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t3_tvc7k | running | Training up from less than zero. Advice? | On April 24, I slipped in the shower and herniated a disc. After three weeks horizontal with extreme sciatic pain, I finally found a doctor who was interested in helping me. On Wednesday (3 days ago as I write this), I had lumbar microdiscectomy surgery, releasing the pressure crushing my sciatic nerve and immediately relieving the pain.
So now I'm recovering from surgery. My doc has me walking--he wants me to work up to a mile a day by my follow up appointment in three weeks. But right now my energy level is so low, I did about 1/5 mile today and have been wiped out totally.
From being bedridden for literally three weeks, I've lost a noticeable amount of muscle. When I sit, I feel my butt bones in a way I never have before. By the end of my walk today my thighs were shaking.
Here's my plan. I'm going to celebrate the anniversary of the accident by running my second half marathon. My doctor is on board with this as long as my aerobics is non-impact until six months post-op. So I'm now treating my walking assignment as the very beginning of my training for the half.
The other thing is, the race I want to do is April 20 in Salt Lake City, where a lot of my family is. That's 4500 feet. My training will be happening around my home in Greensboro, NC, at 800 feet. So there's that.
What advice do you have, /r/running? | got a year to train at low altitude for a high altitude half, starting from walking 1/5 mile a day takes everything I've got. |
t3_3ohc4n | relationships | I'm 20M, when should I ask a 20F out that I met the other night? | So on Saturday night I was at a party and got talking to this pretty girl. She was lovely and we must have spent about 3 hours talking to each other about loads of common interests.
We pretty much decided to leave at the same time and she asked if I would walk her home as there are lots of dark/empty streets etc. So of course, like any gentleman, I walked her home. Because we'd been talking so long in the evening I was half expecting her to invite me in to stay the night etc, although wasn't too upset when she didn't as not really up for the whole ONS thing.
So got to her door and left without a hug or anything, it was a little awkward although I'm not sure in what way. We're now friends on Facebook, and have exchanged a couple of messages.
I'd really like to meet up with her again for a drink or something, even if it's just to be friends and not any further. But I'm not sure how long to leave this/what to say. Or even if asking her out for a drink is a little cliche? | There's a girl who I met at a party; when is a good time to ask her out to do something and what should I say? |
t3_1c0z87 | legaladvice | Family Law Advice needed, going for sole custody | My ex and I were in a relationship for three and a half years. He has a temper and is very controlling and is borderline cruel when it comes to what kids are in trouble for and what heir punishments are. I suffered greatly during our relationship, as I stood as a buffer between him and my children and he would lash out at me, emotionally and mentally, and the abuse was so horrible that I wound up having to go to a therapist regularly and get medicated to keep from killing myself. We split as soon as I had the means to kick him out and survive. His entire family encouraged me to go for full custody of our child to protect her from the way he acts (she is strong willed and he is bound to lash out at her the way he tried to my kids and how he is allowed to do to his wife's kids), and from his selfish decisions (our daughter vacations regularly with his parents, if he is mad at his mother for something completely unrelated that she said years ago, he says our daughter can't go at the last minute unless his mom does something to appease him). I want to win this. His parents are both going to testify against him. What do I need to do outside of getting a lawyer (no $) to win full custody of my treasure? | Daughter's dad is angry, abusive, and manipulative. I'm going for full custody, his family backs me. How can I win this? |
t3_23vqr3 | relationships | Me [26 F] with my boyfriend [28 M] of 4 months, it bothers me that he plays video games while on the phone with me. | Let me start off by saying that, in general, my boyfriend is really great. He treats me very well and is attentive and affectionate when we are together. He has always been an avid gamer but when I'm with him, he will focus on spending time with me. We see each other twice a week and on the days we aren't together, he calls me sometimes. However, it usually turns out to be talking on my part while he's playing his games. He replies and does sort of make conversation, but I can tell he's not all there and this bothers me.
My question is, is it reasonable for me to let him know that I don't mind him gaming, but I would appreciate a short conversation with his full attention over long conversations where he's focused on a game? I dont want to seem controlling or needy.
Also, another concern is that, we haven't been together for that long, so I cant help thinking that if he's 'falling in love' and really into me, wouldnt he be putting his game aside when he calls me? We do give each other space, so it's not that I'm asking for all his time.
When we're together, everything is great and the things he does for me show he really cares but when we're not together, he doesn't give me his full attention when we talk. This worries me because I have definitely fallen for him, and I'm not sure if he's getting there.
Any opinion and advice will be appreciated! | New boyfriend spends a lot of time gaming and would play video games while on the phone with me. Should I tell him this bothers me? |
t3_4a8xjt | relationships | 19(M) looking for advice. Single, never had a GF | It all started in early high school when I started obsessing over girls. Back in those days, I was confident and not nervous. I was the star Linebacker on my football team and it made my confidence high. During the time, I had many girls approach me (I didn't have to work for it). Most of them were obsessed and stalked me around the school. Many of my peers would make fun of me for always being around ugly girls (they would stalk me). Although I had all the ugly girls stalk me, the hot ones thought I was a creeper/weirdo. I do have Aspergers and was in Special Ed in highschool.
Over the years, I was bullied so much that my confidence shrunk to the point that I wanted to kill myself. Even if I fought the bully (I always won by KO), nothing would happen. I started to put girls above me. By my senior year, I realized that I haven't gotten any girls yet. I then started to seriously look for girls and started talking to them. Of course, I came out empty handed.
During my later/end of highschool, I missed out on spring break and quit the football team. I had no friends and was too scared to leave the house. I only went to school twice on my last highschool semester. The worst part was prom. I asked out many girls to prom and got rejected. This happened so much that I missed prom. I really regret my decisions.
Now, I am a college student that is still a kissless guy. I go to parties every weekend and end up getting kicked out. I have tried many ways to solve my anxiety/confidence issues. For example, I would see a therapist. I saw 10 therapist and no one helped. I also box professionally now (Only make $10K a year) and still single. Boxing did help my confindece a little bit. I am not scared to leave my house anymore. I got confident enough and started asking out girls. I ended up getting rejected by over 100 girls. | How do I get a girlfriend? Each day that I am single, I get more scared of girls. I am also scared of becoming a real 40 year old virgin. |
t3_2ak3n6 | tifu | TIFU by forgetting to switch my phone to silent. | So this happened earlier today and I'm still cringing inside.
Today was the day of my great Aunties wedding. I'm not the type of guy who likes to get dressed up all fancy like but I thought I'd make an effort to look nice so as not to embarrass the rest of my family. So there we we were, everyone from my brothers to great uncles and cousins and other people I can't even remember. Before the start of the ceremony, the vicar warns us to turn off or switch our mobiles to silent. I whip out my crapberry and turn it off. In comes my Auntie looking lovely in her gown. We sing some hymns, you know the average stuff. Everything goes fine *yadayada*.
This is where I fucked up.
As the vicar goes through all the technicalities, I'm getting a little restless. It was hot, I was sweating and my hips were aching after standing up for so long ( I have recurring problems with my hips )
I shuffle around a little, trying to make as little noise as possible. Then I plunge my hands into the depths of my trouser pockets. The vicar nears the end of his lines.
*If anyone here knows of any reason why these two should not be wed, speak now*
FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY
My phone had turned back on and with that, I received all the text messages that had been sent to me whilst it was switched off.
That was it, I flipped my shit. Head down, I ran from that church as quickly as I could, all the stone faced stares of distant relatives boring into the back of me.
Needless to say, I decided against going to the evening reception. Everyone's giving me the cold shoulder so I'm just going to sit in my bedroom, have a cold pint and wait for all this to blow over. | Phone switched itself on during wedding, messages came through, Fuck her right in the pussy was the sound that accompanied them. |
t3_3xjzg4 | relationships | Me [19 M] with my roommate [19 M], roommate lays in bed all day and doesn't eat/shower | I think my roommate is depressed. For the past two weeks, he has skipped all his finals and laid in bed staring at the ceiling. He has literally not moved from the bed and mostly ignores my attempt to make conversation. He occasionally gets up to use the bathroom or drink water. Then he goes back to bed and sleeps or looks at the ceiling.
I thought this would last last two days, but it has been two weeks and he looks/smells terrible.
We are not on campus housing, so there is no RA to tell. His parents call him, but he ignores them and let's the phone ring. The phone is now out of power, so they don't call anymore. I'm tempted to call his parents, but I'm not sure if he'll stop me though it's worth a try.
Any suggestions on what to say to him and what to do? I'm not sure if he's intending to simply waste away and die. Looking at him honestly freaks me out a little. | Roommate lays in bed all day, doesn't eat/shower and doesn't respond to me (most of the time). What to do? |
t3_2v8n83 | relationships | I [16 M] want some opinions on a girl I'm involved with [15 F] hooking up with a guy before her and I go official | So short background: I'm 16 she's 15, we've known one another for a month and a half. She's moving out of state at the end of June/July.
We have a first date planned for Valentine's day.
We've been talking lately and she was unsure of what she wanted due to her moving and a bad relationship that ended a few months ago.
Well tonight we talked, and basically she wants to start an exclusive casual thing, and then we can see if we want to make it a full relationship or keep it casual. The thing is, before we do any of that and while we're still technically single, she wants to hook up with another guy no strings attached.
I've never hooked up, and honestly she'd be my first for about everything, but I know if I said no her and I would probably not work. So I stayed understanding and made it clear I want to be exclusive once we start casual dating/a relationship and she agreed.
What's your opinion on this? I mean she was honest on all of this, who it was, and whatever else. I do trust her. | girl wants either causal dating or relationship before moving in a few months, wants a one time no strings attached hook up with another guy before we get involved as a one last thing of being single. |
t3_2obg8a | relationships | Me [18 M] got a girls [18 F] number and don't knoww what to do next. | I was in the library Tuesday night and saw a stunning girl and I knew I couldn't let her go without at least trying to get her number. After and hour of hyping myself up I got the courage to ask her for her number and it worked. I waited until noon the next day to text her and unfortunately we didn't have too deep of a conversation ( I'm really awkward and bad at talking to girls) and she took about an hour between each text. We talked about our majors and some interests then a lot about music. I didn't text back to one of her last texts because I couldn't think of something to say and forgot to text back. Now it's Thirsday evening and we haven't talked yet today.
Should I text her and start a conversation or is this just a sign that she isn't interested anymore? I don't want to seem like a creepy stalker by texting her all the time. Or is she just shy and waiting for me to start a conversation which is why she takes so damn long to text back? This is my very first time getting a girls number so I have no idea what to do. Even if she isn't interested in me anymore I'm just proud of myself that I was able to ask a field for her number for the first time. | asked girl for her number, we had a lack luster conversation and now I dont k ow if I should text her back. |
t3_q00zk | relationships | I don't really understand how to initiate sex in this relationship | I (male, 21) have been dating this girl (also 21) for about a month and a half, and even though the first time we had sex was about five days after we started dating, since then we've only had sex twice. I know it's not because I'm bad at it (I mean, I'm at least really good at going down on her.) She has this hang up about doing anything sexual during the day, but at night she just wants to watch Weeds, without turning away from the screen, until she's too tired to keep her eyes open, and immediately falls asleep. She says this is her normal nighttime routine, but it just seems so strange to me, like I'm not quite sure how I fit in to it, and it's not just that I'm upset that she creates no opportunity for intimacy, it's also that I just feel completely superfluous to her life. I want to be able to make her happy, both physically and emotionally, but I just don't really understand how/if I'm supposed to initiate intimate moments with her. In all of my previous relationships I never had any problem... So what should I do?
Also, this is my first reddit post, so please be kind to my inability to format this correctly. | I don't understand how to initiate intimacy with my girlfriend, who just seems to want to watch Weeds until she is asleep. |
t3_3b6jvx | relationships | How do you and your SO communicate? | For background, I'm 20M and my SO is 23F we've been dating 2 years.
To be honest I'm very frustrated. I'm an open minded person though as I like to think. I'm currently in this seemingly ridiculous relationship with someone who we've had past issues but had decided to resolve them. She started making effort and I'd now reverting to the way she was in a lot of things.
My main question has to do with discussing what's bothering you or arguments etc. She likes to say "Your telling me what I feel is wrong." But I only specifically say that to things like "you don't love me".
So today, I tried conversing with her about what's going on. She specifically stated, you have to only help come up with solutions, not respond to what I say. When she says everything I need to fix, I can tell her what she needs to fix.
Example: Her: I don't feel like you love me. Me: that's not true, etc. (I can't say this) I'm basically supposed to apologize and ask how to fix this.
I firmly believe that communicating issues should be discussing both of our feelings on a subject and then working together to resolve the issue.
Am I crazy? | I believe one of us at the very least is bat shit crazy. Discussing feelings on a topic and a solution. Or one person's feelings and then finding a solution. |
t3_22ageg | relationships | Me [20 M] with my upstairs neighbor [20 M/F], haven't talked too much but, how do I ask her out or even get to know her better? | I'm in college and there's this girl in my apartment complex that lives above me that I think is pretty cute. In the beginning of the year I would talk to her occasionally as she was out letting her cat get some exercise. Then I don't know what happened to the cat and I basically stopped seeing her even though she lives right above me.
Fast forward a quarter to finals week. I see her on the bus a couple times and we begin to talk and she's a really nice, sweet girl. I wanted to ask her out but I don't really know how since I dont' really see her much in person at all. I talked to her a little over my spring break over facebook but I would like to get to know her better.
Is it creepy to just begin speaking to her on Facebook? Or is it weird to just possibly ask her out if I don't know her all that well? I mean she lives right above me she's honestly so close. I'm also pretty shy and I get really nervous so any tips/tricks on how to go about it I would appreciate it! | Cute girl lives upstairs. Haven't talked to much but I want to get to know her better and maybe ask her out. Do I have to get to know her better? What should I do? |
t3_30ux26 | askwomenadvice | Ladies, looking for insight. Me [28 M] with my ex-gf [28 F] of 3 years, broke up but want to stay friends. 4 months after our break-up, I'm confused with HER behavior. | So the break-up was more or less mutual, although she brought it up. But she seemed to struggle with it more.
She was the one initiating contact, etc.
Then maybe 2-3 weeks after our break-up she already found a guy. She's been hanging out with him damn near every day now, and people say that it's a rebound, but is it?
She's clearly dressing better and exercising, etc for him.
My issue, is she is seeming more distant and I've noticed dishonesty (omitting things too), and her behavior has been selfish/cold.
