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Spiderman01

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llama_2_finetune_train_224

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I’m so at a loss. I swing between being so scared and sad and worried about her to being angry that she’s choosing this lowlife man over her family. I know it’s not her fault and I’d do anything to help her but it’s so hard to continue being supportive when all of my offers for help are refused. I’ve done so much reading, talked to my therapist, talked to a DV advocate and logically, I know I can’t save her. That she will only leave when she makes that choice and no one can make it for her. But I’m frustrated and exhausted. All I see ahead is a long road of pain and sadness and it’s so hard to deal with - to see her addicted to this horrible person and know there isn’t anything I can do to help. How do I keep going? How can I get through to her? How do you watch someone you love get hurt over and over?

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I’m so at a loss. I swing between being so scared and sad and worried about her to being angry that she’s choosing this lowlife man over her family. I know it’s not her fault and I’d do anything to help her but it’s so hard to continue being supportive when all of my offers for help are refused. I’ve done so much reading, talked to my therapist, talked to a DV advocate and logically, I know I can’t save her. That she will only leave when she makes that choice and no one can make it for her. But I’m frustrated and exhausted. All I see ahead is a long road of pain and sadness and it’s so hard to deal with - to see her addicted to this horrible person and know there isn’t anything I can do to help. How do I keep going? How can I get through to her? How do you watch someone you love get hurt over and over? [/INST] Communication </s>

First time poster so sorry about the format. I just found out that my sister (30F) was head butted by her husband (30m) of 10 years. It was the first time they had gone out with friends in a while (covid) and they were both very drunk. They got into in argument and he literally head butted her, hard enough that she bled a little but not enough to knock her to the ground. She did call the cops and he got a temporary restraining order but she allowed him back in the house under the condition of not drinking. I feel sick to my stomach worrying about her but she said they’ve talked it out and that it’s the only time something like that has every happened in their 10+ years of being together. She is giving him the benefit of the doubt of it being a one time thing that will never happen again but my guy keeps thinking about how dv victims think it won’t happen again. So is it possible that it could really just have been a one time thing where there was just way too much alcohol?

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> First time poster so sorry about the format. I just found out that my sister (30F) was head butted by her husband (30m) of 10 years. It was the first time they had gone out with friends in a while (covid) and they were both very drunk. They got into in argument and he literally head butted her, hard enough that she bled a little but not enough to knock her to the ground. She did call the cops and he got a temporary restraining order but she allowed him back in the house under the condition of not drinking. I feel sick to my stomach worrying about her but she said they’ve talked it out and that it’s the only time something like that has every happened in their 10+ years of being together. She is giving him the benefit of the doubt of it being a one time thing that will never happen again but my guy keeps thinking about how dv victims think it won’t happen again. So is it possible that it could really just have been a one time thing where there was just way too much alcohol? [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

In December my ex fractured my arm, then left, taking all the money and all my support. I put him thru school, gave him everything. He started using drugs and was randomly damaging property in our rental home and my car. It's so tough loosing everything. I feel like a complete waste of space and wonder why I would chose to keep going? There's a lot more, but I think I'll have to end now. Thanx to anyone who takes the time to read. I wish everyone a kind and compassionate day and night. x Eyegetu

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> In December my ex fractured my arm, then left, taking all the money and all my support. I put him thru school, gave him everything. He started using drugs and was randomly damaging property in our rental home and my car. It's so tough loosing everything. I feel like a complete waste of space and wonder why I would chose to keep going? There's a lot more, but I think I'll have to end now. Thanx to anyone who takes the time to read. I wish everyone a kind and compassionate day and night. x Eyegetu [/INST] Communication </s>

I left my narcissist ex a year ago. He didn't take it well and became extremely abusive when I left - he even tried having me arrested on false charges. I got a tempoary restraining order against him but didn't persue the permanent one because his lawyer assured me, in writing and signed by ex, that ex would leave me alone. Ex hasn't left me alone. Several times per month (or weekday, depending on his mood) ex contacts me to try to reconcile. He is able to get around being blocked by changing his phone number, email address, etc. I only read his messages to see what kind of mood he's in and if I should worry about him that day. He starts out nice and says things to get me back. Because I don't respond, he becomes enraged and starts scaring me with the tone of his messages. Me not responding to him makes his anger escalate. He is smart enough to only use veiled threats, nothing that could ever be used against him. Threats like, "you're going to regret this" are considered vague, and legal, by our state law. He has never put his hands on me...yet. I honestly feel that he is the person that would commit murdersuicide as his first act of violence against me (I don't want to post full details here about a specific event involving an argument, gun, and his arrest). He has threatened suicide several (5, I think) times since I've left him (I always notify his family when he does). He has been stalking me recently. He sent messages that mention how I look and that my tire needs air, etc. Things he would only know if he was watching me or having someone else watch me. I've taken some precautions, I've changed the locks and told neighbors (neighbors are keeping an eye out for him). Another restraining order would only make him be more cautious and sneaky. If he wants to commit murdersuicide, the restraining order isn't going to stop him. I legally have a gun but I'm not sure if I could use it on anyone, even to protect my own life. The only other thing I can think of is to get a security system but I really can't afford one. Any suggestions on how I can keep myself safe?

