How Important is Professionalism When People Apply to Your Startup?
mkyc: Proofreading is useful, so have some of my time. Or skip to last paragraph.Now for the downside: I'm not looking for the position in your job posting. I'm much more inexperienced (I believe the business term is "cheap to hire[no period here]") than you want for that position[, and - period here. runon] I'm a junior in high school looking for a summer job working remotely - [, as ]relocating is unrealistic given my age.[avoid brackets] I would be able[really?] to perform the Rails and Java work [that you want done - remove], but I would do so from my house[you've mentioned this], and after summer[, no comma here] I would have to drastically reduce my hours. [I would need drastically reduced hours?]I hope that my lack of job experience and inability to work permanently do not prevent you from considering me. I have solid knowledge of how to program[I am a capable programmer?] (see my resume for AP tests and projects [that prove it - awkward][. parenthetical notes don't get their own periods])[avoid parenthesis unless it's just a side note/quip]. I could be a jolt of energy helping you get a few new, cool features out the door. I also have a business-oriented facet of[to] my mind, so I could help think of [premium - don't need this] features that people would actually pay for [that would generate revenue, etc.] or possibly even float other business models[I hope you have serious credentials to back this up].As a high school junior, I am looking for a summer job working remotely. [After summer,- move this...]I would be able to continue on a part-time basis [after the Summer [when classes resume]]. While[Though] I plan to continue my computer education in college, I have solid knowledge of how to program right now (see my resume for details). As a young person[you think older persons aren't "jolts of energy"?], I could be a jolt of energy helping you get a few new, cool features out the door.Not bad overall for writing. It lacks tact in a couple of places. You need to make these of similar length, content, and quality if you want an accurate comparison.I prefer A, ending right after "than you want for that position", followed by B. Make it casual but terse.