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Dear Deidre

I cheated on boyfriend who’s lost his sex drive on holiday with five different men

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1217436/i-cheated-on-boyfriend-whos-lost-sex-drive-with-five-different-men-on-hols/

I SPLIT up with my girlfriend because she won’t let me see my mates or live the life I choose – but I miss her. I’m 29 and she’s 31. She’s got a little girl of three who I love like my own but we never lived together. I’ve always lived alone so am used to making my own decisions. I go out with my friends on a Friday night and have one lads’ weekend away a year. My girlfriend would have none of it, although I always spent all weekend with her. I tried to reason with her and asked if I could go away with my mates to watch some European football and celebrate my 30th birthday but she lost her temper. She constantly says I’m like her cheating exes. She’s so unreasonable, I ended it. But I miss her and her daughter.

Your ex is insecure and afraid you’ll leave if she can’t keep her eye on you. Tell her you miss her and you want this to work. My e-leaflet Widening Your Social Scene may encourage her to find new friends. And of course she may feel taken for granted. Plan a romantic weekend away with her and her daughter to help reassure her you’re in this for the long term.

Dear Deidre

I cheated on boyfriend who’s lost his sex drive on holiday with five different men

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1217436/i-cheated-on-boyfriend-whos-lost-sex-drive-with-five-different-men-on-hols/

MY partner’s family seem to think he made our baby all on his own. I have a child by my ex but our new baby is my partner’s first. I’m 27, he’s 26. I had a very difficult pregnancy – I spent a lot of time in hospital – but our son was born healthy two months ago. We both love him to bits but his family only ever ask how my partner is coping. The minute they arrive, it’s all about what a wonderful dad he is. They didn’t give me any flowers or even congratulate me. I’m so hurt.

They do seem very blinkered – or from a culture which takes women for granted. But don’t just seethe. Ask your partner to point out to his family that your son is as much your baby as his. My e-leaflet Standing Up For Yourself will help. If it makes no difference, don’t let their insensitivity get to you. Focus on your baby and partner.

Dear Deidre

I cheated on boyfriend who’s lost his sex drive on holiday with five different men

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1217436/i-cheated-on-boyfriend-whos-lost-sex-drive-with-five-different-men-on-hols/

I’VE found my dream girl but how can I tell her about my bad debts? I think I’ve ruined my one chance to be happy. My girlfriend is 28 and I’m 29. We are desperate to find a home together but when I was 18 I got a credit card and maxed it out. I then just stopped paying anything. I ended up being in default and had to agree to pay off this debt over six years. It should be paid off soon but I don’t know how to tell my lovely girlfriend. She has mentioned renting and buying furniture but how can I with my bad credit score?

It’s not the end of the world. You made an error of judgment and are now sorting it out. If you’re made for each other, she’ll understand. Find out if there is a quicker and cheaper way of paying off the debt and getting your credit rating back up, by talking with National Debtline (0808 808 4000, nationaldebtline.org). Topic4today ORAL sex is a popular sexual fantasy but can create tension in many relationships, especially when the guy isn’t keen to return the favour. My e-leaflet Guide To Oral Sex will help with techniques and the sexual politics. Email the [email protected] for a copy. Get in touch Email me here, private message me on Facebook, or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

Dear Deidre

I bedded my new boyfriend’s swinger parents while dating my ex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1213763/i-bedded-my-new-boyfriends-swinger-parents-while-dating-my-ex/

WHEN I met my boyfriend’s parents I realised I had been to bed with them in my swinging days. What do I tell my boyfriend? I’m not even sure he knows what they get up to in private. I’m 26 and my boyfriend is 27. Before I met him I was in a casual swinging relationship with an older guy. He was 43. We attended lots of parties and engaged in activities with other couples – including my now-boyfriend’s parents. I first met them at a party in a big house on the edge of town. They are both in their late 40s. They were really friendly but a bit nervous. I don’t think they had been swingers for very long. My swinging partner at the time soon put them at their ease and after a few drinks he suggested we go to one of the play rooms. The one we went to was partially lit. We soon stripped off and started touching and caressing each other. It wasn’t long before I was having sex with my boyfriend’s dad. We then changed partners and I had awesome sex with his mum too. We all agreed that we had really enjoyed the evening and met up a few times after that. I then met my new boyfriend at a friend’s wedding and we got on brilliantly from the start. I broke with the older guy and haven’t been swinging since. My boyfriend was keen to show me off to his parents after we’d been dating for couple of months, so we arranged to go over for Sunday lunch. I couldn’t believe it when I walked into his house and to my horror realised they were the couple I had been swinging with. By the look on their faces they knew who I was too. We kept quiet and I didn’t have the opportunity to talk to them alone that day. How do I tell my new boyfriend?

You don’t have to. I would be surprised if his parents ever utter a word about it. You may feel the urge to clear your conscience by confessing all to your boyfriend, but what would it do to his relationship with his parents, which is probably more important to him long-term than your brand-new relationship is right now? His parents’ swinging is nothing to do with your boyfriend in fact and you’ve finished your involvement with that scene. What might be sensible is to reassure his parents about that if it looks as though yours is going to be a long-term relationship. If something crops up though, which makes you decide your boyfriend should know, then at least warn his parents first. My porn habit is so out of control

Dear Deidre

I bedded my new boyfriend’s swinger parents while dating my ex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1213763/i-bedded-my-new-boyfriends-swinger-parents-while-dating-my-ex/

MY mind instantly turns to porn every time I am alone in the house. I’m scared my addiction will consume me. I got hooked in my late teens. I’d spend hours watching it and smoking weed. I kicked drugs when I turned 20 and got a job but the porn habit remains. I knew I was messed up and had thoughts about ending my life but then I met a lovely girl. We married and have a son. I am 27 now. But my wife knows nothing about my daily struggle. She has just started a new job which means she will be out of the house for long periods. I work nights so will be home alone a lot. I am scared my addiction will cost me everything I hold dear. I’m contemplating suicide again.

Porn is addictive, eats into relationships and wrecks your sex life because it has such a desensitising effect. Ask your wife to help you break the habit. Install blocking software on a shared computer. Have a strategy for every time you think of porn – a run, maybe? My e-leaflet Internet Pornography Worry? will help and if suicidal thoughts persist, see your GP and call the Samaritans on 116 123.

Dear Deidre

I bedded my new boyfriend’s swinger parents while dating my ex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1213763/i-bedded-my-new-boyfriends-swinger-parents-while-dating-my-ex/

A WOMAN claims she is seeing my boyfriend. I’ve been with him for eight years and we have a three-year-old daughter. I am six months pregnant with our second child and this woman has contacted me four times. I’m 25 and my partner is 27. He admits he messaged her once but her profile picture on WhatsApp is of them together. My partner says it is from the one night he met her. She is 31. He says he loves me and that she is causing trouble because she thinks he would want to be with her if we split up. He never stays out but has lied so much recently so I don’t know if I can believe him.

How disturbing that this woman is pestering you. But focus on your health, your unborn baby and your little girl. Believe his actions now and stop your mind going back over his lies. But tell him that he has to keep working to regain your trust. Wife had affair with amputee

Dear Deidre

I bedded my new boyfriend’s swinger parents while dating my ex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1213763/i-bedded-my-new-boyfriends-swinger-parents-while-dating-my-ex/

MY ego took a huge hit after I discovered that my wife was having an affair with an amputee. I’ve seen live video chats with my wife doing intimate stuff to herself for him. They sent naked photos and my wife set up a meeting with him while we were on holiday together near him – she’d made sure we would be. She went to his hotel room where they kissed and intimately fondled one another. My wife made the mistake of confiding in a friend – who then felt I should know. I am 36 and my wife’s 32. We’ve been married for 15 years. I confronted my wife, who admitted what happened and wants me to forgive her. She says she still loved me all the time this affair was going on. But I am hurting. Can our marriage survive?

It can but you will both have to be honest and work hard to rebuild trust. What made her tempted? Did she want to feel special and needed? I’m not excusing her but you have a better chance to save your relationship if you share some responsibility for the state of your marriage. My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help.

Dear Deidre

I bedded my new boyfriend’s swinger parents while dating my ex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1213763/i-bedded-my-new-boyfriends-swinger-parents-while-dating-my-ex/

MY wife jokingly said my manhood is like a mini sausage. I know her exes were bigger than me – I saw a photograph of one of them. I’m 30 and my wife is 28. We have been married for three years. I am very worried because my manhood seems to have become smaller lately. Is this possible? I am just over an inch when soft and just five inches when erect. My wife seems to enjoy sex with me so I didn’t think there was a problem – until she made this comment. Do you think she may be cheating on me with her ex? Should I ask if she would like a male escort so I can help her to be satisfied?

Forget the escorts. Her joke hurt and I hope she regretted it but what matters to be a brilliant lover is to be informed and considerate. It is probably anxiety making it seem smaller to you now. My e-leaflet Manhood Too Small? will reassure you. Topic for today THE day you get married should be one of the happiest of your life but all too often it can bring ferocious family tensions to the surface. My Wedding Worries leaflet explains how to ensure you have a wonderful day. Get in touch Email me here, private message me on Facebook, or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

Dear Deidre

Since I started an affair with a guy from work, Wednesdays are now secret sex days

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1226969/since-i-started-my-affair-with-a-guy-from-work-wednesdays-have-now-become-my-secret-sex-days/

I AM having sex with a colleague after all the others have gone home. It has been going on for several weeks and is brief but so exciting. I am 31 and married with a small daughter. I found this 24-year-old guy attractive the moment he came to work in our block. He is in charge of security. I like him more than my husband who is 39 but in some ways very old for his age. We first got talking when I forgot my shopping and went back for it. He says he wants to make love to me on every floor starting at the top and working down He sat on my desk and chatted and I found it impossible to tear myself away. So the next day I forgot something on purpose. And I did the same the next day. Each evening we talked and flirted a bit and the time just flew. He told me I was beautiful and wished I was not married. I wished it too and I told him so. It wasn’t long before we kissed and then more. The sex is great. It became a regular thing, just on Wednesdays when my mum looks after my daughter and my husband is not home until late. I think part of the thrill is the fear that someone might come back for something they have forgotten. Sometimes we go to another part of the building. He has keys which get him in everywhere. He says he wants to make love to me on every floor starting at the top and working down. Then, he says when we have finished that, we will start again. I can’t help going along with it. He seems to know exactly how to touch me and I think about him on and off all day and at night too when I can’t get to sleep. I don’t want to lose my husband because of him but I can’t give my lover up because my life would be empty without him.

You won’t be able to keep both these men in your life indefinitely and you have your daughter to think of too. If you mean it when you say you don’t want to lose your husband, act now. Tell your workplace boyfriend it is over. He’s unlikely to be in it for the long-term anyway. Sound definite about it and make sure you are not the last to leave the building at the end of each day. Make your life with your husband less bleak. He is not exactly an old man at 39. With some encouragement and a few tips from you, he could probably be a great lover. Tell him you want to spice things up a bit. Decide together when will be the best times in the week for sex. A bit of anticipation sharpens the appetite. My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex will give you both ideas.

Dear Deidre

Since I started an affair with a guy from work, Wednesdays are now secret sex days

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1226969/since-i-started-my-affair-with-a-guy-from-work-wednesdays-have-now-become-my-secret-sex-days/

He is a wonderful guy. We were together for almost a year. He is 46, I am 41. He has had to give up his house and move back in with his mum. He declined my original offer of help saying he got himself into this mess and he will get himself out. That is when I lost it and told him I wanted to finish. I so want him back but he won’t return my calls or texts. How can I get him to realise I still love him when he won’t even talk to me?

He feels humiliated. Go to see him if you can. Write to him as well. Tell him you regret losing your cool and that you want to tackle the problems together. Some people are bad with money because they have never learned to use it properly. Use my e-leaflet Solving Debt Problems. Fiancee’s death has left me homeless

Dear Deidre

Since I started an affair with a guy from work, Wednesdays are now secret sex days

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1226969/since-i-started-my-affair-with-a-guy-from-work-wednesdays-have-now-become-my-secret-sex-days/

We were planning our wedding when she collapsed and died at work. The post-mortem said it was an aneurysm. She was 26, a year younger than me. We were together for three years and engaged for two. Since then, her family have turned their backs on her colleagues, her friends and me. Nothing was said about any of us at the funeral. Our home was in her name so I think I will be homeless and have to move back to my parents’ place. My friends have been wonderful but I am left with nothing because my fiancée’s family have grabbed everything. I sometimes wish I could join my fiancée but I would hate those left behind to feel like I do now.

The loss of a loved one, especially one so young and so unexpectedly, affects people in different ways. They feel she was theirs, you feel she was yours. You need a safe outlet for your grief. Contact Cruse Bereavement Care (cruse.org.uk, 0808 808 1677). It will get easier. RELATED LINKS Gary Neville: Dear Deidre, I am worried my Spanish fling could dump me Where did my luxury life go so wrong? Guilty of having hot sex with my girlfriend’s sister Married bloke beds me and my pal in our school uniforms

Dear Deidre

Since I started an affair with a guy from work, Wednesdays are now secret sex days

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1226969/since-i-started-my-affair-with-a-guy-from-work-wednesdays-have-now-become-my-secret-sex-days/

There is no foreplay or oral sex. I am 26, she is 24. I can’t face this dull lovemaking but I can’t walk out on her because she is expecting my baby. I can’t face this dull lovemaking but I can’t walk out on her because she is expecting my baby Being pregnant has nothing to do with the problem, as it was like that before. She gets annoyed if I say anything about our sex life and tells me to stop going on about it. I am at the end of my tether.

