metaeval/offensive-humor · Datasets at Hugging Face

score int64 -1 14.3k	title stringlengths 1 309 ⌀	selftext stringlengths 1 40k ⌀
15	5 Best Pick-up Line Comebacks !! Have you used one of these on a date ? lol	Man – Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman – Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. Man – Can I buy you a drink? Woman – I think I’d rather have the money! Man – Will you go out with me this Saturday? Woman – Sorry, I’m having a headache this weekend. Man – Is this seat empty? Woman – Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man – So what do you do for a living? Woman – I’m a female impersonator.
41	What do you call coffee made from coal?	Tarbucks.
34	Did you hear about the kidnapping in Delaware?	Don't worry, he eventually woke up.
0	Alrighty Kids always remember: you are what you eat	So eat loads of sweets and pass on those vegetables
63	I have a lot of jokes about the unemployed...	...but none of them work.
0	Three robbers went into a farm	They heard the farmer coming, and decided to enter three burlap sacks. The farmer saw the three sacks but he doesn't remember that he put them there. He kicks the first one, and the robber says: "cluck, cluck, cluck", and the farmer was convinced that the sack has chicken. He kicks the second sack and the robber says: "Baaa", and the farmer says the sack has a sheep. He kicks the third but the robber makes no sound. He kept kicking and beating until the robber came out screaming: "I AM POTATO, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?"
54	Today's my cake day!	And I'm going to eat it too!
7	Pick up line for a Shakespeare lover.	How now brown chicken brown cow?
24	Knock-knock...	"Knock-knock" "Who's there?" "Control Freak - now you say 'Control Freak who?'" :)
55	What did the apple say to the pear?	[Man, go] away!
1	Why did the air freshener company go out of business?	Because they lacked common scents...
7	I was walking in the desert and saw a redwood tree. I knew this must be a mirage, so I ran into it. To my dismay, the tree and I collided.	I guess it must have been an obstacle illusion.
4	What did the neutrino say to the planet?	Just passing through
15	How did the human species come to exist?	A young girl asked her mother “Where do we humans come from?” Her Mom answered, “God made Adam and Eve in his image; they had children and that’s who we all descend from.” Days later the girl asked her Dad the same question. He answered, “Many years ago there were apes and monkeys, they learned to walk on two legs, became cavemen, and then eventually we humans evolved.” The confused girl returned to her mother and said, “Mom, I really don't understand. I asked you and you told me we were created by God, I asked Dad and he told me we evolved from apes and monkeys?” Which answer is correct? Her Mom answered, “Well, dear, they both are. I was telling you about MY side of the family, and your father told you about his.”
31	Knock Knock	Who's there Boo!! Boo who? Don't cry, it's only a joke
21	What do you say when you see three whales?	Whale whale whale, what do we have here?
34	What's at the back of the forest?	Spine trees. Who cuts them down? The Lumbarjack.
58	What do vegan zombies eat?	Graaaaains!
38	Knock, Knock...	Who's there? The K.G.B. The K.G.B. wh... SLAP! WE are K.G.B., WE will ask questions!!
32	A cat entered a barn	A cat entered a barn: Meooow! All the mice hid. The cat broke the silence again: Woof, woof! All the mice came out of hiding. The moral: It's always good to study a second language.
18	What are the most adorable parts of the human body?	The cuticles.
48	Three pop cans are sitting in the fridge...	And a girl comes along and drinks one, then takes it out to the garage and crushes the can and tosses it in the recycling bin. Then, one of the remaining cans says to the other, "That was so depressing." Get it? Soda pressing? So depressing? It works better out loud. But I made it up!!!!
16	A soldier was captured...	...by the opposing army. The torturers were German, and they had a very special way of making people give up. the soldier had to stand there going back and forth. To the left, he had to yell tick, and to the right he yelled tock. He was left to do this for hours. If he did it incorrectly, a man came in and beat him severely . Several months passed, and suddenly, he couldn't lean to his right. "Tick tick tick." was all he could say. the man came in and beat him, but it did nothing. Then high ranking officials came in, and screamed at him while hitting him with wires. Finally the head prison guard came in. After looking at him for a while, the head prison guard yelled, "We have ways of making you Tock!"
87	Dentist	I had a dream that I went to the dentist and when I woke up I had a toothache. I told my wife about it and she said that it was coincidental.
0	Why did the nun stop wearing the outfit?	Because it was a bad habit. AN ORIGINAL woo
22	Why did the skeleton not attend prom?	He had no body to go with.
7	How did Taiwan get its name?	Because standing in line for Chinese food, all the customers said, "Hmm, wha' ti wan?" ("Hmm, what do I want?")
70	Why did everyone trust the marsupial?	Everything he said was troo
