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depression-detection

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online classes finishes in 2 days should i slack off or nah :l

press quit, replayeverything is awful i'm an ftm tranny nightmare and i'm never going to be anything but, i'm not a man and all everyone tells me is that men are evil anyways, i'm just following in the footsteps of a long line of rapists and abusers and they say they want to kill all men anyway so why can't they just kill me now? but i'm never going to be anything other than a bitch, i'm sixteen and i'm going to be forever i live in australia. australia is the worst place in the world to be a trans minor. you aren't allowed to transition under 18 unless you prove to a judge that you're trans. we don't know how to do that. there's only one therapist in four hundred miles and he isn't giving me help. he's withholding the information about it. i'm on hormone blockers but they suck and i missed a shot a month ago and my body hasn't recovered, i'm in godawful physical pain and between it and the mental pain i want to blow my fucking brains out so i can stop being a goddamn aberration. i'm psychotic and it's getting worse and i can't seek treatment for it. if i tell anyone then it'll be on my file and they'll reject my case. also i refuse to take antipsychotics so in the very unlikely chance that they overlook the psychosis they'll reject me for being 'untreated'. some people have told me there are non-drug treatments and i hope there are but nobody ever talks about them so i don't know what they are. the psychosis and dysphoria and physical pain are playing into each other and i can't live like this. i've only been awake for two hours and i'm so exhausted and i want to go back to sleep but there's nowhere to sleep in this house because my room is full of clothes and shit that i can't put away because i can't organize my mental faculties enough. i can't get treatment for anything else i have until i start t and they won't let me they won't let me i'm going to die like this i can't live in this fucking nightmare body but i'm going to have it forever because i'll never look anything like a real man i've been out for three years and i've seen too many trans men in that time and everyone will always know about my goddamn history just by looking at me even if they don't know because ftm awareness is just going to get higher and higher and people already get outed for fucking scar bullshit and it's going to keep happening and get worse and i need to start t now even though i'll always look like a fucking nightmare because i can't live like this i can't live like this

only living to keep my mom sane except now i'm starting to care less about her feelingsnothing is wrong with my life. i've always been incredibly spoiled and everything i wanted has been handed to me. people would kill to have my life, except i'm in so much pain. from the moment i wake up every morning, all i can think about is how i want to die. i'm so miserable having to live that the idea of permanent nothingness is the only light i can see. i want to die so badly but i've been putting it off because of the guilt of knowing i'll be putting my mom through the same pain i'm experiencing if i were to die. she begs me all the time to not hurt myself and makes me promise never to end my life. i don't know what to do anymore. lately i've been feeling less guilty as if her feelings don't even matter.

how do you open up about how you feel?i find it hard to talk about my health to others, even close friends. they know i've been struggling to find work, but they don't know that i've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for years. chances are whenever i've had a drink with them, i've at some point in that day thought about ending it. in the past, my depression has been more acute. i would spend most days indoors and would cry for hours a day. nowadays it still severely affects my productivity, but i generally get on with things and appear functional. i'm quite a stoic person so it doesn't really show. i think that because on the surface i'm so rational about things, people think that i couldn't possibly be depressed/suicidal. being lgbt, most of my life has been about keeping secrets about myself from other people and i'm unfortunately exceptional at it. however i don't even know how i would bring up a conversation like that. most of the time when i see people, it's going for a drink, or at a sports team. it's either not the time to bring the conversation down, or it's just too brief an encounter. if someone asks me how my week's been, i'll just say it was fine, even if it wasn't. there's no time to go into detail, and i feel like people wouldn't believe me anyway. i've tried to tell people in the past, but i don't think they believed me. i told an ex while we were dating, and he told me i was being ridiculous. i tried to tell a close friend recently, but he was preoccupied and i don't think he really got what i was trying to tell him. i also asked my doctor if i could get counselling, but he told me there were no services in the area (even though there are). how would you even go about opening up to someone about how you feel?

living in a world of paranoia. i see conspiracy everywhere. help. [xpost from /r/mentalhealth]dear reddit, i've suffered with this for years. until recently, i self medicated with alcohol and occasionally 420. recently kicked a tramadol (google this, it's a nasty drug) habit and now my paranoia has returned with a vengeance. i'm reasonably successful, i've climbed the ladder at a steady pace that is indicative of my intelligence and charisma. inside, however, i struggle with demons that are seemingly beyond my control. my recent promotion has thrown me into a department that was riddled with subterfuge and disarray. worse, i know that my new boss has in fact participated in these activities. telling one person something, then telling another story to her management or other directors. (i'm one of three) in taking this over, i found that my depression and paranoia are worsening. in an attempt to gain control of my life, i've stopped self-medicating completely. instead i've focused on b complex vitamins (labeled as stress relief), fish oils, and a diet that borders on disastrous (i have a flavor for crappy foods). i've decided to get back into shape, but have back and knee problems that prevent overly stressful exercise. so i'm going to start cycling. my fear is that this is chemical, but i get conflicting stories from therapists on this. worse, that if i end up on medication; i'll end up losing my edge that has gotten me this far. recently, this has gotten so bad that i'll sit at my desk, shaking, worried about what is next. i've reached out to others, and have been told that perhaps my paranoia is overly reading into the motivations of others. i'm reaching an edge to where i might make a bad decision. quitting my job (when jobs are somewhat scarce) is a scary proposition. even with other institutions indicating their interest in me, i can't trust that those will pan out. advice? has anyone else ever had strong paranoia at work? so much that if paralyzes you from making decisions? i'm at a director level now, and paralyzed decision making does not help me at all. [edit]: spacing for readability.

guys can we pls get some "asian parentsjokes in the comments cuz i am really bored asian parents jokes please !!!!