Safety planning

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I left my narcissist ex a year ago. He didn't take it well and became extremely abusive when I left - he even tried having me arrested on false charges. I got a tempoary restraining order against him but didn't persue the permanent one because his lawyer assured me, in writing and signed by ex, that ex would leave me alone. Ex hasn't left me alone. Several times per month (or weekday, depending on his mood) ex contacts me to try to reconcile. He is able to get around being blocked by changing his phone number, email address, etc. I only read his messages to see what kind of mood he's in and if I should worry about him that day. He starts out nice and says things to get me back. Because I don't respond, he becomes enraged and starts scaring me with the tone of his messages. Me not responding to him makes his anger escalate. He is smart enough to only use veiled threats, nothing that could ever be used against him. Threats like, "you're going to regret this" are considered vague, and legal, by our state law. He has never put his hands on me...yet. I honestly feel that he is the person that would commit murdersuicide as his first act of violence against me (I don't want to post full details here about a specific event involving an argument, gun, and his arrest). He has threatened suicide several (5, I think) times since I've left him (I always notify his family when he does). He has been stalking me recently. He sent messages that mention how I look and that my tire needs air, etc. Things he would only know if he was watching me or having someone else watch me. I've taken some precautions, I've changed the locks and told neighbors (neighbors are keeping an eye out for him). Another restraining order would only make him be more cautious and sneaky. If he wants to commit murdersuicide, the restraining order isn't going to stop him. I legally have a gun but I'm not sure if I could use it on anyone, even to protect my own life. The only other thing I can think of is to get a security system but I really can't afford one. Any suggestions on how I can keep myself safe? [/INST] Safety planning </s>

I wasn't sure how to flair this but should also add TW: mention of physical violence. TL;DR: husband's mental problems, drinking, and compulsive lying are worsening to a concerning degree. Things have been increasingly worse at home over the last year and a half, turning physical in spring of this year. One thing that has always been consistent, though, is my husband's propensity to lie. About where he's going, how long he'll be gone, how much money he's makingspending, where he is when I call him... just everything. I always knew he was lying but now I'm realizing just how effortlessly he not only makes up these lies, but I honestly think he believes them himself. I recently found out that a huge fight he started with me in October was over something he completely made up: he got drunk one day at a bar when he was supposed to be at work (not uncommon) and told me that he had called my ex-boyfriend on the phone and that they had talked for 2 hours about me being a "drug addict" (this is something he's started calling me recently, because I was prescribed several medications last year for depressionanxiety and hypothyroidism that worsened after the birth of my second child). He had me honestly freaking out and in tears; he was threatening me that if we get divorced and go to court my ex-boyfriend would be my husband's witness to my "drug addiction" (noting: I take all of my medication as prescribed and have monthly psych appointments and bloodwork done every 2 months, with checkups by my GP). This was weighing on me until one day I saw my ex online and sent him a message asking what he had talked about with my husband. My ex said he hadn't seen or heard from my husband in years. That's when I realized that in his drunken state, my husband had made up this entire situation about talking to my ex (this isn't the first time husband has claimed he talks to said ex about me), and the story and details he told me were so intricate my husband surely must have partly believed it himself. And I can see my husband doing that: calling someone on the phone that he knows and talking for 2 hours, then later forgetting who he was talking to so in his drunkenness, deciding he talked to my ex. He's often come home very drunk and not known who I am, so it's not hard to imagine. I was so angry, feeling like what else has he gaslighted me with? For the last few weeks, I've been abroad with the kids, visiting my parents for the holidays and generally just to get away from him for awhile. He calls to video chat with the kids and will talk to me like nothing is wrong, as usual. The most recent lie that got me was that last week, he lost his phone "at work". His $800 phone that isn't paid off yet. Giving him the benefit of the doubt I realized that if google locations was enabled on that phone, I could probably track it's last location. So I went into his email (which I set up; he doesn't know how to use email and only me and his friend actually monitor this account for him when he needs to be sending or receiving emails) and I noticed that he's been at the bar every day since we've been gone, at least an hour, up to 5 hours at a time. This also isn't uncommon for him except that last night on the phone he told me he was "so tired" because he's been getting up to work this really hard project he's on (he's in construction) at 6 AM every day "even on weekends" and while he's telling me this, I am literally staring at his google locations (now he has a new phone, that he spent a chunk of our rent money on) and seeing that he has been at the bar every morning from 9:30, going to his work location at 11:45 earliest, and often back to the bar in the afternoon until closing. Which means he's also spending our rent money at the bar. And yes, I do realize that this compulsive lying is part of a mental illness; he has been diagnosed with adult ADHD but doesn't take his medication and often forgets entire days at a time, so it is really sad to watch his mind just be completely disjunct in this way. It seems like he's getting worse and of course the alcohol is confusing him more. I used to think all these accusations he made of me were true and then for awhile I was angry I was being gaslit but now I know it's increasingly worse mental illness on his part and it's just so shocking it's sad. At the same time I've had it with trying to help him when he won't admit to himself there are even any problems.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I wasn't sure how to flair this but should also add TW: mention of physical violence. TL;DR: husband's mental problems, drinking, and compulsive lying are worsening to a concerning degree. Things have been increasingly worse at home over the last year and a half, turning physical in spring of this year. One thing that has always been consistent, though, is my husband's propensity to lie. About where he's going, how long he'll be gone, how much money he's makingspending, where he is when I call him... just everything. I always knew he was lying but now I'm realizing just how effortlessly he not only makes up these lies, but I honestly think he believes them himself. I recently found out that a huge fight he started with me in October was over something he completely made up: he got drunk one day at a bar when he was supposed to be at work (not uncommon) and told me that he had called my ex-boyfriend on the phone and that they had talked for 2 hours about me being a "drug addict" (this is something he's started calling me recently, because I was prescribed several medications last year for depressionanxiety and hypothyroidism that worsened after the birth of my second child). He had me honestly freaking out and in tears; he was threatening me that if we get divorced and go to court my ex-boyfriend would be my husband's witness to my "drug addiction" (noting: I take all of my medication as prescribed and have monthly psych appointments and bloodwork done every 2 months, with checkups by my GP). This was weighing on me until one day I saw my ex online and sent him a message asking what he had talked about with my husband. My ex said he hadn't seen or heard from my husband in years. That's when I realized that in his drunken state, my husband had made up this entire situation about talking to my ex (this isn't the first time husband has claimed he talks to said ex about me), and the story and details he told me were so intricate my husband surely must have partly believed it himself. And I can see my husband doing that: calling someone on the phone that he knows and talking for 2 hours, then later forgetting who he was talking to so in his drunkenness, deciding he talked to my ex. He's often come home very drunk and not known who I am, so it's not hard to imagine. I was so angry, feeling like what else has he gaslighted me with? For the last few weeks, I've been abroad with the kids, visiting my parents for the holidays and generally just to get away from him for awhile. He calls to video chat with the kids and will talk to me like nothing is wrong, as usual. The most recent lie that got me was that last week, he lost his phone "at work". His $800 phone that isn't paid off yet. Giving him the benefit of the doubt I realized that if google locations was enabled on that phone, I could probably track it's last location. So I went into his email (which I set up; he doesn't know how to use email and only me and his friend actually monitor this account for him when he needs to be sending or receiving emails) and I noticed that he's been at the bar every day since we've been gone, at least an hour, up to 5 hours at a time. This also isn't uncommon for him except that last night on the phone he told me he was "so tired" because he's been getting up to work this really hard project he's on (he's in construction) at 6 AM every day "even on weekends" and while he's telling me this, I am literally staring at his google locations (now he has a new phone, that he spent a chunk of our rent money on) and seeing that he has been at the bar every morning from 9:30, going to his work location at 11:45 earliest, and often back to the bar in the afternoon until closing. Which means he's also spending our rent money at the bar. And yes, I do realize that this compulsive lying is part of a mental illness; he has been diagnosed with adult ADHD but doesn't take his medication and often forgets entire days at a time, so it is really sad to watch his mind just be completely disjunct in this way. It seems like he's getting worse and of course the alcohol is confusing him more. I used to think all these accusations he made of me were true and then for awhile I was angry I was being gaslit but now I know it's increasingly worse mental illness on his part and it's just so shocking it's sad. At the same time I've had it with trying to help him when he won't admit to himself there are even any problems. [/INST] Communication </s>

