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the swooping shots across darkened rooftops suggest a very tim burton movie , but , alas , no caped crusader descends to save * this * film . instead , it's a skeletal housemaid ( julia roberts ) who must bear witness to this unfortunate retelling of " dr . jekyll and mr . hyde . " for a few , fleeting , maddening moments , director stephen frears ( dangerous liaisons ) gets everything just right-- the tone , the colors , the characters ; all the ingredients to make a most-powerful potion out of valerie martin's best-selling novel . yet it fizzles too quickly ; the volatile mixture losing potency from the very first scene . casting is a large part of the problem . the story all but collap- ses around ms . roberts-- she doesn't have the range for this kind of drama . her accent also comes and goes , though it's nowhere near as glaring as the total lack of chemistry between her and co-star john malkovich . ( he looks the same in both of his roles-- an incredible fact that's missed by everyone in the story ! ) the very british supporting cast-- including michael gambon and george cole-- gives credibility to the smaller parts . glenn close also appears as a madam that the good doctor calls upon . her performance is as close to intentional camp as the movie ever gets and-- as a bonus-- offers a likely peek at her upcoming cruella de ville in the live-action 101 dalmantions . the biggest botch in mary reilly is suspense : there is none . no terror , no tension ; nothing . without any weight , wit , or wonder to propel the story , the viewer is left with little more to do than pay attention to the period detail , a few buckets of blood , and stuart craig's fabulously dreary production design . all of which gets old after about an hour , at which point i recommend leaving . ( the pacing in the second-half is especially abominable . if you * do * stick it through , your sole reward is a half-hokey special effect depicting the infamous transformation . ) mr . frears reportedly recut his film several times , missing several release dates in the process . ( obviously , no one advised him to throw up his hands and just turn the whole damned thing over to mel brooks . blucher ! ) mary reilly is the second robert louis stevenson story of the month , after muppet treasure island . perhaps mr . frears should consult with brian henson on future projects . i daresay that even ms . piggy is a better choice for a certain roles than julia roberts . and she does have a great chop !

you've got mail is a timely romance for this impersonal , computer-driven decade . two people who've never met confide in each other via e-mail without revealing their true identities . nora ephron's contemporary update of the shop around the corner retains the basic plot : two people who despise each other unwittingly become enamored with each other through their anonymous correspondence . ephron , who co-wrote the film with her sister , delia , as well as directed it , knew what she was doing by reteaming tom hanks and meg ryan as the at-odds couple . ryan is kathleen kelly , owner of a small children's bookstore , while hanks is joe fox , who heads up a chain of mega bookstores ( think barnes & noble ) . their charm and chemistry are the glue that binds this film , even through some of the script's rough spots . for the ephrons invested so much effort in their protagonists that they give short shrift to the talented supporting cast , including parker posey , greg kinnear , jean stapleton and steve zahn . yet no one is really going to complain because the ephrons know their audience - and what the paying public wants is hanks and ryan . and the two are kept busy . one , the other or both are in nearly every scene . hanks has his decent guy routine down pat , yet each time he does it , it seems effortless , spontaneous and fresh . ryan smoothly moves between spunky and vulnerable , with a sexy touch of winsomeness added to the brew . their scenes together sparkle , even though they lack the nostalgic romanticism of sleepless in seattle . and the shadow of that earlier hit hangs over you've got mail like dried-up mistletoe . the sparks created by the earlier movie are , by necessity , not evident here . true , these are two people seeking true love , but you've got mail is more comic and less poignant than its predecessor . the ephrons' script is witty and sharp . however , as a director nora ephron is a bit uneven . some scenes drag , while others , especially when hanks and ryan are revealing their souls via e-mail , are crisp and tidy . also , the script gets sloppy toward the end with characters merely disappearing from the story . a nice , romantic soundtrack adds to this date-night special . overall , you've got mail is a lush and cute outing , taking advantage of the star appeal of its two leads . it's a nice holiday movie , one for holding hands and snuggling . committed to lifelong learning through effective communication

as you should know , this summer has been less than memorable . with a total of 4 decent films , it's not a surprise that these big budget failures keep appearing . with that said , you can pretty much predict what my opinion on " the 13th warrior " will be . the film is based on the michael crichton " eaters of the dead " , in which ahmed ibn fahdlan is banished from his country for looking at a wife of a king . after tarveling for many months , he comes across a gang of norsemen , who are forced to pick 13 men to protect a town from mythical monsters who travel in the fog . so , they start picking men , and are left without 1 , thus ahmed is choosen . so far it sounds interesting right ? not when all of this takes place in 15 minutes . after that , they basically run around killing . that alone shows how much a script is needed for a film , because once your story is introduced , you have the rest of the film to start developing it . obviously that's not the case here . even if you are going into the film expecting an action packed adventure , you will be disappointed . since all the action takes place in fog , it is constantly hard to see a scene clearly due to those circumstances , and to poor camera work . can't the camera men sit still ? i'd like to actually watch a film in focus , but again , they failed to deliver that as well . the film moves on and on until the point , where you can care less about anything but the popcorn you're eating . with corny dialogue , that the characters laugh at for some odd reason , a script that goes nowhere , dull action sequences , a predictable ending , and worst of all weak characters , there's basically nothing to like here , except for maybe the set designs . that's the only thing that honestly caught my interest . when i heard that john mctiernan , the director , wanted his name kept out of the project , that made me wonder why ? well now i know . crichton's greed forced mctiernan to edit his finished product , which led to a big arguement . what's there to argue about anyway ? the film couldn't be saved , no matter how much they spent or casted . seeing films like the haunting and big daddy making money , i wouldn't be surprised to see " the 13th warrior " become a hit . please do me a favor and save your money at all costs , or else you will be lost in the fog , like the film itself .

edward zwick's " the siege " raises more questions than it can convincingly answer or even clearly articulate . its subject is the rising threat of terrorism in american cities . denzel washington is anthony " hub " hubbard , who runs the fbi's anti-terrorism task force in new york . his investigation into arab terrorist cells intensifies when suicide bombers take out a busload of people . hub focuses on a mysterious cia operative ( annette bening ) , whose goes by both " elise " and " sharon . " as the terrorist attacks continue and the body count rises , the question of martial law is raised . enter general devereaux ( bruce willis ) , who opposes martial law at first but who , as soon as the president decides to send in the army , begins herding arab immigrants into a prison camp and attacking every link that hub uncovers in the terrorist chain . hub listens as devereaux tortures and murders a suspect . the future zwick and screenwriter lawrence wright offer is all too possible . what would happen , they ask , if terrorism became as much a fact of daily life in new york as it is in cities like beirut and belfast ? what would happen to our civil liberties if soldiers patrol our streets with machine guns ? these questions " the siege " answers in realistic detail . it implies tougher ones , though : what can be done to combat terrorism without sacrificing justice and freedom ? if we encourage terrorism abroad ( from bening's character we discover that the cia trained the bombers ) , will it inevitably come back to us ? " siege " avoids the tougher questions by endowing its hero , hub , with a uncompromising sense of clear right and wrong . this comforting fantasy of sir galahad confronting the evils of the modern world is an escape from the thought-provoking issues the movie raises . still , zwick deserves credit for at least addressing the issue with as much realism as he does where so many movies ( willis' " die hard " series , for example ) offer only a comic-book view on terrorism .

melvin udall is a heartless man . he spends his days inside of his spacious manhattan apartment writing romance novels . it also seems that melvin will never change . one day he dines ar his favorite restaurant , and is a little too mean to his normal waitress ( the only waittress that will serve him ) , carol ( played to perfection by a lovely and sexy helen hunt . ) she threatens not to serve him if he doesn't shut up about her asthmatic son . he does shut up . to make matters considerably worse , melvin has obsessive compulsive disorder . one day his gay artist neighbor simon ( greg kinear , of talk soup fame , in an oscar-worthy role ) 's dog threatens to dismiss himself at melvon's door . the dog meets the garbage chute . soon simon is sadly beaten by thieveing burglars , and ray ( cuba gooding , jr . ) , simon's agent , takes the dog , verdell , to melvin , so that melvin can dogsit him . and through the dog and a rather heartwrenching car trip that involves simon , carol , and himself , melvin learns to emerge from his cantakerous shell . jack nicholson gives yet another oscar-caliber performance as the film's cynical lead , and is back at work , not playing a goofy u . s . president or a comic book villian , but instead playing jack nicjolson , and playing him full force . all of this adds up to this year's funniest comedy , a creative , witty , and scathing film from james l . brooks , and brooks gets award-worthy performances from the entire cast . a winner in every aspect , and a truly delicious slice of cyncial life .

contact is the 1997 movie i've seen the most - five times to be exact . four of those times were on the big screen , but even on a tv , it's a very impressive film . the same can't be said for films like independance day , but that's because contact is a rare example in sci-fi filmmaking where the story is treated more importantly than the special effects , and all of us know looking back that id4 didn't offer much outside of some one-time delightful eye candy . contact's wonderfully presented story deals with ellie arroway ( jodie foster ) , a radio astronomer whose preference of study involves the outdated technique of " merely listening " to sounds out in space . her interest in the field of astronomy developed at a very young age , encouraged by her loving father , ted ( david morse ) , who let ellie use a small ham radio to pick up on frequencies and communicate with people as far away as pensacola , fl ( that was , of course , before the days of internet chat rooms ) . while everyone else uses modern technologies to aid them in the search for extra-terrestrial intelligence ( of which the program seti is an acronym for ) , ellie prefers to pop on a pair of headphones and see what she can pick up on , keeping the youthful magic and intrigue strongly alive . ellie's strong scientific basis essentially makes her an atheist , a belief likely influenced by the death of her father while she was still quite young . in puerto rico , she meets palmer joss ( matthew mcconaughey ) , a writer examining the effects of technology on the world's overall happiness ; a one- time seminary student who describes himself as " a man of the cloth , without the cloth " . despite the vast differences in opinion regarding a " supreme being " , ellie and palmer hit it off , and even take the time to sleep together . it's a weak and hurried relationship , but director zemeckis needs it to add to the plot later on . meanwhile , dr . david drumlin ( tom skerritt ) , who has authority over seti but finds the program a frivolous waste of time and money , is ready to pull the plug on any and all seti funding . this leaves the passionate ellie searching for new sponsors , eventually finding a setup in new mexico and leaving palmer with no explanation , and only a one night stand to remember . it is in this nm city where , several months later , ellie finally picks up on a strong signal from outer space , perhaps the most profound discovery in the history of science . when the signal is closely examined , many new developments spring up , and before long , drumlin is stepping in to take over the operation he once scoffed at . eventually , it is concluded that information in the signal may be blueprints for a transportation device used to teleport an earthling to vega ( where the signal seems to have originated ) . the media swarms , fanatics go further off the deep end , scientists clamor for new information , politicians huddle in discussion of appropriate actions to take , and presidents are morphed into a celluloid reality ( remember when zemeckis couldn't get enough of this in forrest gump ? ) . as if that weren't enough , ellie's discovery leads her to the nation's capital where she again runs into palmer . contact is based on the novel by carl sagan and deals heavily with the subject of science vs . religion . the impressive thing is how well both aspects are presented , with no signs of bias . arguments for both sides are intelligent , solid , and thought-provoking . when palmer joins a selection committee to choose an ambassador to vega ( of which ellie is a leading candidate ) , personal convictions play a more important role than love interests . the question is , can a person who doesn't believe in god truly be the best representative of earth when 90% of the planet * does * believe in a higher power ? even when the film wraps up , it's uncertain whether it's meant to play as an advocate for religion , science , both , or even neither , and in our modern day society where " right and wrong " is only opinion ( at least speaking " politically correctly " ) , the ambiguity is an incentive . don't get me wrong . as much as it sounds like it , contact isn't merely a theology class rolled into a reel of film . it's a * highly * enjoyable two and a half hours . despite its seemingly heavy issues , it's not a tedious undertaking to watch this film . the special effects are outstanding , though ( warning ! ) highly depreciated on the small screen . even so , some of the subtle visual effects ( that will likely go unnoticed by many ) are even more impressive than ones more recognizable as " sci-fi " . the storytelling is rich and complete , and although there are moments in the film that feel quite pretentious ( and at times , even hokey ) , it's easily one of the best 1997 films , and one of the best sci-fi films i've ever seen . this is zemeckis' best since back to the future , and for those of us who actually know that forrest gump was astronomically overrated , zemeckis now has real reason to boast .

i had lost all faith in pg-13 movies that are intended for teenagers and adults . the last dozen or so that i have seen have all felt incomplete , as if the most crucial scene was deleted in order to obtain a more lucrative rating . however , after seeing the creative frequency last week and now the exciting u-571 , my bias is beginning to go away . both films are as innocuous for younger viewers as they are intellectual for older viewers . even better , i didn't think either one of these films would be any good from first instincts . everyone loves surprises . u-571 looked like another action film using an actual war as an excuse to shoot torpedoes and bullets . this may be true , but the action is so extraordinary that it is clear director/co-writer jonathan mostow completed his ultimate goal ; to blow the audience's socks off . set during the early stages of world war 2 when the united states struggled to break the codes of the technologically advanced german u-boats , u-571 follows a small crew of american men who swipe the typewriter necessary to solve the enigma from an enemy ship . there's only one problem : the american ship they came from and hoped to return to has been shot down stranding the men on a german submarine known as ( you guessed it ) u-571 . it is now up to the mostly young and inexperienced sailors , led by an interim captain named tyler ( matthew mcconaughey ) , to return the typewriter to america without getting sunk by far superior german ships . the film starts off very slowly with a somewhat weak opening action sequence and another uneventful half an hour to introduce several of the sailors ( most of whom die when the mission goes awry or just inexplicably disappear ) . once the crew gets on the u-boat , the movie shifts to another level and never leaves this high energy level until the ending credits roll down . as soon as the action starts , it does not stop and luckily , because it is so exciting , i didn't want it to stop . this is not a movie for those wanting to avoid loud noises , from the wonderful , heart-pounding score to the constant yelling of panicking men , make sure you see this at a theater with surround-sound ? otherwise , do not see it all . the best parts of u-571 are when tyler is forced to make impromptu decisions on how to escape seemingly impossible situations . throughout the movie , several morals or characters are introduced to make tyler's job as stressful as possible . germans gun down their own men , tyler's mentor captain dahlgren warns him that a captain has to be prepared to sacrifice even the most beloved soldiers for a victory , another sailor ( erik palladino ) threatens mutiny . all of these examples , and several others , increase the chaotic atmosphere and the importance of tyler's every move . they also make u-571 one of the most exhilarating movies i have seen in a while .

" a breed apart " casts rutger hauer as a crazy , bird-loving recluse who picks his feathered friends over kathleen turner . a bit hard to swallow ? that's only the first of many improbabilities in this film . hauer stars as a man obsessed with keeping the birds on his island safe , while boothe plays a guy hired to steal a couple of rare eagle eggs by a rich egg collector . turner is the woman caught between the two men . " a breed apart " isn't a bad movie , exactly . indeed , i found myself rooting for both the hauer and boothe characters , even though their goals couldn't be more different . the problem with the film is that there are just too many inconsistencies . for example , early on in the film , hauer physically assaults two drunken rednecks shooting at " his " birds . later on , the rednecks come back for revenge with four other people , and hauer kills a few of them . i have a tough time believing that the police wouldn't get involved at that point . another problem is the silly love-triangle that develops . i didn't care one way or the other who ended up with turner . i was more interested in finding out which of the two men would be victorious in their respective missions . however , despite this uninteresting sub-plot , turner did manage to give a great performance as the woman who reminds the two men that sometimes there's more to life than money and birds . as for hauer , he's an actor i've always admired . he has a penchant for picking strange and unusual characters . and this one is no exception . he's frequently seen riding around his island on a white horse , wearing pirate's clothing , and holstering a cross-bow . despite all his eccentric mannerisms , though , hauer always manages to let the human side of his character shine through . for example , there's a scene in which he barks at turner and her son because they came onto his island a day early . he comes off as crazy loner in that scene , but a few minutes later , he is apologizing to turner , and we believe his intentions . soon after , we find out he's a vietnam vet , and his actions become fairly clear to us . " a breed apart " isn't a great movie by any means , but it does contain good performances by all three leads , and it's worth seeing for that reason alone .

to put it bluntly , ed wood would have been proud of this . a totally ridiculous plot is encompassed with bad humor , hokey drama , zero logic and a crap screenplay . also , a beautifully anti-climactic ending . not to say it didn't look intriguing when i saw the previews . so much for truth in advertising . roland emmerich , who's later " independence day " would look like " the 400 blows " compared to this , co-writed and directed this inane sci-fi film which uses the cliche of there being some connection between eqypt and aliens . in a useless opening sequence , men find a stone in 1914 with hieroglyphics on it . it wouldn't be till present day ( '94 ) till they would actually figure it out . they're decipherer ? a slightly-neurotic scientist ( nice twist ) , dr . dan jackson ( james spader , doing his best outside of erotic thrillers and some indy fare ) who's life sucks so much that people walk out of his lectures after the third word . why do they use him to decipher what no one else could ? so there is a hokey ending ! duh ! he figures it out in about a minute . yea . and then they get a suicidal colonel or something , " jack " o'neill ( kurt russel , with his wyat earp locks in the beginning then a flat-top that would make howie long snap into a fetal position ) . why a suicidal colonel ? for the ending ! you'll get the hang of this . they open the stargate , a bunch of them go through it with a bomb to blow it up if they find anything bad . after an overdone special effects thing , they're . . . inside a goddam pyramid . so they went to egypt , right ? wrong . they're on another planet that was filmed in egypt . they discover a cilvilization ruled by ra , the sun god ( the androginous jaye davidson , with a voice modifier to make him sound like barry white with asthma ) , and there are fights , explosions and a kiss between two people . yea . also melodrama , stupidity , hokey scenes and a bizarre language . an anti-climactic ending ends with stupid lines ( " say hello to king tut , asswhole ! " - the quintessential line , lemme tell ya ) and some convenient pesudo-pseudo-pseudo-character development . by the end , you just wanna go home and watch , i don't know , the " outer limits " or something . the script's terrible . the special effects are okay , but nothing great . the story's so weak that it's almost opaque . the whole experience just isn't worth it unless you're so bored that you'd consider watching a " full house " marathon . . . or this . i'd pick this , obviously , but still , it's just not fun at all . and i can't wait for it to premier on mst3k .

forget get carter . instead . . . get me a cup of coffee . what the hell has happened to all good american action movies ? did i unknowingly miss a meeting somewhere ? when did all of the bad-ass , kicking butt and taking names , gun-toting , crazed , vengeful characters of the 1980's -- from such films as commando , cobra , predator , raw deal , first blood -- suddenly turn into innocent , compassionate , sensitive , teary-eyed knuckleheads . the only place to turn these days for an honest action film is towards the east -- and i don't mean new york city . get carter -- the latest masterpiece from uber-thespian sylvester stallone -- is a prime example of large and in charge 80's action stars trying to fit back into action roles they have long since outgrown . stallone seems like that one uncle you have who tries to be cool with his members only jacket and izod polo shirt with the collar popped up . a few years ago , stallone made a movie that gave him the opportunity to gracefully exit the roles that typecast him as an action monkey . that role was sheriff freddy heflin in copland -- a strange film about redemption within a broken soul . stallone actually gave an amazing performance and it seemed he had shaken off the past . too bad get carter returns stallone to action , but with the shiny paint rusted off on the edges . get carter is a simple story . stallone plays frank carter , a vegas bruiser for a loan shark ( played with amazing gusto by the uncredited voice of actor tom sizemore ) . when frank's brother gets himself killed in a drunk driving accident , frank , feeling all guilty and mushy inside , thinks foul play is involved and travels to seattle to set right all the wrongs with the patented " carter's way " . he talks tough with his brother's wife , lends a helping had to his brother's daughter doreen ( rachel leigh cook ) , and walks around seattle in the pouring rain dressed like a lost member of the rat pack with a really bad goatee . carter finds out that his brother was involved in some bad stuff with a slimy porn king played by ultra-cool , mcqueen-esque mickey rourke , a multi-millionaire computer geek ( alan cumming ) , and a strange foreign guy ( michael caine ) who speaks in riddles and talks tough . carter stalks all of them while trying to figure out who did in his brother and how to extract proper revenge on the responsible parties . what a minute ! this sounds just like another film i saw last year , the limey . better not tell terence stamp about stallone ripping him off . actually , get carter is a remake of the 1971 british production of the same name , starring caine in the title role ( and what with his cameo here , the cleverness is astonishing ) . while stallone still carries his own weight here , the movie lacks what the original did as well : purpose . throughout the film , stallone looks like an old guy trying to act tough , while nobody is taking him seriously . his one-liners fall flat , and he seems tired and uncertain of all the actions , mental and physical , required of his character . there is even a strange homoeroticism between rourke and stallone that lends a bizarre tone to their numerous conversations -- in both fists and words . the biggest surprise in get carter is that the best job done in the film is by the versatile mickey rourke . an amazing method actor in the eighties who fell into drugs , spousal abuse , a boxing career , and an intolerable attitude towards not getting his way , rourke still brings a dangerous sense of purpose to his porn king character . he may not win any oscars , but he still ranks highly in my book . get carter has great directing , strong acting by rourke and caine , and energetic car chases that would make william friedkin proud . the only thing it lacks - as with most hollywood productions -- is a good script and proper casting . never mind that it should never have been made at all .

the release of dolores claiborne into wide release this weekend adds another entry into the long list of film adaptations of stephen king's work . this slow-moving character study provides some outstanding acting performances by the principals , but suffers from a tepid conclusion , inconsistent direction , and may not have wide commercial appeal . when the maid , dolores claiborne , is found brandishing a rolling pin standing over the bloody and dead body of her employer , it seems like an open-and-shut murder case . upon hearing of the death via a mysterious fax , dolores' estranged and bitter daughter , esquire magazine writer selena st . george , returns from new york back to her tiny island village childhood home . as the two clash horns , the story behind the mysterious death of dolores' abusive husband two decades ago , ruled an accident despite the protests of detective john mackey , is revealed . did dolores kill her husband ? and did she kill her employer ? dolores claiborne is certainly more of a character study than a suspense thriller . consequently , it is fortunate that their cast includes some of hollywood's finest character actors , such as bates , leigh and strathairn . kathy bates plays the film's title character , and gives a sensational lead performance . dolores claiborne is essentially a showcase for the talent of bates , as her character has a huge amount of screen time . she dominates the screen , producing a character that is compelling and arresting , as we watch the character go through two decades of history via flashbacks . kathy bates' performance is award-calibre stuff . the rest of the cast is also very good . jennifer jason leigh plays the perpetually sour , bitter helena st . george well , and christopher plummer seems to be enjoying himself as dolores' ever-present nemesis , the determined detective john mackey . david strathairn is particularly interesting and suitably smarmy and despicable as dolores' husband , joe st . george . judy parfitt is fine as dolores' tyrannic socialite employer , vera donovan--it would have been interesting to see , say , meg foster in this role . child actor ellen muth is also worth noting as the young selena during the flashback sequences ; she is very impressive . the direction of dolores claiborne by taylor hackford wildly varies throughout the film , ranging from some parts which are quite clever in their own right , to parts which are embarrassingly hokey . the segues between flashbacks and the present are very hit-and-miss in terms of effectiveness . the pacing of the film tends to be numbingly slow , which tends to undermine any suspense which might be built up . however , the cinematography by gabriel beristain is wonderful--i particularly like the chilling ice-blue hue permeating the present-day scenes , contrasting well with the many nova scotia ocean shots--and danny elfman provides a surprisingly understated score for the film . it would seem that the commercial potential of dolores claiborne is limited . none of the performers in the film could be classified as a big draw , and its pacing may be a turn-off to those expecting a gripping suspense film filled with twists and turns and car crashes and axe-wielding psychopaths . although being essentially the only film in its genre in release now , it may also be hurt by the negative perception of king works , even with the recent critical success of the shawshank redemption and the stand . dolores claiborne suffers from a very unsatisfying conclusion , and moves very slowly . however , the performances are uniformly excellent , particularly kathy bates , and the film has its moments . on my four-star scale , i give dolores claiborne three stars .

" deep rising " gives you that sinking feeling both literally and figuratively : not only does the movie take place on a cruise ship slowly being immersed into the middle of the ocean by a squid-like menace , but the unfolding story is artificial , silly and almost completely derivative of countless other ( and , for the most part , better ) films . while dumb monster movies can at least be decent guilty pleasures -- take , for example , the schlocky mountain highs of last spring's " anaconda " -- " deep rising " has no tongue to put in its cheek . folks , we're only a month into the new year , and already here's a candidate for one of its stinkiest releases . most of the action takes place on the argonautica , a luxury liner in the middle of its maiden voyage ( uh-oh -- if these people had seen " titanic , " then maybe they'd have known to stay home ) when it's attacked by a giant , tentacled sea creature . the only survivors are slinky jewel thief trilian ( famke janssen ) , argonautica owner canton ( anthony heald ) and a few other crew members . a mercenary team , lead by resourceful captain john finnegan ( treat williams ) , board the argonautica looking for assistance after their own boat breaks down nearby . but what their search of the ship uncovers is something blood-soaked , hungry and not very helpful . the main problem with " deep rising " is its overt familiarity ; the movie makes absolutely no attempt to differentiate itself from most sci-fi/horror films in recent memory . the concept is " leviathan " meets " titanic , " with a dash of " speed 2 " thrown in for good ( or is that bad ? ) measure . this monster is equal parts " 20 , 000 leagues under the sea " and " the relic , " knows how to open doors like the raptors from " jurassic park " and even gets to expel a half-digested victim ( a neat effect , admittedly ) a la the giant snake in " anaconda . " some of the attack sequences are straight out of " jaws " and " alien . " a scene where the remaining survivors have to travel under water to escape death is right out of " alien resurrection . " there's even a jet ski chase like " hard rain . " and the list goes on . watching " deep rising " 's cast battle the beast is a murky chore in itself , because none of them have well-developed characters , nor do they seem to project even the slightest sense of fear when facing their enemy . williams is affable enough , but his finnegan just isn't believable . an interesting supporting cast is thoroughly wasted ; pretty famke janssen , best known as " goldeneye " 's killer thighs , is trapped in a forced romantic interest with williams , while kevin j . o'connor , as finnegan's mechanic , provides comic relief with screechy manic shtick that gets old fast . djimon honsou , who received raves for his performance as a noble slave in december's " amistad , " pops up in a brief part . he needs to stay away from the water . the movie's final shot is a groaner , as is the 11th-hour regurgitation of a subplot involving an on-ship saboteur . as if a cast deserving of their snack food-fate isn't bad enough ( when you taunt the monster , you're really asking for it ) , " deep rising " is a slow , stupid slog through a story without a single bright spot . and since we all know that the higher the casualty rate is , the closer we are to the end of the movie , rooting for this overgrown squid to swallow the whole ship isn't out of the question .

this talky , terribly-plotted thriller stars alec baldwin as dave robicheaux , an ex-new orleans cop who gets ensnared in a murder- mystery after a light-plane crashes into the bayou beside his fishing boat . he and his wife annie ( kelly lynch ) rescue a little salvadorian girl ( samantha lagpacan ) from the wreckage and that's when the trouble begins . the other major players include a local drug lord ( eric roberts ) , his scheming wife ( teri hatcher ) , a soused stripper ( mary stuart masterson ) , and a shady dea agent ( vondie curtis hall ) . everyone knows everyone else and it makes for a collective that's curious but never compelling . based on the book by james lee burke , heaven's prisoners is so badly plotted that entire * scenes * seem to be missing . early on , we have no idea of why dave and annie keep the child to themselves . nor how they eluded both the coast guard and the faa . later , dave is reunited with a drug-abuser who appears seemingly clean and sober and without any explanation . huh ? the whole movie is like this , perhaps the result of some unkind cuts that happened during the eighteen months that the film sat on the shelf . whatever the reason , somebody should tell director phil joanou ( final analysis ) to recut this mess . in its present form , heaven's prisoners runs only two hours plus change , but it feels like four .

the one question that eats at me after seeing corky romano is why touchstone spent so much money marketing this throwaway film . since june , i haven't been able to turn on the tv or go to the movies without getting hit by some ad depicting chris kattan as the spastic corky , shrieking out a-ha's " take on me " in his yellow miata . why would disney sink so much cash into the corky hype machine ? honestly , i was hoping that all the goofball ads were actually a front for a decently funny movie . man , was i wrong . corky romano is one of those throwaway , clich ? -ridden tv-star-to-film vehicles built upon the most rickety of plots . fortunately for chris kattan's precariously positioned career , corky does have some good laughs , even if most of them are of the lowest-brow variety . kattan plays the title character , the unsinkable assistant veterinarian corky who has a penchant for sunshiny '80s tunes , bright ties , and banal coffee mug slogans ( " you don't have to be crazy to work here , but it sure helps . " ) . when his mob boss dad ( peter falk ) is about to be put away on murder charges , his bungling , lughead brothers ( peter berg and chris penn ) rope in innocent , black sheep corky to infiltrate the fbi as an agent and steal the evidence . predictably , hijinks ensue . if the basic plot sounds bad , wait until you get into the inner-workings of this clunker . the writers will amaze you with the depth of their inanity . corky's fbi agent identity is named corky pissant ( " that's pronounced pees-ahn . it's french . " ) . he becomes a first-rate agent by accidentally stumbling mr . magoo-style onto the proper clues and talking his way in and out of situations , which plays like something out of a sitcom . and not a good sitcom , i mean . the romano family brothers even insult each other by farting in each other's face . and in a scene taken straight from there's something about mary , corky gives a dachshund mouth-to-mouth resuscitation . but it's not a complete disaster . the manic kattan does occasionally rescue some comic moments , including a bit featuring a cat in a fat suit named jesus and another involving schoolchildren , a german shephard , and a kilo of cocaine . plus , berg -- whose career has obviously gone downhill since the last seduction and chicago hope -- gives a great turn as the illiterate brother paulie . and , it's nice to see that richard roundtree of shaft fame is getting work . unfortunately for those out there who can't truly appreciate animal or fart jokes , corky won't have much to offer you . so the next time one of those pesky ads appears on your tv , asking , " who is corky ? " you can simply reply , " who cares ? "

another 'independent film' , this comedy , which was brought by miramax for $5 million , is good fun . favreau and vaughn ( the lost world : jurassic park , 1997 ) play mike and trent , two everyday 20somethings on the lookout for women . the film just basically follows their plight on the lookout for lurve , and along the way we get to meet some of their friends , see their attempts at chatting up girls , and just basically get a insight into their lives . and all of this is great fun . swingers doesn't rely on huge special effects , or big name stars to provide entertainment . no , it just has a great script and superb little known actors . the script , by favreau , is great . mike is always missing is girlfriend , who hasn't called him for six months , and every time he meets a girl , he always end up telling her about the ex . the audience feels for this pathetic little man , thanks to the great script . vaughn is 'the money' ( swingers speak for 'the best' ) as the womanizing trent , always on the lookout for a new girl . some of his chat-up lines are awful , but he always seems to get the girl thanks to his 'hard man' nature . vaughns character also gets the best laugh in the film , towards the end in a diner . the conversations that go on between mike and trent are great , but it never quite reaches tarantino standards ( which i suspect the film was trying to reach . ) there are some excellent , laugh out loud jokes in the film , and some superbly funny set pieces ( such as favreau cringe-worhy battle with a answer machine that always cut him off before he finishes his sentence . embarrassing to him , hilarious to the audience . ) mike & trents friends are also good , although there characters seem a bit underwritten , and we never really learn as much as we would like about them . although this is primarily mike and trents film , it would of been nice to learn a bit more about their friends . they just seem to wander aimlessly in the background . but again , the lines they say are usually pretty good , and they do have some funny parts . it's just a shame that they didn't have more meatier roles . the acting is superb . as said above , vaughn is superb as trent , he's definitely the best thing in the film . favreau is also good , acting as 'the little man' very well , and the way he always feels sorry for himself is very funny . graham ( boogie nights , 1997 ) has a small but good role as lorraine , a girl mike finally falls in love with . she hardly features in the film at all , but she still manages to make an impact on the audience . swingers , then , is funny , but it does have some flaws . firstly , the running time is a bit too short . the film comes to an abrupt halt , and i actually wanted the film to carry on longer . it never really comes to a satisfying conclusion , which is a shame , as most films are too long ! also , this type of film has been done too many times , such as sleep with me ( 1994 ) . but these small flaws don't really spoil what is a funny , entertaining comedy .

kadosh means sacred in hebrew . amos gitai's fictional work , after spending most of his career doing documentaries , is a grim story about a failed hasidic marriage , even though the marriage is a loving one . the marriage will symbolize the clash of cultures in modern israel between the native israeli's modern viewpoint toward religion and the political savvy hasidic's intolerable one , as both groups are vying for control of the secular government . gitai ( devarim/yom yom ) is a labor party leftist , who believes that if the rigid hasidic ever got control of the government , it would sound the death knell of israel . the emphasis of the film is on how the ultra-orthodox jews of that sect live by the letter of the torah in everything they do and how they subjugate the women to accept their vision of god's law from only the male's view . that if they ever got control of the country , their intolerant attitude would subjugate the country the same way the women are . the story takes place in jerusalem's jewish quarters called mea shearim , where we are taken down sinewy back streets with placards pasted on the walls , and into the crowded apartments and prayer rooms where the protagonists live out their idea of the proper jewish life , which is much different than the way most jews live in israel . this is a controversial film , in that the women are unhappy and the male attitudes are to such an extreme patriarchal ones , that the film is bound to anger most viewers , no matter their belief . it is a slow-moving , meticulous film , that grabs hold of you by the collar and never lets go . the force of what is seen , though filmed in an objective manner , never taking a cheap shot at the hasidim , is nevertheless bound to leave questions about the nature of such a practice of strict observance . the film is meant to be critical of such a rigid people , as it implies how they kill the spirit of everything they touch and with their extreme phobic attitudes , it makes it impossible for them to unite the country when they can't at present live in harmony with their own people , and it would be even more impossible to imagine them living with their arab neighbors in peace . the film opens as meir rises at dawn and goes through his prayer ritual , where every prayer is made to the virtues of god . he even thanks god that he didn't make him a woman . his wife rivka accepts the fate she was born into and looks at him from the next bed where she sleeps separately according to hasidic custom . she looks at him with glistening eyes , not questioning the laws or rebelling against her secondary role and how her religion keeps her from studying the talmud and having all the modern conveniences of life , and from seeing movies and tv . meir is a talmudic scholar . his father ( abu warda ) is a rabbi at the yeshiva . he has been married for ten years and his wife has not been able to give him a child . since the hasidim look upon a woman's role in life being only to conceive children , and cook and clean house for the man , while the man's role is to spend his time in prayer , therefore there is an insurmountable problem in this otherwise loving marriage . she receives an anonymous letter that states " a woman without a child is no better than dead . " meir's response , is that it is written like that in the talmud . meir's father tells him that the marriage contract must be broken : " a man who dies without progeny rips a page from the torah . " all the blame is placed on rivka , who is thought of as unpure as the reason for her being barren . she will go through countless ritual baths to cleanse herself , as her rigid mother ( koenig ) dunks her in the holy water and says a ritual prayer for the 12 times she is dunked as an homage to the 12 tribes of israel . their religion doesn't permit them to be examined extensively by a doctor . rivka goes on the sly and finds out that it is her husband who is sterile , but she cannot tell him that because of their religion . so when meir's father chooses a younger woman for his son , she is exiled to live alone in a cold apartment in the same jewish quarters . rivka's spirited younger sister malka does not want to get married but wants to live a more liberated life . she has a long time romantic relationship with a fellow hasidic yaakov . but , because of the way they were both raised , she is still a virgin . when yaakov joined the israeli army to fight in lebanon , something his sect is not allowed to do , he is thereby banished from the sect even though he is still a believer . he now works as a singer in a nightclub . malka's mother is worried that her daughter won't get married , so she arranges with the rabbi for her to marry yossef , someone whom she doesn't love . yossef is a very stern follower of the order , he is also a political activist who drives around the city in a sound-truck with a bull-horn urging jews to stick together and fight their godless enemies . the two sisters are close and languidly discuss their options , with rivka telling her sister to accept the marriage , it will make her happy ; but , while malka is reluctantly forced into accepting it , she has other plans to ruin this bogus marriage . the harshest scene in the film is on malka's wedding night . yossef prays to god for a child and then robotically gets malka to spread her legs , and without the least bit of affection , only a nervousness shown on his part for the function he supplies , as he goes inside her and rams her hard , thrusting away until the act is completed and then retiring without a word or gesture of love . the sisters have choices , like everyone else in life does . but the choices are obliterated by one's beliefs , circumstances , and inward nature , and how difficult it is to carry out those choices if it goes completely against the way one is brought up . for the sisters , the choices are life or death ones . gitai by closing in on the daily rituals , tight living quarters and close-knit community , has shown how difficult these choices are for those who have never seen another world and have been kept in the dark all their life . the film ends with the forlorn malka walking atop of jerusalem and looking down upon it as an outsider would , and everything seems strange to her , all the things she once thought of as being set in stone are now harsh memories , as she has made her choice , and the price of that choice is very heavy indeed .

