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t3_15y6dp | relationships | My boyfriend [19M] doesn't want to commit to travelling overseas with me [19M], even though the time and money is available. | My boyfriend [19M], of currently over 2 years, does not want to travel overseas with me [19F] to Europe on a backpacking trip.
He knows I have been saving up to take this trip since my first job and he has expressed strong interest in doing the same thing on many occasions.
I brought up the idea on more serious terms and said would you want to go 12 months from now? He said maybe. I have had this conversation with him many many times and it is now closer to 10 months when I want to go.
Both time and money is not an issue for either of us as we have both saved enough money over a few years.
When I asked him why he doesn't yet know if he wants to come, he just persistantly says he doesn't know why.
I'm looking for advice on perhaps why he would feel this way? And how to go about getting a definite answer out of him. I need a yes or no answer so I can plan my trip. Someone please give me advice on how to pry an answer out of him (a yes answer would be most desirable) | Boyfriend isn't sure yet if he wants to travel overseas with me. I really want to. I can't get a yes or no answer out of him. How do I get one? |
t3_18bi1l | relationships | m(19) i want to break up f(18) LDR not as easy as it sounds | me and my gf have been dating for 11 months (1yr this month) all i want is out, but ive backed myself into a corner.
it's gotten to the point where if i dont text back in 10 minutes, i'm ignoring her. if i dont call every morning, or call/skype every night, then she rages at me and leaves.
the way she texts me when she's mad, i can't stand it. ive asked her not to. like when one thing is said wrong, i get "k" or "oh alright". its frustrating because i never do that to her because i know how much she would flip.
a few weeks ago i broke up with her, and we stayed that way for a week with little contact. but then i saw on fb that she was hanging with a guy and a girl and it made me feel like i was in a washing machine. so...being weak. jealous. whatnot. we talked that night, and got back together the next day.
we say i love you a lot, but she just doesnt say it back sometimes. sometimes she asks me why, sometimes she says i dont.
she's ready to get done with school and move out to live with me. i thought thats what i wanted too, but though i love her, i dont think we're going to ever become that. i dont want her to move out here anymore.
its just frustrating because this is my first relationship, and she's so committed, but everything i do is overanalyzed and when i say something wrong, she makes a sarcastic remark that references us breaking up or being broken up.
so tips on things i can do to show her that the end is near?
please dont just tell me to man up. because everyones been here, and once is said and done and im fine again, ill tell the next person to man up. but not today. so just help, dont be superior. | first relationship, ldr,tips on showing her that i want out? possibly even just ways that make her break up with me first |
t3_2gqtp7 | relationships | I [22M] can get women, but I can't keep them because everyone is ultimately out of my league. | I can grab a girl's attention, I'm confident in who I am, I can get the first date, but I only end up losing every girl I get a chance with.
While growing up, certain life events got in the way of me having a normal adolescence, so I have zero experience with intimacy. But for years I've been told I can get any girl I want. I'm happy with the women I meet, but things always fade quickly. I seem very normal and well adjusted, but I can't get close to people, and I always notice women loosing interest or becoming disappointed when I don't measure up. I get to a certain point where I go from being a normal 22 year old, to being a clueless 13 year old, because my years between 13 and 18 are essentially blank.
It'd be fine if I was invisible to everyone, but I'm not and it's torture disappointing women and/or avoiding them. My motivation is drained because everyone is out of my league and trying to play catch-up is humiliating. I don't want to pull a Holden Caulfield and get an escort, but I have no idea how to learn the smooth transition from friendly stranger, to intimate partner.
Every time I try, I learn that I missed the most crucial part of growing up and the door has closed on my chances of learning. Now I'm stuck. It's like job hunting; where you need experience to get the job, but you need the job to get experience. | I can't get close to people, I can't get past the first date, but I still have to meet women, and it's torture disappointing them and myself with my lack of experience. |
t3_w2ci8 | AskReddit | I didn't talk to Actor Michael Caine (Batman Films, The Prestige, the list goes on...) because i didn't want to impose. Would i have been rude? | After a long flight from Heathrow to LAX today, I found myself standing in the customs line with Sir Michael Caine (He played Alfred in the Batman films), his wife, and a woman who worked with British Airways right behind me. They were talking about the insanely long line, and something about San Diego. Being generally insecure, i didn't want to interrupt or impose on him. So i just stood there trying to inconspicuously turn around and look at him.
Afterwords, i really wish I had talked to him a little, or asked for a picture with him or something.
So reddit, I was wondering, what do you think would have been appropriate, and inappropriate for me to do. (As in talk to him, ask for a picture/autograph) What would you have done? And was i just being to darn insecure? | A famous actor stood behind me in line at LAX, i didn't talk to him. Would it have been rude to? Or am I just to darn insecure? |
t3_oysw9 | AskReddit | Gf found my porn... (NSFW) | Using a throwaway for reasons which will become apparent in a moment.
So I decided to have a little me time before I went to work today, in a somewhat bad case of the "befores" I ended up downloading some incest porn videos via torrent. The videos themselves were taking too long and I ended up finishing without even viewing them. I closed the program, cleared my history, got ready for work, and left.
**I forgot to remove the torrent and delete/hide the videos.
**
I received a text several hours before I got off work, that she needs to talk to me when I get home. I later received another text that she will be sleeping and we'll talk about it in the morning. I had no idea what was going on at this point.
I share the computer with my gf, we each have our own account on the computer, but no passwords. I got home just a few minutes ago, went in to the bedroom to let her know I'm home and she seemed very irritated, I brushed it off. I logged in to my account on the computer, and immediately noticed that the torrent program was open, and the torrent from earlier highlighted. My gf obviously found the videos, which were not named anything clever which would hide what they actually are.
So now I'm sitting here kind of dreading the conversation that will take place in the morning regarding this. She was already aware that I have viewed incest porn in the past, although I've never showed her exactly what I look at or anything in detail, because I am incredibly ashamed of anyone knowing about it, for somewhat obvious reasons. | Girlfriend found my incest porn I downloaded in a fit of the befores, and I will be confronted about it in the morning. |
t3_32ertp | relationships | My (21f) bf(26m) of 3 years has been choosing porn and masturbation over sex. He even turned down my offers of anal (his favorite)! | Basically what the title says. We used to have sex AT LEAST 5 times a week and recently it's only been maybe once a week but he has still been watching porn and masturbating everyday.
I've talked to him and let him know that I'm really bothered by it and hurt. We agreed he would try and not watch porn or masturbate for a few weeks and see where we are at then.
He only went a day....
So I tried to up my game. I'm usually not the one that initiates, so I changed that. I also know he loves anal (not really my favorite, but I am happy to do it for him on occasion) so I've been making sure I'm "prepared" for it more often and have definitely been letting him know and I specifically ask him "will you fuck my ass?" can't get more direct than that!
He's either been turning more down or not even acknowledging my attempts.
I really don't know why this is happening. His work is basically the same (he wants a new job but it's not like a crisis), our bodies are the same (neither of us are overweight and I'm actually getting in better shape) , he isn't on any medications and there's really no problems in our lives that I can think of that would cause this.
So reddit, should I be worried? Is this normal? | bf is choosing porn over sex, even anal sex! It's really bothering me and our talks are leading nowhere. Is this normal? What can I do? |
t3_2tcj8r | self | Website security monitors, is there a good reason a user would need to fill out the same form multiple times in an attempt to recover a "potentially compromised" user account? | I received a sudden email from Skype a month or two ago saying my account had been suspended due to it bring "possibly comprised". I was not directed as to what steps to take so I looked it up and filled out their online form requesting my account to be reactivated. This form asks very specific questions about the details of the account, to which I'm confident I answered more than half correctly including the credit card number.
I received an email response stating that security is paramount and that they would like me to fill out the form a second time. Over the course the next two weeks I sent the replies by email asking why, to which I received no reply.
I finally got around to filling out the form a second time on Monday this week. The automated program prevention system (captcha) failed me over 20 times and I was never able to submit. I took screenshots of the filled-out boxes and sent another email reply to Skype informing them of the situation and notifying them I had filled it out a second time.
I received an email response asking me to fill out the form (same questions) a third time. That was yesterday. I filled it out quickly and got a response today by email asking me to fill out the form a fourth time. I filled it out again. | Skype account compromised. Filled out their form to recovery account multiple times. They repeatedly ask me to fill it out. |
t3_44ach1 | tifu | TIFU by not checking my credit card history after putting in a LEGO order. | This happened a few hours ago, but not today. If only I was faster at typing.
I've had a thing for the Modular Building LEGO series since the Grand Emporium, or however it's spelt, which came out 6~ years ago. I've been meaning to get two more. Combined, they cost a little over 300 US. So, I go through the checkout process, do all the things, and the page doesn't respond. No "you have just spent a large amount of money" email from LEGO. I wait a few minutes, and try again. Still doesn't work. Nothing on the page, no email, nothing. Do I do one more time. Still doesn't work. As I start to try a fourth time, my phone rings. It's the bank, wondering why I've spent a grand in less than 20 minutes on three separate purchases on LEGO.com. I just put through an order of 6 LEGO sets, with only two different sets. This is not good. I ask the bank if they can cancel two of the orders' payments. They can't. I sent a message to LEGO support, and have yet to get a reply. This all could have been avoided if I checked my purchase history on my bank account. | Went to order US$300 of LEGO. Site didn't respond, ordered it three times. Waiting for response from LEGO support. |
t3_2mr6tg | AskReddit | What would be the benefits of getting out of a marriage without a divorce? | My husband put me in a situation in a foreign country that could have sent me to prison for 10 years. He said it was a very big mistake and was crying and seemed very sorry and scared over the phone. He was supposed to go on a pre planned vacation to the Virgin Islands but said he would obviously not go because of the situation I was in. I cut off contact with him for a few days due to the investigation and my father came to the country to help me. When he called next he called from an airport in Washington to say he was going to go to the Virgin islands. His phone was then off for 10 days while the investigation was at its peak. He called when he returned and said he had no idea his phone would not work on the yacht he was on during this time. Sometimes I believe this was no mistake at all, other times I just.. I don't know... I really need an outside perspective on this | My husband almost sent me to jail in a foreign country, lied and went on his vacation. I sometimes feel like he didn't want me to return, other times I think I am just being crazy. |
t3_3783o6 | relationships | I[23M] asked out a girl [20F] that I really liked, she said that she just got out a relationship and that she would feel weird going out with someone right now. Is this her way of rejecting me easily or do you think there's still hope? | So there's this girl in my class that I met and we had a lot of stuff in common. I really liked her not just because she was hot but personality wise I liked her a lot as well. I asked her out on facebook and she said that she just got out of a relationship and that she would feel weird going out someone so soon.
I actually creeped her profile and it does look like that she was in a relationship like around march.
The fact that I liked her a lot kind of made it hurt a lot when she said that she wasn't interested at the moment. It wasn't like a typical rejection because I really liked this girl. Again, I don't even know if this is an actual rejection which is why I'm posting this. Do you guys think I should stop pursuing this girl?
I actually hate being "That guy" who wont stop hitting on a girl when she says that she's not interested. It just seems so douchey to me and disrespectful. But at the same time I don't know if she's actually telling the truth and that shes just not ready for a relationship right now.
I feel like if she did want to reject me without hurting my feelings she could of just lied and said that she's in a relationship right now, it would be weird for her to reject like that by kinda giving me some hope by saying she's not ready right now.
Idk what do you guys think? | Asked out girl. She said she just got out of a relationship and she would feel weird going out with someone right now. Is this an outright rejection or do you think there's still hope? |
t3_4r2t8l | relationships | My family [58M dad, 30f sister, 27f sister] are pressuring me [25M] to reconnect with my brother [29M] after I cut him out of my life years ago. | Throwaway just because I can.
My entire life, my brother has been physically abusive towards me. He's tried stabbing me, I've gone to school with so many cuts and bruises consistently that the school wanted to get police involved (when I was in high school and he was graduated), and he's overall, a huge dick.
A few years ago, around the time my mom died from cancer, I decided to cut my brother out of my life. I don't talk to him and I avoid being around him at any family gatherings. It's worked for the most part, up until last year when I was at my dad's place for my birthday dinner and my brother showed up drunk (he's an alcoholic) when he wasn't invited. I asked him to leave and next thing I know I was on the ground getting my face kicked in. Since then my brother has gone through government mandated rehab and I still haven't talked to him since. The most interaction we have is we still give each other gifts at christmas and on our birthdays (albeit through the mail).
My brother recently had a baby with someone he's been dating since he got out of rehab and my entire family is pressuring me to forgive him and reconnect with him, for the sake of my nephew. Honestly, I could care less about my brother's life and would rather continue not being involved in it, even if it means not being part of my nephew's life. Alas, it's turning my entire family against me. My sisters hate me for taking part in my one nephew's life (my eldest sister's son) but not the other's (my brother's son), and my dad is just really disappointed. I just can't get over the years of abuse and beatings that my brother had given me.
Am I wrong for not wanting anything to do with my brother's life, even now that he has a baby? | Consistently abusive brother had a baby and now my entire family is hating me for not wanting to be part of my brother's and nephew's life. |
t3_4fz48w | Advice | Will I freak out my roommates? | Transferring to uni after taking classes at community college. Looking around my room right now, I have several fossils, knives, animal furs, some Himalayan salt crystal lamps, decorative pipes, and some random art prints. Most of these are kept on a small table/altar space in the corner. I don't really want to keep all these things in storage, and I'll be living off campus, so I'm not worried about breaking dorm rules, but I am worried about freaking out my roommates. I'm kind of a metalhead, but definitely a nice, friendly person overall. | If I have some artifacts/weapons in my room, will it freak out my housemates? Is there any way I can describe myself to potential roommates to see if they'd be fine with this? |
t3_2tbpvr | relationships | Me [51M] with my [54F] six years, engagement ring question. | I feel pretty lousy. I proposed on Dec. 26, and it was a wonderful moment. I bought her a .72 carat diamond with a Tacori setting, but she didn't like it and said it was lost on her hand. We took it back and picked one out together, but a couple of weeks later she returned that one, too. She said she had a better deal -- use her mother's stone and get it re-set. She even picked out the setting online that we could get at a store in NY. It's half the original price. I still feel lousy about it. I bought her as much ring as I could afford, and I should be able to afford more at my age (51), but I've had a rough few years and lost almost everything. I am rebuilding, and I couldn't spend more than $6k. The new deal is $3k. But I wanted her to accept the ring I gave her, not the ring her father gave her mother. I just feel ... rejected. She's also been very critical about it, saying men and women pick rings out together, and for not knowing her style after six years, and for not just doing what she told me a couple of years ago, which was to buy her mother's ring from her brother, and she has criticized me for "winging" the proposal (even though she admitted it was beautiful).
On one hand, I understand the practicalities of what she's saying. On the other hand, wtf? She rejected the ring and the second ring. I don't feel a particular urgency or inclination to give her another. Am I just being stubborn or too emotional? | My fiance substituted her own engagement ring plan, and I'm thinking she's looking a gift horse too long in the mouth, not to mention criticizing the horse-dealing. |
t3_1t4ymp | relationships | [22/F] just found out that boyfriend [23/m] signed up to adult friend finder :( | My bf and I have been together for about 2 years and are living together (for about 6-7 months). He's a musician and plays shows all weekend usually at bars until about 4am and I kind of got sick of seeing girls hit on him so I stopped attending them to benefit our relationship so I wouldnt get so jealous.
