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English | I just want someone to talk to I feel so worthless of the time I don't feel like anyone understands or cares they just listen and tune out everything I say I feel like I m in a rut I will never get out of and everyone is just saying it'll get better it never has The older I get the increasingly worse life feels I've been at such a loss for a while now and I just feel like I have no one I just wish I didn't exist |
French | Je ne sais pas quoi DOI ai été déprimé pendant un certain temps et le seul bonheur est l'Internet et quand ma mère m'a attrapé à Suis-je faire de l'ordinateur, elle ne me fait plus confiance Cela me rend de plus en plus déprimé, et je veux me tuer Si je dis à mes parents qu'ils vont paniquer et me obtenir une aide spéciale que je ne veux pas et quand je suis traité spécial |
English | Feel like walking into a hospital and I m such a bother to people I can't control my mouth and everything I say makes people hate me I feel like walking into a hospital and putting a shotgun in my mouth and blowing my cerebellum away I'll be brain-dead but they'll save my organs quick enough so they will still be working At least someone will benefit from my misery |
English | Hey LAR home HTTP i Imgur com ND j JPG Your arms were the only ones in which I was truly loved and safe Yeah I get it your own parent not wanting you After you died Mom made it really clear I was a nuisance She left me with pedophiles more than one with me literally begging and screaming for her not to walk out that door while they sat there awaiting the pleasure they'd take with me the second she left Even if she was in the next room or taking a quick shower I was the fuck dolly Did you know that one of them was at me for years Yeah he'd kill my pets to keep me quiet Another one of her boyfriends Had my childhood dog EB for years he drowned her in the bathtub He killed several Told me Mom would hate me if she ever found out that I had turned him on so much that he had to fuck me until he was completely satisfied Yeah she managed to throw this in my face when she found out jealousy over maternal instinct She's a fucking abusive cunt This was along with all the violent beatings he laid on mom and me not to mention that he kept us indoors and isolated for years aside from the times he was in and out of prison Know how all this came out He knocked me up at the ripe old age of I had to have an abortion He was going to be charged with several things not just for the sexual part but unlawful confinement too Did you know that Mom always treated me like a nuisance even before the pesos telling me that she wished I d never been born screaming Are you fucking retarded if I did something kids normally do such as accidentally tipping my juice over at breakfast or took too long doing dishes Enter her violent blowups slaps punches being dragged around by my hair while she screamed viciously Bitch loved to slam her fist between my shoulder blades when I didn't even see it coming I lived in constant fear in childhood I acted out not knowing how to relate to others alienating my peers at school No friends the girl everyone scorned There was no comfort when I was told No one likes you with such vehemence that it still burns in my memory to this day You have no idea how this has isolated me fuck people Not going anywhere near them Isolation is my greatest defense When you have it drilled in your head that you're unwanted it sticks so deeply It burns into the deepest trenches of your being Mom dragged to that fucking tiny hellhole she s from Think that went well You know the one where they're tighter than thieves I was so beaten down and shy of course they took it as me thinking I was better than them, I couldn't even look anyone in the eye I was so shy The curled their upper lip when I'd pass by I did nothing to deserve this I never hurt any of them I d only wanted to be accepted It didn't help that her next husband tried to convince me I'm crazy because I only knew to isolate and couldn't talk to anyone I love my mom no matter what she did and I'd call him on his obnoxious behavior towards her, and it made us enemies I hated him deeply as he was a bully and knew she'd do anything in her code pent clingy way to keep him He d told me ways of disposing of bodies and not get caught told me he would have killed my mother once if I hadn't walked in the room He d sliced up the mother of his son to the point that he d had served time in a criminal psych ward and arrogantly defended his actions going on about how she deserved it and how much he hated her Whenever he didn't like someone his first comment was that there was something wrong with them in the head Holy fuck pot calling the kettle black or what eh There s can't really be anything truly wrong with me, I was just kicked around too much wasn't I Please tell me I'm not crazy it s eaten away at me for years I know rationally I'm not crazy but this fucking neurotic bullshit eats at me, I was truly happy when he died he was evil I'd rather have O'Brien and the other pedophiles than him Fuck everyone thought he was so nice good old uncle rick Piece of motherfucking shit even his corpse is a waste of space Did you know that mom got a lot of money from criminal injuries when you died She was supposed to save it for me but spent it on herself a house and her boyfriends I was lucky to fucking eat or get rags from fucking thrift stores for clothes She still gets checks each month while your grandkids sit in poverty I took out student loans trying to make something of my self and the debt of it is fucking crushing I nearly finished my degree but trying to make it on my own with the kids too soon after birth nearly killed me Postpartum depression and the stress of it all I've tried to be strong The kids' dad left even before your granddaughter was born I gave birth to her going to university full-time and still made the first year winning a scholarship I struggled against depression best I could but I dropped out three times over the years each time summoning stubborn strength to meet the goal of graduating Three strikes I was out No more access to means to finish No jobs to cover tuition loans wiped their hands of me understandably My own stubborn will to try and complete blew up in my face Left with lots of theory and all the pretentious academic terms to describe them but not one practical skill from it all Nonetheless you grandkids You'd be so fucking proud of those two hearts of gold and that sparking humor and brains we got from you certainly not her I know you'd have spoiled us Mom told us that you really really loved me more than anything you d ever in your life I know that if you were as ga over me as you were you'd be twice as much over them Nonetheless we struggle I've been so isolated for most of my life O'Brien Mom that hellhole she dragged me to settling for the prick of a biological father and more isolation trying to raise the babies in a two-bedroom apartment for years not a soul to turn to Not a way to reach out as the isolation eroded any sort of chance to build the means to reach out connect and bond with anyone We're stuck in poverty there's no fucking jobs in this fucking dead end town and even if there were I freeze paralyzed when I try to interact They won I get it I'm stupid I'm crazy and I'm unwelcome I am not allowed to be life if for other people From what Mom tells me you would have stood before stampedes to protect me I was the apple of your eye you loved me because I was the only thing you ever loved or were loved by Fuck all this shit is just the tip of the iceberg I spoke to your little sister without telling her my intentions and she'd be happy to take the kids in case anything happened to me, They're better off without me, I'm so fucking stressed out and scared all the time snarling and isolating from them and everyone else in the world They'd be better off with her, They're the only things I love in this world but I'm no good for them Daddy please I'm so fucking scared I'm so fucking shoved away I tried I really truly did I've tried to get education and make things better I've tried to be the best person I can but nothing helps Please take me back to you Just hold me in your arms make it all go away I've given it my best shot but over three decades of this shit truly has me worn down I can't go on like this I need to be back in your arms where we loved each other, and we were home At the time I could afford it I had a gravestone made for you as I d spent years looking for your grave and no one told me that you were so uncared-for that no one had bothered Your own father my mother Both had the means to do so but hey it was all about them, you know I just had your name tattooed on me to honor you proudly carrying you with me forever so you know that yes someone loved you sincerely I can't do this anymore however I've struggled and tried to do my best I just want to be back with you No one wants me here I'm not allowed to live and shouldn't be I'm not welcome I'm unwanted got it Loud and clear PLEASE Just take me back home to you Daddy I've tried so hard just take me back I don't want to be here PLEASE I fucking beg you |
French | Suicidal mais trop peur de le faire réellement ont été déprimés pour l'année dernière ou ainsi, et il devient parfois mieux, mais quand il devient mauvais il devient vraiment mauvais et me fait penser à mon suicide je suis un lâche sinon je l'aurais fait il y a un moment je suis un déçu à ma famille, et il continue à empirer et je fais de mon mieux pour vivre avec elle |
French | Je ne pouvais pas le faire et je suis à l'université dans une école décente, j'ai toujours eu des plans pour ma vie, je voulais obtenir mon diplôme, devenir pilote de ligne et épouser la seule fille que j'ai jamais aimée. |
English | It's just the logical conclusion m done The only thing I suffer from is who I am as a person I've tried long and hard to become the person I want to be and the only thing that I am consistently is a person I cannot keep living as There is something about me that is broken and I've tried everything to fix it I would stay for my sisters that I love but my relationship with them is even deteriorating The only person I've truly felt love from hates me and for good reason All she will ever see me as is the failure that I've tried so hard to correct a freak and a waste of time I hate me I have so many memories that I am ashamed of, and I refuse to keep living with them, I have people that reach out to me, but I know it's just out of pity All I ever wanted was to be like everyone else somehow I've never even come close I tried a couple of times before but somehow I'm still here I just wish that I could ve been the person that deserved happiness The person that could make others happy and find love I love my sisters and my family with all my heart I just hope they'll understand why I can't keep doing this If you re-reading this you deserve love and respect I may not know you, but I love you and I hope you overcome whatever you're struggling with |