I understand people get a bit weird after the breakup.
But, she is the one that initiates contact.
I feel like she first used me to get over me, and now has this guy to distract her.
My issue is, I loved the person she was when we were together. But the person she is now is really throwing me off.
I'm not trying to get back with her, I just want my friend back. Her and I were basically best friends for 2 years before we hooked up.
I was just wondering if you all had some insight. Is it something that just needs more time?
She basically omits the hanging out with this guy (although I know it's daily through mutual friends, and she stays over all the time), but she is the one initiating contact like suggesting lunch, which we've done every 2 weeks or so.
It's weird when the person you knew so well all of a sudden acts so differently. | ex-gf wants to stay friends, but has been acting hot/cold and basically being dishonest but I don't know if it's to protect my feelings or if she has ulterior motives. |
t3_xk224 | AskReddit | What is the worst thing you have ever done? Possibly NSFW | I'll start...
...back when I was about 17, and still an immature idiot, I was at this guys house for a party, well more of a gathering of around 20 people, and seeing as I was one of the only people driving (the others were completely hammered, I was just a bit tipsy) the guy who's house it was asked me to drive his girlfriend home. Now, I had sensed that this girl was kind of in to me before and she was giving off some signs in the car that she definitely was, so me, being a slightly tipsy, over confident and highly sex charged teenager asked her if she would like to have a taste of my love stick (i'd always wondered what it was like to get a bj while driving).
She duly obliged and started pleasuring me while i was taking her home...from her boyfriends house. We ended up pulling over and having some pretty steamy car sex before i dropped her off and returned to the party.
I felt like a complete dick for what i did, and it still embarrasses me to think about it now. The worst thing about the whole situation was that the guy whose girlfriend i boned was actually one of the nicest people you could ask to meet, but at that age your dick overrides your brain. | Nice guy asks me to drop his gf home, naughty willy takes over brain and I end up boning her |
t3_2431ou | relationships | Me [22 /F] with new bf [24 M] 4 months, still hanging out with ex but only wants to see me should i stop seeing him? | Several months ago now I met a guy who had been through a break up around the same time as I had & we started seeing each other casually.
Both of our relationships were for four years & shortly after we started seeing each other he said he only wanted to see me & didn't want me seeing anyone else.
After another month I told him I was ready to only see him which was fine until he said he was hanging out with his ex one night. After some talking yesterday he said didn't want to stop hanging out with her so didn't think he could be in a proper relationship & I could see other people.
After talking to him properly he said he still only wanted to see me & didn't want me to see other people but would still occasionally hang out with his ex but not doing anything with her just as friends & I could do the same.
Should I be worried that he wants to hang out with her still or is it alright if i carry on seeing him & have him tell me whenever they hang out if nothing is happening. Neither of them want to get back together I think its part of them getting used to being apart. | new bf wants to be allowed to occasionally see his recent ex but still see me. Should I accept that as a moving on process or run for the hills? |
t3_2cb1mf | tifu | Tifu by opening the door for a kid | Not today, a few months ago. Me and my girlfriend were sitting at home watching television and close to starving, so we decide to order some pizza for pickup from a place down the street. Decent pizza and pretty cheap, so I get in my truck and drive my lazy ass about two blocks away. As I walk up to the door I notice a small child, maybe 8-10 years old walking toward the door with his arms full of pizza, crazy bread and a couple sodas. He leans with his back against the door to open it just as I get close, so I decide to help him out and pull the door open. Well, I guess he was leaning pretty hard and ate shit. Pizza boxes fly, crazy bread erupts into the air in slow motion like those fucking stupid canned snake things. Just as his head cracks off the concrete I pull him up, ask if he is okay (which he was), and help him recover his bounty of little caesars. Looking over I see his parents sitting in an suv aghast at what had just happened to their child at my hands. With that I walk into the store to get my pizza with shame in my heart. | opened a door that had a kid leaning against it, arms full of pizza stuff. Kid eats shit, parents were shocked, I was shamed. |
t3_3d0ubm | relationships | I (f 30) found photos on my bf's (m 33) computer of a hidden camera he had in his bathroom taking photos of a friend. (more in comments) | *backstory *
Bf and I have been together for 8 months. Do not live together yet be we have been discussing it and were planning on me moving in at the end of the summer. Last Friday he had a female friend come over that he has known for 10 years. I was there too and we hung out in the back yard and had a bonfire. She slept over since she does not have a car and my bf picked her up and there was also a bit of drinking at the bonfire.
Fast forward to this morning. I opened up my bf's laptop that's plugged into the tv to watch a movie. I plugged in the hard drive and was waiting for it to show up on the screen when I saw some photos on the desktop that were of someone in his bathroom. I clicked on them and both images were of his female friend in his bathroom. One was of her naked, the other clothed. They appeared to be taken with a hidden camera that was in his bathroom closet. I checked to see if it was there and it was not. These photos were taken Friday night when she was changing into pajamas.
I'm....at a loss words for how I feel. Pretty much every emotion at once. I plan on talking to him about this when he gets off work.
I need advice. How do I start this conversation? I'm trying not to let my emotions get the better of me. I absolutely love this man but I am so sickened by what I found. I've been going back and forth between devastated and absolute fury. I just feel so lost I don't know what direction I should go. | Bf has hidden camera photos (very recent) of female friend on laptop. Accidentally found them on desktop. World crushed. |
t3_1vdjoi | Advice | How should I handle this hit and run? | While trying to drive home last night, my car got stuck in a steep curve covered in ice. I couldn't turn around to park at the bottom of the hill, so I backed as far out of the curve as possible and left it there for the night. The car was completely off the road.
When I walked down to move it this morning, I noticed it had been hit, denting the fender pretty badly. It had obviously been hit by someone coming down the hill. My boyfriend found a note stuck in a window that said "DUDE SERIOUSLY? Move your car IDIOT." I'm not a prideful person, I realize that I was not parked in the best spot, but if I could have moved my car, I would have.
Is it petty to try to find this person and get my car fixed through insurance? My car is already pretty beat up, and I was prepared to just let it go, but I'm feeling pretty pissed about the note. I understand their car probably slipped on ice and they got freaked out/pissed off. I'm sure they didn't hit my car on purpose. But I never would have left someone a shitty note, I would have left my name and number. I live in a small neighborhood, so I am positive I can find out who they are. But before I go to the trouble of filing a claim, I want some objective opinions on whose fault it really is.
Thanks! | My parked car got hit by another (moving) car on an icy hill. Is it my fault or should I find them and pursue an insurance claim? |
t3_31bzv3 | relationships | Am I [26M] paranoid or rightly suspicious about my GF[28F] of five years carpooling and getting drinks after work with a male coworker? | So my GF works at a place that you need a permit (or fill a meter) to park with during work hours. A male coworker doesn't have a permit, so he will pick her up and use her permit to park with. I have voiced my disapproval with the practice before, but ultimately it turned in to the age old argument of "you don't trust me, you're jealous for no reason". So she continued to carpool.
Yesterday she texted me saying she was getting a drink with coworkers and will be back soon. I didn't respond, and four and a half hours later she came back home. I was pissed and didn't really want to talk. She asked me how my day was and so forth. I gave one word answers. She knew i was pissed and didn't talk about her drinks with coworkers.
Basically I'm concerned that she may be unfaithful. She was married when I met her, so I know she is willing to cheat. With us it started with getting drinks after class. Is this guy a threat? How should I handle this? Am I just being an immature little shit?
It is also worth nothing that things have been a little rocky/weird as of late. She won't get dinner with my family for no good reason, she used to always go when invited. I was on vacation for a week and she didn't contact me the entire time. She gave me a baby ultimatum (I need to promise her kids within three years, i told her idk maybe). We fight sometimes but not often. | GF carpooling and getting drinks with male coworker. Relationship a little rocky. Am I paranoid for thinking she is being unfaithful or am I paranoid? |
t3_1bzrx7 | AskReddit | How can consensual participants be considered 'victims'? | I was reading the local newspaper today, and there was a small article on tips to prevent sexual predators from using the internet to interact with your children. One of the points was something along the lines of 'even if the child is a willing participant, they are still victims.' The girl in question in the article was fifteen. I understand that if a child hasn't sexually matured, or doesn't understand what they're doing...but fifteen? Hell, when i turned fifteen, i'd already been to second base with my boyfriend of several months.
A friend of mine spent time in jail because the parents of his consensual underage partner pressed charges against him. the girl had initiated the relationship, and they were both healthy and happy together. But her parents found out and pressed charges, which seems unfair to me. They were both involved and both willing, so where's the problem here? (She was 16, he was 20). | is a fifteen-year old girl a victim of a sexual predator if she willingly engages in a sexual relationship with him? |
t3_3gjn6o | relationships | F(22) 18 weeks pregnant going through a somewhat breakup with M(22) | I call it a somewhat breakup because we're not broken up yet. Just not romantically involved. Honestly.. I have no fucking idea what's going on.
Here is what's been happening...
For the past 2 weeks my boyfriend has been incredibly distant and he cut off complete affection. He gave me a kiss on the cheek here and there. No sex. No nothing. We've been dating for 2 years maybe. For 1 1/2 years everything was great. We had our bumps. But never this bumpy.. Until we moved. So I started going with my gut feeling that he was going to leave me or he stopped loving me. I didn't want to believe it. We have so many plans. So eventually, today... I was fed up with how cold and distant he was being. I sat next to him and asked him what was going on with him, you can tell me anything etc. And he just kept saying nothing. But I finally got it out of him. He said he doesn't love me anymore.
I really wanted to be proven wrong that I was just overthinking. But that's not what happened. He said nothing caused him to not love me anymore, that he cares a lot about me etc. I don't want to believe it. I'm not the type of woman to beg a man to stay with me. But with him I kind of negotiated to him waiting it out another month. I think it may be because we've been around each other 24/7. He starts school in 2 weeks and I start a new job in a few days. I think things will be different then. Am I wrong? Should I not even bother getting my hopes up that he will magically love me again or think more throughly about this? Should I not waste our time with the waiting it out? I'm so confused and a little devastated. | boyfriend says he doesn't love me anymore after we've been on edge for a bit. How should I deal with it? |
t3_3j95vr | personalfinance | VA sent me to collections for overpayment! Help!! | ok so this happened while i went to college between 2010-2012. i was checking my credit score last night and saw that it had dropped from a 730 to a 574. i was pretty shocked and then i saw that i had 3 debts added, all from the va stemming from the GI bill i received as a beneficiary from my dad. it was pretty alarming as this was the first time i had heard about these charges. i have been on the phone with them all day today but they have been little to no help. they said that they had sent a letter to my dads old address in march 2015 notifying me of the debt, we have not lived there since 2012 as my dad has moved to florida and i moved to another part of the city. so as you can understand it was pretty shocking to see this charge as i had no knowledge about it or i would have taken the correct plan of action to fix it. so my question is if i pay off this debt (which is around $4000) now will i be able to have them take this off of my credit report? and how i would go about doing that. thanks! | sent to collections for debt that i knew nothing about, if i pay now will i be able to get the debt taken off of my credit report. |
t3_1obiom | relationships | I [23 M] am dealing with the continual repercussions of being raised by an abusive mother. Dating life in particular. | My mom and I have never gotten along. I was her first child, and I was subject to a lot of verbal abuse, minor physical abuse, and constant manipulation etc while growing up. I was beaten before I was big enough to defend myself, told what a terrible ungrateful person I was on a regular basis, that I was a mistake etc... You get the picture. When I moved out several years ago I limited my contact with her to letters or emails. After a couple of years it seemed like she may have overcome a lot of her issues with me so I reestablished contact. This led to one of her worst episodes and me cutting off communication with her completely. I have no contact with her at this point though she hopes to reestablish our relationship in the future.
I am very close with my younger siblings, and will spend time with them when I can. I feel very protective of them and try to reaffirm their worth, and that they are loved etc. because I believe not having that knowledge while growing up has scarred me to this day. I was very insecure growing up. I had a couple of girlfriends, but they were usually just as broken as I was and they were not happy relationships. I also faced many brutal rejections from women over the years, many of which I believe were a direct result of my insecurities and self sabotage.
I've attended therapy for a couple of years, read all the self improvement books I can get my hands on, and had some very close friends (cousins actually), that have helped me in my attempts to rebuild myself. I dealt with depression and anxiety for a long time but believe I am a capable, confident person at this point. Unfortunately, I still have extreme trust issues, especially with women. I would like to have that closeness and trust in a real relationship, but I feel like I'm the one preventing it from happening, and I don't know how to change it. I have no real desire to go out and meet or approach women because my life experience has been so negative in that regard, my parents relationship being a big factor. How do you learn to trust and accept love? | An abusive mother and predominantly negative experiences with dating have resulted in my distorted view of women. How can I overcome my history and introverted nature to approach people and experience trust and closeness in a relationship? |
t3_1ssjth | AskReddit | What alternative ways do you know of getting out of debt usually not thought of? | Well Hello there,
So, I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right area, or correctly at all because this question is more specific than general. But here goes. I was going to college. I came from out of state, but because my mom was receiving public assistance (Food Stamps), I was able to change my residency to in-state. There was a gap of ~5k in tuition, which they auto deposited to my bank account. Sweet. Bills paid, stupid expenditures, a move and a month later, they came back because that money was never supposed to go to me. And so. Here I am. About a year later, I've tried to get loans (bad credit), borrow from an affluent friend (Too large a sum for comfort ability), and I can't get any student loans because I'm no longer enrolled. They froze my student account so I couldn't register for classes when it happened. Obviously, it's life. I screwed up. Bad JustaaGuy. But I'm trying to get back into school, sometime before my brain loses momentum and college becomes harder than it already is. And I don't want to get lured into a routine where I don't go. Yes, I can save and pay off slowly with excess money from my check, but it would take me close to 2-4 years by what I can afford over time. Meanwhile, the sum continues to grow. Now I'm at 7k because of late fees and collection fees. So, I thought I'd ask Reddit to see if anyone has any ideas I haven't tried or has had this happen to them before. I thought about selling my kidney in Iran, but I don't know. Those alleyway doctor types look shady. Thanks for reading. | Have a lot of school Debt (7k). Don't have a lot money. Trying to look for a quicker way out of it to get back into school asap. Any ideas? |
t3_43ttkl | relationships | I [20/M] am scared of breaking up with my girlfriend [19/F] after 11 months | So when I started dating my current gf (who is also my first one) almost a year ago things were more than great. She said she finally found a good boyfriend who cares for her and treats her well and I got together with the girl I had a crush on.