These past couple of months have been hard as he has stopped paying attention to me sexually (I pretty much have to spend an hour coaxing him once a week and even then its 60% chance he'll just pretend to be doing something else) and when we go out he openly flirts with, say for one example a young, pretty musician [18/f] infront of me and when I speak about it to him he denies it.
Then today, I was browsing his email (we are open with our accounts for emails etc) so I could use his League of Legends account since mine was temporarily banned and I had forgotten his username and password, only to find 6 or 7 emails from adult friend finder.
I laughed it off since I thought that he would have made this wayyyy before we got together. But then I noticed he only got the emails recently so I looked him up and for sure there he was.
He had only made the account 2 and a half months ago.
I have no idea what to do. He comes home in a couple of hours and I don't know whether or not to ask him about it. Surely a relationship is built on trust?
:'( | bf and i have stopped having sex, found him on adult friend finder and i am confused on what i should do. |
t3_2x4big | relationships | Me [23 M] with [24 F] out on a first date, didn't try to kiss her even though we'd already had sex. | I met a friend of a friend at a small social gathering and she's unbelievably cute and we talk for ages. The gathering is at the apartment of my friend and this girl.
Eventually my friend tells me that this girl is into me and eventually after everyone else leaves, we end up having sex. We weren't drunk, but we'd been drinking so it wasn't too awkward to get to that point. We wake up in the morning, chat a bit more and I eventually go home.
I then asked her out, and we went out (restaurant and poetry reading, which is something neither of us had done and it turned out to be pretty great, totally recommend it).
Then afterwards she dropped me off home (she drove there and I don't have a car), I asked if she wanted to come in and she said that she had work early tomorrow (6) and it was quite late (11ish).
At this point I have a strong feeling that I should've kissed her. But I didn't. We just hugged and said goodbye. I think it's because I was really nervous, even though we'd already had sex, but now I don't want it to seem like I'm not interested and I'm overthinking it a lot. I'm also totally paranoid that she didn't have a good time even though she said she did (I'm aware that that makes no sense). | Had sex with girl after we met, went out on a date, didn't kiss her. Should I have kissed her? |
t3_219wf6 | tifu | TIFU by wake-boarding for the first time. | So the day started out quite chilled, went to the river for the weekend. One of my friends is dating this rich chick and they own the place where we stayed. So we start wake-boarding, I am the only one of my friends that actually get it right. So I get comfortable riding, maybe a little too comfortable. I get confidence to try to jump the wake. All I remember is hitting the wave, going about 6ft in the air, fuck knows which direction I was heading, I hit the water and feel my knee move out of place and back in. Now I am on crutches for a couple weeks, and I have to catch like 100 insects for a project. | Went wake-boarding, got cocky, fucked up my knee and i have to catch a shit load of insects. |
t3_4150ct | tifu | TIFU by ignoring a calendar alert on my phone. | This happened last night.
I went out to a concert with some friends and ran into a guy there who I consider a "friend with benefits". We hung out all evening and decided to go back to my house to fool around. At one point during the evening I remember my phone alerting me but I put it aside without checking and got back down to business. We made with the sexy time, [use your imagination here], it was great. I went to take a shower and noticed my stomach feeling kind of crappy, but I wrote it off as hunger pangs and went back into the bedroom. My friend was still feeling frisky, and decided he wanted to go down on me. I'm not too argumentative when it comes to someone wanting to give my lady parts a good tonguing, so I laid back and enjoyed myself for a while. He kept talking about how wet I was and how hot it was, how good I tasted, etc. so I didn't really think anything of it. I came ridiculously hard, body shaking, juices flowing, all that jazz, while he was still going down on me. He pulled his face up and came in to kiss me, that's when I realized his mouth was covered in blood. Not just that, but, and ladies will know what I'm talking about, he had a clot on his chin. I almost puked, I don't even want to know what was going through his head at the time. My alarm earlier was to tell me it was time to start my period, and I ignored it, getting it all over this poor man's face. He was, fortunately, very kind about it. We took a shower together, cleaned each other off, I gave him a toothbrush and some mouthwash, and he was on his merry way. | My phone's alarm went off while I was having sex with someone, I ignored it, started my period all over his face while he was going down on me because the alert was telling me it's time for shark week. |
t3_4jp5sy | relationship_advice | When a "best friend" tells you this.. | Age 16 nelly girl
Age 17 brit girl
I'm 18 guy
So yesterday. I'm sitting in church.. Happily chatting it up waiting for service to start. I suddenly get a flood of kik messages. It's from a girl (lets call her nelly) who I've known for 5 years and have grown very close to. It's a long distance relationship, but we ARE NOT dating. She has a boyfriend and I'm happily single. The text reads, "it's me or her". Her is referring to another girl (call her Brit) I'm close with but also long distance. I introduced nelly to brit and they absolutely hate each other. Problems being nelly is not very open sexually and brit is. Also disagree politically and have fought over politics before. Nelly is upset at brit for objectifying people. Personally I don't mind sexual comments. Its life and its natural. Basically nelly is trying to protect me in a way. So nelly is making me choose between them. I read this trying not to crack up.. I thought she was joking at first. Nelly explains she cannot accept me if I keep brit as a friend. She threatens me if I don't choose her she'll never talk to me again. I reply to her.. "If you have a problem with her, then its between her and you not me and you. I'm not choosing" she simply says goodbye and blocks me on every social media platform known to man. My question is.. Did I do the right thing? How would you respond? If she apologizes should I accept and be friends again? I know this is confusing in ways so feel free to ask away. Thanks reddit community! | 5 year best friend suddenly tells me to stop being friends another girl because she hates her. I say no and she blocks me. Wwyd? Did I do the right thing? |
t3_19zctc | tifu | TIFU by trying to be a good pet owner | A little over a month ago we adopted a cat from the shelter who had previously had ear mites. They were cleared up with revolution, and the vet said to clean out we ears and the gross bits inside with q tips to make sure they weren't coming back.
So here I am in my bathroom trying to clean out my cat's ears (which is hard enough) then she does the violent-cat-head-shake.
BAM ear mites and/or random brown crust and shit in my eye.
I have a midterm today. Rushed to the doctor by my house. Doctor: "that's the worst story I've heard all day"
He put some yellow shit in my eye and told me I'd be okay and have me a prescription in case it discharges....great. | Cleaned cat's ears and ended up with mites in my goddamn eye and ended up as the worst story the doctor had all day. |
t3_3rifrt | relationships | My (24M) boyfriend (28M) doesn't take care of important things like his insurance | Me (24M) and my boyfriend (28M) have been together for almost 3 years, living together for almost 2 years. As a couple, we function well most of the time. Not many fights and we are very happy when we spend time together. We share a lot of interests and get along well on a person-to-person basis.
However, the fights we do have always start with me finally losing my cool over him not 'taking care of business'. Almost always, I have to constantly bug and nag him to take care of things that, in my opinion, should not be put on hold. He has school loans that he still hasn't set up payment plans for. He let his health insurance expire without renewing it, despite constant reminders from me. After letting his insurance expire, he stopped taking his anti-depressants cold turkey, which is never a good plan. He still isn't on the lease for our apartment, despite him saying that he wants to be on it. I am now begging him to get on the lease. He didn't file his taxes last year until I sat down and did them for him. All of these things are BIG deals and are things that I should not have to do for him.
I am afraid to end our relationship because I do love him and I love him as a person despite his flaws, but I can't get over his neglect of important issues. We have MASSIVE arguments about it and I feel like I'm being a naggy asshole, but his choice to ignore this stuff affects me and our life together. Does anybody have any advice on how to handle this? Should I just call it quits? I'm at a complete loss at where to go from here.
If ya need any more clarification, feel free to ask. | Boyfriend can't pull his shit together and take care of his adult responsibilities. Do I leave? Or is there a better way to get him to take care of things? |
t3_1o08mt | jobs | Do I Quit University for a Good Job? | When I graduated high school, I took a job in retail and ended up working in retail management for 10 years. I then got married to a great and intelligent man who always pushed and supported me. With his advice, I ended up enrolling at a college where I got a 3 year associate's degree.
I graduated this past spring with honors and felt conflicted whether I should be looking for a full time job or if I should continue with my education. I decided to apply to university, not really giving my major much thought but just for the sake of applying. Well I got into both programs I applied to and choose to major in psychology (will take 3 years to complete) and was given full bursaries for my tuition.
Although I got into one of the best schools in my country, I have not been happy. I knew it would be hard work, but I wasn't expecting school to take up all my free time and my weekends just for me to stay on top of the subjects. I dropped one class, hoping it would take some pressure off but I'm still studying like a dog and barely keeping my head above water.
Since I am now in my 30s, I wasn't planning on using my degree as a profession. It was more for me to get some extra education and expand my mind. My plan is to start a family in the next 3 years and be a stay at home mother.
Today, I was offered a very good job in marketing that has potential for growth and comes with health benefits. Since I was getting small amount of student loans and bursaries, this job would help us start saving for our future.
My question is, what is worth more? Since I have no plans on using my degree professionally, am I wasting 3 years in school when I could be saving for a car, home, baby? Or will a university degree give me something that I can't put a dollar amount on and is worth the extra time and effort that was put into it?
Any advice is appreciated. I feel so overwhelmed in making this decision, it's making me ill. | If my plan is to be a stay at home mother in 3 years, is it better to get a job and save some money or go to university and get a degree. |
t3_1bk8ei | relationships | [26m] Never been in a relationship. I can't break this cycle of awkwardness, loneliness, no confidence. | I am a 26 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend. Still a virgin, not even a first kiss. I'm relatively normal, in good shape, a little short, but not unattractive.
I have a great job, and I love it. I have hobbies I enjoy, but they are not social things. Not many friends, but I try to get out when I can, usually alone. Coffee shops, bookstores, parks. But when I get home at the end of the day, its just this crushing loneliness.
I've tried OKCupid and Match.com for months, with no results. I try going out to local events, but I just can't talk to women. With no success in relationships in my entire life, my confidence is nil. I can fake it for a bit, but lately its just such a big thing lately that its starting to become harder and harder to act confident. Now I'm just struggling to act normal.
I know I'm supposed to live life happy alone, and that a relationship should enhance my life, not define it. And I know that all of it is about positive thoughts, which I am lacking. But I can't force them anymore. I'm just lonely, and I constantly feel like I'm inadequate and something is wrong with me, and those just build upon each other and actually just keep me from finding someone.
I do not know what to do. | Can't get into a relationship because I'm not confident. Past the point that I can even fake confidence anymore, just so lonely. |
t3_tntvy | AskReddit | Four time college dropout, unemployed, in debt, & 22 years old. I need to stop this. | Shamefully, I might add. I always used to be "that guy" on my soap box preaching about furthering your education and because my parents never did. Grew up around seemingly a bunch of uneducated idiots, I was ashamed of my mother and how dumb she was about everything (except the street life, perhaps). Really inspired me to never get into drugs or hang out with lowlifes. Now, while lots of my friends I graduated with back in highschool 2008, finally graduated college, and I've completely a mere 28 credits and five colleges later, subsequently attending less prestigious institutions each time and changing my major several times, I feel at my worst.
You see, every time something goes wrong in my life, I take an emotional tumble. Sometimes I can work through it, bust most times I need to stop everything, quit my job, drop out of school, then seclude myself in my own pity and regret. It's a vicious cycle and if I don't get ahold of it soon, I will never make it anywhere. This is something that needs to be dealt with before I can finish my education.
The real question I have is that I really want to know what my chances are if I actually can pull my shit together and finish college. I'm interested in law, but it seems that obtaining a degree in law is useless unless it's from a decent school. What exactly are my chances of transferring to a good college after I finish my associates? I have a ton of W's and WF's on my transcript, I've used up almost all my financial aid, but I've also paid a lot of it off, and I'm not in an inescapable amount of debt. It's feasible I could pay off all of my debt in short time with a decent job. For the record, I live in CA. My current GPA is about a 3.8, when I'm actually attending school my work ethic is pretty solid. I'm not a genius, I either give it my all or I don't give any. I'm set on finishing my education, hopefully sooner than later. Big thanks to anybody who takes the time to read this. | Drops out of college/work when things go wrong, desperately wants to finish education (law), lots of W's/WF's on transcript, not too much debt. Wants degree from *decent* college, any chance? |
t3_f9x1l | AskReddit | Tell me about your past Reddit. I want to get to know you guys better :D | I'm just laying here, wondering about the nature of happiness. It's strange, you know? Extremely vivid memories can be capsulated in single word summarys: Happy, sad, weird, terrifying, shameful.
For example, I can remember my grade 6 and 7 years as being some of the most joyously care-free and thrilling years of my life. Those two years were nothing special in hindsight. The bulk of the happy memories consist of me and a school friend riding our bikes to 7-11 everyday in the summer and maybe, renting a game or something if we felt like it. Kind of mundane really, now that I think about it. But something special lives in the kernel of that memory, something that gives it a certain glow.
On the other hand, the passing of a close family member is the most darkly tinted memory I own.
So, I'm putting the question out there to you guys. What are some of the most happy, sad, thrilling, terrifying or just generally strong memories you own? I want to know :) | Describe for me, a distinct memory you own. Be it happy, sad, scary, or whatever. I want to get to know you guys better :D |
t3_1pi0oj | relationships | Me [19 F] with my old 'friend' [21 M]- Should I email him? | So, I have this friend that I used to talk to all the time and we had a long distance thing going on. I'm from Minnesota and he's from South Carolina. We met online. We were really good friends, not wanting to date because I had a boyfriend at the time and because of the distance. But then we started to like each other and gradually became a thing when I broke up with my boyfriend. Skip ahead like a year and we had a few issues in the year and stopped talking at once but then we got back to talking. Still had issues for a few months before we all together stopped talking maybe 9 to 12 months ago because of a huge fight. Deleted his number and vice versa, I thought he hated me and I still wished I had him.
Skip ahead to two months ago, I just started college in Iowa and he was aware of that. Somehow he got my number and messaged me but it wasn't from his phone. He wished me good luck and asked how things were going. But then he stopped and I haven't heard from him since. I recently just got his email again and I'm considering emailing him. But I don't know if I should.
Any advice or words of wisdom or pretty much anything would be nice. Even if it is just a "You're a bitch, don't email him." Thank you very much! | After becoming a thing, we got into a fight a stopped talking. He messaged me being friendly. I have his email. Do I email him? |
t3_2chhdo | relationships | Me [20 F] with my boyfriend [21 M] of 8 months, not sure where to go from here. | Hey there. Could use some help.
I am very much in love with my boyfriend. He is my sound board, my other half, the Han Solo to my Leia. He is my best friend.
We don't really fight. When we do it's something on the small side (compared to what I read on here)! We always clear things up, we have serious talks whenever they are necessary. He's perfect. The little things he has done for me are worthy of something like Nicholas Sparks, except it's real and it's even better.
The issue: he graduates in May and logic tells us it will end then. We are both career and school driven people. We know that we are young, and know how the real world works. We don't just view our relationship as everything wonderful that it is, we view it as an investment in another person. I do especially, given how much he knows about me that I can't even admit to myself some days.
Something that keeps coming up is that we have two options in front of us.
Option 1) We stay together and make the best of things until May, knowing that things will end. Knowing that when May hits I will be incredibly broken, because I will have had even more time to invest in him. Knowing that we will have progressed even further in our relationship, but it will be cut off.
or
Option 2) We break up now. We cut it off before we can invest too much, because we know it will end soon anyway.
