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funny_quotes

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“We were kissing.I thought: This is good.I thought: I am not bad at this kissing. Not bad at all.I thought: I am clearly the greatest kisser in the history of the universe.Suddenly she laughed and pulled away from me. She wiggled a hand out of her sleeping bag and wiped her face. "You slobbered on my nose," she said, and laughed”
John Green,
[ "funny" ]
“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”
Groucho Marx
[ "funny", "innuendo" ]
“Rejection is an opportunity for your selection.”
Bernard Branson
[ "adult", "african-american-romance", "angels", "baby", "bible", "bible-study", "business", "childrens", "christian-living", "christian-romance", "college", "creativity", "dark-fantasy", "dating", "economics", "education", "educational", "entrepreneurship", "ethics", "explicit", "faith", "family", "family-relationships", "fantasy-romance", "friendship", "fun", "funny", "humorous-romance", "jesus", "leadership", "love-story", "management", "marriage", "meditation", "motivational", "nonfiction", "paranormal-romance", "parenting", "personal-transformation", "relationships", "religion", "romantic-comedy", "romantic-suspense", "self-esteem", "self-help", "sex", "sexuality", "sexy", "spiritual-growth", "spirituality", "students", "success", "supernatural", "teen", "women", "young-adult", "young-adult-fantasy" ]
“The Death Eaters can't all be pure-blood, there aren't enough pure-blood wizards left," said Hermione stubbornly. "I expect most of them are half-bloods pretending to be pure. It's only Muggle-borns they hate, they'd be quite happy to let you and Ron join up" "There is no way they'd let me be a Death Eater!" said Ron indignantly...."My whole family are blood traitors! That's as bad as Muggle-borns to Death Eaters!" "And they'd love to have me," said Harry sarcastically. "We'd be best pals if they didn't keep trying to do me in.”
J.K. Rowling,
[ "blood-traitors", "death-eaters", "funny", "humor", "muggle-born", "muggles", "wizards" ]
“Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.”
Criss Jami,
[ "funny", "funny-but-true", "hell", "humor", "introversion", "introvert", "introverts", "parties", "party", "partying", "people", "saints", "social", "socializing" ]
“Adrian, I'm on a date. Why are you here? On my car?”
Richelle Mead,
[ "adrian-ivashkov", "bloodlines", "funny", "richelle-mead", "the-golden-lily" ]
“A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.”
George Bernard Shaw
[ "funny", "humor", "optimism", "pessimism" ]
“Your mail could've waited." Daemon followed me into the kitchen. "What is it? Just books?"Grabbing the OJ from the fridge, I sighed. People who didn't heart books didn't understand.”
Jennifer L. Armentrout,
[ "books", "funny" ]
“A real girl isn't perfect and a perfect girl isn't real.”
Harry Styles
[ "cute", "fun", "funny", "romantic" ]
“Scoot over, man. I don't like you that much." "Dick. That's not what you said last night.""Bite me.”
Rachel Caine,
[ "funny", "gay", "morganville-vampires" ]
“A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
Groucho Marx
[ "funny", "simplicity" ]
“V-Day…if you need this one day in a year to show everyone else you truly care for “your loved one” I think it’s quite stupid. I hate this commercialism. It’s all artificial, and has nothing to do with real love.”
Jess C Scott,
[ "body", "books", "cool", "culture", "desire", "emotion", "friendship", "funny", "girl", "honesty", "humor", "humour", "imagination", "individuality", "life", "love", "music", "novel", "passion", "reality", "relationships", "romance", "self", "sex", "technology", "truth", "wisdom", "young", "youth" ]
“Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.”
Marian Keyes,
[ "funny", "humour", "love", "relationships", "women" ]
“What's a dementor?"I mean, I can't even. "Nora, you are no longer my sister.""So it's some Harry Potter thing," she says.”
Becky Albertalli,
[ "funny", "harry-potter-reference" ]
“I love you. I hate you. I like you. I hate you. I love you. I think you’re stupid. I think you’re a loser. I think you’re wonderful. I want to be with you. I don’t want to be with you. I would never date you. I hate you. I love you…..I think the madness started the moment we met and you shook my hand. Did you have a disease or something?”
