. Therefore, the reason why this behavior differed from the other behaviors may be because it was not related to giving the mother time to rest. It is thus necessary to further examine why this behavior yielded different results from the other behaviors. There are two potential public health implications of our findings. First, this study provides a new perspective to assessing maternal mental health, that is, the degree to which fathers assist with childcare. The addition of this perspective might help with further identification of at-risk populations. If assessment shows that paternal childcare will be difficult to achieve in certain cases, then maternal mental health should be maintained by early implementation of alternative measures such as community or formal support. Second, this study indicates that fathers as well as mothers should be involved in maintaining and improving maternal mental health. For example, starting while the mother is still pregnant, the father can be given opportunities to learn childcare skills (e.g., helping with feeding, changing diapers, and dressing) with the knowledge that his involvement in childcare is helping the mother as well. In addition, it will be important to build working environments that promote paternal childcare. Including fathers offers a greater range of preventive measures against the development of maternal mental health problems. Strengths and limitations This study has two strengths. First, the findings are based on data from a large-scale cohort study that enrolled roughly 100,000 Japanese people and are therefore highly reliable thanks to adjustment for other factors associated with maternal mental health. Second, associations between paternal childcare and maternal mental health were assessed over time, with independent and dependent variables assessed at 6 months and 1 year after delivery, respectively. This study also has some limitations. First, assessment of paternal childcare behaviors was based not on objective indicators but on subjective assessment (by the mother). According to one study, fathers tend to overestimate their own involvement in childcare and mothers tend to underestimate their involvement [Reference Kalmijn41]. Moreover, mothers perceive support as low when their health status is worse than usual [Reference Racine, Plamondon, Hentges, Tough and Madigan38]. Future studies could assess the association between paternal childcare and maternal mental health using potentially more reliable methods, such as reviewing videos of paternal behavior. Second, assessments of psychological distress were based on mothers’ self-reports. Mothers with more severe psychological distress may have not been able to respond to the self-report questionnaire or could have been lost to follow-up. Given that psychological distress during pregnancy is a factor related to participants dropping out of the JECS [Reference Kigawa, Tsuchida, Matsumura, Takamori, Ito and Tanaka42], this selection bias must be kept in mind when interpreting the results of the present study. Third, although fathers’ psychological distress and partner relationship quality were also considered to be related to the mother’s psychological distress and parental childcare, these variables could not be analyzed in the present study due to insufficient data or because they were not measured. Lastly, our study involved a general Japanese population and therefore the findings cannot easily be generalized to populations with different sociocultural characteristics or populations of social minorities. Studies of general populations in the West and elsewhere in Asia have also found that paternal childcare protects mothers from psychological distress [Reference Horwitz, Briggs-Gowan, Storfer-Isser and Carter11,Reference Nomaguchi, Brown and Leyman13,Reference Lin, Chang, Chen, Lee and Chen15,Reference Racine, Plamondon, Hentges, Tough and Madigan38], and although the results of the present study appear to corroborate such findings, views on paternal childcare are reported to be affected by sociocultural background [Reference Tseng and Verklan43]. In addition, for mothers in the United States who were born elsewhere (i.e., a social minority population), support from family and friends is reported to be more effective than paternal support for decreasing childcare stress [Reference Xu, Wang, Ahn and Harrington44]. Further research is needed to accumulate findings on the effects of paternal childcare involvement on maternal mental health in populations with social backgrounds that differ from that of the population in the present study and in populations of social minorities. Highly frequent paternal childcare behaviors were found to be associated with less maternal psychological distress in this analysis of data from a large-scale cohort study that assessed independent and dependent variables at 6 months and 1 year after delivery, respectively. All paternal childcare behaviors (playing at home, playing outdoors, helping with feeding, changing diapers, dressing, bathing, and putting the child to bed) were shown to be associated with less maternal psychological distress. In the future, intervention studies that can bring about behavioral changes in fathers should be conducted to confirm our findings. We are grateful to the participants of JECS and to all the individuals involved in data collection and to ThinkSCIENCE, Inc. for translation and editing assistance. Members of the JECS Group as of 2021: Michihiro Kamijima (principal investigator, Nagoya City University, Nagoya, Japan), Shin Yamazaki (National Institute for Environmental Studies, Tsukuba, Japan), Yukihiro Ohya (National Center for Child Health and Development, Tokyo, Japan), Reiko Kishi (Hokkaido University, Sapporo, Japan), Nobuo Yaegashi (Tohoku University, Sendai, Japan), Koichi Hashimoto (Fukushima Medical University, Fukushima, Japan), Chisato Mori (Chiba University, Chiba, Japan), Shuichi Ito (Yokohama City University, Yokohama, Japan), Zentaro Yamagata (University of Yamanashi, Chuo, Japan), Hidekuni Inadera (University of Toyama, Toyama, Japan), Takeo Nakayama (Kyoto University, Kyoto, Japan), Hiroyasu Iso (Osaka University, Suita, Japan), Masayuki Shima (Hyogo College of Medicine, Nishinomiya, Japan), Youichi Kurozawa (Tottori University, Yonago, Japan), Narufumi Suganuma (Kochi University, Nankoku, Japan), Koichi Kusuhara (University of Occupational and Environmental Health, Kitakyushu, Japan), and Takahiko Katoh (Kumamoto University, Kumamoto, Japan). Conflicts of Interest The authors declared no conflicts of interest. The JECS was funded by the Ministry of the Environment, Japan. The funding source played no role in the study’s design; in the collection, analysis, or interpretation of data; in the writing of the report; or in the decision to submit this paper for publication. The findings and conclusions of this article are solely the responsibility of the authors and do not represent the official views of the above government agency. Data Availability Statement Data are unsuitable for public deposition due to ethical restrictions and legal framework of Japan. It is prohibited by the Act on the Protection of Personal Information (Act No. 57 of 30 May 2003, amendment on 9 September 2015) to publicly deposit the data containing personal information. Ethical Guidelines for Epidemiological Research enforced by the Japan Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology and the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare also restricts the open sharing of the epidemiologic data. All inquiries about access to data should be sent to: [email protected]. The person responsible for handling enquiries sent to this e-mail address is Dr. Shoji F. Nakayama, JECS Programme Office, National Institute for Environmental Studies.

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Ever wonder how to get respect from your teen? I remember wondering how to get respect from a toddler. It’s simple really if you want respect from your toddler thru to your teens, you have to respect them too. I know, crazy, right? I’ve been all for treating my kids as little people from the day they were born. I just adjusted as needed, Age appropriate and full honesty has always been my long term parenting style. Do your children roll their eyes at you? Mine has on occasion. They’ve been doing it since they gained control of their eyeballs and realized that sometimes, as a mom, I’m winging it. Some days, I don’t even have a clue and feel like the poster child for “ParentingFails.” I definitely don’t feel like I know how to get respect from a toddler. I don’t get made though. They come by their champion eye-rolling skills naturally. I’ve been known to roll my own eyes quite frequently — an unfortunate habit leftover from my own teen years. But, being the recipient of a serious eye rolling while I’m talking to my children annoys the p*ss out of me. In my book, it’s as disrespectful as walking away when I’m talking to you. It’s the nonverbal expression of: “You’re so annoying. I’m not listening to you!” READ ALSO: Toddler Selective Hearing Syndrome I get that it’s the sort of rebellious behavior one might expect from their tween or teen but now, even preschoolers are doing it. I know this is just one of those awesome hormonally fueled ways that my daughters are trying to exert their independence and test my boundaries but I hate it. As a parent, I need to figure out a way to get respect without hurling insults or being intentionally hurtful. We need to be the change we want to see in the world — so, if I don’t want to get eyes rolled at me, I need to first and foremost stop rolling my eyes. To get respect, you have to give respect. Yes, even to toddler and teens and all ages in between. Maybe your toddler or teen is just unhappy or frustrated and eye rolling is his or her way of expressing that. Maybe it’s not personal at all. Either way, if it’s bothering you, it’s worth being discussed. Don’t get sidetracked by the rudeness and don’t engage in the same behavior. I know it’s difficult to ignore being ignored. Try these tips to help guide you in how to get respect from a toddler and how to get your teen to stop rolling their eyes at you. If you accept rudeness, you’ll get it. Parents who refuse to tolerate rude behavior tend to have kids who aren’t rude. Decide what’s most important to you. Let the house rules be known, and then hold your child accountable. Choose your battles You can’t punish your tween every time your child misbehaves. If you try, you will spend all of your time frustrated and yelling. Soon, you will drive yourself crazy — and your child will just start tuning you out. Instead, decide what you’re willing to tolerate and what you’re willing to overlook. Out of bounds Warn your kids when they are nearing intolerable behavior. For example, I count to three in Spanish, and my daughters know when I get to one, they have crossed a line. This will let you warn them without embarrassing them. It’s a private mom-and-child code that leaves them with some dignity. Don’t get down on their level When my girls roll their eyes at me, my instant reaction is to roll mine back — but how is that helpful? It solves nothing, demonstrates just how immature I am and sets a bad example. So, no matter how hard it is, try to take the high road when disciplining your child. Remember, you are an adult — behave like one. How do you get your child to stop talking back or rolling their eyes? What is your way to get respect from your teen?

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The biggest fear of our children is uncertainty and insecurity. The child, who does not know his / her limits, suffers from not knowing what is right and what is wrong and in which situations the right thing can be wrong.Rules must be specificChildren who are uncertain about the rules to be taught in the family. As a result, he either shows a rebellious attitude and tends to violence or gives up and closes. The message ün You are free to do anything you want z does not give happiness to a child. On the contrary, since the limits of his freedom are not set, he is surprised by his fear of making mistakes and being punished. The child tries to create his personal morality by understanding what is right and what is wrong from his parents' actions and attitudes. If parents do the opposite of what they say, they observe and imitate their actions. Consistency is importantInconsistency reduces the child's confidence and he or she may begin to adopt a similar attitude. For this reason, it is important to be in harmony between what we say and what we do and to make it a rule not to lie next to our child. Mother and father's harmony is also very important for the child. The child becomes unbalanced if the other imposes a punishment. He can approach the permissive side and develop a hostile attitude towards the other. Freedom of errorMaking mistakes is the development. Every child should have the freedom to make mistakes so that they can gain life experience. Enduring the consequences of their actions is also a basic condition for taking responsibility. There is a mistake in our society in the way we approach our children in general. If the child commits an unwanted act or makes an indecent word, he is first slapped or scolded; she begins to cry and is held by the mother or father who cannot bear tears. If we examine it in stages; the child takes an action or discourse. This action or discourse is inappropriate. If family members are doing similar behaviors or making profanity words with children, it is up to you to blame the child. That it is not; Assuming that the child has acquired this attitude from outside, it is not correct that the reaction of the parents will involve physical or verbal violence. The child's fear, surprise and cry is a natural situation. Emotional blackmail mother or father who can not submit to hugs, kisses, smells. An impression is created as if nothing had happened a minute ago. If such attitudes are repeated continuously; the parent who reacts or punishes undertakes the calming process; if one punishes and calms the other, the child develops a sense of insecurity resulting from inconsistency. Negative resultsIt is normal for an individual to expect affection after each negative behavior, to enter into an expectation of the same kind after being an adult, to identify punishment with love, to tend to violence unless it is met, or to be withdrawn. Unfortunately; the reason why there are so many violent individuals in our society; unconscious and inconsistent approaches of parents in childhood.

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Good behavior is a learning process for children, and we are their roadmap. Children usually behave based on their own emotions and impulses. At the same time, being a parent is also a learning process and sometimes we rely on our own emotions and impulses to teach. Usually, that means we often resort to punishments when a child misbehaves, missing a crucial opportunity to teach them. With that said, I am going to break down how to teach good behavior through discipline vs. punishment. Let’s compare the two words and what they really mean: - Punishment – means to inflict pain or suffering as a penalty. - Discipline – means to teach or provide a learning opportunity. It’s understandable that we as parents can get frustrated when a child misbehaves, specifically when they make the same poor behavior choices over and over. At the same time, if we have clear goals to teach good behavior skills, then we can respond better. The better we respond, the better the results. What are our goals for our children when they misbehave? - Our first goal is to get them to cooperate. This is primarily short-term. - The second goal that we don’t always consider is more long-term, and that is to make better choices without the threat of punishment or consequences. - To accomplish this, we need to consider both as often as possible. To accomplish this requires that you are patient, present, and intentional. Now, let’s look at how punishment and discipline compare when accomplishing our goal of developing good behavior skills… Punishment vs. Discipline: - Punishment may shut down an undesirable behavior, but if you teach your child, then they will develop self-discipline skills such as managing emotions and impulses. - When you discipline, you foster a relationship based on trust and self-confidence. - When you punish, you build a proverbial wall and decrease one’s trust and self-confidence. With that said, it makes sense to have a strategy for disciplining a child when they misbehave… 3-steps of discipline: - CONNECT – this doesn’t mean to be permissible or passive, but to ensure that as you begin to set clear expectations, your child calms down emotionally and feels your loving/caring approach. When a child is upset, they are less likely to hear what you are saying. You must be patient so that you remain as calm as possible during the process, which is the hardest but most stress-free way to discipline. - RE-DIRECT – list out what the poor behavior choice was as well as what the proper behavior choice is, see my podcast Episode 12: ‘Making Choices’ for more information. This requires you to be present so that you can clearly calculate the desired outcome. - REPAIR – discuss necessary steps on how to solve the current behavior problem, review better choices, and set ground rules should the poor behavior choices continue. This requires you to be intentional in your actions so that your long-term goals start to take shape. Of course, this strategy won’t work all the time, so it’s also important to have a backup strategy. For starters, it’s better to say ‘consequences’ instead of ‘punishments’ so that your intentions are more goal-oriented versus pain-oriented. When are consequences ok? - Only after you’ve you have worked through the 3 steps of discipline and your child intentionally disobeys the ground rules. What type of consequences is ok? - One that matches the behavior. For example: if the child throws her iPad in an impulsive rage, then taking away her iPad for 48 hours is considered a reasonable consequence. (A week is a long period and could potentially trigger more anger and rage. The goal is to teach her, but also empower her to self-correct her behavior in the future. The smaller time frame will teach her that throwing things is not acceptable, but at the same time, you trust that she will re-correct this behavior within the next few days.) What type of consequences are not ok? - One that is retroactive. For example: taking away good things isn’t the best consequence, such as Taekwondo lessons, which positively reinforces self-discipline. Although parents may think this is a good move because it’s an activity they enjoy and the pain of losing Taekwondo will teach them a valuable lesson, it’s doing the opposite. Pain infliction based on taking away something they like may cause more misbehavior and instill long-term damage in their trust for you. Also, strongly consider the fact that they lose all the positive benefits karate reinforces such as discipline, confidence, fitness, positive social interaction, and more. - One that decreases morale. For example: taking away a student’s belt will shame the child, which decreases self-esteem. Public humiliation will leave a permanent footprint in the child’s brain, specifically a negative one. For every negative footprint left, self-esteem and morale decrease. The more children lack self-confidence and moral, the lesser chance you have of them believing in themselves to make proper behavior choices. So, what do you do if you have a child that is misbehaving all the time with bits of rage, back-talking, and defying the rules? - You map out a productive strategy that includes a method for developing better behavioral habits along with pre-determined consequences. For example: if you hit someone, then you must write a letter to the person you hit (or if you are younger, you must meet with the person with a specific pre-framed apology). - If you throw something, then you lose a personal item for 48 hours. - If you show poor manners, then you must re-enact the proper manner if you are younger, or write a letter about having better manners. All of this should be pre-framed. - If you wake up late for school because you stayed up late the night before, then you must go to bed an hour earlier for the next two days. - At the same time, if you want consequences to work then you also need rewards. Reward your child when she goes a week without misbehaving. (This time frame may be shorter or longer depending on the child.) Also, the best rewards are not material things, but more relationship-building rewards. For example, she can pick to go to a family movie or a special place for a family dinner. - My suggestion is to make a list of rewards and consequences so that you are prepared. Now, what if you’ve tried this strategy and it doesn’t work? - For starters, be sure to give it time. If you are struggling with your child, then you must be reasonable on how long it will take to develop better behavior choices. It won’t happen overnight, and at the same time, she may get better and then fall off track again. - However, if you’ve tried these strategies for a solid month with no success, then the next step is to bring in an expert. Chances are there may be some other underlying reasons for the behavior. Bottom line, the three biggest takeaways from this are: - Discipline is the better, more positively-productive method for instilling long-term behavior skills. - Connect, re-direct, and repair is the 3-step method for developing self-discipline skills. - When necessary, the consequences are more productive than punishments. Avoid consequences that are retroactive or ones that decrease morale. Be sure to add rewards as well. I hope this article sheds some positive light on how to help your child make better behavior choices! To learn more about our powerful Kids Martial Arts/Childhood development program that uses martial arts as the vehicle for growth, or to get your child started at our Midlothian location, click the button below:

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Ever think that you’d be so much happier if you were the guy driving down the street in a car that costs as much as someone’s house? Turns out, if you’re getting quality Zs and have a happy sex life, you’re the one winning, man. A new study has found the top indicators of happiness, and money doesn’t even hit the top five. The study conducted by researchers from Oxford Economics and the National Centre for Social Research in Great Britain, asked 8,250 people of varying backgrounds to fill out a 60-question survey to determine what it means to “live well.” The questions covered everything – from the state of an individual’s sleep quality, finances, and job security to their relationships with friends, family and their community. And the results? They weren’t what you’d expect. The result was the creation of the Sainsbury’s Living Well Index, which generated a list of the top factors that separated the happiest 20 percent from everyone else. In order of biggest influence, sleep quality, sex life, job security, health of close relatives and chatting to neighbors were the top five factors that determined who was actually living well. The study found that income had very little impact on a person’s perception of well being. In fact, a 50 percent increase in disposable income only led to a miniscule increase in a person’s “living well” score. So what does that mean for you? Granted, this research was done on people living in Great Britain, but the country bears many similarities to ours. Bottom line, if you want to be happier, it’s time to buddy up with that bed in more ways than one and give those relationships in your life some much-needed attention.

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Stand Strong with the ground rules of assertiveness Assertiveness is a word that has a different meaning for everyone of us. And even though we all agree that it is a specific way of interacting with others, this interaction will look differently for everyone. Your “If I was more assertive I would…” will be different than mine. And that’s great. We are all individuals. If I set a goal to be more assertive in my life, my success will look differently to yours. There is however one major misconception about assertiveness that leads us astray. This misunderstanding negatively impacts our attitude towards learning the concepts of effective communication and impacts the level of success we achieve with the learning. Assertiveness is not only about saying “No“. It is not a set of skills that give us confidence to talk down to others, to argue and question others or to be defensive. Learning assertiveness skills in order to stand up for yourself against others is hopeless, pointless and it diminishes the purpose of effective communication. That’s what assertiveness is Not! So now let’s find out what assertiveness actually is and how to benefit from the developing the skills associated with assertive communication. For anyone considering the benefits of assertiveness in their lives let’s introduce the ground rules of assertiveness: - Assertiveness is about you. The focus is on you and your behavior - It starts with the realization and your acceptance that you have rights - These rights are for you to honor first. Others may still not honor your rights even when made aware of them. It is your job to stand your ground for yourself (not to change others way of thinking, acting and behaving) - Others have rights too and they are exactly the same as yours - In assertive communication both sides involved are equal - Rules of assertiveness apply also to the way you treat yourself, speak to yourself and think of yourself (when you hear your own judgmental self-talk) Assertiveness is about setting boundaries and maintaining your personal rights. Others don’t have to and may not. Trying to force our rights onto others leads to aggression which is a form of communication that’s overpowering and disrespectful. Assertive communication is based on equality and if necessary on compromise. The intention behind assertive communication is to understand and be understood as opposed to an ego driven need to be right. So start with yourself and focus on yourself. Set your own personal goals for assertive communication and develop skills. Join us to learn practical techniques and strategies that work. Take steps toward more effective communication with others and with yourself. This workshop runs on a regular basis throughout the year so check the website for latest dates, prices and offers. If you want to be contacted for future dates please email [email protected] Book here : Details of upcoming events Time : 6:30pm – 9:30pm Venue : Grand Canal Hotel, Ballsbridge, Dublin 4 You might also like the following Related posts: FREE Online Open Events – Advanced and Practitioner Coaching Diplomas You are very welcome to come along to one of our next Online Open Events for the Practitioner Diploma in Coaching with Neuroscience and for the Advanced Diploma in Coaching with Neuroscience. This is an excellent opportunity to find out more about the benefits of learning advanced and practitioner level coaching skills with a professional qualification from Positive Success Group. Find out more about these highly successful part-time courses. Read more Find out why you want to attend this event: Read more ONLINE OPEN EVENT DETAILS |Date||Monday, 8th November| |Time||7.30pm – 8.30pm| If you’re unable to attend please contact us to discuss. We are happy to answer any questions you might have about the course and coaching.

