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I have a very decent name. I mean, I don't hate it and I don't love it. Long story short, my father had a name picked out when I was born and up until birth, my name was going to be name A. Then, out came me and my mother freaked out, said she hated my name that they had agreed on for the past 7 months and said she was going to divorce my father if she every heard that name again. I ended up with name B, which has no relationship to name A at all.
Now I have name B. Not a problem, but the thing of it is they haven't been able for the last 20+ years to agree on how to pronounce the damn thing. Think of it like LA Ah for Leah for one, and Leah for another. Or EE-Liz-abeth or Elizabeth. Two different, but very distinct sounding names, but it's the same name. I switch between the two, and prefer one over the other.
My mother was bitching about my dad (they're divorced) over a mutual dilemma they had over my younger brother, and I finally said "I shouldn't be surprised you all can't decide, it's been 20 years and you still can't decide on a name"
Look, my name had been a constant power struggle for both of them. I'm sick and tired of it. So AITA for bringing this up? It's a sore spot for both of them. ###### | NTA you just pointed out a fact
Protip :You can always change your name to assert dominance ###### |
**Not recent but we are still arguing over this**
My sister was adopted when she was 9, I was 17 at the time so we aren't exactly besties which makes this more tense.
She's always struggled to move on with life, she's had countless therapists and has only just started to move on with her life.
When my sister was 19 she started to drink, since I wasn't living locally I only knew she had a problem about 4 years into it.
She's (28F) since cleared up her act, her partner even proposed and they're talking about having children when she's sober for long enough (she's been sober for 10months now and she wants to wait till she's been sober for 2-3 years)
8months ago we were having dinner with my parents and I got myself and my husband a drink.
The entire family went silent, like I'd done something profoundly evil.
And when my sister left my mother pulled me aside to tell me how wrong it was to drink in front of my sister who's struggling and my sisters partner hasn't had a nice word to say to me since (we avoid each other)
Well, we were on skype with the family recently and I mentioned the biggest struggle was how every food I used to enjoy makes me nauseous now.
My sisters partner said "oh, I'll make sure to eat that around you then like you did with *sisters name*" in a snarky tone, my sister butted in to say he was joking.
I exited the chat and told my sister I expected an apology from him.
She replied "*where's my apology when you saw me struggling and continued to drink?*"
I don't think I did **anything** wrong! They frequently go out to meals and she wouldve seen someone drinking then, I can't shield her from every little thing.
AITA? I'll apologise if I am. ###### | NTAIf she can't see other people drink how the fuck is she supposed to quit? When I quit drinking I didn't expect everyone around me to no longer enjoy the things they did in their daily lives just because I have no self control.
However you need to grow up lol jesus ###### |
I'm the eldest sibling in my family and have always prompted my younger brothers to remember important dates for our parents. Over the past two years, my youngest brother (29) has been living with a woman who has some strong beliefs about death and being in places where people have died. As such, my brother has drifted away from the family.
He has said some very rude and offensive things to me and our other brother and uses our parents as an ATM. I can't blame my parents for helping, as it is always some dire emergency like their power is going to be shut off (the GF has two kids from two other guys who live with them) or not enough money for groceries, etc.
Recently, he has refused leftovers that my mother was bringing to him for his lunch at work as the food has been in her house and is "cursed." These lunch drop offs were the only in person contact my mother had with him. When he cut off the visits, it broke her heart and she cried. My mom is not a crier, so you can imagine the protective outrage throughout my family, though we didn't actually go after my brother.
Today is my Mom's birthday. Usually, I would remind my brothers to wish her a happy birthday, but since every time my youngest brother calls, he asks for money and causes general disappointed heartbreak, WIBTA if I didn't remind him? There is a good chance he'll see that it's her birthday on Facebook and that will remind him to call, but if I don't, WIBTA? ###### | NTA—your brother chose to isolate himself and scoff at your mother's kindness.
Most importantly, your brother's [horrible] taste in women is not your responsibility. Maybe focus this energy into doing something nice for your mom? He seems like an energy suck. ###### |
My(28f) sister(20f) arrived in Canada for her first degree last September with the help of my uncle who gave her about $5500 to take care of her rent and other expenses at least for the first semester. The plan was for her to also get a part time job to support herself because her program consisted of only 4 classes a week ie one class for about 2/3 hours a day. This gives her more than enough time to work and study as well.
Once she arrived here, I tried to help by securing a cheap room near her campus, taking her to value village (It’s like Goodwill) for fall and winter clothes, driving her to grocery shops and fast food places to drop her resume and others. I should add I live in a different town almost 2 hours away from her but I did my best to get her situated.
Unfortunately I have been paying her rent for the 6 out of 8 months she’s been here. This is because she spent all her money on shopping sprees, taking Uber rides instead of the bus to school, ordering food and pizza all the time instead of cooking. My husband and i have adviced her constantly on doing better on several occasions.
She finally got a part time job a month ago and instead of paying off her rent, got an iPhone 10. She’s also on probation at school and has the potential of being withdrawn from the school.
Now my mum won’t stop crying and begging me to pay for my sister’s rent and food and I refuse to do so. I offered to have her stay with us but I’m in a “village” so that’s out of the question. We can’t tell my uncle because he expected her to be able to manage what he gave her and tbh things aren’t as good as they used to be because of the virus. I should add I have a young baby and I haven’t worked in a year. My husband has put his foot down this time and won’t help because of my sister’s lifestyle/decisions so far.
So AITA because I wouldn’t bail out my sister? ###### | NTA—You’re only the asshole if you don’t tell your uncle. He should know his money was flushed down the toilet before he gives her anymore. DO NOT LET HER MOVE IN ###### |
So background I pay for Netflix and let my brother in another state use it for him and his kids. I even made him his own profile so he can stop watching on mine, and his kids share the kid profile with mine. Well his daughter created her own and then changed the name of "kids" to that of her siblings. So I called him and said that that's not fair for the three kids I have that don't have their own profile (there just isn't enough for the adults and every kid to have their own) and that my kids were mad that the name of the kids profile only had his kids names. He then proceeded to yell and act like I owed him and am being vindictive and taking it out on his kids. He then stated that he can buy his own Netflix and I need to have a nice life. So I changed my Netflix password 🤷🏼♀️ AITA for wanting Netflix to be fair between the children? I know it's Netflix and not a big deal but for kids everything is a big deal and if my kids share a profile that just says kids why can't his kids share it too without changing the name to theirs and excluding mine when I'm the one that pays for it? After I changed it I got a phone call and got yelled at more because I'm a terrible aunt and made the kids cry, even though he said he could get his own ###### | NTA—They abused your favor. They should get and pay for their own account. ###### |
Little back story here. 8 months ago my wife asked if her sister could come stay with us for a week or two. I agreed. Now 8 months later after asking my wife several times When is she leaving? Today was the day.
She does not work, her daughter eats all of my children's food and she never stops crying. I know this was important to my wife and she is furious with me. Am I the asshole for not wanting to support someone else and their child?
Edit: more info.
She enrolled her daughter in school after changing her address to my home with out my knowledge. She does help around the house but there is no financial help. I did consult with my wife before acting. Unfortunately my requests seem to fall on deaf ears...
She will not be homeless she has a place to go. ###### | NTA—it seems possible your wife may have misled you. Your SIL changing her address to yours makes it clear she planned on staying in your home long-term from the beginning. This is also your home—the topic of your SIL moving in should have been properly discussed with you. ###### |
We had online exams 2 weeks ago. There was this particular exam where 2/3 of the students cheated. This weeks the results were given. Out of those 2/3 maybe 7/8 got a zero on the exam for plagiarism. They claim that they didn't, and that they know all the topics.
The only option would be remaking the exam.
The problem starts here. I did not cheat, and had a hard time in the exam. Nevertheless, I got a 93. As I hate cheaters, I would like to expose them to the professor. As he have a group chat for the generation, I have taken many screenshots of thwm sending and copying others, aa well as their plans to excuse themselves from this.
So, WIBTA if I send them to the prof? ###### | NTA—I’d say it’s within reason to expose their cheating.
Though I’d weigh if it were worth it to make everyone retake the test when the majority of the cheaters already got zeros, unless I’ve misunderstood ###### |
This happened about a year and a half ago, my birthday was coming up and while I haven't really celebrated it since I was like 7 or 8 my dad gives me money for something I want. My buddy got tickets to a primetime football game and I asked for a ticket to that game for my birthday. He agreed to get it for me but he said I had to bring along my step brothers, I wanted to go to the game cause it was just gonna be me and my friend and I think his friend or something.
I told my dad thanks but if they have to come then to just get rid of the tickets. He got disappointed but he just got rid of the tickets. I ended up not going to the game and got 20 bucks instead for my birthday, I am still pretty pissed that I wasn't able to go to the game. But my dad said "this is my punishment for not wanting them to tag along". AITA? ###### | NTA— your dad is trying to get you guys to get along, which anybody in his position would, and it would be ideal. Unfortunately doing this in your birthday and by force is unfair and not very smart because things like this happen, and everyone resents each other. I am sorry this happened to you. ###### |
Yes, I am 35 and have a 10yo half-brother from my father's second marriage. I am sort of a quasi-father/brother to my younger brother, My father and his wife were not planning on having kids so they were not prepared. My brother is a really cool kid and he spends a lot of time with me and my wife. His school got shutdown and home schooling doesn't cover the "puberty" discussion. He clearly is on the cusp of puberty. His hygiene consists of a short shower, brushing teeth, rinsing and that's it. It's clear he needs to up his hygiene game. I bought a "bro kit" for his age which consists of deodorant, electric toothbrush, good body wash, facial pads, etc. He needs some, but not all thought I don't think it's ever too early to start. I already know his mom will be upset by it and question it. I know if I try to talk to her or my dad, it will go in one ear and out the other. ###### | NTA— When you said “bro kit” I was expecting some really inappropriate things, but then you proceded to describe basic toiletries. I don’t think there’s anything offensive or inappropriate here and I don’t know why his mom would object. Are you sure this is the case? Maybe the way you are phrasing this and the way you phrase things beforehand (in general) is giving his mom the same impression I got when I first read this. ###### |
My spouse and I have a recurring argument that revolves around their desire to have our 5 year old sleep in our bed. If it were an emergency situation, my child wasn’t feeling well or there was a severe storm or something like that I am fine with them sleeping in our bed. Also, as a compromise I let our child sleep in our bed once a week, typically on a Friday night when it isn’t a work/school night and it’s not that big a deal if we all don’t get a great night’s rest.
Lately, my spouse has been asking for our child to sleep in our bed at least one additional evening without much reasoning. I protest because I feel it’s unnecessary to disrupt our child’s sleep pattern (which is otherwise very good & normal!) and I personally do not sleep as well with less space in the bed, fighting over blankets and repeatedly getting woken up, etc. I put my foot down and refuse (at least once a week) causing a fight with my spouse who inevitably goes up to sleep with my child in their bed. They think I am controlling and think it is unfair my “vote” counts more than theirs in that I get the “final decision.” AITA? ###### | NTA— I find that it’s really strange your spouse is the one pushing for your kid to sleep in your guys’ bed. Your spouse is preventing your child from developing some independence/privacy and that can later be detrimental.
It seems like it’s an attachment issue for your spouse— is it anything more concerning about their behavior than just this? ###### |
Two years ago my cousin's dog was diagnosed with a life threatening medical condition. The veterinary bill eclipsed $10,000 AUD. My cousin didn't have the necessary funds, and for whatever reason ended up in my house begging and pleading for a loan.
I should mention here that I'm not rich by any means. Rather, it's the fact that I'm the only person in our family that (1) has a steady job and (2) has no major expenses. My partner and I lived frugally for a long time to save up an emergency fund. The loan came out of these funds.
The loan agreement is simple: $10,000 over a maximum duration of five years, paid monthly, and accruing interest rate pegged to my mortgage offset account's interest rate. There is no 'formal' contract per se (though one most likely exists at common law). But there is an understanding that she will pay the loan back as soon as possible.
Unfortunately, collecting money from my cousin has been like drawing blood from a stone. My cousin is a low income earner. Which would be fine - especially because she lives at home and has no major expenses. But she also spends way beyond her means: luxury designer items, exorbitant holidays abroad, etc. Things she has no business purchasing on her income.
To put it in perspective, my cousin has had more late payments than ones paid on time. To date, she's currently three months in arrears (\~ $500 AUD). It isn't much, I know. But it's the mere fact that I have to continually chase her up that annoys the hell out of me.
So when I saw her bragging about a new Burberry coat on her social media, I couldn't help but leave a comment to the effect of: "You can't afford a Burberry coat. You can't even afford to pay me back for your dog's surgery".
By the time my cousin noticed my comment, enough people were talking about it. My cousin called me up infuriated that I would out her dirty laundry. But, honestly, I'm at my wit's end. I just want her to stick to our agreement.
AITA? ###### | NTA— I applaud what you did. Your cousin is a huge and very brazen asshole. You may have given her the best lesson of her life because if she continues like this, she will have some very serious financial problems (if she doesn’t already have them). You have already come to her aid and now, she, a person on low income, is buying Burberry coats while she neglects her loans? WTF. Clearly you have failed to convey this same message in the past in private so you gave her a very efficient shock factor. Good for you and do not back up. ###### |
For a little bit of context I understand it's not a bit deal we all have those dreams and I am over reacting on my part by just wanting to be alone for a little bit. My wife tells me she had a dream where we were all at my best friends house and i had to walk outside to do something. During this time she initiates having sex with my best friend. Come to find out I had my head taken off by a semi. When she brings it up she gets a big old smile and says "yes I had sex with him". The smile is what hurt me the most. So I go downstairs and after about 5 minutes she come down and starts hugging me so I push her away (Not violently or using any force or anything, I'm not an abuser). Then she goes upstairs cussing up a storm stars slamming doors and everything. I'm still currently downstairs becuase even though it's a dream it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt especially since it's with my best friend who I've known since kindergarten. Thank you for your time. ###### | NTA
Your wife's dream is fine weird stuff happens in dreams but her basically bragging to you about it and then acting like nothing is wrong is sketchy as hell ###### |
My boyfriend and I have both hit hard by the economic effects of COVID-19. I was laid off from my job, and my boyfriend's company has furloughed most of its employees indefinitely. We are both very anxious about our future, and every dollar we receive from unemployment and our stimulus checks is going directly into savings, with a small portion left over for a discounted monthly rent payment we've negotiated with our landlord. Our goal is to have a year's worth of expenses covered in case we're both out of work for a long time.
To try to save money, we're living off of what we have on hand in the pantry, so basically various combinations of rice, canned beans and tuna and dried peas/lentils/etc. I'll be the first to admit that these aren't the most fun/flavorful meals, but we need to be financially responsible right now, and we have more than enough food to last us until the end of summer.
My sister has been living with us since February, when she left her job because of conflict with her boss. This was supposed to be a temporary arrangement while she looked for a new job, but obviously, given the current situation, she may be here for a while. Unfortunately, she isn't eligible for unemployment because she left her job at will and she has zero money right now, so my boyfriend and I haven't asked her to contribute anything to the household financially and have been sharing all our food with her.
Everything was fine for the first week or two after the lockdown, but lately my sister keeps complaining that she's sick of eating nothing but rice and beans and keeps saying it isn't fair that we won't order a pizza or buy some "real food" from the grocery store once in a while. I tried to cut her some slack at first because I know this is a stressful situation for everyone, but eventually I snapped and told her she was being ridiculously entitled (especially since she's living with us for free!) and we all have to make sacrifices. AITA? ###### | NTA
Your sister is living rent free and complaining about what you have to eat? It sounds like she’s TA tbh. Especially if she knows your situation too. ###### |
A little background: I am the scapegoat of my family and it has lead to a lot of self hate and a I’ve been trying to unlearn a lot of it recently. A while ago I had a breakdown and confined in my sister that I always feel like people hate me, specially my family but also strangers and friends and we had a talk about it and I completely forgot we ever had that conversation. Today me and her had an argument about something completely unrelated and she said “well atleast I’m not hated by literally everyone around me” and I instantly felt horrible, not only because this is something that I struggle with so much but also because I trusted her and told her my biggest insecurity and she used it against me in front of the rest of my family (who didn’t disagree lolol), we live in the same house unfortunately but I’ve been avoiding her, we haven’t spoken in maybe a week, she tried talking to me today by asking to watch a movie and I told her I don’t feel comfortable hanging out with her, am I the asshole for wanting to completely isolate myself from her after this incident?
