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fd_Doctor_Who_1963_12x13

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_12x13_0

Genesis of the Daleks by: Terry Nation Part Three Running time: 22:38 [SCENE_BREAK] SEVRIN: Are you all right? SARAH: I think so. SEVRIN: We must go on, Sarah. It's our only chance. SEVRIN: That section of the roof slides out. We can get to it from the top of the rocket. SARAH: We've got to get across first. SEVRIN: We'll have to jump. Now I'll go first, you follow and I'll catch you. SEVRIN: Come on, Sarah. Come on! You've got to do it, do you hear me? Jump! SEVRIN: We're nearly there. Just a bit more and we're out on the surface of the dome and safe. SARAH: Yes. SOLDIER: That's far enough. Right, come on back down here. SOLDIER: Now you. Come on, move! I'll get her. SOLDIER: Give me your hand. Come on. SOLDIER: If I should just slacken my grip. They say that people who fall from great heights are dead before they hit the ground. I don't believe that, do you? SOLDIER: You're going back to work. In a day or so, you'll wish I had let you drop. Right, get over. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: It's lighter this way. HARRY: Looks as though we've made it. DOCTOR: Look. HARRY: It must be the way through to the wastelands. HARRY: Doctor, quick! My leg! Quick! Pull it out, Doctor. HARRY: Quick, it's pulling me in! DOCTOR: Easy, easy. HARRY: Get that thing off. DOCTOR: One of Davros' experiments? HARRY: Magna poluris. (I think) DOCTOR: What? HARRY: Latin. DOCTOR: Never mind the Latin, let's have a look at your foot. Nothing seems to be broken. It's incredible. You have some bruises though, Harry. HARRY: Why is it always me who puts a foot in it? DOCTOR: You'll be all right. Can you stand up? HARRY: I think so. DOCTOR: Let's get out of here. HARRY: We must look out for Sarah. She's out there somewhere. DOCTOR: We'll find her. We've got to contact the Kaled leaders first. HARRY: Try again, they're pretty corroded. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: We await your commands. DAVROS: Excellent, excellent. KAVELL: Perfect, Davros, perfect. A brilliant creation. DAVROS: A brilliant creation, yes, but perfect, no. Not yet. I want improvements made to the optical systems and the sensory circuits. Their instincts must be as accurate as a scientific instrument. You will begin at once. Dismantle the viewer circuit. KAVELL: Does Davros know the prisoners have escaped? RONSON: I don't know what you mean. The prisoners are in their cell. KAVELL: Don't worry, I won't betray you. You're not the only one concerned about the morality of the work we are doing here. Now answer me. Does Davros know they've gone? RONSON: The prisoners are in the detention room for further interrogation. KAVELL: Well, I have news for you. They've reached the city and made contact with the leaders whose names you gave them. RONSON: How do you know? KAVELL: There is some advantage in being in charge of the communication system. All we can hope for now is that they convince the leaders that Davros' work here must be ended. RONSON: They must. They must! [SCENE_BREAK] MOGRAN: My fellow councillors, I've asked you two assemble here and not in our House of Congress as our meeting is of a most secret nature. There are no listening devices here, are there, Ravon? RAVON: Not that I know of, Mogran. MOGRAN: Doctor, will you please tell the councillors what you have told me? DOCTOR: Yes, of course, and some of what I will tell you relates to events in the future. Not only on this planet but also on others whose existence you don't even know of. But my knowledge is scientific fact. Now, Davros has created a machine creature, a monster which will terrorise and destroy millions and millions of lives and lands throughout all eternity. He has given this machine a name, a Dalek. It is a word new to you, but for a thousand generations it is a name that will bring fear and terror. Now undoubtedly Davros has one of the finest scientific minds in existence, but he has a fanatical desire to perpetuate himself in his machine. He works without conscience, without soul, without pity, and his machines are equally devoid of these qualities. [SCENE_BREAK] GUARD: What's the matter with her? SEVRIN: She's tired. She needs rest. GUARD: This is the last consignment. When that's packed aboard she'll get all the rest she needs. Now pick up your loads! [SCENE_BREAK] NYDER: I've just had word from one of our supporters in the Dome. Councillor Mogran has called a secret meeting. The only councillors invited are known opponents of the work we are doing here in the bunker. DAVROS: I want a full report on everything that was discussed. I don't care how you get the information, get it. However, I think we need not be too concerned. Many times in the last fifty years, factions of the government have tried to interfere with my research here. They have failed. They will fail again. NYDER: There's something else. The two prisoners in Ronson's charge, they've been seen at the dome. They are at the meeting. DAVROS: Impossible! There is no escape from here. NYDER: I've checked their cells. They are missing. DAVROS: Find out how they escaped and report to me immediately. NYDER: What action shall I take concerning Ronson? DAVROS: For the moment, none. I will deal with him in my own way. [SCENE_BREAK] RAVON: That was a very impressive speech, Doctor. DOCTOR: Yes, it was meant to be. HARRY: Let's hope it's convinced them. DOCTOR: Yes, let's hope so, Harry. Sometimes words aren't enough. HARRY: Well, they seem to have reached a decision. MOGRAN: I'm afraid, Doctor, the councillors could not agree to halt all experimentation at the bunker. HARRY: The councillors are fools. MOGRAN: Let me finish, please. It has been agreed that an independent tribunal will investigate all work that is being done at the bunker. DOCTOR: But that could take months! Davros already has several prototype Daleks ready for action. MOGRAN: It has also been agreed that pending the investigation, Davros' experiments will be suspended. DOCTOR: It is less than I'd hoped for. MOGRAN: And I promise you, Doctor, if your allegations are borne out, all work at the bunker will be closed down. DOCTOR: Thank you. MOGRAN: And now I must go with my committee and inform Davros of our decision. HARRY: Now I think it's high time we looked for Sarah, don't you? RAVON: The one you left behind in the wastelands? HARRY: Yes. You have some news of her? RAVON: I can't be certain, you understand, but our agents inside the Thal dome report a newly arrived girl prisoner who led an attempted breakout. Gave the Thals quite a bit of trouble. HARRY: That'll be her. DOCTOR: In the Thal dome, you say? RAVON: The Thals are using prisoners to load their last great rocket. HARRY: Rocket? RAVON: They think they'll win the war with it. What they don't know is that no matter how powerful their rocket, it cannot penetrate our protective dome. Only a matter of months ago, Davros perfected a new substance which has the strength of thirty foot thick reinforced concrete. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, well never mind about that. Could you help us to find Sarah? RAVON: One of my agents could lead you into the service shafts underneath the Thal city. DOCTOR: Oh, good, good. RAVON: But after that you're strictly on your own. HARRY: Fair enough. RAVON: Right, I'll give you a map showing how to reach the rocket silo area. DOCTOR: Thank you. HARRY: Well, Doctor, looks as though we've got to cross the wastelands again. DOCTOR: Yes, and that's when our troubles really begin. [SCENE_BREAK] DAVROS: An investigation? But of course, Mogran. I welcome any inquiry into our work here. I think the idea is an excellent one. The Kaled people sacrifice much so that we should have the materials we need. They have the right to know how our work is progressing. And when they learn of our achievements, their patriotism will be refired. It is vital that our soldiers know that they and we of the Elite are as one, working together to bring the final victory. MOGRAN: I'm grateful that you've accepted this decision so, so patriotically. There's one thing more. Until the inquiry, all work is to be suspended. DAVROS: If that is your wish, then naturally I will obey. It will take some time to close down certain pieces of equipment. Shall we say, er, twenty four hours? MOGRAN: Twelve. DAVROS: It will be difficult, but it will be done. MOGRAN: The members of the tribunal will arrive in that time. Thank you, Davros, for your cooperation. DAVROS: It is simply my duty. The inquiry will reveal nothing, except our loyalty and total dedication to the cause of the Kaled people. NYDER: We cannot allow this investigation. They cannot fail to see the dangers to themselves in the Dalek project. DAVROS: Calm yourself, Nyder. There will be no investigation. NYDER: But you can't stop it now. DAVROS: I can and will! The council has signed the death warrant of the whole of the Kaled people. Only we, the Elite, we and the Daleks will go on. NYDER: The whole of the Kaled people? You would go that far? DAVROS: Did you ever doubt it? NYDER: No. DAVROS: There is much to do. I want the genetically conditioned creatures installed in the machines immediately. Twenty of them. NYDER: Twenty? DAVROS: They are our troops in this battle for survival. NYDER: But they're still very erratic, unstable. DAVROS: They will not be allowed self control. I will prepare a computer programme that will limit their actions. After that, we are going on a journey. [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: What's Davros doing here in the Thal city? DOCTOR: Shush. DAVROS (OOV.): And I am no longer influenced by [SCENE_BREAK] DAVROS: Words such as patriotism and nationalism. My concern is only for peace, an end to this carnage that has virtually destroyed both our races. COUNCILLOR: Why aren't you telling this to your own government and people? DAVROS: I have tried. Time and again, I have tried. But now they will be satisfied with nothing other than total annihilation of the Thal people. COUNCILLOR: Then they deserve to perish, and perish they will when we launch our rocket. It's primed and ready. The countdown for firing can begin immediately. DAVROS: And it will fail. COUNCILLOR: It can't fail. DAVROS: The Kaled dome cannot be penetrated. Your great rocket will hardly scratch it. DAVROS: This is the measure of my faith. Nyder. NYDER: It is a simple chemical formula. If the substance is loaded into artillery shells and fired onto the surface of the Kaled dome, it will weaken the molecular structure and make it brittle. Your rocket will then be able to penetrate without resistance. COUNCILLOR: Why are you giving us this information? You know that your own people, the Kaleds, will be utterly exterminated. DAVROS: No price is too great to pay for peace. I only ask that when the war is over I be allowed to help in the reconstruction of our planet. NYDER: We want only to see the conflict brought to an end. This formula give you the power to bring that about. DAVROS: By dawn tomorrow, our world could be at peace. [SCENE_BREAK] NYDER: You think they believed you? DAVROS: It is unimportant. They are hungry for victory. They will use the formula and fire their rocket no matter what they believe my motives to be. And when they do, Nyder, when they do. COUNCILLOR: I've given orders that a barrage of shells containing the formula should begin as soon as possible. The rocket launch can begin immediately. And now I'll arrange your safe escort out of the city. HARRY: Doctor, somehow we've got to warn Mogran and the other Kaled leaders. DOCTOR: Yes, and we haven't found Sarah yet. Come on. DOCTOR: Excuse me, can you help me? I'm a spy. DOCTOR: Their suits, Harry. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: The rocket's loaded. Why are they still keeping us here? SEVRIN: Why take the trouble to move us? It's easier to leave us here. Yes, but when it's fired, the exhaust blast will burn us up. SARAH: Harry! Doctor! DOCTOR: You all right, Sarah? SARAH: Oh, I am now. Listen, we've got to get out of here. The Thals are going to launch this rocket. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I know. Listen. I want you and Harry to go back to the Kaled dome. Harry knows the way. Tell them all we know. There's a chance if they launch and all-out offensive I might be able to stop the rocket. SARAH: What are you going to do? DOCTOR: Try to sabotage it, or at least delay it. Off you go. SARAH: Right. DOCTOR: Good luck. SARAH: Sevrin, you come with us. DOCTOR: Well, don't just stand there. Come on, you're free! Go now while you've got the chance. Come on! (The rest of the mutos shamble out and the Doctor goes over to the rocket. Harry leads them back to the hatch in the floor. Sarah goes down first, followed by Sevrin and Harry. Then Thal guards arrive and shoot down into the opening. While the Doctor continues to inspect the rocket, the guard comes round and reaches for a button on a panel. Electricity clamps the Doctor to the base of the scaffolding.)

The Doctor and Harry head to the Kaled city to alert the authorities to Davros' plans while Sarah and Sevrin are forced to work on the completion of the Thals' rocket.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_01x13