Good sex isn’t just about experimenting with lots of different techniques. The intensity of the feelings you bring to it make a huge difference. But you need to be able to communicate about sex – it could be your girlfriend isn’t enjoying it much or her upbringing makes her feel very inhibited. My e-leaflet Your Girl Dull In Bed? should help you sort this. Partner wants to wear my clothes

Dear Deidre

Since I started an affair with a guy from work, Wednesdays are now secret sex days

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1226969/since-i-started-my-affair-with-a-guy-from-work-wednesdays-have-now-become-my-secret-sex-days/

He also tries on any new high-heeled shoes I buy, saying he wants to give me tips on how to walk in them. I am 31 and he is 35. We have been together for six years and got on pretty well until now. Just lately he said he is jealous of women because they can use nail varnish and makeup. It didn’t ring any alarm bells until he suggested different things he would like to do in the bedroom – things I am not comfortable with. I couldn’t bear to lose him but I don’t know what to do or where it is all leading. I am worried.

A longing to wear women’s clothes is quite common. My e-leaflet Worried About Cross-dressing? will help and you can find understanding through the Beaumont Society which helps cross-dressers and their families (01582 412 220 beaumontsociety.org.uk). But you should make it clear to him when you’re not happy with certain sex acts. If you don’t make yourself understood in the bedroom, he might end up putting you off sex with him.

Dear Deidre

My fella’s threesome fantasy turned me bisexual after mind-blowing sex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1223165/my-fellas-threesome-fantasy-turned-me-bisexual-after-mind-blowing-sex/

I HAD a threesome with my boyfriend and another woman. The sex was so good that I’m now confused about my sexuality. I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months. We love each other but sex became a bit boring. He suggested asking another woman to join us in bed. I was not at all sure at first but he was really keen to try it. He promised it would make no difference to his feelings for me or to our relationship. And he said it would just put a bit of sparkle into our sex life. Eventually I agreed. My boyfriend has done it before. He is 29 and is more experienced sexually than me at 20. We met a woman in our local who was visiting our town for work. She is 27, pretty and sexy. We all had a drink and the talk became very flirty so we asked her back to my boyfriend’s house and all knew what would happen. I got really turned on when she stripped off and we had an amazing night together. The next morning she said it had been a good night, one she would never forget. She gave me her phone number before she left. I could not get her out of my head. I knew she was leaving the area in two days, so I texted her the next day asking to meet. We had a night out and the chemistry between us was absolutely incredible. We went back to her hotel room and I stayed the night. We had the most mind-blowing sex. She said she has a wonderful boyfriend and they are getting married soon, so this was a last fling. If I tell my boyfriend that I am bisexual it will drive him away, but I can’t stop wondering.

One of the downsids of pushing the boundaries can be that you are left feeling confused. Few people are 100 per cent straight so the important question is whether you love your boyfriend enough to resist the temptation to have sex with other people – male or female – while you are together. If you are bisexual, that does not mean that it is OK to cheat. My e-leaflet on Bisexual Issues will help you work out what’s right for you. If you decide this relationship is what you want, why tell him about your doubts and cheating? It might ease your conscience but at the cost of his peace of mind. Delete the other woman’s number from your phone now and never contact her again. Tell him no more threesomes. My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex explains effective but safer ways to liven up sex between you. So upset I have to beg her for sex

Dear Deidre

My fella’s threesome fantasy turned me bisexual after mind-blowing sex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1223165/my-fellas-threesome-fantasy-turned-me-bisexual-after-mind-blowing-sex/

I HAVE to beg my girlfriend for sex and I’m fed up with it. Sex was fantastic at first. We had it regularly and she would climax every time. Then we moved in with her parents so we could save for our own place. The walls are very thin and she became uncomfortable lovemaking and couldn’t orgasm. We bought a vibrator, which helped but it still became less frequent. She said she was happy with it though and we just needed our own space. We are now in our own flat and we are intimate whenever she wants it, but that is only a couple of times a month. We cuddle and have date nights and I do my fair share around the house. I love her dearly but sex feels completely one-sided. I am 30, she is 27 and it should not be like that. She promises to change but nothing happens. I love her but I no longer feel like a man or particularly desirable. She turns me down so often that I am tempted to look elsewhere.

Tell your girlfriend you love her but it is denting your confidence that she so seldom wants sex. My e-leaflet How To Light Her Fire will help. He raced out then made her lie to CSA

Dear Deidre

My fella’s threesome fantasy turned me bisexual after mind-blowing sex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1223165/my-fellas-threesome-fantasy-turned-me-bisexual-after-mind-blowing-sex/

MY daughter’s boyfriend walked out on her and their three-day-old baby. She was devastated and came back home to live with her mum and me, bringing our beautiful grandson. Then she went missing, taking the baby with her. We eventually found her with her child’s father. He only got in touch with her when the CSA contacted him for maintenance. He persuaded her to go to court and say that he was paying, which is not true. He put things in her head and she now says she is not coming home because we are always on at her. She is 18 and he is 24. Our grandson is nine months old now. Social Services say our daughter and grandson should be with us. We are both 42 and feel so hurt.

Your grandson’s welfare is the overriding issue here. If you fear they are not caring for him properly, contact Social Services. You can talk it all over with the NSPCC abuse helpline (nspcc.org.uk, 0808 800 5000). Make sure your daughter knows that whenever she wants to come back home, your door will always be open to her and her baby.

Dear Deidre

My fella’s threesome fantasy turned me bisexual after mind-blowing sex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1223165/my-fellas-threesome-fantasy-turned-me-bisexual-after-mind-blowing-sex/

I HAVE started to worry about becoming infertile as there seem to be so many things that can lead to not being able to father children. I am a 21-year-old man and I have not got a girlfriend, so I am not planning to have a baby soon, but am keen to have a family in future. Now I’ve read that wearing tight jeans, mobile phones, chemicals and even eating cheese can cause problems. I have a healthy diet and lifestyle but should I be worried about these other things?

It’s true that fertility problems are rising because of pressures of modern life but a healthy lifestyle, without too much alcohol or smoking, is the best way to protect fertility. Most couples should conceive naturally within a year. Time enough to worry about the finer details when you are ready for a family. You clearly worry easily – my e-leaflet Self-help For Stress will be useful.

Dear Deidre

My fella’s threesome fantasy turned me bisexual after mind-blowing sex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1223165/my-fellas-threesome-fantasy-turned-me-bisexual-after-mind-blowing-sex/

SHOPLIFTING gives me such a buzz but I know I can’t carry on doing it. I’m a 29-year-old woman and I’ve been out of work for a year. I keep applying for job after job but I never get lucky. Life is so dull that I started to feel nothing mattered. Shoplifting reminds me I’m alive. I’ve tried hard to stop but the urge for the rush pulls me back. What can I do?

Keep away from shopping centres and find something else that gives you a buzz. It will be doubly hard to find a job if you land a conviction. My e-leaflet Guide For Job Hunters will help. And think about voluntary work. It can boost morale and build new skills. See do-it.org. Take up running or swimming or anything that gets your heart beating faster and your blood moving. If you’re still struggling, see your GP and ask to be referred for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Topic4today NEARLY three out of four women experience pain during sex at some time and for some it stops them having intercourse. My e-leaflet Self-help For Painful Sex explains causes, self-help and where to find treatment. Get in touch Email me here, private message me on Facebook, or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

Dear Deidre

I’m hooked on a lad who legged it but too frightened to tell him

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198647/im-hooked-on-a-lad-who-legged-it-but-too-frightened-to-tell-him-2/

I BUMPED into a lad I knew at school and we instantly connected again – so much so we went back to the flat where he was staying and had sex. I BUMPED into a lad I knew at school and we instantly connected again – so much so we went back to the flat where he was staying and had sex. But the last time I saw him he left a few hours later without ­saying a word and didn’t answer any of my texts. I am 19, he’s 20 and we were in the same class in school but he’s moved away and we had not spoken for three years. When we met in a club he was so sweet, we danced all evening and he acted like my boyfriend. He made it clear how much he wanted me and I felt so comfortable with him I agreed when he asked me to go back to his brother’s flat for a coffee. We talked for a bit then we started kissing and the sex was something else. He was staying with his brother for a month while he was between jobs. After that first time we bumped into one another at the same club again several times and went back to his brother’s for sex. He treated me like a princess, always telling me how beautiful I looked. The last time I saw him we didn’t have sex, just cuddled and talked about our lives, and kissed the whole night. Everything seemed perfect, we are so comfortable around one another. We talk and laugh and I have never felt like he only wanted me for sex. The next morning he went out to buy a coffee and have a cigarette. An hour went by and he still hadn’t come back so I texted him but got no reply. His brother came in and said he had gone home. I was gutted that he went without even saying goodbye. He’d given me completely mixed signals. Is he scared of showing his feelings for me? I have fallen in love with him but I am too frightened to tell him in case it scares him off.

You felt a strong connection but he may have taken the message from you that having sex on the first night meant you were up for a casual fling. Perhaps, while he was away from what is now his home it was just a holiday romance. Are you sure he hasn’t got a girlfriend back there? He clearly felt bad about something, to sneak off like that. Phone him to say you are confused and hurt by his careless attitude. Pluck up the courage to be honest. Say you are developing feelings for him. If he does not feel the same at least you’ll know where you stand. He won’t be the guy for you. If he is keen then he needs to learn how to treat a girl. Either way this is going nowhere without you having a heart to heart. I cannot last so wife has cheated

Dear Deidre

I’m hooked on a lad who legged it but too frightened to tell him

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198647/im-hooked-on-a-lad-who-legged-it-but-too-frightened-to-tell-him-2/

I FEEL like I am fighting a losing battle to save my marriage. We are both 35 and have two fabulous boys aged 12 and 13 years. We have a beautiful house and a good lifestyle, but our sex life is rubbish. I cannot last long and have not been able to for years. It has driven us apart. My wife says she loves me but has no sexual desire for me. She has had a couple of flings, but swears they were non-sexual. I found out about the latest guy last week. I told her I was leaving and after mulling it over she said she wants to sort things for the boys. But since saying that she has done nothing to show she is willing to change.

You cannot fix this broken marriage alone. There’s no point staying together for the children if you’re not going to work to make yours a happy home. As long as your wife is willing to try too, together you can do a lot to solve your premature ejaculation. Read my e-leaflet How Men Can Last Longer and see a Relate sex therapist (call 0300 100 1234, or see relate.org.uk). Fiancee freaking over my porn use

Dear Deidre

I’m hooked on a lad who legged it but too frightened to tell him

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198647/im-hooked-on-a-lad-who-legged-it-but-too-frightened-to-tell-him-2/

WHEN my fiancée looked at my web history and found some porn sites, she blew it out of all proportion and keeps saying I am lusting after other women. We have been together nearly two years. She is 22 and I am 25. We get on great and the sex is amazing. When I am bored or horny when she is at work, I sometimes go on porn – maybe once a week. I think it’s totally normal for a guy. She caught me out twice. I have promised I would never cheat and that I love her to bits. To be honest I think she is a bit controlling to go through my history.

She sounds rather insecure but if she’d never sneaked a look at your history before, ask what prompted her to do so now. Looking at soft porn is no big deal but this has tapped into some underlying anxieties for your fiancée. Has someone cheated on her before? Are there areas of your relationship where you could do better? Keep reassuring her how much you love and desire her. My e-leaflet Upset by Pornography? will help you understand how she feels. Do you have a controlling partner? Whether they are emotionally abusive or inflicting physical harm, don’t miss my live phone-in on Good Morning Britain on ITV from 6am today.

Dear Deidre

I’m hooked on a lad who legged it but too frightened to tell him

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198647/im-hooked-on-a-lad-who-legged-it-but-too-frightened-to-tell-him-2/

MY stepson’s weight has ballooned to 19st and he ate his way through a whole multi-pack of Mars bars when we were at work the other day. He is 16 and has lived with us for the past five years though he still sees his mum. She and my husband divorced when my stepson was seven. Then he just ate. He has been overweight ever since and on various NHS healthy-eating schemes. Counsellors say his weight is an attention-seeking tool. He is a clever boy and has friends, but he is jealous of his dad and our two sons, aged three and one. I’m 29 and my husband is 32. We are at our wits’ end.

Comfort-eating has become a hard habit to break. He needs encouragement rather than criticism to develop self-esteem. Encourage his dad to spend more quality time with him and contact Beat eating disorder charity (b-eat.co.uk, 0345 634 7650).

Dear Deidre

I’m hooked on a lad who legged it but too frightened to tell him

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198647/im-hooked-on-a-lad-who-legged-it-but-too-frightened-to-tell-him-2/

I LOVE my girlfriend but I keep getting flashbacks of her previous relationship. How can I get rid of the memory? We’ve been together for two years. We are 19 and plan to marry after I finish my university degree. Being apart from her is hard but we chat every day and have phone sex. I have always had doubts and feel jealous, but I met her ex and he told me all about their relationship and sex life. Now what he told me is in my head 24/7. She loves me a lot and I love her too. I want a happy life for us but without her past. I feel I am going crazy.

Her ex was looking to cause trouble bragging about their sex life. Remind yourself they are not together and that she is choosing to be with you. Jealousy is about your insecurity rather than about her past. You have to deal with it or risk pushing her away. My e-leaflet Dealing With Jealousy will help.

Dear Deidre

I just can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1209629/its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-hubby-of-my-mums-best-friend/

I AM having sex with the husband of mum’s best friend. We both know it is wrong but we can’t stop ourselves. He is 41 but is really fit and looks and acts much younger. I am 19 but very mature for my age. I have been their babysitter for two years and he gives me a lift home afterwards. We chatted in the car one evening. He asked about boyfriends and whether I had ever had sex. I told him I had made love with boyfriends but I was now single. The talk got quite dirty. He asked for my phone number and gave me his. We texted for a while, then we started sending each other sexy pics. One evening last year he stopped the car on the way home from babysitting and started kissing me. I melted and we had sex in the back of his car. Sex with him is far better than it was with any younger guys. We have been romping loads since then, meeting up after he leaves work, and even managed to have a weekend away together. I told my mum I was going to London with a friend and he told his wife it was a conference for work. Then I left my phone at home by mistake one day and my mum found it. Her friend’s husband had sent me a flirty text asking me about babysitting. That was our secret code for getting together. My mum phoned her friend and said she would pass the message on. Her friend had no idea what she was talking about but assumed her husband was planning a surprise night out for them. I told him my mum had seen his text and that he had better arrange the surprise for his wife — which he did. I don’t think my mum realises how far things have gone. She told me to stop flirting and said everyone, including his wife, knows he’s always been a cheat and I was playing with fire. I agreed and broke off contact with him but only for two days. Now we still have sex whenever possible. I really like him and he says he feels the same. How can we stop when it feels so good?