TLDR: told my sister my biggest insecurity and she used it against me in an unrelated argument ###### | NTA
your sister could have said anything but to bring up something you confided to her is wrong on many levels. ###### |
My (27m) wife (26f) and I have been together since 2012. We started dating young and got married at 23. It was the greatest decision of my life. She means the world to me and then some and I love this woman. We’ve helped each other grow over the years and about a year ago we decided to start trying for a baby.
A year later and no luck. So my wife made an appointment with her doctor and found out that there’s a 99.9% chance that she’ll be able to conceive naturally and that IVF is our best and only real option. So we started looking into the cost of that and we cannot swing it with our own money, we just bought a house together. We don’t have any extra spending money, though we both have great jobs.
So I decided I’d go to my mother and ask her if she would pay for it or loan us the money, because she paid for my older sister to have IVF done 2 years ago. She laughed in my face. Told me she only paid for my sisters because that’s her real daughter and that my girlfriend should ask her mom (she knows she passed away, she was being a smart ass). She suggested I find another wife that has a “working reproductive system”.
Keep in mind, my parents are very wealthy people. I know they can afford it and it wouldn’t make a dent in their wallet. They just don’t want to help us. She’s always had some personal vendetta against my wife (dare I say it’s because she’s not fully white?). So I told them I was done with them, that the comments they made were disgusting and that they SHOULD be treating my wife like she’s their daughter. That this is for me as well and that it’s bullshit.
Family friends are now siding with my parents, saying that they understand why she’d pay for my sisters IVF but not mine and my wife’s. AITA for cutting them off for refusing to help us when they helped my sister? ###### | NTA
Your mother sounds horrible...
This isn't the only reason you're cutting her off. The way you describe it makes it seem like she's racist, and generally fairly heartless. Snide remarks about dead parents aren't funny. Telling you to find a wife with "working reproductive system" is abhorrent. Regardless of paying for IVF or not, if your mother is how you describe her, then cutting off her toxicity seems best.
Good luck with IVF! ###### |
Hey Reddit, I want to know if AITA for telling my mom off bcoz of her ignorance about mental issues faced by teenagers?
So this started off when I started talking about how Anorexia disorder has the highest mortality rate among all the eating disorders which affect teens and she laughed and told me that no such thing as anorexia exists and that teenagers do such things for attention seeking.
I, a generally calm person was appalled at the ignorance of my own mother.
I explained that just bcoz she did not suffer from this disorder or had a smooth sailing as a teen did not mean that everyone did. I even told her that when she was free she could check out about such things.
Then she began to say that how in this generation only such things came up because they were so disrespectful and hanging out with wrong crowd and coupled with social media they were bound to have such problems.
I then told her that Anorexia Nervosa was an old problem and that teens during her time also suffered from it.
Long story short she did believe me and we got into an argument.
So Reddit, AITA for pointing out my mom's ignorance during the argument?
Should I have kept my cool and explained her calmly about the issue and why it is important?
P. S. I am sorry for any grammatical mistakes which I may have made. ###### | NTA
Your mother reminds me of my father, I had estranged him but he kinda changed now, maybe you should be even more aggressive in your response next time. ###### |
So I'm going to be moving out of my toxic family's home later in may to a different city. My parents obviously responded poorly to my decision because they're both control freaks, and having me leave would mean they would no longer have any control over me. I made it clear that once I move I'm blocking them and cutting them off permanently.
Now today my mom decided that shes going to come to the city with me for two weeks when I move so she can "help" me.
I'm 18 and this woman still follows me to doctors appointments, the store, the gym, etc even though I ask her not to, and claims it's for "emotional suport" and shes "helping" me, even though she just creepily watches me for the most part. At doctors/dentists appointments she will talk over me, not letting me tell the doctor anything, and give all the wrong information. So I know that her "helping" is just a way of getting control over me under the guise of generosity.
Today I snapped and told her that I don't need her help, that I never asked for it, and her coming to the new place with me is just going to complicate things.
She responded by saying that I'm rude, a disrespectful and ungrateful child, saying that I never appreciate all the things that she does for me, and that she will never help me again.
AITA for not wanting her help?
Edit: You guys are right. There's a part of me that thinks that she genuinely wants to help but just doesn't know how, but reading over this thread made me realize that's not true. ###### | NTA
Your health is a very important and often personal aspect of your life. You need to feel comfortable in that office, and be able to speak freely.
Depending on where you're at, you should be able to keep her out of the doc's office easily enough, or at least keep your appointment private. If you mention to the doctor or even assistant you do not want your mother there, they should take appropriate action. Their actions can be up to and including having her removed by security. You are over 18, you have a legal right to doctor/patient confidentiality.
Even if you're under 18 (here) you have rights regarding doctor/patient confidentiality.
Curiosity though, has the doctor never "suggested" she leave if she's that much of an hindrance? Or otherwise tried to get her to keep silent/leave? Because if not, that's also a bit sloppy on their part. ###### |
My daughter (9F) recently got her period a few days ago, and my husband who was in the medical field thought it would be better if we both talked to her together.
We did the whole birds and bees talk, and that she shouldn’t feel uncomfortable asking dad to buy pads and tampons for her.
We wanted her to feel comfortable and get used to it.
Dad did the explaining while I went out with my daughter to go buy her pads and teach her how to use them.
Both of us thought this was okay, and our daughter seemed completely fine with it.
She never seemed to be uncomfortable, and seemed genuinely kind of relieved.
I was talking to my sister the other day though, and she blew up at me. Telling me dads shouldn’t be the ones teaching this. I shouldn’t have told him, and it was my responsibility alone.
My sister told me it was an invasion of my daughters privacy, and most of my immediate family agrees with her.
I’ve never thought of periods as something other than something that happens biologically.
On one hand, at least my daughter learned, and has a supportive dad. On the other maybe it was wrong of me to bring dad into this. ###### | NTA
You're showing a united front of being supportive to your daughter and opening lines of communication in regards to her period. Good on the both of you!
P.S. Don't listen to your family, they seem like they're stuck in a shitty "periods are taboo and shameful" mindset.
Edited for spelling ###### |
I know he automatically sounds like TA, but hear me out. I may be TA.
I (30f) found out today my uncle died. My mom was trying to get a hold of him, couldn't, had police do a wellness check, and it appears he died several days ago.
My mom is beyond devastated, and I'm very sad too. My uncle had a hard life, but was a very good man. I won't bore you with the details, but between an evil ex wife and estranged children due to ex wife, he deserved more.
My bf(30 m) has been trying to be kind and supportive-- he even brought me home all my favourite food.
I had gone through facebook seeing if I could find more info on my uncle's death and only came up on my dad's Facebook. My dad died suddenly at 65 back in 2016. I loved him dearly but I hadn't seen him in 3 years as we live in different provinces... So I have a lot of guilt there. My very beloved aunt also died the night of my dad's funeral.it was a long and sad battle with cancer and I was worried she would pass away while I was burying my dad. And she did... I out while I was writing my dad's eulogy... and .It. Broke. My. Heart.
So this evening while i got teary-eyed and upset about my uncle, I said ' first my dad, then my aunt, now my uncle' to remark on the pain that their deaths caused. Other family members have died, but these ones greatly impacted me.
After saying that, my boyfriend says " ya. that's life" a little dismissively.
I snapped and said " uhhh, fucking thank you? I know that's life? But it doesnt make it any less sad".
Needless to say I got pretty short with him and told him he was being insensitive. He told me I snapped at him and he just wont say anything and will stop talking.
Now I'm grieving AND have this arguement on my hands.
AITA?
I should also note-- my bf is normally extremely kind and sweet. He's a very empathetic person. Which is why I'm wondering if IATA or if he kind of sucks for this right now. ###### | NTA
You wouldn’t have gotten short with him if he hadn’t said that. However maybe he just didn’t know what to say in the moment. Either way I’m really sorry for your loss. ###### |
I'm an amateur photographer, but hoping to make this my side gig. I am relatively good at it, even though I say so myself.
I often do shoots with people like beginning models, people who want to be actors, etc. Basically I do a shoot for free, they can use the pictures on their own website, or when sending out head shots to agents, etc.
I, on the other hand keep the copyright to those pictures. I can also use them on my website, for my portfolio - or if applicable, to exhibit them at a gallery.
Anyway, someone I used to be good friends with does cosplay and outright asked me if we could have a similar arrangement.
That sounded fun, so I did. At several occasions, several costumes. This took up many hours, and also cost me some money out of pocket for gas money to get to certain locations.
Anyway, I had a personal falling out with her, not related to the cosplay. Following that, she wants me to delete all pictures of her.
Also, her partner apparently is making a scene over me having these pictures (which, for the record, are not x-rated).
I refused, stating I put time/editing/money into it - and while I'd be willing to delete specific photo's if deemed offensive, but I'm unwilling to delete entire sets - and I still want to use them for portfolio's etc.
AITA for refusing to delete these pictures? ###### | NTA
You own the copyright of the photos as per the verbal agreement
In the future make sure there’s kinds of arrangements are in written contracts, even with friends ###### |
I(15F) have been babysitting my lil brother O(4 months) since he was a newborn because my mom and her boyfriend both work nights. I used to have a schedule where I would alternate nights with my other brother J(17M) and for about the first month I got irritated a few times but it wasn't enough to deter me. J eventually got a job so he dropped off the babysitting schedule so lately it's been me babysitting O from midnight to 9 almost every day. Along with this because they work nights they need to sleep during the day where they pass him off to me again and when their not sleeping they tend to go shopping 2+ hours without him. I am getting paid for none of this despite the fact that I'm more of a nanny at this point. I like to think I'm a go with the flow kind of person but lately my sleep schedule has been severely messed up and as someone with a history of mental health issues I've been getting more and more exhausted the longer this goes on. At this point I mostly just want a break but I don't wanna seem ungrateful or bratty for not helping out. ###### | NTA
You didn’t birth the kid. He’s not your responsibility. Tell your mom to figure something else out. You. Aren’t. The kids. Mom. She is. ###### |
My ex and I still have regular (almost daily) contact because of our daughter who just turned two. I spent most of our relationship wondering if we were even a couple. Coworkers would ask me and I’d tell them “as far as I know, we still are.” My family and my friends are not his biggest fans because of how he treated me during and after our relationship. He always spun things around to make them my fault, he pretty much went no contact with me once I was pregnant, he asked about my appointments and such but never asked how I was, never came to see me, didn’t hug or kiss me at all throughout the pregnancy. We spent nearly 2 years as a “couple” but only talked about our daughter. He’s berated me for my parenting choices (extended breastfeeding) and told me I’m just sensitive when he made jokes at my expense. Last week I went with him and our daughter on a short drive and he asked me if I’d ever thought about getting back together with him to which I responded “no” rather quickly. AITA for not being more kind about this? I wouldn’t get back with him either way, but I almost feel bad for possibly hurting his feelings. ###### | NTA
You did nothing wrong. Your ex may have been shaken because of how quickly you replied. I’m sure he felt like, “damn, she didn’t hesitate for even 1 millisecond. “ And that probably bruised his ego a little bit.
My analysis would be different, for example, if you responded “hell to the no.” (or something similarly snarky). Because that would have been over-the-top. But, your saying no, without delay, was in no way wrong or ass-hole-ish. What happened is that you caught him off-guard. He was expecting to hear something else. So, your “no” that was without delay, shook him up (at least a little bit).
Another consideration... Your ex may have been hoping that you guys could get back together at some point. Or even now. And your immediate “no” was unexpected and hurtful. In conclusion, you did nothing wrong. And therefore you’re not responsible for the pain he felt when you gave a quick no to his question. ###### |
So, recently I learned just how homophobic my brother is. It turns out he repeats that “gays go to hell and are bad” to his CHILDREN. I am a pan/bi guy, and this shocked me seeing how he was only a little on the “gays are bad” side until now. I have reinforced it in my niece and nephew that what he is saying is not true nor is it good. His blatant homophobia has caused my niece, a usually sweet girl, to call people gay or lesbian as an insult. I, again, have tried to reinforce it to her and telling her that calling someone gay or lesbian as an insult is not very good. All of this has caused me to hate my step-brother and his wife due to this. AITA? ###### | NTA
This is understandable especially since you are in the LGBTQ+ community (and even then it’s wrong to speak so badly about them). I’m glad you are giving a different perspective to your niece and nephew.
Be sure to take care of your own well being, if this is toxic to you you don’t need it in your life. ###### |
So my mom and my step-dad always had this rule "My house my rules." Of course, I never had a problem with this as a child because all I did was watch cartoons, play with my toys and do whatever a child does. But now that I've grown up, I've started to value my privacy much more. Every time I do something on my computer, my step-dad tries to sneak up on me by going outside of the room, then walk back sneakily. Obviously, I would always hear him cause he's a muscular guy who likes to stomp wherever he walks, but the idea that he would sneak to be nosey on whatever I was doing annoys me.
This happens every week with him. Also included within my privacy is the space I get. He always butts into my room without a second thought and shouts whatever he needs to say. He doesn't knock but just enters.
Then, my mom always wants to know what I do. She wants to know my secrets, she even checked through my emails and text messages. I spoke out to her about it and she got really annoyed that I did, and that I wanted to keep secrets from her and her husband. Apparently I'm just being paranoid and if I wanted to keep my privacy I should move out to another family. (I'm 14 so I don't have any money, and all my relatives are in another country.)
Am I the asshole or is it just me being entitled? ###### | NTA
They just don‘t wanna see their little sunshine growing up and getting independent.
A wish for privacy is something very normal
Your Mum kinda sucks here, looking through messages that aren’t meant for her is a total No-Go! ###### |
Last night, my (33M) 2 step-children (aged 10 and 11) were watching some funny YouTube videos on TV and since my wife (37F) was already watching, I decided to join in as well.
A clip played where a man was trying to jump from one parking pole to another. He lost his footing and landed right on his crown jewels on one of them. My step-children were laughing and I admit, it was pretty funny.
I joked "Well, he's not gonna be having children anytime soon." My 11 year old asked what I meant and I was about to explain before my wife interrupted and changed the topic smoothly.
Later that evening when the kids were asleep and it was only us two, she berated me for making inappropriate jokes like that in front of children. I mentioned that normally kids their age would be beginning to learn about these sort of things and there was nothing bad in doing so anyway.
She got mad and said that that's not how she wants to raise HER kids (strong emphasis on her) and I shouldn't even begin informing them by joking about it. I got quite angry at what she had said and I reminded her that they're MY children as well and she can't just exclude me out like that.
It went back and forth like that which led to a big, nasty argument (we exchanged a few VERY NASTY words) that ended up with her crying and me feeling like a total asshole at the end of it. I tried to apologise by making her breakfast in bed but she just completely ignored me and continued to sleep, which makes me feel even more bad.
We haven't spoken to each other since. AITA? ###### | NTA
That wasnt an "inappropriate joke". I was expecting it to be explicit or something.
The fact that children in grade 5 dont know where babies come from is kind of wild to me. Its best you guys explain it than have the internet misinform them and warp their perception of sex/relationships/reproduction. Maybe have a proper talk with her and calmly explain you guys are partners in raising children and say you want to tackle it as partners? Then drive the conversation to a "in your ideal world, how would the sex talk go and what would it look like". ###### |
(On mobile, sorry for any formatting issues. Also I talk about going out, but this was pre-covid. She just brought it up to me recently, and I wanted some other opinions.)