fd_Gilmore_Girls_01x13_0

1.13 - Concert Interruptus CUT TO LORELAI'S ROOM [Lorelai looking through her closet. Rory laying on her bed] LORELAI: Absolutely nothing. RORY: Oh come on. LORELAI: I'm sorry, I'm looking but there is nothing in here. RORY: Oh, you're kidding right? LORELAI: No, everything in here I wear. RORY: What? LORELAI: I do. There's nothing to give up. RORY: The red and black halter top? LORELAI: Oh, no. RORY: Why? LORELAI: Uh, it's a classic. RORY: It's got rhinestones and zebra stripes on it. LORELAI: So? RORY: Tassels. LORELAI: Yes. RORY: It has tassels mom. LORELAI: Ok, I've had this since I was 17 RORY: Ok, I'm sorry did I mention the tassels? LORELAI: You are heartless and unsentimental. RORY: And you are a hopeless packrat. LORELAI: I don't understand why I have to up root my happy family of clothing anyway. RORY: Because it's a charity rummage sale. LORELAI: I know. RORY: That you helped organize. LORELAI: Ok. RORY: And volunteered to run. LORELAI: It was very, very hot in that room that day, I was dehydrated. They could've talked me into anything. RORY: It was your idea. LORELAI: Ok, I am a very sick woman and that should be apparent to anyone. RORY: Ok, get out of the way. LORELAI: [Blocking her closet] What are you doing? RORY: Step away from the closet please. [pushes her aside] LORELAI: Oh! Oh, this is so unfair! Oh no, no, no. [Rory takes a section out of her closet] Not that whole chunk! Well, just - ok take that, that's ugly. Just that one...no...uh. RORY: [walking to the dresser] Ok, now all of this goes [pointing to clothes in her arms] I want you to come over here to this dresser, open up the top drawer and take out everything that you'd be embarrassed to be wearing during a car accident. Meet me downstairs. [leaves. Over her shoulder] Move! CUT GILMORE LIVING ROOM RORY: Sweater? LANE: Over here. RORY: Jeans? LANE: In back of you. RORY: A big furry purple thing that could be either a hat, a toilet paper cover or some kind of dirty hand puppet. LANE: Mystery box on the left. [Luke enters with two bags] LUKE: Hey. RORY: Hey Luke. LUKE: Where do you want these? RORY: What do you have? LUKE: Clothes, rags and some old pots and pans [holding up respective bag at a time] RORY: Kitchenware can go in the kitchen and the clothes can go right over there. LUKE: Ok. [heads for the kitchen after putting clothes down] LORELAI: [comes down the stairs] Here Grinch. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: Who wants cheese? RORY: Are there crackers? LORELAI: Somewhere in the state of Connecticut, yes there are crackers. RORY: And the Gilmore house? LORELAI: Who wants cheese? LANE: Me please. Um, kittens in the toilet poster? [holds up poster] RORY: Another one? LANE: This one's signed. LORELAI: [from the kitchen] Ah! There a man in my kitchen, somebody call the constable. LUKE: [coming into the living room. Lorelai following] You're mom's a fruit cake. LORELAI: Fruit cakes by the door please. LUKE: Good bye Rory, I wish you luck - [looks at Lorelai] with everything. RORY: I appreciate that. LORELAI: Ok, so rummage sale's Sunday, today is Tuesday. At this rate, we are going to be sleeping in the yard by Thursday. We have got to start getting some of this stuff out of the living room. TAYLOR: Hello? LORELAI: Go away. TAYLOR: I have a full set of dishes. RORY: Come on in Taylor. LORELAI: Oh, um, dishes in the kitchen please. TAYLOR: Ok, but I have to explain something first. LORELAI: Fine go ahead. TAYLOR: The butter dish has a small chip in it. LORELAI: Safety tip - got it. TAYLOR: It's fine. I filed down the chip and if you place it strategically on the table, nobody will ever know. LORELAI: Uh, Taylor, would you like to write out some sort of instruction manual to go with the dishes? TAYLOR: Oh, could I? LORELAI: Notepad's in the kitchen. [Lorelai looks through bags] LORELAI: Ooh, that's nice. RORY: Put that back. LORELAI: But it has rhinestones on it. RORY: The point of this is to get crap out of here, not to trade it in for new crap. LORELAI: Ok, are you seeing this? RORY: Yes I am. LORELAI: No, I don't think you are, because if you were seeing this, you would see that this obviously has ‘Lorelai' written all over it. RORY: Fine, we'll just get rid of it at next year's sale. LORELAI: Thank you. [Sookie enters] SOOKIE: Ok, you guys are gonna love me. LORELAI: We already love you. SOOKIE: No, I mean you're really gonna love me. LORELAI: We do. SOOKIE: Trust me, you guys are gonna so love me. LORELAI: Ok, the love is starting to fade now Sookie. SOOKIE: I have here in my hand, as requested by Ms. Lorelai Gilmore, four fabulous tickets to the Bangles at the Pastorella theater on Saturday! LORELAI: What? RORY: No? SOOKIE: Do you love me? LORELAI: Oh baby do I! LANE: Are these good seats? These look like good seats. SOOKIE: 9th row, aisle. LORELAI: I can't believe you got me my tickets! Well, how did you score these? SOOKIE: Remember the Birnbaum wedding? LORELAI: Fiji fantasy? SOOKIE: Yes. They were so thrilled with the volcano wedding cake that they wanted to do something nice for me and since Mr. Birnbaum runs a ticket agency and I knew you were dying to so, so I asked him if he could... LORELAI: Make four girls very happy. SOOKIE: Yeah and he did! LORELAI: Huzzah for the Birnbaums! RORY: Hey Sookie, if you got four tickets and you and mom go, then that means... SOOKIE: Hmm, one for you and one for Lane! [Lane and Sookie hug] Oh, chickadee! LORELAI: This is gonna be a very special night. And you know what a very, very special night deserves? RORY: What? LORELAI: [pulls out a hot pink dress] A new outfit! RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Yes. RORY: No. LORELAI: What could the problem be? RORY: This is the tackiest... CUT TO CHILTON MS. CALDECOTT: As I mentioned yesterday, we will be holding a debate next week. Your subject ‘Did Charles I receive a fair trial' The pros will represent the parliament who deemed they had sovereignty and the cons will represent the monarch and try and prove that the charge against him was not legal. What is fascinating Mr. Dugray? [catching him looking at Rory] TRISTIN: Uh, nothing Ms. Caldecott. MS. CALDECOTT: Nothing Mr. Dugray? TRISTIN: My notes - my notes are fascinating Ms. Caldecott. MS. CALDECOTT: Yes they are fascinating Mr. Dugray. As I was saying, the pro and con teams will each have two minutes and 30 seconds for introductions, six minutes to debate, three minutes for conclusions and five minutes for questions from the audience. The winner shall be decided by a hand count from the rest of the class. Does that sound like fun Mr. Dugray? [again, he's looking at Rory] TRISTIN: What? MS. CALDECOTT: The debate. Does it sound like fun? TRISTIN: Yes, it does. MS. CALDECOTT: It does, doesn't it Mr. Dugray? TRISTIN: Oh, it absolutely does Ms. Caldecott. MS. CALDECOTT: More fun than staring at Miss Gilmore's ear? TRISTIN: Yes Ms. Caldecott. MS. CALDECOTT: Yeah, I think so too. Ok, any questions? Good, I'll assign your teams. [Pointing] You, you, you, you - con. You, you, you, you, - pro. [in background for next two lines] You, you, you, you - con. You, you, you - PARIS: [whispers] Who did she point to? MADELINE: [whispers] Well I think she... [looking at Louise and Rory] PARIS: [stands up] Excuse me, Ms. Caldecott? MS. CALDECOTT: Miss Geller? PARIS: I wasn't sure who you pointed to just now. MS. CALDECOTT: Oh, uh, let's see. You, Miss Lynn, Miss Grant and Miss Gilmore. PARIS: Are you sure? MS. CALDECOTT: Yes I am, but thank you for asking. [Paris sits] Ok, you, you, you and you - pro. You and you - con. CUT TO HALLWAY [Paris, Louise, Madeline and Rory standing around] RORY: So I guess we should make a plan. MADELINE: To do what? PARIS: To work out our debate Madeline. MADELINE: Oh, yeah right. LOUISE: We need a place to work. PARIS: My house is out. LOUISE: Why? PARIS: Because it is. LOUISE: You need a reason. PARIS: My mother is having the entire place redone, she wants all evidence of my father out of there. So unless you want to sit on no furniture, while watching three Harvey Fierstein impersonators rip up the carpet and paint everything a ridiculous shade of white and call it ‘angel's kiss' then we're going to have to find somebody else's house to go to. MADELINE: My brother has the measels. LOUISE: My mom's having an affair. RORY: Well I guess we can go to my house. I mean, we're having a town rummage sale so it's kind of a mess, but it's there. LOUISE: Isn't your house kind of far? RORY: It's thirty minutes away by bus. LOUISE: Bus? I don't do ‘bus'. RORY: Well if you have a better suggestion - PARIS: I'll drive. RORY: Ok, so then tomorrow. MADELINE: Tomorrow. LOUISE: Fine. PARIS: Fine. TRISTIN: [walks right past Rory] Hey Paris. PARIS: Tristin, hi. TRISTIN: You know I was really hoping we'd be in the same group. PARIS: You were? TRISTIN: Oh yeah. I mean, it would make the long hours of studying go by a lot faster. Plus, come on - you and me on the same team, we'd wipe the floor with the others. I guess we'll just have to pair up on something else then huh? PARIS: That would be good. TRISTIN: Yeah it would. I'll see you later. Bye Madeline, bye Louise. LOUISE: Tristin suddenly has very big eyes for you grandma. MADELINE: Lucky. PARIS: Stop it, he's just being nice. MADELINE: He should be so nice to me. LOUISE: And me. PARIS: We need to get to class [the three of them leave. Paris is smiling.] CUT TO RORY AND LANE WALKING TO KIM HOUSE RORY: Tomorrow. LANE: Wow. RORY: Yup. LANE: All three of them huh? RORY: Double, double toil and trouble. LANE: Well, it should make for an interesting afternoon. RORY: With the pricking of my thumb, something wicked this way comes. LANE: You're doing very well in the Shakespeare class aren't you? RORY: Not bad. LANE: Good. RORY: Thanks. Ok so what's the plan? LANE: We'll go in and ask her if I can go to a play tomorrow night with you and Lorelai. RORY: A play? LANE: I think that's the safest word. Show or concert would be very bad. RORY: What about saying it's a movie? LANE: Too far from the truth - almost a lie. RORY: But a play is not a lie? LANE: Well it's far away from the truth that it might work but close enough to the truth that I think I can negotiate a purgatory stint if forced to. RORY: Play it is. LANE: Ok, we're going in. [pan to inside Kim household] MAN: Are you sure it's an original Queen Anne? MRS. KIM: Yes - original. MAN: The joints look wrong. MRS. KIM: Joints are fine. MAN: They look new. MRS. KIM: Not new, nothing's new - whole store is old. MAN: Do you have a certificate or a letter that you write saying that it's old. MRS. KIM: Yes, I'll write a letter. MAN: Ok, well I guess if it's really old, I'll take it. MRS. KIM: We appreciate your business. LANE: [whispers to Rory] She just made a sale, now is a good time. [louder] Hi mama. MRS. KIM: What's wrong? LANE: Nothing. MRS. KIM: You look flushed. LANE: I do? MRS. KIM: You eat candy? LANE: No. MRS. KIM: Doughnut? LANE: No. MRS. KIM: Hostess fruit-pie? LANE: No, nothing, I'm fine. RORY: Hello Mrs. Kim. MRS. KIM: Rory. LANE: Mama can I talk to you for a minute? MRS. KIM: I'm busy. LANE: I know, I was just wondering if I could go somewhere tomorrow with Rory and her mom. MRS. KIM: Tomorrow is church. LANE: This would be after church. MRS. KIM: After church we think about what we heard in church. LANE: Well I thought I could think about what I heard in church on the way to the show. MRS. KIM: Show? RORY: Play. LANE: Not show, play - it's a play mama. MRS. KIM: Tell me about this play. What's it about? LANE: Ok, well, it's about a group of people who own instruments and stand in front of other people holding them. MRS. KIM: What? LANE: I'm not sure what it's about. RORY: We could find out. MRS. KIM: You find out, then we talk. MAN: Excuse me, I'd really like that letter if you don't mind. MRS. KIM: Yes I'm coming. [leaves] RORY: How's that purgatory negotiation looking? LANE: Not good. RORY: What do we do now? LANE: I'll ask again later. RORY: Well call me if you need anything. LANE: Thanks, I will. CUT TO LUKE'S WITH A RUMMAGE SALE SIGN IN THE WINDOW LUKE: If you want coffee, you'll have to wait. RORY: Hey Luke, someone put a sign for the rummage sale up in your window over there. LUKE: You can have decaf right now if you're in a hurry. RORY: You should call the cops about this. I mean we all know how you feel about public displays of town affection. LUKE: Your mom asked me to put it there ok? RORY: And you said yes? LUKE: She's not real good with ‘no'. RORY: No she's not. LUKE: For every second you laugh at me, that's one second longer you're waiting for coffee. RORY: Sorry, no laughing. [he leaves] [Lorelai walks in with a black and brown polka dot cowboy hat on] LORELAI: Margaret Atworthy just dropped off three boxes of city council pot holders and begged me to take her grandson. People are getting crazy man. What? RORY: What are you wearing? LORELAI: Hey, we have already argued about the sweatshirt. RORY: Yes but we have not argued about the hat. LORELAI: What hat? RORY: The one on your head, Annie Oakley. LORELAI: It's great isn't it? RORY: As nice as it is that you're single handedly trying to rebuild the bridge, you have got to stop buying up other people's junk. LORELAI: The money goes to charity. I look cute. Case closed. Oh finally, the coffee cavalry arrives. LUKE: What the hell do you think you're wearing? LORELAI: A hat. LUKE: Take that off. LORELAI: What? LUKE: Now that is not yours, take it off. LORELAI: But I'll have hat hair. LUKE: I'm talking about the sweatshirt. LORELAI: Luke calm down. LUKE: That is not yours. LORELAI: No, I found it in the bags of stuff for the sale. LUKE: Oh so you just find something and then you take it is that it? LORELAI: No, I paid for it. LUKE: Oh so that makes it alright. LORELAI: It makes it legal. What is the matter with you? LUKE: Nothing. Nothing is the matter. LORELAI: Luke... LUKE: Pour your own coffee. [puts coffee pot down on the counter and leaves] CUT TO GILMORE HOUSE [Living room is stuffed with bags/boxes of stuff to the point where you can't see furniture] LORELAI: [sighs] Ok just a question. Did anyone in town keep anything? SOOKIE: Doesn't look like it. LORELAI: I'm never being civic-minded again. SOOKIE: Honey, you're doing a good thing. [falls] Ow! LORELAI: Sookie! SOOKIE: I'm ok. LORELAI: Wave an arm. SOOKIE: [Waving her arm] Here. LORELAI: I gotcha. [takes her hand and starts to pull her up] SOOKIE: Hold on, something down here likes me. LORELAI: Oh. SOOKIE: Yeah, I'm good. Hold on. Up, please. RORY: Jeez this stuff is like tribbles. LORELAI: Oh, thank God - just in time. Grab a bag and move it to the side of the room and be very careful, this pile just tried to eat Sookie. RORY: Maybe I should sic it on Paris when she gets here. LORELAI: Oh my God, that's right. You're studying here today. RORY: Any minute actually. LORELAI: Oh this place is such a pit. RORY: Mom don't worry about it. They'll come in, they'll make a face, they'll say something snotty, we'll study, they'll leave. I'm just looking forward to this whole day being over, then I can concentrate on the concert. LORELAI: Yeah. MISS PATTY: Lorelai, sweetheart would you come outside please? I want to know where you want me to put these. LORELAI: Coming Patty! SOOKIE: Ok, two very large porcelain squirrels. LORELAI: Set them free. SOOKIE: Will do. [Pan to outside. Patty's standing in front of big drums.] LORELAI: Wow, huh. These are great. They'll really come in handy when we finally organize that giant marching band we've been talking about. MISS PATTY: I danced on these drums at the Copacabana in 1969. LORELAI: Wow. MISS PATTY: Yeah, it was a great act. I wore bananas. LORELAI: Oh please, tell me you have a picture of that. MISS PATTY: [chuckles] A lot of memories happened on these drums. But I guess it's time to move on. LORELAI: Yeah, sure. Now you'll finally have room for the enormous tuba you've hand your eyes on. [Miss Patty looks at her] Just leave - leave these here. [Inside] RORY: [on the phone] Yeah, you too. Bye. [hangs up] That was Lane [to Lorelai] LORELAI: Oh and what's the verdict? RORY: She decided to be stupid and tell her mother the truth - that she wanted to go to a rock concert with us tonight in New York. LORELAI: Stupid. RORY: Stupid. LORELAI: I'm so sorry. RORY: I'm making coffee. MISS PATTY: Well this looks really familiar. [picking up Lorelai's sweatshirt] LORELAI: Oh, that's mine. Er, I saw it first and then I bought it so it's mine now. MISS PATTY: Really? Who brought it in? LORELAI: I think Luke did and judging by his very hostile reaction he obviously wasn't done wearing it yet. MISS PATTY: Oh my, I wonder if - LORELAI: What? MISS PATTY: [to Sookie] I bet this was Rachel's. SOOKIE: Oh my God - Rachel's? LORELAI: Rachel? Who's Rachel? SOOKIE: Rachel was Luke's very serious girlfriend. It does look like her. LORELAI: When did Luke have a girlfriend? MISS PATTY: Oh this must have been what, five, six years ago? Did she break that man's heart. It was terrible. LORELAI: How did I not know about this? SOOKIE: Honey, you had an 11 year old kid and you were just moving into this house. Plus Rachel traveled all the time. She was a photographer. MISS PATTY: Archeologist. SOOKIE: Really? MISS PATTY: Or a flight attendant. LORELAI: I can't believe I never even heard about it. MISS PATTY: At least I think so. SOOKIE: Well Luke never talks about it. No one else likes to talk about it because he could probably kill you with that coffee pot if he wanted to. LORELAI: Wow. I never pictured Luke having a girlfriend, or a broken heart. MISS PATTY: Well I would keep this hidden if I were you. Well I gotta be going. Trampoline class at two. SOOKIE: Bye Patty. MISS PATTY: Bye. LORELAI: Bye, thanks for the drums. SOOKIE: Ok, these all need to be mended. LORELAI: My room. SOOKIE: Mm-hmm. Ok. [Lorelai looks out the window and sees Paris, Madeline and Louise getting out of a car] LORELAI: Rory, I think your friends are here. She must be one great babysitter to earn enough money for that car. RORY: Let's just get this over with. LORELAI: Take heart my dear. Suffer today party tonight. LORELAI: [Opens front door] Hi. LOUISE: Hi. MADELINE: Hi. LORELAI: Come one in. RORY: So did you guys find it ok? PARIS: There's no sign on this street. RORY: I know, that's why I told you to turn right at the big rooster statue. PARIS: I thought you were kidding. LORELAI: Oh no, we never kid about Monty. LOUISE: Monty? LORELAI: Monty the rooster - Monty. LOUISE: Oh. RORY: Everybody this is my mom. LORELAI: Lorelai. RORY: This is Louise, Madeline and Paris. LORELAI: Ah, very good girl-group names. Ok, so, um sorry about the house of horrors here. Some crazy lady volunteered to lead this charity thing and we're trying to get her some help, so make yourselves comfortable. Rory, just yell when you guys want pizza. RORY: Ok. LORELAI: Ok. [goes upstairs] RORY: So do you guys want to work in here or in the kitchen? PARIS: Whatever. RORY: Ok. [they sit in the livingroom] PARIS: Ok, so here's how it should go. Madeline will do the introductions, I'll handle the debate, Rory will do the onclusion and Louise will take questions. RORY: Why do you automatically get to handle the debate? PARIS: Because I'm the most experienced at it. MADELINE: Trust me, you want her to handle the debate. She never gives up. LOUISE: Le pitbull. RORY: Ok. LOUISE: So what is all this stuff? [going through some bags] RORY: Uh, it's for a big town rummage sale. MADELINE: Like a charity thing? RORY: Yeah. There's this old bridge that's completely falling apart and the town's trying to save it. LOUISE: Oh cool hat. PARIS: Put that down. It's used. LOUISE: Vintage dear. PARIS: Filthy darling. MADELINE: There's this great store under my therapist office who has the best vintage clothes. I found an original Pucci top for practically nothing. LOUISE: Oh Pucci is very big right now. MADELINE: Is this a Pucci? [holding up a shirt] RORY: No, that's a patty. LOUISE: A patty? RORY: Miss Patty. She's a dance teacher here. These are some of her old costumes. LOUISE: Oh here Paris. Tristin might like this [holds up a pink sequence dress] PARIS: Can we just work please? LOUISE: Ugh. I would love to have a boyfriend that looked like Tristin. MADELINE: Your boyfriend's no slouch either. RORY: No he's not. LOUISE: Oh yes - 6'2... and fiesty. So how's that going? Are you two still ‘Joanie loves Chachi'? RORY: God, I hope not. MADELINE: You are still together aren't you? RORY: Yeah, we're still together. LOUISE: How long has it been? RORY: I don't know. MADELINE: You do too. RORY: About a month. LOUISE: Oh, lifers. PARIS: Hey! MADELINE: Jeez. PARIS: We have a debate to organize here and this conversation is quickly veering towards the subject of french kissing and glitter eye shadow - trashy or trendy? And I for one have no intention of being humiliated in front of the whole class because we were forced to study in the middle of a carnival and you two couldn't keep your eye on the prize! I want to win and I'm going to win. LOUISE: So how good of a kisser is Paul Bunyan anyway? [Louise, Madeline and Rory giggle.] [Pan to Lorelai's room] SOOKIE: Ok, does anyone in town have a peg leg? LORELAI: Uh...no. SOOKIE: Hem these. LORELAI: So tell me more about this Rachel? SOOKIE: Why are you so curious? LORELAI: Well because apparently everybody in town knows everything about it and I don't like to be out of the loop. SOOKIE: It's old news. LORELAI: Yes but I'm fascinated. I mean, I go to Luke's once a day, sometimes twice - three times if Michel has talked to one of his relatives and his accent has gotten thicker. I feel I should know the whole story. What happened? Where'd she go? SOOKIE: Well, Rachel liked to move around a lot. She was very adventurous person. She loved to climb things and fling herself off of cliffs and dive into these really tiny lakes and ride big wild horses and fly planes. LORELAI: So she was wonder woman. SOOKIE: She was to Luke. I thought they were going to get married. LORELAI: What happened? SOOKIE: The rumour is that Starts Hollow was too small for her. She wanted to live somewhere more exciting. LORELAI: But Luke didn't. SOOKIE: Mm. You know Luke. He lived here all his life. He wouldn't even go away for college. I think we're going to bury him in that diner. LORELAI: Wow. It's sad. SOOKIE: Yeah. Ok, well I am done here. I'm gonna stop by the inn for a while and then I am gonna go home and I'm gonna change for the show tonight. LORELAI: We leave at 6. SOOKIE: I will be here, bye [Pan to living room] PARIS: We'll need the actual quotes so learn them by heart. MADELINE: What about using note cards. PARIS: Note cards look sloppy. We will know our information. MADELINE: But the other teams will use note cards. PARIS: And the other team will lose. SOOKIE: Bye girls, Rory, see you tonight! RORY: Bye Sookie. LORELAI: What's tonight? RORY: We've got tickets to see the Bangles at the Pastorella theatre. MADELINE: In New York? RORY: Yeah. LOUISE: Sounds potentially not boring. RORY: It's gonna be great actually and the seats are amazing. MADELINE: Who are you going with? RORY: My mom and Sookie. LOUISE: You're kidding? RORY: What? LOUISE: You're going to a concert with your mom? RORY: Yeah. MADELINE: I cannot imagine doing anything like that with my mom. RORY: Actually we do stuff like this all the time. MADELINE: Really? RORY: Yeah. MADELINE: Wow. LOUISE: Hey, how old is your mom anyways? RORY: 32. MADELINE: Young. LOUISE: So that means she had you when she was... PARIS: 16. She had her when she was 16. We've done the math, can we just ‘ooh' and ‘aah' about this quickly and get back to work? LOUISE: 16. I'm 16. MADELINE: So am I. PARIS: We're all 16 ok. Everybody in this room is 16. RORY: Paris is right. We should work. PARIS: Thank you. LOUISE: I can't imaging having a baby at 16. PARIS: Well then keep your knees shut. LOUISE: Very nice. MADELINE: Do you think your mom is sorry she got pregnant so young? PARIS: Of course she is. RORY: Why thank you. PARIS: I didn't meant that. I just meant that... RORY: I mean, I don't think she would recommend it but I think she's happy with how things turned out. LORELAI: I am? RORY: Yes you are. LORELAI: Ok, just checking. Hey, I'm starving, is it pizza time yet? RORY: Are you guys hungry? MADELINE: I am. PARIS: I can't eat dairy. LORELAI: Ok, one with cheese, one without. Cokes? RORY: Yes please. MADELINE: Me too. PARIS: We're never going to finish. LOUISE: I find your mother completely fascinating. RORY: Funny - so does she. LOUISE: It's almost more like having a big sister. MADELINE: And you like her don't you? RORY: She's my best friend. LOUISE: Truly, completely fascinating. LORELAI: [from the kitchen] Rory come in here a sec! RORY: I'll be right back. [Pan to kitchen] LORELAI: Hey, how's it going in there? RORY: Truly, completely fascinating. LORELAI: Really? RORY: Well we've basically gotten no work down at all. Paris is having a meltdown, which by the way is always fun. LORELAI: Sounds it. RORY: And, I don't know, we've just been talking. LORELAI: Well, I think you're actually making some friends here. RORY: Let's not get ahead of ourselves. They've basically just moved off the plan to dump the pig's blood on me at the prom, that's all. LORELAI: Talking, chatting, no work being done - there's friend potential going on. RORY: Maybe - with Louise and Madeline at least. LORELAI: Two out or three formerly psychotic enemies - not bad. There [handing Rory a plate]- pop-tart appetizers to tide you over till the pizza comes. RORY: Thanks [turns to leave] LORELAI: Hey, I have kind of a crazy idea. RORY: Those are never comforting words coming from you. LORELAI: Just consider this ok? RORY: Ok. LORELAI: Now, we have four tickets to the show tonight. RORY: Yes we do. LORELAI: What if I give them to you? You take them. RORY: What are you talking about? LORELAI: Well, it just seems like you guys have kind of a bonding thing going on in there, it might be fun. RORY: But what about you? LORELAI: No, no you and I have already bonded. In fact, if we bond any further, we will be permanently fused together. RORY: You've been talking about this concert since you heard about it. LORELAI: I can still go. RORY: How? LORELAI: Sookie and I can buy cheap seats when we get there. RORY: These tickets are 9th row aisle - dream seats. LORELAI: Look, you don't have to do this, but I just think you have three years of Chilton ahead of you and it might be nice to have some friendly type people to talk to there. And I don't know, you guys seem to be getting along, it might be good. And I totally don't mind, I just want to see the show, I don't care from what seat. RORY: Are you sure? LORELAI: Completely sure. RORY: Because I - LORELAI: Oh ladies! [taking plate and going into the living room] Hey what are you guys doing tonight? MADELINE: Why? LORELAI: Well we have these really great tickets to see the Bangles at the Pastorella theater and Rory thought you might like to come along. MADELINE: Are you serious? LOUISE: No way. RORY: Yeah - I mean if you guys want to. MADELINE: I would love to go. LOUISE: Count me in. RORY: Paris, what about you? PARIS: I can't. LOUISE: Yes you can. PARIS: No, I can't. LOUISE: Because you're busy doing what? PARIS: I have homework. MADELINE: She'll be there. RORY: Good. LORELAI: Great. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO NY [In the theater. Sookie squeals] RORY: He made it [Louise and Madeline look at bracelet Dean made for her] MADELINE: Oh he's handy. How great. LOUISE: And you wear it all the time right? LORELAI: Just when she's breathing. SOOKIE: It's a love thing. RORY: Thanks for the contributions. LORELAI: Ok here [offers tickets but pulls them back] Ah! With these tickets you are about to enter sacred space, you will be treading on hallowed ground, you will be walking like and Egyptian. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Take'em. Oh you're going to have a great time. The Bangles are the best! They were my favorite band in high school. I almost named you Susanna. The day I found out you had no musical talent at all was the saddest day of my life. RORY: I'm sorry. LORELAI: Well you say that now. Here, ok, these are probably located - Hi! [to usher] USHER: Hi. LORELAI: Can you tell me where these seats are? USHER: Uh, those are right in here. LORELAI: Oh good, girls...ok, here's the deal. Take the tickets, go to your seats, have the night of a lifetime - Bangle it up. The second the concert is over, meet us outside in front of the theater got it? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: Good! Now go! RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: You're welcome. [to Sookie] Ok, let's go make our noses bleed. SOOKIE: After you. PARIS: Which aisle is it? LOUISE: We're almost there. MADELINE: I have never sat this close to a stage before. In fact, I've never even really been to a concert before so I could be sitting at the back and say the same thing. LOUISE: In here. MADELINE: Oh good. RORY: Wow, these are amazing seats. LOUISE: [checking out the cute guys in the row behind them] Yes they are. RORY: [to Paris] What are they looking at? PARIS: One guess. [Rory looks behind them at the guys] GUY: Check it out, we've got fans [seeing Rory] PARIS: Was I right? [as Rory turns back] RORY: You were right. PARIS: And before it's dark, they'll have every picnic basket that's in Jelly Stone park. [Pan to Sookie and Lorelai climbing stairs] SOOKIE: Did you ever see Everest? LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: It's a good movie. LORELAI: We must be getting close, we're running out of rows. SOOKIE: And 1,000. Ok, we're here. LORELAI: Great. Ok, this is fine [sitting] SOOKIE: Not bad at all. [Lorelai starts to laugh] What? What? What is so funny? LORELAI: [laughing] These are the worst seats in the entire world! SOOKIE: They are, aren't they? LORELAI: Oh my God, it's so funny. [to guy next to her] Don't you think this is funny? GUY: You know, I don't. LORELAI: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. SOOKIE: Ooh, they're starting. Do you have a lighter? LORELAI: [laughing] You mean a flame thrower? [to guy] Do you get it? A flame thrower because it's so far. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen - The Bangles! [Bangles play. Pan to later during the concert, Rory and Paris are watching the concert and Louise and Madeline are flirting with the guys in the row behind them. Pan to Lorelai and Sookie] LORELAI: Hey, was Rachel pretty? SOOKIE: What? LORELAI: I'm just curious, was she pretty? SOOKIE: She was pretty. LORELAI: Like, what kind of pretty? SOOKIE: What do you mean ‘what kind of pretty'? LORELAI: I mean, like was she a Catherine Zeta-Jones kind of pretty or a Michelle Pfiffer-y pretty or - SOOKIE: She was an Elle MacPherson kind of pretty. LORELAI: Really. SOOKIE: Yup. LORELAI: That's an intense kind of pretty. SOOKIE: You're not kidding. LORELAI: I never pictured Luke with an Elle MacPherson kind of pretty. SOOKIE: No? Pictured him more with a Lorelai Gilmore kind of pretty? LORELAI: Oh, the air up here must be very thin because you're delirious. SOOKIE: And you're jealous. LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: You're jealous of Rachel. LORELAI: You're accusing me of being jealous of a woman who dumped a man I'm not even interested in five years ago? SOOKIE: Yes. LORELAI: And you don't think that's crazy? SOOKIE: Oh I do think that's crazy? LORELAI: Right, I'm not jealous. SOOKIE: Yeah you are. [Lorelai scoffs. Pan to girls] LOUISE: Oh my God! He is so gorgeous. RORY: I guess. LOUISE: Listen, there's a massive party going on right around the corner. RORY: So? LOUISE: So they invited us. RORY: Who? LOUISE: Jess and Sean, we've been talking to them this whole time, they're extremely cool. MADELINE: Are we going? RORY: Going where? MADELINE: To the party? RORY: There's a concert going on. LOUISE: The band won't miss us. RORY: We can't just leave Louise. LOUISE: It's America Rory. RORY: We have to meet my mom after the show. LOUISE: Oh come on. RORY: What do you mean ‘Oh come on'. We have to meet my mother after the concert. The band may not miss us but Lorelai sure will. MADELINE: These guys are so cute. RORY: Oh that's great but we're not going anywhere. LOUISE: What are you afraid? RORY: Of going out into a strange city with two guys I don't know? Yeah. MADELINE: Rory please! RORY: No! LOUISE: Well we're going. RORY: No you're not. LOUISE: Paris, join please? PARIS: No, thanks. LOUISE: Fine, come on Madeline. RORY: And just what am I supposed to tell my mother? LOUISE: That you're a very good little girl. [gets up and leaves] RORY: Louise. MADELINE: The party's in a building on the corner of Waverly and First. Try to get away. [leaves] RORY: Madeline. MADELINE: We'll be back by the time the concert's over. PARIS: You know, I really like this band. [Pan to later. Rory and Paris waiting] PARIS: Well? RORY: I couldn't find Mom or Sookie anywhere. PARIS: So what do we do now? RORY: I guess we just wait here for them to find us. PARIS: Ok. RORY: I can't believe Louise and Madeline would just leave like that. PARIS: They've done it before. RORY: Nice. PARIS: Yeah, well. RORY: Can I ask you a question? PARIS: Maybe. RORY: What could you possibly see in Tristin? PARIS: You wouldn't understand. RORY: Is it just that he's cute? PARIS: Partly. RORY: Cause there are a lot of cute guys in the world. PARIS: Not like Tristin. RORY: He's just such a jerk. PARIS: He's not always a jerk. RORY: No? PARIS: No. RORY: Ok. When is not a jerk? PARIS: I've known Tristin a really long time ok? We've been in the same class since kindergarten. RORY: Really? PARIS: Yes...and he has things in his life that are hard. His parents - not so great. We have that in common. RORY: Ok. PARIS: He kissed me once. RORY: He did? PARIS: In the 6th grade - on a dare. RORY: How romantic. PARIS: You just don't know him like I do ok? RORY: Ok, I believe you. I just - I think maybe you could do better. PARIS: I know he's flirting with me to get to you, but at least he's flirting with me. LORELAI: Hey. RORY: There you are. LORELAI: Think fast [throws them a t-shirt each] T-shirts for all the girls because I'm the good witch of the - hey, aren't you missing a couple of kids? RORY: They left. LORELAI: Excuse me? RORY: Madeline and Louise met these guys and they - LORELAI: What guys? RORY: I don't know, they were sitting behind us and they were having a party. LORELAI: Unbelievable! SOOKIE: What's going on? LORELAI: They left. SOOKIE: What? LORELAI: Let's go, come on, move. CUT TO APARTMENT BUILDING LORELAI: I leave the house with four girls, I'm coming home with four girls. [knocks on a door] Hi, I'm looking for a couple of college boys, who might live here or have friends who live here. WOMAN: I don't talk to anyone. People annoy me. [closes door] LORELAI: [coming up to Sookie listening at a door] What? SOOKIE: She found him with the blonde again. PARIS: She's gonna knock on every door in the entire building isn't she? RORY: Yep. PARIS: Wow. LORELAI: [knocks] Hello? Is anyone home? SOOKIE: [knocks] Hello? [dog barks] Aah! Let's go follow your mother. PARIS: I wonder if I was missing if my mom would come looking for me like that. RORY: Paris, you know she would. PARIS: Yeah, or at least she'd send somebody. [Lorelai knocks on another door. There's music playing] SOOKIE: Music. LORELAI: Let's go. [knocks. Guy answers] RORY: Mom, that's one of the guys. GUY: Yeah? LORELAI: Thanks. Hi, could you move please? [enters] GUY: What? LORELAI: Hey, did you miss me? LOUISE: Lorelai. LORELAI: Ms. Gilmore. Put the cups down, let's move. GUY: Is there a problem? LORELAI: Yeah, see those two idiots over there? They're 16 - underage and I bet you're not. I also bet those big fancy party cups aren't holding lemonade. You really want to end any further conversations with me so step aside Skippy. Move your asses outside - now! [they leave apart.] Hey. I am not even going to begin to tell you how completely insane it is to take off with anyone you don't know, or drink things that you don't know what's in them, or act like you have a clue when you don't, but so help me God if you ever pull a stunt like this again, it will not be around my kid! Do you understand me? LOUISE: Yes. MADELINE: Yes. LORELAI: Good, now let's go. I can't wait to meet your parents. We have some catching up to do. I think we'll just talk and talk and talk all night long. PARIS: You know what? I think this is the best night I've ever had. CUT TO RUMMAGE SALE LANE: I cannot believe I missed it. RORY: The concert was amazing. LANE: Forget about the concert. I wanted to see Lorelai pull those idiots out of that guy's apartment. RORY: It definitely was a Kodak moment. LORELAI: Hey. RORY: Hey. LORELAI: Hey, you didn't wake me up. RORY: I set the clock. LORELAI: Yes, but see the clock stops ringing once I throw it against the wall giving me ample time to fall back to sleep, you however never stop yapping no matter how hard I throw you, thus ensuring the wake up process. LANE: I'm gonna get a soda, anybody want anything? RORY: Gum. LORELAI: Yes, the night of my 14th birthday back so I can right the green-hot-pant-roller-disco outfit wrong. LANE: Coming right up. LORELAI: Bye. So, talked to anybody today? RORY: You mean Madeline or Louise or Paris? LORELAI: Yes. RORY: No. LORELAI: Right. RORY: Though I bet school tomorrow will be really interesting. LORELAI: Oh yes - stories of Rory's Bangle's - obsessed mother ripping open apartment doors, scaring the pointy haired boys. RORY: Totally uncool, man. LORELAI: I had to do it Rory, they could've gotten hurt. RORY: I know. LORELAI: God, I thought inviting those girls out would make things easier for you at school. RORY: Yeah, well I've always thought ‘easy' is completely overrated. LORELAI: Oh, that's my twisted girl. RORY: Plus Paris decided to let me split the debate time with her. LORELAI: Wow! [pause] Wait, why am I wowing? RORY: Because splitting debate time with Paris is like doing that whole ‘spitting in your palm and shaking hands' friendship oath thing. LORELAI: But way less gross? RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: Oh, good, I'm glad then. Oh, uh, I'll be right back. RORY: Ok. LORELAI: [coming up to Luke] Hey. LUKE: Oh, hey. LORELAI: Find anything good? LUKE: Oh yeah, I got some refrigerator magnets shaped like sushi for a nickel, so basically I scored. LORELAI: Oh good. LUKE: Hey, look, about that thing that happened the other day - LORELAI: Oh forget it. LUKE: I was a jerk, I didn't mean it. LORELAI: I know - really LUKE: Yeah well, I am sorry. LORELAI: I wanted to give this back to you [offering Rachel's sweatshirt] LUKE: Oh no, you bought it. LORELAI: I know but it's yours and I didn't know. LUKE: You didn't know? LORELAI: About the former owner. LUKE: Oh. LORELAI: If I had, I wouldn't have flaunted it in front of you like that. LUKE: Hey, it's not a big deal, I was having a bad day, that's it. Now I got magnetic sushi and all is right with the world. LORELAI: Ok good. So here. It obvious ly means something to you. LUKE: But you have to let things go eventually right? LORELAI: Yeah, but sometimes you need a little something to remind you. I mean you wouldn't want to forget everything would you? LUKE: No there was some stuff that I definitely would not want to forget. LORELAI: Well here, so you don't forget. LUKE: Thanks, can I pay you for it? LORELAI: In coffee, absolutely. LUKE: Alright. I'm not pining you know - LORELAI: I know LUKE: Just remembering. LORELAI: Got it. LUKE: Remembering is not pining. LORELAI: You're absolutely right. LUKE: It's just like a memento, like restaurant matches. LORELAI: I can see the resemblance. LUKE: Ok, well good. LORELAI: Bye Luke. LUKE: Bye.