I am new in this sub. I think I am in denial and would like to hear if someone else has gone through similar. I had a 6year relationship with my bf (36), I am 31. He would have rage attacks, psychiatrist thinks its either borderline or narcissistic personality disorder or both. we broke up but I have a hard time accepting that he was abusive. The violence feels mild, I know any kind of violence is violence. he would twist my wrists which hurt a lot(this happened several times), hit once with the fist on top of my head, once hit my arms and once kicked my belly. the thing is I feel like part of it was my fault because he never attacked me, we would argue and he would want to get out of the room and I stood in front of him because I wanted to talk it through, when we argued I didnt let him leave, which I know now is not right I was afraid he would leave and not come back, because he left twice for a week and ignored me and I felt very anxious.… I ams 163cm he is 180cm so its not like I am stronger .. but now I feel like I caused these situations and also miss my ex…is this real, trauma bond, denial, dissociation, depression or what?? thank you!!

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I am new in this sub. I think I am in denial and would like to hear if someone else has gone through similar. I had a 6year relationship with my bf (36), I am 31. He would have rage attacks, psychiatrist thinks its either borderline or narcissistic personality disorder or both. we broke up but I have a hard time accepting that he was abusive. The violence feels mild, I know any kind of violence is violence. he would twist my wrists which hurt a lot(this happened several times), hit once with the fist on top of my head, once hit my arms and once kicked my belly. the thing is I feel like part of it was my fault because he never attacked me, we would argue and he would want to get out of the room and I stood in front of him because I wanted to talk it through, when we argued I didnt let him leave, which I know now is not right I was afraid he would leave and not come back, because he left twice for a week and ignored me and I felt very anxious.… I ams 163cm he is 180cm so its not like I am stronger .. but now I feel like I caused these situations and also miss my ex…is this real, trauma bond, denial, dissociation, depression or what?? thank you!! [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

As I said in my last post I would try and break up with my "abusive" boyfriend but I couldn't do it. I went to his house and After eating lunch with him and hanging out I tried to breakup with him. I told him I wanted to talk to him about something and he said "Be very careful with your words." and he sorta looked down at me, he's taller, I got scared. I've had a little fear that he would get angry at me and hit me or force himself onto me so I hesitated and didn't tell him that I wanted to breakup. I simply said Never mind. Is there anything I could do to make it easier to breakup with him.

Safety planning

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> As I said in my last post I would try and break up with my "abusive" boyfriend but I couldn't do it. I went to his house and After eating lunch with him and hanging out I tried to breakup with him. I told him I wanted to talk to him about something and he said "Be very careful with your words." and he sorta looked down at me, he's taller, I got scared. I've had a little fear that he would get angry at me and hit me or force himself onto me so I hesitated and didn't tell him that I wanted to breakup. I simply said Never mind. Is there anything I could do to make it easier to breakup with him. [/INST] Safety planning </s>

It’s the first time anything physical happened. We got into a heated argument. When I saw he was quickly losing his temper and escalating, I told him to leave and take a drive to cool off. I pushed him toward the door and hit his arm. I was so afraid our daughter would hear him yelling, so I wanted him out of the house. Instead of turning around and going out the door, he shoved me back so hard that I broke a bone. He’s over a foot taller than me and has 60lbs on me…but I did admittedly it him in the arm first. I’m just confused about what happened. I know I didn’t make a good choice either. But I flung across that room like a rag doll. He wants to go to counseling. I don’t know what to do.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> It’s the first time anything physical happened. We got into a heated argument. When I saw he was quickly losing his temper and escalating, I told him to leave and take a drive to cool off. I pushed him toward the door and hit his arm. I was so afraid our daughter would hear him yelling, so I wanted him out of the house. Instead of turning around and going out the door, he shoved me back so hard that I broke a bone. He’s over a foot taller than me and has 60lbs on me…but I did admittedly it him in the arm first. I’m just confused about what happened. I know I didn’t make a good choice either. But I flung across that room like a rag doll. He wants to go to counseling. I don’t know what to do. [/INST] Communication </s>