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Any Baby Can offers childbirth and parenting classes for anyone trying to gain new parenting expertise and create strong, positive relationships with their kids. Plenty of parents offer new dad and mom nitty-gritty baby tips for getting the job accomplished. But here’s one thing different…tips to help you thrive, develop and truly enjoy your journey as a new-parent-to-be. One of the toughest issues about parenthood is figuring out tips on how to discipline a toddler Unique Baby Names while you’re both raging mad at each other. Jane Nelsen, a psychologist and mom of seven, teaches mother and father not solely tips on how to defuse these powder-keg situations, however tips on how to keep away from energy struggles so you do not get to the boiling level to start with. Even the most rock-solid relationships are examined by youngsters. Author Jancee Dunn mixes a first-person perspective with journalistic relationship research to give you some achievable recommendation for tips on how to survive the new-parent stage of marriage. Early mind improvement, Schore explains, just isn’t pushed simply by genetics. “Mother Nature and Mother Nurture mix to form Human Nature,” he writes. This pattern can even outcome when the mother has a mental sickness, substance dependancy, or a quantity of danger components like poverty, substance abuse and a historical past of being mistreated. Babies of mothers like this can be flooded with anxiousness; alternatively, they are often “checked out” or dissociated, exhibiting a flat, expressionless have an effect on or odd, frozen postures, even when held by the mother. Later these children tend to turn into controlling and aggressive, and dissociation stays a most well-liked protection mechanism. As toddlers, insecure-avoidant youngsters don’t pay a lot attention to their moms or their own emotions, and their explorations of the physical world are inflexible and self-reliant. By preschool, these youngsters are typically extra hostile, aggressive, and have extra unfavorable interactions overall. Absolutely. Poor Parenting and social media is to blame honestly — Captain Paper Chaser ! (@RockinDaBaby4) July 1, 2021 Even the strongest relationships are strained through the transition to parenthood. Lack of sleep, unending house responsibilities and new fiscal concerns can lead to profound stress and a decline in marital satisfaction — all of which have an result on baby’s care. Not surprisingly, 69% of new mother and father expertise conflict, disappointment, and hurt feelings. Parenting is as high stakes as it gets—another person’s life is in your palms. And many people look to gurus for straightforward step-by-step instructions on the way to do it right. But what the “experts” are telling us doesn’t always work. They don’t account for the truth that elevating other people is a messy endeavor. - While studying, you may be taught the way to strengthen your relationship with your children, partner and your self. - This class is for households anticipating multiples and includes Childbirth Preparation, Newborn Care, and Breastfeeding. - The finest approach to present your child how to behave is to set a constructive instance for her or him to comply with. Twins generally tend, particularly within the early years, to be very dependent upon each other. Time aside helps develop separate identities and in addition offers kids necessary one-on-one time with an grownup. The fact that twins have been together since conception presents many advantages for the siblings. For example, twins usually study to sleep via noise and motion and shortly understand they need to wait to have their wants met. Twins could exhibit less separation anxiety as a end result of they have a constant companion. The bond that twins form creates consolation as they move through many of life’s transitions collectively similar to being left in the care of babysitters or entering the world of child care. Code factors out that “3,000 years in the past, the mother-child stress connection might need been adaptive, but now we’re seeing completely several sorts of maternal stress. If you’re a father or mother, you might have seen your stress stage in your child’s eyes, or maybe you have seen it performed out in his or her conduct. If you’re not a mother or father, you may remember the feeling of enjoyment Baby Boy Clothes at your individual parents’ happiness, or the devastation if you sensed that they weren’t OK. Children are sponges, in spite of everything – and everyone knows this intuitively. It’s not the most popular area of analysis, for apparent reasons, however it’s properly price trying into. Over The Moon’s Toddler Playschool teachers are top-notch and pay shut consideration to the social and developmental needs of each child. Ask questions about what kinds of meals you’ll have the ability to introduce to your baby and how to do so. In addition to maintaining them safe, it is necessary to make sure they’re getting adequate sleep and correct nutrition. Regular wellness visits are key to ensuring your toddler is on course with developmental milestones as well. The best method to spend time with your toddler is to get down on the ground alongside them in a child-friendly space—but comply with their lead. Spanking, slapping and screaming at a child are by no means appropriate. Tell your youngster if she or he doesn’t pick up his or her toys, you’ll take the toys away for a day. If your youngster does not cooperate, observe through with the consequence. Remind your youngster to use phrases to precise his or her feelings. Generally, automobile seats expire within six years of purchase. Nuna’s supplies and manufacturing process are impressively eco-friendly; Nuna by no means uses synthetic flame retardants on their automotive seats and features aluminum, steel, cloth, and plastic components Enmeshed Parenting. When selecting a car seat, make sure to look into the company’s sustainability practices and material-sourcing. Babies need their enamel brushed too and essentially the most sustainable way to do this is with a silicone brush. Add a new child or being pregnant to the combo, and the voyage could feel overwhelming at occasions. As a brand new or anticipating parent, you will likely obtain lots of data from the net and from well-intentioned loved ones. It can be robust to differentiate truth from fiction, notably in phrases of information and opinions about coronavirus. Over the Moon is actually our family’s house away from residence. Margaret was an invaluable support and useful resource after I was a nervous new mom. All of the staff treat my youngsters like household; are all incredible and natural academics and my daughter’s face lights up with pure joy each time we go in. And if you’re one of the tens of millions of women who are facing an unplanned being pregnant, we all know that a few great podcasts won’t give you the in-depth support you need.

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Wordsworth reminded us in his famous 1802 poem, "My Heart Leaps Up" that it's essential in life for an adult to retain the pure joy of youth. When it comes to a change of roles when you become a parent, these words resonate with you for a long time. As you transform yourself into a person responsible for your child's development, you should be able to navigate the labyrinth that distinguishes an effective parenting style from an ineffective one. The good news is that there is no best parenting method; however, it doesn't have to mean hit and trial every single time. Here is a list of ways for you to become an effective parent. These are not commandments but pointers that will help you improve your parenting skills. Be a good role model yourself. When a child starts walking or attempts it, it's mostly because they try to imitate the actions of the adults surrounding them. In their vigour towards becoming independent, infants learn things by mimicking the older lot. To be an effective parent, you should preach and practice the ideals you are trying to teach your children. Being grateful for others' help, helping others in need, constantly engaging in random acts of kindness and acting from a place of forgiveness and consideration are all positive social cues for your children to observe and act upon. Follow the "show, don't tell" principle in your actions where applicable. Children finding consonance in your words and actions would respond more actively to your suggestions and instructions. Nothing is more valuable than being the good person that your child assumes you to be. Make rules and be consistent about them. Children's mental and physical activities start working at an amplified speed as they grow up. They tend to question things more fiercely. This change in their attitudes shouldn't be taken as an act of rebelliousness. It should be treated as a child trying to evolve and become a person with multi-dimensional needs. As an effective parent, you need to come up with changing rules with the changing age of your child to create an environment of new learning for them. They will make mistakes, and depending on the severity of their actions, consequences should be laid out well in front of them. Don't make it sharp and curt— this or that. Instead, lead with If…then statements. Make it clear to your child that their wrong actions will accompany felt consequences, like loss of earned privileges. Be consistent in your actions so they can follow a pattern with you vis-a-vis what kind of results their positive or negative actions can lead to. Rules are essential for establishing do's and don'ts for your child. Your child should be aware of what is well-balanced behaviour. Directing them towards a place of calmness when they are full of rage helps them understand and reign in their emotions. A child should learn not to react; as with any learning, it will take time and effort from both parties to understand and act on them. It's a long-term process and often involves employing negotiating and bargaining skills. Since this is a post-internet world, your child will come across things that are entirely new tog you. Make it an inter-learning process and make the rules flexible where it's due. Keep all your communication channels open. Children do better when they are active participants in their learning process. If our adult relationships are any reference for how we should work around our kids, it tells us that we respond better to those keen to listen to our side of the story with empathy and non-judgmental air. Nudging children into opening up to discuss their needs and expectations is an excellent way to forge a healthy relationship. Be careful to determine whether your child has the wavelength for a particular kind of conversation or not. Take it slow and expand the limits once they show signs of reciprocation and proactiveness in having such discussions. Drop in a letter to your kid and keep the tone varied. Don't always play with the vibe of good behaviour and reasonable reward. Even when they might have done something wrong, drop in words of encouragement and understanding. Tell them that we all learn through mistakes and do better. Engage in different communication mediums and let your child explore the world of storytelling and conflict resolution as they take an interest in them. Avoid behaving like your own parents. We unconsciously act like our own parents when dealing with our children. Don't feel embarrassed about it if you realize it after reading it here. Humans tend to gauge our memory to understand and apply our past experiences to our current needs. It serves us better if we don't repeat the actions or words that adversely impacted us in our growing-up years. Our parents might have employed tactics that worked well in short durations. As a person with the knowledge and awareness of what shortcuts might do to your child's psychology of making associations, you must constructively arrive at composite solutions. Spend both quality and quantity time with your kids. It's not enough for you to drop off your kids at school, provide them with food and clothing, and ensure they have a roof under their heads. All these are basic needs that need to be backed up by spending time with them that is quality oriented. Prepare a daily time block for your kids and do things that combine your child's core interests and skills that you think your child needs to learn. Kids often act out because they want attention. If you shower your kids with enough time, it will most assuredly make you an effective parent. Read out to them. We understand our worlds better when told through stories. There is a reason that animation, comic strips, stage performances, and more are magical and inspire their viewers to do better. Make it a ritual to read your child's stories (either fiction or nonfiction) at bedtime or at a scheduled time. This helps with your children's imagination power, communication skills, basic grammar and also understanding of the diversity of the world that we live in. Open-mindedness often comes from wholehearted acceptance of things seen-unseen. Make your children enter a world full of possibilities and see them reaching for the stars. Science also has enough evidence to prove that children who grow up in an environment of listening skills become more empathetic and write in a subtle manner in the future. Don't hit them. No matter what the range of their tantrums, don't ever spank your child. Hitting your child will make them more aggressive with you and their peers, and they will likely become bullies to gain control over others. Be extremely mindful of not using aggression both verbally and physically with your child. If they show aggression, hold them close to themselves or hug them out till they become gentle in their demeanor, and this will make them learn an important lesson when dealing with such aggression themselves. It's our responsibility to teach our children to always choose the path of peace over violence. Love them unconditionally. Don't confuse love with materialism. There is nothing called 'too much love'. Love can constantly be expanded in every relationship. You are loving your child unconditionally through little acts of kindness, being present and letting them fight their own battles. Unconditional love comes from the idea of wanting to see a person growing up in a nourishing space that comes from an expansive and not scarcity mindset. By loving your child well, you will teach them the values of love and care. People who are loved thrive well. The point of loving someone is to see them growing up into persons of accountability and immersive love. Love them hard, and don't make them feel they need to give you something back for all the love you shower on them. Also, wear those god-damn matching t shirts for family when out on a picnic with your children. Flaunt your love, too at times. Practice self-love and care. If you, as a parent, feel burned out, please take a break. Don't guilt yourself into thinking you should be there for your child's every living moment. Don't forget you will be able to care for them only when you are mentally, emotionally and physically capable. Centre your energies towards yourself. Seek help when needed— dial up your family, friends or a child development specialist and seek guidance. If you can afford it, hire a nanny for your kid, and go out on a date with your current or potential partner. Put on that glamorous outfit and get your flirting game on. When you are secure, you will also provide an environment of learning self-sufficiency for your kid. Be their safe space. Finally, be your child's safe space. Your child shouldn't think twice before reaching out to you, and they should be your emergency contact voluntarily. Build a relationship with your kid based on transparency, openness, good humour and immeasurable love. We all get lost and are misguided at times. And if that's the case with adults, imagine the kind of journey that the little ones are undertaking in making meanings out of the world. Hold their hands and let them go when needed. And if a teenage child or a grown up child is reading this please be grateful for the sacrifices made by your parents as well, and always learn to give back the love given by them.

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Three steps to being assertive without being aggressive Assertiveness comes from being super-confident. Aggressiveness comes from being defensive and arrogant and having a sense of entitlement. No one has the right to abuse or disrespect you in any way; however, some people are so self-centred they are unaware that they are doing something to offend you, some know exactly what they are doing and see you as a soft touch. By being assertive, you will form strong, more mutually respectful relationships - both professionally and personally - and you will considerably raise your self-confidence. Golden rules for assertive communication - Use ‘I’ statements: This is very powerful as it comes from taking responsibility for yourself and speaking merely from your personal point of view and not blaming your feelings, thoughts or opinions on others. - State facts, not judgements: Always label the behaviour, not the person. e.g It’s not OK for you to be unkind about my appearance. - Use open body language: Stand or sit straight. Your voice must be calm, gentle and firm. Make direct eye contact. Now you know the golden rules, here are three steps to help you avoid aggressive communication: 1. Good fences make good neighbours, right? Good boundaries give you measurable borders and do not allow others to take limitlessly - they are crucial to set and maintain. If you want to learn to stand up for yourself, you need to have boundaries. This will develop your emotional strength and build your confidence. Setting boundaries illustrates that you have self-respect and displays to others that you honour and value yourself. 2. You get to decide Be clear about what your limits are. Perhaps you don’t approve of someone smoking in your car. Perhaps you feel it is unacceptable for others to use bad language in front of your children. Perhaps you feel that your teen is abusing your house by inviting friends over every night. Perhaps you feel it is not acceptable for your colleague to constantly help herself to your milk in the fridge without asking. Perhaps a colleague keeps dumping extra work on you and assuming you will do it. 3. Turn your thoughts around, turn your world around If you ever feel you are overreacting, being too sensitive, behaving childishly, being a drama queen or being unreasonable, stop right there as you are not. If someone is being aggressive, manipulative, demanding, rude and arrogant, if they have expectations of you and a sense of entitlement, they don’t contribute financially and aren’t respectful to you, they put you down or jokingly show you up, they have the issue – not you! Make it happen - Why? It's your time to shine.

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As a parent, you must distinguish between your child’s behaviours, understanding the difference between those that are deliberate and those that are due to other factors, such as: fear, stress, fatigue, and hunger. Following these 5 parenting rules will help you figure out the clues your child is sending. Each parent or guardian will have their own unique way of parenting, which you learnt from how you were brought up. We all tend to parent as we were parented, until we become aware of certain behaviours and make conscious decisions to try and modify them. We can all think of times when we have said something and immediately had the thought, “I sound just like my mum (or dad).” Becoming more aware of our influences enables us to select our methods of parenting. Things we like, we can use. Things we don’t like, we can discard. As children, and even as adults, we learn by watching other people and by sharing our experiences. We also learn by trial and error. Most important of all, whatever parenting method you choose must be agreed upon and be consistently used by both parents. Always follow through on things that you said that you will do, even if you don’t feel like it. As time goes on you will have more experiences to draw from. 5 Rules for Modelling Positive Behaviours There are five main parenting rules which can be summarized as follows: - Clearly communicate your expectations to your children, using positive statements. For example, “I expect you to walk in the street and hold daddy’s hand,” versus, “There is no running in the street.” - Ignore inconsequential behaviours. When a parent gives attention to inappropriate behaviour (e.g., shouting and saying no), they may actually be strengthening the behaviour they want to eliminate. IGNORE! Don’t look, don’t frown, and don’t say anything. - Selectively reinforce appropriate behaviours. Behaviour management will only work effectively, and over the long term, through consistently reinforcing appropriate behaviours, such as: listening, attending, and speaking. It is more automatic to focus on what is wrong than what is right so, as parents, it will take some time to break those old habits. Your goal should be to have 8-10 positive interactions to every 1 negative, or at least 20 positives per hour. - Stop, then redirect inappropriate behaviours. If a behaviour needs to be attended to, approach your child in a calm, firm, non-threatening way, and redirect their behaviour by stating expectations in a neutral manner. Avoid the trap of being drawn into an argument or debate about the incident: who started it, etc. Be empathetic but focus on the positive redirection. - Stay close to your children. Punishment is humiliating. It creates the desire to escape, avoid, and punish back. If you hit me, I will hit you back. Spend quality time talking and listening to your child. It often works better to gain your child’s attention by getting down to their level, tapping them gently on the arm, and whispering their name. Use humour often. Increase appropriate physical interactions, such as hugging and non-threatening touch. Your child’s younger years are a time of great learning for them – and for you. Parenting is a skill that can be practiced and learnt, much like learning to play a new sport. It usually takes approximately a month to learn a new habit. The time that you spend learning about your child’s development and ways to teach good behaviour are well worth it and you will continue to reap the benefits in the years to come. Studies have shown that, as a parent, changing your pattern of verbal and non-verbal behaviour can help in improving your child’s behaviour and communication skills. My 10-week Parent-Child Interaction Coaching will be valuable to any parent or guardian who is struggling to improve their parenting skills.

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We are searching data for your request: Forums and discussions: Manuals and reference books: Data from registers: Upon completion, a link will appear to access the found materials. We never lose sight of how often we criticize a child, nor do we realize how rarely we praise it. But the key to success is in the proportions and in our attitude.Therefore, reinforce your child if he or she is doing something good (Source: iStock) If you want your child to do the best for himself, let's see when he is doing well and give him positive feedback. Negative things are much easier for everyone than positive ones, and the behavior of children is also much easier to spot. If we put these things in the eye of the kid, maybe megbьntetjьk йrtьk, we will not help in the long run the viselkedйse fejlхdйsйn.It is much better to make them aware that children can run from time to time, malice, and thus chase their parents. However, you should not smoke because you do not help them learn the right patterns of behavior. When we scold the kid like that, he can feel that way there is no certainty that they do not like it, which can cause frustration.Just before we criticize a child's behavior, it is better to lose some of the air first and tell us that a child behaves just like a child, because he is a child. we decide to react to our behavior. This can eliminate a great deal of home disputes and anxieties. So, if we are looking for a mistake in the child and facing it, it does not help them to change and develop. However, if they feel loved, respected, they will also be willing to work together. If you want your child to do the best they can, they should try to get things done during the day. To do this, let's first try to notice if your child is going to the right office for one thing, even if you don't do it perfectly. Here's an example of praising you for having to ask for your games just once - because at least after a warning. asks your friend after you repent. " Let's take a look at who - for example, when a preschool lectured on a tree, it made you think it was a tree and let's not criticize it for speaking loudly to the public. This is the job of uvunny, who put together the show, not the parent. Most difficult, though, is perhaps the most important thing is to try to positively see confused things - for example, tell him that he really loves having that much energy, instead of scolding it again.By putting this into practice, let's figure out how to summarize your child's day with this approach:"I love being so cheerful in the morning. You always make me wake up. I noticed how kind you were last night with your brother. I love when you brush your teeth anymore, I need to remind you. that it is disappointing that this has not been done right now, but I see you are over it. It will be much better soon. as good as you find it. I like when we talk in the car in the morning. that you are always paying attention to the animals and you are kind to me. How can I be so lucky to be your mother? " be like that (VIA)Related links:

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Unless someone is type-A, the prospect of being assertive tends to be daunting because we think of it as being aggressive. These tips will show you how to inspire respect and communicate your boundaries without being harsh, passive, or being perceived as unlikeable. It's easier than you think! Psychology Today states that assertive people "clearly and respectfully communicate their wants, needs, positions, and boundaries to others." It's a beautiful thing to be a thoughtful and respectable woman who clearly defines her wants and needs. And while it's not easy, maintaining your virtue without compromising is one of the sexiest things you can do. Maintaining your virtue without compromising is one of the sexiest things you can do. You'll simultaneously extract respect without demanding it at all. In fact, men and women around you will feel almost obligated to respect your boundaries, and even happy to do so. So why do most women balk at the thought of being assertive, or at least shy away from it? And why is it so difficult? Why Women Struggle Unfortunately, the line between assertive and aggressive is lost on many millennials. It's hard to be assertive when you don't want to impose yourself, hurt anybody, or blame anybody. It's hard to be assertive when all you've experienced when dealing with those people was aggression and unlikability. It's especially hard when you're shy and avoid conflict when you can. And of course, there's the social stigma of being perceived as "bitchy." Don't worry, you're not alone. Maybe it's a boss who wields their position over you followed by a thread of demands that aren't even in your job description. Perhaps it's a friend so anxious to speak, they impatiently wait for you to finish your sentence so they could put in their two cents (if they haven't already interrupted you). Or maybe it's a date that makes you feel like there's a ticking clock hovering over your head and if you don't act now, you may lose him forever. Any of those sound familiar? Why Avoiding Confrontation Harms Us Passiveness may help you avoid confrontation, but it wrecks our social confidence. We lose respect for ourselves when we compromise our values, and everyone around us can smell that bruised connection right away. Passiveness may help you avoid confrontation, but it wrecks our social confidence. The other option is to harden yourself by thinking the only way to get respect is to demand it; to wither the storm with pride and establish intimidation so that daring loudmouths second guess their next word. Both lead to bitterness. Both are unsuited for you. Remember - genuine respect can never be demanded, only commanded. So let's leave all that behind. Here is how to be assertive the right way, and how it can increase your confidence and happiness: Don't Think of It As "Asserting Yourself" Perhaps it's better to think of yourself as inspiring those around you. It's a lot less self-impose-y and a whole lot more radiant! To inspire gives you a chance to create a connection and a desire to get to know. That simple word change can shift your mindset from defensive to openness. Your Intention Isn't To Intimidate. It's To Inspire. Let's talk about "The Bliss Point," coined by Matthew Huessy. To summarize, it's a mode of communication that "combines the optimal level of salty and sweet." If your date asks you to spend the night after your first dinner together, you think about your values. You could freak out. You would be completely justified in doing so! But perhaps there's a better approach. First, try to think about it from his perspective: we live in such a fast-paced society, and your date has probably only dealt with fast-paced women. If that's all he's known, can you blame him for asking? Take blame out of the equation. Now you implement The Bliss Point: "I had lots of fun with you tonight, but it's not my style to move that fast. However, I'd love to go out with you sometime next week." It's communicating your boundaries clearly and playfully while leaving all that aggressiveness behind. It's a balance of expressing your emotions and boundaries, appreciating him, and giving hope. Inspire Your Friends To Respect Your Values How does this look in situations outside of dating? Like, say, peer pressure? Listen intently. Nod, rephrase, and try to emphasize. Assume the best intentions out of the other person, reassure they are not to blame for how they feel. Express your feelings, or what you want for them. Assure them afterward again, and perhaps offer a solution. Let's say your two friends get into a fight, and one of them tries to suck you into the mess. She tries to convince you to post something slanderous about the ex-friend on social media. (If that example was oddly specific, that's because I went through that not too long ago, and it was definitely an awkward situation!) Trying to reason with my friend, I said, "Yeah, I get it. What she said about you was messed up. I just don't see how blasting her publicly would solve anything. She'll only have an excuse to talk more crap. I don't want you to get into more trouble." Yes, you could say, "Don't drag me into this!" But you've already asserted your stance so much better this way by making it about her—you care what happens to her if she goes ahead and manages to convince you to blast an ex-friend. When she sees the damage it could cause her, she'll be less inclined to do it. In a world where most of us are selfish, show your friend that you are one of the few who actually cares about her well-being, and she can't do anything to make you endanger that. Now let's say your girlfriends all want to get together for a girls night out at the bar, and you just…don't do bars. You could say, "Hanging out with you guys sounds great! But I don't do bars, I don't drink, and I can't dance - I'll only be a liability, lol. But, if you wanna make plans like last week's, I'm down!" It's totally fine to poke fun at yourself. Trust me, I'm such a bore! Such a level of relaxed honesty will make your friends admire you all the more. In fact, whenever possible, tease yourself a bit! Being assertive or inspiring shouldn't be taken too seriously, especially if it's among your friends! People can feel personally attacked when rejected. Make it clear that you're not rejecting them because of THEM, but because of what they are asking you to do. I think that it's important to mention that if you feel threatened in any way, get out of there. If your safety truly depends on it, don't try to reason. Just remove yourself from the situation. It's truly empowering when those around you feel more comfortable opening up and taking in your suggestions, when your date feels privileged to be able to date a girl with high morals and no judgment in her, or when you put your friend's well-being into perspective. While some use assertiveness as a power trip, the real purpose of being assertive is to influence. When you're playful, you're already ahead.

