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100 | OOOH! I think that's a great idea. No, I had never thought about having flavors from the graveyard come back for Halloween, but I think the guys here... might work to resurrect them! | {
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101 | Wow, you're Korean. Are you a pop star? \n\n*psy* | {
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102 | You're both twisted. I love it. | {
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103 | That guy just broke up with a vegetarian.\n\nSource: been there, done that | {
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104 | Don't be ridiculous. As long as she keeps getting a steady supply of fresh human blood, she'll live forever. | {
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105 | I turned your comment (with some light editing) into a song called "Singin' It With You Girl": [http://clyp.it/snuwajho](http://clyp.it/snuwajho)\n\nEdit: Now that I'm rich (gilded), I'm rereleasing this song with an added verse. This will be the lead single on my Greatest Hits album, hitting shelves never: [http://clyp.it/womkgbxf](http://clyp.it/womkgbxf) | {
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106 | I always liked, are you casino Indian or slurpee Indian? | {
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107 | Holy shit, you guys look like twins. | {
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108 | He must have used a silencer. | {
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109 | or polio\n\nEdit: Thanks for the gold Stranger!, Glad my dark humour got a few laughs. | {
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110 | Tell me more. When did KFC stop delivering? | {
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111 | > "Excuse me sir, but why do you have all those penguins in the back of your truck?"\n\n"AM I BEING DETAINED?"\n\n | {
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112 | JUST AS DREAMY.\n\nJust as dreamy, ladies. Just as dreamy. | {
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113 | I think it's written somewhere that jeans are exempt from the usual washing expectations. | {
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114 | I spent way too much time thinking of shit like steel and iron and wondering what the fuck this is supposed to mean. | {
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115 | That's a good question! WOW!\n\nI would teach a course... nobody should take any class from me, let's prefix it with that, but if you're forced to take any class from me... I could teach a class on "How to be an awesome, badass chick who knows how to take apart & put together a gun blindfolded, make a four-course meal, and parallel park the shit out of a car."\n\nI mean, don't you think?\n\nThat would be my course. | {
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116 | There is a saying: "We are often too busy growing up to notice that our parents are growing old"\n\n[Edit: mfw piggybacked on top comment and everyone is gilded but me](http://www.strangemedical.com/images/content/190334.gif)\n\n[Edit2: mfw get guilded by kind stranger but then remember the impending mortality of my parents.]( http://38.media.tumblr.com/8a4c34da93d0c0e36178f9c6d32ee666/tumblr_n6gx9nnuIY1r4peomo5_250.gif) | {
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117 | I click baited you lol. | {
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118 | Very bad. And his legs will be roughed up from being in that position for so long.\n\nHe'll be a super-calloused fragile mystic, plagued with halitosis.\n\n\n | {
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119 | It's easier than developing your own character. | {
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120 | There is no sleep as comfortable as the sleep you shouldn't be sleeping | {
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121 | Thats when the artichokes come out\n\nE: :D thanks! | {
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122 | That's one of the reasons I liked Malcolm in the Middle, their house always had the look of poverty. It was dirty, messed up, poor yard, and appliances constantly breaking down. \n\nAlso they didn't live in indiana which a lot of shows are starting to do to make it look like you're simple/poor. ^^Come ^^on ^^people ^^I ^^live ^^here | {
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123 | To be fair,I never stop my wife from doing anything because I'm always wrong.\n\nEdit: obligatory thanks for the gold. Who knew lip-service to my significant other would yield sweet gold. | {
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124 | Would you say she's a *neigh*bor? | {
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125 | I'm sure she'll be surprised\n\nedit: [OP's anthem](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZaJYDPY-YQ#t=37) (NSFW) | {
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126 | At that point I wouldn't have even charged her. Just a slow clap would suffice | {
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127 | Your parenthesis to paragraph ratio is strong, bro.\n | {
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128 | I really wanted one of you to shout, "You!" and just start fighting each other for everyone's confused enjoyment. | {
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129 | /╲/\╭( ͡° ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ͡°)╮/\╱\ | {
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130 | "I was fucking 361 concubines a year which really pissed me off because it was 4 short of 1 concubine a day" | {
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131 | I slept with a guy who obviously also thought this, he got in and just chilled there, very strange experience. | {