Hi, I am looking for some insight, if anyone can help me. First and foremost, I had an affair with a coworker. It was short, we ended it because we knew it wasn't sustainable, and I hated lying to my husband so I confessed to him. I know it has been devastating to him. We are now in couples counselling, although we are just barely getting to the treatment phase. I am also in individual counselling. Since confessing to my husband, we have had multiple escalated episodes. Most often he yells at me and swears at me. Sometimes he calls me names like "whore" and "slut". He often tells me that I don't understand what he's going through (which is most likely true). Often our son is sleeping across the hall and I tell him not to raise his voice which makes him angrier. He'll then tell me it's my fault because I had the affair and I made him so emotional. But these kinds of outbursts did happen before my affair as well, they were just much less frequent. When he gets mad he often criticizes how I spend money, how I spend my time when I'm not working, how I keep house or don't, or that I'm tired all the time and he doesn't understand why. But it's when he's angry. When he's calm he's very sweet and supportive. But I just never know when it's going to flip. At some point he read my journal and then became very hurt because my writings were not very sympathetic to him, and I wrote about missing my affair partner. So now he has an expectation for me to make up for what he read in my private journal by helping him "rewrite the narrative." In our most recent argument, about a week ago, he became enraged and asked me how my coworker and I "did it." I was sitting in bed and my husband climbed on top of me and grabbed me by the shoulders yelling "Was it like this??" I pushed him off and told him to stop, but the argument kept going for a while... He said "I'm sorry for getting violent but what you did to me was an act of violence." He said I could have killed him and our son because I had been intimate with a man who is not vaccinated against COVID, and because we had unprotected sex. And look, I'm not going to try to defend my choices to have and affair and to have unprotected sex. My affair partner told me his sexual history and I took him at his word, but that doesn't justify it. My husband often defends his actions by saying he doesn't have the skills for dealing with all the emotions, and that he's too busy with work to do any work on himself or self-care. He has a stressful job and works long hours. I've told all of this to my therapist, and she has been alarmed by the number of red flags.... yelling, swearing, reading my private journal, criticizing me, the uncertainty, walking on eggshells, and then grabbing me. She has urged me to have a safety plan in case my son and I need to leave. So this has all been going on for about 3 months. Like I said, our last big argument where it got physical was about a week ago. Since then he has had days where he has been able to self-regulate and not explode at me. Obviously he is apologetic. But I'm still scared. He wants to work on the marriage and move past the affair. He wants me to make an effort to right the wrongs I've done to him. But I just don't know how to feel. I know I betrayed him and broke his trust in me but I have lost my trust in him as well. Obviously our relationship has been toxic. And having an affair is a form of abuse as well, so I know I am not the only victim in this situation. But how long do I give us to fix things? Is his abuse justified given what I've done? Some websites say that since I had an affair, I need to give up my right to privacy in order to rebuild my husband's trust in me. Does that extend to my private journal? Things seem to be getting better, granted it's only been a week, but from what I've read and been told by my therapist, abuse almost always escalates. I've made a promise to myself to leave if he gets physically violent with me again. But besides that I am having a hard time feeling invested in this marriage. I wish I wanted to fix it, specifically for our son, but I feel like I'm just waiting for the next bad thing to happen. Thanks for reading. I'm sorry this is so long.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Hi, I am looking for some insight, if anyone can help me. First and foremost, I had an affair with a coworker. It was short, we ended it because we knew it wasn't sustainable, and I hated lying to my husband so I confessed to him. I know it has been devastating to him. We are now in couples counselling, although we are just barely getting to the treatment phase. I am also in individual counselling. Since confessing to my husband, we have had multiple escalated episodes. Most often he yells at me and swears at me. Sometimes he calls me names like "whore" and "slut". He often tells me that I don't understand what he's going through (which is most likely true). Often our son is sleeping across the hall and I tell him not to raise his voice which makes him angrier. He'll then tell me it's my fault because I had the affair and I made him so emotional. But these kinds of outbursts did happen before my affair as well, they were just much less frequent. When he gets mad he often criticizes how I spend money, how I spend my time when I'm not working, how I keep house or don't, or that I'm tired all the time and he doesn't understand why. But it's when he's angry. When he's calm he's very sweet and supportive. But I just never know when it's going to flip. At some point he read my journal and then became very hurt because my writings were not very sympathetic to him, and I wrote about missing my affair partner. So now he has an expectation for me to make up for what he read in my private journal by helping him "rewrite the narrative." In our most recent argument, about a week ago, he became enraged and asked me how my coworker and I "did it." I was sitting in bed and my husband climbed on top of me and grabbed me by the shoulders yelling "Was it like this??" I pushed him off and told him to stop, but the argument kept going for a while... He said "I'm sorry for getting violent but what you did to me was an act of violence." He said I could have killed him and our son because I had been intimate with a man who is not vaccinated against COVID, and because we had unprotected sex. And look, I'm not going to try to defend my choices to have and affair and to have unprotected sex. My affair partner told me his sexual history and I took him at his word, but that doesn't justify it. My husband often defends his actions by saying he doesn't have the skills for dealing with all the emotions, and that he's too busy with work to do any work on himself or self-care. He has a stressful job and works long hours. I've told all of this to my therapist, and she has been alarmed by the number of red flags.... yelling, swearing, reading my private journal, criticizing me, the uncertainty, walking on eggshells, and then grabbing me. She has urged me to have a safety plan in case my son and I need to leave. So this has all been going on for about 3 months. Like I said, our last big argument where it got physical was about a week ago. Since then he has had days where he has been able to self-regulate and not explode at me. Obviously he is apologetic. But I'm still scared. He wants to work on the marriage and move past the affair. He wants me to make an effort to right the wrongs I've done to him. But I just don't know how to feel. I know I betrayed him and broke his trust in me but I have lost my trust in him as well. Obviously our relationship has been toxic. And having an affair is a form of abuse as well, so I know I am not the only victim in this situation. But how long do I give us to fix things? Is his abuse justified given what I've done? Some websites say that since I had an affair, I need to give up my right to privacy in order to rebuild my husband's trust in me. Does that extend to my private journal? Things seem to be getting better, granted it's only been a week, but from what I've read and been told by my therapist, abuse almost always escalates. I've made a promise to myself to leave if he gets physically violent with me again. But besides that I am having a hard time feeling invested in this marriage. I wish I wanted to fix it, specifically for our son, but I feel like I'm just waiting for the next bad thing to happen. Thanks for reading. I'm sorry this is so long. [/INST] Communication </s>

