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122 | null | Приехал, значит, мужик в тайгу — лес валить.
Месяц валит, два, три… И захотелось ему женщину. Приходит он в один из посёлков, заходит в избу, а там мужик сидит.
— Привет.
— Привет.
— Слушай, я тут, вобщем, по женщине соскучился очень. Как тут у вас с женщинами?
— Да ты чё, мужик, какие в тайге женщины… Но есть у нас Валентин Петрович!
— Какой к чёрту Валентин Петрович!!! Я не гомосек тебе какой–нибудь!
И ушёл.
Через какое–то время не выдержал и пришёл обратно.
— Ладно, давай своего Валентина Петровича. Только так, чтоб об этом знали только три человека — я, ты и Валентин Петрович!
— Нет, три не получится — нужно семь.
— Зачем еще четыре?!
— А чтоб Валентина Петровича держали, а то он у нас ох как эти дела не любит!
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2307?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 38 | 0 | 1,730,006,314 | 1,732,738,881 | 7,903 | 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122 | null | Учительница первого класса была озадачена одним из учеников. Мальчик говорил все время, что умнее всех и даже старшей сестры, а она аж в 3 классе. Ну решила она разобраться с этой проблемой и повела малыша к директору, тот и сказал:
— Давай ты пройдешь тест, если нет, вернешься в свой класс и не будешь возражать.
Ну ученик и согласился.
— Сколько 4 умножить на 4?
— 16.
— А 6 умножить на 6?
— 36.
Потом задал еще парочку вопросов и на все мальчик ответил. Тогда директор пришел к выводу, что мальчик может учится в 3 классе. Преподавательница возразила и сказала, что тоже имеет парочку вопросов для юноши…
— У коровы 4, а у меня 2, о чем идет речь?
— О ногах.
— Чего нет в моих штанах, а в твоих есть?
— Карманы.
— Девушка делает это сидя, парень — стоя, а собака стоя на трех лапах?
Директор уже напрягся от таких вопросов..
— Подает руку, — отвечает малыш.
— Английское слово начинается на F, а окончание K? И если ее нет то мы справляемся руками?
— Вероятно это вилка — Fork.
— Есть у мужчин. У кого-то длинное, у кого-то не очень, это дают женам после женитьбы..
— Фамилия.
— Орган без костей. Много мышц и вен на нем. Он пульсирует и отвечает за любовь между парой.
— Сердце.
Директор немножко в шоке говорит преподавательнице:
— На х&р его отсюда в Оксфорд направляйте. Последние вопросы даже для меня стали сложными, я таки не ответил на них правильно.
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2308?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 35 | 0 | 1,730,024,700 | 1,732,738,881 | 7,903 | 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| NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 251 | 0 | 7 | 0.987805 | 0.012195 | 0 | 7 | 42 | 24 | 13 | 54 | 11 | 70 | true |
122 | null | Попал мужчина в рай. Там кругом красота, поют птички, звучат мелодии... В общем, скука. Он записался на прием к Святому Павлу и говорит: - У вас здесь грустно, так однообразно... - А ты, милый человек, сходи в турбюро. Отдохни, развейся. Он приходит в турбюро, а там только один тур - в Ад. Взял тур на две недели и уехал. Приехал в Ад, а там!.. Девушки, карты, трава, выпивка каждый день... Мужчину затянуло, не остановить. И вот тур заканчивается, и он отправляет телеграмму наверх: "Здесь так хорошо! Останусь!!" Сверху приходит ответ: "Оставайся, раз решил!". И в ту же минуту черти его хватают и в котел с кипящей смолой запихивают. Мужчина в ужасе: - Как так! Что за дела?!! А как же вечеринки и гулянки?!! А ему в ответ: - Дорогой! Не путай туризм и иммиграцию!!!
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2309?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 36 | 0 | 1,730,085,000 | 1,732,738,881 | 7,903 | 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| [{"ner":"Святому Павлу","lemma":"святой павел","label":"LOC","start_pos":112,"end_pos":125},{"ner":"Ад","lemma":"ад","label":"LOC","start_pos":287,"end_pos":289},{"ner":"Ад","lemma":"ад","label":"LOC","start_pos":333,"end_pos":335}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 135 | 0 | 7 | 0.994709 | 0.005291 | 0 | 7 | 23 | 8 | 2 | 38 | 13 | 56 | true |
122 | null | Когда Золотая Рыбка увидела Максима Галкина, она тихо сказала: "Иди
... Иди... у твоей старухи уже всё есть! "
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6502?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 31 | 0 | 1,732,646,262 | 1,732,738,881 | 7,903 | 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| [{"ner":"Золотая Рыбка","lemma":"золотой рыбка","label":"PER","start_pos":6,"end_pos":19},{"ner":"Максима Галкина","lemma":"максим галкин","label":"PER","start_pos":28,"end_pos":43},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":128,"end_pos":132}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 24 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 2 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 7 | true |
122 | null | "Я, конечно, презираю отечество мое с головы до ног — но мне досадно, если иностранец разделяет со мною это чувство". Александр Пушкин
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6503?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 30 | 0 | 1,732,649,863 | 1,732,738,881 | 7,903 | 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| [{"ner":"Александр Пушкин","lemma":"александр пушкин","label":"PER","start_pos":118,"end_pos":134},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":152,"end_pos":156}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 27 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 3 | 0 | 6 | 2 | 7 | true |
122 | null | Новогодний тост:... А если уж нам предначертано обосраться, то пусть это случится не от селёдки с молоком, а от осетрины со взбитыми сливками!
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6504?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 25 | 0 | 1,732,689,464 | 1,732,738,881 | 7,903 | 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| [{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":160,"end_pos":164}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 28 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 7 | 0 | 5 | true |
122 | null | Мужик приходит в больницу на обследование. Доктор ему говорит:
— Чтобы поставить диагноз, мне нужна ваша сперма на анализ. Вот вам специальная простерилизованная баночка, соберите в нее сперму и приносите завтра.
На следующий день мужик приносит пустую баночку.
Доктор:
— Так, я не понял? Я же вас просил сперму на анализ принести!
— Понимаете, доктор, я старался. Очень старался. Что я только не делал: сначала правой рукой, потом левой, потом обеими: Потом мне жена пыталась помочь — и руками, и ртом, и даже зубами, но ничего не вышло! Наконец мы даже соседку пригласили, и она пыталась и руками и ртом, старалась-старалась, но так и не смогла: Врач, совершенно обалдевший от таких известий:
— Вы что, и соседку к этому делу привлекали?!!..
— Да что мы только не делали, доктор, но вашу сволочную баночку мы так и не смогли открыть!!!...
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6505?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 23 | 0 | 1,732,696,665 | 1,732,738,881 | 28 | 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| [{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":859,"end_pos":863}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 144 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 25 | 18 | 1 | 33 | 11 | 46 | true |
122 | null | — Сынок, вставай. Поедем на дачу копать картошку.
— Пап, ну 4 часа утра!
— Вставай, вставай, сынок. Надо копать картошку.
— Пап, у нас же нет дачи!
— Это не значит, что нам не нужна картошка! | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/560?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 51 | 0 | 1,723,478,864 | 1,732,738,881 | 7,903 | 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| [{"ner":"Вставай","lemma":"вставать","label":"LOC","start_pos":75,"end_pos":82},{"ner":"4","lemma":"4","label":"NUM","start_pos":60,"end_pos":61}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 37 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 8 | 3 | 1 | 8 | 1 | 18 | true |
122 | null | Еврейскому мальчику задают задачу:
- У тебя есть шесть яблок, если ты отдашь половину брату, сколько останется?
- Пять с половиной. | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/561?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 33 | 0 | 1,724,170,403 | 1,732,738,881 | 7,903 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 21 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 2 | 3 | 6 | 0 | 7 | true |
122 | null | На улице несколько человек п@здят одного, мимо идет бабуля-божий одуванчик:
— Что ж вы в четвером на одного-то налетели, окоянные?