You can stop yourself but you must make up your mind to do so. This man is not free to love you and you are the one who will get a broken heart. He has always been a cheat. He is not going to risk losing his wife and his children. My e-leaflet Your Lover Not Free? will help you to see this more clearly. New pet adding to my problems

Dear Deidre

I just can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1209629/its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-hubby-of-my-mums-best-friend/

MY boyfriend bought me a puppy to cheer me up but it just added to my problems. I was working in an understaffed and stressful call centre so I quit to set up my own beauty business as I’d studied that at college. I advertised but with little luck and was feeling very low, so my boyfriend bought a retriever puppy to keep me company and cheer me up. We live together. I am 26, he is 28. I feel useless about not earning and want to apply for a full-time job but I can’t leave the dog on its own.

Before you give up your dream visit Business is Great (greatbusiness.gov.uk, 0300 456 3565). Could a friend or relative share the dog with you? Check out borrowmydoggy.com. Otherwise make an appointment with your local vet practice together to talk about what is fairest for the puppy. Girl I dumped is the only one I want

Dear Deidre

I just can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1209629/its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-hubby-of-my-mums-best-friend/

I STUPIDLY dumped my girlfriend but she is the only one I want. I am 24, she is 23 and we’d been together for two years but I was caught up in my problems. My parents recently separated – my dad was devastated and I hated my mum’s new man. Then the firm I worked for shut. Everything got on top of me and I told my girlfriend I didn’t love her. I realised a week later I’d made a huge mistake. I tried to get her back but she said I’d hurt her too much. She is now with someone else so I should not contact her.

Why not contact her once more? Tell her you made a mistake and want her back. If she still says no, you can only accept it. Resist rushing into trying to find someone new just yet. You need time to get over the split and to learn from this mistake. Getting out with your friends just to enjoy yourself will help. Sibling rivalry

Dear Deidre

I just can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1209629/its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-hubby-of-my-mums-best-friend/

MY daughter, who’s 18, beat up her twin brother. He hit his head and needed a week off work. He is demanding she pays the money he would’ve earned. I’m 42.

If she is earning, why not pay something? She should realise behaviour like that can land you in court and paying compensation. If they have always suffered from intense sibling rivalry, ask your GP to refer you all for family therapy. My e-leaflet on Managing Anger explains how she can learn to control her temper. Teenage trouble

Dear Deidre

I just can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1209629/its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-hubby-of-my-mums-best-friend/

DAD has never shown any interest in me or my brother and sister. I love him but he only sees me when I nag. I’m a girl of 15, my sister is 12 and my brother is nine. My dad left my mum five years ago for someone else. He has eight children from four different women. The oldest three children don’t speak to him. I’m wondering whether I should do the same but Dad has a three-year-old son with his new partner and I don’t want to miss out on my younger half-brother’s life. Dad says it’s my fault. I went to live with him for a while but his current partner was always shouting at me and I kicked off. She made Dad choose between her and me.

Tell your dad you miss him and your little half-brother and ask if he will make proper arrangements regularly. Try to speak to his partner as well. Tell her you’re sorry and you’re older now and realise it wasn’t the way to handle things. It’s very hurtful to feel sidelined but you can find confidential support with The Mix (themix.org.uk, 0808 808 4994). Young love

Dear Deidre

I just can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1209629/its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-hubby-of-my-mums-best-friend/

I’VE fallen head over heels for an amazing girl but I know people will say we’re too young to be serious. We’re both 15. I met her when I went to stay with my grandparents for the summer last year. We have kept in touch ever since. The problem is that we live 300 miles apart. She has no family in the town where I live so we only meet when my parents decide to visit my grandparents. We can’t afford train fares. We talked about moving away together to see how well it would work out but we’re worried our families will say that we can’t fall in love at our age. We genuinely feel we are soul mates and truly the ones for each other.

Some couples do fall in love very young and stay together but many relationships don’t last, so take your time. Keep in touch but don’t think of trying to move away right now. You’re not ready to live independently – it would only convince people you are immature. Talk to your parents about how you can meet up more often. I was the one making all the effort

Dear Deidre

I just can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1209629/its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-hubby-of-my-mums-best-friend/

I TOOK my girlfriend for a luxury week away so we could spend more time together but she dumped me a few days later. We had been together for three months although we knew each other from school. She is 25, I am 23. It was wonderful when we admitted we had feelings for one another. She was so loving and seemed to want to do anything to make me happy. We live 150miles apart. I work in London, so took her away to a big, posh hotel for a week of luxury but she got quieter as the week went on. She said she was just tired from work but I realised I was the one making the effort to stay in touch. Two weeks ago she dumped me by text. To add insult to injury, she said she wants to be friends. When I told her I was too hurt for that, she got really angry. I asked for answers why and she just said it was too much. I know we will not get back together but why won’t women tell the truth?

Perhaps spending proper time together showed her it wasn’t right for her. But it might not be because of you. She might have realised she didn’t want a relationship. My e-leaflet Moving On will help you. In need of peace and quiet

Dear Deidre

I just can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1209629/its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-hubby-of-my-mums-best-friend/

I’M taking finals for my degree but it is hard to get the peace I need to study. I moved in with my boyfriend and his parents and younger brothers six months ago. We are both 22. The house is always busy so I want to go to my parents’ for a few days to study without distractions. But my boyfriend goes in a mood whenever I mention it. I feel stuck and stressed.

Your exams are very important. Tell him this is not about his ego. My e-leaflets Standing Up For Yourself and Anxious About Exams? will help. Any other woman would have walked ages ago

Dear Deidre

I just can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1209629/its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-hubby-of-my-mums-best-friend/

MY ex-husband wants me to move back in but I won’t because we never have sex. We’d been married for six years when he left me for another woman. They split up after a couple of years and I had boyfriends but nothing serious. I am 40, he is 45 and we have been meeting again for three years but only had sex once in that time. He says things like, “Sex isn’t the be-all and end-all,” and: “We’re happy, aren’t we?” I know it is not a physical problem because he watches porn and satisfies himself. The woman after me was older and not interested in sex so he started using porn. It has wrecked the confidence I built up while we were apart. I have cried in front of him and told him any other woman would have walked ages ago. I suggested counselling and he agreed but he never did it. I love him but I believe our sex life should not be over. I will not move in with him till this is sorted.

Porn is often addictive and is easier because he can think only about himself. Spell out that if he wants your relationship, he has to give up porn and focus on you. My e-leaflet on Internet Pornography Worries can help him. topic4today DO you have a controlling partner? Whether they are emotionally abusive or inflicting physical harm, please try to catch my phone-in on coercive control on Good Morning Britain tomorrow. Get in touch Email me here, private message me on Facebook, or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

Dear Deidre

Wife’s brother is also my lover but I can’t leave my partner and kids

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1212429/wifes-brother-is-also-my-lover-but-i-cant-leave-my-partner-and-kids/

I’M having fantastic sex with my wife’s brother. I can’t stop seeing him but I can’t leave my wife and kids. I’m 35, my wife is 34 and we have two children, aged four and six. My brother-in-law is 28 and single. My in-laws retired recently when they sold their business and my wife organised a surprise party for them at our house. It was a great evening, a lot of alcohol was consumed and at the end there was just my wife, her brother and me left. My wife went into the kitchen to clear up and her brother made a pass at me. I put it down to us all having had too much to drink and brushed it off. He got a cab home later but the next day I kept thinking about him and what happened. I ended up texting him and we arranged to get together the next evening. We met at a pub near his flat. It felt awkward at first but as the evening went on and we had more to drink, I started to feel more comfortable — and it became obvious that we were attracted to each other. When the pub closed, he suggested a few more drinks back at his flat, which is very luxurious and stylish — he has a great job and good taste. He opened a bottle of wine and sat down beside me. We looked deep into each other’s eyes and the next thing we were kissing and one thing led to another. Before I knew it we were having sex. It was amazing and we have been doing it ever since. That was four months ago. He says he loves me and he wants me to leave my wife –– but I feel stuck. I don’t want to leave my kids but I can’t keep going on like this with my wife and brother-in-law forever.

Leaving your wife for your brother-in-law would tear the family apart – as well as being very hurtful for your wife and damaging for your children. If your affair with him is only about sex, you would end up riddled with guilt. Even if you feel it is more than sex, you need to take a step back before deciding what to do. Despite their different genders, your wife and her brother will share certain characteristics – and what attracted you to your wife is probably similar to what is now attracting you to your brother-in-law. Stop the affair and focus on your marriage, for yourself, your wife and for your children too. They will be best off if you can get your marriage back on track happily. Relate can help (relate.org.uk, 0300 100 1234) and my e-leaflet on Bisexual Issues will help too. Do stop cheating, though – being bisexual doesn’t make it OK. Should I give ex another chance?

Dear Deidre

Wife’s brother is also my lover but I can’t leave my partner and kids

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1212429/wifes-brother-is-also-my-lover-but-i-cant-leave-my-partner-and-kids/

MY ex wants us to try again – and I used to be stupidly in love with him – but I’ve been seeing a colleague who is a really good guy and has all the time in the world for me and my son. I don’t want to hurt either of them. I was with my ex for four years until two months ago but he always resented my son, who’s seven, and flirted with other women behind my back. I’m 30 and he is 32. When I confronted him about any of it, he just lied. My colleague is 37, with kids aged four and six. They get on well and he’s fantastic with my son. We went for a drink a couple of weeks ago and kissed for the first time. I have strong feelings for him and he says he wants a future with me. My son says I’m always happy and smiling now. But my ex wants to try again and I’ve agreed – though we haven’t met up yet.

Why even think about getting back with a man who showed you no love or commitment and who resents your son? Finish with him for good but don’t rush into the arms of your colleague. Take time to get to know each other properly before you commit, for your sake and for the children involved. Dreading future without partner

Dear Deidre

Wife’s brother is also my lover but I can’t leave my partner and kids

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1212429/wifes-brother-is-also-my-lover-but-i-cant-leave-my-partner-and-kids/

I LOST my wife to cancer in March. She was the love of my life and I worshipped her. It’s our anniversary tomorrow and I don’t know if I’ll cope. We were together for almost 20 years. We had so much fun. Life now seems so empty and sad. I have grown-up children and they are lovely to me but the house is so empty and quiet when I walk in from work. I cry myself to sleep and dread every day. I’m 59 and my wife was 55. People say to remember the good times. I do but this anniversary will be so different from last year when we had no idea she was ill.

I am so sorry. This sort of heart-breaking loss is the price we pay for the joy of living and being loved. In a while you will be able to rejoice that you and your wife had so much fun together. For now, shed your tears when you need to and be glad for your loving children. You can find understanding through the Macmillan Cancer Support online community (macmillan.org.uk, 0808 808 0000). I’m sending you my e-leaflet Have You Lost Someone To Cancer? and will be thinking of you.

Dear Deidre

Wife’s brother is also my lover but I can’t leave my partner and kids

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1212429/wifes-brother-is-also-my-lover-but-i-cant-leave-my-partner-and-kids/

MY dad says I’m naïve because I think happiness is more important than money. I’m 22. I got good grades at school but I have always loved flowers and I worked in a flower shop when I left school. Now I’ve got a job in a department store. The money is OK but I hate the job. I have no outlet for my creativity. I have been offered a job doing flowers for weddings and occasions. I’d love that but the work is not regular. My dad says I should stay where I am. He says financial security is more important.

Why not suggest to your father that you try doing the flower job for six months? Perhaps you could start by doing that job part-time, but continue part-time at the department store. You have to work hard to follow your dream. Tell your dad if it doesn’t work out, you will do any job while you think about your future and work towards getting further qualifications.

Dear Deidre

Wife’s brother is also my lover but I can’t leave my partner and kids

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1212429/wifes-brother-is-also-my-lover-but-i-cant-leave-my-partner-and-kids/

MY partner pleasures himself while looking at porn and has lost interest in sex with me. We have been together for two years and our sex life was great. For the past six months he has been saying he is tired or not in the mood. I woke up the other night and realised he wasn’t in bed. He was downstairs in the lounge on his laptop. I’ve tried confronting him about it but he looks really uncomfortable and changes the subject. I’m 32 and he’s 35. What should I do?

Tell him how much you are missing his loving and ask if he is worried about something. Stress can affect the libido and it could be easier to find relief by pleasuring himself than having to worry about your satisfaction. But warn him that online porn is especially addictive, has a numbing effect and he is risking your relationship. My e-leaflet Your Man Lost The Urge? can help. topic4today ONE in six UK adults has taken part in a threesome and it is one of the most common fantasies readers write to me about. My e-leaflet Thinking Of A Threesome will help you decide if it is right for you. Email me at the address below for a free copy. Get in touch Email me here, private message me on Facebook, or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

DEAR DEIDRE

I’m having a passionate relationship with a guy I worked for but he has cheated on me

https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/1198292/dad-of-lover-is-raging-at-affair/

I’M having a passionate relationship with a guy I worked for, but he has cheated on me with a girl his family really want him to marry. I’m 21 and my lover is 28. I first met him out clubbing and he took me back to his flat a few times for sex, which was great. He’s very good-looking. His family own an Indian restaurant and he runs it. He told me they were looking for a waitress and asked if I was interested. I jumped at the chance because I’d been unemployed for a while and it meant I could see more of him. We always flirted a lot and sometimes we’d go out for a drink when the restaurant closed in the afternoon or up to his flat after work. We’d always make love but he never let me stay the night. He said his family wouldn’t like it if they realised. I was devastated when his dad brought a girl to lunch in the restaurant one day and told all the staff that this was my boyfriend’s fiancée. I was so shocked I burst into tears and then it all came out about our affair. It was a terrible scene with the other girl sobbing and screaming, my boyfriend and his dad shouting at one another, and me in meltdown. The other staff and customers looked terrified. His dad was furious with my boyfriend and sacked me, even though I was one of their best employees. My boyfriend is still in contact with me secretly, though, and he always tells me how much he loves me. He says he doesn’t want to marry the other girl but has to go along with what his family wants or they will cut him off. I’m still sneaking round to his flat whenever he gives the word. It is as passionate as ever. He wants us to carry on seeing one another even after he’s married. I really do love him but can it ever work? Will his family let it?