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Is this causing her to be mean to other girls? information useful. You May Also Enjoy The Challenge of Parenting Teens: 9 Hurdles Every Parent Faces. I hear your concern about enforcing consequences with your, daughter, for fear that she might try to hurt herself again. Because they, have the benefit of directly interacting with both you and your daughter, they, will be in a better position to help you develop a plan to implement moving, forward to help you keep your daughter safe, as well as helping your daughter, to learn more appropriate coping skills. Something I often discuss, with parents is that consequences do not change behavior if your child is not, also learning more https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/. I have a young child almost 3 that doesn't respond to our discipline which is stern talks time outs and 123 spankings right after. we have a loving family and I have tried to speak to him at all different times and he just doesn't seem to have any issues that would explain why he behaves like this I find myself getting really annoyed with his behaviour now we'reas before I was much calmer but it's been months now and I feel I'm loosing . Teens are at an increased risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection than older adults. It can be helpful to, recognize that taste in music does change over time. statewide crisis hotline. Thank you for, writing in; please write back and let us know how things are going. The exception would be if there was a safety issue involved. I love that you affirmed how parents can be kind and yet authoritative. The Surprising Reason for Bad Child Behavior: “I Can’t Solve Problems”, & How to Find the Behavioral Triggers That Set Your Kid Off. So for example, if they get caught speeding in the car, they lose access to the car. As a consequence, you decide to keep her cell phone until she can go for two hours without swearing or calling anyone a name. There are a few advantages of this approach. or other authority figures? Please, be sure to check back and let us know how things are going for you and your, It can be worrisome when your teen continues to make the, same bad choices over and over again regardless of the consequences. What is the best consequence to use for a particular behavior? She has worked in Special Education, Alternative Education and adolescent group homes. As much as possible, I avoid terms like “time-out” and “restriction.” For the most part, I have found that a blanket consequence for kids is ineffective in molding hearts and changing behavior. Good luck to you as you. The highly effective method of disciplining teenagers is known as the three R’s of logical consequences for teens and although very simple, it does work very well. Three! 211 is a service, which connects people with supports in their communities, and you can reach, them by calling 1-800-273-6222, or by visiting http://www.211.org/, I recognize how scary and overwhelming this must be for you right now, and I. wish you and your family all the best moving forward. I can understand why you are, upset. Many times we hear from parents, “I keep giving consequences, but my child’s behavior isn’t changing! At 18. your daughter is now an adult, so you wouldn't give consequences the same as you would for a minor child. If your teen doesn’t do their homework, school may teach him a lesson by giving them extra homework, detention, or a zero mark or getting them to stay after school to complete the missed homework. An effective consequence is one that should encourage your child to change their behaviour. Reply. have set rules, have him seeing a psychiatrist, psychologist, and we are in family therapy. Take care. She has a BS in Psychology from the University of Southern Maine and is currently working on her Life Coach certification from the International Coach Federation. We drug tested him last week and he was clean, however within one hour of testing him, he had a friend over and his sister caught them "vaping" in his room. Do you struggle with disrespect or verbal abuse from your child? It’s obviously important to choose which behaviours you are going to ignore. Consequences Are Most Effective If They Are Time-Limited and Task-Oriented. This is probably the most common question we receive during our online parent coaching sessions. can be so frustrating when your child repeats a behavior for which she has, already received a substantial consequence. And minor unwanted behaviours tend to correct over time, especially if you don’t give them attention or overreact to them. Real parental consequences for teens discourage bad choices and protect them from themselves. anger, irritability, arguing, defiance, and vindictiveness toward you It can be really difficult to hear that your child is, having social difficulty with her classmates at school, and I’m glad that you, are reaching out for support. Most kids with behavior problems come around when this is structured right. Teenager house rules, which your adolescent must follow. Just like outlining consequences, outline the steps they need to take to restore their privilege. The consequence here is that they will have to either wash the clothes themselves, not get to wear the clothes they wanted, or wear them dirty. Please help me find a solution to this problem! So when it comes to providing guidance and discipline for your teen, remember these things: Teens are not as grown-up on the inside as they are on the outside. You must log in to leave a comment. If you do decide on grounding, here are some tips: If you do opt for grounding, don’t cut off all social contact for your teen. Remember, as James and Janet Lehman, creators of The Total Transformation® parenting program, tell us, the goal here is to teach your kids what to do differently next time. James and Janet Lehman point out that “consequences alone do not change behavior.” If that were the case, you could take away a privilege and your child wouldn’t act out anymore. The three R’s are related, respectful and reasonable. Unsafe or serious or unsafe behaviours should never be ignored. Get your FREE Personal Parenting Plan today. Effective Punishment for the Adolescent Used selectively with adolescents, punishment can have corrective influence. Logical consequences are ones that are a good fit to the “crime”. Take care. However, it’s. You could create a Job Jar filled with annoying or unpleasant (but necessary!) We ask that you refrain from discussing topics of a political It’s important to establish clear rules, and to have consequences for breaking those rules. First time we grounded her for 2 months. Your child is then rewarded when she is able to carry it through for the entire two hours. Ultimately, figuring out the reason why isn’t as important, as determining how you will address it with your daughter. Finally, some advice about grounding. Then literally 3 weeks later she did it again!!! Instead of saying, “You can have your phone back when I can trust you again,” say, “You can have your phone back after you have your homework completed.”. In order to avoid this temptation, we recommend waiting to give consequences until everyone is calm and then picking one thing that will be an effective motivator for your child.

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Parenting Tips for Strong-Willed Children Kids can never be compared- some needs opinion from parents irrespective of their age others are self-opinionated right from their childhood, they are bold, resistant, courageous and rebellious. Which in a way is good and bad at the same point, as it does get difficult for parents to manage their kid’s strong behavior. Strong-willed children can be a challenge when they’re young, but if sensitively parented, they become terrific teens and young adults. Self-motivated and inner-directed, they go after what they want and are almost impervious to peer pressure. Strong–willed kids are spirited and courageous. Dealing with situations gets difficult for parents and they don’t know whether to accept it or commute to modify it. Parenting the strong-willed child is a challenge. There are numerous challenges with strong-willed children while their growing years. They do get shroud and stubborn. Finding balance with their tantrums is a task for parents. The equipoise has to be maintained by parents by refusing to their undue demands with proclivity and positively instead of bringing them near to shame or awkwardness. Those who have experienced the strong-willed child they exactly know that parenting the strong-willed child is no less than a drudgery. Everyday basic things come to parents like a challenge with a strong-willed kid like-studying, taking bath, eating, going out and more. Strong-willed children are hard to raise but if parenting is done right, they bloom with shining colors. They are competitive and that makes them a great LEADER. What are the Strong-Willed Child characteristics? - Act bossy: Strong-willed children act bossy in their routine as they can’t see anyone taking charge of things. - Why: They raise questions about every possible thing and want you to answer what they wish to hear. - Lack of Patience: patience and strong-willed child are not good friends. They lose temper in just a snap. - Back Answer: they are always ready to argue, back an answer and prove their point no matter what. - NO: Their favorite word is mostly NO. They hardly agree on things as they are the strong head. They refuse immediately when asked to perform. ◊ Teaching Kids About Forgiveness Read our Article Dealing with a Strong-willed toddler is as same as dealing when they are teens. Once you know that your kid is strong-willed then you must gather the right techniques to handle them. Tips for parenting a strong-willed child - Do not get into an argument: Leave them unanswered but there is a difference between unanswered and ignorance. Make them realize their loud behavior is and will not be accepted anywhere. - Handle situations with maturity: Get your things done smartly, for instance, they don’t want to study then let them know your experience when you did the same. Make them understand as an adult. Talk about it. - Listen to them, give them all your ears: This will make you understand why do they behave aggressively and get agitated. To know what’s going inside them, let them open up and you be a good listener. - Let them take the authority but do that wisely: You let them take charge only when they are right or make sense if not put your point and then allow them to take a decision. - The positive side should be enhanced: In such a manner that they are ready to change for good. Basic human nature is when you listen to good things about yourself, you feel good and eventually, you behave well. How to discipline a Strong-Willed Child? - Set up a sleeping routine: set up their routine, ask them to follow a certain routine and let them take the charge to set it. - Be polite: Try and adopt reverse psychology with them, be polite with then even if they act impulsive, your positive approach will change their behavior with time. - Respect them: Give them respect and the same will come back to you. Give them choices rather saying NO to everything they come up with. Practice these simple techniques for raising a strong-willed child and you will see the difference in them and yourself. Build a healthy relationship with your strong-willed child. By: Neha Gandhi An aspiring writer. Yan Can Follow her on Facebook. Did you like this article? Sign up on our website. We give you the First glance at all of the awesome articles related to Mindful Parenting, Parenting Tips and Kids Activities in and around Edmonton, straight to your INBOX. Also Read : - “I am Bored” | Is Boredom Good For Kids? Can It Fetch Best In Your Kids? - How To Raise Strong, Passionate+Confident Daughters - How and Why to Avoid Gaming Addiction in Kids? - Back To School-The Do’s And Don’ts of Dropping Kids to School - Be A Playful Parent: 7 Ways To Add Active Play In Your Kids Routine - Are your Kids travel Ready? - 7 Practical Benefits of Gardening with Kids - 7 Benefits of Sending Children to Summer Camps - Why Family Vacations are Important for Mom-Dad & Kids - What can Fathers do to make the world a safer place for Children? - The Importance of Music in Child Development - Importance of Unstructured Outdoor Play For Kids - Benefits of Outdoor Play | Ways to Encourage Kids to Play Outside - Tips Every Parent Should Know To Raise Healthy and Happy Kids - Things Kids Can Say and Do To Stop Bullying

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Also found in: Thesaurus, Medical, Legal, Financial, Idioms, Encyclopedia. 1. Made uneasy by conflicting feelings. 2. Usage Problem Conflicting; mixed: conflicted emotions. Usage Note: The adjective conflicted appears to have overcome its history of association with pop psychology at least when referring to people. Back in 1988, some 92 percent of the Usage Panel rejected its use in the sentence Many managers are conflicted about the reorganization plan. But in our 2008 survey, 76 percent accepted the similar sentence She was deeply conflicted about taking the job with the new firm. The Panel allowed but looked less favorably on sentences in which conflicted referred to feelings. Some 52 percent accepted He had conflicted feelings about sending his child to private school. American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fifth Edition. Copyright © 2016 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved. unable to decide between opposing feelings or views Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged, 12th Edition 2014 © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003, 2006, 2007, 2009, 2011, 2014 full of conflicting emotions. Random House Kernerman Webster's College Dictionary, © 2010 K Dictionaries Ltd. Copyright 2005, 1997, 1991 by Random House, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Q: Every time we leave our 3-year-old boy with a babysitter, he throws a terrible tantrum. He screams, pulls on our legs, and cries all over the floor. How can we break him of this? Barbara: This is a very common problem for parents of preschoolers. The first step you should take is to talk with your child before you leave him for the evening. Say to him, “Mommy and Daddy are going out tonight, and we’re going to get a babysitter. I want you to know that we are going to come back at a certain time, and we expect you to obey the sitter while we are gone. I know you are not going to be happy about our leaving you. We will miss you while we are gone, but this is something we need to do.” Sometimes parents don’t appreciate what a 3-year-old can understand. It helps for the parents to sit down and logically explain what’s going to happen. Then they must follow through with what they’ve said. If the parents say they are going to leave, then they need to leave regardless of the child’s reaction. They should tell the child, “Crying and screaming will not make me stay home or come back earlier.” If the parent leaves with that resolved, the child will see that he isn’t going to gain the upper hand and control the parent. Dennis: I remember when this started with our children. It usually starts somewhere in the 18-24-month stage. In addition to explaining that we were leaving and clarifying what we expected from the child, we also outlined the consequences for throwing a tantrum or for failure to obey the sitter. If the child disobeys and continues to throw tantrums after you have explicitly forbidden them, you must continue to discipline with love. After a couple of times of discipline, the tears should dry up and the tantrums should end. The toddler will realize, “This isn’t working, this scene is painful, and I don’t like it.” That is the goal of discipline. Hebrews 12:11 says, “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” That is what we tried to do with our kids, and that is what God is trying to do in our own lives. Copyright © 2008 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

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Treatments for PTSD and domestic violence are very different; effective collaboration needed Novemer 4, 2008 – “The increasing number of veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) raises the risk of domestic violence and its consequences on families and children in communities across the United States,” says Monica Matthieu, Ph.D., an expert on veteran mental health and an assistant professor of social work at Washington University in St. Louis. “Treatments for domestic violence are very different than those for PTSD. The Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) has mental health services and treatments for PTSD, yet these services need to be combined with the specialized domestic violence intervention programs offered by community agencies for those veterans engaging in battering behavior against intimate partners and families.” Matthieu and Peter Hovmand, Ph.D., domestic violence expert and assistant professor of social work at Washington University, are merging their research interests and are working to design community prevention strategies to address this emerging public health problem. “The increasing prevalence of traumatic brain injury and substance use disorders along with PTSD among veterans poses some unique challenges to existing community responses to domestic violence” says Hovmand. “Community responses to domestic violence must be adapted to respond to the increasing number of veterans with PTSD. This includes veterans with young families and older veterans with chronic mental health issues.” Even as the demographic of the veteran population changes as World War II veterans reach their 80s and 90s and young veterans completing tours of duty in Iraq and Afghanistan, the numbers of living veterans who have served in the United States military is staggering. Current estimates indicate that there are 23,816,000 veterans. Matthieu says there are evidence-based psychological treatment programs that can be a great resource for clinicians to learn how to identify and treat PTSD symptoms. However, identifying battering behaviors among veterans with active PTSD symptoms may be difficult and may require consultation and referral to domestic violence experts. Research in the VA shows that male veterans with PTSD are two to three times more likely than veterans without PTSD to engage in intimate partner violence and more likely to be involved in the legal system. “Community violence prevention agencies and services need to be included in a veteran’s treatment plan to address the battering behaviors,” says Hovmand. “Veterans need to have multiple providers coordinating the care that is available to them, with each provider working on one treatment goal. Coordinated community response efforts such as this bring together law enforcement, the courts, social service agencies, community activists and advocates for women to address the problem of domestic violence. These efforts increase victim safety and offender accountability by encouraging interorganizational exchanges and communication. “Veterans Day is an excellent reminder that we need to coordinate the services offered by the VA and in the community to ensure that our veterans and their families get the services they need when they need it,” Matthieu and Hovmand say.

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Mothers' Child-Rearing Styles And Daughters' Dependency: An Examination Of Restrictive And Democratic Methods Date of Award Doctor of Philosophy (PhD) Jerome B. Dusek Personality and Social Contexts This study utilized methodology which incorporated both questionnaire and observational techniques in an effort to assess the differing interaction styles of "restrictive" and "democratic" mothers and their kindergarten-age daughters. The interaction styles of the mothers and daughters were observed in an experimental play room setting in which each mother-daughter pair completed a series of problem-solving tasks. Using 3 judges, mothers were rated according to their independence-encouraging and dependence-encouraging behaviors and their daughters with respect to independent and dependent behavior. From several kindergarten classes in an urban school district, 44 mothers elected to complete the Parent as Educator Interview (Schaefer & Edgerton, 1976). The results from these self-reports were used to classify 22 mothers as either "democratic" or "restrictive" in their child-rearing attitudes. Subsequently, these mothers and their daughters participated in the observational phase of the study. The subjects were asked to complete a series of puzzles under differing experimental conditions in which (1) the actual difficulty of the tasks was altered and (2) parental expectations toward the task difficulty were changed. The latter treatment conditions all contained challenging tasks of equivalent difficulty; however, mothers were given prior instructions that led them to expect either easy or difficult tasks. It was found that restrictive mothers exhibited significantly more dependence-encouraging behavior than democratic mothers in all treatment conditions. While democratic mothers encouraged independent behavior more than dependent behavior, the reverse was true for restrictive mothers. Daughters of restrictive mothers displayed significantly more dependent behavior than their counterparts. No significant differences were found between parent-types with respect to independence-encouraging behavior nor between their daughters' levels of independent behavior. Additional results indicated that overall maternal dependence-encouraging behavior was greater when mothers expected difficult tasks. With regard to parent-type, restrictive mothers' displayed more dependent-encouragement when they expected difficult tasks; however, democratic mothers displayed no such variation. . . . (Author's abstract exceeds stipulated maximum length. Discontinued here with permission of school.) UMI Prince, Barry Frederic, "Mothers' Child-Rearing Styles And Daughters' Dependency: An Examination Of Restrictive And Democratic Methods" (1981). Psychology - Dissertations. 140.