— Молчи, бабка, мы КОЛЛЕКТОРА поймали!
— Так что ж вы его руками-то бьете? Ногами его, ирода, нужно, ногами! | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/562?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 41 | 0 | 1,724,742,308 | 1,732,738,881 | 7,903 | 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| [{"ner":"Молчи","lemma":"молчи","label":"PER","start_pos":133,"end_pos":138},{"ner":"КОЛЛЕКТОРА","lemma":"коллектора","label":"ORG","start_pos":150,"end_pos":160}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 39 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 5 | 9 | 3 | 10 | 3 | 15 | true |
122 | null | - Дорогая, ты меня сейчас просто убила. Ты болтала с подружкой всего 20 минут...
- Да подожди ты, я номер неправильно набрала! | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/563?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 24 | 0 | 1,724,829,311 | 1,732,738,881 | 28 | 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| [{"ner":"20","lemma":"20","label":"NUM","start_pos":69,"end_pos":71}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 22 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 5 | 1 | 4 | 2 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Подходит мужик к песочнице, где играет маленькая девочка:
— Девочка, хочешь конфетку?
—Дяденька вы педофил?
— Нет.
— Ну а смысл тогда? | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/584?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 360 | 0 | 1,715,262,190 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Дяденька","lemma":"дяденька","label":"PER","start_pos":87,"end_pos":95}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 22 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 7 | 2 | 11 | true |
122 | null | - Наконец-то зима пришла!
- И не говори!
- Наконец-то зма пршла! | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/585?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 327 | 0 | 1,715,336,324 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| null | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 12 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 6 | 4 | true |
122 | null | Диpектоp банка спpашивает поступающего на pаботу бухгалтеpа:
- Сколько вpемени вы пpоpаботали на последнем месте pаботы?
- Четыpе года.
- Hеплохо. А почему уволились?
- Амнистию объявили. | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/586?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 313 | 0 | 1,715,453,153 | 1,732,738,882 | 28 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 27 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 1 | 1 | 9 | 1 | 8 | true |
122 | null | Парень учит девушку автоводительству:
- Я тебе сказал "тормози", а ты что делала?
- Я начала тормозить, но у меня что-то не получилось...
- Да, правильно, ты начала тормозить, а надо было нажать на тормоз!
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6150?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 5 | 0 | 1,732,644,002 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 42 | 0 | 2 | 0.983871 | 0.016129 | 0 | 0 | 9 | 11 | 0 | 8 | 2 | 14 | true |
122 | null | - Ну, что? Опять вчера дома выволочка была?
- Не то слово. На порог не пустила. В подъезде ночевал.
- Чудак. Ты, прежде чем позвонить, разденься догола. А как она
дверь откроет, бросай туда свои шмотки. Голого не оставит в
подъезде. На другой день.
- Ну как, пригодился мой совет?
- Все сделал, как ты говорил. Двери открылись, я бельишко
туда - шварк! Тут она чужим голосом громко говорит: "Осторожно
двери закрываются. Следующая станция "Маяковская".
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6151?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 6 | 0 | 1,732,647,603 | 1,732,738,882 | 28 | 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| [{"ner":"Маяковская","lemma":"маяковская","label":"ORG","start_pos":440,"end_pos":450}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 82 | 0 | 2 | 0.991667 | 0.008333 | 0 | 4 | 14 | 6 | 0 | 19 | 13 | 29 | true |
122 | null | - А вы где служили?
- В Забайкалье.
- Это за Пепси-Кольем?
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6152?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 4 | 0 | 1,732,687,203 | 1,732,738,882 | 7,903 | 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| [{"ner":"Забайкалье","lemma":"забайкалье","label":"LOC","start_pos":24,"end_pos":34},{"ner":"Пепси-Кольем","lemma":"пепси-кольем","label":"LOC","start_pos":45,"end_pos":57}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 19 | 0 | 2 | 0.966667 | 0.033333 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 4 | 1 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Судья выносит обвиняемому приговор - 25 лет. Обвиняемый:
- Да вы что, мне же 83 года!
Судья:
- Мы не требуем от вас невозможного - отсидите, сколько сможете.
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6153?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 4 | 0 | 1,732,690,802 | 1,732,738,882 | 7,903 | 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| [{"ner":"25","lemma":"25","label":"NUM","start_pos":37,"end_pos":39},{"ner":"83","lemma":"83","label":"NUM","start_pos":77,"end_pos":79}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 35 | 0 | 0 | 0.979592 | 0.020408 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 5 | 3 | 11 | 0 | 10 | true |
122 | null | Женщина — мужчине:
— Вы что—то давно не говорили мне комплиментов...
— О, вы сегодня так чудно выглядите!
— Правда?!
— Да нет, это комплимент.
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/431?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 354 | 0 | 1,711,134,209 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| null | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 28 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 5 | 0 | 5 | 5 | 15 | true |
122 | null | В Вене — эпидемия холеры. В холерном бараке старый еврей подзывает доктора.
— Я умираю... Позовите, пожалуйста, священника...
— Вы хотите сказать — раввина?
— Нет—нет... священника...
Позвали священника из ближайшей церкви, еврей диктует завещание:
— Так как жена моя умерла, а детей у нас нет, завещаю все свое состояние синагоге — половину на нужды бедных, половину — на ее собственные нужды...
Свидетели расписались, священник ушел. Доктора разбирает любопытство.
— Скажите все—таки, почему вы позвали священника? Почему не раввина?
Больной смотрит на него широко открытыми глазами.
— Доктор! Что вы говорите! Ребе — в холерный барак!!!
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/432?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 431 | 0 | 1,711,339,292 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Вене","lemma":"вена","label":"LOC","start_pos":2,"end_pos":6},{"ner":"Ребе","lemma":"ребе","label":"PER","start_pos":613,"end_pos":617}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 99 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 17 | 8 | 0 | 30 | 6 | 41 | true |
122 | null | — Любимый, ты помнишь как мы познакомились?
— Двадцать минут назад ты подсела ко мне и сказала, что либо я твой парень, либо у тебя пистолет.
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/433?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 412 | 0 | 1,711,350,124 | 1,732,738,882 | 7,903 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 29 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 6 | 1 | 4 | 2 | 8 | true |
122 | null | Инопланетяне готовят вторжение на землю. Начальник инопланетян докладывает:
- Товарищ Генерал, мы готовы атаковать Польшу!
- А почему Польшу?
- На этой планете так принято. | https://t.me/anegdotofff/986?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 459 | 0 | 1,704,970,812 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Генерал","lemma":"генерал","label":"PER","start_pos":86,"end_pos":93},{"ner":"Польшу","lemma":"польша","label":"LOC","start_pos":115,"end_pos":121},{"ner":"Польшу","lemma":"польша","label":"LOC","start_pos":134,"end_pos":140}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 25 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 1 | 0 | 8 | 2 | 7 | true |
122 | null | Как называют копрофила который готов на всё ради своей любви?
Радикал | https://t.me/anegdotofff/987?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 478 | 0 | 1,704,978,039 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 11 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 1 | true |
122 | null | На свадьбе дагестанского астронома зарезали Альдебарана. | https://t.me/anegdotofff/988?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 473 | 0 | 1,704,985,227 | 1,732,738,882 | 28 | 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| [{"ner":"Альдебарана","lemma":"альдебарана","label":"PER","start_pos":44,"end_pos":55}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 6 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 1 | true |
122 | null | — Позже спишемся, ок? А то у меня как раз фильм загрузился.
— Окей. А какой фильм?
— Никакой. Ты просто меня заебал. Иди нахуй. | https://t.me/anegdotofff/989?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 305 | 0 | 1,706,605,294 | 1,732,738,882 | 7,903 | 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| null | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 25 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 4 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 11 | true |
122 | null | — Чего бы вы хотели на новом месте работы?