" spawn " may be somewhat of an older film . in fact it will probably be on video before anyone who hasn't seen it will finally get to see it ( that is , if they see it ) . but i managed to catch it before it made it's way out of theaters and into the world of rentals and , god forbid , video cassette purchasing . it wasn't the worst film of year by any means . it isn't even on the top 5 of the worst films of the year . but it did manage to top the bottom five of the bottom ten , which , in simpler terms , means it comes in at number 6 on my " worst of 1997 " list . the only reason it doesn't come in lower is thanks to the special effects , which might actually have been some of the best of the year . performances , however , were either wooden or , for the most part , unforgivingly campy . in fact , this film shows no signs of attempting to avoid campiness ! even the editing seemed to boast a campy quality . i don't know how to explain that one ; it wasn't exactly choppy , but something about it seemed . . . well , annoyingly unprofessional . john leguizamo almost makes it as clown , but not quite . he is the only character who provides the audience with any laughs that can honestly be called intentional . but the main problem i found with " spawn " , as with most films that wind up on my " worst of " lists , is that it was just plain boring . i wouldn't even say there was a climax to the film . sure , it had the big battle scene at the end , but the only excitement felt was that the movie might be nearing a conclusion . never too soon , the movie did conclude in a very simple , disappointing way . even though it's one of the shorter movies i've seen this year , it's one that i would definitely not want to subject myself to sitting thru again . like i said , the special effects are the only reason that this film should have any sense of pride , no matter how small . i was impressed with the opening sequence , so long as i didn't allow the melodramatic voice-over and lobotomizing editing to get to me . and batman has nothing on the spectacular visuals spawn's outfit created . but even the effects got tiresome during the final scenes , which looked quite a bit like a modern video game . who knows if " spawn : the video game " wasn't part of the plan from the beginning ? keeping in mind that the film was based on a comic book makes it somewhat more approachable , and in a very small amount , makes up for the cheeziness of it all . but none of this movie's saving graces can it make it something i'd recommend seeing , no matter what the price of admission . this movie is definitely not for young children , which shouldn't really be a problem seeing as how only teenagers , if anyone , would likely find it appealing . if you really want to catch a movie , there are many better ones out there , no matter what your tastes might be ! trust me ! " spawn " has very little to offer even the most avid moviegoers !

when _star wars_ came out some twenty years ago , the image of traveling throughout the stars has become a commonplace image . when the millenium falcon moves throughout the stars , we see constellations , meteor showers , and cool space-ships . when han solo goes light speed , the stars change to bright lines , going towards the viewer in lines that converge at an invisible point . cool . _october sky_ offers a much simpler image--that of a single white dot , traveling horizontally across the night sky . was it really only forty years ago , when sputnik was launched , and that before then , no satellites ever existed ? have we become so technologically advanced that we have forgotten that it was nearly two generations ago where people stood outside to breathlessly see a then-technological achievement , even though it was from the russians ? it sounds hokey , but when that scene occurs near the beginning of _october sky_ , i found myself caught up with the enthusiasm of homer hickam , played by jake gyllenhaal . determined to make a dent in the space race , he becomes transfixed with his desire to make a rocket that could fly like the best of them . it is films like this that we know the ending as we buy the ticket . when lovely teacher miss riley ( played by laura dern ) , suggests that he enters his findings into the national science fair , we know exactly who is going to win . but the joy in a film like this is in the little details . for example , homer is clearly not the strongest student in his class . if he has any strengths whatsoever , it is an undeterring vision , and a good organizer . it means that he may have to lose his reputation by associating with the nerdiest kid in school , who knows more about rocket science than he does . it means that if his father forbids him to shoot rockets on company property ( that is , the entire coal-mining town ) , he must walk eight miles one way , just to set up the rockets , which will fail , fail , fail , and fail again . homer+s dad is played by chris cooper , a favorite actor of mine since _lone star_ . here he plays the antithesis of the character he played in _matewan_ : instead of organizing union rallies , he is the head of the coal-miners , who is constantly wringing his hands against the unions . this is will be one of the great unnoticed performances of the year : note how multi-dimensional his character is . he is his son+s last nemesis , as one who most likely interferes with his son+s dreams . but he truly loves his son , and wants to see him succeed the only way he knows how . through coal-mining . because of his character , we can see how far we+ve come . the revolution of modern technology has allowed for us to see society advanced at a rate far faster than any generation before us . we don+t understand that there were the generations from the industrial revolution who knew of no other way to raise a family . the paradigm was shifting under the father+s feet , and he knew of no other life . so _october sky_ , far from being merely a feel-good inspirational film , offers much food for thought . and this is the best type of inspirational film ; the one that you take something with you . btw , the final image of the film is just as simple , is as strong a contrast as the aforementioned horizontal-moving white dot against the night-sky background . another commonplace image , to be sure , but it must have been breathtaking forty years ago .

ok , let's get one thing straight right away : maximum risk is no battleship potemkin ( although it does have some russians in it ! ) , but it's not too bad , really . it's the new film from ringo lam , the latest hong kong filmmaker to defect to hollywood , and stars that minor league schwartzeneggar from belgium , jean-claude van damme ( who , you will recall , also starred in john woo's maiden hollywood effort , hard target ) . in lam's film , van damme plays alain moreau , a french cop ( at least his accent makes more sense here than it did in hard target ) who discovers that he was separated shortly after birth from a twin brother who was adopted by russians . these russians defected to the united states and moved into a black neighbourhood in new york ( where , i suppose , they thought they wouldn't be noticed ) . this brother , mikhail suverov ( played in his few scenes by . . . well , you know ) , becomes deeply involved in the russian mafia and the fbi ( almost the same thing , i guess ) , and is killed in france ( in the movie , things happen so fast that you don't have too much time to think about how weird this all is ) . moreau does what any good surviving twin brother would do and goes to new york to find out why mikhail was killed , and why everyone in france who knows anything about him is also being killed ( we wonder the same thing ; i still do ) . in little odessa , he meets mikhail's girlfriend , alex ( natasha henstridge , last seen in species ) , who helps him solve the mystery and adds immeasurably to the mise-en-scene ( she has very nice breasts , and we get to seen them briefly in this movie ; it was rated r in the us but is pg here , so they must have seen more of her breasts than we do ) . this film lacks the gloss and high production values of such other action movies as broken arrow , the fugitive , hard target , or anything starring arnold , but that works to its benefit , i think . after all , one thing that's been missing from woo's hollywood films is that certain hong kong funkiness that we all know and love ( well , some of us do ) . movies like this shouldn't be too pretentious , and that is part of the problem with some of these other films : they try to be too " big " in terms of special effects and sheer spectacle . maximum risk has its share of car chases and explosions , but they don't overwhelm the movie or detract our attention from the narrative ( not too much , anyway ) . the emphasis throughout is on the characters and their interactions ( even if , at times , they don't make a hell of a lot of sense ) . in fact , one of the more interesting aspects of the film is a minor character , a rather overeager new york cabbie ( frank van keeken from tv's " kids in the hall " ) , who begins as something of a joke but becomes an important part of the story . unfortunately , by the time we have come to really get interested in him , he . . . well , you'll see . the movie also features some set pieces of the type that we have come to expect from lam and his hong kong compatriots . one is a fight in a russian sauna , with lots of sweaty , muscular male flesh ( this one will appeal to certain parts of the audience more than others ) , bullets in heads , and vodka . another , my personal favorite , is a fight in a meat packing house , featuring pig carcasses and a chainsaw . and even the predictable car chases are more hong kong than hollywood , as they trash those quaint french cafes , vegetable carts , and , well , french people that , we all know in our hearts , deserve trashing just for being so damn quaint . of course , the movie does have its share of silliness . for example , while beating the crap out of an obnoxious russian thug who obviously deserves what he's getting , alain stops long enough to look at his own reflection in the cracked mirror with which he has been whacking the guy on the head . in an unnecessarily dramatic moment , he apparently is shocked at what he sees , at what he has become . but what has he become ? a tough cop who beats the hell out of a guy who tried to kill him ? doesn't sound too unreasonable to me , considering the genre . but let's face it , any time van damme tries to be dramatic , he looks silly . so maximum risk is a little different from most other action films . while watching it , i was surprised , and a little disappointed , in the relative lack of pyrotechnics . but watching some of these other action films is sort of like experiencing a sugar rush ; after the initial excitement , there's not much left . although it's short on spectacle , lam's film leaves a better and more lasting impression , i think . i'm more impressed by it now than i was while watching it , and to me , that's a good sign . go see maximum risk , but don't expect a typical hollywood action movie ; expect a sort of funky hong kong-hollywood action movie . the flying inkpot rating system : * wait for the tv2 broadcast . * * a little creaky , but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! * * * pretty good , bring a friend . * * * * amazing , potent stuff . * * * * * perfection . see it twice . dr t . white teaches film at the english language and literature department of the national university of singapore , but we don't hold this against him .

" there will be another , " the ads for this sequel proclaimed , and why not ? true , brandon lee is dead , but there would be no reason for him to appear in a followup to 1994's the crow , anyway . the idea of spinning artist james o'barr's original comic book series into a sequel franchise revolves around the notion that a different startled soul would come back from the dead in each movie , taking its own righteous vengeance against the world . given that basic framework , the story could move in any number of directions . of course , it doesn't . stubbornly , the crow : city of angels backtracks to the beginning of the previous film , when lee's eric draven found himself drawn back out of his grave to do a charles bronson on the thugs who tortured him and his girlfriend to death . i remember the first film primarily as a harrowing exercise in brutality . in flashback , we see the most excruciating crimes exacted on eric and his lover , and then we watch in real-time as eric pays each perpetrator back in kind . it's loud and repetitive , true , a sadist's delight -- but it's also horrifying and fascinating . city of angels gives us more of the same , but less skillfully . there's an audience guaranteed for a film like this , although bad reviews and poor word-of-mouth will likely ensure that it won't be much of a success . in fact , miramax subsidiary dimension films was so fearful of the critical reaction to this picture that reviewers were shut out of advance screenings . ( i've never understood the reasoning behind this tactic , since good notices have never been key to the success of movies like the crow . ) so much for any confidence in the worthiness of their followup . this time , ashe ( french-accented actor vincent perez ) is retrieved from his watery death ( he and his young son were shackled together , shot , and then thrown off a pier ) by the crow who serves as his link between the worlds of the living and the dead . perez might have some screen presence if he's given something to do with himself , but here he's simply thrown in front of the camera as a pretty face . at first , he's shivery and frightened , but he quickly recovers from the shock of his own death and becomes a badass biker from beyond the grave . he's befriended by sarah ( mia kirshner ) , presumably an older version of the child who narrated the first film . kirshner , so beguiling in exotica , is here an exquisitely photographed blank . tattooed with angels' wings , sarah is just about as lovely as women come , but she serves no purpose , not even as seductress . the gang of punks who killed ashe are ostensibly commanded by judah ( richard brooks ) , but a far more interesting choice as leader would have been iggy pop , who plays a gaunt fellow named curve . iggy , all bones , veins , and drawl , is the only one who seems to have shared in the aesthetic of ruin that defines this film . like all good things here , he's dispatched too soon and without much imagination . in the meantime , we're subjected to tedious glimpses of judah's compound , where bondage is the order of the day and hot wax is poured over naked bodies in s&m fantasies that would seem shy of the cutting edge even if they weren't distinctly secondhand . even the soundtrack is tired . more than anything i've seen from hollywood lately , city of angels smacks baldly of product -- it's a movie with a lousy script but a great look . critics have been quick to fault the direction of mtv veteran tim pope , but his work isn't that bad per se . he's got a good eye , and some intriguing visual ideas -- if anything , this movie has a few too many scenes of ridiculously striking imagery . his major stylistic failing is that he can't seem to direct an action scene , and the quick , nonsensical cutting that ensues is reminiscent of a low budget kung fu movie . but as director , he must also shoulder the blame for the little screenplay that wasn't , the performers who couldn't , and an apparent lack of ideas on the parts of everyone involved . who bought david s . goyer's anemic script , anyway ? the producers of this crow were either too dim to realize their story was doomed to be a hollow rehash , or too cynical to figure their audience would know the difference .

phil ( radmar jao ) has a hairy problem . his beard is growing so rapidly that he has to shave every hour . he recently met the author of a non-fiction book on lycanthropy , also referred to in the movie as werewolfism , and phil now believes that his problem is that he has become a werewolf . using enough chains and handcuffs to be a hit at a sadomasochists convention , he ties himself in at night lest his urges overcome him . and phil is just one of the many quirky characters that inhabit shopping for fangs . made on a pittance , the film features an almost exclusively asian-american cast . as directed by quentin lee and justin lin , the movie is so amateurishly bad that it could almost be a parody of indie films . jeanne chin plays katherine , a meek and soft-spoken wife , who worries that her husband is unhappy with her because she is not giving him enough sex . we know this through the endless scenes of her confessing her sins , real and imagined , to her therapist . as her husband , jim , clint jung plays a muscle man with a macho crudeness . the picture is filled with stereotypes . there's a mysterious , loud-mouthed waitress with a big , platinum blonde wig who brags to everyone she meets that she's a lesbian . she spends most of the movie putting the moves on her favorite customer , a gay guy . and the lone white with a major role , the author on werewolfism , has wildly unkempt , orangey blonde , curly hair . from its opening scene of an attempted rape at knifepoint to its easy to guess ending twist , the script rarely has anything to offer . the story is so minimally developed that it feels almost like the actors were ad-libbing . one can only hope that the directors' next film will have some substance and some credible acting . shopping for fangs runs 1 : 30 . it is rated r for sex , violence , and profanity and would be fine for older teenagers .

elmore leonard has quickly become one of hollywood's favorite authors . out of four film adaptations in as many years , the witty and inventive out of sight gives get shorty a run for its money as the best leonard adaptation around . george clooney stars as jack foley , a nice bank robber . . . you know the type , he uses his charm and his wits rather than a gun . but even charming guys end up unlucky , and jack ends up in jail . but not for long . he plots an escape with the help of his best friend , and fellow robber , buddy bragg ( ving rhames ) , and their slow-witted pothead associate , glenn michaels ( steve zahn ) . but jack didn't count on u . s . marshal karen sisco ( jennifer lopez ) . appearing at the right place at the wrong time , karen gets involved in foley's escape attempt and the subsequent manhunt to bring him in . however , karen develops a rapport with jack foley , and finds that she begrudgingly likes the guy . but , can love prosper on opposite sides of the law ? or can karen straighten out jack before he goes too far in pursuit of just one last crime . clooney , who has had a string of solid , but never stellar , film roles , delivers his best performance to date . he blends into his role here perfectly as the risk taking jack foley , who's willing to gamble everything on the chance that karen sisco might be his true love . jennifer lopez does an excellent job as well . she actually has a trickier role than clooney , as a woman who has to balance her emotions with her sense of duty . she and clooney develop good chemistry together . the film boasts a superb ensemble . steve zahn gives a hilarious performance , and steals nearly every scene he's in . don cheadle is appropriately sinister as a violent ex-con who may or may not be teaming up with foley . albert brooks is enjoyable as a white collar criminal who talks too much for his own good . out of the cast , only dennis farina seems underused as karen's ex-lawman father . steven soderbergh gives the film sharp and stylistic direction . with an affectation for freeze frames , he delivers a unique take on the film's action and love scenes that places out of sight a notch above routine crime films . a recurring series of flashbacks makes the film seem more complex than it actually is . devoid of its bells and whistles , out of sight is actually a fairly straightforward crime story . however , there are only a few spots in the film that seem bare , and they pass quickly . with smart dialogue , good characters , and an excellent cast , out of sight easily smoothes over the rough spots in the plot and delivers on both the action and romantic fronts .

" the beach " is a structurally confusing film that i can only describe has having multiple personality disorder . every forty minutes of this two-hour film begins with a new theme , virtually discarding what has been set up in the preceding act . it starts off purposefully as a film about an innocent man seeking new thrills in a dangerous environment . but then in the second act , the mood of the film abruptly changes and it becomes a story about a love triangle on an idyllic island paradise that evokes visions of " blue lagoon " . forty minutes later , the mood changes once more , and it becomes a dumbed down version of " lord of the flies " where an isolated community is discovered , where their moral code touts maintaining a sense of bliss at all costs . by the time it's over , you can only scratch your head and wonder what this film was really meant to be about . the main character of " the beach " is angst-ridden richard ( leonardo dicaprio ) . he travels to the netherworld of bangkok where back alley merchants push their wares upon unsuspecting tourists and scantily clad women brazenly ask if you're looking for a good time . richard's voice-over tells the audience that he has come to this place because he is bored with his life and feels that one way to reinvigorate himself is to let go of the familiar and to enter into a world of the unknown . this seedy environment is just what richard is looking for . he checks into a fleabag hotel where he meets the crazed daffy ( robert carlisle ) . he seems like a raving lunatic , obviously high from heavy drug use and looking as if he is afflicted with some sort of psychosis . though his jagged behavior would distress most of us , richard listens to him as he speaks of a mysterious island that contains the most perfect beach that anyone has ever seen . moreover , the island itself flourishes with enough hemp plants that can make a small city high for life . captivated by the idea , he asks two other hotel guests to join him on his journey . they are worldly etienne and the alluring francoise , who have also come to thailand for reasons similar to richard's . once they finally arrive at this paradise , however , the mood of the story shifts to richard's growing desire for francoise . this particular plot point is weak at best because there is absolutely no question in my mind that francoise will wind up with richard . etienne is about as exciting as fluffy , white sand . it's odd that etienne never sees this coming , but paradise has a way of hiding potential threats just out of view . and once the three stumble across the hidden community ( mood shift imminent ) , more events transpire that depict its hidden dangers . for example , there are marijuana fields close by patrolled by armed guards . and the lagoon in which they swim invites the occasional shark . there are several ideas that are introduced in " the beach " and each one could merit its own feature-length film . there's the man vs . nature angle , the love triangle angle , and the utopia-gone-awry angle . but the film meanders so tremendously that its entire purpose becomes blurred . dicaprio , as a result , has an almost impossible time of trying to embody the different states of mind that he and the film goes through . consequently , the audience has an equally difficult time trying to keep up .

when it comes to the average teenage romantic comedy , i expect negative reviews from critics left and right . predictable , unoriginal , and forgettable will most likely be the three adjectives to haunt the down to you's and the drive me crazy's released by the dozens these last couple of years . what i really look for in this kind of movie is the entertainment value while i'm sitting in the theater . am i enjoying myself ? is this a comfortable break from my week of finals ? this is why i have given films like final destination or road trip high marks ; i had a party of a time wasting my money on something i won't remember next week . so last week i opened up the new york times - and , no surprise , boys and girls got a negative review . daily news ? negative . reelviews ? negative . epinions . com ? negative . this was nothing new . american pie , final destination , road trip didn't get such hot reviews and i loved those guilty pleasures . same goes for she's all that , a formulaic but enjoyable pygmalion adaptation that got unjustly pounded . since boys and girls reunites she's all that director robert iscove and actor freddie prinze jr . , i predicted d ? j ? vu al over again . but , still curious , i asked around my school and from the one or two people who had seen it , the reactions were far from positive . i had made up my mind ; i'll catch it on video or cable in a couple of years . but , soon after , following a series of unexpected events ( we couldn't get into shaft because it is rated r ) , i found myself watching boys and girls . whoops . boys and girls is about a " nerdy , smart " boy named ryan ( prinze jr . ) and a " popular , flirt " girl named jennifer ( claire forlani ) . briefly meeting as pre-teens and now attending the same college , the two bump into each other so many times that eventually they become best friends . but in the movies , a male and a female cannot be friends without having that nagging feeling of attraction for each other . with advice from their roommates ( amanda detmer , jason biggs ) , ryan and jennifer attempt to discover the true meaning of their relationship . the film definitely lives up to the dreaded three adjectives - and mindless entertainment is nowhere to be found . i could hardly sit through the 93 minute running time for several reasons . the dialogue is probably the worst i have ever seen in any movie , mainly because the whole movie depends on the boring script and the ridiculous words these characters use is what hollywood thinks kids can relate to . it is almost offensive . an example of an insightful conversation : " you're dumb . dumb , dumb , dumb , dumb . " " no . " ( followed by a mandy moore-esque tune background ) ( well it's not as bad as wing commander i guess ) the supporting cast is also painfully useless . detmer and biggs stand in the way for anything interesting to happen with their own boring , pointless subplots . and although this is supposed to be from both perspectives of the human sex , prinze jr's ryan dominates the screen while forlani's jennifer simply acts as a dilemma for him to work with . we never learn anything about jennifer which is a shame too because forlani is the only actor to bring any life into her character . teenager or not : you'll hate this movie , i guarantee it . maybe i should rent she's all that again . is it really as good as i think it is ?

a wonderful little movie that is really interested in its characters and in its theme . the scene of " second best " is laid in wales . james ( chris cleary miles ) is a 10-year-old boy who must live in a home because his father ( keith allen ) is in prison and his mother committed suicide . james is a mentally unbalanced child . he can't forget what happened in the past , and he dreams of living a happy life with his beloved father . in the home he feels sadly and lonely . one day , a social worker ( alan cumming ) tells him of a person who wants to adopt him . this person is graham holt ( william hurt ) . graham manages a post office and shop in a village . he is a single and hasn't any real friends . his mother is dead , and his father is ill and will die . graham feels that he has been a disappointment to his parents . there has never been real love between his parents and him . graham's monotonous life would get a new sense if he could adopt james . but graham has not only to convince the institutions , but must also win the love of james . james and graham have to open theirselves . they must get to know each other and learn to understand and trust the other person . james and graham aid each other to cope with their problems . but will their relationship really have a future ? " second best " is based on a novel by david cook who also wrote the screenplay . the film was directed by chris menges who had made his directing debut with the very good anti-apartheid drama " a world apart " ( 1987/88 ) . and maybe , " second best " is even a greater picture . this precise , richly detailed , sensitively and convincingly directed study about a special adoption treats its theme with great seriousness . the breathtakingly intense film shows the necessity of human contact and communication . william hurt delivers an outstanding performance as graham holt . and chris cleary miles is remarkably convincing in the role of the boy . the supporting cast is also fine ( especially jane horrocks as debbie , a social worker who is charged to examine graham's living circumstances ) . " second best " is an underestimated masterpiece . it's a pity that films like this one are made so seldom . i eagerly await menges' next directorial work , " the lost son " , which will star daniel auteuil .

suicide is pointless , everyone should know that . so what's this movie like ? you guessed it . . . pointless . the virgin suicides focuses on the lives of the five lisbon sisters , from the perspective of the teenage boys who are fascinated by them . when the youngest lisbon sister commits suicide , it sets in motion a series of events that will change the lives of many people forever . that's what the press materials for the film probably say . now here's what i say : the virgin suicides is a huge waste of time . boring , arty , pretentious junk that is about as entertaining as . . . well as committing suicide . the movie lost me early on , immediately following the scene where the younger daughter jumps to her death from her bedroom window . the girl's father ( james woods ) holds her lifeless body in his arms as their horrified family looks on . then , as the scene ends , the lawn sprinklers come on . is that a joke ? is that supposed to be amusing in some way ? from then on , the movie failed to draw me back in . performances are the only saving grace of the virgin suicides . woods plays the only character who would actually interest me when he came onscreen , but the performance of kirsten dunst as the next youngest daughter lux is worth mentioning as well . dunst has the potential to be a big star , if she chooses her projects well . and while this film is awful , she manages to come away from it virtually unscathed . there are also a few cameos in the film here and there , which only frustrate the audience as they leave you wanting more . as a result , they all seem rather pointless ( although there's a brief role given to michael pare from eddie and the cruisers which turns out to be his best role since . . . well since eddie and the cruisers ) . perhaps the virgin suicides would have worked had the story not been told from the point of view of people who had very little access to the main characters . we never get any significant insight into the girls and why they might be feeling what they're feeling . all we really know is that mrs . lisbon ( kathleen turner ) is strict and keeps them on a short leash . what mother doesn't ? it's certainly no reason to commit suicide . with the godfather part iii , sofia coppola proved that she had no business being in front of the camera . with the virgin suicides , she proves she has no business behind it either . having family connections doesn't entitle you to be allowed to make movies . so attention film directors . . . stop letting your daughters pout their way into the industry . just because they share your dna doesn't mean they share your talent . [r]

what do you get when you rip-off good movies like woody allen's bananas and martin scorsese's after hours ? you'd think you'd get the best of both films . instead you get woo . falling in somewhere between def jam's how to be a player ( which was awful ) and booty call ( which was ok ) , woo is yet another in the embarassing genre of showing african-americans to be nothing more than sexual buffoons . the whole film plays out as a black version of after hours , as wild woman woo ( jada pinkett smith ) goes out on a blind date with straight-laced tim ( tommy davidson ) . mayhem follows them . for some unknown reason ( read : contrived screenplay ) davidson puts up with all of woo's antics for the entire night , which include her destroying his bathroom mirror , stealing things from his house , violently questioning him ( accusing and belittling him actually ) about previous girlfriends , causing a riot in an elegant restaurant , and other various infuriating things that any normal person wouldn't tolerate . but for the sake of this bad movie ? sure , why not ? there are a few chuckles in the film , the best being the scene swiped directly from bananas . in this case , davidson is running from thugs , gets into a subway car as the doors are closing , starts to taunt the thugs , then the doors open back up again . a good joke , but a stolen one . another chuckle is provided by billy dee williams' cameo as himself . movies like woo are seemingly released every three months or so , and not one of them has ever been a hit . woo won't be one either . so why was it made ? and more importantly , isn't there anyone else besides me who thinks these films are offensive ? everyone involved should really reconsider their careers at this point . [r]

wonderland is a rather sugary romance film that is as subtle as a ton of bricks falling on you . you can see its plot developing from a mile away . you are lured into its benign story of a single 29-year-old girl looking for a soul mate in boston , as that city is depicted as a mini-wonderland for singles . this is a star oriented film , and the star who carries the film is erin ( hope davis ) . that this is a dating film , about singles who for reasons of fate or luck , or whatnot , have not had a successful match and are now putting most of their energy into fulfilling their careers , is nothing new , this type of film has been done often and better many times in contemporary films . the fictionalized documentary unmade beds did it more provocatively and with more of a sense of urgency than this film . the main quirk in the plot here , is that hope's pushy mother ( hollan ) visits her in boston , sees her daughter's live-in relationship with a radical protester ( hoffman ) breakup and decides to put a personal ad in the newspaper for her harvard medical school drop-out daughter , who works as a nurse . this is done without her knowledge . it is cornball sitcom stuff , but , at least , it is handled as best it could be by the actors and director . it is easy to like erin , she is bright , caring , and attractively blonde . it is equally easy to care for the soul mate she keeps missing contact with , the financially strapped , ruggedly handsome , intelligent 35-year-old alan ( alan ) , who no longer wants to work with his father as a plumber but is doing volunteer work at the aquarium and attending college to be a marine biologist . of course , he comes across as being so good ( though , he does kill some fish in the aquarium ) , that it is hard to believe he's for real , or just some cardboard shining knight put into the story to give it an ideal to shoot for . the contrived story revolves around their near misses in meeting each other in such spots as , the subway , at a restaurant , or on the phone . alan's brother answers erin's ad with a few of his pals , as they each try to respond to her ad in a phony way , making a bet that the first who gets to tongue kiss her , that the others witness , will win the bet . this sub-plot was as obnoxious to see take place as it is to hear told . that we have to see erin go through several dates to prove the point how ego sick these guys are , each one more annoying than the other , culminating in the most obnoxious one of all , that brazilian lover ( jose ) , who is about as charming as a snake-oil salesman , who is actually the one she nearly flies away with for a holiday in brazil , was not only incredulous but downright contrary to the rich presentation of her character that was the heart of the story . anyway , as expected , all's well that ends well , for this watchable piece of fluff , that comes over on screen better than it does when relating its story-line . the dialogue was actually not bad , those dating erin or trying to flirt with her seemed to be uttering authentic things they would actually say in their situation . and , oh , by the way , wonderland refers to the stop on the boston metro , it is where greyhound racing takes place .

if snake eyes were a dog , you'd put it to sleep . if it was a couch , you'd put it out on the sidewalk , where it would sit for a week . if it were your child , you'd be reading military school catalogs . if it were a ship -- no , it wouldn't be the titanic , that would imply glamor and tragedy -- it would be the exxon valdez . ( personal side note : i saw this movie on the road during a houston business trip . for whatever reason , my hotel's cable system wasn't showing the astros-braves game , which featured a randy johnson-greg maddux matchup . this forced me to pay full price for snake eyes instead of watching a perfectly good baseball game for free -- so the invective , deserved as it is , should be seen in that perspective . ) snake eyes is supposed to be a mystery movie , and good mystery movies are supposed to leave you asking yourself questions on the way out of theater . snake eyes is not a good mystery movie , but i had some questions : where's the manager , and how do i get a re-admit pass ? if i fall asleep on the drive home and wreck my rent-a-car , can i sue brian de palma ? is it too late for the academy to revoke nicolas cage's oscar ? will someone please ( i'm begging you ) give gary sinise a role worthy of his talents ? and how , exactly does cage end up wearing the exact same shirt and tie as sinise does ? the first and most glaringly wrong thing with snake eyes is the trailer . if you've seen the trailer without seeing the movie , consider yourself fortunate . the trailer is a work of sheer genius . it manages to convey everything worthy of the movie -- the noteworthy steadicam work , the exuberance of cage's performance as a thoroughly corrupt atlantic city policeman , the essential elements of the marginal plot . the expert craftsman who pieced together a fairly good trailer out of snippets of a wretched movie deserves praise and a percentage of the gross . ( is a best trailer category at the oscars that far-fetched , after all ? ) but all it does is set us up for an overwhelmingly disappointing movie . the trailer sets up what should have been a promising plot : detective ricky santoro ( cage ) must solve the mystery of who shot the secretary of defense at an atlantic city pay-per-view boxing match . unfortunately , there are multiple problems afoot . the trailer gives away much , too much of the story . the shooter is killed instantly , so the story revolves around why the secretary was killed and who is involved in the conspiracy . the film's secret is ho-hum at best , and anyone who has watched the trailer and is aware of the law of economy of characters can figure out who the top conspirator is . without an interesting plot , without interesting dialogue , and without much of a reason to care about the characters or the story , snake eyes is a failure on almost every possible level . as much as i hated this movie , i must give brian de palma one tiny bit of credit . de palma is maddeningly inconsistent . he can , on his day , create amazingly well-done movies ( the untouchables , carlito's way ) . on off-days , he can be , well , just horrid ( the bonfire of the vanities , raising cain ) . snake eyes falls into the horrid category , but there are a couple of moments that are worth seeing strictly for their film-school degree-of-difficulty value . the steadicam opening scene does a good job of introducing the cage character and is a virtuoso technical job by both the director and the actor . there is a split-screen chase scene that looks pretty good , and it's followed by a god's eye view of a bank of hotel rooms that's imaginitively done . this is what's called giving the devil his due . but the technical skill doesn't even come close to making up for the sheer evil of this movie . placing plot holes to one side for a moment , snake eyes features easily the worst boxing match in cinema history ( george foreman is in better shape than the movie boxers ) , a hurricane that exists for no other reason than to punctuate significant plotlines with portentuous thunderclaps , and perhaps the worst , most overly drawn out ending in years . snake eyes is a criminal act , an evil waste of time and talent . cage , sinise , and yes , even de palma deserve better . the audience deserves better -- but no refund , no re-admit pass , no free popcorn coupon , can ever restore to us the time we've spent or wash the awful images from our mind . however , we are left with one consolation , that we were warned by the movie's title -- because snake eyes is nothing more than a roll of craps .