French | Est-ce que cette communauté pro-choix ou pro-vie positive de merde supplémentaire Puis-je m'attendre à trouver le soutien de quelqu'un qui n'ira pas contre ma décision et juste donner un certain soutien non pas en faisant cela à coup sûr, mais juste un peu de compréhension ou est-ce contre les règles de merde |
French | Je me sens en paix, j'ai toujours prévu de mettre fin à tout cela et cette pensée m'a rendu émotif plusieurs fois plus tôt dans ma vie, mais maintenant je me sens en paix, je ressens l'anxiété qui tourbillonne autour de moi comme un arbre dans un ouragan est passé. |
English | Talks there anyone I can speak to privately about suicide |
French | Je ne peux plus supporter ça n'était pas censé être heureux dans ce monde Je n'ai jamais été capable de dire honnêtement Je ne suis pas capable de dire que j'ai passé une bonne journée, ou j'aime ma vie Je suis convaincu que tous mes amis sont là pour me faire parler de moi derrière mon dos et ils veulent tous que je me tue déjà Je le sais bien Je ne sais pas comment je le sais Je ne sais pas la dernière fois que je veux |
French | Triste solitaire fatigué avait assez Certains jours, tout cela se sent comme un cauchemar Honnêtement, même juste en mouvement, je me sens la douleur, je me réveille trop dur pour être une bonne personne, je n'ai pas bu de l'alcool décent, j'essaie de faire face à mes émotions brutes maintenant et c'est trop rare, j'ai une petite famille, je pleure, je passe des journées entières sur l'ordinateur. |
English | I hate myself, and it makes it hard to change recently hit and my life isn't technically bad but I live a meaningless life working in a warehouse with no friends and very little motivation to get out of bed I'm overweight and unattractive but I know for a fact I could change these things I truly hate about myself if I tried but I just can't even find a reason to I just wish I was someone I cared about I feel like there is no point and it's not worth my effort I used to be very happy as a kid but more and more I just think about death and how much life truly doesn't matter Also our political climate in America legitimately makes me question my sanity every second with how corrupt and stupid people are Thanks for reading and try to have a good day today |
English | My best friend is suicidal I have no idea what to dose s been suicidal almost all her life, and now she feels like she's just done and can't do it anymore, and she wants to kill herself next month Guys please help me help her she's everything to me |
French | J'ai creusé plus profondément dans le bas, mais je me sens seulement stupide Court post J'aime dessiner Mais maintenant je pense que les choses que je dessine ne sont que des ordures énervées avec mes problèmes de santé mentale Je suis éclaboussé par de mauvaises compétences artistiques Parce que je suis un idiot de merde Je ne peux pas sembler être capable de dessiner quelque chose qui n'est pas odieux Je déteste ce mot |
English | I'm just so done don't want to do this any more I always end up here no matter what I do I'm always in my room thinking about killing myself I often joke about killing myself hoping that someone notices, but they never do and who would blame them I don't know what to do I need help Someone please help |
English | I keep waking unit s so demoralizing when you keep waking up when you should be dead The only joy I have is the brief feeling of nothingness Then I wake up and all the emotions come rushing back to me, I'm exhausted I'm not sure how much longer I can do this |
French | Un titre intéressant aime tout le monde trop je suis empathique, et je me fais baiser tout le temps honnêtement, je ne me soucie pas vraiment de la nature humaine est de profiter des personnes plus faibles et les émotions vous rendent faibles, donc je n'ai que moi-même à blâmer je veux juste arrêter honnêtement parfois je souhaite que quelqu'un ou quelque chose me tuer, donc je peux être parti de cette terre et je n'ai pas à être soumis à la douleur quotidienne |
French | Aujourd'hui, j'ai parlé à quelqu'un qui est sorti de la dépression Il a dit qu'il ne pouvait pas supporter de blesser tout le monde autour de lui alors il s'est juste poussé à aller mieux Mais je n'ai pas cette force, ou je ne peux pas le trouver Je survivrai avec le confort que ça finira bientôt Je n'ai juste pas trouvé une chance de mourir accessible à moi maintenant Et est-il vraiment faire mieux de toute façon |
French | Je n'ai personne d'autre pour dire ça Je ne vais pas me tuer Je ne suis pas une fière maman de chat et aussi stupide que ce soit la meilleure chose que j'ai dans ma vie Mes bébés de fourrure sont les meilleurs à l'amour légèrement inconditionnel Je crois que je suis classé un peu en dessous de la viande de Friskier Mais je vais prendre que je n'ai pas envie de voyager J'ai juste lutté Je ne sais même pas pourquoi je suis vieux |
English | I am pathetic, and I should be dead This is going to sound extremely pathetic, but I have an imaginary girlfriend It's the only thing that helps me cope with the fact that I am ugly and undesired In high school I was very self-conscious around the fact that I am socially awkward and ugly In one of my classes I sat at a table with girls, and they all pretty much mocked me by saying something like hey would you date u iwanttodie They all started laughing pretty much in my face I was already feeling worthless about myself and now I'm even worse Now that I am in college I avoid talking to everyone now as much as possible I will never trust anybody any more It hurts to realize that I'll pretty much live the rest of my life alone if I don't kill myself It's clear that I am ugly and undesirable to others Most people just don't want to say it directly to my face I am a complete burden to everyone Loneliness hurts so much when people decide to call you out on it and rub it in your face I hope reincarnation is real Hopefully when I kill myself I can reincarnate as a socially competent good-looking person |
French | null |
French | Pourquoi donc pour commencer cette petite histoire de ma vie, je suis vieux Il ya quelques mois, je suis passé par un sort dans lequel je voulais me tuer La seule raison pour laquelle je suis ici en tapant ceci aujourd'hui est que mes amis qui j'avais envoyé un adieu à la nuit précédente ont envoyé un texto à ma mère et lui faire savoir ce qui se passait maintenant je suis de retour là où j'étais sauf beaucoup. |
English | I don't think it's possible for me to better myself I'm I failed two attempts at high school I'm now in oversimplistic vocational school and just finished my first year with pretty bad grades I spend my free time studying economics and philosophy It might be deep, and I might be good at these things but they're a waste of time if nobody is going to give me a chance at that I've spent so many years unhappy ignoring my duties trying to stay sane by distracting myself My parents are sick of my problems and want to kick me out No matter what I do I end up in the same situation I'm good at work and people can rely on me there but that's not going to help me when I'm kicked out and have to take some dead end job and be homeless In my childhood and teens my parents checked my IQ because I always underperformed in school The tests came back with I am a waste of that gift and I use it only to discuss economics and philosophy online and read relevant books People around me that are self centered and egoistic and small-minded in their view of the world perform way better than I do I don't know what to do I've been trying to better myself but every time I see a little progress I get reminded of the other things I'm insufficient at and I've put off I have found a real passion in philosophy it's the only thing that's kept me sane but I think I will never be able to really practice it and my interest in it might just be a waste of time and life Either way I if I fail the upcoming test I'll be thrown out of my home and lose my job If that happens ill likely kill myself because I don't know if I have the energy to face the world |
French | Comment puis-je dire à ma maison de disques de donner des redevances futures à ma famille sans les concerner À ce stade, je pourrais me suicider n'importe quel jour Je veux m'assurer que ma famille est payée si les gens écoutent ma musique Comment puis-je dire cela sans les paniquer |
English | I am going to inject gram of heroin and overdose in days and I haven't had anyone to talk to about item a to male I live with my girlfriend who I love so much but I live with depression and I can tell I'm killing her spirit I've self-medicated over the years with drugs and I never went to a doctor and I ended up getting really bad off and as time went by I went from one drug to a worse drug and so on the point I was shooting heroin I know that I will always be an addict and that I will never change I will always have this looming sadness and dissatisfaction with life and it's even worse to be so in love with someone and know that I am the worst thing to ever happen in their life and only drain them of all happiness and potential they have She deserves the world not a depressed drug addict She'll hurt at first, but she will move on and make a great life for herself I'm going to buy a gram of heroin in a couple of days when I get my check and the days couldn't be any slower I don't have the money to buy it all right now and that's the only reason I haven't done it yet But once I do I'm going to drive to the beach right by my house and inject it all and lay back and inevitably pass out and stop breathing I haven't talked about it to anyone for obvious reasons and I just wanted to get it off my chest |
French | Pas de motivation pour se suicider Bonjour je n'ai jamais pensé que j'arriverais ici Wow Beaucoup de choses fucked up s'étaient passées dans ma vie, elles sont fucked up que je ne veux pas les mentionner ici, je n'ai pas d'amis, je doute que quelqu'un se soucie de moi, je vais toujours à l'école. |
English | Inevitable Everything leads to inevitable death we can do anything we want in our lives and It's hard not to think what's the point |
French | La hotline du suicide n'a rien fait mais m'a fait sentir pire les a appelés pendant un épisode de crise terrible et ils n'ont pas aidé du tout La femme a semblé ennuyée pendant tout le truc Bc J'avais une attaque de panique et ne pouvait pas former des phrases complètes Elle m'a fait sentir pire maintenant IDK quoi faire IDK où aller Je me sens horrible |