In the past 2 months we started arguing quite a lot and she made me feel miserable and lost. She always apologizes and tells me how scared she is to lose me. I don't just want to throw everything away, but I feel like it would be best for me to be alone again. What I don't think is going to happen is that she will get over it that easily. I fear she's going to drop out of school again and therefore ruining all possibilities of a good education. She doesnt have a family here, because her father lives in another country and her mother even on another continent. They both lost their custody and therefore my girlfriend lives in an apartment owned by an organisation for young women who had to get away from home because of an abusive relationship to the parents.
When she doesnt finish school now she won't be able to do it any other time because the organisation only allows the girls to stay till the age of 21.
I just don't want to ruin her life because I feel a bit unhappy. I always put other peoples well being in front of mine and I can't get myself to do otherwise. If it was only half a year till she was finished with school I'd stay with her, but its over 1.5 years and thats a god damn long time.
I dont even know what I expect to hear from you guys, but I figured it would be better to write here than do anything and just live with it. | I don't want my girlfriend to drop out of school and waste the opportunity of a good graduation just because I am unhappy. |
t3_11bw5c | AskReddit | Reddit, have you ever coined a term or phrase that you eventually heard other people say somewhere? | I always wondered about certain phrases. For example, growing up, I repeatedly heard the term "It's raining like cats and dogs". I just wondered how the hell something so ridiculous like that would catch on in the first place.
Anyway, if you ever invented a word or phrase, or at least think you were the first one to, post it here! Or if you even brought a certain word/phrase to your city. Obviously there's no way to prove it, but i'm just curious.
I'll start. I live in a city of 11,000, basically, everybody knows everybody. When I came into high school, my grade 9 gym teacher would repeatedly use the word "sick", to describe things. (Synonym for awesome/cool). My friends and I constantly made fun of him, and started to use words like "disgusting, filthy" etc, which actually ended up catching on in our city as well. It led me to believe that he brought the word "sick" to my city. | If you've ever brought a term/phrase to your town, or if you've invented it, tell the word, and say how you first brought it up. |
t3_pysky | relationship_advice | Need help with my relationship, I'm debating on ending it. | I'm a 25 year old male, here's my story.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years. We're both 25 and have been friends since we were 18, we made the decision to start dating a few years ago. It's been a good relationship together over the past few years, but every day over the past few months I feel more and more like were just best friends that have sex occasionally. We're both in college, we both work part time, and we live together. I've felt this way ever since she asked me about marriage, and I considered it.
I love her, but I'm not in love with her. I know for a fact that I don't want to marry her but at the same time I know that she wants to marry me. We attended a friends wedding over New Years in which we were set up by the bride/groom to catch the bouquet/garter, and all of our friends won't stop talking about how we should get married. She's asked me a couple of times now what I think about marriage and all I can say is "I'm just not sure yet". I don't want to crush her dreams but at the same time I don't want to be miserable marrying someone I didn't want to for the rest of my life.
I'm happy with our dating relationship, we're both faithful and caring. We're both good roommates, and we have similar interests; but I feel as though we're both at the stage in our lives where we should be looking for the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. I'm worried that I'm wasting her time because I know I don't feel the same way she does. Is there any solution to this?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated reddit. Thank you. | I don't know how to tell my best friend that I don't want to marry her, but I don't want to hurt her because the relationship isn't a bad one. |
t3_2uprs8 | personalfinance | Looking for advice on financing my first vehicle | Hi guys,
I'm looking to buy my first vehicle, and I'm not sure how much I should spend. I recently bought my first home, and have a pretty stable job with a set income.
I made a spreadsheet of what my monthly income / bills looks like | I have about ~$1,200 a month in extra income, before gas, groceries, and entertainment. Not looking for a pimp mobile. |
t3_vkys8 | relationships | How do I get my boyfriend to be motivated and responsible for himself? | My boyfriend[22M] and I[21F] have been dating for a little over a year (~14 months). He lost his mom to lung cancer about a year ago, and since then he has become completely unmotivated and irresponsible. I understand he is mourning and needs time to heal, but he's fallen into a depression that has put him into unemployment and a lot of debt. He was evicted from his house because he couldn't pay rent, so I let him move in with me. I realize this was probably a mistake because we'd been dating for less than a year at the time, but I thought it would help him get back on his feet. It hasn't. He lays around my apartment all day playing video games and watching TV. He claims he is trying to get a job, but I feel if he really were trying, he'd have one by now. I have been paying for all his needs (food, laundry, transportation, etc.) since he moved in and it is putting a serious dent in my bank account. I want to help him and be supportive, but I don't want to just become his new Mom. I've asked my boyfriend's dad to help him, but since his mother's death, his dad has completely withdrawn from life and is totally focused around his own grievances, making him useless to help my boyfriend. My friends tell me I should just put him out on the street because it would force him to help himself, but I worry about what would happen to him. He is very depressed, can't even think about his mom without crying, and can't even function if he tries to talk about her. He doesn't have any health insurance and we really can't afford any kind of therapy. How do I help and support him while still looking out for myself? | Boyfriend's mom died and now he is really depressed, leading him into financial trouble that is now affecting me. How do I support him but not just become his new Mom? |
t3_22z2jz | relationship_advice | I, (26/F) found out he (27/M) has a girlfriend. We've been dating for a few weeks. | I guess you have seen this story before. We met under unusual circumstances, he was as sweet and charming as one could be. We hit it off right away, we were both very much into each other and acknowledged it. We talk daily, multiple times a day, joke flirt, make plans etc. It's been 2 weeks now. And today I found out he has a girlfriend. Not by him of course, he is still texting me the same exact way. I haven't said anything to him yet. We had this awesome date planned for this week and I feel so bummed I could break something, preferably his head.
How do I handle this scheisse? Disappear? Never answer, confront him? I'm not confrontational, I hate drama. But it did hurt me a bit, because I could really fall for him. | I met someone, nearly fell in love, found out he has a gf, (not by him) and I have no idea what to do now. |
t3_1tuww5 | Advice | Probable Oxy Withdrawal (non-emergency) | **Note: I've tried googling for my answer and it's all a lot of medical jargon for some. Other questions I'm really just seeking some personal experience or knowledge or assurance or whatever. I'm not asking for medical advice, I'm just curious about this and how to deal with it like, socioemotionally currently.
**
I'm recovering from an ankle surgery I had last friday. I've had two similar procedures in the last three years. All three times I've been on decently heavy opiod-based drugs (oxycodone, etc.) for short periods of time. I cut the narcotics quickly this time, without much weaning&I moved to less intense pain medication yesterday.
I feel like the withdrawal from the narcotic is really strong this time. I've experienced the hot flashes and probably some of the other stuff before, but not enough to be able to identify it as a withdrawal quite so explicitly. I've slept 3 hours out of the last 38. I'm getting a bit existential (like, unhappy existential) and paranoid when I'm left alone at night (scared of monsters & phantoms, etc.). I've been having severe sweats, have resumed anxious self destructive habits that I haven't visited in many months, and have angsted and cried at my parents like I haven't done since the hayday of my teenage years.
**1. Is tolerance to narcotics/opiate pain relievers reduced with this kind of short, spaced usage?
2. How long will this last?
3. What can I do to help myself not feel totally insane? I need to fucking sleep but can't.
4. Is this normal? | I think I'm withdrawing from the pain killers I was prescribed and I'm trying not to go batshit. See above questions.*** |
t3_3mz21q | dating_advice | How do I do it? | Hi!
Im in school and a new year just started, so im in a completely new class now. There is this girl that I really like but I only know her for 2 weeks now and I want to start dating her, and I would like to get some more time in before i ask her out, but unfortunately there is anothet guy in my class (you could even call him a friend of mine) and he seems to like her aswell. (He massaged her neck the other day, which made me so fucking angry...)
And now im really unsure about what to do so she doesnt end up with him, and starts dating me.
Should i just ask her out now - as in skipping the attraction-building-part? | Know a girl for 2 weeks, is in my class, other guy likes her aswell, seems to be getting ahead of me, what do i do? |
t3_tba81 | AskReddit | Is trying to block/filter porn websites to kids a good idea? | I read the other post in /r/WorldNews about regulating your kids instead of porn, and a lot of the comments seemed to agree with that idea.
I'm sure most of you grew up with the internet without *any* regulation whatsoever. You had the entire internet to explore, be it porn or whatever, but have you felt like it's been a hindrance or detrimental to your life growing up? I've been on Digg (before it 'updated'), 4chan, Reddit for years (even the deepweb a few times) and I've seen some crazy shit (more so on the latter three), but I haven't felt worse-off than if I hadn't seen those things. I'm not immoral, unsociable, I'm fairly normal in public, as are a lot of my friends who have seen similar things.
Surely it's better to let the kids/teenagers experience in things in their own way and time than to purposely hide all that content away, much of which can be shocking but brutally honest. It's a learning process that they teach themselves, possibly even a means to find oneself (e.g. I used to think that looking that the dicks in porn would make me gay, and that it had already made me bisexual. When I checked out *actual* gay porn, I couldn't stomach it. That's the kind of thing I mean, but of course it's not limited to porn or sexual orientation). | Is blocking porn actually going to make 'better' adults? Or should we let kids enjoy the full internet, for better or worse? |
t3_35dk3p | relationships | I [21m] am completely confused by my friend's [20f] behavior towards me. | I met a girl a few years ago. I flirted with her not knowing she had a boyfriend but eventually found out and stopped. After they broke up she started texting me and we ended up hooking up. Nothing too serious, but it was a little awkward after. I asked her to hang out a few times (not even in a purely sexual way, I was inviting her to fun things) and she pretty much kept denying me. So I gave up.
Recently, she keeps texting me out of the blue, which I'm pretty happy about. She seems to really put a lot of effort into the conversations which is surprising to me, but we have the same sense of humor so I like hearing from her.
The problem is, I always ask her to hang out/go do something near the end of the conversation, and she always gives me some non-committal answer, or changes the subject with some joke that doesn't even make any sense, or worst of all just sends me an irrelevant emoji. Then I never really hear from her for a while until she wants to talk again.
I just don't understand because she's the one texting me and flirting with me. And just for the sake of the argument, assume she actually is flirting with me. It's not really up to interpretation because sometimes its overtly sexual. Why would a person do something like that? I just don't get it. I can take rejection, and I can understand that not every girl is going to be attracted to me, or even most. But this is weird.
The only thing I can think of is that she just wants to be friends and doesn't want to hook up, but I've never been super aggressive with that. So I think it would be a little unfounded of her to be nervous about something like that. | Girl continually texts me first, flirts with me, and then when I ask her to do something in person she gets really weird and never truly gives me an answer. Why? |
t3_1lpj4h | relationships | Me[19F] with my [19M] bf have been together for 1 yr, uneasy about him rekindling a friendship with his first same sex love. | Me and my bf have been together for just over a year. Both open about being bisexual. He has in the past 'cheated' on me via skype sex. So I am still trying to trust him as much as I can. He and his best friend in high school apparently proclaimed their love for each other and decided not to act on it but fell out of touch when the best friend got a gf. Now that best friend has broken up with his girlfriend they are starting to talk more and it is making me feel uneasy? Am I being silly? I am really unsure whether I am overreacting so haven't brought it up with him. | Bf's first love was his highschool best friend, they have recently started to talk again which makes me feel uneasy. |
t3_19hrvr | self | I try to find guys to date who are most like my brother? | I don't know if this goes here, but this is the closet subreddit I could find that could help me with this.
Anyway the title basically says it all. The closer the guy is to resemble my brother, the higher the chance that I'll like and date him. It's not that I'm into my brother or anything, but he's been my best friend my whole life, a role model and I love him unconditionally and I know it's the same for him. We're only a year apart, so growing up everyone thought we were twins. Same eye color, hair color, and personality. We are majoring in the same thing, going to the same school, both graduating a year early with perfect grades. Basically, we're the same person, different gender.
So this is where the issue lies. Every quality my brother has, is what I want my boyfriend/future husband/whatever to have. The height, figure, and looks of my brother mirror what I want him to have as well.
And now I've started seeing this guy. He has the same figure, face, and qualities as my brother. But last night hanging out with him, we were talking and suddenly I realized it that I could actually see my brothers face instead of this guys face. It freaked me out a little bit, but didn't put me off.
I really need help with this one. I don't want to imagine my brother being this guy, but I know they're almost the same (except different ages and career fields)... I don't know. Does anyone else have this problem, or gone through something like this? I don't know what to think... | I find guys who are very similar to my older brother to be attractive (but I don't find my brother attractive) and now last night I saw my brothers face on the guy I'm seeing. |
t3_169i3x | relationships | Can't believe this happened. I (20'sF) woke up to closest friend (20'sM) touching me in my sleep. | So, to give a brief background, this guy and I were close friends who then went on to date for 3 years. We both got restless and wanted to see other people because we were still young, and had a mutual break-up. We moved on and dated other people, and remained close friends. (I currently am in a long-term serious relationship, and he just got out of a relationship a few months ago.)
Last night, this friend and I were hanging out, having some drinks, and watching TV. I can't usually stay up as long as he can, so I told him that I was going to my room to sleep, and that he could hang out watching TV as long as he wanted. I went to my bedroom and immediately fell asleep.
A short while later, I halfway woke up to him rubbing my behind. I didn't fully wake up, and he stopped, and I drifted back off to sleep. I was then awakened again to him touching me in a more private place. I still wasn't fully awake, and when I did wake up completely a moment later, I wasn't sure if I dreamed it or if it really happened. At this point, he had gone home.
This morning, I called him and confronted him about it-- and he admitted everything! Where the hell do I go from here?? I feel so weird and confused and angry. | My closest male friend and I were hanging out drinking. I went to my room to sleep, and woke up to him touching me. |
t3_fny86 | AskReddit | Just started a new job, and I feel like it's not for me..suggestions? | Been reading Reddit for over 2 years, have had a real account for over a year; throw away for obvious reasons.
Recently I started a new job. I'm a student, trying to pay off bills, and it was something much closer than my other job that could help me pay for school.
However, after working there for a while, I feel like it just isn't for me. I'm not comfortable in the environment that I work in, and my new manager kind of makes me uncomfortable..it makes me uncomfortable to work there. Everyone is really nice, I'm not trying to say they're bad people..I just don't feel comfortable with the pressure/environment that I'm working in.