what online hobby/community should i join? so i wanted something to be a part of, during covid (cuz im bored) and i want to do something where i can actually partake in it instead of just learning about it. so if you have any suggestions of hobbies that arent too expensive they would be much appreciated. thanks,

omg text post weekend less fucking goooo

are you having a bad time? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠾⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠷⠄ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠄ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠿⠛⠉⠉⠉⠻⠿⠿⠟⠉⠉⠉⠛⠿⠇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠇⠀⠀⠶⠀⠸⠿⠿⠇ ⠸⠇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⠶⠤⠤⠠⠿⠃⠘⠿⠄⠤⠤⠶⠟ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠾⠿⠙⠶⠿⠿⠤⠤⠿⠿⠶⠏⠻⠷ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⠶⠜⠰⠭⠩⠍⠭⠍⠭⠱⠠⠶⠟ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠶⠦⠈⠻⠿⠶⠭⠘⠃⠛⠃⠫⠴⠿⠟⠡⠾⠟⠂ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠊⠉⠛⠳⠦⠈⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠁⠠⠿⠋⠀⠱⠄ ⠀⠀⠀⠔⠀⠀⠄⠀⠉⠳⠦⠄⠳⠶⠶⠃⠠⠤⠞⠛⠁⠠⠂⠀⠙⠄ ⠀⠀⠎⠀⠀⠀⠇⠀⠀⠸⠀⠏⠠⠭⠍⠈⠏⠇⠀⠀⠀⠼⠀⠀⠀⠙⠆ ⠀⠼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠷⠔⠒⠚⠍⠣⠸⠿⠿⠸⠋⠇⠠⠴⠚⠹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻ ⠀⠻⠄⠀⠀⠰⠁⠀⠀⠀⠗⠹⠸⠿⠿⠸⠉⠇⠇⠀⠀⠈⠇⠀⠀⠀⠸ ⠀⠀⠙⠦⠄⠸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⠹⠸⠿⠿⠸⠹⠜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠇⠀⠀⠴⠋ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⠃⠼⠶⠄⠀⠀⠸⠾⠶⠒⠒⠚⠾⠤⠤⠤⠤⠾⠃⠶ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠶⠶⠤⠲⠶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠷⠶⠶⠂⠤⠶⠦⠄ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠿⠿⠿⠿⠧⠩⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠬⠭⠭⠱⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟

what will envisioning your success do? what will envisioning your success do?

so that happened and it scared the shit out of me when we were doing "practice days" or whatever at secondary school when i was still in primary (just means that we had a couple of days at secondary school whilst still in primary). there were over 100 kids there and they had to call attendance and then you had to walk up to the front and get a name tag or whatever. so my introverted ass just thought, "i hope i'm in the middle i don't want any attention". so they start attendence. and because i was the only kid from my school going to this one, i was called up first. and my name is really weird. so i had to stand up in front of everyone, walk to the front, get a nametag and go back to my seat. in front of over 100 other kids. anyway that was one of the worst experiences of my life lol.

how does one know depression? what defines depression? can you be depressed without knowing it?it's gotten better in the last week or two, which is nice. before then though- since january, i thought about killing myself everyday. i stopped wearing a seat belt, sometimes closed my eyes while driving, thought about sprinting into a brick wall with my head downward (not sure if that would work), and of course just using one of my hand guns. i know [the depression] will end when the semester ends and i can start working construction again. i love working construction. maybe it's because i finally have friends? before, i had no friends... and so maybe i just dumped my sadness into the 'you have no friends so that must be why you're not happy' category. i made some friends during college and that's only made it worse. i like my friends, but they didn't help me like i thought friends would. now i have no claim to sadness. i have no reason to be sad, and knowing that has only made it worse. i'm not worried in the short term. semester ends, start work, happy again. i'm scared that it will come back when i start school again. how can i prevent it? i absolutely refuse to talk to anyone in the real world about it. i will not do it. that's why i come here i guess. this feels a lot like 'free writing' or whatever it's called. i will never take medications. i can't justify the expense of a therapist. i need a self-treatment of sorts... something that only i would know about. something cheap and effective. be it a hobby, video game, herbal tea, whatever the hell works. but i really, really don't want to face what i faced these past couple months again... i have to mitigate it. i think i might be depressedhave depression... but i only figured it out about 2-3 weeks ago. is that why it's gotten better, or is it because the semester is coming to an end. sorry for the wall of text... this is kind of an offmychest type post. edit: need to clarify

i don't think it ever gets betterbeen around 10 months since i vented here on this throwaway and my life has actually changed a bit. i have some friends who i'm quite close to and i go out a lot with them, but i don't feel like i could ever actually open up to them, even if they do open up to me about personal problems. the other day one of my housemates described me as someone who doesn't really get upset by anything and i really wanted to correct him but i don't want anyone to worry about me. i feel like things are just constantly either getting worse or just not changing at all, sure i have a few people i could consider close friends but i still feel as if i barely ever feel anything and i'm pretty sure this shows through my actions quite a lot, i wish i could give specific examples but i'm really paranoid of anyone ever finding my posts. i've fucked up again and self harmed for the first time since the very beginning of this year, i honestly have no idea where i'm going with this post and i have an inkling it'll get removed for how overwhelmingly negative it is but i honestly think it's just inevitable that i'll die by suicide, there is no other way. everyone says things get better but i honestly don't think it can for me, maybe it can for other people who aren't giant fuck ups but i think i'm just a fundamentally broken person and the only reason i haven't killed myself already is because my family seems to be dropping like flies and i don't want to put the burden of yet another funeral cost on their shoulders.

so..i'm thinking about suicide. i've acctually been thinking about it for a couple of years now. i think its time to commit. my life is a bit of a downward spirial and i'm honestly afriad of whats next. i've hit many points in my life where i was convinced that it couldnt get any worse. that this was rock bottom. i think suffication via helium is going to be the best bet for me. its kind of odd that im even bothering to post this. i want so desperately for someone to care about my situation. im so starved for social interactions that i'm pleading for help from unkown strangers. i acctually learned about reddit through my x-girlfriend. i only started viewing reddit after a couple of months of our break up. i wanted so secretly to somehow see her post. its been more then a year. this is so pointless, but i want you so desperately to prove otherwise. a bag full of helium seems so inviting.

i found a boomer comic in my english assignment filler filler filler filler filler filler filler

i want someone who can make me feel safe in his presence and also ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ᵐᵉ ˢᵉⁿˢᵉˡᵉˢˢˡʸ ᵃᵗ ᵗᶦᵐᵉˢ

i am so sick of every part of lifethere's nothing good, i don't recall anything ever being worth living for and it's only gotten worse... now i don't even have pokemon to look forward to x-x idk...

mondayi don't see me living after monday. i'm tired, i'm drained. there's nothing left. monday i will be alone and i'm going to kill myself. i only wish i had done it at 23.