English | I can't take you people anymore m sorry hate me all you want to call me stupid immature thin-skinned or dumb like everyone else but I CAN'T STAND YOU PEOPLE I can't stand it gets better It's okay to be gay your family is just bigoted crowd that pretend they care about me Why is suicide bad Give me a logical explanation At one point I thought you go to Hell if you commit suicide but after years of being beaten to death by atheists wanting to help me by disproving my religion I cant read the Bible anymore without scoffing I've tried for months to get my faith back but it can't come back I don't believe in God anymore After being told I'm stupid and believe in fairy tales for my entire life I finally gave in Happy I don't believe it's a sin to like guys anymore Whoop Dee do I can fantasize about having gay sex without shame for the low price of my entire existence being invalidated and broken down to nothing but a bunch of atoms I m told the universe and science is beautiful It isn't Science doesn't give me something to look forward to when I die It's just blackness and nothingness forever When I was at least those stupid fairy tales gave me something to look forward to You people tell me I should find meaning in life with enjoyment I VE TRIED For months I've tried but I can't stop feeling this emptiness now matter what I do I haven't felt true happiness for a year ever since my faith was slaughtered by you people I'm sick of your empty praise your bullshit proverbs and the idiotic smiley faces you put on the end of sentences I can't stand anything in the entire plane of existence It's all just cold calculated atoms that one day will collapse on itself I can't focus in school any more Ever since I lost my faith I've lost my will to try and fine a soulmate and you people keep telling me it gets better NO IT DOESN'T I VE WAITED FOR MONTHS FOR IT TO GET BETTER AND IT JUST GETS WORSE Why is suicide considered evil WHY We all are going to die anyway And there's no heaven at the end It doesn't matter if you were Gandi or Jack the Ripper you get the same fate as everyone else Why keep living I don't get it I've tried to enjoy life and be pleased by the distractions of the world but I cant take it anymore |
English | Dude why do you smoke It can kill you That's the fucking point LMAO |
English | Lost my only friend Note I posted this on the TOFU Subreddit but just found out that it would have been more appropriate to post it here I m I'm not sure where to begin I'm scared I don't know what to do Up until now my friend and one other person a suicide hotline worker knew of my situation And now all of you will know My friend was a girl I've known her for over two years I only knew her through the internet I don't know how or why but I was never able to make any other friends She was the only one who would talk to me, She was the only one who wanted to talk to me, She was my friend I never really understood the importance or relevance of human interaction before I met her It was so much fun talking with her enjoying each other s company I never realized how much fun it was to talk with someone I never realized how big the world really was I will confess that perhaps I harbored an unhealthy attachment for her There was a time about a year after I met her where I was all alone I just finished a college course I had stopped going to work and my family went on vacation It was like this for a few months I always thought that I had a certain tolerance to social isolation but I couldn't have been more wrong I didn't leave home except to buy food I had the internet in front of me but I never approached people on it or in real life But there was one girl who always reached out to me, She always initiated the conversations I was confused At first I was a little annoyed My isolation was getting worse There wasn't anyone who talked to me, It led me to believe that no one cared about me That no one would care if ceased to exist I started experiencing doubt I wanted to kill myself I know it's a trivial thing to kill one s self over but that's what I was thinking If I don't make a difference in anyone s lives what's the point in living What's the point in living if I can't be useful But that girl she always talked to me, It was a slow process So slow that I didn't realize when my doubts became positivity But it happened I was happy Sometimes she would only talk to me once a week but I was excited I was giddy I always looked forward to when the messaging program would light up in the corner and make a sound It's an asinine thing to be happy about but I really was content Just to let you all know I'm not a complete recluse I'm a waiter I have even a basic level of social intelligence I felt indebted to her, It was an incredible feeling She doesn't know all this but I did tell her how happy I was about it, She certainly doesn't know that I was suicidal at the time But that debt It wasn't a weight at all It felt like I had a purpose I was happy to try and repay it and perhaps be useful to her, I will admit that I fantasized about being partners But I was scared that I would be the only one benefiting from such a relationship Plus she was always in a relationship so it was difficult to find a right time to offer that thought But I can honestly say that I was still content with being friends Fast forward to about a year later She had just gotten out of a relationship with someone whom she was strongly attached to I never expected it to last She only knew the other person for a few months to half a year at best But she was really happy and that was enough to make me happy too She felt horrible about what happened She fell into a state of depression She always felt awful at the end of her other relationships but this time she was hurt bad It lasted longer and her Facebook posts were ominous On the chat program we use she often changed her profile pictures to those of crying people and would change her username to something equally depressing Worthless was a prominent one that stuck I really felt like I needed to do something so I wanted to do for her what she did for me Talk I tried talking to her every day I tried to always initiate the conversation Maybe I was bombarding her but from what I gathered through her talking with me, she was suicidal She didn't say it directly but that made me all the more afraid I was trying to distract from all the nasty stuff I was trying to replace her negativity with positivity I told her that she didn't have to do it all at once I told her that she can take it one step at a time I told her that I thought she was strong I told her that I felt that I was saved by her and told her about when she was talking to me when I was all alone but I did not mention my own suicidal thoughts at the time For a moment she got a better But that didn't last long Near Christmas it was getting worse I felt all her other friends on Facebook were dancing around the issue That they were just licking her wounds but not dealing directly with the problem I decided to become the villain I thought that if I confronted her with a bit of short term pain and lay out the facts she'll suffer for a moment but then realize that the world is so much bigger that she thought at the time At the time things were getting heated and she said that I didn't know what she felt when she was with her partner I told her that though I hated having to say it I said that she was inexperienced Most of her relationships started online and was the main setting for it all Her partner at the time was someone she often met up with in real life though She told me that I was being insensitive and I replied that I knew that I was Something that I should mention is that during her depression I often asked her if we could talk again I was indirectly having her promise me that she wouldn't do anything stupid as I feared that she was still suicidal I asked her if we could talk again but she asked me to apologize I refused saying that if I did, it would mean that my words meant nothing But I apologized for the hurt She left in a heated huff and logged off I never got a response to my question I got scared I wondered if I had really made the right decision Out of desperation I started contacting her friends to try and get into contact with her but none of them responded to me At one point before all this I even messaged her mother about her depression There was nothing I could do My doubts were coming back I wondered if I had killed her I froze in place I could do nothing but hope that she was just going to cool off or that her friends go into contact with her Following that I thought the best course of action was to back off and leave her alone for a while I thought that she would contact me when she was ready I didn't sign into our chat program in case she didn't want to see me We were still Facebook friends I don't know if she was doing anything for Christmas but I sent her a gift through Steam I don't know what she thought of it but I know she played it for a long time I ended up backing off for a month During that time some of my fears were realized She made a post on Facebook talking about killing herself I was frightened I wondered if I really helped or just made things worse I was going to respond but her friends were quick to respond I believed that I was in a terrible state of doubt so I chose not to reply Her friends were doing a much better job My doubts were becoming heavier At one point her depression cleared up I admit that I had become her Facebook stalker at some point so that's how I knew she was getting along Everything was going well for her, She made new friends and claimed that she found people who appreciated her company I didn't know what this all meant but I thought she would actively try to seek me out at this point I still wasn't logging on to our chat program My doubts had taken over me again so I thought she would come and help me like I tried to help her I was wondering if she was worried about me, I realize that my thoughts had become poisoned and nasty It was about two months since we stopped talking I grew desperate I thought that she didn't care about me, I questioned whether I really existed I ended up creating a new account on Facebook and began adding a lot of her friends I noticed how her friends always flew to her side when she made a scary post so I thought that maybe they could be my friend to That I could be fixed I was using a different alias I don't know what I was expecting It only made me feel worse I made over Facebook friends in about two weeks but I felt emptier At some point she seemed to figure out who I was I don't know how but she did She blocked me on it as well as on my real accounts I was scared I was annoyed I was angry How did she know it was me It felt like she somehow only recognized my bad qualities That I had no semblance of a redeeming factor Before blocking me she messaged me saying that she knew it was me but I chose to ignore it My doubt was growing worse I felt like I was in a complete reversal of the situation that was in She took all my positivity and confidence and I took all her negativity and doubts The only difference was she was friends and people with whom she could share her worries with I felt awful It was compounded by the fact that my home was robbed recently and I felt guilty about it because my parents were upset and I didn't turn on the alarm before leaving for work I wanted to die but I couldn't Not before I had paid off my debt to her and to my parents I ended up calling the Samaritans suicide hotline They said that perhaps we both misunderstood