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132 | **^crinkle ^crinkle ^crinkle**\n\n*...*\n\n**^crinkle ^crinkle ^crinkle**\n\n*...*\n\n***CRINKLE CRINKLE CRINKLE*** | {
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133 | No. That's too much for me to handle. | {
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134 | Great idea! http://i.imgur.com/7tsME.jpg | {
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135 | Out of curiosity, as a 265 lb 6'1" American, If I go to places where the Chinese tourists are cutting in line, how okay will it be for me to pick them up and start tossing them behind me like a corn harvester going through a field? | {
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136 | He learned that it ain't easy, bein cheesy | {
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137 | The timeframe is not immediate, but we should be concerned. There needs to be a lot more work on AI safety.\n\nAnd, with all due respect to the Roomba dude, that is not a concern\n https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Of2HU3LGdbo | {
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138 | Also, Abe and Charles Darwin were born on the exact same day. | {
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139 | That's disgusting. Were her nipples erect? Describe her areolas.\n\n\n(*thanks /u/Ergot16 and thanks /u/obscure_renegade. You both made my nipples perfectly erect. Check PM's for pics) | {
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140 | Actually after age 100 the struggle is off because very few people die after age 100. | {
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141 | Why not? Your mom did it with crabs. | {
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142 | "I masturbate, refresh the same webpages over and over, and hope that I'll muster up the willpower to tear myself away from the computer screen and do something worthwhile" | {
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143 | "Subject is deceased."\n\n"Subject is deceased."\n\n"Subject is deceased." | {
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144 | *[loading](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mc4c83zgSo1re3xqwo2_250.gif)*… | {
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145 | Don't forget the third ring...the suffering.\n\n\nSorry, had to. | {
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146 | ..... I don't think you want to know this but I know someone who used to do that, she would keep the load of the person before and video camera the whole deed then bake cookies with the previous persons soldiers and feed them to the next guy who came.... Pretty sure you ate cum cookies. \n\nEdit: I just woke up... Not how I wanted to get my 5 minutes of fame on Reddit but I guess I'll be known as the cum cookie guy.... | {
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147 | He's probably seen some fucked up stuff. Had to deal with the worst humanity has to offer. All that fighting, people dying. Also he was in the Marines. | {
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148 | Well that's one you just can't...passover. | {
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149 | I..... Have no idea how that would make me feel better... Sounds straight out of ed edd and eddy | {
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150 | "Well, first I'd Goog-"\n\n"YOU'RE HIRED!" | {
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151 | >For a group of fucktards \n\nFor the first five or so words of your sentence I couldn't tell if you were talking about isis or anonymous\n | {
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152 | Fun fact - from [IMDB](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005109/bio?ref_=nm_dyk_trv_sm#trivia). \n\n>Auditioned for the situation comedy That '70s Show (1998) at age 14. Though actors had to be at least 18 to get the role, she truthfully claimed she would be 18 on her birthday, not specifying which birthday, and won the role.\n\nOh Mila. You're so cheeky. | {
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153 | ... anything else slip your mind? | {
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154 | You had me at "Hello, world." ;)\n\nEdit: Thank you so much for the gold! I'm glad my cheesy comp sci humor was entertaining enough for you. | {
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155 | holy shit I didn't even know I did that it was blind | {
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156 | Like the groups of people who stop in the middle of congested hallways/sidewalks? AHH | {
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157 | Don't be a **nice** driver. Be a **correct** driver. | {
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158 | > He was taking her side until I showed him the video.\n\nI was thinking of a situation like this a while ago. 100% getting a dash cam now. | {
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159 | i would go totally overboard until he asked me to stop calling him sir. \n\n"Hey Jim, could you change the.."\n\n"OH YES SIR ROB, OF THE HOUSE COSTA COFFEE. I WILL LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU, MY LORD." | {
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160 | That comma was important.\n\n\nEdit: I would like to thank the Academy and the kind stranger for the gold. | {
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161 | Male social worker, here. Pretty much on the same page. | {
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162 | "Oh I'm not being persecuted, I'm just an asshole." | {
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163 | Oh god. This is the worst one here. | {
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164 | ಠ_ಠ I appreciate your anonymous Internet honesty, but as a firefighter I gotta say fuck you. | {
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165 | We call that one Beyblading. "Let em rip!" | {