Lorelai, Sookie, Rory, and Lane plan to attend The Bangles ' concert, but when Lane's mother finds the truth, she bans her from going. Lorelai and Sookie offer up the three tickets so Rory can take Madeline, Louise, and Paris, which backfires when Madeline and Louise take off with two mysterious boys for a party.

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_02x02

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_02x02_0

-[Real World]- (Leroy and the rest of the 'dwarves' are gathered by the Storybrooke sign at the edge of the forest. Leroy spray paints an orange line, indicating the border of the town, while he lectures.) Leroy: This, gentlemen, is our mission. The great barrier of our existence - does it remain? We must investigate the line. (He pulls out a handful of straws.) Leroy: I made straws. Short one crosses. Draw. (The dwarves each pick a straw, one by one.) Happy: With the curse broken, we can cross, right? It should be no problem. Walter: With magic back, it could be even worse now. Doc: Like, vapourize us. Bashful: Let's go home. Leroy: Guys! We are the Royal Guard. Towards loyalty to Snow White. This is our chance to prove ourselves to the Prince. We must do this. (Everyone finishes picking straws.) Leroy: Show your hands. (They reveal their straws. Mr. Clark ends up with the short straw.) Leroy: You're up, snotty. (Leroy leads Mr. Clark to the border. However, he hesitates to step over it.) Mr. Clark: You know, what if we found a turtle and sort of nudged it over first? Leroy: Oh, for the love of... (Leroy pushes Mr. Clark over the line. The second he crosses, a magical force begins to act on him.) Leroy: Sneezy, you okay? Sneezy! [SCENE_BREAK] (On the main street, a few townspeople are attempting to clear away the damage caused by the wraith. Meanwhile, at August's room at Granny's, August's wooden form is still lying on the bed. He blinks. Outside of the town hall, the citizens of Storybrooke have set up a Crisis Center. Marco is putting up 'missing' posters of Pinocchio.) Marco: My boy... My poor boy. (Ruby appears to be one of the coordinators.) Ruby: If you are looking for a family member, come to the front table. If you need counseling, Dr. Hopper has a signup sheet. If the wraith damaged your house, there are cots at the school. Mother Superior: This is getting out of hand. People are in a panic. They don't know what to do. Ruby: It's okay. It'll be fine. We just need everyone to remain calm. I have a feeling our Prince is working on something right now. [SCENE_BREAK] (David knocks on Regina's door. When she answers, he lets himself in.) David: Tell me...about this. (He holds up Jefferson's crushed hat.) Regina: Surprised you don't have armed guards 'round the clock. David: Don't need 'em. We both know if you step outside, there's a line a mile long for your head. Regina: Who's going to risk coming at me? David: Take your chances, then. But I think that little wallpaper trick? Was an anomaly. If you had your abilities back, this town would be charcoal by now. You're having problems with magic, aren't you? Right now, the only thing keeping you alive? Is that Henry wishes it. Now, this. Regina: It's the hat that pulled your loved ones away. David: Well, where did you get it? Regina: I've long since forgotten. You know what? Maybe, you should be less concerned with hats, and more concerned with taking care of my son. David: Oh, because you took such great care of him. Regina: I will not listen to child care lectures from a man who put his daughter in a box and shipped her to Maine. David: Okay, listen. I need my family. There's magic here now. There will have to be ways to follow them. Regina: Follow them where? Into a sucking airless void? And good luck getting magic to work. Because, as you said, you'd be charcoal. David: Oh, frustrated, are we? Serves you right. You've earned every bit of this. Regina: Keep on baiting me, Charming. Right now, I don't have magic and I don't have my son. But, when I get one, I get the other. And you don't want to be around when that happens. David: If you have to use magic to keep your son, you don't really have him. -[Fairy Tale World]- (A young Evil Queen rides along a road in the woods on horseback.) Evil Queen: We're almost free! (Suddenly, several vines magically appear and pluck her from her horse, suspending her in the air. Cora appears with a book opened in her hands.) Cora: And I thought we were done with all this nonsense. Evil Queen: Hello, Mother. What evil have you conjured? Cora: Not evil, darling. A barrier spell. (Cora gently blows across the pages of the book, causing a black dust to lift off the pages. The vines release the Evil Queen.) Cora: Designed to keep you where you belong. Evil Queen: I can't leave? Cora: Not alone. Not without the King. We've been through this. In two days, you'll be married - you'll be Queen. After that, you're free to go - whenever you're with him. Evil Queen: Momma, I don't want to marry the King. I don't want this life! Cora: You're just frightened of having all that power. Evil Queen: I don't want power. I want to be free. Cora: Power is freedom. Don't worry. I'm here to show you. -[Real World]- (David arrives at the Crisis Center, where he spots Henry.) David: Henry! Have you seen Blue? Uh, Mother Superior? Henry: No. But everyone is looking for you. (Several people begin harassing David with questions.) Ruby: Do we know where Rump- Mr. Gold is? Archie: Wait! Does the Queen still have power? Marco: I thought I would find my boy. Henry: Please! We've got to be planning something! Dr. Whale: Hey, let me ask you something? Are the nuns still nuns? Or can they, you know, date? David: Uh, I don't know. Dr. Whale: Don't say it's me asking... David: Blue! (He spots Mother Superior.) David: Could there be a tree on this side? The way we sent Emma through as a baby. Maybe I could go after them that way. Mother Superior: It's possible, but without fairy dust to guide us here... No, it's hopeless. Henry: You'll find another way. In the book, things always look worse right before there's good news. (Leroy, along with the rest of the group, comes rushing in.) Leroy: Terrible news! Terrible news! We were out at the town limits. Tell them who you think you are, Sneezy. Mr. Clark: Oh, will you stop calling me that. You know who I am. I'm Tom Clark. I own the Dark Star(?) Pharmacy. What's going on here? Leroy: If you cross the border, you lose your memory all over again. Archie: A-And coming back doesn't fix it? Leroy: If it did, would I have come running in yelling 'terrible news'?! If we leave, our curse selves become our only selves. (The crowd begins to panic.) Henry: I wonder if my mom knows? (David separates himself from the crowd and attempts to leave, while Henry and the rest of them follow.) Henry: I can help! David: People! Everybody! Everybody meet back here in two hours. I'll tell you my plan to fix everything. (Ruby talks to David alone.) Ruby: What's the plan? David: I don't know. But I got two hours to figure it out. [SCENE_BREAK] (In her living room, Regina attempts to magically light a candle.) Regina: Come on... (The candle briefly flickers, and then goes out.) Regina: Light, damn you! (She picks up the candle and throws it in the fireplace in frustration. She heads to the front door, where she tentatively surveys the area outside her house. Seeing that the coast is clear, she starts to walk to her car, when she is approached by Archie.) Archie: Regina! I thought you might want to talk. Regina: Oh, right. The conscience thing. Archie: It's what I do. Regina: I'm in no mood. Archie: That's too bad, cause... Cause I think talking about your pain might be very helpful. Might help you learn who you truly are. Regina: I know who I am. -[Fairy Tale World]- (At the castle, the Evil Queen is doing a young Snow White's hair.) Evil Queen: What do you think, Snow? Snow White: It looks beautiful. Evil Queen: No, dear. You look beautiful. (Snow White looks in the jewelry box on the table next to her, and pulls out Daniel's ring. It is attached to a chain.) Snow White: What's this? Evil Queen: What? That's mine. (Snow White puts the ring around her neck.) Snow White: It's pretty. Where did you get it? Evil Queen: Daniel gave it to me. Snow White: The stable boy. The one who left you. Evil Queen: He didn't leave me. Snow White: What? Evil Queen: He was killed. Snow White: Oh, no... Evil Queen: He was killed because you couldn't keep a secret from my mother. Snow White: By... But she said... She told me she was going to help you. (The Evil Queen pulls on the chain around Snow White's neck and begins to strangle her.) Evil Queen: My mother corrupts young souls. If you were stronger, none of this would have happened. (The scene cuts to reality. The Evil Queen and Snow White are in the same setting.) Snow White: It's pretty. Where did you get it? Evil Queen: I don't remember. [SCENE_BREAK] (The Evil Queen and Henry I are walking outside the castle.) Evil Queen: Daddy, you don't know what Mother's doing to me. It's like she's turning me into her. I have to get away. Henry I: Get away? But tomorrow's the wedding, child. Evil Queen: I don't want to marry the King. I've told you that. Henry I: Well, you're certain it isn't just cold feet? Evil Queen: Daddy, this is not cold feet. This... This is... This is insanity. I'm angry all the time. She's making me crazy. Henry I: She wants to give you everything she never got for herself. Evil Queen: I don't want her life. I want a life of my own. How did she get like this? Henry I: There was a man. Well, not quite a man. Someone Cora knew before I met her. He brought magic to her. Gave her that book of spells. He made her like she is. Evil Queen: What was his name? Henry I: I don't know. Cora won't even say it. Evil Queen: But the book is his? -[Real World]- (Regina enters Mr. Gold's Pawn Shop. Seeing that he's not there, she begins to rummage through his books. Mr. Gold enters.) Mr. Gold: The library's beneath the clock tower. You closed it, remember? When you still had power. Regina: I need the book. I need to get my son back. Mr. Gold: Which book? Ah. So, it's come down to that, eh? You need your mommy's help? Regina: Give me the book. Mr. Gold: Do you really need the smell of the written word to get the magic flowing again, love? Maybe if you relaxed, it would just happen. Regina: I don't have time. It worked once, I know I can do it. I just... I just need a shortcut back. Mr. Gold: Yeah, well, I don't have time, either. Leave. Please. (Nothing happens.) Regina: Well, how about that. Your 'pleases' have lost their punch. Mr. Gold: Well, the fact remains, jumpstarting your magic is not in my best interest. Regina: You know what else isn't in your best interest? Having everyone know the Enchanted Forest still exists. Knowing that, you and I, are keeping that little secret. You're up to something. And it doesn't involve going back home. (Regina goes to look in a chest on the counter, but Mr. Gold stops her. He magically produces the book.) Mr. Gold: Careful, dearie. These are straight up spells. Rough in the system. Regina: I don't care if they turn me green. I'm getting my son back. (She grabs the book from him and heads to the door.) Mr. Gold: Oh my... Regina: What? Mr. Gold: It's just, holding that... I told you once you didn't look like her, but now... Now I can see it. -[Fairy Tale World]- (The Evil Queen attempts to summon Rumpelstiltskin in her chambers. She has difficulty pronouncing his name.) Evil Queen: Rumpelshtil- Rumpelshtilshin, I summon thee. (Rumpelstiltskin appears.) Rumpelstiltskin: That's not how you say it, dearie. But then, you didn't have to say anything. Evil Queen: What are you? Rumpelstiltskin: What, what, what. My, my. What a rude question. I am not a 'what'. Evil Queen: I'm sorry. I... I don't really know what I'm doing. Rumpelstiltskin: That much is clear. Allow me to introduce myself - Rumpelstiltskin. Evil Queen: And I'm- Rumpelstiltskin: Regina. I know. Evil Queen: You do? Rumpelstiltskin: But of course. Evil Queen: Because of my mother, Cora. You taught her? Rumpelstiltskin: My legend precedes me. Evil Queen: People say I look like her when she was younger. Rumpelstiltskin: Really? (He takes a closer look at her.) Rumpelstiltskin: I don't see it. No, that's not how I know you. Evil Queen: Oh? How then? Rumpelstiltskin: I knew you long ago, dearie. It's been some time, but I knew this day would come. I've been waiting for it. And I'm so happy, we're back where we belong. Evil Queen: And where's that? Rumpelstiltskin: Together. -[Real World]- (Regina is sitting under her apple tree, tightly grasping the book she received from Mr. Gold.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mary Margaret's apartment, David practices a speech in front of the mirror while Henry watches.) David: People of Storybrooke. I know we're trapped together again, and things look bleak. But... They're not. Henry: No, keep going. You were on to something. David: No, I wasn't. I did the fighting, Snow did the talking. (David pulls the hat out of his bag.) Henry: Can I see that? David: Yeah. Henry: I think I know what this is. (Henry flips through the pages in his book until he finds the story about the Mad Hatter.) Henry: It's the Mad Hatter's hat. It's a portal between worlds. David: The Mad Matter... Henry: You've heard of him? David: No. I-I mean, yeah. I mean, the prince me doesn't know him, but David had memories of reading Alice in Wonderland in school. I need to get it to work again. Who is he? I-I mean, who is he here? Henry: I don't know. Maybe he'll check in at the Crisis Center. You could check after the thing. David: What thing? Henry: The meeting? Where you tell us about your plan, remember? The speech you were doing? David: Right. I'll be back for that. (David leaves while Henry tries to come with him.) Henry: Gramps, you got to use me. Come on! The curse was broken cause of me. Let me help! (He hears the door shut.) Henry: Or...not. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mr. Gold is packing a bag with several brochures and maps, when David barges in.) Mr. Gold: It appears when I bought that closed sign, I was just throwing my money away. David: Looks like it. Mr. Gold: Sorry to hear about your wife and daughter. If you're looking for a retrieval, I'm afraid portal jumping is just outside my purview. David: Of course it is. Mr. Gold: So, what's the commotion outside? David: Oh, a little stir at the border. Problem crossing the line. Mr. Gold: Do tell. David: Actually, I'm here to buy something. A way to find someone. Mr. Gold: Well, like a map? David: Something with a bit more kick. Like the ring you gave me to find Snow. Mr. Gold: Ah, yeah, magic. Whom are you following? David: Not telling. Mr. Gold: So, do you have something of theirs, this missing person? David: Yes. Mr. Gold: May I see it? David: No. (Mr. Gold pulls a vial out of the box behind him.) Mr. Gold: Pour this on the object, and then follow it. So simple, even David Nolan could do it. (He holds it in front of him, but pulls away when David goes to take it.) David: What do you want? Mr. Gold: Peace. Leave me alone. David: What do you care what David Nolan does? Mr. Gold: Oh, no. It's Charming I worry about. I'd like a little non-interference guarantee. David: Fine. If, you give me the same. You and I - we stay out of each other's way. (He hands the potion over.) Mr. Gold: Thank you for your business. (David starts to leave, but Mr. Gold interrupts him.) Mr. Gold: So, uh, what happens when you try and cross the border? David: You lose your memory of everything of our old lives. Looks like we're stuck here. (David exits. Mr. Gold smashes two of his display cases with his cane.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (The Evil Queen and Rumpelstiltskin are still talking at the castle.) Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, yes. I know everything about you, my dear. I held you in my arms. You were younger. More... Portable. There is much history between your family and me. History both in the past, and in the future. Evil Queen: Then, can you help me? Rumpelstiltskin: Possibly, yes. You seek power. The death of your enemies... The death of your friends? Evil Queen: No! I don't want to hurt anyone. Rumpelstiltskin: Hard to believe you're from the same family. (He starts to stroke the sides of her face.) Rumpelstiltskin: So... Kind. So... Gentle. So... Powerful. You could do so much, if you just let yourself. Evil Queen: But, I don't know how. Rumpelstiltskin: Well, let me show you the way. (A large, wrapped object appears.) Evil Queen: How did- Rumpelstiltskin: Magic. It can set you free. Evil Queen: I don't want to do that - use magic. That's what she does. I don't want to end up like her. Rumpelstiltskin: No, no, of course not. But that's the beauty of my gift. You don't have to. 'It' will do it for you. Evil Queen: What is it? Rumpelstiltskin: A portal. A passage between lands. This is a portal to a specific, annoying little world. Use to me, but, for your purposes, a perfect. You're unlikely ever to see her again. All she needs is a little push. The question is, can you do it? -[Real World]- (Regina is still sitting under her apple tree with the book. She opens it to a page depicting a tree. She gently blows across the pages, causing a black dust to lift from the pages. She inhales the dust, causing her eyes to faintly glow for a moment. The black rotten apples on the tree turn ripe once again.) [SCENE_BREAK] (On the main street, David pours the potion on top of the hat. Nothing happens for a second, then the hat lifts up and flies through the air. David follows the hat to a flipped car, where there is a voice calling out from the inside. He pries open the door, revealing Jefferson.) Jefferson: Ah, thank you. No one heard me. David: You okay? (Jefferson nods.) David: Good. That means we can talk. (David drags Jefferson out of the car.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The entire town is gathered at the town hall for the meeting. Henry is attempting to call David, who still hasn't arrived.) Henry: Come on, Gramps. Pick up. Come on... Ruby: Please, everyone. Just be patient. I'm sure he's going to be here any second. (Granny is wandering around with her crossbow.) Ruby: Granny, do you really need that? Granny: We've got a lawless town, Ruby. Damn right I need it. Ruby: Try calling him again. Henry: He's not picking up. Ruby: Just keep trying. (Regina makes a grand entrance into the room and casually walks to the front.) Regina: My, what a nice turnout. No need for a fuss. It's just little old me. Archie: Regina. Think about what you're doing. Regina: Bug. (She magically throws Archie across the room.) Leroy: Hey! (She does the same to Leroy. Granny then fires an arrow at Regina, but Regina simply catches it.) Regina: How sweet. (She sets the arrow on fire, transforming it into a fireball. She flings it into the crowd, ultimately catching part of the wall on fire.) Ruby: What do you want? Henry: Me. She wants me. Okay, I'll come with you. Just leave them alone. Regina: That's my boy. (Regina puts her arm around Henry's shoulder and leads him out.) [SCENE_BREAK] (David and Jefferson are sitting at a table outside. The hat is in between them.) David: Can you get me through? Jefferson: No. David: Can you get them back? (Jefferson rolls his eyes.) David: Can you get it to work? Jefferson: If you only knew. David: Okay. You had a little girl's tea set in your car and a stuffed rabbit toy, so I'm thinking you have a daughter you love. Well, I do, too. And a wife. And they're out there somewhere. In the Enchanted Forest, or a void, I don't even know. But I'm going to get them back. Jefferson: They're in the Enchanted Forest, that's for sure. I just can't get there. David: It still exists? Jefferson: It exists. I don't know if that matters, since we can't go there. David: So, you won't help me? Jefferson: I'm a portal jumper, and you destroyed my portal, so you're out of luck. (David grabs Jefferson by his shirt collar.) David: Well, I'm the closest thing left to a sheriff here, so I can just throw you in a cell until you figure out a way. Jefferson: Then all we'll do is both sit. Stuck. Two lives in our heads, cursed worse than ever. Two lives, forever at odds. Double the pain, double the suffering. (Jefferson suddenly bolts from the table and begins running down the main street. While chasing after him, David is stopped by Ruby.) Ruby: David, stop! David: Get out of my way! Ruby: Regina has Henry. David: But he has the way! Ruby: She has Henry! She's threatening everyone. David: She has Henry? Ruby: She showed up at your town meeting - the one you missed. Her magic's back. Everyone's panicking. They want to leave town - they're going to lose everything. David: Okay. Okay, but I have to go after him first. He's my only hope of finding a way to get Emma and Snow back. Ruby: Back to what? This town is about to come apart. You've got to do something. [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina and Henry arrive home. The first thing Henry does is run upstairs.) Regina: Now, I don't want you to think that things are just going to go back to how they used to be. Henry! (In the his room, Henry pulls out a preprepared rope made of blankets and throws it out the window. He doesn't get very far until Regina stops him with magical vines.) Regina: Don't fight it, honey. You'll get a splinter. (The two of them are sitting in Henry's room.) Henry: How long am I in prison? Till I grow up? Regina: Henry, I rescued you because I love you. Henry: So, I'm a prisoner because you love me. That's not fair. Regina: You know where I come from. That was really not fair. Of all the places I've seen, this is the fairest of them all. Henry: You ruined lives. You sent away Mary Margaret and Emma. Regina: That was an accident. Henry: The way you treated me wasn't an accident. You made it so no one believed me. You made me feel like I was crazy. Regina: But that's all going to change, now. Henry, you can know all the secrets. You can live in a house with magic. Look what I could do. (Regina magically conjures a giant cupcake.) Regina: And I can teach you. You can do this and so much more. You can have all the friends you want come over any time, and you can show them everything in your book. Henry: No one's going to want to come over here. They're scared of you. Regina: You can make them not be scared. You can make them love you. Henry: I don't want that. I don't want to be you. -[Fairy Tale World]- (The Evil Queen is dressed for her wedding. Cora enters and sees Rumpelstiltskin's 'gift'.) Cora: What's this? Evil Queen: I don't know. A gift? Cora: Maybe it's a portrait. (Cora magically removes the covering, revealing the portal, which is a looking glass.) Cora: Oh, a looking glass. Not nearly as personal. I wonder, sometimes, if the people really love you. Evil Queen: I'm doing my best, Mother. Cora: Oh, honey. I'm sorry. Come here. (The two of the them stand in front of the looking glass.) Cora: Look at you with your whole life ahead of you. And it's going to be better than you can imagine. The King's not a strong man. The kingdom will be yours. Raise the tributes, form a personal guard, let everyone know where the new power lies, and you'll hold the hearts of your people in your hands. Evil Queen: Is that what you would do, Mother? Cora: That's exactly what I would do. Evil Queen: Well, the thing is, I don't want to be you. (The Evil Queen lunges at Cora, but is stopped by her magic.) Cora: What are you doing? You think it's that easy to get rid of me? You're stuck with me forever, darling. Because I'm your mother, and I know best. (Rumpelstiltskin appears in the looking glass behind Cora, making a pushing gesture. The Evil Queen's anger appears to build, and then is released as magic. Cora is thrown backwards through the portal, which then shatters.) -[Real World]- (The citizens of Storybrooke have all packed up their cars and are heading along the road leading to the border of the town. David and Ruby are in the car ahead of them. They stop, angling the car sideways in order to block the way. Everyone angrily gets out of their cars, while David and Ruby get out to confront them.) Archie: Get out of the way! We have a right to go! David: Listen to me! Listen! (The mob goes quiet.) David: If you cross that line, you're going to be lost. Everyone who loves you will lose you. But there's something worse - you'll lose yourself. Look, I get wanting to leave here, I do. And I get that it's easier to let go of bad memories, but... Even bad memories are part of us. David, Storybrooke David, was - is - weak, confused. And he hurt the woman I love. I wouldn't give up being Charming just to be him, but, you know what? I wouldn't make the other trade, either. Because that David reminds me, not only of who I lost, but of who I want to be. My weaknesses, and my strengths. David, and the Prince. I am both - just like you. You are both. The town is both. We are both. Stay here, and every choice is open to you. Live in the woods if you want. Hell, live in a shoe if you want. Or eat frozen burritos and write software. Let's open Granny's and the school. And get back to work. I will protect you. She won't be able to hurt any of us. Not as long as I'm alive. Not as long as we all come together. As we did before. As we shall do again. (Everyone is silent. Finally, everyone starts back to their cars.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (The Evil Queen is heading along the path leading from the castle on horseback. She encounters Rumpelstiltskin.) Rumpelstiltskin: Leaving, are we? Evil Queen: That was always the plan. (The Evil Queen gets off her horse and hands him the spell book.) Evil Queen: Here. A gift. I don't want it. Rumpelstiltskin: Uh, can't be a gift. It was mine to start with. (She turns to get back on her horse.) Rumpelstiltskin: Before you go... Answer me this - how did it feel? Evil Queen: I loved my mother. Rumpelstiltskin: B-But that's not what I asked, dearie. How did it feel to use magic? Evil Queen: It doesn't matter. I-I'll never use it again. Rumpelstiltskin: Why not? Evil Queen: Because I loved it. Rumpelstiltskin: You've discovered who you are. You could do so much now, if you let me show you how. Evil Queen: Through magic? Rumpelstiltskin: Through many things. Evil Queen: And what do you get out of it? Rumpelstiltskin: Someday, you'll do something for me. Let me guide you. Evil Queen: And I won't become like her? Rumpelstiltskin: That, dearie, is entirely up to you. -[Real World]- (David barges into Regina's house, equipped with his sword.) David: I want to see him. (David brings the sword up to Regina's neck.) Regina: Henry, come down! You won't be using your sword. David: Whatever you conjure, I can fight. Regina: I mean, you won't need your sword. (She gently pushes the blade away. Henry comes down the stairs.) Regina: Henry, you're going to go home with David. Henry: Really? Regina: Really. I shouldn't have brought you here. I was... I don't know how to love very well. I wasn't capable of it for a very long time, but I know I remember... If you hold onto someone too hard, that doesn't make them love you. I'm sorry I lied to you. And that I made you feel like I didn't know who you are. But I want you to be here, because you want to be here. Not because I forced you, and not because of magic. I want to redeem myself. Go get your things. (Henry runs back upstairs, leaving Regina and David alone.) David: Then prove it. Regina: How? David: Answer one question - does it exist? Regina: What? David: The Enchanted Forest - our land. Does it still exist? Regina: Yes. But I have no idea how to get back there. I can see I just launched you on a heroic quest. Just also make sure you take care of my son? David: That, I can do. (Henry returns with his things. The two of them leave the house.) [SCENE_BREAK] (On the main street of Storybrooke, all of the businesses are reopening. The dwarves, armed with their pick axes, file out of a building. They cross paths with Mr. Clark.) Mr. Clark: What do you need those for? Leroy: Don't worry, brother. You've lost something. It's going to take fairy dust to get it back. So, we're going to do what we do best. Come on, boys. It's off to work we go. (Elsewhere, in Granny's Diner, Marco is sitting at a table having coffee. Henry and David enter. Henry whispers something in Marco's ear. Marco arrives at August's room at the inn, which he discovers unoccupied. He finds Pinocchio's childhood hat on the desk. At the town border in the forest, Mr. Gold stands in front of the spray painted line. Meanwhile, Regina goes to burn the spell book, but hesitates. She ends up keeping the book and locking it in a cabinet.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Henry and David are eating at the counter in Granny's Diner.) David: Hey. It exists, Henry. The Enchanted Forest is still out there. Henry: And... So are they. David: Yeah. Henry: But, how do we know they survived the trip there? David: Because I can feel it. -[Present Fairy Tale World]- (As they travel across the deserted Fairy Tale World, Mulan and Aurora have bound Emma and Mary Margaret's wrists and are pulling them along behind their horses.) MMB: What is this place? Mulan: Our home. (They arrive at an island, which is populated by the remaining Enchanted Forest inhabitants. They have set up a village-like encampment.) Emma: It's like they're refuges. Mulan: We're survivors. (Mary Margaret knees Aurora in the gut and makes a run for it.) MMB: Emma, run! (Emma follows, but Mary Margaret is struck down by Mulan and knocked unconscious. Emma tries to wake her.) Emma: Mary Margaret! Mary Margaret! What did you do?! Mulan: Take them to the pit. (Emma and Mary Margaret are literally thrown in the dungeon by the guards.) Emma: Be careful! Come on... Wake up. Can you hear me? (A voice speaks, but the person is obscured by the shadows.) Voice: Do you need help? Emma: Who are you? Voice: A friend. (The person emerges from the shadows, and turns out to be Cora.) Cora: My name's Cora. -[End]-

While Regina continues to find a way to regain her magical powers, David continues his quest to uncover the whereabouts of Mary Margaret and Emma; and the seven dwarves discover what happens when any of the townspeople try to step past the city limits of Storybrooke. Meanwhile, in the fairytale land that was, as her wedding day to King Leopold approaches, Regina is confronted by a man of magic who promises to help her become independent and break free from her mother Cora's clutches.

