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we understand that most people who reply immediately to an op with an invitation to talk privately mean only to help but this type of response usually lead to either disappointment or disaster it usually work out quite differently here than when you say pm me anytime in a casual social context we have huge admiration and appreciation for the goodwill and good citizenship of so many of you who support others here and flag inappropriate content even more so because we know that so many of you are struggling yourselves we re hard at work behind the scene on more information and resource to make it easier to give and get quality help here this is just a small start our new wiki page explains in detail why it s much better to respond in public comment at least until you ve gotten to know someone it will be maintained at r depression wiki private contact and the full text of the current version is below summary anyone who while acting a a helper invite or accepts private contact i e pm chat or any kind of offsite communication early in the conversion is showing either bad intention or bad judgement either way it s unwise to trust them pm me anytime seems like a kind and generous offer and it might be perfectly well meaning but unless and until a solid rapport ha been established it s just not a wise idea here are some point to consider before you offer or accept an invitation to communicate privately by posting supportive reply publicly you ll help more people than just the op if your response are of good quality you ll educate and inspire other helper the 9 90 rule http en wikipedia org wiki rule internet culture applies here a much a it doe anywhere else on the internet people who are struggling with serious mental health issue often justifiably have a low tolerance for disappointment and a high level of ever changing emotional need unless the helper is able to make a 00 commitment to be there for them in every way for a long a necessary offering a personal inbox a a resource is likely to do more harm than good this is why mental health crisis line responder usually don t give their name and caller aren t allowed to request specific responder it s much healthier and safer for the caller to develop a relationship with the agency a a whole analogously it s much safer and healthier for our ops to develop a relationship with the community a a whole even trained responder are generally not allowed to work high intensity situation alone it s partly about availability but it s mostly about wider perspective and preventing compassion fatigue if a helper get in over their head with someone whose mental health issue including suicidality which is often comorbid with depression escalate in a pm conversation it s much harder for others including the r depression and r suicidewatch moderator to help contrary to common assumption moderator can t see or police pm in our observation over many year the people who say pm me the most are consistently the one with the least understanding of mental health issue and mental health support we all have gap in our knowledge and in our ability to communicate effectively community input mitigates these limitation there s no reason why someone who s truly here to help would want to hide their response from community scrutiny if helper are concerned about their own privacy keep in mind that self disclosure when used supportively is more about the feeling than the detail and that we have no problem here with the use of alt throwaway account and have no restriction on account age or karma we all know the internet is used by some people to exploit or abuse others these people do want to hide their deceptive and manipulative response from everyone except their victim there are many of them who specifically target those who are vulnerable because of mental health issue if a helper invite an op to talk privately and give them a good supportive experience they ve primed that person to be more vulnerable to abuser this sort of cognitive priming tends to be particularly effective when someone s in a state of mental health crisis when people rely more on heuristic than critical reasoning if ops want to talk privately posting on a wide open anonymous forum like reddit might not be the best option although we don t recommend it we do allow ops to request private contact when asking for support if you want to do this please keep your expectation realistic and to have a careful look at the history of anyone who offer to pm before opening up to them

1depression

welcome to r depression s check in post a place to take a moment and share what is going on and how you are doing if you have an accomplishment you want to talk about these shouldn t be standalone post in the sub a they violate the role model rule but are welcome here or are having a tough time but prefer not to make your own post this is a place you can share our subreddit rule are located in the sidebar you can also always access them at r depression about rule since all of them exist for important safety reason we ask everyone here to read and follow them please click report on any harmful content you see here we always want to know and deal a soon a we can we also have several wikis there for help with finding and giving support r depression wiki what is depression provides guidance about what is and isn t a depressive disorder guidance on the complex nature of the illness that are usually grouped under the depression label and redirect information for common off topic issue r depression wiki giving help offer information on the nature and value of peer support for mental health issue in general and lot of guidance for learning what is and isn t usually helpful in giving peer support ysk that the type of rule violation that we most frequently see interfering with people getting safe and relevant support here are people breaking the private contact rule you should never trust anyone who try to get you into a private conversation in response to a post here see r depression wiki private contact i m here to help post this show that you don t understand the most basic principle of peer support especially selectivity the giving help wiki explains more about this role modelling i e achievement or advice post this is an expert free zone that s what peer support mean rule we know that internet culture celebrate not just bragging about your achievement but bragging about your good intention nothing like that is ever acceptable here content that s more about making a statement or casually polling the sub than seeking personal support or in a comment giving it rule and 0 off topic post about difficult situation or circumstance including interpersonal loss grief sadness anger and other difficult emotion are not mental illness the what is depression wiki ha suggestion for other place to post about these issue which are 00 valid and serious but inappropriate here

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anyone else instead of sleeping more when depressed stay up all night to avoid the next day from coming sooner may be the social anxiety in me but life is so much more peaceful when everyone else is asleep and not expecting thing of you

1depression

i ve kind of stuffed around a lot in my life delaying the inevitable of having to work a job and be a responsible adult and i m but the longest i ve ever held a job wa 9 month it wasn t that i m lazy i wa always doing other thing i enjoy but i know now unemployment ha caused most of my depression recently i just feel utterly hopeless when i think soon enough i ll have to move out on my own in some shitty house working a job i couldn t care le about to me it just seems like the perfect recipe to depression

1depression

sleep is my greatest and most comforting escape whenever i wake up these day the literal very first emotion i feel is just misery and reminding myself of all my problem i can t even have a single second to myself it s like waking up everyday is just welcoming yourself back to hell

1depression

i m year old turning soon in a few month i live in constant dread i have no passion no goal no special achievement in my life and never been in a relationship i don t know what i want nor what i m doing in this so called life everything just feel exhausting i cry myself to sleep everyday i also feel extremely disconnected from others i don t fit in even though i try the hardest to be a decent human being i try to treat others with kindness and respect be a good listener help people when they need my help work hard exercise on daily basis take a good care of my appearance but no matter how hard i try to present myself at best i still feel i don t fit in i still feel empty unworthy and unwanted i want to do something that i could be proud of but no matter what i do i still never feel i m good enough even for myself i crave for meaningful connection i want to have someone to share and spend my day with laugh with cry with share my handmade gift with just to see smile on their face someone that feel like home because i ve been feeling homeless all this time i want to feel loved cared for and wanted for once but it s like it s just this idea of meaningful connection that i have in my head i can even barely hold a conversation whenever i try to talk to someone i feel extremely drained i m stuck in this rabbit hole between feeling extremely lonely and not having energy to talk at the same time i don t know i just feel like i m a failure human being and want to completely disappear thanks for reading my long rant i don t have anywhere else to get my mind off

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i live alone and despite me being prone to loneliness a i find myself to be emotionally needy i seem to have the urge to cut important people out of my life when i get depressed friend girlfriend i feel easily annoyed and judgmental even if they did nothing wrong i can t explain it maybe by posting here i can find some people that can relate it sort of like a feeling of i am better off alone doe anyone else find themselves constantly having the urge to push people away it feel like i am being consumed by depression again

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i m not looking for sympathy just simply to state why i m done trying to survive i m sitting here in the dark cry my eye out before my th birthday knowing it s the last birthday i ll ever have i m tired of fighting for my life every single day sense i wa i ve been fighting i can t do it anymore i m exhausted this illness ha broken my relationship with people i can t mend and everyone is done with me and i understand i just hope everyone understands why i ve made the decision i have if my husband somehow magically find this i love you more than anything and i m sorry i had to leave this way until we meet again my squishy