— Высокую зарплату, официальное трудоустройство, отпуск по желанию, удобный график, хорошую атмосферу в коллективе.
— Хорошо. Крутите барабан...
😅 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4449?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,525,495 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 28 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 6 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 10 | 0 | 11 | true |
122 | null | — Хорошо тут.
Разбежишься со скалы и в море — бабах!
— Может, бултых?
— Ну, когда прилив, тогда бултых.
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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 21 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 3 | 11 | true |
122 | null | - Почему Россия традиционно лидирует в шахматах?
- Да, знаете, русским мат как-то ближе...
😂 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4451?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,539,895 | 1,732,738,882 | 28 | 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| [{"ner":"Россия","lemma":"россия","label":"LOC","start_pos":9,"end_pos":15}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 15 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 7 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Иду по лесу. Дождь, ветер, ночь. Замерз весь. Смотрю – машина стоит, подхожу, в окошко смотрю – там никого. Дверцу попробовал - открыто, ну я залез и сижу. Вдруг машина поехала. Я в шоке.
Машина едет, я сзади сижу, за рулем никого. Тут рука волосатая появляется откуда-то, порулила и исчезла.
У меня волосы на жопе зашевелились. Тут деревня показалась, вот уже дома первые.
Тут машина останавливается, в салон мужик заглядывает и говорит:
— А ты че тут делаешь?!
— Да вот, еду...
— Ахуеть просто! Я толкаю, а он, бля, едет! | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1240?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 993 | 0 | 1,714,726,677 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| null | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 91 | 1 | 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 24 | 10 | 0 | 18 | 14 | 36 | true |
122 | null | Попали на остров 100 мужиков и одна девушка. Через год она не выдержала умерла. Ещё через год мужики не выдержали и похоронили её | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1241?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 874 | 0 | 1,715,856,989 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"100","lemma":"100","label":"NUM","start_pos":17,"end_pos":20}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 23 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 2 | 2 | 6 | 1 | 2 | true |
122 | null | Однажды к Учителю пришел человек и попросил научить его добиваться в жизни успеха. Мудрец заставил его залезть в бочку с водой и окунуться с головой.
Затем он изо всех сил удерживал его голову так, что тот не мог подняться. Наконец, человек умер.
Мудрец улыбнулся. Он был ебанутым | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1242?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 796 | 0 | 1,716,967,150 | 1,732,738,882 | 28 | 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| [{"ner":"Учителю","lemma":"учитель","label":"PER","start_pos":10,"end_pos":17},{"ner":"Мудрец","lemma":"мудрец","label":"PER","start_pos":83,"end_pos":89}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 47 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 12 | 4 | 0 | 11 | 4 | 7 | true |
122 | null | — Мудрец, вы знаете разницу между бедой и катастрофой?
— Что за вопрос, конечно!
— А можете сформулировать?
— Ну вот представьте — заболела ваша тетя . Беда?
— Беда...
— Но ведь не катастрофа?
— Нет...
— А вот, представьте — летели цыгане, самолет упал и разбился. Катастрофа?
— Катастрофа.
— Но ведь не беда? | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1243?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 943 | 0 | 1,716,967,651 | 1,732,738,882 | 7,903 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 56 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 9 | 1 | 0 | 11 | 1 | 28 | true |
122 | null | Собралась семья обои клеить.
Жена мужу говорит:
-Сходи к соседям снизу - они ремонт недавно делали, квартира у них такая же. Спроси, сколько рулонов покупали.
Он пошел, ему сказали: "Шестнадцать".
Купили обои, стали клеить. 6 рулонов осталось.
Муж злой, снова идет к ним. Говорит:
-Вам чё, сволочи такие - сказать правду сложно было? У нас 6 рулонов осталось!
Ответ:
-И у нас столько же осталось...
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/344?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 450 | 0 | 1,711,522,982 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Купили","lemma":"купить","label":"PER","start_pos":197,"end_pos":203},{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":411,"end_pos":419},{"ner":"6","lemma":"6","label":"NUM","start_pos":224,"end_pos":225},{"ner":"6","lemma":"6","label":"NUM","start_pos":340,"end_pos":341}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 69 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 17 | 7 | 4 | 17 | 5 | 27 | true |
122 | null | Самолёт потерпел аварию. Один из пассажиров спустя некоторое время говорит другому:
— Слушай, ну надо как-то справляться без женщин... Давай сперва я тебя, потом ты меня!
— Ну давай
Начал один другого в жопу иметь, но тут к ним подходит стюардесса и говорит:
— Вы че, сдурели? Вы чё устроили посреди салона? Самолёт попал в аварию с машиной, которая багаж подвозит, мы даже двигатели еще не заводили!
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/345?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 382 | 0 | 1,711,541,030 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":413,"end_pos":421}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 71 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 15 | 9 | 2 | 14 | 8 | 18 | true |
122 | null | Южный полюс. Сидит чукча и геолог.
- Геолога, сказы, зенсина совсем белый бывает?
- Бывает
- А совсем черный бывает?
- Бывает
- А зенсина на половину черный, наполовину белый бывает?
- Hет, не бывает.
- Значит, это был пингвин.
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/346?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 366 | 0 | 1,711,558,949 | 1,732,738,882 | 7,903 | 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| [{"ner":"Южный полюс","lemma":"южный полюс","label":"LOC","start_pos":0,"end_pos":11},{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":240,"end_pos":248}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 44 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 1 | 0 | 10 | 4 | 17 | true |
122 | null | Программисты взяли на стрелу один байт, ведь восемь бит им вполне хватит | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/50?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 38 | 0 | 1,690,975,551 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 12 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 2 | 4 | 1 | 1 | true |
122 | null | — С вами говорит специалист по безопасности банка. Нам необходимо защитить ваш счет от несанкционированного доступа. Возьмите, пожалуйста, карту.
— Спасибо, взял.
— Продиктуйте номер.
— 10.
— Дальше?
— Всё.
— Назовите номер на карте целиком.
— 10.
— Что у вас за карта?
— Десятка треф. | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/51?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 43 | 0 | 1,690,977,114 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"10","lemma":"10","label":"NUM","start_pos":186,"end_pos":188},{"ner":"10","lemma":"10","label":"NUM","start_pos":244,"end_pos":246}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 48 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 6 | 4 | 2 | 12 | 3 | 25 | true |
122 | null | - Дед, расскажи, как было в 41-м?
- Тяжело, внучек, ноги болели, натирали, в общем...а потом купил себе 44-й и нормально стало. | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/52?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 38 | 0 | 1,691,041,175 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"41","lemma":"41","label":"NUM","start_pos":28,"end_pos":30},{"ner":"44","lemma":"44","label":"NUM","start_pos":104,"end_pos":106}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 22 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 4 | 1 | 0 | 5 | 3 | 10 | true |
122 | null | – Хая Соломоновна, вы не против сегодня поужинать вместе? – С удовольствием, Абрам Ильич. – Тогда у вас ровно в семь. | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/53?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 40 | 0 | 1,691,081,088 | 1,732,738,882 | 7,903 | 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| [{"ner":"Хая Соломоновна","lemma":"хая соломонович","label":"PER","start_pos":2,"end_pos":17},{"ner":"Абрам Ильич","lemma":"абрам ильич","label":"PER","start_pos":77,"end_pos":88}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 21 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 8 | true |
122 | null | У одного доктора появляется дьяволенок плече, монолог:
-Да ладно тебе, все спят со своими пациентами, ты точно не первый и не последний, не терзай себя.
Доктор успокоился, но через два дня появляется ангел на другом пличе:
-Слыш, мужик, а ты, ведь, ветеринар... | https://t.me/anekdronti/325?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 106 | 0 | 1,718,996,466 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 42 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 2 | 12 | 1 | 15 | true |
122 | null | — Люся, вы вся такая подтянутая, грациозная, как вам это удается?