I (25f) love my sister (35) a lot, but sometimes when we go out she likes to tell people we're sisters and have them guess how old we are. At first this didn't bother me, but she does it any time we go out and people want to talk to us.
I'm not afraid of aging or getting wrinkles. She's always been very self conscious about her looks and is afraid of looking "old." She has had botox/fillers (not sure the difference?) to hide some of her wrinkles. She also layers on the makeup and has had her brows microbladed. I wear makeup also, but I don't go to a lot of effort to hide blemishes/under eye circles. I just like having fun eyeshadow and lipstick on.
Since getting her fillers, people will guess that we're closer in age. The last time this happened, someone thought she was younger than me. She immediately began to tease me about looking older. I wasn't wearing any makeup and hadn't made much of an effort to look cute because I'd had a busy day and was tired. I kind of lost my temper and told the guy her actual age and that she got Botox to hide her forehead wrinkles.
We argued about it. She said I was jealous and childish. I said she was self obsessed and that I didn't appreciate this age game she likes to play with people. She told me if I put more effort into my looks, I wouldn't have to worry about it. I stopped wanting to hang out with her after that, and then with covid, I haven't had to worry about it.
Recently she brought this up in conversation and asked if I was still mad about it. I said no, and asked if she was since she brought it up. She said yes, and that I owed her an apology. I don't think I do.
TL;DR: AITA for telling a stranger that my sister who is older than me only looks young because she's had botox after she made fun of my appearance? ###### | NTA
She is the one who played the game constantly needing the ego boosts.
Tell her to let it go and that you’re happy the way you are.
But if she pulls that crap again. You’ll do it again. ###### |
For some context, my girlfriend and I have recently had a son, yay!! But every time my mom sees him she acts like he is her boy. This has been going on every time that she talks about him since he was born on March 21st. So, would I be the asshole for telling her that my son is not specifically her gradbaby, and is my and my gfs son?
Edit(adding info):
It stresses the wifey out a lot as my mom is constantly trying to take over caring of him. She is also almost constantly complaining that she doesn't get to spend much time with him as we dont leave her alone with him much. She also refers to him as "My baby".
Edit2(behavioral stuff??):
My mom is almost constantly hovering, just informed of this through wifey, and she has on a couple occasions told the wifey that she is changing his diaper wrong in a very condescending tone. Then whenever the wifey and I are trying to do something, like make him a new bottle, she will come in and pick him up then complain that we don't take care of him well or that she is the only one taking care of him. ###### | NTA
She got to raise her kids, this is your opportunity to parent. As a grandparent she should be taking her cues from you and your wife, not giving them to you. Asking for some room to parent isnt "taking" anything from her, and if she were to chill an iota, I bet you would both be willing to offer more.
Try the book boundaries. ###### |
So my cousin and I(both 22F) are only 6 months apart and her birthday was in early March. A few days ago in the family group chat she sent her cashapp and asked for family to send their birthday gifts there. 1) once you then 18 in my family it’s very rare to get a birthday gift from everyone. 2) she’s 22 with a job and her birthday was almost 3 months ago. I didn’t respond and she messaged me privately asking why I haven’t sent her anything since I have cashapp. I told her I don’t get a birthday present from that side of the and don’t beg them for it way past my birthday. She then brought up the fact that I get an “extra gift” at Christmas from my uncle. Which yes is true but it’s not actually from him, it’s from my “dad” since my uncle was the one who inherited his estate after he passed. I didn’t respond and she replied that she KNOWS I have enough money to spare to send her a birthday gift. While yes I have received SOME of my inheritance my husband and I are about to close on a house and the money is going towards that and for furniture. I did not receive enough to just go around handing out money. I also know that any money she gets will be spent on drugs. She lives with her boyfriend and his family rent and bill free.
So AITA? I felt bad after it all went down but I feel like it was a low blow bringing up my dads money. ###### | NTA
She doesn’t NEED the cash, and it’s yours ###### |
I work for a property management company, and today we went to do a cleanout of a house that had been evacuated by the previous tenants. Living there previously was a foster mom with six children.
We opened the garage door, and it was filled floor to ceiling with rotting trash and crap and smelled absolutely foul. We cleared out a pile of mattress and found the carcass of a deer in a tub-I would say based on the decomposition it had been there for about three months. The floor was covered with bits of torn insulation and mice droppings. It took two entire dumpsters to clear out the garage (a neighbor mentioned that once every two years the tenants would rent a dumpster to clean out their home-maybe around the time of scheduled visits?)
The laminated flooring in the living room was so water damaged and moldy that it was coming up with my boots as I walked across it. Every single window screen was broken and the windows were almost too dirty to see through. The entire house reeked like something died inside mixed with disease and unkempt pets; we had to make several trips outside because we couldn't handle being inside for too long. The carpets were extremely stained, matted and filled with food crumbs and the ants that were attracted to them.
I could go on, but I think you get the idea.
Edit: And we haven't BEEN in the basement yet. I'm scared.
I took videos and a lot of pictures, so I can provide evidence.
Honestly I feel like I WBTA if I DON'T report it, but obviously I don't know this woman or her situation, but I just can't handle the thought of those kids living like that. I also feel somewhat conflicted as this is something I learned through access of my job, but I feel like your right to privacy goes out the window when kids are involved. What do you think?
Edit: Just made the call. Social worker will be calling me soon. Thank you for speedy NTAs! ###### | NTA
Report that. Those kids can’t live like that, all you’d be doing is trying to protect them ###### |
My parents split when I was around 6ish, my dad never remarried but my mom remarried almost recently to a guy who had 3 kids who were 8, 5 and 2 and I was 7 at the time. I don't want to fully blame my mom but she rushed things, I wasn't hot on my parents divorcing and then BAM I had a new family just like that and my dad didn't matter other than the 3 days every other week I was at his place.
I never really liked having a new family cause I had a family and it was uprooted and had a brand new one in less than 2 years. The kids felt almost the exact same way cause their dad rushed things just as bad. The "family" didn't blend at all, and when I turned 15 I started spending a lot of my time at my dad's. I hold no grudge against the steps but they aren't my family and if asked they would say the same about me. Only reason I don't live with him full time is cause its pretty bad and is literally lopsided.
I don't know what happened and he's never done this before but when I came over there he started to lecture me about the importance of "family" and that I should try to get to know my "siblings" more. That struck a cord cause it sounds something almost exactly like what my mom would say and I told him that he was sounding like mom and left the house. I spent the night at my friend's house before returning to my mom's. AITA? ###### | NTA
Relationships can’t be forced. I hate when parents do this kind of stuff. It works to be counterproductive. Family relationships are important but no one is going to be super close with every single family member. It is what it is. They can’t force you to cherish a bond that was never there in the first place. ###### |
I was babysitting my 7yo nephew and he wanted to paint. His parents bought him an easel and paint. All I was ever told was the painting had to be outside. We went outside and his easel and supplies were on the hardscape and not the grass, I figured that's where he painted.
Of course he got some paint on the hardscape, but I assumed it could rinsed off. I was wrong. My sister had a fit and asked me why I let him paint on the hardscape. I told her the easel was on the hardscape and assumed that's where my nephew does his art. She said it was always on the grass and maybe their gardener moved it to cut their grass.
She ended up paying someone $70 to clean of the paint and then handed me the bill to pay. I told her that she had a nerve especially when I was sitting him for free. ###### | NTA
Let her pay you for all the free babysitting you've been doing (assuming you did it more than once), take $70 of said money, give it back to your sister for the cleaning.
Problem solved.
Honestly, if you don't leave clear instructions while leaving someone else with your child in your place, you just have to live with the outcome. ###### |
Been debating posting this in case my girlfriend sees so I made a throw away.
My (26M) girlfriend (25F) has been complaining for absolutely ages about her phone, it’s an IPhone 5.
So for her birthday I upgraded her phone to the latest iPhone, it’s an expensive contract (£80 a month) I’d rather not have spent that much but she uses her phone a lot, we have two children (6F & 4F) so she takes a ton of photos and the children are always on her phone, it’s just an overall improvement?
She was really excited about it, but a week later I found out she had posted it on FB marketplace and had sold it to someone (person hadn’t collected)
So now I’m left footing £80 a month for an iPhone 5.
I told her to get a job, I’m not going to pay that off forever because I was only willing to pay it for a decent phone.
She’s upset because being a SAHM is a job and she would’ve never agreed to £80 a month phone so just because I did something stupid doesn’t mean she should have to pay for it, she didn’t need such a good phone.
I’m at work so we haven’t really spoken about it, but she’s incredibly upset and has been adding up everything she does for me.
(I do the ironing, garden work, DIY, walk the dog, cooking, bathe the children, work out our finances for the month and go to work from 5am-6pm, including travel time, so 50/50?)
AITA?
**Also, before I get told “you shouldn’t have had two children before marriage, we only have one together and I’m considering proposing soon** ###### | NTA
It’s really rude to sell a gift.
Btw if this is how she usually is I would really reconsider the proposal. ###### |
Throwaway
I (16f) am trying to lose weight. I was obese, and I’m closer to a healthy weight now that I’ve learned some better eating and exercise habits. Earlier tonight for dinner, I decided to make pizza.
The pizza was made with cauliflower crust, ricotta cheese and topped with broccoli and chicken — I wanted to make it as nutritious as possible.
When it was ready, my brother (14) asked for a piece and I gave him one. He told me it was good, and then said “I thought you were trying to lose weight”. I told him that the pizza was actually very healthy, and told him what was in it. He then stopped eating it, and went to my dad.
My dad went off, telling me not to drag the test of the family into my “vegan nonsense”. I’m not vegan, first of all, and then told him that maybe if he hadn’t let me get fat in the first place, I wouldn’t be making this type of food.
I know the argument went a little off topic, but I was angry. My parents have been berating me from day one, telling me I couldn’t do it, and deep down I knew it was their fault that I had gotten to that point. My dad told me to get out of his sight after a while of arguing.
AITA for bringing it in, even though it was unrelated? ###### | NTA
It’s not even vegetarian, let alone vegan. I don’t get his point. On another note why did your brother stop eating it? He initially thought it was good before you told him. And then why did he tell your dad? None of this makes sense.
Good job on your weight loss and it’s great that you’re trying to eat healthy. I don’t think you mentioning his part in your obesity is unrelated because if he and your mom caused your obesity, they are the reason you even want to make this healthy pizza. Don’t let them bring you down.
Your pizza sounds super good. I wonder what cauliflower crust tastes like. XD ###### |
So my sister is 25f I am 20f, I currently go to college and my sister is a house wife.
Recently my sister found out she could not have children. For the longest time she wanted kids so I obviously felt bad for her. Well about 2 weeks ago she came to me and asked if I could be her surrogate and that she would pay for all the expenses including an apartment so I wouldn't have to live with my parents.
I told her no immediately because i'm in college and I know how my sister gets when she doesn't get her way. She basically called me a bitch and how I wasn't going to let her be a mom and other bullshit. I just told her that if she wants to be a mom, adopt a kid because there are so many children in the world that need a family. She said she didn't want a used kid she wanted someone who was related to her.
After I told this to my parents my dad was on my side completely and told me that I was too young to even be asked that question. But my mother blew up at me saying that I was a bitch because i'm preventing her and my sister for being a mother and a grandmother. I have received messages from family members and friends of my sister saying that I was being completely unreasonable and how they wouldn't talk to me again unless I apologized to my sister.
I sort of get why I could be the asshole because my sister wanted to be a mom for so long, but if I was graduated from college and at a steady place I would have said yes to her.
Am I the asshole here? ###### | NTA
It's your body and your sister isn't entitled to it. Based on how she acted, don't think you shoukd be a surrogate for her even when you are in a better place. It seems like it would be an insufferable 9 months.
Also,
>She said she didn't want a used kid she wanted someone who was related to her.
You sister is disgusting for saying that. ###### |
Backstory here: I'm Indian, so I wear saris basically everywhere because my parents are really strict about my heritage. Second, I have eczema, so my lower body is covered with scratches, dry skin and scales, and the sari helps cover it up.
So, I'm at my Indian-American cousin (male) to a beautiful American woman's (who we'll call Laura) wedding. Its in India so I pack mostly saris, lehengas and one maxi gown with stockings. (There are a lot of events: mehendi, haldi, thaledivasum, madhereveppu, wedding rehearsal, after party, evening party, two receptions, the ceremony, etc)
So for the haldi, I'm wearing a yellow net sari, which mostly everyone wears for haldi (because they smear turmeric on the bride and the women)
To my shock, the guests were mostly American women wearing short dresses. The bride pulls me aside and asks me to change because she felt MY dress was too gaudy, and hands me a short dress with a diamond pattern. See, I wouldn't have been averse to changing if she had given me a longer dress, but she gave a mini dress which showed off my legs, which were covered in scars, scales, scratches, etc. So, I refused, but I told her that if she could find me a longer dress I would change. She told me I was a bitch for dressing up like that for a haldi, as it obviously was too extravagant for small events.
I left, and that night I was called by a lot of the bride's family members and friends (don't know how they got my number) and told me I was an asshole and things like that because I wouldn't change after the bride had very politely given me a dress and asked me to change, and accused me of trying to upstage her.
So, AITA? ###### | NTA
It's a wedding at India, with Indian relatives, she wouldn't dare to do this with your cousin's mother, for example (idk which one of your cousin's parents is Indian). Is just disrespectful of her, not just personally but culturally (at least from my point of view)
Besides, you told her that you would change for a longer dress, you were willing to compromise. But she just threw a tantrum and made people against you.
Sorry that this has happened to you. ###### |
My husband and I are relatively well off and bought a house a few months ago. We decided to rent out our second room to help pay off school debt. We rented it for a few months and our tenant asked to move out and buying his own house. We're sad to see him go but it is a better situation for him.
My parents are very well off. But my dad works in events has been furloughed to part time and they are bored. When I told my parents we were going to start looking for another roomate they (I know this is extra) asked to rent the room out from us so they wouldn't have to find a hotel when they visit. I guess one of their friends is doing this with their kids. They could actually probably save money on hotels. Since we live in a big city, and my dad and I love doing home projects they will not get bored and I get to see them more. They said they would ask first before they visit (which they will they are very polite) We both have great relationships with both our parents and everyone gets along. My husband loves the idea of basically getting our house to ourselves again and not getting a full time roomate.
My husband was talking to his parents today and basically offered the room to them when they visit. I basically told him we cannot do that on the account of
1. My parents are going to furnish the room and I don't know if they want other people in their bed
2. It's now my parents rental and therefore their space that they pay for and we should treat it as if they own it
3. I do not feel comfortable asking my parents to let other people stay, or asking my in-laws to ask my parents permission. I feel like they have to offer it to us. I wouldn't expect that of a roommate either so why would I expect that of my parents.
I love my in laws and I love to have them visit but I do not want to take my parents for granted. ###### | NTA
If your parents pay rent then they're lodgers, that's officially their space and not your husbands to offer out anymore. It's effectively not a part of your house anymore.
Edit. A word ###### |
Okay, so the title makes me sound like a Karen, but please read before you Judge. About half a year ago People moved into a house down the street, they seemed like they were going to be okay neighbors they would wave while unloading their belongings and seemed to be like the others. about a month later thought they decided that they were going to use their back yard as a shooting range.
At first I was fine with it (I am a strong 2A supporter), although the rest of the neighborhood had issues with said shooting (they are all around retirement age and liked the peace that was the old neighborhood). As a result they all tried to call the Sheriffs dept at one point or another. To their dismay As we are in an unincorporated county zone, they are within their rights to shoot as long as they have a sufficient Shooting Berm.
As of this month the fact that they have not received a complaint they have decided to shoot into the night, at one point not stopping until 2am. This is where I have an issue with it as I live with my Grandfather who is recovering from a series of strokes and my 2 and 4 year old niece and nephew who are hard to get to sleep and stay asleep so they will not be cranky the next day. as a result I have looked into the counties noise ordinances and found that they are in violation of those laws.