Shannon L. Alder
[ "adversity", "anger", "battles", "boyfriends", "breakups", "choices", "confusion", "crazy-love", "crush", "dating", "disease", "divorce", "exboyfriends", "exgirlfriends", "exspouse", "feelings", "funny", "hatred", "humor", "in-love", "insane", "insane-love", "insanity", "lack-of-communication", "life", "mad-love", "marriage", "mixed-signals", "obsessive-love", "partners", "relationships", "romance", "spouse", "struggles", "stupid-men", "stupid-women", "unfinished-business", "unrequited-love" ]
“So that's it?" Kenji says. "You just like him for his personality, huh?""What?""All of this," Kenji says, waving a hand in the air, "has nothing to do with him being all sexy and shit and him being able to touch you all the time?""You think Warner is sexy?""That is not what I said.”
Tahereh Mafi,
[ "funny", "ignite-me", "juliette-ferrars", "kenji-kishimoto" ]
“I've had great success being a total idiot. ”
Jerry Lewis
[ "funny", "humor", "idiot", "jerry", "lewis", "success" ]
“Can the sarcasm,' he said. 'Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned.”
Laurell K. Hamilton,
[ "anita-blake", "funny" ]
“She didn't care that people called her a bitch. 'It's just another word for feminist,' she told me with pride.”
Gayle Forman,
[ "bitch", "funny", "if-i-stay" ]
“The moment the door opened I knew an ass-kicking was inevitable. Whether I'd be giving it or receiving it was still a bit of a mystery.”
Rachel Vincent,
[ "funny" ]
“I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.”
Jon Stewart
[ "canada", "funny" ]
“Maxon: “To be clear, no one agrees with you.”America: “To be clear, I don’t care.”
Kiera Cass,
[ "badass", "funny", "girl-power", "hunor" ]
“If you're trapped in the dream of the Other, you're fucked.”
Gilles Deleuze
[ "dream", "fucked-up", "funny", "humor", "other", "philosophy", "relationships" ]
“Whoa, who peed in your Cheerios?”
Becca Fitzpatrick,
[ "anger", "cheerios", "funny", "vee-sky" ]
“You gotta be careful: don't say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.”
Johnny Depp
[ "careful", "funny", "silence", "talking" ]
“This shit is easy peasy, pumpkin peasy, pumpkin pie, muthafucka!”
Gerard Way
[ "funny", "gerardway", "peasy", "pie", "pumpkins" ]
“Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.”
Thomas Bernhard,
[ "funny", "humor", "inspirational" ]
“Ronan's bedroom door burst open. Hanging on the door frame, Ronan leaned out to peer past Gansey. He was doing that thing where he looked like both the dangerous Ronan he was now and the cheerier Ronan he had been when Gansey first met him."Hold on," Gansey told Adam. Then, to Ronan: "Why would he be?""No reason. Just no reason." Ronan slammed his door.Gansey asked Adam, "Sorry. You still have that suit for the party?"Adam's response was buried in the sound of the second-story door falling open. Noah slouched in. In a wounded tone, he said, "He threw me out the window!"Ronan's voice sang out from behind his closed door: "You're already dead!”
Maggie Stiefvater,
[ "dead", "funny", "gansey", "noah", "ronan" ]
“I'm bad and I'm going to hell, and I don't care. I'd rather be in hell than anywhere where you are. ”
William Faulkner
[ "funny", "harsh", "ironic" ]
“Last night I was seriously considering whether I was a bisexual or not but I don’t think so though I’m not sure if I’d like to be and argh I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, if you like a person, you like the person, not their genitals.”
Jess C Scott,
[ "bisexuality", "body", "desire", "funny", "gender", "gender-bending", "gender-equality", "honesty", "individuality", "lgbt", "love", "philosophy", "relationships", "sexuality" ]
“Be what you would seem to be - or, if you'd like it put more simply - never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.”
Lewis Carroll
[ "funny", "wonderland" ]
“And now," Eric yelled into his mircophone, "we're going to sing a new song-one we just wrote. This one's for my girlfriend. We've been going out for three weeks, and, damn, our love is true. We're gonna be together forever, baby. This one's called 'Bang You Like a Drum.”
Cassandra Clare,
[ "city-of-fallen-angels", "crazy", "eric", "funny", "humor", "love", "teen", "teenage-love" ]
“There are times when it is appropriate, even preferable, to get an erection when someone's face is in close proximity to your penis.This was not one of those times.”
John Green,
[ "funny" ]
“Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.”
Dave Barry
[ "funny", "humour", "jokes" ]
“Daemon pressed his forehead against mine. "Oh, I still want to strangle you. But I'm insane. You're crazy. Maybe that's why. We just make crazy together.”