It’s very hard when relationships are pressured by such strong cultural and family traditions but you’re best backing off before you get hurt even further. This guy deceived you, leaving you feeling betrayed and humiliated but it’s not as if the two of you built up a strong relationship. He is accepting what his family says so he is unlikely ever to go against his parents and stand up for having a relationship with you. It’s just going to be a dead-end affair for you and you deserve better. Tell him you understand he feels torn but say you can’t see him again unless he openly breaks off his engagement and commits to you. You’re young with your life ahead of you. My e-leaflets Mend Your Broken Heart and Help For Job Hunters will help you to move on and find work too. He makes drugs a priority over me

DEAR DEIDRE

I’m having a passionate relationship with a guy I worked for but he has cheated on me

https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/1198292/dad-of-lover-is-raging-at-affair/

IT would be OK if my boyfriend smoked cannabis only now and again but he’s smoking it every day. I feel it is more of a priority to him than our relationship. He sits in his car with his friend at night smoking until stupid o’clock in the morning. I think it should be a weekend thing if he has to do it. I’m 21 and my boyfriend is 22. We’ve been together for a year. We had a problem a few months back when he took drugs with a friend and we ended up arguing so much that he cheated on me. We have been fine since then but I’m still learning to trust him again. I feel I need to trust his friends too. I’m unsure of how I should feel or react. I don’t want to push him away but he’s pushing me away.

You don’t trust him – that’s a fact. You can’t stop him taking drugs either. This is a choice only he can make for himself. But you must stand firm and urge him to get help from FRANK to quit (talktofrank.com, 0300 123 6600). If the drugs mean more to him than your feelings and he has no intention of changing his ways, then it may be best for you to walk away. I've been made a fool by my love

DEAR DEIDRE

I’m having a passionate relationship with a guy I worked for but he has cheated on me

https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/1198292/dad-of-lover-is-raging-at-affair/

I LIVED with a woman I considered my best friend for three years, hoping for a proper relationship. Now she’s told me that will never happen. I feel she’s taken me for a fool. We met five years ago and I was instantly smitten. We have many things in common - we had both been married before and each had two children. We spent every day together and even moved into the same house but not the same bedroom. I am 49 and she’s 46. My other friends thought I was a fool. After three years I wanted to move our relationship forward and become a real couple. She told me she didn’t want a relationship – ever. I was devastated and told her I didn’t want to see or hear from her again. She’s gone now and I miss her so much. Was she just playing me for a fool or have I made a terrible mistake?

I doubt she cynically deceived you. It’s more likely her divorce has made her wary and she was comfortable where she was. At least now you know and can meet someone new for a proper relationship. My e-leaflet Finding The Love Of Your Life can help.

DEAR DEIDRE

I’m having a passionate relationship with a guy I worked for but he has cheated on me

https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/1198292/dad-of-lover-is-raging-at-affair/

THINGS seem to be fizzling out between me and my partner. What can we do to get the spark back? I am 32, she’s 28. We have been together for six years. I have always lacked confidence sexually but lately my sex drive is pretty much non-existent. We both work in demanding jobs, so get tired, and we often just fall asleep in front of the TV after tea. She helps her brother take care of her elderly parents so our weekends seem to be spoken for before they arrive. I do love her still and I’m sure she loves me. I’d just like us to enjoy more intimacy. How do we get more time for us and get the passion back before it’s too late?

Tell your partner that you love her and aim for quality rather than quantity in your sex life. Plan a night every other weekend, if needed, when you devote time and attention to each other. My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex will help.

DEAR DEIDRE

I’m having a passionate relationship with a guy I worked for but he has cheated on me

https://www.thesun.co.uk/dear-deidre/1198292/dad-of-lover-is-raging-at-affair/

MY husband spends most of his day asleep or watching box sets on TV. He gave up work after our second son was born to care for me as I have rheumatoid arthritis but our son is now four and I am back at work while studying part-time too. I’m 36 and my husband is 38. The house always looks like a bomb has hit it. Trying to get him to do any housework is a nightmare. He becomes very angry and says he will leave if what he does isn’t good enough. I’ve tried doing everything myself but I get too ill and tired.

He may not have been taught the right skills and so gets defensive. Talk to him without being critical about how to get organised. Write a schedule for everything that needs doing and volunteer a bit – but block off the hours you are working and studying. Could he be suffering depression? If so, help him see his GP. topic4today A SENSUOUS all-over body massage can revive a flagging sex life. It is a non-threatening way to get physically close again when full sex feels a challenge too far. My leaflet Massage For Couples is a step-by-step guide. Get in touch Email me here, private message me on Facebook, or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

Dear Deidre

My IT cousin has hit 'delete' after passionate romp

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1238521/my-it-cousin-has-hit-delete-after-passionate-romp/

I WENT round to help my cousin sort out some computer problems, things got steamy and we ended up naked and having sex on the floor. Now she won’t even talk to me. I am 21 and my cousin is 33. She has always been gorgeous and I used to fantasize about her throughout my teens. She married young but her husband was a miserable so-and-so. Eventually they split up. She stayed in their house and he moved away. Now if she needs help with something around the house, she calls on me. I mow her lawn and I feed her cat if she is away. Her computer was running slow so, when she rang, I went round to fix it for her. We had to sit side by side and peer at the screen together. I could not resist giving her a kiss. She didn’t object so I gave her another, more passionate one. We moved on to the floor and in no time at all our clothes were off and we had terrific sex. I was walking on air when I went home. I realised that at last my dream had come true and I couldn’t wait for the next time. Now she has blocked me. I saw her one evening when she and some friends came into the pub. I was with a girl who was a ­student at the same college as me. My cousin then went into another bar and I had no chance to talk to her. As I was getting no response from my texts, I called round to ask her what was wrong. She said she can’t trust me and closed the door in my face. I am devastated. I thought that at last my life was on the up — I had the woman I’d always wanted. Now the future looks bleak. She is all I think about. I can’t believe that wonderful evening meant nothing to her.

You’ll have to learn to believe it, I’m afraid. The sooner you accept that she is not going to be your ongoing girlfriend or even your regular lover, the easier it will be for you. She may be worried about the cousin relationship, even though such a relationship is legal in the UK. Or she may be worried about the age gap between you. Other possibilities are that she may already have someone else in mind or she may not want a proper relationship at the present time. It is also very possible she worries the rest of the family might be appalled at the two of you having a relationship. See friends and meet new people. When you find someone special, go for a proper relationship first, sex later. That way there is a good chance it will last and you won’t have to nurse a broken heart again. Boyfriend thinks oral sex is unhygeinic

Dear Deidre

My IT cousin has hit 'delete' after passionate romp

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1238521/my-it-cousin-has-hit-delete-after-passionate-romp/

MY boyfriend hates giving me oral sex. He has only ever done it twice – and only after a lot of persuading. I almost have to beg him to do it, which makes me feel awful. He said he sees all sexual bodily fluids as dirty. He will only masturbate into the toilet so nothing is contaminated. He likes the idea of oral sex but can’t bring himself to do it. We are 23 and 25 and have been together for four years. He said he sees all sexual bodily fluids as dirty We want an intimate sex life but he just can’t get past this feeling of it being unhygienic.

Try not to see your boyfriend’s dislike of oral sex as a rejection of you. It is only one aspect of lovemaking and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. My e-leaflet Tensions Over Oral Sex? can help him if he feels ready to tackle this needless anxiety. But no one should feel pressured into doing anything sexually they are not happy with. You can enjoy other ways of being close. Is girlfriend's mum going to get me arrested?

Dear Deidre

My IT cousin has hit 'delete' after passionate romp

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1238521/my-it-cousin-has-hit-delete-after-passionate-romp/

MY girlfriend’s mum has told me to “stay the f*** away” from her daughter, who is younger than me, and is threatening to call the police. My girlfriend is 17 and I am 24. I am a decent guy and we love one another, but her mother hates me and went ballistic when she found out her daughter was seeing me. So now we have to contact one another via Facebook and Skype behind her mum’s back. I am worried that she might report me and I will be charged with something just for messaging my girlfriend.

Is it the age gap that is bothering her? If you are not harassing or upsetting your girlfriend, it is hard to see what you could be charged with. Check that your girlfriend would rather cope with the hassle than give up seeing you. If she is certain, keep trying to reassure her mum that you won’t pressure your girlfriend into anything she isn’t ready for. related stories Gary Neville: Dear Deidre, I am worried my Spanish fling could dump me Since I started an affair with a guy from work, Wednesdays are now secret sex days My fella’s threesome fantasy turned me bisexual after mind-blowing sex Married bloke beds me and my pal in our school uniforms I fear he is over-friendly with exes

Dear Deidre

My IT cousin has hit 'delete' after passionate romp

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1238521/my-it-cousin-has-hit-delete-after-passionate-romp/

MY husband is still friendly with his ex-wife and an ex-girlfriend. That upset me enough – then I found he has been meeting his ex-wife regularly for nearly a year. We are 27 and 35 and have been married for almost a year. I am waiting for a visa so am still living in our home country while he is in the UK. He visits as often as he can. I know he lies to me . . . I often cry over it and then he gets angry I was anxious and asked him if he had something to confess. He got annoyed, saying I don’t trust him. I know he lies to me. I try to forget but I often cry over it and then he gets angry. He tells me how grateful he is to his ex for all she did for him. This hurts so much.

Trying to maintain a marriage while in different countries is a big ask and it’s natural for your husband to see friends. The key issue is whether these friendships are actually more intimate than that. Tell your husband you need to agree sensible ground rules to get through this time apart – it can’t be one rule for him and another for you. Is he happy for you to see male friends? Use technology like webcams to keep you feeling close but be clear you won’t tolerate infidelity Duped by condoms trick and excuses

Dear Deidre

My IT cousin has hit 'delete' after passionate romp

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1238521/my-it-cousin-has-hit-delete-after-passionate-romp/

MY boyfriend said we had to use up all the condoms we have before trying for another baby. We did – but whenever I asked him for sex after that, he found an excuse. Every time I mentioned sex it led to a row. Eventually he admitted he doesn’t want another baby. I realise now he never did. Using up the condoms was just an excuse to fob me off. We have a small son and I have always wanted another child. I am 28, he is 29. It feels like he has led me on. He says I am blackmailing him when I say I don’t think I can stay with him if we don’t have more children. I don’t think I can stay with him if we don’t have more children I am so envious of other women who are pregnant. I want it to be me.

Feeling broody is a powerful urge but beware of it spoiling your little boy’s happiness and stability. Two babies limit your freedom a lot more than one. If you pressure your boyfriend, you may lose him altogether. Wait another year and then talk to your boyfriend about it again, although you may have to settle for a much-loved only child if you really love his daddy.

Dear Deidre

I’m having incredible sex with two big-breasted older women... and one of them is my aunt

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1181153/im-having-incredible-sex-with-two-older-women-and-one-of-them-is-my-aunt/

I’M having incredible sex with two older women, sometimes with them together. I am addicted to both of them, although one is my aunt. I’m 24 and when I was 19 my older brother got married. My aunt — my mum’s younger sister — saw me sitting on my own at the disco after the wedding and she asked me to dance. She is a pretty woman with big breasts and held me close. I became very aroused. She said she needed to get something from her car and asked me to go with her. As soon as we were away from the hotel we started kissing, then had sex in the back of her car. Afterwards she told me to go round to her house the next week, when her husband was at work and we would have more time. That was the start of an affair. I knew deep down it was wrong and we stopped a year later, although neither of us wanted to. I eventually met someone else and moved in with her but sex with her was nothing like sex with my aunt. I split up with my girlfriend three months ago and my aunt texted me saying she was always there if I needed someone to talk to. I had a good idea she had more than a chat in mind. She is 46 now but still very sexy. I went to see her and she had a friend there who is 45 and married. She’s a curvy woman too. I poured my heart out to them and they both came over to give me a hug. One thing led to another and we all ended up in bed together. They are up for anything sexually and it was simply mind-blowing. I can’t stay away and it has become a regular thing now. I can’t get enough of them. I visit both of them separately for sex as well as having sex with them together. They both know and are happy with it. I do have opportunities with attractive women my own age but I seem to have a thing for big-breasted older women.

It is against the law to have sex with an aunt who is a blood relation (your mother’s or your father’s sister). Stop it immediately before someone else guesses the truth and it causes havoc in the family, never mind getting you into trouble with the law. There could be lots of reasons to do with your past (and maybe a poor relationship with your mum) why curvy older women press your buttons but this double fling is a dead end for you. Both these women are married, so neither of them can make any genuine commitment to you. Having sex with them is keeping you hooked and stopping you from looking around for someone who will be free to be with you and have amazing sex with you. Lover on side of groping brother

Dear Deidre

I’m having incredible sex with two big-breasted older women... and one of them is my aunt

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1181153/im-having-incredible-sex-with-two-older-women-and-one-of-them-is-my-aunt/

MY boyfriend has dumped me because his brother groped me – then believed his brother over me. We were at his mum’s place, having a drink. My boyfriend and his brother got very drunk. I’m 21, my boyfriend is 22 and the brother’s 29. That evening I went into the kitchen and the brother followed me. He grabbed me from behind and groped my boobs. He pushed into me and clearly had an erection. I tried to push him off but he turned me round and stuck his tongue in my mouth. I struggled free and phoned my mum. She came to pick me up but my boyfriend punched her and gave me a black eye. My boyfriend says I’m a liar and he never wants to see me again. I’m heartbroken.