Also, my school work is starting to pick up. I know I need to make money, but my school work (in my opinion) should always come first. I've had some jobs where I've done similar work, but I've never had this much pressure put on me for the situation. I have another job that I used to work at that I could still work at, on the weekends. I worked there long enough that they'd be fine with giving me some weekend hours.
I'm just not sure if I should continue with this job if I feel uncomfortable about it, and if I feel it's going to hinder my school work. I haven't talked to my parents about it, but I don't feel like they'd be too happy about it. | Just took a new job, feel uncomfortable and over-pressured to get school work done. Looking for advice. |
t3_1i3kvu | relationship_advice | So she [24f] wants me [27m] to meet her best friend tomorrow | I had a previous post about a girl that I have been casually dating for the last 3 months or so explaining how communication has dropped off a bit. We had a BLAST together on the 4th (she pulled out all the stops for dinner and got to watch the fireworks together) and up until then, all was well. All of a sudden, communication (texts) between us have dropped off quite a bit so I got a little concerned but not too much. It went from texting throughout the day every day to about 6-8 texts a day. I figured she was just busy and I still think that that's the case.
I had plans with her tonight but decided to cancel because I have a few personal things to clear up but when we spoke, she seemed concerned with me and if everything was ok. I didn't go into much detail and told her that I just needed a bit of time to clear my head. She then asked me if I was still going to be around on Friday because she really wants me to meet her best friend.
This morning, I confirmed with her that I will be free tomorrow evening and she was more than ecstatic. She keeps telling me how much she really wants me to meet her friend and thinks that her and I would get along really well. What exactly does this mean? We haven't talked almost all week and now she's wanting me to meet her best friend? | A girl that I have been seeing for a few months wants me to meet her best friend, even though we haven't really spoken for the past week. What does this mean? |
t3_2844sm | relationships | Me [28/M] with my GF [32/F] of 4 months, trying to get her motivated again | My girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 months. At the beginning of dating, she had just won a fitness competition for losing 60 lbs.. she was on this big fitness kick and I found that to be a HUGE motivator in my life. We made a workout pact and decided to make a couple of wagers as well. We stuck to them for a couple of weeks, even signing up for a 5K this next weekend.
Recently though, I've noticed her become more stressed out and she has been slacking. She confessed to me she gained 10 lbs since we've been dating (not a big deal, but still). She used to eat healthy, now she's eating more crap. I've tried to stop enabling when we go out, but it doesn't seem to do any good. I know she's a grown woman, but I'm trying to be supportive. She says she doesn't have enough time for everything in the day.
I've been running and lifting every day. I've lost 20 lbs because of it. And honestly, I feel a little guilty because this was supposed to be a journey together.
This isn't a relationship issue. I like her for who she is, but I want to see her back in the gym, achieving her goals. She's an office manager, a very independent woman, and sometimes stubborn in her ways.
Any suggestions? I've tried incorporating running dates, but she doesn't always follow through. | GF used to be big into working out, lost 60 lbs before me. Now, she's gained 10 lbs and seems to have fallen off track. How do I help motivate her back on her journey? |
t3_gkzir | AskReddit | Issues with a platonic friend. Should I keep trying or should I just leave it be? | Background: I am 22 she is 21 and we live together. We are both female.
Basically, whenever she is in a bad mood, it seems like I am the only one she feels free to be moody around. Initially I thought it was flattering, but now it's grown tiresome to be spoken to curtly and dismissively, even around mutual friends.
Her birthday was recently, and I thought I got her an amazing present, went out with her 2 nights in a row, etc. All I got by way of a thank you was a text message.
She frequently complains of not having many friends. Recently she has started bypassing me and asking my friends to hang out with her. She never invites me, it's usually my friend that gives me the scoop on the plans. I'm honestly glad that we can all be friends now, collectively, but the way she does it seems underhanded and distasteful.
Every time I've tried to ask her something along the lines of "are you mad at me or something," etc. she just shuts down or refuses to talk about it. But the reason why I am conflicted is because on some days she'll be perfectly chipper and seemingly happy to talk to me. And then the next day it's like I had done something to offend her (this is impossible because we are both students and don't necessarily interact every day). | my friend seems to have a chip on her shoulder concerning me. Should I try and get to the bottom of the issue or should I just give her space and let it go? |
t3_36dh7l | relationships | Parents have been married 42 years. Just found out my Dad [66 M] has a girlfriend. Advice needed. | My parents have been married 42 years and I am one of seven children. My Mum called me in a fluster to tell me she found out Dad has a girlfriend.
I was shattered at first, but then wasn't sure if I misunderstood what she was saying, as the details seemed a little ambiguous.
I immediately phoned my closest sister and we both cried. We weren't sure what was going on exactly because by the sounds of it Mum didn't have solid proof that this "girlfriend" actually existed.
A couple of weeks go by and I hear nothing else on the matter. It almost feels like maybe it was all a big misunderstanding, until my brother tells me that Dad had been gone all weekend - staying with this other woman.
I text my sister to confirm that this woman is definitely real. She replies back telling me to mind my own business. Unbeknownst to me, the day I called her to tell her, she immediately emailed Dad (she lives overseas) and asked him to tell her the truth. He did not deny that he does in fact have a girlfriend.
I honestly have no idea what to do. In one moment the marriage bond I grew up admiring was smashed to pieces. I am feeling a whole gamut of emotions - from shock to depression to ambivalence.
The thing that kills me the most is that my family is in total denial. My Mum is standing firm that she will not get a divorce. My other siblings do not seem to care so much - I don't think anyone has even told Dad that they know about this other woman.
I honestly don't know what to do; how to process this information and maybe how to help our family move on. We are all adults, I honestly bear no hard feelings towards my father (he's still my Dad after all) but I do feel like they need to be responsible for their actions. I would be much happier if they separated and sorted their shit out so that in five years time we might all be in a better place.
Do I just accept it? Does anyone have any helpful advice or similar experiences? | Parents married for 42 years, just found out my Dad has a girlfriend. Need advice on how to process this and where to go from here. |
t3_2jumxr | relationships | Should I [18F] sacrifice my happiness to be with my boyfriend [26M]? | My boyfriend and I have been together only a few months, but we get along extremely well and are both pretty serious about our relationship. He has recently told me he is going to be moving to Tom Price in January for work and has asked if I would like to come with him. I don't.
Tom Price is a town in Western Australia, and a 17hr drive up north from Perth (where I live). It's a mining town so basically red dirt, spiders and snakes galore. You can't even drink the water there.
The thought of moving to a place like this makes me uncomfortable as I'm a huge wimp when it comes to dangerous creatures, can't stand high temperatures and get quite lonely easily. I have a stable job, a large amount of friends and family in Perth and have not lived anywhere else in my life.
I'm open to experiencing new things but I know I will be unhappy in Tom Price. I've also been in a LDR before and have not coped very well, which is why I am stuck making this decision. I don't want my boyfriend to think I am not making an effort to be with him because I really would like this to work out for us.
He will be there for at least a year, maybe even two. After the two years are up he is moving back to Miami where I have no problem moving to. By this time I will hopefully have a fair amount of money saved and obviously will be much more mature and experienced. | Boyfriend moving to rural town and wants me to move with him. I'm a spoiled city girl who's terrified by the thought of moving but would prefer not to be in a long distance relationship. |
t3_2q9rph | relationships | Me [25 M] with my friend [21 F] of 8 yrs, I worry about her terribly but don't know what to do. I'm desperate. | Hi all.
Ever since I've known my closest friend she has been driven and a bit highly strung. However, she has only gotten worse over the years, or at least not better.
She immediately joined a bunch of societies at university and the huge amount of work required for them has caused her to fail many of her subjects, causing great stress.
All of her boyfriends/guys she's seen have been really gross and sleazy except one, and she always has bad breakups, causing stress. By way of example, the last guy she dated was due to go away (permanently) in 3 months. But she still dated him for some fucking reason. I tried to warn her that he was a sleaze, and that he was using her, but she ignored me and then became very angry at *me* when he inevitably broke up with her.
More recently she has finished university, but is now working a shitty street marketing job that requires 12 hour shifts, often with no breaks. She works 40-50 hours a week.
I have hardly seen her in 2 months and my other friends haven't seen her properly in at least 6. She cancels on every plan she makes with our group at the last possible second due to tiredness. If she does come, she immediately passes out on the couch, doesn't engage with anyone and eventually goes home early.
I don't know what to do. I think she needs serious therapy. I know it might not sound that serious to many of you but she has really changed from her bubbly, energetic old self and I think she's honestly killing herself slowly. It makes me terribly sad and I can't stop worrying about it.
I can't bear the thought of doing nothing. I love her so much and I really want to help her but I'm not sure how to do it.
What can I do? | best friend slowly killing herself, can't seem to see it. I don't know how to help and I'm really desperate. |
t3_31lyuw | relationships | My [38 M] date with a hot [21 M] went great, I think... | So I'm a 38 year old gay man and just had the best night I've had in a very long time. I answered an ad on Craig's List a few days ago from a younger guy looking for a hairy/chubby older guy. I'm not bad looking but my weight has always been an issue, I'm 5'8. about 230 pounds. I'm self conscious about it and the gay "community" frowns upon us chubby guys. His ad was well written and it seemed genuine. I'm a hairy guy so I knew he'd like that, cause we had talked about physical attraction a little when we initially texted each other.
Boy, was I surprised when we met! He was so hot, 6'1, 205 pounds, and I forgot to mention, he's 21 years old! The attraction was mutual and we hit it off famously. We had dinner and came back to my place where we proceeded to throw ourselves at each other the minute we walked in the door. He's a very good kisser and very passionate and sexy and all I could ask for in physical attraction. We didn't fully have sex, just a lot of very heavy petting with no clothes on. It was wonderful really.
My question to everyone is this...What are your opinions on the age difference and just the dynamic in general? I also don't know how to proceed without scaring him off. I've never dated anyone that much younger than me. He seems mature for his age, has a part time job at a hospital and is going to school to be a teacher. So he's not lacking in the motivation department. I texted him about 30 mins after he left to make sure he made it home and told him I hoped we'd get to spend more time together, very simple and to the point.
I have all these thoughts running through my head about how great it would be to be in a real relationship again and it would definitely be a confidence booster. I'm so happy and in lust and just wanted to share it with anyone who would read. Please comment on anything, I could use the help or a reality check. | 38M had a great date with a 21M and want advice on age difference and how to proceed without scaring him off. |
t3_l0sp8 | jobs | Advice for someone who is going to be hiring a subordinate for the first time? | So, I was recently told that my company (a tech start up in the cable industry) is going to be hiring a second support engineer to work under me. I've been part of the selection process in the past at other jobs, but now, for the first time, I'm going to be interviewing someone I'm going to manage.
To make things more difficult, all the people I interview are likely going to be both older than I am (I'm 28), more diversely experienced than I am (I have a somewhat narrow job history) and worst of all, likely won't have the bulk of knowledge/skills that we're looking for.
I've been the senior engineer before, and I've been in charge before...I was a sergeant in the Army, but only over people who were legally obligated to do exactly what I say. I have a pretty good idea how I'd interview someone if I knew that they already had a general understanding of what we do...but since pretty much none of my candidates will have a background in this, it's not like I can ask "At exactly 4AM we start seeing a very large number of error 0x12 (18), walk me through your troubleshooting process".
So yeah: | Been in charge before, but never been a manager. Going to be interviewing/hiring someone who is going to report to me directly. Any advice for a first time (civilian) boss, and how to handle interviewing candidates? |
t3_30d1uw | relationships | I (F21) started talking with a guy (M22) and we really hit it off, when suddenly, silence... | I've met this guy a few months ago in a bar, he's a friend of a friend and we really hit it off. We exchanged fb and numbers and started talking often online. We both had exams in this period so we couldn't meet up, but he was the one who asked if we could go for a drink (I got out of a relationship a few months earlier and wanted to take things easy with dating...)
Exams finally passed and we saw each other again during a party. We talked untill the bar closed and we both had to look for our friends. He was a bit drunk and the next day he apologized and asked for a second 'date' so he could make up for his drunkness (it didn't bother me at all, he wasn't wasted, just happy drunk).
So we planned a second date, it went great and we kissed in the end, I really started to like this guy. Since then messages have been getting less frequent and he told me he has a lot of work for school (wich I understand), we saw each other a week later on another party, and the next midday he came over to my place and again we talked for hours. When we had to say goodbye we shared a very passionate kiss, but I don't like to kiss in public so I broke it off first and we said our goodbyes.
I asked my friend (and his) and he told me he's just a nightmare to get a hold of, but I send him last week (when he went out, my bad), to meet up, but he hasn't replied yet. I don't want to look needy so I haven't send him another text. should I? | Guy I like stops messaging me, but when we are together I get a lot of flirty/romantic hints from him...now what? |
t3_2ze69o | relationships | I [21m] and my partner [18f]of 3 years have had a bad few months, ended up with her getting drunk and cheat. | Basically, I'm an student ambassador at my college, and I was kinda flirting another girl who was also an ambassador, partner found out, we sorted our differences and so on. Fast forward 5 months, I have gotten back into pc gaming recently and my partner hasn't really mentioned anything about me gaming while she is over and relaxing on the bed.
Today I found out she met a guy from work behind my back for a drink and to get things of her chest, things she hasn't told me such as that I don't give her enough attention, and that I don't show her I love her and that kinda stuff in public.
(Now I'm not a person to be like that in public as I hate others doing it in people's faces so I didn't want to be hypocritical.)
Back to the point of this... She got drunk after a point and said Co worker came onto her, they kissed and she said no, but she also felt confused as she felt someone else cared for her and that she felt like she had attention, and she went back in and kissed him, followed by him fingering her.
Now she told me the day after about what happened and i got pretty angry inside, but to keep calm I kept it in and just thought about what she said And she told me it won't happen again as she felt wrong straight after it and felt sick herself. Now I am not one to just walk away from things when it gets tough, so I agreed to talk over it all with her like an adult, and we are staying together to patch things back up and have agreed to give her more attention and so on then I did before to see how things go, and that she has to obviously earn my trust again and so on.