— Я занимаюсь народными танцами.
— Как интересно! А какими?
— Стриптизом.
— А... разве это... народные танцы?!
— Ну, не знаю, народу нравится... | https://t.me/anekdronti/326?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 111 | 0 | 1,719,039,666 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Люся","lemma":"люся","label":"PER","start_pos":2,"end_pos":6},{"ner":"Стриптизом","lemma":"стриптиз","label":"PER","start_pos":128,"end_pos":138}] | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 35 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 4 | 5 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 21 | true |
122 | null | На охоте два охотника подстрелили утку и никак не могут поделить. Вдруг один другому говорит:
- Слушай, давай друг-другу дадим по яйцам, кто быстрее встанет, того и утка.
- Давай!
Ну один как даст другому. Тот катался, катался по земле минут сорок, потом встал и говорит:
- Ну ты даешь, я чуть не умер! Теперь давай я!
А второй в ответ:
- Да не надо, забирай утку. | https://t.me/anekdronti/327?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 98 | 0 | 1,719,050,466 | 1,732,738,882 | 28 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 67 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 18 | 7 | 4 | 12 | 7 | 19 | true |
122 | null | Выходит стоматолог из кабинета, где остался лежать пациент, и нервно ходит из стороны в сторону, теребя подбородок. Закурил, но тут же выкинул сигарету в окно. Медсестра его спрашивает:
— Что случилось? Сложный случай?
Стоматолог отвечает:
— Тяжелейший — у клиента бабла до хера, а все зубы здоровые. | https://t.me/anekdronti/328?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 94 | 0 | 1,719,057,677 | 1,732,738,882 | 7,903 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 47 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 9 | 3 | 0 | 15 | 3 | 15 | true |
122 | null | Девушка 18 лет пpиезжает вместе с мамой, бабушкой и собачкой Шаpиком из пpовинции в большой гоpод. Девушка ловит такси, останавливается мужик.
-Подвезите нас, пожалуйста, - говоpит она.
-Да таких только тp#xать, - говоpит водитель и уезжает.
Девушка в недоумении подходит к матеpи и задаёт ей вопpос:
-Мама, а что такое тp#xать???
-Ээ.. Hу это одним словом подвезти...
Девушка ловит сведущую машину. Останавливает мужик. Девушка говоpит:
-Тp#xнитe нас пожалуйста!
-А нас это кого?
-Меня, маму, бабушку и Шаpика..
-Тебя с удовольствием, маму - подумаю, а бабушку пусть Шаpик тp#xаeт!
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1064?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 883 | 0 | 1,707,973,203 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Шаpиком","lemma":"шаpиком","label":"PER","start_pos":61,"end_pos":68},{"ner":"Шаpика","lemma":"шаpика","label":"PER","start_pos":504,"end_pos":510},{"ner":"Шаpик тp#xаeт","lemma":"шаpик тp#xаeт","label":"PER","start_pos":568,"end_pos":581},{"ner":"18","lemma":"18","label":"NUM","start_pos":8,"end_pos":10}] | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 89 | 0 | 1 | 0.992126 | 0.007874 | 0 | 4 | 12 | 9 | 2 | 29 | 4 | 35 | true |
122 | null | Aнкa пpиезжaeт c кoнкуpca пp#ституток с серебряной медалью.
Петька и Василий Иванович:
— Рассказывай, почему второе место!
— Встретились мы в финале с француженкой. Она лежа, я лежа, она стоя, я стоя, она раком, я раком, она в рот, а я не смогла.
Петька с Вacилиeм Ивaнoвичeм подумали — не дело, надо тренировать. На cлeдyющий гoд Aнка приезжает с золотой медалью и с медалью за оригинальность. Петька и Василий Иванович:
— Рассказывай!
— Опять мы с француженкой в финал вышли. Она лежа, я лежа, она стоя, я cтоя, онa paком, я раком, она в рот, а я сразу двa, дa eщe как cвиcтнy!
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1065?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 977 | 0 | 1,708,002,003 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Петька и Василий Иванович","lemma":"Петька и Василий Иванович","label":"ORG","start_pos":60,"end_pos":85},{"ner":"она в рот","lemma":"она в рот","label":"ORG","start_pos":221,"end_pos":230},{"ner":"Петька с Вacилиeм Ивaнoвичeм","lemma":"Петька с Вacилиeм Ивaнoвичeм","label":"ORG","start_pos":247,"end_pos":275},{"ner":"cлeдyющий гoд Aнка","lemma":"cлeдyющий гoд Aнка","label":"PER","start_pos":317,"end_pos":335},{"ner":"золотой медалью","lemma":"золотой медалью","label":"ORG","start_pos":348,"end_pos":363},{"ner":"Опять","lemma":"Опять","label":"NORP","start_pos":439,"end_pos":444},{"ner":"онa paком","lemma":"онa paком","label":"PER","start_pos":514,"end_pos":523},{"ner":"она в рот","lemma":"она в рот","label":"ORG","start_pos":534,"end_pos":543}] | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 104 | 0 | 0 | 0.978417 | 0.021583 | 0 | 3 | 16 | 17 | 0 | 21 | 4 | 33 | true |
122 | null | Дeвушкy пpиглacил ее приятель покататься на машине. Провожая ее, мать говорит:
- Смотри, когда вы будете возвращаться, у вас наверняка сломается машина, а в местной гостинице будет свободен только один одноместный номер. Конечно же, приятель предложит тебе лечь спать на кровати, а сам устроится в кресле. Но будь внимательна! Иначе, кoгдa ты зacнeшь, он набросится на тебя и опозорит и тебя, и меня, и всю твою семью! Наутро девушка возвращается домой.
- Мама, спасибо, что ты меня предупредила! Все было именно так, как ты и предполагала. Только я, чтобы он нас всех не опозорил, разрешила ему лечь на кровати, а сама устроилась в кресле. И когда он заснул - я набросилась на него и опозорила и его, и его мaть, и вcю eго ceмью!
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1066?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 971 | 0 | 1,708,030,805 | 1,732,738,882 | 28 | 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| [{"ner":"Дeвушкy","lemma":"дeвушкy","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":7}] | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 125 | 0 | 1 | 0.993631 | 0.006369 | 0 | 6 | 23 | 24 | 1 | 21 | 6 | 29 | true |
122 | null | В качестве эксперимента заселяют два острова: на одном оставляют 25 женщин и одного мужчину, а на другом — 25 мужиков и одну женщину.
Проходит некоторое время и приезжают в начале с проверкой на остров, где одна женщина. Смотрят, все убрано, везде чистенько, пальмочки подвязаны, дорожки песочком посыпаны. Сидит женщина на троне и кричит:
— Вова, я тебе каким сказала песочком дорожку посыпать?
— Красным... .
— А ты каким посыпал?
— Желтым...
— Ты каким был по счету? Пятым? Будешь двадцать пятым...
Приезжают на остров, где 25 женщин и один мужик. Смотрят, все грязно, пальмы местами повалены, вокруг полный хаос и сидит мужик на пальме, на самой верхушке, а женщины обступили ее и кричат:
— Вася, слазь, 5 минут уже прошло!!!