You had a lucky escape. Your boyfriend assaulted you and his brother sexually assaulted you. Tell the police and ask your mum to report his assault on her. You have had a horrible experience. Contact Victim Support for understanding advice (victimsupport.org.uk, 0808 1689 111). My e-leaflet for women who have suffered rape or assault will help you too. Scary ex threats have me worried

Dear Deidre

I’m having incredible sex with two big-breasted older women... and one of them is my aunt

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1181153/im-having-incredible-sex-with-two-older-women-and-one-of-them-is-my-aunt/

MY former girlfriend is threatening to report me to the police and I’m terrified. I met her at school. She was 12 and I was 14. She is pretty and seemed fun. We started dating when she left school at 16. She’s 20 now and wants to get married and have babies. I’m 22 and have got a place at a university 100 miles away. When she heard this, she got very possessive. She texts and emails constantly, demanding to see me. She doesn’t want me to go to uni and says if I do, she’ll tell the police I groomed her while we were at school. She got really nasty and I finished with her but she can be extremely determined. I’m frightened she will go ahead. I don’t know how to escape from this nightmare.

Chances are she is bluffing but just in case, keep her emails and texts as proof of what she is up to. Tell her she is harassing and threatening you and you will contact the police if she doesn’t stop. The National Stalking Helpline can give you advice and support (stalkinghelpline.org, 0808 802 0300) while my e-leaflet on Standing Up For Yourself will help too.

Dear Deidre

I’m having incredible sex with two big-breasted older women... and one of them is my aunt

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1181153/im-having-incredible-sex-with-two-older-women-and-one-of-them-is-my-aunt/

MY fiancé makes me wait in a park when he collects his children. I feel sidelined. His two sons, aged 14 and 16, live with their mother. I get on well with them and they come and stay with us every other weekend. I’m 42 and my fiancé is 41. He divorced his wife five years ago and we have been together for three years. Since we got engaged, his ex-wife has taken a fierce dislike to me and banned me from entering her home. I’m angry about it but even more furious that my fiancé doesn’t support me. He says it’s me she dislikes, not him, and he thinks I’m being unreasonable.

It’s his decision to marry you she hates. Don’t let her drive a wedge between you. Suggest you wait at your home for him to bring them back – that way his ex-wife can’t win. Family Lives can offer support (familylives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222).

Dear Deidre

I’m having incredible sex with two big-breasted older women... and one of them is my aunt

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1181153/im-having-incredible-sex-with-two-older-women-and-one-of-them-is-my-aunt/

I’M single but my son won’t allow me to bring any men back home. I have three children – a son of 20 and twin daughters of 16. I divorced their dad two years ago but I am 38 and would like to find someone else. My son says he doesn’t want his sisters to see random men coming back to the house and I must never bring a man back with me. I feel I can’t get on with my life with him in the house. I have asked him to move out but he is on a low wage and can’t afford a place of his own or get housing benefit.

Tell your son he can’t rule the household – you are entitled to hope for another partner. But for your own sake, take time to get to know a new man and find out whether he is serious. Only then introduce him to your children but don’t rush into having him to stay overnight. If they like him, it will be easier to take the next step. topic4today HALF of men aged 40 to 70 get erection problems and it now also affects one in ten men in their twenties and thirties. My e-leaflet on Solving Erection Problems explains effective self-help and expert treatment. Email me here for your copy. Get in touch Email me here, private message me on Facebook, or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

Dear deidre

I bedded my new boyfriend’s swinger parents while dating my ex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1199019/i-bedded-fella-mum-and-dad/

WHEN I met my boyfriend’s parents I realised I had been to bed with them in my swinging days. WHEN I met my boyfriend’s parents I realised I had been to bed with them in my swinging days. What do I tell my boyfriend? I’m not even sure he knows what they get up to in private. I’m 26 and my boyfriend is 27. Before I met him I was in a casual swinging relationship with an older guy. He was 43. We attended lots of parties and engaged in activities with other couples – including my now-boyfriend’s parents. I first met them at a party in a big house on the edge of town. They are both in their late 40s. They were really friendly but a bit nervous. I don’t think they had been swingers for very long. My swinging partner at the time soon put them at their ease and after a few drinks he suggested we go to one of the play rooms. The one we went to was partially lit. We soon stripped off and started touching and caressing each other. It wasn’t long before I was having sex with my boyfriend’s dad. We then changed partners and I had awesome sex with his mum too. We all agreed that we had really enjoyed the evening and met up a few times after that. I then met my new boyfriend at a friend’s wedding and we got on brilliantly from the start. I broke with the older guy and haven’t been swinging since. My boyfriend was keen to show me off to his parents after we’d been dating for couple of months, so we arranged to go over for Sunday lunch. I couldn’t believe it when I walked into his house and to my horror realised they were the couple I had been swinging with. By the look on their faces they knew who I was too. We kept quiet and I didn’t have the opportunity to talk to them alone that day. How do I tell my new boyfriend?

You don’t have to. I would be surprised if his parents ever utter a word about it. You may feel the urge to clear your conscience by confessing all to your boyfriend, but what would it do to his relationship with his parents, which is probably more important to him long-term than your brand-new relationship is right now? His parents’ swinging is nothing to do with your boyfriend in fact and you’ve finished your involvement with that scene. What might be sensible is to reassure his parents about that if it looks as though yours is going to be a long-term relationship. If something crops up though, which makes you decide your boyfriend should know, then at least warn his parents first. My porn habit is so out of control

Dear deidre

I bedded my new boyfriend’s swinger parents while dating my ex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1199019/i-bedded-fella-mum-and-dad/

MY mind instantly turns to porn every time I am alone in the house. I’m scared my addiction will consume me. I got hooked in my late teens. I’d spend hours watching it and smoking weed. I kicked drugs when I turned 20 and got a job but the porn habit remains. I knew I was messed up and had thoughts about ending my life but then I met a lovely girl. We married and have a son. I am 27 now. But my wife knows nothing about my daily struggle. She has just started a new job which means she will be out of the house for long periods. I work nights so will be home alone a lot. I am scared my addiction will cost me everything I hold dear. I’m contemplating suicide again.

Porn is addictive, eats into relationships and wrecks your sex life because it has such a desensitising effect. Ask your wife to help you break the habit. Install blocking software on a shared computer. Have a strategy for every time you think of porn – a run, maybe? My e-leaflet Internet Pornography Worry? will help and if suicidal thoughts persist, see your GP and call the Samaritans on 116 123. The day you get married should be one of the happiest of your life but all too often it can bring ferocious family tensions to the surface. My Wedding Worries leaflet explains how to ensure you have a wonderful day.

Dear deidre

I bedded my new boyfriend’s swinger parents while dating my ex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1199019/i-bedded-fella-mum-and-dad/

A WOMAN claims she is seeing my boyfriend. I’ve been with him for eight years and we have a three-year-old daughter. I am six months pregnant with our second child and this woman has contacted me four times. I’m 25 and my partner is 27. He admits he messaged her once but her profile picture on WhatsApp is of them together. My partner says it is from the one night he met her. She is 31. He says he loves me and that she is causing trouble because she thinks he would want to be with her if we split up. He never stays out but has lied so much recently so I don’t know if I can believe him.

How disturbing that this woman is pestering you. But focus on your health, your unborn baby and your little girl. Believe his actions now and stop your mind going back over his lies. But tell him that he has to keep working to regain your trust. Wife had affair with amputee

Dear deidre

I bedded my new boyfriend’s swinger parents while dating my ex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1199019/i-bedded-fella-mum-and-dad/

MY ego took a huge hit after I discovered that my wife was having an affair with an amputee. I’ve seen live video chats with my wife doing intimate stuff to herself for him. They sent naked photos and my wife set up a meeting with him while we were on holiday together near him – she’d made sure we would be. She went to his hotel room where they kissed and intimately fondled one another. My wife made the mistake of confiding in a friend – who then felt I should know. I am 36 and my wife’s 32. We’ve been married for 15 years. I confronted my wife, who admitted what happened and wants me to forgive her. She says she still loved me all the time this affair was going on. But I am hurting. Can our marriage survive?

It can but you will both have to be honest and work hard to rebuild trust. What made her tempted? Did she want to feel special and needed? I’m not excusing her but you have a better chance to save your relationship if you share some responsibility for the state of your marriage. My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help.

Dear deidre

I bedded my new boyfriend’s swinger parents while dating my ex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1199019/i-bedded-fella-mum-and-dad/

MY wife jokingly said my manhood is like a mini sausage. I know her exes were bigger than me – I saw a photograph of one of them. I’m 30 and my wife is 28. We have been married for three years. I am very worried because my manhood seems to have become smaller lately. Is this possible? I am just over an inch when soft and just five inches when erect. My wife seems to enjoy sex with me so I didn’t think there was a problem – until she made this comment. Do you think she may be cheating on me with her ex? Should I ask if she would like a male escort so I can help her to be satisfied?

Forget the escorts. Her joke hurt and I hope she regretted it but what matters to be a brilliant lover is to be informed and considerate. It is probably anxiety making it seem smaller to you now. My e-leaflet Manhood Too Small? will reassure you.

Dear Deidre

I’m so in love with chip-shop girl half my age but don’t know how to leave my overweight wife

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1215263/im-so-in-love-with-chip-shop-girl-half-my-age-but-dont-know-how-to-leave-my-overweight-wife/

I HAVE been having amazing sex with the girl who works in the fish and chip shop next to where I work. She is pretty with lovely blonde hair — and is half my age. I am 43, she is 22. It all began when I saw her coming out of the chippy one evening at the same time as my shift was finishing. It was a cold foggy night and she asked me if I would walk her home — I used to coach her brother at football so she felt safe with me. It soon became a regular thing. I was flattered because I didn’t think a lovely girl like her would look twice at someone like me. She started holding my hand, then putting her arm through mine. She gave me a squeeze when we said goodnight and this led to a peck on the cheek. Then one night she invited me into her flat. She shares it with another girl who is always at her boyfriend’s so she has the place to herself most of the time. One thing led to another and we ended up in bed. Now we have passionate sex most nights. She says she is a learner when it comes to sex but she seems pretty experienced to me. My wife has let herself go. Her weight has more than doubled and our sex life is non-existent. We have been married for 19 years and she is pretty much housebound, while I keep fit. We couldn’t have children and have little in common now. My new girlfriend wants me to move in with her and this is what I would like, more than anything, but I don’t see how I can just walk out on my wife as she is so dependent on me. I need to find a way of telling my wife with the least possible upset and I have to do this before I lose my girlfriend to a younger guy. She won’t wait for ever.

Sex with a girl half your age must feel very exciting but there is no way you can leave your wife without it causing huge distress. So the first thing you need to be sure of is that your girlfriend sees this as a lasting relationship, that she’s not going to trade you in for a younger model in a couple of years. And even if she’s sure, you still owe it to your wife to tell her how unhappy you are and see if together you can revive your marriage. Ask your girlfriend to give you space to try. If she won’t, then your relationship is doomed anyway. Was your wife depressed about you not being able to have children? Is that when your sex life died away? You could both find understanding through More To Life For The Involuntarily Childless online at infertilitynetworkuk.com/moretolife. My e-leaflet Torn Between Two Women? should help. If you do leave, at least you’ll know you tried first. Why am I unable to relax in bed?

Dear Deidre

I’m so in love with chip-shop girl half my age but don’t know how to leave my overweight wife

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1215263/im-so-in-love-with-chip-shop-girl-half-my-age-but-dont-know-how-to-leave-my-overweight-wife/

I AM a woman of 25 but I have never had proper sex. I try to avoid sexual situations because I know it will be embarrassing for me. It has never been possible for a partner’s penis to go inside me and trying is very painful. I’ve seen a specialist and been diagnosed as suffering from vaginismus. I was given a set of dilators but I couldn’t make any progress. I feel so despairing and alone. I have never had any traumatic sexual experience and don’t come from a prudish background so I don’t know why this is happening to me. Boyfriends have always been kind about it but it stops relationships going anywhere. I wonder whether it is even worth it to pursue any relationship any further.

Don’t give up hope. I think you haven’t found the right help yet. Maybe you were anxious the first time you had sex, or your first partner was insensitive, so it hurt. Your body would involuntarily tense up the next time and so a vicious circle is set up. A psychosexual therapist can help. Contact Relate for one near you (relate.org.uk, 0300 100 1234). My e-leaflet Sex Too Painful? explains self-help tactics. Schemer ex plans to get my man back

Dear Deidre

I’m so in love with chip-shop girl half my age but don’t know how to leave my overweight wife

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1215263/im-so-in-love-with-chip-shop-girl-half-my-age-but-dont-know-how-to-leave-my-overweight-wife/

WHEN my partner lost his mum he pushed me away and cried on his ex’s shoulder instead. Now she is telling their eight-year-old son not to talk to me. I am 36 and have been with my partner for five years. He is 39, sees his boy regularly and we have him to stay. I found emails from the ex including sexual things and I finished with him. He begged me to go back and promised never to stray again. We had his little boy over last weekend and I discovered the ex had been putting things in his head – such as he was not to talk to me. It is sad because we have always got on so well. I feel sure his ex wants my partner back and would jump at the chance to be with him again. How do I handle this?

Have you and your partner got to the bottom of why he turned to his ex when he needed sympathy? Did he feel safer confiding in her? Tell him he can find support through Cruse Bereavement Care (cruse.org.uk, 0808 808 1677) and must tell his ex that it is damaging for their little boy to run you down. He needs to feel safe and settled in both homes.