I don’t know if this is self loathing. I escaped my abusive relationship 10 months ago. Since then has been mainly healing and also avoiding hoovering attempts. Well one thing that has bothered me incredibly is when I think back to the abuse. I remember multiple times my ex was screaming at me, or blocking me from leaving with other people IN THE ROOM. They didn’t encourage the abuse it’s just… they didn’t exactly discourage it. I don’t know if I am expecting to much from these people I thought were my friends. I since the breakup have cut all ties with those friends and mutual friends. I don’t know what I was expecting, but like…. No one even sent a freaking are you ok text? Or does he do this all the time. It’s like…. They didn’t care….. they liked him more then me Idk… I hate it

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I don’t know if this is self loathing. I escaped my abusive relationship 10 months ago. Since then has been mainly healing and also avoiding hoovering attempts. Well one thing that has bothered me incredibly is when I think back to the abuse. I remember multiple times my ex was screaming at me, or blocking me from leaving with other people IN THE ROOM. They didn’t encourage the abuse it’s just… they didn’t exactly discourage it. I don’t know if I am expecting to much from these people I thought were my friends. I since the breakup have cut all ties with those friends and mutual friends. I don’t know what I was expecting, but like…. No one even sent a freaking are you ok text? Or does he do this all the time. It’s like…. They didn’t care….. they liked him more then me Idk… I hate it [/INST] Communication </s>

I keep reporting my ex for violating his protective I have against him and everytime I feel like they don’t care about my situation. Like I feel like giving up and starting a new but I want to be around for my family.

Police

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I keep reporting my ex for violating his protective I have against him and everytime I feel like they don’t care about my situation. Like I feel like giving up and starting a new but I want to be around for my family. [/INST] Police </s>

Hi all, I'm in the process of getting a therapist for this but I need advice for now and to vent. I was in a relationship for 3 years with this person. We broke up in 2020 but he began to display obsessive stalker behavior all throughout 2021. In January of this year he assaulted me resulting in injuries that I'm still dealing with. For the most part, I feel fine but there are some days where I miss him. Other days, I don't care what happens to him. He's in jail now and I hate to say this but I almost look forward to seeing him in court later this month. It just breaks my heart bc I only ever wanted him to heal from his traumas but everything turned out like this. My heart is also broken for me because despite him almost killing me I know I'm disrespecting myself by feeling like this. I just don't know how to cope. This is all still very fresh and he definitely manipulated and gaslit me but why! do! i! feel! like! this! How can I move on? I literally broke up with him because I fell out of love but since this incident my feelings have been all over. :

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Hi all, I'm in the process of getting a therapist for this but I need advice for now and to vent. I was in a relationship for 3 years with this person. We broke up in 2020 but he began to display obsessive stalker behavior all throughout 2021. In January of this year he assaulted me resulting in injuries that I'm still dealing with. For the most part, I feel fine but there are some days where I miss him. Other days, I don't care what happens to him. He's in jail now and I hate to say this but I almost look forward to seeing him in court later this month. It just breaks my heart bc I only ever wanted him to heal from his traumas but everything turned out like this. My heart is also broken for me because despite him almost killing me I know I'm disrespecting myself by feeling like this. I just don't know how to cope. This is all still very fresh and he definitely manipulated and gaslit me but why! do! i! feel! like! this! How can I move on? I literally broke up with him because I fell out of love but since this incident my feelings have been all over. : [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

Holidays have always been shitty for me. This year I planned the most beautiful sushi spread and made everything perfect and I couldn’t even eat it. I was too busy crying and being yelled at by the one who tells me he loves me. Apparently doing everything and forgetting one thing means I’m the worst. Apparently trying to fix things means I’m annoying and nagging and dumb. That night I tried to hug him and got shoved to the ground and called a dumb bitch. Hand crushed when I tried to make him see I loved him. Bruises everywhere on my hand my legs on my thighs. Left alone to cry while he slept peacefully. Next day he apologized only to hurt me again. What did I do to “make” him? Cry and feel sad because he hit me. So now I’m told he doesn’t love me or care for me or want me. Im annoying nagging stupid bratty bitch. I have never been scared of a man until now. Being told i wanna kill you and feeling him grab me is the lowest I’ve ever felt. Still I can’t leave. Why?

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Holidays have always been shitty for me. This year I planned the most beautiful sushi spread and made everything perfect and I couldn’t even eat it. I was too busy crying and being yelled at by the one who tells me he loves me. Apparently doing everything and forgetting one thing means I’m the worst. Apparently trying to fix things means I’m annoying and nagging and dumb. That night I tried to hug him and got shoved to the ground and called a dumb bitch. Hand crushed when I tried to make him see I loved him. Bruises everywhere on my hand my legs on my thighs. Left alone to cry while he slept peacefully. Next day he apologized only to hurt me again. What did I do to “make” him? Cry and feel sad because he hit me. So now I’m told he doesn’t love me or care for me or want me. Im annoying nagging stupid bratty bitch. I have never been scared of a man until now. Being told i wanna kill you and feeling him grab me is the lowest I’ve ever felt. Still I can’t leave. Why? [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

I have been married for 14 years to a man who has very poor emotional regulation. He yells, swears, throws things, breaks things, has punched holes in the wall. We have four children together and every time he acts out I firmly tell him that his actions are unacceptable. I’ve told him that I don’t feel safe with him, that I don’t know who is coming through the door at the end of the day, etc. He has threatened suicide in the past (though never attempted) and has been self-harming (cutting) on and off for the past 2-3 years. He has refused therapy until very recently. I have been seeing a therapist weekly for the past year and she constantly refers to his behavior as abuse andor domestic violence. I haven’t been comfortable with this terminology, but am slowly coming to terms with it. He is finally getting help, but I’m realizing it might be too late. The patterns of abuse have eroded any connection between us and I don’t want to stay, though I am currently for financial reasons. Is it clear to you that this type of behavior is abusive? What would you do?

