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300 | >Never trying to make it a racial issue, but note to thyself be aware of everything going on and do not stereotype \n\nmakes it a race issue | {
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301 | There are few swords that cut so deep as the blade of unrequited love. | {
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302 | Your mom sounds like a very unhappy person. | {
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303 | TIL Canada has eliminated the penny. | {
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304 | Your brother pulled it to your video. | {
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305 | Uh, no. Not really.\n\nThere was a slight disagreement between whites and non-whites. But that wasn't a really big deal. | {
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306 | >every hispter douche has a beard now\n\n>I've had a beard for 10 years\n\nIDK man somethin ain't adding up here | {
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307 | Subject is alive, applying shotgun.\n\nSubject is deceased. | {
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308 | Evolutionary instincts made your words seek higher ground. | {
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309 | Can you help me with Kerbal Space Program? | {
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310 | You spelled bitch wrong.\n | {
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311 | two kids and a divorce. | {
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312 | I saw someone spit in that thing once | {
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313 | I.... did you just do it again?\n\nEdit: I DIDN'T DO IT. YOU DON'T KNOW ME, YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE. YOU CAN'T JUDGE ME! | {
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314 | To add to this, people on TV or in movies barely glance at the road while they have a conversation and drive. If you're maintaining eye contact with the passenger, how do you even know to move the steering wheel so much?\n | {
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315 | I dream in english. That actually happened, later in life, but now I dream in english. When I learned to speak english fluently, my dreams changed to english.\n\nStrange, *right?* | {
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316 | There is a great quote by Churchill: "If you're going through hell, keep going." | {
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317 | My current significant otter does something similar. They put a paper bag over my head when we're making love. It's so I don't get anything in my eyes. | {
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318 | I've known for months. | {
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319 | I was confusing Dickinson for Dickens and this story was REALLY interesting for a minute. :-P | {
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320 | i would have to say the messages on his voicemail. | {
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321 | ... and then we'll have a nice cold pint and wait for all this to blow over. | {
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322 | I'm so glad that didn't turn into a "Mark Hamill is a douche." That would've crushed me. | {
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323 | Shot through the head?\n\nBlown up by a JDAM?\n\nCrushed by a tank?\n\nExploded by a grenade?\n\nBeepBeep BZZZZZRTTT\n\nGood as new!\n\nHighly relevant: http://i.imgur.com/LPoPe1I.png | {
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324 | They've even got pirates | {
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325 | Any time I see a post in /r/all where I don't understand at least half of the words in the title, it's a League of Legends post. | {
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326 | Dude you're dating a magic 8 ball. Ask about the future! | {
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327 | It's a quarter after one, there's feces on my bum and I need you noooooooooooow. | {
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328 | We were wearing different clothes, but as we were both into the same music/scenes our clothes were usually jeans and the obligatory black band t-shirts.\n\nEdit: A [photograph of my brother and I](http://i.imgur.com/2ZEPYfE.jpg) from around that period in time. | {
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329 | I thought you meant 12-15 was your age... I was worried. | {
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330 | Average male, here. Pretty much on the same page. | {
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331 | Islamic State Denounces Comcast; "Too extreme," said Caliph Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi | {
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332 | "Hello do you have a moment to speak about our lord and savior Freedom?" | {
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333 | Its amazing how much $20 is worth when you don't have $20. | {
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334 | And sinus medication in the... *Perfume department* | {
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335 | "What is this lump?"\n\n"You have cancer." *eats Cheetos* | {
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336 | Reddit: Bringing you the news before the news. Now how about some of that sweet video of him being taken down? | {
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337 | "So sorry madam, ah slappeh de ass mistakenment." | {
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338 | >July 2012\n\nNever forget. | {
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339 | Nah. I hear she's shacked up with some super awesome guy now who has a monster penis...and is really batman. \n\nEdit: gold for a dick joke. I love you reddit. | {
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340 | After a few years of being asked this, it turned into, "Why don't you have a girlfriend? Are you gay? It's okay to be gay." | {
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341 | It would have to be with all those sticks up in there. | {
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342 | Dude when you win a medal in the goddamn olympics your penis can be however you want.\n\n*You earned it.* | {
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343 | How else are you supposed to start your girlfriend in the morning?\n\nEdit: Thanks for my first ever gold! | {
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344 | I agree. It is not particularly evil, but it is a misdeed that completely altered that guy's life. Honestly, it sounds like a pitch for a mediocre romantic comedy. | {
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345 | You belong in the mental health field. | {
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346 | The kind that comes from Katy Perry's tits. | {
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347 | not nearly as many as i'd like. | {
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348 | I have not played WOW in probably 5 years! Yes, I used to play. I played a *LOT.* I was in a guild, I led raids, I was a pretty badass mage. I had multiple characters. I was a frostmage, I think, by the time I stopped playing? But no, I stopped playing when everyone started having children. I was level 70, I quit at level 70, before the expansion pack. | {
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349 | Well thought-out answer. On behalf of the whole community, thank you. | {
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350 | Men: if you girl gets mad because you're too quiet in bed, next time as you blow your load, make a noise like a screaming eagle. She will no longer bother you about it. And probably break up with you.\n\nSource: my life. | {
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351 | Did you use it as a rudder to impress her?\n\nEdit: Yay for new top comment! 😊 | {