-- comedy , rated pg , runs about 1 : 40 -- starring : john goodman , kathy moriarty , and a bunch of teenagers -- directed by joe dante and written by charles hass -- summary : lawrence woolsley ( john goodman ) brings his new horror film mant ! to premiere in key west during the height of the cuban missile crisis . he hopes to capitalize on the tense moment by providing an escape for the town . we see most of the events through the stories of four teenagers and how life affects them . quick and easy review : i really enjoyed matinee . the mixture of comedy and tension blended nicely . unlike many comedies this film tries , and succeeds , in getting past the stage of doing anything for a laugh . the makers of the film also cared about telling an intelligent story . the performances of all the principals are right on the mark , particularly john goodman as the schlock master . so i would definitely recommend this film to anyone looking for a light hearted , yet interesting way to spend a couple of hours . longer , more detailed review : [beware of spoilers] the primary reason i enjoyed this film was , that while being a comedy , the film also had an intelligent story to tell . too many comedies today subscribe to the the notion that a comedy need only make you laugh . you watch the movie , laugh a lot , leave the theatre and take nothing with you . matinee is not like that . i left the picture thinking about what i would do faced with the cuban missile crisis . i found myself wondering what would happen to the characters of the film . but most importantly , i found myself caring about what would happen to the characters . the comedy of the film centers around goodman , his character , and the film he brings to key west . i believe that goodman is one of the finest comedic actors in the business today . he is highly expressive both physically and vocally . i felt he at least deserved an oscar nomination for his work in barton fink . the other characters are often lost in a scene with him due to his commanding nature , however , while the star , goodman is actually not at the center of the film . the movie is really the story of the four teenagers , discovering who they are and what they want , against a background where at any minute it could all end . i thought the kids reaction were highly realistic . they tried to block it out , they tried to escape from the concerns of their world . unfortunately it kept creeping back in , particularly with the fear , and the chaos of the time . while the comedy centered on goodman , and the drama on the teens , there was a great deal of overlap . several aspects of the panic are shown in a humorous light . one example is a scene where people are fighting each other for the the last cans and boxes of food in a grocery store . if you think about it the threat of nuclear annihilation seems hardly to be the backdrop for a comedy , but it works here . another reason i like this film is that i like b- science fiction movies . one of my favorite films to go watch is plan 9 from outer space . ( note i did not say it was one of my favorite movies , but one of my favorite to see . ) while mant ! never got made , many films like it were , and mant ! serves mostly as dante's homage to the b-films he loves . so again i would like to recommend matinee to anybody looking for a good , humorous story . this isn't a gag film like many other comedies but an intelligent , well-thought out , film about real people with real problems told in an often hilarious way . enjoy !

when i initially set out to review this film , my tag line was going to be " you too can believe whales can fly " . then it was going to be " you too can believe pastel triangles can fly " . then , it was going to be " you too can believe wood sprites can fly " . finally , i just gave up trying to come up with a tag line and decided to say . . . there's a lot of flying going on in this film ! as our first host steve martin tells us , the original concept behind fantasia was to bring it out every year with some old segments retained and some new segments added in . well apparently that plan fell by the wayside for a while , because approximately sixty years have passed since the original classic was released . part of this might have something to do with the cold reception the film got when it was first released in 1940 ( grossing somewhere close to $110 , 000 in its original month of release ) . subsequent re-releases of the film have elevated the popularity of the film to the classic status it has finally achieved ( and rightfully deserved ) . to celebrate the release of an updated version of fantasia , disney and imax teamed up to present the animated film in a fashion no one had seen before : six stories high . in an exclusive four month engagement ( from january 1st to april 30th , 2000 ) , fantasia 2000 can be seen at many imax theaters across the us . after the engagement is over , the film will be shown at regular theaters . is the format effective for the film ? with a few exceptions , yes . the first segment we are presented with is set to beethoven's fifth symphony . it's hard to describe exactly what this segment is about , but it involves a bunch of brightly colored butterfly looking triangles flitting about happily . everything seems to be going great for these little things until the ground erupts with swarms of evil , black bat-like triangles that attack and engulf their lighter counterparts . eventually , shafts of light from above help drive away the evil bat-like things and peace returns to the butterfly things . though this segment isn't very story driven , some of the images are very visually strong , especially the scene in which the dark cloud of bat things ( who are all outlined in blood red colors ) begin to overtake the skies . the next segment is set to ottorino respighi's " the pines of rome " . in this segment , some humpback whales swim happily through the ocean and eventually emerge from the water and fly around the massive icebergs that pepper the oceanscape . a whale calf gets into a scuffle with some nearby birds during the flight and ends up getting trapped in a giant iceberg he smashes into while trying to avoid the birds attack . he is finally saved ( by another liberating shaft of light ) and he and his brethren take to the skies and fly into the upper atmosphere where they frolic in the " oceans " of clouds . again , visuals are the key with this segment , especially where the whales are involved . reportedly the whales , as viewed on an imax screen in certain sequences , are shown as actual size . the cgi whales look incredibly life-like , except for some googly cartoon eyes drawn onto the images . one especially striking image involves the giant shadow of one of the whales being cast through the wall of an iceberg as the whale calf tries to find a way out to its parent . absolutely beautiful stuff . the third segment ( and the least of the eight segments ) is set to george gershwin's " rhapsody in blue " . this segment is designed as a tribute to acclaimed caricaturist al hirschfeld , and intertwines four different stories about sad souls living in depression era new york . there's a construction worker who dreams of being a jazz drummer , an out-of-work sad sack that dreams of having a job , a young girl that dreams of spending time with her parents instead of being hustled off by a schoolmarm , and a nebbish who dreams of being free from his overbearing wife . i won't go into how everything works out , but in fine disney tradition there is a happy ending . unfortunately , the story drags quite a bit and the seems out of place within the hyper reality of the rest of the segments . segment four is set to dmitri shostakovich's " piano concerto no . 2 " and is an animated version of hans christian andersen's " the steadfast tin soldier " . a one legged toy tin soldier falls in love with a wind-up clock ballerina ( whom he assumes is also one legged because he can't see her other leg extended out behind her ) , much to the dismay of an evil jack-in-the-box jester . the jester knocks the soldier out of a window and continues pursuing the ballerina . little does the jester know , the soldier has been deposited in the sewer and has journeyed through the pipelines only to be swallowed by a fish that has been captured and sold to the owner of the set of tin soldiers that the one legged one comes from . the soldier eventually saves the day and gets the girl . although the ending has been altered from the andersen story , " the steadfast tin soldier " is decently told with in the framework of a seven minute short . some children may find the jester to be a little frightening , but otherwise the segment is well made . segment five is the funniest of the bunch . set to camille saint-saens " the carnival of the animals " , this segment features a flamingo torturing his fellow flamingos with a yo-yo while they are trying to perform a choreographed dance number . while it is the shortest clip of the group and a throwback to the alligators and hippos dancing in the first fantasia , it is still well accomplished and a welcome bit of comedy . segment six is the only segment to be repeated from the original 1940 fantasia , and it's the one that people remember most , " the sorcerer's apprentice " . the story is the most recognizable , so the draw here is seeing it on the enormous imax screen in remastered stereo . unfortunately , the segment wasn't made to be presented on large format film ( considering it was shot full frame ) and exhibits large amounts of grain . there were at least two occasions where images were very hard to make out due to the excessive grain . similar problems crop up on modern day releases when projected on screens too large for the image to be shown accurately ( but no one seems to notice for some strange reason ) , an anomaly common to many 18-plus screen theaters . segment seven is set to sir edward elgar's " pomp and circumstance march no . 1 " and is the only other fantasia segment to feature a stock disney character . donald duck " stars " as an assistant to noah , whose task is loading all of the animals onto the ark . during the loading , donald and his wife lose sight of each other and both believe that the other one didn't make it on the boat . they are constantly missing each other due to comic misadventures mainly involving donald being crushed by animals in various manners . despite the slapstick style of comedy in this piece , it displays more emotion in its final scene than many of the tear-jerkers foisted on audiences these days . powerful stuff . segment eight brings a whole new meaning to the clich ? " saving the best for last " . set to igor stravinsky's " the firebird " , an elk awakens a forest sprite that proceeds to change the wintery landscape into a beautiful springtime landscape . trees bloom and flowers blossom and everything seems to be going well until the sprite becomes inquisitive about a large mountain housing a strange formation . when the sprite examines the formation , it awakens and becomes the titular firebird . in a stunning spectacle , the firebird rears back and unleashes and fire storm that destroys everything in its path , including everything that the sprite has worked to create . some amazing animation is present here , and well worth the ten dollars a ticket alone ( although brush strokes are evident in one scene due to the enlargement of the film ) . the host segments are largely ( no pun intended ) throwaways , although steve martin's clip is pretty funny . be sure to stay through the credits for a little more humor from martin . penn and teller are usually funny , but here their gags seem routine and therefore uninteresting . the best segment comes from , of all people , bette midler , who gets to tell us about some of the abandoned segments that never made it off of the drawing board . pieces like flight of the bumblebee , a take on the four horsemen set to wagner's " ride of the valkyries " , and a strange segment prepared in the '40s by salvador dali that never was shown are all previewed here and teased that they may appear in future installments . for fans of visual stimulation or classical music , fantasia 2000 is a perfect way to spend the afternoon . the film is also decent family entertainment and contains little to no objectionable material . as i mentioned earlier in the review , if ten dollars seems like too much for you to spend on this film , fear not because after its run in imax theaters it is going to be brought out in regular theaters . i must stress that the best way to see this film is on an imax screen though . then you too can believe that whales/triangle things/sprites can fly . [g]

seen at : amc old pasadena 8 , pasadena , ca ( in sdds ) paul verhoeven's last movie , showgirls , had a bad script , bad acting , and a " plot " ( i use the word in its loosest possible sense ) that served only to allow lots of sex and nudity . it stank . starship troopers has a bad script , bad acting , and a " plot " that serves only to allow lots of violence and gore . it stinks . nobody will watch this movie for the plot , but here's a brief synopsis anyway . some friends straight out of high school sign up for the federal reserve ( armed forces ) at a time when evil bugs from the planet klendathu are sending meteors towards earth from the other side of the galaxy . after one slips through the defences and destroys buenos aires ( the home city of the main characters ) , war is declared . this involves sending the grunts , who include johnny rico ( van dien ) and dizzy ( meyer ) , down to the surface of the bugs' planet . much carnage ensues . the troops are withdrawn and sent to another planet to answer a distress call . more carnage ensues . after being rescued , their plans are changed to capture a " brain bug " which is believed to be controlling the aliens' battle plans ( look , i didn't write this , ok ? ) . yet more carnage ensues . get the picture ? interspersed throughout all this are brief " ads " from the federal network , which present the picture of a neo-fascist state , much like in verhoeven's robocop . there are many problems with starship troopers . the plot , where one exists to drive the movie onwards , is silly . harris ( star of tv's doogie howser , md ) is presented with a psychic ability to talk to his ferret early on in the movie , apparently so we will accept his ability to mind-meld with a " brain bug " later on . in addition , the first thirty minutes of the movie ( until the characters sign up for service ) drag on like a bad episode of beverly hills , 90210 . the characters are one-dimensional , so much so , that when dizzy is killed , she says it's ok because she got to sleep with rico . i had hoped that verhoeven's use of a no-name cast would allow him to kill off several of the lead characters to surprise the audience , but such an idea appears to have escaped him . the dialogue is embarassing and isn't helped by the frequently terrible delivery ( i almost burst out laughing when harris delivered his speech about the need to sacrifice a few hundred people for the good of the species ) . finally , the fake " ads " become a nuisance . although they evoke the propaganda of the wwii-era movietone reels ( as presumably they are meant to ) , their complete lack of subtlety blunts their effect . some people will say all of that's irrelevant -- the movie hinges on the battle scenes . so what about those battle scenes ? well , i admit the effects are good -- the bugs move about quite convincingly , especially when they have been deprived of a few of their limbs . and people have their brains blown out , their limbs cut off , and their bodies ripped in two in quite impressive ways . but this is my problem . the entertainment value of the film rests almost entirely on its graphic portrayal of gore , and its continous attempt to gross us out ( starting early on when richards' character vomits on-screen ) . verhoeven appears to be trying to make a movie employing the elements that made a robocop a success , but fails spectacularly . while robocop had a message about the importance of being human , and gave the bad guys some motivation , starship troopers lacks even these simple features . when the brain bug sucks out a character's brain near the end of the film , it's merely an analogy for what the film has done to us . this film is full of graphic violence and is not suitable for children under 16 .

capsule : suprisingly more of a comedy than a straight action flick , which isn't necessarily a bad thing . not exactly oscar caliber , but one helluva bullet-riddled good time . extended review : you know , i remember when hitmen were evil , murderous scum . alas , the times are a-changin' . in a recent string of movies , hitmen are suddenly wise- cracking , fun-loving killers-with-hearts . this brings us to hong kong director kirk wong's first american feature , the big hit . oddly enough , about the same time last year a similar film , grosse point blank , was released . advertised as a quirky comedy with hints of action , it turned out to have a suprising dosage of it . the big hit is quite the opposite . it was hyped as " the new film from producer john woo " , so one would it expect lots of stylized killing and action . however , there's a sore lack of it , which is about the only thing wrong with the big hit . the film starts out with mel smiley and his cohorts doing a job on a white slaver . mel , played by mark wahlberg in a dopey , milquetoast role , is a killing machine ; he flips , spins , even breakdances whilst popping caps . sadly , he doesn't get a chance to do much of it . except for the beginning set piece and the last 20 twenty minutes or so , the film is in comedy mode . the action , at least what there is of it , is prime cut stuff . wong , after numerous hong kong features , makes quite a nice u . s . debut . however , his pacing is a bit off , with the action sequences only bookending the movie and not lasting long enough . they start off electrifying and fresh , but just kinda stop . normally , this would hamper a movie to the point of being unenjoyable . luckily , we have ben ramsey's screenplay , a bitingly funny piece of work . the only problem is there might be too much humor , one joke makes you laugh so hard you miss the next few . some of best gags include an oriental film maker down on his luck and one of mel's hitmen pals that has just discovered onanism . the only problem is how some of the minor characters are handled , some being there only for a laugh , which sometimes works , sometimes doesn't . overall , the big hit may have it's flaws , but it makes up for them in a stylishly directed , gut-wrenchingly funny joyride . definately one of the better ways to spend two hours .

just how inseparable is the team of sgt . martin riggs ( mel gibson ) and sgt . roger murtaugh ( danny glover ) ? let's just say that when one partner asks the other partner to strip to his boxer shorts and then further asks him to run out into the middle of the road , flapping his arms while feverishly cackling like a chicken just to create a distraction , his partner actually does it ! the familiar lethal weapon family is back , including rene russo , who is now the expectant mother of riggs' child and joe pesci as the soprana-like , foul-mouthed former accountant who has decided to become a private eye . new to the team is chris rock , also a fast-talking , up and coming detective . trouble seems to follow the two veteran detectives where ever they go , and in this film , that is no exception . even when they are just taking a leisurely boat ride , they somehow manage to collide with a freighter ship . we here some ominous music , which clues us that a confrontation is about to happen . gunfire ensues , and when it's all over , the detectives want to learn more about this freighter by questioning a chinatown crime lord . although they don't know what they're looking for , their inquisitiveness causes the bad guys to take some action . and there's plenty of action here for two movies . led by fighting sensation jet li , whose martial arts skill is nothing less than impressive , he does what he can to make sure that no one finds out what they are up to . li is ruthless in his approach , will kill anyone just to make a point , and develops enormous disdain for the two detectives . there are terrific car chases , explosions and gunshot galore . it's a summer action recipe followed to the letter , and the result is nothing less than pure , unadulterated summer fun . but even too many explosions can get boring . to counter that , we are treated to several amazingly choreographed fight sequences with jet li . luckily , he'd rather fight hand-to-hand instead of firing off guns . meanwhile , when the detectives aren't reloading their guns or running from fireballs , they're engaged in sophomoric banter and silly conversations that provide a nice diversion from the hail of bullets . everybody gets in on the shtick . russo screams during her delivery , the crime lord has a few funny bits when he's being interrogated while being given laughing gas , and pesci and rock are very funny as they go at it discussing the drawbacks of having cellular phones . gibson and glover are always in sync and the film moves at a brisk pace to get to the final and terrific mano a mano . score one for the old guard .

blatantly borrowing elements from 1993's " like water for chocolate " and 1991's " the butcher's wife , " " simply irresistible " attempts to be a whimsical romantic comedy but , more often than not , comes off as laughable , leaving you to wonder why rising star sarah michelle gellar ( t . v . 's " buffy , the vampire slayer " ) would choose such an obviously inept film project to waste her time on . things get off to a bad start right from the onset as amanda ( sarah michelle gellar ) , a young woman who runs her late family's struggling new york restaurant , runs into a mystery man who forces a bushel of crabs on her and then vansihes into thin air . while out shopping , she also meets tom ( sean patrick flanery ) , a charming , handsome man , who happens to be planning a ritzy restaurant for the department store he works for , and later when he decides to drop by her dive , called southern cross , for lunch , she somehow makes a delicious crab dish for him , even though she is known to not be a very good chef . suddenly , amanda finds her restaurant , on the edge of foreclosure , rejuvenate to life as customer begin to swarm for her food , which strangely causes everyone immediate jubilation when it hits their mouths . are amanda and tom destined to be together ? and is it not just because of the magical food , but because they really , truly like each other ? and what exactly is going on with the food she is making ? does it have anything to do with that pesky crab she got that sits on the shelf in the kitchen somehow assisting her in her food preparation ? " simply irresistible " is a ridiculous and just plain goofy romantic fantasy that's as flimsy as a slice of bologna . it takes one joke---that people who eat the food are taken aback by it in most unusual ways---and recycles it over and over again until the film has reached an appropriate running time of 95 minutes . add in a music montage every ten minutes ( these are actually the best scenes in the movie , which certainly tells you something about the film itself ) , and what you've got is an utterly empty , if not necessarily boring , excursion . the cast of " simply irresistible " is fairly good , but it is the supporting characters who are the most interesting . patricia clarkson ( 1998's " high art , " in which she played a drugged-out lesbian ) is a standout as tom's colleague , and is thankfully given a few funny lines of dialogue . also of note is larry gilliard jr . , as amanda's cooking assistant and buddy , who is allowed to create a seemingly full character out of only a handful of scenes . of the main stars , sarah michelle gellar is fine , but really does often look like she's struggling through the unmistakably clumsy material , and if sean patrick flanery plans on keeping a film career in the future , he has certainly got to pick better projects than this . the bottom line is that " simply irresistible " is the exact opposite of its deprophesized title , and when the movie got to the point where the characters began to float in mid-air ( an unamusing plot device that was repeated in the stupid last scene ) , my mind checked out from the characters and the romance . when i think about it in hindsight , i should have checked out in the very first scene , where the point of the action was for gellar to crawl under tables looking for a runaway mechanical crab . now , that certainly is what i'd call magical !

american pie acknowledges a cold , hard fact that most movies don't : it is very difficult to get laid . its four virgin heroes are jim ( biggs ) , a chronic masturbator , kev ( nicholas ) , who desperately wants to deflower his girlfriend ( reid ) , oz ( klein ) , a lacrosse player whose approach requires some fine tuning , and finch ( eddie kaye thomas ) , a germphobe ( his crass nickname is hilarious , but i won't spoil it here ) who pays a classmate to spread rumours about the size of his member . jim , kev , oz and finch attend a high school in suburban michigan full of so many impossibly beautiful women it's no wonder they're horny all the time . after a party at their studly friend stifler's ( seann william scott , in the film's sharpest performance ) house leaves them sexually unsatisfied , the quartet make a pact : to " lose it " by graduation-specifically , prom night , which is only a few weeks away . american pie is in the tradition of bachelor party or revenge of the nerds . almost every conversation these characters have revolves around makin' whoopee . all women are there to be ogled . ( alyson hannigan's perky music student is the only memorable female of the bunch . ) situations abound that defy logic only to arouse and/or amuse its core audience , adolescent boys . ( to arouse : nadia's ( shannon elizabeth ) internet striptease-an unexpectedly raucous ( and guiltily pleasurable ) sequence . to amuse : jim's lusty encounter with a hot apple pie . ) what differentiates american pie from those dirty eighties comedies , aside from a very nineties obsession with bodily fluids * , is a cast that's light years more appealing than that of , say , just one of the guys . two more standouts : klein and " sctv " 's eugene levy . klein plays a kind-hearted athlete for the second time in a row , after alexander payne's underappreciated election . i hope to see more of this warm actor with the disarmingly honest face very soon . levy's is the most crowd-pleasing performance , and indeed , it's nice to see him back on the big screen in a role that makes wonderful use of that expressive brow . american pie also wants to emulate the teen flicks your parents _would_ let you watch growing up . it skillfully employs a broad mix of pop tunes , much like john hughes' movies did , and even pays homage to the breakfast club a couple of times , most evidently when the prom band covers simple minds' " don't you ( forget about me ) . " the picture ultimately has a healthy , if obligatory , attitude towards safe sex-even at their most libidinous , american pie's protagonists first whip out a condom . the filmmakers prove that socially responsible raunch is possible . for its familiarity and for its charming leads , i recommend american pie , but the buzz on this film had me expecting something . . . fresher . as far as the new teen cinema goes , it's at the top of the heap . * don't say i didn't warn you about the party scene .

capsule : earthy , experimental , difficult , shockingly frank ( even for 1997 ! ) , and ultimately refreshing story of a black man on the run from the cops . the first few minutes of sweet sweetback's baad asssss song ( yes , i checked -- that's the correct number of ss ) are without dialogue , just eerie montages of sounds . a young boy , obviously malnourished , is taken in and fed up by several loving mother-surrogate figures . then one of them takes the boy to bed for a sexual initation ( underneath the title credits ) that's far more confrontatory and shocking than any ten basic instincts -- probably because it has the directness and clumsiness of real life , something we're not used to seeing on screen . this is one tough movie to swallow , no matter who you are , but that probably reflects more on how pallid and unchallenging movies have gotten lately . ( i suspect the sex scenes in movies like el topo and salo would probably melt the synapses of most modern audiences . ) the plot is simple but not simpleminded . sweetback , hassled by two white cops who are apparently just looking for an excuse to beat up on a black man , breaks his bonds and runs like hell . along the way he moves through a good many of the kinds of environments that we are only just now being seen in a more serious light in the movies -- or at all , for that matter : the slums , the missions , the ghetto . in other , lesser , movies , sweetback would be machine-gunning everything in sight and the end credits would roll over a pile of bodies ; in this one , we get taken on a kind of a tour of the depressing and anarchic world that sweetback takes for granted . ssbas first appeared in 1971 and was promptly rated x ( " by an all-white jury " , as director melvin van peebles crowed in his legendary ad campaigns ) , and it's hardly surprising why . there's a good deal of sex in the movie , but it's handled in a way that's unsettlingly frank -- a frankness that spills over into the rest of the movie . in one scene , sweetback visits a friend's house in the hope of getting sanctuary there , and the other man chats him up while on the toilet . we're not used to coming this close to people in real life , let alone in the movies -- especially not people who are not made out to be glamorous . the movie is also full of experimental stylistics that are relatively unused today , but probably because of that seem curiously fresh and new in van peebles' hands . one scene , in which a man is interrogated by the cops , is loaded full of menacing energy as they fire off a gun inches from his ears , and suggest his deafness through a cleverly edited soundtrack . another note : ssbas is not so much anti-white ( that would be too easy ) as anti-authority , and as the movie goes on to demonstrate , authority exists in many forms -- governments , churches , and even the paranoid inside of one's own mind . ssbas is ultimately about thirsting for freedom -- and it looks like we could use a little more of that in our movie diet , god knows .

there are times when the success of a particular film depends entirely on one actor's effort . often a single performance can turn what might have been a rather mediocre movie into something worthwhile . when one of these comes along , i usually try to think about how many other people put work into the movie , that there is no way one person could possible carry the entire project on his shoulders . but sometimes there is simply no other explanation , and such is the case with " the hurricane . " this biopic about falsely convicted boxer rubin " hurricane " carter would normally be called " norman jewison's 'the hurricane , ' " as per the tradition of referring to a film " belonging " to a director . but though he does decent work , jewison cannot claim ownership of " the hurricane , " because there is one reason this film works at all , and his name is denzel washington . washington plays carter , a boxer who in 1967 was convicted of a late-night shooting in a bar . jailed for 20 years , he maintained that he had never committed the crimes , but remained in jail after a second trial and countless appeals . the situation changed when a group of canadians moved to washington and worked on freeing carter . through the efforts of that group and carter's lawyers , he was eventually freed when their case was heard in federal court and the judge ruled that rubin carter had been unfairly convicted . the film details carter's childhood , which had him in and out of jail because of the efforts of a racist cop ( dan hedaya ) . when he finally got out of prison for good , carter became a rising star as a middleweight pro boxer , seemingly having his career on track , until the police framed him for multiple homicide . despite the efforts of political activists and celebrities , he remained imprisoned . flash forward to 1983 , when lesra ( vicellous reon shannon ) a young african-american boy , living with a group of canadian tutors , reads the book carter wrote while in prison . the book , entitled " the sixteenth round , " opens young lesra's eyes to the injustice that was carter's life , and he vows to help free the incarcerated boxer . lesra convinces his canadian friends ( deborah unger , liev schreiber , john hannah ) to work with him towards his goal . " the hurricane " leans on denzel washington . he must carry virtually every scene by sheer force of will , and he does so brilliantly . it's probably accurate to say that washington does not embody rubin carter , because he plays a character far stronger and nobler than any real person could hope to be . it would perhaps be more accurate to say that washington embodies the character of rubin carter--a fictional personality invented solely for the film . the actor's work is masterful ; washington throws himself into every moment , refusing to keep the audience at arm's length . we feel everything he feels : the humiliation of having to return to prison after fighting so hard to make something of his life , the pain of having to order his wife to give up the fight , and the utter despair he feels when coming to the conclusion that all hope is lost . washington's is a performance of weight and emotional depth . he doesn't merely play angry , happy , or sad ; he feels it at the deepest level . his work is masterful , and for half of this film i realized that the scene i was watching would not have been nearly as affecting as it was if it had been in the hands of another actor . norman jewison directs the film , doing a reasonably good job of pacing and shot selection . " the hurricane " moves quickly , with no scene drawn out much further than necessary and the narrative galloping along nicely . jewison handles his multiple flashbacks well ; the audience is always aware of just what the time and place of each scene is , and nothing is terribly confusing . his boxing scenes , constructed with clear inspiration from " raging bull , " get inside the action very well , and they are believable as real sports footage . jewison puts together a particularly nice scene by utilizing a pretty cool trick : carter is sent to solitary confinement for 90 days when he refuses to wear a prison uniform , and jewison , assisted by some wonderful acting from a game washington , shows how carter gradually starts to lose his mind during the constant solitude , and eventually we get three rubin carters arguing with each other in one cell . jewison's best achievement in " the hurricane " is succeeding at showing how carter becomes an embittered man during his hard-knock life , and how he is able to break out of that bitterness and learn to trust people again . sadly , though , the film's chief failures lie with the screenplay , as with most of the good-but-not-great efforts to round the pike this winter . there is much to interest a viewer in " the hurricane , " but it seems that every time the film gets a chance to take the most clich ? d route possible , it does . take a look at the supporting characters , for example , who are drawn up as either entirely good or entirely evil . carter and lesra ( played nicely by shannon , who deserves credit ) are the only real people here ; everyone else is a stereotype . the canadians are good . the cops are bad . the canadians spend most of their time dolefully grinning at each other in their lovey-dovey commune ( and it is a commune , despite the film's failure to make that clear ) , while every racist cop ( especially dan hedaya's ) melts in out of the shadows and glowers at every black person that enters the room . much of the dialogue comes off as rather hokey ( " hate put me in prison . love's gonna bust me out . " ) , and the big courtroom climax during which everyone gets to make an impassioned speech could have been lifted from a made-for-tv lifetime special . it's too bad . the cast is game , the director does his job , and the subject matter is interesting , but the script takes the safer , slightly more boring route far too often . i wanted a real reason for the cop to hold a grudge against carter other than " he's a racist pig . " i wanted more evidence that these canadians are real people with faults and virtues instead of a bunch of saintly crusaders looking for justice . in short , i wanted to see the film through a less distorted lens . criticism has been levied against the liberties " the hurricane " takes with the truth of what really happened to carter , and much of it is deserved . for example , the film gives us a boxing scene showing carter pummeling defending champ joey giardello , only to be screwed by the judges , who ruled giardello the winner . most accounts of the fight , however , have carter losing fairly . furthermore , much of carter's criminal past is conveniently left out of the film , and just why he was convicted again in his second trial is never really explained . of course , " the hurricane " works mainly as a fable , so digressions from the truth can be excused at least partially , but even dismissing such issues don't remove one fact : " the hurricane " is a highly flawed film . only one actor could have made a schmaltzy , predictable picture like this work as well as it does , and it's a good thing " the hurricane " has that actor . carter has been quoted as saying , " denzel washington is making me look good , " but he's not the only one . washington makes this film look good . denzel washington's " the hurricane . " sounds pretty good to me .

is evil dead ii a bad movie ? it's full of terrible acting , pointless violence , and plot holes yet it remains a cult classic nearly fifteen years after its release . explaining why this movie stands out from others with similar plots ( including the original evil dead ) is extremely difficult . `well what's it about ? ' `five people stranded in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere struggling to survive vicious attacks from a variety of ugly , hairy , wart covered monsters . ' `come on i saw a movie just like that on monster vision last week . why should i see it again ? ' `no evil dead ii is different , it's funny . ' `it's funny to see people die ? are you sick or something ? ' maybe i am and maybe director sam raimi is as well to create such an enigma of a movie . his unique execution is as sarcastic as subtle , as disturbing as it is hilarious . an example of raimi's odd approach : a monster ( formerly protagonist ash's girlfriend of all people ) is cut in half by a chainsaw and a tidal wave of blood comes from the open wound . sure it's over-the-top , but it is so over-the-top that it is laugh out loud funny ; just try watching ash with a straight face as he unexpectedly is showered with ten gallons of blood , staining his face and knocking him back a few feet . the whole movie is like this , watch ash get beat up , watch ash defeat the monster , watch ash get beat up again by another even zanier monster . the more repetitive and unrealistic the movie gets , the more amusing it becomes . no matter how sick it may sound , it is funny to watch bruce ampbell's ash get his butt kicked every five minutes . and raimi takes advantage , he has ash tormented by the head of his girlfriend , by the body of an old lady , even by his own right hand . like the less superior idle hands , we watch ash uncontrollably hit himself over and over again until he is forced to cut off his own body part . but it doesn't end , ash now has to fight his severed hand which now moves with the same celerity as thing from the addams family . all of these events , thrown at you from minute one with roller coaster- like camera movements , at first become shocking , then inexplicably funny . raimi expects the audience to laugh and as the film progresses , he seems to be enjoying himself even more by borrowing the classic mirror scene from the marx brothers' duck soup , then bringing more characters into the picture to comically kill them off . with a running time of less than an hour and a half , raimi gets away with the impossible , making a horror film with more gore than plot and intentionally more laughs than scares . ending evil dead ii with an opening for the third film in the series , raimi obviously had a lot of fun making this movie and couldn't wait to make it's sequel .

quiz show , an almost perfectly accurate true story , is based upon the events of the popular television show of the mid-50's , " twenty-one " . on this trivial game show , contestants were placed in isolation booths and then answered questions corresponding to a category of their choice , on which they wagered an amount of points on . the game went on until a player reached twenty one points on felt they had earned enough points to win . but , after ratings began to fall when players were struggling to break the zero mark , the producers decided to fix the game by giving the answers to a contestant before the game began . quiz show illustrates the true stories of two particular contestants , herbie stempel and charles van doren . stempel ( john turturro ) , a former g . i . and your jewish man raising a family . stempel has been the reigning champion on " twenty-one " for many weeks and has accumulated thousands of dollars . in his mind , he is the best thing on television and the people love him . although , in the mind of the show's producers , herbie stempel is getting old . dan enright ( david paymer ) , in particular , feels that the people are tired of seeing a " jewish guy from queens with bad teeth " and that the kids need someone better to look up to . therefore , they need to find another contestant whom would be a worthy role model and the people will look up to and cheer to win . someone who can defeat stempel , even if they have to resort to cheating . enter charles van doren ( ralph fiennes ) , a well-educated professor from a widely recognized family . van doren had decided to try out for the game show " tic tac dough " because his friends thought he would be good at that sort of thing . but when albert freedman ( hank azaria ) , enright's assistant , spots van doren , the two decide that they have found their soon-to-be-ruler of the " twenty-one " kingdom . van doren is not too keen on the idea of receiving the answers ahead of time , so enright tells stempel that he is going to give the wrong answer , on purpose , in order to lose the game . after stempel loses the " throne " to van doren , he starts to feel cheated ( which he should ) . meanwhile , on his own , dick goodwin ( rob morrow ) , a harvard law graduate , has decided to start an investigation on " twenty-one " to try and find out if there have been any wrongdoings . his investigation yields shocking results and leads to a trial for enright and the others involved . quiz show is an extremely well done movie , and robert redford's direction is especially superb . the performances turned in by john turturro , ralph fiennes , and rob morrow are very good , although it seems that turturro stands out more than any . quiz show is also very precise when it comes to explicating the true events that inspired the film . definitely a film you should not miss .