should i seek help?i think i may have a slew of problems. i'd like to have them all discussed in a single post -apologies if this is not quite the right place to put it i know i have at least slight depression. i'll be fine one second and then suddenly feel as though everything i do doesn't matter. for instance, i'll be working, (i work at a grocery store -i walk the isles and help customers find whatever it is that they are looking for) for the most part, its a good, easy job but like i said, i'll randomly, suddenly, drop. i feel worthless -sometimes even angry. outside of work, i feel as though i'm not attractive, i feel lonely, and, to be completely honest, get in the mood of, "well fuck everything" and it's at that point where a major fear surfaces from within me. being a 20-year-old man who's only smoked pot once, it seems strange to me that i always seem to have heavy drug use on the back of my brain. while depressed, simply shooting up a little heroin and having everything either not matter or vanish completely sounds very appealing. i wouldn't have too much trouble getting a hold of it -and that's what scares me the most. perhaps someday i will cross that line and then what? i'd lose more than my job, that's for sure. what i find interesting is that in my current state, i understand the consequences -i don't however when depressed and that serves as a major problem. so there's that, my depression. i also however have severe anxiety, said so by close friends and family. unlike what i thought was most anxiety cases, my anxiety is constantly on. in other words, instead of having an attack, i'm always suffering from my anxiety -it never turns off. it does however have its levels of severity. for instance, when in a low state, i shake, noticeably. i have always told people that i'm just always cold when, in reality, my muscles are constantly tightening and loosening in my hands, upper and lower back, and my thighs -all of which at very high speeds. to describe it, i've told people that its like having minor, constant seizures. it feels as though my muscles are vibrating. that's more or less a constant thing that i deal with. during what i consider an attack however, things get a little out of hand. i'll try my best to describe what happens along with what thought processes i have along the way. back in middle school, i started to realize that i was starting to lose control over my imagination. sure at the time it helped my writing but i fear its turned into something horrid. basically, i cant picture something and have it be or have it do exactly what i want. for example, though this following could be replaced by anything else of the like, if you were to tell me to imagine a closed door, id do my best but no matter how much i concentrate, the door will start to open. because i cant close the door through will alone, i will place another object in front of it, say a brick. "that way", i'll think to myself. "the door cant open." you'd think that to work but the door open anyway. it simply pushes the brick, disregarding it all together. at the time, this problem i faced didnt really interrupt my life but frustrated me to no end. on a side note, i also had, and still do, have trouble remembering instructions or using common sense because of it i fear. its a challenge for me to think of what's logical when my imagination won't leave me alone. when given instructions, my mind will contort what was said into something complete different all together. i believe this problem then turned into something else entirely, or at least mutated as i grew older. during late high school, my imagination turned against me; i face this problem to this day. originally only happening when i was alone, my mind would become bored and start imagining things. perhaps now less innocent in nature, my mind always conjures up something evil. for instance, a monster, ghost, spirit, etc. and, right after its creation, it would attack me. moreover, it would attack my mind. as it does so, i can feel its presence around me and can notice when it gets closer. what i do then upsets me. rather, it embarrass me. because they are so real in my head, i've devised, all in which through trial and error, a way to remove the entity completely. again, because i can physically feel its presence, i have to physically remove it. i'll tense up my body, as a way to harness the energy around me, and then swiftly release the energy in the direction of the imaginative being. much like a super power to get rid of the evil. again, this usually happens when i'm alone. however, i fear its starting to happen more frequently for it has just recently happened a few times at work and that's hardly something i can easily explain if someone was to see me. on a side note, my imagination doesn't just create something to kill me, i've noticed that i'll speak to myself out-loud as well. it varies each time it happens. i'll be speaking gibberish during one attack and random words in a demonic tone the next. through curiosity, i've later written down what it was that i had said but on a conscience level, it doesn't seem to make much sense. again, id like to point out that when this happens to me, i'm so persuaded to do so, it seems almost second nature. i'm not thinking to myself, "what the hell am i doing? this is weird" or anything of the sort. i have what feels like zero control over it. the only thought that i have at the time is that i am in danger and i need to act accordingly to protect myself. okay, after writing that out and really thinking about it, i think i may have answered my own question. i should probably seek help or at least seek advice. i'll leave this here and see if people can offer any wisdom. in fact, ..could i have schizophrenia or a like, schizoid illness? what does reddit think? i'd really like some answers as to why i do this/act this way. overall, i'd really like to know what the hell is going on in my head. thank you.

wish me luck on my exam bois it’s chemistry so i’m definitely going to need it lol. pray for me.

is this normal? so for the past couple of months i've heard kids at my school tell their parents everything that goes on with them, this is the majority of the people i know. like who said what and stuff. however with my mom i hardly tell her anything except like got a ... on a test or there is a book report i have to do. i'm not sure if something happened but i remember my mom getting mad at me for something stupid at school i cant remember, i just wanna know what the deal is

afraidi have just been diagnosed with dementia, i am only 55 years old, all i want now is to die now, before the diagnosis kills me first..i am very very afraid,,

daily song recommendation day 2 wolf in sheep’s clothingset it off really really satisfying vocals and catchy tune

whelp it’s been about 2 hours since my last post all i’ve done for the past 2 hours is cry the hardest i’ve every cried before while listening to music i don’t even like. i’m done. peace ✌️ emotions. fuck sadness but happiness goes along with but it’s not like it really matters because it hasn’t been here in years. everything i see is artificial and it’s not gonna have any real feeling behind it. that’s enough reddit for a while peace ladies and gents

made a noose tonightthis is the closest i’ve gotten to a suicide attempt in at least a year. i feel hopeless. i loathe myself and i cannot stand the idea of living with myself any longer. i tested the strength of the knot for a while and i feel confident it will work. my heart is pounding so i stepped away to allow myself to calm down. i want to do it. i really do. i worry about my family and maybe a few of my friends, but it does feel like it will be better in the long run for everyone. i need to quiet my head and be free from this. i feel tired.

shit...when i first came on here after getting broken up with, i was really hoping i was just feeling really down and that it would pass in a few months... nope. it's been 2 years. and it's just hit me how long that's been. and how long it's been since i've felt happy. i've never felt so shitty before. there's so much more i can rant and bitch about, but i'll just keep it short.

