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DepressionDetection

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i don t know if i have depression anymore a few year ago i wa convinced i did since i didn t have much joy left in my hobby game or many show and i know when this thing all started back in primary school i m in uk there wa this autistic kid named patrick he appeared nice at the beginning but i had a bad feeling about him i felt bad that i did since he wa autistic and back then i wa told that you should never judge someone because of appearance or disability for that i wanted to be his friend along with everyone else after a few day of trying i realised why i had the bad feeling it turned out that patrick wa a bully and he always called me name and pushed me and hit me every time i wa even near him and of course i went to a teacher guess what they did drumroll nothing they said he couldn t help it because he wa autistic this went on for a year after a year of this the other boy in the class joined in and called me name and i only had friend through all of this let call one b and the other l when i wa hanging out with b she offered a sweet they had one of and i wa thankful for her kindness the next day b told l that i stole it from her and i now lost my only friend another year of this and still nothing but i had one friend we ll call her m m wa a girl i liked i matured fast after a while of hanging out with m i asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes month of more bullying but being with m i wa sad about not having friend but happy that i wa with m m slowly stopped hanging out with me and soon enough she started hanging out with b month later me and m were over m wa always talking to b i talked to no one i stopped going outside apart from school whenever m asked me to come outside i never said yes anymore i just sunk myself into a rabbit hole of youtube video p game and especially fortnite when it wa popular after summer holiday i went back to school and i gave up on making friend or doing work that year i always got mad whenever someone insulted me and i walked out of the classroom still teacher did nothing they actually called my carers and said i might have autism or anger issue absolutely ignoring the fact i wa being bullied right in front of them it definitely didn t help that the teacher for our class wa always on the girl side and soon enough i felt like i wanted to murder some of my classmate and i forgot to mention that i became friend with one of the boy that bullied me last year but he didn t really talk to me much after i started reading news story about depression abuse treatment of kid mental health etc and i came to the conclusion that adult couldn t help in this situation so i had to stop my anger before it even started i tried to stop sleeping because i thought if i wa tired enough my brain would be to weak to show emotion i soon enough had no friend didn t get much sleep didn t go outside apart from school and that s only through the course of and a half year primary i decided i wa gon na better myself and actually do my work i got to level in subject i talked to my friend more i became friend with m again after m and b had a fight they stopped being friend so in that year the teacher were the true problem and patrick of course let s call teacher one c and no d d wa the one i hated the most d intentionally made fun of the fact my dad left my mother when i wa born d also heard patrick call me name and hit me and breathe in my face multiple time i burst out of the room and went outside then d found me and acted like he didn t know what happened the deliberately said get back inside or i ll call your dad that made me so angry that i shouted right in his face and i went back inside angrily patrick still annoyed me and still teacher ignored it after covid erupted we went off school and it wa great skip to primary and patrick finally started getting in trouble by one teacher only teacher c after a while of him actually getting in trouble he came up with a plan he decided to tell teacher c to go home and kill themself and when it happened teacher c went out with watering eye and the head teacher came in and said to him patrick that s not nice don t say it again teacher c still got him in trouble and he gave up on stopping her nothing much happened that year he still bullied me but i tuned all of it out since i couldn t care anymore nor could i get angry anymore all my anger wa used up now i m in s and people call me emo just because of my long fringe no one want to be friend with me everyone annoys me for no reason most of my primary school friend are no longer talking to me i gave up do i have depression

im a y o male child sex abuse victim i wa molested by an uncle at pre school age along with my younger brother this disgusting trauma ha cast a shadow over my entire life and now that im in a period of increasing loneliness and hopelessness i think im just gon na leave i have so many social difficulty from this so many thing are 0x harder for me for so many reason it ha basically destroyed my ability to feel any worth in myself to feel like i deserve anything on top of this i deal with persistent chronic pain im seriously drowning lost everyone who made me happy and the focus in my life is never on me always a second thought to even my own parent my grandpa keep a gauge in his closet that im going to use to splatter my head later

i got an instagram ad for microdosing ketamine to treat depression uhhhhhhhhhhhh

to transcode a 00mb wmv to a 00mb flv file without loss of quality possible or not anyone know everything i try is terrible

hitting the gym afterwards looking forward to rewiring my studio yet again

surprised how little i miss having a house or car or really any of my other worldly possession but i do miss my dog