since most movies about slavery shield us from the true horrors of what they're portraying , it's fitting to say that " beloved " come as a real shock as a film . it's confusing , bizarre , and as tough a film to watch as any film i've seen all year , and that's not necessarily because of the three-hour running time . " beloved " is challenging to watch , filled with tough and powerful poetry that takes us completely off guard , and instead of a straight-forward , hollywood-ized story about what happened to the slaves after they were freed , " beloved " comes off as a cry of anguish from all those who actually lived through what happened ( or , rather , toni morrison , who wrote the novel upon which this is based ) . " beloved " tells the story of an ex-slave named sethe , played by oprah winfrey , who lives on a large farm in the north with her children . when the film opens , her house is being terrorized by a poltergeist , which shakes things up , wounds the dog , and makes things generally uncomfortable for the family . sethe is proud , though , and will not move . her sons run away , leaving only her and her daughter , denver ( kimberly elise ) alone with the ghost which is there without any factual explanation . a couple years pass , and the ghost remains , and one day , a man named paul d ( danny glover ) , another ex-slave who knew sethe years ago when they worked on a plantation together , arrives , asking for lodging . he has been wandering around since he left the plantation , and when he enters the house , it turns red and becomes incredibly hot . when he remarks about what he thinks is evil , sethe replies " it ain't evil . it's just sad . " some more time passes , and paul d has become a fervent member of the household , and the ghost disappears . but when they return one day from going out , they discover a young woman sitting in the house . her name is beloved , and as played by thandie newton , she has almost zero motor skills . she stumbles around , half-grabbing onto things and knocking them over , and when she speaks , she lets out a low guttural sound that eventually turns into baby talk . they let her into her house , and she begins to turn things upside down . " beloved " acts like an incredibly difficult chamber drama paired with a ghost story . most of the scenes consist of people arguing in one claustrophobic , low-lit room , with the occasional flash to the past , where we see images of such horror that we thank god for modern-day psychoanalysts . sethe and paul d have lived through such hellish times that they are forever implanted with the memories of their slavehood on the old plantation , which includes such images as sethe being raped by the white plantation hands , with her nipples being licked , prompting her to cry out to paul d when reminiscing about it , " they took my milk ! " worst of all was the month after her freedom , when she was allowed to live like a free person , working with other blacks on a farm , and then seeing that her old plantation owners have arrived to presumedly take her and her children back . she runs to the barn near by , carrying her four children , and when her old owners burst in , they discover she has murdered one of them and is ready to murder the rest of them if they don't leave them alone . when she is inquired about this moment by paul d in a moment halfway through the film , she says she doesn't regret it . she killed her daughter so that she would not have to live through the horror she did , and she has convinced herself she did the right thing . of course , beloved is really her daugher materialized , though we aren't flat out told that until later on in the film . beloved represents the pain and suffering the slaves went through and shows how difficult it was for them to deal with their freedom after being tortured for so long . thus , " beloved " becomes a sorta-redux of the andrei tarkofsky sci-fi classic , " solaris , " where a cosmonaut discovers that his wife , who commited suicide years before , has materialized when he is orbiting over a planet with a complex brain system . that film spoke volumes about humanity and our memories , how we are constantly regretting what happened in the past , and when if it ever literally came back to haunt us , it would control us completely . " beloved " moves along freely , without a lot of explanation , and for the most part , this is extremely respectable . the most interesting films are the ones that don't explain everything for us , leaving gaps in the characters that we are supposed to fill in with how they act in the present tense . sethe is never fully explained as a character , but we understand all her actions since she's being played by oprah winfrey . it's been well over a decade since her last major performance in " the color purple , " but judging from these two films , i'll bet she's one of the best actresses working today . . . if she was strictly an actress . her talk show , which i suppose is a great entity , has prevented her from becoming a noteworthy actress , and that's a shame because she brings so much to this movie . emotion . sadness . strength . watching the strong sethe , who's so afraid of the past that she's built a rather strong protective coating around herself , break down when she discovers who beloved really is is what makes this movie really great . she makes it real . that's not to say this is a perfect film . in fact , i'd wager to say that the fact that it's confusing and painful to watch is what prevents this from being the truly great film it is . while oprah's performance is powerful and easily sympathetic ( and i'm dying to see her win at least an oscar nomination this february ) , the structure of the film , which doesn't show what happened to her children till halfway through the film , prevents us from really making a cohesive connection to the film . it doesn't necessarily move as though they're memories of one particular character , and by the end , it has lost control over sethe , and as she takes to bed , we are unable to truly identify with her anymore . but despite its tediousness , perhaps that's the point . the distancing by the end of the film may be just part of the way it has been built from the start , since they figure she has crossed over from being identifiable , and it needs to get back with reality . and for the most part , this film seems like the cry of pain from the slaves that it really wants to be . jonathan demme's direction is bizarre , in nature with the story , and he creates the right mood , making it a tough film to sit through , making sure that the audience feels as uncomfortable as the characters . there's more to admire here , like the way that the flashbacks pop up freely and without real organization , just like they would be in real life ; and the way that the ending leaves it somewhat open to more pain and suffering , but laced with a touch of optimism . the acting , not only from winfrey , is amazing , and i anticipate not only she will get an oscar nomination . everyone has been raving about thandie newton's performance , and how it should be rewarded . however , it must be noted that out of everyone , she had the easiest part . act like a baby . throw things . stumble around . chew food with your mouth open . i do think there's another performance worthy of oscar conisderation , but it's kimberly elise , as the daugher who has to stay sensible and sane , and has to carry the burden of her mother's loss of reality towards the end . it's not that newton isn't great : she's as annoying and wacky as the role demands . it's just that elise has the tougher job and pulls it off even better . despite the fact that this film has winfrey written all over it , and not that of writer morrison or director demme , " beloved " has still not done well . costing , i think , around ninety million dollars , it has since grossed about twenty-two . unfortunately , this film is a little too intense for viewers , even for me , and i can stand almost anything ( i recently viewed the 2 1/2 hour long epic " caligula , " the worst film i have ever seen in my life , and did it in a mere 2 sittings ) . although i respect " beloved , " i can't say that i really enjoyed it .

if i were one of those arrogant critics who thinks his review has some great impact on the success or failure of certain films , i might say that i review movies that don't look particularly good because i'm doing a service to my readers by warning them against seeing it . if that were true , i could put a banner at the top of my site that reads : " shay casey : seeing bad movies so you don't have to . " but i know that's bunk-you're going to see whatever movies you want to no matter what i say . so i have to tell the truth : every once in a while i get a nasty , masochistic urge to see a bad movie . you know the feeling , when you're sick of seeing all these damn academy award contenders and you want to see something you can have a ball trashing mercilessly . sometimes i think that's why anyone goes to see pauly shore movies , ever . admit it : sometimes you like seeing bad movies . so do i . so i saw " supernova . " truth be told , " supernova " wasn't quite as bad as i thought it might be . maybe i just felt sorry for the actors , or maybe i thought it could have been decent if the studio hadn't started tinkering with the director's ( walter hill ) final cut , causing him to want his name removed . maybe i'm becoming a softy . in any case , i didn't find " supernova " as bad as the advance buzz would have me believe . but it's still bad . the film takes place aboard the medical space vessel " nightingale . " the crew includes captain a . j . marley ( robert forster ) , his new second officer nick vanzant ( james spader ) , head medical officer kaela evers ( angela bassett ) , medical technicians yerzy penalosa ( lou diamond phillips ) and danika lund ( robin tunney ) , and computer technician benj sotomejor ( wilson cruz ) . there are some attempts at " characterization , " but all that means is that nick has a shady past involving a drug addiction , which puts kaela on edge , yerzy and danika have a relationship that requires them to make kissy-faces at each other every five minutes , and benj ( apparently gay ) is in love with the computer ( apparently female ) . don't expect any more explanation , because you won't get it . anyway , the crew gets a distress call from a location deep in space to which a failed mining operation had been sent . during the dimension jump ( i think that's what it's called , but don't hold me to it ) , the captain is killed and the man who sent the distress signal ( peter facinelli ) is brought on board . he calls himself troy larson , making him the supposed son of a man kaela once had a relationship with . then a bunch of really predictable stuff starts happening . have you seen " alien ? " have you seen " event horizon " ( a lame movie in its own right ) ? good . then you've seen " supernova . " post-production cuts or not , there is nothing original about this screenplay , and nothing unpredictable either . after all , no one's going to think for a second that troy won't turn out to be a villain . but the bigger problem with " supernova " is that it can' t just stick to the simple plot it's afforded . numerous re-writes ( the script may be credited to three people , but it's a gross underestimate ) have crammed this lean 90-minute film with tons of extraneous plot threads that all remain underdeveloped . was there something about a limping robot shaped like a fighter pilot ? did the ship's computer learn something about humanity ? what was that glowing lava lamp artifact troy brought on board with him ? and just what does the film's title signify , if anything ? as far as i can tell , it refers to a very small plot detail that isn't developed , just like the rest of these unnecessary story elements . character relationships in this film also make very little sense . for some reason , every person in this film keeps having sex . we get an unusually early sex scene between phillips and tunney within the first 10 minutes . bassett and spader's characters start off hating each other . fifteen minutes and one bottle of pear brandy later , they're engaging in some hanky-panky . when troy the creepy stranger shows up on the ship , of course both female crew members will fall in love with him . every single shift in character interaction happens extremely suddenly , which is only one of the many obvious clues to how much this film has been cut . the most prominent example , however , may be the fact that when the film starts , there are no opening credits ! furthermore , the end of the film looks like they took what were originally intended to be the opening credits and spliced them in right before the real end credits . maybe that's why the film's title is mentioned twice during the end credits , right between james spader and robert forster . right after you get over the shock of not being told what movie you're seeing ( lest you decide to walk out upon making that discovery ) , you might notice that the movie seems to have dropped you right in the middle of a scene , with little-to-no introduction to any of the characters or situations . the rest of the movie feels like they skipped over the middle stuff in the character changes ( you know , where they explain things ) and just went from point a to point b . point a : danika is thoroughly enamored of yerzy and is ready to have his baby . point b : tunney is now shagging troy and yerzy is unusually obsessed with the lava lamp thing . doesn't make sense . since i didn't understand anything about these characters' motivations , did i care when troy abruptly starts murdering them one-by-one ( and he does , knocking off three of them in about 10 minutes ) ? not a whit . it's a shame , because this cast contains a lot of talented actors looking for something to do . they don't find it . bassett and spader say every line in the same monotone voice with the same blank expressions on their faces . sexual tension ? more like constipation . maybe they're just embarrassed at having to utter such howlers as " this thing was made by someone more powerful than god and a whole lot less nice . " not that we ever find out who that is , mind you . the climax of their relationship ( taking place in a transport pod ) is probably the film's biggest forehead-slapper . as troy , peter facinelli inhabits the most obvious villain in history that no one ever suspected . he' s awfully one-note , but it's not as if he's given any more notes to work with . the rest of the cast does even less . tunney stands around looking cute , then scared . phillips broods . cruz flirts with the computer . then they all die and a star blows up or something , but i really wasn't paying much attention by then . " supernova " is pretty awful , but i'm cutting it a little slack merely because i expected less than what i got . that's it . if you expect it to be good ( for whatever reasons you may have ) , you'll probably hate it more than i will . even the special effects are fairly unimpressive , nothing you haven' t seen before , and suffice to say the script isn't going to save the film . honestly , though , what do you expect from a film with about a dozen writers and a director who had his name removed and replaced with a pseudonym ? it usually results in a bad movie , and that's what " supernova " is .

once upon a time jean-claude van damme was a decent action hero . the muscles from brussels bursted into the hollywood market with mindless adventure films , boasting his spectacular martial-arts ability . some of these excursions were fun . but now it seems like watching a van damme movie has become a painful chore , with no rewards but the virtually guaranteed helping of mind-numbing action . and when the action goes sour , what is there left to enjoy ? i'll explain . knock off is about a pair of counterfeit jeans salesmen working out of an office in hong kong . marcus ray ( van damme ) , a babe-magnet and stylish dresser , heads up the company with an annoying weasel of a partner ( rob schneider ) . they become part of a plot involving microbombs implanted in counterfeit jeans , seemingly by a mole in the business . i'm going to reveal about everything in the next paragraph , so if you want a review devoid of spoilers , skip onto the next one . i'm not quite sure who gives a crap , but i'll issue a warning anyhow . tommy is really working with the cia . his boss ( a very hammy and flat paul sorvino ) is the mole , and he wants to cause carnage with these tiny but immensely powerful super weapons . he even stoops so low to put them into children's toys . if you thought this plot outline sounded intriguing , then you probably will enjoy knock off . if you think that this ridiculous set-up couldn't even fill five minutes of screen time without causing you to roll over laughing , this might not be your cup of tea . knock off sucks . it stoops to ridiculous levels that most individuals could only conjure up in horrific nightmares . it amazes me how far these producers will go to sell something , simply because van damme is the star . the plot is pathetic garbage strung together by inane action sequences that will baffle your mind , the performances are so wooden you could use them to row a canoe , and the action itself is an absolute catastrophe . director tsui hark ( who teamed with van damme in the superior , but still lame-brained double team ) is at the helm , and he would rather attempt to dazzle us with fantastic camera angles than engage us with the plot . i suppose i enjoyed some of the camera work , but the incessant desperation of it all made me rather nauseous . the picture freezes in the middle of an action sequence , speeds are altered consistently , and the camera tricks mostly apply to traveling up gun barrels as the weapons are fired . it all sounds very cool . trust me , it isn't . as much as it scars me to say this ( har , har ) , van damme is terrible . sure , he does lots of fancy kickboxing moves and dodges giant crates with the greatest of ease . he looks like he's doing a bad impersonation of jackie chan , and his performance is stiff and tired . i hate to say it , but perhaps it's time for mr . van damme to give up his day job . it's really a test of endurance watching knock off . i suppose there's some enjoyment derived from schneider's character , who is extremely annoying , but provides the film's better moments . and what is the beautiful lela rochon doing in this movie ? hopefully she grabbed her paycheck and then fled the premises like an olympic sprinter . knock off doesn't even stand strong as a mindless but entertaining action film , like a handful of van damme's others . no , this movie is an embarrassment to the entire action genre of modern filmmaking . and considering how low hollywood has stooped as of late in that department , that is certainly not saying much . note to self : avoid universal soldier 2 : the return upon release in august ? 99 .

kevin smith is like a big kid . his humor is that of a sophisticated juvenile's . he grew up idolizing star wars and loves comic books , having also written a few . he also has a cult following , mostly composed of teenagers , college students , and smith's own fellow adolescent-minded grownups . smith is hilarious in person and in writing , but when he tries to be earnest and moralize , that is when he goes wrong . kevin smith is a better writer than director , and he'll be the first to tell you that . that might also be part of the reason why his moralizing comes across as so heavy-handed . great directors show us their theses instead of having the characters sermonize them . this was true in the overrated chasing amy , and it is true for dogma as well . that is not to say smith's message is a bad one . in dogma , smith tells us that problems arise when people believe beyond any doubt that their insight into god and god's desires is superior to anyone else's . basically , dogmatism is bad . changing the minds of the dogmatic is virtually impossible , and since the dogmatic believe that they have special insight , they also know what is best for you , whether you like it or not . this is not exactly a new message in movies ( see inherit the wind ) , but i have no problems with recycling old ones , particularly since dogma's protesters are proving smith's point . smith's own problem with delivering this message is that he beats us over the head with it like we are reading a dogma for dummies book . but this is smith's personality , and his simplistic views neglect such adult issues as how does one interpret the bible ( or koran , etc . ) correctly ( or if there even is a correctly ) and how one settles disputes of heretofore dogmatic concerns . the story concerns abortion clinic worker bethany ( linda fiorentino ) being chosen by voice of god , metatron ( alan rickman ) , to prevent the destruction of the universe by two fallen angels , bartleby ( ben affleck ) and angel of death , loki ( matt damon ) . along the way , forgotten thirteenth apostle , rufus ( chris rock ) , stripper muse serendipity ( salma hayek ) , and slacker duo jay and silent bob ( jason mewes and kevin smith himself ) come to bethany's aid . fallen muse , azrael ( jason lee ) , proves to be the behind-the-scenes manipulator for all the chicanery . the logical but convoluted plot only exists as an excuse for the jokes and to make smith's points , and in itself , has little dramatic momentum . among the supposedly outrageous claims made by the film is that god is a woman , jesus was black , and the bible was written by a bunch of racist , misogynistic white men . of course , kevin smith does not necessarily subscribe to these ideas himself . they are a metaphor for the fears and insecurities of the dogmatic . smith says as much in his amusing disclaimer that precedes the movie . when harvey weinstein asked smith to put it into the film before cannes , smith thought it might give validation to protesters' claims that the film was sacrilegious , but then he rethought it and turned the disclaimer into a joke . the film's humor is uneven . some parts are very funny as when bethany goes for a fire extinguisher when metatron makes a burning-bush kind of entrance . but many of the film's jokes just bomb , as in virtually anything involving salma hayek's serendipity . also , some of the jokes can be seen coming from a mile away . still , smith keeps the zingers coming at a sufficiently rapid pace . among the actors , fiorentino and rickman stand out by far . fiorentino virtually by herself gives the film emotional weight . damon and affleck are fairly lackluster . rock and hayek exist in the film pretty much only as comic relief as are mews and smith . but the latter duo fare much better because jay and silent bob , who recur in all of smith's movies , are much more in line with smith's brand of humor . bud cort , george carlin , janeane garofalo , guinevere turner , and alanis morissette all make cameo appearances .

when andy leaves for cowboy camp , his mother holds a yard sale and scrounges in his room for old toys . one of these toys is wheezy , a penguin with a broken squeaker . woody ( tom hanks ) saddles up andy's dog and rides out into the yard to rescue wheezy . woody succeeds in his mission , but doesn't make it back to the house before al , the unscrupulous owner of al's toy barn , recognizes woody as a rare collector's item and steals him . buzz lightyear ( tim allen ) leads hamm ( john ratzenberger ) , mr . potato head ( don rickles ) , slinky dog ( jim varney ) , and rex ( wallace shawn ) into the city to find their friend . meanwhile woody discovers the reason he was kidnapped . al has collected every piece of merchandising from the 1950's tv puppet show " woody's round-up " except for a woody doll . now that the collection is complete , al plans to sell woody and his round-up gang-bullseye the horse , jessie the cowgirl ( joan cusack ) , and stinky pete the old prospector ( kelsey grammer ) -to a toy museum in japan . the gang is happy about the move ; they've been in storage for years waiting for woody . if woody doesn't go with them , they'll be closed up in a dark box again , possibly forever . trying to convince him to stay with them , jessie tells woody how she was abandoned when her owner grew up , and woody realizes that his days as a beloved toy are numbered . while woody ponders whether to go to japan or to go home to andy , buzz and the boys invade al's toy barn , where the buzz we know is replaced by another buzz who doesn't know he's a toy . the new buzz generates the movie's biggest laughs as he leads the other toys in an assault on " zurg's fortress " ( i . e . , al's apartment building ) . the original " toy story " won me over because its central themes reflected a grown-up sensibility rather than the usual this-is-what-we-think-kids-want-to-hear . while most kids' movies take the position that every person is special and has an extraordinary destiny to fulfill , in " toy story " buzz discovered that he wasn't special , that he was just like everyone else . buzz sank into a suicidal depression , but woody showed buzz that being a toy was worthwhile because a toy is loved and a toy makes a child happy . in other words , it's okay to be ordinary if you have love and a purpose in your life . most of us probably come to the same conclusion when we realize that we're not space rangers and we're never going to be . " toy story 2 " addresses the question raised by the conclusion drawn by the first movie . woody is forced to recognize that andy will grow up and forget him and that he will likely be discarded , abandoned , or sealed up in a dark box in the attic . this is another big grown-up theme : everything ends . the theme is introduced early in the movie when woody's arm is torn and andy places him on a shelf rather than taking him to cowboy camp . on the shelf , woody meets wheezy , who's dusty , broken , and forgotten . the other toys are shocked that woody has been " shelved , " and they worry that woody's ride out to the 25-cent box at the yard sale is a suicide attempt . after he's stolen , woody has to decide between a long life in a display case and an uncertain future with andy and his pals . of course , in spite of the heavy themes " toy story 2 " explores , it's also very funny . most of the laughs come from the toys' assault on al's toy barn and on the apartment building . the brief substitution of a new , still delusional buzz was a welcome surprise ; i'd wondered how a sequel could be as funny as the original without the pompous attitude buzz displayed in the original . most of the vocal performances are first-rate . tom hanks stands out for the level of enthusiasm he puts into his work . however , one voice-over also stands out as horribly miscast . kelsey grammer sounds nothing like an old prospector . although he does a lot of voice-over work in commercials and on " the simpsons " ( as sideshow bob ) , grammer only makes slight variations on his own voice . he doesn't have the range to pull off a role like stinky pete . the animation is even better than in the first . especially impressive were the textures of the figures . we can now see the difference between flesh and plastic ; in the first movie the people looked just like the toys , but now human skin looks soft and has a slight bluish tint . we can also see that bo peep is porcelain . as you can tell from the long-winded phrasing common in the merchandising -- " disney and pixar's 'toy story 2' " -- this is pixar's coming out party . to celebrate they appended their first project , a hilarious short about two desklamps and a rubber ball , to the beginning of the movie . they made the short in 1986 , which is incredible when one considers the relatively primitive level of computer technology available then . on the downside , " toy story 2 " follows the formula of the original so closely that the sequel comes off a bit stale , and some sections tend to drag . overall , though , i had a great time and found " story 2 " to be a worthy successor to the first " toy story . " bottom line : this one really is fun for the whole family !

it might surprise some to know that joel and ethan coen , who have brought such unabated lunacy to our movie screens as " raising arizona " and " the hudsucker proxy , " made their feature film debut with " blood simple , " a grim and often gruesome tale of revenge , murder , and literally fatal misconceptions in rural texas . it bears some resemblance , story-wise , to the coens' recent " fargo , " but even the darkly satirical humor and the enjoyably quirky characterizations that characterized that film are scarce here ; " blood simple " is pretty much cold and brutal from beginning to end . the premise of " blood simple " is really just a slight variation on the standard love-triangle/revenge scheme : sleazy bar owner julian marty ( dan hedaya ) hires a shifty private detective ( m . emmet walsh ) to kill his wife abby ( frances mcdormand ) and her illicit lover ray ( john getz ) . things start to go haywire when walsh decides instead to fake the murder with photographic trickery but , upon collecting the money , becomes uncertain as to whether or not marty is capable of keeping his mouth shut about the scheme . to reveal any more details of the story would be to give away too much , but what ensues is a series of bloody ( and i do mean bloody ) confrontations , each triggered by one or more characters misunderstanding what is actually happening . every act of violence or deception in this film makes sense when seen through the perpetrator's eyes , but we , the audience , are made privy to the " big picture " and thus can recognize that each misdeed is somehow either unnecessary or directed at the wrong person . this aspect of the story , along with the intense atmosphere of repulsion and brutality - one gets the sense that if guns and , in one case , shovels , were not available , some of these characters would claw each other to death - are the most effective components of the film . the coens might have done well to title the film " fear and loathing in texas . " some have labeled " blood simple as a modern-day noir , but , while i am not an expert on either genre , it seems more like a horror movie than anything else . the coens seem much more interested in the plot twists and the atmosphere of confusion and paranoia than they do in the characters , and the final sequence is nothing more than a showdown between the one ( relatively ) innocent character and the only one of the murderers left alive . that said , " blood simple " is a very good horror movie ; the fear and suspense here are genuine . the coens also add plenty of quirky touches that nudge the weirdness meter upwards , such as when a character enters an empty room and accidentally steps on a gun , discharging it as it skitters across the floor , or when a murder attempt unfolds in a way such that abby mistakes her attacker for another character who has in fact been killed earlier in the film . that said , " blood simple " is not exactly flawless . for one thing , the motivations for the killings are still a little thin at times ; i can understand that the characters had tracks to cover ( or at least thought they did ) , but i found it a little hard to accept that all of them would so quickly resort to murder . and although they at least didn ? t have anyone get hacked to death with a knife , the coens also aren't quite immune to horror cliches ; they indulge in a prolonged dead-guy-seems-to-have-come-back-to-life-but-then-we-find-out-it's-only-a-dream scene that had me rolling my eyes . the film also ends so quickly after the final confrontation that i found myself wondering if they had simply run out of film . " blood simple " is not quite the masterpiece of neo-noir that many seem to think it is , but it's a decent movie and it showcases the coens' ability to handle suspense and violence in a visceral but non-exploitative manner . i would firmly recommend it to all " coen-heads " as well as anyone looking for something original in a thriller .

earlier this year , the movie holy man opened to a meager box office receipt and to indifference from audiences and critics . a real charmer of a movie , it's possible that the subject matter was too hip or trendy to attract any real audience . now , at the end of 1998 , comes waking ned devine , a comedy which inspires the same vein of easygoing laughter . there's no substantial difference between the two other than a more refined atmosphere -- they strike all the same chords -- but still , ned devine is a movie worth seeing . the plot is interesting and robust : the latest lottery winner is ned devine ( jimmy keogh ) , of tullymore , ireland . ned's prize is over six million pounds , but the shock of winning killed the poor old man , and the check remains unclaimed . enter jackie o'shea ( ian bannen ) and michael o'sullivan ( david kelly ) , the only two residents who are aware the winner is in their village . the two men eventually find the ticket , and decide that if michael can convince the lotto authorities that he's actually ned , the entire town can reap the benefits ; their only adversary is an ancient old woman ( eileen dromey ) who sees more profit in reporting the fraud . ian bannen and david kelly truly shine as jackie and michael . jackie , stocky and large , is the brains behind the operation ; michael , scrawny and short , is the method man . the two contrast each other delightfully , and at the same time remain sympathetic to the audience . every viewer is sure to like both of them . there are other minor subplots included as well , such as an unlikely romance between a local girl and the town pig farmer . this appears quite inconsequential until the end , and even with a startling revelation it's a tad bit unnecessary . overall , waking ned devine has a predictable outcome , and plot twists are never really taken seriously . the ending , a very hilarious and very ironic twist of fate , somehow fits with the twisted sense of humor the movie exhibits throughout . the kirk jones script is indeed off-the-cuff . in a way , waking ned devine is exactly like the class of people it presents : warm , friendly , outgoing , and jovial . it's the perfect kind of comedy , a real gem of a tale that sets up a trivial plot outline by which to introduce a sympathetic cast of characters and a string of jokes . there's nothing remotely serious or grounded for more than a moment or two , because the spirit of ned devine is a lighthearted one . indeed , it's one of the year's best feel-good movies -- 91 minutes of unrestrained joy that no one should miss .

close your eyes for a moment , if you will , and imagine the sound of stephen rea's gaelic brogue , silky smooth and irish like a pint of guinness . a lackadaisical , naughty little schoolboy voice that flirts and gambols . an acerbic , sing-song metered voice that evokes the startling imagery and language of anthony burgess' " a clockwork orange . " a voice that deliciously conjures scenes both porcine and puerile , like those out of " delicatessen , " or " the tin drum . " imagine all of that , and you'll get a good sense of what you can expect from " the butcher boy . " imagine that and more . neil jordan's latest film " stars " rea in more ways than one . rea , the accomplished irish actor most notable from his star turn in jordan's " the crying game , " contributes a restrained and managed performance as da brady , a small town drunk in an unnamed irish community in the 1960s . but it's his wall-to-wall narration as the butcher boy of the title , da brady's son , francis , that makes rea's " performance " worth watching , worth listening to . and that's only half the fun . playing the young francie brady is newcomer eamonn owens and he is , without a doubt , a revelation . for as much as rea's voiceover permeates almost every scene of " the butcher boy , " owens commands virtually every frame . it's impossible to take your eyes off him . with his crop of carrot-colored hair , ruddy complexion , and overall grubby appearance , francie brady is an unlikely hero , refusing to be done in by his alcoholic , trumpet-playing father , his depressive , suicidal mother , or the neighboring , bespectacled monster known as mrs . nugent ( fiona shaw ) . in fact , everything was ok until " the nugent " came to town . now , she poses as much a threat to the safety and security of town bully francie and his best pal joe ( alan boyle ) as the looming commie menace ( " the butcher boy " is set at a time when the fear of nuclear obliteration is first and foremost in the minds of many ) . " pigs ! " screams mrs . nugent at the brady menagerie . " you're all pigs ! " it's the start of many a related image . after ma brady is shipped off to the " garage " for psychiatric observation and da brady downs one bottle of whiskey too many , francie finally loses grip of his fantasy world of cowboys and indians , the lone ranger , and other comicbook characters . squealing like a stuck pig , francie does " the likes o' that " on the nugent's living room floor , and is himself whisked away to a very catholic remand home for " boney arsed bogmen , " where his ever fertile imagination--and clever chicanery--runneth over . director jordan's vivid treatment of pat mccabe's nightmare novel produces a sometimes disturbing , dark comedy littered with surreal touches ( such as sin ? ad o'connor playing the virgin mary ) . it's not as outlandish as the trailers make out ; instead , this remarkable film focuses on the effects external influences have on the friendship between two boys ( schoolboy chums in real life ) , allowing us to empathize with their plight in the presence of extraordinary behavior . it's bleak and it's black but it's fundamentally very funny . rea talks us through it , beautifully , and owens drags us though it , admirably , and , in tandem with jordan's sure hand , theirs are contributions to make " the butcher boy " a film worth savoring .

one of the most respected names in american independent filmmaking is john sayles . he has built a strong reputation with films like matewan and the secret of roan inish , and one of his best was his last film , lone star . after sayles gave us this complex and unconventional look at ethnic tensions on the us-mexico border , expectation ran high for his next film . unfortunately , his men with guns is not the film anyone was hoping for . we are essentially told in the first reel where the film is going to go and what it is going to do . then the film does exactly what it promised , a painful as that is . the plot of men with guns can be summarized " in a central or south american country things are really bad for everybody in the mountains where the army clashes with the guerrillas . dr . fuentes did not believe how bad things were so he went . and he found out again and again and again . " of course it is perfectly true that in many places in that region armed conflicts have turned life into a living hell . a guerrilla war is always bad for civilians . but the film talks down to the viewer . dr . fuentes ( played by federico luppi ) teaches medicine in the capital city of his country . he has , as a great humanitarian gesture , trained and inspired some of his best students to go into the mountains and make the world a little better for the poor indios . fuentes believe the students to be up there doing humanitarian service . then he discovers one of his best students has instead returned to the city and runs a squalid private pharmacy . in shame and disappointment fuentes asks the student what has happened to the others . the student tells him the others are still in the mountains , but suggests that it may not be a good place to be . fuentes goes off to find and visit the doctors , ignoring the advice of his family and a patient who happens to be an army general . the results are little different than one would expect . dr . fuentes starts out incredibly naive . even some american tourists , present in the film mostly for comic relief , seem to know better than dr . fuentes that things have gotten pretty bad in the mountains . but fuentes has to go from one scene of barbarity to another and discover how wrong he was . sayles certainly could have used 126 minute of screen time to tell us something more profound than that nasty things are happening down there and most of the worst happens to the unarmed civilians . the cast is mostly unknowns to american audiences . federico luppi is the good mexican actor who played the antique dealer torn by mysterious forces in cronos . damian delgado makes a late appearance as an army deserter . mandy patinkin has a small role made to look bigger in the trailer .

there is a rule when it comes to movies . a sequel is never as good as the original . there are very few exceptions to this rule , and texas chainsaw massacre : the next generation is not one of them . now if you also take into consideration that the original chainsaw massacre was a really bad movie , and that this isn't even the first sequel to it , you have a recipe for a very painful viewing experience . don't be fooled by the presence of up and coming talents matthew mcconaughey ( a time to kill ) and renee zellweger ( jerry maguire ) . they made this movie before they were stars . judging by their performances they also made it before they took any acting lessons . it's a wonder they ever worked in hollywood again after appearing in this turkey . apparently the producers of this film realized just how bad it was , because it sat unreleased for years until someone decided that they might be able to capitalize off the success of mcconaughey and zellweger . apparently the two young stars were none too happy about this thing ever seeing the light of day . and i don't blame them , they would have been better off if this had been some sort of porno flick starring the two of them . unfortunately for them it is a horror film in which zellweger plays your typically stupid horror film character . while mcconaughey plays a guy who wears a mechanical brace on his leg that he controls with a television remote control . ( hey , don't say i didn't warn you . ) to make matters worse , leatherface , the chainsaw wielding maniac , who was never the scariest of psychopathic killers at the best of times , has now become a full blown cross-dresser , and spends the entire movie in drag . there is a plot to this movie but it isn't worth mentioning . let's just suffice to say that a group of teenagers are in the typical wrong place at the wrong time and are left to the mercy of remote control man ( mcconaughey ) and his lipstick wearing chainsaw revving half-witted sidekick . man , i can't get over just how bad this movie is . this film has absolutely no redeeming qualities . even the obligatory topless babe shot wasn't enough to hold my interest for more than 2 seconds . the writing is bad , the direction is even worse , but both of those things look good in comparison to the acting . this is the sort of movie that they should make people in prison watch . a guarantee you , if criminals thought that they would be subjected to this film they would never break the law again .

miramax " disinvited " on-line media from press screenings of scream 3 . they ostensibly feared that folks like me would write spoiler-filled reviews and post them prior to the film's february 4th release date-unsound reasoning . you see , 'net critics established enough to be on any sort of vip list are professionals-miramax surely knows the difference between a member of the on-line film critics society ( ofcs ) and the type of fanboy who posts spy reports at ain't it cool news . no , the ? mini major' was afraid we'd let a bigger cat out of the bag than whodunit , that scream 3 is a dismal conclusion to the beloved ( by this writer , at least ) franchise . something smells rotten in the state of california right from the get-go : cotton weary ( liev schrieber ) , the former lover and would-be killer of maureen prescott , sidney's mother , is juggling phone calls in his luxury car . ( once considered a danger to society , weary now hosts his own talk show , " 100% cotton " , a clever , if dated , jab at american pop culture . ) of course , a new ghostface dials him up , and , with memories of scream's unbearably suspenseful prologue in mind , we immediately wonder , where is the killer ? the backseat ? the next car ? thrilling prospects , to be sure , but actually , ghostface is at the weary residence , waiting for cotton's girlfriend ( kelly rutheford ) to finishing showering . what's missing from this sequence , and indeed scream 3's remaining frights ( most disappointingly , the moment when an ingenue is forced to hide in a wardrobe room filled with ghostface costumes , one of which might spring to life ) , is an elaborate and attenuated payoff . our other surviving regulars have become estranged . sidney ( campbell ) is living a paranoid existence of electronic gates and password-protected locks , while dewey ( arquette ) acts as technical advisor on the second sequel to scream 2's movie-within-a-movie , " stab 3 " , and gale weathers ( cox arquette ) headlines a gossipy news program . murder reunites them , as knife-wielding ghostface stalks the set of " stab 3 " , imitating its sadistic screenplay-and his/her/their own personal draft climaxes with sidney's death . the appeal of ghostface's villainy is that he/she/they could be your boyfriend , your classmate , your next door neighbour . . . or a combination of people . scream was the first of its kind : a slasher mystery , with the guessing game not only entailing who will be next , but also who is/are the perpetrator ( s ) and what is/are his/her/their motive . ironic self-reflection aside , parts one and two stand out in a crowd that includes umpteen friday the 13th and halloween flicks because there's at last articulate human beings behind the iconic costume . with scream 3 , the novelty of ghostface's ever-mutating identity has worn off some , but the character remains conceptually potent . conceptually . the execution of ghostface's master plan this time around is creaky , because screenwriter ehren kruger has invented a new mythology for the world of sidney prescott far afield from what we'd come to understand in scream and scream 2 . the movie gets in the silly habit of saying " all bets are off ! " in reference to the " rules " of a trilogy's third act , but there's a difference between rule breaking and cheating . with the departure of kevin williamson , who authored the previous screams as well as a tidy outline for scream 3 ( that , for reasons incomprehensible to me , was ignored , save the notion of " stab 3 " ) , kruger needed to be reined in tighter , and by wes craven . craven's direction of scream 3 is lazy in most respects . how else to explain the jay and silent bob cameo ( the slacker duo of kevin smith movies ) , akin to seeing mickey mouse pop up in mulan and more distracting than funny . it pains me to write this , but scream 3's comedy is generally laughless , with the exception of well-timed performances by josh pais ( as a police detective possessed of the same personality he had as a persnickety teacher in craven's music of the heart ) , jamie kennedy ( resurrecting film geek randy for the sendoff he was denied in scream 2 ) , and parker posey ( through sheer force of will as a b-actress ) . the visuals are much weaker in part three , as well-the occasional sweeping gesture of peter deming's camera is a pale imitation of the stalking steadicam craven gave us twice before . ( aside : in the wake of columbine , craven toned down the violence significantly for scream 3-why the sanctimony , when scream and scream 2 are still readily available on video store shelves ? ) finally , marco beltrami's music cues the suspense too blatantly-do you recall the tense chase at the college radio station in scream 2 ? it's mostly silent . sting notes are a whole lot more effective if they spring from nowhere ; here , they act as the crescendos of an incessantly nerve-jangling score . i look at scream 3 as coming from an alternative universe , the same place that birthed the godfather part iii and superman iii-woefully out of synch with its prequels , scream 3 is a nightmare instead of nightmarish , and will likely put the horror genre back in mothballs . the film unintentionally follows the unspoken rule of a trilogy to a t : ? part three must disappoint' .