12	What happens at night in Bangladesh?	It gets Dhaka
74	The nun and the laundry	A nun noticed after doing the orders' laundry that their clothes had gotten a bit gray and faded from their original black as though some bleach had gotten in. In a effort to save the order some money, mother superior purchased some black dye and asked the sister to try to fix the clothes. The sister tried and tried but it didn't work because as everyone knows old habits are hard to dye.
18	What did the closed can say to the half opened can?	YOU'RE BEING UNCANNY!
16	What do caves have?	Echosystems. From my 9 year-old.
49	What did the inflatable principal say to the inflatable student who bought a pin to the inflatable school?	Not only have you let me down, you've also let the school down but, above all, you’ve let yourself down.
16	What did the hammer say to the drill?	You're too boring.
23	I used to be addicted...	to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around (x-post from /r/jokes)
42	What other body parts did Voldemort not have apart from his nose?	His legs and arms.. because he was disarmed and defeated.
28	My brother...	Likes driving black and white F1 race cars. They call him the F1 racist.
1	I saw a semi-truck Papa John's logo on it...	"That must be one big party."
0	Just met a man reading the smallest text in the world.	I asked him what it said and he said, "The world goes round the sun" I said, "That's a little known fact"
20	Two fish in a tank	Fish 1:Uh, Greg? Fish 2:What Fish 1:How do we drive this thing
50	At the end of the Age of Dinosaurs what happened to the good ones?	They got veloci-raptured.
38	A frog decided to trace his genealogy one day...	He discovered he was a tad Polish.
131	Why did the superhero make a lot of shredded cheese?	It was for the grater good.
27	What's an idealist vegetarian's favorite meal?	Peas and hominy
16	Where do dogs go when they lose their tails?	To a retail store.
13	What does a Vulcan lawnmower need to function?	A spock plug.
61	I made half a cup of tea the other day...	It was so nice I had two.
0	Phil Collins Jokes	Why did Phil Collins only buy portrait pictures? Because he took everything at face value. What does Phil Collins do at court? Testify. What do you get if you cross Phil Collins and a boxing compilation? Phil Collins' Greatest Hits. What's Phil Collins' favourite game? Sorry. Why does Phil Collins write his fiction both at the front and at the back of his books? Because he wants you to read both sides of the story. Why did the guests at Phil Collins' party only turn up in shirts? Because on the invitations it said, 'No Jackets Required'. ...I'll get my coat.
0	The Worlds Funniest Joke	A man walks into a bar and screams at the top of his voice, "I know the funniest joke ever! £10 and I will tell you it!" A man at the far end, a regular holds up a £10 pound note and the man comes over and whispers the joke in his ear. The bar regular falls off his stool and laughs uncontrollably for around 30 minutes and as a result, is taken to the hospital. A second man is curious at how funny this joke could be so he holds up a £10 note and the man whispers the joke in his ear. The man howls with laughter with tears streaming down his face and continues to laugh for 60 minutes. Eventually he is taken to hospital. Old Gus at the corner of the bar is intrigued. No one has seen Old Gus laugh for over 30 years. No joke has ever been able to make him laugh, but he decides to throw £10 down anyway, just to hear it. The man comes over and whispers the joke to Old Gus. Old Gus then proceeds to slam the table whilst chortling like a hyena for 90 minutes. He is then eventually taken to hospital. There is one man left at the bar, the bartender and the guy goes up to him and says, "Want to hear my joke, it's the funniest joke ever made and I will tell you it for just £10, then I'm off." And the man responds, "No, because then there will be no one left to call in the ambulance!"
157	A police officer, while out on patrol (x-post dadjokes)	A police officer, while out on patrol, pulls a brand new sports car over for speeding. He walks up to the car and sees a large, dirty pig in the passenger seat. The cop says to the guy driving "Why do you have a huge, filthy pig in this brand new car?" The guy says to the officer, "I don't know what to do. My father just closed his farm and sold the land, and gave me his prized pig. His farm was the last in the county, and I live in a small house. I have no idea what to do with this pig!" The officer then says to the guy, "Well, take him to the zoo!" The guys eyes brighten and thanks the officer for the brilliant idea. The officer lets the guy go, and off they drive to the zoo. A week later the same police officer is on patrol when he sees the same new sports car. He pulls the car over and walks up to it only to see the same pig in the passenger seat. "What are you doing?" says the officer, "I thought I told you to take that pig to the zoo!" "I did," says the guy, "and he had so much fun, I am taking him to the movies."
9	Knock knock	- Who's there? - Impatient cow. - Impatient co- - He already left.
35	Why did the hippie drown?	He was too far out!