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166 | My husband said this should not be considered a harmless prank because if it happened to him someone would be harmed. | {
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167 | Whenever *anything* goes wrong and I'm driving I turn down the volume. \n\n* Ambulance behind me? Turn down volume. \n* My friends in the back start arguing? Turn down volume. \n* I'm trying to parallel park? Turn down volume. \n* Someone flips me off? Turn down volume. \n* Someone cuts me off? Turn down volume. \n* Someone doesn't use their blinkers? Get angry and tell Reddit about it. | {
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168 | But beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder | {
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169 | Dude. The pastabilities would be endless | {
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170 | Uhg! Those disgusting strip clubs with girls on their periods! I mean, there's so many of them though! Which ones? Which strip clubs have these girls on their period? | {
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171 | ya but how much is an eighth where you live | {
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172 | this is fucking hilarious | {
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173 | What do you call a cow with two legs? \n\nYour mom. | {
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174 | My Great great-grandfathers slave-master. | {
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175 | those quad gainz tho | {
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176 | Jenny is Butters' new bottom bitch. | {
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177 | I do this all the time. If I've met you, and I think you're cute, you're damn right I've thought about our cottage by the sea and our townhouse in the city. And the names of our two dogs. | {
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178 | "Sans Oculus"\n\nEDIT- Thank you for my first and second golds ever, anonymous redditors! I'm glad I could brighten your day! | {
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179 | A long time ago I wanted to do a story that involved some really big magnets that I had gotten hold of and told the producer about it. He said\n"Jamie, how many times do I have to tell you that the show is called Mythbusters, not 'Jamie and Adam build weird shit' ". I guess I would like to just build weird shit. | {
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180 | Thats 16,666,666,675,000 150ug hits of acid. At $10 a hit thats over $166 trillion dollars or you could give every person on earth over 2000 hits of acid. | {
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181 | She seems WAY more reasonable than 99% of the world's population. | {
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182 | Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?\n\n"Ask your sister"\n\nI don't have a... | {
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183 | Sometimes it's buried in a service menu and you have to hold three buttons and sacrifice a goat to Satan while the TV turns on to access it. | {
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184 | Or if she goes "Stop!" and you go "Hammer time!" and just go faster. | {
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185 | "That's amazi.. Oh, nevermind." | {
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186 | This can't be true. It's too much. | {
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187 | Or one person enough of a single dosage to stop time and speak with the Dragon lords. But only for 6 seconds. Worth it. \n\nParamedics would arrive and find you standing on the liquid lsd in the center of the pool. Just standing there. | {
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188 | Had to talk to my kid about searching for porn of girls his own age. Ugh. | {
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189 | Why is that "perfect" thing almost always have me in a muscle-cramping hell or right when I'm on the edge and need to slow down else I'm going to explode? | {
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190 | Is it because you think you are fat? cause your not, you could drink whole milk if you wanted. | {
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191 | It pisses me off because you can tell they spent literally all of their budget on the Kate Upton commercials. I mean, they didn't even have enough money left to come up with a legitimate name. | {
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192 | Actions speak louder than attempted kisses. | {
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193 | Ah, the Just-Ass League. | {
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194 | >All of this, ALL of this and she still finds no problem kissing me after I have licked her asshole.\n\nUntil this point I thought it was time you got a new girlfriend, but now I think she's a keeper. | {
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195 | People ask you that?\n\nEdit: I dont know i got gilded twice but Im not complaining. | {
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196 | That's as many as 23 tens. \n\nAnd that's terrible. | {
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197 | Hell, I can't even look mine up online. | {
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198 | The more expanded version (but not quite so clean):\n\nWhy do elephants paint their balls red?\n\nTo hide in cherry trees\n\nWhat's the loudest noise in the forest?\n\nA giraffe eating cherries. | {
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199 | "I had sex with your daughter last night and I was wondering... would it be ok if I took her to a movie or something like that?" | {
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