the central focus of michael winterbottom's " welcome to sarajevo " is sarajevo itself , the city under siege , and its different effect on the characters unfortunate enough to be stuck there . it proves the backdrop for a stunningly realized story which refreshingly strays from mythic portents ( " platoon " ) , racial tumultuosness ( the risible " the walking dead " ) or a tinge of schmaltziness ( " schindler's list " ) . the two leads , stephen dillane as a reporter and emira nusevic as an orphan with a plight few can identify with , are extremely believable ; not one moment with them involved rings false . the question is not what went right . the question is what went wrong . for one , the film fails to provide a political overview of the war as it progresses ( the dillane characters reports an american plane departing from sarajevo as it departs , and that's about it . ) . the assortment of high-profile supporting actors , ranging from woody harrelson as a yankee reporter " into " liquor and cigarrettes to marisa tomei as a huggable children's aid or somesuch are incapable of rising above the sketchiness of their characters , albeit they strive . the interrupted use of authentic war footage somewhat hampers the rest of the film , it makes the fictional characters seem powerless by comparison . still , winterbottom eschews mawkishness through flashy , frantic editing and imaginative use of music . and it's a plus , because he doesn't toy with our emotions with sentimental blandness . he wants us to know that in war , no one is victorious . the sweet hereafter starring ian holm , sarah polley , bruce greenwood , tom mccamus , gabrielle rose , arsinee khanjian , alberta watson , maury chaykin , caerthan banks . produced by atom egoyan and camelia frieberg . script by atom egoyan ( based on the novel by russell banks ) . directed by atom egoyan . running time : 110 mins . rated r . __________________________________________________________ atom egoyan's powerfully meditative " the sweet hereafter " is as anything as haunting and transcendental as i've seen this year . it not only explores the aftermaths of a terrible tragedy with magnificent subtlety , with cold , and stunning shots of the backdrop of this mistfortune but also by telegraphing the sense of devastation that has permeated the small town with an enormous amount of dignity and respect for each and every soul affected . ian holm as the somber , lonely lawyer seeking compensation for the townspeople , has a decency and a restraint uncommon with lawyers , he's a lion for the wrong reasons : the pain for having lost his daughter ( she's a druggie who frequently calls him begging for money ) is reflected on the town . and in some mesmerizing flashbacks , we witness how she lost her purity . it's one of the most strikingly breathtaking takes on the loss of innocence i've ever seen . but the most astounding part goes to sarah polly , the peaceful , benevolent girl who , in contrast to the other characters , remains the most mentally stable during past , present or future . her ability to convey concealed pain and unconditional love is the opposite , yet near-revolutionary role that won emily watson an oscar nomination for " breaking the waves " . both women are torn apart by an extraordinary incident but it is only then that we truly see , truly feel , their wordless , omnipotent love . " the sweet hereafter " though , is atom egoyan's movie and as of now , he is emerging as the definite face of independent cinema . after surging to worldwide recognition with 1994's " exotica " , " the sweet hereafter " makes him something few people in this industry can call themselves : an artist . he interweaves time with a delicacy and sees a soul with a purity that is just not common .

eyes wide shut isn't the masterpiece many were hoping to see in stanley kubrick's final film , but it is an impressive achievement ; a mesmerizing , haunting , adult psychodrama about marriage , fidelity and sex . it's a stanley kubrick film from beginning to end , consistently exhibiting the auteur's trademark penchant for long , continuous takes , his unparalleled deftness behind the camera and his uncanny ability to extract gorgeous performances from his exhausted cast ( indeed , eyes wide shut attained infamy even before its release for its notoriously laborious shoot : kubrick , a renowned perfectionist , reportedly held his cast " hostage " on the set for nearly a year ) . in an uncharacteristic maneuver , kubrick cast two big-name stars in the lead roles , namely real-life husband and wife tom cruise and nicole kidman . they play bill and alice harford , a volatile couple who , during the course of a couple nights , ponder the validity of the idea that a husband and a wife must be faithful to each other . he is an m . d . , she's unemployed and we are introduced to them as they are getting ready to go to a fancy party . at the affair , they are both propositioned and both nearly succumb to the temptation to play around with someone else . when they return to their lavish new york apartment kidman ( after smoking a dash of weed ) inquires whether her husband had sex with two models who approached him during the night . he ( truthfully ) says that he did not and asks what happened with that hungarian guy she was dancing with . they proceed to argue until alice tells her spouse a lustful story : evidently some time ago , she had a thing for a young naval officer . she admits that she was ready to give up her whole future with bill and their young daughter if this guy wanted her even for one night . bill is jolted by alice's story and we anticipate his reaction , but at that moment he gets a phone call and has to go " show his face " at the house of a just-deceased patient . this turns out to be the beginning of a long and eventful night on the town . the daughter of the dead patient hits on him but he wisely turns her down . he almost does the dirty deed with a kindly hooker who approaches him on the street . then , through a series of coincidences , he winds up at a gothic mansion where a ritualistic ( and frankly , creepy ) orgy takes place , with costumed people performing various public sex acts on each other . erotic dread mounts as cruise ( who's not supposed to be there ) wonders the spacious halls watching the " action " until he is discovered to be an outsider . much hoopla has been raised over the fact that warner bros . digitally edited the orgy scene . with the help of a computer , they put in cloaked figures to block some of the actual sex acts ( they can still be seen , just not in all their glory ) in order to avoid the dreaded nc-17 rating . european viewers will see the film as kubrick envisioned it . roger ebert calls the american version the " austin powers version , " and many others have bashed the alterations . i am of the potentially controversial opinion that the figures only supplement the scene's mystical atmosphere . the first thing one notices about eyes wide shut is how it looks . this is an artful , distinctively gorgeous production , shot in dark , moody hues and featuring some elaborate , beautiful scenery . from the giant mansion used in the film's centerpiece to the decor at the christmas party to the harford's apartment , this film is always a pleasure to look at . to boot , a great soundtrack makes it more atmospheric still . at the core , behind the graphic , controversial content and unappealing mood , this is a good-natured movie that emphasizes the importance of fidelity . it looks at sex as almost perfunctory by portraying it as unnerving rather than erotic . it's something superficial and yet something necessary to achieve a deeper relationship . at the end , it seems , bill's eyes are wide open to the special kind of love he and his wife have for each other , more meaningful than anything he could ever hope to find on the streets of new york . kubrick elicits wonderful performances from both cruise and kidman . tom is completely convincing as dr . harford , a man who seems guided solely by destiny , with no control of the course his life will take . nicole projects a quiet intensity as the jittery yet aggressive wife and her performance is stunningly effective : she's headed for an oscar nod . the movie has some help from a similarly strong supporting cast , at the head of which is director-cum-thespian sidney pollock , enigmatic and articulate as harford's mysterious friend . eyes wide shut is not perfect : the last hour could have used a slightly more scissor-happy editor and both cruise and kidman are too good- looking for me to believe that either would have a very strong temptation to philander . still , this is an important work from a great director , and while it may not be on par with some of stanley kubrick's best it is a worthy final film , a complex exploration of jealousy and faithfulness . ? 1999 eugene novikov&#137 ;

the marvelous british actor derek jacobi stars in writer and director john maybury's love is the devil about the popular modern artist francis bacon . as always , jacobi's acting is impeccable , but the movie tries hard and succeeds at being unentertaining and opaque . the movie convincingly argues that francis , played by jacobi , was a completely despicable and vain individual , but it never provides any insight into his work or any motivation for his attitude . when interviewed by a fawning talk show host , francis calls his style " chance brushstrokes . " starting with a burglary of francis's flat , the film uses loud sound effects that sound like they were lifted from a cheap horror movie . the camera shots are heavy on the avant-garde angles -- lots of wide-angle close-ups and distorted shots filmed through colored-glass reflections . the director is much more interested in filmmaking style than in the substance of the story with the result being a sterile examination of a lonely and vain man . daniel craig , in a lifeless performance , plays the burglar and boxer , george dyer . when francis lays eyes on him after the break-in , francis promises not to call the police if he'll stay for sex . he stays for the entire movie but never respects the man with whom he shares a bed . he thinks that francis's paintings have " no bloody use , " and the movie presents no counterargument . writer maybury barely outlines francis's character , and george and the rest of the supporting cast remain a complete enigma . we learn little of george other than francis's reason for liking him -- george's " amorality and innocence . " francis's love of sadomasochism is shown early and often . " boxing is such a marvelous aperitif for sex , " he reflects to george on the way to watch a boxing match . as the fighter's head is sliced open with a heavy blow , the camera cuts to a gleeful francis whose own head is soaked by the flying blood . francis appears to be in complete ecstasy . another of francis's favorite activities is viewing old movies of atrocities . as the carnage mounts , we witness an orgasmically happy francis in the audience . in a film that tries obsessively to shock , one dream sequence portrays a family in a car accident . francis's mind slowly examines every bloody limb of the mother , the father , and the boy . sometimes the script throws us tidbits of francis's wisdom which illuminate little while merely sounding insightful . ( " i'm optimistic by nature . i'm optimistic about nothing . " " loneliness is my only true companion . " ) we learn more details about francis's makeup techniques than about the man himself . he prefers shoe polish for his hair and sink cleaning powder for his teeth . full of metaphorical interpretations , the film's best scene occurs late one night when george has to get up to go to the bathroom . mistaking francis's picture of a toilet for the genuine article , he urinates on it and then crawls back into bed contentedly . like a parody of a bad art house movie , love is the devil has horrid characters filmed bizarrely and confusingly by a director who is much more interested in technique than storytelling . by the end , the audience hasn't learned any more than it could have in a three-minute sketch . love is the devil runs 1 : 30 . the film is not rated but should be considered nc-17 for violence , profanity , graphic sex , nudity and sadomasochism and is unacceptable for most teenagers .

" it's not good to know too much about someone , charlie , " charles warns his niece , charlie ( margaret welsh ) , with a devilish grin . charlie is infatuated with her namesake uncle , her " soul mate " as she calls him since her mother gave her his name . there's a lot to know about charles , not the least of which is that he strangled 3 widows back east . mark harmon , who looks like anything but a killer but specializes in playing them , plays charles , the merry widow murderer in the 1991 hallmark hall of fame remake of the 1943 hitchcock film , shadow of a doubt . and to avoid any questions about his guilt , we see charles in action in the opening scene with his last victim . the story takes place in the early 1950s in the small town of petaluma , california , where charles heads to avoid the police . john gay's script uses most of the original screenplay by sally benson , alma reville , and thornton wilder . karen arthur's direction is certainly no match for the great master , but on an absolute scale , the movie maintains a high level of suspense . when supercilious and deceitful charles comes to pay a visit of indeterminate length with his sister and her family in petaluma , they don't know about his nefarious activities . he showers them with elaborate gifts to buy the love they had already given him anyway . two mysterious and exceedingly clean-cut writers for a magazine show up to take pictures of the family for a spread on the " average american family , " but their interest is focused on uncle charles , especially on taking his picture and learning about his background . charlie , who first welcomed her uncle's visit , begins to feel more and more uncomfortable with him and suspicious of the disingenuous magazine reporters . the picture advances with a delicate power using small details such as the newspaper article that the uncle tries secretly to remove and that charlie discovers . the beauty of the story is the pas de deux between uncle and niece as they try to out psych each other . she wants him to leave , and he doesn't want to go , what with a local , rich widow as a prospective victim . will charles kill charlie first , or will she get him out of town . harmon is wonderfully creepy and smug , and welsh is tough but trapped . with a deft touch the director sets up each scene , several with thunderstorms , and tom neuwirth's sepia-toned cinematography makes the movie feel as if it were filmed in the 50s . my only quibble is the director's awkward staging of the final scene on the train . is hitchcock's version better ? of course . is this one worth watching as well ? actually , yes . shadow of a doubt runs 1 : 40 . it is not rated but would be pg for adult themes and would be fine for kids around nine and up .

i have seen several ( but not that many ) woody allen movies . i didn't particulary like radio days , the purple rose of cairo , play it again , sam . i quite enjoyed manhatten murder mystery and everything . . . sex , and i loved might aphrodite . however i found bullets over broadway to be a snoozing bore . and bullets got some very raving reviews , but i didn't think i'd like . but i finally saw it ( double feature with ready to wear i think ) and hated it . since . . . i love you also seems to be getting raving reviews i wasn't sure if i'd want to see . . . thankfully i did ! people burst into singing and dancing , something i hardly ever like . but this movie is so infectious . and funny ! and entertaining ! ( and unlike evita , they only sing when they need to . ) sure some of the actors may not be great singers , but they seems to be having a great time , and so does the audience . that's all i have to say . really , if you think that is going to be a dull movie , you're probably dead . and dead people should not be forced into movie theatres . is mark leeper dead ? he said that " this is an almost ghastly misfire " . the movie is rated r , for * one * use of the word motherf * * * * * .

did i do something bad ? i must have , because sitting through this movie was sheer punishment . here's the plot . ricky ( jeff goldblum ) is producer of the good-buy network , one of those 24-hour home shopping channels . the new boss ( robert loggia ) plans to can ricky's behind if he doesn't turn the previous months' flat sales numbers around , and to add to his problems , ricky also has to work with kate ( kelly preston ) , the ivy league wunderkind whom the boss has brought with him . kate and ricky don't get along and don't have any great ideas until they meet g ( eddie murphy ) , a spiritualist who sees something positive in everything . his soothing voice and simple logic makes people feel good , and it's this quality that will make g the new gbn television star and the key to the network's success . the first problem is a flaw in the plot . sure , g makes people feel good . sure , we're told that most people feel guilty after buying an impulse item , no matter how wealthy they might be , and i'll even believe that g talks a talk that allows people to feel good about what they've bought . but , hey , that's after they've bought it . why do sales skyrocket the first time g is on camera ? far from trying to sell the product , g instead blathers on about how you don't even need the thing . someone please tell me how this is supposed to move merchandise in the first place . you might say that people feel good about what they've bought , so they come back and by more , but due to the simple fact that the first round of sales in inexplicable , i'm not convinced this is what the filmmakers had in mind . the whole movie is therefore seriously undermined because the key point in the plot is never credible . another problem is in the humor . you know , if you see that eddie murphy is in a movie , i think it is not unreasonable for you to expect that the film is a comedy . whoa , partner , are you in for a surprise . holy man is not funny . murphy , the one asset you'd think this movie has ( remember how they brought him in at the last minute to save best defense ? - then again , maybe you don't ) is seriously reigned in . the script gives him almost nothing to work with , and it seems as though director stephen herek kept him toned down so that the other actors in the film wouldn't be left as window dressing . there's only one moment in the film where murphy is allowed to let loose , and it lasts for three shouted words , which seem totally out of place as a result . pathetic . in all , there are about three jokes that work in the entire picture , and they're not even that great . as a side note , there are some cameo appearances such as dan marino pitching a contraption which allows you to cook off of your car engine , and james brown introducing a medic-alert device that shouts " help me ! " just like the hardest working man in show business at the push of a button , but these never cause your personal laugh-o-meter to rise above the level of mild bemusement . " well , " you ask , " surely there must be some convincing performances to make up for the lack of humor . " think again , buckwheat . jeff goldblum disappoints . kelly preston is flat ( but not like that ) . robert loggia , in the kind of role for which he has been virtually typecast , can't do anything with it . the script is part of the problem , but these actors don't even look like they believe in the move they're making . they look a lot like they're bored . just like the audience . so what do you have when the humor is absent from your comedy , and the acting is like the siberian steppes ? a film that drags more than a dropped anchor . but wait ! as if these problems don't make the film slow enough , the screenplay's pacing makes the movie even slower ! it takes the entire first half hour to establish the movie's premise , then more time as the film wades through a tortuous ( and seemingly mandatory ) romance between ricky and kate , and a sub-plot involving a conniving pr man ( eric mccormack ) who wants to discredit g and take over ricky's job as producer . when the pr guy's plan is foiled , the film is climaxes , we're treated to that little epilogue , and then we can all go home , right ? wrong . the movie goes on for another half hour ! continental drift is the indy 500 compared to the pace of holy man ! the only thing holy about holy man will surely be the number of people exclaiming " holy ! @#% that movie was awful ! " this one is for the truly pious .

" goodbye , lover " sat on the shelf for almost a year since its lukewarm reception at the cannes film festival last may , and one look will tell you why . it's a mess . and that's * way * before ellen degeneres shows up . the film is one of those torrid double-indemnity crime stories that , in this case , required the services of three screenwriters . i suspect that one wrote a sexy thriller , one wrote a murder mystery , and one wrote a comedy , then director roland joff ? tried to piece it all together in the editing room while scratching his head in bewilderment . i didn't laugh at ellen degeneres much ( i think i was supposed to ) . degeneres is horrible and her character is even worse , a tough-talking vulgar cop with a bad wardrobe and bad hair . either degeneres is wearing a wig--as most of the actors appear to be--or she doesn't yet have enough clout to secure a hairstylist . every single word out of her mouth is supposed to be racy and hip , but her incessant wisecracking is poorly-written and merely stupid . her reaction to the brutal killing of a jogger is " at least she died healthy . " and that's one of her wittier asides . degeneres' sgt . rita pompano is called in to investigate the allegedly accidental death of . . . wait . to give away too much of the plot would all but ruin a film that has very little going for it outside of its numbing plot twists and multiple triple-crosses . it's best described this way : sultry sexpot/real estate agent sandra dunmore ( patricia arquette ) is married to jake , a " creative yet unfocused " ( and alcoholic ) advertising rep , played by dermot mulroney . sandra likes to act out her deep-seated sexual fantasies and jake's brother ben ( the suave-as-ever don johnson ) likes to help . ben is also coming on to his petite , mousy co-worker peggy blaine ( mary-louise parker ) and someone , somewhere , is planning to cash in on that huge life insurance policy of his . the film is ripe with cheating lovers cheating on each other and back again . although there are some genuine surprises , the plot twists get too contrived too quickly . probably around the time degeneres' gumcracking gumshoe appears . at least the former " ellen " star is going for something a little different . arquette turns in yet another of her stiletto-heeled , platinum blonde bombshell roles ( see : " lost highway , " " true romance " ) while quoting embarrassing lines like " i'm not wearing any underwear . " i hope she got paid a lot of money to do this . here's an example of some of the film's flat-out stupidity . sandra purchases a used car and disguises herself in a red wig prior to stalking two of the film's duplicitous lovers . she drives the motorbiking couple off a cliff while blaring her favorite " the sound of music " on her car stereo , intent on identifying herself to her hapless victims . so what was the point of the wig and the car ? " the sound of music " stuff might be a reference to " the wizard of oz " allusions in david lynch's " wild at heart , " but if so joff ? must have forgotten that " wild at heart " was a despicable movie . it's hard to believe that " goodbye , lover " was directed by the same person who made " the killing fields " and " the mission . " it's not , however , hard to see why it sat on the shelf for so long . it should have stayed there .

the tagline on random hearts reads " in a perfect world , they never would have met . " in a perfect world , i never would have seen this movie . the biggest flaw is that 20 minutes into this film , kay chandler ( kristin scott thomas ) and dutch van den broeck ( harrison ford ) are the only two major characters alive ; resulting in little doubt that they will end up together at some point during the laborious two-hours-and-then-some production . dutch is a sergeant in internal affairs at the district of columbia police department . kay is a congresswoman from new hampshire . although they both think they are happily married , their spouses are cheating with each other behind their backs . dutch and kay are soon widowed when a plane goes down carrying their partners ; they subsequently discover the affair . the rest of the film is the pointless , unrealistic and often-times boring story of their researching the sexual relationship that they were blind to , and getting to know each other in the process . two sub plots are of little help to the already problematic film . dutch is trying to arrest a fellow officer , a task that seems rather ordinary for hollywood fare . all the great stereotypes get pulled , including my personal favorite of the key witness that makes bail and is murdered soon thereafter . kay's distraction from the film's primary focus is her campaign for re-election and attempts to shield her 15 year old daughter from the truth about the father she put on a pedestal . these sub plots could have made for semi-interesting points , but the film seems afraid to explore politics or mother-daughter relations in depth , and consequently suffers . random hearts' two primary characters seem to live in shells . although both kay and dutch are given their own sub plots , they seem to never deal with anyone other than themselves or each other . there is plenty of opportunity , dutch having a partner and kay having close friends and her daughter , but the movie shies away from exploring these relationships . veteran actor and director of this film sydney pollack , and critically acclaimed up-and-comer dylan baker both have cameo roles , but be careful not to blink too much or you will miss them both . other than its weak plot , it is hard to criticize random hearts . however , it is also hard to compliment it . had the film taken some small risks and more fully explored its extra characters and plots it may have tasted more like a well frosted cake , rather than the dry one that equates to be .

reindeer games is easily the worst of the three recent films penned by ehren kruger ( scream 3 and arlington rd are the others , each derivative in their own special way ) . the guy can't seem to write believable dialogue ( sample from reindeer games : " rule #1 : never put a car thief behind the wheel " ) , create multi-faceted characters , or even engineer coherent plots but he sure knows how to pile on numerous nonsensical twists and turns ( no matter if each one deems the actual story increasingly unlikely ) . his screenplay for reindeer games turns the tables on the audience so many times that watching the film becomes something of a punishment with no reward anywhere in sight . i can just envision kruger laughing behind his keyboard , " oh you thought my movie was gonna go here , f * ck you jack ass , take that twist , decipher this mother f * cker ! " it's almost as if the writer were angry at us for shelling out money to see his stupid movie . and why the hell would anyone want to invest time in a movie when the screenwriter keeps changing his own rules for no reason other than to congratulate himself on how damn clever he is ? auteur theory be damned ; it's kruger's " style " , not the director's that winds up on screen . kruger has obviously never paid much mind to the old chestnut " sometimes less is more " . and his numerous twists can't even claim to be originals ; arlington rd's ending is a direct steal from the much better alan j . pakula thriller the parallax view , and in reindeer games we get this ol' gem ; character incriminates themself by saying something they shouldn't know ( pronouns used to protect the gender of the " character " . . . grammar be damned ) . " how did you know that ? " the stunned protagonist asks , suddenly realizing that the character was in on the whole thing all along . . . since twist endings are currently so in vogue , and seeing as how kruger's screenplays usually come equipped with about three twists per ending , i guess it's no wonder why he works so frequently . he's quickly becoming miramax's mickey mouse ; the company has already signed him to work on several of their upcoming projects . this is appropriate considering that miramax ( which used to place their label on some of the most artistically daring films ) has quickly become a grindhouse for coddling foreign imports ( life is beautiful ) and freddie prinze jr . vehicles . their company's current logo could be " we ride the trends " . reindeer games stars ben affleck as rudy , a supposedly hardened criminal spending his days and nights behind bars with fantasies of pecan pies dancing atop his head . although affleck is given some barbed wire tattoos to insinuate bad assness , he plays the role like steve guttenberg preciously mugging through a police academy flick . affleck is such a puppy dog that it's impossible to believe he could survive in a harsh prison environment without becoming nearly everyone's bitch . the role itself is so badly written ( the character only grows balls when the plot calls for it ) , the twists so outrageous , and the directing so self consciously gritty that this is about as close to self parody as i can recall a recent " serious " movie getting . it may have been wiser had the film makers simply went all the way in that direction , casting jerry seinfeld as the hardened criminal and howard stern as the sniveling bad guy ( who's played here by gary sinise in yet another over the top villain performance ) james frain is nick , rudy's cellmate , a manslaughterer who's found a pen pal in the gorgeous ashley mason ( charlize theron ) . ashley is a prison groupie who sends nick many cheesecake photos of her though she's never seen one picture of him . which works out fine since the character is killed in a near-riot , and rudy ( who was to be paroled on the same day as nick ) takes his place , which leads to a sudden and very frenzied sex scene between ashley and rudy ( so frenzied it kinda looks like rape ) and a surprise visit from ashley's brother , gabriel ( gary sinise ) , who waltzes into their shabby hotel room flanked by his thuggish co-horts . he plans to rob an indian casino on christmas eve with the assistance of rudy who he thinks is nick who , according to what he wrote in the letters to ashley , used to work as a guard in the indian casino . though by the end , the film pulls the rug out from under us so frequently that everything i've described might as well be irrelevant . this is what you can expect should you chose to take this reindeer on ; several scenes in which , after catching his prey , the bad guy proceeds to stall interminably until the good guy has a chance to kill his captor and crack a stupid one-liner . included : two ( 2 ) scenes of two ( 2 ) different bad guys explaining their motives to the hero when they should be killing him ( one following the other no less ) . though it's an action film , the ending is more a talkfest where we get the whole movie explained to us by one flustered character actor after another while affleck looks on , incredulous as the audience . the flick was directed by john frankenheimer , a straightforward action director who lucked into the manchurian candidate early in his career , fell off the a-list following a string of flops and now , in his old age , is slowly climbing his way back up . it would be a success story if he were choosing better scripts but his last major film was ronin ( one of those almost but not quite movies ) which followed the island of dr . morneau ( you remember , the one with marlon brando in mime make-up and a not so flattering moo-moo ) , and now this . he films action sequences with a minimum of quick cutting which i like considering that nowadays action scenes are commonly comprised of millisecond flash cuts strung together and laid out for a brain-zapped mtv audience to pick apart . problem is these action scenes ( nearly all failed escapes ) serve no purpose in the story other than to further pad out the running time and to remind the audience that their watching an action movie rather than a filmed radio play . character problems abound ; rudy is made to shift between sweet boy next door earnestness and hard edged wiseacre , the latter of which is not ( at least at this point ) something ben affleck is capable of pulling off . the former he can do with ease and often the actor coasts on his lackadaisical charm while those around him growl and swear . but then suddenly affleck starts growling and swearing alongside them like the class clown imitating a tarantino gangster . charlize theron , an extraordinary talent , is , like affleck , playing whatever part the script requires her to play , whether it be vulnerability at one moment , anger at the next . she never has a chance to evince any charm or make much of an impression beyond her obvious physical attributes ( frankenheimer has her needlessly pop her top to further italicize this . gary sinise has played this role frequently , and here , as in snake eyes , he does the snarling bad guy thing with such over the top vitriol ( the guy must be so incredibly bored of stomping through the same paces that going out of control is the only thing that keeps him interested any more ) , that it becomes more of an annoyance ( oh there he goes again ? ? ? ) than a threat . these are talented people who made the mistake of jumping on to a script with little but stock characters and a bag of tricks that it dully springs on its audience .

as we see the terrible events that unfold before our eyes in the middle east at the moment , hollywood doesn't loose the oppertunity to get involved , by telling stories and expressing opinions . this film centers on a relationship forged throughout the adult lifetimes of two marine colonels , hays hodges ( tommy lee jones ) and terry childers ( samuel l . jackson ) . they fought side by side in vietnam , where childers saved hodges' life by shooting an unarmed pow . that's against the rules of war but understandable , in this story anyway , under the specific circumstances . certainly hodges is not complaining . years pass . hodges , whose wounds make him unfit for action , gets a law degree and becomes a marine lawyer . childers , is now a respected and much-decorated hero that has served his country with his life and sould . because of his excellent record , childers is sent to yemen to rescue the american ambassador ( ben kingsley ) , cowering in the embassy under assault from violent demonstrators and snipers blasting from rooftops . childers does what he has to do : evacuate the family and protect the men under his command . after three marines die and the colonel thinks he sees ground fire , he orders his troops to shoot into the firing crowd . more than 80 yemeni men , women , and children are mowed down . childers is immediately accused of ordering his men to fire on a crowd and murder of unarmed civilians . he persuades his old friend hodges to represent him in the courtroom drama that occupies the second half of the film . did childers violate authorized u . s . military rules of engagement ? or are there simply no rules in war ? the answers to these stereotypical questions are obvious , but the inconsistent plot immediately raises all sorts of other questions . the murder of 83 " innocent civilians " has to result into something greater than a simple trial in the u . s . where is the accusations from the arab leaders ? where is the u . n . ? the film ends without even telling the most interesting story : what happens on the international arena ? this film ( in a way akin to films such as " a few good men " ) has already been accused of breaking the rules of morality and ethics and even of racism . these accusations are pretty heavy , but also unfair . what director william friedklin truly broke was the rules of decent filmmaking . one of the earliest apparent problems with 'rules of engagement' is its lack of credibility . the entire operation in yemen may remind us about what happens in the middle east right now , but is overdone , contrived and unrealistic - as if a chain of events had to happen in a particular manner in order for the plot to proceed . a lot of it is so cheesy that no one could possibly accept it as reality . that is precisely why it's not offensive . it is completely unobjective . many stories are started and never finished . many questions are asked , but never answered . a lot of parallels are referring to nothing . it seems that neither the director , producers or the screenwriter can make up their minds about the contents of their film . is it about arab mentality ? america's foreign policies ? america's role in the world ? corruption in the higher circles ? it goes on and on . it consists of countless stories , but not a definable plot . it tries to be everything for everyone and ends up being nothing for no one . i think that it is ironic , because director william friedkin's probably most acclaimed film was " the exorcist " which had a silly story , but became a rather effective film . in this case you have a strong story with many possibilities and the result is a silly film . though several scenes bare the mark of professionalism ( such as the impressive battle scenes ) , his latest film does simply not engage . i believe that friedklin is a director that is absolutely depended on great scripts and talented producers in order to succeed . it's obvious that he has neither and the result is therefore a catastrophe . the characters feel designed , unreal , merely shadows , with no life outside the conflict . even the actors can not save this film from going under . though both jackson and jones act admirably , with performances that are as good as you get with a script like this , it is not something that these great actors can boast of . they have roles that they could play blindfolded with their hand on the back . jackson is gray and jones uninteresting . the rest of the cast , including ben kingsly , blair underwood and guy pearce are simply waiting for their paychecks . the time has come for the verdict . on the charges of complete lack of objectivity , i find this film guilty . on the charges of breaking the rules of reasonable filmmaking , i find it guilty . but on the charges of racism i find this film not guilty , because of it's inconclusive and often silly plot that lacks objectivity everywhere , not only when concerning the arab population . i must admit that the film is dangerously near the line of being racially offensive and i do think that screenwriter stephen gaghan went a bit too far , portraying the yemeni people almost as stereotypical hollywood bad-guys . this is very sad , since in a time like this it is crucial to not lose objectivity and proclaim the truth . however , it is absolutely necessary to remember that the muslim terrorists are responsible for most of the terrorist activity in and outside the united states . and that it's not a coincidence that u . s . residents in the middle east , including yemen are on constant maximum alert .

all feature film directors who cut their teeth on music videos , please raise your hands . thank you for identifying yourselves ; now would you all please go away . your influence has to rank as one of the most annoying trends in filmmaking in the last decade , and it shows no sign of abating any time soon . it isn't just the strobe light quality of your twenty-cuts-per-minute editing , or the numbing over-use of popular music artists on the soundtracks which makes me suspicious of any film advertised " featuring the music of . . . " no , it is a kind of cynicism you have perfected , banking on the idea that no one will care about the lack of a story if you include enough bells and whistles . welcome to the club , scott kalvert . your adaptation of the basketball diaries is loud and one-dimensional , serving only as the vehicle for a performance by leonardo dicaprio that is better in pieces than it is as a whole . dicaprio stars as jim carroll , the new york poet/songwriter/ performer on whose autobiographical writings the film is based . as the film opens , jim is a budding high school basketball star given to petty thievery and getting drunk with buddies mickey ( mark wahlberg ) , pedro ( james madio ) and neutron ( patrick mcgaw ) . one night , jim graduates from inhalants to cocaine , and shortly thereafter to heroin . jim's addiction to the drug starts him on a downhill spiral , as he is kicked off the basketball team by his coach ( bruno kirby ) , kicked out of his home by his mother ( lorraine bracco ) , and drops out of school . along with mickey and pedro , jim becomes a victim of the street , living from fix to fix and sinking lower and lower . the basketball diaries has been bouncing around as a project for years , but the sticking point has always been that jim carroll as a character was too unsympathetic and too much a loner . screenwriter bryan goluboff created the three characters who act as carroll's posse , resulting in a jim carroll who is just as unsympathetic , but now with equally unsympathetic friends . as a film , the basketball diaries may be intended primarily as a cautionary tale , a 100 minute long " just say no " public service announcement , but as drama it is monumentally ineffective because it is impossible to care much about anyone in the movie . jim is sort of a jerk even before he becomes a junkie , but i suppose that his pseudo-sensitive poetry and his devotion to his terminally ill friend are intended to balance that out . perhaps we are expected to see jim as one of those " good kids who falls in with the wrong crowd " that every parent believes his or her troubled child to be ; i saw him simply as part of the bad crowd . without a character who changes in any appreciable way , the basketball diaries rapidly degenerates into a collection of crimes committed by jim and his strung-out cohorts , all choreographed to an oppressively loud soundtrack . director scott kalvert doesn't have many scenes with intrinsic dramatic impact with which to work , so he substitutes silly slow-motion photography , self-consciously funky camera angles and choppy editing . on only one occasion , when a steady pan around a room where jim is trying to detox makes it appear that the walls are closing in , are any of the gimmicks effective . mostly , they just draw attention to how hollow the story is . they also don't allow leonardo dicaprio's performance to be as strong as it could have been . for every impressive moment , like his desperate attempt to get his mother to give him money , there is a scene where kalvert pulls too much of the focus to his own camera theatrics . dicaprio is most effective when he is playing off other actors , particularly a fine sequence featuring ernie hudson as an ex-junkie who tries to help jim straighten out , but kalvert won't let character interaction define this story . he wants to turn dicaprio into a rock star , shooting him in dramatic fashion but denying him the opportunity to do much acting . at isolate moments , the basketball diaries is a fine showcase for dicaprio's talents . far more frequently , it looks like kalvert is trying to imagine what a long form velvet underground video might have looked like .