something and that I should try talking to her At the time they were the only person who knew my situation It took me a long time to muster up the courage to talk to her, I don't know if she cared When I last talked to her, she went offline before answering my question I took that to mean that she didn't want to talk to me And the lack of responses during those past three months indicated that I was scared that I was only going to bother and cause trouble for her That's not what I wanted to do So we talked and things went relatively well Though I apologized more than I needed to probably Apparently she never contacted me outside the chat program because it was our main medium for communication But I felt bitter because she had no trouble sending that message to me on Facebook when she found out my alias I don't remember if we talked much during this time Though we appeared to be friends again we didn't talk much for about a month I felt like we didn't I felt like I was still a nuisance I wanted so badly to talk to her but I knew my doubts would disgust her After a while but my doubts built up so much that I let it all out in one burst on her This is coming up to the fourth and final month We talked for a bit and we seemed to be doing well It felt like things were going back to the way they were My doubts had left But that didn't last long I remembered how her suicidal posts would accrue much support and her ominous usernames and profile pictures I ended up changing mine as well and hoped that someone not necessarily her would come and check up on me, She didn't and no on else did I know I'm being an idiot I know my thoughts are nasty and disgusting I know my heart is black I know I'm irrational With another round of doubt in my head I confronted her again Without realizing it I was making her feel guilty about the situation with my doubts and with my self-deprecating behavior I felt horrible I suggested that she block me After a while she felt that our discussion was going nowhere and took me up on my offer and blocked me but not before leaving her own final piece It wasn't fair That wasn't a goodbye at all That was a complete slamming of the door in my face My heart and spirit shattered This all happened yesterday I was scared I had some backup accounts on Facebook which I contacted her with She got freaked out and was creeped out by me, I told her that I was aware but told that we should at least cut contact on terms that we both agree upon if that was really necessary She responded by blocking me on all the accounts There was still one more mode of communication One where users can't be blocked It was a certain website I messaged her on it and told her that I thought we both needed to cool off and time to gather our thoughts She told me that she had no interest in being friends with stalkers tendencies I backed off but intended to try again I spent the entirety of today working on a letter of sorts I felt that I was rational through the entire thing and sent it to her This is how she responded I'm sorry but I've already made up my mind I'm not interested in being friends anymore and I will never be able to trust you again I already told you I want you to move on and blocked you Blocking means I don't want to talk and drag out this thing anymore And I don't want you to harass me anymore Everything you did after I blocked you constitute as harassment and I will not tolerate it In fact it made me shake in fear Please move on already there's nothing to gain from this You're beating a dead horse Doing anymore will just leave off a worse impression and it'll start to make me regret being friends in the first place Please stop it before it actually becomes true I responded with this Did you read my message It kind of feels like I'm not being given a fair trial I know I'm awkward at this but I'm confused Especially when you say I should or shouldn't have disappeared I don't know if I've deluded myself into thinking this is the case but I still feel like you're biased about this But if you really think this is the end then I'm sorry I'm sorry for all that I've done I really enjoyed our time I'm sorry for betraying your trust If I could start all over again I would of course not do all the stupid things the lead up to this You have an incredible strength and I believe that you will be happy If you can at least do me one favor don't ever take what you have for granted That's all I can ask for Have a good life He if you ever change your mind you know where to find me Thank you for at least reading my thoughts one last time This is my last message from her, It was two hours ago I did read your message and that was my decision If you'll respect my decision now and avoid me then thank you I hope you'll find other better people Goodbye I fucked up I fucked up I fucked up I fucked up I fucked up I don't know what to do I'm a horrible idiot I fucked up What do I fucked up I have no on to talk about this with I fucked up I have no friends I fucked up I want to kill myself I fucked up I really don't want this to end but I really don't want to hurt her I fucked up My doubts I fucked up Edit I thought some of you might be interested in seeing the letter I worked on and sent today Well if we're talking stalkers if I was one Shiraz Kursk is much more invasive and blatant than me, I have no intention of going down the horror genre Is this too soon Have you recomposed yourself I too have been doing my best to focus on my task at hand I'm not going to let you slam the door in my face like this I'm being backed into a corner Of course I'm going to fight Doubts be damned I want to live This sudden shift in this attitude of mine It takes precedence over any doubt I don't know if I should have stayed away longer but your response or lack thereof following this message will serve as a good indication The last time I disappeared you said I shouldn't have So let me fire that back at you, I don't want you to disappear either So here I am and I have no idea what I'm doing I guess it would be good to start with an apology I apologize for the continuous display of my terrible sides I know I apologize for the same things over and over again so I don't expect to be forgiven I've known you for over two years Even if this time has meant little to you, it meant a lot to me There's a reason I feel as strong as I do towards you, I know I suggested you blocking me but not if it was going to be so bumpy I don't believe that you're satisfied with such an ending either It does seem unlikely that we'll ever be friends again but that doesn't mean things should have ended up the way they did You know that wasn't a proper goodbye right Goodbyes don't necessarily mean a complete drop in contact between parties No that was something else People don't just stop talking after a goodbye If you're going to say goodbye then I'll say hello Or rather good evening But if you don't want to talk to me because I'm hurting you then please tell me If that is the case then at the very least I want to say a proper farewell It's not fair that you just get to say your piece leave and disappear Don't you think that was too sudden I really did have some solutions in mind One solution I want is one where I could face you properly again I don't think our discussion was going nowhere Don't you think you're being irrational Do you yourself believe that all the possibilities have been explored Yesterday you kept asking me why I was doing what I did when you tried to leave I think looking back on it now I was afraid that I'd break I know it's selfish It makes it sound like I'm not considering how you feel But if I may continue being selfish I'd like you to hear the rest of what I have to say Again I'm doing this to make sure I don't want to regret anything I guess I can't say for sure about you but you don't want to regret anything either right, Right now you think the main issue is that I'm being hurt by you If I had to say what it was well I'm probably hurting you too I have to know for sure if I really am doing that If that is the case then though I may be reluctant and not exactly satisfied I understand the no contact Another solution was to try and get over that irrational feeling of being hurt Do you really think that's impossible I don't know if it will work but if like you, I m given enough time it will be replaced by something positive That's just a theory But if I am to test it out I need your assistance I know I'm not in a position to be asking something like that from you but perhaps you can hear the rest of what I have to say I hate that it s come to this I don't want to come off as a victim or anything but it kind of feels terrible not having any friends and being seen like this by someone who I used to be friends with Honestly it wasn't my intention to guilt you I just wanted help There I said it I just wanted help getting over this feeling I just want to be told that I can do it I want to be told that I'm capable I want to get a clap on the back and be told Go out and run a laps around the block No one else knows of my situation Though technically speaking one other person knows but that's not relevant I just wanted to attract attention but I failed at it, I didn't know who else to turn to with my problems I guess I thought of you again I thought of how you made such scary posts before and thought that maybe if I showed a reflection of what I'm thinking through my name and image I could get attention without actually asking for help I'm aware that it was a clumsy and awkward way to ask for it is didn't have to be from you A naive part of me thought that someone else on steam would try and approach me My frustration built up when I couldn't get any I want help I want advice But if I'm asking for too much I can try to find it elsewhere I just want to continue talking with you, I wish to not be thrown away Didn't you say it before That we both have to want it I want it Let me hear your answer Even if things turned sour why should that mean we have to stop talking to one another Even if we're not friends I want to continue talking about things with you About anime About games life and all sorts of stupid nonsense I don't know about you but I detest rushed endings Dropping all contact is something more painful than doubt itself It s something that only happens in those third rate television dramas Do you really think this doubtful me is the real me Did you think that your depressed self was the real you Can, you honestly say that you meant any of the things you said at the time Again I hate how it sounds like I'm trying to justify myself but I needed some form of perspective You took a considerable amount of time to get over everything Is it too much for me to be granted the same privilege I waited until you got over everything too Though I will admit that I ended up changing as a result Don't you think it's unfair that only my irrational behavior is being punished Just to be clear I'm not saying I want you punished nor am I saying you deserve to be Maybe you didn't want me to understand you