Either I spend more time in love with him, and am even more hurt later OR we stop it now and am hurt now, but not as much as I would be months later.
I can't speak for him, but I think you could change the above paragraph to reflect "us" and "we" rather then "I".
Any suggestions?
P.S: first love for both of us. I know this adds to the feeling of naivete and youth in this post, but it may be relevant. Before you start raging, please note that I would consider us a very mature couple. | In May, he graduates. We don't know whether we should try to enjoy the time we have until then, or break up now and avoid the heartache later. |
t3_3ut2v1 | tifu | TIFU by watching a bird in a school. | So, 22 yo M bird watcher here living in Brisbane, Australia. I had spent the morning bird watching just outside of town, not working so I just wanted to do something. Anywho was driving back through the city when I noticed a bird of prey called a Australian Hobby. Not something you expect to see in the city so I pulled the car over on a main road and started observing through my binoculars it in a quite low branch over a field.
Now unfortunately this field happened to be occupied by a whole bunch of primary school children (6-12 yo) on morning break. I was too interested in the bird to really notice that overlooking a field of young children with binoculars was very very suspicious. Not to mention I was on the side of a four lane road.
After about thirty seconds sirens went off right behind em which scared away the bird and as it was at that exact moment I realised I had fucked up. Two coppers jumped quite aggressively out of their car and start yelling what the hell I'm doing and I just sort of squeaked out "birdwatching".
Seriously I was shitting myself and it was kind of clear that they didn't believe me. It also didn't help that I didn't bring along my bird book so I couldn't show them that as some evidence.
So I just decided to start naming all the parrots of Australia by there common and scientific name in a vain hope that they would believe me, and thank Christ one of the coppers went on Wikipedia on their smartphone after about 15 seconds of me doing this and realised I knew what I was talking about. So after a stern warning and some advice on common sense they let me go.
Moral of the story, binoculars + children = bad and always remember your bird book. | I was watching a bird on a low hanging branch through my binoculars with school children playing right below and some police saw me. |
t3_503c47 | relationships | I am a [28 M] with my girlfriend[21F] of 2 years, taking a "break"/Breakup | Things have been up and down for the past 6 months, she allegedly cheated on me one drunken night(ex boyfriend - who hates me and wants her back - messaged me on facebook saying he saw her fucking a guy at a party I didnt go to, ex boyfriend beat the shit out of said kid, said kid called the cops, but she was drunk swears nothing happened other than a drunken fight), and now I cant get that thought out of my head. It hurts the relationship that I cant stop thinking about it - I get really protective and jealous. I think today we finally broke it off for good. She said she wants a "break" but I know that means nothing. I will try it for a few days to see how it goes. She still occasionally answers my calls and texts and I know she still cares. During the 2 years I seem to have lost a lot my friends and not sure where to go from here. I really want to be with her but we seem to fight a lot about small things. She seems to have a lot of anger lately and will kick me out of her parents house if we have any sort of disagreement. But then she will call me the next day and apologize and want to work things out(this has happened 10 times or more). This time it seems more for real and I am really lost. I do love her and I do want things to work but it all might be way too complicated at this point. | I dated this girl for a 2 years, no real issues until she maybe cheated, now 6 months later she wants a break. How do I know if shes for real done? |
t3_4elsa0 | relationships | Am I [23F] my boyfriend's [29M] rebound? | So basically I've been seeing my BF unofficially since October, officially since January. Things have been great. We have fun together, we have common interests, we can sit in silence in complete comfort. He's met my family, and his family knows about me (they don't live in the same state), we know each other's friends. I feel myself falling for him, and I'm pretty sure he's feeling the same. However, I've been kinda worrying about possibly being a rebound. His ex and him were together about 5 years. They didn't live in the same state the past 2-3, and I'm not sure they were actually together for that time either, more like kinda broken up/kinda not.
He's been very honest with me about her. They were definitely broken up when we got together for at least 6 months. However, during the beginning of our relationship she would still try and contact him. I know that she's still paying him back a loan, and I don't have a problem with them being in occasional contact, I am on cordial terms with my past ex too. I believe him when he tells me that there is nothing romantic between them anymore, that I make him much happier, and that I have nothing to worry about.
However, I'm worried about being his next relationship out of such a long term one. I've heard nothing but bad things about "rebound" relationships, and even if he doesn't view me as a rebound, that I am. What are some warning signs I should look for? Am I bound to be heartbroken? | Boyfriend got out of long-term relationship a few months before me and even though we're getting along great I'm scared I might be a rebound. |
t3_276ekg | tifu | TIFU By Picking my Nose and Having a Nosebleed in the Car | So this happened yesterday. My girlfriend had came over for the second time to my house, and it went over really well. My parents seem to really like her so it was all puppies and sunshine. So, it was time for her to go, and as I can't drive, and neither can she, she was going to bus home. It's a pretty long bus ride home, and I was feeling pretty bad for her, so I asked my Dad to give her a ride to the train station. He readily accepted and we were on our way.
Here's where I fucked up. So I'm, admittedly, a bit of a nose picker. Sometimes, it gets bad, and I can barely even breathe through there. So as we're pulling into the train station, I decide to subtly try and relieve some of the pressure in my congested nose. Soon after this my girlfriend mentions she lives in tuxedo, and I just tell my dad to drive her straight home, about a 45 minute drive away. Soon after THAT, I chose the wrong place to dig, and my nose just lets loose a torrential downpour of blood. And this ain't your average run of the mill nose bleed, oh no. This is the one that gets so bad that it starts to run down the back of your throat, and all over your face. Now I managed to hide it for a good 2 minutes, but my dad then looked over and says "Oh you've got one hell of a nosebleed goin on there."
Oh no, it gets even worse. Not only is the blood staining the shit out of my quicksilver shirt and my shorts, but now my girlfriend and my dad are searching to find something to stop the downpour, making it even embarrassing. And then my girlfriend pulls something out of her purse.
Its a fucking tampon.
I had no choice. For the next half hour car ride, I'm sitting shot gun, with a tampon up my right nostril. Not gonna lie, It worked pretty well. Pretty damn embarrassing. | Picked my nose in the car, got a nosebleed, girlfriend gave me a tampon to put up my nose for 30 mins on the way home. |
t3_42nz18 | relationships | Is it advisable for me [18M] and my girlfriend [17F] to take a break? | Some background: I have been with my girlfriend for nearly a year and a half, and we currently attend the same sixth form college (UK). Although we were originally in the same year, my gf didn't get the grades she needed last year, so is retaking the year. My gf doesn't feel she now fits in with our old friends, and has now made a new group of friends in her year. This is fine, but she often feels tied between our relationship and her new friends.
We have both discussed our relationship, and have agreed that it has become a bit of a drag, apart from when we are together outside of school, when we are often having great fun with each other. We have talked about taking a break from each other for a while, which I think will help us spend more time with our friends and ultimately help us in the long run. However, I can see why this may be a bad idea.
Thanks in advance for your help. | Gf and I have hit a bumpy road in our relationship; gf feels unhappy and torn between two sets of friends. Is it advisable to take a break, or would this be the end of it? |
t3_3de2le | relationships | Gf [18] chokes new [2months] relationship at first challenge, should I [M21] give it a chance? | As soon as we met, which she instigated in a bar, we began dating and escalating our relationship rapidly. We saw each other often and within 2-3 weeks she had invited me to a important academic gala in which she was the "star" as she wanted me to be there for that important day.
Not only have we met each other's parents, but they invited me to an expensive concert with the family and friends.
She was a relationship (and litteral) virgin. I showed her the ropes in everything. She even slipped an accidental a "I love you" while having sex (when I asked about it she said she ment it).
Although she had expressed concern about it going too fast, especially with a challenging 5 weeks of traveling and starting med school, she constantly pressed on the relationship accelerator.
I have left the country for a couple of weeks on vacation and she will be gone for another 4 weeks (we had decided to bite the bullet and stay together).
As she's leaving and I'm still abroad, we Skyped and she breaks up-ish. She's not ready for something serious, has doubts about the relationship and doesn't feel the butterflies, maybe doesn't miss me as much... She mentions "bad timing" And now we're just not really talking (she doesn't respond).
She's a VERY independent and doesn't necessarily express her feelings much. She's cold my text/phone but passionate in person.
She's comming back in a couple of weeks and I'm wondering if it's worthwhile to try and realign this and persue a relationship, or just dodge the bullet from this juvenile ? | New gf escalates relationship very quickly and when our 5-week-without-seeing-each-other-vacation comes along she chokes and breaks up. Should I give it a shot when she comes back? |
t3_40gxpr | tifu | TIFU by checking WhatsApp | This happened today. I've got final exams this week and today was the first. Because I hadn't planned properly I decided not to study for this exam and concentrate on the rest. I didn't tell my parents so that they wouldn't worry because I am not doing very well at university. In fact, I told them that this was my favourite subject and that I was surely going to get a good grade (I still don't know why I said that). The three hour long exam started at eight in the morning and instead of going to the classroom were it was being held, I went to the library to study other subjects. At approximately 9:30 I received a WhatsApp message from a friend and I read it. It wasn't after a few minutes later I realised that, maybe, I was fucked. As fast as I could I changed the "last seen" setting so that nobody could see my last connection. A bit worried, I kept on studying. At two in the afternoon I went back home for lunch (I'm from Spain) and there was my mother, standing still in the kitchen waiting for me. I looked at her and she looked at me. Then she started yelling and telling me how much I lacked responsibility. I guess she is right. | checked whatsapp while I was supposed to be in an exam. Mother freaked out by seeing my last connection and realising I was skipping a final. |
t3_1ihj44 | loseit | First time in 2 years I have fought off a take-away craving, but it came at a price. | So I am a student and for 2 years, I have been living off of take-aways. I checked my just-eat orders for last year and it came in at around 200 orders of £10 average. Now bear in mind, £10 of food can last up to 2 days most of the time if it's a Kebab shop or something. Thats £2000 of takeaways in a year.
Anyway, yesterday was the 3rd day of attempting to not eat take-away. First day I had chinese meal, second day I had mcdonalds breakfast, but yesterday I had a jacket potato with tuna and chicken and cheese. However, as I craved and craved into the evening, I walked down the road past the mcdonalds. Temptation was overwhelming. Instead, I went to the corner shop and demolished 3 chocolate bars. During the day I had eaten 4 mini pork pies and a packet of crisps which is NOTHING compared to the last year or so. I felt accomplished up until this point.
On the one hand I am delighted to have not had any take-away, but on the other, I am frustrated that I had chocolate. The thing is, they were 3 for 2, so I am certain if that offer wasn't on, I wouldnt have had 3!
Side note: yesterday was also the second consecutive day I walked around the block 3 times, doing a sort of walk-jog-walk-jog routine to maintain a high heart rate (I'm really fat, I can't do much) probably around 500-600 metres total. I am kind of proud of this, even though its only a minor accomplishment.
P.S. What does SV and NSV mean when people post them? | Didnt have a take-away after 2 years of living on them, but had lots of chocolate instead. Mixed feelings on this. Also kept exersize going so kind of positive overall. |
t3_2b8kui | relationships | Me [22F] with my [24M] 3 yrs, Boyfriend told me he doesn't see himself spending the rest of our lives together | Background: Awesome guy, we have a pretty great relationship. Get along pretty well. Throughout the 3 years broke up once for 6 months. Didnt know what we wanted in relationship, ended up back together. Everythings gravy.
My boyfriend and I were talking about something, (I forget what exactly) when I jokingly said that if he left me later down the road I'd be super pissed. Meaning; "I'm young, spending my best years with you and working towards a future together so don't leave me when I'm old and nobody wants to date me."
He brought this up today, asking if I was serious and if I wanted to get married to him and have kids with him. I told him that, "No, I don't want to get married, but I do see myself spending my future with you, as well as raising kids. I will be upset if our relationship fails down the road but because of all the work we've put into it."
He then proceeds to tell me that our relationship ending sometime in the future is a possibility, and that "No offense, but I don't see us spending the rest of our lives together right now."
He said that we both have a lot of changing and growing up to do. What I took from that sentence is that I'm not the kind of woman he sees himself marrying and I have to change if thats what I want from him.
Now, my question is- Would you continue in this relationship that isnt going anywhere? Or do you end it, and find someone else?
I do truly love this guy. And I have no doubt he loves me. I did ask him why he was with me and he said because he enjoys my company, likes me as a person and loves me. So, he's content being in a stalemate relationship, Im just not sure I am.
Btw, we JUST signed or lease for another year. | Boyfriend doesn't see future together. I'm not sure if I want to be in a relationship with no future. Not sure if I should stay or go. |
t3_41q05w | relationships | I'm [25/F] feeling weird because boyfriend [25/M] is meeting girls from okcupid | Hey everyone, thought I'd ask for some advice. I've [25/F] been with my boyfriend [25/M] for a year (have known him for 2 years) and we live together, we are in a pretty serious relationship. Recently I was using his computer and saw that he's talking to girls on okcupid and planning to meet them.
I've been in open relationships before and I would love to be in one with him, but every time I ask him about that he says he would not feel comfortable with it. He says he's just talking and wants to be friends with the people on okc, but he's presenting himself to them as if he's single.
I wouldn't mind if he would just tell me and be upfront about it, I totally understand wanting to date other people. Just if he's doing it, I want to be able to do it too, and be honest about the whole thing. | Boyfriend is saying he's single on okcupid and going out with girls from there. I'm in favor of open relationships, just wish he'd tell me and be honest about it. Just looking for any advice, thanks! |
t3_38g8l4 | relationships | Me [29 M] with my girlfriend [30 F] Of three and a half years split. | So the title says it all. My girlfriend and I split on Sunday after drifting apart for the past couple of months. I took her and what we had for granted and It wasn't until too late that I realized what I had and that I wanted to make things work. I tried to talk to her Sunday night but she didn't seem interested so I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up around 2:30 am and went to try to fall asleep in bed with her. She was in a deep sleep and I've had my suspiciouns so I went through her text. I saw all I needed to see and told her to leave. She started packing her things and moving out on Tuesday. We got a dog together the December before this last one and she is extremely attached to it but I paid for it. It's a $1500 English bulldog. I've already told her that I'm keeping him. I know she'll be wanting to see him so I'm wondering will establishing no contact do more good or bad in this case? I still want to work things out so I'm not sure how to go about it? | How do I establish no contact when I know she'll be asking about our dog and wanting to see him? I want to work things out so will it do more good or bad? |
t3_1rfrpg | relationships | Me [28 F] with my [32 M] 8 months, driving him insane with my mood swings. | So I have been together with my bf for a couple months and we dont live together and basically see each other about 2-3 times a week. I am not sure what to do. I have this problem before with my previous relationships where out of nowhere I demand affection or confirmation from my boyfriend in order to be happy. I will be very upset when they dont act sweet to me or tell me that they miss or love me. This is not all the time but there will be a time that this feeling or mood swings, will last for about 2-3 weeks, on and off. I would be very jealous and although warranted, it will be blown out of proportion.
I am not a bad gf, I am honest and loyal and will go above and beyond for the person that i love. But i just have this deep rooted insecurity that i have never overcome ever since i can remember. And although this has been primarily the cause of all the fights in my relationship, this has never been the deal breaker. i still end up leaving them because finally i got tired of feeling mistreated.
I have had 3 prior relationships lasting, 3yrs, 6yrs and 4yrs not sure if relevant.