60	I met Phil Spector's brother Crispin the other day.	He's head of quality control at Lays.
0	Why did no one ever consider Tony Stark (the Iron Man) a protagonist?	Because he was always cited as the Anthony hero.
37	Little Johnny and his dead were going kayaking	when they reached the end of the river and they saw it was blocked Little Johnny asked his Father, Dad why are we stopping, His father replied, Dam.
43	A Photon checks into a hotel...	The receptionist asks "Do you have any luggage?" "No," replies the Photon, "I'm travelling light..."
10	The past, the present and the future walked into a bar...	Let's just say the situation was tense :)
35	Two fonts went into a diner...	The server shouted at them and ordered them out. "We don't serve your type in here!"
56	[OC c/o my 9 y.o.] What holds up a bowl's pants?	Suspoonders!
86	What kind of soda do dogs drink?	Barq's Root Beer.
24	Why did the squirrel cross the road on the telephone wire?	To be on the safe side!
23	A chemistry teacher asked a student if they know anything about Sodium...	The student replies "Na" :)
0	The Barman says "We don't serve time travelers in here."	A time traveler walks into a bar.
4	There's only one problem with reading articles about space based technology	It all goes waaaay over my head.
63	Two antennas got married last week...	The ceremony dragged on for ages, but the reception was absolutely fantastic! 😉
12	What do you call someone who makes a lot of money through deforestation of the Amazon?	A Brazillionaire!
72	Where did the team get there uniforms?	New Jersey
77	why are there fences around graveyards?	people are just dying to get in there these days.
37	If I bought a balloon for $0.99 ...	How much should I sell it for when I adjust for inflation?
54	Why did the scarecrow get a raise?	He was outstanding in his field!
30	Did you hear that H.P. Lovecraft wrote a cookbook?	It's called the Necronomnomnomicon.
16	Why does the Pope only eat munchkins?	Cause they're the holy part of the donut!
67	What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? (x-post from /r/3amjokes)	[It's pasture bedtime!](http://www.reddit.com/r/3amjokes/comments/1y8d67/what_did_the_mama_cow_say_to_the_baby_cow/)
15	A long joke	jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke
47	I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger...	Then it suddenly hit me :)
63	What mysterious hair product does Lucifer use to keep himself looking good?	Arcane-gel!
98	What do you call a pachyderm that doesn't matter?	Irrelephant.
68	What bird can write underwater?	A ball-point Penguin!
61	If you walk into the bathroom an American and walk out an American, what are you in the bathroom?	European.
33	What is the scientific name for a crippled tyrannosaurus rex ?	Tywalkasoreus Rex
0	What did the three holes in the ground say?	Well, well, well My grandpa's favorite joke. Took me five years to get it.
62	What did the amazed Kazakhstani say?	That's Astana-shing
82	What do you call a productive Asian?	China get something done.
21	My dad died in 9/11...	...He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia
51	Two fish are in a tank...	Two fish are in a tank... First one says: I'll drive! Second one says: "I'll man the guns!"
37	How many Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb?	Just one, but it takes 5 episodes.
5	Chameleon joke	The teacher showed her class pictures of a chameleon changing color. "Does anyone know what this animal is called?" "A colorchanger," said Johnny. "No. That's not right. The correct name is 'chameleon.' Johnny thought for a minute, then asked, "An animal like that, that can change its color -- is it so hard to believe it can't change its name too?" '
0	What instrument does God play?	He plays the cello. As it says in scripture: "Our God is a cellist God."
63	Why did the melon try so hard to get her father's approval?	Because she cant-aloupe
23	What is black, bitter and dont work worth a damn?	Decaf coffee
25	What's the longest word in the dictionary?	"Smiles" because there is a mile between each S!
69	Why does a chicken coop have two doors?	Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan!
38	bad scary film	I was watching a really poorly done scary movie last night, it was horrorble.
25	How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?	Ten tickles
7	If you're not buying kraft mac and cheese	you might be buying an impasta.
53	What did the teenaged girl zombie say?	I decay.
21	Joke request	Tell me your best joke that includes "July" "fourth" and "fire" Let's see what you've got, Reddit!
81	A man hires an Australian tour guide...	A man hires an Australian tour guide to lead two camels and a llama across the outback to a new nature preserve. There are no roads, so they must make the two day journey on foot with the necessary food and supplies. The guide finally shows up with the animals a day and a half late. Irritated, the man asks him, "Why is the llama carrying all the supplies??" The guide replies "Llama? I thought he was an allpacker!"
53	What do you call the ultimate fish doctor?	The Sturgeon General
10	When I grow old, I am sure I will look back at my life and say	"aaaah! my neck hurts"