Jennifer L. Armentrout,
[ "cute", "funny", "romantic" ]
“I have the feeling we just made a deal with the devil, and he's going to come back and want our first-born child or something."Daemon waggled his brows. "You want kids? Because you know, practice makes--""Shut up." I shook my head and started walking.”
Jennifer L. Armentrout,
[ "daemon", "funny", "katy" ]
“But that quickly faded, and he frowned. "You're bleeding," he said. "What happened?"Claire sighed and held up her wrist to show him the bandage. "Man, you would be so embarrassed if I said it was something else." Michael looked blank. "I'm a girl, Michael, it could have been all natural, you know. Tampons?”
Rachel Caine,
[ "funny", "morganville-vampires" ]
“Ash is going to kick your ass, Daemon."Daemon's grin went up a notch. "Nah, she likes my ass too much for that.”
Jennifer L. Armentrout,
[ "cocky", "daemon", "funny" ]
“I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering.”
Derek Landy,
[ "funny" ]
“Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!”
J.K. Rowling,
[ "albus-dumbledore", "dumbledore", "funny", "the-philosopher-s-stone" ]
“Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior, and the kid about to wet his pants. Guess who I was.”
D.J. MacHale
[ "funny" ]
“Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple.""Ah, well, I'm not sure I believe that.”
Douglas Adams,
[ "funny" ]
“Jem gave her a wistful look. “Must you go? I was rather hoping that you’d stay and be a ministering angel, but if you must go, you must.” “I’ll stay,” Will said a bit crossly, and threw himself down in the armchair Tessa had just vacated. “I can minister angelically.” “None too convincingly. And you’re not as pretty to look at as Tessa is,” Jem said, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the pillow. “How rude. Many who have gazed upon me have compared it to gazing at the radiance of the sun.” Jem still had his eyes closed. “If they mean that it gives you a headache, they aren’t wrong.”
Cassandra Clare,
[ "friendship", "funny", "jem-carstairs", "will-herondale" ]
“Huh," Leo said. "Well, if you ever get off this island and want a job, let me know. You're not a total klutz."She smirked. "A job, eh?" Making things in your forge?""Nah, we could start our own shop," Leo said, surprising himself. Starting a machine shop had always been one of his dreams, but he'd never told anyone about it. "Leo and Calypso's Garage: Auto Repair and Mechanical Monsters.”
Rick Riordan,
[ "calypso", "funny", "humor", "leo-valdez", "love" ]
“Whatever happened to the dragon?"I mustered my primmest tone. "He has a name, you know."Adrian pulled back and gave me a curious look. "I didn't know, actually. What'd you decide on?""Hopper." When Adrian laughed, I added, "Best rabbit ever. He'd be proud to know his name is being passed on.""Yes, I'm sure he would. Did you name the Mustang too?""I think you mean the Ivashkinator."He stared at me in wonder. "I told you I loved you, right?"Yes," I assured him. "Many times.”
Richelle Mead,
[ "adrian-ivashkov", "bloodlines", "cute", "funny", "humour", "love", "richelle-mead", "romance", "romantic", "sydney-sage", "sydrian", "the-indigo-spell" ]
“I was feeling the height of bitchiness.”
Jennifer L. Armentrout,
[ "funny", "katy" ]
“Loki'd!”
Tom Hiddleston
[ "evil", "funny", "god", "hiddleston", "loki", "mischief", "mtv", "norse", "prank", "tom" ]
“Stairs," Valkyrie said, disappointed."Not just ordinary stairs," Skulduggery told her as he led the way down. "Magic stairs.""Really?""Oh, yes."She followed him into the darkness. "How are they magic?""They just are.""In what way?""In a magicky way."She glared at the back of his head. "They aren't magic at all, are they?""Not really.”
Derek Landy,
[ "conversation", "derek-landy", "funny", "humor", "magic", "skulduggery-pleasant", "stairs", "valkyrie" ]
“Oh, dear God and baby Jesus in the manger, my eyes!” Dee shrieked. “My eyes!”
Jennifer L. Armentrout,
[ "funny", "humor" ]
“I can't believe he didn't have the dignity and presence of mind just to get drunk and pass out in some gutter," said Jace. "I must say, I'm disappointed in the little fellow.”
Cassandra Clare,
[ "funny", "humor" ]
“My head’ll explode if I continue with this escapism.”