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Spoiler Alert: Tweens are entering a new and more independent phase of their lives. Manners and respect are not always top of mind for them – unless we emphasize respect as a tightly held principle of family behavior and expectations. Learning how to teach your child politeness, manners, and respect is not so much a one-off “lesson” that is taught and absorbed. Instead, it’s more of a way of living and behaving in your family. It’s the constant modeling of the behavior that you wish to see. A reinforcement of the values that are important to you. Let me show you how! I’ve had several posts rattling around in my brain for a bit chock full of things I want to share with you. And they’ve all been big lightbulb moments for me – hence the reason I’m eager to share. But all I can think to start writing with is, “YA’LL.” So, just “Ya’ll.” What is Respect? Abstract thinking isn’t one of my strongest skills – I’m not always great with abstract concepts. And the idea of respect can feel abstract as you’re considering how to show and teach tweens and teens about respect. When my boys were little, we talked about the golden rule. And this was a great start. In short, respect is a way of showing caring. But when they get older, and you’re teaching a teen or tween, it’s time to dig a bit deeper. This is the best definition I’ve found: At the heart of respect is caring. In simple words, respect is caring how words and actions may impact others. Respect has two parts: 1) having respect for someone because of how their actions impact others and 2) showing respect by changing your actions to be sure you don’t have a negative impact.Respect means you care enough to think about how you impact others. Is Your Child Being Disrespectful? How many times do you jump to the conclusion that your child’s behavior is rude without knowing the entire story? Especially during the tween and teen years? It can be all too easy to jump to the conclusion that the kids are rude. Several years ago, we had a birthday party at our house for my oldest son. One of his guests was leaving early and I asked my son if he wanted to come downstairs and say goodbye to his guest. He said, “no.” I asked him to come speak with me privately. Did the “good mother” thing. I explained how it was polite and respectful to walk guests to the door, thank them for coming, and say good-bye. He said, “Mom, it’s ok. I don’t need to say goodbye to him.” Ok. I’ll bite, “Why don’t you feel that you need to say goodbye to your guest?” “I said goodbye upstairs – and he’s coming right back. He just forgot something at home.” Me. *sheepishly* “Oh.” Now that we know more of the story: Was this disrespectful or rude behavior? Let’s look at what rudeness is and also a few examples of respect. An Illusion of Rudeness / A Myth of Respect I recently saw this YouTube video about being kind and respectful and it validated so many experiences that I’ve had in my life (like the one above). It also perfectly describes why I choose to teach kids politeness and respect in the way and that I do and with a respectful (see what I did there?) parenting style. Check out the video: (or come back to it, because I’m about to get into the nitty gritty of it!) What Is Rudeness? A child (or anyone else for that matter) has to do two things to be rude. First, they have to fail to meet one of our expectations. Second, there can be no reasonable excuse for the failure to meet expectations. Recognize that each of these scenarios is subjective and they leave lots of room for you to imprint your family’s unique values upon them. But…this is a bit of a double edged sword. It definitely helps us define what is rude behavior for our family. We can set the expectations for our family members and we can also hold standards as to what would constitute a “reasonable excuse” for not meeting them. (Remember An Affair to Remember? I think we can all agree Terry had more than a reasonable excuse for not showing…) But – and here’s the tricky part – we can’t define these subjective ideas for others or their families. When we try to do so, we are refusing to acknowledge and celebrate differences – condemning the customs or traditions of different cultures or simply their lack of knowledge of our customs – simply because we jumped to the conclusion that they behaved rudely. Consider this: In China, burping is seen as a sign of satisfaction with the meal and is considered a compliment to the chef, so don’t be surprised if it happens at the dinner table! If we were to consider this person rude at our dinner table, we would deny them the opportunity to engage in their own cultural customs as well as deny ourselves the opportunity to learn about their culture! (And, we would never know that our guest had given her compliments to the chef!) Surely, this isn’t what we want for our kids! I wan my kids to not only “tolerate” but to celebrate diversity. Concrete Examples of Respect Here are the Cliff’s Notes: respect is about caring. Respect is an action or feeling that shows we care. EXAMPLES OF RESPECT - Admiring (respecting) a historical figure who stood up for what she believed in, even when it was hard. - You are quiet in a library to show that you care about (respect) others’ need to read without interruption. - You follow your parents’ rules to show them you care (respect) how they feel about the situation. - Not calling people names because you care about (respect) their feelings. - Not damaging public places because you care about (respect) preserving the quality of the place and other people’s right to enjoy it. - You don’t hit or otherwise hurt people because you care about (respect) their well-being. - Using other people’s toys with care (respect) so you don’t break them. - You dress, speak, and act in a way that shows you care about what you know is right and safe, because you care about (respect) yourself and your well-being. - Not interfering with other people’s right to look, think, or act differently than you because you care about (respect) their feelings and well-being. I cannot take credit for this list which takes an abstract concept and turns it concrete. (Refer back to my abstract thinking challenges.)A definition of respect for children It can be really eye-opening to discover what and whom our kids respect. If you want to learn a bit more about challenges and struggles your tweens & teens are facing, and if you want to know what acts your child respects or seeks to emulate, sign up below! Three Cures To Seeing Rudeness I know it can be all too easy to jump to the conclusion that the kids are being rude. But what if we could show our tweens and teens (and everyone else) some grace, gave them the benefit of the doubt, and had a bit more confidence in our own ability to be good role models and to show our kids a positive attitude. Take a deep breath, mama and realize that there may be more to the story. This first idea is HARD for me! Lean into the discomfort of not knowing why somebody behaved in the way that they did. Recognize that you don’t need to know why they behaved the way they did in response to your kindness. Let’s model for our children and teach them that take pride in their acts of kindness and respect. Instead of becoming angry at another person’s response to our actions – let’s simple rest in the comfort of knowing that we acted in a kind and respectful way. There’s a paradox here. Let’s move toward abandonment of the ideas of rudeness and respect. Instead, if we can behave kindly simply because it’s the right thing to do, we have raised good humans. We have made the world just a bit more of a compassionate place for all of us. I always teach my kids to take stock of the things that they can control vs. the things they cannot control. As I’m teaching respect, I make sure they understand that they can control whether their behavior is polite and respectful. But, they cannot control how people will respond. But remember, we aren’t teaching our kids that the response is the reason for polite and respectful behavior. Their expression of kindness – whether it’s reciprocated or not – is the reason. Showing and Teaching Respect To Our Tweens & Teens So what does this all mean for our goal of peaceful parenting? It means that when we show our kids respect, they learn respect. They learn respect in all its forms. They learn the most important reason that we show respect – to share kindness with others regardless of the response. And possibly even more important than them learning respect is that by showing our children respect, we hold space for them to be their own person – not forever chained to the subjective views of others. And we allow them to hold that space for others as well. PIN THIS SO THAT YOU CAN COME BACK LATER!

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First Name Middle Initial Last name Currently, a large part of the young people today suffers from emotional and behavioral problems. It was noted that in a study, close to one – fourth or 25% suffer from this problem of emotional and behavioral concerns (Heath, 2008). This total to about 12 million children and majority may have a great problem in handling stress and leads to act of violence and intolerance. The cycle of expressing hostility with the lack of addressing the problem itself just continues on and generates more hostility to the child and leads into peer rejection. The expression of hostility that anger spreads in the environment caused by habitual expression of anger and violence is very much unhealthy for everyone involved. The vicious cycle of anger only keeps the heat going and continues to justify the right and become angrier. Although the angry person may feel a little bit better for a brief moment after releasing rage, that person often feel worse for losing his temper or even hold on to his anger and rationalizing it into himself for him to maintain the erratic behavior. Aggression can be learned by children; through watching others engage or are involved in it. The Coercion Model of Aggression by Gerald Patterson proposes that parents who are short of parenting competence and skills unintentionally guide their children to be disobedient and act in rebellious and unsociable manners (Patterson & Reid, 2002). Child-parent clash or conflict tends to occur due to poor parental disciplinary skills and coercive supervision practices. This child-parent conflict intensifies children’s aggression that can lead to their negative behaviors and actions toward the society. Children who grew up being disapproved of and abused by parents grow up thinking that whatever they do is unacceptable. Hence, they start to believe that the world is full of injustice and angers takes over their beings. When a child’s behavior becomes aggressive, he tends to begin perceiving threats in situations that are uncertain or vague to him. He faces these situations with impulsive and reckless anger, making him distant from his friends or classmates (Walker, 2003). His peers who give out hostile comments will convince him even more that his actions and beliefs of such threats are valid and existing. Such child would end up being unwanted and isolated by his friends making him feel that the entire world is out to get him and against him. By being cut off from his friends who can give him positive representations of behavior, this child would then feel abandoned and discouraged. This consistently angry child would respond constantly to his superficial small injustices in his everyday life. These children blame the people around them their difficulties and problems and they do not take any responsibility for the actions that they make. These children can be part of gangs, who as a group engage in torment or bully behavior. Members of such group can be children who have poor self esteem by having conflicts with his family and peers. He tends to seek and find his identity by being a member of a gang. Violent behavior is perceived as appropriate by gang members as sense of injustice, pride, and aggression is part of their group. These children can deal with their perceived threats and aggressive behavior. They need to see the real picture of their worlds. Their family, friends, schools, etc, can teach them several alternatives in order to have their needs met instead of turning to aggressive behaviors. Relaxation, self soothing, and stress management methods can be taught to rebellious children in order for them to be able to take care of themselves. With adult support and encouragement, the negative emotions of shame and anger of these children can be let go. Reference: Heath, Phyllis. (2008). Parent-Child Relations: Context, Research, and Application. Prentice Hall. Patterson, Gerald & Reid, John. (2002). Antisocial Behavior in Children and Adolescents: A Developmental Analysis and the Oregon Model for Intervention. American Psychological Association. Walker, Hill. (2003). Antisocial Behavior in Schools: Evidence-Based Practices. Wadsworth Publishing.Sample Essay of PaperDon.com

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TOP TEN TIPS WHEN DISCIPLINING YOUR CHILDREN - Be the leader and teacher in your home. - Discipline means “to teach.” - Discipline does not mean “to punish.” - Remain calm even if you have to fake it. - Set clear rules and follow through with consequences. - Consider your children’s age and abilities when making demands. - Be flexible but don’t “cave” to avoid conflict. - Be on the same page with others who discipline your kids. - Brainstorm with your kids to solve problems. - Build a loving relationship with your kids so they will listen to you. READ EDUCATIONAL ARTICLES – practical, well-researched information for parents: An Introduction to Discipline The Dual Role of Parents: Providing Nurture and Structure The Right Attitude for Discipline that Works The Most Effective Parenting Style of Discipline that Works Using Rules for Discipline that Works Consequences that Work: An Effective Discipline Tool A Case against Corporal Punishment and Effective Alternatives READ NEWS & VIEWS NEWSLETTER ARTICLES – words of wisdom by parents for parents: How Many Times Do I Have to Tell You? Ponder awhile your Parenting Style Say “Yes” to Less “No’s” Please Don’t Spank your Children and What to Do Instead Vote for a Democratic Family: Creating a Voice and a Vote in your Home Some Rules about Rules Truths about Consequences Negotiating the End of Battles: Using Problem Solving Skills Ten Favorite Parenting Techniques LISTEN TO NARRATED PRESENTATIONS – sit back, relax, and turn up your speakers: The Tools for Effective Discipline: |Part I – Why Discipline is Difficult ||Part II – The Dual Role |Part III – The Three C’s ||Part IV – Staying Calm |Part V – Getting and Being Clear ||Part VI – Disciplining with Confidence Other Discipline Topics: |The Purpose of Discipline |The Best Discipline Style |Part I – How to Use Rules ||Part II – How to Set Rules |Part III – 6 Steps for Setting Rules ||Consequences: A Discipline Tool <Library of Articles topic page

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Written By: Mark S. Core values are the root beliefs from which a person or organization operates. Stemming from our desires, they determine our life direction and the impact we will have even beyond our time on earth. Values, then, determine our legacy. Values direct our personal lives and the choices we make. The choice of a meal with friends or grabbing a quick lunch is often determined by what is of the highest value at that time – completing schedule commitments or investing in relationships. While both are important, those priorities may change in each situation but the underlying values do not. One of the most popular TED Talks is Simon Sinek’s “Start With Why.” He eloquently explains that rather than start with what you do, then how you do it, he says great organizations and leaders start with their ‘Why.’ The Wright brothers who were under-capitalized, under-educated, and under-sophisticated were driven by a cause and so became the first ones to fly. They understood their ‘Why.’ To determine our purpose and the ‘Why’ that leads to our legacy, we must understand our values. This is the “why of our why.” At SOS, we desire to leave a legacy for at-risk children and bring hope that they could leave a legacy themselves. Our ‘why’ comes from our values, which encompass and inform everything we do. We see at-risk children and the problems they face. While many are beginning to see the problems of sex trafficking, malnutrition, dirty water, or hopeless situations, we see people. Every at-risk child has a name. We see them. We engage with communities and local partners to provide grassroots solutions. It is not enough to see, we must engage – show up, actively listen, and introduce hope. We strengthen communities to create a sense of belonging and safety for at-risk children. Every child matters and everyone has a part. Knowing that strong communities bring greater safety, we build relationships and trust through our partners and for at-risk children. We build sustainable solutions and partner with Local Care Networks to execute long-lasting change. We come alongside and set others up for success. Our partners are the heroes and we serve them as they serve. Sometimes challenging the status quo, we are responsible risk-takers, who embrace and drive change. In many organizations, values become inconsequential. They are relinquished to a wall plaque, visible to visitors but invisible to the staff who pass them each day, disconnected to their work. Values are irrelevant without impact. To know what is important to a person or organization, study the use of their time, talent, and treasure. At SOS, we are hopeful you see where we invest in ours. For the thoughtful and conscientious, leaving a legacy is a high priority – perhaps the highest. Our legacy comes from our values. Not those published and forgotten, but rather the deep beliefs we have of what is important in life. At SOS, it is at-risk children. They are our legacy and yours. To Learn More About “Our Why” – Check Out These Resources!

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I once worked with a couple who were absolutely convinced that their children (3 and 6 years) were super manipulators. They believed that the children had come up with some sort of game plan to get what they wanted. Thing is, to be manipulative, your child needs to be able to, not only manage and control your behaviour, but to also be capable of predicting how you or others are likely to behave . Developmentally most children are not able to think and relate to others in this way. They are just not there yet. So what is going on? Most often than not, what parents consider to be manipulative behaviour, is “simply” a child’s annoying or irritating behaviour that eventually gets them what they want. In Triple P (Positive Parenting Program) this is often referred to as “accidental rewarding” and refers to parents giving in to a child’s demands to avoid his or her behaviour escalating or as a means of appeasing a child’s temper tantrum. “Calling a child manipulative often substitutes for recognising that we may have reinforced the wrong behaviour in that child.” says Dr Kazdin So, in a way, yes, your child will behave a certain way to get what he wants but the behaviour isn’t manipulative as it’s not a conscious thought process that she employs before she embarks on her quest for something. All she has done is learn how to get what she wants from you by doing things a certain way or going about getting things a certain way. Your child gradually learns, with your help, that if at some point he wants your attention and he doesn’t get it, then from that moment on, he will do what he has learned to do (learned from your previous reactions) to get it. Again, as Dr Kazdin so aptly puts it, “Adults shape the behaviour of children in their response to it. Our children are not manipulating us; in part, they’re expressing what we train them to do.” Hope that helps in clearing this up. Don’t forget to have a look at the other Parent Traps which you can find by clicking here. If you’re stuck and feel unable to manage your child’s behaviour, do contact me as soon as possible by emailing me at [email protected] or calling me on 07850 85 60 66.

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Page 10: Because life goes on … helping children and youth live with separation and divorce Section 8 - Special Issues and Concerns When parents separate, their children's world is turned upside down. It makes perfect sense because their family is all they know and is the source of their identity. For most children, slowly but surely they will adapt to the changes and develop healthy individual relationships with each parent. Unfortunately, that is not the case for all children. In circumstances in which a parent abandons a child, when a child for whatever reason rejects one parent or when family violence is an issue, things can go very wrong for children. Children simply don't have the adult mental tools to make sense of the painful, complex and often contradictory feelings that come with these situations. Getting professional help for you and the children involved is the first and best step. Schools may have counsellors on staff or visiting psychologists or social workers. Reach out until you find the support and guidance you need. When a Child Is Abandoned Abandonment can take many forms: the parent who walks away and refuses to have any further contact with the child; the absentee parent who rarely communicates with or sees the child; and the parent who slowly drifts away (either by choice or because of the other parent's manipulation of the child). Whatever the situation, children who are abandoned by a parent may experience guilt, confusion, grief, fear, anger, withdrawal, a retreat into a fantasy world and depression. Children who are abandoned often feel an overwhelming sense of rejection. The thought that one parent no longer loves them, wants them or even cares about them is potentially devastating to a child's sense of self and future ability to form healthy, loving relationships. What You Can Do As the parent who is involved, the responsibility falls to you to influence your children's self-worth and help them cope with the other parent's absence. You can help, first and foremost, by providing comfort and a sense of security. On top of that emotional base, you can help your children deal with the grief of abandonment by adapting your comfort and support to their reaction. For example, children who have been abandoned may go in the direction of rejecting everything about the absent parent. You'll see this when a child expresses the desire to be the exact opposite of the absent parent. In this instance, parents can help by: - affirming the child's unique qualities - allowing the child to share thoughts and feelings openly - responding to a child's rejection of the other parent by saying, "It makes sense why you might feel that way right now" Some children may go in the other direction by developing an intense yearning for the absent parent. In this case, children may over-identify with the absent parent and develop a set of comforting fantasies that are not based in reality. Parents can help by: - allowing children to freely verbalize their memories of the absent parent - avoiding the temptation to correct the children's distorted recollections Children with abandonment issues may develop self-worth and shame surrounding the parent's absence. They may even question whether: - they could have contributed to the absence - they somehow "deserved" to be abandoned - the absent parent believes that he or she is better off without the "burden" of the child In this situation, children need to be assured that they did nothing to cause the parent to leave, that they are very much loved and lovable, and that adults sometimes make very bad decisions. In addition, counselling is recommended to help children work through their grief and move on. Children who have been abandoned may also have difficulty expressing their emotions. They may keep their emotions bottled up, lacking the trust necessary to share their true selves with others. They need to be reassured that feelings are neither good nor bad and that it is better to share feelings than keep them inside. Most children who have experienced abandonment by a parent will benefit from relationships with other adults who can serve as role models and provide them with experiences that would have been shared with the absent parent. A grandparent, aunt or uncle, a close adult friend – any of these trusted individuals could agree to take on a more proactive and sensitive role. When a Child Rejects One Parent Although abandonment poses significant risks for children, those children caught in loyalty conflicts – in which they feel they must choose one parent over the other – may face even more difficulties in life. Most children want contact with both parents on a regular basis. Some children, however, do not crave more time with an absent parent. Instead, these children show extreme reluctance to be with a parent, resist contact with the parent or out-and-out reject the parent. The reasons why children shun one parent vary. Sometimes children have good reasons to reject a deficient parent, perhaps because of abuse, addiction or abandonment issues. Other times, children appear to decide by themselves to pull away from the parent they blame for the separation. Without the same tools as adults to deal with conflict and pain, some children may react by shutting out one parent. But for some children who begin to shun one parent, their reasons generally mimic the other parent's negative attitudes. The reasons why parents interfere in their children's relationship with the other parent vary as well. Some parents are so blinded by rage and a wish to punish their ex-partner that they lose sight of their children's need to love and be loved by both parents. Some parents foster their children's rejection of the other parent because they truly believe that their ex-partner is a bad parent or does not act in the best interests of the children. Still others unintentionally affect their children's relationship with the other parent by even occasionally sharing frustrations and accusations in front of the children. Regardless of the motives, withdrawing from a parent who loves them can cause deep psychological problems for children. The Characteristics of a Child Who Unreasonably Rejects a Parent - Although others may see clearly that a child's negative attitude toward one parent developed in the shadow of the other parent's hostility, the child usually denies any such influence. - The child develops a relentless hatred for one parent. - The child does not want to visit or spend any time with one parent. - The child is frequently unable to explain the reasons for the rejection of the parent. In fact, some of the reasons may not only be false, but grossly exaggerated or seemingly ridiculous. - The child previously enjoyed a positive relationship with the shunned parent. - The child lacks the capacity to feel guilty about the negative behaviour toward the rejected parent. - The child has almost no ability to see anything positive about the rejected parent, either from the past or in the present. What You Can Do For all parents. First and foremost, keep in mind that after the separation children need your support and help to develop a separate, meaningful relationship with both parents. When children are constantly exposed to negative comments about the other parent or feel the need to choose one parent over the other, their emotional well-being is at risk. The time to intervene is when a child starts to resist spending time with one parent. Counselling is encouraged to help clarify the underlying reasons for the child's behaviour and address them immediately. Otherwise, a child's reluctance to interact with a parent may continue to get worse – thus interfering with the child's healthy emotional development. If your child doesn't want to see you. - Don't give up. - Keep your anger and hurt under control. Losing control will only feed the problem. - Don't retaliate. - Focus on keeping your relationship with the children positive. - Work with your mediator, lawyer or therapist on seeking solutions that are aligned with the best interests of the children. When There Is Violence in the Home Separation can increase the likelihood of violence in the home, particularly during and after the actual physical separation. This increased risk also applies to families where family violence has not occurred in the past. You are not responsible for your partner's anger, violence or abuse. However, how you react and what you decide to do in this situation is your responsibility. The very first thing is to protect yourself and your children. Reach out and talk to a friend, family member or someone you trust or call a helpline. When you need immediate help call 9-1-1 without hesitation. Safety for you and your children needs to be your priority. For parents and children leaving an abusive home, the period after separation can be a time when the violence escalates. It is important for you to find a safe place to stay with your children and to develop a comprehensive safety plan to help you remain out of danger and plan the next steps. Community help lines and services organizations, crisis centres, and shelters may be available to help you during this transition. If these programs or services are not available in your area, ask family and friends if they can help you. For children and youth, violence in the family often has a traumatic effect, causing their behaviour to change. It is typical for them to be afraid, upset and angry. Even if they seem to be coping well, your children need extra attention and care. Be aware that they are very sensitive to your own attitude and what you say in the situation. When you talk with your children about the other parent, it's important that you say only what you need to. Regardless of their age, children from violent homes are at an increased risk of behavioural and developmental problems. They often suffer from anxiety and depression, and they may exhibit more aggressive, antisocial, inhibited or fearful behaviours. Even if they have not been abused themselves, children who are exposed to violence may experience similar symptoms to those children who are themselves physically abused. Children who witness violence in the home often have a persistent fear for their own safety and the safety of brothers, sisters and the abused parent. They may also blame themselves for not being able to stop the violence (for example, by behaving better). For these children, feelings of self-blame, guilt, anger and fears about being different from other children may be more acute. They need help to understand that they did not cause the violence and could not have stopped it. They need to know that it is okay for them to feel angry and sad about losses that have resulted from the violence. (See box What Children Need to Hear About Family Violence.) What You Can Do There are several things you can do to help your children deal with family violence: - Assure them that you love them. - Show them that despite the difficulties, you are in charge. - Make sure they understand that the violence is not okay, it's not normal, it's not their fault, and nobody deserves to be abused. - Tell them as much as you can without name-calling – in other words, challenge the behaviour not the person (remember, your children love the abusive parent, even though it feels confusing to them). - Listen to their feelings, assure them that these feelings are okay, and share some of your own feelings. - Set limits in a firm, loving manner. - Take a little time every day to have some fun with them. - Encourage them to have friends and activities as soon as you resettle. - Let them be dependent – they need to be able to depend on you. - Let them know that you also need to have friends and to spend some time alone. - Credit yourself for your courage and strength. Remember that you have made positive choices for you and your children. What Children Need to Hear About Family Violence - “It’s not okay.” - “It’s not your fault.” - “It must be very scary for you.” - “You do not deserve to have this in your family.” - “There is nothing you could have done to prevent this.” - “I will help you to stay safe.” - “Please tell me how you feel, I want to know.” - “You can still love someone and not like what they are doing.” When You Suspect Child Abuse All parents should become familiar with signs of child abuse. Parents should call the police or their local child protection office if they believe their child has been abused. Everyone has a duty to report a child in need of protection to the authorities. It is important to note that some parents suspect sexual abuse when they notice their young children touching or stroking themselves. It’s normal for young children to explore their bodies and comfort themselves by stroking their genitals. During times of stress, parents may find that these natural behaviours may increase. However, if the behaviour persists or you are worried about it, you should talk to your family doctor. If you have questions about how to recognize child sexual abuse, call your local child protection office or the police. You are responsible for the safety of your children. (See Section 11 – Resources for specific information on where to get support and information on family violence. Counselling is strongly recommended for children who have witnessed family violence or have themselves been abused.) Report a problem or mistake on this page - Date modified:

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Maria Shriver sees a growing -- and concerning -- trend emerging in our country. As the United States continues to become more divisive, as disagreements across party and socioeconomic and racial and gender lines continue to proliferate, Shriver has noticed that we've simply forgotten how to talk things through with one another. The former First Lady of California, 63, is of the opinion that if we could manage to regain that ability to discuss the more difficult topics with one another, if we could look up from our smartphones and relearn the art of conversation, then we would be much better off as a society. "People feel disconnected, and they don’t want to go home and [they] skip gatherings because they’re afraid they’ll be asked the wrong thing," Shriver told AOL's Gibson Johns during a dinner she hosted with Ancestry in an effort to encourage people to engage in meaningful conversations. "I think that’s really a lot of what’s at the root of our problem of divisiveness [in this country] is that people don’t know how to talk." Whether it's through hosting events like the dinner with Ancestry, spreading messages of good in her Sunday Paper newsletter or encouraging her children to bring their friends over for Sunday dinners or for holidays, Shriver knows that every little bit helps and that being hospitable is contagious. For our full interview with Maria Shriver, keep reading below. You're hosting a dinner tonight for Ancestry. What's the basis for the get-together? It's about meaningful conversations and how necessary they are, and how people have lost the art of conversation and the ability to ignite conversations and listen. That’s why I was so excited about tonight, because I’ve been talking about living a meaningful life and meaningful conversations for a long time in the Sunday Paper and my book ["I've Been Thinking"]. Their survey shows that people feel disconnected, and they don’t want to go home and [they] skip gatherings because they’re afraid they’ll be asked the wrong thing, and I think that’s really a lot of what’s at the root of our problem of divisiveness [in this country] is that people don’t know how to talk. How do you personally combat that feeling of disconnect with others that's become so pervasive as we've all become so connected electronically? I work it. I work it all the time. I have a weekly Sunday family gathering, so my kids all bring friends to the table and I have people put down their phones. I try to have dinners with people almost nightly, and I try to do walk and talks with people to check in with them and connect with them. I make it a big priority in my life to do that, whether it’s talking on the phone or in person or walking with somebody or eating with somebody, because that’s where I feel grounded. It really is just about bonding and talking over a shared experience. I was talking to somebody today, and I asked them how they were really doing, and all of a sudden -- BOOM! -- the floodgates came down. I find that feeling of connection to be what I need, so I find t to be important and it requires people to put down electronics in order to look people in the eye and find out who they are and remember their name. In a way, it feels old-fashioned, but it’s human. It almost sounds elementary, but we do almost need that reminder sometimes. Yes. We do, because everybody is in here [mimes looking at phone]. I got on the elevator at my hotel tonight and nobody even looked up. Nobody looked up! And I feel as though a lot of that disconnection is commonly attributed to a generational divide, which is probably somewhat accurate, but to me more of it lies in the general affect that smartphone addiction has had on people of all ages. What are your thoughts on that? Yes, I think it's technology in general. People of an older age certainly feel isolated and report huge numbers of loneliness. We’ve lost communal gathering places, too: The Lions Club, the library, places where people would go to see each other. Now the only place that people feel like they’re known is the coffee shop, which is why you see so many people hanging out there -- it’s a place where they feel known. Maybe they don’t speak, but there’s a longing in our country to belong and feel connected and seen and engaged. As this survey says, people want more meaningful conversations, so I think the desire is there tremendously. We’re divided, but the opportunity [for improvement] exists. What do you think the importance of understanding who you are, where you come from and who your family is in cultivating that connection? That’s always important -- to understand where you came from -- but so many people feel alienated from their families, so I’m a big believer in [the idea that] you can pick your family or build a new family. Their initiative is giving people pointers around ways of connecting: Build a family tree, tell a family story, invite somebody in. These are all things that build upon the concept of family. Tracing your family’s roots is one thing they do really well, but I would expand on that and say that people should know who you’re going somewhere with. And the definition of family is certainly subjective for certain people. That’s at the root of so many of our issues, too, is this question of what is the American family? What does it look like? Who’s in it? Who’s out of it? How do you get in it or create your own or belong? Expanding on that desire of belonging is what’s interesting to me. These feel like especially important questions to be asking around the holidays, too, when "family time" is so valued. Oh, my god. People get depressed. I always ask people, "Do you have a place to go for Thanksgiving? Do you want to come to my house?" Is that always your mentality around the holidays? Anybody’s welcome. I always reach out to people who I know are alone or might be single to try to include them. I say to my kids all the time, "If you have any friends that don’t have family here, please invite them or anybody that’s alone, please invite them." It’s fun, and people really appreciate it. You have the tradition, but then it ebbs and flows. What's one holiday tradition that you love? Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, because it doesn’t involve material things; it involves food and family and cooking and football and sports. When my parents were alive, I always went back to Washington, and every year I kind of have a little twinge about that and I think about it. But my brother who lives in Wyoming now is coming and I try to recreate that as best as possible. How do you encourage your kids to seek connection out? I encourage them to invite people or come home for Sunday dinner and bring a friend and to know that’s a tradition where they can have a free meal every Sunday, and they can come home and part of our mission statement is to be inclusive and have this growing, evolving sense of family. I try to talk about them about that, and every Thanksgiving we go and serve food at the church. That’s a tradition, and also talking is a big part of our celebration. As is listening. You've created such a special community through your Sunday Paper, and it must feel pretty special seeing people doing good out of something that you started. I sit there and I’m just blown away when I hear certain stories about what people are doing. It humbles me. It’s so inspiring, because then I think to myself if I would do the same. There are all kinds of people all over the country who are doing life-altering work under the radar for no credit, no money, no nothing. And you just sit there and hear that and are wowed. What role does faith play in the meaningful work that you do? A big role. I’m a practicing Catholic, but I’m also a rebellious Catholic, too. I was raised by two people who really believed that they were here in their own secular way to do God’s work, and that was really indoctrinated in me. For me, I question why are we here? If we’re not here to make the world better, then what’s the point? That’s just been the motivation for me. I’ve always believed in a force larger than myself that’s helped me. It’s given me reason, hope, inspiration. It helps me get out of bed, and I wonder sometimes that if you don’t believe in something bigger, where is your North Star? I don’t know. I know there are people who don’t believe at all, but I find that it makes my life more grounded and gives me a direction to believe that the unifying thing is love. This interview has been edited and condensed.

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This study uses 2 samples of adolescents and parents-the child-based Nonshared Environment in Adolescent Development project (NEAD; D. Reiss, J. M. Neiderhiser, E. Hetherington, & R. Plomin, 2000; N = 395 families) and the parent-based Twin and Offspring Study in Sweden (TOSS; N = 909 twin family pairs)-to investigate passive and evocative genotype-environment correlation (rGE) on fathering. Both samples used the same measures of positivity, negativity, control, and monitoring. A previous report examining mothering found evidence for passive rGE for positivity and monitoring, and evocative rGE for negativity and control, although both types of rGE were suggested in many cases. The current report focuses on fathering. Father reports of positivity and control are influenced by evocative rGE, whereas father reports of negativity and monitoring are influenced by both passive and evocative rGE. Adolescent reports of father's positivity and negativity were influenced by both evocative and passive rGE, and control and monitoring by passive rGE. The most notable difference in findings for fathers and mothers is for positivity and the presence of rGE for father's control and monitoring. These findings and their implications are discussed. All Science Journal Classification (ASJC) codes

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Psychological experiments to help understand the reasons for the behavior of partners and customers. 1. An experiment in response to the actions of Dennis Reagan It is based on a simple idea: having received something, a person wants to give something in return. Social psychologist Robert Cialdini noted this feeling among the six key principles of influence. In 1971, a professor at Cornell University showed the power of mutual exchange in his experiment. He made the subjects believe that they were involved in the evaluation of the artwork, along with a partner who was actually Reagan’s assistant. At one point, the assistant left the room for a couple of minutes and then returned with sparkling water in his hands. In the other group, he brought nothing. At the end of the experiment, the assistants asked the subjects to provide them with a service – to buy a lottery ticket. As expected, those who received carbonated water were much more likely to comply with the request, despite the fact that tickets were much more expensive. In subsequent experiments, Reagan showed that the identity of the assistant did not matter, as well as the fact that soda (the service they did) was not needed by the subjects. Application: If you provide simple services to your colleagues or clients, they are more likely to help in return. In fact, all business relationships are based on mutual exchange. 2. Friedman and Fraser step-by-step experiment Scientists have proved that if your first offer to do something small, and then expand the conditions and requirements, a person is more likely to agree to go for it than if you immediately offer him something complex. The explanation for this phenomenon lies in the field of cognitive dissonance. When you make a commitment and agree to something, it will be difficult to give up: it puts pressure on your principles and reputation. You will need to be dissonant with yourself to abandon a previously made decision. Later in business, this fact became known as “foot-in-the-door-technique”. One of the first studies to reflect the principle was conducted by Jonathan Friedman and Scott Fraser in 1966. The researchers called California housewives and asked them to answer a few questions about the product they used. Three days later, they called again and asked if they could come to their home for a couple of hours to see how they handled the detergents. Friedman and Fraser found that women who had previously agreed to answer questions over the phone were twice as likely to meet. Application: Do not try to immediately attack a client or partner with a big offer. Publish information in parts. Make sure the person agrees to something less first. 3. The effect of perception of acquaintance Robert Zayonets In 1968, a Polish psychologist decided to test the hypothesis that people feel positive emotions when they meet something familiar. He divided the subjects into two groups, showed them a series of meaningless Chinese characters, and asked them to guess their meaning. The longer people look at the hieroglyphs, the more positive their perception. Moreover, in the future, the mood of the group members, where familiar symbols repeatedly appeared, improved. Application: The more connections a consumer has with a brand, the more loyalty he feels to it. That is why advertising that often catches the eye can encourage people to buy through associations.

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Social Psychology is a branch of Psychology that seeks to understand how certain social factors affect or influence human behavior and attitudes towards issues of life. It analyses social factors or social forces based on social cognition or human cognitive processes which either work out peace or conflicts in human relations. It seeks to understand the social processes and how they influence social situations. It also seeks to analyze social environments like a culture, work place, a school environment, a family set up, a sports club, a church environment and how they influence individual behavior and attitudes. It also endeavors to analyses conflicts, dwelling on its causes and how to resolve it. It is a subject of great importance since as human being we are affected by all the issues addressed in this field of knowledge in our day-to-day activities and life. The issues addressed avail a lot in terms of behaviour and attitude formation and also change. My discussion seeks to analyze family conflicts centering on children rebellion against parents. It is based on psychosocial foundations and the discussion attempts to analyze a family set up or environment, children upbringing and how it affects the behaviour of the children towards one another and towards the parents and how religious beliefs, culture, workplace among other social forces influence behaviour in a family set up. It will analyze issues to do with family conflicts, causes and different methods that families employ in conflict resolution all based on psychological foundations of social behaviour. What are family conflicts? What is child rebellion? What social factors or faces contribute or fuel the family conflicts? The discussion will attempt to analyze the social factors that influence such behaviour, touch on cultural impact on family, behaviour and seek to analyze the causes of family conflicts suggesting ways of resolving it. The discussion addresses aggression and altruism and their effects on family behavior (Ethier, Kathleen , & Deaux. , 1994). Family conflicts present themselves as the differences of whatever magnitude existing between family members. These range from minor disagreements to family feuds. It is work noting that, unless resolved even smaller of minor differences may later cause major may later cause major rifts between family members with extreme devastating effects. Brewing animosity can cause a major split along social lines. Children rebellion is generally caused by differences between parents and children which may be fuelled by differences in ideologies or by a way of upbringing since childhood that leads to a child adopting certain defense mechanisms aimed at liberating the child from the perceived mistreatment or imprisonment by the parents and especially at adolescence when a child embarks on self expression(Goffman, 1956). Children aggression comes about as the children seek to achieve certain goals but encounter barriers that seem to prevent them from achieving the same. Certain social factors influence this kind of behaviour in families. Different social environments affect children in different ways. Its possible to find a family composed of individual with different ideological orientations and experiences. For instance, some families consist of members who go to different churches or affiliates of different religions. Different religions backgrounds may cause major differences in the way individuals in a family approach life. For example, some religions embrace communism and simple life while others embrace material prosperity. Such differences can cause problems because some children may be possessed by the idea of accumulating wealth when the parents expect support. These children perceive a person who is right with God as a person who has prospered materially and any barrier to this end would be approached with a lot of aggression. Therefore, parents encouraging a simple life and who offers no support to ensure children prosperity would be perceived as barriers to success and to religious achievements and such children would definitely express serious animosity towards the parents. There will be a tassel and a tag of war from the two parties. Idea and experiences at schools can also greatly affect children’s behaviour. For instance, pupils share different family experiences. If a child realizes that his/her parents do not offer certain opportunities and privilege offered by another, a problem starts and the child will start expressing opposition towards parents decline to offer the same, out of aggression the child turns rebellious not unless something else is done to revert that. Just to revisit the issue of church influence on family behaviour, the Christian church encourages a new couple to lead an independent life. It discourages influence from without. Infact it talks about both leaving their parents and writing to form one independent union. This means that any interference from outside whether from parents, siblings or other outsiders would be viewed negatively. Parents who attempts to control the marriages of such couples face great opposition and in most cases rebellion. Some children after marriage disappear to places where such influence would be absent. The culture of a certain community greatly affects family behaviour. A capitalistic community will lead to development smaller set-ups (families), which will be different from a communist society Capitalistic society encourages individual prosperity opposed to a communistic society, which encourages a unified society where no socio-economic classes are expected to form. The level of aggression in both set-ups will be different. For instance, individuals in a capitalistic community seek individual well being and the expense of communal well being. Individuals seek to acquire wealth through all possible means and exploitation of other people for material gain becomes a common occurrence. Even in a family set up individuals will struggle to acquire wealth of the expense of the family welfare. This causes splits and at times parents are left without people to take care of them especially at old age. A communistic society inculcates a culture of unity and togetherness. Individuals seek the welfare of the entire community or society. Such individuals easily co-operate with other, are loving, caring and concerned as opposed to capitalists who are self-seekers, egocentric and unyielding. Children in a capitalistic society sometimes fail to co-operate with other family members and especially parents not unless the parents support their pursuits. This is because they perceive them as barriers to their success. Such individuals will not care in case they hurt others and so long as there are material gains, the motive will always surpass any norms or values. Such a person is disproved of good judgment and all decisions are aimed at achieving materially. All social environments aim at helping the affiliate to conform fully to its systems. It persuades an individual to accept what it offers and ignore anything that interferes with its structures. However, it is worth noting that societies are currently experiencing a lot of dynamism and different cultures are accommodating changes in the modern world more than in the past. This means that most cultures embrace conformity, but still giving an allowance for individual choice except for a few conservative cultures of the world. Cultures provide certain attractions to ensure conformity. Other communities put their members through a long process of initiation whereby certain values and norms are passed to the individual. This is done in their attempts to ensure continuity. Families are experiencing a lot of changes in modern generations are dropping and forfeiting smaller community affiliations and are embracing the dynamism and changes upheld on a global scale. What does this mean? Children cease to uphold the values and norms of the smaller communities and they are seeking a uniform global culture. Some children quit the conservative mainstream churches and join the charismatic religions movements. Children are aspiring to study abroad or in areas that make them experience the cultural diversity offered by the numerous and varied cultures or societies of the world. Current generations are no longer drawn towards their minor cultures and to some their cultures are stale and they would with to have a fresh experience. This has caused a lot of struggle on the parent’s side in their attempts to persuade their children to embrace their cultural values (Heise, & David, 1987. Currently, intermarriages are the order of the day. Someone can marry from any race, any community regardless of the existing differences. One would wonder whether the stereotypes formed in the past went. In the past the society was characterized by a lot of prejudice and stereotype formation. A community would not mingle with another because they differed in certain ways or simply because of a certain perceived way of life that a community does not embrace. A member from a certain community would be viewed and perceived based on the culture of his/her community and not as a different entity from the whole. Racism has been a nagging problem and up to date some individuals from certain races cannot interact or associate with others from certain other races because of the perceived inherent differences. However, societal changes are erasing such prejudice and the stereotypes earlier formed. But, are parents in some societies or communities welcoming this? If not how do individuals in such communities who embrace such changes approach it? Definitely with shear aggression some individuals who decide to marry from a community that their parents hate or would not wish them to marry from ends up running way from their homes. A lot of differences arise between parents and children and especially in this area. Social interactions between people from different cultures bring about an influence that are cross-cultural and that is how the world is developing life a unified society ( Icek, 1988). Human behavior and attitudes towards life is majorly characterized by reciprocity and not altruism. People react positively to positive stimulants and negatively to negative and undesirable experiences. Children at times need parent’s resistance to change with a lot of animosity and instead of feeling for the parents and seeking to resolve the differences and arising conflicts objectively; they develop deviance which exacerbates the general situation. Therefore we would say that the modern generation is getting more and more aggressive than altruistic and individuals are poised to reciprocate in every situation. Changes in the social-economic structures have cause myriad of challenges and these challenges make people to more and more aggressive (Bandura, 1977). Aggression starts right from individual and it extends all the way to a national and even global scale. For instance, countries fail to sign a truce, the reason being that each individual country does not want to drop their aims, ambitions and aspirations. From my own experience, since childhood, I grew up in a mainstream protestant movement. But at University level, I was introduced to a modern religious movement, which embraces the basic tenets of Christianity which after going through a series of deep religious lessons impacted my heart. I joined the movement but upon realization of my changed religious affiliation my parents went ahead to castigate me. My mum one time could not help but rent her anger and frustration. My understanding and maturity helped me compose myself and I never reacted harshly but kept calm all along. These studies on social psychology has really given me a new perspective and has transformed my way of approaching conflict and especially at family level. I would say that I understand why people resist change and how social set-ups influence attitude and behaviour and how to go about resolving conflicts. It has also helped me understand the power of a group and the influence of groups on individual behaviour. To wrap up, it is worth noting that the social environment will always inevitably influence people’s behaviour and attitudes. People’s social-cultural affiliations have a great influence on their approach towards life and generally how they perceive themselves and others. They determine what directions they take in terms of ambitions and aspirations and the efforts they make to achieve them. They also influence their conflict resolution systems and processes.