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i don t know how to communicate all of my thought stay inside me instead of telling them to other people like i should my mind simply won t let me i try i really try sometimes and i have so many of them but they get lost my mind is a endless nightmare of thought of despair and hatred towards myself i feel numb and over emotional at the same time and i dont know what to do i feel like a horrible waste of human space stripped down to my bone by my past and my seemingly dim future

1depression

mom i m sad it hurt in my heart the feeling fall into my stomach i can t stop the tear when they start mom i m sad that i never did anything that i never achieved anything that everything just fell apart i can t get up in the morning i can t focus on anything but the sadness i can t put my clean clothes away i don t have the energy to try i sleep all day because it make time go by faster it s hard for me to try and take care of my dog because that mean getting up my thought race all day about what could have been mom i m sad because i don t know if i can make it i don t know if i can keep going i don t want to break you and dad heart but i think my heart ha been broken for a very long time the fight inside me is starting to slow down everything is turning black i don t know if i can make my way to see the light anymore

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i ve been struggling with depression for a long time now but i just my first severe instance of depersonalization and it scared me so badly i m not even entirely sure why but something about the fact that i just spent over an hour lying on the floor feeling like my body didn t really belong to me and i might not be real is so extremely unsettling to me i feel more mentally and physically myself now and just trying to process what happened is really difficult if anyone ha any kind of comfort or advice about depersonalization i d appreciate it

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idk how to elaborate on it i just started suddenly cry for no real reason and couldn t stop for like 0 minute doe anyone else have this problem i m just wondering

1depression

i tried to help his family abandoned him so it wa really hard to change his perspective im addict too gambling addiction but i will do better i hope sorry just a rant i found about it yesterday his life situation forced him to live in a mental hospital for last year and at the beginning of march he wanted to go to the germany to work a escort march he mentioned that he leaf tomorrow march i texted are you alive yesterday by googling him i found a necrology of him he killed himself march he texted many time to me about suicide thought im so sad

1depression

to me it seems like an empty meaningless phrase people use like cool but it s not going to help the fact that i m broke can t get out of bed some day and struggling through live now

1depression

my father committed suicide day before my th birthday i still remember this day i don t really have any memory of him so i m not really sad but for a long time i wa kinda angry at him for letting u alone with a mother like that but i realized some time ago that himself didn t want to be with her anymore and he also had a difficult life i think i m pretty sure he also had depression i feel stupid for being angry at him for so long over something like that i m happy for him now he doesn t have to suffer anymore he s free from his sadness just needed to let these thought out

1depression

i don t think i have the ball to do it but i ve become obsessed with the idea of killing myself all i can think about is suicide i ve developed a deep and genuine hatred for myself i don t want to live to see another day i don t want to get better bc i don t deserve it i wish i had the courage to kill myself

1depression

tw suicide yea so my recent symptom of depression wa that i thought i wa really really old i m lol there were numerous occasion where i had to convince myself of my actual age because my brain wa certain i m or had to count year from my birthday and repeat to myself over and over that i m i thought most of it wa because i m seeing a lot of successful people on social medium younger than me and because i m not finished with my uni yet because i m repeating a year but during therapy today i realized that beyond those reason i also had this subconscious plan in my head that i will barely make it past 0 like top and then i will be dead i have no idea where it came from i m not suicidal i don t think i ever wa but my brain seems convinced that by the time i m 0 i will develop suicidal thought and then before i will kill myself no wonder i thought i wa so old i have a little more than 0 year before my deadline lol and that s being generous idk why i wrote this i will probably delete this later i just needed to dump this info somewhere i don t want to worry my friend and family

1depression

got no one to talk to have no one around i ve been procrastinating on something for so long and i have no idea when i ll ever become serious or steadfast i just feel like a total waste i ve isolated myself which is making me go crazy right now no friend at all i m literally alone now feel like shit

1depression

i m sitting on my bed alone in my dark room smoking weed looking at the night sky and old photo listening to music i wa listening year ago and thinking about those time when everything wa fine and i knew le than i know right know it hurt so much physically and mentally

1depression

i hate myself so much for being like that when they re just minding their business sometimes i just see people so casually happy and hugging and being close or just visibly happy in general and i just feel so bitter they don t deserve me being so shitty over their happiness i can t help it i know i m garbage i know i don t deserve to be like them but sometimes i see people hugging and i wish i knew what it felt like to be hugged and cared for like that so badly it hurt

1depression

i ve been in a bad spot for a long time i ve dealt with a lot of grief a lot of handling shit on my own and trying to keep up appearance but thing took a turn for the worse when i had a traumatic event a few month ago that sent me over the edge i developed post traumatic stress disorder from it all and coping since ha been excruciatingly difficult i threw myself into work for about a month and a half i quickly burned out the trigger became an everyday occurrence i wanted help i needed help but i wa afraid every hand extended towards me would only reach to choke me those around me could drown me in an ocean of love and i d never feel wet my clothes may be wet but my skin my heart would feel dry a a desert i feel so closed off yet i crave closeness i can t even remember the last few month but from what i can i ve been destructive i ve been in so much emotional pain that i ve unintentionally caused emotional pain nothing is ever good enough for me it s not a conscious thing you see it s me i ve never felt good enough for anyone nor at anything i did these feeling of failure disappointment overwhelm me most day i m 0 without much to show for it this fight to see another day is wearing me out i keep getting knocked down and i know more is to come from life i just don t see an end to this emotional torture within my mind

1depression

and i m running out of time to decide i couldn t give a shit le about my major about internship about anything i don t know how to fix myself and i can t bring myself to try anything anymore if i manage to survive past the next few year which seems to be getting exponentially difficult i m going to have fucked over my career or myself now i have no good option

1depression

i m just sick of global society i m sick of the direction we re heading it really feel like neo techno feudalism imho the purpose of society should be to eliminate reduce human suffering and i just don t see that happening i don t see that happening based on the amount of homelessness i see i don t see that happening in term of climate issue and reducing ghg emission amp other pollution i don t see young people being supported high cost of living debt low wage for the u exclusively where is free cheap healthcare for all where is free public higher education where is cheap healthy convenient food where is affordable childcare and the counter i ve heard to these thing have been like oh there s progress being made rent control more scholarship opportunity young people well you should get involved i ve been involved it s so bureaucratic and soul crushing you lose vision of the bigger picture the reason you got involved well just keep at it why tf would i keep at it when i know i m operating in a system that is built against me against my value and then like let s say you get an important piece of legislation passed great it ha no teeth it s not enforceable it ha no funding attached to it it s easily circumvented we have people sleeping on the sidewalk scared out of their mind while jeff bezos amp elon musk are rocketing themselves to space because why not yay rich people fun we have billionaire getting richer in a pandemic why would i be involved when politician i ve admired and supported have been able to accomplish so little or do what i consider to be reprehensible action i can only hope were done so out of political necessity i work a bullshit job that shouldn t exist but i m sure a fuck glad doe because survival but it doesn t align with my value in this environment i don t know if it would even be possible to have any job that aligned with my value which is so frigging depressing what do i want to do i want to help people great government healthcare nonprofit bureaucratic underfunded nightmare i just don t get it i m so sad i m so sad for the needle human suffering physical amp mental like i don t get how any sane mildly informed person would not have depression anxiety which suck i bet you can tell how much fun i am at party