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1067?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 878 | 0 | 1,708,059,604 | 1,732,738,882 | 7,903 | 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| [{"ner":"Вова","lemma":"вова","label":"PER","start_pos":342,"end_pos":346},{"ner":"Вася","lemma":"вася","label":"PER","start_pos":695,"end_pos":699},{"ner":"25","lemma":"25","label":"NUM","start_pos":65,"end_pos":67},{"ner":"25","lemma":"25","label":"NUM","start_pos":107,"end_pos":109},{"ner":"25","lemma":"25","label":"NUM","start_pos":527,"end_pos":529},{"ner":"5","lemma":"5","label":"NUM","start_pos":708,"end_pos":709}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 122 | 0 | 2 | 0.993865 | 0.006135 | 0 | 8 | 22 | 7 | 11 | 31 | 5 | 40 | true |
122 | null | Вернулась с Турции?ну что же
Я не был в отпуске давно
Ты загоревшая похожа
Все больше стала на гавно | https://t.me/bunnybayki/3129?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/bunnybayki | 21 | 0 | 1,732,617,000 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Турции?ну","lemma":"турции?ну","label":"PER","start_pos":12,"end_pos":21}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 19 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 0 | true |
122 | null | Однажды дед сказал никого не слушать
И что-то еще.. | https://t.me/dimonster69/210?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/dimonster69 | 18 | 0 | 1,716,060,004 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 9 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 1 | true |
122 | null | Почему Нолик из Фиксиков голубой?
Ноль не натуральное число | https://t.me/dimonster69/211?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/dimonster69 | 23 | 0 | 1,716,199,909 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Нолик","lemma":"нолик","label":"PER","start_pos":7,"end_pos":12}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 9 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 1 | true |
122 | null | — Боря, у вас был секс с женщиной за 50?
— Таки был, Фима… Хотя сначала она хотела за 100! | https://t.me/evreii/97?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/evreii | 2,700 | 0 | 1,663,080,452 | 1,732,738,882 | 28 | 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| [{"ner":"Боря","lemma":"боря","label":"PER","start_pos":2,"end_pos":6},{"ner":"Таки","lemma":"таки","label":"PER","start_pos":43,"end_pos":47},{"ner":"Фима","lemma":"фима","label":"PER","start_pos":53,"end_pos":57},{"ner":"50","lemma":"50","label":"NUM","start_pos":37,"end_pos":39},{"ner":"100","lemma":"100","label":"NUM","start_pos":86,"end_pos":89}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 20 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 7 | true |
122 | null | Разговор подруг:
— Катька, слушай. А ты с моим мужем переспать могла бы?
— В общем—то нет!
— Это почему еще?
— Да он ничем не лучше моего!
— В принципе и то правда… | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/877?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 95 | 0 | 1,714,815,955 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 34 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 3 | 5 | 0 | 5 | 2 | 14 | true |
122 | null | Звонок по телефону. Муж берет трубку:
— Простите, это звонит коллега Вашей жены. Скажите, Светлана Владимировна после вчерашнего корпоратива себя хорошо чувствует?
— А почему она должна себя плохо чувствовать? Она же не употребляет алкоголь!
— Вынужден Вас огорчить…
— Да что Вы себе позволяете?! Она даже в рот не берет!
— Похоже, я вынужден буду огорчить Вас дважды… | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/878?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 122 | 0 | 1,714,815,955 | 1,732,738,882 | 28 | 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| [{"ner":"Светлана Владимировна","lemma":"светлана владимирович","label":"PER","start_pos":90,"end_pos":111}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 59 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 11 | 12 | 0 | 9 | 5 | 19 | true |
122 | null | Сидим с мужем на лавочке в парке, никого не трогаем. Подходят к нам свидетели Иеговы и задают вопрос:
— Скажите, а Вы молитесь перед едой?
— Да нет, у меня жена нормально готовит… | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/879?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 132 | 0 | 1,714,815,955 | 1,732,738,882 | 7,903 | 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| [{"ner":"Иеговы","lemma":"иегова","label":"PER","start_pos":78,"end_pos":84}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 33 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 4 | 0 | 7 | 1 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Трое неизвестных забрали у прохожего паспорт и порвали. Теперь неизвестных четверо. | https://t.me/likeandsmile/157?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 18 | 0 | 1,673,766,314 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 11 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 2 | true |
122 | null | Инструкция по ловле кошки:
1. Возьмите пустую коробку.
2. Ждите. | https://t.me/likeandsmile/158?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 16 | 0 | 1,674,314,361 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"1","lemma":"1","label":"NUM","start_pos":27,"end_pos":28},{"ner":"2","lemma":"2","label":"NUM","start_pos":55,"end_pos":56}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 10 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 0 | 5 | true |
122 | null | Всю ночь снилось, что я на работе. Кто мне оплатит это время?! | https://t.me/likeandsmile/159?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 16 | 0 | 1,674,715,958 | 1,732,738,882 | 28 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 12 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 3 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 4 | true |
122 | null | Как говорил один кровельщик: "Не так неприятно падение, как приземление". | https://t.me/likeandsmile/160?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 14 | 0 | 1,674,976,772 | 1,732,738,882 | 7,903 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 10 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 1 | 5 | true |
122 | null | ползут два наркомана по железной дороге
один другому говорит - чел, чёт лестница длинная
а второй ему отвечает - да не ной, вот уже лифт едет | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/178?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 314 | 0 | 1,710,752,400 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 26 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 4 | 1 | 2 | 7 | 2 | 2 | true |
122 | null | Сидят в баре русский американец и немец
Американец говорит: у нас самая сильная нация.
Немец отвечает: нет, наша нация лучшая!
А русский: откуда блять вы знаете русский??? | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/179?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 225 | 0 | 1,710,763,200 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 27 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 6 | 5 | 2 | 0 | 7 | 1 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Лежит малoй и слышит, что в соседней спальне что-то происходит.
Он возьми и закричи:
- Дядька Мыкола, варэников хачу!
- Ты шо, обалдел? Два часа ночи!
- А сами шлямкоете, аж смэтана брызжет! | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/180?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 227 | 0 | 1,710,774,000 | 1,732,738,882 | 28 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 33 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 7 | 5 | 1 | 10 | 0 | 12 | true |
122 | null | Вас тоже бесят эти тупые отмазки когда ты уже настроился на sекс?
- "Внучек, ты что делаешь?"
- "Братан, ты куда полез?"
- "Мне завтра к первому уроку"
- "Гав-гав" | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/181?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 228 | 0 | 1,710,781,200 | 1,732,738,882 | 7,903 | 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| null | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 30 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 6 | 1 | 7 | 4 | 15 | true |
122 | null | Женщина обращается к врачу:
- Доктор, скажите, к какой породе зверей я отношусь?
- Гражданка, вы же человек!
- Ну какой я человек? Утром встаю взъерошенная, как овца, на работу бегу голодная, как шакал, прицеплюсь на трамвай, как обезьяна, и еду на нем, как заяц, толкаюсь, как медведь, пока доеду до работы, переругаюсь со всеми, как собака, работаю каждый день, как вол, потом, как ищейка, бегаю по магазинам, научусь, как загнанный ишак, дома, готовя обед, на детей рычу, как тигр, а на соседей шиплю, как змея. Муж приходит с работы, спрашивает:
- Кисонька, обед готов? Накормлю всех, вымою посуду, уложу детей спать, сама ложусь, муж, ложась, говорит:
- Подвинься, корова, а то разлеглась, как свинья. Какой же я человек, доктор?
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2303?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 87 | 0 | 1,726,974,600 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 121 | 0 | 0 | 0.99435 | 0.00565 | 0 | 5 | 23 | 8 | 1 | 43 | 2 | 51 | true |
122 | null | Два военных, русский и американец. Разговаривают, делятся житейским...
Русский:- а если ты подвиг совершишь, что тебе дадут?
Американец:- пентхаус, почётное звание, орден, бабло...
Русский:- а если попроще поступок?
А:- тоже самое, но без пентхауса.
Р: ещё проще?
А: поменьше денег и медаль..
Р: вообще самый простой поступок?
А: денег и простую медальку...
Р: То есть, я так понимаю, про грамоту вы вообще ни хyя не знаете?....