it s kind of funny isn t it

it s not that had to understand

another set of ipod earbuds dying left going quiet apple charge gbp 0 for replacement better option at around that price point

i don t have enough med to od myself i m afraid of pain so i cant slit my own neck if emotional agony can kill me then i would have died a million time over already

i came from my ex boyfriend year ago i lived year only like i wa breathing air and nothing more no interest no hobby no people only my room an pc and game i went trough some trauma and i thought someone found me a a person he heard me everything but couple day ago he got sick a he turned 0 he doe not care nothing i dont know what to do what to think i am overthinking about the worst thing that he will leave me after all i said to him did to for him everything i am in really bad condition due to my friend suddenly passed away depression and threatening a he did not handle it so yes he took his life i really miss the person who can i talk write i dont know what have i done i bought perfume for me i wrote to him he didnt even notice we were playing together but now we not when i asked him what is wrong with me he said nothing but when he played yesterday and i waited for him he played with his friend i literally cried the whole evening i feel i am not enough and i think when he will be fine it wont be like before

i want my cereal but we re out of milk

myocardium dl shikista could be heart broken depression is yasiat

i m going to be in le then a week i d do anything to just go back a year or two restart highschool and actually pay attention fucking pas at least there s no fucking way i pas this year there s no fucking way i graduate by senior year i have 0 fucking friend to celebrate with but i would i even celebrate why would i celebrate being with absolutely jack shit going for me congrats your fucking failing highschool no friend just got broken up with no career i mean there is absolute jack fucking shit going for me i waited so long for this day because i wanted to join the military and you can at but i ve already ruined my gpa i m just done with even trying anymore everything i do nothing going to change the fact imma failure advice fucking pay attention in highschool and don t try to fit in with people who were never there for you

who is the mastermind behind depression due to nepotism theory and why wa this theory encouraged by mupo even when no suic de note wa found from the crime scene ip nupurprasad drjitendrasingh doptgoi pmoindia hmoindia ip association ssr social medium compromised

depression over nike shoe which your own mother might have bought what disrespect too is this

ambermatson it s terrible isn t it don t expect many earthquake in euruope certainly not bad one

i m frankly disappointed and offended that there is a blogger writing against fu penguin

i forgot my phone in my car but i m too scared to go outside and get it

our trip ha been canceled see the latest blog post for info http kiwinova blogspot com

worst dream ever and not my usual nightmare either the worst part is it probably gon na come true

sarahlsharp oops feel like i m breaking a few heart now

i always wonder how much of my anxiety justifies thing and how much it doesn t like when i have no energy and just wan na lay in bed and do absolutely nothing when it feel like i can t do anything or when i feel so drained when i feel to anxious and can t breathe or when i get physical symptom like upset stomach etc when this get in the way of school work or well lack of school work how much of it is my fault or not my fault is it just an excuse but it s really hard and doesn t feel like an excuse or am i making mysef just believe that i m struggling but i m not so confusing just wan na sleep all day

it s one thing to feel bad mentally but when i m constantly feeling physically ill a well it make trying to get myself to do positive thing so much harder i can never just feel okay not mentally or physically always in some sort of pain and always feeling like shit then when you ask for help you just get out on a month waiting list

januarycrimson sorry babe my fam annoys me too thankfully they re asleep right now muahaha evil laugh

school connectedness anxiety and depression recent evidence and young people s perspective activeingredientsmh from national elf service blog http t co cjfjwx rfh

i seen it all out here i ve dealt with the younger generation which i don t mind for some of them are very respectful but then again some just turn it around and just want to be with an older woman for sex where are the compassionate people anymore in this life i m screaming out for someone to listen a i would listen to you i don t want to die but i m so tired of this life

depression is my friend

so my wife ha clinical depression she wa diagnosed two year ago and ha actively been taking medication i won t lie it get hard sometimes but i m trying to understand this more and more so that i can maintain my own stability and mental health while helping her when i can anyhow so from an outsider s point of view sometimes it feel like my wife experienced something or doe something and then the depression symptom happen sometimes they boil over and sometimes you go back into therapy to help when i ask she say nothing specifically happened she just doesn t feel good is this common can yo help understand how some of you experience an onset of symptom tl dr trying to understand to be there for my wife

man my internet is slow atm

jennifermf i know i m a night owl by nature hahaha am i a time zone behind you it s almost here