fd_FRIENDS_09x20

fd_FRIENDS_09x20_0

Teleplay: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen Story: Shana Goldberg-Meehan [Scene: Monica's apartment] Joey: (enters the room) Hey, you guys, what are you doing tomorrow night? Chandler: (browsing through a diary) Well, let me see... I-I believe I'm... yes, falling asleep in front of the TV. Joey: Look, my agent hooked me up with six tickets to a great play. Chandler: I could fall asleep at a play. Phoebe: What is it? Joey: It's a one-woman play called "Why don't you like me: a bitter woman's journey through life". Monica: It sounds interesting! Ross: Yeah, it does sound interesting, I mean, to listen to a woman complain for two hours, I don't think it gets bett... (Ross starts snoring, faking to fall asleep) Phoebe: I know, I know, we can drive, we can vote, we can work, what more do these broads want? Joey: You guys are gonna have a great time, I promise! Ross: What? How come that you don't have to go! Joey: I wish I could but I just found out that I have to be at work really early the next day, so I can't go, but, you know, take the extra ticket and invite whoever you want. Chandler: (browsing through a diary) Uh, let's see, who do I hate? Rachel: (gets up from the sofa and moves to the kitchen but Joey blocks her way) Oh, sorry... Oops, sorry. Joey: (lifts Rachel up and moves her behind him so she can walk on) Hey, here you go. Rachel: Ooh... oooh... (pause) (Rachel is all bah-jiggity about Joey) oh, ah... (pause) (to Monica) Can I ask you a question? Monica: Yeah. Rachel: Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around and... and not have it be a big deal? Monica: No, I don't think it ever works. Why? Rachel: No reason. Monica: No, no, Rachel? Rachel: Yeah Monica: Who do you wanna fool around with? Rachel: (with high pitched voice) Nobody, forget it! (Monica points at Joey, Rachel turns and sees him) Rachel: (giggling and whispering) Maybe. Monica: (whispering) You can't! Rachel: (whispering) Why? (Monica gesticulates mumbling something that starts with "because") Seriously I did not understand a word that you said. Monica: In the hall. [Scene: In the hall] Monica: You wanna fool around with Joey? Rachel: Yeah! You know, ever since I had that dream about him, and can't get it out of my head! And what's the big deal, people do it all the time! Monica: Who? Who do you know that are friends that just fool around? Rachel: Ok, off the top of my head... Don and Janet. Monica: Who, who are they? Rachel: I know them from work. Monica: Both of them? Rachel: No, one of them... Monica: Which one? Rachel: I don't know, what were the names I just said? Monica: Rachel, things can get incredibly complicated. Rachel: All right, all right, you're right, I won't do anything with Joey, I just thought that we (Joey enters the hall) Ok so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion? (Joey enters his apartment) Monica: What the hell are you cooking! Opening credits [Scene: Central Perk, Ross enters] Ross: Hey! Monica: Hey! Chandler: Hey! Ross: Hey, you guys won't believe what I have to do for work today. Chandler: Yes, but, Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs. Ross: (covering with his hand Chandler's face, like pretending he's not there) (to Monica) There're these two professors who are joining my department and I have to meet them here and show them around campus. Monica: What's so bad about that? Ross: It's I just know they're gonna be a couple of windbags wearing tweed jackets with suede elbow patches. Monica: (fingering her elbow): Ross? Ross: (looking his elbow, where there's a patch) These aren't suede. (a woman walks in) Charlie: (to Gunther) Excuse me, I'm looking for someone. You don't, by any chance, know a Ross Geller? Gunther: No. Ross: Hi, hi, I'm Ross Geller. Charlie: Oh, hi. I'm professor Wealer. Ross: Oh, oh, that's, that's, that's nice. Charlie: It's a... It's good to meet you! Thank you so much for taking the time out to show me around. Ross: Oh, no, it's no big deal, I mean, if I weren't doing this I'd just, you know, be at the gym working out. Monica: (to Chandler) Is he gonna introduce us? Chandler: (to Monica) No, I think we're just blurry shapes to him now. Charlie: And, by the way, I really enjoyed your paper on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis. Ross: Oh, ha, I wrote that in one minute. Monica: (to chandler) Twenty bucks says they're married within the month. Ross: (hitting Monica with his suitcase) (to Charlie) We should probably get going, you know, we got a lot of ground to cover. Charlie: Oh, ah, isn't there another professor that is supposed to come with us? Ross: I don't think so. Charlie: I'm pretty sure, professor Spafford from Cornell? Ross: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is "if you can't come on time, then don't come at all". (pause) An option that many of my students use. (pause) Shall we? Charlie: You don't think we should wait for him? Ross: You know what, he's a big boy, I'm sure he'll find us, ok? Professor Spafford: Professor Geller? Ross: Oh, damn it! [Scene: Joey's apartment] (Rachel enters the room and checks the answering machine) Jane: (from the answering machine) Hi Joey it's Jane Rogers, can't wait for your party tonight. Listen, I forgot your address, can you give me a call? Thanks, bye. Joey: (entering the room) Hey! Rachel: Hey! Joey: What's happenin'? Rachel: Yeah, it's a real shame you can't make it to that one-woman show tonight. Joey: Oh, I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day and so, you know me, work comes first Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah... (she plays the answering machine) Message: "Hi Joey, it's Jane Rogers can't wait for your party tonight" (Joey's upset and stops it) Joey: (yelling) Stupid Jane Rogers!! Rachel: (angry) You are having a party tonight?? Joey: Kinda have a... a thing for the Days Of Our Life's people. Rachel: And you weren't going to tell us? How did you think you were gonna get away with that? Joey: I do it every year. Rachel: You do that every year?? Joey: I didn't have to tell you that!! I'm stupider than Jane Rogers!! Rachel: Oh, that's why you got these tickets to that play, to get rid of us?? Joey: Yeah... Rachel: And last year is that why you sent us to that medieval times restaurant? Joey: Yeah... Rachel: OH! And the year before that, when you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory? Joey: (Smiling) I can't believe you guys went for that one! Rachel: Joey, why wouldn't you invite us to your parties? Joey: You're fine, ok? But everyone else acts like an idiot around famous people! Rachel: Well, then so you just invite me...! Joey: (speaking aloud) Please, I was trying to be nice, you're the worst one! Rachel: Oh, Joey, come on! Please, please! Let me come, I will behave, I promise! I will behave! Please, please, please... Joey: Ok, ok! Fine! You can come, but don't tell anybody else. It's up on the roof at 8. Rachel: (yelling and jumping like a child) OH, a soap opera roof party!! I'm going to a soap opera roof party!! Oh my God, oh my God!! (realizing how she's behaving) And it's out of my system! [Scene: Ross, Charlie and Professor Spafford are sitting at the table in a restaurant] Professor Spafford: (speaking very slowly) And then my wife and I went on a cruise to the Galapagos. There was a sea food buffet you wouldn't believe. There were clams, and mussels, and oysters, and cracked crab, and snow crab, and king crab. It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish. Ross: (very bored, he tries to avoid the conversation speaking to Charlie) So, where did you get your undergraduate degree? Professor Spafford: And that's not all I'm allergic to. Ross: (to Charlie) Oh, it's not over! Professor Spafford: I'm also allergic to peanuts, and cashews, and almonds, and filberts... Ross: So basically all nuts? Professor Spafford: Interestingly... no. Charlie: Kinda playing fast and loose with the word "interesting". Professor Spafford: If you'll excuse me I'm going to use the restroom. (he goes away) Charlie: Oh my God!! Ross: I've lost the will to live. Charlie: Let's ditch him! Ross: What? Charlie: Come on, he's still in the bathroom! I'm begging you! Ross: Oh... ok, fine. But... ehm... I just have one question for you, ehm... (aping Professor Spafford) When we exit should we walk, or run, or prance, or stroll... Charlie: Stop it, stop it! He talks slow but he might pee fast! Ok, let's go!! (they run outside) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment] Ross: (entering with Charlie) Oh, hey you guys! This is Charlie! Charlie, this is Phoebe and my sister, Monica. Phoebe: Hi! Ross: Yeah, Charlie is gonna be joining my department. Phoebe: Oh, you're a paleonthologist, too! (pause) Oh, ok, now, what do you think of Ranion's new theory of species' variegation in segmented arthopods? Charlie: Well, I think he's a little out there, but he does have some interesting ideas... Phoebe: Ah, ah. Charlie: (her mobile phone rings) Oh, I'm sorry. I'll take this. Excuse me. (she cuts herself off for a moment) Ross: (to Phoebe) Ranion's theory of species variegation? Phoebe: Yeah, I saw the article on your coffee table and I memorized the title to freak you out! Monica: (to Ross) So, did you two have fun? Ross: Oh my God, she's great! I mean, we-we have so much in common and she's just cool, and funny... Monica: And I don't know if you've noticed but she's a (aloud) HOTTY!! (Charlie looks at her) HI! Rachel: (she enters wearing a bath-robe) Hey... Hi you guys! Listen, you know what? I'm not feeling really well. I think I can't get out for the play. Ross: Really? Wh-what's wrong? Rachel: I don't know! I think it's kind of serious! Oh, you know... I was watching this thing on TV this morning about... Newcastle disease... and I think I might have it!! Charlie: Oh, Newcastle disease is a secretion borne virus that only affects chickens and... other poultry. Rachel: ... Ok, who is this? Ross: I'm sorry, Rachel, this is Charlie Wealer, she's a collegue. Rachel: Oh, hi! I would check your hand but... I'm sure you don't want to get my chicken disease! Monica: Hey, Rachel, Can-can I see you for a sec? Rachel: Sure! (Monica takes her apart) Oh... Monica: You're not sick! Rachel: What? Yes, I am! Monica: Ok, then, why are you... (she opens her robe revealing a nice black dress) all dressed up?? Rachel: When you're sick, you do whatever you can to make yourself feel better! (she closes her robe) Monica: You just wanna stay home so you can make a move on Joey! Rachel: Oh, no, no! I heard you before, that is so not what this is! Monica: Ok, what is this? Rachel: Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you! Monica: (aloud) WHAT? Ross: (looking at them) Wh-what's going on? Monica: Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof! Rachel: And he didn't want you guys to know about it but I came over here to tell you!! Charlie: I thought you came to say you were sick. Rachel: Ok professor or detective? Phoebe: Joey's having a party and he wasn't gonna invite us? Rachel: Yeah, and he does it every year! That's why he's sending you to that play! That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant and to that button factory! Phoebe: And that horrible museum tour! Ross: No, I arranged that... (Joey enters, wearing a bathrobe) Joey: (sounds tired) Hey you guys, I'm turning in. Have fun. Phoebe: We know about your party Joey. Joey: What party? Monica: The game's over! Take off your robe! Joey: (looks perplexed and opens up his robe) Ok... I mean... Everyone: No!! Cover it up!! Joey: (to Charlie after covering himself up again) Nice to meet ya! (Charlie waves hesitantly and Joey leaves) [Scene: The Roof] Joey: (To some people) Hey! Hey alright! Hey, glad you could make it (Shakes a man's hand) Thanks for coming. Monica: Oh my God! Kyle Lowder! Kyle Lowder: (to Monica) Hi. (walks on) Monica: (Yells after him) I love you! Joey: Hey, that's why I didn't invite you. you have to calm down, alright... go, go get yourself a drink or something... Monica: Oh yeah that's what you want - my inhibitions lowered. Phoebe: Hey! Monica: (Excited) Oh my God, can you believe we are surrounded by all this? I can barely control myself. Phoebe: Monica, you might want to remember that you are married. Where is Chandler anyway? (Looks around) Monica: (Shocked) Oh my God! Chandler! [Scene: The theater. Chandler is sitting in the otherwise empty front row, looking around nervously] Chandler: Where the hell is everybody? (The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down) Bitter lady: (yelling) Why don't you like me?! Chapter One: My first period. [Scene: The Roof, Rachel is talking to a guy who hands her a tissue with something written on it] Monica: (to Rachel) Hey! Joey said no autographs! But if she's gettting one, then I want one too: To Monica. And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love". Rachel: Ok actually Mon, Matthew was just giving me his phone number. Monica: Oh man! If I had known I was coming to this party I never would have gotten married! Matthew Ashford: It was nice to meet you Rachel. Rachel: Nice to meet you. Matthew Ashford: Call me. Rachel: Ok (Matthew leaves) Monica: (yelling after him) We will!! Monica: (to Rachel) Look at you with all the guys! Rachel: Yeah! Monica: I guess you have forgotten all about Joey? Rachel: Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten about Joey and clearly you've forgotten about Chandler! Monica: Please... Chandler is the love of my life... (At which point a man in leather pants walks by)... oooh leather pants! Have Mercy! (Follows the man in the leather) (cut to Ross and Charlie) Ross: (to Charlie) So, eh... it's probably gonna be hard for you to leave Boston, huh? Charlie: Actually, I'm kinda happy to be leaving... I just broke up with someeone. Ross: Ooh... so sad... Still, it can't be easy for you to leave Harvard? Especially after working alongside a Nobel Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer? Charlie: Actually, Alby is the guy I broke up with. Ross: You... you dated Albert Wintermeyer? Charlie: Yeah... Ross: ... And you called him Alby!? (laughs) I mean that's like... like calling Albert Einstein... er... Alby... Charlie: Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man. Ross: Eh, you think? I mean, you went out with a guy who improved the accuracy of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 10! Charlie: Yes! And while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, he had a lot of issues... Ross: (very interested) Oh! like what?! (Charlie looks at him confused, but smiling) Oh I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry... it's just that this must be what regular people experience when they watch "Access Hollywood". Charlie: Ok, you want the dirt? Alby was seriously insecure. I mean, he was really intimidated by the guy I dated before him. Ross: Who is intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel Prize? Charlie: A guy who won two. Ross: (a little suprised) Two? Wha...? Don't tell me you dated Benjamin Hobart Charlie: Yeah... for three years. Ross: Oh my God! Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who hasn't won the Nobel Prize? Charlie: (smiling and thinks for a moment)... no... bu but there was my first boyfriend Billy. Ross: Oh yeah? no, no Nobel Prizes for him? Charlie: No, but he did just win the McArthur genius grant. Ross: Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine? (takes the half-full glasses and goes to the counter) Phoebe: Hey Ross! Rache: How is it going with Charlie? Ross: (sarcastically) Oh Great! After I finish my wine I'm going to blow my... eh. average-sized brains out. Phoebe: Oh, What's the matter? Ross: She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth. Rachel: I always loved that!! Ross: Of course you would, your brains are smaller than mine!! (Rachel nods) Man, I can't compete with the guys she goes out with, they are so out of my league! oh my God! Phoebe: Worse? Ross: Oh much, much worse. I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians... (gestures with his hands and says in an impression voice?) "Can we walk"? (Phoebe starts laughing) Oh, you... you like that? Phoebe: (still laughing) No. (points to Rachel who stuck two straws in her mouth to look like a mammoth's tusks) Ross: What? (turns around to look at Rachel) Rachel: Come on! I think this is funny! (Ross leaves) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler in the theater] Bitter lady: Well, I bet you are all thinkin' "Now would be a really great time for an intermission", huh? Chandler: (To himself) oh yes, God yes!! Bitter lady: (now yelling) Well, you're not gonna get one! Because in life there are no intermissions, people. Chapter 7: Divorce is a 4 letter word. (Now standing right in front of Chandler and bending down almost to his level as if speaking to him, yelling even louder) How could he leave me?!?! Chandler: I... I don't know... you seem lovely. [Scene: The roof, Joey is walking towards Ross with a guy] Joey: Hey Ross, this is one of my co-stars, Dirk. (To Dirk) Dirk, this is my good friend Ross. (Ross and Dirk shake hands) Ross: Nice to meet you. Dirk: Hey! So what show are you on? Ross: Oh, I'm no actor, I'm a professor of palaeontology. (Dirk is confused) Joey: It's a science. Dirk: Oh! Hey well listen, I play a scientist on "Days". And my character has just won the Nobel prize. (Ross looks annoyed hearing that even Dirk's character won a Nobel prize) Joey: Hey Ross, listen, Dirk was wondering about the woman that you brought and if you guys were together, or... Ross: Oh, well no, but I mean, she only goes out with really, really smart guys. Dirk: Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs. Ross: I'd lead with that. (Cut to Monica holding up her shirt, revealing her bra. An actor stands beside her, holding a pen in his hand.) Monica: That's it, just sign right on the bra (the actor does so). Joey: Monica! Monica: Don't worry Joe, I won't come next year! (Joey, resigned, walks to Rachel's table) Joey: (To Rachel) What have you got there? Ross: Just some boys gave me their phone numbers. Joey: Ah, let me see! (she hands him a pile of tissues) Damn, that's a lot of guys! Are you a little slutty? Rachel: (drunken voice) I think I am. Joey: (browsing the tissues) Let me see if I approve any of these clowns. This guy wears a rug (discards one). This guy's Canadian (discards another). And this guy is in a cult, ok, and it costs you 5,000$ to get to level three and I don't feel any different. (Rachel is puzzled) Joey: (discarding all the remaining tissues one by one) Pass, pass, oh, pass, double-pass, pass... Rachel: (picking up the tissues) Why, why, what's wrong with these guys? Joey: Nothing major, it's just that, you know, they're not really good enough for you, and you deserve the best. Rachel: Joey, you're so sweet. Joey: That's true. But you know what, it doesn't matter because I already know who you're gonna go home with tonight. Rachel: Who (looks around)? (Joey motions for Rachel to lean in. She does so.) Joey: Me. Rachel: (surprised) What? (with a nervous smile) Really? Joey: Yes, 'cause we live together, that's a joke! Rachel: Oh! Screw it, I didn't get it! (they high-five) Joey: Gotcha. Rachel: Oh, Very funny... Joey. (Joey leaves. Rachel gulps down what's left of her drink and grimaces.) (Chandler walks in) Chandler: (to Monica) So, how did you enjoy the play? Monica: Oh my god, honey, I'm so so so so so sorry. Chandler: Well you should be. You missed the most powerful three hours in the history of the theater. Monica: You really liked it? Chandler: Oh yeah! I mean at first I hated it, but why wouldn't I, because as a man I've been trained (bitter woman's tone) not to listen! (pause) But after chapter 16: "fat, single and ready to mingle", I was uplifted. Monica: Oh really! Chandler: Oh yeah, I had no idea the amazing journey you go through as a woman! Tell me, tell me about your first period! Monica: No! Chandler: Did somebody sign your bra? Monica: So I got it when I was 13... [Scene: At the counter. Ross is sitting there, drinking. Phoebe approaches him.] Phoebe: Hey Ross! So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl, are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel prizes scare you off? What is that, come on, a piece of paper? Ross: It's actually a 1,000,000$ prize. Phoebe: Go Charlie! But my point is, ok so she dated them but she also broke up with them. Maybe she's looking to, you know, slum it with some average Joe Phd. Ross: Yeah, maybe. I do have my whole career in front of me. I mean, I can still win a Nobel prize. Although the last two papers I've written were widely discredited. Phoebe: You're so much more than just brains! You're sweet, and kind, and funny... Ross: And sexy. Phoebe: Ok well give her a chance to see all of that! Ross: Yeah, you're right, thanks Pheebs, I'm gonna go find her. Phoebe: Good for you! And hey, I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian era was top notch! Ross: Stop going through my stuff (walks away)! (Rachel approaches Monica) Rachel: (to Monica) Hey! Monica: Hey! Rachel: I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind: I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna kiss Joey. Monica: No, you can't! Friends hooking up is a bad idea. Rachel: Please, what about you and Chandler? Monica: That's different! I was drunk and stupid! Rachel: Well hello (points to herself)! Monica: What about all the guys that you've got the phone numbers from? Why don't you just kiss one of them? Rachel: I could, I could but I don't want to! I want to kiss Joey! Monica: Alright (shrugs). I think it's a big mistake but it's your decision. Rachel: (pause) I'm gonna do it. Monica: And I can't stop you. Rachel: No. (Rachel goes look for Joey. She sees him and Charlie kissing passionately.) Ross: (to Rachel) Hey Rach, have you seen Charlie anywhere? (Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.) Ross: I'm smarter than him! Closing credits [Scene: The theater. Monica, Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the first line] Phoebe: Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler. Chandler: Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you. Monica: Oh, you're so wonderful. Bitter woman: Why don't you like me! Chapter one: my first period. Chandler: Can't believe you guys bought that, enjoy your slow death (runs away).

While Rachel is in the same position as Joey was a year ago, Joey holds a Days of our Lives cast party, but does not want any of his friends to attend. Ross gets a crush on another professor, Charlie (Aisha Tyler), who has only ever dated "Nobel Prize" winners. He and Rachel catch her and Joey kissing at the party. Guest star: Alex Borstein