Jess C Scott,
[ "body", "books", "cool", "culture", "desire", "emotion", "friendship", "funny", "girl", "honesty", "humor", "humour", "imagination", "individuality", "life", "love", "music", "novel", "passion", "reality", "relationships", "romance", "self", "sex", "technology", "truth", "wisdom", "young", "youth" ]
“She crouched with her hand out. What the hell was she doing… "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim.”
Ilona Andrews,
[ "curran", "funny", "kate" ]
“Isabelle snorted, "All the boys are gay. In this truck, anyway. Well, not you, Simon.""You noticed," said Simon. "I think of myself as a freewheeling bisexual," added Magnus. "Please never say those words in front of my parents," said Alec.”
Cassandra Clare,
[ "alec-lightwood", "bisexual", "cassandra-clare", "city-of-lost-souls", "funny", "gay", "humor", "isabelle-lightwood", "magnus-bane", "mortal-instruments", "simon-lewis" ]
“One of the greatest pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten in my life was from my mom. When I was a little kid there was a kid who was bugging me at school and she said “Okay, I’m gonna tell you what to do. If the kid’s bugging you and puts his hands on you; you pick up the nearest rock...”
Johnny Depp
[ "advice", "bullies", "funny", "johnny-depp", "mom" ]
“Which way did they go, Peeves?" Filch was saying. "Quick, tell me." "Say 'please.'" "Don't mess with me, Peeves, now where did they go?" "Shan't say nothing if you don't say please," said Peeves in his annoying singsong voice. "All right- PLEASE." "NOTHING! Ha haaa! Told you I wouldn't say nothing if you didn't say please! Ha ha! Haaaaaa!" And they heard the sound of Peeves whooshing away and Filch cursing in rage.”
J.K. Rowling,
[ "filch", "funny", "harry-potter", "humor", "peeves", "please" ]
“Tantalus made a wild grab, but the marshmallow committed suicide, diving into the flames.”
Rick Riordan,
[ "curse", "funny" ]
“Everyone thinks you've been kidnapped," he said. "We've been scouring the ship. When Coach Hedge finds out- oh, gods, you've been here all night?""Frank!" Annabeth's ears were as red as strawberries. "We just came down here to talk. We fell asleep. Accidentally. That's it.""Kissed a couple of times," Percy said.Annabeth glared at him. "Not helping!”
Rick Riordan,
[ "found", "funny", "humor", "kissing", "lol", "oh-my-god-percy", "otp-foreva" ]
“Is that a stake, Bones, or are you just happy with my new dress?”“In this case, it’s a stake. You could always feel around for something more, though. See what comes up.”
Jeaniene Frost,
[ "bones", "cat", "funny", "grave", "halfway" ]
“Pressure is something you feel when you don't know what the hell you're doing.”
Peyton Manning
[ "football", "funny", "peyton-manning" ]
“You're insane!" she shouted."Pretty cool, huh?""No!"Tally yelled. "Why didn't you tell me it was broken?"Shay shrugged. "More fun that way?""More fun?" Her heart beating fast,her vision strangely clear. She was full of anger and relief and...joy."Well, kind of. But you suck!”
Scott Westerfeld,
[ "anger", "coaster", "funny", "insane", "joy", "relief", "roller", "shay", "tally" ]
“Sam came around the side of the car and stopped dead when he saw me. “Oh my God, what is THAT?” I used my thumb and middle finger to flick the multicolored pom-pom on top of my head. “In my language, we call it a HAT. It keeps my ears warm.” “Oh my God,” Sam said again, and closed the distance between us. He cupped my face in his hands and studied me. “It’s horribly cute.” He kissed me, looked at the hat, and then he kissed me again. I vowed never to lose the pom-pom hat.”
Maggie Stiefvater,
[ "cute", "funny", "love", "shiver-maggie-stiefvater-space" ]
“She says you're not awake until you're actually out of bed and standing up.”
Richelle Mead,
[ "funny", "morning", "paul", "yeva" ]
“Self-knowledge is better than self-control any day," Raquel said firmly. "And I know myself well enough to know how I act around cookies.”
Claudia Gray,
[ "funny", "self-knowledge", "temptation" ]
“What I actually want to call you is a hell of a lot more unprintable than your name”
Cassandra Clare,
[ "clary-fray", "funny", "name-calling" ]
“Ever heard of the rule of three? he shouts as we run.No!If you save somebody's life three times, their life belongs to you. You saved my life today, that makes once. Save it twice more an I'm all yers.”