the angel is going to miss the athlete this weekend

too much traffic on the a can t wait till all 0 lane are ready 0 0

yayfuckbuddies haha i would but you won t

i ve been super depressed this year sure but i don t think it s gon na come yet i remember when i wa young when robin williams killed himself it really shook me because like i understood like my response wasn t being sad necessarily it wa well i get it it s weird i don t know i almost don t even feel emotional saying this one time a couple week ago i wa smoking weed and my heart kind of skipped a beat in a weird way and i thought good i wa like this would be an easy way to solve everything like it would be a relief to die then and there people don t think that right that s weird that i thought that why don t i fantasize about good thing anymore why don t i have oscar acceptance speech in my mirror why don t i think about my dream girl all i ever think about is how hard it ll be to get where i want to be and how i ll probably be when i meet the loml and i ll have no time to do anything fun with her anyway all i ever imagine is the bad stuff i think if you told me that there wa some kind of afterlife that some religion wa right i d do a little research to know what to expect and then probably jump out a window it just make sense right like what am i living for here yeah yeah i have friend and family that love me cool but is that really what s keeping me here guilt that s not a great reason for living and then it just get me it s like am i gon na work for another decade before i can get to a place i wan na be am i gon na be going on 0 by the time i m actually feeling progress in the meantime what the heck happens am i just sad and hurt all the time not worth it i wish i could just learn what my fate wa going to be so i could make an informed decision on whether i should be alive or not i don t know i m not gon na do anything now but like i feel like this isn t normal to think about

gaspitsnicole sigh me too mostly i midd hsnging out with my friend damn growing up p

sore throat please god don t make me sick sleep time night all x

fuck omg austin always there though man lt love you

hairpin haha well what make you think you don t use big word too sadistic p what did i say any way and no i don t sorry babe

stats feed what an irony finland is the happiest country in the world and it still fall under top 0 country with highest rate of depression irony aparanjape chetan bhagat anandmahindra hvgoenka sardesairajdeep

making a short video window movie maker ha crashed for 0th time but my middle name is perseverence p should finish the video soon

i doubt theyd care but at the same time i dont wan na die alone he s the only person i have in my life and our friendship is most likely going to end once he move away but it s going to leave me in shamble i m probably going to attempt soon after he leaf but thats the thing i dont wan na die completely alone yes i still feel a if i have nobody by my side even though we re pretty close but regardless of that i just want to die knowing at least one person will give somewhat of a fuck about me

evicted

amp usually get anxious excited expectant whenever they pick up their phone to refresh their page for new content it often lead to depression amp anxiety disorder

mental health scientist find out more about the new wellcomementalhealth award a major new funding opportunity investigating the causal mechanism underpinning effective intervention for anxiety depression and or psychosis webinar pm mar http t co moqw 9zd t

man do crime society woman s he is a criminal he is a monster bla bla bla woman do crime from decade society woman s itself it s depression it s self defence woman would defend anything done by their fellow sister http t co mk j c jsh http t co zjbnbowzjn

i have social anxiety but over the last couple month i ve become more and more scared of people im not talking about the social aspect but about the behaviour of people they can be so agressive some people at my school just have no shame and wan na fight you etc and it really really scare me and make me so anxious it make it so hard to just go out and go to school

i really don t know how to put it into word but i ve been working on my anxiety for the past few year and over time my anxiety attack become le frequent but like today there are some day where my dream are filled with everything that give me anxiety work life issue etc then i wake up with chill having an anxiety attack i feel so strong for even working on my anxiety by myself in the first place but the time i have em dream i just want to give up and be shut out because of how much it throw my headspace off

it s just a constant reminder that you don t really have any friend seeing everyone having fun laughing hanging out with eachother and then there s me depressing awkward and lonely i fucking hate it i just can t take it every single day being reminded of how much of a sad loser i am

i m m on a super low dose of buspar all thing considered i think i like it i ve been on it since mid december and break a mg tablet in half and take that x a day so basically mg a day overall it feel pretty good for me minimal side effect other than i can t drink on it alcohol isn t a huge part of my life but i ve always enjoyed meeting friend or coworkers at a bar for or beer for a couple hour once a week that amount is enough for me to get a little buzz have a more lively conversation but also still wake up without a hangover now with buspar after drink i get drunk but not in a good way in like a very confused dumb clumsy and sleepy kind of way i ve basically just cut alcohol out of my life which doe have some benefit i don t spend a much money i don t eat late night fast food no more groggy hangover no staying out late no beer belly but on the other hand i ve basically become a social recluse part of the reason i started taking buspar wa because of my social anxiety and in day to day life such a work and parenting and just going about my day a normal i feel like it s improved but so much of going out in the evening with friend or coworkers or new friend or new coworkers involves drink and a that s no longer an option i ve just kinda found myself le and le interested in going out with people who i know are going to have a night out of drinking not entirely sure how to proceed