this has been an extraordinary year for australian films . " shine " has just scooped the pool at the australian film institute awards , picking up best film , best actor , best director etc . to that we can add the gritty " life " ( the anguish , courage and friendship of a group of male prisoners in the hiv-positive section of a jail ) and " love and other catastrophes " ( a low budget gem about straight and gay love on and near a university campus ) . i can't recall a year in which such a rich and varied celluloid library was unleashed from australia . " shine " was one bookend . stand by for the other one : " dead heart " . >from the opening credits the theme of division is established . the cast credits have clear and distinct lines separating their first and last names . bryan | brown . in a desert settlement , hundreds of kilometres from the nearest town , there is an uneasy calm between the local aboriginals and the handful of white settlers who live nearby . the local police officer has the task of enforcing " white man's justice " to the aboriginals . these are people with a proud 40 , 000 year heritage behind them . naturally , this includes their own system of justice ; key to which is " payback " . an eye for an eye . revenge . usually extracted by the spearing through of the recipient's thigh . brown , as the officer , manages quite well to keep the balance . he admits that he has to 'bend the rules' a bit , including actively encouraging at least one brutal " payback " . ( be warned that this scene , near the start , is not for the squeamish ) . the local priest - an aboriginal , but in the " white fellas " church - has a foot on either side of the line . he is , figuratively and literally , in both camps . ernie dingo brings a great deal of understanding to this role as the man in the middle . he is part churchman and part politician . however the tension , like the heat , flies and dust , is always there . whilst her husband - the local teacher - is in church , white lady kate ( milliken ) and her aborginal friend tony , ( pedersen ) have gone off into the hills . he takes her to a sacred site , even today strictly men-only . she appears to not know this . tony tells her that this is a special place , an initiation place . he then makes love to her , surrounded by ancient rock art . the community finds out about this sacrilegious act and it's payback time . the fuse is lit and the brittle inter-racial peace is shattered . everyone is affected in the fall out . to say more is to give away the details of this finely crafted film . suffice to say it's a rewarding experience . bryan brown , acting and co-producing , is the pivotal character . his officer is real , human and therefore flawed . brown comments that he expects audiences to feel warmth towards the man , then suddenly feel angry about him . it wasn't long ago that i visited central australia - ayers rock ( uluru ) and alice springs - for the first time . the wide-screen cinematography shows the dead heart of australia in a way that captures it's vicious beauty , but never deteriorates into a moving slide show , in which the gorgeous background dominates those pesky actors in the foreground . the cultural clash has provided the thesis for many a film ; from the western to the birdcage . at least three excellent australian films have covered the aboriginal people and the line between them and we anglo-saxon 'invaders' : " jedda " , " the chant of jimmie blacksmith " and " the last wave " . in a year when the race 'debate' has reared up in australia , it is nourishing to see such an intelligent , non-judgemental film as " dead heart " . the aboriginal priest best sums this up . he is asked to say if he is a " black fella or white fella " .

in this good natured , pleasent and easy going comedy , bill murray ( ghostbusters , 1984 ) plays grumpy weatherman phil conners , who , every year , is sent to punxsutawney , p . a , to report on groundhog day . the groundhog day ceremony involves a groundhog being lifted out of a box , and if he dosen't see a shadow , it will be an early spring . phil really hates the ceremony , and not even his producer rita ( macdowell ) can change his mind . however , fate has a cruel trick for phil , and he starts re-living groundhog day over , and over , and over , until he gradually likes it , and rita falls in love with him . groundhog day is a well written , totatly unoffensive and funny comedy . the screenwriters , director ramis and danny rubin , have written a funny , warm , but never overly senitmental comedy . although the idea of a day repeating over and over may sound tedious , there are enough good jokes to hold the audiences attention throughout the whole film . ramis's direction also helps , and although he dosen't try any flash director tricks , the film is directed well enough , and the jokes are set up well . and the editing is also good , especially when it shows one part of the day over , and over again , such as when phil tries to have the perfect night with rita . the performances are also excellent . bill murray is great fun , and his transistion from cynical to happy is smooth , and delivers his lines in his usual smary style . andie macdowell is good as rita , although sometimes she is just a little bit too sweet in some parts of the film . there is chemistry between the two leads , thankfully , otherwise the whole film would probably fall part . chris elliot , as the cameraman larry , is also funny , although you have to like his goofy style , otherwise you are really going to hate him throughout this film , and it will lower your enjoyment of the film overall . the supporting cast aren't bad either , with stephen tobolowsky hillarous as phils old school mate ned ryanson , and even director ramis popping up as a neurologist . in fact , there is not one dud performance in this film , and even the groundhog gets a funny scene involving a car chase . overall , there is really nothing wrong with groundhog day at all . it almost seems perfect . however , the film can get a bit soppy sometimes , and some people may get irritated by the day repeating over , and over , and over , and over . also , there's not much of an music score , and the music there is is pretty bad . but these criticisms hardly affect the audiences enjoyment at all . overall , then , groundhog day is a funny , smart , and also has some room in there for some heart . an excellent comedy . overall rating= (

bowfinger is a good movie about the making of a very bad one . the screenplay , written by co-star steve martin , skewers everything in hollywood from cheesy science-fiction movies to chop-socky fight sequences , and all in a crafty and accomplished manner . anyone who knows of , or has had any association with movie-making should thoroughly enjoy this clever comedy for it's entire duration . the central premise behind the film is an inspired and promising one . bobby bowfinger ( martin ) , a cheapskate and small-time hollywood producer , has always dreamed of making a successful motion picture but has never attained the proper tools to do so . a new script , an alien invasion story entitled chubby rain , has caught bowfinger's eye . after confronting a big-name producer named jerry renfro ( robert downey jr . ) in a restaurant , an agreement is made to finance the movie . but first , bowfinger must get renowned action star kit ramsey ( eddie murphy ) to sign in on the project . kit turns the offer down immediately , but bowfinger still has the intent to shoot the film . after emptying out his life savings , the hapless producer tells the remaining cast and crew that ramsey is involved , and then prepares to film the movie without the star's knowledge . the actors confront ramsey on the street , saying their lines as hidden cameras peek through bushes to capture the footage . the unknowing star , who is terrified of aliens and being abducted , is brought to believe there is actually pod people after him . when the conditions become even more treacherous , bowfinger is forced to hire a kit ramsey look-alike named jiff ( also murphy ) , a sweet-natured dork who runs for coffee in-between shooting vital scenes . these include attempting a suicide run across an 8-lane freeway , and one of the `hot' scenes involving supporting actress daisy ( heather graham ) removing her blouse . bowfinger takes it's sweet time getting started , but when the plot switches into high gear , great things happen . certain scenes are so precisely executed , perfectly framing moments that are absolutely fall-down funny . no , hilarious . standouts include the chase through a parking garage in which ramsey , who's supposed to be being followed , keeps checking behind him to investigate a strange tapping noise ( it's actually bowfinger's dog in high heels ) . and just try not to laugh in the climactic kung-fu sequence , featuring jiff in an excerpt from another bowfinger classic entitled fake purse ninjas . while the entire 97-minutes of bowfinger isn't always on target , individual scenes may have you rolling in the aisles . masterful comedy director frank oz ( dirty rotten scoundrels , in and out ) , who has never made a bad movie , ensures a quality final product and is aided immensely by martin's sharp-edged script . however , the real on-screen star is eddie murphy . this is the actor's finest work since his breakthrough into the hollywood market in the early 80's . murphy excels at every corner , not only succeeding with presenting believable paranoia in the eyes of kit ramsey , but in creating a likable buffoon in jiff as well . these three talented comic minds have squeezed every morsel of potential out of this premise , and the reward is a virtually guaranteed helping of hearty laughs . steve martin generates the power behind bowfinger , but murphy fuels it . this is a summer-time comedy that , unlike something such as american pie and south park , doesn't break any rules . but it's still just as uproarious , or perhaps even more side-splitting than anything we've seen this season . the supporting cast , including christine baranski as a work-loving actress and jamie kennedy as the cameraman , all perform well within their limits . the only presence that demands real attention when placed next to martin or murphy is the beautiful heather graham , as the young film star who has plans to sleep her way to the top . graham , attempting to further her stardom after appearing as the new powers' girl in ap2 , displays a cheerful but naive persona that nicely corresponds with the wackiness of the screenplay . i wouldn't be caught dead buying a ticket for chubby rain , but watching how it all came about is certainly entertaining enough .

" the blair witch project " was perhaps one of a kind , a unique film that played completely on its own merit , managing to scare even the most experienced horror fans out of their senses . its success made a sequel inevitable , but this is not the sequel , i suspect , anyone much wanted . after the release of " the blair witch project " , tourists have practically invaded the small town of burkettsville , in order to get a glimpse of the blair witch . locals have turned this mass hysteria into a great business opportunity , selling twig-sculptures , stones and dirt like those in the movie , and the exasperated local sheriff patrols the woods with a bullhorn , shouting , " get out of these woods and go home ! there is no goddamned blair witch ! " . jeff ( ) is one of those people , who has used the sudden popularity of the small town to his advantage . after he got released from the mental institution , he created a mobile business that attracts thousands of customers through the internet . as the movie starts he is leading one of these groups into the woods , on the " blair witch hunt " . among the five strangers is stephen and his girlfriend , the pregnant tristen , who are writing a book on the hysteria caused by the film called " the blair witch : history or hysteria ? " , and kim , who dresses in black and has some psychic powers . the last member of the crew is erica , a young beautiful witch-wannabe , who constantly quotes from the wiccan lore , saying " the first rule of wicca is , do no harm , because whatever you do will come back to you threefold . " this strange group plunges into the woods , where they begin to argue about their different approaches to the experience . on the very first night that they decide to spend under the stars amidst the ruins of parr's abandoned house , strange things start happening . when they wake up their equipment is gone and only the tapes remain . after a while they discover strange markings on their bodies . they are somehow lost in time , as it loops uncontrollably back and forth . they are all haunted by hallucinations and horrible nightmares and soon they can not see the difference between dreams and reality . the only thing that they are sure of is that they have brought something or someone with them from the woods . . documentary director joe berlinger ( " paradice lost " ) helms " blair witch 2 " , leaving the creators of the first film ( dan myrick and ed sanches ) in the background . the opening scenes--the documentary showing the townspeople affected by the first film-- is a more promising approach , because instead of trying to cover similar ground , it goes outside the first film and makes its own stand . but soon the movie gets confused and sidetracked by its own story , that is never resolved and ends with a very anticlimaxic epilogue . in a way , this is a typical hollywood sequel . more money has been spent and more people have worked on a project that was doomed to fail . the horror and suspense of the original simply could not be repeated . of course in these situations , quantity is more important than quality and profit is more important than the artistical values . from its opening scenes when the camera gracefully panes over the bloody-red forest , with carter burwell's ( " being john malkovich " and " fargo " ) musical score in the background , you realize that with the exception of its title , this film has absolutely nothing to do with " the blair witch project " . " blair witch . . " was filmed by handheld videocameras and nfeatured acting that was mostly based on improvisation . in the sequel the technical aspect of the film is close to perfection , creating a completely different atmosphere . with its graceful cinematography , production design and flashy editing , the film has a very polished look , which is impossible to associate with the first installment . and though berlinger directs his film with an energy and pace that makes the adrenaline rush through the body a couple of times , he has obviously misunderstood the nature of his predecessor . the key is simplicity . " blair witch project " had a story which was incredibly simple . that allowed the audience to fill the gaps with our own imagination . the film was practically an empty screen , on which we projected our most frightening nightmares . the effect was incredibly powerful , lasting and entir e everyone , but in a different way . " book of shadows " feels incredibly controlled and restrict . here , very little is left to our imagination and the story is so complex and " clever " that the screenwriters are the first to get lost in it . there is is no book of shadows and no conclusion that we can be satisfied with . this is simply a less artistic film that doesn't have the talent and originality of its predecessor . it resorts to fancy cinematography and special effects to create the right effect and doesn't always succeed . but most importantly : it stands on its own ground and has almost no connection with the first movie , which doesn't allow it to destroy the original . in the end , i can't call it a bad effort . it's less artistic , not so scary and less original , but certainly not bad . it's simply different . in fact , if you haven't seen " the blair witch project " , you might like this film for what it is -- a cross between " the blair witch project " and the " scream " -films . the only element that remains constant and similar between the two films is the solid acting ( jeffrey donovan and tristine skyler should be mentioned ) and incredible sense of surrealism . but it's a common knowledge and experience that , with a few exceptions , every movie sequel is worse than the original and some are even not worth making . to me the story of " the blair witch project " seemed completed , but there are obviously no limits to commercial success that " the book of shadows " is certainly assured . and it's already time to look forward to " blair witch 3 " .

no , it is not a bad film , in fact it is so good in achieving its = purpose , i actually wished for the film to end itself quickly . event = horizon is not your run-of-the-mill sci-fi film , i'm sure many who have = watched this will agree with me . it is not even original in that sense , = and it does borrow heavily from films like alien , hellraiser and even = blade runner . the magic of this film lies in its unorthodox setting and = methodical build-up that makes it wonderfully horrifying . the story brings us to the year 2050 , where space travel have since = enormously progressed . the event horizon is actually a ship built for a = secret experimental purpose ; it has the ability to fold time and space = thus making it possible for travelling distances not reachable in a = man's lifetime . the ship disappeared as soon as it went into operation = but after 7 years , it reappeared again within the orbit of neptune . a = search and rescue team led by miller ( fishburne ) is given the task to = check for survivors of the event horizon . the designer of the ship , dr . = weir ( neill ) follows along to satisfy his curiosity on what actually = happened to his otherwise technologically impressive ship . event horizon is a sci-fi horror film , much truer to the word than say , = alien would ever be . while in alien , the crew has to cope with a = ferocious creature while encased within tight spaces , in event horizon , = the forces which goes against the crew is undefined but yet so powerful = and horrifying . the story unfolds itself slowly and the suspense buildup = is superb , up till the point where i really felt like saying out loud = `enough ! i can't stand this anymore ! ' . there are more than enough jolts = to send your adrenalin pumping overtime . the story in itself is not = exactly something very exciting and also , the acting is only at most , = average by most commercial standards . even so , the essence of horror is = carried out very well in this film , thanks to its well-paced = storytelling , disturbing set designs and some really gory sequences = ( which incidentally , has been quite generously removed by our censorship = board ) . =20 director paul anderson ( who did mortal kombat ) and his team of = `atmosphere' creators have done well in keeping event horizon within the = bounds of the term `horror' . this picture did not do very well in the us = box-office most probably for the dread-factor impact it has on most = audiences ; people will not see it again and not many would recommend = their friend to watch this . although on the face of it , event horizon is = mostly molded for mass-entertainment ; many thrills , spills and suspense = to keep audiences in focus . however , the offbeat horror element which it = ultimately convey audiences is very disturbing . my friend and i could = not say a word to each other for quite a while after going through the = `experience' of event horizon . i guess it was just the immense feeling = of dread which the film had cast upon us . be forewarned , this film is not for the faint-hearted nor for pure = entertainment . be prepared to be disturbed if you should decide to watch = this film ! event horizon is highly recommended=85=85but at your own = risk ! it has been a long time since good-horror embraced the big screen , = and event horizon is one .

i'm not sure i should be writing a review of the witches of eastwick , because i'm not sure just what the hell ( pardon the expression ) was going on in it . however , i can express the most important observation i made of it , i . e . i didn't like it . if i had to summarize this film , i think i'd conclude it was an updating of one of those old new england folk tales of someone selling their souls to old scratch and how they try to get out of the deal . that's the kernel of it , anyway . tossed into this are little bits and pieces that occasionally seem to be saying something about men and women , feminism , the role of the devil , modern reformers , and friendship . unfortunately , little or no effort is ever made to follow up and elucidate on these concepts ; they're simply thrown out and then left to rot while the film goes on apace . actually , i think that most of the audience was even more confused than i was . they came in expecting some kind of supernatural comedy , on the level of ghostbusters , and were a bit confused to be getting a folk tale with philosophical overtones . they laughed , or tried to laugh , at moments that were either barely funny , or much more horrible than funny , as if that could bend the film away from it's rather frightening direction . three women ( cher , susan sarandon , and michelle pfieffer ) live in eastwick , a small midwestern town . one night , while drinking late into the evening , they begin wishing for the ideal man to drop into their lives . in seeming answer to their idle daydreams , a wealthy eccentric moves into a mansion on the hill and seduces each one by attempting to be everything they want him to be . he soon shows evidence of mystical--perhaps demonic--power , and his devotion to the women's merest fantasies or wishes has dangerous overtones . even worse , when ignored his moods become ugly , and he mistreats the women for spurning him . anyway , the problems : all three female characters are fairly uninteresting , and several are cardboard stereotypes , especially sarandon's character . we never get inside them , never feel sympathetic to them , because their dialogue and personalities seem pretty bland . as for nicholson , well , even the devil needs a direction to go in , and while darryl van horne is the most interesting character in the movie ( due to the grace of the screenwriter and , more importantly , nicholson's acting ) , he still can't be yanked in one direction and then another without making him a little vague . and then there's the special effects . not in themselves--they weren't that good--but their overuse . i was almost positive , until i saw the credits , that the witches of eastwick was either produced by alexander salkind ( who has turned out the slop named superman ii and iii and supergirl ) , because of the big name actors in dopy stunts , or stephen spielberg , after the 18th vomit scene and the nicholson-blown-down-the-street stunt . nope , it's another bunch of guys , and directed by george miller , who has shown great skill with stunts/special effects before ( the road warrior , " nightmare at 20 , 00 feet " episode of twilight zone : the movie ) but apparently doesn't know when to turn off the wind machine and let his people act . f'gawds sake , guys , this is jack nicholson ! let him loose ! let him grin demonically ! skip the splitting earth and fake lightning ! watching the scene where nicholson is tossed out of the car by the voodoo doll , all i could think of was , " what a waste " . if you're going to use slapstick like that , use it up on pee wee herman . nicholson does what he can with the role , and when he can find his bearings , can be extremely good ( the scene in the church , for instance ) , but most of the time , he seems a bit stiff , as if he's not sure what he should be doing next . and no wonder . this script goes all over the map , giving you the feeling that it'd just love to be allegory , but it's not sure about what-- maybe if you give it time it'll think of something . so what is the witches of eastwick ? a horror movie ? a folk tale ? a comedy ? a statement about women ? an examination of the religious right or comparitive morality ? i tend to think of the image that seems to dominate the movie for me . . . watching someone regurgitate half-digested bits of food and cherry pits all over rooms , people , the screen , and ultimately , the audience . in other words , a mess . ( $2 . 00 ) if you like nicholson enough to watch him here ; maybe 25% of his charm is able to make it through the logjams of others .

robin williams has the rarest of gifts : the ability to rise above the most inept material and suffuse it with his irreverent style . overwhelmingly , his worst films are pleasantly diverting at worst and enjoyable at best ( with the notable exception of flubber ) . so when i , the one person who has refused to abandon him despite patch adams , tell you that not even williams can save his latest project , you know it's in trouble . jakob the liar is a confused , muddled little movie ; a generically " uplifting " film with a fundamental contradiction : the message it delivers is depressing as opposed to inspiring and the movie doesn't realize it . williams plays jakob haim , a jew imprisoned in a polish ghetto during world war ii . one night he wanders outside after curfew and is promptly sent to the office of a high-ranking german officer for his punishment . jakob gets off easy and he gets to hear approximately 30 seconds of a radio broadcast . the announcement ( in english , but punctuated by a triumphant " heil hitler ! " ) is that russian troops are only miles away from jakob's ghetto . liberation ! he thinks . the next day , jakob tells the news to his closest friend , a volatile prize fighter named misha ( liev schreiber ) , who despite being sworn to secrecy passes the message along . soon , it is a common assumption in the ghetto that jakob has a radio hidden in his home -- a crime punishable by death . this is absurdly false , but the more jakob tells the people of the ghetto this , the more convinced they become that he is abreast of the latest developments in the war that is to decide their fate . the danger , of course , is that the germans allegedly have informants throughout the ghetto , and rumors about the radio can get out and put jakob in great danger . in a curiously irrelevant subplot , jakob finds a 11-year old girl who has separated from her parents and decides to hide her in his small home . apparently he is afraid that she will be discovered , and goes to great length to make sure of that -- just why the idea frightens him is never made clear . he and the girl build an uninvolving , generic relationship that never goes anywhere and is as irrelevant at the end as it was in the beginning . the moral of the story is that hope is the best medicine . but jakob the liar forgets that the hope that jakob brings to his ghetto is false . such hope inevitably leads to expectations of its realization and when those expectations aren't met , the results are far worse than if there was no hope . that's the film's biggest detriment : it is based on a false assumption and thus comes off as painfully false . it's never moving because it doesn't give us anything to be moved by . jakob the liar fails to tug any heartstrings which destroys its purpose for existing . robin williams doesn't inject the film with life , as a matter of fact , he seems a little out of it , as if crippled by his fake accent . he is stragely unenthusiastic ; his character is one who spreads hope but his performance is lifeless , hopeless . not since good will hunting has he abandoned his signature style to this extent ; this isn't the robin williams we know and love . in good will hunting he became a serious actor and won an oscar for it . here , he is more of a wannabe serious actor ; an impostor . jakob the liar will be compared with last year's life is beautiful because it is being marketed as a " holocaust comedy " . it's not a comedy . it tries , sometimes , but it rarely works . is it a melodrama ? a war movie ? a character study ? no , no , and no . jakob the liar is the kind of movie that can't be placed into a category ; not because it covers so many different genres but because it fails at just about every one it attempts .

jay and silent bob strike back can rightfully be subtitled " kevin smith's greatest hits " for the film is comprised of numerous references and characters from smith's earlier works including , clerks , mall rats . chasing amy and dogma . so , be advised : bone up on that cinematic quartet in order to achieve the maximum enjoyment from smith's latest outing . kevin smith must be a very likable person because several good sports took a ton of kidding in this feature , most notably miramax , the studio whose subsidiary , dimension films , is jay and silent bob's distributor . others deserving accolades include ben affleck , matt damon , directors gus van zant and wes craven and the mighty george lucas . this is a laugh-filled , foul-mouthed road film with jay ( jason mewes ) and silent bob ( smith ) hitching to hollywood to sabotage miramax's production of bluntman and chronic , comic book characters based on the two jersey slackers . jay's convoluted reasoning is that if the film is shut down , people on the internet will stop insulting him and bob , even though it is not him and bob the people are dissing , but rather their comic book counterparts . no matter , the duo begin their long trek hitching rides across the country . but first they get some tips from a veteran hitchhiker , played by george carlin , who tells them to follow " the book " - the rules of the road . of course jay's interpretation immediately gets the duo in trouble with a friendly nun ( carrie fisher ) who offers them a ride . jay and silent bob contains enough laughs that the movie's weaker aspects - which include a lame subplot about a girl gang of diamond thieves as well as a buffoonish federal park ranger played by will ferrell - can be easily tolerated . really , how can you not laugh at a film in which our heroes are picked up by the mystery van , and jay has a pot-induced hallucination concerning velma and daphne . the movie's highlight , though , is near the finale . in hollywood , jay and silent bob sneak onto the miramax lot where they crash the set and are mistaken for extras of the latest affleck-damon picture , good will hunting 2 : hunting season . here we are privy to a hilarious conversation between affleck and damon in which the two put down each other's careers and film choices . and the laughs continue to grow . next up is jason ( american pie ) biggs and james ( dawson's creek ) van der beek , the actors chosen to portray bluntman and chronic . the pair mistake jay and silent bob for their stunt doubles . finally , comes a star wars homage featuring one of the stars of that legendary feature . this bit will leave you howling . smith's obvious affection for pop culture icons is evident in the way he shoots these scenes and handles his performers . he allows them to play it all tongue-in-cheek . their fun comes through the screen to the audience . it is too bad that this is jay and silent bob's swan song . the characters have grown since their supporting role debuts in clerks . but smith realizes that times have changed , and he doesn't want his creations to overstay their welcome . so smith has provided them with just the right kind of exit , saving the best for last . goodbye jay and silent bob . at least you're going out with a blast .

i have never been a " star trek " fan , and , to tell the truth , out of the five films in the series that i have seen ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 8 , 9 ) , i have disliked all of them . i do , however , always go into one of these with an open mind , and the ninth film in the series , " star trek : insurrection , " is no exception . dropping almost completely the hard-core sci-fi element of the previous one in the series , " first contact , " " insurrection , " tells the story of a planet that holds only 600 people , known as the ba'ku , as well as the fountain of youth . at the start of the picture , the villagers go under attack by a second alien species , known as the son'a , who want to push all of the ba'ku out so that their own race will not die out . also attacking the ba'ku is data ( brent spiner ) , a robot from the star trek enterprise . after returning to jean-luc picard ( patrick stewart ) and the gang on their space ship , no one can understand why data was somehow taken over by another force . so several of the star trek members travel down to the planet of the ba'ku , where picard meets up and starts to fall in love with one of the inhabitants , a sultry , kind alien woman ( donna murphy ) , who is over six-hundred-years-old , but looks to only be in her thirties . " star trek : insurrection , " is a completely unoriginal and cheap-looking installment in the series , and is a big step down from , 1996's " first contact , " which at least appeared to try to make something a bit different . in , " insurrection , " however , it plays like a low-rent episode of the television show , due to the small-scale , generic storyline , and an emphasis on one-liners rather than excitement . the film was filled with nearly non-stop comedy , and worse yet , most of it fell flatter than a cartoon character that drops off a cliff . meanwhile , when there were action sequences , they were not at all interesting or inventive , relying on that old reliable ticking timer that counts down very , very slowly . this plot device , which is seen in just about every action film made nowadays , is getting old fast . are filmmakers so bankrupt of ingenuity and ideas that they must always have a timer ticking away during the climax ? another element of , " star trek , " films in general is that picard seems to always have to have a love interest , but then she always miraculously disappears when the next film is made two or three years later . although donna murphy , who falls victim to this thankless love interest role here , is actually one of the few characters that we get to know in the 103-minute running time , alfre woodard was far superior in , " first contact . " she should have returned for this one , but i don't blame her for not wanting to waste her time with this movie's disappointing and often lifeless screenplay , by michael piller . " star trek : insurrection , " is perhaps the weakest film in the " star trek , " series , although i have not seen what is widely considered the worst , " star trek v : the final frontier . " " insurrection , " is the type of " safe " sequel that will bewilder non-fans , since it is so low-tech compared to most of today's blockbuster action films ( although most of these are honestly not very good , either ) , and should disappoint the loyal trekkies , since it could have easily been better if the makers had realized that the screenplay needed to go through a few more drafts . on second thought , they probably should have completely thrown the script out . that way , they could have come up with a story that at least had a sign of intelligence and freshness .

i know what i would do with $4 . 4 million if i found it in a previously undiscovered airplane crash site , especially if i were with jacob and lou . ( huh ? ) well , in any event , that is the situation hank ( paxton ) finds himself in . he and his dim-witted brother jacob ( thorton ) and tubby friend lou ( brent briscoe ) come upon a large bag of cash inside a plane wreck . against his better judgement , hank decides to go along with the idea of keeping it rather than going to the authorities . the rest of the film is a question of who is going to die to keep this a secret , and is it worth it ? a simple wish lies along the lines of very bad things , clay pigeons and even fargo , and is kind of wrapped all into one little dark bundle . oh , and its much better than any of those . sam raimi took a departure from his normal freak-show horror-monkey films and made this stylish and intriguing picture . he really lets the audience sit back and watch the events unfold rather than force them down our throats as many directors prefer to do . i think raimi knew he had a winner on his hands and decided to direct the picture on a natural flowing course . one of the film's components can be linked to a recurring theme in terrence malick's the thin red line . in malick's three hour bore-a-thon , he makes an interesting attempt to link mother earth to his war story . it seemed nothing more than an occasional pretty cut to a field of flowing grass , a small bird , or a flowing body of water . sure , there were obvious metaphorical connections , but there was no subtlty to his efforts . raimi does a fine job of tying in a fox in a chicken coop and birds of prey to signify the future of the characters . i think most viewers may miss the comparison , but it is a very intriguing ingredient in the film . and then there's billy bob thorton , who is proof that the independent film industry is vital to the life blood of hollywood . if it can continute to produce people like thorton , hollywood will be ok . he gives a fantastic and devastatingly deep performance here . it is not as engrossing as his carl childers character in slingblade , but is is just as complex , if not more so . jacob is slow and simple , and yet we so often see him deep in thought . i wondered if he was thinking about things that he would never say ( or didn't know how to say ) or if he was just taking a long time to think about the thing he just said . here he really proves his worth as one of the best character actors in the industry . though the plot is somewhat unoriginal , it has a very appealing new twist in its characters . paxton gives one of the better performances of his career as the straight and serious leader of the group ( a far cry from chet in wierd science ) . perhaps bridget fonda is miscast as his advice-giving wife , but she certainly doesn't do anything ruin the picture . a simple plan can be included in the group of recent small hollywood films that is just dark and pretty un-redeeming . but at least this one has an important message , unlike so many of its counterparts .

the yet-to-be-released krippendorf's tribe is being marketed as a family comedy , but buyer beware . this movie can't make up its mind . is it a family comedy with vulgar references to both the male and female bodies , menstruation , circumcision , and sex that would make any parents squirm at the thought of having their child next to them ? or is it an adult comedy approached with such immaturity that only adolescents will appreciate the effort ? either way , " unbalanced " is the word to stamp on this hit and miss and miss and miss effort . the premise is catchy - widowed anthropology professor james krippendorf ( richard dreyfuss ) has spent the past two years " getting over " the death of his wife , neglecting key research and squandering grant money on personal living expenses . now it's time to show what he's achieved in those two years , and he has absolutely nothing to show for it . with a fabricated tale of studying a previously undiscovered tribe in new guinea , krippendorf petitions for new funds while hiding the fact that the previous $100 , 000 grant was spent on trips to mcdonald's . but when his " discovery " becomes the latest craze among colleagues , the professor finds he must do more than talk about the tribe - he must create it . with the aid of his three children , the headstrong teen shelly ( natasha lyonne of everyone says i love you ) , the slightly younger mickey ( gregory smith ) , and the nine-year-old edmund ( carl michael lindner ) , the " shelmikedmu " tribe ( named from the first half of each child's name ) is born , and videos quickly produced in krippendorf's backyard are passed off as stunning documentary footage of the newly found new guinea tribe . despite the professor's wishes , the buzz surrounding his discovery only grows , due in greatest part to veronica micelli ( jenna elfman ) , an overly vivacious ( and voluptuous ) anthropologist who barges her way into the discovery and basically deems herself krippendorf's main assistant . hungry for recognition , micelli sets up interviews , lectures , etc . in an effort to make this the biggest sociological event in history , a sure fire way to go down in the history books . krippendorf , on the other hand , is seeing himself go down a jail cell corridor , not in history books , and with each new lecture , he must come up with something impressive to unleash about the tribe - mating habits , domestic structure , etc . thru fumbling improvisation , and often some quick thinking from his oldest son , krippendorf makes it thru each new lecture , but only creates more and more interest in the highly unique tribe . on the opposing end is krippendorf's arch rival , ruth allen ( lily tomlin ) , an arrogant professor whose jealousy drives her on a mission to disprove the existance of the non-existent tribe . it's a cute idea , and approached with a more subtle ( and mature ) style , krippendorf's tribe could've been a real winner . sadly , the mostly-misfired toilet humor , overly comical musical score ( by bruce broughton ) , and sugar coated sentiments ( all the key ingredients of a " family comedy " ) just aren't the right tone for this film . cut that crap out , add some razor sharp dialogue and witty sociological perceptions and you've got a good start . at the state it's in now , you've got something along the lines of medicine man meets mrs . doubtfire meets dumb & dumber , and that's not a concoction anyone should be overly anxious to try . the overall product here is a highly forgettable cup of " average " , with a few laugh-out-loud moments and a great big gap in between them . most of the characters are surprisingly two-dimensional , and the only one who seems to exhibit any real acting effort ( lyonne ) seems to go greatly unappreciated . director todd holland has gone about making this film in all the wrong ways . it's stuck in limbo between disney family fare ( jungle 2 jungle ) and potentially hilarious adult comedy ( a fish called wanda ) . it's this unbalanced structure that really knocks it down a grade , and it's a brutal drop . a strong warning to parents : forget the impression given by advertisements , do you want to take your kids to a film that has a woman asking a man if he finds her attractive merely because she's holding his penis ? yes , it's put that bluntly ! just be warned - this is merely one example of the many shocking subjects to be brought up in the film , and others might not be as tame .

it's amazing how a comedian can have the some of the funniest stand-up around but completely fall flat in the movies . take adam sandler . on the basis of his first two cds ( " they're all gonna laugh at you ! " and " what the hell happened to me ? " ) , he's the best thing to hit comedy since robin williams . but when you put him in front of a camera , it just isn't the same . i kind of enjoyed happy gilmore and thought that it warranted a marginal recommendation , but his latest film , the waterboy is about as funny as a root canal . seriously , i'm willing to wager than there were more laughs in saving private ryan than there are here . in fact , i found this movie to be more depressing than comedic . the first half hour generated not one smile in me , with it's scenes of emotional abuse towards adam's character of bobby boucher not only by the cruel football players , but also by his very disturbed mother ( kathy bates - what is the world coming to ? ) . granted , after the film gets rolling , there are a few mild chuckles throughout ( i'm even willing to admit that it actually had me laughing once or twice ) , but not nearly enough to sustain the waterboy for it's nearly hour and a half running time . you're all familiar with the plot because you've seen it at least a million times before ; everyone picks on the hero until he shows a hidden talent and leads the underdog team to victory over the champions , in the process not only winning the respect of his teammates but also getting the woman he loves . and believe me , i'm not giving anything away by saying that sandler's team wins . if you would actually feel any degree of suspense watching this movie , then god be with you . the only things that keep this bomb from getting the big banana are the winning performances from henry winkler as the insecure coach and the severely underrated fairuza balk as bobby's love interest . i mean , they should be lending their talents to some loftier purpose , but they do extremely well with what they are given here . kudos to both of them . my advice to adam is to try and follow in the footsteps of veteran comedians like williams and steve martin , who made a very smooth and successful transition from stage to screen . rely more on actual comedy rather than strange voices and rude noises to make people laugh . or maybe even show what dramatic talent he might have , like jim carrey did with the recent truman show . with the obvious and considerable talent that he possesses , he just can't keep going on like this .