please help i was fine up until a few moments ago but i suddenly feel really sad. what do i do? nothing i tried seems to help. any advice will be genuinely appreciated. i could really use some help

i made a horny post and i'm getting bombarded with dms, help filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler

the doctorthe doctor said, "i'm not eating right," but i really know what it is. he said, "my brains looking a little crazy!" well i know what it is because i haven't slept in three days and i'm drowning in everything i should have! then sit in the bathroom throwing up things i don't even have. i do because the pain of not having anything. i can't eat because i look at the food and just not hungry because i can only think of you. when love fades away i'll still be waiting. i guess i can only wait so long; i'm still asked "why my eyes are red and puff" i say i don't know. it's because i'm crying my heart and soul out. i went for my last check up, but at a different doctor office, told him "end me" he did just that, i guess this is my goodbye not. to be honest i don't regret it and would do it all again! ~nbc n/p

diagnosed bipolari had what we believe was a manic episode a decade ago. i've been crushingly depressed for 2 years now. i finally saw a private practice psychiatrist who took the time to really hear me & diagnosed me as bipolar. only able to afford this because i married a man & he put me on his good insurance. i didn't believe the bipolar diagnosis, but at this point i'm desperate for any help from any expert. she gave me a prescription for lamictol, a mood stabilizer. i've been on it for a little over a month. i don't know if it's the medicine or just the knowledge that an expert really cares, but it's helped tremendously. just in time for my mother-in-law to pass away. :( her funeral is tomorrow, and i'm shocked by how well i'm able to be an emotional support for my husband. i guess there'll always be ups and downs for me, but i wanted to share just in case anyone might be helped by this information...even just for a moment...depression is so debilitating and i had no idea until i was in it.

my "friends" started to hang out without me and have straight up ditched mei don't know what to do about it

the twitter accounts for mars rovers r adorable tbh they just congratulating each other nd drilling rocks fr

tw:// cutting guess who broke their personal record for most cuts per day 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 wasted a six-pack of razorblades. fml. i wish i could end it :)

realising you are not the person you thought you werethis might be a bit long so i thank you if you take the time to read and comment. it will probably not make much sense either or have a proper conclusion or point but i feel better for venting a little bit about a problem that has plagued me for quite some time. since i can remember i've always had problems connecting with the world around me. at school i was always the shy kid who never talked to anybody, who always played alone and spent countless hours in my own dream world. i didn't know why i was like this or why i couldn't do something as simple as talk to others and be a normal kid. but between the feelings of loneliness and alienation i kept believing that it wasn't my problem. one day people would eventually see that i was a great person and they would come around and i'd have tons of friends and i'd have a successful and fulfilling life, living happily ever after. i genuinely thought i was full of potential and one day things would start to work out for me. jump a few years ahead, i'm close to my 30's and little as changed. i still don't know how to properly connect, communicate with others or how to express my self openly. the only thing that has changed is that i no longer believe this will ever change. i know today that the reason why i don't have close friends, now or back then, is not because they are failing to see what a great person i am but because that great person is simply not there. i realise now that who i thought i was is nothing more than one of my many illusions, an excuse i made up to feel better about myself. i'm not a great person after all. i'm selfish, delusional, cynical and bitter. i feel like my whole childhood was wasted because i decided to shut myself off in my own world instead of trying hard to be the person i wanted to be, going through life more dead than alive. and what scares me is that i may no longer be able to fix this. today i know what i need to do but the underlying problem is that something unexplainable keeps me from doing it, just like it did when i was younger. i tell myself to be more open and talk to people, to get out of my head and be more present to the world around me, to do what i know is right and needs to be done, not just regarding my love life and friendships but my career as well. but i just can't seem to do it. i don't know if that inability is caused by depression or if depression is the byproduct of the frustration and anger i feel towards myself. maybe this is so rooted into my personality and there's no point in trying to fight it because i will always fail. should i keep believing that that great person is still there or accept that it never was and never will be? i really want to change. for myself and for the people i care for i want to be the person i wanted others to see in me so i still have some hope left. but i don't want to go to my grave one day filled with regrets and mortified by the realisation that i wasted my entire life chasing after a dream that could never have been turned into reality.

i've been bored lately can you guys suggest some mobile(ios) games i play fifa mobile codm nd pes and ive kinda grown bored of those games(no pubg pls)

i need as many of you as i get can get to read this post(a life is at stake please) at 2:00pm eastern time friday someone will attempt suicide by train. a fellow redditor needs to know her life is worth living. i need the people who read this to pm her all at the same time telling them that their life is worth living, i don’t want people to do it earlier and make it more powerful. 4 hours after this is posted i will reveal their reddit name and you can pm them and help save a life knowing that so many people care can change a person’s mind so please help me with this

have a good night you wonderful people! i’m gonna hit the hay now, it’s been a nice day. it’s weekend so i can sleep in, it’s my mom’s birthday tomorrow, and maybe i get to play with my online friend again! i also don’t have much homework. i enjoy living. i hope you all have a great day or night aswell! cya!!! :d

why do i hate my life.i'm not good at these type of things but i don't know what else to do. i'm at point where ive cried myself to sleep three nights in a row and i cant even say truly to sleep because ive slept a total of maybe two hours. i have a wonderful little boy who is the only reason i haven't gone thru with anything but he's still a baby so he wouldn't even remember if i did. my mom seems to care but we argue all the time. i lost the one person i could talk with and i feel like my only option is to just end it all. i think of all the pain i wont feel anymore and it honestly makes me happy. i just don't know what to do anymore.

how do you deal with body dysmorphia?so, i've been told by several sources they believe that i have body dysmorphia. (i'm told pretty regularly i'm slim, but i see myself as the side of a house, all of the time. even when i feel good about myself, i catch myself in a mirror or a photograph, and i'm shot right back down again. 1. when did you suspect you had it? 2. how do you deal with it now?

my parents made me cum with them to the library, we had to drop off some books

why?i don't even know why i'm typing this, probably because i don't have the heart to tell anyone i actually know. i have no reason to be down. i have a girlfriend, and i know that many other girls would kill to have me. i am good-looking, i have a 3.7 gpa, i snagged a paid internship for this summer, i'm upper-middle class, yada yada yada. sorry to toot my own horn, but i have to ask: if i have all this, why have i been so down recently? it's hard to make myself study, work out, hang out with friends, etc. my continual funk is really damaging my relationships. i have everything why the hell am i said? i'm normally "alpha" (although i hate that classification) and i do a good job of keeping up that front when all i want to do is stay in my room and have no interaction with anyone ever. what is going on

relationship problems without a relationshipi've been having some problems with a girl i was seeing a couple of months ago, we live a long way apart and long story short she has a very abusive controlling ex boyfriend who managed to get his claws in again. she has told me that she still loves me and wants to move on from him but has trouble because of how abusive and manipulative he is with everything. i believe her when she says that. i know she hides some things from me and isn't always 100% honest with shit, but i think she does it with good intentions so it's all really confusing to me. i guess i just don't know what to do anymore, do i let her lie to me and slowly move on from her abusive ex? or do i stay and show her that there is someone who cares about her? i don't wanna abandon her. i love her. i feel like if she waits for him to be done with her again, she'll never be in control and nothing will ever work out how she wants it.

everyone reading this tell me one fun fact about yourself i have the ability to end dreams on command.