WIBTA if II used my decibel meter to record the violations, and got written complaints from my other neighbors to force them to stop shooting during the night? ###### | NTA
If the neighbors are shooting late at night to the point that it’s disrupts everyone’s sleep you are well within your rights to call the sheriffs to report it. ###### |
I’m 15f. My mom is 35f. Before the pandemic started, my mom’s friend and her two kids (friend is 36f, kids are 12f and 14f) came to stay with us, and are still here.
The friend’s kids are annoying, which I can deal with, it’s not an issue. But they’re also using my hygienic things, like my razor, my special soaps/hair products that I bought for my hair and put my name on. They’ve also been drinking after me. And they got into my prescribed pain killers that I got last week, my iron supplements, my last pack of birth control, and the stash of snacks I keep in my false bottom drawer in my room. They are also harassing my cat and tearing tufts of his fur out. I told my mom about this, she didn’t seem to care.
My mom’s friend, their mom, has also been an issue. She’s been smoking weed in the basement, which wouldn’t be an issue except she smokes enough of it to cause the entire house to smell like it, and causes me not to be able to breathe. Mom’s friend goes out partying, gets drunk, and hangs out with my mom in her room pretty much 24/7. I’ve been sick and unable to keep food down this week, and I’ve been ignored by my mom because she’s hanging out with her friend. Mom’s friend is also helping her kids in eating pretty much everything in the fridge before I get a chance to get to it.
I told my mom we needed to have a serious talk yesterday, and made her sit down and talk to me. I told her what her friend’s kids were doing, and then I straight up told her that her friend was causing my legitimate distress because apparently her presence was enough to make my mom stop acknowledging my existence. My mom told me that I didn’t need to have this conversation with her, and that I was being a rude spoiled brat. She’s gone back to ignoring me, and I am still sick. AITA for telling my mom our guests are causing me problems? ###### | NTA
I would secretly call CPS to get that whole dealio of weed sorted out and it’ll give a reality check to the whole household. Don’t smug afterwards though. Hide your snacks, products, anything you want and is YOURS. They don’t care, neither should you. Not all in one place though so if they press you, you got spots and places yk? ###### |
I knitted this blanket for my friend’s birthday. It took me three weeks since I’m new at knitting. There were some mistakes such as dropped stitches but I worked really hard and it has quite intricate stitching. My boyfriend said that I should just buy the friend a blanket because knowing them they would freak out about the imperfection but I sent it anyways. So my boyfriend was right and they didn’t appreciate the gift. I’m embarrassed now and mortified to give my knitted gifts out. AITA? ###### | NTA
I would feel so honored if someone gave me a gift that they spent so much time and effort on.
I actually did something similar. I can (kinda) crochet. So before my first niece was born I tried to knit an extra thick blanket. I ended up running out of yarn and it became a really ugly mattress pad.
I gave it to my brother and sister-in-law anyways. They put it in her cradle and she carried around during her first year of life. When she learned to crawl and walk.
Eventhough it was the ugliest thing I've ever made, they cherished it. That's how your "friend" should've reacted. ###### |
My (16F) sister (18F) and I have never gotten along. We have very different personalities and always argue. Today we were visiting someone else’s house and got into an argument there. I can’t even remember what started it. She said something and I got mad at her. We were yelling at each other and getting pretty intense, and then she said something that stopped the argument. It was basically “Go ahead and kill yourself, see if I care! I wish you’d just shoot yourself and get out of my freaking LIFE!” Afterwards, she looked horrified and tried to apologise but I ran up to my room.
This really upset me because our dad shot himself when we were little. He’s part of the reason for all our arguing. She feels really bad about what she said and has constantly tried to apologise to me, but I refused to listen. She’s said bad stuff to me before, but this is worse because of our dad. I don’t know if I’m in the wrong. AITA? ###### | NTA
I guess you are both struggling with the issue about your father. Counseling or therapy maybe? ###### |
My cousin, who we will call Lia, is from America, her mother married my uncle, yeah yeah. Shes a cousin now. She's 14. And shes obsessed with Asian culture. She often talks about Korean culture and all she listens to is Kpop. She doesn't really respect me or my family (Important: we're from Thailand). She often asks me about Korean music (Which I don't listen to) and i'm beginning to think she thinks I'M Korean? She gets excited when I talk to her and asks about Korean culture and tells me little "facts" about Korea. Last night I was calling her, and she went on and on about Korea, I barely spoke at all. Eventually I asked her if we could talk about something else, she ignored me. I had a major headache and snapped at her, I told her to move on with her unhealthy obsession. She got choked up and ended the call and I've been feeling guilty all day. Her Mother sent a long text about how I "hurt her" and should "mind my own business". AITA? ###### | NTA
I don’t think she realizes that Asia is not just one country. ###### |
I've been running for a few years, but have had a bad time health-wise this year (not the C-thing). Because my fitness has declined further than I like, I've gone back to the beginning of a Couch To 5k programme to build myself back up, using an app on my phone to guide me.
A part of this is intervals, e.g. repeating a pattern of running and walking as prompted by audio cues from the app. Last week was 60 seconds of walking with 15 seconds of running.
Someone who was sharing the outside space with me seemed to think I could do better, and that I wanted his instruction/encouragement to get 'better'. He matched my pace and was telling me to "keep going" and "you can run longer than that".
I told him "thanks, but I'm doing c25k". Then the next time, "I'm doing intervals." After the third time I snapped and went "piss off and leave me alone already".
Apparently that made me an "ungrateful bitch" (which he yelled at me again today), but he at least fucked off. AITA for phrasing it the way I did? ###### | NTA
I don't know what I'm doing when I'm running, but I'd get annoyed if strangers couldn't take a polite "no, thank you". ###### |
I'm an exec at a start-up, due to COVID we needed to lay some people off. Only about 5% of our staff and I was told to make a 1 cut in our operations and strat team. The person I chose to let go is named Sara and is like 23, and has been with us for a year. On that team we have 5 people and a couple months back we had a happy hour and went to a bar with a bunch of people from our company. Sara got a little tipsy and I was walking by her and a couple of other women in the office on my way to the washroom at the bar when I heard her loudly say that she thinks I have the smallest dick in the office due to me being Asian and not having "big dick energy". This was pretty racist in my opinion but she and the other people didnt notice me pass by and hear this.
I didn't change my attitude towards her or anything in any way since then but when making the layoff today I laid her off because of it. It was basically the same to lay anyone off in the dept, they all work the same and are all talented on the same level and she's a good worker.
I told my buddy this and he just laughed his ass off but called me a bit of an asshole, but I don't think I am, she's racist and obviously you should be more coy about insulting the boss.
AITA? ###### | NTA
Her comments should have had disciplinary consequences straight away, but if what you said about the team-members all being equally valuable is true, and you have indeed considered that first, you are not the AH for choosing her for inappropriate behaviour in the past.
I imagine this is gonna be a bit divisive but if OP was female and heard someone talking about her „flat chest energy“, I believe that the verdict would be close go unanimous NTA ###### |
First time posting here so forgive any improper etiquette. About a week ago my sister and her 8 year old son came over for lunch. I have a very good relationship with her and my nephew, so they come over here quite often. Lately He's been getting into Star Wars, which I think is great because I'm a huge Star Wars fan. Throughout the past few weeks I've made sure to keep him interested, and usually have a Star Wars themed gift for him when they come over. For this particular visit, I had bought him a Star Wars Lego set. Not a particularly big one, but nonetheless with Lego's prices it was still $50. Anyway, my sister and I are talking at the table while he's building the Lego set in the living room. He runs back to the table incredibly excited and barely speaking coherently. By the time we stand up from the table he's already ran to my bedroom. (I usually keep the door closed but I guess I forgot) When we get there he's jumping up and down and pointing at my lightsaber that's hanging on the wall. Naturally he then proceeds to ask, "Can I see it?" Even I play with it sometimes so I can see how an eight year old couldn't resist. I tell him no and then go to steer him out of my bedroom when my sister asks "Why can't he play with it?" I try to explain to her that it's very expensive, at which point she asks how much. When I reluctantly tell her that it cost me $825 she looks appalled, but still insists that he would be careful and wouldn't break it. At this point she's rather upset and we get in an argument because "I don't want to share my toys". They both left shortly after that. We're not really fighting anymore, but she's still very much annoyed and thinks that I'm wrong to not let her son play with my lightsaber regardless of how much it costs. AITA?
[This is the lightsaber in question](https://vadersvault.com/the-revanchist/) ###### | NTA
Even though he doesn't want to, he can easily break it. He's too small, his fine motor skills are not fully developed yet so he can easily drop it by accident while trying to be careful with it. And he's too small to understand the value of such things.
You can maybe get him and yourself some cheaper toy lightsabers and play with those, I'm sure he would be just as excited about that too :) ###### |
So for context I had to wake up at damn 8 for online school which sucked ass but had to wake up. I struggled to wake up but finally got up at 7.52.
I got out of my room and went to the kitchen and got a banana quickly before the lesson. I noticed that my (37/39) parents’ door was open on the way to the kitchen but I didn’t look insude because that’s an asshole move.
Well when I had gotten the banana and was walking back I couod hear that they were banging. The creaking and heavy breathing made it 100% clear.
I know it’s a bit weird to not just igbore it but it’s also weird to have sex with the door open in the morning when everyone is waking up. I asked them ”What the fuck are you guys doing? It’s not OK to have sex with the door open when everyone is gonna walk by!” My dad told me to just mind my own business and go back to my room.
I did what he said because I was not gonna argue while they were banging so I just thought whatever. Now I’m attending the lesson while writing this. ###### | NTA
Dude, that sounds like a nightmare. Idk what our parent's logic is sometimes. Sorry you had to wake up to ass and an ass-class. ###### |
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
So, I was a sperm donor, and now 20 years later, someone reached out and told me that I'm their father, and they want to be in contact with me.
I said no, I thought that was it.
But she keeps contacting me, she really wants to be in contact with me, get to know her father, etc.
I think I said no about 7 or 8 times now.
My wife thinks I'm being mean because she clearly wont stop asking, so this must be really important to her.
The thing is... as mean and rude as this sounds... I just dont care about this girl, I dont see her as my daughter, I dont want to be her father. And as crude as this sounds... I didn't jizz in a bottle to become a father (bit without responsiblity) so that the child turns up later and *then* I'll be a dad, I did it to make money. I knew that the possibility for some kid turning up at my doorstep was there, but I just thought I could say no and that's it.
My Wife thinks I'm TA because this girl clearly wants a father, or atleast to know me, she says I should atleast meet up with her.
I would be okay with that after she asked a second time or something, but she asked 8 times now, im afraid that if I say yes, then this girl will see something in that, that is just not there, because the reality is, I just dont care about her, she's a stranger to me.
So AITA? ###### | NTA
Dont make her hope
How did she even get your infos? ###### |
Okay so immediately that title makes me look like a total fucking douche, but let me elaborate.
My friend Charlie and I recently rekindled our friendship, among rekindling our entire high school friend group, after the group broke up and went no contact for roughly 8 months. The group consisted of about twenty people and went strong from Freshman year until just before Senior year, so about 3 years.
Anyway, while conversing with everyone one on one and rebuilding connections with different people, it comes up that one of my closest friends from those days, Charlie, has been voicing that I owe him $400 fucking dollars in GAS MONEY from the days when he’d drive me and other friends in his car, like sophomore year, so ya know, 2 years ago. He literally wants money for actions that he never asked money for. Not one time in our friendship or in our endeavors did he ever mention wanting gas money or any type of payment.
And it’s not like we were just using this dude for rides; for reference, Charlie and I used to have a system where every time we went out to eat, we’d take turns paying for each other’s meal. It was just a cool courtesy tradition thing, and neither of us thought much of it. Charlie was one of my best friends, but this is ridiculous.
If I genuinely felt I owed him $400, I’d pay him no question. But I do not believe I owe him a fucking dime. He offered to be the one behind the wheel all those times, despite other friends of ours also having cars and licenses. Frankly, this sounds like a cash grab for absolutely no reason.
And yes, he is completely dead serious and has voiced this directly to my face as well. He refuses to move forward until I pay him. He doesn’t want payment from the other friends he also drove around, literally just me.
So, AITA? ###### | NTA
Don’t give him a penny
His demand is unreasonable and stupid beyond belief
You said he works two jobs? I bet his job aren’t that good. If his parents were well off he probably was given cash by his parents and spent more than he could afford in the past. Now he wants to keep living beyond his means
Don’t pay him ###### |
Info:
My husband and I live in a flat and just over a month ago took on a flatmate of a similar age.
We all get on pretty well but she keeps alluding to wanting us to share our meals as she doesn't cook for herself outside of freezer meals.
I'm totally not wanting to be a stingy bitch, but she still has a paying job and time to make herself food, whilst I'm supporting my husband whose employers went under just before we got shut in (paying rent and food).
She also moved here from her parent's place so I'm wondering if she's used to having all of this done for her. It was never part of the agreement that food would be provided.
Am I a dick if I politely ensure there's only enough for myself and husband when I cook or making a point of casually saying "Husband and I are having XX for dinner tonight, did you want me to leave the oven on for you etc." ..? ###### | NTA
Don't be coy or give hints with your response, the best way to set up boundaries early in the relationship is to be very clear. If you do it once, it will be even more awkward afterwards.
I would say this:
"Housemate, I will not be cooking meals for you. If you don't know how to cook, I am happy to give you tips for simple and easy meals" ###### |
Short and quick post.
I am 15M and have been saving my money (£500) for about a few months. This money is in cash in my secret safe in my room. My parents are key workers meaning they still have a steady income. Last week my mum offered to clean my room which was somewhat sketchy but I agreed. At the time I wasn't thinking about the money until I wanted to buy something from my local shop. Surprise surprise when I checked, the money was gone. I was quite furious and confronted with my mum. I asked her where it is and she said that she would put it in my savings (which I can't even touch till I'm 18). I haven't spoken to my mum since then and I'm not intending too.
AITA for being mad tho? ###### | NTA
Chances are she took your money and kept it and used putting it in savings as an excuse ###### |
My wife and I have a 16 w/o baby who understandably is taking up all of our time. First baby for both of us and it’s been quite overwhelming since babs was premature and there have been some touch and go moments with her health.
My wife has also suffered with a lot of weight loss and decreased appetite so she struggles to find things she likes to eat.
I have been doing all the shopping which at the moment is difficult, you need to queue outside the shops (roughly 30 mins) and then once you’re in follow a one way system in order to get your things. Thereafter you queue up again (about 15 mins) to pay up.
My wife has been getting a bit aggy with me not only because a) I’m not able to find some things from the shop but b) because I’m not getting her preferred ingredients. For example if she wants Robinson’s jam and there isn’t any I’ll grab Asda jam, but she expects me to go to 2 or 3 different shops in order to get the name brand.
I did this at first but it’s beginning to get quite tiresome especially because I still have to work (key worker) and my shifts are about 12-13 hours. I’m tired, I don’t want to be running around going to every single different shop. I usually go after work and by that time the shelves are pretty much empty.
I told her she would unfortunately need to make do for now, cue lots of tears and her raging at me that I have 1 simple job and that’s to feed her and baby and I’m a lazy bastard.
I apologised and said I will always do my best but I honestly can’t go around to 2 or 3 shops every single time we don’t have her preferred brand of rice or whatever- we don’t have any little shops in my area because it’s rural and so I need to travel out to the big shops which are spaced apart and it’s wearing me out.
She has been passive aggressively texting her mum AND my mum about me and both of these women (who I genuinely am close to) are of the opinion I am the asshole. ###### | NTA
By increasing your visits to multiple shops, you are increasing the risk of:
a) you being exposed, which puts not only you, but her and bubs, at risk
b) you spreading more germs to more places, which increases the risk for others, who may or may not be vulnerable
You absolutely should not be doing this for the sake of a “name brand” item. ###### |
I was in a video call with people from school there was 34 of us. I was wearing my hair in two braids it’s a traditional hairstyle from my tribe (I’m Native American) a couple of the African kids started say I was appropriating black culture by having braids. I tried to explain to them why I had it like that it’s part of our creation story. They started talking shit about it. I got mad at them and said “a lot of different people throughout history wore braids” I was accused of being a racist and appropriating black culture.