Again, not sure where this is going, but maybe somebody here can explain what im going through. Is this something i should see a therapist for? Or is this normal? Is there anybody else going through the same thing and maybe handling it better? I really appreciate any advice, opinions or reactions. | i have mood swings that i am not sure normal or just triggered by the guys im with. What should i do, or is there anything i can do? |
t3_1svvnh | AskReddit | If i dont get the Butterflies while kissing her anymore, does that mean the feelings for her are gone? | EDIT: with butterflies, i mean i feel realy nothing when we kiss. =(
So i've been with that cute lovely girl since 4-5 Months, and i just noticed that the relationship became wierd, i dont feel anything when we kiss and it's realy confusing, deep inside i know that i realy love this girl and shes always nice to me even if shes on her period, we had sex and
everything and it was great but how could the feelings for her just go away?
i dont want to break up with her, i still think everyday about her but someday i dont want to met her like in the early relationship. | = Had GF for 4 Months, after 3 Months i feel like my feelings for her are gone - but i still love her..and dont want to live without her |
t3_5492zv | tifu | TIFU by not realizing where my bug bites were coming from. | So today is really more the day I realized that I fucked up, but I digress. I recently have been covered in bug bites all the time. I'm outside a lot, so I naturally just assumed they were from mosquitoes and/or chiggers, both of which there are a decent number of in my area. Then I started to notice that they were showing up when I wasn't going outside. In the morning. Right after I got out of bed. One might say the bites were most probably from bugs in my bed.
Because I'm an idiot, I didnt instantly realize what this meant, and continued on with my life as normal. Suddenly, during class today, I had an epiphany: What if (bear with me) the bug bites that I found in the morning were somehow connected to the strange spots of blood that had recently been appearing on my bed? And what if (making some real logical leaps here) all of this was connected to the infestation my friend had told me about last week? The infestation of bugs which feed on blood. Which often live in places such as beds. Commonly known as bedbugs.
To make a long story short it's ass o'clock right now and instead of sleeping I'm washing and cleaning literally everything in my dorm room, because my sheets are covered in bedbugs. The fuck up is that this could have been prevented if I had actually spent more than two seconds thinking about why I had bites all over, and could have dealt with this entire thing three weeks ago during the day, instead of suffering for days on end and then staying up right now until who fucking knows when just so I can have semi-clean sheets and mattress. | Been sleeping in a nest of bedbugs for several weeks and could have easily figured it out. Don't worry, that will probably never happen to you. Definitely. |
t3_3u1rhc | tifu | TIFU by covering my tracks | Obligatory didn't happened today but earlier this summer.
I was hanging out at a friend's house with a couple of guys and it's late in the night and we decide to play some beer pong. We found my friend's parent's liquor cabinet and filled the cups up with vodka and rum and began to play. All is good and we are really fucked up, and we called it a night. **To be safe, we decided to fill the bottles back up with water so his parents wouldn't known how much we drank**
Well, a few months later his parents have some friend's over and they put some booze in the freezer to chill it. They were quite shocked when they pulled the bottle out and it was frozen solid. They questioned our friend (their son) and he ended up spilling the beans on us. | Drank friend's parents alcohol, filled it back up with water, they were shocked when they chilled it in freezer and it was frozen. |
t3_18ot2w | relationships | Myself (f/24) and my best friend (m/25) have been in an intimate relationship for several months and when it became real he freaked out, what do I do? | Myself (f/24) and my best friend (m/25) have been frien for over 6 years now. We both watched each other in different relationships and were always there with each other.
Recently, withing the past 6 months, we have started to act more like we were dating (going out on dates, spending the night together, spending holidays together). I consistently told him and asked him if he was okay where things were going. Not wanting to over step my bounds ( I know he's got issues with commitment and relationships in general)
A week ago he told me he really liked me, loved me even. I told him magazine I didnt want a relationship or to define anything he wasn't comfortable with but I was happy to do what we were doing and be in a limbo state.
Yesterday evening he was acting all funny. Very cold. I had planned on telling him I know this scares him and that if he wanted to go slower again and have me back off a bit I was willing to. I didn't get the chance. He told me he didn't like that we were in relationship territory and wasn't able to do it. That he likes me and cares about me and didn't want me to be a rebound for the relationship that was ended close to a year ago now. That he wanted me back as a friend. I held my tounge and tried not to cry.
All I want to do is work things out and make it so we can still maintain what we had and be friends. I don't want to lose my best friend. I plan on talking to him because regardless of how he feels I think it's only fair we have a discussion about the whole situation. | bestfriend and I were in an almost dating state and he decided he couldn't handle it. I'm heart broken and don't want to lose my best friend. |
t3_3huj1r | relationships | (NonRomantic) I [F23] feel like I have a professional business type relationship with my father [M52]. | My dad and I used to be really close; always interested in the same activities, going to cool movies together, laughing at fart jokes and gag gifts constantly, going to get ice cream on weekends with my mom and sister, etc...
Once I got into highschool I had an unhealthy romantic relationship with a 'badboy.' I ignored my father's warnings and lied to him about where I was and what I was doing. After a few years of defiance I stopped with the boyfriends and rebellious drinking and partying. But it's like something changed with dad and me at this point in my life, like our friendship didn't survive my teenage years.
I'm currently in a serious long term relationship- we are living together and im in my final year of college. I'm in an honor society, an active volunteer, a leader in a preprofessional organization, and at the top of my degree program's graduating class in a field of study my dad loves.
When I call my dad I feel like I need to have news about my classes or a list of recent achievements, because otherwise our phone conversations are short lived and unhappy.
I feel like I continuously have to make him proud of me- like I'm constantly seeking ways to show him I'm worthy of his attention and affection. When I go home we don't do any activities together. He just sits in front of the TV. If we do talk he just wants to talk about politics or where I'm at with my career choices and schooling. We don't really chat at family dinner. When I try to reach out I feel like I get nothing back.
My sister tells me he isn't like that when I'm gone- its definitely something to do with me. He isn't cold to me by any means, he still gives me hugs and smiles, but I'm definitely missing that connection.
A lot of important emotional milestones are coming up for me- college graduation, first real job, eventually engagement and marriage, etc. and I want him to be a part of it. I want him to be happy and emotionally invested in me like he was when I was younger.
How do I get out of this business relationship with my dad? | My dad and I have become distant. I miss him. Feeling like we only have a professional business type relationship and it sucks, despite my efforts to earn his approval. |
t3_434u29 | legaladvice | Student Loan Forgiveness - Defense to Repayment & EDMC Suit | Recently I have seen a lot of info (like in Facebook news feeds) regarding massive or total student loan debt forgiveness for for-profit colleges. Initially, I wrote every single one off as a scam, though after doing some actual research I do have some questions.
There are a bunch of websites claiming to help you fill out a form or draft a letter to take advantage of the "Defense to Repayment". Here is one example: [aloannomore.com] This seems like a borderline scam. Has anyone ever seen a situation where this has actually worked? Also, if one was crazy enough to try this longshot, wouldn't a lawyer be the best avenue to state your claim to the Dept of Edu?
I believe the Corinthian Colleges loan forgiveness could set a precedence for students trying to get their loans written off, but that seems like a rare case that the Dept of Edu is handling very specifically. Not an opportunity for the floodgates to open to let tons of people why just didn't try very hard in college to not have to pay back Sallie Mae/Navient. Does the Corinthian Colleges case have an legal impact or precedence on student loan forgiveness?
Additionally, EDMC just settled a landmark case: [NYT Article] however it seems like the majority of monies are going to the States in the suit and the whisleblowers. Also by settling EDMC of course admits no wrongdoing to the allegations, possibly making it harder for students to argue a case of fraud or deception. This document, [Ohio AG] outlines how much money is allocated to each state as well as how many students are affected. Assuming I would be the pool of 5,447 student affected in California, I would be entitled to a whopping $1,202. Though I can find no info on how I would go about making a claim for that money.
And ending on a hypothetical: assuming one had proof of one of the issues outlined in the EDMC suit, specifically inflating student success and job placement after graduation, that evidence would only benefit the State or Dept of Edu, correct? That alone wouldn't give you enough legal ammunition that would benefit you in getting your personal student loans forgiven, correct? | should I continue to treat any "student loan forgiveness" websites as scams, or are there actual successful legal avenues available? |
t3_q5c4g | AskReddit | My friends are trying to get me to leave my boyfriend because he's Asian. How would you get them to stop and leave us be without unfriending them? | It's really starting to get on my nerves.
I'm your typical 22 year old, blonde hair/blue-eyed college girl from Texas. We live in a moderately-sized town where everybody knows everybody and the population is probably 99.99% Caucasian; in-fact, I have never seen a black person in real life. And with the exception of my boyfriend, I haven't seen another Asian person, either.
My friends aren't racist, but on every outing we have, they're always telling me stuff like "I can do better" and "but *he's ASIAN*," just stuff along those lines. I would tell them to stop and that I don't want to hear it, and they would stop for that instance, UNTIL the next social outing. It's the same thing over again and it's starting to get on my nerves.
It's starting to affect my boyfriend, too. He's REALLY, REALLY social, but because of the small group and vibes, he's preferring to stay home and watch Starcraft streams. (Though he doesn't know what my friends are saying about him)
Yet, I simply can't stop hanging out with them, I've been with the same rag-tag-group of girls since the 6th grade. We grew up together. And my social life revolves around them, with a small/boring town like this and all. I mean, they stop once I tell them to stop, but it's getting annoying having to say this at every outing.
So again, how would I get them to back off (permanently) without cutting them off? I'm not really good at giving ultimatums, I crack easy. | friends trying to get me to leave my bf cause he's asian. i don't want new friends, but i want them to stop bring it up at every social outing. |
t3_ul095 | relationships | I don't have much time to give in a relationship, but he still wants one. | Ages - 25 m, 30f(me)
I recently had something that could loosely be defined as "casual" with a guy. It wasn't really that casual though, we really ended up liking each other a lot. Lately, things sort of backed off but now he's pushing me to have a real relationship with him.
Recently, I've got a new job. In addition to this I was already busy with my kids while attending classes at the University of Michigan. I still really like this guy, but I know I simply don't have the time to devote to give him a good relationship. I've told him this, but he insists that we can figure out a way to work around my time. I don't think it's as easy as just saying "we can work it out". I really like him, but not sure what to do if I feel I can't devote enough of myself to this relationship. Any advice? | me and a "casual" boyfriend developed feelings for each other - but I recently got a new job and I literally have no free time. He still wants to try to date. What gives? |
t3_141fpf | AskReddit | Reddit, my brother died two years ago in March and I want to do something special for him. What can I do in his memory? I'm open to any project ideas | It'll be two years in March. He was fifteen when he died with AIDS related complications. He became infected when he was 11, but didn't find out until he was 14. Shortly after being diagnosed, he passed away. I went to an event today for World AIDS Day. There was an event at my college where four people spoke. The two guys were a couple, one HIV positive, the other wasn't. One woman had two brothers die with AIDS, the other woman had a cousin die with AIDS. This was inspiring. There were quits hung up with people's names who had passed away. This whole event was just so incredible. I want to do something in his memory. Any project ideas? I'm open to any suggestions. | Went to an event for World AIDS Day and got super inspired. I started thinking about my 15 y.o. brother who passes from AIDS related complications and want to do a project in his memory. Any ideas? |
t3_3nnu6h | relationships | Me [22 M] with my GF [22 F] 1 year, She tried to break no contract. Here's how I handled it. | Hey all. It's been about 1.5 months since my ex broke up with me, and I've made a lot of progress thanks to good friends, new hobbies, therapy and NC. Just to give you all some brief background, we initially had a "break" because we both had issues to work on, but wanted to work things out. At first things were going very well, but towards the end of the break she started to get distant, and told me during the breakup that she "just wanted to be single" and "she just didn't have feelings anymore;" she didn't even seem sad about it at all. She still wanted to be friends and at first I was cool with it, but I had an emotional breakdown that night (I had a ton of personal and family issues going on at the time) and decided to go NC.
Unfortunately, last week she tried having a conversation with me while I was working on applications at one of our school libraries (we're both in grad school). I'm still angry and not completely over her, so I just gave her one word answer and pretty much made it clear that I didn't want to converse with her.
That same day, I'm studying with our mutual friend who I'll call Jane (I'm closer with her and she's been supporting me since the breakup). My ex texts her "Ask philyourglass if he can start saying hi to me because it's weird that he doesn't." Mind you, this friend has been trying not to get involved with this breakup. I tell Jane to respond "He said he has no interest in interacting with you because this is his way of coping. Also, stop involving your friends as ways for you to contact him. If you have any issues with him, you can contact him directly and he'll decide if it's worth responding." She just responded with a thumbs-up emoji and hasn't spoken to me since, even in person.
What do you all think of this? Do you think I should've tried something different or did I do this right? | Ex tried talking to me in person. I basically implied I wasn't interested in talking. Tried using our friend to talk to me. Told her to kindly fuck off and stop using our friends. |
t3_44irgv | tifu | TIFU by making an accurate cut... on my finger | Obviously this didn't happen today but when I was like 6. I was with my dad, getting on a train to my grandparents' town where I would spend half of the summer. The train hadn't set off when we went to this room with bunks and a folding ladder to climb to the upper one.
As the lazy kid I was, I tried to put my hand on the wall to get comfy while we arranged our luggage, but instead put it on the metallic side of the ladder. I think now it may have been poorly extended, as I heard CLACK! Didn't know what was it and didn't feel anything, but like 10 seconds later I look at my hand just to see blood pouring out my thumbprint. I panicked and we went out of the train searching for a first aid kit or something. I was pretty nervous because 1) we had left everything inside w/o vigilance and 2) we left the train.
Finally we found one of the train employees inside and he proceeded to wrap a bandage around my thumb. Seriously, I never felt any pain, but I was so jittery because on my young eyes I bled a lot. Sometimes when I look at my left thumb I think I can still see a vestige of that surface scar. | Got into a train, folding ladder fold on my thumb, found a medic, didn't feel anything. Got the train, but can feel the scar after 10+ years. |
t3_4n9tt0 | relationships | My brother [15M] was asked out by my friend [15F]. He asked me [16F] if it was ok if he dated her. Is it wrong of me to not be comfortable with it? | Hi everybody, I have never used this site before and I am just looking for some advice.
My brother came into my room last night and he asked if he could speak to me. He was being mature (he normally acts goofy, but he is really funny). He told me that one of my good friends had asked him out, would it be if he dated her. He said " I don't want to screw up our relationship over a girl, I will not date her or do anything with her if it upsets you".
I hugged him and said " Thanks for coming to me and respecting my social life, let me think about it"
My brother and I are home by our self right now. Our parents have had to fly out to Perth for a funeral. My brother is in year 9 and I am in year 10 and so is my friend. Is it alright if I don't feel comfortable with him dating her?
It's not that I don't want him to be happy but anything could happen. I would rather not have a potential falling out with her and in then have a strain put on my brother and I relationship. I would also rather he did not date someone in my social life.
Am I just being mean by not being OK with him dating her? | My friend asked my brother out. My brother asked if it was OK if he dated her. Is it mean of me to not be comfortable with it? |
t3_27no98 | relationships | Me [25 M] with my [20F] girlfriend of 6 months. Spontaneous sex and she was really emotional. Now I'm confused. | A couple of nights ago she came to my apartment very early in the morning and she was an emotional mess. She was crying but she didn't want to talk about what was wrong. Then she started kissing me and got on top of me. I told her maybe we should wait until she stopped crying and sorted herself out, but she said something like, "No I need this right now".