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2304?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 57 | 0 | 1,728,966,124 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 67 | 0 | 6 | 0.990291 | 0.009709 | 0 | 8 | 9 | 4 | 2 | 16 | 6 | 26 | true |
122 | null | Приемный покой районной больницы.
Вызывают дежурного врача: привезли мальчика с ожогом.
В смотровой сидит мальчик лет 15, в "предбаннике" приемного покоя встревоженные родители.
Врач:
- Что случилось?
- Бензин с другом в гараже отливали из канистры...
- Ну, и...
- Там темно, не видно было... Ну, спичку зажгли, посмотреть сколько осталось...
Врач выдержав паузу:
- Увидел сколько осталось?
Тут раздается крик отца этого недоросля из "предбанника":
- Два квартала, бл..дь, увидело!
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2305?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 57 | 0 | 1,728,987,900 | 1,732,738,882 | 28 | 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| [{"ner":"недоросля","lemma":"недоросля","label":"PER","start_pos":421,"end_pos":430},{"ner":"15","lemma":"15","label":"NUM","start_pos":118,"end_pos":120}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 72 | 0 | 1 | 0.990991 | 0.009009 | 0 | 6 | 13 | 1 | 5 | 24 | 4 | 29 | true |
122 | null | Увидел Петька объявление: "Меняю однокомнатную
со всеми удобствами квартиру на любую жилплощадь."
Приходит по адресу, а там Василий Иваныч:
- О, Петька! Заходи, смотри квартиру.
Петька посмотрел. Захотел в туалет. Дверь никак не открыть.
- Василий Иваныч! Че дверь-то не открывается?
- А ты, Петька, свет-то включи - она сама и откроется.
Петька свет включил - дверь открылась. Фантастика! Зашел,
сделал все, что хотел. Пытается выйти, а дверь не открывается.
- Василий Иваныч, как дверь-то открыть?
- А ты смой за собой - она и откроется.
Петька смыл - дверь открылась. Петька просто обалдел.
- Василий Иваныч, а че ты такую квартиру меняешь?
- Да знаешь, Петька, так ведь у нас: то света нет, то воды...
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2306?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 37 | 0 | 1,729,840,632 | 1,732,738,882 | 7,903 | 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| [{"ner":"Петька","lemma":"петька","label":"PER","start_pos":7,"end_pos":13},{"ner":"Василий Иваныч","lemma":"василий иванович","label":"PER","start_pos":124,"end_pos":138},{"ner":"Петька","lemma":"петька","label":"PER","start_pos":145,"end_pos":151},{"ner":"Петька","lemma":"петька","label":"PER","start_pos":178,"end_pos":184},{"ner":"Василий Иваныч","lemma":"василий иванович","label":"PER","start_pos":240,"end_pos":254},{"ner":"Василий Иваныч","lemma":"василий иванович","label":"PER","start_pos":462,"end_pos":476},{"ner":"Петька","lemma":"петька","label":"PER","start_pos":540,"end_pos":546}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 117 | 0 | 3 | 0.994253 | 0.005747 | 0 | 2 | 27 | 12 | 0 | 28 | 5 | 41 | true |
122 | null | Расцвет религии в любой стране означает лишь одно: у народа гораздо больше шансов быть услышанным Богом, чем Правительством.
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6498?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 32 | 0 | 1,732,624,660 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":142,"end_pos":146}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 23 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 7 | 1 | 3 | true |
122 | null | "Что-то 16-й год не задался, 17-й определенно должен быть лучше" — наивно думали люди ровно сто лет тому назад.
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6499?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 27 | 0 | 1,732,631,860 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":129,"end_pos":133},{"ner":"16","lemma":"16","label":"NUM","start_pos":8,"end_pos":10},{"ner":"17","lemma":"17","label":"NUM","start_pos":29,"end_pos":31}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 24 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 2 | 3 | 1 | 5 | 5 | 5 | true |
122 | null | Вчера в магазине покупаю кетчуп, цена 65 руб. Захожу сегодня, на него скидка, читаю на ценнике: "старая цена 95, новая 75 руб. "Хорошо, что купила вчера, а не сегодня со скидкой!
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6500?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 28 | 0 | 1,732,635,461 | 1,732,738,882 | 28 | 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| [{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":196,"end_pos":200},{"ner":"65","lemma":"65","label":"NUM","start_pos":38,"end_pos":40},{"ner":"95","lemma":"95","label":"NUM","start_pos":109,"end_pos":111},{"ner":"75","lemma":"75","label":"NUM","start_pos":119,"end_pos":121}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 36 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 4 | 1 | 3 | 11 | 4 | 10 | true |
122 | null | Госдума хочет запретить россиянам работать не по профессии. Интересно, а какое учебное заведение выпускает депутатов?..
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6501?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 28 | 0 | 1,732,639,061 | 1,732,738,882 | 7,903 | 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| [{"ner":"Госдума","lemma":"госдума","label":"ORG","start_pos":0,"end_pos":7},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":137,"end_pos":141}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 20 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 6 | 0 | 4 | true |
122 | null | На дискотеке русский в майке с надписью: "У американцев три проблемы".
К нему тут же подходит американец и спрашивает:
— Ты чего? Проблем ищешь? Ты наехать хочешь?
— Это ваша первая проблема. Агрессивность. Вы всегда пытаетесь создавать проблемы на пустом месте.
Когда дискотека заканчивается, то русского уже подкарауливает толпа американцев.
— Сейчас ты ответишь за свои слова! — говорят они.
— Это ваша вторая проблема. Вы не можете решать свои проблемы сами и сразу собираете своих по любому поводу.
— Да как ты смеешь с нами так говорить?!! — амрикосы повыхватывали ножи...
— Это ваша третья проблема, — продолжает русский. — Вы всегда приходите с ножами на перестрелку. | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/556?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 30 | 0 | 1,722,429,696 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 108 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 19 | 11 | 1 | 23 | 8 | 34 | true |
122 | null | Учитель спрашивает учеников:
— Дети, скажите, сколько будет 7х7? Ну скажи, Вовочка.
— Я не слышу, Иван Сергеевич.
Учитель подходит к Вове поближе и спрашивает:
— Сколько будет 7х7?
— Не слышу, Иван Сергеевич.
— Врешь. А ну давай поменяемся местами?
Вовочка заходит за учительский стол испрашивает:
— Иван Сергеевич! Когда вы перестанете ходить к моей маме?
— Ты смотри! И в самом деле не слышно на этой парте! | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/557?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 36 | 0 | 1,722,876,915 | 1,732,738,882 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Вовочка","lemma":"вовочка","label":"PER","start_pos":75,"end_pos":82},{"ner":"Иван Сергеевич","lemma":"иван сергеевич","label":"PER","start_pos":98,"end_pos":112},{"ner":"Вове","lemma":"вове","label":"PER","start_pos":133,"end_pos":137},{"ner":"Иван Сергеевич","lemma":"иван сергеевич","label":"PER","start_pos":193,"end_pos":207},{"ner":"Иван Сергеевич","lemma":"иван сергеевич","label":"PER","start_pos":300,"end_pos":314},{"ner":"7","lemma":"7","label":"NUM","start_pos":60,"end_pos":61},{"ner":"7","lemma":"7","label":"NUM","start_pos":62,"end_pos":63},{"ner":"7","lemma":"7","label":"NUM","start_pos":176,"end_pos":177},{"ner":"7","lemma":"7","label":"NUM","start_pos":178,"end_pos":179}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 69 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 15 | 3 | 4 | 10 | 1 | 26 | true |
122 | null | — Вот мы поженимся, я буду готовить и убирать. А ты что будешь делать?
— Я буду есть мясо и пить пиво.
— А из полезного?
— А из полезного — овощи. | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/558?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 52 | 0 | 1,722,965,892 | 1,732,738,882 | 28 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 32 | 0 | 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 6 | 5 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 11 | true |
122 | null | Девушка парню:
— Ты меня утром разбудишь?