fd_Hannibal_01x03

fd_Hannibal_01x03_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Can you tell me what that man is doing over there? He's some kind of special consultant for the FBI. I asked you to get close to the Hobbs thing. I need to know you didn't get too close. What you need is a way out of dark places when Jack sends you there. Last time he sent me into a dark place, I brought something back. A surrogate daughter? Abigail Hobbs is a suspect? She would make the ideal bait. Wouldn't she? Just a second. Dad? It's for you. Hello? They know. (Birds chirping) (Cicadas buzzing) Mr. Hobbs: Easy, Abigail. You should wait for your shot. (Gunshot) (Soft thud) Abigail: Ready? Three, two, one. [SCENE_BREAK] Abigail: She was so pretty. Mr. Hobbs: She is so pretty. Abigail: Aren't deer supposed to be complex, emotional creatures? Mr. Hobbs: Yeah... Abigail: I read they're like the equivalent of a four-year-old human. Mr. Hobbs: They're smarter than a four-year-old. Abigail: And they care about each other. They care about their environment. They tread lightly through the underbrush because they don't want to hurt the plants. Mr. Hobbs: They're a lot like us. And we're gonna honor every part of her. Her hide is gonna make a beautiful rug. Her leg bones we can carve into knives. None of her is gonna go to waste. Just like we talked about. Start at the sternum. Keep the blade pointed up. Damage the organs, you ruin the meat. (Blood spilling) Abigail: I don't know how I'm gonna feel about eating her after all this. Mr. Hobbs: Eating her is honoring her. Otherwise, it's it's just murder. Abigail: Ok. Mr. Hobbs: Nice and easy. Big breath. Good... (Blood spilling) (Monitors beeping) (Muffled whimpering and coughing) (Dog barking) Alana: Morning! Will: Didn't hear you drive up. Alana: Hybrid. Great car for stalking. Will: Um, I'm compelled to go cover myself. Alana: I have brothers. Will: Well, I'll put a robe on just the same. You want a cup of coffee? And more immediately, why are you here? Alana: Yes, and Abigail Hobbs woke up. Will: Well, you know how to bury the lead. Alana: You want me to get you a cup of coffee? Will: No. I want to get my coat. Alana: Let's have a cup of coffee. [SCENE_BREAK] (Ringing) (Cell phone vibrating) Will: Is he gonna keep calling? Alana: Jack wants you to go see her. Will: And you don't. Alana: Eventually. Jack thinks Abigail was an accomplice to her father's crimes. I don't want to get in the middle of you and Jack, but if I can be helpful to you as a buffer- Will: I-I like you as a buffer. I also like the fact that you rattle Jack. He respects you far too much to yell at you, no matter... how much he wants to. Alana: And I take advantage of that. Will: Abigail Hobbs doesn't have anyone. Alana: You can't be her everyone. When I said what I was going to say in my head, it sounded really insulting, so I'm going to find another way to say it. Will: Say it the insulting way. Alana: Dogs keep a promise a person can't. Will: I'm not collecting another stray. Alana: The first person Abigail talks to about what happened can't be anyone who was there when it happened. So that means no Dr. Lecter either. Will: Yeah, much less the guy who killed dad. Jack's wrong about Abigail. Alana: Let me reach out to her in my own way. [SCENE_BREAK] Alana: Hi. I'm Alana Bloom. Abigail: Are... you a doctor? Alana: Not medicine. I'm a psychiatrist. Abigail: What do you specialize in? Alana: Among other things, family trauma. Abigail: I asked the nurses if my parents were dead, and they wouldn't tell me. Said I had to wait for you. Alana: I'm sorry you had to wait. Abigail: I know they're dead. Who buried them? Alana: They haven't been buried. Abigail: Don't you think they should be? Alana: Your mother was cremated per the instructions in her living will. Abigail: (clears her throat) My dad? Alana: Your father is more complicated. Abigail: Because he was crazy? Alana: The nurses said you didn't remember. Abigail: I remember. I just didn't want to talk to them about it. I want to sell the house. I guess it's mine now. I can use the money for college, get an apartment. What are all those? Alana: I brought you some clothes. Thought a change might feel good. I guessed your size, so anything you don't want, leave the tags on, I'll bring it back. And I brought you some music too. Abigail: Your music? Alana: If there isn't anything you like, I've got a stack of iTunes gift cards. I I've got a stack of gift cards. I don't do well redeeming gift cards. Abigail: Probably says something about you. Alana: Probably does. [SCENE_BREAK] Hannibal: I got seven families waiting. Jack: No, let me rephrase: Demanding that we find whatever's left of their daughters. Abigail Hobbs may be the only person who knows the truth. Alana: You can't ask her right now, Jack. We have to create a safe place for her first or you won't get any answers. Jack: I respect your sympathy for her, Dr. Bloom. I hope one day you'll appreciate my lack of it. Alana: You really think Abigail Hobbs helped her father kill those girls? Jack: I think it's a possibility that needs to be ruled out. If Abigail didn't help her father, maybe she knows who did. Hannibal: How was she when you saw her? Alana: Surprisingly practical. Jack: Suspiciously practical? Hannibal: I would suggest you can be practical without being a murderer. Alana: I think she's hiding something. Hannibal: It may simply be her trauma. Alana: Yeah, it could also be more. She has a penchant for manipulation. Withheld information to gain information. She demonstrated only enough emotions - to prove she had them. Jack: You beginning to appreciate my lack of sympathy? Hannibal: You said it may be more than trauma yet you question her involvement in the murders the father committed. Alana: What I'm questioning is her state of mind. Jack: I want Will Graham to talk to her. Alana: Jack! Not yet! Jack: You are not Will Graham's psychiatrist, Dr. Bloom. Dr. Lecter is. [SCENE_BREAK] Will: Garrett Jacob Hobbs the, uh, Minnesota shrike, abducted and murdered eight girls over an eight month period. Each of them had the same hair color, same eye color, same age, same height, same weight as his daughter Abigail. There was a ninth victim who also fit Abigail Hobbs's profile, but Garrett Jacob Hobbs didn't murder her. The killer who did wanted us to know he wasn't the Minnesota shrike. He was better than that. He is an intelligent psychopath. He is a sadist. He will never kill like this again. So how do we catch him? Hannibal: Giving a lecture on Hobbs's copycat? Jack: Well, we need whatever good minds we can get on this. Will: This copycat is an avid reader of Freddie Lounds and tattlecrime.com. He had intimate knowledge of Garrett Jacob Hobbs's murders, motives, patterns enough to recreate them and, arguably, elevate them to art. How intimately did he know Garrett Jacob Hobbs? Did he appreciate him from afar or did he engage him? Did he ingratiate himself into Hobbs's life? Did Hobbs know his copycat as he was known? Before Garrett Jacob Hobbs murdered his wife and attempted to do the same to his daughter, he received an untraceable call. I believe the as-yet unidentified caller was our copycat killer. [SCENE_BREAK] Abigail: So you're not a doctor, a nurse, or a psychiatrist. Freddie: I'm a journalist. I want to tell the truth. Your truth. Sometimes that involves some deception, but know this: I will never lie to you. Abigail: Sounds like something a liar would say. Freddie: If you tell me what you know, I can help you fill in the blanks. Abigail: How about you tell me what you know? Freddie: Your dad was the Minnesota shrike. Your mother wasn't the first person your father killed. He killed eight girls. Eight girls that looked- Abigail: Just like me. Yes. Abigail: Why do they call him the shrike? Freddie: It's a bird that impales its prey, harvests the organs to eat later. He was very sick. Abigail: Does that mean I'm sick too? Freddie: You'll be fighting that perception. Perception is the most important thing in your life right now. Abigail: I don't care what anybody thinks. Freddie: You'd better start caring, Abigail. What you remember, what you tell everyone is going to define the rest of your life. Let me help you. Abigail: How did they catch him? Freddie: A man named Will Graham. Works for the FBI but isn't FBI. He captures insane men because he can think like them. Because he is insane. Will: Would you excuse us, please? Special Agent Will Graham. Freddie: By Special Agent he means not really an agent. He didn't get past the screening process. Too unstable. Hannibal: I really must insist you leave the room. Freddie: If you wanna talk. [SCENE_BREAK] Will: Abigail, this is Dr. Lecter. Do you remember us? Abigail: I remember you. You killed my dad. Hannibal: You've been in bed for days, Abigail. Why don't we have a walk? [SCENE_BREAK] Will: I'm sorry we couldn't save your mother. We did everything we could but she was already gone. Abigail: I know. I saw him kill her. He was loving right up until the second he wasn't. Kept telling me he was sorry, to just hold still. He was gonna make it all go away. Will: There was plenty wrong with your father, Abigail, but there's nothing wrong with you. You say he was loving. I believe it. That's what you brought out in him. Abigail: It's not all I brought out in him. I'm gonna be messed up. Aren't I? I'm worried about nightmares. Hannibal: We'll help you with the nightmares. Will: There's no such thing as getting used to what you experienced. It bothers me a lot. I worry about nightmares too. Abigail: So killing somebody, even if you have to do it, it feels that bad? Will: It's the ugliest thing in the world. Abigail: I wanna go home. [SCENE_BREAK] Freddie: Special Agent Graham. I never formally introduced myself. I'm Freddie Lounds. Will: Are you trying to salvage this joke from the mouth of madness? Freddie: Please. Let me apologize for my behavior in there. It was sloppy and misguided - and hurtful. Hannibal: Miss Lounds. Now is not the time. Freddie: Look, you and I may have our own reasons for being here, but I also think we both genuinely care about what happens to Abigail Hobbs. Will: You told her I was insane. Freddie: I can undo that. Will: You help Abigail see me as more than her father's killer and I help you with online ad sales? Freddie: I can undo what I said. I can also make it a lot worse. Will: Miss Lounds It's not very smart to piss off a guy who thinks about killing people for a living. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack: "It isn't very smart to piss off a guy who thinks about killing people for a living." You know what else isn't very smart? You were there with him. And you let those words come out of his mouth. Hannibal: I trust Will to speak for himself. Jack: Evidently you shouldn't. Alana: I'm just happy the story wasn't about Abigail Hobbs. Jack: Well, then it's a victory. (Sighing) So, Abigail Hobbs wants to go home. Let's take her home. Alana: What Abigail wants and what she needs are different things. Taking her out of a controlled environment would be reckless. Jack: You said she was practical. Will: That could just mean she has a dissociative disorder. Alana: You take her home, she may experience intense emotions, respond aggressively, or re-enact some aspect of the traumatic event without even realizing it. Jack: Where do you weigh in on this, doctor? Hannibal: Dr. Bloom is right. But there is a scenario where revisiting the trauma event could help Abigail heal and actually prevent denial. Jack: Then we have a difference of opinion. Therefore, I am going to choose the opinion that best serves my agenda. I need to know if you're right about the copycat, Will. Alana: We have no way of knowing what's waiting for her when she goes home. [SCENE_BREAK] Freddie: Thanks again for meeting with me. I know this hasn't been easy for you. Nicholas: Oh yeah? How would you know? Freddie: I've been writing about Garrettt Jacob Hobbs. I've spoken to the relatives of some of his other victims. Nicholas: Hobbs is dead. He deserved a lot worse. Him and his whole family. Freddie: There must be some small comfort knowing that justice was served. Nicholas: Comfort? My sister was impaled on a severed stag head, cut down the middle. He pulled out her lungs while she was still breathing. There's no comfort in that. Freddie: I'm sorry. I am. But you have to try not to remember her that way. Nicholas: What do you want from me? Freddie: I just thought you should know Abigail Hobbs came out of her coma. [SCENE_BREAK] Abigail: This is where my mom died? Will: Yes. Abigail: I was sort of expecting a body outline in chalk or tape. Will: They only do that if you're still alive and taken to the hospital before they finish the crime scene. Abigail: Goodbye, mom. [SCENE_BREAK] Alana: If you ever wanna go, you just have to say so and we'll go. Abigail: Go where? The hospital? For now? They turned all the pictures around. Alana: Crime scene cleaners will do that. Abigail: They did a really good job. Is that where all my blood was? Will: Yes. Abigail: You do this a lot? Go places and think about killing? Will: Too often. Abigail: So you pretended to be my dad. Will: And people like your dad. Abigail: What did it feel like? To be him? Will: It feels like I'm talking to his shadow suspended on dust. Abigail: No wonder you have nightmares. Will: The attacks on you and your mother were different. They were desperate. Your dad knew he was out of time. Somebody told him we were coming. Abigail: The man on the phone? Will: It was a blocked call. Did you recognize his voice? Abigail: I had never heard it before. Alana: Was there anybody new in your father's life? Someone you met or someone he talked about? Will: Abigail, he may have been contacted by another killer. A copycat. Abigail: Someone who's still out there? Will: Yeah... [SCENE_BREAK] Abigail: Can you catch somebody's crazy? Alana: Folie à deux. Abigail: What? Alana: It's a French psychiatric term. Madness shared by two. (Sound of heart beating) Hannibal: One cannot be delusional if the belief in question is accepted as ordinary by others in that person's culture or subculture. Or family. Abigail: My dad didn't seem delusional. He was a perfectionist. Will: Your dad left hardly any evidence. Abigail: Is that why you let me come home? To find evidence? Hannibal: It was one of many considerations. Abigail: Are we gonna re-enact the crime? You be my dad, you be my mom, and you be the man on the phone. Alana: Abigail, we wanted you to come home to help you leave home behind. Abigail: You're not gonna find any of those girls, you know? Will: What makes you say that? Abigail: He would honor every part of them. He used to make plumbing putty out of elk's bones. Whatever bones are left of those girls are probably holding pipes together. Hannibal: Where did he make this putty? Abigail: At the cabin. I can show you tomorrow. Alana: Abigail, there's someone here. Marissa: Hey, Abigail. [SCENE_BREAK] Marissa: So, uh, does that hurt? Abigail: Sometimes. Marissa: Everybody on the block was on the news. And everyone at school. Such whores. Abigail: Did you talk to the news? Marissa: No. No! My mom doesn't want me talking to you, much less the news. Abigail: Since when do you listen to her? Marissa: Well, clearly I don't. I'm talking to you right now. Everybody thinks you did it, you know? Abigail: So you think I did it? Marissa: I don't think you're the type. Then again, I didn't think your father was the murder-suicide type. Although I guess the hunting could have been a clue. Abigail: Mine or his? Marissa: Both, now that you mention it. I don't think you did it. I do. Marissa: This is private property. Nicholas: You were the bait, right? That's how it worked? You lure them back to daddy for dinner? How'd you trap my sister? Did you chat her up? Marissa: Hey! Piss off! Nicholas: Did you help your old man cut out my sister's lungs while she was still using... (spitting) [SCENE_BREAK] Abigail: He said he was somebody's brother. Marissa's Mom: Marissa! Come home. Marissa: No! Marissa's Mom: Come home! Marissa: Can you stop being such a bitch? See you later. Abigail: Bye. [SCENE_BREAK] Will: He's gone. You've never seen him before? Abigail: No. Will: Let's go back to hotel. We will go to the carbin tomorrow. Hannibal: We should report this, yes? Will: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Will: I'm sorry, okay? This will all stop. Abigail: Please. Will: I'm gonna make it all go away. (Screaming) (Alarm beeping) Abigail: He cleaned everything. He said he was afraid of germs, but I guess he was just afraid of getting caught. Will: No one else ever came here with your dad except you. Abigail: He made everything by himself. Glue, butter he sold the pelts on eBay or in town. He'd make pillows. No parts went to waste. Otherwise it was murder. He was feeding them to us. Wasn't he? Hannibal: It's very likely. Abigail: Before he cut my throat, he told me he killed those girls so he wouldn't have to kill me. Alana: You're not responsible for anything your father did, Abigail. Abigail: If he would've just killed me, none of those other girls would be dead. Alana: We don't know that. Your father- [SCENE_BREAK] Will: I need ERT at the Hobbs cabin. Alana: Abigail! (screaming) Abigail: Marissa! [SCENE_BREAK] Will: Do you think she knew the guy down by the stream? Hannibal: Somebody's brother. Will: Not somebody. Abigail said he asked if she helped her dad take his sister's lungs while she was alive. Hannibal: The young woman on the stag head. Will: Cassie Boyle had a brother, Nicholas. But Garrett Jacob Hobbs didn't kill Cassie Boyle. Hannibal: I know. Garrett Jacob Hobbs would've honored every part of her. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack: You brought Abigail Hobbs back to Minnesota to find out if she was involved in her father's murders and another girl dies. Will: Yep, scraped his knuckle on her teeth. There's foreign tissue and what could be trace amounts of blood. Jack: You said that this copycat was an intelligent psychopath, Will. That there would be no traceable motive, no pattern. He wouldn't kill again this way. You said it. Will: I may have been wrong about that. Jack: Yes, because Garrett Jacob Hobbs never struck his victims. Why would the copycat do it? Hannibal: I think he was provoked. Nicholas Boyle murdered this girl and his own sister. Jack: With or without Abigail Hobbs? Will: Without. Jack: Well, do you think that Abigail Hobbs knew Nicholas or Cassie Boyle? Will: No. Jack: You don't think she knew them or don't wanna think that she knew them? Will: She said she didn't know them. Jack: (sighs) Dr. Bloom says that Abigail has a penchant for, uh, manipulation. Is she manipulating you, Will? Hannibal: Agent Crawford. Jack: Look, he said he was wrong about the copycat killer. I want to know what else he's wrong about. Will: Whoever killed the girl on the field killed this girl, I'm right about that. He knew exactly how to mount the body. Wound patterns are almost identical to Cassie Boyle. Same design, the same humiliation. Hannibal: Abigail Hobbs is not a killer. But she could be the target of one. Jack: I think it's time that Abigail Hobbs left home permanently. Doctor, would you be good enough to collect Abigail and all of her belongings and escort her out of Minnesota, please? Not you, Will. I want you here. [SCENE_BREAK] Journalists: Abigail! Abigail! Marissa's Mon: You killed my daughter! Alana: Abigail! Abigail! Marissa's Mom: Why come back here? Why did you come back here? Why come back? Alana: Stay here. Stay here. (Woman sobbing) Freddie: Abigail! Hannibal: Miss Lounds. You're on the wrong side of the police line. Freddie: I've been covering the Minnesota shrike long before you got involved. I wanna help you tell your story. You need me now more than ever. Abigail: I wanna talk to her. Alana: No you don't. Go inside. Freddie: I'm not the only one lurking about the Hobbs house peeking in windows. You really should monitor those police lines more carefully. Hannibal: Have you seen a young man, mid-20s, ginger hair? Unwashed. Freddie: I'll tell you if I saw him if you tell me why it's important. (Sobbing softly) Hobbs: None of her is gonna go to waste. (Whimpering) Nicholas: I just want you to listen to me. I didn't kill that girl, okay? I didn't kill her! Wait! Listen! I didn't! Alana: Abigail? Abigail? Hannibal: She'll be all right. Abigail? Show me what happened. [SCENE_BREAK] Abigail: He was gonna kill me. Hannibal: Was he? This isn't self-defense, Abigail. You butchered him. Abigail: I didn't. Hannibal: They will see what you did and they'll see you as an accessory to the crimes of your father. Abigail: I wasn't. Hannibal: I can help you, if you ask me to. At great risk to my career and my life. You have a choice. You can tell them you were defending yourself when you gutted this man Or we can hide the body. [SCENE_BREAK] Alana: No I don't remember anything. Maybe a blur out of the corner of my eye and and then a big fat cut to black. Jack: Well, Nicholas Boyle attacked Abigail, you. Struck Dr. Lecter in the back of the head. Alana: Well, where's Abigail? Will: Lecter took her back to the hotel. Jack: She scratched Nicholas Boyle on his way out the back door. The blood on her hands matches the tissue that we pulled from Marissa Schurr's mouth. Alana: And then what, he he got away? Jack: We'll catch him one way or another. Where you going? Will: I wanna go home. (Creaking sound) Hannibal: Hello, Abigail. Abigail: How did you know it was me? Hannibal: Hospital called. You climbed over the wall. Where else were you to go? Home's no longer an option. Come down from there. Abigail: I don't want to go to sleep. Hannibal: You can't anticipate your dreams. Can't block them, can't repress. Abigail: I didn't honor any part of him so it's just murder, isn't it? Hannibal: Most would argue self-defense. Abigail: Then why not tell the truth? Hannibal: Most would argue. There would still be those who would say you were taking after your father. Abigail: You're glad I killed him. Hannibal: What would be the alternative? That he killed you? Abigail: I didn't know if he was going to. Hannibal: No, you don't. Abigail: You're the one who called the house. You talked to my dad before what did you say to him? Hannibal: A simple conversation, ascertaining if he was home for an interview. Then why not tell the truth? Abigail: I think you called the house as a serial killer. Just like my dad. Hannibal: I'm nothing like your dad. I made a mistake. Something easily misconstrued. Not unlike yourself. Hannibal: I'll keep your secret. Abigail: And I'll keep yours. Hannibal: No more climbing walls, Abigail.

Abigail Hobbs awakens from her coma. Graham suspects that Garrett Jacob Hobbs, dubbed the "Minnesota Shrike", killed eight girls, but not the one impaled on the deer's head; that, he maintains, was a victim of a copycat, who called Hobbs to warn him. Crawford harbors suspicions that Abigail was somehow complicit in her father's killing spree, despite objections from Dr. Bloom, Lecter and Graham. Lounds meets the brother of the impaled girl and reveals to him that Abigail Hobbs is out of the hospital. Lecter and Graham take Abigail to her home, where she and her neighbor Marissa are confronted by the brother of the impaled girl, Nicholas Boyle. The following day, Abigail is taken to the cabin where Marissa is found impaled on a deer's head. In her house, Abigail finds the hair of one of the murdered girls inside a pillow and inadvertently kills Boyle in a way that, according to Lecter, cannot be seen as self-defense. Lecter helps her cover-up the murder, after which Abigail realizes it was Lecter who made the call to her father. Lecter suggests that Abigail keep his secret in exchange for his hiding her murder.