Long story short, we had sex and both fell asleep. We woke up together and everything was fine. We never talked about why she was so emotional that night, and even though things are back to normal I still feel slightly confused.
That was the best sex we've ever had together, yet it was under such strange circumstances...If anyone can explain, please do. | Girlfriend came to my house crying and wouldn't tell me why she was so emotional. She insisted that we have sex, and now everything is normal again. I'm still confused. What happened? |
t3_1cn40j | relationships | My [20F] fiancé [22M] is exchanging sexual emails with (what he thinksis) another girl. More inside. | In short, I found a link in our computer's history. I was [incidentally] looking for a past Reddit link, when I came across it. I decided to investigate, seeing "sex" as part of the name. He says he never watches porn, so I thought I'd playfully catch him in an innocent lie. What I found was not so innocent.
It was a sex-seeking website that he had signed up for. I looked at his profile, and saw he was seeking a female for "flirtatious exchanges". He identified as single (no surprise). He even had a suggestive photo of himself on it. Needless to say, I was shocked and heartbroken. But then I saw that he had provided his e-mail address, which I know the password to.
So, I created a fake identity, and contacted him. The chat has progressed far beyond the boundary I had hoped he would enforce... He has even said that he would hook up with this [fake] girl.
We've been together for 3+ years. He says, sincerely I think, that he loves me. That he wants a future for us. But all of my trust has dissipated... Sadly, I've suspected this before. He thinks that as long as it isn't physical, he's done little wrong. I feel otherwise. I guess what I'm asking is... Now what? | Fiancé is doing what I consider cheating (and he does not), but with me in disguise. I love him, I believe he loves me. Where do I go from here? |
t3_2e83kx | tifu | TIFU by pissing in a cup.. | I frequently visit relatives on my free weekends. Today was no different; however, I forgot to take a leak before embarking on my 3 hour trip. Well, about an hour into my trip I really had to go. Ironically, I saw a guy pissing on the side of the road without a care in the world.
I thought about stopping, but I hate stopping on my long drives. Why? Mostly because I hate long drives and just want to get it over with. Plus, it was raining and I didn't to get wet by pulling off on the side of the road.
Anyway, I took my younger brother out to a sub shop the other night and I still had both of our cups. He inadvertently left his full cup of Coke when I dropped him off. Mine had a little bit of diet left in it.
I knew I had to go bad, so no way I was going to be able piss in the cup without getting piss everywhere, if I didn't drink the diet soda. So I decide to chug the soda. Ugh it was completely nasty. Old diet soda is gross.
I unzip my pants, whip out my junk, and grab the cup. Now any of the guys out there with huge cocks, I'm not one of them. So I move some fat out of the way and let her rip. There was a little splatter, but nothing unbearable.
Okay, I think I'm good, so I begin to move the cup. Bam, instantly spray my pants with piss. FUUUUUU.
Whatever, it will dry. A little while later, I began to get thirsty. Mindlessly, since I was driving and focusing on the rain, picked up the wrong cup and had just filled my mouth with Luke warm piss.
I immediately regretted my decision to not stop as I spit the piss all over myself. At this point, I'm raging and in my rage I decide to dump the piss out the window...
Sure enough at 60 mph it came back and hit me in the face. This is the last time I forget to piss before I leave and not atop when I have to go. Today was not my day. | pissed in cup while driving, ended up pissing myself, grabbed wrong cup and drank some piss, then dumped it out of the window, just to get a face full of - you guessed it - piss. |
t3_1akrj8 | relationships | How do I [24f] get my fiance [23m] to work on his issues? | I'm 24F. He's 23M. We've been engaged for 1.5 years and dating for 8.
I'm worried about his health. He's gained quite a bit of weight recently (he's not overweight, but he's always been VERY slim naturally, so it is a significant amount) and I know he's in a bad place mentally (even if he won't admit it), but he's refusing to do anything about it like going to see a counselor, **even though I have suggested he do so.**
So, this might be unpopular given much of Reddit is anti-Christian, but I'm on a mission trip to the Congo right now. I thought my life was going well, as I was just awarded my Master's Degree in art history and was offered a high-paying job as a museum curator, but God had other plans for me. One day I was just overwhelmed and fell to my knees and started praying and weeping for over an hour, but I was moved to go on a mission trip to the Congo. I really didn't want to because it is a very dangerous place, I'd have to reject an amazing job offer, and delay my wedding, but I knew it was what God wanted, so I didn't think twice about it.
I've been gone about 4 months now, and I won't be home for another 6 to 8. Then after about a month at home, I have to see whether or not God is calling me to go back again. Internet is spotty, so I don't always get to communicate with him on a regular basis, but I try to as often as possible.
Anyway, this is obviously part of what's affecting him. I know he's worried about me and he misses me. How do I get him to work on his issues? | I'm on a missionary trip and it's affecting my fiance negatively. How do I convince him to work on his issues? (physical and mental) |
t3_3oiasj | relationships | My(m26) friend (f20) recently had sex, have only known eachother for 2-3 weeks. Says she wants to keep what we have but not be in a relationship. | I'm probably going to sound like the bad guy here. But here it goes. I met this girl in class recently, and she was super flirty with me. I knew she was younger but i went along with it. Eventually asked her on a date, went out a few times..and then had sex. Once one night and then two times another night. Recently I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes.
Texts me a few days later saying the age difference is big and shes not looking for anything long term. Wants to keep doing what were doing but without the relationship...is she trying to say she wants to sleep with other people but also keep sleeping with me? I might be looking too deep into this. But i'd figure i'd share here and see what others say.
After she said that I said a brief "Oh wow, thats unexpected. Alright then. Have a good one." And havent talked to her since. Any insight? | met this girl, dated, asked her out, said yes, now she wants to be friends with benefits. why? |
t3_3ithx2 | relationships | Me [24 M] and my SO [22 F] of 2.5 yrs talked about going on a "break" because we're too busy to talk since she started her job. | My SO and I have been together 2.5 years, most of it being long distance. I moved 2 hours away for graduate school 2 years ago, and we've been doing well for the most part.
Things have gotten worse though since July, after she graduated and started a new job. Now she feels too tired in the evenings to talk and its putting a huge strain on our relationship. We saw each other for the first time today in 3 weeks, and it felt distant, like catching up with an old friend, not talking to your SO.
We talked about our issues and its come down to trying to work things out (but we don't know how) and breaking up (or taking a break...). I have 2 years of school left, and she thinks we'll be able to make things work once we can be in the same place.
I don't think taking a break for 2 years is at all reasonable, but I don't know how to fix our communication issues. Its all made more complicated because she says she wants to marry me and have a family in the future (and I agree).
Any insight or thoughts on how to handle this? | SO of 2.5 yrs wants to go on a break for 2 yrs, then try and resume where we left off. I want to fix the long distance relationship, but I don't know how. |
t3_2j07tk | relationships | I've [25F] never been in a relationship. Should I put myself out there for experience's sake? | I'm not antisocial or grotesque, but I've never been in a relationship. I've had opportunities, but either A) I just wasn't interested in pursuing one (wrong people, wrong time) , or B) I shied away at the thought before anything real could happen (partly because I was ashamed at my complete lack of experience). I can make friendly pretty easily with both genders, but I've never felt the need to be in a romantic relationship. I think it's because I was basically raised to be emotionally and physically distant, and it's a hard habit to un-learn. Plus, I'm very physically clumsy, in what little experience I do have.
The older I get, the more bizarre it becomes--to the point where I feel like I might as well throw myself out there just for the experience. The problem is, now that I'm not in school anymore, it's so much harder to develop those kinds of relationships organically. How freaky/off-putting is it for someone of my age to be in my situation, especially someone you wouldn't expect it from (no religious values about purity, no crippling social anxiety)? If and when I do engage in a relationship, should I just keep my lack of experience to myself? | basically no romantic experience, little desire to get experience. Gets weirder and weirder as I age, so I feel like I need to out of societal pressure. |
t3_2c7hag | relationships | Me [18 F] with my boyfriend [19 M] of a year, had mutual break up. I can't decide what to think of it. | I don't know if this is the place for this, but here it goes...
My ex boyfriend and I had been together for over a year. We fit into each other's lives more than I did with anybody else, even people I've been close to since elementary school. I was able to open myself mentally and physically to him more than I thought was possible.
Now we have broken up for a couple of days. As expected I was a wreck for a while-laying in bed till I had to leave for work at night. All I thought about was him. All I wanted was him.
Now he said he wants to wait a certain amount of time to decide if he wants to go back out. During our time apart I will be doing everything in my power to better myself because I am tired of self-loathing, tiredness, worthlessness and everything else that is self-destructive. I have set a reminder on my phone as "Do I want to?" for the day he said. I will be thinking about how we feel, if I see a future, and if it's heathy. I hope at the end I'll make the right decision for me. | Boyfriend and I did a mutual break up. I regretted it, and he was to rethink things in a certain amount of time. I will work to better myself and decide for me what's best. |
t3_11t9jm | relationship_advice | [19/m] needs to be more loving | So there is this girl I'm so in love with. We have known each other for quite some time, but have had a rocky past (due to my poor, inconsiderate, and generally asshole-y decisions). We are long distance, but I feel like we are a couple and refer to her as my girlfriend. We have dated and broken up twice and have had a few falling outs, but always seem to find each other. Recently, we met up for the first time and it was nothing short of absolutely perfect. I had the greatest time with her and I want more of that one day. I am working my butt off to do good in college so I can go to a fantastic school near her.
Admittedly, I have never been great with relationships. I have not had many, and in most of them I have messed it up somehow. This girl I have hurt far, far worse than I could have ever imagined, and I deeply regret treating her so horribly. I feel I have made good progress in being not only a good partner, but a good person, but I still have room for improvement.
My questions are:
How can I be more loving and affectionate towards her?
How can I show her I love her more spontaneously?
How can I get over my own shyness (for lack of a better word), and call her more often? I often worry I'm interfering with her schedule or our schedules will conflict and we cannot talk much. She has school, two jobs, and her sports.
Sometimes I get... Too sexual and it's all we talk about for a while. It makes her feel used and that I do not care about her. How can I be more intimate and loving in the bedroom?
Is there a way I can get over my own inhibitions about life and develop as a person? Sometimes I feel paralyzed by how inexperienced I am in life (never had a job, do not know much about the "real world", not many friends).
I want to give everything to this girl and treat her like the princess she is to me. Thanks for reading. | Bad boyfriend needs advice on how to be more loving, caring, intimate with girlfriend. Things are great when we are with each other, but get strained once apart. |
t3_2hv7ht | relationships | Me [22 F] with some dude [mid 20s maybe? M] keeps asking me about homework.... | So this guy has been showing signs he likes me by adding me on facebook, initiating convos about random stuff, and eventually asked for my number. This all started since summer. He replies very late, I'm talkin hours to a day. Though he did tell me he is rarely on facebook... but even his texts take this long.
We are in a group project together now (lasts all year long), and in the same classes this year. This is why I assumed he asked for my number, except it turned out he never asked for any of the other group members' numbers. My assumption is that I'm the most comfortable person to be around for him, since the other members seem to dislike him. (He often missed group meetings which the group takes seriously)
Now all he asks me about is homework deadlines. I am a little irritated by this because it feels like I'm just his little manager/assistant or something. 5 hours ago, he asked me about an assignment. No reply.
When I do approach him in person, I can't really read him. He seems confident and out-going at times, but other times he seems shy and even nervous. What really fucks me over is how he's ripped... it's hard to imagine how he can be timid.
I know my best bet is to talk to him in person, but I'm not sure how to approach him. He's practically a stranger, and at this point, I'm not sure if he's even interested. One time I did sit behind him without thinking, but he moved all the way across the other side of the room. Lol, what the fuck... | Timid muscular guy keeps asking about homework and group meeting schedule. Is he interested or does he enjoy not having to remember this shit himself? He also takes forever to reply. |
t3_47bfma | relationships | My [21M] new girlfriend [19F] rarely returns texts in a timely manner. Is it me or her? | I recently got into a relationship with someone who waits hours or days to reply to a text. Even if she starts it, and I reply quickly, she won't respond for quite a while. I haven't talked to her about this problem, because I don't know the simplest way to broach the subject. She seems so nice and smart in person; we really click. But when we're away, it's almost like she doesn't want anything to do with me.
Is this a common habit for young women? I would assume you'd want to be all over your partner in a new relationship, especially when YOU'RE the one who wanted to be GF and BF in the first place. That's right, she wanted to be officially a couple. Then it's like we're barely acquainted. We talked way more when we started texting, now it's nothing. I haven't heard from her in a few days now. I mean, everyone gets busy, but this is ridiculous.
I'd resort to calling her, but we both hate talking on the phone. I'd deal with it if it meant getting an immediate answer.
What should I do? I will talk about it next time I see her, but I want do it in the kindest and simplest way. | She doesn't text back for hours or days, but I know she likes me. What should I say to her? |
t3_2psgh6 | tifu | TIFU by leaving my computer screen up while I went to the bathroom | So this literally just happened so sorry for being short.
I'm at work and I'm plugging along until the coffee starts to take effect and I get the urge to use the bathroom. Without thinking, I leave my laptop open (I really had to go) and go do my business. I work in sales and use my personal laptop for work so I have a folder of wallpapers I change periodically. I have my computer set to cycle through all the images in my wallpapers folder when it goes to sleep. So I finish in the bathroom after taking way too long due to playing on my phone on the toilet. I get back to my desk and see my boss standing right over my computer and says, "Uhhh, cstir15? "Everyday Weed?" I run over and I see [this picture] up on my computer. I just froze and started nervously laughing. I have a one on one meeting with her in about an hour and I am unreasonably nervous about it. I don't even smoke; I just think that picture and the source video are hilarious. | went to the bathroom and my boss saw my screen saver of [this picture] and I have to meet with her soon. |
t3_1kshdc | relationships | I [22M] just got off the phone with my SO [20F] of ~5 months, who I cannot bring myself to quit no matter how flagrantly she | The past couple weeks we've been "over" more times than I've kept track of. Every time is the same scene; she comes to me with a "confession" that she's cheated on me once again, and I initially vow to myself to walk away but end up telling her we can still make it work. She never asks me to forgive her, never gives any indication of caring one way or the other. Just fucks other guys basically whenever we're not together for the night. We'll spend a few days together and "work things out" only for her to be with somebody else within a few hours. Not a specific lover, but just about every guy she knows who will fuck her.
I have no idea what's wrong with me, (not even going to begin to get into comprehending what's gotten into her) letting her walk all over me like this, but I cannot physically seem to make the leap and rid myself of her.
This pathetic problem of mine has actually (sickeningly) gotten to the point where I just told her I still wanted to fix things over the phone as she was laying, post-fucking, with another guy in his bed. I'm sitting here shocked at myself for being such a lowlife and I really just need someone to tell me why I'm acting like this and how to get on with it. | I find myself stuck on a terrible human being, for seemingly no reason, and completely against my normal character/relationship experience. Whip me into shape. |
t3_1tg7q6 | relationships | Me [22M] with my girlfriend[19F] of 2.5 months is sending me mixed signals | Just some brief background, I have been going out with the most wonderful girl for the past 2-3 months in college. Right now it is winter break and we are unable to be together in person, so we will usually FaceTime or just text. I am really into this girl and falling hard for her and am pretty affectionate towards her.