Child Rearing and Family Relationships

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Have you noticed how kids behave differently at school than at home? As an early education teacher, one of the most common questions I get from parents how I get the children to behave. Here are the discipline techniques I’ve learned that work at both school and home. When parents see their kids voluntarily cleaning up the classroom or sharing happily with other kids, I often hear something alone these lines: How do you do that? My son always throws his stuff around at home and doesn’t like sharing toys with his brother! How do you get him to clean up and share here without grumbling and drama? I am also a mother of four. Over the years, I’ve taken some of the effective classroom discipline techniques and applied them at home. And they’re as effective at home as they are in the classroom. Today, I’d like to share with you the 6 secrets of highly effective discipline. #1: Effective Discipline Is Not About Punishment Discipline comes from the Latin word ” disciplinare,” which means, “to teach.” Discipline that actually works is never about punishment. Discipline is simply a way to guide and manage a child’s behaviour. Discipline is based on the quality of a child’s relationship with the care provider (a teacher in the classroom, and mum and dad at home). When a child receives consistent response from a caring adult, trust, deep attachment and a sense of being wanted develops. This forms the foundation of good behaviour and effective discipline. The key is to ensure that these relationships are respectful, responsive and reciprocal. As a teacher, I understood that establishing a daily routine and frequent communication was vital to developing respectful and meaningful relationships, which directly affect behaviour and a child’s ability to learn. For instance, as children arrive into my classroom, I always make sure to greet them at the door, just as they greet me. I’m never “busy” planning curriculum, checking attendance or talking, texting or tinkering with my phone at drop off and pick up times. To take no notice of a child left in my care would send a message saying “you’re not worth my time”, which begins a cycle of mistrust. At home, I put being respectful, responsive and reciprocal into practice by setting my alarm clock 30 minutes before my daughter needs to start getting ready for school. Not so I can begin my day with peace and quiet, but so I can wake her gently. First I turn on the light and call out her name and announce it is time to start thinking about getting up. After two or three minutes, I go to her room again, pull the covers and hair away from her face and tell her “it’s time to start getting up”. She’ll usually mutter along the lines of “I am trying” with her arms wrapped around my waist and her head buried in my stomach. I give her a big squeeze and a smooch on top of her head and tell her “go to the bathroom”. In a few minutes I go into the bathroom to find her mostly asleep on the toilet, with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. I call out to her again “wake up and brush your teeth” and she rises from her throne before I head downstairs to make her lunch. I can hear the resounding “ain’t nobody got time for that!” echoing in my head, but how would you react if your partner came running into your room quarter past seven, hollering for you to get up, tearing the blankets off of you, pulling you out of bed and shoving you into the bathroom? I know in my house there would definitely be a fight. My daughter isn’t trying to be difficult. Nor is she spoiled and she certainly doesn’t stay up late. She just needs some time in the mornings before she is ready to take on the day. When I adjust my expectations of her behaviour instead of punishing her, things go more smoothly. #2: Give Specific Positive Reinforcement You’ve probably heard it before, and you’ll hear it again: positive reinforcement is key. It can come in many flavours: smiling, sharing a high five and giving effective praise. But you shouldn’t just spout insincere praise without thought. In the classroom, I’ve noticed that effective praise is selective, specific, encouraging and positive. It avoids comparisons and competition. It compares a child’s progress with his/her past performance rather than with other children and it’s delivered in a caring, natural tone of voice. Believe me, children know when you’re just blowing smoke. I try to avoid using blanket phrases like “good job,” or “good girl/boy” and be specific about the action or observed good behaviour. The most effective of all techniques though is to catch children being good or in an act of kindness. The reward and acknowledgement will be more genuine than if your child runs up to you and exclaims he cleaned his room or shared his cookie with his baby sister. When an older child tied the shoes of a younger child in my class, I was all over it. I told him what he did was caring and kind. Then I drew attention to the facial expression of the girl he helped; she was smiling. When I asked her how she felt she replied, “good”. At home this translates to making sure we stay away from comparison between siblings, calling names or using labels, and copping out using standby phrases like “good job”. Positive reinforcement can also be tangible, if you give small rewards like stickers or prizes but perhaps best used sparingly, and for a short amount of time. #3: Model The Right Behaviour In addition to offering positive reinforcement, modelling appropriate behaviour is equally important. Be mindful of what you say and how you say it — not just when you are talking to your child, but when dealing with others as well. Modelling provides visual clues to what acceptable behaviour is and indirectly reinforces the appropriate way to act. As an example, consider what happens in your car when you have a frustrating encounter. Suppose you’re driving down the highway when suddenly you notice the car behind you is barely inches from your bumper, and then the driver begins flashing their high beams and leaning on the horn. Most people would let loose a slew of obscenities, jam on the brake and maybe throw up a “friendly” hand gesture, but suppose you instead slowdown in an attempt to get the aggressive driver pass you or you change lanes and let the hurried driver pass. The first scenario can be confusing to your child if you’re always reminding them to “use nice words” and showing joy when you catch them using nice words. What is being demonstrated is the opposite — a lack of self-control — which conveys that you don’t have to use nice words when you’re angry. The second scenario demonstrates proper problem solving skills by remaining calm and not endangering others on the road, despite being angry. One of my worst habits when working with toddlers was sitting on tables and other furniture (because the toddler furniture was appropriately toddler-sized). I wasn’t aware I was doing it until I found myself in a full blown conversation with a tot sitting beside me on a shelf. And even though climbing is important to motor development at this stage, climbing furniture isn’t something that I wanted to encourage my kids to do (especially if I’m not there to provide the necessary supervision!) I had accidentally demonstrated to them that it was OK by doing it myself. #4: Provide Direct Guidance And Explain Your Reasoning When you guide your kids, always be direct. Give reasons and explanations for rules (keep it simple for young children). And always, make sure your directions and requests state what to do, as opposed to what not to do. For instance, in my classroom, I focus on reminding children to “walk their feet” and explain how walking keeps them from getting hurt, instead of saying “don’t run”. It can help to drive the notion home if you retell a story of when your child was running and got hurt. I even speak to my teenager in a similar way. I might say, for example, “It’s late and you have practice in the morning. You should get to bed in 15 minutes so you won’t be too tired. Last weekend you were late because you overslept.” Sometimes he does go up on his own, and sometimes 15 minutes pass and I need to jog his memory again. But he hardly ever gives me a hard time if I provide a relevant past example. #5: Prevent Bad Behaviour Before It Happens And Seek Out Support This kind of “discipline” in my opinion is what will preserve your sanity. Why would I tell my baby to stay off the stairs a million times a day when I can install a safety gate? Or make extra work for myself lifting children to the sink every time they need to wash their hands, whereas placing a stool at the sink will allow them to access the soap, water and paper towels themselves. Prevention not only is a great form of discipline, but also supports self-help skills and builds self-esteem. An important aspect of prevention is planning. Don’t go grocery shopping with your toddler during a time he normally rests. Do not abruptly interrupt play (or other activities) and expect your child to cooperatively and quickly get ready to leave so you can try to be on time for your appointment. Your lack of planning and foresight will only confuse them about their own behaviour. Also, be proactive. If there are specific shows or channels you don’t want your child watching, set parental codes on your TV. The same can be done on computers and mobile devices. Being proactive prevents most arguments and negotiating, allowing you to spend more quality time with your child, instead of putting out fires all day long. Here are a few more tips to embrace the prevention attitude: - Avoid speaking to your child from across the room or the playground — it’s easy for them to not hear you or ignore you, and that can result in unnecessary issues. - Give children as much notice as possible when changing activities, leaving the house, or a change in the schedule. At school, five minutes before I need children to start cleaning up to transition to the next activity, I tell them that “in five minutes we’ll start cleaning up so we can do music time”. Similarly at home, before heading out to pick up my older kids from school, I tell my younger ones that “in five minutes you need to put away the crayons and we’re going to get your sister and brother”. - Young children are concrete, literal thinkers and the concept of time is way too abstract for them to grasp. Try setting a timer or pointing to where the minute hand on the clock will be at clean-up time. Alternatively ,you can completely avoid time and use a different format that they can grasp — for instance, if you were leaving the park you might say, “Two more times down the slide and then we are leaving”. And sometimes, you just need to walk away and let another adult handle the situation to prevent it from escalating. I will never forget my first experience with a child who had a behavioural disorder. He wasn’t able to lie down on a cot and rest. He spent rest time at a table usually working on jigsaw puzzles (he was a puzzle machine!) and helping with tasks such as sorting toys and games. However, rest time is also used to give staff breaks and when teachers do most of their planning. This child would constantly interrupt me while talking with parents or other staff. Eventually the other teachers and I decided that I should take my break at the beginning of rest time while the other teachers helped the children who wanted to rest. Then when I returned (provided he had behaved while I was gone) I would spend about 20-30 minutes with him working on a puzzle or playing a quiet game of Uno. As a parent, you need to seek out a similar support system, so you can periodically step away from a situation and let another responsible adult (the other parent, grand parent, nanny, baby sitter etc.) take over. #6: When All Else Fails, Use “Time-Ins” “Time-ins” are helpful for children school aged and younger. Time-ins are similar to a “time out” in the sense they both remove the child from a situation that’s causing them distress or harm. However, instead of sitting students down at an empty table alone, feeling bad about themselves, I created several spaces in my classroom where a child could go when feelings became so overwhelming they were interfering with the problem-solving process. These areas were private, cozy spaces in the nooks and crannies of my classroom that included soft, over-sized pillows, a class photo album, a small selection of books and quiet objects such as sensory or calming jars, Magna-doodle-esque boards, and boxes sorted by themes of quiet, calming activities like magna-tiles or puppets. Same as a time-out, a time-in should only last one minute per year of life (unless the child chooses to stay longer). When the time is up I ask the child if he knows why he had to be separated from the group, then I help him think of better ways he could have solved the problem instead. At home I have a similar space in my living room. Taking the time to be alone and participate in a quiet activity allows the children to calm down without feeling guilty or punished. It de-escalates the situation. So there you have it: classroom discipline secrets that are as effective at home. The above methods and examples help meet a child’s basic needs, provide opportunities for learning and development, and improve competence and confidence. Negative reinforcement, such as spanking or time-outs, only work at first because of their shock value, and over time it become less effective. As you try them out, keep in mind that behaviour doesn’t change overnight. Teachers like me work with scores of children on a daily basis. And still, discipline is something that takes us years of studying, practising, and reflecting to get a handle on. As parents, it can be a lot more difficult. Give yourself a lot of grace. Get support; allow your partner, family and friends to pitch in and always remember to take time out to recharge your batteries. 6 Secrets of Highly Effective Discipline From a Seasoned Teacher [A Fine Parent] Stephanie Byrne-Biancardi taught early childhood education in urban communities in and around Boston for 14 years before deciding to stay home after her 4th child. She keeps up with all things Early Ed. by following blogs such as A Fine Parent and staying current with her training, while she bides her time till she opens a childcare centre of her own.

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It’s by means of the denying of children’s requests that you just educate them endurance and self-control. Human beings are the only creatures on earth that devote themselves to making their off-spring happy. All others train them learn how to adapt and thrive in the world. Many nicely intentioned dad and mom grow to be enslaved by children’s mealtime calls for in an effort to spare them from memories of distress from their very own childhood. This can be a disservice to the kid, as these dad and mom fail to appreciate that they achieve invaluable coping expertise through the misery they experience. 4. Preserve the door open for extra two-approach conversations. Encourage your teens to share their considerations with you and try to listen with out being judgmental. Know when to maintain silent so they can express their views. Reinforce the value of their opinions as they make decisions that are appropriate for his or her security. eight. Play keep-away with Daddy: floor wrestling. 7. A sport of disguise and search with mom or dad… both hide yourself, or disguise small toys they usually find them. Now that doesn’t imply that you must get angry along with your kid when he’s a bit aggressive or disrespectful. It would not make him/her a bad child. All you can do is hand them the instruments to be a respectful particular person. Imagine a world the place our children have been actually encouraged to try things and fail. Where they were truly supported and celebrated of their failures just as much as they have been celebrated and supported in their successes. o Sizzling chocolate I’ve at all times thought it very strange when mates and work colleagues up to now have mentioned, “We are waiting until we can afford youngsters “. I do not suppose if you wait you will ever afford to have them. 4. Set Limits. I believe not. I feel for him. Simply as dad and mom want and want to belief their kids, youngsters want and wish to belief their parents. Even with the reality when it’s ugly. Youngsters can be taught that their wrongdoings can be made worse by lying about them and ought to be led to know that mendacity is morally improper and has far-reaching implications. Screaming, yelling and punishing initially could solely cause your baby to be extra susceptible to lying as a result of they are petrified of the results. Effective self-discipline truly helps curb a behavior situation, relatively than merely swipe it beneath the rug and steal energy from children. – How distant is the hospital? How To Make the Kitchen Secure Unplug Wires and Seal Sockets The mother’s main job, then, is to be obtainable to the toddler for connection, so that the child can develop a wholesome attachment to the parent. This units the template for the kid trusting in a reliable world and for feeling a wholesome sense of self-price. We began to feed her the cereal, she was not sure what to make of it and I don’t assume the sand like consistency was helping. She was making the most hilarious faces as my husband continued to shove bites that had been three occasions larger than they should be into her mouth.

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After studying Module 1: Lecture Materials & Resources, discuss the following: Both biological and environmental factors can influence human behavior. Biological factors include genetic traits parents transfer to their children (Schiele & Domschke, 2018). To better understand this trait, identical twins born by parents whose one of them is a thief drive down to those children and inherit some of the criminal behaviors. That can be evident from their childhood behavior as they show small traits such as lying, aggressiveness, dishonesty, and destructive characteristics that are evident from their parents. That proves how our personality traits are shaped by genetic traits inherited from our parents.

Child Rearing and Family Relationships

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Quarreling between siblings One day it’s just a small squabble, the next they’re in a full-on screaming match. Knowing what to do and how to respond when our children fight is hard. As parents, we’re quick to step in to keep the peace, but it can be exhausting when it keeps happening over and over again… It’s not easy to keep the peace. Howtotalk’s founder, Heleen, knows that better than anyone. “If you’ve said it, I’ve tried it. I was always finding myself yelling things like, ‘Stop it! Just stop it already!‘ or, ‘Who started it?‘ I later discovered that saying that only made things worse.” “If my child did not want to share with their siblings, I would say: ‘You should be ashamed of yourself. You have so many toys! Don’t be selfish.'” “I’ve played the victim; ‘ Ugh, here we go again. Can’t I ever just watch TV in peace?’ and took sides, even when it always came back to bite me; ‘You always take her side!'” “Even though some of what I said got them to stop arguing, I didn’t fix the issue. All I did was put a lid on a pan that was still bubbling away, ready to boil over at any minute. Another day would pass and they’d start fighting all over again.” “I knew I needed to change my approach, so I did my research.” To begin with: why do children argue? Children argue because they want to defend their possessions and territory. ‘That’s my doll, I want to play with it by myself.’ This primal instinct not only surfaces over their belongings or personal space, but also when it comes to parental attention. If a child is frustrated, angry with themselves or someone else, they often need an outlet. For them, there’s no better outlet than a sibling. When should you intervene, and how? The moment you intervene depends on the ‘stage’, or in this case, the ‘level’ of the argument. You have three levels: 2. Heated bickering 3. Heated fight (things have escalated) At Level 1 there’s no need to intervene. Children must learn to deal with others disagreeing with them. Arguments help children learn their own and other’s boundaries. Family is the best place to start – especially with siblings. Let them sort it out. Is the bickering becoming too disruptive? At Level 2, step in to help your children resolve the issue. However, they have to come up with the solution themselves. You’re simply there to guide them. Step 1. Acknowledge their feelings. Show them that you empathize. “Romeo, you’re upset that Jolyne’s playing with your car. Sometimes you really don’t want to share your toys.” “Jolyne, you’re angry because Romeo wants to play with the car. That’s frustrating when you were having fun playing on your own.” Step 2. Voice each child’s POV. Do this without judgment. “Romeo, you want your car back because it’s yours. Jolyne, you like the car as well and want to play with it.” Step 3. Talk about the problem carefully. “Sometimes, you both want something but can’t have it at the same time. Like now with the car. You’re mad at each other because you both want to play with it.” Step 4. Express your confidence in them. “I’m sure you can find a solution together that works for both of you.” Step 5. Do something else. Leave the room, but keep an eye on things. If needed, say: “My ears open to solutions.” Are they still unable to come up with a solution? Start brainstorming together. Don’t raise the solution right away. If the solution seems unfair to one of them, don’t intervene immediately. Let that child stand up for themselves. At Level 3, intervene. Set clear boundaries and give your kids a place to cool off. Come together later to retry Step 2 when everyone feels calmer. It might seem complicated, but once you get the hang of it you’ll see just how much of a difference it makes. “I also felt a bit uncomfortable when I first tried this out. But, after a bit of practice, it started becoming automatic. Once it’s in your system, your children pick it up too. Just like learning a language, learning social skills is easy for children.” – Heleen de Hertog

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Does this scenario sound familiar in your relationship–you and your partner are having a great time spending quality time together on a rare kid-free day. You begin talking about how the kids are doing in school and suddenly you begin disagreeing about how to handle a situation that arose with a teacher. The disagreement escalates, and before you know it, there are raised voices, angry words and a perfectly good day feels ruined. Do you feel that you and your partner are stuck in this pattern of constant arguing and bickering-even over things that feel minor? Contrary to what may be popular belief, arguing is not a bad thing. Actually, as a couples counselor, it raises a red flag to me when a couple will tell me “We never fight.” That may let me know that the couple is avoiding discussing any conflict or differences due to fear of those discussions escalating into fights. Conflict is a natural part of every relationship. When you have two people with different backgrounds, perspectives and personalities trying to navigate through the many hurdles of a relationship, of course there will be conflict along the way. And these conflicts will likely lead to arguments at times. So, the arguing itself is not the problem; but the WAY you argue and manage your conflict may be! If you find your relationship is plagued with constant bickering, here are some tips that may help in managing the conflict. - Share opinions respectfully-You likely will disagree on a lot of subjects and that is okay. Share your “side” in a way that doesn’t indicate blame or attack. Use “I” statements to focus on your thoughts and feelings on the subject. It may seem like a minor difference but beginning with the word “you” will automatically feel like attack towards your partner. Think of the difference in the way this sentence would be heard and perceived: “You are so lazy. Why can’t you load the dishwasher correctly!” VS. “I would find it helpful if the silverware was loaded facing out so they don’t need to be rewashed.” - Stay focused on the present subject-How often do you and your partner start out arguing about one subject, and suddenly you are each bringing up grievances from long ago? It is common to want to use what we perceive as past mistakes for “evidence”, and suddenly we are arguing about something that happened years ago. The problem with this is people cannot effectively resolve several issues in one discussion. Limit your talk to just one occurrence or item. - Don’t try to WIN- In other words, allow for the possibility that you may still disagree. Instead, the goal should be increased understanding of your partner and and vise versa. Not every problem is solvable and that is okay! While there may be some conflicts that require an ultimate resolution, many of our day to day conflicts will never be resolved. Instead of arguing to “win”, work to give your opinions and feelings in as calm and neutral manner as you can. When listening, be curious about your partner’s opinions and feelings. This skill sets the two of you up as not adversaries, but allies working to find a commonality. This skill, employed consistently, increases the likelihood of coming to a solution you both feel okay about. - Acceptance-In the end, accepting that our partner is a different person than us is crucial to managing any conflict. The two of you grew up in different families with different rules of engagement and maybe different values. At its most mature level, love is accepting another human, as is – faults and all. Managing conflict can be one of the toughest challenges in a relationship, but learning these skills can allow you to do so in an effective way that helps bring you even closer to your partner! For more information or help with these skills, please contact us at [email protected] or at 908-246-3074.

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Noticias y Eventos Throwing It All Away: Whenever Good Children Make Bad Alternatives - julio 30, 2021 - Publicado por: marly - Categoría: Uncategorized By Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC As a household specialist, over time parents that are many arrived at me personally and said, “My son or daughter has a great deal going for him, but he’s simply tossing his life away. Exactly why is he drugs that are doing? How come he dropping out of school? How come he making terrible alternatives together with life as he has so much potential?” Just how to Draw Clear Boundaries The thought of drawing clear boundaries can be confusing. It is thought by me’s actually about saying, “I’m in your corner, I’m on your own group, we love you and now we worry about you. We don’t just like the alternatives you’re making and also this is how exactly we are likely to stop allowing you.” That you maintain around what you will and won’t do for your child, that’s different than constantly trying to figure out how to control or change him if you have very strong, clear boundaries. In your relationship, you’ll want to draw those relative lines and keep them. It is possible to state, “You can’t live right here without after these guidelines. I’m perhaps maybe maybe not handing you cash if We suspect you’re doing medications.” Or “I’m not driving one to that ongoing celebration.” You’re demonstrably stating that which you shall do and that which you won’t do. It’s the essential difference between using fee of yourself versus wanting to take control of your child’s actions. Remind your son or daughter that it is not about punishment or disobedience—it’s about their welfare. You may state, “We love and worry about you, that’s why we’re achieving this. It is not punishment for breaking a guideline. We’re going doing whatever needs doing to help keep you safe.” The good thing is you are really managing what you could get a grip on. That’s always the real method influence works. “I’m maybe maybe not letting you know what direction to go and I’m perhaps perhaps perhaps not planning to scream and yell. I’m just likely to do the things I think is the best. I’m maybe not planning to assist you by providing you trips and cash. Those liberties are recinded and soon you could be accountable for yourself.” and that means you just near those doors. There is certainly a difference that is huge using your youngster because of the collar and securing him in an area versus using cost by providing him the correct consequences. Listed here are five actions to simply help influence your son or daughter to help make better life choices. 1. Recognize and Acknowledge First, recognize and acknowledge your emotions of panic, despair, powerlessness, frustration, and frustration. All you http://datingranking.net/escort-directory/palmdale/ need to accomplish at this time is just acknowledge these feelings. Don’t respond by judging yourself or your youngster. Blaming, yelling, hovering, distancing and becoming extremely controlling—or whatever methods you typically handle your anxiety—will just lead you to have significantly more discomfort to manage and will also be damaging to your relationship together with your teenager. It will make your youngster wrestle he needs to make with you instead of wrestling with the choices. Don’t hand him the chance to avoid duty for the people key choices. You don’t want him fighting for their autonomy by doing the exact reverse of just what you’d like him to complete. Alternatively, acknowledge your very own worries and emotions, and manage them without asking your youngster to manage them for your needs. Just simply simply Take walks, tune in to music, do yoga, confer with your household or buddies, have more associated with your very own career—do whatever it takes in order to avoid over-focusing on your own kid. Remain in your box—don’t allow your anxiety lead you to jump into the child’s package. Observe, think and change your share to your negative habits in your relationship. Whenever you’re calmer, it will be possible to think more effortlessly concerning the simplest way to steer and lead—and not control—your adolescent. Guiding and requires that are leading to alter your actions as being a moms and dad rather than looking to get your adolescent to improve their. Move method straight back and see when you can observe exactly exactly what could be taking place. Ask yourself these concerns:

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What is social adaptation? In the last decade there has been much debate on what is social adaptation. Adaptation is the process by which we change in response to changing conditions. Humans are extremely adaptable creatures. Just look around you. All kinds of people from all kinds of backgrounds are living in the same neighborhoods, schools, offices, etc. They just have different approaches to adapting. The concept of what is social adaptation theory was first described by Jean Piaget in his famous thesis “ontogeny le Temps des diffuseness.” This thesis suggested that the way we adapt can be traced back to our earliest form of culture, before language was invented. Piaget hypothesized that individuals living in very similar cultural circumstances will tend to adjust to each other’s behavioral traits. Through analysis of a series of illustrations from different countries in Europe and Asia, he explained how these individual differences could be manipulated to create a highly stable and prosperous society. Today, the debate about what is social adaptation has been reinvigorated with the surge of recent global warming and climate change. This global catastrophe has caused many to adjust their behaviors and lifestyles to survive and thrive in a difficult new environment. Some have chosen to relocate to more remote areas, while others have turned to extreme methods to attempt to survive in the face of natural calamities like hurricanes and tornadoes. The goal of this book is to explore the factors that lead people to make such adjustments, and how we can evaluate if we are adapting correctly or if we are doomed to remain a generation from today’s standards. This book begins by unpacking the current definition of adaptation. The phrase was first used in the Oxford Dictionary in 1992, where it defined the behavior as being “appropriate to a particular culture” and “suitable to a particular geographical location.” The meaning behind this definition is important in delving into what is social adaptation. An individual who values their cultural background to the point that they would not change it for someone else’s values is considered to be a high-level adaptor, and they would be considered “high-level” in the eyes of the definition. These types of individuals would then be regarded as “low-level” adaptors who would be seen as needing to adapt, even if it is only slightly. By examining the definition further, we see that the main factor that drives individuals to adapt is a sense of self worth. Those who value themselves enough to live according to these values would feel a strong sense of urgency in making changes to their lives. In turn, changes in a person’s behavior is also motivated by the need for self-worth. These individuals would find it difficult to make changes if their self-worth was not supported by a positive social network or a sense of community. Social adaptation theory therefore postulates that individuals will adjust more readily to a new way of life if the environment they live in offers a sense of security, safety, and a sense of worth. However, many individuals who have been exposed to a foreign culture, by the nature of their environment, will find it quite hard to adjust to this new way of life. Because of the nature of an individual’s behavior, their ability to adapt can be affected by the environment in which they live. This is most common in cases where an individual has been subjected to a life of captivity. In these settings, changes in the environment are usually more drastic than in a home environment. In a prison, for instance, an individual who is used to being in a prison system will find it difficult to adapt to being in a residential setting. If they had been raised in their current environment, however, it may have been easier for them to adjust to a new social setting due to the influence of family members and friends. High-level change in environments can also lead to individuals adapting to the new environment in question by changing their personality. A good example would be with those who are working in a different field from the one that they originally studied in high school or college. If these individuals were to move into the field that they are employed in, they may find that it is not as enjoyable or interesting as it was before. Some will simply decide to change their entire personality to become more compatible with their work. What is social adaptation in this case? When an individual is faced with changing environments, they may find themselves changing themselves just to be able to fit in. This can be very dangerous and can be especially evident in cases such as rape or abuse. However, when an individual faces a change in their environment, they can still use what is social adaptation to successfully adjust and thrive. This can be a great benefit, especially to those who are already successful in life