1depression

seriously help this ha been killing me i feel super down and unmotivated but i also feel fine a lot of time and happy and can laugh my high aren t super high but my low are pretty low but every time i feel happy i always feel like i m faking everything overexaggerating my symtoms and am just a bad person overall i m diagnosed ha this happened to anybody else what do i do

1depression

i m done et je n essaie m me plus j fatigu de rusher mentalement et m me le psychologues ne peuvent plus m aider a ne peut pa tre r solu j suis in comme a je ne sais pa ce que je fais ici je pourrai pa finir cette ann e inqui tez vous pa inqui tez vous juste plus je peux pa tre aid et je remarque que ma pr sence ne fait que tanner tout le monde je pourrai jamais m adapter penser normalement comprendre normalement et personne n a s puiser vouloir m aider l dedans

1depression

i have been suffering from what i can only imagine is some kind of fairly severe depression for almost year now i m sorry if this post is hard to read i m new to redit and have been reading post in this sub and it just made me feel moved to share my story to start off my depression started almost year ago i wa in a wonderful relationship with this beautiful girl i had met in highschool and i had moved away to college but i still came home every weekend to see her everything wa going great and then over the course of a few week or month i don t even remember how it really started i just began to get more and more depressed at first i didn t think anything of it i m the middle child of other boy we grew up with a very abusive father until i wa when my mom took u and left and i just always through depression wa something only weak people got and i never fully understood it although now i know that my real father struggled while mental illness and sever depression anyway back to my story every in my life wa going great i had made new friend in college and my relationship wa going great i just could feel myself becoming more and more closed off and lonely even though i wa surrounded by amazing friend and family i began to fight with my girlfriend because she could tell i wa being distant we started to fight more and more the the distance only made it worse when i finally did open up to her all she knew to do wa tell her mother with made me miserable i hated that fact that i thought someone saw me a weak and i started to dread seeing her and her family a couple month into my depression and my girlfriend ha become the only person who truly know how i feel and is the only person i ever confide in then one day a close friend of my girlfriend commented suicide this absolutely destroyed her she became extremely depressed and started to have suicidal thought i then pushed all my problem aside and did my best to help her through her issue i took her to counseling and did everything i could to help her but she slowly got better and wa never the same and now with u both being depressed our relationship became miserable neither one of u were happy and we thought that if we split up maybe we would be able to find some joy in our life again so we broke up in made and these last 0 month have been the worst of my life she wa my best friend and the only person in the world i have ever loved it s gotten easier these past few month but i have lost all joy in my life everything i used to love i have no passion for anymore i m still in college but i don t every compete any off my work i never go to class i hardly ever sleep ill go or night sleeping maybe hour a night then ill just sleep hour straight i find no meaning in life anymore i just feel this giant empty hole in my chest that i can t feel my grandmother died last month we were extremely close and i never even shed a tear the rest of my family wa balling and i wa just sitting there with no emotion i m never happy i m not even sad i just feel absolutely nothing almost every other night i put my pistol to my head just hoping it ll go off because i m not man enough to actually pull the trigger i ve tried to move on and tried to get better i just don t know what to do and i have no one to tell i transferred college so i lost all the friend i had and i m too embarrassed to tell me family i ve read every self help book i can find and nothing doe it for me i just keep praying that one day soon god will take me off this earth because i don t know how to keep living like this i m sorry if this is too long and i know i jump around a lot and everything may not make sense i just wanted to get this off my chest and i m thankful there is a place for me to

1depression

i f have a lot of personal challenge including depression anxiety ptsd and idiopathic hypersomnia always tired no solution i have been dating my boyfriend m for almost year now and even though he ha no personal experience with mental illness he doe his best to be understanding and helpful when i m falling apart however lately i ve been feeling very insecure in our relationship because i feel like i don t do even half a much for him a he doe for me he doe a majority of the cooking cleaning and laundry especially lately since my mental health ha been declining in the last few month i know that it seems simple for me to contribute more to these thing but it s hard for me to bring myself to do these thing when all i want to do is sleep and distract myself from my depression i have talked to him about how i ve been feeling and apologized for not doing more and while he say he understands i m so scared that he ll leave me because i m a wreck i m trying to budget for therapy but it s looking like i probably can t afford it until may i just don t know what i can do to feel better and start pulling my weight

1depression

it s so pointless for me to still be alive my life is worthless why am i still here

1depression

so a a kid i moved around a lot because my dad wa in the military but since my teen i ve lived in the same state and it been a near decade i m depressed and i want to travel and move to other place this isn t isolated i also have dysthymia social anxiety disorder and aspergers i m just wondering cause it s hard to find others who relate to this

1depression

i m going 9 this year life ha always been a rollercoaster for me consistently an a student till h then dropped out of college due to severe disinterest and had to take care of mother that had stage cancer not formally diagnosed but i m sure that s when i developed some sort of depression after all that i went to work on and off in small bakery without formal training of any kind which is a pressure of it own cooking and baking ha always been my catharsis though which is why i never gave up pursuing this career even now picked it up really well but have gap of missing knowledge since i never went to culinary school wa doing well for a few year there but then the pandemic hit and at the same time my mother went into remission so i had to leave the west coast back to the east to take care of her i love my family don t get me wrong i am more than happy to take of them but we are not financially stable in any sense even before the pandemic so i guess this is where it lead to the present my current rock bottom always thought the low point of my life can t get any worse but here i am experiencing it all over again mom is now stable or a stable a can be so i m back in the west coast and currently have a job working in a hotel in pastry i m pretty good at what i do or at least the thing i know how to do in term of pastry but working at a hotel is a whole different scene and they expect a lot out of you i m pretty sure i m about to be fired because i may be a liability i have huge gap in my work history due to family issue and huge gap in my pastry knowledge because i am only well versed only in what i would consider 0 of the basic employer really don t care about all of this they just want qualified people not your sob story so yeah life ha always been hard for me personally and i feel it s about to get worse if and when i do get fired it ll hit me pretty hard mentally thanks everyone for reading through this entire rant i don t have anyone else to tell this to

1depression

i feel like i ruined my life by not taking my education seriously during high school i m unemployed and have zero goal in life i m not diagnosed with anything but i suspect that i have social anxiety depression and maybe add i have a really low self esteem regarding my intelligence but i am putting the effort into improving i m watching video and taking note on youtube about topic that i know i missed during high school in a way i do feel proud of myself but i find myself constantly pausing the video to look up a word that is unknown to me word that i feel like i should already know a an adult and i feel stupid and begin self loathing because of it i don t do this with just word though i also do this with just about any topic that i m not knowledgeable in there s just so much that i m embarrassingly unaware of all ranging between the science to world history to economics to politics to mathematics to literature even to basic english grammar there s just so much that i missed and i m feeling too overwhelmed by it all i don t know where to start to make matter worse i feel like i m being timed to learn all of these thing a i said earlier i m unemployed and i m living off of my saving i suppose i could get a job but i lack any real world skill i have nothing worthy to offer to any potential employer hiring me would just be an act of charity then there s also the fact that i m too shy to even talk to people i m afraid to open my mouth because i might reveal how stupid i truly am i have no one to talk to about this stuff because i know i ll just hear response like welp you shoulda payed more attention in school yeah i know that already what do i do now live a long miserable life until i finally succumb to old age well in that case i might a well just end it now there s no real point to this post aside from me venting a little i guess for the sake of asking a question what advice would you give to someone looking to homeschool himself i did graduate from high school btw don t ask me how because i don t know either