is about to kill off one of her favourite character dawww

why do i get hot easily and my anxiety get really bad where i need to leave whether it s the gym or doing my nail i have no problem socializing but i fine myself needing to leave situation when i start feeling like this it s so consuming can someone help

this is it i m sorry but i can t do this anymore i m tired and alone and i used up my resource to help me survive but it s over now i know my ex will be happier without me around and i know he will take care of our cat a i would it s going to suck not being alive anymore but i m done struggling to breathe i m exhausted i m bled dry i hope my friend and family can forgive me

deepbluesealove my mom amp dad both get up around too early for me

i have a friend group at school yet i feel lonely and helpless i have anxiety and depression i ve always been a big guy 9 0 pound and i ve always been bullied for it i can t get a girlfriend because i m ugly and socially awkward i can t focus on school because i m always tired i can t talk to anyone about my feeling because i hate letting people into my bubble i miss the happy and innocent me at young age my mom left me with my grandma i hate to think what s gon na happen once she dy i hate myself i m ashamed of myself i wan na kill myself i m such a pussy i m afraid that god is real and i ll be punished i m afraid that when i die it will all be black and boring i don t know what s gon na happen if i do it if i fail straight to a hospital if my life doesn t get better i ll do it i hope if i do it i ll be reborn a someone normal and start over

i have bi polar disorder and per my therapisti have dismisive atrachment issue but right now i am struggling probably worse than i have in a while in a drunken fit i deleted almost all of the number in my phone so i had no one to reach out to i even called by sister but found myself hanging up after the first ring because i don t want to bother her i am in a low point right now and i can t pull myself out of it i feel so weak my life is the best it ha ever been i have all of the reason to be happy and yet i am here i right now contemplating feeling like i am at the end of my rope i have the life i have always dreamed of and i just feel like i can t hack it anymore i can feel myself breaking at the seems my thought are everywhere i do y know where i am at right now but i am scared i feel like of i reach out to my family they will say i am doing it for attention

well the pc in my living room suffered a fatal partion lost all my itunes library is gone and some doc with pic

hello everyone i just want to share a quick post with you all anxiety is such a disabling state to be in it crushed my life for some time causing a series of tragedy in my life i wa able to cure myself completely of all anxiety forever because i did it i know all can do it it take mental sacrifice and self discipline first i found that anxiety is closely related to thought thought of the past and thought of the future i sat in silence for a long time watching the thought the emotion that came with it until i realized that thought do one thing they take you out of reality reality is now now in this very moment a thought carry a tag with it a tag of past or future something will not go right in the future for you something terrible may happen how do i avoid this impending disaster what will i do i found that when these thought occurred nothing terrible wa actually happening to me we are only imagining something terrible happening it is almost like daydreaming it is not real further it go against reality the future is not here only now is here whatever now is for you maybe this laptop a screen a wall an iphone in a car that s where you really are bring yourself to the present moment where you are always real true and safe similarly with the past it doesn t exist now i know you will say it doe but when you think of anything in the past you are imagining it now remembering is imagining it is a thought if you don t believe me go in the mirror look at yourself and tell me if you have any past hanging off of you do you see it anywhere do you see the future anywhere or do you just see yourself now a you are safe in the mirror thought are not you they are seen by you and you have the power to simply ignore it if it suck you in become conscious of the now where you can bring yourself back to safety lastly i found out the greatest truth in the universe through spiritual contemplation meditation stillness and surrender i found that this world and my body are not who i am that i am the light that shine on all experience the light that illuminates thought and even illuminates my body my identity shifted behind me to the great mystery of life i now know that whatever happens is not under my control in life i am just the light and this light embrace and becomes everything in the universe aye the universe is contained in this light and we are it therefore whatever may happen to my body to my illusory identity it totally fine because i have always been here and will always be here so will you because it is all one thing you can not be told this or learn it you just have to find yourself or rather lose yourself your identity your belief it is a process of humility humbleness internal poverty and surrender become nothing and you will find that you are everything that ever is wa or shall be you are all safe everywhere blessing and love for you all