None of the people in the call defended me I’m the only native kid at the school. They called me a redskin and other slurs and my funny of my religion I was threatened if I had my hair like that I quote
“we will cut those shit braids out of your hair and burn them you racist pile of shit”
I left the call, I thought someone would stand up for me. But apparently it was okay for the African kids too act horrible because they were oppressed ###### | NTA
Braids have been universally in use even in ancient China.
I see it how they accuse you of being racist and then proceed to call you a red skin etc. Is this that anti-racism? ###### |
A little context: I am 19f, the sister in the conflict is 14f, the sister who told me is 16f. I do not live at home, but they do live with my mother.
Around a week ago my sister (16f) called to tell me that my mother had gotten my 14 year old sister a vape. I was shocked as my mom had caught the 16 year old sister with a vape a few months ago and chewed her out for it.
The vape she was using had nicotine in it. My mom herself vapes, but she smoked cigarettes for like 15 years, quit, remarried someone who vapes, and started vaping.
I texted my mom and asked her why she would buy a 14 year old a vape. She currently lives with my grandmother who is not a fan of this at all. I called my grandmother and told her and she was unaware of any of it and was very angry.
My mother got mad and told me I had “no right” to call her. To which I replied it is my right because it is my sister who she is allowing to destroy her lungs. This went back and forth and even the 14y/o messaged me angry because she wanted to keep vaping.
Eventually they tried to play it off as a “joke” to see how my sister and I would “react”. This was an absolute lie as they would not pull something like this. They just got caught and were back tracking their statements, it’s easy to see.
After arguing my point of the harmful affects of vaping and the unknowns, I told my mom if I saw or heard anything of it again, I was calling CPS on her.
She of course made me the AH, but lung cancer runs in our family, having several family members die from it. Also my mom and my sister are no where near physically fit or healthy and have been warned by doctors many times because they have so many health issues already.
If my sister wants to vape when she’s old enough to know what she’s doing to herself, then fine that’s her own choice, but I won’t stand by and let my mom allow this for a girl who already struggles in her health when she can’t even legally drive yet.
AITAH here? ###### | NTA
At all! Vaping at such a young age could have side effects that are long term. If she’s doing it because it’s “popular” amongst peers, she shouldn’t. You definitely should because YOUR MOTHER bought the vape for her ###### |
Throwaway
My mom cheated on my dad and went and married her friend who is single. I am 30 years old and my salary is 120,000 dollars . My father recently went homeless.He was not able to pay rent as he was fired for his job.
I live in a nice cozy two bedroom apartment in south Carolina. Since my dad was homeless from his job I have allowed my dad to live with me until he can find a new job which he currently is doing.
I also started a retirement account for him as my dad always supported me through my life and helped me financially out whenever I need the help. He always supported my decisions unlike my mom.
Anyway today my mom found out after I told my younger sister who is 25 years old about what I did with my dad. My younger sister told my mom and my mom found out. My mom's tone in the email was very bad as it sounded like she was yelling at me for favoring my dad and not her by giving my dad a place to say and set up a retirement account.
I told my mom she has her girlfriend who could do those things for her in a response and my mom told me what about the house she let me live in when I was a child and what about the food she bought for me when I was a child.
She emailed me through my work account as I have her on all my social media accounts blocked. I told her that she she never supported me like my dad and refused to help me out financially plus she cheated on him which I hate . I told her no I won't be supporting her financially and blocked her on ,y work email.
I saw my mom on face book and she was ranting about how her child never does anything for her and how her male child is sexist and homophobic. So I was wondering if I am the asshole as I feel a little bit bad she is calling me a sexist and homophobic person and maybe my mom is right. So aita for blocking my mom and not giving her the same benefits as I gave my dad. ###### | NTA
Any mom who complains about how their kid is not supporting them through social media (air out family dirty laundry) is bad news. So what if you help your dad. He is your dad, were you suppose to let him sleep on the street? Your mom just sound bad and bad the more you think about it. ###### |
Due to my family I had an opportunity to learn multiple languages from a young age. 12 to be exact. So after I joined the military and learned about FLPP I was making very good pay while basicly living on board a floating city. Since then I have developed the nickname tongues. Goonies referance im guessing. After 8 years and 3 tours I had to call my military career done. And transer to a civilian market. I got a simple job working private security. Drive a nice Benz and am an avid firearms collector. When i go out with friends they always think since I can afford the tab I should pay. The way I see it if its my idea then It should be my dime if I say hey lets all go out to eat then I would offer to pay for everything. I've done this a few times but they just want to party on my dime. One night I get invited out and we all started drinking. I pull the bartender aside and tell them my tab would be separate from the groups and to keep an eye on us. After I had my 3rd shot of liquor and maybe my 5th beer I summon an lyft and go home. An few hours later my cell starts ringing. Its the bartender My friends told the bartender i was supposed to pay, they managed to run up a nearly 500 dollar tab and if they can't pay the police will have to be called. I just hung up and went back to sleep. ###### | NTA
Although you'd think the bartender would put two and two together when you asked to keep your tab seperate. I'd seriously reconsider my friends if I were you - I mean really, with friends like these... ###### |
Sometimes I like to get high then go for a long walk with headphones in and just get lost in the music I'm listening to. It gets me outside, get me moving, and I feel super happy and relaxed when I get back inside.
Yesterday I decided to roll a joint and smoke it as I walk. Usually I do this at night, or smoke before leaving the house if its day time. Yesterday I did not (it was about 3-4pm). I smoked half, walked for about an hour, then decided to smoke the other half. As I'm lighting up and taking a couple puffs, a lady sitting in her yard with a kid (preteen I guess? 12-14 ish) put her hands up with a wtf look on her face and yells to me that I can't be smoking weed out on the streets like that. Now I know she didnt mean legally, as I live in Canada and it's been legal for over a year by now. She obviously meant morally, I assume because her kid was outside seeing this too.
I didnt think it was a big deal, but it immediately ruined my buzz and I spent the rest of the walk worrying that I'm being disrespectful or maybe just unintentionally promoting something negative? I dont know.. should I just make a point of smoking beforehand or is it okay to smoke outside on a walk the same way one would smoke a cigarette? ###### | NTA
Also a Canadian. The law is that you are allowed to smoke anywhere someone could smoke cigarettes. If anyone does not like it, they can write their local government. Until then, you have the absolute legal right to do what you did and no one has any right to prevent you. If the neighbours don’t like it they should be prepared for me to complain when they bbq or play loud music or drink in public, or run their loud motorcycles and snowmobiles. Trust me I have long list of things that non-smokers do that annoy me too, I don’t make a federal case out of it because I have no right to complain about someone following the law.
Smoke em if you got em fellas. ###### |
Yesterday, I was talking in a group chat and this one person who I would be friendly with started to text in homophobic slurs, saying 'all gays should be sent away' etc. These comments have been a recurring issue with this guy for years and he has seemed never to back down on them even after I and others condemn them.
Here's where it gets messy.
I sent the company he works for part-time an email asking them to have a conversation with him and included some screenshots of the slurs used. They fired him within hours. I didn't mean for him to get fired, only to have a conversation with him however I still have very little sympathy for him. He has texted back at me and is understandably very annoyed. Apparently, he had apologised to others but not me yet. Am I the asshole?
​
TLDR: Friend was homphobic so I emailed his employer who subsequently fired him. ###### | NTA
Actions have consequences and a company can't keep someone with a (intolerant) mindset that will inevitably hurt the company.
Especially if it goes against company policy or if the person was in direct contact with customers. ###### |
AITA: Backstory, I come from a big Mormon family. My mom has 5 siblings, and 5 step siblings. My dad has 8 siblings. I left the Mormon church a five years ago. I have a bad relationship with my dad, two of my siblings and my dad's whole family. Most of them haven't talked to me in years, and when my little brother died 2 years ago half of them didn't talk to me at his funeral. I am close with a lot of my mother's family excluding a couple of her step siblings and one of my aunt's.
I don't want to invite my dad's side of the family if they can't even talk to me at my own brothers funeral. On my mom's side of the family I have one aunt that is a raging bitch. She hates me for reason's I don't know. Hell she hates almost everyone for reasons we don't know. At my brother's funeral she told me my bf (we had only been dating 6 months, and she had never met him or even heard of him) was using me, she said this in front of my whole family. Then the next Christmas she bought every niece a Christmas present besides me, (I don't care about the present, it was the spite that hurt me). My bf and I are talking about getting married soon, and I've talked to a few family members who say I have to invite her and her family. Her husband is the only one who treats me good, her kids and their spouses don't even acknowledge me .I'm sure if I don't invite my dad's side of the family he won't even come to my wedding. It has become a huge debate, and to be honest I don't feel the need to spend extra money for 60 people who don't even treat me well.. AITA for excluding my whole dad's side of the family and her family from coming to our wedding? ###### | NTA
A wedding isn't a family event, a wedding is about you and your hubby enjoying and showing off how much you care about each other to the people who mean alot to each other. ###### |
For the last year my (26f) roommate (26m) has been leaving poop on the seat whenever he goes to the bathroom. Me and my wife have had several discussions asking him to please clean it and countless "I'll make sure to double check" in response. Usually I'm the one that cleans it up and I politely ask him to please be more mindful.
Here's where I might be the asshole. Today I went into the bathroom and saw poop smeared everywhere. It took me a ridiculous amount of time to clean and I got pretty mad. So after I cleaned it I yelled at him and said "seriously you have to be the most inconsiderate dickhole in the entire world. I'm so sick of cleaning up your disgusting messes. There's no way you're doing this by accident anymore."
I thought I was in the right but he started crying and told my wife that I'm making it up and trying to ruin their friendship. He said he's at the end of his rope and I'm a horrible person. I feel really guilty now. AITA? ###### | NTA
Your wife should be backing you on this, too. ###### |
Throwaway on my friend’s account.
So I (26F) have a sister (22F) who I’ll refer to as Lily. When I was 17 and my sister was 13, our father passed away and we were left with a pretty big sum of money each that would cover university, rent, groceries and the down payment of our future house (we were given the same amount each). My mother split our money into separate bank accounts (one for tuition, one for rent etc) so that we could stay organized. We only had access to the tuition money and grocery money as our mother helped us pay for rent (she would give us the money for a house when we get there in the future). The second Lily reached 20 years old, she blew two semesters worth of payment on lots of cosmetic procedures like braces, double eyelid surgery, lip fillers and lash extensions. Last two semesters when she couldn’t pay she asked me to. I asked her where her money went and she said she got cosmetic procedures (I haven’t seen her in two years so I didn’t know). I straight up told her no because cosmetic procedures were a want and not a need so she is responsible for wasting it. She went crazy telling me how I hit the genetic lottery and how I had a perfect face that never needed fixing (I had straight teeth without braces, long lashes and double eye lids) She went on a whole rant on how I never felt her pain. I felt bad so I offered to lend her money but she would have to pay me back later(no interest fee). She got even more mad and started yelling at me and calling me selfish and that I had a job and could easily help her but choose not to. I repeated that I could lend her money but she wouldn’t listen and wanted me to pay for her. AITA? ###### | NTA
Your sister sounds entitled as all hell. Bad with money too. It's not your job to bail her out. ###### |
I'm 13, my sister is 23. We have a great relationship and I'm even kool with her boyfriend.
Last week I was supposed to spend at her place, as we hadn't seen each other during the lockdown. Her bf would be there 3 times (they don't live together).
It was all good till their "night activities" woke me up in the middle of the night. Her flat is large and out bedrooms are at the opposite ends of the hall. So that meant they were loud.
I hoped it'd end soon, but they were in for a ride. I tried headphones with music, I didn't hear them, but couldn't sleep with loud music blasting. I didn't say anything as it was their first night and thought they'd tire each other out.
Well, same thing next night. I was knackered the morning after, plus I learned the boyfriend would probably come around more than 3 times.
At the point I started to ponder getting back to my parents, as I have insomnia and it could mess my entire sleep schedule.
I told my sister I forgot helping my friend with chemistry and my mum picked me up.
She couldn't wrap her head around and constantly asked me. She probably knew I was lying as we know each other well. She asked me if she had done something wrong, I told her no and we'd do the same thing next month (her boyfriend would be abroad), but she wasn't having it.
Eventually I told her, I couldn't sleep as I heard them shagging and she was shocked.
She even brough it up at our family dinner, which was super embarrassing, because I hadn't told my parents. And it looked like she was mad at me. My paretns didn't want dive in, but told her it'd be good if It could be arranged that I wouldn't sleep there when her bf did.
She got upset, calling me nosy and eventually left earlier. She's not replied to my messages or calls.
AITA for telling her the reason? ###### | NTA
Your sister is unwilling to accept her responsibility in the situation. That's on her.
Have you tried earplugs? A white noise generator can help too.
Also, no reason to be embarrassed by all of this. ###### |
I’m immunosuppressed, and my wife is in the hospital for a few days. I’ve been texting her but we decided it was better if I didn’t go in to see her to limit my exposure chances to covid. I’ve been texting her, but I drew her a picture that I wanted to send and I wrote a note to go along with it. My sister works as a nurse at the hospital, so I asked her if she could take it in for her when she gets a chance.
She took it in yesterday, and then she texted me that what I wrote was sweet and that the drawing was good. I asked how she knew and she said she opened the envelope to look at it before giving it to my wife. I got annoyed and said that she shouldn’t have opened it, and that I didn’t tell her that she could open it, and I also didn’t tell her what I wrote so it could have been something private. It happened not to be, but it’s the principle of the thing.
She said that I’m over reacting and it’s not a big deal. AITA? ###### | NTA
Your sister invaded your privacy.
I guess in the future, you'll be sealing envelopes. Really not much more here honestly, unless you want to go old school and get yourself some wax and signet wring or stamp. ###### |
My sister and her H are very into kinky sex (I’m not and admittedly don’t know a lot about it) but my sister tells me about it a LOT so I feel like I’ve learned a decent amount. From what I can tell, sharing details with other people is part of the excitement for her. Basically he has a cuckolding fetish where he likes to watch other men having sex with my sister, then after he (excuse the TMI) sucks the other guys semen out of my sister. I’m also a woman btw, I’m guessing she wouldn’t tell me all this if I weren’t...but who knows.
So anyway I recently came across this book on Amazon about “hotwifing” and I linked it to her, saying “since Steve is a cuck I assume he’d get a kick out of this.” No response...odd. I thought maybe I misunderstood the books premise but whatever.
Then I get a response in EMAIL later, with Steve CCed, saying that it’s unacceptable for me to call him “the C word” because that’s a name only those in the cuckold community can use for each other, and that unless I personally plan to cuck Steve (theyre not asking me to, obviously) that I can’t call him a cuck. She said that from now on any communications about Steve have to be said with him on the thread and I need to apologize for the slur.
This feels...extra, I mean...a slur to me is related to race/gender but not a kink that someone chooses. She stopped short of saying this is the N word for the hotwifing community but did say she would liken it to the F word (the homophobic one.)
I didn’t apologize the way she wanted...I said I’m sorry I said it, but this new policy of cc’ing Steve is super weird and I’m worried it might Also be a kink? ###### | NTA
Your sister did massive TMI and is possibly involving you in their kink without giving you the proper info or allowing you to give proper consent. I would email both of them and say you are no longer comfortable talking about their sex lives so your sister is to stop sharing details of it with you. Your sister and BIL appear to be from the annoying part of the kink community, they will only improve when someone from the community teaches them better and that is not your job. If your sister brings it up either tell her to stop, change the subject, or walk away. If they are actual jerks they will say you are kink shaming them and probably call you a bigot, this will confirm they are jerks and contact should go to a minimum. ###### |
My grandfather is religiously Slavic/Norse, and I've been as well for a few years under his look. None of my family members go to church, read the Bible, anything Christian. I always assumed that they knew about what I was and as such I never directly told them I was Slavic.