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•I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Monks running in fear. Glory bursting through a warehouse door. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting. QUINTON TRAVERS VOICEOVER: Glory isn't a demon. She's a god. Glory talking to the tied-up monk. GLORY: Tell me where the key is. Monk talking to Buffy. MONK: We had to hide the key. Made it human... Monks chanting. Dawn looking sullen. MONK: ... and sent it to you. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Dawn. RILEY: Know you got a lot on your mind. You decide you wanna let me in on any of it, you let me know. Riley letting a vampire bite him. RILEY VOICEOVER: Buffy's like nobody else in the world. But she doesn't love me. Riley talking to Buffy. RILEY: They want me back, Buffy. BUFFY: Are you going? RILEY: I don't know. If we can't work this out... BUFFY: This is goodbye? Riley in the helicopter lifting off. Buffy yelling up at the helicopter. BUFFY: Riley! Buffy watching the helicopter fly away. BUFFY: There's something that you need to know. About Dawn. DAWN: Why does everybody start acting all weird when I'm around? Spike and Dawn in the magic shop. SPIKE: (reading) They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life. So they sent the key to her in the form of a sister. Dawn with blood on her arm. DAWN: Is this blood? BUFFY: What did you do? DAWN: I'm not a key. Dawn in the hospital talking to Ben. DAWN: I'm not real. BUFFY: You're the key. Go. Before she finds you. She's here! Ben morphing into Glory. Spike and Buffy in the underground cave. SPIKE: I love you. BUFFY: The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious. Spike and Buffy on the street. BUFFY: I want you out. I want you out of this town, I want you off this planet! You don't come near me, my friends, or my family again ever! Understand? Spike trying to enter the Summers house but he can't. Buffy closing the door in Spike's face. BUFFY: (punches) Spike! (more punches) Spike wants me, how obscene is that? GILES: Well, it is very strange. I can't imagine what he's thinking. (stands) Uh, not, not that you're not, uh, attractive... BUFFY: (stops punching) I feel gross, you know, like, like, dirty. She resumes punching. We see part of the thing she's punching, which looks like a punching bag. GILES: That's ridiculous, you can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or, feels. BUFFY: (stops punching) Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "woof, that's the one for me!" She resumes punching, very violently, and finishes by kneeing the target sharply. GILES: Buffy, I think you should perhaps calm down. XANDER: Me too. We see that Buffy's target is actually Xander in a huge padded suit and fencing mask. It forces his arms to stand straight out at his sides, basically immobile. Giles and Buffy look at him with concern. BUFFY: Oh! Puffy Xander, uh, I'm sorry, I got ... guess I got carried away. (removes the mask, gives it to Giles) Are you okay? XANDER: I'm alive. I can tell 'cause of the pain. BUFFY: Do you wanna sit down? XANDER: I'm not that bendy. (points at the wall) I could lean. GILES: I'll get some ice. Buffy helps Puffy Xander waddle over to the wall and lean against it. BUFFY: Here. XANDER: (loud sigh) BUFFY: Comfy? XANDER: Oh, yeah. This leaning? This is the stuff. BUFFY: That's my secret to attracting men. You know, it's simple really, you slap 'em around a bit, you torture 'em, you make their lives a living hell- XANDER: Buff... BUFFY: ...and sure, the nice guys, they'll run away, but every now and then you'll meet a real prince of a guy like Spike who gets off on it. XANDER: Buffy ... (jerks his head sideways) Stand me up. Buffy helps him stand up straight. He loses his balance and slants toward Buffy, who puts her hands on the puffy stomach to stabilize him. XANDER: The problem is not you. Don't do this to yourself, please. BUFFY: It's just ... I just wanna know that there's gonna be another good one. One that I won't chase away. XANDER: There will be. Promise. He's out there, he could come along any minute. BUFFY: Yeah, and the minute after that I can terrify him with my alarming strength and remarkable self-involvement. XANDER: What? I don't think you're like that. BUFFY: Maybe I could change. You know, I could, I could work harder. I could spend less time slaying, I could laugh at his jokes, I mean, men like that, right, the, the joke-laughing-at? XANDER: Or maybe you could just be Buffy, he'll see your amazing heart, and he'll fall in love with you. Buffy looks touched. BUFFY: Xander, that's ... aw! She puts her arms around Puffy Xander and rests her head on his big puffy chest. XANDER: This is the day you choose to hug me? (shakes head, sighs) Buffy? BUFFY: Mm? XANDER: You ever think maybe the reason you haven't found a great relationship on the Hellmouth is ... because it's a Hellmouth? Seems to me it's a pretty terrible place to try to build anything. Buffy closes her eyes looking peaceful. BUFFY: Mm. Cut to: Sunnydale main street, night. A car comes around a corner and stops by the sidewalk. The passenger door opens and a young woman (April) gets out, closes the door. She is wearing a very short, very tight pink flowered dress. She has long straight dark hair and a perpetual smile. She leans in to talk to the driver of the car. APRIL: Thank you for picking me up. I'm very grateful for the ride. DRIVER GUY: You sure you want to get out here? I mean, this place is kinda ... (looks around) what are you looking for in Sunnydale, anyway? APRIL: (looks around with a smile) True love. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Shonda Farr, Adam Busch, Troy T. Blendell, Amber Benson as Tara, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by Jane Espenson, directed by James A. Contner. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Fade in on the Summers living room, day. Joyce is wearing a black evening gown with large flowers on it. She is spinning around. Buffy and Dawn sit on the sofa watching. BUFFY: I might like it more than the others. Can you spin around again? Joyce spins again. Buffy smiles. DAWN: Ooh, I'm not sure. Once more. Joyce spins again, smiles at them. BUFFY: Now could you go the other way? Joyce starts to spin, stops and looks at them. JOYCE: You're messing with me! Dawn laughs. BUFFY: We just wanted to see how many times we could get you to do it. DAWN: Was that five, or four and a half? JOYCE: (holds out her arms) So is anyone gonna talk about my dress? DAWN: I like it. JOYCE: You sure? I mean, it's not too mom-ish? DAWN: Oh. That was why I liked it. (Joyce looks disappointed) BUFFY: You're both crazy. It's not mom-ish at all. (Joyce looks relieved) It's sexy. It screams, "Randy s*x kitten, buy me one drink and I'll..." (pauses) Oh, wait, that's not really good either. Dawn shakes her head in agreement. JOYCE: Oh god. What time is it? BUFFY: (checks her watch) 4:23. You have lots of time until seven. Vast acres of time in which you could plant crops. Now tell me about this Brian and what his intentions are. DAWN: Maybe he's a gigolo. Was his shirt all shiny? (she and Buffy exchange an amused look) JOYCE: No! He works for a publishing house. He's a nice normal guy, okay? BUFFY: I think I've heard of those. JOYCE: He came to the gallery ... my first day back, when I was, you know, kinda shaky, starting over. And he asked a question about these antique cameos (sighs) and I was so lost, because ... Carol had been doing the ordering while I was sick. Well, it turned out that he didn't know anything about them either, so we had a lot to talk about. DAWN: (smiling) So what's the plan for tonight? JOYCE: (smiling) Dinner and then a movie. (frowns) Or maybe it was ... a movie and then dinner. Which might be better, because ... you know, then we could talk about the movie. (Buffy nods) Or maybe a movie isn't a good idea at all, because, well, you know, you can't talk during, and, and then, you know, what's the point of any of it? (Dawn shakes her head) Oh, and about the restaurant. Do you think ... that it should be one with candles, and romantic music, or is that pushing it? Buffy, what do you think? Should I, you know, try to make things romantic, or ... sorta let him set the pace? BUFFY: Oh, no. (stands, walks across to other end of the sofa) Love Doctor Buffy is not in. I am not qualified to give dating advice. I've had exactly two boyfriends, and they both left. Really left. Left town left. JOYCE: Honey, you just had some bad luck. DAWN: Well, you're going to that spring break party tonight. Maybe you'll find someone there. BUFFY: Mm-hmm. Or maybe Brian has a son, and Mom and I can go on some unspeakably awkward double dates. JOYCE: Oh god... (puts hands on her chest) Brian. What time is it now? BUFFY: (checks watch) 4:24. JOYCE: (nervous) You sure the dress is okay? DAWN: Hmm. Spin again. Real fast this time. Joyce gives them an amused-scolding look. Cut to: Tara and Anya walking along the UC Sunnydale campus, day. TARA: Willow's good at all that computer stuff, but me not so much. Do you really understand all that? ANYA: Oh. Well, at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like, "whoa, I'm eleven hundred years old. I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans." TARA: I go online sometimes, but ... everyone's spelling is really bad, and it's ... depressing. ANYA: But you have to try online trading, it's great! The secret is avoiding the tech companies everyone was jumping on, and, and going with the smaller firms that supply the basic components. TARA: Uh-huh. ANYA: Anyway, I took the money from working for Giles, and I tripled it. TARA: Tripled? Like, first money, then money money money? ANYA: Yes. I'm thinking about buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope. April walks up to them with a big smile. APRIL: Hi. Anya and Tara look at each other, then at April. ANYA: Hi. APRIL: I'm looking for Warren. Do you know where Warren is? And if you do, could you tell me? TARA: Um, I, I don't think we know a Warren. (Anya shakes her head) APRIL: Well, all righty, no harm in asking. Thanks! She walks off with a smile. The others watch her go up to a guy sitting on a bench, reading the newspaper. APRIL: Hi, do you know Warren? I need to find him. BENCH GUY: Uh, sorry. Tara and Anya resume walking. TARA: You, you can do all this stuff with a regular computer? ANYA: (smiling) I'll show you. You can also see the website I designed for the magic shop. Huge photo of me. They walk off. In the background we see April walking along in the other direction. Cut to: UC Sunnydale dorm. A party is going on. Music, decorations, lots of drinks, lots of people moving around, talking. We see Ben standing by the punch bowl. Pan across to Buffy and Xander dancing together. XANDER: How you doing, having o' the fun? BUFFY: You know, I am. Dancing with you is way better than trying to hook up with some good-looking guy. XANDER: I think I liked it better when you were kicking me in my puffy groin. Pan further to find Tara, Willow, and Anya standing together. ANYA: I let them do that. Dance together. That was me. TARA: Very nice of you. WILLOW: A good deed. ANYA: Yes. I'm expecting a big karmic reward any second now. The song ends, Buffy and Xander stop dancing. Xander bows. BUFFY: Thank you. Xander walks off. Buffy spots Ben still standing by the punch bowl, talking to someone. The other person leaves and Ben looks around, looking uncomfortable. Buffy walks over while Ben is looking the other way. She leans against a nearby pillar and pretends not to see him. Ben looks around more, notices Buffy. BEN: Buffy. BUFFY: (pretends to notice him) Ben! Hey. I didn't even know you were here. (walks over to him) And again with the non-medical clothing. BEN: Well, actually, these are orthopedic pants. (Buffy just looks at him) Man, that sounded so funny in my head. Buffy laughs a little, then gives a louder fake laugh. Ben looks surprised. BUFFY: It's very, very funny. It's funny in my head too. BEN: (nods) You having a good time? BUFFY: Yeah, I am. I was dancing earlier, and you know, my friends are here, so ... but, I mean, not that it's all about me. Are you enjoying yourself? BEN: I am now. BUFFY: So, um ... do you ... maybe ... wanna dance? BEN: (nervous) I'm not really good. You know, rhythm. (Buffy looks disappointed) Uh, sure. I'd love to. (Buffy smiles) Let me just dump this. (indicating his drink) I'll be right back. BUFFY: Okay. Ben walks off. Buffy stands by herself, looking nervous. Cut to across the room. Xander and Anya are investigating the munchies. ANYA: Look at these tiny grain patties. They're woven. That's craftsmanship. (eating Chex Mix) XANDER: They aren't hand-woven, you know. ANYA: Then how? XANDER: Well, it's a, a machine, and it's ... it sorta .. it presses. He gets distracted, looking across the room. Shot of April entering. XANDER: And there may be a mold of some sort ... who's that? Anya looks. April looks around the room. APRIL: Warren? Shot of a guy in the crowd looking up nervously. ANYA: Oh, that girl. Tara and I met her. We see the nervous boy behind Anya and Xander. As Anya speaks, he quickly slips away. ANYA: She speaks with a strange evenness and selects her words a shade too precisely. XANDER: Well, some of us like that kind of thing in a girl. Anya smiles at him. APRIL: (OS) Warren? Cut to the nervous guy (Warren) moving quickly through the crowd, going over to another girl (Katrina) who's sitting down. KATRINA: Hi, did you get me a drink? WARREN: We gotta go, she's gonna see me. He grabs Katrina's hand and pulls her up. KATRINA: She who? What's up, Warren? WARREN: It doesn't matter. Come on. He pulls her away. Cut to April approaching random partygoers. APRIL: Is Warren here? Willow walks past April and approaches Anya and Xander. WILLOW: I thought you were getting the crunchies. (taking some Chex Mix) ANYA: Xander got hypnotized by the strange girl. I am remaining calm, however. Shot of April looking through the crowd. XANDER: Uh-uh, no, I'm, I'm right with you. You don't know what you're talking about. (quietly) Here she comes. April approaches them, still with her big smile. APRIL: I heard that Warren was here. Is Warren here? XANDER: Um, Warren who? APRIL: He's ... Warren. And he's looking for me. He lost me. She walks away. Tara approaches the other scoobies. April goes over to some other random people. APRIL: Is Warren here? TARA: It's that girl again. Is she still looking for Warren? (the others nod) Weird, it's been like all day. WILLOW: There's something strange about her. She talks funny. ANYA: Some men find that appealing. She smiles at Xander, who smiles back, although he's still occupied watching April. Shot of April talking to still more random people. APRIL: Have you guys seen Warren? Cut back to the Scoobies. TARA: I just hope she finds him. XANDER: Somehow I don't think a girl that looks like that's gonna be lonely for too long. WILLOW: Definitely not. Willow grins and nods, then notices Tara, who frowns and folds her arms. WILLOW: Oh, not me, I, I was just saying, a pretty girl like that, there's always someone lurking around, looking for some action. Tara looks mollified. Willow looks a little embarrassed. Cut to Buffy still waiting for Ben. Spike walks up next to her. She doesn't notice him. Spike smirks, looks her up and down, and just stands there until Buffy turns and notices him. SPIKE: Small world. (Buffy glares) Oh dear. If looks could stake. (Buffy continues glaring) You having fun, pet? You ... trolling for your next ex? (looks around) I gotta say, you can do better. BUFFY: I told you, I wa- SPIKE: Thought I was gonna leave town? It's a free country. Free party. (reaches for some snacks on the table, turns back to Buffy with a smirk) If you want me to leave, you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me. He eats a snack and smirks suggestively at Buffy. She looks disgusted. BUFFY: Get away from me. Spike starts to say something, stops, nods and walks away, still smirking. Ben walks up to Buffy. BEN: Was that guy bothering you? Should I, um, offer to get inappropriately violent or something? BUFFY: (smiles) No. BEN: (smiles) Good, 'cause, honestly, I don't wanna. Shot of Spike moving into the crowd, looking over at Buffy and Ben chatting. BUFFY: So, are you ready to dance? BEN: Um, first... (we see he's holding a small pink piece of paper) BUFFY: What's that? BEN: Uh, yeah, my phone number. (We see Spike in the background watching) I was gonna try to subtly work it into the conversation, but it didn't pan out, and I thought I should try to give it to you before you see me dance. He holds it out. Buffy takes it. BEN: You know, in case you wanna get coffee. BUFFY: Thank you. Um, I, I just, I-I think you should know that I ... (sighs) I kind of have this bad history in which, you know, we go get coffee, and, well, it all ends with, with you leaving town, and you just got here and everything... BEN: Apparently we'd be risking a tragic chain reaction, but ... I just really like ... coffee. I think coffee might be worth it. And I would like to get to know ... coffee better. Buffy smiles. BUFFY: Then I'll call you. Cut to Spike looking annoyed, walking off. He comes upon April talking to another girl. APRIL: Have you seen Warren? GIRL: No, sorry. (walks off) SPIKE: And who are you, darlin'? APRIL: I'm April. Spike looks over at Buffy talking to Ben. Buffy looks over at Spike, quickly looks back at Ben. APRIL: I'm looking for my fella. SPIKE: Maybe you just found him. APRIL: (excited) Really? Where? Spike grins, leans in and whispers in her ear. April looks angry. APRIL: Oh! She grabs Spike by the front of his shirt and lifts him over her head. SPIKE: Hey! Hey! Hey! Shot of Buffy and Ben looking over. Everyone in the area is staring at April and Spike. APRIL: (still holding Spike over her head) That would be wrong. You are not my boyfriend! She throws him through a window, which shatters. Everyone stares. Shot of Buffy and Ben staring. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Fade back in on the same scene. April and all the other partygoers watch as Spike gets up, broken glass falling all around him. He stands outside the dorm and looks in through the now glassless window. SPIKE: Bloody hell! You threw me through a window! Shot of April just looking at him. SPIKE: What's that about? Shot of Buffy and Ben moving closer to the action. APRIL: You do not make those suggestions to me. I have a boyfriend. Warren is my boyfriend. SPIKE: You know what? My bleeding sympathies to Warren. Spike walks off. April turns away from the window. The onlookers move back a bit. APRIL: No one but Warren can touch me. She begins to walk off. Buffy intercepts her. BUFFY: Excuse me. Hi. Um, uh, maybe you and I could talk. You know, 'cause, throwing Spike through a window, (pauses, grins) well, that's really good... (stops smiling) um, but, you know, generally speaking- APRIL: Do you know my boyfriend? BUFFY: Okay. I think you need to take a second and stop looking for your boyfriend. April grabs Buffy by the upper arms and flings her backwards. She flies back several yards and lands on the floor with an expression of pain, grabbing her arm. APRIL: (OS) I have to find him. April walks over to where Buffy is sitting up, clutching her arm in pain. APRIL: If I hurt you just now, I'm sorry. And I hope that your boyfriend will take good care of you. April walks off as Ben, Xander, Willow, Anya, and Tara rush over to Buffy. Buffy pouts sadly as she watches April leave. Cut to: a student lounge in the dorm. Buffy is pacing, still holding her arm. The Scoobies are sitting in various chairs. BUFFY: Ow. I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me. TARA: Well, at least she didn't do too much damage. XANDER: Are you kidding? Double-glazed windows ain't cheap. And the jamb needs to be completely repaired. (pauses) Oh dear god, I'm the grownup who sees the world through my job. I'm like my uncle Dave the plumber. I must be shunned. WILLOW: Okay. BUFFY: So, what do you guys think she is? I mean, this may sound nuts, but I kinda got the impression that she was a- TARA: Robot. Everyone nods in complete agreement. XANDER: Oh yeah, robot. BUFFY: Yeah, I was gonna say robot. What do you think she wants? TARA: Warren, whoever that is. XANDER: It's gotta be the guy that built her. WILLOW: It's an unusual name. There's hardly any except ... Warren Beatty and, you know, President Harding. It-it's probably not either of them. BUFFY: Will, can you track down this guy with only a first name? WILLOW: (nods) Given enough time. I can get a list of the Sunnydale students named Warren tonight, but ... then we'll have to call them or go to their dorms, so we probably can't start narrowing it down till tomorrow. Buffy frowns. ANYA: She could do a lot of damage by then. XANDER: To who, Spike? See how vigorously I don't care. (Buffy smiles) She was looking for this Warren, but it didn't sound like she wanted to hurt him. She said he's her boyfriend. WILLOW: I agree. I'm not sure this is a code red. Hey, is there a code pink? We need more codes. (Tara smiles at her) BUFFY: Okay. We'll track down Warren tomorrow. Tonight I better go rescue Giles. He's been watching Dawn while my mom's out on her date, and I have a feeling there's only so much he can take. TARA: Oh, Giles and Dawnie? I bet they ended up having a blast. Cut to: Giles and Buffy standing in the Summers foyer, by the open door. GILES: Dear god, Buffy, there's only so much I can take. We're going to have to change the system. A fourteen-year-old's too old to be babysat, and it's not fair on her. BUFFY: (nods, grins) What'd she make you do? GILES: Um, well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance ... then we ate cookie dough and talked about boys. BUFFY: (laughs) I'm sorry. I'm very very sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, my "fun time Buffy party night" involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window, (Giles looks interested) so if you wanna trade... (pauses) No ... wait ... I wouldn't give that memory up for anything. GILES: A robot? Sounds interesting. BUFFY: We're gonna work on it in the morning. I mean, unless you wanna stay for a while, and then you and I could- Joyce appears behind Giles, entering the house with a big smile. JOYCE: Who wants to hear everything? BUFFY: ...listen to my mom talk about boys. GILES: (quickly) Right, must go. See you tomorrow. Bye Joyce. (leaves) JOYCE: Bye Rupert. Joyce closes the door behind Giles, turns and gives Buffy a big smile. JOYCE: Gosh, I'd forgotten how much fun dating can be. BUFFY: (smiles) I don't know. I was standing right here. I didn't see Prince Charming. I didn't even see a goodnight kiss. Joyce smiles, walks past Buffy to put her purse down. BUFFY: It all looked pretty tame to me. JOYCE: Well, I suppose by your standards it could seem pretty ... (pauses) Oh dear. BUFFY: What? JOYCE: I left my bra in his car. Buffy looks shocked and horrified. BUFFY: Mother! JOYCE: I'm joking. BUFFY: (sighs) Good god, that's horrible. Don't do that. JOYCE: I left it in the restaurant. Buffy puts her hands over her ears and starts running up the stairs. BUFFY: No more! No more! No more! JOYCE: (yelling up the stairs at her) On the dessert cart! BUFFY: (OS, faintly) I can't hear you! Cut to: exterior aerial shot of Sunnydale, night. Sound of knocking. Cut to: April standing on the front porch of a house. The porch light comes on. A man opens the door, looking sleepy. SLEEPY GUY: Yeah? What? APRIL: (big smile) Hi! Does Warren live here? SLEEPY GUY: What the hell - what are you doing, it's 3:30! APRIL: Yes, it is! Does Warren live here? The guy gives her an angry look, slams the door in her face. APRIL: Okay then. Bye. She walks down the steps, across the lawn, and over to the next house. Knocks on that door. Cut to: magic shop, day. Buffy and the scoobies sit around the table. Giles stands next to it. Willow is using her computer (iBook). GILES: And you're certain she was a robot? BUFFY: Absolutely. TARA: Well, she practically had "Genuine Molded Plastic" stamped on her ass. Giles and Willow give her looks. TARA: Just ... tryin' a little spicy talk. (Willow smiles) ANYA: She was looking for someone named Warren. BUFFY: Willow's already checked the Sunnydale enrollment. WILLOW: And got nothin'. I found one Warren, but he moved out of the country a year ago. I'm checking nearby schools. XANDER: Whoever he is, he knows his stuff. That girl, well... (Buffy looks at him) that was a nice-lookin' girl. Tara gives Xander a dubious look. ANYA: It's okay for him to say that, 'cause I know that he really loves me only. Xander leans over to take Anya's hand. Buffy watches this a little sadly. GILES: (OS) Is there something the rest of us could be doing? XANDER: What can we do? TARA: Oh, do you have any books on robots? GILES: Oh, yes, dozens. There's an enormous amount of research we should do before - no, I'm lying. I haven't got squat, I just like to see Xander squirm. XANDER: (fake laugh) Funny. Charming and funny. WILLOW: Hey! I think I found him. A Warren Mears. He went to Sunnydale High with us for a semester, and then he went to the tech college over in Dutton. I've got a local address where his folks still live. (writing it down) TARA: He's probably home for spring break. BUFFY: Well, I'll go talk to him. (takes the paper from Willow) GILES: No no no no no, wait, we don't know what you're walking into. (looks behind him, notices a customer standing by the counter) Uh, we have no idea what his motive is for building this thing. (stands) TARA: Um ... don't you think se's just... (makes insinuating face) WILLOW: Yeah ... she's just sort of a... (makes the same face) XANDER: She's a sexbot. (to Giles) I mean, what guy doesn't dream about that? Giles walks off to help the customer. XANDER: (wistfully) Beautiful girl with ... no other thought but to please you ... willing to do anything... He looks up. Shots of the four girls staring at him. Xander laughs nervously. XANDER: Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but... (clears throat) he'd get it. (Willow turns her attention back to the computer) ANYA: Why would anyone do that if they could have a real live person? WILLOW: Maybe he couldn't. Find a real person. BUFFY: Oh, come on. The guy's just a big wedge of sleaze, don't make excuses for him. Giles finishes helping the customer and returns to sit with them. WILLOW: I'm not, I'm just saying, people get lonely, and maybe having someone around, even someone you made up ... maybe it's easier. Shot of Buffy looking pensive. TARA: But it's so weird. I mean, everyone wants a nice normal person to share with, but this guy, if he couldn't find that, I guess it's ... kinda sad. Shot of Buffy staring at her hands. Cut to Buffy walking into the workout room, looking at the piece of paper with Ben's phone number on it. She sighs, picks up the phone, puts it down, picks it up again. Cut to: Glory's apartment. We see Glory from the chest up, bare shoulders. She's sweaty and gasping, breathing rhythmically. The phone begins to ring. Glory morphs into Ben. He's panting too. He picks up the phone. BEN: (breathlessly) Hello? Cut back to workout room. BUFFY: Hey. Ben, it, it's Buffy. Is this a bad time? I know it's kinda early. Cut back to Glory's apartment. BEN: No, I just ... I just got in is all. Night shift at the hospital. I'm glad you called. Cut back to workout room. BUFFY: Well, I found your number in my pocket, and, you know, figured I'd pick up the phone a couple of times, and then hang up, and then finally call, and see if maybe you wanted to get that cup of coffee, or... Cut back to Glory's apartment. We still see Ben only from the shoulders up. BEN: Yeah, yes. Coffee would be great. ... Tomorrow night? Sure. Bye. He hangs up, smiling. He puts his hands on his hips, frowns, looks down. Long shot of Ben standing in the middle of the apartment wearing a short strapless red dress. He sighs. BEN: (annoyed) Fine. Cut to: exterior shot of a house, day. Cut to inside. Warren is stuffing piles of clothing into a bag. Katrina watches. KATRINA: But we just got here. If you don't wanna be here, why didn't we just stay in Dutton? Or we could have gone to my sister's. WARREN: (walks around the room gathering up more stuff) Katrina, I don't wanna hear about your sister's place again. Pack your stuff now. KATRINA: Why the rush? It's real early. Are we even gonna say goodbye to your mom? WARREN: (packing) Uh, you can call her. KATRINA: Warren. Is something going on you don't want me to see? WARREN: Katrina, um, if you don't wanna pack, that's fine. We can buy new stuff. Now let's just go! He grabs the bag and Katrina's hand, and leads her to the door. Warren opens the door to discover Buffy, standing on the step with her fist upraised to knock. She frowns in surprise. BUFFY: (to Warren) I have to talk to you. KATRINA: Who's this? WARREN: (to Buffy) Is this about her? BUFFY: Yes. KATRINA: Her who? Warren, something's going on here. Strange girls... WARREN: Katrina, please be quiet, okay, this is important. Wait in the kitchen. KATRINA: And I'm not important? Warren, just tell her to go away. WARREN: (looks at Buffy) I can't. KATRINA: You're keeping secrets from me. Other girls, and who knows what else? WARREN: Trina, shut up. KATRINA: That's it. Forget it, Warren. I'm gone. She walks out past Buffy and away. WARREN: No, Katrina! Ahhh... Buffy shrugs, walks inside. BUFFY: My name is Buffy Summers. We were at Sunnydale High together. Do you know who I am? WARREN: Yes, I know. Um, April, did she hurt someone? BUFFY: Not yet. (thinks) Well, no one that matters. WARREN: She's looking for me. You know, uh, she followed me here. BUFFY: Okay, kind of figured that out. WARREN: No, no, there's more. Uh, there's something you need to know about her. BUFFY: I know. WARREN: No, wait, this is important. BUFFY: Believe me, I, I worked it out. WARREN: No, this is something, uh, that you can't possibly know. Buffy folds her arms and nods to him to continue. Zoom in dramatically on Warren taking a deep breath. WARREN: She's a robot. Buffy looks at him as if expecting more. BUFFY: Uh-huh. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Fade in on the magic shop. Willow, Dawn, Tara, and Xander are walking from the back of the store toward the front. DAWN: A robot? Really? Was it Ted? 'Cause I always said there could have been more than one of him. WILLOW: Nope, whole new robot. This one was a girl. XANDER: Buffy's busy tracking down the guy that made her, (puts hand on the doorknob) so I'll drop you off at school, and if she's not finished, then- SPIKE: (OS) Coming through! Coming through. As Xander opens the door, Spike runs in, holding a blanket over himself. The blanket is on fire. The others jump back. We see Giles and Anya in the background. Spike drops the blanket on the floor and stomps out the fire. SPIKE: Fire! Fire! The others stare at him. Giles comes forward. We see Anya in the background. We can see that Spike still has a bunch of small cuts on his face and neck from being thrown through the window. SPIKE: Hello, all. What's going on then? GILES: Spike, you're not welcome here. WILLOW: Yeah, and by the way, we're working on a way to de-invite you from here. (Spike looks surprised) Even if it is a public place. XANDER: Nah, forget it. Letting him in is good, 'cause then we get to toss him out. ANYA: Ooh, can we throw him out the window like the robot did? 'Cause that was neat. SPIKE: Robot? That's what she was? (scoffs) Knew something wasn't right. (looks over at Dawn, who's standing behind Tara) Hey. Someone's glad to see me, aren't you, little bit? DAWN: Stay away from me. TARA: I think you better go. (steps in front of Dawn and folds her arms) SPIKE: Okay, now, I was afraid of this. Misrepresentations, misunderstandings, slurs and allegations. I don't know what Buffy told you, but the thing is, the Slayer and I worked together, side by side, to get rid of Dru. Who was up to no good. And I don't mind telling you- GILES: (takes off his glasses, moves closer to Spike) Spike ... listen to me. SPIKE: It's just ... I'm trying to explain. She might have said some things that sounded like I expressed some kind of feeling- Giles shoves Spike backward. He stumbles into a bookshelf. Giles walks slowly up to him, glaring angrily. GILES: (softly) We are not your friends. We are not your way to Buffy. (Spike stares at him) There is no way to Buffy. Giles leans over, picks up the blanket and slams it into Spike's chest. He leans in close and looks Spike in the eye. GILES: Clear out of here. And Spike, this thing ... get over it. SPIKE: (small smile) I don't know what you mean. GILES: Yes, you do. Move the hell on. The others just watch. Spike takes a deep breath as if he's going to say something. Giles gives him a steely glare. Spike puts the blanket over his head and exits. Cut to: the coffee shop on Sunnydale's main street, day. April walks up to a group of four young men sitting at a table. APRIL: I'm looking for my boyfriend Warren. COFFEE GUY 1: What? APRIL: He comes from here and I need him. But ... it's confusing, and I've already walked a really long way. I'm sure he's nearby. COFFEE GUY 1: Oh, Warren! You're looking for Warren? APRIL: Yes! Do you know him? Do you know where he is? COFFEE GUY 1: Man, let me think. APRIL: Please think. COFFEE GUY 1: Geez, this is too bad, you, you just missed him. APRIL: (pouts) Yes? Where did he go? COFFEE GUY 1: Warren? Uh, he headed out. (points) Uh, that way. Hurry, you might catch him. APRIL: (relieved sigh) Oh, thank you. I was getting very tired. Thank you. She hurries off. The guys watch her go, then look at Coffee Guy 1. COFFEE GUY 2: Who's Warren? COFFEE GUY 1: Hell if I know. They all laugh. Cut to: exterior shot of Warren's house, day. BUFFY VOICEOVER: So you have girl troubles. Cut to inside. Buffy sits on the sofa while Warren paces. BUFFY: They're not talking to you, you're not gettin' dates ... you start thinking, "hey, this isn't fair." WARREN: Yeah, I mean, I felt like I deserved to have someone. You know, I mean, everyone deserves to have someone. BUFFY: So naturally you turned to manufacturing. WARREN: Kinda. BUFFY: And how long did it take to build yourself that little toy? WARREN: Oh, no, she's not a toy. I mean, I know what you're thinking, but she's more than that. BUFFY: I'm sure she has many exciting labor-saving attachments. WARREN: No, I made her to love me. Cut to: April walking down the street, day. WARREN VOICEOVER: I mean, she cares about what I care about, and she wants to be with me. She listens to me and supports me. Cut back to Warren's house. WARREN: I didn't make a toy. I made a girlfriend. BUFFY: A girlfriend. Are you saying ... are you in love with her? WARREN: I really thought I would be. Cut to April walking down more streets, looking around. WARREN VOICEOVER: I mean, she's perfect. I don't know, I ... I guess it was too easy. And predictable. Cut back to Warren's house. WARREN: You know, she got boring. (Buffy rolls her eyes) She was exactly what I wanted, and I didn't want her. (laughs crazily) I thought I was going crazy. BUFFY: Really? You? WARREN: Then something happened. (sits next to her) Katrina was in my engineering seminar, and she was really funny and cool. You know, she was always givin' me a hard time, real ... unpredictable. She builds these little model monorails that run with magnets, and ... (pauses, looks at Buffy) Anyway. (shrugs) I fell in love with Katrina. BUFFY: Swell. Romance and magnetic trains. But first you decided to take April out of the box... Cut to April still walking. BUFFY VOICEOVER: ...play with her for five minutes, and then what? You got bored, decided to dump her, tell her to go away? Cut back to the house. WARREN: Kinda. BUFFY: And she got mad. She didn't go, huh? WARREN: Okay, I didn't really dump her, as much as I, uh, went out, and, uh, didn't come back. (Buffy stares) I left her, I ... left her in my dorm room. BUFFY: (angry) You left her in your dorm room?! WARREN: Well, I figured I could just kinda get away until her batteries gave out. Which should have been days ago. BUFFY: Did you even tell her? I mean, did you even give her a chance to fix what was wrong? WARREN: I didn't need to fix anything. I mean, her batteries were supposed to run down. Really, they should be completely dead by now. BUFFY: So why aren't they? WARREN: I don't, I don't know. I mean, maybe ... uh, she must be recharging them somehow. BUFFY: Warren, this is important. Is she dangerous? WARREN: She's only programmed to be in love. BUFFY: Then she's dangerous. Do you have any idea how to find her? WARREN: Well, she's looking for me, so my guess is she's probably pretty close. Cut to: Katrina walking along quickly, approaching a children's playground. April intercepts her. APRIL: Hi! Katrina stares, then makes a disgusted noise and tries to walk around April. April moves to block her path. APRIL: Do you know where Warren is? I need to get to Warren. KATRINA: This is getting insane, how many of you are there? APRIL: There's only me. April. KATRINA: April. Fine. (angrily) Listen up, April. Warren is my boyfriend. Mine. And you others probably oughta figure that out. April grabs Katrina by the upper arm. KATRINA: Ow. Ow! Let go! (struggles but April holds on) APRIL: Don't go. You have to stay and tell the truth. April pulls Katrina toward her, turns her around and wraps her arms around Katrina, pinning her arms to her sides. April locks her hands together over Katrina's stomach and squeezes. Katrina gasps for air. APRIL: You're lying. He cannot be your boyfriend. Say that he's my boyfriend. KATRINA: (gasping) I can't ... I can't breathe. Let go! APRIL: You have to stop lying. Katrina continues gasping and choking. Cut to: a box. A pile of photos of Buffy flies into view and lands in the box. Pan up to find Spike dismantling his Buffy Shrine, throwing the pictures into the box with angry motions. He grabs the blonde wig off of the mannequin and tosses it, along with Buffy's blue cashmere sweater, into the box. SPIKE: Bloody right, I'll move on. Cut to: Buffy and Warren walking along the street. WARREN: (yelling) April! April, are you there? (normal voice) If the batteries are still working and she hears my voice, then ... she'll answer. BUFFY: She's voice-activated? WARREN: Well, I made it so that if she heard me and she didn't answer, it causes this kind of feedback. BUFFY: Wait, if you call her and she doesn't answer, it hurts her? (he looks embarrassed) You're one creepy little dweeb, Warren. WARREN: (yells) April! Close shot of April's face. APRIL: Warren! Buffy and Warren stop walking, look shocked. WARREN: April. We see April standing there holding Katrina by the neck. Katrina's feet are not touching the ground and she appears to be unconscious. APRIL: Where have you been? I couldn't find you, and this girl kept lying to me, and ... then she went to sleep. Buffy and Warren stare in dismay. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] Fade back in on the same scene. WARREN: April, what did you do? APRIL: (looks at Katrina, back at Warren) Please don't be angry, Warren. I'm trying very hard to make you happy. BUFFY: April. I want you to put the girl down. APRIL: Warren? What should I do? Warren hesitates. BUFFY: (to Warren) Talk to her! WARREN: Pu-put her down! APRIL: Okay. WARREN: This is Buffy. Give Katrina to Buffy. April lowers Katrina. Buffy and Warren carry Katrina to a nearby bench and lie her down. APRIL: Is she broken? Buffy feels Katrina's neck for a pulse. BUFFY: She's alive. Warren looks relieved, moves toward April. APRIL: Warren, honey, what's going on? Why did you go away? Is it a game? WARREN: No. No, this isn't a game. APRIL: Did I do something wrong? (Buffy watches, still sitting on the bench holding Katrina's head) I waited a long time and you never came back. A long time. I made you five sweaters. WARREN: That's great, you could go back and get them. So you could wait there, and- BUFFY: Warren! (he looks back at her) You have to tell her. And do it right. Warren looks nervously at April. APRIL: What is she saying, Warren? What do you need to tell me? WARREN: (stammers) April, I made a mistake. APRIL: (laughs) You can't make mistakes. WARREN: No, I did. Cut to image of Warren from April's point of view. It's like a blue computer screen with Warren's face in a circle in the middle. Along the top left is a list labeled "Directives." The lists consists of "mk warren hpy.fld", "locate_warren.fld", and "protect warren.fld". Along the top right is another list under the heading "LOCATE WARREN" with a line connecting "locate_warren.fld" on the left to the list on the right. The right-hand list reads: favorite_places.gfd phne #'s.gfd scent.gfd questions.gfd gps tracking.gfd clues.gfd *end of list* At the lower left are the words "recognition module." As Warren talks, underneath the heading "recognition module" appears the word "WARREN" and then "boyfriend." The "locate warren" list disappears and is replaced by a list connected to the "mk warren hpy" directive: kissing_01.gfd kissing_02.gfd lstn sympthtc.gfd gv_hm_prsnts.gfd sex01.gfd sex02.gfd sex03.gfd sex04.gfd praise.gfd neckrubs.gfd fetish_01.gfd fetish_02.gfd fetish_03.gfd positions01.gfd positions02.gfd positions03.gfd positions04.gfd positions05.gfd positions06.gfd The list of positions continues off the bottom of the screen. Meanwhile, underneath "Warren" and "Boyfriend" appear other identifiers: really smart handsome best lover snappy dresser good dancer All of this appears while Warren is talking. WARREN: (in computer display) I thought that I made you everything that I wanted, but it wasn't really what I wanted. Cut to shot of April reacting. Cut back to the display. WARREN: (in computer display) I'm sorry, bu-but it's over. Cut back to April smiling. APRIL: But ... I can be whatever you want. I love you. I'll do whatever you want. Would you like a neckrub? She moves forward reaching for Warren's neck. He fends her off. WARREN: No, hey, no. See, I - I know that you love me, but the truth is, I can't love you. (April frowns) I mean, it's not your fault, but... Cut back to the computer display. WARREN: I don't love you. The display goes blurry for a moment, then reappears with the "locate warren" list. A red dot appears on the image of Warren's face, and at the bottom of the screen, in red letters, the words COMBAT MODE ENABLED. The display turns green and a shrill alarm begins to sound. The image of Warren's face looks fearful. WARREN: I love her! He quickly moves out of the way and the image focuses on Buffy behind him, sitting on the bench. The alarm continues. The red dot is now centered on Buffy's chest. Cut to April. She growls. BUFFY: She growls? You made her so she growls? WARREN: Well... April grabs Buffy and flings her away. She lands on some grass, gets up as April approaches. April goes over to a see-saw and lifts one end of it. She brings her arm down on the middle of the board so it snaps in half. Buffy looks alarmed. April swings the piece of wood at Buffy, who grabs it. They grapple. Buffy kicks April in the stomach and she stumbles back, grabbing the bench to steady herself. We see Katrina still lying on the bench and Warren in the background. Buffy swings the piece of wood but April gets out of the way and it slams down on the bench, awaking Katrina, who sits up. Buffy swings again and hits April in the stomach, tearing away her dress and exposing machinery in her stomach. KATRINA: What's going on? WARREN: No, no, Trina- Shot of April's inner workings sparking. WARREN: Get away. Katrina gets up and backs away from the fight, toward Warren. Buffy swings the wood at April again and April grabs it, pulls it out of Buffy's hands, tosses it away and punches Buffy. Buffy flies backward and lands on her back, turns it into a backflip and gets up. She ducks a punch and lands another one on April. KATRINA: (clutching her throat) What is ... what ... that's a robot! (sound of fighting continues) WARREN: (watching the fight) She wasn't just for s*x. KATRINA: Is that ... is that your ex-girlfriend? WARREN: (looks at her) I... KATRINA: No, get the hell away from me! She starts to run off. Warren runs after her. WARREN: No, no, no, Trina, no, Trina, wait... Buffy and April continue exchanging punches and head-butts. Buffy kicks April, who falls down in the sand next to a swing set. Buffy grabs the chains holding a swing up and uses them to hold her up while she kicks April in the face, then hits her with the swing itself. April grabs Buffy by the throat and lifts her off the ground as Buffy struggles and gasps for air. APRIL: You took my man. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to ... (pauses) I can't ... can't crush! So ... tired. She lets go of Buffy, who coughs and gasps as April stares at her own hand. APRIL: (anxious) Warren? Where are you? What's happening to me? Her hand slowly drops to her side. There's a sound like machinery powering down. Buffy stares. Cut to: a little later. Pan across the playground to find Buffy and April sitting on the swings side by side. April is leaning against the chain as it's the only thing holding her up. BUFFY: Can you cry? Sometimes I feel better when I cry. But ... there might be rust issues. APRIL: Crying is blackmail. Good girlfriends don't cry. BUFFY: Oh. APRIL: I rechecked everything. I did everything I was supposed to do. I was a good girlfriend. BUFFY: I'm sure you were. APRIL: I'm only supposed to love him. If I can't do that, what am I for? What do I exist for? BUFFY: I don't know. (shakes head) It isn't fair. He wasn't fair to you. April looks around, moving only her eyes. APRIL: It's getting dark. Buffy looks around too. It looks as sunny as ever. APRIL: It's so early to be dark. BUFFY: (softly) Yeah. APRIL: What if he comes back and he can't find me in the dark? BUFFY: I'm here. I'll make sure that he finds you. APRIL: (smiles) Maybe this is a girlfriend test. If I wait here patiently this time, he'll come back. BUFFY: I'm sure he will. And he'll ... he'll tell you how sorry he is. (pauses) You know, he told me ... how proud he was of you and ... how impressed he was with how much you loved him and how you tried to help him. (April smiles happily) He didn't mean to hurt you. APRIL: He's going to take me home, and things will be right again. BUFFY: (nods) It'll be fine. APRIL: (still smiling) When things are sad ... you just have to be patient. (Her speech begins to slow) Because ... because every ... cloud has a silver lining. And ... when life ... gives you lemons ... make ... lemonade. BUFFY: Clouds and lemonade, huh? APRIL: Yes. And ... and ... (her voice gets deeper like a tape running too slow) things are ... always ... darkest ... before... She stops, frozen with a small smile on her face. Her eyes stay open. Buffy looks at her with a frown, then looks down pensively. The camera pulls up and out to a wide aerial shot as Buffy turns away, then turns back, still sitting on the swing next to April. Cut to: Xander fixing the window in the dorm, wearing a toolbelt. He pushes some small chips of wood underneath the bottom of the new window. XANDER: See, you construct the wood jamb and frame the glass into it, and that's what you set into the opening. We see Buffy sitting nearby, watching. BUFFY: Yeah? XANDER: One of the cool things about that, you see is, uh, the jamb can be shimmed to be square, even if the opening isn't. BUFFY: Shimmed? Is that even a real word? Do you have any idea what you're talking about? XANDER: Yeah, I do. (smiles) Scary, isn't it? I think I've actually turned into someone you want around after a crazed robot attack. BUFFY: And if you ever start your own business, you have your slogan right there. (pauses, looks thoughtful) And she wasn't crazed. XANDER: (skeptical) Yeah?) BUFFY: She devoted everything to making this one person happy. And then it was like, with him gone, there was just ... no reason for her to exist any more. XANDER: Robots are the strangest people. BUFFY: No ... people are the strangest people. (she looks down as Xander continues working) I mean, look at me obsessing about being with someone. It's like ... I don't need a guy right now. I need me. I need to get comfortable being alone with Buffy. XANDER: Well, I'll say this, she's a pretty cool person to be alone with. BUFFY: (smiles) Thank you. Xander turns back to the window again. Buffy picks up the piece of paper with Ben's phone number on it, looks at it, bites her lip. Cut to: a moment later. Pan across Xander still working on the window. Pan over to Buffy talking into a pay phone. BUFFY: Hi, it's Buffy. Um, I hope this is your machine, there, there wasn't a message. Anyway, um, about coffee. I, um ... I just ... I don't think this is the best time for me to be ... drinking... Cut to Glory's apartment. We see the answering machine sitting there on the table. BUFFY: (on machine) ...coffee. Um, I'm sorry. And, um, bye. Pan up to Glory, wearing a sparkly gold dress, with her arms crossed over her chest, listening. GLORY: What the hell? We see Jinx behind her. JINX: If I may, your inconceivableness, it sounds to these humble ears like our Ben tried to make a date with the Slayer. GLORY: (confused) A date with the Slayer? No. No. (shakes her head firmly) No, no, no. He is planning something, he's working against me. Jinx shrugs. Glory frowns, looks from him to the answering machine and back again. GLORY: (pouting) She turned us down? Cut to: Warren's house. Warren is talking on the cordless phone, moving around, packing. WARREN: Trina, no, wait, listen, listen, I'm so sorry. I guess I asked- No, no, just give me a chance to explain, I ... Yes! No, but she - no, no, listen, listen, I'll do anything, just, no, no, don't hang up! He sighs, goes to hang up the phone. Turns around and gasps in shock as he sees Spike standing behind him, holding the box full of Buffy Shrine stuff. WARREN: How, how'd you get in here? SPIKE: Your mum let me in. (walks closer) I'm placing an order. WARREN: Oh, no, no, I'm not making any more girls. SPIKE: Sure you are. (shoves the box into Warren's hands) Here's your specs. Shot of the box full of Buffy photos and the Buffy wig. Warren stares at Spike. SPIKE: You're gonna make her real good for me. (smiles) Cut to: Buffy entering her home. BUFFY: (calling) Hey, Mom. She turns, sees some flowers on the table beside the door. BUFFY: Ooh. She opens the card that came with the flowers. Shot of the card, which reads: "Thank you for a lovely evening. See you soon? Brian." BUFFY: (to herself) Still a couple of guys gettin' it right. She turns to call up the stairs, putting down her jacket. BUFFY: (calls) Hey. Flower-gettin' lady. Want me to pick Dawn up from school? In the background, on the living room sofa, we can see someone or something, but it's out of focus; the focus is on Buffy in the foreground. Buffy frowns, looks down the hall toward the kitchen. BUFFY: Mom? She turns and looks in the living room. BUFFY: What are you doing? She walks into the living room, stops. Shot of Joyce lying on the sofa. Her eyes are open, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. One arm hangs loosely over the edge of the sofa. She does not move or blink. BUFFY: (quieter) Mom? (even quieter) Mom? (very quietly) Mommy? Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