but I wanted you to understand me I think I get you a little better now You too were trying to avoid the nasty stuff Trying to avoid the commotion Avoiding the drama Maybe that's why you avoided me when I was doubting It makes sense You mentioned before that you believe all friendships are destined to end I wonder if you really believe that What does that mean in regard to all your current friendships I hate to bring this up too but I'm understanding how you must have felt before Didn't you say that you were scared that I left because you thought that I thought I found you disgusting Right now I'm feeling that exact thing If I can overcome all of this I can win I want to believe that I want you to believe that I can, I know I am asking a lot of you I see that Did I not say before that I realized the importance of human interaction At one point I forgot it but now it s become obvious I too am frustrated with my own behavior Make no mistake I am not crying or begging and I have no intention of doing either of those things I simply wish to see a satisfactory conclusion to our discussion Do not underestimate the power of debate If need be I'll deal with my doubt somehow by myself You'll never have to hear of them again I would think that that's a favorable compromise I don't want to lose you again If you'll allow it I will try again but with the aforementioned conditions If this really is the end then there's nothing I can do to stop it But at the very least I have to make sure that this is the real you that I'm talking to Not a depressed angry or scared you If it means you'll be happy then I will respect your decision My last letter of sorts took me months to compose so I hope this serves to indicate how serious I am about this Of course I d very much like to hear your thoughts and side of the story on this TL;DR I sabotaged myself Everything I did was entirely my own doing I'm revolting In all my life I've only made one real friend and fucked it up I'm weak I'm pathetic I'm not useful to anyone and I don't exist I'm the villain I'm irrational |
English | Im still Hera turned about weeks ago despite constant planning to off myself before that i don't know whether to be happy but I'm definitely not i don't know how much longer I can carry on but still I'm here i don't have hope but I wouldn't mind if my life just turned around and became less shit but it's never going to happen |
French | Je ne sais pas quoi faire de plus Je me sens comme ça depuis si longtemps Je ne peux pas continuer à vivre misérablement comme ça Tout le monde dit que ça va mieux, mais ce n'est pas le cas Je me sens comme ça dans un an, mais je suis juste misérable Je ne peux pas continuer à me sentir comme ça J'ai essayé d'obtenir de l'aide Rien ne m'aide Je suis jeune et à l'université et c'est censé être le meilleur moment de ma vie |
English | I shouldn't be here But I'm so frustrated right now I haven't had human contact in years now I've reached my limit This is no way for a human to live hahaha hahaha I could go on about all the bad things in my life but fuck that shit I just want someone to love and hold me right about now, and I know the chances of that are slim to none forever I prefer non-existence over this shit |
French | Je suis fatigué d'essayer je ne peux pas me faire d'amis pour la vie de moi j'ai des copains avec qui je traîne à l'université et c'est ça je suppose que mon déclencheur aujourd'hui est ces copains qui parlent de comment ils sont allés à une fête de la hanche je ne veux pas que je sois un ami. |
French | Je suis bien jusqu'à ce que je ne me sens pas suicidaire beaucoup, mais toujours d'une manière de vengeance et je ne sais pas pourquoi mon colocataire et j'ai eu une dispute parce que j'avais laissé un seul cheveu dans la salle de bain de notre appartement. |
French | null |
French | Je sais que je me plains beaucoup, mais je me sens tellement merdique que je dois juste laisser couler quelque part, ou de mauvaises choses vont m'arriver Je n'ai pas pris mes anti-dépresseurs pour les deux derniers jours car je soupçonne fortement qu'ils me rendent complètement engourdi à mes sentiments Mais en même temps je suis tellement engourdi que la paix de la mort je suis prêt à dire si je me sens bien |
French | Je pense que je suis en train de perdre mon seul espoir Ce n'est pas comme si c'était particulièrement bon si je voulais un ami qui ne veut pas de toi C'est probablement plus malsain que tout Mais c'est la seule pensée que j'avais quand je prenais des pilules, et avant que je puisse prendre plus, je pensais que si je pouvais avoir une autre chance avec lui, je serais en train de faire une erreur grave |
English | I feel that I'm stuck My wife and I are fighting again I said some things about divorce and I'm actually thinking of going through with it this time However I'm so fucking scared of being alone I've got two boys and from a previous relationship They stay with me at all times Then my wife and I have two children One boy and a girl If we get divorced she will most likely move back to Texas We live in Iowa currently I can't lose my youngest two I know that I'm not strong enough to make it without them, I'm so stuck and scared I don't want to end up having my wife but things aren't changing I'm too lazy to do what she asks and she doesn't follow through on things she says she will do I wish I never had kids, so I could kill myself and not leave my kids behind I'm trying to stay strong and keep on going for my kids but it's incredibly hard I just want some peace and happiness I want that for my wife too, and I can't give her that |
English | I have a test today and I can't study and I feel exhausted But I will fail my semester then then I'm not able to apply for higher education I feel guilty about it Guys I have finished high school is there some warm post high school words that can warm me down from stress and agony |
English | I'm killing myself on December I've got the date place and method set already Anything else I should do besides writing a will and suicide note |
French | tre vivant fait mal Pourquoi est-ce que vivre fait mal Je suis une déception énorme et un fardeau sur ma famille Je ne sais pas pourquoi je ne peux pas faire mieux |
English | All the joy is gone There is nothing in my life that brings me joy There is nothing I can do to make me feel anything Everything I once loved gives me absolutely no pleasure anymore and my life has been a swirling spiral into this empty pit of existence II ve never had a genuine human connection with anyone and have always felt like everything I ever did was in the wrong The therapists say to go out and do things I enjoy and little by little add more things to that list but it's hard when not a god-damn thing makes me want to do any of it The only thing that brings me a tickle of joy is the thought of ending it, so I don't have to deal any more I just want it all to end This whole existence is pointless We trick ourselves into giving this bullshit life meaning, but I know it's not real None of this means anything we're all going to eventually die anyway What's the point |
French | Je ne vais pas vraiment le faire, mais il semble si tentant Fuck it Je ne vais pas utiliser un jetable Ce n'est pas comme si mes sentiments sont un secret Je suis un lycéen et je suis déprimé depuis que je suis un enfant Je n'ai aucune idée de ce que je veux faire de ma vie et je n'ai aucune motivation pour tout ce que je sens comme je suis logique Je veux juste être mieux sans moi Je ne suis qu'un fardeau |
English | I need to help Throwaway account I don't really know what to say, so I'll rant I cry frequently I hate every moment I spend alone with myself I'm a fucking grown ass man who can't handle the real world I'm too afraid to live the way I would like I have negative money which constantly stresses me out My monetary situation hardly ever seems to improve I'm so exhausted and angry from struggling to get ahead I m isolated yet surrounded I m consumed with hate for myself and the world around me but at the same time I love the world and humanity so much I want to talk to someone I want someone to tell me I'll get through this, but I don't want someone to lie to me, I feel like peeling the god-damn skin off of my face and riding off my fingernails Please help me I don't know how you can, I hate so much yet love so much It's too confusing, and I can't handle it I don't want to get out of bead and go to work tomorrow I would rather just kill myself But I won't Not tonight Maybe another night I'm scared to die I'm scared of myself It's like living in a room with someone who you know wants to murder you I want to be institutionalized, but I don't want it on my record God damn what do I fuck do |
English | I want to kill my self m and don't know what to do I'm Really frustrated with my life It's been years and I still can't get over my ex GF I don't feel like moving when i ve gained pounds ever since and I don't feel like doing anything I just want to kill myself and get it over with |
French | Je voudrais ne pas être paresseux pour le suicide, je ne peux plus gérer cette vie et je veux qu'elle se termine, mais cela nécessite l'énergie que je n'ai pas, je ne me soucie pas si la paresse pourrait me tuer, je serais heureux de toute façon, je n'ai rien d'autre à dire |
English | If only Two years ago I had pneumonia and I wish it had taken me then and there but here I am emotionally feeling worse than I ever have before and I'm not able to talk to anyone because then to me, it sounds so stupid and petty I saw a counselor and the entire time I felt like she thought I was an attention seeker and that my problems are stupid I wish my life ended back then so the last few years never happened |
English | I feel like I've made all the wrong choices Recently my depression and anxiety have come back I stopped taking my ADHD medication on a whim because I just felt a lot of anger sadness and didn't care any more I ended a long and beautiful relationship the only person who I've ever been fully happy with and when I tried to mend the relationship they said they couldn't be with me right now Not that I blame them I broke their heart and I could end up doing it again I recently left a regular job for a remote position due to covid which I was excited about because I wouldn't have to worry about it by the job is so much more stress than it's worth, and I feel so isolated from the world Everything just feels wrong right now I keep thinking I should reach out to a counselor and be honest about the fact that I want to end my life everything just feels like too much But I'm worried a counselor will reach out to my job we get free counseling through my job or worse my family I've already had an episode in the past and I really don't want to put my mom through that right now when it's so close to the holidays I have full months prescriptions of Vyvanse and I've been trying to research if you can overdose on it, I know I shouldn't but I so badly just don't want to not wake up anymore and deal with life s problems they don't seem worth it any more I feel like a burden to ppl ever since my depression anxiety came back, and I feel like everyone s lives would be better off without me in it, I know this could have taken a major turn due to the relationship ending and not being able to get it back But right now everything else on top of it just feels like a lot I also have to decide in a few days if I'm going to move to the other side of the country Part of me says eff it let s go and get away from all my problems but that feels like running away, and I know that's not going to fix anything I guess I'm just here to rant and maybe get some advice |