Recently, I got a package that contained Slavic/Norse relics (see my account if you're interested). It also came with instructions on how to claim them all, basically just involving giving my blood as a gift to Odin. It's nothing bad, we're talking a few pricks at max. I, obviously, agree. I ask my mother if I would be able to buy what I needed, and upon being asked why I told her. I'm now being blown up from all parts of my family because "this is a Christian household and you can't just change your religion." My grandfather obviously sides with me, but the rest of my family considers me TA for not discussing my religion with my family.
What's your verdict?
If it's needed, I am a minor, my aunt is also Slavic/Norse, and my grandfather has been for 2 decades. We don't follow anything strict to the book, hence why I say Slavic/Norse, but we are definitely far from Christian. ###### | NTA
Your religion, your choice. Although I am skeptical of anything involving blood...
Just be careful safety-wise with any blood stuff or sharp objects and you're NTA ###### |
We dated for 2 years, I got pregnant, and he said he wasn't ready to be a dad and left us. He came back when she was about a year old and apologised, stuck around for about 6 months, and then left again. She's now 4 and he wants back in her life.
I've said that's not happening unless we have a custody agreement. I know I can't make him show up or use his time, but he's not even on the birth certificate because he wasn't there to sign it and avoided signing it the first time he came back. If we had a custody agreement, if he took anything less than 50/50 custody he'd have to pay child support, and he says he can't afford to take any custody or pay any support, he can only afford to see her when she's at my place without going on the certificate.
I've said no. I want him on the certificate, I want a custody agreement, and anything less, to me at least, is showing a lack of commitment to our daughter. I don't want her hurt. She's 4 years old, last time he ducked out on her she was less than 2 and only saw him once a month, but if he sticks around for 6 months again and then leaves she will notice this time.
Since I said it, my ex and his new girlfriend have sent me messages. Nothing that bad, just asking me to reconsider, but there was one point where my ex called me a "bitch" and another where the girlfriend said "\[ex\] told me you'd be unreasonable. guess he was right".
I asked mum what she thinks, and she says I should let my ex see our daughter without the agreement and try again to get an agreement in a year or so, because it would be worse if my ex got custody but our daughter didn't like him or something.
AITA for wanting the agreement before my ex sees her? ###### | NTA
Your priority is your daughter. He doesn’t get to be a dad only when he feels like it. A month here. A month there. Maybe six months and he’s gone for two years again.
You’re right. She’s old enough now that she will notice if and when her dad is around. She’s also old enough to have memories of him popping in and out as he feels like it.
He either wants a relationship with his daughter or he doesn’t. There is no in between. ###### |
My younger brother doesn't do any of his chores properly. Parents asked him to do the dishes: there were plates in the cabinet with dried on food. They asked him to vacuum: he would just kind of push it in one path, one direction and left all kids of weird track patterns. They asked him to mow the lawn: he purposely broke the mower. When they gave him a manual push mower: he did it like with the vacuum.
Parents do some of the stuff but even I have to clean up after him. Parents say "we cleaned up after you, it's no different than that".
Yesterday this shift happened again and I refused to clean up. My Dad joked about how apparently learning to clean up after somebody else even when it shouldn't be your job is good experience to have before entering the workforce. Bruh wtf. My parents had to get the work done.
AITA for refusing to do chores? ###### | NTA
Your parents should realise by now that your brother is taking them for a ride. He half arses his chores so they wont ask him often. Your parents should be making sure he does the chores correctly.
I think you should just do your bits, without having to clean up after your brother. ###### |
My older sister has autism and my parents have made me her caretaker since I was around 7th grade. We were made to go to the same classes in school except language class where I chose Chinese and she chose Japanese. When younger my sister did not have any friends outside our friend circle but me so she’s very close and dependent on me to help her make friends and socialize. To this day she still wants me to answer her questions for her sometimes because she does not want to talk to some people.
I understand that my parents loves both of us but cares more about my sister. She is not independent neither was raised to be someone to care for herself. One of the reasons why I dislike my parent’s way of raising us. Finally I told them this is too much for me because I have my own life to live and I can’t take care of her if I’m not self-reliant. I told them if I can’t swim and you expect me to help another person drowning we’d both drown.
Their response was “You’re being selfish, you only think about yourself.”
AITA for telling them I have to take care of myself first before caring for her? ###### | NTA
Your parents should have been called out when they started placing you and your sister in the same classes. I'm surprised the school allowed them to do that.
Your sister is not your burden in life. Go make your own way and offer her only the support you can give. ###### |
So my Mum and Dad moved about 5 hours away from me a few years ago to go and live by the sea.
Recently with everything going on they’ve started making plans for what they’re planning when they’re no longer with us.
So the other night my mum FaceTimed me because she’s been planning all this stuff and asked me if something happened would I look after my 10 year old brother, I said of course I would I’d be more than happy to have him come live with me.
As a background I’m 25, married with a two year old son, we live close to my in laws because to be honest they’re brilliant, when we’re at work they look after him to save us on childcare fees and generally help us with a lot of other stuff.
Well this didn’t go down well at all, my mum instantly shot me down saying no I would have to move to their house and live there to make it easier on my brother.
I said I understand that but it’s not possible, my job and support structure is here I can’t just uproot my life if something did happen.
My mum started getting really angry saying she knew I wouldn’t help them and that they would agree with my younger brother (22) to look after my little brother but not to expect anything from them when they die because I won’t deserve it.
I shot back with that’s totally fine by me, if it comes with strings I don’t want or need anything from them. My mum then hung up on me.
Now they’re not talking to me at all, all I’ve had is a message from my dad saying that they’re both extremely disappointed that I couldn’t put my little brother first.
A couple of friends I’ve told this to have said I’m in the wrong because I’m not willing to help as much as I can and how much this would impact my brothers but I’m still pretty resolute I’ve done nothing wrong.
So Reddit AITA? ###### | NTA
Your parents have every right to choose a guardian that will live in their house if that's what they want. You have every right to refuse to move to another location to become his guardian.
Your parents (and friends from the sounds of things) are TA because they don't have the right to try and guilt you for being unwilling to quit your job and move to care for your lil bro. You're not saying to kick your brother out on the street - he could come live with you. ###### |
Posting from mobile so please excuse formatting.
My dog has multiple health issues, specifically hypertension and an autoimmune disease in one eye. Daily, she needs to receive a pill in the morning and four drops, two in the morning and two at night. She has gotten used to the drops and pills and doesn't fight you, just dislikes it.
For the past two months, I have been administrating my dogs drops in the morning. My parents said they'd handle the pills and nightly drops. Two weeks ago I mentioned the pills and found out my dad wasn't giving them to her. I talked to him and so far he's been better.
For the past two weeks, I've found the drop containers in the same place I leave them every morning. I've told my parents this multiple times and they always have an excuse. Yesterday, I told my mom how annoyed I was and she said she'd set alarms and give drops every night.
This morning I came downstairs to find the drops where I left them. My mom said "Hey, how are you?" And I said "I'm disappointed that even after our conversation yesterday you still couldn't be bothered to give the dog her drops." My mom blew up at me, cited the 'I am the parent and you are the child' and, as always, had numerous issues that prevented her from giving drops yesterday.
She tried to relate it to me not taking out the garbage. We didn't have a long conversation about the garbage.
AITA? ###### | NTA
Your parents are deflecting blame. They just don't wanna do it. ###### |
Hi- I have a sister who is a few years older than me, and has wanted kids since she was a kid. She wants a small litter of them and is a primary school teacher, and I think one day she will make a great mum.
I, on the other hand, do not like kids. Full stop. I never want to be pregnant, I don't find baby videos cute, and if I were to ever have kids I'd hope to foster and look after older kids to help give them a loving supportive home. I was always told when I was younger that when my aunt fell pregnant I'd love my baby cousin, and even though I 1000% love her so much, I never found her to be cute as a kid and it took until she was about 8 for me to feel like I could try to connect to her. Basically- kids and i don't super mix, regardless of relation.
This is connected to a wee while ago when I was talking to my sister and she was talking about wanting kids and I said to her that I was not going to babysit her kids at least until they were potty-trained.
I said this as a flippant comment, whilst my sister reacted like I'd told her I was going to sacrifice her future babies to satan when they were born.
AITA for not wanting to deal with up to four tiny screaming drooling sticky kids, even though they're going to be related? ###### | NTA
Your not obligated to be a babysitter ###### |
So my brother just had a baby a month and a half ago with his wife and due to coronavirus we haven't been able to see her until recently.
My mother (62) has been looking forward to meeting her and since the baby has been here with us now for a few days along with my brother and his wife, she has been very helpful with her, and loves bonding with her granddaughter. I have zero issue with this, I think it's absolutely lovely.
Here is where I might be the A.
My mom offered to have the baby sleep with her and my dad during the night. Brother and wife said ok, if they want and that was that, but I, after seeing how they placed her voiced my concerns about it being dangerous for the baby. She sleeps between my mom who is a pretty wide framed lady and my dad. They have conjoined mattresses and there is a gap between the two mattresses where the baby ends up having her head when they fall asleep. She also has her little feet somewhere by/under my moms body and I'm afraid that she might squish her.
I told my mom that I'm worried about the safety of the baby but she says it's a womans instinct to not lay on the baby during sleep. I'm just concerned because she is getting older and is becoming more of a deep sleeper that something bad might happen, but they say I'm too nitpicky and give me angry looks if I say I think something isn't safe.
So, am I the asshole? Do I need to but out? ###### | NTA
Your niece is 6 weeks old. A baby that tiny shouldn’t be bed sharing in the manner they have her. The gap between the mattresses is dangerous. Also there’s a risk of suffocation.
I’d voice concern again, this time to the new parents. ###### |
To preface my father passed away about 2 months ago. I was incredibly close with him, I moved states away from my mother to rebuild a relationship with him after their divorce. I went through all of high school living with him and lived a city away throughout college. He was my biggest supporter. So I (23M) am having to go through all the processes of insurance and retirement my father had set up in his name. He had 2 policies with one life insurance company that had me and my 2 siblings, so it was all split evenly between us 3. But he also had another where I was the sole beneficiary, as well as the sole beneficiary of his retirement. My siblings had never really been close to my dad. My sister hadn't spoken to him or seen since last June. My brother who is a habitual liar and kind of shitty person, only really saw him on occasions. And most times it was when he needed something. Thought out my childhood they were never present they had both ran away numerous times. Sometimes we wouldnt see them for a year or more. But my dad always helped even if it costed him loads of money. This is where my dilemma comes into play. My mom is telling me that my dad left the rest of it in my name for a reason, and not to go against his wishes by giving them any. Would I be an asshole if I didn't? ###### | NTA
Your mum is right, Your dad left it to you for a very clear reason, you were there for him, and this is his way of being there for you now after he passed. ###### |
I'm sorry if this is long or confusing but I'm conflicted.
Backstory my mom was incredibly abusive to me. Everything except sexually because I got that from someone else. I was forced to work at our store when I was 8 years old. Every way you could abuse someone she did it. I moved out when I was 14. I had just finished my freshman year of high school and I moved in with my grandma who let me stay with her rent free but I was on my own for everything. I got a job working 20-30 hours paid under the table. I did everything I could to support and sustain myself. When I turned 16 I got a real job went to an alternative high school and shifted my whole life so I could work and go to school just so I could eat, have a phone, get a car/gas.
We're Asian though. Painfully traditional and our beliefs is that we need to everything we can for our inner circle. Basically my mom was living with my grandma and her husband doesn't like her so he left. Shortly after she left to be with him. Things happened and now they're essentially homeless while looking for a place to live. They're living in a trailer.
I can give more details if there are questions.
Fast forward to now ten years later. I don't have a relationship with my mother. We talk a maybe a total of 5 times a year if that. My whole life I've been lectured how because she's my mother I have to love her and care. She's the only mother I have. I live in moderately sized home with my SO and dog. We have the space to house 2-3 extra people. I feel so bad because I know she wants me to offer her our extra rooms but I just don't want to.
Shes essentially homeless though and I feel like I'm the devil for not offering her a roof when I have the space and ability to. I don't think I'm TA but why do I feel so bad? I'm conflicted. If I wasn't TA I don't feel like I would feel bad. ###### | NTA
Your mother was abusive. You don't need to bring someone with a history of hurting you into your home.
It's unfortunate that she's in a tough spot but I mean... Maybe she shouldn't have abused her child ###### |
Okay, so I'm 20 F, and I'm living with my parents.
So this happened today at lunch. We'd all sat down to eat, and there was fish. I hate fish. I hate most non-vegetarian food. Nonetheless, I didn't want to start a fight, so I sat down and ate almost all of it, except for a little bit which I just didn't want to anymore. And trust me, when I say little, it was a tiny little piece.
I got up to wash my hands and rinse my mouth, when my mother called me back and asked me to finish it. Now, I really didn't want to. Firstly, I was already very full, and secondly, I just couldn't eat any more fish. I'd probably throw up.
So I said no. She kept bullying me. And I kept saying no.
My mother has a history of doing this. My brother and I could never be picky about anything we ate growing up, because it was a rule to eat everything that was served. I understand not wanting to waste food, but I just can't tolerate eating certain things.
Her force-feeding has probably led to me overeating at some times and barely eating at others.
So anyway, back to the story. She pulled me aside and angrily told me that I was embarrassing her in front of our house-help.
And I just couldn't believe her. I couldn't bare to ingest something at all anymore and to her, it was only about listening to her so that I didn't embarrass her.
She called me to a side room and started getting furious about how I always embarrass her and stomp on her dignity.
I stormed out of the room.
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA
Your mother needs to get a grip. You're 20, an adult and she cannot tell you anymore what to eat and how much and when. If anyone embarrassed her in front of your house aid it was herself being so pedantic about this. And stomping on someones dignity over that? I don't think she knows what that means. ###### |
I don't even know where to begin with this. First time posting here.
My family consist of me (17), my ma, my two sisters who I'll call A and J (A is 18, and J is 15) and my two younger brothers (one's highly autistic and the other is 8, neither of them are important to this). Now then, after school closed but before people started taking the quarantine seriously, a friend of mine, who I'll call D (More of J's friend but I knew him from school) started hanging out at my house, and he brought a friend of his Tae (using his nickname) who I think knew J but they were kinda just acquaintances. Now, D left because he also tried to make advances on J ( D was 16 at that time) The problem is Tae. Even after D left, Tae stuck around and has basically been living at our house. When D was here they were here almost every day, and rarely stayed over for the night. Now, Tae almost never leaves. He eats and sleeps at my house and even on the rare occasion he does go home, he never sleeps over there and always comes back. I can't remember that last time where he wasn't here for more than 24 hours.
Neither me nor A like him, but J does. I don't like him because he basically took over the living room and I hate how he acts like he has any authority here. A doesn't like him for the same reasons, but mostly doesn't feel comfortable with him being around J because of the title incident. Tae sent J some rather suggestive text, even saying that she can't tell anyone ( He's going on 20). J deleted the messages for some reason, so only her and ma know exactly what they said. This is a problem because ma refuses to tell Tae's parents about the messages, saying something along the lines of "I already dealt with that." Now whenever I bring it up she says I'm " trying to tell her how to run her own home." Am I the asshole for wanting him gone? ###### | NTA
Your mother is allowing a predator to live in her home. Why? ###### |
My 5 year old had been going to my mother in laws house pretty regularly for overnights, 2 or 3 times a month, per her request. In all my years of parenting, I have made it loudly, unmistakably clear that I do not use physical discipline on my children, and she is not to either. Ok, she doesnt agree but will respect it.