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I have been married for 14 years to a man who has very poor emotional regulation. He yells, swears, throws things, breaks things, has punched holes in the wall. We have four children together and every time he acts out I firmly tell him that his actions are unacceptable. I’ve told him that I don’t feel safe with him, that I don’t know who is coming through the door at the end of the day, etc. He has threatened suicide in the past (though never attempted) and has been self-harming (cutting) on and off for the past 2-3 years. He has refused therapy until very recently. I have been seeing a therapist weekly for the past year and she constantly refers to his behavior as abuse andor domestic violence. I haven’t been comfortable with this terminology, but am slowly coming to terms with it. He is finally getting help, but I’m realizing it might be too late. The patterns of abuse have eroded any connection between us and I don’t want to stay, though I am currently for financial reasons. Is it clear to you that this type of behavior is abusive? What would you do? [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

It was a long time coming. Devastated doesn’t begin to describe how I feel. I keep trying to think this is best for me and the kids but I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep never have to wake up to the truth of it. Me and the kids move out February 12th. That’s all. It sucks. It sucks so hard.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> It was a long time coming. Devastated doesn’t begin to describe how I feel. I keep trying to think this is best for me and the kids but I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep never have to wake up to the truth of it. Me and the kids move out February 12th. That’s all. It sucks. It sucks so hard. [/INST] Communication </s>

So my depression this year is so much worse because of what’s going on in my life. I still feel guilty for calling the police on my husband and it saddens me that especially right now he’s in jail. At the same time I’m angry and don’t know what to do with the palpable anger I’m feeling. I’m not sleeping at all at this point and be questioned if honestly calling the law was the right thing. I miss him horribly and I know it’s irrational. I’m all over the place and it’s the holidays. I just want to crawl under a rock until it’s all over.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> So my depression this year is so much worse because of what’s going on in my life. I still feel guilty for calling the police on my husband and it saddens me that especially right now he’s in jail. At the same time I’m angry and don’t know what to do with the palpable anger I’m feeling. I’m not sleeping at all at this point and be questioned if honestly calling the law was the right thing. I miss him horribly and I know it’s irrational. I’m all over the place and it’s the holidays. I just want to crawl under a rock until it’s all over. [/INST] Communication </s>

It’s been almost three years since I cut contact and I’m still scared of her. She hasn’t found a way to contact me but I’m still so scared that she’ll try to ruin my life again. I’m finally in a place where I feel secure in my home, have a loving partner, a good job, but I still can’t shake this uneasy feeling that she’ll come back one day, and I don’t know how to handle that. And I still empathize with her. I know she’s been through pain and trauma, and I just can’t get angry at her. She’s mean, manipulative, absolutely narcissistic, and she’s too smart when it comes to planning all of this. She’s used her position to threaten rape accusations, blackmail, convinced me that the people that cared about me would hate me if she said these things. Ironic thing is she helps people that have been in domestic violence, but she has used these experiences to hurt me. I realized that I needed to leave when I almost jumped off a three story building while on the phone with her screaming at me, and in her attempt to convince me not to: she said that if I survived, she would make sure that I would be staying in the mental ward for a long time, and that scared me more than anything. She knew exactly what scared me, because she put it there in the first place when she talked about all the time, the horrors her sister went through at the ward. And it was her word against mine, who would believe me? I feel ashamed to be a man too. I feel guilty talking about all of this. Every time I try to look online, I can’t find any resources for me as a man and I feel so selfish trying to get help. Who would believe me? She helps domestic violence victims and survivors. I’ve been too scared to take the first step into therapy. So I’ve handled this healing process alone and I feel so angry at myself. I felt what my abuser felt when she was trying to heal from her own abuse, and I can only feel sorry for her. I just want to feel loved in times when I’m like this, and I’m struggling really badly. I’m so scared. I want to be heard though.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> It’s been almost three years since I cut contact and I’m still scared of her. She hasn’t found a way to contact me but I’m still so scared that she’ll try to ruin my life again. I’m finally in a place where I feel secure in my home, have a loving partner, a good job, but I still can’t shake this uneasy feeling that she’ll come back one day, and I don’t know how to handle that. And I still empathize with her. I know she’s been through pain and trauma, and I just can’t get angry at her. She’s mean, manipulative, absolutely narcissistic, and she’s too smart when it comes to planning all of this. She’s used her position to threaten rape accusations, blackmail, convinced me that the people that cared about me would hate me if she said these things. Ironic thing is she helps people that have been in domestic violence, but she has used these experiences to hurt me. I realized that I needed to leave when I almost jumped off a three story building while on the phone with her screaming at me, and in her attempt to convince me not to: she said that if I survived, she would make sure that I would be staying in the mental ward for a long time, and that scared me more than anything. She knew exactly what scared me, because she put it there in the first place when she talked about all the time, the horrors her sister went through at the ward. And it was her word against mine, who would believe me? I feel ashamed to be a man too. I feel guilty talking about all of this. Every time I try to look online, I can’t find any resources for me as a man and I feel so selfish trying to get help. Who would believe me? She helps domestic violence victims and survivors. I’ve been too scared to take the first step into therapy. So I’ve handled this healing process alone and I feel so angry at myself. I felt what my abuser felt when she was trying to heal from her own abuse, and I can only feel sorry for her. I just want to feel loved in times when I’m like this, and I’m struggling really badly. I’m so scared. I want to be heard though. [/INST] Communication </s>