i think i get confession: it's confirmation of guilt.whenever i tell someone "i am a walking piece of garbage" the human instinct is the respond with "no you're not" which is good for a few seconds and then is terrible because they lied and you're a compliment fisher. and confession, at least in catholicism, isn't that. confession is you going to an authority on good and bad, saying "i'm a piece of shit", and he agrees and then forgives you, as long as you pray. it's perfect. i don't believe in god and i think the catholic church is responsible for most of the terrible things in the world, but this makes sense and i need to start doing it. just to have someone agree that you suck and then forgive you for it is incredible. i thought about a new years resolution and i considered no suicide attempts, but that shit ain't happening. if i could finally do it this year i'd be so happy.

anyone wanna chat and play something? i'd recommend minecraft but i also got trove, bloons tower defense 6, terraria and some others

yo so im gay and i just found out my crush is straight so yeah, im not doing too hot, could use some advice on what to do. >!your next line is "thats gay"!<

question [not suicidal]a friend is going to be going into long term inpatient ("months") soon, and i'm just wondering if it's typical that visitations are allowed at some points. i feel like they would be because otherwise that'd be a bit counter productive and socially isolating to be away for that long

i haven’t been horny for days i speed wrong on previous post

help peko i can’t stop peko i can’t stop ending my sentences with peko, peko i’m not complaining though peko but i can’t really afford to have this habit in real life peko im in my graduating pek year peko but yeah peko

i'm failing again...i got one of my midterm marks back today...got 20%. i have a midterm today that i am not prepared for, and a midterm monday that i don't know if i will be prepared for. i'm failing again. it's happening all over again. january just went by so quickly, i didn't even notice. i kept studying at my slow, slow pace, acting like i had all the time in the world. i don't know if i can do this anymore. i drop out a semester one more time and i'll pretty much get expelled. i wanna do better, i wanna get better, i just don't know how...

one persons treasure is another persons trash.i'm in love with this girl. i have been for 5 months, and for 3 of them- we "dated". i guess what i thought was dating she thought was a fling. one persons treasure, another persons trash. we broke up officially last thursday. she went on a cross country drive. she promised to text & call- she didn't. i refrained from calling her. tonight i had the single most surreal dream i had in my life. i had dream that i was dying. not just me dying, but the last moments of my life. i was surrounded by animals on a field of grass inside a room. an ambiguous light from a unclear source was beaming through the window. i lifted my shirt, and i was black & blue as if i had been beaten and lost a lot of blood. butterflies clung to my body as if to comfort me or to make me a new home. i felt my consciousness lift from my body, and it felt like all the life in the world wasn't enough- i just wanted more time. then i had this feeling of passing on. a beat- a moment. not darkness, but just- "nothing" or a "something"? i don't know which. but then i woke up. it was as if i passed from my dream into my life. it was so surreal. i texted my "ex" about this, and i wanted to talk to her. i wanted to share this experience. i went outside into my front yard, speaking to her. it was awkward- because we both haven't talked to each other for so long. maybe she felt bad? bad that she hasn't called or text, maybe she felt guilty? anyway- the call had the stink of courtesy covering it all. like she felt like she "had to" talk to me. there's nothing more depressing than having your treasure be your moments together, and her trash be those very same moments. i almost want to slit my wrists in a tub and re-create the feeling in my dream. i want to wash away my thoughts of her. let me awake into a life where maybe someone loves me, or at least values me.

what are you wearing at this moment? filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler

i'm a fat piece of shit that will die alone ik this sounds like a karmawhore post, but i'm just venting ig. i'm just gonna start listing shit that's wrong with me 1. depressed 2. clingy 3. no sense of style 4. no talents 5. fat (i weigh 240 fucking pounds. at 13) 6. listen to shitty music 7. can't relate to anyone 8. my family is fucking psycho 9. anger issues 10. i play way too much video games i'm gonna stop there. thanks for coming to my ted talk

i don't think life is for mei can never escape the negativity and constant self hate that goes on in my brain. i have terrible anxiety and depression and i can't enjoy life at all because of it. i can't. i've been on increasing anti depressants for 5 years and i'm at the point where i don't care about anything, more than i don't every other day of my life, but i'm in a weird moodpathetic fallacy that i can only describe as the sound a video game makes when the character dies and everywhere in real life it is humid and rainy and too relaxing. i don't want to take my life out of fear of embarrassment of my friends finding me, my family and everything else i'm a burden on the world as it is and i can't have my death make theirs even worse.

ranking the letters of the alphabet 1. s to no ones surprise s is the most versatile letter out there. a nice shape, thousands of uses, no downsides, can go on almost every word, easy to make the sound. 2. y coming in at number two is y. a controversial pick to be sure, but it’s unique status of being both a vowel and a consonant makes it unlike any other and truly unreplacable 3. a the flagship mascot of the alphabet. best vowel. need i say more 4. l incredibly fun to say, easy to write, simple, concise, clear. 5. b i must admit i’m a bit biased towards b because i used to have a speech impediment and b was really one of the only letters i could say clearly, but come on what’s not to like 6. i i is not outstanding, but it is a vowel, and is one of two letters in the language that is its own word, and for that, i give it kudos 7. t t is one of the unsung hero’s of the alphabet. it holds words together, starts them off, and is the partner of the best letter (t) a stellar letter without a doubt 8. h h is the ultimate wingman. fits with half the letters in the alphabet, and makes them so much better. 9. c c is just a spectacular sound. granted, it is not unique, but it’s harsh tone makes words sound so fierce 10. e putting e any lower would just be disrespectful. it is the most overrated letter, but it absolutely carries half the alphabet. 11. p p is a very polarizing letter. not quite as good as b but in combination with h becomes a whole different sound, which is fairly unique. not my favorite but still cool 12. f i can’t put f much lower than p. f is just solid. soft, easy, and simple. not special but not bad 13. o o is just the most average letter. it’s a vowel sure, but it doesn’t do anything special, isn’t used in fun ways, and is just a circle. 14. x i personally love x, but it’s just not good enough on its own to be high ranked. it needs help from vowels to really shine, and that’s just not the sign of a top tier letter 15. m m is the most forgettable letter. often lost in speech and glossed over. not fun, not special, just forgetting. it’s the arby’s of the alphabet 16. n literally just worse m. 17. v v is just... awkward. it doesn’t fit anywhere really good and isn’t particularly attractive. it has its uses but they’re really not that good. not fun to say, nor to write. 18. r r is trying to be the jack of all trades, but can’t do it properly. not harsh enough to be c, not smooth enough to be l, not versatile enough to be s. 19. u without a doubt the worst vowel. practically made obsolete by o. i cannot stand u. makes gross noises in combo with others. 20. z i want to put z higher. i really do. but it’s too annoying to say, too similar to s, and just too niche. 21. g g has the worst noise in the alphabet. if not for its sheer amount of uses it would be last. 22. j j is underused and for a reason. it’s not useful. it doesn’t have any combos, and can’t even end a good word. needs to get its stuff together 23. k wannabe c. pointless letter. 24. q q is useless without u. it’s literally another c sound. and is so underused. grated the q and u combo sounds cool, which is the only thing preventing it from being even lower 25. w ugly letter, unoriginal name. terrible sound. would be the worse if not for the last on our list 26. d d is a terrible letter. used too much for its value. way too hard to say in the middle of a word. can be easily misheard. not fun to write. i hate it.