French | Où acheter Nembutal Canada Bonjour Je cherche à acheter la dose mortelle de Nembutal pour une sortie paisible, mais il semble qu'il y ait beaucoup d'escrocs sur Internet Est-ce que quelqu'un sait où l'acheter légitimement Merci |
French | Je viens d'arrêter Je pense à ce que je ferais si j'étais en mesure de parler à quelqu'un hors de la corniche Je ne ferais rien Si quelqu'un veut y mettre fin C'est leur appel Parce que c'est ce que je voudrais si j'étais dans leur situation J'ai arrêté de parler à mes amis autant évidemment Pour me tenir à distance Parlez-moi comme vous parlez à vos amis Bien maintenant Je leur parle à peine |
English | Pretty sure tomorrow is the day don't have anything else to lose in this life any more I'll have a house to myself and a final goodbye I just don't think I can go on anymore |
French | Comment pouvez-vous vivre dans une culture qui ne veut pas que je n'ai pas l'énergie de taper une diatribe complète en ce moment, mais juste les gens disent que tuer vous-même est mauvais que vous n'êtes pas autorisé, mais alors ils ne vous enseignent pas les compétences dont vous avez besoin pour survivre, ce n'est pas ce que vous savez, mais qui vous savez, etc. |
French | Au revoir, j'ai toujours eu l'impression que ceux qui m'entourent me prenaient vraiment pour acquis, je ne peux plus le faire, je ne suis pas parfait, mais je peux au moins dire que j'ai essayé Ce monde n'est pas pour moi, j'ai toujours voulu laisser une marque avant de partir S'il vous plaît, si vous avez quelqu'un qui n'est pas trop loin, comme si je leur parlais. |
English | Am I alone in feeling this way Hi all I joined Reddit only to come here and reach out I feel pretty lonely, and I really just want to know if there are other people that have a similar experience I am not actively suicidal or in danger to myself but I've been struggling a lot I'm a teenager and it s been six weeks since I got discharged from a residential treatment program and I've been having a really hard time I've never had a real suicide attempt but I've been depressed and anxious for a long time and I've lived with suicidal ideation since I was My family has been abusive in the past I didn't realize this was the case until very late into my treatment at residential which has been very difficult because I came home with a lot of unresolved issues I've been in every level of care and because I was steadily declining I was put into a residential treatment facility I also needed hour care due to how nonfunctional I was When I got there I realized that most of my peers in the facility had attempted suicide I have had suicidal actions such as writing letters notes collecting pills figuring out ways to end my life starting to attempt etc. Ever since I got into treatment my resolve to actually attempt has gotten stronger and stronger I'm very afraid that my pain isn't valid unless I've tried to kill myself That narrative has been cycling through my mind for a few years and now I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it There have been many many times when I've been actively suicidal or at least gotten to being truly suicidal meaning I really, really wanted to die As in that's all I wanted out of life When I was residential I really wanted to kill myself and I tried times but none of them worked because I didn't have what I actually wanted to use which was really frustrating at the time The other odd thing I've realized is that I wasn't attempting outside of treatment because I lived by staying in bed all day sleeping all day or watching YouTube all day That meant I didn't have to actually think about why I was in pain so I stayed in limbo of numbing the pain and constantly getting caught in it, I guess it was my only way of keeping my suffering at bay But then when I actually had to think about the pain or why I was in pain the suicidal thoughts became rampant It also doesn't help that when I'm not suicidal or when I'm having a good day that I'm not sick enough narrative is there So when I'm actually actively suicidal where I want to die that narrative adds even more resolve as to why I need to kill myself But I'm afraid of being seen as wanting attention That's the exact opposite of what I want It's really hard to attempt at home because I don't want my family to know I don't want people to find out and worry I don't want to get hospitalized again I don't want to talk about with anyone or talk about the emotions behind it is s weird because when I'm not actually suicidal I'm thinking all the time about wanting to attempt suicide to prove I m in pain or that my pain is valid But when I'm actually suicidal where I want to die to end the pain then the need to prove it just feels like an added reinforcer even if that's not the primary reason I want to die But then again isn't it kind of fucked up that my baseline is I need to prove I m in pain by risking my life and or dying I don't know maybe I'm looking for reassurance maybe I'm looking for someone to relate It's odd I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this and I haven't so I'm still trying I'm still reaching out But it's just so hard I think I'm just sad and alone and exhausted |
French | Quelqu'un d'autre a des fantasmes de se tuer à la rd personne Je me sens beaucoup de bonheur en pensant à me tuer à la rd personne curieuse presque comme un voyageur du temps Ma cible m'amène à différents âges Puis téléporter hors de ce scénario et puis la réalité assurerait et je cesserais d'exister J'espère que cela ne brise pas les lignes directrices de la communauté Bien sûr, je n'ai pas les mêmes tendances meurtrières |
English | I just want to disappear Everything in my life has been falling apart as of late Lost my job s o left me family doesn't care for my existence funds are running dry and I don't know how much longer I can bear living this meaningless life Death seems to be the best option at this point Nothing is making my life better everything is breaking me The only positive thing that I can see coming from my death is that nobody will have to mourn my death I have no friends family or lovers that would care if I left |
English | Everything hurts probably not as suicidal as many other poor souls here But being alive hurts too much for me to take much longer I constantly struggle with my family relations which at this point is practically non-existent since I got kicked out My father died of cancer last year and my mother and I don't get along I loved my ex with all my heart, but she hurt me so much that the pain is still here months later, and I still have trouble trusting people Even though I fell in love with someone else I was afraid she would leave me too which probably will happen tomorrow My refuge has been weed and a lot of it like g a week Only then I feel happy and my life and work is just to get to that point of the week when I can smoke again My studies are going down the drain which is one reason my mom hates me since I got a IQ But I'm so tired and it hurts so much Everyday I walk with a huge burden on my chest nausea and my heart can't stop bleeding I don't want to go on anymore |
English | How hard is it to die really I made up my mind about killing myself a while ago and I have a rough idea of how I want to do it No matter how it happens I know I'll take extreme precaution in making sure I go and don't end up surviving I've been trying really hard to ask this question in a way that does not come across insensitive because I'm around the same area you are, and I know this is certainly not the place to be insensitive That being said the amount of people who attempt suicide and survive is mind-boggling large to me as when I think about suicide I often think about how to ensure I don't survive Is that something other people consider when they attempt and if so why do so many ends up surviving |
French | Les tentatives ratées de comptage d'amp ne savent pas comment dire au revoir à quelqu'un dans la vraie vie, ils ne s'en soucient vraiment pas de toute façon, je n'ai pas en moi pour expliquer pourquoi j'avais juste besoin de quelqu'un pour voir cela, ça faisait longtemps que je n'avais pas réussi à compter les tentatives. |
English | I m f depressed as hell right now I need it to stop The only person I want to talk to about this is someone I can't contact at this time of night and I probably shouldn't put the responsibility of talking to a depressive on this person I just don't know who the fuck to talk to or what the fuck to do |
English | I m Just So Done and Frustrated have never been this depressed in my entire life it has never been this bad before and I'm so tired of crying every single day and being in an eternal anxiety attack Over months ago I moved back to my home state leaving the city I always dreamed of and loved I didn't think it would be a big deal leaving my job because I've never had issues finding a job before A little over a month after I moved I got offered a great job with what I thought was a great company and great money Well turns out they had decided to eliminate the position I had originally been offered so that left me with no job Upon further research of the company they are involved in a lot of sketchy things I started looking for other jobs and now it s been months, and I am just so done I have never had an issue finding a job before, but this time has been awful I've been to over interviews and none of them have done anywhere except for one that I was offered from the hiring manager that was then denied by the owner of the company because I would have been the only female besides the hiring manager there, and he only wants guys working there I am in the process of filing a complaint against them, I've had no money for months because I had let my boyfriend use it all because I didn't think I'd be having this much trouble My relationship is deteriorating by the day because now neither one of us have money, and he blames me for every thing because I ran out of money I've gone to staffing agencies which have all been sketchy and advertise jobs they don't even have who have nothing I've been to counselors who have told me to take things off my resume my master s degrees and a lot of my previous employment because it shows all my experience and places aren't going to want to pay what I've previously been paid Nothing has worked I went from an average of an hour to lowering myself to then then which I haven't made since I was and realizing I'm going to be working or jobs just to get us an apartment, and yet I still can't get a job There is no money At all I don't even have gas to go see him My friends some of who I've been staying with are all so done with me begging for money all the time I seriously just don't know what to do any more I've never been in this position before and I've lost every thing and nothing is getting better I just don't want to live anymore |