I just want to know if I have been mature and made the right decision to stay with her and if anyone has been through this and if it got any better? Tia. | no one's perfect and I did something bad, sorted it out, went back to gaming, and partner felt neglected and met a friend and stuff happened. |
t3_48e1vw | relationships | I [24M] have been dating this girl [22F]for a couple of weeks now. She has a close friend that is a guy. Should I be worried? | My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 2 weeks now. Her and I are actually doing really well together but she does have a friend that is a guy. I'm not the jealous type at all but something's recently that have been happening lately have been kind of bothering me. I work a 3rd shift job that are 12 hour shifts with really limited breaks. I love to talk to her on my breaks but today she said that she is hanging out with him right now. I'm cool with that. I text her saying I'm on break and all she says is that " I'm watching a movie with "him" right now. I will talk to you later." She also said he is anal about phones while they are hanging out. I asked her about this whole thing a couple days ago and she said they would never date and they are just friends. Am I looking too deep into this or should I question it further. | New girl friend has a guy friend that seems a bit too close to. Blew me off to talk with him. |
t3_29v0l3 | relationships | Me(20m) got broken up with by my ex(17f), leaves me for a guy(31m) she met on reddit | We were in a relationship for 2 years, and when we first broke up she said it was mainly for me to get my shit together/be more productive. And for a lot of reasons it was and is.
The last couple weeks I've been getting over her and I've been making progress in myself. Then the other day one of her had gotten tired of what she was pouring me through and told me she was talking to some one else. When she said it was a guy from reddit i knew who it was, she had talked to me about him before and how amazing and cool he was.
Never thought much of it,and that was months ago that she began talking to him, while we dating. I guess over the last few months they have been talking, real deep meaningful stuff and how all the stuff he has gone through.
To be honest he sounds like an amazing person, and if she wants him then i want what her heart wants for her, even if it's not me.
I just feel so abandoned and betrayed, she ids amazing and unique and its life i guess. I don't know what I'm asking for but other than progressing forward for myself, what should i be doing? It kills me and her and him keep popping into my head.
Pm me if you want to know more i guess, i feel so lost.... | girlfriend left me for an amazing guy 14 years older she met on reddit, where do iput myself and my thoughts to get over this? |
t3_1aiwjk | relationships | My boyfriend [21] hasn't made me [f 18] orgasm, but I dont mind... should I tell him? | Okay, so I've been going out with my guy for about 6 months, we've been having sex since 1 month into the relationship. He was my first, so the first couple of times I thought it was probably normal not to orgasm since your body is still only getting used to it and whatnot.
5 months later and I've still never had an orgasm.
To be honest, I genuinely don't care. I love our relationship, we click so well together, orgasms aren't the most important thing. The reason I'm concerned is because I've been lying to him, faking orgasms, and he's starting to notice. | Boyf hasnt made me orgasm, I've been faking the whole time. To tell or not to tell? |
t3_xus0q | AskReddit | I got rained on by maggots yesterday Reddit. What is the most disgusting and unbelievable thing that has happened to you? | My boyfriend and I are enjoying a danish pastry and strawberry beverage in mildly pleasant weather on the top steps of [this] We watch tourists and talk about why galleries might be closed on Mondays instead of Sundays when I feel a drop of rain on the back of my head. I pat my hair down expecting to feel a wetness. There is none, but my hair often likes to absorb small amounts of liquid without trace so we continue the discussion unaffectedly.
'Rain drops' continue, then something lands directly on top of my head. It ricochets off onto the cardigan at my side; present because of my underestimation of the day's mildness. It looks initially like a little squirming caterpillar, which would be ordinary as there are trees overhead.
We identify it upon further inspection as a maggot. We look around and realise that the step we are sat on is sprinkled with little writhing grey maggots. There is a dead pigeon on top of the memorial. The carcass is being devoured by hundreds of maggots that are plummeting gradually over the edge onto our unaware heads. When we tell other people sat happily on the steps they do not understand or believe until they also see the maggoty step.
Maggaaamaggamaggots maggot. | Emotionally abused dying pigeon lays to rest atop a monument that people like to sit under so that the maggots that feast on its body fall onto those below as a final act of vengeance against our cruel species. |
t3_quuux | AskReddit | Reddit, what's been your best concert experience ever? | I'll start....
My best one would have to be a Streetlight Manifesto show in Ft. Lauderdale, FL.
1) They're opening band was such a blast (Larry and His Flask). These people were amazing, and their energy live was like taking an a shot of pure adrenalin.
2) The entire crowd started singing their songs to them before they went on stage. I've never heard of any other bands besides Streetlight being sung to.
3) Streetlight's show was impeccable. They were oozing with energy and intensity throughout the set of songs.
4) The crowd had such a comradeship. Everyone was skanking, pushing and pulling, running around. They helped up everyone that fell, and returned lost objects like shoes. This particular show, some dude lost his glasses and the entire pit stopped to look for them. Someone found it and the entire pit cheered him on, then continued skanking. | My best concert experience was a Streetlight Manifesto show in South Florida. From the opening act, to energetic and friendly crowd, to the intensity and sheer fun of the headliner. Best concert to date. |
t3_agm74 | AskReddit | Why are we here? | I know this is a deep philosophical question, but I have reasoned myself into a corner and come to some conclusions that I just cannot accept, though I am not sure why.
Why are we here? / What is the purpose of life?
I have been thinking about this more and more lately and have come to look at the question as more of what can I do to add value to life? Or, what can I do to give my life purpose? My problem is that anytime I try to follow this logic though, I end up with some answers that I think are non-sense or that I feel I cannot accept into my life.
I start with a statement like "I want to help people". Then I reduce it to "What can I do to help the survival of the human race?". But then I end up with the fact that the universe has already doomed the human race, first with the death of the sun, and then with the heat death of the universe. When that occurs it wipe out everything that has ever been and every memory of everything. From this you end up with a conclusion that no matter what anyone does, it adds no value to the system as it is a zero sum game. This leads me to the conclusion that Nothing in life has any value and that there is no difference between being a doctor and a murder/rapist because in the end nothing matters. I just cannot live my life like this.
When I try to reduce the above argument, I realize that I am operating under the assumption that things can only have value such that they add value to something else, but I haven't been able to come up with a way to convince myself that anything has an intrinsic value.
Please reddit help me out of my dead end. I'm sure there is something wrong with my logic because I just cannot accept that how we live our lives and our actions don't matter one iota. | – If nothing matters in the end, what is the point of anything. Why not just be a hedonistic criminal? |
t3_acnna | AskReddit | Reddit I come to you for advice (job related). Possible release of major frustration | I've been working for a rather large company for the last two years. It was basic customer service crap, answering phones, etc. Monotonous, but it paid the bills. I quickly grew disenchanted when the "promises" of upward mobility within the company turned out to be crap. My manager, who was pretty decent, went to a different team and the new one we got is a pretty big bitch. Essentially her role is to weed the team and get rid of as many of us as she can for "cost management." She started riding me pretty hard about work and yes I would actually do my work, I wasn't slacking. However, it got to the point where she was clearly playing favorites, and the last person to call her on it, wound up without a job.
This all came to an abrupt end last thursday morning. I got to work in the morning and I had yet another email from her and her brown-nosing lackey about something I supposedly didn't do (which I did). I walked out. I don't completely need the job and have something else lined up now, but because I just packed my shit and left without saying anything, things are unclear with the company. Manager keeps calling and leaving me messages and now has resorted to emailing me to my personal address.
Reddit, do I do the grown up thing, and reply to her email or call her and just say I quit, or do I write her an email and completely tell her off and possibly copy some of my ex co-workers. Keep in mind that the company has no way of hurting me anymore. | company/manager treated me like crap. got fed up and walked out. manager keeps calling/emailing. Should I be a grown up, or tell her off in an email like I always wanted to? |
t3_2f1mzi | relationships | Me [20/F] with my mother [50?/F] won't talk to me after boob job | Iam about to enter my final year at Uni. I live at home durinf the summers but live across thecountry when I am at school. In spring of last year, I had breast augmentation surgery. This was elective, so I had to pay for it, but I had been thinking about this for a REALLY long timeand it was really important to me. I realized how much time was going by without finding a meaningful partner and many of my other girlfriends at Uni now have SO's, and I figured I could do everything I could to make myself more appealing. I mean, also I'm doing more substantial stuff like yoga and meditation and trying to be more social with the greek communities here and do community service stuff. So its a whole betterment kick Ive been on.
Anyway, since it was an elective surgery, and because my parents are EXTREMELY conservative, I paid for it myself out of my PLUS that I took out. So it's my choice, my money. Anyway, I did this while at Uni actually last spring. I did it privately, my body, so I didn't tell the family about it because I knew they would freak. Anyway, I had to come home eventually and they did FREAK and actually caused some serious problems. My mother isnt even speaking to me anymore and my father barely is. I just tried to ignore that for a few weeks, but then eventually my mom said that she was so upset that I had to move out! Now she is threatening to not pay for my senior year, which means I will have to take out more loans. I really needed this surgery and I think my mom is being unreasonable. Luckily, I was able to stay with a friend until school opens up on Tuesday but anyway, I wanted to ask if anyone has any tips on how to make my mother understand that this is my body, my decisions and I needed this?? She cries all the time whenever I try to call and just basically hangs up. Thats such a crazy over reaction. I am getting good grades, and Im not a fuck up so why disown me? I wonder if anyone else has had elective surgery and had it cause such drama.
Thanks | Mom wont talk to me after boob job, says Im being vain and irresponsible, she doesnt understand that this is something that will enhance my life, and is only going to help me |
t3_2hnbpi | relationships | Only have a gf very few close friends 28 m | Is this normal? I'm getting hit with depression, feeling lonely without a solid social circle. I lost mine many years ago after not staying in touch due to some real bad depression and anxiety...
Gf and I don't really have many friends, we've lost touch with many, and spend most of our time just with each other when we hang out. I have a problem developing and sustaining authentic friendships. I am introverted by nature, once I feel someone has labeled me as quiet or introverted I find it hard to be myself around them. I'd like to have a better social life (doesn't matter if it is just me or my gf also included) but find it very hard to develop into a regular socializing/hanging out routine with people when everyone already seems so solidified into their groups.
Appreciate any advice as I'm getting tired of the routine. Jesus who would I even invite to my wedding? | lost most of my friends. Only hang out with gf. Gf and i Need to find a social circle late in life |
t3_301ynk | personalfinance | Mother tanked my credit score, whats next? | When i was young, my mother opened two credit cards in my name and used them to start building my credit history. So by the time i graduated college I already had a 750 credit score. She had always paid them off on time but i never really had access to the cards or the log in to monitor the accounts.
Just this year she lost her job and without telling me built up a lot of debt on them and defaulted on both of them. I caught it right when they hit my credit report so they are still 0-30 day late payments period. I right away cancelled her cards, left the accounts open to save my oldest accounts, then payed them off but the damage is already done and my credit dropped 150 points just from that.
Is there anything else i can do to get those late payments of my account or do i need to just wait for them to drop off? I believe since i payed them entirely off right away it shouldn't take too long to go back to normal but I am in a very competitive housing market and this might make it really hard for me to even rent a apartment.
Just a note
A) I realize i should have watched those accounts, i was young and completely forgot i had them.
B) The maxes on the cards were very low, so it wasn't a huge hit to have to pay them off, i'm just really worried about my credit history.
Also If theres nothing to do to save my credit history now, how long can i expect my credit history to be hurt from this? | Stop suggesting to press charges. I understand thats one way to getting something removed from credit history, but unlike most of reddit, lawyering up isnt the solution for everything. |
t3_53y7yw | relationships | My [25M] BFF [22F] hooked up with a guy after 2 years of singleness. They're moving out of state together, I feel kinda betrayed and abandoned. | I guess there's not much I can do here, but I do feel the need to mope. Is this how a BFF friendship is supposed to end?
So I've been put on the back burner by my best friend with whom we share a long history, including foreign trips, countless sleepovers and weekends. She is now head over heels about this new guy and they will move into another state in a few weeks. He works and now lives over there.
I know this is one of those 'life happens' kind of things, but I still feel abandoned and lonely, even if we were never in love with my BFF.
She assured me multiple times that we'll keep in touch all the time and I can visit anytime. But it still feels very much over. No more all-night conversations, no more soul-to-soul evenings.
Am I right or wrong to feel like crap? | my BFF put me on the back-burner and moves out of state with new SO, is it okay to feel betrayed? |
t3_2gjv4z | relationships | My (17M) girlfriend (15F) wants to break up because of my shyness. | Hey r/relationships, long time lurker, first time poster.
First of all I want to apologize for my writting, I'm not a native speaker of english.
She's my first love and been really depressed when she said that she wants to break up, this hurt my brain and my heart, I've tried to be as romantic as possible, while texting, we have even sexted ! But when I talk to her, I'm just frozen, I can't say the same things I do while texting her, I'm going crazy.
Everytime when I talk to her is more like a friend zone talking to me, she doesnt likes it ! She is using romantic names for me, I'm trying sooooooooooo muuuuuuch, but I fail everytime, everytime when I say "I love you sweetie" on the phone, I feel it, but she doesnt, she doesnt feels like I'm saying it from my heart. How can I treat my shyness ? What subjects girls want to talk about ? I've been goooglin' all of this, but I feel that my case is is not something popular . So here I'm /r/relationships , begging for your HELP, I love this girl SOOO MUUUCH. | My girlfriend wants to break up with me because of my shyness. Reddit, I need your help. I never felt the same for any girl in my life ! Please HELP ! |
t3_f7rf2 | AskReddit | My girlfriend and I just got caught in the act... Reddit, let's hear your best/worst "caught doing it" stories. | My girlfriend of a year and a half and I were in the basement watching a crappy Vh1 reality show when things got interesting. She indicated that she was in the mood to go down on me. Her dad and siblings were upstairs, so we were sure we'd hear if someone tried to come downstairs in time to "put everything away" if you know what I mean.
Things were going great when suddenly the garage door (which leads directly into the basement) swings open, and in walks step-mom and step-grandmother. In one motion, I pull up my jeans and we both dash to the other corner of the room as if nothing had happened. We heard "Oh, my..." followed by the door closing. Just when we think the worst is over and it's time to recover from near-heart attacks, they both had the nerve to walk in, greet us, and make small talk. Now, I was bare-assed on the couch with my jeans pulled up to my hips, so when step-grandmom introduced herself, I could only smile and wave. On a side note, she seemed like one of those creepy grandmothers you see in movies that are profoundly interested in younger men. Anyway, Step-mom must have "tattled" on us because soon after, down comes her infuriated father with the eyes of an angry bull telling me to "pack everything up" and leave his house immediately. I obliged. I walked upstairs, got my keys and drove home. | Girlfriend's stepmom caught her fellating me on a couch while watching "basketball wives." Now share your story... |
t3_4q0bq4 | relationships | Previous owner [90s M] just walked into the house I [19M] just bought | Details fudged for anonymity.