1depression

i have nearly 00 dollar saved a a student working hour a week i spend money on almost nothing but random food rent to parent car payment and gas i just feel like spending money because it feel like it d make me feel better but i still don t wan na do anything any video game i can buy hobby sure all i really want is good company but thats the one thing i can t really get lmao

1depression

do you have a channel that you resort to kinda feel at home watching especially if they re underground not that popular i feel the loneliest watching out of touch with reality youtubers or heavily edited one with ton of sponsorship and shallow content attitude so i m trying to make a list of realistic authentic one to get to feel better i dislike the b and exhausted method of popular youtubers

1depression

so i ve struggled w executive dysfunction for 9 year throughout my year of college there wa not one assignment that i did not do the night before it wa due i studied late ate terribly amp went thru a terrible depression a year after graduating i still have a really hard time doing thing in general i stall before i do anything at all amp it oftentimes lead to me not doing the thing at all also i kind of live my entire life on pause only taking care of myself when i have something planned or to look forward to i left my job that i wa insanely good at bc the commitment amp longevity terrified me why can t i function amp what ha helped u work thru these feeling

1depression

i have suffered depression most of my life ever since i can remember i have always felt something wa off or wrong even when i wa a child i just didn t have a name for it i lived in a latin household so of course whenever i talked about it with someone i wa mostly met with man up it just a phase it all in your head or you are a kid you dont know im now i started therapy year ago started taking pill again this month i don t get any joy out of life i have had friend best friend girlfriend ive been to private island visited many country and met a lot of people im a very lucky person it just saddens me the amount of people that would have enjoyed those experience even more than me but didnt get to do it my parent tell me that they will always support me but all i want is to stop living im sorry if this doesn t fit the general theme of this subreddit i usually don t think my problem is a big or important a any of yours i just needed to vent and have somebody hear me out cause i don t have anyone else every person always end up either leaving or im the one leaving them because i dont want them to have to suffer even a little bit because of me i wish there wa a button i could press to end my existence however for anyone else that is going through what i am please don t stop trying to get better i know you can do it i may not be strong enough but im sure you will win this fight do it for everyone who ha already given up on themselves im sorry for the long post i hope you have a good life

1depression

i used to be highly functional before but it now i can barely function at all i take everything just to keep myself alive i go day without eating how am i ever going to get work done sometime i think i wa not meant for this world there is something very wrong with my brain how am i supposed to fix it how do you keep on living like this forever

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i don t know if this is the right place to talk about this a of lately everything seems so lifeless and empty i feel empty i have family and friend who care for me but still have this void inside i don t know i m just so lost i m not used to posting shit like this i m usually an outgoing guy the type that seems happy and make plan with friend i try acting like i m okay but it s draining talking to people feel draining i know i sound like i m bitching but i m just confused i ve also tried doing a new hobby and working out but it only make me forget about it temporarily

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i ve posted here many time under many different name my cat is dying a of the moment and i can t do anything about it i wish i could take him to a vet but i don t have the capacity to take him there my internship is starting next week and i won t have any money until i receive my first pay check next month it s so hard to see him suffer he s the only one that tether me to this world i wish i could die with him he took me out of depression and i can t do anything for him in return he s the only reason why i continue to fight i continue to feed and make him drink with a syringe he hate it when others do it but he trust me his life i wish i could tell him i m sorry that couldn t do anything i love you i ll have my final interview in an hour i know it s selfish for me to say i wish i get through it when he s the one dying i don t know where else to share it

1depression

i m starting to lose hope i feel like i m on auto pilot i m not living i m existing

1depression

i just feel like i ll have depression forever nothing really work at least not for long i m just too tired i don t want to try so hard all the time anymore i don t want to get better i give up

1depression

i started going to therapy cz i suddenly realised that i m not living and that i m just walking through life they told me i have severe depression and anxiety the thing is i feel like i don t know what s wrong with me i don t know why i m feeling that way even though i fully understand all the problem that i have and i know how they re affecting me but i feel like that s not it there must be something else because if i know what s wrong with me it would make sense that i would be able to heal but that s not working even with pill i don t know what to do

1depression

it s just a constant reminder that you don t really have any friend seeing everyone having fun laughing hanging out with eachother and then there s me depressing awkward and lonely i fucking hate it i just can t take it every single day being reminded of how much of a sad loser i am

1depression

i want to be dead ive been suicidal for year im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger im done with life i want all of this to stop why i cant do one thing right

1depression

i have plenty of people who pity me i often feel like a project to them instead of a person calling me to see if i m okay and then hang up 0 second later when i say i m fine check in on text once in a while it seems more like a task than concern and for the people who don t pity me it seems to me that they re more just people i know than a person to call a friend if i m being honest i m not the type of person to actively seek friend but fuck man i just want a person to talk shit with once in a while but i ve come to realize my mind is too fucked to poison other people so best to leave them be of my presence it s honestly got to the point where my mind is going numb we all know what happens then

1depression

i just don t have the will to do much most day when i finally do get the energy to be productive it doesn t last any longer than a week i procrastinate all task even the easy one and i can t just can t think straight even one the day i am motivated to be productive i can t focus and i end up being really tired

1depression

after year of constantly feeling dead inside i m starting to wondering if i ve actually died at some point and i just never realized it like in m night shyamalan s the sixth sense

1depression

nothing is normal anymore i used to be this happy funny kid and now all i do is silently tear up and think about blowing my brain out like seriously there s nothing else to think about i feel like nobody care i m not going to talk to my father about this and my friend would only agree with me hel i didn t know if i should come here i can never sleep and when i do it s in the middle of class i keep everything inside and i think it s making go insane there s some worse stuff on here so i don t know if i belong here i m sorry for wasting your time

1depression

there s this idea that people will say you can always count on me never bottle up your feeling share and you do that and everything will be alright the truth is that people will lose their respect for you they ll think of you a a problem and will just feel obligated of half assing some help not worth it i ll just suffer in silence ok

1depression

wa doing good at the start of the year and i can just feel the darkness over my shoulder i hate this i hate depression when i don t have it it feel like how wa i even depressed then it creep back and i m like how wa i ever happy

1depression

wa said to me by my mom too the sentence still ring in my mind not because of how much it irritates me but because of how inherently true it is and not long before that she also felt the need to tell me directly that she doesn t care about how i feel nor if i hurt myself thanks for supporting me mom after already struggling with a potent and vicious envy tormenting and tearing me apart from the inside out that nobody besides myself can comprehend the degree of i ve reached a breaking point beyond what i ve felt before living life unable to stop thinking of someone who feel the exact same just better disturbingly similar attribute idea and one particular concept a concept they executed first because unlike me they re smart and put their year of childhood into crafting something awe inspiring something i should ve done by now it all perfectly line up and enunciates all of my shortcoming constant cry nightmare panic attack and many point of a gun to my head i m nineteen and they re a year younger than i am which really tell how close i wa all of these desire and concept too bad they were stuck in a frangible brain like mine so i could only watch everyone similar sprout and bloom into something significant and prodigious something i should have done unfortunately i clearly wasn t meant to accomplish any of that so i ve tried drawing box and figure but in the end i know better how it ll take year of struggling with this before anything i create even resembles anything i want it to be i don t have the willpower to do it nothing to overcome my feeling of valuelessness i ve just wanted to impress people endlessly feeling boring and disposable take a toll on you especially when you see other people very similar to you shining like star and this mean there s technically no more passion in me passion is the heart and soul in the concept of art so there it is i m not capable of true art i can t comprehend true art sure whatever may be unique about me will die with me before any of it could come out but you know what there s a lot of people out there who do it better there are people who s unique idea are more intuitive and inspiring than mine are the artist i envy ha executed concept and idea with disturbingly strong similarity to my own just better and there are many alike him a well so if people would like whatever is unique about me so damn much they can just go to that fucking artist instead the one who didn t fuck everything up the one who could handle the hardship he wa dealt i m done with it all i already tried shooting myself in 0 and failed once i try a second i definitely won t have to try a third