jsparsons i am starting my prep for the pmp exam tomorrow can relate the feeling

want someone to come back

shes been saying nasty comment about my body since i wa like they used to tell me i needed to stop eating and stuff like that snd it been destroying my body image i feel like no one will ever love me if im not unhealthily skinny i starved myself for a good while like year ago and lost a lot of weight i then hot depressed a hell and gained it all again she still say some nasty comment last night she said of course it not good that you were starvinh yourself but it mustve been so nice to find clothes that fit right dont you miss that i just want her to think im pretty and the kind of daughter she want

i feel guilty of everything i feel guilty for telling people my problem and burdening them when they re dealing with worse i feel guilty because when people dump their problem on me i can t handle it anymore it s so selfish of me i hate myself for it so much but when people dump their problem on me i just want to kill myself because i m exhausted i m exhausted of helping people i ve been doing it since i wa 0 and i feel so guilty for being exhausted i cut myself over and over for being so selfish

now i don t want this to turn into either a political debate or an echo chamber of fear but doe anyone else find it really hard to think about the future between covid climate change the far right and war i ve been feeling increasingly doomed since 0 and it s made it very difficult to live my life what is the point of setting goal or doing anything but spending time with your loved one when it seems like there might not be a tomorrow

etnobofin even google translator doe not get it

i got broken up with overnight a year relationship because she thought for a week that she s falling out of love i am absolutely devastated i can t carry on with my life and truly am considering ending it all i think i am gon na do it because she wa the only one for me what is the best way not to hurt your family thanks

i ve lost year of my life to the pandemic i became a slob i forgot how to care for basic hygiene and everything i own is tight and uncomfortable i have no job or any motivation to find one i waste away everyday but during all of the last two year i had supportive friend and i think i finally overdid it yesterday a friend of mine who i m closest to called me lazy she know about my depression my bad reaction to medication which made me stop taking them and how i m treated a a sub human at home and yet she called me lazy this is the first time i ve been called lazy and i m so heart broken my irl support system ha crumbled and now i have no one i can talk to about anything i hate how being burnt out is seen a laziness i m so tired

http is gd r zf http is gd r zy and http is gd r zg test footage with my girlfriend in hd the dark one is underxposed

my stomach is feeling satisfied now been starving for hour

andywana not sure what they are only that they are po a much a i want to i dont think can trade away company asset sorry andy

it happens to me i would like talk to someone who is not my nationality and talk english german but i m at the same time not comfortable with speaking in that language

some hacked my account on aim now i have to make a new one

i don t know how anything work anymore my brain feel like it ha dementia forgetful literal lack of intelligence and critical thinking skill i don t know how school work don t know basic math never had relationship and feel incredibly out of place and inferior to the rest of the general population that s my age half of the people living in my building are my age now i m so fucking suicidal everyday i m just waiting to die

robcthegeek once upon a time hundred island wa the pride of philippine tourism but coral clam rare fish poaching did it in kinda sad

prodigy were ace last night only managed a few hour sleep last night not feeling myself today have a cool day guy

i give up i won t ever get better my life will be the same for the rest of my life my youth is already wasted i m rotten inside the pill on my desk are a constant reminder but also a comforting way out anytime i would want to the light from my window is a reminder of how the world will go on and forget about me i like that thought i used to feel ashamed for always feeling ignored and not seen but now it s all i want please hate me it will be so much easier please forget about me please don t think about me you deserve better fuck you screw you don t make a face like that you ll get wrinkle you re crazy you re stupid you don t know anything why are you like this why are you laying on your bed all day why did you ignore all the sign mom i m hurt and i want to die why did you forget about the time i told you i tried to kill myself why did you say ew at the time why did you tell me to never do it again why did you tell me we re just gon na have to make it on our own i wanted help i m hurt i m angry and frustrated it s too late for me to get better i want to disappear

doing the usual with breakie in starbucks before heading out for the morning with camera but weather looking shite at this stage

school at least last day

nothing beat the cold damp feeling you get when pulling on a wet pair of knicks

every single day i just wake up miserable and an insane urgency to immediately end myself everything is just empty now nothing really get me excited and i don t even have anyone to talk to cuz most of my friend are just not that close my family is much worse a nobody ever care about each other i have a father but i don t have any father figure cuz he wa and is never there for me ever i can t even share anything to anyone cuz everyone just tell me that it s normal for people my age to experience the thing i am going through i just absolutely hate my life and everything i literally have no will to live i even sometimes subtly and unintentionally put myself at dangerous situation to like somehow get myself killed even though everyone just say it s normal to experience these at my age i don t see anyone my age talk or even behave the way i do i also hate the fact that i am self aware of every way i am behaving but still can t seem to help myself fix those thing i really really really hope everyone is living better life than me