Fast forward to about 8 months ago (this is my MIL story and my daughter essentially concurred), my then 4 year old was in the bath and my MIL was helping her, and my child got shampoo in her eyes and started to cry and panic, so she splashed water on my daughters face to "help" and she lost it. She screamed and wailed because she couldnt see and had water up her nose now, and my MIL couldnt figure out the issue and there was another sleeping baby in the house, so she smacked my childs bare wet ass to "calm her down and stop the noise" (huh?) Instead of grabbing her a towel to dry off her face or offering comfort.
My daughter still doesnt understand why it happened and brings it up occasionally. Its created a huge rift in the family dynamic and relationship, but my MIL still doesnt feel like she did anything wrong. I'm very bitter about it still and have been a little controlling over visits since then.
So reddit, am I the overreacting asshole? ###### | NTA
Your Mother in law did not do what she did to ‘calm her down’. She was frustrated and angry and wanted to shut the kid up.
This is not okay. ###### |
So, as Disney Plus was coming to my country, I managed to convince my parents to get an account, only if it was through ma pocket money. So, I decided, eh. fuck it, imma get it. So, it was all sunshine and rainbows for a while until my dad asked for the password to give to one of his friends. I was reluctant at first but my dad managed to convince me to give the password. But, I realized that it was a bad idea to give the password in the first place and went to the account settings and logged all devices out except for mine, and I have not told my parents yet about the log out. So, by taking the account off of the friend, Am I the Asshole ?
(also some might think im a dumbfuck for giving the password in the first place but my dad is a very persuasive person) ###### | NTA
Your money, your password, do what you like with either of them.
(Although I agree with your last line :) ) ###### |
I (F16) was forced to get a job at 15. At the time I wasn't really doing anything productive, so my dad made me get a job. He said it'd keep me busy, and I'd be able to spend my money however I want as long as I kept 30% of it in the bank.
I wasn't fond of the idea since I'm not really good with people, but my dad insisted it'd be a good way to socialize and make money, plus I didn't really have a choice.
After turning in applications, I got hired at a pizza place, and really enjoyed making and spending money. Like agreed, I put 30% (eventually boosting it to 50% on my own accord) in the bank, and spent the rest on whatever I wanted: makeup, clothes, gag gifts. As time went on, however, my dad became upset at my spending habits. Calling it reckless and such. And although I do agree that if I had bills and stuff like that to pay it'd be bad, but since I'm a kid I'm taking advantage of my time now to spend my money without a thought.
Today we got in a shouting match because he said that the way I'm spending my money (which he SAID I could spend whatever on) was ridiculous. He's now saying he's going to increase how much I need to put in the bank, even though I had increased it myself.
I'm not going to abide by these new rules. He said in the beginning that I could spend my money however I wanted as long as I put a chunk of it in the bank. In the coming years I plan on saving more, but as of right now I'm just spending money as I please since that is what was agreed.
Am I the asshole for spending my earned money? ###### | NTA
your money, your business ###### |
For context, I am F24 and just bought my very own condo. I took out a loan that I will have to pay back over the next couple of years, but I looked at, bought, etc. the condo myself. My Mother (F53) had nothing to do with it.
Now, my mom has always been entitled. When I first moved out, she gaslit me into giving her keys to my new place, which she kept referring to as her apartment. I folded then, and regretted that choice when she kept showing up unannounced while i was at uni.
As for my new place, she has already threatened to “throw me out” and “get herself a new tenant” if she ever comes in to find dishes in the sink. I never claimed to be the most tidy person, but that didn’t sit well with me. What right does she have to throw me out of a condo I own? My name is in the register, no one else’s. I don’t want her to gaslight me into folding again, but she is adamant it is “her” apartment and that she is “technically the owner” as she birthed and raised me. I love my mom, but I’m terrified.
When I said I wouldn’t give her any keys to the place, she lost her shit. Calling me ungrateful, that it was HER apartment, that I had no right to keep her out of it. I still feel like this is my property, and my name on the loan, but I’m also terrified of cutting her off because I know she will ruin my life as she sees fit. She once called the police to do a wellness check on me because i was in the tub and didn’t respond to her messages quickly enough.
So, Reddit — WIBTA for not giving my mom keys to my new place ? ###### | NTA
Your mom will never stop dominating your life if you don't start standing up for yourself.
She might try and ruin your life, but people will quickly learn that she's a crazy person. ###### |
So we were all watching the news together (my sister, my mom, my dad and i).
And there was this part where it reported that muslims still liked to fly over their dead to their country of origin and bury them there (i’m from belgium). Personally I didn’t think it was a big deal but my mom just stated:
“At least they take their trash back”
I was shocked obviously and spoke up. I told her that it was no different than any other person wanting to be buried (or have their ashes spread out) anywhere specific like the ocean or in their favourite country. And that saying if their dead are trash would mean that if grandma died she would be just trash too in her eyes, if you follow her logic.
Well everybody got mad at me and saying that it was just some passive aggressive way of what they call ‘reverse racism’
And now everybody is mad at me and wont talk to me, mostly about the grandma remark i think, so i feel bad ‘cause that was really harsh of me. But then again so was calling someone elses loved one trash.
So am i in the wrong here and should I apologize? ###### | NTA
Your mom should be proud that she raised you to speak up for what you believe.
You disagreed, and then you explained why respectfully, with no yelling or insults.
Also, you're correct. ###### |
Backstory: had acne for almost 10 years. Couldn’t do anything about it (treat it orally) since healthcare isn’t free where I live, and dermatology appointments are costly. We were also, very poor.
I had self esteem issues because of it, and my mum is the only person that I’ve shared this struggle with. She, out of everyone, knows how much I’ve been struggling with mental health due to acne. When I first started getting it, she would shame me (just make snarky remarks like “aren’t they bothering you? You look like bla bla bla”) into fixing it as soon as possible. So I became ashamed of my face and was obsessed with skincare. And I mean OBSESSED.
Recently, I had to move back home with my parents because of the current climate. Today, my face progressed from moderate acne to very mild. I maintain a plant based diet that helped me a lot. Though from time to time, I get hungry and crave foods that cause flare ups (mainly dairy and baked goods). But since we’re all staying at home, I thought it would be fine to have a couple bites.
One day, I ate too much, and I broke out. She saw my face and said “what even is that huge bump on your forehead? Did you hit your head?” And I don’t know where the anger came from, but I snapped “why do you always feel the need to say shit about my face?”. She started screaming and calling me over-sensitive. That because my face isn’t even THAT bad ( like it was before) I should learn how to take a joke.
Now I feel that it’s my fault for making her feel bad. ###### | NTA
Your mom is a jerk for saying that to you despite knowing it's a big insecurity. Show her this thread so she can see just how asshole-ish it is to do what she's been doing. A parent should support and encourage their child, not make them feel terrible for no reason. She should be ashamed!
You're beautiful. Don't feel bad for the occasional treat. Especially in the current climate. :) ###### |
So a little backstory
My parents are split up but not fully divorced so they haven’t filled out all the paperwork. My dad (d) is a lawyer so he is quite well payed and and my mum (m) works in a nutrition company so she makes medium wage. Because of how boring life is right now I’m trying to save up to buy an xbox. My parents won’t let me sell any of my current items so I obviously have to do chores (I’m not old enough to get a job.) I’ve done stuff like walk my dog, clean the windows and vacuum at m’s house all for £5 or less each. D paid £10 for just the windows (£1 per window) so obviously I wanted to do the chores at his but m has a huge shed that hasn’t been entered in years! So the words m gave me were “if you can empty this shed and sort the items i will give £10” i thought this was an ok price so i cleared the shed and sorted the items (25 min work) I ask m for the money but she says not until i wash the items (the shed was filled with cobwebs and insects.) I was annoyed but i asked for the cleaning products but she said she didn’t have any. So i had to buy the hose... with the money I hadn’t earnt yet. Plus bug killer, scrubs and new bin bags! i was losing money so i said no. M then said she wasn’t paying me until i did. So i was practically paying her £2.49 to clean out, sort and wash HER shed. I have a natural phobia of bugs so I already hated it but this was ridiculous. I refused and now m has taken all the money i earnt as a punishment plus my ps3 (i prefer xbox but this was all we could get.) D is taking M’s side but I think he’s scared which I don’t blame him for. So Reddit am i the ahole? Also this is my first story on here so sorry if it isn’t good for this subreddit. ###### | NTA
Your m is doing those things where she becomes a psycho because her kid is getting old enough to point out how flawed her logic is.
I’m sorry you have such a self righteous shite for a mom right now ###### |
So, just a little backstory. Throughout my entire childhood, my parents have always forced their way into knowing all my secrets. Whenever I refused at first, they would start taking away things I had like my book or playstation. Whenever I asked why their excuse was always, "Because I'm the parent and I say so." Because of this, I don't like telling them anything anymore. I always hide everything because I'm afraid they're gonna force their way into knowing. Recently, I told my dad about a girl I was talking because he didn't force his way into my secrets as much as my mom. When my mom caught word about something between us, she once again asked about it and got pissed off when I told her it was just between me and my dad. She said that my business is her business. This is one of the few times she doesn't force her way in because I already told my dad. I told her that I'm not going to tell her and my mom keeps getting pissed off that I'm not telling my safe guarded secrets. AITA for doing this? ###### | NTA
Your life needs to be your life. Talking to your parents is a great way to gain insight from their years of experience. But it should be done on your terms, not theirs (like you talking to your dad). ###### |
Long story short, my fiancé has always been a drinker. He has a drink every night to wind down after working swing shift while he plays video games. His drink consists of a 20oz Yeti cup filled with ice. Then filled 2/3 with Jim Beam followed by Dr. Pepper. He’d typically just have the one drink about 11pm when he got home and come to bed about 2am.
Over the last year, his drinking has gotten crazy. He now drinks 3 of those cups a night, every single night. He stays up past 4am getting wasted while playing his game and yelling the whole time. I get up for work at 5:30 am so it’s very disturbing to sleep in our bed. Many nights I sleep on the couch. After playing and drinking, he goes and wrecks my kitchen heating up food. I used to make allowances because he was still able to get up for work and he’d let me sleep in one weekend day and take care of the kids that morning. And I don’t think I really realized how much he was drinking.
But now we’re both home, his drinking really bothers me. As I watch him fill his cup with liquor I feel repulsed. Because I know that the more he drinks, the more obnoxious and verbally abusive he becomes. Every night I’m called a bitch or a whore. And if I say anything, he says he can’t joke with me. But I don’t find it funny nor do I see how it’s a joke when I’m literally just laying there trying to sleep.
The other night I snapped. My stove was covered in queso. He had kept me up all night with his yelling and all the kitchen noise. I told him it’s us or alcohol. Previous talks asking him to slow down his drinking only made him drink more so I’m at my wits end.
His response was to say he will drink more now and maybe if I got drunk, he’d like me better. So I walked away. And I haven’t spoken to him since unless absolutely necessary. I know alcoholism is a disease and it runs in his family. I’m conflicted with wanting to be happy and feeling guilty for the ultimatum. So AITA? ###### | NTA
Your husband is an alcoholic. Full stop. And he's drinking **a lot**.
Let me give you some perspective. Once you factor in the ice, that 20oz Yeti cup probably has about 6.5 oz of Jim Beam in it (I did a quick test run with ice and water to get an estimate). Three of those a night would be 19.5 oz.
1.5 oz of Jim Beam has the same alcohol content as a 12oz can of beer. This is assuming that the stuff he's drinking is only 80 proof (Jim Beam also makes 100 proof whiskey). So his three cups of Jim & Dr. Pepper have the same alcohol content as 13 cans of beer.
##**He's drinking two six-packs a day**
Let that sink in. Two six packs of beer. Every single day.
He has a huge problem, and unfortunately the only way he'll ever get better is if he decides on his own to get better. In the meantime, you need to do whatever is necessary to protect yourself and your children. ###### |
This ones petty I know but my friend (17m) was sending selfies from girls we know to our group chat full of friends (also all 16-17m) last night. He screen shotted the selfies of these girls in make up and sent them to our group chat of about 15 of our guy friends and saying stuff like “which one is worse” and they look goofy and they shouldn’t have posted those photos and stuff like that. I called him out and said it was weird and gross for him to do that. Almost everyone in the group chat took his side saying that if they post it online publicly we are allowed to make fun of it. And that everyone sends photos of people calling clowning on them and it shouldn’t be different just because they are girls. I kept arguing that sending photos of girls you aren’t friends to a group chat of all your guy friends to clown on them was a gross thing to do. They didn’t really get it and just claimed I was white knighting and it wasn’t really a big deal. They told me I should drop it but it doesn’t really feel like a thing we should let slide. Am I overreacting and should I just drop it? ###### | NTA
Your friends suck ###### |
I’m a closeted lesbian, since my family is Christian and since I live in an asian country I keep it to myself. I’m not ashamed about who I am but I am afraid of people’s reactions.
Anyway I told one person, a friend (let’s call her Lana).When I told her she was surprised but eventually accepted me.
A few months later I had a work party to celebrate a new employee joining. I invited Lana to join. We were having a good time, then I got up to go to the bathroom. When I returned to the group, I heard her loudly telling my coworkers and my boss that I was a lesbian and she even used the “F word “to describe me. When she saw me walking towards the group she changed the subject.
Not wanting to cause a bigger scene I waited until after the party to confront her. She told me that I was “hearing things” and that I shouldn’t trust my own eyes and ears because I was probably drunk. I wasn’t.
So I stopped talking to her. A few days later she called me and admitted she said it but said that she won’t apologize for telling people the truth.
After that day I reflected on our friendship and realized how toxic she was. And her l
narcissistic tendencies.
But some of our mutual friends that she told the story to said that I overreacted, that I am an asshole for not accepting her “apology”. ###### | NTA
Your friend, can we even call her that, is a terrible person. I'd cut ties with her immediately for pulling that stunt, and yes, she does owe you an apology. What business did she have telling everyone your sexual orientation. You told her that in confidence and betrayed you, cut ties and never turn back. ###### |
Context: So my friend asked if I would ever dye my hair and I said a quick “no”. However I then said half seriously that I might do it if it was for charity, next thing I know my friend has created a paypal and has publicly said me and her are dying our hair for charity, even though I never really wanted to do it and didn’t 100% agree to it.
Fast forward to last night, I learned that the hair dye I bought doesn’t truly come out and will ruin the natural hair colour until it grows out which I didn’t know would happen. So yeah, my friend is dying her hair now as I type this and I told her I didn’t wanna do it. Keeping in mind that this was for charity, am I the ass hole here? ###### | NTA
Your friend sucks because she didn’t confirm you were totally serious with the idea and assumed you were just going to go on board because of something you jokingly said. It was wrong of her to publicly say you were doing it with her without first asking you.
If she is going to force you to do this, she should at least get a hair dye that is ethical and won’t fuck up your hair.
(if you ever do dye your hair after this, i recommend manic panic- it’s vegan and plant based, won’t ruin your hair, and some colors are very easy to get out)
EDIT: On the charity aspect, I still stand by my point. It seems like your friend just bullshitted this whole “charity” idea to get you to dye your hair with her, considering the way this is worded implies she only got the idea after you said you might do it for charity. ###### |
Before you judge off the title alone, my friend is a man. Not genderqueer or anything, just a man. He has always said kind of cringe things about women and sex, nothing bigoted but just....cringe. Like once he told me that he is most attracted to bisexual women because “pleasuring women is his biggest pastime” and he can’t relate to women who don’t.
Well his latest is he told me he’s a lesbian. I told him that unless he no longer identifies as a man, he isn’t a lesbian. He says that’s not true. His reasons for being a “lesbian” are: he has a powerful connection to women’s energy (further questioning revealed he was just talking about vaginas), he thinks he’s more turned on by watching two women together than other straight men, and his dream is pleasuring 4 women at once (you can do that....I guess....but you’d still be straight.) he also thinks lesbians are “hotter” than straight women. I’m 90% sure he’s never met a lesbian IRL and this is based on porn. He does not identify as a woman or even remotely not a man. He just dreams of being “in the middle of a lesbian orgy.”