Ok so this is a weird one, the previous owner of the house I just bought walked right through the front door while I was passed out on an air mattress in the kitchen (doing renovations, yes I have a permit). My parents left to go get some supplies from a hardware store and shortly after he just walked into the front door, he seemed pretty confused, all he did when he came in was turn on the kitchen sink, started some small talk and asked where my folks went, checked inside the bathroom, locked all the doors and then just left.
The house was originally going to be a farm house back when it was built in the 40s, but the original builders ran out of money for the property needed and sold it to the previous owner who owned both houses until the closing which was last Friday.
I'm not really sure what to do because he is an old guy whose wife recently passed, and is on his way out as well. Should I just give him the benefit of the doubt and not say anything about it? | previous owner of the house walked in after I already closed on it, he's an old guy who recently lost his wife, wat do |
t3_1lglua | relationships | He's (24m) not the same person and I (24f) want out. | We've been dating for about 2 years. We're in a LDR while he's in graduate school. Our relationship was pretty damn good to start. But the past 6 months have been hellish. He began taking antidepressants. He said the LDR was making it hard on him but he never discussed wanting to break up nor did he come to see me. Yes, he is pretty busy but if he can go on weekend trips with his buddies then not so much. Money isn't an issue either. I honestly don't know what's wrong with him in that aspect.
The antidepressants made everything worse. He's more depressed than ever. Doesn't want to deal with the withdrawal side effects. I asked him to get help 100x but he never does. He's cold, numb, literally has zero feelings. I could never speak to him again and I'm starting to believe he'd never even notice. I just can't do it anymore. I'm dating a wall.
I've told him how I felt and get no response, really. Just that he's trying to get better. The only emotion I get from him is "come here, take care of me. I need someone to". But I have work. And I don't think me coming to baby him while he just sits there like a zombie will do anything. I can't even feel sorry because he doesn't get help. He will go out with his friends just fine and come back to talk with zero personality again.
I asked if it was me. He told me numerous times no that it isn't. That I'm awesome. Well, I don't know what to even do at this point. Some days he won't talk to me at all like I don't exist. And I've had it.
My question is I don't even know how to break up with someone who is so emotionally void. Should I say we're over and just block everything? Should I go no contact? Should I even say anything and just disappear? Really don't think he'd care if he never heard from me again! If he does get better, will he try contacting me again? I don't know if I should be completely moving on or holding out? | Depressed boyfriend won't get help even though he wants to get better. LDR. How to end things when there's no emotion. |
t3_4zpzco | relationships | Me [25F] with my BF [24 M] 6 months - I stained his shirt | Ok so maybe this isn't as big of a deal as I'm making it but I feel so bad I can't concentrate at work!
So, I'm an idiot. I spent the night at my BF's and didn't have any clothes to wear to work. I asked to wear an old tank top that he has that he loves (that I love too) and promised I'd take good care of it and return it. Well... of course I get pizza grease on it. I freak out and try to wash it in the bathroom and let it dry. When I get home, it's still there! So I try a little corn starch and dish soap... which works! But... now there's slight discoloration on the shirt.
It's not so noticeable, but if you know it's there you'll see it. I know I should have taken it to the dry cleaners first thing but I panicked! I feel so so so bad it's crazy. My question isn't whether to tell him or not, I will for sure. I guess I'm asking if anyone has had this happen before to them and did you forgive your SO? I don't think he'll get super mad, but I feel so guilty and bad right now. Some advice on how to phrase it, what to say, would be helpful too.
Thanks guys :) | stained BF's shirt, got the stain out but now is slightly discolored. I know I fucked up, how to tell BF? |
t3_35uw6h | tifu | TIFU by eating Mexican food, and having snapchat. | So actually this fuck up happened last night at 10 PM but it extends over to this morning.
To give you some insight, I'm a married man with a wife who nags every now and again for staying up too late (doing work, playing games) so when I wake up late she usually scolds me.
Yesterday my wife INSITED we have Mexican food for the 100th time this month and I insisted not because of a stomache/gerd problem I take medication for, but as a newly married man I decide to stop being whiney and give the wife what she wants.
So we both got out of work late and found a resteraunt that was still open, went in, ate whatever I wanted because why not? I'm already here, fuck my stomach problem and then we went home.
So fast forward, im asleep in bed and the little brown giggles start rustling in my tummy, I try to ignore it because I'm dead tired and it's around 3:00 AM but then pain sets in and now im awake stumbling to the toilet half asleep. I make my way to the toilet to sit and shit and in the back of my mind I'm thinking "man, wife is gonna be pissed that I'm awake" so I open up my phone and go to snap chat, point the phone to my feet and record my tip toe dance with the sound of shit water spewing out of me with the tag line "my poor little asshole" and I send it to her.
As I finish what is the worst shit of the year so far, I lay back in bed and fall back asleep.
Next morning the wife wakes me up and asks why Did I take a video of myself "shitting my brains out" and I explain "so I wouldn't get nagged at for being awake" I'm assuming she understood the point of me taking the video and proceeds to show me her phone, where my video was NOT sent to my wife but placed on my SNAPCHAT STORY. Where all of my friends and some family saw my gross ass video. | ATE MEXICAN FOOD, DIARREAD, PUT A VIDEO OF ME SHITTING ON MY SNAPCHAT STORY. |
t3_2yc4w5 | relationships | How to regain trust after lying to my SO | Through a series of events (I won't get specific but will admit most are my fault and most involve lying about my past..basically I was a stripper from age 19-22 and I used to party way too hard) the trust in my relationship has taken a beating.
I've given my SO total access to my phone and my Facebook and I've cut the people who have previously been bad influences on me from my life. However he insists on asking me very detailed questions about my past, especially about things that happened over ten years ago (how am I expected to remember everything in precise detail from that long ago!??).
I've moved on from my past, grown from it and become what I consider to be a decent adult. I don't understand why he is so concerned with what I did from 18 to 22 when we are in our thirties. He is constantly requiring corrections, stories or confessions of lies from me. This has become a daily (sometimes many times daily) occurrence and it's starting to feel like torture.
How can I regain trust in our relationship and how can in I get him to drop the interrogating? Please help me. I desperately need help. | I lied about my past and now my bf requires me to answer detailed questions about things that happened 10+ years ago |
t3_l6nzh | AskReddit | Reddit, what should I put on my necklace to match my life style? | I live my life very close to that of a saint. Save for my swearing, I can't fucking stop. Anyways here's my problem: I give money or things to those who need it, I do right without expecting anything in return, I believe in doing the right thing, no matter the personal cost, etc.
Well, on the down side every time I try to get a leg up in life, it back fires HARD. I once tried to sneak into a bar's patio area to meet a friend of mine because there was a 10$ (I'm serious) cover charge. So I tried to slip in and got impaled by the gate in my left arm. I ever intentionally do something "morally" wrong and I pay for it withing the hour.
So my question is: What saint or symbol (or symbol of a saint) would work for someone who always tries to do the right thing? | I'm basically a really really awesome dude to my fellow human beings trying to make an equally awesome necklace that reflects this. Suggestions? |
t3_3z3t6z | relationships | Me [25/F] with my BF [27/M] 1.5 yr, should I always have to ask for an apology? | Hi all,
I have a pretty good relationship with my boyfriend for the most part. However, he can occasionally say some things that are really hurtful, especially if he is drunk. (I feel that if he better managed his drinking, our relationship would be about 1000x better. But that's a thought for another thread.)
I'm more upset about what happens after the fact. The next morning or whatever he always wants to pretend that things didn't happen. It's not that he doesn't remember because he always does. What normally happens is that I'm obviously upset. I will wait for him to bring it up or for an apology, stew for a bit, eventually bring up what happened and why it bothered me, and ask for an apology. He basically says, "Sorry," and that's about it. Topic change and I am left trying to get over what was said.
What bothers me about this is that he'll know he said something hurtful, know that I am hurt by it, and still not take responsibility for it until I put him into a position where it's practically required. At that point, it feels like he's not sorry, he's just trying to cover it and move on.
In contrast, if I say something to him that may even possibly be hurtful, I usually apologize and correct myself before he has time to even process what I have said. I am really thoughtful about how the things I say may affect him, and I am constantly checking in with him on how he's feeling. A lot of times I apologize for things that he isn't even bothered by, just because I worry that I have hurt him.
I know that it's silly to expect him to read my mind and know I'm upset and apologize, but I don't think that's what's going on here. I think that he knows he is wrong and knows I am upset but would prefer to ignore it in hopes that it would go away. Should I really always have to ask for an apology to get acknowledgement of his poor behavior, or is it normal to expect someone to be empathetic and apologetic without being directly asked? | Partner is mean, then kind of pretends it never happened unless I specifically ask for an apology. Is it reasonable to expect him to take responsibility for his actions without my pushing him to? |
t3_podit | dating_advice | So a really cool and random thing happened to me last night. I talked to the biggest regret (crush) of my life on a dating site. Date advice required. | Background: I met this girl while in High School, we were very good friends and sat together in every class we could. I lost contact with her as soon as I left school to work full time. This is easily the biggest regret of my life. I loved this girl.
Fast forward 15 years, I [32M] got an email from a girl [31F] on a local dating site saying she was drawn to my profile, we barely exchange 10 messages before we are talking on the phone. About 30minutes into the awesome conversation I mention where I live and we very quickly work out that we knew each other. We end up talking all night and are still txt'ing now. Im on a high.
It turns out that I am one of the best memories of her life and that she often thought about me. Her words were that it was the best valentines she has ever had :) (Finding me)
Anyway we have a date coming up this Friday and my initial thought was "Omg I have to plan an epic date" but I am now second guessing that.
So I just wanted to share my awesome story and ask for help on date ideas and what level of epic I should go for?. In a smallish town but can travel an hour and half to a decent city. | Randomly found the girl that I always regret not asking out or staying in contact with, have a date with her this Friday. How epic do I make the date? |
t3_2rk7rv | relationships | Help me [37 M] make my wife [35 F] of ten years fall crazy in love with me again. | We've been married ten years. Things are pretty good. But we have kids, we both work full time and on opposite shifts, we don't get a lot of quality time together.
I'm planning something for her birthday. I want romance, sweetness, the atmosphere for making her cell loved, needed, wanted. I want to sweep her off her feet again. I want her to think, "Yeah, that's why I'm with this guy. Ahh."
The issues:
1. Most stereotypes don't apply. She doesn't like drinking, dancing, parties, clubs, flowers, jewelry. She's shy with strangers, likes nature, hates winter, does a lot of crafts. She has anxiety, doesn't like crowds. She has a real hard time telling me what she wants. She likes for me to make all the decisions, but still often doesn't dig my decisions.
2. She has poor self image, low libido. When we're together it's great, but it's infrequent. If we're out of the house - say a hotel out of state - she's good with intimacy.
3. Budget is an issue, sad as that is.
Any suggestions or insights or experiences that might help me devise a plan would be much appreciated. | How do I turn the romance on high, on a short vacation, after ten years of marriage to a shy, atypical woman? |
t3_fs6kr | AskReddit | So I went to the doctor today.. | obvious throwaway~
So I went to an ENT today because my voice has been really hoarse for over a year. Before you ask why I had waited that long, I'll just go out and say it: I didn't have health insurance. Turns out I have a growth on one of my vocal cords. I'm going to have surgery to in a couple of weeks to remove the growth and to find out what it is. My doctor thinks it's a benign growth, but he informed me that he has been surprised once before (meaning someone in my age group was diagnosed with cancer). I'm 24, I don't smoke tobacco, occasionally smoke pot (probably once every few months, really), I don't really drink very often. Should I be worried? | found out I have a growth on my vocal cords that needs to be removed through surgery. Don't know if it's cancerous or not yet. Shouldn't be. Just slightly worried, blah |
t3_4cccr2 | relationships | Should I (19m) end things with my girlfriend (19f) or is there still something to be saved? | We've been together a little over a year and it's my first proper relationship.
We are very up and down when it comes to how close and intimate we are; a couple of weeks ago she was staying over every night and we were off doing stuff a bunch but now she seems distant and unenthusiastic. Every time I try and text or arrange something she scalds me for being 'annoying' and 'always there'. This will happen every couple of months and does seem to be a pattern.
I know the go to advice on this sub is to break up but when we get on its so good and we laugh and joke about our future life etc. so I don't want to be too rash and ending it prematurely.
Another big part of it is that I don't find it easy to get close to girls (a big reason why I never really got close to anyone until her, didn't lose virginity until 18 - with her). I don't want to have to start all over again all from square one. I've invested way too much time, money, effort and emotion into this relationship.
How do I get her "back"? | GF can't seem to make her mind up about whether or not she wants a relationship, cut it loose or is it salvageable? |
t3_45yogc | relationships | My (25M) wife (30F) thinks I have a problem and I dont know how to deal with it. | Im 25 and I weigh 270lbs, recently I have found an eating and exercise lifestyle that has benefitted me in loosing weight. Im at about 1lb per week. My wife and I recently got a whole cake to take home due to a celebration, after about a day I had eaten an excessive amount. Normally I stick to my diet most weeks, however when there is junkfood in the house I tend to gravitate to it and eat most if not all of my share quickly. Because of this I have adopted to abstain from junk as I am aware I have a problem, constant weight fluxuations of 40lbs have been the norm for me in the past.
Now the kicker is my career demands me to stay in shape, I have maintained this however when I weigh in I am borderline. My wife fears health problems down the line because of this. But back to the point she says that "Normal people have junk in the house and dont eat it all at once". I admit this is true but because I am an emotional and binge eater, I like to not have things like this in the house. My wife encouraged me to look up how to solve my problem. I have done some research and most resources I found point to a 12 step program simmilar to AA.
I apologize if this is the wrong sub, im not sure one exists for my problem. Is there anyone who has recovered from emotional / binge eating? What resources are there? Am I wrong to not want junk in the house? | Im fat, working on it. Junk food was in house, ate lots. Wife mad. I have problem, need help. |
t3_iwxii | AskReddit | Congressional staffers of Reddit, what are the most effective ways for the public to change your bosses position about an issue? | It seems that most of the larger issues being debated today in Congress result in positions being taken and lines being drawn regardless of public opinion or input. The last time I checked it's a representational democracy, however, it seems our politicians conveniently forget this point as soon as they step into office.
