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might fuck around and post "The Masked Shitter" , as a sort of commentary on a certain tv show with a similar name |
i hate all of "Groupthink" , except for the groupthought that group thinks that groupthink is bull shit |
Fuck Otis. I will never follow a bastard such as this. |
let's talk about planes now. the pilots are flying them up too damn high. it's dangerous. I don't like it. got to make them lower |
ive never heard of this "europe" but it sounds like a big bunch of shit to me |
ill be hiding under the floorboards and snorting herbs for stress relief energy until i am ready to face my guinea pigs again |
Bloomberg Opinion has cleansed the earth with Absolute Fire once again! " this is Brouh Moment to me!! " |
groundhog sees a nude mans gyrating ass instead of shadow, predicting 6 weeks of erupting yellowstone supervolcano |
the dickwolfs controversey. Go #worstpickuplines |
pregcore |
guy who invented Prayer: This is so sick. Im going to get so much free shit from god. This is the cleanest scam yet. So glad I invented this |
perhaps one of my most egregious viral marketing blunders was inciting radical islam by reading my controversial Dick Clark tweets on vimeo |
"Clit Goon" is actively trying to avoid me, when I`ve stated repeatedly; if he comes forward with a genuine apology- I will not pursue him. |
#worldpenguinday please cancel whatever the fuck this is and make a global holiday for oinline content producers with ring worm please. |
"ah boo hoo hoo i want to post Foul comments to content leaders" Fat Chance, Dimwit. I will annihilate you under bulwark of the Law and God. |
im going to crush you in to powder. im gonna powder your ass |
my timeline.. is my empire. oftentimes i find my self scrolling through it and just taking it all in;, feeling little to no shame whatsoever |
do speak to me about the economy, Cuisine trends, and middle east things. dont speak to me abou joe dirts balls, and killing me. |
as far as im concerned. "fidget spinners" is DEAD IN THE WATER |
i pay good money to load my sons bag with treats, and if Erasmus Infowars Copfucker wants to devour them in the university library, so be it |
im a husband , i am a lover , i am a gamer, i am a Slave, im a nit wit, im a goalie, but above all else, im a Koch Brother |
my name is steve jobs. i am a successful ceo in charrge of the apple corporation. #Joke |
Can we stop the posts please guys. Can we all cool it with the gags, riffs, spoofs, and epic shit. People are trying to do mental health |
big biker dude pops a wheelie on harley & simultaneously unleashes a load of shit from his nude ass.his license plate says "Rape" #RapeJokes |
i have been carrying my prophet mohammed body pillow everywhere since i was 14 and i will never forgive the coyote who yanked it off of me |
Im not going to lie, it sucks shit that the ICU capacity is 0% but Im thinking they can squeeze me in for a tad if i raise enough of a fuss, |
hey whos this guy going around telling all of our troops about "eskimo pussy" |
posting my 680 credit score durihg peak girl hours |
"Master Distiller Jeff Arnett explains what makes Sinatra Select's character as smooth and bold as the man himself, Frank Sinatra." it piss |
COP: Tell me citizien. (prepares kill shot) Do you believe in God
ME (realizing i left my "Do you Believe in god" cheat sheet at home): Uuhh |
Cart Man |
lord knows i help my self from time to time... |
two cars in the garage, a white picket fence, and monster energy logos embroidered into both ass pockets |
id like to grab each of you by the ankles and dip your entire screaming head into a bucket of honey, everyone Ratios me, its all a setup |
oh so when a pro foorball player makes a fake GF everoyne sucks his dick but when nice boys like me do it the cops demolish her with batons, |
"my daughter is dying. Help"
no. i wil never sellout
"kfc's making a burrito out of pigeon turds. hit us up with that signal boost"
hell yes |
ihate it when a doddering Nanny yanks me by the ear lobe, right when im about to click "Like" on a big plate of sausages |
Im going to shut the computer off until people learn to be more mature about life. In tge mean time, suck my dick |
there are secret offices all over the country full of men in business attire who consume porn for 9 hrs and go home. they dont even jerk off |
Turds And Piss Found At Usama's Compound >> Decorated Royal Navy Commander Lenny 'Hotdogs' Burbit States As Follows: "He Loved Too Shit" |
due to the actions of bastards and human slime, my agent has advised me to deactivate my account for 18 hrs, to punish my disloyal followers |
laughing all the way to the bank, but only because the guy walking in front of me is wearing a twisted t-shirt............ |
you need to realize that when you make a joke about the queen dying it is the british version of 9/11. You are spitting in the face of 9 /11 |
i overhear 2 social media experts discussing hardcore brand strats for 2015. Next Level. i immediately duck into a restroom & hyperventilate |
im an adult, and i deserve to listen to the verison of the super bowl shuffle where thw word "Ass" is not censored by the referee `s whistle |
lknow what pisses me off?? people who drink milk and spit the milk back into their glasses while making a smug expression. also teenage . |
trying to drink a can of beer . |
A wieght gain tribute to Princess Daisy |
http://t.co/xaPZhpuOzf |
Im the guy who exclusively wipes his ass with the disposable seat covers |
im starting a new feature on twitter called "Are U for Real". Check it out |
dual wielding toilet paper |