i am scared of my own creation i was on blender just tinkering around, and i thought i wanted to make a cool guy in a suit with shades and stuff ​ i created a spider with big red lips and two noses for eyes

it’s 10:30pm and i’m listening to roslyn i want to bawl my fucking soul out. it hurts too much.

i'm not scared of deaththe only thing that scares me is what happens to the people i leave behind. when it gets really bad, even that starts to fade. i've been living with depression for most of my life, but it started getting bad after my first gf died (diabetes) when i was 19. i'm 26 now, and it just keeps getting worse and harder. i texted with someone a few weeks ago and they ended up calling emergency services on me. i managed to convince them i wasn't an immediate danger to myself nor any danger to anyone else. i don't feel happiness anymore, the highest i ever get is apathy. i'm unemployed, unable to find work, and running out of savings. i'm just so tired of it all.

the only thing keeping me alive is a fictional characteras sad as it may sound, it's true, i have been severely depressed going on 6 years and for 3 years been straight up suicidle. two and a half years. 3 years in august. i have known of the existence of a fictional character. his name is diarmuid. why do i love him so? he makes me happy. he keeps me alive. i have a boyfriend. i love him as well. he doesn't talk to me anymore. possibly due to my inethical obsession with a fictional entity. i know he isn't busy, we live across the street. knowing the fact that my obsession with diarmuid is burning my relationships to hell is hard to fathom. it's a hard to swallow pill. i cannot, cannot, cannot, stop myself. diarmuid makes me happy, he, because he does not exist, cannot hurt me. he cannot insult me. he cannot give me the stink eye. (unless, of course thats what he looks like in a photo) diarmuid keeps me alive. he keeps me from ending it all. although, i still want to. i often sob at night knowing that he'll never exist. ((sorry if this sounds like a desperae cry for help and sorry if i sound like a cringy weeaboo)) ((sorry if this kind of post isnt allowed. i just needed to get this out,))

is there actually any reason?i've taken forever to work out how to actually post to this reddit. i'm in tears every night and i just don't understand how anyone can actually be happy with living. every person is full of shit and i'm just adding to it. what is the enjoyment that people get out of it?

guys i need a little help. i'm trying to follow this really hot and awesome and cool and funny dude on insta but ut just keeps saying "edit profile" ??🙄🙄

can't stop the intrusive thoughts. i have a plan.i'm not ok. the last time i was this not ok, i checked in. but i can't this time. there's too much responsibility, too many people i'd disappoint. i can't lose my job. i can't do this to my husband. i also can't stop thinking about how much better things would be if i died. i'm so tired of the pain. i am worthless and don't deserve to live. the world would be so much better without me in it.

i just cried out for help.about 20 minutes ago i messaged an ex girlfriend for help because she is still the closest thing i have to a friend at the moment. while she did respond, she told me that she wasn't in the mood to talk. i never thought asking for help would end like this.

am i suicidal?i have always been very anxious and i am dealing with my father i had never seen coming back into my lifea rough patch with my boyfriend, it's chaos in my life. lately i keep thinking all day, everyday, that things would be so much easier if i got in an car accident, if my plane crashed, if my food was poisoned, if a bomb exploded etc. i don't ever think of doing it myself, it sounds too scary, but i catch myself thinking about the relief of everything ending... i can't get it out of my mind.

i need someone to talk tohello! i don't really know where to start on my cause but..recently my life became worse, alot worse. i've been suffering from depression since i was young, i had no one to talk to regardless of who they were to me, parents, friends and people that i've gotten together with to give abit of background info, i've been thinking of suicide since i broke up with my ex-girlfriend 3 years ago, it was never constant but it was always a lingering thought. fast forward 8 months i fell in love with someone else, she confessed to me and i felt that maybe it could work out. we got together and went on strong for a year and a half, and thats when my life started crumbling again. for awhile i've been neglecting her because we haven't had much to talk about and i was pursuing other stuff. recently she's been dropping hints which i brushed aside unknowingly. and then it happened, she talked to me over facebook and told me about how she felt. all the neglecting made her snap, she told me how she fallen for another guy while i wasn't there for her. i understood her words and i respected her decision. the day after we went out to talk, i told her how i was a fool and finally understood where i went wrong, sadly i was too late, she had already given me many chances before she finally decided. even if she got back with me it would be out of pity she said. i told her that i would try to make her fall for me again. and here we are the past few days has been horrible, i feel as if my heart is about to shatter, countless of times i thought it'll be better if i just didn't exist. day after day we've been drifting further away, sometimes i think that the only reason she replies me is because she's afraid i do something stupid, and i hate that. and i wished that i could just stop everything. i left out a number of details because i didn't want it to be too long, but if anyone is willing to hear my full story you're free to drop me a private message. edit: some extra info, the past few days it's been a rollercoaster of emotions, i told myself that i'll cheer her on for whatever he decision is. but everyday when i wake up i would have horrible nightmares of me losing her and seeing her with another person and it completely shatters me. i've stopped myself from even trying to commit suicide. but i'm afraid that i won't be able to do that again when the time comes

whywhy am i even still alive i dropped out from school, unable to stay strong under the pressure of depression. i am unable to find a job. all i can do is leech my parents to take care of my depressive self. everything i do feels like is going toward failure, and i'm just bothering everyone with my attitude. i wish i could have succeeded at killing myself after 3 attempts. i wish i could die and stop bothering my surroundings and stop ruining everyone's mood. i'm worth no one's time or money. why did i have to be such a failure...

i've never felt so alone.i feel like i have no one. my friend sexually assaulted me last week. my friend group hangouts and purposefully doesn't invite me. i need support. im in therapy trying my damn best. i am losin hope.