It's increasingly clear to me that the citizens are largely outside observers, voices stifled by wealthy, well-funded special interest groups and corporate lobbyists eagerly writing laws and influencing (ie buying) politicians and votes.
Will your bosses only listen to those who come bearing large bags of money and promises of future campaign contributions? Or is there still a mechanism for the public to influence your bosses vote, regardless of their own personal opinion or position? Is there some way for the average citizen to force their representative to take a position counter to their ideological instincts, simply because the majority of citizens want it that way?
In essence how can we, the public, effectively influence their decision making process without handing over large bags of cash? Or is Money the only language anyone speaks in Washington? | What are the most effective methods the public can use change a politicians mind about a certain issue, even if it goes against both the politicians ideological instincts and well-financed special interest? |
t3_3oyh3z | relationships | Me [19/M] and my girlfriend [19/F] broke up mutually two weeks ago after nearly two years of loving relationship. It looks like she's already hooking up with someone else and it hurts like hell | When I say 'mutually', neither of us actually wanted it. We've been ~200 miles apart this whole time and it got to the point where neither of us have the time or the money to maintain the level of closeness that we both need. She seemed absolutely broken when we talked it over, crying and telling me she'll never stop loving me, but on facebook she's already made comments with her friends about 'shagging' someone last weekend, and it makes me feel like fucking shit.
All through the course of our relationship she never stopped telling me that if she lost me she'd never forgive herself, if we broke up she'd never be the same, but now I just feel... forgettable. Like everything that made me special is just so easily replacable to her, and to top it off I'm still crazy in love with her. The thought of her being with someone that's not me, and the fact that she probably doesn't even THINK of me... I've never felt pain like this and for the past few hours I've been an anxious blubbering mess. | GF and I had to break up due to distance, but in two weeks she's already hooked up with someone else and I feel worthless because of it |
t3_uqgb1 | AskReddit | I need to move within a month and I have "adopted" a feral cat in the neighborhood that relies on me for food. Can I bring her with me without traumatizing her? | I first fed the cat about 6 months ago. I've fed her regularly ever since. Only 1 stretch of about 3 days a couple of weeks ago did she not show up for her feedings, and I could feel/see her ribs when this happened.
I'm 90% sure I'm the only human contact she's had because of how long it took for her to let me touch her (4 months) and how timid she is around other people. She does come in the apartment almost every time now, but only part way and every time within eyesight of the door. She derped and shut herself in once, and upon realizing that she was shut in, had a breakdown and cornered herself. It was very hard to get her to come out. She wouldn't come in for quite some time after that.
I've been working towards picking her up and getting her in a carrier to get her to a vet and I had planned on doing this over the summer. I've put it off for so long because I've worked hard to get the amount of trust I have and don't want to lose it.
Now with this move popping up on me I have to rush it. What's the best way to go about this without traumatizing her and losing the least amount of trust? | Have to move in a month and have a feral cat whom I love and doesn't completely trust me. How do I move with her and have the best possible outcome? |
t3_12kvl9 | relationships | I(21) need help helping my gf(21) get over her unhealthy sexual past. | My gf has a very unhealthy sexual past. She never had the sweet innocent loosing her virginity moment (neither did I) but more of a drunken mistake. She had a few "bad streaks" where she would sleep around with different guys to feel "wanted". She thought that by giving guys what she wanted she would fell wanted but as many of you know this is only a temporary fix. She has never enjoyed sex, actually she hates it because of what she made it into. She has never experienced sex as it should be (love-making). We are very deeply in love and I want nothing more than for her to experience the feeling that I feel when we have sex. I've told her that if she doesn't want sex then we won't have it, which she doesn't want because she assumes this will lead to me cheating. She is a good person who just made some bad mistakes. Do you guys have any advice for me to help her get over this so that we can have the amazing passionate sex life I know we are capable of? | Gf has unhealthy sexual past which inhibits her from enjoying sex with anyone despite the fact we are in love, need advice. We have been together 8 months. |
t3_2nwr26 | relationships | My (23/F) best friends (both 23/F) get mad that I don't drink much when going to the bars. | Going to try to make this as short as possible. When I was in HS & college I used to drink a lot and would always drink to get drunk. This past year I was able to find my "happy medium" and no longer was drinking to get drunk anymore. I started dating a guy and he rarely drank, which then rubbed off on me and I would never drink. I would maybe have one glass of wine with dinner every now and again. We recently broke up and I just went home for Thanksgiving. When I go home, I like to go to the local bar to run into people I used to be friends with and just be social. I usually only will drink one drink.
Well, we went to the bar last night and I was only sipping on my drink (like usual). My best friends started nagging at me and were making points like "you've been here for so long and we're already on our 3rd drink you're on your first still. You need to drink more." I tell them I don't want to drink more. I can have one drink all night or not drink at all and still have fun. They both just tell me there is no point to go to the bar because, "who goes to the bar and has one drink" "People go to bars to get drunk" "we should just be at home since you aren't drinking." They just made me feel like shit for not wanting to drink more than one drink and that it is such a problem that I don't want to drink to "get drunk" anymore.
Am I being ridiculous that I don't want to drink much when going to the bars or are they just being rude and mad that I'm not like I used to be in HS/college and don't like to get as crazy as I used to? It's a stupid fight, but they really make me feel like such a belittled person since I don't drink as much as I used to. | My friends get mad that I only drink one drink when I go to the bar & that I don't like to get drunk anymore. Should they even be getting mad at me? |
t3_37sxfp | legaladvice | Issue with paycheck (Minnesota) | I got a position through a temp agency to a manufacturing position about 3 months ago. Everything has been fine until last week. I work Monday-Thursday 10 hour days. Last week I was unavailable to work Thursday so I asked my boss if I could take the day off to come in on Friday (OT is available on fridays but is optional). Since I wasnt gonna be working Thursday, my paycheck would be the same as any other week.
Well on last Friday when I was working I got a call from the temp agency telling me I would not be getting my paycheck that day because of an issue on there part and said I would get it on Tuesday (monday was memorial day). I said that is fine and that was the end of the conversation. Got my paycheck on Tuesday (in full and with no issue) but today on Friday, my paycheck was about $50 short.
I called the agencys 1800 number since I discovered this after hours and they told me that because I got paid twice in one week, the taxes are higher which is why my paycheck is lower. This came as a shock to me because, 1. I was not aware of this and 2. My recruiter never mentioned it. Now I am $50 short because of there mistake. I can't contact her until Monday, but I wanted to know, if I can do anything about this legally? I worked for that money but my paycheck is $50 short because of there mistake. | Workplace screwed up and paid me twice in one week, this caused me to lose $50, what can I do? |
t3_fr8kr | AskReddit | Hey reddit ... want to help solve a mystery? | A filmmaker friend is doing [a documentary on the Daniel Berrigan affair] a fascinating point in history, and a story with tons of local ties here in Maryland. The gentleman in question, Boyd F. Douglas, Jr., had a ringside seat to the proceedings and his perspective could help ensure the full story is told. I know without question that if he'd rather not participate, the filmmakers would step back and let him be. They'd like to offer that choice to him directly. Thought the power of reddit might be helpful in their search. Not looking for anything to be posted here ... anything relevant can go directly to the filmmakers at the email address in the [blog link] Thanks for checking it out. | Help some honest filmmakers find a helpful witness to history, if you can. If not, click the link, read a little, and keep your eyes peeled for a well made, thought provoking documentary. |
t3_3fgxgg | tifu | TIFU by sending my mom a dick pic | I was in the bathroom on reddit, as most people do, when I came upon this reddit thread.
There I learned, in the comments, that there was a way to make your Samsung phone send an emergency message and pictures from the front and back cameras.
So I turn it on, I text my mom saying "I'm testing my emergency phone thing so don't be alarmed by it when it texts you." I forget it records you and takes the pictures without alarming you at all. So these texts go out to my mom with my dick and my face looking like an idiot. It also has a soundbite of me heavy breathing.
There's no NSFW content here
2 clarifications:
I hastly deleted the photos and soundbites thinking it could be stopped before it would send since my reception is dogshit.
Sorry I couldn't make an album of the two screenshots, but I'm on mobile. | I learned about my phone's emergency system and it sent my mom a dick pic with my heavy breathing. Texts for proof. |
t3_15ozu2 | relationship_advice | I've [27/m] reached a crossroads and must either propose to my girlfriend [26/f] or break it off. | We've been dating for a little over four years. I love her and I know she loves me. I trust her completely and she gets along really well with my family and friends. I've been putting off a proposal for a while now for one reason or another (school, money, etc.) and I told her at the end of the summer this winter we would be engaged. Winter is here and I'm freaking out. I've only had one other long term relationship in my life and I'm so afraid of being unhappy someday. For the most part we're happy now and most of our problems stem from me not committing. I just feel so confused and as soon as I decide to commit, I change my mind and as soon as I say we should spend time apart, I change my mind and want to propose. In my mind, I thought of doing it on New Years or Christmas but I kept going back and forth and now they're almost over and I know she's going to start wondering what I'm waiting for. | Been in a relationship for four years and the time has come to either propose or break up and I'm freaking out. |
t3_2qdi1z | tifu | TIFU by giving an unwanted spray | Like most TIFU stories this story happened years ago but it resurfaced with the telling of jokes for the season.
Back when I was a youngling, about 7 or so, we used to have lunch in our classrooms so that our teacher could supervise our eating and ensure we were eating all of our food.
So there I am with my friends eating lunch all merrily when my one of my friends decided to tell a joke just as I was swallowing my milk. For the life of me I can't remember the joke but all I know it was so funny to me that the milk came through mostly my nose and some of my mouth and there I am sputtering like a seal because any liquid coming through your nose with force burns like hell and I also began to choke because some of it went down the wrong pipe. when i finally catch myself, I look at my friends who are now wiping themselves in disgust and are covered in the finest of misty milky mists. Even made one of them cry. | Don't drink and listen to a joke unless you're aiming for bathing and pissing off your friends, happened to me. |
t3_350zne | relationships | My boyfriend [23 M] of 4 years had two girls spend the night at our apartment with him while I [21 F] am out of town. | I have been out of town for a little over a week now. A few days after I left I was texting my boyfriend around 12 am and he stopped responding to me. I texted him again and no response. The next morning he called me and told me that two of his friends (girls) spent the night.
He said that around 12 am he got a bunch of texts from both girls because one of them got into a fight with their boyfriend. For some reason they decided they had to come over to our apartment. He said they the three of them stayed up for awhile, and they spent the night at our apartment. He says the two girls slept on the floor in the living room. In the morning they went and bought him breakfast. I have only met these two girls twice, and he has only known them since this semester started in January.
When he called me I was about to board a plane so I couldn't really respond to him. Later while I was waiting for my plane to take off I texted him and told him I was upset. His response was "I'm sorry" and that was it. I haven't talked to him since then. He has tried calling me a few times, and sent me a few texts saying "I love you" and a couple of other texts unrelated. I have not answered his phone calls or responded to his texts. The family I am visiting with now says I should just ignore him while I am on vacation.
I am not sure what to do or think. I do not think it is appropriate at all to have two girls spend the night at our apartment with him while I am not there. I don't know if he just doesn't see that or he just does not care. I don't think he would cheat on me, but he has told me he has cheated on all of his past girlfriends. I don't know if I am just being dramatic and getting upset over nothing. I don't know if I should talk to him or ignore him. | My boyfriend had two girls spend the night while I am out of town because one of them got in a fight with their boyfriend. I haven't talked to him since he told me. Not sure what I should do. |
t3_2e1028 | relationships | I [25 M] got caught messaging women/swapping pics by my [25 F] SO. She was always jealous and insecure, but now it's worse. | I live with my girlfriend, and after a while everything got really shitty. She's constantly acts insecure and it makes her get pretty crazy. She's also super jealous. It's super unattractive, and it's made me think about breaking things off with her pretty often. It made her so unattractive to me that I despised sex with her.
Eventually I started messaging girls online and swapping pics. There was no emotional connection... It was purely an outlet for me. She found out and considers it cheating. I understand how she feels that way, but I never got any phone numbers or attempted to meet anyone. The best way I can explain it is that this was a form of porn for me. We talked it out and I agreed that I was wrong, and I wouldn't do it ever again. I even agreed that I wouldn't go to subs like gonewild or any websites remotely close to cams, etc.
Anyway, even when I feel things are going great in our relationship, she has to ruin a great day or moment by bringing up this past issue. I'm so over it. I'm literally tired of talking about it with her, because there's nothing left to discuss or say. How do I get past her insecurity? I want her trust, but I'm so tired of her constant need for reassurance. Keep in mind that her insecurity, jealousy, and lack of trust were issues before the incident. What do I do? | Girlfriend is very jealous and insecure. I was caught messaging girls/swapping pics, and it made everything worse. What do I do? |
t3_24yks6 | personalfinance | Paying off student loans | I currently have been out of school for a year now and have been paying off student loans for half that time. It is getting to the point where I can no longer make payments, have no savings or spending money. I am two months behind in rent (to my parents) and just missed two of my loan payments. I have approximately ~$85K in loans to five different lenders with payments which total some where in the $800-1K range a month. I dont know what to do but cannot keep doing what I'm doing as my income stream is not steady enough to have a future budget. I work at a restaurant with changing hours at night, and during the day I do service for an HVAC (Heating, Ventilation, and Air Conditioning, if you didnt know) whose hours vary WAY too much and I am not needed often enough. I only know if I'm working that day, and sometimes i dont get the call to almost noon, but I have no idea whether I will be working tomorrow and go from day to day with my scheduling. Any thoughts or advice besides get a new job (I've been looking on days i know I wont work) would be appreciated. | Non steady job/income with ~$800-1K a month due in student loans to five different lenders. Missed payment on two of them so far this month. HELP!!! |
t3_2vmmxl | relationship_advice | He lied or just never told me that he didn't graduate high school. | We're both 30. I've been with this guy for 3 years and we have a kid together. Recently I opened his mail (this is allowed in our relationship) and he'd received a copy of his GED scores. Um. As far as I knew, he'd graduated from high school. When I mentioned that he had received this particular document, he said "whaaaa?" I said he'd never told me he had a ged. His reasoning was that he didn't tell me when we first met because he knew I was really smart and he was embarrassed. His reason was that halfway through his senior year, he found out that due to moving to a school with different requirements, he wouldn't have enough credits to graduate. So he stopped going and took the test instead.
Now, I am a college dropout. I did really well in high school and have always been considered "smart," which loses a lot of its meaning when you are a grown adult without a good education. Making 25k a year. I'm not any kind of Harvard grad thinking I was dating the same. But I did think I was dating a similarly educated guy to my own level.