not sure if anyone else ha this issue it seems like notification and txts give me major anxiety i ll put off responding to anyone including family and then it just becomes this mountain in my mind to the point where it s been a month since my family texted me for my birthday and i still haven t responded to most of them this ha destroyed friendship for me too i feel like we all have to be available to text back with smartphones and social medium and i can not deal with that doe anyone have any suggestion to help i just feel lost

i recently started a new job and i m finding it difficult to socialize with my some of my colleague i have no problem with one on one but i tend to struggle with social anxiety in group setting a a result i often avoid joining my group s table during lunch fairly small around people my biggest concern is that i m half everyone s age and they ve all known each other for year in addition these are group of people i wouldn t normally interact with in social setting when i joined the table at one point i felt awkward and out of place worrying about everything that came out of my mouth i also joined them during happy hour but felt bored out of my mind and didn t want to be there i have made work friend during my orientation but they all ended up working different shift so i rarely see them i ve been spending my lunch alone so far and a much a it s way le stressful i sometimes feel sad and lonely i am not the only one alone in the break room though i didn t expect to be that person although i don t particularly relate to my colleague what are some way to get closer to them side note i work alongside with them all day hr shift in a lab setting so it s not like i never interact with them i can t tell if wanting to spend break alone is rude antisocial or actually common

anyone else get super cold mainly hand and foot when stressed

i ve suffered from anxiety and depression for most of my life i ve also occasionally had some episode that might be derealization but i m not sure once in high school i suddenly got an overwhelming feeling that my boyfriend someone i d known well for year wa unfamiliar to me my heart wa racing and i felt like my grip on reality wa slipping it wa traumatic and i haven t experienced an episode that bad since then i m 0 now but i worry that it could happen again someday for those familiar with derealization have you ever experienced this

hi everyone i fly home from calgary to vancouver on sunday it s about an hour flight i suffer from gad and am constantly fearing the worst i have minor asthma i ve never had an asthma attack but i do have a rescue inhaler and i do take a maintenance inhaler everyday to prevent anything from happening i read somewhere that there s le oxygen in flight and am worried about what would happen if i had an asthma attack would i be ok would i be able to survive that hour flight please re assure me

completing report and meeting this morning interviewing people this afternoon busy bee today blurrgghh

i ve been very close yet i ve been postponing for a while on and off to cut thing short i believe i may end up leaving sometime next week there are a few reason why otherwise if i don t i am saving up for my mom to buy me a new ar it ll take about month to get sufficient fund but i am solely using it on myself i already have access to a firearm but i am choosing not to do it now unless i have to because the caliber might not be sufficient enough but yeah no one see the warning sign i may have potential but i can t live up to it i ll always fail i know many people that read this will skip over or not even care i am just putting my thought somewhere no one will probably read it oh well all i know is that i have tried my best my circumstance are holding me hostage from flourishing in this world i am only here to fulfill the need of specific people i am not loved i mean this with everything i m basically here surviving alone trying to keep myself sane under the condition i m under my own interest are impossible to achieve i am a batshit crazy piece of shit disguised a a well mannered average looking tall slim smart person according to them but yeah this is something i have extreme feeling for i truly believe i may end up going through with these plan sometime next week or sometime soon id love to talk to someone about this i ve tried to reach out to friend before about how i ve been feeling and everyone talk to me one time and never check on me again honestly im ready to fuckin get this shit overwith no one give me a fuckin chance literally i m getting fucking exhausted i m tired of this planet i just wish i could feel different at least i m tired help me

ohonefourthree this is me word for word my stomach is all fucked up suck

godspeed mide gianee vhic tore heard he fall into depression after acting g o t

i really want a new job not particually a better one just a new one

i don t like the previously on skin thing that start at season two i like it when it went straight into the intro like before

staying at a friend house house sitting neighbor are so loud having a party

just woke up from the most vivid sketchy not cool dream of my life time to stare at the wall with the light on

viennateng why didn t you tweet that you are in germany heard about the concert in marburg in the radio hour before it started