Dear Deidre

I’m so in love with chip-shop girl half my age but don’t know how to leave my overweight wife

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1215263/im-so-in-love-with-chip-shop-girl-half-my-age-but-dont-know-how-to-leave-my-overweight-wife/

I HAVE discovered my brother is having an affair with the 26-year-old fiancée of someone we all know and look on as a friend of the family. My brother is 41, two years younger than me. He divorced his wife several years ago. I questioned him about the affair and he denied it, but I saw explicit photos and texts she’d sent him on his phone. A mate at work told me about the affair but now my brother is telling everyone this friend is a liar. My wife says I should keep out of it. But I don’t feel I can sit by and let it all happen. The girl he is having the affair with has three children, and I doubt her fiancé – our family friend – has any idea what has been going on. Should I tell him?

Talk to your brother again. If his lover is still planning to go ahead with the wedding, it sounds as though it is a fling. Don’t go to his lover’s fiancé. You risk making the situation worse.

Dear Deidre

I’m so in love with chip-shop girl half my age but don’t know how to leave my overweight wife

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1215263/im-so-in-love-with-chip-shop-girl-half-my-age-but-dont-know-how-to-leave-my-overweight-wife/

MY girlfriend has taken out a loan we cannot afford to go on a drinking holiday with her friends. We have a one-year-old son and I would rather we spent on him than on alcohol. We are both in our twenties. Money is very tight but she borrows cash every week to go to town and meet her mates. Now she plans to go on holiday with them. I don’t want us to have rows about it but I seem to be the one worrying and trying to keep our finances straight while she acts like we are well off.

It sounds like your girlfriend is in denial. Write down the details of your income and expenditure so she can see it in black and white. Agree a fair share of any spare cash for leisure and be firm you can’t afford to build debts. Try to get at underlying issues. Is she depressed or developing a drink problem? My e-leaflets on Family Finances and Dealing With A Problem Drinker can help. Topic4today MOST people self-pleasure but few of us talk about it – yet it is a safe way for young people to experiment and to learn what works for them. My e-leaflet Masturbation Worries? explains and reassures. Email [email protected] for your copy. Get in touch Email me here, private message me on Facebook, or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

DEAR DEIDRE

It’s wrong, but I can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198571/i-know-its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-husband-of-my-mums-best-friend/

I AM having sex with the husband of mum’s best friend. We both know it is wrong but we can’t stop ourselves. I AM having sex with the husband of mum’s best friend. We both know it is wrong but we can’t stop ourselves. He is 41 but is really fit and looks and acts much younger. I am 19 but very mature for my age. I have been their babysitter for two years and he gives me a lift home afterwards. We chatted in the car one evening. He asked about boyfriends and whether I had ever had sex. I told him I had made love with boyfriends but I was now single. The talk got quite dirty. He asked for my phone number and gave me his. We texted for a while, then we started sending each other sexy pics. One evening last year he stopped the car on the way home from babysitting and started kissing me. I melted and we had sex in the back of his car. Sex with him is far better than it was with any younger guys. We have been romping loads since then, meeting up after he leaves work, and even managed to have a weekend away together. I told my mum I was going to London with a friend and he told his wife it was a conference for work. Then I left my phone at home by mistake one day and my mum found it. Her friend’s husband had sent me a flirty text asking me about babysitting. That was our secret code for getting together. My mum phoned her friend and said she would pass the message on. Her friend had no idea what she was talking about but assumed her husband was planning a surprise night out for them. I told him my mum had seen his text and that he had better arrange the surprise for his wife — which he did. I don’t think my mum realises how far things have gone. She told me to stop flirting and said everyone, including his wife, knows he’s always been a cheat and I was playing with fire. I agreed and broke off contact with him but only for two days. Now we still have sex whenever possible. I really like him and he says he feels the same. How can we stop when it feels so good?

You can stop yourself but you must make up your mind to do so. This man is not free to love you and you are the one who will get a broken heart. He has always been a cheat. He is not going to risk losing his wife and his children. My e-leaflet Your Lover Not Free? will help you to see this more clearly. New pet adding to my problems New pet adding to my problems

DEAR DEIDRE

It’s wrong, but I can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198571/i-know-its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-husband-of-my-mums-best-friend/

MY boyfriend bought me a puppy to cheer me up but it just added to my problems. MY boyfriend bought me a puppy to cheer me up but it just added to my problems. I was working in an understaffed and stressful call centre so I quit to set up my own beauty business as I’d studied that at college. I advertised but with little luck and was feeling very low, so my boyfriend bought a retriever puppy to keep me company and cheer me up. We live together. I am 26, he is 28. I feel useless about not earning and want to apply for a full-time job but I can’t leave the dog on its own.

Before you give up your dream visit Business is Great (greatbusiness.gov.uk, 0300 456 3565). Could a friend or relative share the dog with you? Check out borrowmydoggy.com. Otherwise make an appointment with your local vet practice together to talk about what is fairest for the puppy. Girl I dumped is the only one I want Girl I dumped is the only one I want

DEAR DEIDRE

It’s wrong, but I can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198571/i-know-its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-husband-of-my-mums-best-friend/

I STUPIDLY dumped my girlfriend but she is the only one I want. I STUPIDLY dumped my girlfriend but she is the only one I want. I am 24, she is 23 and we’d been together for two years but I was caught up in my problems. My parents recently separated – my dad was devastated and I hated my mum’s new man. Then the firm I worked for shut. Everything got on top of me and I told my girlfriend I didn’t love her. I realised a week later I’d made a huge mistake. I tried to get her back but she said I’d hurt her too much. She is now with someone else so I should not contact her.

Why not contact her once more? Tell her you made a mistake and want her back. If she still says no, you can only accept it. Resist rushing into trying to find someone new just yet. You need time to get over the split and to learn from this mistake. Getting out with your friends just to enjoy yourself will help. Sibling rivalry Sibling rivalry

DEAR DEIDRE

It’s wrong, but I can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198571/i-know-its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-husband-of-my-mums-best-friend/

MY daughter, who’s 18, beat up her twin brother. MY daughter, who’s 18, beat up her twin brother. He hit his head and needed a week off work. He is demanding she pays the money he would’ve earned. I’m 42.

If she is earning, why not pay something? She should realise behaviour like that can land you in court and paying compensation. If they have always suffered from intense sibling rivalry, ask your GP to refer you all for family therapy. My e-leaflet on Managing Anger explains how she can learn to control her temper. Teenage trouble Teenage trouble

DEAR DEIDRE

It’s wrong, but I can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198571/i-know-its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-husband-of-my-mums-best-friend/

DAD has never shown any interest in me or my brother and sister. I love him but he only sees me when I nag. DAD has never shown any interest in me or my brother and sister. I love him but he only sees me when I nag. I’m a girl of 15, my sister is 12 and my brother is nine. My dad left my mum five years ago for someone else. He has eight children from four different women. The oldest three children don’t speak to him. I’m wondering whether I should do the same but Dad has a three-year-old son with his new partner and I don’t want to miss out on my younger half-brother’s life. Dad says it’s my fault. I went to live with him for a while but his current partner was always shouting at me and I kicked off. She made Dad choose between her and me.

Tell your dad you miss him and your little half-brother and ask if he will make proper arrangements regularly. Try to speak to his partner as well. Tell her you’re sorry and you’re older now and realise it wasn’t the way to handle things. It’s very hurtful to feel sidelined but you can find confidential support with The Mix (themix.org.uk, 0808 808 4994). Young love Young love

DEAR DEIDRE

It’s wrong, but I can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198571/i-know-its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-husband-of-my-mums-best-friend/

I’VE fallen head over heels for an amazing girl but I know people will say we’re too young to be serious. I’VE fallen head over heels for an amazing girl but I know people will say we’re too young to be serious. We’re both 15. I met her when I went to stay with my grandparents for the summer last year. We have kept in touch ever since. The problem is that we live 300 miles apart. She has no family in the town where I live so we only meet when my parents decide to visit my grandparents. We can’t afford train fares. We talked about moving away together to see how well it would work out but we’re worried our families will say that we can’t fall in love at our age. We genuinely feel we are soul mates and truly the ones for each other.

Some couples do fall in love very young and stay together but many relationships don’t last, so take your time. Keep in touch but don’t think of trying to move away right now. You’re not ready to live independently – it would only convince people you are immature. Talk to your parents about how you can meet up more often. I was the one making all the effort I was the one making all the effort

DEAR DEIDRE

It’s wrong, but I can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198571/i-know-its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-husband-of-my-mums-best-friend/

I TOOK my girlfriend for a luxury week away so we could spend more time together but she dumped me a few days later. I TOOK my girlfriend for a luxury week away so we could spend more time together but she dumped me a few days later. We had been together for three months although we knew each other from school. She is 25, I am 23. It was wonderful when we admitted we had feelings for one another. She was so loving and seemed to want to do anything to make me happy. We live 150miles apart. I work in London, so took her away to a big, posh hotel for a week of luxury but she got quieter as the week went on. She said she was just tired from work but I realised I was the one making the effort to stay in touch. Two weeks ago she dumped me by text. To add insult to injury, she said she wants to be friends. When I told her I was too hurt for that, she got really angry. I asked for answers why and she just said it was too much. I know we will not get back together but why won’t women tell the truth?

Perhaps spending proper time together showed her it wasn’t right for her. But it might not be because of you. She might have realised she didn’t want a relationship. My e-leaflet Moving On will help you. In need of peace and quiet In need of peace and quiet

DEAR DEIDRE

It’s wrong, but I can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198571/i-know-its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-husband-of-my-mums-best-friend/

I’M taking finals for my degree but it is hard to get the peace I need to study. I moved in with my boyfriend and his parents and younger brothers six months ago. We are both 22. The house is always busy so I want to go to my parents’ for a few days to study without distractions. But my boyfriend goes in a mood whenever I mention it. I feel stuck and stressed.

Your exams are very important. Tell him this is not about his ego. My e-leaflets Standing Up For Yourself and Anxious About Exams? will help. Any other woman would have walked ages ago Any other woman would have walked ages ago

DEAR DEIDRE

It’s wrong, but I can’t resist having sex with hubby of my mum’s best friend

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198571/i-know-its-wrong-but-i-cant-resist-having-sex-with-husband-of-my-mums-best-friend/

MY ex-husband wants me to move back in but I won’t because we never have sex. We’d been married for six years when he left me for another woman. They split up after a couple of years and I had boyfriends but nothing serious. I am 40, he is 45 and we have been meeting again for three years but only had sex once in that time. He says things like, “Sex isn’t the be-all and end-all,” and: “We’re happy, aren’t we?” I know it is not a physical problem because he watches porn and satisfies himself. The woman after me was older and not interested in sex so he started using porn. It has wrecked the confidence I built up while we were apart. I have cried in front of him and told him any other woman would have walked ages ago. I suggested counselling and he agreed but he never did it. I love him but I believe our sex life should not be over. I will not move in with him till this is sorted.

Porn is often addictive and is easier because he can think only about himself. Spell out that if he wants your relationship, he has to give up porn and focus on you. My e-leaflet on Internet Pornography Worries can help him.

Dear Deidre,

He wanted Thai sex with no ties

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1207085/he-wanted-thai-sex-with-no-ties/

I’VE been having great sex with an old pal I met by chance, but I know he sees other women and just considers us “friends with benefits”. I want more. I was getting some winter sun in Thailand when I noticed a man looking at me as I lay by the pool. I knew from the way he was staring that he wanted sex — and he was really fit, so I knew I’d be up for it. Then I realised it was a guy I had known years ago. By chance he was staying at the same resort. I am 36 and divorced. He is a couple of years older than me and was staying at the hotel with a woman friend. I was holidaying with a female friend because we were both in need of a break and had no one to go with. The guy and his friend didn’t seem to be getting on too well and she was giving him angry looks. It wasn’t surprising as he was so obviously eyeing up the talent. I think it was the sunshine, the alcohol and the sexy atmosphere around the pool that made me long for a man to hold me and tell me how desirable I am — and this guy fitted the bill perfectly. He came over and we had the usual conversation about being surprised to bump into one another like that. Then he whispered that he would see me at midnight in the hotel grounds. I went along and he was waiting for me. We kissed then had sex. Since getting home we have been meeting up regularly and I have really fallen for him, but I know he doesn’t feel the same way. He wants us to carry on as we are, meeting up just for sex. I know he sleeps with other women too, which really eats into me. I don’t know if I should walk away or keep seeing him and sleeping with him, hoping one day he’ll feel the same way about me.

You have given this guy the message that you are willing to join his troupe of girlfriends for sex. Starting again on the basis that you are worth more than casual sex will be difficult – if he had wanted a proper relationship, he would have behaved differently in the first place. You might try telling him you want to meet somewhere to talk, so the situation then can’t become sexual. You can explain where you are coming from, how you want a real relationship, and see what his reaction is. But don’t hold your breath waiting for him to say that is exactly how he feels too. It is unlikely. He is the guy he is – as that woman he was with on holiday could tell you. You would do better to cut your losses and concentrate on meeting new people and finding the sort of guy you are looking for. Otherwise you could end up feeling unworthy of the love of a decent man. Baby on way but no sign of love

Dear Deidre,

He wanted Thai sex with no ties

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1207085/he-wanted-thai-sex-with-no-ties/

MY partner has never once told me she loves me – and I feel so unappreciated. We have been together for ten months and three months ago she discovered she was pregnant. I am 31, she is in her late thirties and already has two small girls. I’ve spent every weekend and a lot of money doing up the house ready for the baby but she says she isn’t ready to commit to me for good. She says I am immature and just like her useless exes. I have tried my best to be loving and show her I’m not like the rest but she won’t listen. I’m becoming insecure. I would walk away but she is carrying my child and I so want us to be a happy family.

Tell your partner you realise you are younger than she is, but you are ready and willing to be a good dad and worry she is tarring you with the same brush as her exes. Ask her to be specific about how you can be a better support. This baby deserves you both to try your best but you need constructive suggestions. She knows how much work a baby is though, and may be worried about what lies ahead. Try to be patient and check out dad.info. Why did Dad lie about his life?