a couple of criminals ( mario van peebles and loretta devine ) move into a rich family's house in hopes of conning them out of their jewels . however , someone else steals the jewels before they are able to get to them . writer mario van peebles delivers a clever script with several unexpected plot twists , but director mario van peebles undermines his own high points with haphazard camera work , editing and pacing . it felt as though the film should have been wrapping up at the hour mark , but alas there was still 35 more minutes to go . daniel baldwin ( i can't believe i'm about to type this ) gives the best performance in the film , outshining the other talented members of the cast . [r]

by trying to satisfy every kind of viewer , it's possible that sphere may end up pleasing no one . action lovers will be bored by what they will see as an interminably boring setup . audience members who crave more intellectual fare will be disgusted by the film's sudden collapse into mindless storytelling and by the ending , which is an insulting cop-out . somewhere out there , maybe there's a small cadre of film-goers who will appreciate sphere's dubious charms , but i'm not among them . i sincerely hope the novel is better than the movie ( i no longer read anything by either michael crichton or john grisham ) , because if the finished motion picture product is anything to go by , it's hard to understand why the rights were optioned . sphere is the kind of first- class mess that only a top-line director with an a-list cast can create . with expectations high ( and how could they not be , considering that another barry levinson/dustin hoffman collaboration , the excellent wag the dog , is still playing in theaters ? ) , something this bad can't help but look even worse . the last time a big-name , big-budget film displayed this level of ineptitude was last year's batman & robin , and everyone knows how that movie was received . sphere starts out a little like an amalgamation of contact and james cameron's the abyss , but , somewhere along the way , it collapses into the cellar with another recent science fiction effort , event horizon . science and philosophy , which are used to good effect during sphere's first hour , give way to mindless , confusing action sequences . attempts at characterization fall apart . intelligent writing , which is evident early on , is replaced by hackneyed drivel . special effects take over as the plotline devolves into incoherent silliness . but all that is just in preparation for the ending , which is inexcusably awful . this is the time-honored deus ex machina device used to its worst effect . i left the theater feeling cheated by the way crichton and his screenwriters had chosen to end the film . there is some promise , but it's all in the setup . we're introduced to norman goodman ( dustin hoffman ) , a psychologist who once wrote a $35 , 000 report for the government about what to do in the event that a crashed space ship is discovered . when one is found in the middle of nowhere , 1000 feet below the surface of the pacific ocean , norman is called in to be part of the welcoming committee . on the team with him are beth halperin ( sharon stone ) , a biochemist who was once his student and lover ; harry adams ( samuel l . jackson ) , a mathematician who earned his first doctorate at the age of 18 ; ted fielding ( liev schreiber ) , an astrophysicist who is awed by the opportunity to explore alien technology ; and harold barnes ( peter coyote ) , the government operative in charge of the mission . together , the five descend into the bowels of the ocean , where they rendezvous with a temporary sea base on the ocean floor from which they will attempt to make first contact . for a while , sphere had me fooled into thinking it was going to take an astute approach to the man-meets-alien situation . the overall scenario is not without promise and several plot twists ( such as the revelation that the enormous craft is actually an american space ship , apparently from the future ) offer intriguing possibilities . then , right around the one-hour mark ( that's the time to sneak into the theater next door and check out whatever's left of titanic ) , the virtually non-stop action begins , and , once it starts , the script becomes superfluous . this might be acceptable if director levinson generated some legitimate tension , but , instead , he relies on loud , overbearing music , strange camera angles , and quick cuts to make things " exciting . " additionally , because none of the characters are well-formed ( a common failing in anything penned by crichton , who's more interested in technology than people ) , viewers don't develop much of a rooting interest . it makes sitting through sphere a frustrating and pointless experience . what about that a-list cast ? not surprisingly , the most energetic performance is given by samuel l . jackson , but his harry isn't a person ; he's a walking plot device spouting occasionally-witty dialogue . dustin hoffman isn't lively or particularly good -- it's ironic that this , which may be his worst work in a decade , has arrived in theaters on the heels of his best actor nomination ( for wag the dog ) . sharon stone and peter coyote are both flat . their characters exhibit little evidence of emotion ; automatons would have been as effective . then there's queen latifa , who , despite getting fifth billing in the credits ( ahead of liev schreiber , who boasts at least quadruple her screen time ) , has less than a handful of lines and almost nothing to do other than inflate the body count . i like to think that levinson and hoffman , recognizing how uninspired this movie was likely to be , chose to make wag the dog as a sort of penance ( the low-budget picture was filmed during sphere's lengthy pre-production phase ) . if that's the case , forgiveness is granted . i'm less inclined to look favorably upon crichton , although he has a few enjoyable titles on his resume ( jurassic park and the levinson-directed disclosure come to mind ) . even if his novel was butchered in the adaptation process , crichton's credit as a producer disallows him absolution . he was a willing participant in a creative travesty . no wonder sphere is being released in february , in the midst of the early year's cinematic wasteland . it deserves no better than to get sunk by the unstoppable titanic , which should plow sphere under on its way to a ninth-consecutive weekend atop the box office heap .

toward the bottom of the '80s action movie barrel lies action jackson , the only movie in hollywood history to show sharon stone and vanity topless within a span of ten minutes . this carl " apollo creed " weathers vehicle features the traditional cop vs . evil establishment crook , and relies on all the '80s trappings , from the token heroin addict who needs a fix to the shouting superior officer . somewhere in between come the explosions and boobs , although there is a curious lack of exploding boobs . weathers is action jackson , a detroit cop known for all sorts of crazy vigilante techniques . speaking of one past criminal apprehension , jackson's superior yells , " you tore his arm off ! " jackson replies , " he had a spare . " jackson has been busted down to a desk job because of past problems with auto manufacturer dellaplane ( craig t . nelson ) and now has to act as department liaison to a dinner honoring nelson . after hearing what jackson thinks of him , stone says , " i take it you're not one of dellaplane's friends . " " not unless they changed the definition , " jackson glowers . and of course it turns out stone is mrs . dellaplane . faux pas , jackson . . . not everything is happy in motown ; people are being killed and dellaplane has evil plans for the awa . it's all up to jackson to stop it , and his only lead lies in vanity ( not his own ) . wherever she left off with prince in terms of exchanging sexual favors for career advancement she picks up in action jackson . she plays the heroin addict and chanteuse in dellaplane's nightclub . after singing one particularly sultry number for him , she saunters over and complains , " i expected a standing ovation . " he responds , " you're getting one , " and it's damn clever because he's sitting down at the time . prince wouldn't even let out an innuendo that lame and he's the king of the horndogs . . . or at least the prince . it's a testament to the '80s that sharon stone is killed off within the first 30 minutes but vanity survives the whole movie . action jackson is another variation on the " unlikely partners " buddy action flick , with jackson lugging junkie vanity around . this leads to some of the worst paired acting of the me decade , and with the dialogue they're given , there's not much room for improvement . my favorite is when vanity , feeling the effects of drug withdrawal , says , " i feel like my teeth are hollow , my gums are made of dry rubber and someone's trying to start a bonfire in the back of my bloody head . " jackson's response is , " i think i felt that way once . they called it love . " you'll understand when i say watch this at your own risk . serving the world for nearly 1/25th of a century !

this movie was one of the first american films done by director paul verhoeven . he has done films since then such as basic instict and starship troopers . all of his movies have one main thing in common- they don't skimp on the violence . in a verhoeven movie a guy doesn't get shot once in the chest- he gets shot many times all over the body . robocop takes place in detroit in the future . things are pretty bleak . the company ocp rules the city with an iron fist and is moving in on running the police force . peter weller plays a cop who goes on a mission with his partner , nancy allen . peter weller goes in an empty room alone and gets killed . meanwhile ocp has a failed demonstration of a ed-209 model robot crime fighter . someone comes up with the idea of having a cyborg robocop so they use any parts worth scalvaging from peter weller and make him into the robocop the movie is titled after . the plot of this movie generally runs at a decent pace . it drags a bit towards the end with robocop wanting to finish everybody off , but plot twists keep it exciting . the acting is bad from weller when he is human , but very good when he is robocop . nancy allen does a decent job . this movie doesn't leave itself open for a sequel exactly . but they made one anyway . enter . . . robocop 2 starring : peter weller and nancy allen directed by : irvin kershner detroit is in a more bleak state than it was in the first film . ocp is trying to develop an improved 'robocop 2' that will be more than a match for criminals . most of the police force is on strike due to ocp taking it over , leaving robocop to be the police force in the city . this film is pretty bizaare . it has a 13 year-old drug-lord who curses as much as eddie murphy , even more violence than the original , and some more humor . the plot of this movie is pretty large , almost too much so . there are three or four plot lines weaving around that don't really match up . the effects are still decent though . this sequel isn't more of the same really , just a darker version robocop dealing more with drugs than with armed criminals . if you liked the first one , watch this . but be dissapointed . so later comes . . . robocop 3 starring nancy allen and robert john burke ocp is now owned by a large japanese company . robocop joins a band of rebels to counter-attack the evil empire , i mean ocp . the japanese send a cyborg-ninja to deal with robocop . among other things . . . this movie is easier to follow than the last one . which means the plot isn't quite as crowded . this movie isn't anything special though . just more of robocop blasting things up in a more kid-friendly way . really not reccomended .

" something is fishy in the state of universal . " about ten years back , with the unexpected success of mad max and the road warrior , post-apocalypse nitty-gritty survival yarns became popular at the movies . we've always had movies of this nature ; on the beach , the end of the world , damnation alley , the ultimate warrior , and so on . to date , the most smoothly done were straightforward " haircuts " of the classic western plot , like the lone gunman who comes to town and protects the widow and the son against an evil organization , usually one in possession of some critical resource , like water , feed range , or a mining claim . most of these grew out of venerable , but solid hero yarns like the virginian and shane . ( my personal favorite is a patrick swayze movie called steel dawn , which was fairly well made on a small budget . ) now we have waterworld , which again brings the traditional lone gunman to town to rescue the young widow and her daughter . ( well , she's not a widow , and the kid isn't her daughter , but you get the idea . ) the lady is helen , played by the stunning jean tripplehorn , who isn't given a chance to be stunning , or even interesting , by the mediocre and unimaginative script . the child enola , played by tina majorino , is living proof that a child actor need not be a bad thing to have in a movie ; she outshines her material all the way through . in simple , the scene is earth , hundreds of years from now . the polar ice caps have melted , and somehow produced enough water to inundate the entire planet . the few remaining people live in boats and floating colonies , and survive by trade , theft , or piracy . somehow an oil tanker has survived the centuries , and its inhabitants , called " smokers , " are able to keep gasoline engines running despite the dearth of replacement parts and raw materials , so the bad guys have outboard engines , and fast-moving boats , airplanes , and jet skis . enola , found at sea as a young girl , has a mysterious map no one can read tattooed on her back . we suspect early on that it is the way to the mythical " dryland , " the place where trees , crops , and animals grow , and what plot there is hinges on who has enola . the psycho ruler of the smokers , the " deacon , " is trying to get her and find his way to dryland . played with typical self-lampooning , rug-chewing histrionics by dennis hopper , " deacon " is the only thing in the movie that's close to amusing . his performance is * almost * laughable , but there just isn't enough there to be funny . the star ( and a co-producer ) is kevin costner . he's playing an un-named lone denizen of the sea , a man called the " mariner , " who turns out to be a gilled , water-breathing mutant with webbed feet . very little is done with this . the script ignores the ineffectuality of gills in supplying enough oxygen to support a human metabolism ; it ignores the fact that even with both ice caps completely melted , much of the earth's surface would still be above water ; and it ignores the blatant impossibility of the cultures and technology shown . ( canned meat does * not * last for centuries ; ammunition does * not * fire after it's more than a few decades old ; and so on , and so on . . . ) i'm quite fond of tina majorino's previous work , very impressed by jean tripplehorn's past accomplishments , and still speechless over costner's dances with wolves . but this movie could destroy the careers of anyone associated with it ! this movie cost one hundred and eighty-two million dollars , and there's * nothing * in it we haven't seen before , done better on only a few percent of the cost of this turkey . at 125 minutes of material , this movie cost over one point four million dollars per minute to make . the budget of this movie * could * have given us over thirty movies ; it could have paid for six years of a prime-time sf tv series with expensive fx work , or ten years of an sf tv series with good digital fx . in sum , this movie is beneath contempt . it has nothing new to offer , it has a script that could easily have been bettered by the people who write comic books for dc , and it spent more money than the national budget of a small nation . if you * have * to go see it , see it on a four-dollar matinee . otherwise you'll find yourself sneering at you every time you pass a reflective surface , for weeks .

billy crystal reappears in yet another high concept comedy . he tries to infuse some life into it , but it gets bogged down with sentimentality and a lack of sophistication . sammy ( billy crystal ) is a struggling agent at the end of his ropes . he's separated from his wife , serena ( kathleen quinlan ) , and down to his last serious client . . . in a low-budget film shooting in romania . but in a turn of bad luck , sammy wrecks his car . . . only to be mysteriously saved by a giant ( gheorghe muresan ) . but this giant has a heart of gold . he leads a solitary life , helping out the monks at a local monastery . his only longing is for his long lost love , lilianna ( joanna pacula ) , who has since moved to america . sammy , seeing a golden ticket , convinces max to become an actor ( represented by sammy , of course ) , and come back to america . and so sam and max bounce from pathetic job to pathetic job , with sammy dangling a meeting with lilianna as a carrot before max's nose . but slowly sammy's deceptions begin to haunt him . but will he develop a conscience before the innocent max becomes disillusioned . the humor in my giant isn't the world's greatest . mostly , it falls under the category of " boy . . . he's so big ! " , and that can only go so far , no matter how hard the talent tries . still , its slightly amusing parts are longed for when the movie gets bogged down in sappy moments . the film's best moment ( and that's not saying much ) is a bit part by steven seagal , playing himself . between executive decision and this , all of seagal's best roles have been cameos . maybe he should consider a change of work : steven seagal , the character actor ! gheorghe muresan isn't a natural actor at all , and his thick cotton-mouthed accent certainly doesn't help . in fact the only thing he adds to the role is his immense stature . originally , the concept was designed several years ago for andre the giant . andre also had a hefty accent , but he displayed a knack for comedy in the princess bride . . . something muresan should have studied for some pointers . why does billy crystal continually get caught in these pathetic comedies ? he's proven that he can be much funnier than these formulaic films allow him to be , and yet , like a glutton for punishment , he keeps coming back . that doesn't mean we have to .

it's now the anniversary of the slayings of julie james' ( jennifer love hewitt ) best friends . still besieged by nightmarish memories of the man responsible for it all , she seems to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown . she can't concentrate on her schoolwork , can't get a good night's sleep , and is even frightened by the shadows and the blinking strobe lights at a local dance club . everywhere she looks , she sees visions of the man in a rubber slicker with the hook on his hand . in the first movie , `i know what you did last summer' , julie and three of her friends accidentally kill a man , running him down while driving down a dark mountain highway . to cover their misdeed , they dump the body into the ocean . however , he never quite died and returned to hunt down julie and her friends . julie and one other , ray ( freddie prinze jr . ) , survived only to make this dismal sequal . needing some desparate rest and relaxation , she is elated to learn that her college roommate , karla ( brandy ) , has won a trip for four to a secluded tropical island . accompanying these two girls are karla's overbearing boyfriend , tyrell ( mehki phifer ) and a potential beau for julie . but was this contest too good to be true ? the resort is filled with a skeleton staff that seemed like love boat rejects . meanwhile , the hotel is practically deserted as the storm season is about to begin . this presumably creates a venue where they will be secluded and will have no possible means off the island . eventually , they will be hunted down during power outages and chased around during intense lightning storms . as you might have guessed , somewhere in the shadows lurk a mysteriously strange figure that is wearing a rubber slicker and wielding a hook . julie tries to convince her friends that the killer is on the island ( an eerie touch is when she is singing " i will survive " at the karaoke bar and the words scroll " i still know . . . " ) , but her friends chalk it up to paranoia . but the body count soon starts to rise , and for julie , it's going to be the worst vacation of her life . the funny ( yes , i used the word 'funny' ) thing about this movie is that i heard more chortling and giggling ( maybe it was my giggling ) than i heard screaming . this movie boils down to a mindless slashfest that never conjures up any amount of wry wit or even a quirky campiness . there isn't even any suspense that leads up to the deaths . here's an appropriate example . knock-knock . " housekeeping " , says the diminuitive cleaning lady . the door suddenly opens up . slash . next victim ! is there any reason to go and see this movie ? not unless you want to see four uninteresting college kids run around in circles for about 90 minutes . but i do want to say one thing about this movie that satisfied me . i was thoroughly irritated with tyrell , who incessantly ranted and raved about his sexual libido . i secretly wished for him to get filleted . did he get 'hooked' ? well , let's just say that if he didn't , i would give this film a grade of " d " .

despite its exceedingly well-done visual effects , 1995's original species was one big hunk of sci-fi cheese , from the writing to the feeble performances . so , coming from such b-grade roots , its sequel's stunning ineptitude is not terribly surprising , yet at the same time it is . it would not have been difficult at all for the people behind species ii to top the hokey original , yet they have somehow managed to fabricate something just as bad , if not even worse . something is clearly amiss when the back door left open for a sequel in species--a sewer rat becomes not quite of this earth after eating a body part from the exploded alien/human hybrid sil--is never entered into ( perhaps that was left for species iii--though i'm not giving away anything when i say that this installment has an open back door of its own ) . the alien fun and games begin this time when a three-person astronaut crew returning from mars inadvertently carries within their soil samples deadly alien dna that eventually infects the mission captain , patrick ross ( justin lazard , late of cbs's short-lived soap of a few years back , central park west/cpw ) . this alien dna is not identical to that which created the original film's sil , but it's close enough , and upon arrival on earth patrick is mating like crazy , engaging in bloody sex with just about every woman he can find . meanwhile , scientist dr . laura baker ( the returning marg helgenberger ) has created a clone of sil named eve ( natasha henstridge again ) for research purposes . it doesn't take long for eve to sense another alien presence , which send her libido into hyperdrive . it's up to laura and her former partner , bounty hunter press lennox ( michael madsen , another returnee ) ; and patrick's uninfected shipmate dennis gamble ( mykelti williamson ) to find patrick before the in-heat eve does . " this isn't the x-files , goddammit ! " exclaims one character in the early going . in terms of quality , he's absolutely right , but he's also wrong . the new alien first appears as an otherworldly oozing sludge that causes patrick's pupils to dilate once he's infected . looks and sounds an awful lot like the x-files's " black cancer " to me . but that's not the only source director peter medak and writer chris brancato steal from . species was already a ripoff of alien , but medak makes the cribbing much more blatant than the original's director , roger donaldson , did . human patrick is given a tongue that also has a tongue within itself , and his alien form more closely resembles the alien than eve's alien body ( which ironically was designed by alien designer h . r . giger ) . a large alien hive that our heros douse with a substance fired from large guns ? aliens sans flamethrowers . the visual effects were by far the best thing about species , and the sequel's effects crew at steve johnson's xfx inc . keeps that high-quality tradition alive ; no cheap-looking lost in space cgi here . after the effects , the original's best asset was the fresh presence of henstridge . however , medak and brancato have no idea what exactly to do with her for this installment . at one point she's called on to play alien " empath " ? la forest whitaker in the original , but for most of the duration she's holed up in a glass cell . by the time the big breakout so prominently featured in the trailer actually takes place , the film is well into its home stretch . so the rest of the time we are treated to patrick , played with little zest by lazard . one problem with the first film was that the deadly , horny , but innocent-at-heart sil was too sympathetic ; no such problem with patrick , who comes off as a cocky pretty boy before the alien takes control . the rest of the cast also fails to add much , but the writing can be faulted for that . helgenberger and madsen go through the motions , but they are already hampered by the clich ? d development that somewhere between the two films , the once-linked laura and press stopped getting along . williamson suffers the worst indignity . he tries his best to enliven the token african-american role , but how can anyone recite insulting , derivative lines such as " i'm gonna get african on someone's ass " and not appear ridiculous ? but species ii's worst crime is being a thoroughly uninteresting piece of work . at least the original featured plenty to laugh at--unaccountably awful performances by the otherwise fine actors ben kingsley and whitaker , and the sight of helgenberger's character performing fellatio on madsen's , for a start . but the filmmakers do not display any discernable effort at all , let alone the misguided effort that is required for something to reach the camp level . for all the blood and gore , nudity , and sex thrown in , species ii is , quite simply , a vapid bore .

airplane ! is considered among many to be the epitome of satire film-making . after all , it's brought to us by one of the best known satire writing/directing teams . even if most people don't recognize the names behind the films , they are bound to recognize the titles : airplane ! , top secret , the naked gun , and hot shots to name a few . but although the zucker/abrahams/zucker team was first introduced with the kentucky fried movie in 1977 , airplane ! remains the true cornerstone of their work , and their directorial debuts . in the seventies , disaster films seemed to be at an all time high . films like earthquake , the towering inferno , and the poseidon adventure were big hits . there was also a series about the disasters that can arise when traveling by plane - a series that spanned the entire decade . and so , in 1980 , we were introduced to a new airplane disaster film . this time the disaster had nothing to do with a maniacal hijacker or crashing into the ocean . . . it had to do with bad fish . airplane ! is the story of ted striker ( robert hays ) - an ex-fighter-pilot who has never gotten over the fact that a decision he had to make in the midst of war led to the death of six , er , seven comrades . unable to stop living in the past , ted's world fell apart . he spent his time moving from city to city without ever having a stable job , and eventually , as we begin this film , is getting dumped by his lover , flight attendant elaine dickinson ( julie hagerty ) . in a desperate attempt not to lose her , ted buys a ticket for the same flight elaine is working . unfortunately , she is unsympathetic and even criticizes ted for following her , which leaves him wallowing in self-pity . in the midst of it all , something happens . someone gets sick . then another . then another . soon , the whole plane is full of deathly-ill chicago-bound people . . . and when the pilots get sick ( played by peter graves , kareem abdul-jabbar , and frank ashmore ) , who will save the day ? ( gee , i wonder ) of course the main draw here is the non-stop " whiz-bang " comedy , with a hefty dose of both visual and spoken gags . although i had seen this movie a few times before , i was still laughing thru the entire thing . the most fun character by far is the doctor , played by leslie nielsen . he's a dry , subtle , sterotypically straight-faced doctor that ends up saying some of the funniest lines of the film . in a film like this , you're not really expecting an elaborate production , so one can't complain about the amateurish quality . what you can complain about is the absolutely annoying johnny , played by stephen stucker . this character is pointless , nauseating , and very unfunny . i don't know why he was put in there , and i don't think anybody will find a good excuse . and when the film nears an end , it slows down quite a bit , almost getting old . you gotta give it to a movie that only runs 88 minutes and can feel two hours long . aside from that , airplane ! is really a top-notch spoof that will likely forever be known as a spoof classic . it would be a good choice to pop in the vcr with a group of friends , especially if they haven't seen it . and if they ask what the plot is , just tell 'em " it's a synopsis of the basic storyline of the film , but that's not important right now . " if you've seen the film , you'll understand ; - )

its a stupid little movie that trys to be clever and sophisticated , yet trys a bit too hard . with the voices of woody allen , gene hackman , jennifer lopez , sylvester stallone , and sharon stone , this computer-animated yak-fest ( think toy story [1996] filled with used merchandising ) is one for the ant-eaters . the main story is the independence of a worker named z ( allen ) . he wants more to life than just digging away underground for the colony . when he finds out about ``insectopia , " a mythical place where all insects can run free , z , along with his colony's princess ( stone ) , journey out into the world to find a meaning for life . about 15 minutes into the picture , i began to wonder what the point of the film was . halfway through , i still didn't have an answer . by the end credits , i just gave up and ran out . antz is a mindless mess of poor writing and even poorer voice-overs . allen is nonchalant , while i would have guessed , if i hadn't seen her in the mighty and basic instinct , stone can't act , even in a cartoon . this film is one for the bugs : unfunny and extremely dull . hey , a bug's life may have a good time doing antz in .

are you like me ? do you get annoyed seeing people talk on their cellulars in public places , shouting out loud , not giving a ratt's ass about anyone around them , and basically just wallowing in their own self-importance ? well if you are , than you will most likely agree with my rating of this film since it basically features a trio of annoying ladies bickering away on the phone for an hour and a half . . . only to make up and hug in the end . aaaaaaaahhhh . . . plot : three grown-up sisters living their own separate lives , begin to re-establish their communication lines when their dear old dad falls ill . critique : this would be a good movie if it wasn't for the fact that it's got very little to say , features uncaring people sharing annoying phone conversations , is chockfull of bad acting moments and provides less emotional satisfaction than any third-rate after-school special . and i'm being nice ! how junk like this gets made is beyond me , but happy am i that the ephron sisters will finally be dealt a professional blow , considering the regurgitation level of their material had just about reached its limit . the only true emotional moment demonstrated between meg ryan's character and her dad in this film is when he hugs her and swings her around at a christmas tree lot . wow . . . how deep . of course , the same christmas tune that's played in every ephron flick chimes out in the background , while characters continue to build " bonds " among one another by making reference to old , quaint movies or movie stars . stop me . . . i'm gonna cry again ! this film is a mess . the characters are boring and irritating to watch , the plot has something to do with three selfish sisters talking on the phone a whole lot , kind of liking their father ( but not really ) and then finally realizing the error of their ways , while sharing an " emotional " moment about movie stars from the 50s . admittedly , i was not expecting much from a film whose television trailer features meg ryan screaming every two seconds and a big dog rolling its eyes , but even i was surprised at the level of ineptitude when it came to some of the acting efforts put forth in this film . meg did fine as the sister who cries a lot , looking as adorable as ever , but someone please put lisa kudrow inside a permanent home of limited range , cause this woman basically is that very same character that she plays in every single movie/tv show that she's in . enough already ! and diane keaton must've spent more time thinking about her role behind the camera in this one , cause her acting was amateurish at best . neither one convinced in " emotional " scenes . granted , they gave walter matthau the best lines in the film and that's probably where my rating of three points comes from . all in all , this movie is not funny ( unless you're one to chuckle at train wrecks ) , provides zero drama ( unless you consider loud phone conversations moving ) , generates absolutely no emotion ( although i did tear up when meg hugged a coffee machine ) and ends on a perfectly pretentious note ( " oh no , please don't get any flour on my donna karan dress ! ) . ugh . i suggest that all ladies take their husbands/boyfriends to see this movie if they are pissed off at them about something ! that'll teach 'em to mess with you ! oh and incidentally , mrs . joblo also likened this movie to a piece of cow dung flailing in the wind , so there ! then again . . . maybe you'll like it . : )

it seemed like the perfect concept . what better for the farrelly brothers , famous for writing and directing comedies with offensive subject matter , than to make a movie about a guy with a split personality ? it's exactly the sort of thing the brothers relish : poking fun at something serious ( in this case mental illness ) , throwing all care to the wind to get a laugh . jim carrey's signed on too ? even better . the national alliance for the mentally ill even helped out by levying complaints against the brothers' new film before its opening , claiming it was misrepresenting the condition of split personality , labeling it incorrectly as " schizophrenia , " and so forth . such a protest seemed like just the sort of thing that would , of course , only add more fuel to the farrelly brothers' fire , proving that some people just couldn't take a joke , and that the farrellys would be helping the more enlightened viewers to yet another dose of their brilliantly subversive comedy . yes , it all seemed perfect , but one thing went wrong : their movie isn't funny . it's not for lack of trying . the farrellys utilize in " me , myself & irene " their most high-concept premise ever : carrey plays charlie baileygaites , a man who after being dumped by his wife for a midget limo driver , decides to bury all his aggressive feelings deep down inside and never release them . this , of course , means all his neighbors exploit his entirely too-forgiving nature , making his job as a rhode island state trooper increasingly difficult . soon enough , charlie's repressed aggression manifests itself into a second , independent personality named hank , a deep-voiced , boorish ogre unafraid of taking the assertive actions his predecessor had been unable to muster . this guy isn't above crashing a car through the wall of the barber shop in which he's been insulted , or holding a little girl's head underwater because she refused to stop jump-roping in the street . then things start getting lost in the most complicated plot the farrellys have ever attempted , and the film runs off its tracks . some have suggested that this isn't a problem , because the farrelly brothers' brand of humor doesn't require plot to work . they're wrong , of course : plot was greatly instrumental in building up the kind of rollicking comic energy that infused the farrellys' last effort , 1996's " there's something about mary . " ( 1999's " outside providence " was technically an earlier project . ) the brothers' earlier film wasn't funny merely because it contained outrageous gags ( despite what some newsmagazine articles would have you believe ) , but rather because its most outrageous gags were entirely unexpected . in " mary , " the farrellys managed several times to pull off a neat sleight-of-hand trick : they'd have you thinking the story was going one way , then reveal its real direction in delightfully surprising fashion . " me , myself & irene , " by contrast , seems to have been made by folks who looked at " mary " and saw only the surface grossness , missing all of the subtle machinations that really made it work . having been produced by the same guys who made " mary , " " irene " seems like an even bigger disappointment . the brothers pile on the offensive humor , taking shots at race , midgets , albinos , mental illness , and all manner of bathroom jokes . but they haven't come up with a way to make any of it fresh most of " me , myself & irene " comes off as rote , by-the-numbers , adolescent comedy . the plot , with carrey forced to drive alleged fugitive irene p . waters ( renee zellweger ) , who's in more trouble than anyone knows , back to new york , has an ending that's entirely predictable from the get-go . ( think charlie and irene will fall in love ? yeah , me too . ) the farrellys then introduce scores of different characters , and none of them ever manage to do anything you haven't already expected them to do , no matter how outrageous their actions might be . compared to the curveballs the farrellys are used to throwing , this stuff is almost entirely soft-tossed , presenting an obvious problem : when gross-out humor loses its shock value , it's no longer funny , merely gross . the jokes that do work are milked over and over until their effectiveness runs dry . take , for example , the subplot involving charlie's three black sons ( anthony anderson , mongo brownlee , jerod mixon ) . the incongruity of it all is funny for a while , with three burly black men discussing higher math in ghetto language and white-bread carrey mouthing said language with an entirely too-pleasant smile on his face . but by the end of the film , they're still doing the same schitck it hasn't been elevated to another , funnier level , and it hasn't been dropped either . that's too bad , because it ceases to be amusing about halfway through . " me , myself & irene " reeks of wasted opportunities . there ought to be more focus on how other people react to charlie's new personality , and on how charlie deals with the consequences of hank's actions . this doesn't really happen nearly every supporting character learns about charlie's condition early on , so they don't have any opportunity to be surprised by it . the film throws what looks like a patented farrelly curve in a scene towards the midway point ( involving an albino companion charlie and irene pick up called , appropriately , " whitey " ) , but the script doesn't go anywhere with it , instead leaving the thread twisting in the wind before awkwardly tying it up during the climax . jim carrey is a gifted comedian , both physically and vocally , but he's left with nothing much to do here except contort himself in a manner similar to steve martin in " all of me . " it's a great showcase of flexibility and split-second role-shifting , but none of it is terribly funny . carrey doesn't pull any stunts we don't expect him to pull , and the farrellys' script doesn't give him anything else to pull : the situations in which he must perform the role-shifting aren't set up in any meaningful way . perhaps carrey can take solace in the fact that his supporting actors fare no better . zellweger's irene is not a strong female lead mary in " mary " may have been part adolescent fantasy , but she was also intelligent and strong-willed . irene is nothing in particular , as the film never makes clear whether she's ditzy , clever , or neither . as such , she gives us nothing to latch onto as the only " sane " person in the film . chris cooper is stuck playing exactly one note as a corrupt fbi agent , and his character is entirely too straight-laced for a movie like this . he , like the others , does absolutely nothing unexpected . after viewing the shapeless mess that " me , myself & irene " eventually dissolved into , i was stuck wondering whether or not the farrellys had outsmarted themselves . maybe their kind of comedy can only work for so long until audiences get wise to it and stop being shocked . but i don't believe it -- good filmmakers find ways of surprising their audiences even after people have grown attuned to their style . if the farrellys are indeed good , smart filmmakers ( and i still think they are ) , they'll rebound just fine . even after that happens , though , i'll still consider " me , myself & irene " to be a high-caliber misfire .

in the series of the erotic thrillers that flooded the videoshelves in the early 1990s came this french-canadian co-production by max fischer . the movie is set in paris where its hero , struggling american author david mirkine ( judd nelson , at the time specialised in playing losers and people at the edge of sanity ) suffers a terrible writers bloc . he manages to overcome crisis after beginning romantic relationship with beautiful model anabelle ( laurence treill ) . unfortunately , she hangs out in jet set circles , which gradually makes mirkine pathologically jealous . her connection with powerful david caravan ( pierce brosnan ) would make mirkine step the line between reason and sanity and put in motion whole series of violent and tragic events . although few pseudoerotic scenes and some elements of the plot do indeed make this film an erotic thriller , drama would probably be more appropriate genre label . pacing of the film is simply too slow to thrill the viewers , and those patient enough to sit through its entirety have to wait a long time between any interesting or significant developments . low budget also becomes painfully visible , and physical attributes of laurence treill are the only thing worth watching in this film . unfortunately , this film has too little of those supposedly erotic scenes , so those who wanted to watch erotic thriller have all the reasons to feel disappointed . instead , they would have to settle with pointless , slow scenes involving nelson , brosnan and laurence treill's attempts of serious acting . all of those definitely not worth spending hour and half of someone's precious time .

summary five liberal iowa graduate students share a house and carry on a tradition of a large sunday dinner . for a year now they have been inviting a guest for dinner and discussion . on this occasion one of the roommates , pete ( ron eldard ) , brings home a stranger who picked him up when his car broke down . the stranger is zack ( bill paxton ) who appears like a decent enough good samaritan . nothing could be further from the truth . after some dinner conversation it appears that zack is , among other things , a racist " you know my grandfather once said that if he knew you coloreds were going to be so much trouble we'd have picked the damn cotton ourselves " , and an anti-semite . an argument escalates at the dinner table and leads to violence . after zack assaults marc ( jonathan penner ) and pete , zack is killed . the roommates are at odds with what to do . marc , pete and paulie ( annabeth gish ) immediately wish to call the police . luke ( courtney b . vance ) and jude ( cameron diaz ) suggest something different . after more discussion they agree to dispose of the body and cover it up . they do not want to be sent to jail for what they feel was a justifiable homicide . when it is done the roommates realize that it was easier than they thought . so easy in fact that they decide that every sunday their dinner guest would be someone who opposes of their views . if they all agree that the guest deserves to die , they will poison them and bury them in the back yard . the back yard fills up rather quickly , its' victims including ( among others ) a right to life extremist , an anti-environmentalist and a homophobe . by the time the roommates get to their tenth victim they begin to question their methods . are they giving the guests a chance ? are they even giving them good food anymore ? this film is what i like to call a " hidden treasure " . this film is such a pleasant surprise . a well written , devilish satire that is funny , sexy and original . this film should be a hit , but i guess the fact that it apparently had no marketing wouldn't give it much of a chance . i had never heard of it until i saw a copy at my video store . stacy title does a wonderful job directing . she somehow finds the time to give all of the characters enough screen time to develop a distinct personality . >from the five members of the house to other key characters including sheriff stanley ( nora dunn ) , the local law closing in on the truth , and the dream dinner guest , norman arbuthnot ( ron perlman ) , a rush limbaugh clone who should be the roommates easiest kill . perlman gives the films' best performance . he finds the right note as the right wing big mouth who simultaneously offends and gains followers , and may just inadvertently talk his way out of death . the other actors are convincing as well , as all of the roommates deal with their murderous ways . some of the characters appear to be heading down the road towards insanity , while others grieve their decisions . when friends ask me to recommend a movie , this is usually the first one i think of . i am not saying that this is my favorite movie ( although it is in my top ten ) , but because the film was such a wonderful surprise , i have a fondness for it . i also try to recommend films like this : ones that have not been seen by many people , but should .