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The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: Turn Self-doubt & Burnout into Empowered Parenting Episode 019 · Duration: 00:16:43 End Self-Doubt and Burnout and Become an Empowered Parent Is self-doubt and burnout making it exhausting to set limits with your teenager? For those experiencing parental burnout, get your free Control Battle Assessment to see where your relationship with your teenager stands and what you can do about it right now. Today we’re addressing a question from a mother about how to handle her son who wants his independence, while neglecting his responsibilities. It’s a question that comes from Tracy of Victoria, Australia. I have a 16 year-old who wants to be treated as an independent capable young adult and make decisions about his own life, yet at times he seems incapable of self care or getting himself to school, let alone bigger decisions. How do I find that balance? Excellent question, and a common dilemma for parents! My kid wants the respect of young adulthood, while not managing the responsibilities that go along with it. In answering Tracy’s question, I want to help our readers understand the issues of parental self-doubt and burnout, as well as the steps to overcoming that condition and becoming an empowered parent. As I ponder Tracy’s question, I ask myself, why is Tracy asking this question? If her son isn’t managing his responsibilities such as getting himself to school, clearly he hasn’t earned the privileges that would allow him to do what he wants, when he wants. It’s as if Tracy is doubting herself and her own judgment. By asking the question, it’s clear that you know that he has his priorities wrong. It sounds like she may be second guessing herself and maybe there’s a discussion in her head that goes something like, “I don’t think he’s earned the right to be able to go out and do what he wants, but maybe I’m too strict? After all, don’t teenagers need independence, and aren’t they all a little irresponsible? He sure hates it when I say ‘no’ and I don’t want to have to deal with the fight. Why doesn’t he realize that part of being an adult is being responsible?” I’m sure I don’t have it exactly right, but I’ll bet that some of it’s at least close.Why doesn’t he realize that part of being an adult is being responsible? Click To Tweet So here’s what I’m thinking about: If Tracy has to second-guess her every decision, and doesn’t believe she can effectively set a limit with her teenager when she needs to, parenting is going to be exhausting and she’ll burn out. There will be an ongoing control battle and that can cause burnout. I’ve talked about this before: burnout is no joke. Depression, exhaustion, and overall reduced physical and mental health is the result and we don’t want that for any parent! To combat burnout, you need for you to be an empowered parent! And what pray tell is an empowered parent? An empowered parent is: A parent who has a clear model to operate from that they are confident in and they work from that model. And that’s all they do. Then it’s up to their child or teenager to figure out the formula and make it work for them. That way the parent isn’t making themselves crazy trying to get their child or teenager to behave, they don’t do all the work, hence they don’t burn out. To combat burnout, you need for you to be an empowered parent! Click To Tweet Let me offer up a model, and then we can look at those elements that often sabotage a parent’s efforts at implementing a model. Parents set out the standards and then it’s up to the kid to meet the standards to earn the privileges. By linking those things together we teach our kids that responsibilities and independence go together. By addressing the standards, the kids learn the skills necessary to become successful young adults. Going back to Tracy and the issues she is having with her son, there isn’t one set of standards that all parents agree on. Hers are just fine, she should just be sure to be clear about them. They may not be what other parents want or think, but our limits and values are the gift and the burden our kids get from us. Let me give an example: Just because one parent, or let’s say 10 parents, let their kids go to a party that is unsupervised, doesn’t mean you have to allow that, too. That depends on your values and your judgment, and that’s good enough. Two critical skills kids need to exhibit are a good attitude towards their parents including a respectful tone of voice and cooperation with limits and expectations, and a determined good effort towards their responsibilities—ownership of their responsibilities. Obviously, a certain amount of whining and complaining are common, but with those two essential skills in place, kids will travel through their adolescence with accountability to their parents, learning, growing, and as they do, earning increased privileges and developing independence. Along their adolescent journey, they internalize the values that promote the behaviors of respect and responsibility and hold themselves to a high standard, and this moves them towards post high school success. By laying out clear expectations and staying positive, as well as making it clear that you believe in your kid and are happy for them to earn privileges, in addition to taking the time to enjoy your teenager, things generally go pretty well. Smoothly, rarely, but pretty well is great. Learning involves mistakes and failures, so there will be ups and downs, but by having a clear model and staying positive, parents and kids generally do pretty darn well. Now that Tracy has a basic good model to operate from, what elements will undermine an empowered parental position and invite self-doubt, a control battle, and burnout? A common one is when there is a mismatch in temperaments between a child / teenager and their parent. For instance, let’s say you have a strong confident temperament and you’re used to making a decision and moving forward, yet your teenager is shy and sensitive and takes a while to be comfortable with a decision, particularly if they sense there could be some uncomfortable issues they’ll have to overcome. Without understanding this natural difference, a parent could become frustrated and see their child or teenager as weak or, worse, uncooperative. A situation like this can and often does turn into a control battle and leaves a parent feeling helpless. The opposite situation, and this one might be more similar to Tracy’s, where a parent is sensitive and tends not to be assertive in many situations, and they have a teenager who is clear, a strong arguer and pushes limits. This parent often becomes overwhelmed and then they struggle with their teenager to be cooperative and be responsible. That’s exhausting and will lead to burnout. When parents get into these control battles, often started by a temperamental difference, it uses up all their resources, they’re never confident in themselves or their teenager and the result is a disempowered and burned out parent as well as an under-functioning teenager. Here’s what you can do to reclaim your role as an empowered parent: 1. Accept both your and your teenager’s temperaments as simply part of who you both are. That will help you not take their behavior as intentionally uncooperative. It will help you not take it personally.Accept both your and your teenager’s temperaments as simply part of who you both are. Click To Tweet 2. Identify the skill or behavior you will need to adopt to manage your teenager’s temperament better. For instance, for the “confident go-to action parent” slowing down, showing patience, listening, be reassuring and willing to adjust plans to make things more comfortable for your kid will be important. For the shy, less assertive parent, since you won’t out-argue your teenager, show patience, and yet, be persistent. Offer active listening, which is always a good way to avoid arguing, bring clarity, consistency, positivity and follow through. Kids who are inclined to test limits won’t believe you mean something until you take action and they pay the price. In addition to a temperamental difference between parents and teens, there are two other elements that will create or support self-doubt: 1. A parent not getting their emotional needs met. Your kid isn’t going to say, Wow, Mom, that was a terrific limit you set with me, I know I was challenging and angry, but you hung in there and did the right thing. That needs to come from another source. Perhaps your partner, your brother, sister, aunt, friend or even a parenting group if there is such a thing where you live. We all need support and validation as well as fresh ideas. 2. Self-care, we all need alone time, exercise, a chance to do our favorite activity. If we don’t take time for ourselves, we absolutely will burn out. Do NOT be shy to ask a family member or a friend to spend some time with your teenager or come over to the house and keep an eye on things while you take a day, a half-day or a few hours for yourself. We all like to be helpful to others and know we can make a difference. Not only will you be doing yourself a favor, your friends and family will gain pleasure knowing they’re needed and will enjoy having a direct relationship with your teen. Your teen will benefit from being able to relate to another adult one-on-one without their parent around. Kids often do much better with adults other than their parents, and the break, even for a few hours, will do you both good. So folks, If you are feeling like Tracy, and find that your kids are not meeting your standards for them, and your standards are appropriate for their age and abilities, and you find yourself struggling to get them to change their behavior, it’s time to pay attention to your self-doubt and burn out: - Make sure you have a solid parenting model to operate from; being positive while requiring a good attitude and strong engagement of their responsibilities are essential elements in a workable model. - Make sure that you’re aware of any temperamental differences that may be adding stress to the parent / teen relationship. Once you are aware of you and your teenager’s temperament, make sure you have the skill set to support them and set limits with them. - Make sure you are getting your personal needs met. None of us can function to our potential without emotional support and functional support. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. We all need it and we all like to give it. Thanks to Tracy for her stimulating question, and please do send me yours too! Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: Don’t want to miss an episode? Be sure to subscribe to The Healthy Family Connections Podcast on iTunes for up to date information and advice from Neil D Brown — all for free! Want to tell your friends about The Healthy Family Connections Podcast?Click here to tweet your followers about The Healthy Family Connections Podcast. They will thank you!Click To Tweet Want to start a conversation with Neil? Drop a note in the comment section below. We look forward to hearing from you!

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I have been in the field of education, child care, or social work for the past 20 years. I have spent my entire life working with young children and their families. This work, paired with hundreds of books, and many trainings on trauma, crisis intervention, behavior management, developmentally appropriate practice, and parenting strategies, have taught me much, but nothing so potent as THIS ONE THING: Punishment does not work. I recently tuned into a local radio station as they took calls to answer the question, “Really?” I thought to myself, “People are still punishing their kids?” Apparently I’ve been living in my own little progressive parenting bubble—steeped in best practice and positive discipline for too long. I listened to the radio show, too mad to dial in, and realized: people actually don’t know. I’ve been writing this blog for six years about the best ways for families to grow and thrive: mutual respect, emotional competence, and LOVE. Punishment just doesn’t fit in. Here’s a few specifics on why it is not helpful (except in the VERY short term—and parenting is NOT a short-term project), and what you can do instead to foster connection and cooperation in your home. #1. It hurts: The goal of punishment is to cause discomfort (or even pain in the case of corporeal punishment) in order to get children to do what we want. Regardless of whether or not what we want them to do is the “right thing,” the act of inflicting punishment always creates an “us vs. them” rift between adult and child. This divide diminishes closeness and communication—even if you don’t want it to—and the result will be lost trust and decreased credibility as an ally in the eyes of your child. THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU DON’T HAVE BOUNDARIES! Structure and limits are essential for creating safety and security for young people. It is crucial that parents hold limits from a perspective of safety for kids, “I cannot let you touch the hot stove,” and self-care and emotional regulation for the adult, “I can’t get you milk until I finish my dinner because if I do I will be hangry.” This is reality—enforced with love—not punishment. #2. It’s coercive: A lot of times kids are punished for behaving in socially unacceptable ways. For example: yelling, screaming, and aggression. Unfortunately, this is normal! Children are generally terrible at regulating their emotions—this is due to the fact that their executive function (i.e. prefrontal cortex—their ability to control themselves) is not developed yet. Punishing children for behaviors they exhibit when they are stuck in the emotional (limbic) or fear (brain stem) parts of their brain is not only totally ineffective at creating long-term learning, it hinders the syncing and integration of these three parts of the brain. Ironically, punishment hampers the wiring that would produce better self-regulation and impulse control. Holding limits with kind firmness while offering to listen to upset is a muscle parents can grow through consistent practice. All feelings are OK, all actions are not—putting limits on emotions is a recipe for disaster. Instead, learn to stop an action (hitting) while inviting emotional offload (crying and even yelling)—there is a learning curve here, but it can be done! #3. It’s punitive: This is often the case for perceived moral infractions like lying, sneaking, or stealing. Children who lie, cheat, or steal are often testing out behaviors innocently (as in they honestly don’t “know better”) or they have seen others model them and are following suit. Other times these behaviors are a bid for attention.If you react with punishment, you are reinforcing disconnection—exactly the opposite of what would help them feel safe, understand themselves better, and stop the behavior. Instead of blame and shame in these scenarios, frame the situation in terms of impact. First, get thyself calm! If you are upset, you will not be a helpful guide for the young person. Then offer an objective overview of what happened and reflect feelings. This is a basic restorative justice model. #4. It’s an empathy-killer: When you punish, you diminish a child’s ability to focus on another’s experience and be accountable. These are the roots of empathy and compassion—the precursor to healthy relationships and a well-functioning society. Punishment always bring the focus of the punished onto themselves. One cannot think of others, acknowledge impact of wrongdoing, or aim to make amends while being made to suffer. As an alternative, you can discuss feelings and impact. This provides a start for being able to “put yourself in someone else’s shoes.” As parent educator Pam Leo likes to say, “You can’t teach children to behave better by making them feel worse.” Next time you feel inspired to punish—no matter how creatively—stop and breathe for a minute. Then, take a less reactive and more authentic action: keep everyone safe, express your feelings, and narrate what happened and what effect it had. This is where true discipline—teaching and learning—can begin. (Click here for Hand in Hand's free download Setting Limits with Children.) Sarah MacLaughlin has worked with families for over 20 years as a nanny, preschool teacher, social worker, and coach for moms and dads. she is certified to teach many parenting curricula, including Hand in Hand’s Parenting by Connection. You can read more from Sarah on her blog http://sarahmaclaughlin.com/blog/

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We are searching data for your request: Upon completion, a link will appear to access the found materials. You've detected that your child is lying. And not a few times ne So when should you worry as a parent? The answer to this question Psychologist Eda Gökduman Giving. The first reaction of the parents who detected that their child was lying; and to warn the child that there is an incorrect behavior. This warning is usually sharp and hard. Although lying is wrong, it is necessary to consider the age and development of the child. Psychologist Eda Gökduman says: m The evaluation of a lie as a normal process is about 7 years old. With this age, the child begins to gain a sense of reality. What a lie really is and how it can be used for purposes can be evaluated. The lies before the age of 7 should be treated more understanding and calm towards the child, the correct behavior should be told. The reasons that lead to lies should be identified, new decisions must be taken together, the presence of repetition should be followed without realizing and the same patience should be shown in repetitive behaviors. ” Children's imagination is wide Imagination is quite high in children. It has unlimited power; lies can use skillfully. When he encounters something he doesn't want, he can exaggerate as if it were real. This is common in kindergarten. Eda Gökduman gives the following example: ılan A child who is bored with the rules of the teacher in the school may say that the teacher did not give him food or even hit him. In these cases, instead of hiding, you should share this with the teacher and create a common behavior. When his lie is revealed, you should not be angry with him and talk to him about the right behavior. Children are very happy to draw attention to you. To achieve this, he can consciously produce lies. For example; you may encounter a child hiding important items at home to attract the attention of his parents. ” It is very important to be the right model for the child about lies. It is an expected result that a child who sees his parents lying is expected to show this behavior. Even pink lies should be paid attention. Parental attitudes including oppression and authority, constant criticism and perfectionism can also lead the child to lie. This lie is a behavior that is intended only to take the shape you want. Toys are very important for preschool children. Although the behavior of taking someone else's toy is known to be a false behavior, sometimes unaware of these toys - taking behavior can be seen. When you encounter this behavior, you should not be angry, punish, deliver the toy to your friend and make the necessary explanation. Sometimes a child who does not have a father can speak as if he has a father. This is about the child's longing. The child should be assisted for these feelings and the necessary explanations should be made in an age-appropriate manner. This behavior of a child who constantly and deliberately lies can be a symptom of illness. Behaviors such as escaping from school and theft can also be added to this process. This is a behavior disorder and requires expert support.

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You have probably read that lying is a sign of intellectual growth in your children. It is hardly something most parents are delighted to hear. But we do know that most children will lie from time to time. Some of the very qualities we value in young children are the same skills they need to learn to be effective liars; skills such as the ability to plan ahead, control her emotions and take another person’s point of view are also part of lying. Actually, lying appears to be a good measure of a child’s social development. Having said these things, it does not mean parents should ignore lies from their children. In fact, parents should think of a child’s lie as the best solution the child can think of for the problem she is facing. It is not difficult to discover your child’s lies, but sometimes it is difficult to find the underlying issues and help your child learn more appropriate responses. So what should a parent do? First, let your child know that you take lying seriously. Let her also know that the truth is something you strongly believe in. Help her understand the negative consequences of lying that make sense to her. Let her know that lying upsets you. If she is a bit older, you can remind her of how angry she gets when her playmates do not follow the rules when they play with her. Then, think of yourself as a teacher, not as a police officer. The important lesson is to teach, not to punish. Keep your attention on the behavior that caused the lie. Tell her you understand how much she must have liked that doll to take it from her friend’s house but remind her that her friend also really likes her doll. Give her suggestions for other ways she might have handled it such as to ask if she could borrow the doll or trade dolls for a day or two. Talk about how she can respond to her friend about taking the doll. Even if she is lying about something smaller, you need to work with your child about what she has done and why. Perhaps you have told she cannot have one of the brownies you made for dinner and you find she has taken a couple of them. Even this minor offense should not be ignored. Lying is normal behavior that should not be ignored or it will have a significant influence on how much she lies in the future. Talk about the behavior behind what she did. Encourage her to talk to you when she wants something that much. But again, have some consequence. Maybe she has to clean up the mess she left in the kitchen. Maybe she does not get dessert for dinner. Maybe she has to write an apology for doing this. Just make sure there is some consequence and that you have talked together about what she has done. You are not only dealing with lying, you are dealing with your child growing up and doing the right thing. You are trying to teach your child how to do things correctly and how to talk over a problem. Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation. For more information, email to [email protected] or call 360-681-2250.