my girlfriend keeps calling me a girl so i'm a boy with long white hair, and she calls me a fucking girl all the time. it's funny but also annoying, and alex i know youre fucking reading this oh my god stop calling me a girl i have a dick

i lied.i told my counsellors and the crisis team that if i was going to kill myself i don't know how i would do it but the truth is i know exactly how i just don't want them to take the opportunity away if things get worse..

i dont want to live nor do i want to diei just can't stand this anymore

anybody recognize my username. text because mods gay _________________

there’s one salty ass person sitting here ⬇️ all my posts reveal yourself sweaty. i wanna see who you are😏😏😏😏😏😏😏

once upon a time people used to huddle around me talk to me...nowadays, i am always the person feeding the conversation with coal to keep it burning. nobody seems interested in me anymore. take the digital world for example: i've been reading through my old messages from the past 7 years and i am astonished by how many people would drop me a by text, facebook pm or otherwise trying to speak to me. a lot of people trying to actually have a conversation with me... i don't know, but that seems pretty crazy when juxtaposed with today's reality. so many messages i ignored too...like, i had a choice also?! not only that- i was witty, cool, smooth... if somebody ever did message me today i would fucking freak out and get way too wordy and hit the creep mode. i hate how i've gone from the controlled 'one-liner cool guy' to the passive person who overloads the text box. anyone?

what should i get for christmas? so, christmas is like about the corner and it’s time to see what i wanna get but idk, and i wanted you guys to help me decide. so i’ve been thinking of maybe a bycicle, or like an ipad pro, or maybe even an oculus quest? but i don’t have any games to play on vr, nor i feel like a bycicle that much, nor do i extremely want the ipad... i would love it if you could give me some ideas because i really don’t know. gaming stuff that doesn’t go above 700 bucks would be nice, like a wifi router like a razer sila? but i don’t know if that would really be satisfactory to open and i can’t mod my laptop with an rtx 3080 or anything and i’m screaming inside please help and sorry for this being a wall of text but it’s 1:35 a m and i do this because i’m desperate to know what to get please help :)

non stop thinkingi have no friends, don't care about anyone and everyone who i care about hurts me in some way or another. i feel like i have become what i hate the most and can't stop thinking about it

time of yeari bet a lot of people feel like me at this time of year, it's really fucking hard to face xmas on your own. i just don't think i can do it. i tried finding a charity to work with, i thought i could help homeless people or something, but they're so popular i just couldn't get in anywhere. my ex, who i'm friends with, is really depressed so i don't want to kill myself as it would upset her, but i'm struggling so fucking badly. what are other people in my position doing over xmas?

looking for insight and suggestions regarding hotlinesi read the guidelines and as far as i understand, i believe this post is appropriate for this sub but please redirect me if i'm wrong. i'm a crisis clinician and i work for a small agency that has sort of a suicide/crisis hotlinewe also meet with people face to face and do a variety of things). that said, i've seen a number of posts recently on reddit about people having some negative interactions with hotlines. i wonder if some of you would be willing to share what has been the most helpful and authentic support over the phone? i am aware different people call looking for different things (listening, validation, resources, brainstorming...). what do you hope for from the person answering the hotline? how do you want them to respond? what has a positive experience been like for you (from a hotline or a friend/family)? i really appreciate and thank you in advance for answering this question and helping me be better at helping people.

i’m leaving reddit i watched this place fall from “glory” to nothing but a cesspool of adult children that go around and mock people that have what they don’t for the most part. there is a couple good communities on here but the negatives outweigh the positives. if you want to take my advice, leave this godforsaken place. and 1. stop watching porn. it’s absolutely crushing you. 2. go out and talk to some people in person if you can. 3. when in a conversation be as unbiased as possible, look more towards facts instead just off someone’s feeling, keep a good mixture 4. if you want anything good in this world you have to work for it, so go and start now, if you want to lose some fat just start doing push-ups and sit-ups, then do a mile run its gonna take a while to get going but it’s so rewarding once you get into it. 5. don’t be prejudiced to other people for their beliefs and views. this is a final goodbye, i’m deleting my account soon. good luck to all of you -your favorite republican

relationship can't cure depression but it can help i had my last gf leave me by hanging herself. it has been a few months and i have all but recovered. i met this girl in my english class and she is very nice and smart and we just hit it off. just talking to her and being with her did not cure my depression but it sure did help take my mind off things and brought it some light into my darkened life. for reasons i am not sure she is drifting away from me and doesn't talk to me much anymore. i'm not sure what happened, what did i do wrong?y cnt i just find someone nice in my life and stay with them. loneliness, rejection and dispair are all frequent occurances for me. it will most likely be awhile or never until i find someone like that. anyway fucking hating existence and wanting death. it's gonna be a long night, fuck this.

would swallowing a razor blade enough to kill me?just asking :)

looked in the mirrori looked in the mirror today and looked at every detail of my face i stared at my own eyes and analysed ever little particle. after staring at my face for a while i released i don’t wanna throw my life away my parents and all the people around me took the time to raise me and they deserve to see what i become :)

life's been going downhill lately, experiencing suicidal thoughts commonly.can't even be bothered to make an alt for this. i've suffered with depression for a year and a bit now and it hasn't been getting any better. i was medicated for a few weeks, but that just made me feel emotionally deadened. two weeks ago my girlfriend broke up with me, which hasn't helped much. over the past week or so i've fallen into drug use, been getting high almost daily, i took ecstasy on the weekend, things are just kind of dropping into an abyss. i've been having thoughts of hanging myself, and it's been almost daily, even when i'm high. i've been getting crazy nightmares which isn't doing any good. i just really want it to all end. i want to tell someone but i feel like they're just going to call the hospital or something. admitting myself to hospital logically seems smart, but i feel like it wouldn't help me go anywhere. i want to leave the world but i don't want to hurt anyone in the process, i don't want people to blame themselves. i've contemplated making friends hate me just so they won't miss me if i go through with it. i'm sorry if this is too much, thankyou for reading though.. i really just needed to get it off my chest.

go guardian needs to tell us what teacher is watching when there is no chat bubble am i right?

i feel like completely off!!!!this is soo weird, i am presented with a lot of opportunities and choices but cant feel liking any of them and just feel soo lazy dont want to do anything. wtf is wrong with me ?