A robot girlfriend, April, is abandoned by her creator, Warren. When April tries to kill Warren's current girlfriend, Buffy intervenes. Spike secretly coerces Warren into making him a robot of Buffy.

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"Scene 1: In the woods - Bill, Pam, Jessica\nBill is hollowing out a dig in the ground. Jessica is u(...TRUNCATED)

"As part of the vampire ritual, Bill buries Jessica's body in the ground, waiting for her to turn. A(...TRUNCATED)

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"Scene: The university cafeteria. Howard is on the phone.\nHoward: Ma, Ma, calm down. Listen to me. (...TRUNCATED)

"Leonard gets an idea for a differential equation app, but Sheldon quickly tries to take charge of t(...TRUNCATED)

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"Ted from 2030: Kids, life is a dark road. You never really know what's up ahead. One night you're c(...TRUNCATED)

"The matchmaking service finally returns with a match for Ted, but he puts his date with his \"perfe(...TRUNCATED)

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"SILVER NEMESIS\nPART ONE\nRun time: 24:31\n[SCENE_BREAK]\nDe Flores's villa\n[SCENE_BREAK]\nKarl: H(...TRUNCATED)

"A group of neo-Nazis in South America are seeking the Nemesis Statue - as is a shuttle full of Cybe(...TRUNCATED)