French | Sauter d'un grand bâtiment est la meilleure et la plus facile option Le gratte-ciel dans lequel je travaille, j'ai un accès facile au toit, donc tout ce que j'ai à faire est de sauter et c'est que la vie craint quand vous êtes laid en raison de cicatrices hors de votre contrôle, mais que pouvez-vous faire, mais vous tuer, alors c'est ce que je vais faire. |
French | Les portes continuent de se fermer J'ai essayé J'ai essayé et essayé et essayé J'ai l'impression d'avoir fait tout ce que je peux J'ai essayé des médicaments J'ai essayé des thérapies J'ai essayé des conseils J'ai essayé de parler à des amis proches Des gens en qui j'ai confiance Mais rien ne fonctionne Rien ne m'aide S'il te plaît Je peux voir les portes se fermer un par un J'ai l'ai l'ai l'impression |
French | Je suis ici pour vous, je sais ce que vous sentez que j'ai vécu une énorme quantité de perte récemment, j'ai posté ici avant de tendre la main pour moi-même, j'ai vécu plus de perte il y a quelques jours, mais ce n'est pas à propos de moi aujourd'hui, je reconnais que le pire est de se sentir seul et même quand vous parlez avec quelqu'un sachant que leur soutien vient avec un manque de vraie connaissance de ce que je traverse |
French | Quelles sont vos chansons préférées sur le suicide J'aime vraiment Vague de mutilation par The Pixies |
English | How do I still continue on My entire life has just been an ocean of self-doubt I'm only yet I feel tired to my core I don't know how I have kept going and still do even when my body screams at me to give in and just end it I'm taking care of myself and my boyfriend He can't work and I know he hates himself for the burden he s put on me, I hardly make enough to support the two of us and don't have money to buy food or even do laundry Its taken its toll on me more than anything else has I made a promise to him that I wouldn't hurt myself I've come close a few times but I feel like I'm slowing being worn down I can't afford to see a doctor I just don't know what to do anymore |
English | I m in a perpetual cycle of planning for the future and wanting to die as soon as possible Why do I do this I know I'm most likely going to kill myself before summer even starts Why am I planning for the future Any plan I think of will just be redundant in the end It's all so pointless What's wrong with me Why can't I just be suicidal or normal I hate this tug of war between wanting to die and wanting to see the future Can't a truck run me over already Reverse and run me over again just to make sure there's no second chances |
English | It's not so much that I hate myself but more like I want to end existence Really that what suicide means to me the end of existence Just nothing But why not have something instead of nothing Because something is shit Most of the universe is empty space anyway it won't be any more full or empty with me in it is will remain a cold sad desolate space for the rest of time and everyone is just tricking themselves Good for you |
French | Je suis inquiet au sujet de ma petite amie De temps en temps comme les gens font ma petite amie de mois sera juste triste mauvais jour mauvaise semaine aussi longtemps qu'elle a une mauvaise vie à la maison Les parents divorcés lui disant volontiers qu'elle était un accident, elle ne sera jamais à rien, etc. Ils lui donnent toujours de grosses vacances et vont aux casinos et se saouler Ils vont embaucher ses utilisateurs parce que je ne peux pas être dérangée Je vais aller avec elle |
English | I'm a fuck-up I don't know what to do I feel like the biggest failure In fact out of everybody I know I AM the biggest failure I m and failing out of university Everyone else that I know is either successful in their field or still in school and doing well on track for graduation in their thy ear I have friends and a family that cares about me but I feel like I'm a burden on them, I just got back from a pub crawl so I've been drinking a fair bit Tonight is the first night I've ever truly thought about ending my life and I'm scared more than I've ever been I'm going to bed but it would really mean a lot to me if I could talk to someone tomorrow I don't think sober me would ever ask for help like this |
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English | He Lost His Best Friend To Murder This Is How He Conquered His Depression Young Vision Hopes To Be The Voice For Everyone Going Through Self Hatred Depression And Suffering From Trauma Young Vision Intro HTTPS youth be PDP B phoebe |
French | Je ne sais pas qui je suis devenu Je lis des posts sur Reddit sur la dépression Je pense à d'autres personnes Je pense à des tentatives de suicide et à leurs luttes pour la santé mentale Je ne me soucie pas de ma santé mentale Je me sens anxieux et déprimé De ce que je peux me souvenir Je me sens comme ça Je me sens comme ça Je me sens comme ça Je me sens comme ça Je me sens comme ça Je me sens comme ça |
English | Fully convinced again that I'll kill myself by age There are zero reasons to be alive Everyone who thinks they have a great life and are happy all the time totally would not be if they just understood how pointless life is What I'm saying is they're too closed-minded to understand and I know that sounds very narcissistic but if you think about it is s true Biologically the only thing we as humans are supposed to do is reproduce But why What is so great about humans that we need to keep our species alive Maybe because we are the most advanced species to exist ever But why is that a good thing I just cannot comprehend why people want to live and thrive Maybe they have a purpose But purposes don't mean anything in the grand scheme of things And this is all if you're actually a decent person to begin with I on the other hand am incredibly selfish and rude underweight lazy have clinically diagnosed anxiety severe depression and ADHD so to put it simply I'm not ideal I went on a bit of a rant but anyway I'm fucking miserable now because I've realized how pointless my existence is This is an opinion I've held for a long time and didn't flesh out until now Say what you want but to me this is the correct answer to the never ending question of meaning I'm saying I'll do it by age because by then I will have moved out of my parents house and I will be of legal age to gain access to better ways to kill myself in other words a firearm Right now all I have is a bottle of Tylenol and that's a horrible way to go And I will wait until I'm out of my parents house because I want nobody to try and save me I've been hospitalized before for a suicide attempt and that was the worst experience of my life, so nobody better save me Literally spent most of my time there plotting how I could sneak out so I could jump in front of a truck on the nearby freeway I've also had the police sent to my house too because they thought I was suicidal after I called the stupid hotline which I'm never fucking calling again So yeah life is pointless and I'll be so glad to put an end to mine when I finally can AM rant over |
French | Donc, cette fois hier soir, je pleurais et dactylographiais des choses pour ce Subreddit et en expliquant tout cela en pensant que je trouverais une solution, je me suis fâché, j'ai supprimé mon poste, puis j'ai essayé d'échouer et je suis revenu, je veux juste arrêter de ressentir des choses, mais je ne dois pas trop à ma famille. |
English | I'm scared of myself feel like most of the time i m an other person it scares me and I don't know what to do about, and I think he wants to kill me I just don't know what to do |
English | I am so alone, and it is my fault can't build or keep friendships And it is completely my fault I lost my teenage years No experiences from there I reached a new low by not being able to leave my room Maybe drugs help |
English | Done m done I've written a will write notes started giving away all my stuff I've been arranging meet ups with people, so I can see them one last time I m in agony Living is torture, and I don't think I should have to do this if I don't want to I might hurt maybe a few friends but I honestly couldn't care less Life isn't worth living not even for them, I'm just trying for a method now I've not got a date in mind I'm horrid with deadlines deadlines get it I'll just know when it s time to go but it'll have to be soon I'm trying to hold out until Monday Tuesday when the end of my meetings are But after that it's fair game I m done I m done with life I m done trying It's not worth it just need to keep talking to people until then to delay the inevitable |
French | Je suis si seule, et c'est ma faute si je ne peux pas construire ou garder des amitiés Et c'est complètement ma faute si j'ai perdu mon adolescence Pas d'expériences à partir de là J'ai atteint un nouveau plus bas en ne pouvant pas quitter ma chambre Peut-être que les médicaments aident |
French | Pourquoi le suicide est-il toujours la réponse que je vais à la thérapie se sentait mieux que je l'ai toujours dans le suicide encore est encore là me séduisant je sens que rien ne peut jamais me faire arrêter de haïr ma vie Pourquoi le suicide est-il une telle stigmatisation Pourquoi les gens sont-ils si préoccupés si je vis ou non Je ne peux pas me faire comprendre pourquoi c'est une mauvaise chose que je veux mourir, et j'ai besoin de libération et je ne veux pas vivre un autre jour |
English | I think I tried to kill myself Mom threw all of my medications I've been taking it for a while so I guess the chemicals were still in the system that time That night I drank way more alcohol than I could handle threw up and blacked out on the way to my bed I woke up around am I feeling very nauseated dizzy and sweaty I suspected it's a bad hangover but then I realized all those antidepressants and antipsychotics could have done something wrong I wasn't new to either of this medication s withdrawal but considering that I have drank bottles of booze with them made me scared for life ironically Mom just considered that I was having a worse hangover and told me it will take some days for the symptoms to wear off But little does she know going through withdrawal is such horrifying so I was constantly worried if it was just a hangover Since I'm still alive living with an additional physical pain was just unbearable So I finally paid a visit to the doc after some days I told them I think I was suffering from a hangover but I was scared to tell them that I had been previously taking other meds for months right before getting intoxicated Have I really tried to kill myself |
