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blooper: it is implied that james bond 007 engages in sexual contact. this would never happen in real life because sex is revolting and rude |
my favorite angle to park my car at is 45 degrees. i call it "The Golden 45" and if you key the shit out of my doors i only become stronger |
how come nobody ever helps me when im playing team foot ball. i beg for the other players to help me and they refuse to #theThursdayNiteRant |
plaese help my loathsome son find a professional who will tattoo the cheesecake factory logo onto his chest with no backtalk or jokes |
sitting in my car watching 500 episodes of a horrible anime entitled "Shit My Lord" at the recommendation of XenoMarcus. |
and the final word i leave all of you pitiful cowards upon this sinful night is "Truth".. hold it clos.e.. use it.. thank you |
i think it is good to vote, unless it is inconvenient, or boring to do so. then it might be very bad. i'm sorry for doing politics om here. |
anonymous leaks 400 pics of the principals ass on viddler. somewhere a group of police officers stand over a single red rose in reverence |
I SO MUCH AS DIP MY NECK AROUND THIS LOG PAGE AND I AM FORCED TO ABSORB GALLONS OF VENOM FROM DISRESPECTFUL CIVILIAN VIPER SWINE #StopTheNSA |
it must be said that with the way ur carrying on with your posts, most of u will never realize ur dream of becoming a United States Senator. |
GOD: Im getting quite aged in my late years; and I need someone else to be president of heaven
Donald R. Trump: My lord...
RBG: (Applauding) |
my dick sucks balls. pray for my dick |
for reasons none of you could ever hope to comprehend, i will now be referring to "Baby mario" as "The baby from mario" |
oh look–i failed my forklift operators certification for the 4th fucking time becausse none of the girls on here bothered fucking helping me |
if that lawyer didnt want his wall punched, he shouldnt have told me my uncle left me a sony walkman filled with cut up bugs in his will |
buying a nice curtain for the whole ass and dick area of my bulk |
#3WordsThatWomenHate my dick |
Are U for Real #AreUForReal |
politifact... waiters should offer to can crush my cans when im done with them... TRUE |
Penis Rant - come see the all-time famous "Penis Rant" |
http://t.co/CrnIWgR0SP christ. no wonder everyone is so worked up...... |
wikiHow: Home » Categories » Philosophy & Religion » Paranormal Beliefs » Ghosts - how to revive princess diana and secure the blood throne |
you aall act nice to me on this site but if i needed $60,000 for saline injections all over my entire body none of you would give a SHIT |
bullshit jeans. dont buy. made of some kind of rat hair. not denim. i took them to my priest and he refused to bless them |
"The Shitting Otaku" |
saying "augh" out loud every single time I move the phone away from my lap and reveal to my self, my pud, which looks like a coiled turd |
thgere should be a side quest in elden ring where you dm a bunch of guys gfs "Im sorry he cares more about his Fucking Stupid game than you" |
user "rat_thrower" has received a 500 minute ban for proposing a 28th constitutional amendment |
accosted by several of my followers last night.. would nnot fuck off, awful, screeching voices..overpowering urine smell. Terrible. Terrible |
"thanks for having a look at my fucking posts..." - the Chaotic man |
i speak for every mother fucker when i say i would pay gladly $100000 for a Mature version of Franklin the turtle show |
**instnatly teleports 1000 years into the future where theres millions of new things to have good opinions about* HUUhhauih, .. Uh.. BLuahgh |
glorious crime spree after being fired from wal mart., expertly hopping fences, chugging all the seeds out of my neighbors bird feeders, |
cameras are off now. everyones diapers are frozen to each other and 1000 us marines are now separating them all with swords. horrible scene |
there are two type of people in this world, people who know binary and mpeople who win the special olympics because there retarded. |
you utter fool. od not come in here asking to see rocky's dick. that is not the spirit of philly |
hackers are finding ways to inject jokes underneath my posts and i ask my subscribers to remain calm unti;l ive sorted this all out with 911 |
wow this 40lb bag of dog food is only $30... why do dogs get all the bargains |
id love to get attacked by a bird. id love for a bird to try to fight me. id love to smash it to bits with my bare hands. |
Some body is going to take a picture of their white house press pass with a load on it, by 2020 |
and folks.. we cant forget aobut Tennis Shoes (Audience boos.) Are you Tennis, or are you shoes? Who'd'y'a'think'ya're ? (Applause) |
ass is the most poisonous part of the human |
and today's Golden Toilet award goes to the cast of Weekend at Bernie's 1 & 2 ofr disobeying the noble qur'an. |
IF COOLTRAINERDUSTIN ACTUALLY HAD A CRYSTAL THAT U COULD GAZE INTO 2 SEE ALL EPS OF "MIND OF MENCIA" HE WOULD PRETTY MUCGH HAVE 2 SHOW ME IT |
i want to put on a really ugly shirt but i can't because of trolls. AAAGH **unscrews lightbulb from lamp, throws it into toilet, perfect aim |
one thing I will Not tolerate on this site is users organizing and planning "Orgies", also known as Group Sex. |
i roll a massive barrel labeled "Gangnam Content" into a lavish nyc party attended by high profile artists and accidentally crush a mans leg |
http://t.co/PlO3awKXRu i want to help the 3d dog give birth |
i left a diaper filled with pulled pork at 1 randomly selected radio shack in the united states. whoever finds it gets to #BringHomeTheBacon |
handsome single adutl man contracts scurvy after eating nothing but oscar mayer lunchables for 4 years and blames his dentist |