Sometimes when we text I feel like it can be difficult speaking to her. If she is busy watching a movie or something, I will say something like, " I'll let you watch the movie, have fun!". A lot of times her response will be like, "noooo I want to talk with you but I think it's late and you should probably rest".
She does this a good number of times in different situations and I'm not sure if she's jus being nice and giving me freedom, or if she doesn't want to talk to me then, or if she does want to talk but not feel controlling.
It confuses me, and I honestly wish she was a little more controlling because this seems so passive to me.
What should I do in this situation, am I just thinking about it too much? Should I tell her I want to talk to her but not if she doesn't want to talk to me? Am I just too obsessed with her and smothering her? Help please! | Gf of 2 months is sending mixed signals through text. Not sure what she wants or if I'm smothering her with too much attention. |
t3_1j5k1e | relationships | I [18M] feel uncomfortable when cuddling with my partner [16F] of about half a year | I have been together with my girlfriend for about seven months. I like cuddling and I do find her lovely and attractive, so it's not issue like that. Instead, she's smaller than me (shorter and also almost underweight) which makes cuddling, especially spooning, feel uncomfortable for me.
I have to spend a lot of time to find a position which doesn't start to feel unbearable in five seconds. My back always starts to hurt and if I grab her with both arms my other arm goes numb (because of our height difference my arm goes somewhere under her ribs while spooning). Also, I can feel her bones (too) clearly and it's disturbing. I'm almost afraid of breaking some bones while I hug her. I really would like to feel soft hugs, not just bones.
I've tried to talk about that (yes, I'm a monster) with her, although it always goes the same way of "you don't like me" or "you want me to get fat this is just the same as you would ask fat person to slim down" (although I haven't suggested her to gain weight at all). We have also tried to switch sides while spooning, although it's clearly obvious shorter person can't be the big spoon.
I think she's otherwise perfect and I do find her attractive. Still, the issue of non-soft cuddling just kills it for me. | I love to cuddle with my girlfriend, but I find it uncomfortable since I can feel her bones too clearly, it's hard to get a good position and I'm almost afraid of breaking bones while I hug her. |
t3_15x05w | jobs | What are some REAL questions that you would ask an interviewer, if you had the opportunity? | This topic has been beaten to death here, with an overwhelming response of "Just do it, just because it shows you're interested". But ultimately, applicants have to play along because it means (probably) getting the job.
But what if you weren't threatened with a promise of a steady paycheck and valuable contribution to your field? What if you had the chance to have a real heart-to-heart with the interviewer, like so many of them claim an interview supposedly is?
For example, I would ask:
* Why did YOU ask the strength/weakness question? I know why it's a common interview strategy, but I'm interested to see why YOU decided to use it.
* What is your credential? (I personally know/can tell for the most part because of my field.) Did you design this hiring system? If not, who did? What are THEIR credentials? (Call it due diligence - we as for this from every other professionals out there.)
* (If they use a structured interview/personality assessments.) May I have the literature that support these tools? I don't want the responses, but the theoretical origin of these methods. (Red flag if they can't, btw.)
* Is hiring a part of your job function? If (when) not, what do you primary do here? How did you get to be in that seat today? | I would ask the type of questions that I would usually direct at people whom I would establish any other professional relationship with. |
t3_2bzzbv | relationships | Apparently I [28M] suck at communicating, particularly listening/soliciting information that my partner cares most about... How do I fix this? | I used to think I was very empathetic and a great listener, but in the past 6 months a few massive failures have really made me realize that I just don't listen apparently. I'm great at opening myself up, but terrible at listening. Apparently when I am good at listening, it ends up being too one way and not much of a back and forth... More like I'm being talked "at" and not "with." I guess I don't ask the right questions, or pick up on hints, or I'm not just easy to talk to, or I too often reply to things with my own personal anecdotes which is how I best relate, but that comes across as turning things around onto myself instead of the other person and what they care about. | How can I get better? How can I not only be a better listener, but better at identifying when someone is saying something that begs for a question to get them to open up about it? |
t3_2smyog | personalfinance | Just applied for a Secured Citi MasterCard... nervous about approval, and questions about old debt | I just applied for a Secured Citi MasterCard. My credit score according to Mint is 571 from Equifax and 546 from Experian. The reason its so low is because of debt that I didn't believe I owed so I never paid. Stupid, I know, but even so I couldn't afford to pay it back at the time even if I wanted to.
The debt was 2 years of Social Security backpay ($5668) because they didn't believe me when I told them I didn't know about bonds that my family took out for me when I was born.
I just got a job in September. I've been paying $200/mo since then.
But if you look on my credit history, you'll see nothing but really good things, except for 2 years worth of "late" payments from the Social Security.
The thing is, you can still get denied for Secured Citi Cards, and I don't want to be because then I'll be fucked. I gave them a $300 deposit. I have had consistent income every two weeks since I've gotten the job. I don't have my Savings or Brokerage accounts in Citi, but hopefully they'll see I'm not a stupid kid anymore like I was when I got the debt in the first place.
**My question about debt is: On my credit report, it's still marked as "late" for the months that I have paid. So I have to assume that will stop when I pay it off in full. BUT, I have enough in Savings to pay it off in full now. It won't leave me with too much but should I pay it off in one lump sum or should I keep paying it monthly? | Bad credit due to old debt that I can't do anything about now, nervous about denial from Secured Citi Card, what do? |
t3_3b8nmu | relationships | My [18F] Boyfriend's [15M] Sister [21F] Trying to Ruin Our Relationship | My boyfriend & I have been together for seven months, we've never had any issues with fighting or anything between us. The only issues we've had have been relating to his older sister, she doesn't like me, and she's quite open about it. She's made negative comments about me to his parents, she talks to him about me and always asks him about how I treat him, if he's having any problems with me, and stuff like that. She tries to get her nose into our relationship and I feel like she's influencing him to want to break up with me or something. She tries telling him that he shouldn't let a girlfriend tell him who he's allowed to hang out with, and how that I'm controlling and stuff. When all I said was that I wanted to meet this girl that he's friends with before I let them hang out alone. He's 16 and she's 21 so since he's her baby brother or whatever I understand she might feel that she's just looking out for him but I don't think she has the right to try to wedge herself in between us and constantly ask him about how I'm treating him, it makes me feel like she's forcing him to find flaws in me. What should I do? What do you think of this situation? | My boyfriend's older sister is really controlling of him and I feel as if she's persuading him to leave me, she speaks negatively about me and always asks him questions. |
t3_y0feu | relationships | How do I [23F] break up with my long term boyfriend [22M]? | We've been together 2 years, and he's a wonderful guy. He's totally in love with me, wants to have a future together, and is just all around an awesome boyfriend. Any girl would be lucky to have him. I'm just not into it anymore, emotionally and sexually. I have a hard time getting aroused with him (he's noticed, and I usually make up an excuse) but thats not for lack of wanting to have sex.
We've been dancing around the idea of taking a break for a while, but I think both of us are afraid to pull the trigger. I'm going into my last year in college, and he lives about 3 hours away. Last year, the distance was hard on us, but we made it work. This year, I just kind of want to do my own thing. I really just kind of miss being single, and I'm craving some independence. Last time I tried to break up with him, I sort of got talked into staying because I was too weak to stand my ground. He pulls the whole "I see a future together, I've never loved anyone like you" and just the general sweet things that make me feel warm and fuzzy and forget why I was trying to break up with him. Then I hang up the phone or leave and think "Wait, how did he do that?"
In the past I've always been the one to get dumped, not the one doing the dumping. I don't want him to drive up here 3 hours only to have me dump him and then have to drive back, so I was going to call him. Is that okay? How do I do this? | My boyfriend is awesome, but I want to be single. How do I break up with him without being a soul-crushing bitch? |
t3_1ow1x9 | relationships | Advice needed on a break up because of depression | I F(23) have just broken up with my boyfriend M(26) of three years
He is suffering from depression and doesn't really know how to handle it. He broke up with me to work out how he felt for me and to ultimately give himself time to figure things out.
I totally respect that he needs time and space. He knows I am here for him. I just want him to be happy no matter what whether that means he ends up being with me or not.
After breaking up with me he has been really out of character. He is the most respectful guy I know but he told me he was going to sleep with someone else to try and figure things out but didn't give a fuck if it was going to hurt this other girl and didn't give a fuck what happened to her or what she thought.
Obviously this hurt me a lot but I tried to stay strong and talk to him with a level head as I know this is totally out of character.
He is going to start counselling. He is just having a hard time accepting everything understandably and is shying away from it more than anything. Although hopefully he will go ahead with counselling.
Really what I need advice on is how to get my head around this? How to understand how he feels, how scared he must be about everything, and how to know when to back off?
All communication is in his hands at the moment.
But this is also screwing me up pretty badly. I have lost a lot of weight over a short period . I struggling to think about anything else other than how he is. I can't sleep for constantly thinking. My brain just will not shut off. I don't know how to be there for him but not get hurt in the mean time.
I don't like to think of myself but I know I need to put myself first at the moment just as he needs to with himself.
My head is really everywhere and just need some advice. I know the above is very jumbled and I apologise I just started typing and let it roll. If you have any questions please ask me as long as you think they are relevant. | Like I said I just want him to be happy but I also need to try and think of myself in this too which I don't really know how to. |
t3_32u97d | relationships | My [18 F] girlfriend might be pregnant and I'm [17 M] not sure how I feel about an abortion. | To preface, I am 17, she is 18. We had sex about a week or so ago on her period and the condom broke. We didn't worry too much about it because we know she ovulates in the middle of her cycle. Yes we know sperm can live for up to 7 days, but her ovulation is consistent. We also had sex last night without a condom because we are both horny idiots. That wasn't the first time we had sex that night, although I did not ejaculate inside her without the condom. I am quite aware that due to both of these things there is a possibility of getting pregnant, and I can't help being worried about what happens if she is.
Each time we have discussed what's going to happen if she does end up getting pregnant, the final decision is that she is getting an abortion, and she is very stern about that. I'm scared to tell her that I may not feel 100% with her getting an abortion because she feels so sternly about it. In terms of politics, I sit on the fence with abortions and I'm not sure where I stand. But now with the very real possibility of her being pregnant, I need some advice...
She wants to travel and do all sorts of interesting things with her life, and she thinks that a child would get in the way of those things, which is fair enough. I would probably be more inclined with keeping the child, and honestly would be looking forward to fatherhood, despite being at a young age, I know I'd be able to handle it better than most my age as I have financial means of supporting a baby and have a supportive family.
What should I do? Should I say nothing about me not wanting an abortion? What do I say if she is pregnant? What do I do if she still goes through with an abortion despite me not really being okay with it? I'm confused guys, would really appreciate some advice.. | GF might be pregnant, we have differing opinions on abortion and what will happen if she gets pregnant. Not sure what to say to her if she is pregnant. |
t3_1z0qb3 | jobs | Manual laborer looking to switch careers, no idea where to start | Hello reddit, hope is everyone is a-ok today.
So here's my story:
Dropped out of high school when I was 17, got a g.e.d,tried going to community college and work a full time manual labor job but that kind of blew up by my 2nd semester. I'm now 24, I've been working on a shipyard as a painter working 50+ hours a week and being absolutely miserable. 8 months ago I had my first kid, and I want to find a job that will let me work more normal hours so I can be, you know, around more, or at least not so exhausted I don't want to do anything when I get home. So I've always been very good with computers as I've been on them since I was very young. I'm the guy my entire family comes to with PC issues, and I truly enjoy working with computers. That said, I'm awful at math and never even passed a high school math class. I've been looking at jobs as a web developer( I literally made websites when I was 12,13,14 years old but it's a different field today) or in I.T but I have no idea where to start. Google is yielding mostly information from 2007-2011 and I feel a lot of it might be outdated. Looking for genuine advice on how to get out of this manual labor rut I'm in but I have no clue where to start. I am willing to take classes but I'd like to avoid any 4 year programs. it seems I could just study books and take certification tests for certain things but, I literally have no idea. I know I'm not good at explaining things so please ask me to clarify something if this doesn't make sense. Also not sure if this is the right subreddit. | good at computers, bad at math, hate working labor jobs looking to break into something with computers but no clue where to start |
t3_15oapz | relationships | My mom is appalled at my boyfriend's [21] nonchalance about me [21] not attending NYE... is she just old school, or is it actually something to be bothered by? | So my boyfriend and I have been planning with one of his female friends to go out for NYE for a few weeks. We were going to go to one of the bars near his house, originally. However, between a few bills and last-minute Christmas gifts, I really can't justify spending the money to go out NYE, and told my BF as such. I expected him to be a bit bummed, but he didn't express any unhappiness at all. I also sort of expected him to offer to pay my way (which I would have refused anyway) because the last time we went out with aforementioned female friend, she was broke and he offered to pay her way, which she accepted. So I was a little peeved on both accounts, but I let it go and made plans to go over a buddy of mine's house to play video games that night.
Now when I mentioned to my mom that I wasn't going out NYE because I couldn't afford it, she was aghast that my BF hadn't offered to pay my way. She said any normal Friday night it would be fine, but NYE is special, and the fact that he is so nonchalant about it really pissed her off. Is she right that it's disrespectful and uncaring of him? Or is she just not hip with the times? | My boyfriend doesn't care that I can't afford to go out for NYE, and my mom now hates him for it. |
t3_27dno5 | relationships | My [28/F] boyfriend [28/M] is a push over, how do I help him? | Basically I want my boyfriend to stand up for himself and what he wants. He's a great guy but he really is a pushover when it comes to his friends, his parents, and even myself. Sometimes it's little things, like we ALWAYS eat whatever I want, or watch whatever I want, even when I'm like... "No really, you pick!" Sometimes it's bigger things like his business partner/friend will not show up anytime he wants because he knows my boyfriend will pick up his slack and not even be mad about it.
He also avoids confrontation like is the plague. Even things he think will be confrontational, he'll avoid. For example, he runs a small business and that means every now and then he'll have to skip pay or lend his business his own money, we'll one time I volunteered to help out with the expectation of getting paid back within a week or so. He doesn't handle the finances, so I'd ask him if his partner was able to get me back yet... he'd keep saying I don't think so, etc... A few months later I got a little fed up and emailed his partner about it and be says "Yeah! We've had it, I just forgot! Wish (your boyfriend) would've just said something!"
It can cause problems too. Like if his parents tell him he should do something one way and unbeknownst to me I say we should do something another way... he'll end up either just not doing whatever it is either way or he'll actually lie to either me or his parents saying he did it the way whichever of us suggested.
Because of this it's really hard to confront him because he'll just say "I know." Or "Yeah, I should've done that.." or "yeah that's what I'll do..." just immediately admitting fault and saying he'll change whatever it is. | I want to help my boyfriend take up for himself but don't want to hurt his feelings with my criticism. :/ |
t3_4l3vg6 | relationships | Me [18F] with my boyfriend [19M] of 2 years, I love him but I feel like I'm too stupid for him. | My boyfriend 'Ted' and I have been together for 2 years. When we started going out, we had been good friends for about a year and a half. I love Ted, he's always there for me and I tell him anything and everything without feeling judged. I honestly can't imagine my life without Ted because he's my best friend. I still get butterflies whenever I see him, I'd rather spend my time sitting with him quietly while reading books than going out to party with a bunch of people. I'm comfortable around him and he's always kind to me.