French | Je suis vraiment heureux quand j'ai quelque chose à attendre Ce truc était l'université C'est une émotion qui a soudainement été arrachée à moi comme je n'ai pas été invitée à rejoindre la deuxième année de mon cours d'université C'est juste que j'ai raisonné. |
English | I feel like I have no future to live for While I know there's a lot of people who have lives much worse than mine I've been so depressed for most of my life for so many things I feel like I have nothing to live for as my the birthday is next month and while I'm not planning on hurting myself there s days like today where I wish I fall asleep and never wake up I really don't know of a quick way to explain why I feel the way I do without having to explain my life story Is the right forum to explain everything or should I try the depression forum |
French | Je ne vois aucune vraie raison de continuer à vivre seulement des années et dans ces années, il n'y a que des chagrins et des ennuis La majorité de ma famille a souffert de dépression et d'anxiété terrible comme je l'ai fait Ils se sont généralement tournés vers les drogues de rue comme l'héroïne de méthamphétamine et la weed Ce que je sais que la weed n'est pas trop mauvaise mais encore quelque chose comme ceux-ci |
English | Hey guys I just made this account I made this account with the utmost of privacy because I can't be found out maybe I hope someone connects the dots I don't know anyway i ve been dealing with a lot of hopelessness i m scared to admit it to anyone because I have to be a man this virus has closed so many doors for me my problems are so minuscule compared to what i ve read on here I just wanted to ask you guys What if I never find out why I was born i ve been trying to find something i m good at a passion a talent something I can say I do with pride something I can stop disappointing people at i ve looked everywhere to try and see how I can know what I might be good at i ve done personality quizzes i ve done future career quizzes but none of them lead me to anything i m at the last straw can someone here help |
French | Je vais me tuer en quelques mois si rien ne change. J'ai pris des décisions de merde qui m'ont peut-être affecté de façon permanente pour la vie. Je vais faire tout ce que je peux pour continuer à faire les choses que j'ai toujours voulu. Peut sembler stupide et puérile ou cliché, mais c'est simplement comme ça que j'ai toujours senti que j'atteindrais un jour mes objectifs pour une vie heureuse. |
English | I can't sleep I'm too afraid What if one day I accidentally make a mistake And I apologize over and over, but people never forgive me Its almost am I really just want to go to bed but I'm too afraid that one day this will happen and no one will ever love me again |
French | Si vous étiez au début de faire k sur le point de perdre votre emploi à temps plein plein tour bourse d'études votre appartement et de tout votre argent vous tuer parce que c'est ce qui est sur le point de m'arriver à moi et je pense à mettre fin à tout cela |
French | Fatigué d'en parler, je parle de suicide depuis de nombreux mois et je me suis senti suicidaire pendant quelques années, je suis passé par un divorce horrible et j'ai perdu toute ma vie, j'ai reçu un règlement de divorce décent, mais ma volonté de vivre, j'ai été vaincu, j'ai été incapable de reconstruire ma vie, j'ai retrouvé ma stabilité, j'ai perdu mon temps, j'ai perdu mon temps. |
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English | I feel very stupid writing this but oh well For about a year now I have had thoughts about killing myself and I've come close to it several times I can from an outside perspective see that me killing myself is not a good thing But on the inside every cell in my body is screaming that it is the only way out My mental illnesses have been getting worse my friends feel so distant the world feels so far away Its like I m in space or underwater and I'm screaming but of course nobody hears me I can't stop thinking that it would be so easy just slip out of reach forever I feel writing on here about this but I can admit I am desperate so why am I writing on here I don't really know maybe to see if I'm just screaming into an empty void maybe to get some of what I am feeling out honestly I am completely lost |
English | My ramblings about my life Note I am not on drugs or anything I don't know what I am any more I don't know why I exist I am living like leech a pathetic coward worthless jobless penniless ugly disgusting existence I never bothered myself to make friends so I have none I don't honestly want to live any more I was religious and believed everything I understood the reason that I became like leech is the fault of religion I had spent all my damn childhood and teenage years on god and religion Religion is far worse than drugs or anything out there Why the f k is it not banned and its costs' hell lot more than any drugs My parents is addicted to religion and spends a lot of money on it, I am afraid to open their minds because I don't know what if they become like me, I don't even understand why the hell do the parents make children Why the f k was I even made I didn't even ask to be made These all damn parents made children for their personal crap I hate everything I know we are like A our personality to everything likes to dislike is decided by what we learn and how we learn from birth to adulthood I wonder if it is the side effect of intelligence that causes suicide Either way I know death is inevitable I wonder what would happen if animals got intelligence will they commit suicide What if A got intelligence will it commit suicide Why the hell did hypothetical god didn't commit suicide I don't even understand how the hell did god became intelligent when there was nothing around him her I know no one knows the answer What the f k is life Drugs can alter state of mind It can make one mad or sorrow or happy So what are we We look like some software I know I am not special I know my life serves no meaning I just can't take it anymore I feel like I have bipolar disorder I can't learn anything any more I feel like It's pointless to go on I want everything about my life to end I know this is one and only one life I have There is no after crap I know all species lives are same No one s life is above anyone We make stuff up so to continue living a lie that we are special We only want to live if we have some desires I don't have any from the beginning I know how to overcome what I am having but I don't know why should I bother What's the whole damn point in continuing I don't want to repeat the cycle I want to be out from this system I don't want to lie to myself that I am special and sh t and continue progressing I feel the entire point of life is to create stronger and intelligent species that is capable of adapting according to environment What for Maybe the hypothetical creator wants to do experiments either way it's never will be anything good I can only assume with limited intelligence I have I am no longer bound by religion and I am thankful for the people on the internet who helped me understand what reality is The only solution is to have small realistic goals in life and keep moving by tracking and correcting the mistakes one make over time I know everything will change if I do that But what for I know that the present only matters Live in present I no longer live in fantasy but I had spent too much time in it is s a living hell to get rid of it I don't even understand why every being even needed some purpose to exist I know being depressed and simply thinking won't get me anywhere It is not even logical thing to do Should I continue or end myself I don't even now I know no one knows the answers |
French | Je ne peux pas sortir de la boucle Vous pouvez dire que je suis une petite chienne minable peur de la vie, mais si vous regardez mon chemin, je me trouve dans un tunnel sombre sans lumière à la fin Comment j'ai survécu à cette longue j'ai essayé d'aller à l'université pour ne pas perdre le contrôle, c'est pour rester en hibernation, je suis assis toute la journée, je regarde des vidéos, je peux me masturberberberber |
English | I really hope I fucking die soon can't take life any more It's the same every day Just want to slit my throat and down a bottle of pills but I'm too much of a pussy to try |
English | Bursting at the seams with this paint s almost been a year since I contemplated suicide Even wrote out a letter which I still have My life is currently in shambles Jobless confused husband and I are falling apart etc. I don't know what else is left but to quit the game of life He is too far away for me to reach out and no one else understands me Seems like people only say things to make it worse Why do folks do that Instead of trying to make you a little better or just stay quiet why make comments that add more salt to the wound Just pour the whole salt shaker why don't you Even my husband isn't such an asshole compared to what was said to me tonight I feel like ending this is the easiest way out nothing worth fighting for any more I need help I've been screaming for help and people brush me off like I'm exaggerating I just wanted someone to talk to whom wouldn't male me feel worse than he already made me feel |
English | Thank you the last text to my best friend hey I know we haven't talked in a while but I wanted to check on you, I hope you redoing okay I really hope you're going okay I just want to know that someone is But I just want to say that i m sorry i m sorry if there was ever a time when I made you mad or upset or anything And i m sorry for every fight we've had over the years I wish I could see you again but we've all been really busy Thank you for everything the last word said to my family nothing the last thing I was wearing a black t shirt with Dr Hooves on it colorful pajama pants with dodos on them and a black hair tie on my wrist the note I'm sorry i couldn't have been better I made everybody mad every other time we spoke it didn't help that everybody thought I hated them too but it's always been like this its better I go now so that i don't get worse later i don't see myself making it to this year it's been too much to fast I've made everybody s lives hell because i wasn't good enough for my own parents I feel horrible on a daily basis thinking about all the time money and food you've wasted on me it's not your fault I turned out so bad you couldn't stop it but that's not your fault either I've hurt a lot of people and a lot of people hurt me but hey that's life Of course this will be saved for another day because I can never go through with it but one day you'll never have another worry for me good night |
French | Ok, j'ai fait aucun ami n'a jamais eu d'anxiété sociale de relation toute ma vie rend à la fois impossible apparemment le travail, je ne déteste aucun degré, aucune motivation, aucun passe-temps, je n'aime plus, sauf la randonnée et la course, ce qui serait beaucoup plus amusant avec les autres de temps en temps, je suis sobre, je ne veux plus travailler, je ne veux pas essayer différents médicaments ou différents thérapeutes, je ne peux pas continuer comme ça. |