hang myselfsaturday

say pencil filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler

anyone else just can't cry?i'm so depressed and sad but no matter what i just can't cry, i feel the tears coming but they don't come, it's strange i feel my depression has gotten so bad i can't cry

yo if you wanna chat dm me im bored af so if you wanna chat dm me, we can either talk on here or discord, both work for me

really struggling with this.over the past year and a half i've been really struggling and have been having to put a fake smile on for everyone. this is the first time i've even typed that i'm not well and i've never even said it. what i've been struggling with is my sexuality and i've been really confused. i've always thought i was straight and never had a doubt about it until a little over 18 months ago and i watched gay porn for the first time. this gave me feelings that i never knew were there. i started becoming sexually attracted to guys. i don't want to tell anyone this because i'm going to be judged differently among my friends and family. i am still sexually, romantically and emotionally attracted to girls, but the thought that all those feelings towards girls could just be me wanting to be normal occupy my head all day every day. its tiring and some days i just want to end it. i just want to be normal. i don't have enough money for therapy and i don't want my parents to think anything is wrong. i need someone to talk to. what do i do? the fact that i never had these feelings until after i started watching that kind of porn really fucks with my mind. i don't know who i am. i'm sad, i'm lonely and i get panic attacks all the time because i think someone will figure this out. help me.

damn i have a problem. i've spent three hours straight on reddit today and it's currently two a.m. i need to get a life besides obsessing over a fictional stoner and triggering people by wanting to ruin my fertility...

i think about dying but would probably not go through with itso basically my friend died mid april this year and since then even more negative shit has happened to the point where i’m basically just thinking of suicide daily. i think of ways to go through with it, how it’d be, what i’d eat last, what i’d do on my last day and idk how to feel about it. i’ve always been depressed and had very bad anxiety but i’m fucking confused about this, it’s normal for me to think about it quite often but not daily like i have been.

anyone have advice for surviving work while very depressed?i'm clocking into work in a few minutes but i'm having a very very low day and am also having a severe anxiety attack, but there is no way in hell mcdonalds would recognize my depression and anxiety as a reason to call in so now i'm here on a closing shift and i just want to walk into traffic. i feel like just picking a direction and running. i wish i had enough money to afford to see a doctor, even monthly medical insurance is too expensive for me to get and keep my apartment. it's horrible and feels like the world just wants me to die. when i have anxiety and my depression bares down on me all at once i literally can't function. how am i supposed to smile at a customer when my heart rate won't drop and i can't calm down. i hate life and the united states healthcare system feels like it's built to kill the poor

help on either end of thisi checked my wife into a behavioural health ward at a local hospital after she begged me to drive her to her old home in california so she could kill herself there. she wanted me to hold her while she shot herself because she didn't want to die alone and scared and told me that by refusing i was actively making her life worse. i got her to agree to get treatment but the treatment facility i wasn't as nice as they had said it would be. they've taken everything away from her and will only allow her an hour of visitng time a day, no personal belongings, no sensodyne toothpaste which she needs because her teeth are so sensitive that other types hurt her. they only allow the news on in the day room and aren't cooperating on allowing her to have her phone. her dad is in hospice for als and has maintained use of one hand but can no longer talk, he texts her frequently but cant do that if they wont let her have her phone. he's not got long left..im not managing my own depression and ptsd well without her and she whispered "help me" into the phone before she hung up on our last call. im freaked out and actively feel guilty and like i want to self harm.

is it real...i'm having such a hard time. i've been unemployed for 3 months and really starting to question if it's all real or worth it. i've asked for help and there's no help or at least not for me. or you need to have so much money to get help. i've just been sitting inside for 3 months and i know no one cares and i don't impact anyone. so am i real if no one else sees me? i get so anxious in public i start crying just walking around outside so i just come home and wail for hours. it feels like it's already been so bad forever for over a decade out of 24 years. how can it get any better. i don't think i'd know what to do with better. i just get the same advice over and over. i don't know why i keep posting to whine but i don't know what else to do.

any gamer grills here.... you know george foremans those the best... gamer that play xbox?

i'm fucking dreading the shitstorm of jokes and being made fun of tomorrowschool tomorrow, got a haircut today and as per fucking usual i'm going to get massive tirade of shit for it. i used to be able to roll with the jokes because you know the first few times it's funny. but after it's been happening for 4 fucking years and i'm far more self-conscious and depressed than i was the comments that get made fucking hurt me physically. i don't want to go to sleep just knowing what it's going to be like from the moment i walk through the door.

can anti anxirty pills be lethali just swallowed a bottle not sure how.many pills there was but i guess like 30-40 they are 60 mg i think each serotonin or something i just was not thinking and swallowed them. i really do not want to die tonight i am so sorry is it lethal please someone i already feel sick but that might just be my brain not sure i do not want to die please someone tell me

what is the weirdest/most bizarre thing you've found in a thrift store? i personally haven't found that much weird stuff but i know people often find really crazy shit so i'm wondering what you guys have found lmao

i have an objectively good life, but i'm subjectively unable to enjoy it. and i hate myself for that.“functioning” people must think depressed people are the conventional type of sad. and that they suffer from “loss of pleasure in any previously pleasurable activity”. this is why people don’t understand depression and get frustrated with it and stigmatize it. depression isn’t simply the presence of sadness, in my opinion. rather, it high lights all the pleasurable aspects of life and constantly reminds you how incapable you are of appreciating them. depression dangles happiness in front of you and then reminds you that you’ll never reach it, given your own fucked up head. it makes you hate yourself for not being able to enjoy all there is to enjoy anymore. i don’t only hate myself, but i hate myself for everyone around me. what if i had to put up with what i put them through? i’d be stressed, worried, and brought down. i stress people out, worry them, and bring them down. and this realization, in turn, brings me down further. how far down can i go? i love looking at pictures of crazy nature because i put myself there in my head. i can’t hurt anyone anymore and everyone can move on and i can breathe. but i’m not fucking stupid. i know if i left, it would destroy everyones lives. which means, either way, i’m a burden. i can’t do this for the rest of my life. i feel crazy and defeated, the two worst things a person can feel. false, actually. i can’t decide which feeling is the worst: guilt, bitterness, crazy, or defeat. they all feel equally uncomfortable. i don’t want to wake up tomorrow. it’s exhausting. and as the day goes on, it becomes harder to continue. the thought alone is defeating. my mind is in a place of suicidal ideation right now, not suicidal intent. so i'm not asking for help or advice regarding suicidal intent; i'm more so wondering if other people have similar thought processes?

my discord server hello, i have decided to make a discord server for the all kinda of people :) i would like to form a friend group that we can make the group chat into a nice community for everyone to go when they need someone. dm me if your interested!