Dear Deidre,

He wanted Thai sex with no ties

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1207085/he-wanted-thai-sex-with-no-ties/

I WOULD like to try to find out the truth about my family – but my late dad told me huge lies about his background. I am 47. My dad died three years ago, having left my mum when I was ten. She has passed too now. My dad told me he was born in New York but when I got hold of his birth certificate I found out he was born in Newcastle. He said he had been in the Army and served in Korea – but when I checked, he hadn’t. I don’t even know if he had any brothers or sisters. I have teenage kids who ask about their grandparents and uncles and aunts and I hate having to fob them off. I would so like to know what relatives I have, if any, and where they came from – but I don’t know where to start.

Perhaps your dad was hiding things he was ashamed of, or it could just be he was a bit of a fantasist who wanted to sound more exciting. Try to keep an open mind when exploring your family history so you don’t get any nasty surprises. See the National Archives nationalarchives.gov.uk and try findmypast.co.uk. My e-leaflet Tracing Someone has lots of other suggestions to help.

Dear Deidre,

He wanted Thai sex with no ties

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1207085/he-wanted-thai-sex-with-no-ties/

MY partner calls me vile names and hits me. If I so much as look in the wrong direction he calls me a slag and spits in my face. When I told him I’d had a miscarriage he sniggered. If we go out I am on eggshells worrying about when he is going to start on me. He also drinks and loses a fortune in the betting shop. Meanwhile I am struggling to work and run our home. I am 24, he is 31. I’ve tried walking away but he worms his way back in. Why can’t I leave him when my life is going down the drain because of him?

You know he is ruining your life yet you can’t break free. The answer as to why probably lies somewhere in your past. Maybe he seems familiar because of your background or you are frightened you won’t find a new love if you walk away from him. Either way you have to act. My e-leaflet Abusive Partner? will help you break free.

Dear Deidre,

He wanted Thai sex with no ties

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1207085/he-wanted-thai-sex-with-no-ties/

MY girlfriend doesn’t think she can handle kids, even though she always said she wanted a family. I’m devastated. I’m 34 and she is 29. We’ve been together for four years and everything has been great. We discussed children when we first got together and she said she definitely wanted them in the future. Now she says she doesn’t think she could handle kids. I know she’d be a great mum but nothing I say will convince her otherwise. I told her from the start I wanted to be a dad. I don’t know where to go from here as she is my world. I’d love to start a family with her.

You need to discover what she finds so off-putting. Having kids is a massive life change, especially for the parent who does most of the childcare. If she is nervous about what’s involved, could that parent be you? Give her a year to sort out her feelings. Then decide if you need to move on.

Dear Deidre

Boyfriend’s jealousy drove me to have sex with my ex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1177909/boyfriends-jealousy-drove-me-to-have-drunk-sex-with-my-cheating-ex/

I had hot sex with my ex after getting drunk and having a row with my boyfriend. Do I tell my partner or keep quiet for our son’s sake? I’ve been with my boyfriend three years and our little boy is two. We argue a lot. I’m 28 and I think I know better as he’s only 24. Our rows mean that we spend long periods apart but we then make up and getting back together again is great. Everything had been going well recently until last week. My boyfriend got a promotion at work and he booked a holiday for us. At the weekend we got a babysitter and went out to celebrate. We were in a restaurant when the waiter started flirting with me. He was really nice and it meant nothing, but my boyfriend is the jealous type and he kicked off. He said I was encouraging the guy. A row erupted and I told him I was going to my sister’s. I stormed out but when I was almost in my sister’s road I got a text from my ex. He said, “Hey babe, I just saw you walking past the pub. Are you OK? You looked upset”. My ex is really fit – but other women think so too judging by the amount of times he cheated on me. That’s why I finished with him but I always drift back. He never puts any demands on me and the sex is so good. He’s 29. I called him and he came and found me. He was drunk and so was I. We went back to his place and I was in tears. He held my hand while I told him what had happened. Then he leaned forward and kissed me. He said, “How about it? For old time’s sake?” He slid his arms around me and undressed me, and we had amazing, passionate, catch-up sex. I went back to my boyfriend next morning but I felt really bad. I can trust my ex to keep quiet but I don’t know whether to tell my partner what happened. I don’t want to lose him.

What is the point of telling him? It would land your boyfriend with a whole load of misery and upset your little boy’s home life, but solve nothing, other than maybe lessening your guilt a little. What really matters is to better understand why you and your boyfriend row so much and learn how to deal with conflict more positively. All these rows are emotionally damaging for your little boy. He will start reacting to all the tension and anger, if he isn’t already. Read Stop Arguing, Start Talking by Susan Quilliam, available for £8.54 inc p and p at sunbooks.co.uk/Deidre or phone 0845 2712136. You can find constructive support through Relate (relate.org.uk, 0300 100 1234). Worried I’m being used for my money

Dear Deidre

Boyfriend’s jealousy drove me to have sex with my ex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1177909/boyfriends-jealousy-drove-me-to-have-drunk-sex-with-my-cheating-ex/

MY friend’s Filipina wife introduced me to her friend and, wow, was I hooked. Now I’m worried all she is interested in is my money. I’m 54 and twice married but both my wives, I now realise, were just with me for what they could get. I guess that’s life when you’re rich. Then I met this woman from the Philippines in January and she moved in with me that same month. It was her idea but fine by me. Then the complaining began. She doesn’t like me talking with friends or going alone to the pub. She’s 36 and thinks life is only about what she wants. She has a job but keeps all the money she earns. That’s fine with me, as I have all the money I need, but then she said that she wanted a baby. I said: “No way!” I tell her I love her and buy her dinner and gifts. Now she tells me I’m too mean and selfish for her. I think she’s only staying with me to save money. What do you think?

I think you take things much too fast. Tell her it’s not working out and it’s time she moved on. Take things more slowly next time and look out for interests in common. I love him but now we must be apart

Dear Deidre

Boyfriend’s jealousy drove me to have sex with my ex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1177909/boyfriends-jealousy-drove-me-to-have-drunk-sex-with-my-cheating-ex/

MY boyfriend told me he’d cheated on me with a friend of a friend. I just can’t believe it. I thought he was happy with me. We’ve been together for four years and it all seemed so good. Then he told me he took a girl back to his flat last week and had sex. He tried to justify this by saying he hadn’t been happy with me. We don’t share a home but he sent me flowers and wanted to see me every day. He’s 25 and I’m 23. What’s going on? He’s my best friend and soulmate. I miss him so much but I’m not going to call him. I don’t even know if we’re still together or not. He says he doesn’t know what he wants and needs time. I don’t want him back but I do love him loads.

You both sound very confused. He loved you, he cheated on you, now he wants time on his own. You love him madly but don’t want him back. I’m wondering, are you both bad at communicating your real feelings? Does he know that you love him? Can he say why he hasn’t been happy with you? Take the initiative. Tell him how you feel, then perhaps he will open up to you.

Dear Deidre

Boyfriend’s jealousy drove me to have sex with my ex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1177909/boyfriends-jealousy-drove-me-to-have-drunk-sex-with-my-cheating-ex/

MY younger daughter used to be the quiet one in our family – but now she’s blown her top. I have two daughters and two sons. My elder daughter got divorced last year and I did all I could to support her. Now her sister is bombarding me with bitterness. She says I’ve never shown any interest in her and I’ve ruined her life. I don’t understand why she feels this way. She’s 21 and has a good job and a flat of her own so she’s doing OK. I’m 49 and have always tried to be there for all my children. But it’s been hard since my wife had a stroke when our youngest was only ten.

It seems she’s been bottling up all the things that were bothering her. She probably felt you had no time for her worries as well as your sick wife. Now she’s seen her sister get your attention and it’s triggered these feelings. Give her some time if you can. She can also contact The Mix (themix.org.uk).

Dear Deidre

Boyfriend’s jealousy drove me to have sex with my ex

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1177909/boyfriends-jealousy-drove-me-to-have-drunk-sex-with-my-cheating-ex/

I HAD a vivid sexual dream about an old school friend so contacted her on Facebook. We’re both 24 and I had a massive crush on her at school. She was funny, pretty and smart – and way out of my league. Over time, she had slipped to the back of my mind but that dream brought her right to the front. We have swapped a few messages now and I am desperate for something to happen but can’t risk the pain of rejection. What if she shames me with our old friends?

Why do you think she would do that? If she’s that callous, at least you’ll know where you stand and that she doesn’t deserve this undying love. If your old friends don’t care about you or your feelings, it’s time you found new friends. There’s no harm in you asking her out for a drink. You’ve nothing to lose. Topic for today ONE in ten men believe they don’t last long enough in bed. The average is between five and seven minutes. But if it is all over after a minute, of course it’s a worry and my e-leaflet Self-help For Premature Ejaculation offers advice. Get in touch Email me here, private message me on Facebook, or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

Dear Deidre

I keep cheating on women since my parents died

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1176438/i-keep-cheating-on-women-since-my-parents-died/

MY partner caught me having sex with her friend in our bed one Saturday when I thought she was out shopping. She went ballistic at us both but it was far from the first time I have cheated on her. I have always fancied her friend and she flirted with me whenever we were alone. We had sex a few times in her car or at her house but this was the first time at my house. She is 36 and my partner is 43. My partner says this is the final straw and has left. Now her friend wants to leave her husband and move in with me. I fancy the pants off her but I can’t see it working for long — it never does. I am 45 and have had several long-term relationships but I could never be faithful. My life started going wrong after I lost both parents when I was 22. My dad had a massive heart attack and dropped dead at work. I never said goodbye and that hurt me. Then my mum was diagnosed with cancer and only lived a few weeks after that. I still miss them so much. I also began to feel angry about things that had happened when I was younger. I caught Mum with other men and I think my dad was involved insofar as he accepted it. I reckon they were both swingers but never got to ask them. After they died, I went off the rails sexually. I bedded any woman who was interested because it made me feel good. I fell in love and was with one woman for four years but I was unfaithful and it’s been a pattern ever since. I am successful in business and have a lot of friends yet I feel so alone emotionally. How can I make up for my mistakes and move my life forward? What should I do about my lover?

It would be almost cruel to encourage her to leave her husband when you know it would only be a matter of time before you cheat on her. Tell her to work on her marriage while you tackle what you know are serious underlying issues first. If your parents were wrapped up in their own sex lives, you probably felt emotionally distant from them. That left you with low self-esteem and the belief that the way to love is through sex. My e-leaflet Can’t Be Faithful? explains more and where to get the right sort of support. I want to find my natural father

Dear Deidre

I keep cheating on women since my parents died

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1176438/i-keep-cheating-on-women-since-my-parents-died/

MY mum sprang on me that the man who brought me up is not my natural father. I am desperate to find the man who is before it’s too late. I am a man of 40. I get on OK with the man I thought was my dad. When I asked questions, all Mum would say is that I do not need to know anything as my real father was not interested. She will only give me a name, though I believe she knows more. Inquiries I have made so far have not thrown up any leads. He has a common Asian name so I feel stumped. It was your “real” dad who brought you up. But it is only natural to want to know about your biological father.

Talk to your mum again and say you believe it is your right. Promise to be understanding, as this may be a painful memory. Then my e-leaflet Tracing Someone will help. Still no benefits for ill daughter

Dear Deidre

I keep cheating on women since my parents died

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1176438/i-keep-cheating-on-women-since-my-parents-died/

OUR disabled daughter had to go into hospital and her benefits were stopped. She was told they would take six weeks to reinstate but it has been six months and still is not sorted out. She is 33 and lives with her partner, who is also her carer. She was very ill with pneumonia and in hospital for three weeks. We have been paying their heating bills, council tax and rent but we are pensioners and struggling. I am ill with worry and not sleeping. Neither is my husband. I fear what the stress is doing to his health.

What a terribly worrying time the past few months have been for you all. It is disgraceful that her benefits have not been reinstated. Maybe it needs a more official-sounding voice to speak up for your daughter. Scope provides advice on benefits for disabled people (scope.org.uk, 0808 800 3333).

Dear Deidre

I keep cheating on women since my parents died

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1176438/i-keep-cheating-on-women-since-my-parents-died/

MY ex allowed our son of 16 to have an unsupervised party at my home while I was away for work. He is 41 and he left us when our son was just 11. They had little contact until two years ago but now they get on well. I arranged for our son to stay with his dad while I was away but when I got back it was obvious he’d had friends round to my house. A couple of days later my son cracked and told me they nearly all stayed over, he had smoked cannabis and two of the girls had sex with his friends. I went mad and said it was best he stay at his dad’s until I cleared my head. He has hardly spoken to me since. He is a good lad but is young and naive. Do I force him to come back? I’m 38.

Even if he is pushing boundaries, your son needs you. He may have withdrawn from you partly because he feels you rejected him when you sent him to live at his dad’s. Say you love him and want him home but have a talk first to agree ground rules. Cut him some slack and welcome his friends round but be firm that he must not break the law as it could wreck his future. My e-leaflet on Troubles With Teens will help.

Dear Deidre

I keep cheating on women since my parents died

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1176438/i-keep-cheating-on-women-since-my-parents-died/

MY wife had such a serious drink problem she ended up in prison. She got clear but found out that I saw another woman and started drinking again. I feel so guilty. We met four years ago and fell head over heels in love. We are both 45. She is very insecure after a difficult past and often hit me when she was drunk. She even tried to set my flat on fire. One very bad night I threw her out and she went to stay at her daughter’s home. She drink-drove a few days later and caused an accident that resulted in her being arrested. She got six months in prison. I stupidly started seeing another woman while she was inside, which my wife discovered from texts when she was released. I love her so much but now she says our relationship is based on lies. She drinks every day.

Sad to say, your wife’s problems with alcohol began a long time ago. This is an abusive relationship. She is needy but you can choose not to be sucked in. My e-leaflet Dealing With A Problem Drinker explains more and you can find support through the Men’s Advice Line for men in abusive relationships (mensadviceline.org.uk, 0808 801 0327).

Dear Deidre

I keep cheating on women since my parents died

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1176438/i-keep-cheating-on-women-since-my-parents-died/

I THINK the boy I am dating is seeing someone else. I am 22, he’s 24. I met him in a club. Things do not add up. We only live a 30-minute drive from one another yet meet just twice a week. He arrives at my flat late and leaves first thing in the morning. Sex is amazing but he’s not interested in taking me out and he is secretive with his phone.