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Reflexivity (social theory) Reflexivity refers to circular relationships between cause and effect. A reflexive relationship is bidirectional with both the cause and the effect affecting one another in a relationship in which neither can be assigned as causes or effects. In sociology, reflexivity therefore comes to mean an act of self-reference where examination or action "bends back on", refers to, and affects the entity instigating the action or examination. To this extent it commonly refers to the capacity of an agent to recognize forces of socialization and alter their place in the social structure. A low level of reflexivity would result in an individual shaped largely by their environment (or "society"). A high level of social reflexivity would be defined by an individual shaping their own norms, tastes, politics, desires, and so on. This is similar to the notion of autonomy. (See also Structure and agency and Social mobility.) In economics, reflexivity refers to the self-reinforcing effect of market sentiment, whereby rising prices attract buyers whose actions drive prices higher still until the process becomes unsustainable and the same process operates in reverse leading to a catastrophic collapse in prices. This is an instance of a positive feedback loop. In social theory, reflexivity may occur when theories in a discipline should apply equally forcefully to the discipline itself, for example in the case that the theories of knowledge construction in the field of sociology of scientific knowledge should apply equally to knowledge construction by sociology of scientific knowledge practitioners, or when the subject matter of a discipline should apply equally well to the individual practitioners of that discipline, for example when psychological theory should explain the psychological mental processes of psychologists. More broadly, reflexivity is considered to occur when the observations or actions of observers in the social system affect the very situations they are observing, or theory being formulated is disseminated to and affects the behaviour of the individuals or systems the theory is meant to be objectively modelling. Thus for example an anthropologist living in an isolated village may affect the village and the behaviour of its citizens that he or she is studying. The observations are not independent of the participation of the observer. Reflexivity is, therefore, a methodological issue in the social sciences analogous to the observer effect. Within that part of recent sociology of science that has been called the strong programme, reflexivity is suggested as a methodological norm or principle, meaning that a full theoretical account of the social construction of, say, scientific, religious or ethical knowledge systems, should itself be explainable by the same principles and methods as used for accounting for these other knowledge systems. This points to a general feature of naturalised epistemologies, that such theories of knowledge allow for specific fields of research to elucidate other fields as part of an overall self-reflective process: Any particular field of research occupied with aspects of knowledge processes in general (e.g., history of science, cognitive science, sociology of science, psychology of perception, semiotics, logic, neuroscience) may reflexively study other such fields yielding to an overall improved reflection on the conditions for creating knowledge. The principle of reflexivity was perhaps first enunciated by the sociologist William Thomas (1923, 1928) as the Thomas theorem: that 'the situations that men define as true, become true for them.' Sociologist Robert K. Merton (1948, 1949) built on the Thomas principle to define the notion of a self-fulfilling prophecy: that once a prediction or prophecy is made, actors may accommodate their behaviours and actions so that a statement that would have been false becomes true or, conversely, a statement that would have been true becomes false - as a consequence of the prediction or prophecy being made. The prophecy has a constitutive impact on the outcome or result, changing the outcome from what would otherwise have happened. Reflexivity was taken up as an issue in science in general by Karl Popper (1957), who called it the 'Oedipal effect', and more comprehensively by Ernest Nagel (1961). Reflexivity presents a problem for science because if a prediction can lead to changes in the system that the prediction is made in relation to, it becomes difficult to assess scientific hypotheses by comparing the predictions they entail with the events that actually occur. The problem is even more difficult in the social sciences. Reflexivity has been taken up as the issue of "reflexive prediction" in economic science by Grunberg and Modigliani (1954) and Herbert A. Simon (1954), has been debated as a major issue in relation to the Lucas Critique, and has been raised as a methodological issue in economic science arising from the issue of reflexivity in the sociology of scientific knowledge (SSK) literature. Reflexivity has emerged as both an issue and a solution in modern approaches to the problem of structure and agency, for example in the work of Anthony Giddens in his structuration theory and Pierre Bourdieu in his genetic structuralism. Giddens, for example, noted that constitutive reflexivity is possible in any social system, and that this presents a distinct methodological problem for the social sciences. Giddens accentuated this theme with his notion of "reflexive modernity" – the argument that, over time, society is becoming increasingly more self-aware, reflective, and hence reflexive. Bourdieu argued that the social scientist is inherently laden with biases, and only by becoming reflexively aware of those biases can the social scientists free themselves from them and aspire to the practice of an objective science. For Bourdieu, therefore, reflexivity is part of the solution, not the problem. Michel Foucault's The Order of Things can be said to touch on the issue of Reflexivity. Foucault examines the history of Western thought since the Renaissance and argues that each historical epoch (he identifies 3, while proposing a 4th) has an episteme, or "a historical a priori", that structures and organizes knowledge. Foucault argues that the concept of man emerged in the early 19th century, what he calls the "Age of Man", with the philosophy of Immanuel Kant. He finishes the book by posing the problem of the age of man and our pursuit of knowledge- where "man is both knowing subject and the object of his own study"; thus, Foucault argues that the social sciences, far from being objective, produce truth in their own mutually exclusive discourses. Economic philosopher George Soros, influenced by ideas put forward by his tutor, Karl Popper (1957), has been an active promoter of the relevance of reflexivity to economics, first propounding it publicly in his 1987 book The Alchemy of Finance. He regards his insights into market behaviour from applying the principle as a major factor in the success of his financial career. Reflexivity is inconsistent with equilibrium theory, which stipulates that markets move towards equilibrium and that non-equilibrium fluctuations are merely random noise that will soon be corrected. In equilibrium theory, prices in the long run at equilibrium reflect the underlying fundamentals, which are unaffected by prices. Reflexivity asserts that prices do in fact influence the fundamentals and that these newly influenced set of fundamentals then proceed to change expectations, thus influencing prices; the process continues in a self-reinforcing pattern. Because the pattern is self-reinforcing, markets tend towards disequilibrium. Sooner or later they reach a point where the sentiment is reversed and negative expectations become self-reinforcing in the downward direction, thereby explaining the familiar pattern of boom and bust cycles An example Soros cites is the procyclical nature of lending, that is, the willingness of banks to ease lending standards for real estate loans when prices are rising, then raising standards when real estate prices are falling, reinforcing the boom and bust cycle. Soros has often claimed that his grasp of the principle of reflexivity is what has given him his "edge" and that it is the major factor contributing to his successes as a trader. For several decades there was little sign of the principle being accepted in mainstream economic circles, but there has been an increase of interest following the crash of 2008, with academic journals, economists, and investors discussing his theories. Economist and former columnist of the Financial Times, Anatole Kaletsky, argued that Soros' concept of reflexivity is useful in understanding the way in which Western analysts believe that China's "economy is not only slowing, but falling off a cliff." The perception that China is the weakest link in the global economy dominated the International Monetary Fund annual meeting in Peru in October 2015. In reality, according to Kaletsky, China's GDP in 2005 was $2.3 trillion and in 2015 is $10.3 trillion, the renminbi stabilized in October, "capital flight" dwindled, and there are "better-than-expected reserve figures released by the People’s Bank of China on October 7." Kaletsky claims that suspect but powerful financial feedback perceptions are constantly "self-reinforced" but that they do not reflect economic reality. According to Soros' concept of reflexivity, "financial markets can create inaccurate expectations and then change reality to accord with them. This is the opposite of the process described in textbooks and built into economic models, which always assume that financial expectations adapt to reality, not the other way round." The Chinese government’s "policy of shifting gradually to a market-based exchange rate" reveals that China may better understand "reflexive interactions among finance, the real economy, and government than "Western devotees of free markets capitalism." Kaletsky warned against making the same mistakes as those made in 2008 when "financial expectations" based on reflexivity, interacted with "policy blunders, turning modest economic problems into major catastrophes, first in the US and then in the eurozone." In 2009, Soros funded the launch of the Institute for New Economic Thinking with the hope that it would develop reflexivity further. The Institute works with several types of Heterodox economics, particularly the Post-Keynesian branch. In anthropology, reflexivity has come to have two distinct meanings, one that refers to the researcher's awareness of an analytic focus on his or her relationship to the field of study, and the other that attends to the ways that cultural practices involve consciousness and commentary on themselves. The first sense of reflexivity in anthropology is part of social science's more general self-critique in the wake of theories by Michel Foucault and others about the relationship of power and knowledge production. Reflexivity about the research process became an important part of the critique of the colonial roots and scientistic methods of anthropology in the "writing cultures" movement associated with James Clifford and George Marcus, as well as many other anthropologists. Rooted in literary criticism and philosophical analysis of the relationship of anthropologist, representations of people in texts, and the people represented, this approach has fundamentally changed ethical and methodological approaches in anthropology. As with the feminist and anti-colonial critiques that provide some of reflexive anthropology's inspiration, the reflexive understanding of the academic and political power of representations, analysis of the process of "writing culture" has become a necessary part of understanding the situation of the ethnographer in the fieldwork situation. Objectification of people and cultures and analysis of them only as objects of study has been largely rejected in favor of developing more collaborative approaches that respect local people's values and goals. Nonetheless, many anthropologists have accused the "writing cultures" approach of muddying the scientific aspects of anthropology with too much introspection about fieldwork relationships, and reflexive anthropology have been heavily attacked by more positivist anthropologists. Considerable debate continues in anthropology over the role of postmodernism and reflexivity, but most anthropologists accept the value of the critical perspective, and generally only argue about the relevance of critical models that seem to lead anthropology away from its earlier core foci. The second kind of reflexivity studied by anthropologists involves varieties of self-reference in which people and cultural practices call attention to themselves. One important origin for this approach is Roman Jakobson in his studies of deixis and the poetic function in language, but the work of Mikhail Bakhtin on carnival has also been important. Within anthropology, Gregory Bateson developed ideas about meta-messages as part of communication, while Clifford Geertz's studies of ritual events such as the Balinese cock-fight point to their role as foci for public reflection on the social order. Studies of play and tricksters further expanded ideas about reflexive cultural practices. Reflexivity has been most intensively explored in studies of performance, public events, rituals, and linguistic forms but can be seen any time acts, things, or people are held up and commented upon or otherwise set apart for consideration. In researching cultural practices reflexivity plays important role but because of its complexity and subtlety it often goes under-investigated or involves highly specialized analyses. One use of studying reflexivity is in connection to authenticity. Cultural traditions are often imagined as perpetuated as stable ideals by uncreative actors. Innovation may or may not change tradition, but since reflexivity is intrinsic to many cultural activities, reflexivity is part of tradition and not inauthentic. The study of reflexivity shows that people have both self-awareness and creativity in culture. They can play with, comment upon, debate, modify, and objectify culture through manipulating many different features in recognized ways. This leads to the metaculture of conventions about managing and reflecting upon culture. Reflexivity and the status of the social sciences Flanagan has argued that reflexivity complicates all three of the traditional roles that are typically played by a classical science: explanation, prediction and control. The fact that individuals and social collectivities are capable of self-inquiry and adaptation is a key characteristic of real-world social systems, differentiating the social sciences from the physical sciences. Reflexivity, therefore, raises real issues regarding the extent to which the social sciences may ever be viewed as "hard" sciences analogous to classical physics, and raises questions about the nature of the social sciences. - Campbell's law - Double hermeneutic - Goodhart's law - Hawthorne effect - Observer effect (physics) - Observer-expectancy effect - Virtuous circle and vicious circle - The Alchemy of Finance: Reading the mind of the Market (1987) by George Soros, pp 27-45 - George, Soros (2008). "Reflexivity in Financial Markets". The New Paradigm for Financial Markets: The Credit Crisis of 2008 and What it Means (1st ed.). PublicAffairs. p. 66. ISBN 978-1-58648-683-9. - Journal of Economic Methodology, Volume 20, Issue 4, 2013: Special Issue: Reflexivity and Economics: George Soros's Theory of Reflexivity and the Methodology of Economic Science http://www.tandfonline.com/toc/rjec20/20/4 For example, Larry Summers, Joe Stiglitz, and Paul Volker in: Financial Times, The Credit Crunch According to Soros, January 30, 2009. http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/9553cce2-eb65-11dd-8838-0000779fd2ac.html - Kaletsky, Anatole (12 October 2015). "China is Not Collapsing". Project Syndicate. London. Retrieved 12 October 2015. - Asad, Talal, ed. (1973) Anthropology & the Colonial Encounter. Atlantic Highlands, NJ: Humanities Press. - Writing Culture: the Poetics and Politics of Ethnography, edited with George Marcus (University of California Press, 1986) - Roy D'Andrade. Moral Models in Anthropology. Current Anthropology Vol. 36, No. 3 (Jun., 1995), 399-408. Herbert S. Lewis. The Misrepresentation of Anthropology and Its Consequences. American Anthropologist. Vol. 100, No. 3 (Sep., 1998), pp. 716-731 - Olaf Zenker and Karten Kumoll. Beyond Writing Culture. Berghahn Books, 2010. - BARBARA A. BABCOCK. Reflexivity: Definitions and discriminations. Semiotica. 1980 30:1-2 , 1-14 - Turner, Victor. Dramatic Ritual/Ritual Drama: Performative and Reflexive Anthropology. The Kenyon Review Vol. 1, No. 3 (Summer, 1979), pp. 80-93 - Victor Turner. Social Dramas and Stories about Them. Critical Inquiry. Vol. 7, No. 1, pp. 141-168 - DON HANDELMAN and BRUCE KAPFERER. Symbolic types, mediation and the transformation of ritual context: Sinhalese demons and Tewa clowns. Semiotica 1980, 30:1-2, 41-72 - Richard Bauman and Charles L. Briggs. Poetics and Performance as Critical Perspectives on Language and Social Life. Annual Review of Anthropology. Vol. 19 (1990), pp. 59-88 - Lucy, John A. Reflexive Language: Reported Speech and Metapragmatics. Cambridge: Cambridge University 2004. Silverstein, Michael. "Shifters, Linguistic Categories, and Cultural Description." Meaning in Anthropology, ed. Keith Basso and Henry A. Selby. Albuquerque: UNM Press, 1976. Silverstein, Michael. "The Limits of Awareness," in Linguistic Anthropology: A Reader. Edited by A. Duranti, pp. 382–401. Malden: Blackwell, 2001 - Urban, Greg. (2001). Metaculture: how culture moves through the world. Minneapolis, MN: University of Minnesota Press - Flanagan, O. J. (1981). 'Psychology, progress, and the problem of reflexivity: a study in the epistemological foundations of psychology', Journal of the History of the Behavioral Sciences, 17, pp. 375–386. - Archer, M. S. (2007). Making Our Way Through The World: Human Reflexivity and Social Mobility. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. - Ashmore, M. (1989). The Reflexive Thesis. Chicago: Chicago University Press. - Bartlett, S. J. and P. Suber (editors). (1987). Self-Reference: Reflections on Reflexivity, Dordrecht, Boston, and Lancaster, Martinus Nijhoff Publishers. - Bourdieu, Pierre (1992). Invitation to a Reflexive Sociology. University of Chicago Press. - Bryant, C. G. A. (2002). 'George Soros's theory of reflexivity: a comparison with the theories of Giddens and Beck and a consideration of its practical value', Economy and Society, 31 (1), pp. 112–131. - Flanagan, O. J. (1981). 'Psychology, progress, and the problem of reflexivity: a study in the epistemological foundations of psychology', Journal of the History of the Behavioral Sciences, 17, pp. 375–386. - Gay, D. (2009) Reflexivity and Development Economics. London: Palgrave Macmillan - Grunberg, E. and F. Modigliani (1954). 'The predictability of social events', Journal of Political Economy, 62 (6), pp. 465–478. - Merton, R. K. (1948). 'The self-fulfilling prophecy', Antioch Review, 8, pp. 193–210. - Merton, R. K. (1949/1957), Social Theory and Social Structure (rev. edn.), The Free Press, Glencoe, IL. - Nagel, E. (1961), The Structure of Science: Problems in the Logic of Scientific Explanation, Harcourt, New York. - Popper, K. (1957), The Poverty of Historicism, Harper and Row, New York. - Simon, H. (1954). 'Bandwagon and underdog effects of election predictions', Public Opinion Quarterly, 18, pp. 245–253. - Soros, G (1987) The Alchemy of Finance (Simon & Schuster, 1988) ISBN 0-671-66238-4 (paperback: Wiley, 2003; ISBN 0-471-44549-5) - Soros, G (2008) The New Paradigm for Financial Markets: The Credit Crisis of 2008 and What It Means (PublicAffairs, 2008) ISBN 978-1-58648-683-9 - Soros, G (2006) The Age of Fallibility: Consequences of the War on Terror (PublicAffairs, 2006) ISBN 1-58648-359-5 - Soros, G The Bubble of American Supremacy: Correcting the Misuse of American Power (PublicAffairs, 2003) ISBN 1-58648-217-3 (paperback; PublicAffairs, 2004; ISBN 1-58648-292-0) - Soros, G George Soros on Globalization (PublicAffairs, 2002) ISBN 1-58648-125-8 (paperback; PublicAffairs, 2005; ISBN 1-5864-8278-5) - Soros, G (2000) Open Society: Reforming Global Capitalism (PublicAffairs, 2001) ISBN 1-58648-019-7 - Thibodeaux, Jarrett. 2016. Production as Social Change: Policy Sociology as a Public Good. Sociological Spectrum. 36 (3): 183-190. - Thomas, W. I. (1923), The Unadjusted Girl : With Cases and Standpoint for Behavior Analysis, Little, Brown, Boston, MA. - Thomas, W. I. and D. S. Thomas (1928), The Child in America : Behavior Problems and Programs, Knopf, New York. - Tsekeris, C. (2013). 'Toward a chaos-friendly reflexivity', Entelequia, 16, pp. 71–89. - Woolgar, S. (1988). Knowledge and Reflexivity: New Frontiers in the Sociology of Knowledge. London and Beverly Hills: Sage.

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Body Language...How does it work? How many times you just couldn’t believe someone because of his head shake or eyes darting? Body language is a very important part of communication which can constitute 50% or more of what we are communicating. It’s a non-verbal communication which can reflect quite accurately what’s going on inside us. If you wish to communicate well, then it makes sense to understand how to use your body, movements, gestures and facial expressions. The brain communicates through our bodies precisely the true sentiments that we feel and orchestrates accurate corresponding nonverbal displays. For example, when we see someone we really like, our eyebrows arches defying gravity, our facial muscles relaxes, and our arms become more flexible to welcome this person. In the presence of someone we love, we will mirror their behavior, tilt our heads, and blood will flow to our lips making them full, even as our pupils dilate. Body Language can be a very effective way to determine how others feel about us and evaluate how a relationship is evolving. People sense that something is wrong in a relationship due to the changes in body language displays. Couples who no longer touch or walk close together are easy to spot but sometimes the more subtle behaviors are even more accurate. An example of this is when couples touch each other with their fingertips rather than their full hand (distancing behavior) indicative of psychological divscomfort. This behavior alone may portend serious problems in the relationship that on the surface may not be so obvious. And so while, there are many aspects of nonverbal communications and body language, focusing on comfort and discomfort can go a long way in helping us to see more clearly what others are truly feeling, thinking, fearing or desiring. Having that extra insight gives us a more honest appraisal of others and it will in the end assist us in communicating more effectively for a deeper understanding.

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There are some days when we really don’t know where to start or what to do when it comes to being good parents. A general rule of thumb is to stay as alert as you can and to gently say something corrective when you see something (like behavior) that needs adjusting. Much easier said than done, I admit, especially if you don’t want your children to feel bad for being children. But we must say what needs to be said, and we must do what needs to be done. Remember that safety is a priority in parenting. If something is obviously unsafe, you gotta address it. Children might not listen the first time (or the tenth time), but the whole idea is that you are the parent and so you will say parent-y things and do parent-y things. If you are finding that you are needing to repeat yourself more than one or two times, then some logical consequences might be in order to communicate the importance of following directions and to encourage our children to do the right thing, especially when asked by a parent. But regardless of whether or not our children do what they are supposed to do every single time, we can still have the attitude (and also demonstrate) that it’s up to us to be the loving, gentle parent who possesses effective supervisory skills—so if we see something [that shouldn’t be happening], it’s in our children’s best interest to say something [that will positively address the issue at hand].

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Being married with children can be difficult because you have to balance the conflicts that you have with your partner with the stability that your child deserves. That has led some individuals to suggest it’s never okay to fight in front of your children. And while it’s certainly true that most couples don’t know how to fight healthily in front of their kids, a straight-up prohibition may be unrealistic and unhealthy. Some suggest that as long as you can constructively and productively disagree with your spouse, it’s actually healthy for your children to see that. So to the question: yes, it can be okay to “fight” in front of the kids as long as that “fighting” looks something like this. 1. You listen to one another. Unhealthy fighting consists of ignoring what the other person has to say so you can “get in your shots.” This is not listening and it’s not respecting each other. Your kids will learn to tune others out and yell their way through life if that’s what they see you do. 2. It’s not violent. Violence can take a physical form, and it can also take a verbal form. If your children are seeing you fight and starting to fear for the safety of one of you, then something is definitely wrong. You’re not teaching your kids anything but unhealthy behaviors. 3. It resolves a conflict. Conflict resolution is not about capitulating lock, stock, and barrel, to the desires of your spouse, nor is it about achieving an outright victory. Sometimes you’ll be right, and they’ll be wrong. Sometimes it will be the other way around. And sometimes you’ll be able to agree to disagree in terms that settle the matter and allow you to move forward as a team. However it turns out, it’s important to resolve the conflict that you place in front of your children, or they are liable to run from the battles that are important. While we wouldn’t say make a point of fighting in front of your kids, we would suggest allowing issues to come up when the circumstance calls for it. But make sure that your “fighting” adheres to each of the three principles above. Not either/or. All of them. If you can do that, then your conflicts may actually be building up your youngsters instead of tearing them down.[Image via iDiva]

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It is devastating to watch videos about the attacks launched by Russia against Ukraine. There is a saying, “Not my circus, not my monkeys”. If only it was so easy. This War does not only affect Europe and its surrounding continents but has an impact on the world. From a humanitarian point of view, our hearts go out to the thousands of children who have been killed or wounded, these children had a future, they could have made an impact on the world, an opportunity that they have been deprived of. There are many reasons for countries to engage in a state of war, but most commonly it is to take control or for economic gain. Russia without Ukraine is a country, Russia with Ukraine is an empire. The Cambridge Dictionary defines the word control as “…to order, limit, or rule something, or someone’s actions or behaviour…” War does not always originate in the form of shootouts, bombing, or missile attacks. In our ordinary lives, we are also confronted with wars within ourselves. Wars within us can include challenges such as finances, emotional, social skills, or the inability to reach our full potential. If you lack self-confidence, you will likely be a people pleaser, a floater. You will be the person who arrives for work, do what is expected but does not raise your hand when management wants someone to take the lead on a project. The reason for this is not that you cannot perform the task at hand, it is because you have a fear of disappointment. Disappointment in yourself and disappointing others. Never sell the introverts in your business short. A good leader will identify these individuals and work on their self-confidence. Giving them a small, manageable task, may give the employee the courage to take on more, should the leader give credit where credit is due. We all grew up in different households. A child develops and learns how to deal with situations from the example set by their parents. While some parents struggle to resolve a conflict between a child and the parent, the child and a sibling, or general household conflict, it may be that the parent him/herself does not have the necessary knowledge or life experience to be able to direct the child in the right direction. Unfortunately, if you as a parent cannot teach your child, from an early age, that it is okay to make mistakes, it is okay to fail, but that it is not okay if you don’t learn from your mistakes, own up to them and to be brave enough to try again, then you as a parent will set your child up for failure when he/she enters the corporate world. Your child will have an inner war with him/herself, having a lack of self-worth and confidence. Children growing up with a lack of discipline and structure will most likely “act out”, they may not keep to rules and may, in some cases, revert to violence, because they simply don’t know how to communicate civilly and to resolve conflict without aggression. A bureaucratic management system, which has the approach of, “It is my way or no way, fit in or there is the door” may create an internal war within the company. Only following orders and being limited may create an atmosphere where employees are reluctant to suggest new ideas, development for better service- or product offerings, which might prevent the business to grow and even becoming a market leader. At Diversit-e Smart Trade College, we are driven by results. The results achieved by our employees, stakeholders, and clients, are used to measure our growth. Diversit-e Smart Trade College welcomes our employees’ input. They are after all the individuals working daily with our students’ and clients’ needs. “If I am the smartest person in the room then I am in the wrong room. If everybody agrees, then nobody is thinking” M.D. Francois Oosthuizen Diversit-e Smart Trade College. We acknowledge that our students originate from different backgrounds and cultures. We cater to students who did not have the privilege to access knowledge and education whilst growing up. Our clients and students are encouraged to voice their experiences and provide us with feedback and suggestions on how we can better serve their needs. We are privileged and humbled to still be rated number 1 in the educational sector of HelloPeter based on the testimonials of our clients. The war between Russia and Ukraine may not be the last one we will be confronted with. Like the citizens from Russia and Ukraine, we may also not be able to prevent them. What we do have control over is to treat our fellow South Africans with dignity and respect. To acknowledge that the person sitting next to you may be facing a challenge of their own, and by being alive, you can, even by making a small contribution, influence them to beat the war within themselves. Diversit-e Smart Trade College salutes you, the person making a difference, you are a true hero.

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