incredibly handsome , charismatic famous boy credited with ending income inequality after saying that slumlords should be called "dumblords" |
its govenrment shutdown time mother fuckers *steals a shitload of small eggs from a bird nest* ha ha ha |
how do i add " GUNS " to my posts ........ |
me age 2: i love my data so much. my data is so fucking nice. if anyone stole my data id be pissed
me age 99: FUCK!! |
"not all los believe in shangri-la. I personally do believe there something to it. not gonna go into detail do to harrasment via youtube" |
i believe that while i was Resting, Aeris_Nader, the snake that he is, dropped a pinch of baking soda into my ass crack and poisoned me |
the most wild thing you can say when walking into a restaurant or a kitchen "it smells like fuckin food in here" |
i just found out tombstones have dead people underneath them. fucked up |
ah, i can smell it,. its just about ready. *opens the oven up and pulls out a sshitty burnt up ritz cracker* my perfect boy's lunch |
"CODGER LOOSES HIS LUNCH WHILE HAVING A WANK" |
ironing my suspender straps and treating them with powders... in the privacy of my study...making the nit wits and losers absoltuley furious |
the famous "dewey defeats truman" photograph except it's me holding up the hedaline that says jacking off cures prostate cancer |
You trying to eat the dried up tooth paste I spit up out of my mouth? You little pieces of Shit? |
if i had $1000000, or even $100000, i'd marry a woman with a completely unfuckable, solid gold Pussy. and i would look at it and say "Wow" |
CNN: SHITLOAD OF DEAD WOLVES FOUND IN NYC SUBWAY SYSTEM INSPIRES US ALL AS A NATION TO REFLECT UPON MOTHERHOOD AND PERHAPS OUR SELF'S |
please God if you're out there I ask that you turn my praying hands into bird seed so that I can no longer bother you with dumb ass reqUests |
the other son wipes his ass too much. goes thrugh absurd amounts of tissue & has effectively thrown any respect for my household to the Dogs |
Clipart Illustration of a Frustrated Cowboy Holding A Skunk That's Been Torturing His Farm With Stinky Spray |
number one— in february of '14 the woke mob called me "Gay" for defending my wifes decision to wear a hula skirt. ive since busted this myth |
went to sons baptism. i yeled "Not so fast Champ" and punched the priest & spalshed holy water around. i lost my child in the ensuing chaos |
just doing some nude sunbathing in this gender neutral target restroom. i hope i dont get my dick sucked |
im bringing back the "bean dog" shit, but . Ok hear me out. its nft now |
badboy Michael Jackson Rip 1958-2009 "Deth" http://tinyurl.com/l7atle #dead #iranelection #michaeljackson |
*drops Dunston Checks In on Laserdisc on the roulette table * king me |
i feel like some people don't appreciate the effort i put into TTNR. frankly, all i can do is feel embarrassed for you. it's a good feature |
thge concept of "forgiveness' is some stupid religious shit conceived to allow rich folks to beat the hell out of women #grammys #teambreezy |
rooting through some damn womens' purses. all of the things in these purses suck. i don't give a shit |
ernest shits himself stupid. ernest nuts him self #twistedErnestFilms #tgif |
(does some notes on a guitar) I Have been through my life a good man. I am a clever man (does some more notes and fucks it up) I m nice too |
you say "36,000 pounds of chicken nuggets recalled by the Tyson Foods corporation due to possible rubber contamination" ... i say "LUNCH' |
What The Fuck Is "Human Dignity" And Why Does It Have A Higher Metacritic Score Than "The Waterboy" |
mabye this decal of the troll face saying "DID YOU TRY RESTARTING IT??" will make the boys in IT respect me &stop kicking my cube walls down |
thats one small Ass for a man,. one tiny jeans for man kind |
at first i thought that Science was a shit waste of time. then somebody did a meme of it,. and now... hooboy.. now i like it |
I lvoe giving thousands of dollars to my real friends while kicking my fake friends asses |
a hair-thin string of spit slowly descends from my lips & delicately makes contact w/ my crumpled up dick. i raise my head & say"ok im good" |
ladys please step on my toxic male Ass! Go nuts stomping my ass out like a cigarette until I hate it! Until I think its a bad idea! |
my grave is just a huge tv displaying videos of me doing parkour in hell and it makes all the other graves look like shit |
200k/yr media job where we all wear sweater vests, kiss each other & try to convince people biden is technically a "Molester" not a "Rapist" |
ive just dipped every boxcutter in my house into a mug of real life brown recluse venom. Now's not the time to get stupid with my ass |
im laughing at this really good ad http://t.co/JMoAYCGH19 |
id like to be able to watch one Reba intro on youtube without seeing a bunch of comments from 3rd world nations threatening to "fuck" the WB |
if you dm me some dog shit business offer and dont immediately offer me a $10000+ Apology fee youre fucked more than anything ever |
Everoyone please. Stop sending in things like "Cum" when snack brands do the "guess the mystery flavor" contest. They will stop doing them |
gotta pick one man. the night ain't over until you pick a favorite pope. "all of them" is not an acceptable answer. "clement xii"?? Fuck you |
i love wearing clothes with words on them. like a fucking caveman |
NYT: retired Geologist from indiana proposes one Simple fact which will flip every thing you thought you knew about "THE N-WORD" on its head |
nobody believes me that once i was shitting in a cave & the sound of it hiting the floor replicated the Nintendo switch snap sound perfectly |