He may even have a wife and kids. Pluck up the courage and tell him either he shapes up or ships out as this is not what you want. TEENAGE TROUBLE

Dear Deidre

I keep cheating on women since my parents died

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1176438/i-keep-cheating-on-women-since-my-parents-died/

CAN I get into trouble with the law for sending a pic of my penis to my 15-year-old girlfriend? I am 18. We met a few months ago at a party. My best mate is dating her older sister, who is in our year at college. I thought she might be just a year younger, as she is very mature – and drop-dead gorgeous. As we danced I asked her for a date. We went for a coffee and it was only then the penny dropped, as she talked about taking her GCSEs. We still flirted on Facebook and one night I sent her this picture. My mate said I was wrong to do it and I could get done. Now I am worried sick and she is asking why I’ve backed off.

Sexual behaviour to someone under 16 is against the law. Ask her to delete the photo and say you made a mistake. Even if she was of age, sending photos like this is too risky to be worth it. You can’t control how it might be used. My e-leaflet Staying Safe Online explains more. Avoid any further sexual activity with her until she is 16 at least. She may seem mature but she can’t be more than her years. Tell her why you backed off. You can still date – just wait until her birthday to take things any further.

Dear Deidre

I keep cheating on women since my parents died

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1176438/i-keep-cheating-on-women-since-my-parents-died/

I LOVE my boyfriend but he is holding me back. We have been together for a year. He is 18 and I love him but lately it feels like we are going nowhere. He has no vision of his future and is not interested in finding a job. I am only 17 but am keen to get on and have a part-time job. He never has money and my family say I need to let him go and get on with life.

Go for it. You have the right attitude about your future and work. If your enthusiasm does not rub off on him, you cannot drag him along with you. He can choose to follow your example or stay stuck. You are maturing and it sounds like you have already outgrown him mentally and emotionally. If he’s not the one, don’t be afraid to follow your dreams. You will find romance when you feel fulfilled in life.

Dear Deidre

My big day with girl my parents love is looming but all I can think about is hot work fling

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1208601/big-day-with-girl-my-parents-love-is-looming-but-all-i-can-think-about-is-my-hot-work-fling/

I’VE had steamy sex with a girl from work I’d lusted after for ages. All I can think about is doing it again but my wedding is in two months’ time. I’m 30 and my fiancée is 24. We haven’t had sex since our two-year-old daughter was born. My fiancée has no confidence since she put on weight. I have a very high sex drive and have had a few one-night stands to meet my needs. I have been working with a new girl for three months. I’m an account executive in an advertising agency and she’s a graphic designer. She is 28 and gorgeous. We met properly on a training course recently and had lunch together every day. We talked at work daily but didn’t take things further. She knows I’m engaged. READ MORE: Lover’s dad is raging at affair I’m confused after having the most loving sex with my best pal Boyfriend’s jealousy drove me to have drunk sex with my cheating ex I went on holiday to Crete with my fiancée and daughter. We had nothing to talk about and sat about using our phones all day. After a row about sex one day I went out to the local pub and got wrecked. I called my work colleague and confessed I really liked her. She said she felt the same. Last week when I was back at work we went for a drink and I checked us into a hotel. We took a bottle of wine up to our room. The sex was incredible. I’d missed sex so much. Now I can’t stop thinking about her. We’ve been texting and talking at work when we can and I’m in a dilemma over whether to cancel my wedding. One of the biggest problems is my parents adore my fiancée and my little girl. I told my best friend about my affair and he let it slip when my mother was in the room. All hell broke loose. My mother said I was a terrible person for cheating and if I left home, they would look after my fiancée and daughter and cut me out of their lives. I’m under a lot of pressure to work things out between us but my gut instinct is to say this isn’t want I want.

Having a baby puts pressure on a relationship but you have a responsibility to give your daughter a stable home life. Tell the girl at work you have to sort out your relationship with your fiancée one way or another. Then have a serious talk with your fiancée and, if need be, postpone the wedding. Suggest you exercise together. As the weight drops off, her confidence will build up. My e-leaflet Sex Problems After A Baby can help. If she won’t even try, then focus on keeping a close relationship with your girl. You can still be a good dad apart. Wife can’t give us dream baby

Dear Deidre

My big day with girl my parents love is looming but all I can think about is hot work fling

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1208601/big-day-with-girl-my-parents-love-is-looming-but-all-i-can-think-about-is-my-hot-work-fling/

MY wife is unable to have children and says I should leave her and find somebody who can give me the family I long for. We were made for each other. She is 27 and I am 29. We’ve been married for a year and babies of our own would make our life together perfect. But she has endometriosis and it is very unlikely she will conceive. She is the love of my life, but I don’t know how to deal with the prospect of never being a father. She feels she is holding me back.

Rather than thinking about what you don’t have, think about what you do have – a strong, loving relationship. Grieve for your loss but then focus on filling your life with other interests. See moretolife.co.uk which encourages couples to explore all that life without children has to offer. Teenage trouble

Dear Deidre

My big day with girl my parents love is looming but all I can think about is hot work fling

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1208601/big-day-with-girl-my-parents-love-is-looming-but-all-i-can-think-about-is-my-hot-work-fling/

MY brother is into drugs in a big way and it’s breaking up my family. He’s 18 and started smoking weed at 14. He has now admitted to taking acid and cocaine. He gets in a rage, lies and swears at Mum and Dad, even smashes up his room. His behaviour dominates our home life and causes such stress. I’m a boy of 16 and about to start my GCSEs but I can’t focus on anything because there’s always some argument or my brother is kicking off.

Tell your parents how worried you are about the way your brother’s behaviour is affecting family life and your school work. Suggest they get help through Adfam, which helps families affected by drugs and alcohol (adfam.org.uk). Ask a friend if you could study in their home in the short-term. Good luck.

Dear Deidre

My big day with girl my parents love is looming but all I can think about is hot work fling

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1208601/big-day-with-girl-my-parents-love-is-looming-but-all-i-can-think-about-is-my-hot-work-fling/

MY stepdad says he’s the boss of our house because he’s a man. I hate him. He’s 40. My mum left my dad for this man two years ago. She’s 35 and I’m a 15-year-old girl. He is nasty to our cats and to me. He goes away at weekends leaving us with no money or food. I found a video of him dirty dancing with someone on Facebook. Mum confronted him and he said it was taken before they’d met. I know this is a lie. I’m afraid to be left alone with him now because I am sure he will threaten me for telling mum what I found.

It is important you feel safe if you’re under the same roof. Tell your mum how unsafe you feel and ask about living with your dad, if that’s possible. You can find understanding support and guidance through ChildLine (childline.org.uk, 0800 1111).

Dear Deidre

My big day with girl my parents love is looming but all I can think about is hot work fling

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1208601/big-day-with-girl-my-parents-love-is-looming-but-all-i-can-think-about-is-my-hot-work-fling/

MY son and I come last in his dad’s life, after his friends and his hobbies. Our son is a year old and my contract at work ran out while I was on maternity leave. My partner pressures me to find a job yet he is on benefits and shows no signs of looking for work himself. He does nothing to help me with our son. He’s 25 and I am 27. He’ll cancel plans we have made to be with his mates and ignores me and our son. I see him for a few hours a day if I am lucky. All his benefits go on his hobbies while I scrimp to pay the bills.

Inform him if you are going to be the main breadwinner, he must be the main carer for your son. Or you could both work part-time and share the child care. Does he lack confidence looking after your son? Suggest he check out dad.info and my e-leaflet on Help For Job Hunters will help.

Dear Deidre

My big day with girl my parents love is looming but all I can think about is hot work fling

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1208601/big-day-with-girl-my-parents-love-is-looming-but-all-i-can-think-about-is-my-hot-work-fling/

OUR 15-year-old daughter was struggling to do her hair and my husband grabbed her hair straighteners, threw them across the room and told her to “shove them up her a***”. He can’t deal with any problem without losing control. I have talked to him about anger management but he won’t hear of it. He’ll give himself a heart attack because he gets so stressed. He’s 45 and I’m 43. I don’t want my children thinking all adults are angry. My little boy is just seven. Should I fight for this marriage or give up?

If he’s not always been on such a short fuse, tell him he needs to see his doctor to rule out an underlying medical cause. If he gets the all-clear, explain that his temper is destroying your relationship and either he changes or you will have to end your marriage for your children’s sake. My e-leaflet on Managing Anger can help. Get in touch Email me here, private message me on Facebook, or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE).

Dear deidre

Big day with girl my parents love is looming but all I can think about is my hot work fling

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198485/big-day-with-girl-my-parents-love-is-looming-but-all-i-can-think-about-is-my-hot-work-fling-2/

I’VE had steamy sex with a girl from work I’d lusted after for ages. All I can think about is doing it again but my wedding is in two months’ time. I’m 30 and my fiancée is 24. We haven’t had sex since our two-year-old daughter was born. My fiancée has no confidence since she put on weight. I have a very high sex drive and have had a few one-night stands to meet my needs. I have been working with a new girl for three months. I’m an account executive in an advertising agency and she’s a graphic designer. She is 28 and gorgeous. We met properly on a training course recently and had lunch together every day. We talked at work daily but didn’t take things further. She knows I’m engaged. I went on holiday to Crete with my fiancée and daughter. We had nothing to talk about and sat about using our phones all day. After a row about sex one day I went out to the local pub and got wrecked. I called my work colleague and confessed I really liked her. She said she felt the same. Last week when I was back at work we went for a drink and I checked us into a hotel. We took a bottle of wine up to our room. The sex was incredible. I’d missed sex so much. Now I can’t stop thinking about her. We’ve been texting and talking at work when we can and I’m in a dilemma over whether to cancel my wedding. One of the biggest problems is my parents adore my fiancée and my little girl. I told my best friend about my affair and he let it slip when my mother was in the room. All hell broke loose. My mother said I was a terrible person for cheating and if I left home, they would look after my fiancée and daughter and cut me out of their lives. I’m under a lot of pressure to work things out between us but my gut instinct is to say this isn’t want I want.

Having a baby puts pressure on a relationship but you have a responsibility to give your daughter a stable home life. Tell the girl at work you have to sort out your relationship with your fiancée one way or another. Then have a serious talk with your fiancée and, if need be, postpone the wedding. Suggest you exercise together. As the weight drops off, her confidence will build up. My e-leaflet Sex Problems After A Baby can help. If she won’t even try, then focus on keeping a close relationship with your girl. You can still be a good dad apart. Wife can’t give us dream baby

Dear deidre

Big day with girl my parents love is looming but all I can think about is my hot work fling

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198485/big-day-with-girl-my-parents-love-is-looming-but-all-i-can-think-about-is-my-hot-work-fling-2/

MY wife is unable to have children and says I should leave her and find somebody who can give me the family I long for. We were made for each other. She is 27 and I am 29. We’ve been married for a year and babies of our own would make our life together perfect. But she has endometriosis and it is very unlikely she will conceive. She is the love of my life, but I don’t know how to deal with the prospect of never being a father. She feels she is holding me back.

Rather than thinking about what you don’t have, think about what you do have – a strong, loving relationship. Grieve for your loss but then focus on filling your life with other interests. See moretolife.co.uk which encourages couples to explore all that life without children has to offer. Teenage trouble

Dear deidre

Big day with girl my parents love is looming but all I can think about is my hot work fling

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198485/big-day-with-girl-my-parents-love-is-looming-but-all-i-can-think-about-is-my-hot-work-fling-2/

MY brother is into drugs in a big way and it’s breaking up my family. He’s 18 and started smoking weed at 14. He has now admitted to taking acid and cocaine. He gets in a rage, lies and swears at Mum and Dad, even smashes up his room. His behaviour dominates our home life and causes such stress. I’m a boy of 16 and about to start my GCSEs but I can’t focus on anything because there’s always some argument or my brother is kicking off.

Tell your parents how worried you are about the way your brother’s behaviour is affecting family life and your school work. Suggest they get help through Adfam, which helps families affected by drugs and alcohol (adfam.org.uk). Ask a friend if you could study in their home in the short-term. Good luck.

Dear deidre

Big day with girl my parents love is looming but all I can think about is my hot work fling

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198485/big-day-with-girl-my-parents-love-is-looming-but-all-i-can-think-about-is-my-hot-work-fling-2/

MY stepdad says he’s the boss of our house because he’s a man. I hate him. He’s 40. My mum left my dad for this man two years ago. She’s 35 and I’m a 15-year-old girl. He is nasty to our cats and to me. He goes away at weekends leaving us with no money or food. I found a video of him dirty dancing with someone on Facebook. Mum confronted him and he said it was taken before they’d met. I know this is a lie. I’m afraid to be left alone with him now because I am sure he will threaten me for telling mum what I found.

It is important you feel safe if you’re under the same roof. Tell your mum how unsafe you feel and ask about living with your dad, if that’s possible. You can find understanding support and guidance through ChildLine (childline.org.uk, 0800 1111).

Dear deidre

Big day with girl my parents love is looming but all I can think about is my hot work fling

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1198485/big-day-with-girl-my-parents-love-is-looming-but-all-i-can-think-about-is-my-hot-work-fling-2/

MY son and I come last in his dad’s life, after his friends and his hobbies. Our son is a year old and my contract at work ran out while I was on maternity leave. My partner pressures me to find a job yet he is on benefits and shows no signs of looking for work himself. He does nothing to help me with our son. He’s 25 and I am 27. He’ll cancel plans we have made to be with his mates and ignores me and our son. I see him for a few hours a day if I am lucky. All his benefits go on his hobbies while I scrimp to pay the bills.

Inform him if you are going to be the main breadwinner, he must be the main carer for your son. Or you could both work part-time and share the child care. Does he lack confidence looking after your son? Suggest he check out dad.info and my e-leaflet on Help For Job Hunters will help.