He's smart, kind, funny. I'm kind and funny too, but he's way way smarter than me. He's in a great university in a killer course with a great gpa. He's athletic and really handsome (even if he doesn't believe it), cooks really well, and is one of the smartest guys I know. I on the other hand, am at a 'meh' university because I'm not that book smart. I'm good with people, I'm quite funny, I'm street smart but I'm really not that book smart. I have a lot of smart friends for some reason, but Ted is probably the smartest.
I know that if we broke up, he'd get a smart girl from his own university anytime. He's even going for his sumemr exchange soon, and I'm really happy for him but I feel like I'll jsut be holding him down. I've talked to him before asking if him he wanted a break when he went for his summer exchange, but he was hurt I even thought of going on a break.
During our first year together I had told him he could find someone much better than me, but he seems to think the same of me (he thinks that I can get much better than him). I love him, I really do, but I feel like I'm holding him down. What can I do? I'm starting to feel like maybe the real problem here is my self-esteem. I can't go into too many details, but therapy for me right now is pretty much impossible (maybe after about 6 months I can try out therapy). | Boyfriend is way smarter than me, and I'm feeling bad because he could have so much better than me if he wanted to. He's told me he loves me for me, but I feel like I'm holding him down. |
t3_2rbhes | relationship_advice | How do I [15/m] give a good first (well more like second) impression to girls? | I've never had a proper girlfriend before but every time I meet a girl who I like I just don't know what to say how to act. Normally what happens is they either think I'm gay or I get friendzoned. Tomorrow I'm seeing someone alone who I've only met in real life once before but we've talked on Facebook quite a lot. We're going for lunch and ice skating but I don't know how to subtly show her that I can be more than a friend. Should I be flirty (which I cannot do) or "just be myself" (which has never really worked)? Another possible cause is that if I like someone I leave it too long to say it and when I do I just end up being nerdy and awkward. | I don't know what to do/say when I'm around a girl I like and always get friendzoned. |
t3_1za3sh | relationships | Me [25 M] with girl [22 F] of 2 months, found out she has a fuck buddy. How should I go about it? | I have been dating a girl for about 2.5 months now and I have been pursuing her with full intention of dating her long term. I have been doing nice things for her, like sending her a dozen red roses on Valentines day, taking her to out to events in the city etc. And she seems to be appreciative of everything I do for her.
Things had been going great till last week(or I thought so) when I happened to see her texts messages from a fuck buddy. It was clear from the texts that they had been "hanging out" as recently as the night before I saw those texts. She was sleeping when I saw those texts and I was instantly overcome with emotions. I was not expecting something like this and could not fall asleep rest of the night. I left for work early that morning while she was still sleeping.
Next day she texted me why I left so early and if we were still hanging out later that day. I made an excuse about something coming up and not being able to hangout with her that night.
She expressed some concern if everything was okay between us. I told her yes. I did not contact her for next few days as I was still trying to decide how to react. She continued to send me some pics of what she was doing, which further infuriated me and I ended up deleting her on facebook and other social media.
It's been 10 days since I last communicated with her. And she has made no attempt to call or text to see what's going on. I wanted to see how other redditors would handle this situation. Would you confront her, talk to her, or just leave her keep hanging why I disappeared from her life. | dating a girl for 2 months, found out she has a fuck buddy. Should I confront her about it, talk to her about it or just forget her and move on? |
t3_1y0dnq | relationships | Anyone else have any experiencw with long term, exclusive, friends with benefits type relationships? (I'm 29/F, he's 27/M) | Hello Reddit! I'm curious if anyone else has been in a relationship like this before.
Years ago I was in a relationship with my college boyfriend (22/F and 19/M at the time). We were very serious for about two years but had a completely mutual, almost friendly breakup. We both simply realized that we didn't want all the things that go along with a relationship - family stuff, friends, weddings, daily talks, etc... and had drifted apart because of this.
Today, we are still what I'd consider "friends with benefits." We live 2 hours away from each other and we both have very busy jobs. We get together every 2-4 weeks on the weekend, have amazing sex, and love spending time together doing social things. We have talked about our relationship and have a strict agreement that if either one of us meets someone else that our current relationship has to end - but we've had this agreement for about 5 years now and neither one of us really wants anything to change.
I remember when I was in high school taking one of those quizes in Teen Magazine about "what kid of boyfriend do you want?" or something like that, and getting "Friends with Benefits" as my result. This has always stuck with me because, seriously, how does it get better than that?! I'm child free, have my friends, money, sex, and my alone time.
I suppose I'm concerned because my friends are constantly telling me "oh you're going to get hurt" or "you love him just admit it," but in all seriousness if he were to call me and say he'd found The One I'd be thrilled for him, and I'm pretty sure he'd feel the same.
I'm just ranting I think, but any thoughts or advice is happily welcomed! | Is long term, exclusive, friends with benefits, a real relationship that other people have - or is it just me? |
t3_4wp4oh | needadvice | X-post r/adhd: I do things impulsively. Is this normal? | Im 16, male, in 11th grade, currently not studying for a year to take care of my mom of her recent leg amputation, abroad, so i have limited social interaction now because I'm always at home, with a cousin to help.
Sometimes when I do something I'm just not aware of it, and I'm shocked about why I didn't even notice doing it and always disappointed.
Is this an attention disorder? Self esteem problem? Depression?
I exercise and regularly drink ginkgo and lutein supplements.
I am a caregiver (temporarily) of an angry, depressed, toxic mother, and maybe doing it for the next 6 years until I move out.
Sorry for bad english. | Do things impulsively and affecting my life in a negative way, and I'm afraid I might do something destructive when I become impulsive. |
t3_4vnbqh | relationships | Me [25F] with my bf [31 M] of 1 year - need encouragement and logistics advice for breakup. | My current bf and I met online about a year ago. He moved in with me a few months ago. I really care about him and we enjoy each other's company, but this is not the relationship I want long-term. I feel like I'm always pushing him to be a little different. Long-term, I want to be with someone who is romantic (at least once in a while), and isn't afraid to show the world that I'm special to him. In addition, the way that we fight is just not healthy IMO. We don't communicate well. We do have fun together, but I just feel that I could find someone who is a better match for me. There's nothing wrong with the way he is, I think we just could find people who are a better match for us and be happier. I think I will end up always feeling that something is missing or that it's not enough. I'm definitely sad about the idea of losing him, but I just don't think this is the type of relationship I want to be in forever. What I'm looking for is just for you all to tell me that I'm doing the right thing or tell me if I really should be giving this a chance or thinking from another perspective.
Additionally, I'm not sure what to do logistically. He lives with me and I can't leave the apartment to him because we ride to work together and he doesn't have a car. He wouldn't have a way to get to work. He has friends who live close to his work that would probably be willing to let him stay there. He doesn't have too much stuff at my apartment, maybe 2 suitcases worth. I'm just wondering if there is anything I can do to make it easier on him. Any advice?
Any encouragement or advice would be very much appreciated! Thank you. | Ready to break up with live-in boyfriend, but need encouragement and any advice on how to make it easier on him logistically. |
t3_2tw0gj | relationships | I (M19) screwed up big time with my girlfriend (F19) and she's offering a do-over, but I dont know how to do as she asks | Before this issue came along, we've been together almost 2 years and even though we're young, want to try and stay together in the long term.
So recently all came clear that I cheated. Yes I know its awful and she should leave me etc etc, maybe she should. Either way I do love her so much and I regret everything that I have done.
We've struggled through this and currently are not together. She wants to stay with me and has told me I need to 'make it up to her' if we're to work out. She did give another way out, I had to publicly apologize but I fucked that up too so she took that option away.
She's been pretty hard to speak to recently, she's having mood swings and I feel like she just couldn't give a shit about me, I have no motivation to show my caring side either due to this :/ But she says she does love and care about me.
I really want to get with her, and for us to work out. If we get back if I 'make it up to her', she is willing to put my cheating behind us and start again.
Problem. How do I make it up to her? I have no idea what to do and she wont tell me either. What do I do reddit? | I cheated on my girl, she's offered to move on and stay with me if I 'make it up to her', I've no idea how to, what do I do? |
t3_2qfro1 | relationships | Me [24/M] looking for books on increasing my market value/desirability/ overall rating - Be you, but better | Hey everyone,
let me start off by saying i am happily single from a breakup. I am using this time to better myself, both physically, mentally and even emotionally, currently not looking for relationships. Is there any specific book on systematic improvement of all values an individual could have to increase his rating? To become more desirable catch?
* If you have an a haircut that doesn't exactly fit your head type/face shape, or just a random haircut that is currently "popular" go to a stylist to help you make one that will fit better
* If you have a high pitched voice, work on being more grounded, relaxing your breathing muscles, deeping the voice
* Having boring life and not much going on? Work on getting new experiences, new encounters to enhance it
* Fat or average looking? Work on your physical condition and shape
* Average, casually dressed? Work on being dressed really well
* Lack of character? Build it through continious habit and repetition that brings you closer to whicever goals you may have
* Unrelaxed, cant dance, anxious? Work on relaxation methods, being more grounded, more in control
All of this is by no means necessary. BE YOU, BUT BETTER, i am not talking about changing who you are at your essence or pretending you are someone you are not. | looking for books on systematic improvement of all possible qualities a man can/could/should have in order to improve my desirability, rating and increase my value on the "market". |
t3_16nm10 | relationships | He's making odd statements after a year apart. (23 f) (26 m) | My ex and I broke up a year ago after 2 years of dating.
We stayed friends, and he's never flirted with me or made any romantic gestures in that time. We also continued having a sexual relationship, but it really hasn't been a big deal. We had a great relationship and awesome sexual chemistry. He broke up with me because he wasn't feeling as strongly about me as he was before. Having had more relationship experience than him, I personally think that it was just the honeymoon phase passing (we had zero serious issues and were very respectful toward each other. Honestly it was the smoothest relationship I've been in). I got over it pretty quickly, I'm not the kind of person that stays upset over breakups very long, and I don't have any negative feelings toward him.
He's been texting me more flirtatious things lately, such as playfully saying I should come cuddle. Last night he came over to hang out, and said a few things that sort of have me scratching my head. He said that he "cares about me...... a lot", that I'm amazing and beautiful, that he feels overwhelmed when he's around me, that he's still never felt closer to any girl, that he had a dream about me the night before. I didn't know what to say, so I mostly just said thanks. When he said he's still never felt closer to any girl, I didn't say anything.
We're both very shy, and I'm a bit clueless when it comes to guys and relationships, so I'm not sure if he was indicating he would like to have a reconciliation, or if that's just wishful thinking on my part. I haven't thought about him in a romantic way in a long time, but it's something I wouldn't mind exploring again if that's on his mind.
I'm not sure what to say to him, or how I would begin a conversation about us. I would be very nervous to try to talk about it, and I'm wondering if I should just shrug it off as a random thing and let it go. | Ex broke up with me a year ago. Said some flirtatious things the last time we hung out and I can't tell if he wants me back, or how to bring up the subject. |
t3_2eyws9 | tifu | TIFU by asking for taco bell | So last night I was at home talking to my boyfriend on the phone when he said he was coming over to hangout. So before he left I asked for taco bell. His first reply was no but i talked him into it. I wait awhile then i hear him in the driveway, i let him in and instantly go to my food, at the time I was so happy to be with him. I get my 2 Doritos locos tacos out of the bag and destroy the first one in almost a minute. I then go and get my second one I open it up and it looked delicious. Until i took the first bite, it tasted very strange in a familiar way, then i take a second bite and I see sour cream dripping out and something else in it. I then look to my laughing boyfriend and ask him what it is. He said it was nothing and to continue eating it. I put it down and look him in the eyes and tell me. He finally budged and told me that he was horny in the car and shook his creamer into my taco. Needless to say i was furious, he was still laughing about it and said "You swallowed that now to can swallow when you give me a bj" I then made him leave and broke things off with him this morning. | Asked bf for taco bell, bf was horny in the car ride, ate a Doritos locos sperm taco. |
t3_322ro3 | relationships | How can I [18M] deal with overprotective [50M/F] parents? | I am a senior in high school, and I have really easy classes this semester. I have already been accepted to college, so I pretty much just need to pass all of my classes. Lately I have been going over to my friend "Joe's" house after school. Another close friend "Alex" usually comes over too. We usually just play Super Smash Bros. and work on a game we have been developing. My parents have become suspicious on why I go there so frequently. Now when I come home, they smell my breath and my clothes to see if it smells like alcohol/weed. Joe does occasionally smoke weed, but he knows Alex and I aren't into that, so he never does around us.
Also a few days ago, I left my phone in Joe's room and went downstairs to play Smash for about an hour. I guess my parents tried to call me and I didn't answer so they freaked out. I got home and they told me they tracked my phone using FindMyiPhone (which is weird because there's no way they have my login) and it said it was offline. They asked if I was buying drugs or something and that's why I didn't answer or turned my phone off. I told them they can call Joe's parents, they know I was there.
Shouldn't I be concerned that they can track my cellphone? I know they have every right to, but I'm 18 so shouldn't they trust me by now? This might sound bad, but soon I might have the chance at having sex with my girlfriend (who is 19). I know neither of our homes will be okay for that, so we're going to have to go somewhere. I just don't understand why they can't trust me. I have to live at home for college for at least the next 2 years, so how can I deal with them? | Parents think when I am having innocent fun I am doing the worst things possible. Found out they might be tracking my phone. How can I deal with them? |
t3_3rql9t | relationships | I (23M) am applying to medical school and she (27F) is concerned about our future | We have been dating for the better part of 6 months now (known each other since beginning of the year) and it's getting to the point where we are getting fairly serious. I know that her clock is ticking and that she wants to settle down but she is concerned with the fact that my future is uncertain. I am applying to medical school and that's a big commitment for her to make if she wants to stay with me (either I move or I stay here in Hawaii). I understand that but it's becoming scary for me because I'm starting to really love her now.
She had a freak out today because I couldn't go over to her house to hang out and had to finish a medical school application. I told her it's because I wanted to free up the weekend but she's worried that this will become a recurring thing and that I am always going to have other commitments (family, school, work, etc.). We are both independent people by nature and we both let each other do their own thing.
It's just putting me in a weird spot. I know I want a career in medicine, but I'm also starting to come to terms with the fact that I want this person to be a significant part of my life. I know I'm going in circles but maybe someone can stop me from spinning and shed some light on a similar situation? | She is concerned about my uncertain future and we're at the point where we want to be with each other for an extended period of time. |
t3_1h7aya | relationship_advice | [16/f] Thinking of going on a "break" with [19/m]. Should he get it? | We've been dating for over a year and a half now, seeing each other at least twice a week, everything's good.
Lately (over the last month or so), I've been noticing the following, along with our communicating about issues:
-He constantly "jokes" that I'm like an overly attached girlfriend.
-He gets incredibly pissed if I get upset about sexual bumps in the road, or not being able to talk, or if I tell him I don't think he cares about me.
-He's gone as far to say he doesn't think I love him, and that I was being an ungrateful jackass when he was angry. (note: we'd never fought like this before, and he and I understand that we can't make each other angry to the point of insults any longer).
To air on the side of caution, I AM the type of girl that will answer texts all day, unless I'm actually hanging out with my boyfriend. I think, however, that I may be too clingy and he does go on sometimes that I'm "wearing him down". I am rather emotional, but I'm also still in high school, and I know I have NO IDEA what maturity in a relationship is at this point in my life. So, I'm wondering if it'd be a good idea to go on a "break" with him.
I'm making this clear, I am NOT a stuck-up bitch trying to keep her "options" open.