1depression

i regret backing out of committing suicide pretty often i ve done it three time now overdosed once from the outside i know for a fact i look like a whiny teen i ve been told so many many time i m just tired of relapse i m tired of constantly putting everything i have into being better only to barely get anywhere and then being exhausted i m tired of being yelled at for thing i can t control and being told the same pathetic motivational quote like they ever mean anything i m tired of people praying for me saying i need to ask god for help god wasn t there for me when i wa being sexually assaulted god wasn t there for me when my mom got blackout drunk and beat my sister in front of me god wasn t there when i wa left alone for week because my dad would rather be anywhere else i don t care what people say god isn t real there is no divine protection and there is no savior there s life and death what happens in between is your problem i m tired of being labeled a mental case i m tired of seeing hallucination having flashback and i m tired of feeling manic i m tired of relying on prescription drug to be good enough for society i wish i had done in then because i have thing to live for now i have responsibility and thing that mean something to me it s like a dog having a bone dangled just far enough to where they can t get it i ve come to term that i ll never be what my parent wanted me to be and that my sister took on that role for me at a young age a nurse at dating to marry with a nice house in a nice neighborhood i m struggling to even have the will to get up and enroll myself in community college it s pathetic i work but i work at a sport bar and because of my disability my hour keep getting cut turn out nobody want to hire someone who can t be around many people or loud noise that go into a manic episode if triggered the more i think about what i am the more depressed i get without the medication i d most likely be labeled insane and put in a glorified prison again i take a lot of drug and still see and hear the shit that i do and i don t remember half of my life when i wa off of them i keep getting told that it s my fault by my mom and she is basically begging me to do something but nothing i ever do is good enough so why keep trying i don t know it s not logical to commit suicide at this point but i can t deny that i secretly hope a semi turn my car into a crushed can on my way to work ptsd severe depression crippling anxiety and psychotic disorder are not a good mix especially when you re lucid i don t know if i have a future i ve proven safe for society with reasonable accommodation but at what point doe it even matter anymore the fact that i need a crutch immediately set me apart and people notice

1depression

m my head wa so fucked up last night i wa in physical pain i live alone parent dead no family no s o i wa just lying in my bed sober and dark thought i can t explain the pain other than it felt like gravity wa working x hard i wanted to go to the liquor store and drown myself in alcohol but somehow i resisted the urge until they closed somehow i wa able to fall asleep for a couple hour now it s morning i guess i survived another night for now

1depression

the apple app store is filled with themits bad enough to operate this type service through in app purchase some with free trial but when you read the review they are all riddled with example of predatory pricing or the counselor or whatever just completely ghosting them after taking money for a couple session it fucking terrible when you consider how many suicide it will lead to that could have been prevented if they had actual help it pretty disgusting that apple atleast treat them like great top tier apps and ha them in a bunch of their list when they shouldnt be in the store at all sorry just a rant i wish i could suggest decent mental health apps but i have no clue

1depression

share your story http www dearteenagers org hey friend i hope you re hanging in there i recently stumbled across this online platform that let you post your personal story to it and remain anonymous

1depression

i suck at literally everything i always have sucked at everything ive tried so many different thing ive put in effort for it to be wasted im just wan na be something everyday im surrounded by people who are all skilled and talented and then there me i cant do anything and i mean anything ive never been good at anything ive always dreamt of it but everytime i try it just becomes a giant waste of time i just wish i could be good at something then id probably start to love a treat myself better it just suck when you re the only person you know who isnt interesting im about to just give up on caring for myself completely at this point

1depression

i don t really have any actual friend but i also have no motivation to actually make any i just can t be bothered but in a way i m almost scared to feel better again it s like i enjoy feeling sorry for myself or something

1depression

i thought because everything in life wa good which wasn t true bc of my own delusion i could start opening up to people about me and how i feel all i get is ignored interrupted disrespected laughed at mocked all under the facade of a joke i hope this anger in my heart burn brighter with each day so i will never forget to mistrust people they can t handle to the truth about me

1depression

i ve had depression since i wa it come and it go but it came back around 0 and never really left just gradually got worse i dont enjoy anything anymore i dont look forward to anything i just wait for the day to end knowing there another one anyway all my day bleed together at this point insomnia doesnt help to where everything just feel like a long long loop my girlfriend of 9 year left me recently it got to be too much for her i wa trying but i guess not enough i only have a handful of friend but theyre either all going through something or dont quite understand how i put what im feeling into word so i dont feel like i can really talk to anyone i use talkspace but even that feel hollow no goal no aspiration i work in a job where there really no advancement im barely able to keep myself standing financially overall i just feel like a loser im i dont connect with people i feel like im just going to be alone forever the last few month pre and post break up i find myself sitting in my car alone in an empty parking lot till early morning talking to myself hoping that something will help but im just talking into an empty void im agnostic i want so badly to believe that there something somewhere that hears me but i know thats just not realistic i ve contemplated suicide several time but im to weak to go through with it too scared i ll screw it up or worse disappointing my family i really dont know what to do it like im just sleepwalking through life i find my moment to distract me whether it going to the gym or focusing on my other venture but at the end of the day it all just come back to this i had everything and i pissed it away like i always do i dont see my value

1depression

even though i m sure they re slowly inching away whether or not it s my fault i just want a partner a best friend something to make me feel like a first choice instead of a second or third option i m just tired

1depression

i ve been struggling with depression for basically my whole life i wasn t diagnosed with anything until a year ago but i believe it s been a problem for me for the last year im really getting frustrated with myself because i see where i used to be and the potential i had and so doe everyone else yet i ve been struggling to get out of bed can t commit to school i ve blocked myself off from seeing friend for reason i m not even sure of long story short i m not who i should or want to be ha anyone else struggled with this i know for myself that i really somedays can not get out of bed but is this something that i can control i want to be better for myself i don t want to have these reoccurring thought of suicide and self hatred am i using it a an excuse to be lazy everyday talking to my parent make me feel like i m just being lazy and i m constantly comparing myself to my brother who appear to be doing good in life please tell it to me straight don t tell me everything will get better i need to fix this asap

1depression

i think this is mental breakdown but over the past few month thing have been slowly building up for me and i seem to have finally snapped last week my daily routine is basically wake up shit shower brush and sit on the pc until i go back to bed i eat whenever i feel like it i know it sound and it a shit schedule but it s like the only structure i have in my life a boring and shitty a it is it s always the one thing i can kinda find comfort and stability in anyways the final thing happened that made me snap last week i now wake up and just kinda sit in my bed for a while brush my teeth go walk outside for an hour and then drive around for a few hour then i come back shit shower and the only thing i have left is to sit on my pc but it is borderline painful to do that idk what it is but i just can t handle wasting my time on the pc anymore i ve more or le ditched my online friend and any game video song that i used to enjoy all day i want to be out of the house a much q possible and dread the place that i ve spent so much time in comfort i dread going back to my safe space and wan na avoid it for a long a possible