I am normally not one to police identities but he’s obviously just a straight man and I find this borderline offensive. AITA? ###### | NTA
Your friend seems to be just a dumbass who watches too much porn, and I can't possibly imagine taking him seriously on this topic. ###### |
This is a throwaway account. Also this story happened a while ago.
My friend and I went to see a movie. Before that, we got some churros for $10, she said she'd pay for it and I can pay later when we buy something after the movie. I said ok. We shared the churros. After the movie, she wanted to get hot chocolate but I didn't want any so she can get a cup and I'll pay for it. And because just the hot chocolate by itself, it didn't add up to $10 so she added in a cookie to rake up $10, I said it was ok. I paid for the hot chocolate and the cookie.
It was pretty late at night so I'm assuming the worker must've been pretty tired because although he charged us $10, he accidentally made us two cups of hot chocolate. He gave it to us for free because it's already made and we were the only two there.
The next morning, she texted asking me to transfer the money I owe her back. I was confused because I didn't owe her anything, I paid $10. She said it was because it wasn't $10 that I paid since I also got something out of it, it made the value of her drink decreased. Even as I typed this out, I still don't understand her reasoning. I said that I paid $10 fair and square, the hot chocolate I got was just an added bonus for us. We debated back and forth about this and she said she told her mom about the story, and her mom also thinks that I should pay back. We dropped it after a while but I'm still confused. Since her mom also agreed, I don't know if she dropped it because I was being an asshole and she didn't wanna keep arguing or if it was because I was right.
AITA? ###### | NTA
Your friend is cheap and petty as heck. You bought her $10 worth of stuff. Doesn't matter if you also got a drink for free. The value of her drink did not decrease, and you owe her nothing. ###### |
To understand the full story you will need some key information about my life. At a young age my parents were divorced,and my oldest sibling is a trans female.
I just finished my school year and to celebrate me and my friends decided to dye our hair. My mother was completely fine with it but suggested I asked my dad first.
Here’s how to conversation went.
D=Dad
M=Mom
OP:Me
OP:(over Text Message) Hey, can I dye my hair,Momma said it was fine but wanted me to ask you first.
D: What Color and your whole head?
OP:Red and probably not, I only have half a bottle of dye.
D:I’m thinking you shouldn’t unless you’re gay.
Now when he said that I was in complete shock and went to my mom for her advice on what to do, she was outraged as her oldest child is part of the lgbt community . She suggested that we dye my hair anyways to prove a point.
When I went to visit my dad he grounded me and took my phone for breaking his rules, and has said that he won’t take me anywhere because I’m a embarrassment to him. Reddit AITA? ###### | NTA
Your father however, is an ahole. ###### |
Hi everybody! My fiancé and I are expecting a baby in December. I have a lot of bad history with my last name and my fiancé’s family also has a really bad history. For this reason I’ve always wanted my baby to have a new last name to start brand new with no history. We both agree to this and decided this is what we are going to do. However his family does not want that. So are we the assholes for wanting something different and going against his families wishes? ###### | NTA
Your family, your life. ###### |
So ever since the protests started my brother (19) has been making racist comments to my family about it. I'm (21) a criminal justice major and have learned a lot about systemic racism so I've been trying to help my family understand what's happening and why. I warned my brother to never say any of the stuff that he says around us to anyone else, but he didn't listen.
Sure enough my brother was "exposed" on a girl's Instagram story with screenshots of him saying racist things in a chat with his friends. Since the girl that posted the screenshots was in my grade my family asked me to talk to her and get her to take it down since it may "ruin my brothers college acceptance." I told my family no and that he needs to be publicly ridiculed since nothing that I've said was going to get through to him.
Then the post spread and now practically everyone has seen the message and has been messaging me about it saying things like "wow I can't believe your brother is so racist" and "wow how can you let him say things like this." In response I posted something saying how I do not condone his actions and am deeply disappointed.
Now my brother says that I am "dead to him" and my family won't talk to me because I didn't back my brother and "betrayed the family." I've asked my brother to sit and talk with me about it but he's refusing to and saying that I've done too much damage and that he doesn't want to speak to me again.
My mom keeps telling me that I need to apologize to him in order to make the family "begin to heal" but I don't feel as though I'm in the wrong.
Should I apologize? Am I the asshole here? ###### | NTA
Your family are worried about his reputation, but they didn't stop to think about yours. There are now people out there who genuinely believe you're okay with having a brother who is racist - you needed to be honest and clear your name.
If your brother was out there trying to make it right, learn from his mistakes and get educated it might be a different story (then again it might not - I'm a super priveleged white woman so my opinion could be way off here) but he's not, he's trying to get you to fix his mistakes instead of owning them.
You have to protect yourself first. I'm sorry your family can't see that, but it's true. ###### |
The whole story is in the title.
My ex-husband gave me three cards (one from him and each of our kids) and a miniature rose bush for Mother’s Day. The kids’ cards just said that I do a lot for them and his just said he was thankful that I’m a good mom and was excited to see us again. (We still do family outings like going to the park).
My boyfriend broke up with me because he said it was inappropriate and that I should never have accepted them. It just blew up into a big argument. I told him his feelings were valid and we’d work through it and talk about it. Was it inappropriate?
AITA? ###### | NTA
Your ex sounds like someone attempting to successfully co parent with you.
Your ex boyfriend sounds incredibly insecure ###### |
TL;DR — my husband started a YouTube channel, which I fully supported but I asked him to not record me and told him I didn’t want to be in his videos and he flipped out and deleted the whole YouTube channel. AITA?
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My husband started a YouTube channel. He got a wild, hare brained idea that it was a good idea. He told me about it, showed me his first video, I told him it was very funny and I supported him 100%. He said it was going to be a “funny, relatable, YouTube channel for dads”, I told him it was a great idea, and fully supported it. Until he tried to secretly record me and post it. I told him as he was recording me (as soon as I realized he was) that I do consent to being put on videos that are displayed for the public. And it wasn’t a sexual video or anything like that. It was literally a video of me sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of lucky charms. I don’t care what it was about, I point blank said I didn’t want to be in his videos. I still supported him making the channel, and told him I could support him without being in the videos. He then said he was going to post it anyway, made a comment about posting videos of our kids. I was adamantly against that — I don’t want our kids displayed for world to see. It’s just nothing something I agree with personally because I don’t want anyone to look at my child in an inappropriate way and unfortunately, the world we live in, the Internet is a child sex offenders hunting grounds. I just don’t want my kids to be out there like that, plain and simple. Anyway, he flipped out. Told me I didn’t support him, he was tired of it always being an issue if it wasn’t my way. Which it’s the complete opposite. He behaves like a child when he doesn’t get his way, always trying to guilt me into things. We fought for a while about it and I finally just walked away. He deleted the entire channel and refused to speak to me the rest of the night. Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA
Your entitled to your own privacy, your husbands TA. ###### |
i (18F) have had a pretty large chest since i was like 14 and it’s quite a pain. my mother is helpful, she helps pay for bras and clothes to fit me especially now because i don’t have a way to get money during the quarantine. both my parents occasionally show concern if i look particularly uncomfortable, but my father voices his ‘concern’ more often than my mother.
i absolutely understand and can assure you that it 100% does not come from a sexual place yet his comments are always so ignorant and immature especially for a man who’s almost 50 now and has been married to a woman for like 28 years. for example, the most recent incident was about a week ago, i was in a bikini and innocently discussing something with my mother when my father interjects with something along the lines of ‘i can’t imagine dealing with that weight on my chest! that top doesn’t even look like it fits!’ the comments range from at least partially constructive to very objectifying. i tell my dad whenever he makes these comments that it really is weird and he has no business making comments like this, but it always ends up in him screaming at me that ‘he’s the parent and i’m the child’.
i do understand that where he’s coming from mostly stems from concern, and i know i shouldn’t argue as much with my father, but am i the asshole here? is he just being helpful? ###### | NTA
Your dad seems kinda weird ngl, I think you and your mom need to talk to him about boundaries ###### |
I'm a teenager, in high school, and I just got a phone at the beginning of this year when my mom upgraded. She'd had the phone for several years, it's a 5s and in relatively good condition (no cracks, scratches, etc) but the battery drains ridiculously fast and, well, it's 7 years old. My siblings both got new phones for their first phones, but i guess my parents saw an opportunity and ran with it.
My dad said he'd get me a new phone at the end of the school year if I got good grades. Well, now that school's out, mine has decided that they're going to make all classes pass/fail. Hence they're not assigning letter grades, and he won't buy me a new phone. He mentioned it off handedly at dinner like "oh great i wont have to buy you a new phone for another year!!"
My grades were good before we were let out. It's not my fault school was cancelled and the grading system is this way now so why should i have to wait another year?
I don't want it to come off as me being spoiled but I'm honestly tired of having such an old phone and not being able to do some of the things my friends can do on theirs, like group FTs, or getting made fun of or asked if im poor, which is the dumbest shit because this is literally the bay area. so, wibta? ###### | NTA
Your dad made a promise and is trying to back out on a technicality.
If there is a legitimate reason for this, like your family is secretly struggling for money, your dad should level with you and explain why the upgrade needs to wait.
His flippant demeanor in treating you differently than your siblings sucks and you have every right to call him out on it ###### |
A week ago my bf and I made plans to visit my dad and his wife. My dad lives near one of my favorite restaurants, and I was hungry for one of their dishes for months. I told my dad that we'd love to have dinner, but I really wanted take out. I'd pay for it myself. I asked if he was OK with that. He was. I asked him to tell my stepmom to not cook for me and my bf.
Because I have autism i don't like plans changing. My dad asked if I wouldn't rather have a home cooked meal since his wife was cooking anyway. I told him again I'd prefer take out if that's okay. My bf is fine with whatever. But please do not cook for me.
Today I came in to the kitchen, and my stepmom proudly declared she was going to try to make my favorite dish... I love her, but the woman just isn't a great cook so I knew it wouldn't be very good, and again, I really don't do well with sudden changes.
Apparently my dad didn't tell her I wanted take out. She said it was fine, she wanted to cook anyway and I had already ordered food.
Now I just feel bad. She went out of her way to find the recipe of my favorite dish, get the right ingredients and cook it for me and my bf. I know she knows about my autism, and that she understands. But I just felt really crappy.
AITA? ###### | NTA
Your dad is the asshole. He should’ve conveyed your message to your stepmom; seems she really tried to please you with your favorite food and put in a lot of work for nothing. Next time, text her directly; it’s clear your dad can’t be bothered to convey a simple message or was dead set on everyone eating the home cooked meal. ###### |
So I was making two grilled cheese sandwiches for a nice midnight snack. I finish up and sit down to enjoy 'em when my dad(46M) walks in the kitchen. He asks me to make one for him too to which I oblige. As I get the bread and plug the toaster oven back in, he takes my seat at the table and declares he'll have one of my sandwiches instead even though I was going to make one of those anyway as per his request. Before I could say anything, he takes a bite of my sandwich. I go to put back the bread in the cupboard and he says "Too lazy to make another one for yourself?" and he laughs. I, already in a sour mood because someone took my damn sandwich, say, "It's fine, I just don't like it when someone takes my food.". He takes offense to this, scowls at me, drops the sandwich back on the plate hard enough to make a sound as if to show anger, and slams the door when he leaves the room. You could really see the disdain in his eyes after I said that remark. I'd really like to know if I'm the asshole here or not. ###### | NTA
Your dad is a massive asshole. Has he always been this way? ###### |
My gf and I moved out of state in with my dad a few months ago so we can get settled before we move out on our own again. We have a three month old baby.
My baby hasn't been sleeping very good the past few days. She's been colicky. This afternoon, i finally got her to nap while laying on my chest. My dad put left over pizza in the oven for himself for lunch. He said he was going to go shower and asked if I could get it out from the oven if the timer went off before he got out. I told him, "No, I can't because I have the baby sleeping on me." He hesitated, but then he said, "I'll be out in time."
He went to shower. He wasn't out in time and the timer went off. I called for him a few times but he didn't hear me. The baby woke up from me yelling for him but went back to sleep within a few moments. I did not get his pizza from the oven.
He came out about 5 minutes later. He was mad that the timer was going off. He asked me why I was letting it go off. I said that I told him I wasn't going to get it. He pulled his pizza out and it was kind of burned. Not black burned but it smelled a little toasty.
He saying I was being lazy and rude. I don't think I was because I told him straight up I wasn't going to get his pizza and he said he would be out in time. My dad also told my older brother about it who agrees with my dad.
AITA? ###### | NTA
Your dad accepted the 'rules' before he went for a shower. Serves him right.
Anyway, pizza is nice when it's 'toasty' :) ###### |
We’re currently staying with my partners family, we were renting but our landlords wanted to sell the house and we couldn’t find a property that was affordable in our local area.
We’re paying ‘contributions’ of around €800 a month to be here (it’s me, my partner and my child), I still also buy my own food due to food intolerances. I’m happy to pay that €800, but his parents want us to do a spread sheet of how much we earn and our outgoings to make sure we can afford the €800. We both work so we can afford that. I really don’t want to give them a copy of this information.
Me and my partner have just had a big argument and he’s said I’m a arsehole for not wanting to give them a written copy of the information.
I really don’t want them having a copy of how much I earn and what I pay out. I have nothing to hide but I want that privacy for myself. I’m an adult, my partner doesn’t seem to understand that. Even my own family has never known exactly what I earn and what I spend. Why should they?
I will happily talk to him about it all but I don’t want his mother having a paper copy or anything like that. They aren’t my family and they’ve said that themselves. I’m not really sure what to do. I’m happy to pay the €800, I haven’t quibbled about it in any way so I can’t understand why they want my finances.
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA
Your contributing that’s all it matter. Your earnings are none of their business. ###### |
My cat eats meals and only gets a certain amount of food a day. He acts like he’s starving all the time. I even brought him to the vet and the vet said he was the perfect weight and he wasn’t sick, he just likes to eat. And if he ate more he would be fat.
My family thinks that the cat is not getting enough to eat. They try to sneak him food behind my back. I tell him he’s getting plenty to eat but they say it’s cruel to leave a cat feeling this hungry, he’s begging food off people and looking for food all the time. They think he should be eating more, at least another can of food at lunchtime, and again I’m being cruel to him and not giving him what his body needs.
AITA? ###### | NTA
Your cat is not hungry, he's just gluttonous. Which, first of all, relatable.
If you're looking for a solution, consider giving your cat his food in smaller amounts throughout the day instead of all at once? I'd complain if I ate 2000 calories at breakfast and then fasted for the rest of the day. This has nothing to do with health, though. ###### |
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Are You The Asshole Training Data
These are the datasets used for a project Alex Petros and I made called AreYouTheAsshole.com. The site is intended to give users a fun and interactive way to experience the effect of bias in AI due to skewed data. We achieved this by fine-tuning three GPT-3 Davinci-002 models on the prompt/completion pairs you see here.
Each prompt/completion pair constitutes a post body (the prompt) and a comment (the completion). Just as there may be multiple comments to a single post, there may be multiple completions for a single prompt.
The dataset was filtered down from >100,000 post/comment pairs to only those whose comments started with a clear acronym judgement. So, comments like "Well I think YTA because..." were filtered out, whereas comments like "YTA and it's not even close..." were kept.
After filtering for clear judgement, we had our neutral dataset, the one you can find in "Neutral_Dataset.jsonl". In order to create intentionally biased data, we then split that dataset into two subsets based on whether a given post/comment pair's comment judged the poster as The Asshole or Not The Asshole. Some edge cases were also filtered out.
The dataset contains three sets:
- Neutral_Dataset.jsonl (contains all clear judgements, YTA, NTA, etc.)
- YTA_Dataset.jsonl (only contains judgements of YTA or similar)
- NTA_Dataset.jsonl (only contains judgements of NTA or similar)
Data Collection:
This data was collected from Reddit's r/AmITheAsshole subreddit using PMAW/PRAW and the Reddit API
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