I just think it would be better for both of us if he got his space and I got to focus more on my redditing, videogames, the works. Asking you guys first, because I think you guys'll see the good intention here? Although I do know "breaks" lead to the inevitable break-ups, I would never do that to him I'm just trying to look out for our best interests. | Bf starting to think I'm too clingy, thinking of telling him we're taking a "break". Not breaking it off, just giving him space. Yay or Nay? |
t3_2ln84s | relationships | Me 26f met a guy 25m who speaks bad English, was he being creepy or cute? (Need Spanish speakers opinion) | I'm going to keep this short because there was just one thing that kinda stumped me. I met this guy at a bar last night, was polite but a little forward, we exchanged #s, today he texted me and I jokingly pretend to not know who he was and he says "You remember Papi chulo <his name>" - can anyone tell me what this means? Like is this "polite conversation" material in Spanish or does it have the same pervy/sexual connotations that it would in English? I don't wanna blow him off over an innocent joke but I can't figure it out. :/ Please don't just google and it tell me because I already tried that, I'm wondering if anyone is familiar with the culture enough to say. | Met a cute guy, English second language, called himself daddy or "papi chulo" in a text??? Is this polite or rude in Spanish culture? |
t3_2k1ymd | relationships | Me [18M] gone to university, leaving my partner [20F] sleepless, ill and without eating. | Me and my girlfriend have been together for a little over a year and a half, and in that time allot between us has happened. Due to this, we are a strong couple who love each-other incredibly. But something new has arose and something which is a bit different. I'm new so be kind.
This subreddit requires no wall of text so i'll try keep it short.
Not too long ago I left home to come to university about a five hour drive up country. (college to my American brothers and sisters) Throughout our relationship different things to do with health have come and gone yet some stayed.
My other half developed Insomnia and can only sleep if i'm in the same room, and that still can be a struggle. Eating is also a big hardship for her too, it makes the poor girl sick most of the time and that's obviously off putting for her, especially as she has no gag reflex, so choking is common. When I was back home we spent allot of time together as we didn't live too far away from each-other. She loved to cook for us so eating wasn't so bad as she may as well cook for herself too, she did and kept a good weight.
Now i'm here. My girlfriend has had near to no sleep, minimal amount of food and an illness which constantly thins her blood leading to other illnesses. She can't heal as she can't sleep. She has only two friends who are complete A** h**es that never see hear and when they ask to meet, they put a plan with someone else on top of that leaving her on her own.
The poor girl is alone, very ill, at a very low weight. (she has seen her doctor and he has helped as much as he can and very well at that) I just feel that it's my fault. Nothing I can do to help. I call her every day at half eight to see what she has done in the day and show her that i'm still in love and still there for her. But it's not enough. Help?
I'm sorry for any grammar/spelling issues and lack of writing capability. Just posting this helps. And thanks to anyone who read. | Girlfriend left at home as I go into higher education leaving her alone, sleepless and sick till I come home after three years. |
t3_170t6k | relationships | [M18] having trouble leading a conversation with [F18] girlfriend. | Hey guys. I'm having a bit of trouble in my relationship. I don't know whether I should worry or not, but I think I should because my GF seems bothered by it. Essentially, we are a LDR that started as a normal relationship, except it is my first one. She's really special to me and I love her, but for whatever reason, I always have a hard time talking to her over Whats App and Skype and whatnot. I feel like I don't have a really interesting life, nor anything she's really like to hear about; we're both in college, and while she goes to a big college with a big reputation, I'm going to a tiny college that's just started. She has way more going on for her, while I'm stuck at university from 9 AM to 10 PM most days, either coding or doing math or gaming while I'm busy. She's a Poli-Sci major, so no connection there. What makes it worse is the fact I'm in Spain and she's in the US. By the time I have free time I feel tired and just want to shower, have dinner and sleep. It's not necessarily limited to her, I've never liked small talk (it feels dumb and I know people are not interested, not even your SO). It just feels frustrating, because I know she wants me to talk more but I feel like I can't. What do you guys suggest I could do?
We've been going on for... almost ten months, anniversary is March 31st. | Having trouble keeping conversation over text, want to make my GF happy by being better at it. What can I do? |
t3_p41wr | AskReddit | I have to say, r/atheism, you have prepared me well. | I met my first theist who openly rejected evolution and the lot. I was thrilled when he began to talk to me about it.
So I opened up my Can - O - Knowledge and dumbfounded him and his Christian friend. He eventually just dropped out of the conversation and went to sleep. (Mind you, it was like 2 in the morning) But me and his friend kept talking.
As it turns out, I know and understand a lot more than I previously thought. He learned a great deal and probably got him to think about it more.
And I have to say, this is all very | but my main point is to thank all of you atheist redditors who helped me to have the knowledge to defeat a theist. |
t3_22ttrc | jobs | I'm an international student who majored in Writing and Film and really needs a job when she graduates--which is in a month. | Hi, guys.
Okay, so I'm an international student from India (thanks a ton, country, for having sent what's about a million students to the US on hopeful visas) currently at DePauw University. I'm majoring in English Writing and Film studies, and all set to graduate here in a month. I have a 3.87 GPA, and am a member of Phi Beta Kappa--the oldest and most prestigious honor society in the States. I'm fluent in Hindi, French, Urdu and Punjabi, have experience in production and writing, and have worked in places as diverse as Cosmopolitan Magazine to Harper Collins (both in India). I've also done some IT-related stuff at school, and a lot of video production.
What's driving me crazy now is the job hunt--nearly every job I apply to has a "must be authorized to work in the United States" restriction, and I'm basically driving myself crazy depressed. I want to be a TV comedy writer, ultimately, but to stay in the United States I'd require a work visa--and no one is just about to hand me one. I'm turning to you, Redditors, for any advice on companies that take in liberal arts graduates not intending to work in IT/Engineering. Is there anything? I'm a stellar worker, and I don't just want my dreams shot down for the simple reason that I wasn't born here. I'd appreciate any help, guys. | I'm Indian and sick of being from a country where I can't realize my dreams. Is there a job for me here? |
t3_373cdo | relationships | Our (27f/25m) wedding is Saturday, worried groomsman (25m) might invite husbands old ex (26f) | So to be clear, if she had been a different ex, I would still be weirded out, but not so scared. Husband and I dated for a while in college, back in 09. She came into the scene, and things went bad. There was definitely emotional cheating if not actual physical cheating- depending on your definition of cheating. She sat in his lap a lot, held hands, kissed him, they would make a point of hanging out when I wasn't around. I don't know a lot of the actual details of what went down back then, and I no longer care.
I just don't want her at my wedding. My husband has made no particular expression that he wants her there, and has made a point of actively avoiding her if there was the slightest possibility their paths might cross. His groomsman is a great friend of both the ex and my husband, and I'm worried he will bring her as a +1, as she is in the area at the same time we're having our wedding. No-one has specifically told him not to, but I've been assured my my husband and a bridesmaid (who was a friend of both groomsman and husband in college) that he wouldn't do that. But without being specifically told l, I'm still worried.
Am I being irrational? Should I just let it go? And furthermore, if she does show up, am I right to ask her to leave? What should I do? | worried husbands ex gf will be invited to the wedding by a groomsman who is a good friend of them both. I really dislike her, and don't want her to be there under any circumstance. |
t3_4rthqu | relationships | I [18 M] have a pseudo-girlfriend [19 F]. We're not quite dating yet and there is another person [16F]. | Right into the thick of it. I have known a girl (referred to as E) since the beginning of college. We just finished freshman year together, going through the stages of acquaintance to friend to best friend until, one day, we realized we had feelings for eachother.
However, this was two weeks before summer started, and we were going home to different states. E and I decided to not officially date over the summer, due to a variety of reasons including being single for a while, as we both recently got out of long relationships. But we talk every day, and two weeks in (about a month ago) I booked a plane ticket to go visit her for a week.
My problem - and please tell me if I'm being a complete idiot - is that while I'm back home a coworker and I have been getting closer. I'll probably know this girl (let's call her A) for a total of two months and then I'll never see her again.
I'm torn about hooking up with A. I really care about E, but we were clear about NOT being a couple this summer. I think that if something happened with A I wouldn't tell her. A also knows this would be just a summer thing - probably even just a one time thing.
Anyways, I have a dinner with A tomorrow and I'm leaving to see E in exactly one week. If I do this, does that make me a piece of shit? I know I would feel at least a little bit guilty. I have no way of knowing if E is doing the same back where she is, though. And in the end, once we start dating (I guess labeling ourselves exclusive), a fling with A would never need to be brought up. Just like I wouldn't need to hear about anything she did this summer. Thoughts?
As a sidenote, I want to clarify that I will not/would not be having sex with A. I am too into E and also would like not to commit statutory rape. | There is a budding relationship put on hold for the summer. Is it wrong to hook up with another girl in the limbo state that I'm in with the first girl? If I do, will I regret it? |
t3_2lnvym | relationships | Me [20 M] with my FWB/ best friend [20 F] duration 3 months, help me figure out what to do! | So at the beginning of this last semester on school my friend and i (lets call her maddy) decided to become friends with benefits it started out fine and we agreed to not let this get in the way of our friend ship. but we both agreed that we were okay with seeing other people.
So when we were alone we were more of a couple but when we were with our friends we acted like just friends. but as the last three months progressed i began to have feelings for her but i just pushed them aside and didnt say anything. in the mean time she met a guy though work and started talking. the weekend before halloween i finally said to myself that i do like her and would date her.
halloween weekend we went out and one night she got too drunk and took her home and took care of her. the next night we went out and invited the other guy. later on in the night as were looking for a party our group got split up and it was just us three and she was with this other guy in front of me (as of now she has no idea i actually want anything more than friends with benifits) and they kiss right in front of me. this pisses me off and begin to walk in front of them to make sure i dont see them doing anything. fast forward to the party were at and the guy asks me whats wrong about 10 times and on the last one i tell him whats up, and then storm off because i cant be around these people anymore go home pissed off. about ten minutes later maddy shows up wanting to talk and the othere told her i feeling for her. she then tells me she also has feelings for me and tells me i should have said something sooner (i didnt want to say anything that would jepordize our friendship) and that its too late because of this other guy.
what should i do i really like maddy and our firendship is the most solid one ive ever had but im not sure where to take this!!!! please help me!!
sorry for and grammer or spelling errors im quite drunk wirting this. | sleeping with best friend and developed feelings, now she like some new guy. should i confront her again about my feelings or just go back to how things were and let here date this other guy? |
t3_1t6hqf | relationships | My unofficial GF wants to become exclusive, but her drunk self will likely act the COMPLETE opposite. Help! | Fairly new to posting on reddit so forgive me if I'm in the wrong sub. I'll try to keep it short but detailed. This girl i'v been seeing for a while now wants to become a little bit more then just friends. I would gladly take her up on the offer, she's fantastic and beautiful (28). Only problem is she is a flirty drunk and not just the giggling and light touch kind. She will sometimes make out and grope other people. From what iv seen so far it's only been as a joke with her (f) friends (awesome) but it happens so frequently that I believe there's nothing stoping it from happening with complete strangers.
Iv talked to her about my feelings and She has promised to stop drinking so much and to restrain any desires. Truth is It's a risky case as she lives with a total alcoholic that is a total freak (f) and she's the main reason I'm worried, her ability to influence my SO into doing things is the major concern.
So my question to you reddit should I give this girl a chance knowing her previous record and her flirtation issues, and bite the bullet if she breaks my heart? Or should I just keep her at a certain distance and not pursue a serious relationship? | girlfriend is a very flirty drunk (physical contact and kissing of strangers) she wants to become exclusive but her drunk self will most likely act the opposite. How should handle it. |
t3_2y01iu | relationships | My [20 M] girlfriend [20 F] loves to play games and I'm so tired of it, said I broke her heart | I've been in an incredible three month relationship with a girl who really is the girl of my dreams. We've known each other for a while as friends, but never really got that close, and when we were both single, we both knew we wanted each other and I've never clicked this quickly with a person before. I've been in two relationships before, and no one else has made me feel the way she feels. I actually am so in love with her. Recently, she told me she would be the happiest girl ever if we got married tomorrow, and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me.
All her life she's had guys chasing her and telling her how amazing she is. She's been in one long term relationship before with a guy who honestly did everything for her and bent backwards for her. She told me he would literally do anything and every time they fought he would take the blame. So she's pretty much used to having guys beg for her and telling her sorry and she knows that because she told me she was spoiled by guys with affection.
I'm a guy who hates begging and I hate doing that type of shit. But when I don't do it, she thinks I don't care about her and she gets so sad. She also loves to play these games where she says she doesn't wanna talk to me. I usually play along at first and "plead" her to talk to me but after 3-4 times of being said no to I honestly get so sick of it and I give up and don't talk to her. Tonight, I didn't text her and she said I broke her heart and she's not talking to me anymore. She said I don't know how much she cares about me and that she's not playing games.
I really don't know what to do, how do I fix this? I love her so much but I don't know if this is just a phase or not but I can't put up with it for that much longer. | Didn't text my girl after she said she didn't want to talk to me, said I broke her heart when I stopped and doesn't know how much she cares about me. |
t3_48l09e | relationships | Me [17M] with my friend[17F]. I'm positive I like her and I'm pretty sure she likes me. What do I do? I'm nervous to mess up and ruin our friendship. | Basically, I've been friends with Dani (the girl) since sophomore year. We're both juniors now in high school. I think she's really cool and really pretty. We talk a lot and I'm pretty positive we mutually flirt. To be honest, maybe I'm overlooking into it and I'm an idiot, but from being on this subreddit for a while, I'm pretty sure it's flirting.
She just got out of a few month relationship with her boyfriend, who I've known since freshman year. They broke up because her friend, basically talked shit about her behind to her boyfriend and caused them to break up because of it. The ex-friend and ex-boyfriend are now dating. I hold no grudges to both sides because it's not my business and not my situation.
We text a good amount and I can always make her laugh and stuff. I'm just not sure what to do, I feel like we've mutually liked each other for a while. We went out on Valentine's with a 3rd mutual friend and she talked about the ex-relationship after the movie when we ate. I want to ask her out but I'm just scared to mess up our friendship or get rejected. Please help, should I just relax and give it more time to see what happens, or should I not wait too long and make a move? | I'm stuck on asking my friend out, even though I'm pretty sure we mutually flirt and I'm slightly less positive we mutually like each other. What should I do? |
t3_1rws3i | relationships | I [20 M] feel like a dumbass. No Contact period for a month, and I did something on accident. | I've been in no contact with my ex for about a month now. Just a few days ago, she actually messaged me on Facebook, saying sorry for hurting/ignoring me. I've been ignoring that text.
Anyway, last night I was on Instagram (I know, I'm supposed to stop following/unfriend her for no contact) and I saw her picture. Like a dumbass, I clicked on the comment button and wrote down what I wanted to say. I didn't intend to post it but when I went to delete the little sentence I had written out, I accidentally pressed the post button.
I'm sure she read the comment before I deleted it, but I just feel lame. A few days prior she sent a long apology, which I'm ignoring, and I accidentally commented on her picture. I'm probably exaggerating but she's probably thinking to herself, "What a loser."
I'm not sure what I'm asking but I feel like I set myself back after all the process I've made on moving on. | No contact with ex for about a month, accidentally commented on her Instagram picture. Damn sure she read it before I deleted it, now I feel like I have to start the no contact period all over again. What to do? |