1depression

i know not many people will see this or probably care but i have no one or at least no one who ll genuinely listen a year or two ago i wasn t the best person selfish and careless i wa an alcoholic and a drug addict to deal with everything which i know now wa a horrible coping mechanism but it wa all my year old brain knew how to do a addiction ran in my family i wa hypersexual with no fundamental understanding of consent because all i knew wa assault i would get drunk and say horrible thing and my action reflected that i know trauma isn t an excuse for everything i did to people i used to call my friend but i swear i never meant to hurt anyone i wa horrible and when i realized how much hurt i had caused i never let myself live it down i couldn t look at myself the same i would cry for hour because i wa a monster that brought trauma to others life i honestly didn t know how to be healthy and i didn t know how to make real friend without making it sexual because that s all i thought people wanted from me i know these are a bunch of bullshit excuse but i don t know what to do i never wanted to be this person i left the school that wa once my haven because of the rumor i can t tell who i am anymore am i the monster they think i am i barely remember anything and i wa always drinking so it s all a blur amp x 00b i m a girl i m and this is where it started i m not going to give my life story just the bit that matter i wa accused of assault almost a year ago now with many other claim that had to do with my toxicity the original person who accused me and i had dealt with it privately and she had recognized that i wa extremely drunk when it happened and the lack of communication on both end honestly i have taken accountability for the fact that i shouldn t have drank underage and made her uncomfortable i remember bit and piece of that night some of it i can t even put together in my head but i realized that my behavior wa unacceptable and it wasn t okay not okay in the slightest but it got out to my whole school rumor began and people i had past romantic and sexual relationship with accused me of either assaulting them or being toxic i left the school and sought a lot of therapy but the rumor have entered my life in a more public setting i don t blame anyone i wa honestly a piece of shit but i know everything wa consensual but now i m not even sure of anything i think i m a monster i don t know what s real and what isn t i wa manipulative and a downright horrible person but i ve done everything i can to change and apologize but i can t seem to do it right i want to take accountability and be better but also want my name out there on the internet associated with these thing my parent don t deserve this i want to be able to be normal again but then i realize my life ha been normal i ve always through trauma my life is basically one big thing of trauma whether i realize it or not i m so sorry i really hate myself for hurting the people i did i don t want pity and i know nothing i can do can fix my reputation i don t even think i deserve it i really think i should just kill myself i think that d give the people i hurt peace of mind i don t think i deserve to live this life i m really sorry i know you ll judge me too but i promise i m really trying to be better and to help people i m not sure which perception is real theirs or mine i m broken down and i wan na be a kid again with my favorite stuffed animal maybe just take a nap and then i ll wake up and be okay

1depression

i used to be quite smart aced everything in high school had best result from my school in maturity exam european equivalent to sat used to do extra curricular shit like attending science fair going abroad for competition and shit used to play the piano play sport i wa in a pretty good shape etc i did well even during my first year of college then covid happened i stayed home got lazy played video game all day kinda stopped taking school and friend seriously year later and i am still in a slump i somehow managed to not drop out but nothing interest me now i dont want to do anything nothing make me happy most of the time i am alone and just sit in my room and watch video or play some shit while procrastinating my duty my grade got worse my back hurt i lost my shape can not run for more than minute my sleep schedule is all over the place i stay up until am and i either sleep like hour a day or hour all the time i am thinking about how i peaked in high school and am just wasting my life now i dont cry or anything a i wa never really in touch with my emotion so i dunno if this is depression burnout or what i just want to not feel like a piece of shit all the time i used to have high standard for myself now i cant seem to reach the bare minimum in order to exist normally doe anyone feel the same how do i get out of this state of mind

1depression

so many mistake every decision made wrong so many wasted opportunity so much brutality so much evil so much sadness so much loneliness so much failure so much betrayal so many addiction so many false hope too many failure to bear how long can my heart beat with this suffering how long until i give up

1depression

lately all i basically is sleep i just don t have the energy for anything else these day i wa told i need more intensive treatment but i just don t have the energy for that a sad a that sound lmao i just want to end this

1depression

i just hit something hard i mean i ve been numb before the loss of feeling ha even killed relationship but after the breakup of the best bf i ve ever had numb ha been more common keep in mind it s been abt a week so far well lately with how he s acted and everything and because he even said so i thought we had a chance to work again in the future we broke up because he is suffering mental issue well today he told me he actually lost feeling i also had a small issue with a close friend over lying and smoking and i flipped all my past trauma clicked in right there all the past ex and friend and just people who lied and left me it all hit again which it s crazy to me he triggered it but maybe it s because of the connection i once shared with him but hearing that he lied when he said a couple day before that he still loved me and just wa struggling at the time and all the little flirting and care he s shown feel so contradicting to the point everything clicked off i cried it all out and the emotion wont come back but not even the emotion feel gone i feel like i lost my soul like i wa just blackout drunk my whole life and i just woke up and only recall blurry scene from my life and it s all gone i ve distanced myself from a few close friend and rn only have my bsf and sister im really talking to i cant tell if i fucked up or what but it all is so hazy and confusing i lost whhat im doing and idk what this is or what to do to somehow bend up a better person out of this it s awfully terrifying and it s making me so light headed

1depression

lately i ve had very strong feeling of hopelessness like i m just wasting my life away i don t want to be around people most of the time i purposely try to avoid social situation i also noticed that if i m feeling an emotion such a anger i can feel it throughout my entire body i m tired of isolating myself and feeling like my life isn t worth anything i ve had thought of not wanting to be here anymore but i know that i won t act on it i hate feeling this way and i don t know what to do to fix it i ve gone to a psychiatrist but i feel like they don t really listen to what s going on and they are more worried about the medication i m taking if anyone ha any suggestion or natural remedy please share i m tired of feeling this way

1depression

getting out of bed every day feel like a pain i feel like rotting in my bed all day even completing minor task make me feel drained and lethargic i m not sure who i am anymore i don t have the energy to talk to anyone yet i m desperate for love and affection i m trying all i can to cry but it s not working could someone kindly tell me if i m depressed

1depression

i swear i can be doing so good doing well with my exercise with my nutrition just overall doing well in life but then that little fucking voice come back and tell me i can t do it it s a little voice but it s so fucking loud i can t keep letting it get the better of me but it s so hard sometimes i just wish i had someone here to keep me grounded but i have no one i wish i wa loved enough for people to check up on me but no one care about me fuck this stupid fucking mental disorder

1depression

i don t know how to answer the question do i tell them i hate everyone and everything and want to die do i say eh and invite fake concern do i just keep exhausting myself by keeping this mask on and go along with the stupid i m okay small talk do i play it up with im doing great and keep pretending that nothing is ever wrong i m sick of all of it i ve just started staring people with a shit eating grin until they get uncomfortable whenever they ask this dumbass question

1depression

i am a male who should be having the time of his life in college meeting new people getting a degree experiencing all that life ha to offer in reality i dont want to be here any more i feel that i am in people life to help them through their stuff and then one they re fix im out of their life i feel like there are maybe people in the world that would miss me if i wasn t here i feel like everything i do on a daily basis is to keep an appearance that i want to live and that i am doing thing for me i have never been this close to just accepting the fact and just not waking up tomorrow i know it might hurt some people that i know but i am dont suffering in silence and i am done with this facade that i have to keep up every single day of my life my life feel like it is on repeat the same thing happen and i dont feel anything besides not wanting to be here i dont feel emotion like others do i can go from laughing like im about to cry to a straight face within second i dont feel sadness i dont feel happiness like others i am in a constant state of numbness i dont want to play this game anymore im done with it there no one i trust that i can share this with and no one in my life truly understands this