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352 | Imagine if the Pope cancelled his meetings with high officials and instead went to where the children were being held and demanded they be freed. Go full Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom on them. | {
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353 | Yeah, they were great | {
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354 | Your performance in the ring was really impressive, but being the bigger man outside the ring is more worthy of applause in my book. | {
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355 | This isn't exactly how the story went. \n\nThey brought in free/reduced price powered milk, said it was better for babies. Then started charging outrageous prices for it when the mothers could not longer provide milk themselves. When people couldn't afford it, many babies starved and died. | {
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356 | Mario Kart Double Trash. | {
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357 | http://i.imgur.com/K070I5Q.jpg | {
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358 | Pretty sure it's hereditary. So yeah, they know. \n\nAnd your mom likes huge dicks. I'm not talking shit, just, you know, science. | {
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359 | Funny to think how your action probably influenced the life of these drug dealers there. Well they might have gotten caught eventually anyway, but imagine if they ever found out THIS is why they got busted. | {
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360 | Everyone is impressed by record-holders. | {
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361 | If it makes you feel better, as a tall black guy I feel really weird when I'm walking behind a white girl going in the same direction, but it seems like I'm following her. Sometimes I'll just stand in place and check my phone to let her know I'm not a stalker, then resume walking once she's a good distance away \n\n/weirdsocialthings | {
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362 | Go sit in a corner for 35 years and think about what you've done. | {
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363 | Probably compensating for the son he always wanted.\n\n---\n\nEdit, 3 hours later: Holy crap, the replies guys, they're fucking excellent too! | {
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364 | "Jack sparrow? You're about the worst pirate I've ever heard of"\n\n\n"Ah, but you have heard of me" | {
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365 | Aw thank you so much. A little thing called "a pregnancy" got in the way of me and production. But I wish them all the best, and I'm sure the movie will be hysterical. | {
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366 | If you got reddit mold 50 times, it disabled every letter except M, P and H, so all people could say was MMPH! MMMPHH! MPH! | {
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367 | how do you feel about people who pronounce your name "wang butt" | {
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368 | Well, to be fair, it was the only card they could get approved for. | {
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369 | Fucking Passion of The Christ got me on this one, i was like no way bro. | {
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370 | You stay the fuck away from me. | {
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371 | we found the "happily" married guy! | {
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372 | Dried parts of a cow that had Parkinson's | {
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373 | "Yeah fuck that guy... wait a second" | {
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374 | yeah its like you are able to get inside her and understand her. | {
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375 | Mm, urinal cakes.\n\nEDIT: Thank you for the gold. I'm glad my potty humor can pay for server uptime. | {
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376 | Steve Irwin died the way he lived - with animals in his heart! | {
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377 | Yeah but they were just gonna "meet up for some kisses". | {
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378 | Won't stop her from punishing you for being late for dinner. | {
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379 | SCANDINAVIA DOES TOO COUNT YOU CHEEKY TWAT! | {
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380 | Yes, I play with myself. There, I said it. | {
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381 | Elaborate on this cum box, please. | {
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382 | The great thing about sea monsters is that they're completely avoidable. Godzilla can come and fuck up a city, but you could stand on a beach and throw rocks at a sea monster and they couldn't do shit.\n\nAlso is Godzilla considered a sea monster? Cause if he is and he's reading this, I didn't mean that part about throwing rocks at sea monsters. | {
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383 | I read that as Kate Upton and Wiz Khalifa at first and thought, "This man knows what he wants, even though it may be strange." | {
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384 | I watched a Jet Li documentary once where he demonstrated how it was possible to kill your twin and absorb their power. | {
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385 | Girl my arteries are so hard right now\n\n *wink*\n\n\n *breaks eye* | {
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386 | Six callers ahead of us, Jimmy! | {
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387 | I seriously beat her into next Wednesday. I thought I was getting brownies.\n\n**edit** There are too many people thinking that this was a serious comment. I didn't actually hit her for the joke. | {
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388 | It is true. I have been the duck. | {
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389 | Perfect. I've always wanted a Jaguar. All I have to do is stop wasting my money on these damn floors. | {
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390 | move her someplace she isn't pregnant then. | {
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391 | "I don't know what you're implying but I'll do anything for this job" | {
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392 | I really hope it was "I'd put cream on your fajita as fast as a cheetah" | {
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393 | Likewise during the 2012 Olympics he tweeted something like "I think break-dancing should be an olympic sport lol" to which Frankie Boyle responded something like "How about mixed-gender boxing? You'd have a shot at the gold there mate." \n \n**Edit** Found it! \n \nhttp://www.tntmagazine.com/media/News/chrisbrowntweet.jpg\n\n**Another edit** 2012 Olympics, not 2009 | {
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394 | Thats not what she tells me.. | {
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395 | Where the fuck else do goldfish live? | {
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396 | The actual last words were:\n\n>You be good, see you tomorrow. I love you.\n\nThese were the same words that the parrot would say every day when his owner left the lab.\n\nhttp://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1661695,00.html | {
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397 | "Morning son, how's your wife?" \n\nDad, I'm five. | {
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398 | If the waiter would have brought them their check first they'd have been offended because it implied they wanted the black people to leave early, or that the black people were going to skip out on the bill. You can read almost anything into a situation you want if you try hard enough. | {
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399 | Although this Geico one has the right idea \nhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvcj9xptNOQ | {
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