Here's the thing. It's not a huge deal, as far as how it affects his career prospects or the fact that I've thought he was intelligent since we met. But I feel like I was tricked. It would have been at least a yellow flag if he had told me when we were new. I feel like he didn't give me the chance to decide for myself what I thought of the true him. But now every time I kick his ass at trivia crack or when he refuses to have a debate or read an article I send him, I'm reminded of it and almost lose respect for him a little.
So, is a person's education a material fact that has to be disclosed when it first comes up? Would you make a big deal out of this revelation? I don't know how to feel. | SO took 3 years to (accidentally) disclose that he didn't finish high school. I don't know what to think. |
t3_1iqpkq | self | Snoring should be a goddamn federal crime | On a family trip right now. We're all sharing one Hotel room, and only one of us is getting any sleep. This is apparent from the resounding, thunderous, rasping snores eminating from his bed. But it's not only your regular sleep-slaying snore, it also follows an insidious cycle designed to lure you into attempting sleep. It'll stop just long enough for you think you're safe, but soon begins again. It starts quiet, and you think you can bear it, but then it increases in volume until it reaches the approximate decibal count of above ground nuclear testing. It's currently 1:40 and nobody else has gotten any sleep. I passed the poin of silently hoping he'd drown in his own spit hours ago and am now actively contemplating murder. | If you snore, move to an isolated cave in one of the unpopulated swathes of Saskatchewan. It's better that way. |
t3_ct09y | AskReddit | Anecdotal evidence that the economy is turning around, anyone care to share? | I live in the Chicago metropolitan area and have been riding the train downtown for about a year and half. I am 25 years old and for a long time was the youngest person on the train. Occasionally I would see someone my age or younger, but given the irregularity of their train rides (M-W-F only) I assumed they were college students. In the last month and half there's been an influx of young riders. I'd estimate about 3 or 4 regular riders are younger than me on any train car I climb onto. This to me says that there are a lot more new graduates getting hired, and entry level jobs are opening up.
One more anecdote. I've subscribed to a private job posting board through the Illinois CPA Society for two years now and up until the beginning of July there were only about 10 job posts per week. Now there are about 5 per day.
I know this recovery will be long, but it's good to see some things moving. I feel for those who are without work. My brother's in marketing and having trouble finding a sales job. I'm just trying to be optimistic is all. | I think things are starting to loosen up a bit. More people on the train, more job postings on job boards. |
t3_jss8s | AskReddit | I know absolutely nothing about cars and I need advice about mine! | I have a 2001 Mitsubishi Eclipse. The previous owner seems to have moved the air filter from its normal position to down near my front-driver's side tire. According to the mechanic this caused my check engine light to come on and report that my Mass Air Flow sensor was malfunctioning.
However, this isn't what I was told the first time I took it into the shop. I was told that my Mass Air Flow sensor needed to be replaced. So I said OK and it was replaced. My car worked fine and then 2 months later it broke down while driving. The check engine light was on again. I took it back to the same place and they diagnosed it as being my air filter. I went to another shop to see if this was right and they told me it was my Mass Air Flow sensor (which I had already replaced). | My air filter is down near my tire and the mechanic's are telling me this is causing my check engine light to report that my Mass Air Flow sensor is malfunctioning. |
t3_17rxcj | BreakUps | Need advice on how to handle an ex who keeps breaking his "no-contact" rule (22f,28m) | About 5 months ago my boyfriend and I broke up. It was his idea and even though I didn't want to I agreed. I even agreed to his "no-contact" rule and honestly have not contacted him since. However he found several "important" reasons in the beginning to contact me and several more throughout the course of the following months. He doesn't mention the actual break up or any feeling but just whatever instance he had to contact me. All I've done is respond in usually a sentence or less which I thought would deter him from continuing...but it hasn't. Now don't get me wrong, I would love to still talk to him, and settle our differences, and find out how he is but the dynamics of our relationship won't allow that at this stage--if ever. I miss him terribly. But I feel that he is inventing excuses and I don't understand why. Mainly ever time he does it all of the emotions flood me and I have to deal with the emo shit all over again. I'm not sure if I should stop responding all together or confront him on the issue. | Ex keeps breaking his own "no-contact" rule and IDK how to deal with the issue or why he's doing it. |
t3_26yj0f | relationship_advice | My [11m] girlfriend [22] has told me never to drink alcohol again, or we're over. | I rarely drink, and when I do drink I enjoy myself, I went to town with my mates and my girlfriend was going with her girls, I may or may not have been a little too drunk, to the point where I can't remember much, now I have been told that I wasn't following her directions and i was embarrassing her and that clearly upset her the next day which led her to say if I drink ever again were over, I'm not a fan of her decision as I rather not be told something like that, now I do love her and I will stop drinking to be with her, but I am not happy that she said it, what do you guys think? | Girlfriend doesn't like me drinking because she gets embarrassed of me, I don't like that she said that, what do you guys think? |
t3_3erkt2 | relationships | Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [19 F] of a year and 9 months, she has never dated anyone else and wants to make sure I am the one. | So my girlfriend has never dated anyone besides me or had sex with anyone else. I have dated someone else and had sex with other people.
This has worried me for a long time that it would make her want to date other people. She doesn't want to think back and regret just being with me.
We love each other to death. We don't fight. We get a long great. We work through our problems. We have fun. We enjoy each other all the time. She doesn't even want to breakup she just doesn't want to regret anything.
Shes had an internship all summer and I am going to pick her up this weekend and we plan on talking about it then. She did have a guy she has been spending a lot of time with come on to her but she told him no and I trust her when she says that.
I would feel the same way if i was in her position. I'm just not sure what to do. I don't want us to break up but I also don't want her to resent me years down the road. I don't want to wait long if we do break up and I wont be sitting there with my hands in my lap. She's my best friend. I just don't want to lose her.
any advice would help, thank you. | shes never dated anyone else. Wants to see someone else to see if our relationship is perfect or just have nothing better to compare it to. |
t3_v6x59 | relationship_advice | [24/M] Was I an asshole here? | PREFACE: You can totally call me an asshole. Please don't downvote the people calling me an asshole. I need to work through this and need some honesty.
I was recently in a relationship with a girl for a year. Things were going very well, I was even planning on moving to be with her. (It was a LDR) In November I started a new job and met a girl who was basically my twin, but with great boobs. This girl and I flirted a lot and hung out non-sexually probably a half dozen times but I didn't want it to go anywhere since I was in love with my then-gf.
Fast forward to a month ago. Two weeks before I moved to be with my ex, she calls me up and breaks up with me over the phone. [Should include something fairly personal about me here, I have mild anti-social personality disorder. I do not form exceptionally strong ties to people and never get sad for more than a day or so over the loss of an SO/friend.] We talk on the phone for about an hour, she tells me that she loves me but doesn't see me being in the picture when she looks 5 years down the road and wants to end it now. We end on good terms.
Fast forward SIX MEASLY DAYS. The girl from work and I are hanging out and get drunk. Pretty stinking drunk. We kiss a little bit and the next thing I know, I'm biting her thighs teasing her before I show her my cunning linguistic skills. A few days later and we are dating. I make it clear to her that she isn't a rebound and that I think I have been hiding these feelings from myself for months.
My ex is furious. She says she feels cheap because she was so easy to get over. To make matters worse, I can be outrageously sarcastic if I think someone is being unfair with me. I ask her, "You dumped me. Tell me, what was the appropriate amount of time to be emotionally devastated by my loss?"
I know the sarcastic comment was unnecessary, but am I being an asshole, as she continues to assert? | Dumped, moved on and started dating another girl in under a week. Ex and a few mutual friends are pissed. Am I an asshole? |
t3_13buzj | jobs | Is it appropriate to write ASAP or Two Weeks Notice on "Start Date/Date Available" on a job application? | I've recently been notified that I did well in my phone interview and am now offered to do an in-person interview. I was also asked to fill out an application and fax/email before the interview date. There is a section in the app asking for the date I would be available. I am wondering if I should put ASAP or Two Weeks Notice for my answer.
The reason is I am unemployed, but the location is about 100 miles away from my current place so I would need time to find housing that is closer. Therefore, I wasn't sure if I should write Two Weeks Notice so I can have time to find housing before starting or write ASAP so they know I am available right away. Or even give a date even though I do not have a definite one in mind. | is it alright to answer Two Weeks Notice for my Date Available on my application so it gives me enough time to find housing? |
t3_zzqep | AskReddit | Parents of Reddit, how can I get my parents to let me go to homecoming with a girl out of state? | A girl who I went to school with last year, has moved to Oregon. I live in Washington state, about two-three hours off of the border between WA and OR. She was suspended from school for possession of marijuana on campus, and from sheer humiliation, as well as practically being disowned by her father, she moved with her mother to Portland. Though I won't be close-minded and say that she is my soul mate and that she's the only one for me, I will admit that I care for her and think it'd be amazing to be able to go to the dance with her.
I've already presented my mother with the idea of going to Oregon, (taking a $13 dollar, four hour bus ride down to Portland and then getting a hotel for a night or two) and she has not budged thus far. Usually I'm not the type to push and shove too much with my parents, but this is something I really want. I really want this, and I don't know what to do.
What do you parent redditors think the main reason she isn't letting me go is? I know that my parents don't approve of her smoking marijuana,
but then again, both of my parents were once potheads. I know they don't worry about me smoking pot, and I'm sure they know I wouldn't have sex (they are insistent that I don't have sex before marriage). They also don't fear for my safety, knowing that I've been able to take care of myself whilst traveling outside of the country.
What could it be that is making them choose to not let me go? I can afford the trip by myself. | Ignore that I'm underage, I need help going to HC with a girl I care about, but don't know how to convince my parents. |
t3_54afld | personalfinance | [Retirement] [Savings] Ending One Career Need Advice on Retirement Saving | This is our first time using Reddit and my son (who is a redditor) is helping me with this initial post:
My wife and I are 64, we just ended a long time career and are continuing our second jobs in real estate until full retirement. As part of transitioning jobs, we sold our property and paid off all of our debt. We currently have around $500k in a low interest savings account and have zero experience with brokerage accounts, 401ks, IRAs or traditional retirement savings, Help!
We are hoping for advice in how to structure our continued savings and how to plan for full time retirement.
* We are currently renting for $3.5k per month (two years left on lease) and it is important we stay in the region so are looking at minimum $2.5k rents unless we buy again.
* Our current job has volatile and seasonal income of about $100-$125k a year, and hopefully this will grow given the now full time nature of the job.
* We have paid into social security so will be receiving Medicare starting in 2017 and 2018 - our medical insurance is one of our largest expenses.
We have absolutely zero experience and don't know where to turn to set up a brokerage account, plan our level of savings, or determine the appropriate structure of our portfolio. Please help reddit, where should we turn, and what are some good resources so that we can learn about our options??? | Recently left a career and for once have some money, need to learn how to save and what to do with our money. |
t3_xxoug | AskReddit | Reddit, I'm starting to develop feelings for my (friendzone'd) best friend. How do I save our friendship? | We became best friends on the basis that we immediately friendzone'd each other when we first met. She's beautiful, intelligent, and we talk hours on end almost everyday.
I can't be in a relationship right now because 1. She has a boyfriend, 2. I'm in the military and I don't even live anywhere close to her, and 3. She still thinks she's in the friendzone.
I know the usual way to do this is by talking to her less, but I don't wanna do that. For the last couple of weeks everything has been going by fine, and we talk almost everyday and just generally enjoy each other's company. I don't want to stop doing that because I'm starting to have feelings for her, but then I don't want things to get worse. | She's one of my best friends first and foremost, and I don't want to ruin that because I'm starting to have feelings for her. How do I fix this? |
t3_qyqzq | relationships | Sexpectations too high | 22 F. Last spring I broke up with my first boyfriend (2 years) based on not being able to trust him, and major ups and downs almost our entire relationship. I had also met someone else who I was fully able to trust and enjoyed being with. We dated for almost 8 months and it was great because there were major ups but no major downs. We ended up doing long distance for 3 of those months and it caused a lot of communication issues as well as just drifting apart, to the point where I don't really feel anything now that it's over, except maybe relief. Something I never fully realized throughout the relationship was that I wasn't sexually satisfied. He was more physically attractive than my previous boyfriend and their size was almost exactly the same, creepily enough. But there was something missing that my previous boyfriend had... and now that I've become interested in someone else, I'm already terrified that I won't ever be sexually satisfied because my ex set the bar so high. I mean honestly, my first boyfriend turned me on constantly and did everything right. After him, my next boyfriend trying to dirty talk just made me cringe sometimes and sex was enjoyable but just not... as wonderful of an experience as I'd had before, never short of amazing. I'm scared because my sex life fizzled with someone who is extremely attractive and we did have a connection, and now the guy I'm interested in... while I've had a crush on him for some time and really like him as a person, I'm not sure I'm sexually attracted to him. How do I ever get over what I had with my first boyfriend? I feel like he ruined me. | First boyfriend was amazing sexually and our chemistry was amazing, afraid I'll never have that again based on the next relationship fizzling sexually. |
t3_34eivk | relationships | Me [32 M] with my fiance [27 F] my mom keeps contact with my ex wife's child and my fiance is furious about it! | I have a great relationship with a girl who I want to marry. My ex wife cheated on me and tried to hide it. We're divorced now. I had kept in touch with my ex wife as friends and sometimes talked to her child about games etc. Since I got a new girlfriend she did not mind me sometimes communicating with ex wife, but the child she felt threatened by. So I gradually stopped contact because what reason to communicate with ex anyway, as now we're more serious and want to start a family with my new girl.
But, the only thing that we fought about now is that we found out that my mom still communicates regularly with my ex wife's daughter. My fiance is threatened because she thinks they talk about our personal life (we don't know but it's her thought, maybe insecure but also a but understandable in a way). Women can be very competitive especially my fiance.
A few months ago my ma said she stopped. But my fiance found something on social media and now she's furious. My ex also sent a fake message from a fake profile to me making it seem like I'm flirting ng online. My fiance now wants nothing to do with ex wife and her child, and told me that my mom must stop or get out of our lives forever. Meaning no contact ever.
Is this extreme or justifiable? My mom has a history of gas lighting and lying, sort of a borderline narcissist (but she's very friendly, just lies a lot). | just like the title says, my mom keeps in touch via social media with my ex wife's daughter. Should we cut her off? |