— Я тебя утром и раз, и два, и даже три раза буду! | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/559?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 40 | 0 | 1,723,141,869 | 1,732,738,882 | 7,903 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 20 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 2 | 5 | 0 | 7 | true |
122 | null | Богатый человек, американский коллекционер покупает картину Тициана в Италии, отправляет ее на экспертизу, подтверждают, что это Тициан. Он хочет ее купить, но законодательство не позволяет вывезти картину столь известного автора из Италии, потому что это национальное достояние. Тогда коллекционер просит итальянского художника написать поверх Тициана какой-то пейзаж, чтобы вывезти картину как современную. Привезя картину в Америку, коллекционер отдает ее знакомому реставратору, чтобы он снял верхний слой и открыл Тициана. Через некоторое время коллекционер получает звонок от реставратора: «Я снял этот пейзаж, снял заодно и Тициана, обнаружил потрет Муссолини. Продолжать или прекратить?» | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/581?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 256 | 0 | 1,715,140,933 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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122 | null | Идёт мальчик в очках по улице и плачет. А у него в одном из стекол дырка и небольшая россыпь трещин. Тут его увидел проходящий мимо дедушка.
Д: Мальчик, чего ты плачешь?
М: Да вот, очки пробили.
Д: А ну его, не стоит из-за этого плакать, ты же мужчина, это далеко не самое страшное.
Мальчик, показывая на стекло: Эх, если бы это было единственное очко, которое мне сегодня пробили.. | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/582?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 301 | 0 | 1,715,165,636 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 68 | 1 | 5 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 9 | 11 | 1 | 13 | 4 | 19 | true |
122 | null | По улице идут прапорщик и молодой лейтенант. Впереди девушка в мини. Лейтенант:
— Смотри, баба идет! Давай ее вы*бем.
Прапорщик:
— Давай. А за что? | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/583?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 306 | 0 | 1,715,200,592 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 25 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 2 | 0 | 9 | 1 | 11 | true |
122 | null | - Посмотрите на этого типа: он хлещет виски, курит сигары и
волочится за проводницей.
- Ничего страшного, пусть немного побалуется.
- Это, видимо, ваш внук?
- Выбирайте выражения, сударыня, это мой муж!
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6147?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 6 | 0 | 1,732,633,203 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 39 | 0 | 0 | 0.982759 | 0.017241 | 0 | 1 | 6 | 4 | 0 | 12 | 2 | 15 | true |
122 | null | Маленький сынок вопрошает папу-инженера:
- Пап, а если я монитору экран разобью, оттуда буковки полетят?
- Нет, сынок, эти буковки на монитор выводит видеокарта, а у монитора катодно-лучевая трубка, под действием напряжения происходит эмиссия электронов, которые бомбардируют фосфоресцирующий слой, и если ты разобьешь экран, то...ну ладно, уговорил, давай попробуем!
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
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истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6148?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 6 | 0 | 1,732,636,804 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 56 | 0 | 0 | 0.987805 | 0.012195 | 0 | 5 | 10 | 3 | 0 | 22 | 1 | 17 | true |
122 | null | - У одной моей знакомой грудь 46-го размера!
- Да ладно врать-то!
- Честное слово! Кроссовком измерял.
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
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истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6149?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 4 | 0 | 1,732,640,402 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"46","lemma":"46","label":"NUM","start_pos":30,"end_pos":32}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 24 | 0 | 1 | 0.972222 | 0.027778 | 0 | 3 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 8 | 1 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Девочка жалуется маме:
— Мам, ну что у меня в классе все говорят, что у моё лицо на жопу похоже???
— Это неправда, вот пойди на улицу и спроси кого хочешь...
Через 5 минут приходит вся заплаканная...
— Что случилось дочка?
— Я вышла из подъезда и заглянула в канализационный люк.... Там рабочий был...
— И что он тебе сказал???
— НЕ СРАТЬ СЮДА! НЕ СРАТЬ!
😅
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/428?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 365 | 0 | 1,711,101,826 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Мам","lemma":"мам","label":"PER","start_pos":25,"end_pos":28},{"ner":"5","lemma":"5","label":"NUM","start_pos":164,"end_pos":165}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 69 | 1 | 7 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 10 | 9 | 1 | 14 | 2 | 23 | true |
122 | null | Приходит муж к жене и говорит:
— Ты знаешь, жена нашего соседа дает мужу 3 рубля за то что на полу и 10 рублей на кровати.
Жена подумала и дает мужу 10 рублей, он обрадовался:
— Что 1 раз на кроватке?
Она отвечает:
— Нет 3 раза на полу и рубль сдачи.
😅
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/429?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 344 | 0 | 1,711,112,608 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"3","lemma":"3","label":"NUM","start_pos":73,"end_pos":74},{"ner":"10","lemma":"10","label":"NUM","start_pos":101,"end_pos":103},{"ner":"10","lemma":"10","label":"NUM","start_pos":149,"end_pos":151},{"ner":"1","lemma":"1","label":"NUM","start_pos":182,"end_pos":183},{"ner":"3","lemma":"3","label":"NUM","start_pos":221,"end_pos":222}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 55 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 9 | 4 | 5 | 18 | 1 | 11 | true |
122 | null | После очередной ссоры с женой муж набил чемодан своими вещами и решительно сказал:
— Хватит с меня! Я решил уехать от тебя на край света! Уж лучше жить с людоедами в одной хижине или на необитаемом острове с ядовитыми змеями, чем с тобой под одной крышей! Взяв чемодан, он выше, громко хлопнув дверью, но через минуту вернулся и сказал:
— Тебе опять повезло — на улице дождь...
😅
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/430?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 363 | 0 | 1,711,123,385 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 70 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 11 | 6 | 2 | 17 | 4 | 13 | true |
122 | null | В чём сходство между детьми и сотовой связью?
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Они пропадают в лесу | https://t.me/anegdotofff/983?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 268 | 0 | 1,704,949,215 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 21 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 5 | 0 | 10 | true |
122 | null | Еврей знакомится с напарником из Азии и сразу сообщает:
— Не люблю китайцев. Вы бомбили Перл-Харбор.
— Это были японцы — отвечает собеседник.
— Японцы, китайцы, корейцы — какая разница.
После долгого молчания китаец вдруг произносит:
— А я не люблю евреев. Вы утопили "Титаник".
— Он врезался в айсберг! — возмущается еврей.
— Голдберг, Розенберг, Айсберг — какая разница? — отвечает китаец. | https://t.me/anegdotofff/984?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 343 | 0 | 1,704,956,420 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Еврей","lemma":"еврей","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":5},{"ner":"Азии","lemma":"азия","label":"LOC","start_pos":33,"end_pos":37},{"ner":"Перл-Харбор","lemma":"перл-харбор","label":"PER","start_pos":88,"end_pos":99},{"ner":"Японцы","lemma":"японец","label":"LOC","start_pos":144,"end_pos":150},{"ner":"Голдберг","lemma":"голдберг","label":"PER","start_pos":327,"end_pos":335},{"ner":"Розенберг","lemma":"розенберг","label":"PER","start_pos":337,"end_pos":346},{"ner":"Айсберг","lemma":"айсберг","label":"PER","start_pos":348,"end_pos":355}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 63 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 11 | 5 | 0 | 15 | 2 | 29 | true |
122 | null | Почему негров сбивают чаще зимой чем летом ?
Потому что зимой их лучше видно. | https://t.me/anegdotofff/985?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 354 | 0 | 1,704,963,663 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 14 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 4 | 5 | 2 | true |
122 | null | Одна дама попросила художника нарисовать ее портрет.
Когда портрет был закончен, она послала за ним своего мужа.
- Браво, браво! - похвалил муж художника.
- Точно как в жизни.
Вот она будет ругаться!