1depression

another day i do not feel alive i do not feel like i matter i do feel like i am in the way and i do feel like my dream are my only escape lately i have had more anxiety or stress dream tho last one wa about the world ending and everyone rich enough could get a ticket to go on lot of huge spaceship ticket price wa low enough for my aunt and uncle to afford it left without a bother at all for me being alone it felt so strange seeing them board that ship and how little they cared the price wa like 00 000 dollar per person then added in wa pet and i have cat cat cost 00 per cat i could not afford it so i wa left alone just watching ship after ship leaving some malfunctioned and crashed it wa weird watching idk im just tired of feeling alone or abandoned even in my dream and how people dont get how much my cat matter to me they are here for me every day wish insomnia would go away too just another post from a living dead soul sorry

1depression

nothing in life is enjoyable not to mention that i have like missing assignment i could be doing right now

1depression

i wa doing nothing and suddenly she just say why did you even live useless maybe i m overreacting but this really hurt me she took care of me since i wa a kid because my mom wa working overseas i wish i wa never born damn this world fuck everything

1depression

i just can feel it i can t explain it but i can feel it i feel like this is my true self and if it go on i ll lose it

1depression

last year when i wa i wrote a suicide note before attempting to suicide by overdose i tried to commit suicide because i wa a closeted gay atheist in a really conservative muslim country and family i tried to pray the gay away i endured listening to a lot of homophobia and unfair religious teaching and i couldn t take it anymore i wrote it in arabic translate i felt like my life is unlivable i felt like i wa living a lie i felt like a bomb that it is about to explode at any moment i felt lonely even though i wasn t alone i felt like there is something wrong with just my existence i felt like my happiness will be an unforgivable sin i felt like my truth is a secret that must be hidden this life is cruel and unfair the only place where i can find peace is my grave amp x 00b the overdose wa not enough to end my life i woke up in a hospital and it severely damaged my liver no one read my suicide note yet i am trying to stay alive and hold on to the last hope i have

1depression

too long to explain but im having an episode rn and it feel horrible day in so far it doesnt ever feel like itll go away i guess i just need some reassurance that this fewling wont stay till i die i just need to know that this feeling will go away soon and i can go back to being happy like i wa before

1depression

pretty much everyone in my family ha depression or bipolar and i m no exception i m just so worried that it ll make thing worse i m definitely moderate functioning i can go to work and kinda be an ok parent i m not going to off myself even though i have the ideation sometimes but i know life could be much better i might be able to actually do the thing i enjoy in my free time again maybe i won t have the constant brain fog and forgetfulness but what if i end up just feeling numb what if medication make it worse what if i go to a doctor and they won t help i ve never been to a legitimately helpful doctor looking up review doesn t help real talk did medication actually help or make it worse how did it work out for you

1depression

i just found out my boyfriend is depressed i really want to be there for him but i feel like i ve only been saying the wrong thing how can i be there for him help him and see him get better i m worried it will continue to the point it will consume him i can already see his personality changing and i m scared for the future what thing can i say or do to comfort or help

1depression

i m not sure of even how to put it into word i m exhausted i ve moved into my own place i ve recently started a new job i m overwhelmed i don t want to die but i also feel like i don t want to exist if that make sense i m trying my best but at this point i feel like my best isn t actually my best i m not sure how to fight these feeling of inadequacy or how to fight off regret over thing i have acknowledged my mistake i ve made and will never make them again but somehow still manage to beat myself up and regret every mistake i ve ever made i hate feeling like this can i just not be tired for one day not be overwhelmed for a day

1depression

my depression ha been at it worst this year after suffering some significant loss i m going to college in the fall and i want to look forward to it but i cant i chose a state school so i wouldnt have debt and figured i d find a way to pay for it easily all my plan fell through and i only have a couple thousand in scholarship nowhere near enough to cover it i missed so many deadline and screwed up so much because i have no one to help me in my life no reliable adult or friend one of my best friend wa awarded a full tuition scholarship and i want to be overjoyed for her but i just feel so horrible about myself i tried so hard in high school with my grade and music and it amounted to nothing thousand dollar in scholarship is all i have to show for it i cant get any help from fafsa and i have a job but working is horrible when i can barely get out of bed how do i keep going when i have no one to support me and nothing to keep going for

1depression

now i cant go work in the hospital and enjoy the little fucking thing i do and learn there an all the people i like talking to and i got ta be stuck here for a week with a busted ankle who i dont even know if it will work properly again or not anymore either this year get better or idk but im just tired of every fucking bad this happening to me all the time i thought i wa finally gon na have a job and a boyfriend and turn out the guy doesnt even like me and the manager never called me again at least i wish i had someone that loved me he could come visit and we could talk all night long at this point i really need some cuddle at least

1depression

not overtly i ve never said the word good bye obviously but i ve begun to try and have good final moment with the people i care about just to them one last time make a nice meal for them have a phone call with someone i haven t talked to in awhile tell people i love them just making the round so the people i leave behind have one last positive memory of me is it overly dramatic maybe but i feel better about what i need to do at least

1depression

hi idk if anyone will comment and thats okay i just need to talk or something since i m just so tired of my thought and just this worthless feeling i have all the time dealing with depression is no joke and being in a small town suck more since there not many resource or help for me i ve gotten a little help here and there but have just fallen back to being in my room isolating myself i have suicidal thought quite often and worry i might act on them not soon mind you just scared of myself i think of plan on how i could do it i ve written letter directed towards family member and friend before though i keep them to myself i ve self harmed before but haven t for quite sometime though i worry i may resort to that again i really just want help but i have no idea how i can even get it anyhow i thank anyone for reading if you did i don t have a lot of hope left but i guess i m still alive so yeah

1depression

i know they have good intention but lot of the time they make me feel worse i don t like it when they ask too many question when i withdraw yet when i go to tell them my actual problem they indirectly tell me to get over it and don t think im depressed sometimes it seems like my mood is an inconvenience for them so they want me to be happy so they can be happy it s draining i m tired of them being nosy when when i need to be alone stop asking me to who i m talking to stop asking me what i m doing when i m not doing anything stop looking at my stuff and asking me question stop getting upset with me for being in a bad mood or trying to force me to be happy again i can t this is why i hate socializing with anyone in general it take up too much energy that i don t have and i m tired of having to hide whatever this heaviness i m feeling inside to make others happy i m tired of being the caretaker and human note pad to vent at all day i m tired of putting on a mask and pretending to be happy when i feel like garbage i hate myself i m tired all the time i feel like a failure and a waste of space i just want to be alone i don t want anyone to look at me

1depression

i got a supporting family a girlfriend who love me more than anything else i ve got friend i ve got a job i ve got hobby i wa born wealthy and had a very good education i ve tried med for a long time psychologist and psychiatrist been to ward but im still just a sad now a i ever wa what am i meant to do what s left i still feel like shit all the time and don t have any reason to there are so many justifiable reason for people to be depressed but i have none of those instead what s even scarier is the idea that this is just innate and always what s in me people say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem but in no way is this problem temporary and it doesn t seem fixable either

1depression

i tried to tell my boyfriend another family member and a few different friend how much i ve been struggling and have been completely ignored i can guarantee if it all got too much for me they d all be the first to ask why didn t she tell u