Disclaimer: I am generally known for having a messy car. When I left the house in the morning, I didn't know it was going to be the day I escaped. The abuse occurred the night before and I just woke up the next morning and went to work. While sitting at my desk, I had the epiphany that I wasn't going home (my house that I owned, but i digress). I didn't know where I was going to go but I knew I wasn't going home. And I knew he wasn't going to leave, getting him to leave the house is a story for a different time, but it took about a month. Thank god, I just randomly had a ton of dry cleaning in my car. And I don't normally do dry cleaning, it was a total fluke. But there it was, most of my work clothes perfectly pressed, waiting for me to figure shit out. I didn't go home for a month, but I had clothes. I don't really don't know what I would have done without those clothes. Like most abusers, he isolated me from making friends. We had moved to a different state and I didn't have any friends or family within 600 miles. Obviously, this wont be an option for everyone. But if you are thinking about leaving and don't want to bring attention - dry cleaning helped me for sure. You can leave it in your car or if you know you are going to leave on a certain day you can drop the dry cleaning off early to make it just look like a chore and not like you are packing up. If he uses a dry cleaner, go to a different one in a different part of town.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> Disclaimer: I am generally known for having a messy car. When I left the house in the morning, I didn't know it was going to be the day I escaped. The abuse occurred the night before and I just woke up the next morning and went to work. While sitting at my desk, I had the epiphany that I wasn't going home (my house that I owned, but i digress). I didn't know where I was going to go but I knew I wasn't going home. And I knew he wasn't going to leave, getting him to leave the house is a story for a different time, but it took about a month. Thank god, I just randomly had a ton of dry cleaning in my car. And I don't normally do dry cleaning, it was a total fluke. But there it was, most of my work clothes perfectly pressed, waiting for me to figure shit out. I didn't go home for a month, but I had clothes. I don't really don't know what I would have done without those clothes. Like most abusers, he isolated me from making friends. We had moved to a different state and I didn't have any friends or family within 600 miles. Obviously, this wont be an option for everyone. But if you are thinking about leaving and don't want to bring attention - dry cleaning helped me for sure. You can leave it in your car or if you know you are going to leave on a certain day you can drop the dry cleaning off early to make it just look like a chore and not like you are packing up. If he uses a dry cleaner, go to a different one in a different part of town. [/INST] Communication </s>

I went through 6 years of abuse with my ex. His last time being physical with me I had to call the police. He ended up in jail. When he got out he wanted nothing to do with me because I assume he feels I ruined his life since he has a felony now even though I never pressed charges. Im so used to him blowing my phone up begging for me back when I leave that it’s hard for me to explain what it feels like now that he’s not. He found a new girlfriend shortly after. I’m starting to feel like it’s my fault that I’m raising our 3 toddlers alone. I’m heartbroken and regretful that I called the police that night. It’s the last thing I wanted to do. My safety was in question though. I couldn’t get him to calm down. Now he’s discarded me like I meant nothing to him after 6 years of putting up with all the abuse,cheating and neglect. I did everything for him. I made all the sacrifices. I Handled all the stressful moments. How could he leave ME? Before I left him? I was the victim. I was the one who should’ve left him… How did the roles reverse to where I’m the one being neglected?

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I went through 6 years of abuse with my ex. His last time being physical with me I had to call the police. He ended up in jail. When he got out he wanted nothing to do with me because I assume he feels I ruined his life since he has a felony now even though I never pressed charges. Im so used to him blowing my phone up begging for me back when I leave that it’s hard for me to explain what it feels like now that he’s not. He found a new girlfriend shortly after. I’m starting to feel like it’s my fault that I’m raising our 3 toddlers alone. I’m heartbroken and regretful that I called the police that night. It’s the last thing I wanted to do. My safety was in question though. I couldn’t get him to calm down. Now he’s discarded me like I meant nothing to him after 6 years of putting up with all the abuse,cheating and neglect. I did everything for him. I made all the sacrifices. I Handled all the stressful moments. How could he leave ME? Before I left him? I was the victim. I was the one who should’ve left him… How did the roles reverse to where I’m the one being neglected? [/INST] Communication </s>

My father is a bully.. He hit my mother and me daily.. Actually iam really afraid of him so i dont talk to him like a father and daughter. He blames us for his rude behaviour. He has destroyed all my self confidence. Now he is saying that he wont pay for my tuition fees because my way of asking is wrong what should i do

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> My father is a bully.. He hit my mother and me daily.. Actually iam really afraid of him so i dont talk to him like a father and daughter. He blames us for his rude behaviour. He has destroyed all my self confidence. Now he is saying that he wont pay for my tuition fees because my way of asking is wrong what should i do [/INST] Communication </s>

I feel the need to scream. To let everyone in my life or who knows me know how I feel. And at the same time, I know it will not help me feel better, itll only attract attention I dont want. Because though I want to express my feelings to everyone, I dont want petty or encouragement. I want understanding. Thats not what I will get though. Add on this feeling of needing to... get my exs from my previous poly relationship to understand that I didn't intend to cheat and that sex under duress is not consensual. And having to grasp between not shaming myself for allowing it to happen and that its not my fault even though I didn't say no... and having to accept that just because someone thinks it was selfish doesnt mean I'm selfish constantly. Figuring out how to stop calling myself pathetic and meaning it. I was brought up at a time where the "men can't be raped" was still pretty strong. I mean. Stronger then it is now. My exs think I gave into impuls. Is it giving into impuls if you cry afterwords or want to die afterwords? If you feel the need to scrub yourself for hours on end in the shower and never come out? Is it giving into impuls if you have multiple nightmares about it afterwords and get severe anxiety to the point of almost puking if someone even touches you on accident? If it is then fuck. I'm a cheater...

DV knowledge

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I feel the need to scream. To let everyone in my life or who knows me know how I feel. And at the same time, I know it will not help me feel better, itll only attract attention I dont want. Because though I want to express my feelings to everyone, I dont want petty or encouragement. I want understanding. Thats not what I will get though. Add on this feeling of needing to... get my exs from my previous poly relationship to understand that I didn't intend to cheat and that sex under duress is not consensual. And having to grasp between not shaming myself for allowing it to happen and that its not my fault even though I didn't say no... and having to accept that just because someone thinks it was selfish doesnt mean I'm selfish constantly. Figuring out how to stop calling myself pathetic and meaning it. I was brought up at a time where the "men can't be raped" was still pretty strong. I mean. Stronger then it is now. My exs think I gave into impuls. Is it giving into impuls if you cry afterwords or want to die afterwords? If you feel the need to scrub yourself for hours on end in the shower and never come out? Is it giving into impuls if you have multiple nightmares about it afterwords and get severe anxiety to the point of almost puking if someone even touches you on accident? If it is then fuck. I'm a cheater... [/INST] DV knowledge </s>

It’s been six months since I last saw my ex. I was okay for a while and accepted it but now I just want to talk to him. I know all the bad things that happened but it’s hard when I miss him this much. I’m trying to stay strong but it’s so hard