😜
- | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4447?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,516,271 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 35 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 6 | 3 | 1 | 10 | 3 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Жена ласкается к мужу:
- Скажи, дорогой, у меня красивые волосы?
- Красивые.
- А глаза красивые?
- Красивые.
- А нос?
- И нос крас...
Тут муж спохватывается и спрашивает с подозрением:
- Погоди, а ты что, в зеркале не отражаешься
🤪 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4448?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,518,295 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 43 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 5 | 3 | 0 | 14 | 1 | 13 | true |
122 | null | Мужик на приёма у врача. Доктор ему говорит:
- Приносите на анализ мочу, кал и сперму.
- Доктор, может я вам просто трусы отдам? | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1236?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 998 | 0 | 1,712,483,784 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 24 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 3 | 0 | 12 | 0 | 6 | true |
122 | null | старая питерская квартира
у камина сидят люди. кофе, ликёр. беседуют о поэзии
поговорили о мариенгофе, перешли к гумилёву
вдруг в комнату входит домработница:
- евгений аполлинарьевич, вот вы говорили, что я пизда и охуела в край, а запонки вот они, в столе лежали | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1237?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 867 | 0 | 1,713,340,308 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"евгений аполлинарьевич","lemma":"евгений аполлинариевич","label":"PER","start_pos":161,"end_pos":183}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 43 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 8 | 3 | 0 | 13 | 1 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Мужик купил велосипед. Ездил на нем каждый день, радовался покупке. Однажды оставил он велосипед у подъезда, а на утро его и след простыл.
Mужик долго матерился, истерил, но в итоге пошел и купил новый. Hе проходит и двух дней, как новый велик опять угоняют.
Mужик уже на гpани срыва, собирая силы в кулак и последние деньги, покупает еще один велосипед, но на этот раз подпиливает в нем тормоза.
Через какое-то время велик снова угоняют, тут же во всех газетах и новостях появляется статья о том, как велосипедный вoр не смог выжать тормоза и разбился насмерть. Bокруг ажиотаж, пошел слушок, частота краж снизилась. Ну, думает мужик, теперь то покатаюсь спокойно - и покупает на зарплату новый велосипед. Утром просыпается, выходит во двор а его спиздили. | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1238?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 862 | 0 | 1,714,377,707 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Bокруг","lemma":"bокруг","label":"ORG","start_pos":563,"end_pos":569}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 124 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 27 | 6 | 2 | 32 | 12 | 25 | true |
122 | null | Пришла мать с работы, забегает в комнату к сыну, а он там сидит за компьютером и дрочит на гейское порно. Весь перепачканный в жидком кале, даже на пол стекает. Одной рукой затягивает на шее удавку, другой так усиленно наяривает, что аж хуй весь красный.
Мать вне себя от злости орёт:
- Сука, опять, блядь, в комнате не убрался!! | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1239?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 789 | 0 | 1,714,726,618 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| null | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 58 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 9 | 2 | 1 | 19 | 4 | 14 | true |
122 | null | Новый русский купил себе джип и припарковал его возле дома.
Вечером идет алкаш и читает сзади на джипе 4Х4. Долго не думая, достает гвоздь и царапает: 4Х4=16. Утром злой хозяин едет в сервис и закрашивает это место. На другой день история повторяется, и так всю неделю. В конце концов, обессилев, хозяин джипа идет в сервис и просит сделать фирменную надпись 4Х4=16. Довольный едет домой, паркует машину возле дома.
Идет вечером алкаш и видит: 4Х4=16 Достает гвоздь и пишет "ПРАВИЛЬНО".
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/341?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 373 | 0 | 1,711,436,537 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"ПРАВИЛЬНО","lemma":"правильно","label":"ORG","start_pos":475,"end_pos":484},{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":499,"end_pos":507},{"ner":"4","lemma":"4","label":"NUM","start_pos":103,"end_pos":104},{"ner":"4","lemma":"4","label":"NUM","start_pos":105,"end_pos":106},{"ner":"4","lemma":"4","label":"NUM","start_pos":151,"end_pos":152},{"ner":"4","lemma":"4","label":"NUM","start_pos":153,"end_pos":154},{"ner":"16","lemma":"16","label":"NUM","start_pos":155,"end_pos":157},{"ner":"4","lemma":"4","label":"NUM","start_pos":359,"end_pos":360},{"ner":"4","lemma":"4","label":"NUM","start_pos":361,"end_pos":362},{"ner":"16","lemma":"16","label":"NUM","start_pos":363,"end_pos":365},{"ner":"4","lemma":"4","label":"NUM","start_pos":444,"end_pos":445},{"ner":"4","lemma":"4","label":"NUM","start_pos":446,"end_pos":447},{"ner":"16","lemma":"16","label":"NUM","start_pos":448,"end_pos":450}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 83 | 0 | 6 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 20 | 2 | 3 | 26 | 5 | 19 | true |
122 | null | На шее учительницы на цепочке висит кулончик в виде маленького золотого самолета.
Вовочка весь урок не отрывает взгляда от кулончика. Наконец учительница не выдерживает:
— Вовочка, тебе что, самолетик нравится?
— Нет, аэродромчик!
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/342?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 353 | 0 | 1,711,454,535 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Вовочка","lemma":"вовочка","label":"PER","start_pos":82,"end_pos":89},{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":243,"end_pos":251}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 37 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 5 | 2 | 0 | 14 | 1 | 11 | true |
122 | null | Мюллер заходит в свой кабинет и видит Штирлица, роющегося у него в сейфе с секретными документами.
- Что вы здесь делаете, Штирлиц? - спрашивает Мюллер.
- Отсосёте - расскажу - отвечает Штирлиц.
Ну, делать нечего, Мюллер соглашается.
- Так что вы делали, Штирлиц?
- Я с хуесосами не разговариваю. - ответил Штирлиц.
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/343?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 432 | 0 | 1,711,472,687 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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122 | null | Когда человек бывает деревом?
Когда он со сна. | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/48?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 32 | 0 | 1,690,963,620 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 8 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 2 | true |
122 | null | Сидит нарик на камне возле речки. К нему подходит человек:
— Слышь, братан! Ты знаешь, где эту речку можно на джипе вброд переехать?
— Да прямо тут и езжай!
Братан разогнался как следует. Через пару минут только этот джип в реке и видели. Еще через минуту выныривает этот братан и нарика:
— Ты че, мне тут наплел?!
— Сльшь, братан, клянусь — утки всего полчаса назад речку здесь по пояс перешли! | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/49?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 38 | 0 | 1,690,971,785 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Братан","lemma":"братан","label":"LOC","start_pos":157,"end_pos":163},{"ner":"Сльшь","lemma":"сльшь","label":"PER","start_pos":317,"end_pos":322}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 71 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 12 | 4 | 0 | 18 | 9 | 21 | true |
122 | null | Маленькая девочка копается в песочнице.
Мимо идёт мужик:
- Девочка, не дашь дяде песочку?
- А на хрена?
- Нельзя так говорить! Надо сказать - зачем!
- Ну, так будем брать, или базар разводить?
- Да я пошутил!
- Тут один, блин, тоже шутил, так до него теперь хрен докопаешься! | https://t.me/anekdronti/322?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 98 | 0 | 1,718,964,066 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 50 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 10 | 2 | 0 | 10 | 12 | 18 | true |
122 | null | "Так, кто не купил ещё билетик?" - выглянул из аудитории декан. | https://t.me/anekdronti/323?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 95 | 0 | 1,718,971,266 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 11 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Идут 2 грибника по лесу, вдруг из кустов на них медведь пошел! Они корзинки побросали и давай драпать. Вдруг один кричит:
- Михалыч, куда бежишь? От медведя ведь не убежать...
- А мне главное тебя обогнать))) | https://t.me/anekdronti/324?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 91 | 0 | 1,718,985,666 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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