1depression

i ve been on mirtazapine 0mg daily for over a month now and seroquel 0 mg daily for just over two week i can t take it i ve been eating everything and making myself sick to my stomach gained weight have strange dream insomnia foggy brain and increased suicidal thought and i ve been more depressed than i ever have before i understand that medication take time to work but it doesn t feel like i have time i have talked to my psychiatrist family doctor and been to the hospital for an adjustment but to no avail i couldn t stick it out anymore so i went cold turkey on them both day ago i know that this is an incredibly stupid decision without the advising of a doctor but i can t handle it anymore i m wondering what should i expect for withdrawal symptom

1depression

hey reddit this may be long and just me talking about random shit but i just feel like it would make me feel better so a you guy saw it wa my th birthday today and today wa probably one of the shittier day i have my best friend had a pretty bad panic attack today and i chilled with him to comfort him but it made me kinda realize how lonely i am i have friend and a loving family but i just feel deep and dark loneliness during most day i can kinda just ignore it and have mediocre day but most day like today i just think about it i don t want to make it a big deal because my friend is going through some tuff shit right now and i need to help him a much a i can but i just feel like laying down and doing nothing for a while obviously i can t do that with all the homework and exam coming up but i just don t know what to do like i wa saying earlier i just feel so empty when i m by myself and sometimes i feel like a have no personality i feel like people only like being around me when i m high because i m a lot more talkative and just more enjoyable to be around i don t know it s hard for me to talk to people about it because i feel like they might just blow it off or something and my friend deserves all the attention i just feel bad that i m feeling bad if that make sense like my friend is hurting and i feel bad that i feel so empty i m starting to think that life won t have a lot to offer for me i m not suicidal or anything but i wouldn t mind just like disappearing and just chilling on the top of a mountain or something like that i m sorry that this is so long i just feel really empty and it s my birthday i feel bad that i can t be happy for my parent i love them so much and i wish they knew how much i do but i m just feeling really exhausted all the time i don t know sorry if i selfish in this post i don t mean to i just feel really empty when i can think clearly almost like i built my personality around being with people thanks for listening whoever read this it really mean a lot to me

1depression

typical feeling at bedtime this is a good a it get struggling to remember a time when i looked forward to waking up

1depression

i return to work after a year of sitting at home with depression in this year i had to have a prosthesis put in my shoulder i am year old because of my past and depression my relationship with my colleague have diluted i ve said and done some bad thing that i couldn t help myself i wa just exhausted i realize that it is also difficult and strange for them but for me it is really difficult i still have anxiety attack daily with two teenager in the house the stress is certainly not gone due to stress i lost my hearing on my right side i got meniere s disease because of it i am sorry that there is no understanding for my situation now i had to have an ultrasound of my shoulder and it turn out that i have calcification it will probably need surgery again which i certainly don t like this would be the th time it s the first time i ve posted something like this anywhere on the internet i just had to write it off i really don t feel accepted in this world it s really difficult thanks for taking the time to read this

1depression

i wish i could be attractive taller funnier be everything woman find attractive instead i m the complete opposite i ve gotten more and more depressed last few month to the point where i start up depressing conversation so i started to stay away from people or stay silent with friend i m ugly and i ll never be loved and that s not something easy to carry on knowing full well i m and never even come close to a relationship i hope i die soon because i don t want to be alive and alone like this

1depression

literally a im typing this im sat with my friend just feeling sorry for myself i said i would do something with them a i wanted to but when i actually started talking to them i felt like complete shit i havent said a word in about 0 min and it almost like there just this weird dead air 00 they can hear me typing this and know that it just me being quiet and not any other factor i hate myself in the sense that i agreed to do this but i just feel like a dick for not inputting anything they dont even really know that anything is going on because im too afraid to tell them too much so i just have this horrible feeling that they are starting to hate me and want to make me go away so they can actually enjoy themselves i think the worst part is is that i dont even blame them im really just not fun to be around anymore a i dont find anything overly enjoyable anymore i apologise if my punctuation or my spelling or whatever is off i just felt like i really needed to say something

1depression

assuming you werent feeling better when you were taking them

1depression

so i wa badly bullied a a kid until i left high school and that shit ha screwed me up i m still dealing with ramification a an adult it s a factor in my depression confidence issue and i m trying to process what happened to me in therapy i wa talking to my mother and i think what i went through wa a lot worse than i initially thought my mother wa telling me a story of a kid beating me up really badly and i have 0 recollection of it i think the bullying i went through a a kid wa a lot worse than i thought i think i suppressed a lot of the shit that happened to me a a kid and i m kinda freaking out now what else did i forget do i want to know everything that happened to me am i overreacting

1depression

i feel like i m having a panic attack which i ve had before i m all alone and normally that would be very bad but this time is different i think i might be disassociating or something because i m restless like a panic attack and my heart is racing and my brain is off the rail but i m also completely emotionless i can t even make myself cry or smile or yell or anything anyone know what s happening any word of wisdom or love would be greatly appreciated because this is gon na be a long scary night for me i think

1depression

i already failed out of college once but i thought i might try again at a community college well i m about to fail out of this too and for some reason nothing in me care a a child i always kind of assumed my life would be in a great place at how na ve since i ve been miserable for a long a i can remember why would life magically get any easier i just recently pieced together that my earliest memory which i never really allowed myself to understand wa my narcissistic mother attempting to drown me when i wa about year old no wonder i m so fucked up i ve been planning on killing myself before my rd birthday for the past month or so i suppose she ll get what she wanted all along

1depression

my life wa so promising and happy once that one thing left and i feel like i ll never get my innocence back i ve been on a constant stat of high alert and now i m burnt out i have no motivation heavily fatigued no matter how much sleep i get nothing seems worth it anymore

1depression

growing up with an absent father and a mother who s always attempted suicide became a normal thing and always used suicide a manipulation threat a mother who s always been depressed and always ha had it worse than the rest of the world i learned to despise anybody that play the victim for long period of time or cry all the time not even going to address the physical abuse part i live accros the ocean from her and we barely even talk i never miss her and i feel like i m sick in the head because of that she destroyed our family all of her kid including me came out pretty fucked up we mom and sibling don t talk to each other and it messed me up pretty badly i mourned grieved and have become numb this happened over the pandemic and since i came out i m currently engaged and have a hard time expressing how bad my depression is to my partner i do talk about it but not about how severe it is i think about ending my life on a daily basis i attempted s in the past and regretted it once at the hospital i don t want to do it but the urge get overwhelming sometimes i hate that i m like this especially because of the impact my mom had on me growing up i feel like it would be so easy to just leave i feel so unhappy in my life i try my best to feel alive but nothing feel good most day i don t even want to wake up i have to act normal it s exhausting i can t stand my partner s sister niece and the anxiety i get every time i have to see them or talk to them or even when i hear their voice they always wanted me out of the picture from the get go because they loved her ex never gave me a genuine chance it s all acting and pretending in front of her and she is aware of it my relationship ha been rocky but we have a deep bond that keep u together i have hope we will get that connection back but for now it s mediocre hoping therapy will help i don t enjoy anything in life and i really want to end it i won t but i really really want to i feel tired from my soul thanks for listening

1depression

i feel like something is broken in me i do not function a well a others getting up going to work doing my online school all of it is exhausting i cut corner everywhere i can but i m also obsessed with making sure the corner i cut look good on paper i don t actually want to do anything ever i could sit at home all day everyday and do nothing i say i have dream but every time i get some pushback i give up i give myself a pat on the back for doing the shit i m supposed to it make me feel broken and wrong how do people learn the discipline to just get up and do what they re supposed to do everyday how do they just keep going what am i missing

1depression