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> It’s been six months since I last saw my ex. I was okay for a while and accepted it but now I just want to talk to him. I know all the bad things that happened but it’s hard when I miss him this much. I’m trying to stay strong but it’s so hard [/INST] Communication </s>

I ended things with my bf of 4.5 years last week. After years of me asking him to get a job, to help around the house more, and to just step up, I finally had enough. I went home on my lunch break and we got into a physical argument. He had me in a chokehold at one point, and he left me with a bruise on my arm that’s still there 8 days later.. When I returned to work beet red and choking back tears the facade was over. This week has been full of problems from locking myself out of my house, to hitting a deer, to having my ex steal my dog. I changed my front door locks, and I’m doing my best to move forward. I keep wondering if it was the right choice, but I know deep down it is. I made a note on my phone and every time I think of a messed up situation he had me in, I add it to the note. It’s the perfect way for me to remember the good times while being reminded of the bad times. I’m making this post for accountability, but also in hopes of inspiring someone else.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I ended things with my bf of 4.5 years last week. After years of me asking him to get a job, to help around the house more, and to just step up, I finally had enough. I went home on my lunch break and we got into a physical argument. He had me in a chokehold at one point, and he left me with a bruise on my arm that’s still there 8 days later.. When I returned to work beet red and choking back tears the facade was over. This week has been full of problems from locking myself out of my house, to hitting a deer, to having my ex steal my dog. I changed my front door locks, and I’m doing my best to move forward. I keep wondering if it was the right choice, but I know deep down it is. I made a note on my phone and every time I think of a messed up situation he had me in, I add it to the note. It’s the perfect way for me to remember the good times while being reminded of the bad times. I’m making this post for accountability, but also in hopes of inspiring someone else. [/INST] Communication </s>

I have been estranged from my dad's side of the family for years. Due to generational trauma my mother isn't close to her family. I am now struggling with the relationship with my mother. I am an only child. My mum is the only person really left in my life but I'm starting to realize she is a narcassist, emotionally unavailable and very invalidating of my PTSD suffered from my childhood and abusive relationships I have got in since. I have become spiritual and am aware that my romantic relationships are repeating my childhood patterns but I'm ready to learn because I want children but right now I have poor mental health and am choosing unworthy potential father's. I want to be a good mother, even if that means accepting I can't. I'm hoping my healing will cause me to find true, authentic love and can create my own family one day. I have amazing friends and an amazing career and have done well for myself despite the circumstances. My question to you is: I know the relationship I have with my mum is bad for me but the feeling of having no family makes me feel in despair. I've literally got nowhere to turn, no safety net, no practical support in life changing circumstances. My mum has supported me by letting me stay in her house for a year but bear in mind I've collected debt from leaving the home 10 years ago. I am now 28. I moved here when I felt suicidal after surviving a narcassistic relationship. She took me in but provided no emotional support, made me question if I was the problem and has even let my ex abuser in the house. I have so much cognitive dissonance around this situation. However seeing my friends interact with their families and how things should look like in a loving dynamic I know I don't have that. I'm concerned if I leave everyone for good I will spiral info a pit of depression which I don't think I could survive again... Or I thrive and live my best life because I trust the universes plan? Please someone offer some advice on this difficult situation. I'm aware we should cut toxic people out no matter who they are but practicallyemotionally and financially this is hard for me. I don't want to bite my nose to spite my face! Any advicewords of wisdom is encouraged.

Communication

<s>[INST]<<SYS>>You are a domestic violence analysis robot.Extract the information support needs about domestic violence from the post below. We have 8 kinds of information support needs. The followings are the types and their definition. A.Shelters/DV center/Agency：Any organizations working for domestic violence survivors, including shelters, community centers, agency, NGOs etc. B.Legal:Information related to legal system, laws, justice, divorce procedure C.Childbearing:Information related to the rights to take care children, difficulties to take care children. D.Police:Information related to calling police for action, police reactions, police helpfulness. E.DV report procedure/Documentation:Information related to how to report DV cases, what documents are needed and what evidence are mandatory. F.Safety planning:Information related to safety measures to protect the survivors, steps to leave the relationship safely and plans for safety reporting. G.DV knowledge:Seeking information about DV criteria, red flags, cycle of DV, types of DV etc. H:Communication:Information realted to the communication strategies with family, friends, children and others during and after DV. Learning from the definition and return the the catrgry from the eight types. <</SYS>> I have been estranged from my dad's side of the family for years. Due to generational trauma my mother isn't close to her family. I am now struggling with the relationship with my mother. I am an only child. My mum is the only person really left in my life but I'm starting to realize she is a narcassist, emotionally unavailable and very invalidating of my PTSD suffered from my childhood and abusive relationships I have got in since. I have become spiritual and am aware that my romantic relationships are repeating my childhood patterns but I'm ready to learn because I want children but right now I have poor mental health and am choosing unworthy potential father's. I want to be a good mother, even if that means accepting I can't. I'm hoping my healing will cause me to find true, authentic love and can create my own family one day. I have amazing friends and an amazing career and have done well for myself despite the circumstances. My question to you is: I know the relationship I have with my mum is bad for me but the feeling of having no family makes me feel in despair. I've literally got nowhere to turn, no safety net, no practical support in life changing circumstances. My mum has supported me by letting me stay in her house for a year but bear in mind I've collected debt from leaving the home 10 years ago. I am now 28. I moved here when I felt suicidal after surviving a narcassistic relationship. She took me in but provided no emotional support, made me question if I was the problem and has even let my ex abuser in the house. I have so much cognitive dissonance around this situation. However seeing my friends interact with their families and how things should look like in a loving dynamic I know I don't have that. I'm concerned if I leave everyone for good I will spiral info a pit of depression which I don't think I could survive again... Or I thrive and live my best life because I trust the universes plan? Please someone offer some advice on this difficult situation. I'm aware we should cut toxic people out no matter who they are but practicallyemotionally and financially this is hard for me. I don't want to bite my nose to spite my face! Any advicewords of wisdom is encouraged. [/INST] Communication </s>