Moira Young,
[ "blood-red-road", "funny", "humor", "moira-young", "rule" ]
“I have to return some videotapes”
Bret Easton Ellis,
[ "american", "bale", "bret", "christian", "easton", "ellis", "funny", "humor", "psycho", "return", "videotapes" ]
“However, if you do start crying in an argument and someone asks why, you can always say, "I'm just crying because of how wrong you are.”
amy poehler,
[ "funny" ]
“He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet.”
Michelle Obama
[ "fashion", "funny", "humor", "michelle-obama", "obama" ]
“It just seems like overkill when you already have a dagger and I have superpowerful magic at my disposal.”“‘Superpowerful?’”He stood up, a gold chain dangling from his fingers. “Let me remind you of two words, Mercer: Bad. Dog.”
Rachel Hawkins,
[ "archer", "bad-dog", "funny", "sophie" ]
“A boo is a lot louder than a cheer.”
Lance Armstrong
[ "acceptance", "funny", "life", "rejection" ]
“Zebrowski says that if you killed someone else just hide the body, he's not starting over on the paperwork.”
Laurell K. Hamilton,
[ "anita-blake", "bad-ass", "funny" ]
“Aside from the obvious, Francesca, what do you want in return for supplying information?” Bones asked, getting back to the subject. “You to take me,” she replied at once. “Not gonna happen!” I spat, squeezing him possessively. Three sets of widened eyes fixed on me. That’s when I realized that what I had a firm grip on was no longer his hand.”
Jeaniene Frost,
[ "funny", "love", "vampire" ]
“Would you like me to grovel with gratitude for bringing me here, High Lord?""Ah. The Suriel told you nothing important, did it?"That smile of his sparked something bold in my chest. "He also said that you liked being brushed, and if I'm a clever girl, I might train you with treats."Tamlin tipped his head to the sky and roared with laughter. Despite myself, I let out a quiet laugh. "I might die of surprise," Lucien said behind me. "You made a joke, Feyre."I turned to look at him with a cool smile. "You don't want to know what the Suriel said about you." I flicked my brows up, and Lucien lifted his hands in defeat."I'd pay good money to hear what the Suriel thinks of Lucien," Tamlin said.A cork popped, followed by the sounds of Lucien chugging the bottle's contents and chuckling with a muttered, "Brushed.”
Sarah J. Maas,
[ "feyre", "funny", "lucien", "tamlin" ]
“I planted a kamikaze kiss on Jamie’s cheek.“FUCK,” he shouted, wiping it off. “What if you killed me!” He threw a Skittle at my face. It hit my forehead.“Ow!”“Taste the rainbow bitch.”
Michelle Hodkin,
[ "funny", "humor", "jamie-roth", "mara-dyer", "the-retribution-of-mara-dyer" ]
“You won't even take your bow? Are you planning to throttle a moose with your bare hands, then?""I've a knife in my boot," she said, and then wondered, for a moment, if she could throttle a moose with her bare hands.”
Kristin Cashore,
[ "badass", "funny", "humor", "hunting" ]
“I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.”
Ellen DeGeneres
[ "funny", "godmothers", "humor", "lol" ]
“She held up her calloused, grimy fingers. Leo couldn't help thinking there was nothing hotter than a girl who didn't mind getting her hands dirty. But of course, that was just a general comment. Didn't apply to Calypso. Obviously.”
Rick Riordan,
[ "calypso", "funny", "humor", "leo-valdez", "love" ]
“She blinked. "Hmm? Oh, don't care. What did Anubis look like to you?""What did... he looked like a guy. So?""A good-looking guy, or a slobbering dog-headed guy?""I guess... Not the dog-headed guy.""I knew it!" Sadie pointed at me as if she'd won an argument."Good-looking. I knew it!"And with a ridiculous grin, she spun around and skipped into the house. My sister, as I may have mentioned, is a little strange.”
Rick Riordan,
[ "funny", "strange", "the-red-pyramid" ]
“My heart started racing, not the bad kind of heart racing, like I'm going to die. But the good kind of heart racing, like, Hello, can I help you with something? If not, please step aside because I'm about to kick the shit out of life.”
Maria Semple,
[ "comic", "fiction", "funny", "humor" ]
“IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I'LL KILL YOU, HARRY!”
J.K. Rowling,
[ "funny", "ron-weasley" ]
“If you can't do anything about it, laugh like hell.”
David Cook
[ "funny", "life" ]
“To answer your question, you want me because I'm made of awesome.”
Gena Showalter,
[ "funny", "humor" ]
“My shoulder will never be the same. I expect you to nurse me back to health.”