i tried hard not like this movie without succeeding . it contains parts of bringing up baby , any hepburn/tracy film , part of the plot of war games , cary grant and rosalind russell in his girl friday , elevator shaft action , train action , and murder . it is cute , funny , suspenseful ( a little bit ) , sexy ( a little bit ) . one of the bad guys was a surprise . the pace is fast enough , there are some " action " scenes . i think that this is a reasonable family summer movie for families with older kids who have already seen maverick . julia roberts and nick nolte are fine separately and together . i really identified with the julia roberts character ( wishful thinking , i know ! ) , but i do have better hair ! her hair , a very dull dark brown , has no color . she could use some highlights . they both do fine with their roles : he's a bored columnist with the chicago chronicle and she's a hotshot " cub " reporter with the chicago globe . they have great fun trying to out scoop each other to solve one case throughout this movie . i like the one story focus . other actors include charles martin smith as roberts' boss , olympia dukakis as nolte's coworker , nora dunn also with the chronicle , and marsha mason as a congresswoman . basically this movie is reasonably fun . there is a serious mystery to solve , and i enjoyed following a fun couple solving the mystery . it is a pleasant change of pace from movies that take themselves seriously . i do give successful comedy high marks .

susan granger's review of " songcatcher " in the midst of this summer's fare of dinos revisited and romantic fiascoes , there are a few thoughtful movies - and this appalachian period drama is one . oscar nominee janet mcteer ( " tumbleweeds " ) stars as dr . lily penleric , an accomplished musicologist who , back in that pre-feminist era , was refused a full professorship at her university . determined to prove her worth , she ventures deep into the rugged mountains of north carolina , where her younger sister elna ( jane adams ) runs a school . there in bear creek , she discovers a treasure-trove of traditional scots-irish and english folk ballads , given a unique interpretation by the insular locals . excited , she sends for recording equipment and persuades vinie butler ( pat carroll ) and other self-sustaining mountain folk to share their musical heritage on her edison phonograph cylinders . their music , as she puts it , is " as much a part of life here as the air you breathe . " that's the main thrust of writer-director maggie greenwald's occasionally uneven culture-clash story , which is loosely based on olive dame campbell's foray through the blue ridge mountains in 1908 , but there's also some melodramatic romantic spice . ornery , bearded , banjo-picking aidan quinn falls for the statuesque , passionate " songcatcher , " while elna secretly engages in a lesbian relationship with a colleague ( e . katherine kerr ) . i'm ready to buy the soulful soundtrack with vocalists like emmylou harris , iris dement , taj mahal and young opera star emmy rossum who plays a pivotal role as mcteer's wide-eyed prot ? g ? . rated pg-13 , there's an intense scene of primitive childbirth . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10 , " songcatcher " is an intelligent , extraordinary 8 , transported by the transcendent power of song .

no , it is not a bad film , in fact it is so good in achieving its purpose , i actually wished for the film to end itself quickly . event horizon is not your run-of-the-mill sci-fi film , i'm sure many who have watched this will agree with me . it is not even original in that sense , and it does borrow heavily from films like alien , hellraiser and even blade runner . the magic of this film lies in its unorthodox setting and methodical build-up that makes it wonderfully horrifying . the story brings us to the year 2050 , where space travel have since enormously progressed . the event horizon is actually a ship built for a secret experimental purpose ; it has the ability to fold time and space thus making it possible for travelling distances not reachable in a man's lifetime . the ship disappeared as soon as it went into operation but after 7 years , it reappeared again within the orbit of neptune . a search and rescue team led by miller ( fishburne ) is given the task to check for survivors of the event horizon . the designer of the ship , dr . weir ( neill ) follows along to satisfy his curiosity on what actually happened to his otherwise technologically impressive ship . event horizon is a sci-fi horror film , much truer to the word than say , alien would ever be . while in alien , the crew has to cope with a ferocious creature while encased within tight spaces , in event horizon , the forces which goes against the crew is undefined but yet so powerful and horrifying . the story unfolds itself slowly and the suspense buildup is superb , up till the point where i really felt like saying out loud `enough ! i can't stand this anymore ! ' . there are more than enough jolts to send your adrenalin pumping overtime . the story in itself is not exactly something very exciting and also , the acting is only at most , average by most commercial standards . even so , the essence of horror is carried out very well in this film , thanks to its well-paced storytelling , disturbing set designs and some really gory sequences ( which incidentally , has been quite generously removed by our censorship board ) . director paul anderson ( who did mortal kombat ) and his team of `atmosphere' creators have done well in keeping event horizon within the bounds of the term `horror' . this picture did not do very well in the us box-office most probably for the dread-factor impact it has on most audiences ; people will not see it again and not many would recommend their friend to watch this . although on the face of it , event horizon is mostly molded for mass-entertainment ; many thrills , spills and suspense to keep audiences in focus . however , the offbeat horror element which it ultimately convey audiences is very disturbing . my friend and i could not say a word to each other for quite a while after going through the `experience' of event horizon . i guess it was just the immense feeling of dread which the film had cast upon us . be forewarned , this film is not for the faint-hearted nor for pure entertainment . be prepared to be disturbed if you should decide to watch this film ! event horizon is highly recommended ? ? but at your own risk ! it has been a long time since good-horror embraced the big screen , and event horizon is one .

way of the gun is brimming with surprises , some good , most bad . one of the good ones is ryan phillippe's surprisingly halfway decent performance . after the actor gained much attention by posing and preening through teen swill like i know what you did last summer , he hinted at a bit growth in last year's cruel intentions with his amusingly contemptuous john malkovich meets james spader performance , though his acting in that film faltered around the third act mark , precisely when the screenplay made his character grow a heart ( presumably to appeal to his training bra wearing fans ) and start bellyaching about how he'd fallen for his " target " . it was a dramatic shift that neither phillippe nor the film's director could negotiate . but he seems to be trying and that shouldn't be overlooked ( or probably over praised ) seeing as how , at this point , he really isn't required to do much but look pretty . here , phillippe has procured a five day growth of beard , his hair askew and his affect altered to sound something like james cagney in all his " look here , see " glory . it's tough to believe a pretty boy like phillippe as a hard ass , but his performance actually helps with the illusion . unlike ben affleck's puppy dog approach in reindeer games , phillippe is believable and not too bad at that . as for the plot , well , that's one of the bad surprises ; phillippe and the great benicio del torro play two moronic ( and not even remotely likeable ) criminals ( introduced to us in the parking lot of a rave where they stupidly pick a fight with about twenty people ) who hatch a scheme to kidnap a surrogate mother ( juliette lewis ) after overhearing that she's carrying the baby of painter ( scott wilson ) , a very well connected wealthy man . the kidnapping devolves into a laborious shoot out where much damage is done and many are killed . but the anti-heroes escape with the woman while an aging hit man ( james caan ) and two scheming bodyguards ( taye diggs and nicky katt ) remain in pursuit . directed by christopher mcquarrie , the screenwriter who won an oscar for his work on usual suspects , an overrated piece of crime noir in many circles ( this one included ) , way of the gun is a hodgepodge of crime thriller motifs that just oozes eye rolling familiarity . unlike phillipe , mcquarrie doesn't seem to be growing at all ; he fills his flick with a sprawling labyrinth of plot all snatched from movies i know i've seen before and worse , it feels like it . the film lacks even a fresh approach ( like what soderbergh did out of sight or the limey ) to its clich ? s , all of which are spewed before us in a picture that tries so desperately to be hip and gritty without bothering to notice how common it is . it features characters living by a code they seemed to have picked up in sam peckinpah 101 rather than any thing resembling life . even attempts at emotional weight feel strained like in preposterous scene where enemies james caan and benicio del torro stop in their tracks to have a cup of coffee and pontificate on life , philosophy , etc . i didn't like the bit much when it first appeared in heat , here , it's even more self consciously " dramatic " . usual suspects , which also featured a bunch of low lives that seemed to live by a code they learned from the movies , worked to some degree because of that astonishing twist ending . nowadays an astonishing twist per ending is de rigeur , never mind if it deems all that transpired before it completely inconsequential . thus , nearly every character in way comes with at least one dirty little secret ( most amateurishly projected before they appear ) and it too has an ironic little twist at the end ( nothing earth shattering , like in the usual suspects ) but i admit , i didn't see it coming , and i smiled . however most of the movie feels exactly like the interrogation scenes between palminteri and spacey in usual suspects : a lot of faux huffing and puffing with no rhythm or reason . or substance . it's just as overplotted as suspects , and often dull as any overplotted movie without interesting characters , a distinctive style , or a good script would be . even the good stuff , most of which involves james caan ( doing a fine job ) , feels odd and out of place in a movie that thinks lines like " karma is only justice with out the satisfaction " are clever . at one point caan laments " need is the ultimate monkey " a line so inexplicable he might as well have said " love is like hippo ass " . i've seen porno with better dialogue . and some with better plot lines too . but rarely has porn offered up such a talented cast ( i mean , can you even compare james caan to ron jeremy ) . caan slips into this role with seeming ease , he could do this kind of soft-spoken tough guy in a coma , but he manages to give his character depth and weariness . benicio del torro is always welcome , though here he plays it fairly straight ( rather than another oddball character creation like the ones the actor gave us in usual suspects and excess baggage ) , adopting a brad pitt-esque quizzical pout to go along with his heavy swaggering . speaking of pitt , his ex , juliette lewis , is a weak link , either shouting her lines with ear shattering shrillness , or waddling about like a silly goose . nicky katt was brilliant in a brief role in the limey , here his role is just as brief only he seems wasted ; he's only kept around for his cold presence . taye diggs has a similar function , cool as ever , but never a character , though the guy has one helluva death scene . for the most part way is incessantly talky with no reason to give a hippo's ass about any thing that transpires since its characters are never more than simplistic pawns . it's vaguely tarantino-ish , but in a bad truth and consequences nm way , with phillippe , in one scene , leaping into a stupid rant about " faggots " migrating to los angeles . you know the routine . the final shoot out is pure bargain basement john woo ( who himself seems to be doing bargain basement john woo ) with interchangeable bad guys lining up to be shot at . but those gun shots sure crack like thunder . just the other day i was watching an old dirty harry movie on cable and was stunned to hear the weak elephant grunt-like sound that emanated from harry's fetishized smith and wesson . oh how far we've come .

" you can't have any of this . it's all mine ! " --- a twisted priest ( charles huevelman ) hordes his tasty fried chicken while dana ( angela zimmerly ) looks on uninterested . an evil presence , appropriately named the presence ( dj vivona ) , rules over an alternate dimension where neither angels nor demons can touch him . for kicks , the presence likes to trick a human into rounding up five of his or her friends so they can all be sent to his dimension and be systematically slaughtered . when something goes wrong and one of the presence's recent victims escapes , the angels and demons are alerted to his existence and feel he is a threat that needs to be stopped . they enlist the help of alison ( ramona midgett ) , a recent suicide victim , to return to the flesh and follow the six new enlistees through the ice wall that surrounds the the nether-realm . her mission is to melt away the ice barrier and allow the angels and demons access by reminding the presence of who he once was , an ancient court jester named abraham who lost his job when his king and queen were killed . the king's sorcerer , amblyn ( who also lost his job ) , decided to take abraham under his wing as an apprentice . during the downtime in his unemployment , amblyn decided to create a new dimension where sorcery , evil , and torture ruled . abraham wished to follow his master into this new realm , so he was asked to show his devotion to the evil wizard by murdering his one true love . in this new realm , amblyn would allow abraham to pursue the sport of hunting and destroying the humans that would be brought to this realm . after each murder , abraham would become stronger , until his power surpassed that of amblyn's . because of the screw-up that allowed the recent escape , abraham was able to destroy his master and take control of the realm himself . as alison quests to find abraham and show him the errors of his ways , the six new hapless humans are allowed to live out their worst nightmares and then be brutally murdered . if there's one thing i can't stand when i see a film , it's when the film is pretentious and arty just for the sake of being pretentious and arty . films like eraserhead and begotten are two of the worst examples of this , and now ice from the sun can be added to this list . this film is essentially an 80 minute stalk-and-slash film ( following the dante's inferno idea that your hell corresponds to how you lived your life or any one of the plots to nightmare on elm street 3 through 6 ) intercut with almost 40 minutes of strange and ( supposedly ) haunting images , many of which serve more to confuse than to further the plot . if there aren't bizarre images floating past the screen , then we get pointless shots of a suicidal alison staring at her breakfast for minutes at a time or contemplating whether or not she should answer her phone . compelling , but ultimately not . the opening credits sequence is designed like a music video for some unknown industrial band featuring various random images from the film interspersed with other random images . the credits run the entire length of the song which is almost five minutes and the actual cast listing and other credit information doesn't pop up until near the end of the sequence . when the opening credits began i thought my vcr had accidentally cut off and a interstitial from mtv2 had found its way to my tv . at least the music in the film is pretty decent , made up of mostly industrial and hard rock music and even features a song by ramona midgett . at the beginning of the film it is established that the presence possesses supernatural powers like shooting bullets out of the palms of his hands and decapitating people by waving his hand in front of them ( and he talks like a darth vader clone without the heavy breathing ) . for some reason though , he delegates all of his main stalkings to what seems like the supporting cast of deliverance . one over-alled cretin handles the presence's gravedigging and likes to chop peoples heads off with his shovel , then there's an inbred father ( dwight spurgin ) and his two inbred children ( mark kettler and jennifer poirrier-wallace ) that take care of a young woman who has been transformed into a half dog-half human mix with a shotgun , and of course a big truck driving guy that likes to tie people up naked to the back of his vehicle and drag them across stone roads before pouring salt all over their wounds . why would you want to give responsibilities to a bunch of " rednecks " when you yourself had all of these cool powers ? and how is it that the fellow that screws over all of his buddies is able to round up exactly five friends to complete the number of people required to enter the realm at exactly the same time ? i can barely get more than two together all at once at any given moment . the most ridiculous segment though comes right before the aforementioned dragging/salting sequence . the character in question , dana ( angela zimmely ) , has her turn up to be killed and is standing at the front of a movie theater in which the presence is seated . a priest holding two naked dirty humans on leashes walks in and sits down next to a large platter of fried chicken . he picks up the entire platter and starts to enjoy the chicken , taunting dana as she looks on with no interest whatsoever . when she starts to leave , the priest chides her for going before the performance starts and then something that looks like a either a creature from a gwar show or a terry gilliam animation from monty python come to life , walks out , and makes like it wants to be crucified by her . the presence starts to clap annoyingly ( which continues for the rest of the sequence ) until dana takes off with the strange creature following her . when it finally catches up to her , she stabs it in its giant eyeball and is covered in slimy glop that spurts from the ruptured organ . the box for the film claims " because of the horrifying nature of the motion picture , parental discretion is advised for persons under the age of 18 . contains nudity and graphic violence " . while both is certainly true , there doesn't seem to be much of either in any large amounts . besides a loving close up of a spurting neck stump , a semi-graphic self-surgery scene , and two instances of head trauma ( one run over and one melting ) , most of the gore is just of the spraying blood or bloody wound covered body variety . as for nudity , it is very sparse , but at least we get to see angela zimmerly ( far and away the most attractive cast member ) before her body is bruised , torn , and bloodied by the dragging incident . ice from the sun has been released on vhs by www . b-movie . com . it has been presented in in full-frame only and the transfer ( for a film shot a good deal in 8mm ) is pretty decent . besides the decent soundtrack ( which is also available from www . b-movie . com ) , a making-of video is also available called on thin ice . i haven't had the opportunity to see the documentary , but i actually would have been interested to see what the set was like while all of the shots were being filmed , if only to see how director eric stanze ( director of a similar cult film called savage harvest ) , conducted the atmosphere on set .

jean-claude van damme movies tend to be , if nothing else , a lot of mindless fun . his latest film , " knock off , " skips on the fun part leaving a wildly incoherent exercise that is , well , simply mindless . you can't really blame van damme . no one , i suspect , has ever expected " the muscles from brussels " to contribute a heartfelt performance brimming with introspection and delicate shades of gray . and even his sidekick co-star , " saturday night live " alumnus rob " makin' copies " schneider , does what's expected of him , although neither appear to want the role of straight man . no , the problem with the film is its direction . the first five minutes of the film are incomprehensible . . . and it goes downhill from there ! five hundred characters , it seems , are introduced within the first fifteen minutes . van damme doesn't land his first kick until after thirty--too late for most action fans--and by the time the hour mark has rolled around , your jaw will be on your cup holder and you'll be wondering why you elected to spend seven dollars on this mess . director hark tsui , whose previous film was the van damme/dennis rodman teamed " double team , " films at such a frenetic pace that it's hard to know what's going on , who's on whose side , and what the point of all this is . faster than you can yell " fruit stand ! " we're watching a crazed rickshaw race with schneider being bounced along by an energetic van damme . when schneider starts whacking van damme in the behind with a four-foot eel while enthusing " move your beautiful big ass , " the movie takes an unprecedented turn to the bizarre . every now and again " knock off " will deliver some truly ingenious directorial flourishes--inventive camera shots and angles , wild rides down gun silencers and from the tops of buildings to the sprawling street below , revealing cut-ins within the frame--but they all happen too quickly , and within such a furious frame of reference , that they're wasted . if only hark could have slowed things down just for a minute . if you're interested in the plot , you're better off reading a capsule review than trying to extract any meaning from the on-screen shenanigans : " jean-claude van damme plays a shady bluejeans manufacturer who uncovers a russian mafia plot to terrorize the world with " nanobombs " hidden in cabbage patch knock-offs . maybe . with paul sorvino . " a more accurate summary would be " jean-claude van damme bums around hong kong failing to avoid large , blatant coca-cola product placements . " the fact that the film is staged during hong kong's last days under british rule gets some lip service but doesn't figure in at all . perhaps " knock off " 's most intriguing credit is that ron and russell mael composed the frenzied music score . some of you might remember the mael brothers as the '80s synth pop duo sparks ; their contributions here are as confused as the accompanying action-- " kimono my house " indeed ! like the cheap jeans and " pumma " sneakers manufactured in hong kong , van damme's latest is a real phony .

the blues brothers was a wonderful film , a hilarious comedy packed with good music . it cried out for a sequel , but john belushi's untimely death seemed to eliminate the idea . however , eighteen years have passed , and the long dormant sequel has finally emerged . unfortunately , it's a sequel not worthy of the original . the film starts exactly eighteen years after the first one ended . elwood blues ( dan aykroyd ) is just getting out of jail , his brother jake having recently died . as in the first film , he first visits mother mary stigmata ( kathleen freeman ) and then sets about getting the band back together . john belushi's absence leaves a terrible hole in the film , and although three new characters are created to fill the void , it is still very noticeable . first , there's cabel ( joe morton ) the illegitimate son of elwood's stepfather ( played by cab calloway in the first movie ) . cabel is reluctant to join his destiny , and spends most of the movie as an illinois sheriff , chasing the blues brothers band . next , there's mighty mack ( john goodman ) , a bartender who becomes the new lead singer of the band . finally , there's buster ( j . evan bonifant ) , a ten year old orphan who tags along with elwood and eventually joins the band . the plotting of the film is hardly original . . . it seems to be almost a clone of the original . elwood has to go to reluctantly retrieve each member of the band , they then travel , while being pursued by the police , and perform at several odd stops until they finally reach the big concert finale . the first film had neo-nazis as the random element , this time around , the russian mafia and a militia group fill their role . in fact , the duplication of the plot is so ridiculously complete that certain scenes are practically identical to the original . remember the classic performance at country bob's ( where they like both types of music : country and western ) from the first movie ? well , this movie has a performance at a country fair , where the band is expected to play bluegrass music . there's the massive police car pileup , although this time the gag falls completely flat . there's even an exact replica of the conversion scene in the church of reverend cleophus ( james brown ) . there are plenty of recurring characters too . in addition to mother stigmata and reverend cleophus , aretha franklin reprises her role as mrs . murphy . frank oz , a prison guard in the first film , makes an appearance here as the prison warden . as the stars , the new blues brothers don't live up to their legacy . aykroyd is more loquacious , yet much flatter as elwood . john goodman barely has a character as mighty mack . joe morton has the deepest character , but not a terribly interesting one , as cab . and what's the deal with the orphan ? it plays like a desperate gimmick that doesn't mesh at all with the rest of the film . at least bonifant isn't as precocious as he could have been in the role . but the true star , and the only saving grace , of the film is the music . and the film is packed with it ( even during and after the ending credits ) . although there are no brilliant mergers of comedy and song as in the original's rawhide/stand by your man medley , the music is very much enjoyable . to top it off , the film is packed to the gills with cameo musician appearances . b . b . king , blues traveler , eric clapton , travis tritt , wilson pickett , erykah badu , bo diddley and steve winwood are just a sampling of the multitude of stars that make an appearance here and there . unfortunately , the music pauses here and there to allow in the familiar plot . if simply copying the original blues brothers wasn't bad enough , writers aykroyd and john landis dumb it down , removing any memorable characters , and replacing them with flashy , but unbelievable , magical gimmicks . it's a shame . buy the soundtrack and avoid the film . better yet , rewatch the original . . . you'll have a much better time .

>from the commercials , this looks like a mild-mannered neil simonesque tale with mary tyler moore baring her bra touted as the highlight . instead it turns out to be a hilarious film running in high gear from beginning to end . the concept is deceptively pedestrian . an adult adopted son is looking for his biological parents and encounters eccentric characters along the way . the movie demonstrates just how far a good script and actors can take a mundane idea . the son and his wife take off on the search accompanied by a woman from the agency who located his parents . following one dead end lead after another , each funnier than the previous , they eventually end up in new mexico with his real biological parents : alan alda and lily tomlin . it's difficult to condense the mile-a-minute plot . seemingly hundreds of scenes jump on top of each other without giving you a chance to recover from the last one . without giving too much away , one of the better episodes involves a gay federal alcohol , tobacco and firearms agent attempting an arrest while tripping on lsd as his bi-sexual partner is upstairs licking the armpit of a woman while her husband is in the next room seducing their traveling companion . and it's all done in a fairly clean , almost ( well , maybe not exactly ) family fare manner . a grand cast ( tomlin , alda , moore , ben stiller , patricia arquette , tea leoni , george segal ) interacts in a seamless parade of laughs . drawing from a more hyper woody allen style , the film succeeds beyond expectations .

note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . among my fanatical ticker tape-worshipping friends , there's one who happens to share the same philosophy espoused by the central character in darren aronofsky's darkly original pi : the entire stock market can be reduced to nothing but a series of patterns which , through analysis , will produce information to accurately forecast future behaviour . ( an example of the mentality involved : if the stock price goes up like this , and then down like that , and then sharply up this way , it then will go * this * way . ) while i freely admit that i know less than nothing about the market ( knowledge check : prices up -- good ; prices down -- bad ; most of the time , at least ) and hence really couldn't comment with any authority , it's always nonetheless struck me as an incredibly naive oversimplification of an astonishingly complex system ( and besides , if it were that simple , no doubt somebody would've already figured it all out ) . the difference in this case is that while my colleague ( an otherwise assuredly realistic individual ) truly believes in this in and of itself as a valid forecaster , pi uses this ideology as a device with which to investigate its character's psychosis . it's also vastly more convincing with its argument . " mathematics is the language of the universe , " insists genius protagonist maximillian cohen ( sean gullette ) in a cool , mantra-like voice-over which repeats throughout the picture . since nature can be expressed in numbers , and there are patterns everywhere in nature , he reasons with eminent logic that finding the patterns will allow him to predict anything -- the ups and downs of the stock market , how many games the yankees will win this year , the flavour of jam i'm going to put on my toast tomorrow morning . obsessed with finding the proverbial key to the universe , max lives in paranoid , self-imposed solitude in a seedy nyc chinatown apartment , single-mindedly toiling away with his monstrous homemade computer system . sullenly withdrawn and plauged by debilitating migraines , the elusive pursuit of a mysterious 216-digit number his machine spits out one day is driving him into madness . the story , then , is basically an eccentricity , but it's a clever , astute eccentricity , perceptively zeroing in on the modern mistrust of mathematical reductionism ; in an age where a dominant societal phobia is one's individualism being replaced by a series of numeric identifiers , max's all-consuming penchent for numbers at once creates a lingering , unsettling mood . it helps matters that he's not a particularly likable protagonist . all attempts of friendliness from neighbours are curtly rebuffed by max , a spindly , neurotic-looking individual who hasn't the time to indulge in pleasantries . for a film which puts its lead character front and center ( mr . gullette appears in virtually every scene ) , pi takes a refreshing and effective approach in avoiding conventional aesthetics ; because of our ambivalence with max , we're not so much avidly rooting for him to triumph with a moment of epiphany as we're following him through this plot with a sense of mixed dread and morbid fascination -- it's more disturbing journey than quest . still , we do care about max's fate . teetering on the edge of dementia , he winds up being pursued by two different groups which want to pick his brain , both fronted by deliciously perky , resolutely cheerful representatives with inevitably duplictious intentions . as we know , in films where paranoia is a dominant element ( see the truman show's laura linney character ) , or for that matter , in real life , it's always the ones who never stop smiling at you and are overly friendly that are the ones of which to be wary . pi , a film that addresses patterns , itself intentionally adheres to an identifiable pattern cycle -- headache scene ; important revelation or bit of plot development ; pill-popping montage ; hallucinatory nightmare ( with decidedly cronenberg-esque undertones -- few other directors are as equally adept in bridging unsettling concepts and body-themed horror ) ; nosebleeding reality . the repetitiveness , far from being tedious , is effectively maddening ; more than anything , the picture aims to get under our skins and take in events from max's claustrophobic perspective . in this regard , it wildly succeeds due to mr . aronofsky's striking direction . it's a rarity that a film so completely immerses itself into a protagonist's warped perspective of his surrounding , and high contrast black-and-white cinematography combined with constant usage of extreme close-ups lend a heightened sense of paranoia to the proceedings . ( in some scenes , the stark composition in conjunction with the lumbering approach by mr . gullette make his character curiously resemble a latter-day max schreck , from nosferatu . ) using savage , jittery lensing and rapid cuts to create a sense of disorientation , the picture is often dizzying to behold , and max's effective isolationism is emphasized by shots from the so-called snorri cam , which keep him in plain focus while the environment races by in blurred bursts . pi's raw , aggressive visuals are reminiscent of david lynch's early work ( in particular , eraserhead ) . the film's sinister tone splashes onto the screen immediately with a dazzling opening credit sequence ably backed by a sly electronic score by clint mansell , and gradually increases in intensity . still , amidst all its kafkaesque qualities and overall dispassionate mood , pi does occasionally display a sense of humour . at one point , marcy dawson ( pamela hart , great fun ) entices max with the offer of an invaluable treasure : a one-of-a-kind . . . computer chip . " isn't it beautiful , " she coos . a showcase for mr . aronofsky's technical virtuosity ( made for $60 000 , it's since gone on to capture acclaim at the 1998 sundance film festival ) , pi is an intriguingly cerebral story which , ironically , is perhaps the most purely visceral film of the year .

" it was not scary . " these are the first words that came to mind after it was over . when a movie is called _vampires_ , " not scary " aren't words that should be associated with it . but that wasn't my only gripe . john carpenter is a name associated with cutting-edge cinema , as in the intense scares of _halloween_ , _the thing_ and _the prince of darkness_ , or the offbeat action of _they live_ and _escape from new york_ . unfortunately , the only thing that is cutting edge about _vampires_ is the level of boredom the movie is able to reach . with an anemic plot and not-quite-kosher special effects , _john carpenter's vampires_ has barely enough substance to slake the thirst of even the least discerning genre fan . the film is at first concerned with a group of roaming vampire slayers , led by james woods , of all people . like some sort of holy a-team ( they even have their own souped-up van ) , the bunch invade and wipe out a nest of vampires in a new mexico shack . their method is amusingly innovative : the blood-suckers are reeled out with harpoons so they can flare up in the sun like matchsticks . to commemorate their victory , the loutish band decorates a motel room with hookers and parties the night away . their celebration is short-lived , however , as a master vampire named valek ambushes and single-handedly destroys most of the team . woods' jack crow and buddy montoya ( daniel baldwin ) escape with their lives , along with a woman named katrina ( sheryl lee ) . although the woman has been bitten , montoya and crow decide to keep katrina for her psychic link to the master vampire . the rest of the movie is concerned with the boys' hunt for valek ( thomas ian griffith ) , a freaky marilyn manson-type who's on a mission that dates back 600 years . along the way they pick up a priest named guiteau ( tim guinee ) , a character who serves pretty much the same purpose as the jittery cpl . upham in _saving private ryan_ . some stuff happens in the middle of the movie , but i can't remember most of it , because i often found a twitching hair in the corner of the frame more interesting than what was happening on screen . _vampires_ finally starts to pick up about 90 minutes into the mix , as crow , guiteau , and montoya assault an abandoned prison-turned vampire nest . only then does the film begin to even resemble a carpenter flick . but it's too little too late . we get the inevitable final confrontation , but it seems tacked on and rather anti-climactic ( come on , we're dealing with _the_ master vampire here ! ) interestingly , last summer's vampire actioner _blade_ was derived from a comic book , and _vampires_ from a novel , yet the latter seems more steeped in campy cheesiness than the former , a more deliberate superhero flick . woods' jack crow spouts glib off-the-cuff one-liners and strolls away from exploding buildings with that oh-so-cool stride . and his motive for killing vampires ? take a wild guess . ( hint : a ______ killed his _____ when he was just a _____ . ) at least _blade_ had decent action and slick stylishness . _vampires_ lacks even cheap thrills to mask its gossamer-thin plot . to make up for this , the movie resorts to other " shocks , " such as its generally condescending attitude towards women ( crow slaps them around for the fun of it ) and an overplayed contempt for religion ( crow teases guiteau incessantly about whether his vow of celibacy has made him prone to " getting woodies . " ) it can be argued that maybe i wanted too much from this movie . if not scary and gory , i wanted tense , relentless , and exhausting . _john carpenter's vampires_ is none of these . i can only recommended it for the hardcore carpenter fan . for the rest of you looking for a good scare , beware : _vampires_ is a film with no teeth .

at first i was intrigued by the strange cast and odd creatures on the galaxy quest trailer , but that was before i saw the film . now my view has completely changed . it's time to embrace for impact , because this is a very bumpy ride . the story begins with the cast of galaxy quest including : jason nesmith ( tim allen ) , alexander dane ( alan rickman ) , gwen demarco ( sigourney weaver ) signing autographs at a convention . they meet fans who dress up in costumes , fans who worship the ground they walk on , and a group of aliens called thermians who believe that they are the ultimate saviors against the dreaded alien colony lead by sarris ( robin sachs ) . of course they are unaware of this until they actually begin performing their duties , and meet the ugly aliens themselves . thus begins the long adventure to help save the thermians . the movie plays like a really bad star trek episode , in fact it's worse . i don't even think trekkies will appreciate this weak spoof , because quite frankly it's just not funny . all the jokes are basically collected observations from the series . one such continuous joke involves a simple crew member who believes he will die in space , because no extra on the tv show ever lives , as proven in the star trek series . creative jokes like this may seem like a clever idea , but not when they are used to death . a person can only take so much . we do not need to be tortured , especially when you have to pay for it . it's pretty bad when even tim allen is pitiful . it's not like i expected an oscar worthy performance form him , but a few laughs would have been helpful . speaking of acting , 2 fine talents were wasted as well . sigourney weaver was here to show cleavage , well at least it worked . it's pretty bad when the only entertaining value of the film is cleavage . it just shows you how disgraceful the film really is . alan rickman however was not so lucky . after his last hit ( dogma ) he embarrasses himself by doing this sloppy mess . it's just a shame to see talented actors and actresses throw their ability away . when the film couldn't get any worse , thankfully some nice special effects pop up . like many big blockbusters ( armageddon , the haunting to name a few ) they rely heavily on effects to help boost the film's box office results . times it works , but unfortunately we have to shell out hard earned money and suffer through this junk . when will it stop ? i am getting tired of being suckered into seeing such trash . it may look fine and dandy , but we need to at least have a story . is that too much to ask ? obviously it is . when galaxy quest finally ends , it literally crash lands . aside from the impressive looking creatures from industrial light and magic , it's an embarrassment to the cast , and it's embarrassing to the science fiction genre . it's not the least bit fun , nor was it entertaining . the only place where this movie belongs is to infinity and beyond .

note : ordinarily , moviereviews . org will not give away any critical plot points of a film that could be interpreted as " spoilers . " however , being that music of the heart is based on a true story and that moviereviews . org feels the film can not be properly credited without such revelations , plot giveaways will appear in the following review . if this bothers you , please note the 3 star rating of the film and stop reading now . " what does it take to play carnegie hall ? practice . " it takes two hours for music of the heart to " play carnegie hall , " both figuratively and literally . like the children it portrays , the movie starts from the dark realms of awful cinema and works its way up to a show-stopping performance at the legendary concert hall . roberta guaspari ( academy award winner meryl streep ) has two kids , a husband who left her and 50 violins she bought from a small shop in the mediterranean . her life desperately needs a jump start and gets one when she meets a man who introduces her to a job as a music teacher at an east harlem elementary school . she soon finds her job is on the rocks as the men in her life continue to rotate through revolving doors . that is the pattern-like plot of this production . ultimately , the film chooses a zero-sum answer to these problems and finds her music career at an all-time high when the men in her life finally vanish . the first hour of music of the heart is rather painful . roberta's character lacks development and consequently seems to be flat . also lacking depth is the film's " bad guy , " a narrow-minded music teacher ( josh pais ) who rejects roberta out of principle ( the movie never explains exactly which principle that is ) and conveniently comes and goes from the plot according to when it might be dramatic to have a villain around . the next 15 minutes of the film are mediocre . they are highlighted by one child's return to roberta's class ( coming after the great old hollywood scene where he explains be can't be around anymore because " my mom said . . . " ) and a glowing concert . not knowing the running time , you may expect the credits to role at this point . but they don't . instead the film uses the next 45 minutes to finish its journey from bad to mediocre to excellent . director wes craven , known for his works of horror , uses some old sentimental tricks to get the audience tearing . one romantic break up scene is highlighted by the classic " but . . . last night . . . " and roberta's two children also have textbook conflicts with their single mother regarding their father's absence . the city of harlem plays a strong role in the movie . roberta's mother is initially reluctant to see her daughter move to that part of town and the film does nothing to combat that stereotype . the noise tracks for these scenes are dominated by sirens ; predictably one of roberta's students is gunned down and killed off screen . one thing the film does lack is subtlety . the fact that a little boy was playing " we shall overcome " on his violin after the aforementioned shooting was a cute and discreet reference . the fact that the entire orchestra begins to play it over and over soon after is an overdone reference that shows how little credit he gives the audience . ( of course , in horror films the foreshadowing and between-the-line moments are meant to be overdone , so perhaps he too is just learning to play the game . ) even with all its flaws , music of the heart is a beautiful film . that is not an excuse for the movie's poor beginning . but as i watched the scenes in carnegie hall , i thought of some of the great acts that have taken that stage . in december of 1979 a comedian named andy kaufman put on a show that will forever be remembered as one of the most original in theatre history . the performance included a dead-on elvis impression , robin williams in disguise and a moment at the end when kaufman announced he would take the whole audience out for milk and cookies . so , how did this comic genius choose to open the show of his life ? he had a character named tony clifton take the stage for the sole purpose of irritating and angering the audience . perhaps it is okay for music of the heart to start off rusty because just as kaufman had santa's favorite food , this movie has an amazing finale .