two truths & a lie: (1) i use the fatsuit from big momma house 2 as a corset (2) im in trouble at the dump (3) please dont reprint this info |
spent the last 14weeks creating enigmatic rock formations to distract cops while i pump all the fresh produce in town full of anabolic roids |
YoshiGod9 says that if you shit into a wasp nest they wont sting your ass because theyre too dumb to know what shit even is. Prove him wrong |
the classics(art carney, sid caesar) woud SHIT THEMSELVES if they saw these newer performers who INSIST on displaying their genitals always, |
i, turdghoul fuckass, swear to uphold the constitution of the united states of america, so help me Piss. ok sorry, now let me do it for real |
my reaction when people react to pictures of my reaction when im reacting to something good http://t.co/N0wsIZfLOS |
wife wont speak to me because i thought the movie "night at the muesum" was a porno film about a guy fucking suits of armor or something |
jungle of bad ass toilet attachments and accessories turned against me. robot arms shoving toilet paper in my mouth and restraining my dick |
glue man here, poking in to this site. big glue guy. just seeking atlanta house wife, miss Right Lady, to Glue me, to the glue |
I HAVE COMBED THE INNERMOST REACHES OF DARKNET TO BRING YOU THIS REALLY SICK PICTURE OF PEOPLE FUCKING EACH OTHER IN SUITS OF ARMOR |
yesterday i bought a 26ct bag of fun size snickers bars as penance for wasting a police man's time |
the worst thing you can do in death is make the R.I.P. on your grave actually stand for Racism Is Power |
AS THE GUILLOTINE SLIDES TOWARDS MY NECK, I PRODUCE A TINY BARBELL I'VE BEEN HIDING IN MY MOUTH AND LIFT IT WITH MY TONGUE. ONE LAST REP |
#AboveCowards |
this needs to be addressed. if you see me along the road, please do not intentionally ram me with your car. this is the 4th time this happen |
The absolute shit Im forced to put up with as a content Producer. Ive sacrificed my basic human rights in order to placate U fucking people. |
I Have beatten a game of solitare after having to restart only 26 times. I am a magnificent gamer prince |
oh every day i m getting Mail like, "It drives me Nuts! You are a fucked bitch, your posts stink my ass... But youre not wrong." and smiling |
telling secretary to hold my calls so i can spend some time lookinh at girls' avatars with a loupe |
everyones always using selfie sticks these days instead of attending lectures about string theory and shit and im so mad i could crank off |
dippin my head out there for some hardball strapthug coplikes to handle my doofus and preg me down ,no wise guy shit #nerdland |
obelisk rises from the volcano - what sorcery is this ??!! carved along its side are the words "POWER BIEBER"; 1600 birds myteriously die |
when i scroll too far down the google image search results for "rat" and start getting pics of ground hogs and shit... Lets talk about this. |
me and the boys pooled together our total life savings of $1789.34 in a last ditch effort to rescue the failing quiznos brand from the brink |
diddy's kong quest is soon to be considered a turner classic michelin star Kong Quest and gamer fans are screaming loud. |
- piss gback better
- shit back better
i will come up with more soon |
A MAD TYRANT has cracked the admin password for IRC chatroom #DiaperIsrael -- the entirety of DARKNET is in peril |
i forgot to take off my joke shock ring before jerking off and the joke is on me because i flipped out and shot loads all over my curtains |
mixing various wine's together and making authentic "Al dente" pasta by straining it one minute early, as instructed by the box |
CANT ATTEND GRANDMAS FUNERAL SHIRTLESS??? WISH I WAS IN THAT CASKEt |
stepping into fiveguys hq, just listing hundreds of brand new chef-inspired value combos off the top of my head. Boom. just like that. 1 2 3 |
what donest kill me makes me stronger ((gains infinite strength from being not killed by infinite things)) |
kneading my dick and nuts like a wad of dough on a bench at pay less shoe store. i do not appear to be enjoying myself. im frowning actually |
i would love to lift all of my pathetic, frail followers by the ankles and huck them like tomahawks |
that three stooge thing where you run around in circles on the floor horizontally is actually a vital component of my yakuza training |
buiyng a massive 30lb bottle of pills labelled "PussyAdvantage" for a girl on here who told me im like a more Honest version of Dane Cook... |
I Hope So http://t.co/tOuAGUy2j1 |
"And th mark...theyst fhall beckon..bearers of the Mask.. doth verily, andth post really good shit, online" nostradamus predicting Anonymous |
fully embracing the power of Social Media at the age of 56 and changing my name to Kim Jong Lexus |
slow transitioning my brand name to "Mr.Simplygood" over the couse of years 2022-2026. do not freak out |
im Sucking 1000 |
Pull up a chair kiddies, its Thread time.
Let's get to the point. I messed up. I said that the super bowl is a game show, when it cle(1/66) |
i was going to do it but I got scared |
us siamese twins need to stick together |
im a tennis ball and my primary mode of transportation is being pushed around by animal piss |
piss is the main threat. touching it, seeing it, etc |
unlike normal humans, geniuses do not like bull shit |
These are the most important jeans you will ever wear |
scenario: the air and space museum drops Space and becomes the Air and Spade museum, devoting large sections to David Spade and his comedies |
driving your car through my fence and bbreaking all my potted plants with a hammer and kidnapping my dog is little dick energy |