seriously help this ha been killing me i feel super down and unmotivated but i also feel fine a lot of time and happy and can laugh my high aren t super high but my low are pretty low but every time i feel happy i always feel like i m faking everything overexaggerating my symtoms and am just a bad person overall i m diagnosed ha this happened to anybody else what do i do

taking angus for a check up today i always quietly dread it but this time he s poorly so i know the lung function test will be crap

i think i ve slept three full hour in the past it s not that i don t try to sleep or want to i do and so badly i m so exhausted right now i m crammed into a toddler bed cuddling my kid even laying here all i can think about is whether or not she wouldn t be better off with a different mother and i know i d never do that to her i never would or could she didn t ask to be in this world and i have no right to leave her in it especially with that kind of burden so why doe the thought keep whispering itself in the forefront of my mind even when i ve slept well why the fuck do i feel so terrible a if i ve been kicked in the stomach to the point of puking i feel like a failure in everything am i really at the point where i m supposed to celebrate my own mediocrity after accomplishing simple task that i m supposed to do should i be applauding myself for getting out of bed next i left my job to stay home with my kid just a month before the pandemic wa acknowledged no one could or did come to see me but i realized that even without the pandemic nobody really would have been there anyway she wa five month old then and in that time period nobody really wa there they didn t call didn t video chat didn t really ask how thing were or how i wa i wa crushed before the pandemic our event were cancelled i couldn t see my friend most of them i still haven t seen two year later we don t really talk either there s only one person outside of my immediate family that i ve called in month and it sting a few month ago we moved out of state and out here we have no friend no family i ve tried making friend over the internet especially through pursuing my roleplaying hobby but it feel like i keep fucking up trying to keep my emotion and attachment in check but inevitably i think my loneliness just bleeds through or i let myself open up too much and just fuck it up my emotion my entire self might a well be sodden playdoh i m desperate to keep it formed into what it should be what it i used to be but before long i m trying too hard to keep it in shape and it s left in a flattened half soggy mess of garbage every night i curl up in bed and have my stupid fucking brain remind me of how garbage i am of all the mistake i ve made and maybe i really would be better off just giving it up telling me there s no point to keep bothering others with my i don t know existence i guess mistake logically i know that s part of my problem it always ha been really i tried to keep everything together so other people wouldn t know what wa happening to me back then i had to take care of it and handle it on my own i have to be able to do everything and when i can t i feel worthless like a waste what am i even doing that someone else couldn t take the rein on and do better i ve been replaced plenty of time even my husband wa searching on grindr and posting on craigslist listing ad that included the fact that he wa married sending picture text telling me it wa my fault after i found out i m somehow to blame for it i haven t told anyone that typing it out feel slimey like three day old used dishwater it s another thing i have to handle myself because i could never actually admit to someone else that it happened just like i couldn t admit to anyone i know about what my ex did to me what happened when i wa a kid i told one person a therapist in honesty what happened and i remember her saying that if i kept being angry about it then i d turn out like that person who say that to an eight year old anytime i ve brought it up since then it wa never to admit how it s part of what still keep me awake over two decade later stupid electric meatball in my skull trying to convince me it matter trying to convince me i m going to keep going downhill and should just get ahead on what s inevitable anyway people can and would move on and maybe it d be better i wish it d stop with this shit my daughter said today that she love me i have to be doing something right don t i i don t know what to do to fix this i m just screaming into the void right now i want to sleep

im bored and my finger hurt from playing the guitar all day

the action of nitroglycerine on digitalis induced st depression in patient with coronary disease http t co s9uqoyl kt

why am i here i have class i need to go back i m sweating my backside is all gross and wet and it s not because it s hot i m wearing short something is wrong with me i m broken i can t be around people but i m lonely i can t care about college awful apathy is in my vein i can t even pretend to have any desire for life or conversation i m going to fail my class maybe failing something will finally wake me up or no i m nothing of value without my grade it s all i ve ever had it s all i m actually good at and now i realize how utterly pointless and empty that overwhelming stress wa good grade never made me like living or myself if i fail it is justification that my existence is worthless i m just lonely and socially anxious to the point of phobia and scared of others and especially of myself i just want to die i m supposed to commit suicide i m sure of it i am not meant to exist i do not belong here i belong nowhere i m tired really really tired

hillary00 i m sure everyone ha ruined my gift to you whitney ha my serious cell we doing easter a well