Cassandra Clare,
[ "cassandra-clare", "city-of-bones", "entertainment", "funny", "humor", "jace-wayland", "love", "mortal-instruments" ]
“My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.”
Ellen DeGeneres,
[ "balance", "funny", "humor", "life" ]
“I’m no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.”
Mark A. Cooper,
[ "funny", "humor", "prick", "rude-quote", "schoolboy-quote", "witty-comebacks" ]
“Are you a female dog?""What?" Massie asked. "Why?""Because you are acting like a real bitch!”
Lisi Harrison,
[ "bitch", "clique", "comebacks", "dog", "female", "fun", "funkalicous", "funny", "harrison", "humor", "lisi", "massie" ]
“The funny thing about writing is that whether you're doing well or doing it poorly, it looks the exact same. That's actually one of the main ways that writing is different from ballet dancing.”
John Green
[ "dancing", "funny", "writing" ]
“Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie. (Nick)”
Sherrilyn Kenyon,
[ "funny", "hero", "sarcasm" ]
“Magnus raised his hands above his head and clapped once. The room flooded with light. "You see? You think that would be possible without magic? "Actually," replied Simon, "It is. If you watched infomercials you'd know that.”
Cassandra Clare
[ "funny", "magic", "magnus-bane" ]
“How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.”
George Carlin
[ "funny", "god", "humor" ]
“I suppose it’s not a social norm, and not a manly thing to do — to feel, discuss feelings. So that’s what I’m giving the finger to. Social norms and stuff…what good are social norms, really? I think all they do is project a limited and harmful image of people. It thus impedes a broader social acceptance of what someone, or a group of people, might actually be like.”
Jess C Scott,
[ "bisexual", "bisexuality", "bisexuals", "body", "books", "boy", "cool", "culture", "desire", "emotion", "erotic", "erotica", "friendship", "funny", "gay", "gay-men", "gay-rights", "glbt", "guy", "honesty", "humor", "humour", "imagination", "individuality", "life", "love", "music", "novel", "passion", "reality", "relationships", "romance", "self", "sex", "sexuality", "society", "society-s-increasing-stupidity", "technology", "truth", "wisdom", "young", "youth" ]
“I'm not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.”
Franklin D. Roosevelt
[ "funny", "humor", "politics", "usa" ]
“If you're texting Magnus to say 'I think u r kewl' I'm going to kill you”
Cassandra Clare,
[ "cassandra-clare", "city-of-ashes", "funny", "isabelle" ]
“Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.”
Ellen DeGeneres,
[ "funny", "law" ]
“Oh, there you are, Albus,' he said. 'You've been a very long time. Upset stomach?''No, I was merely reading the Muggle magazines,' said Dumbledore. 'I do love knitting patterns.”
J.K. Rowling,
[ "dumbledore", "funny", "muggles" ]
“You don't want him," she said to the pink-haired girl. "He has syphilis."The girls stared. "Syphilis?""Five percent of people in America have it," said Ty helpfully."I do not have syphilis," Mark said angrily. "There are no sexually transmitted diseases in Faerieland!""Sorry," Jules said. "You know how syphilis is. Attacks the brain.”
Cassandra Clare,
[ "blackthorn-family", "funny", "humour", "julian-blackthorn", "mark-blackthorn" ]
“I didn't want to spoil the mood. This was probably the longest Daemon and I had ever spoken without some statement earning him the finger.”
Jennifer L. Armentrout,
[ "daemon", "funny", "katy" ]
“I passed out from stress? That’s it?”“I believe the princess term is fainted,” said Thorne.”
Marissa Meyer,
[ "cinder", "funny", "thorne" ]
“Haven't you ever heard of the saying, "If you want to shoot the general, first shoot the horse!"?' --LinIf you wanna shoot the general, then you should just SHOOT THE GENERAL!' --Ed”
Hiromu Arakawa,
[ "full-metal-alchemist", "funny", "humor" ]
“Interviewer: So. Tell me about your mother.Ezra: You're taping this, right?Interviewer: Audio only. Camera is faulty.Ezra: Okay, well for the benefit of the sight-impaired, I am now raising my… oh, dear… yes, it's my MIDDLE finger at Mr. Postgrad here.Interviewer: Mr. Mason...Ezra: Now I'm wiggling it.Interviewer: Terminating interview at 13:58 on 03/19/75.Ezra: Look at it wiggl--audio ends-”
Amie Kaufman,
[ "funny", "lol" ]