0

15

5 Best Pick-up Line Comebacks !! Have you used one of these on a date ? lol

Man – Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman – Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. Man – Can I buy you a drink? Woman – I think I’d rather have the money! Man – Will you go out with me this Saturday? Woman – Sorry, I’m having a headache this weekend. Man – Is this seat empty? Woman – Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man – So what do you do for a living? Woman – I’m a female impersonator.

0

41

What do you call coffee made from coal?

Tarbucks.

0

34

Did you hear about the kidnapping in Delaware?

Don't worry, he eventually woke up.

0

Alrighty Kids always remember: you are what you eat

So eat loads of sweets and pass on those vegetables

0

63

I have a lot of jokes about the unemployed...

...but none of them work.

0

Three robbers went into a farm

They heard the farmer coming, and decided to enter three burlap sacks. The farmer saw the three sacks but he doesn't remember that he put them there. He kicks the first one, and the robber says: "cluck, cluck, cluck", and the farmer was convinced that the sack has chicken. He kicks the second sack and the robber says: "Baaa", and the farmer says the sack has a sheep. He kicks the third but the robber makes no sound. He kept kicking and beating until the robber came out screaming: "I AM POTATO, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?"

0

54

Today's my cake day!

And I'm going to eat it too!

0

7

Pick up line for a Shakespeare lover.

How now brown chicken brown cow?

0

24

Knock-knock...

"Knock-knock" "Who's there?" "Control Freak - now you say 'Control Freak who?'" :)

0

55

What did the apple say to the pear?

[Man, go] away!

0

1

Why did the air freshener company go out of business?

Because they lacked common scents...

0

7

I was walking in the desert and saw a redwood tree. I knew this must be a mirage, so I ran into it. To my dismay, the tree and I collided.

I guess it must have been an obstacle illusion.

0

4

What did the neutrino say to the planet?

Just passing through

0

15

How did the human species come to exist?

A young girl asked her mother “Where do we humans come from?” Her Mom answered, “God made Adam and Eve in his image; they had children and that’s who we all descend from.” Days later the girl asked her Dad the same question. He answered, “Many years ago there were apes and monkeys, they learned to walk on two legs, became cavemen, and then eventually we humans evolved.” The confused girl returned to her mother and said, “Mom, I really don't understand. I asked you and you told me we were created by God, I asked Dad and he told me we evolved from apes and monkeys?” Which answer is correct? Her Mom answered, “Well, dear, they both are. I was telling you about MY side of the family, and your father told you about his.”

0

31

Knock Knock

Who's there Boo!! Boo who? Don't cry, it's only a joke

0

21

What do you say when you see three whales?

Whale whale whale, what do we have here?

0

34

What's at the back of the forest?

Spine trees. Who cuts them down? The Lumbarjack.

0

58

What do vegan zombies eat?

Graaaaains!

0

38

Knock, Knock...

Who's there? The K.G.B. The K.G.B. wh... **SLAP**! WE are K.G.B., WE will ask questions!!

0

32

A cat entered a barn

A cat entered a barn: Meooow! All the mice hid. The cat broke the silence again: Woof, woof! All the mice came out of hiding. The moral: It's always good to study a second language.

0

18

What are the most adorable parts of the human body?

The cuticles.

0

48

Three pop cans are sitting in the fridge...

And a girl comes along and drinks one, then takes it out to the garage and crushes the can and tosses it in the recycling bin. Then, one of the remaining cans says to the other, "That was so depressing." Get it? Soda pressing? So depressing? It works better out loud. But I made it up!!!!

0

16

A soldier was captured...

...by the opposing army. The torturers were German, and they had a very special way of making people give up. the soldier had to stand there going back and forth. To the left, he had to yell tick, and to the right he yelled tock. He was left to do this for hours. If he did it incorrectly, a man came in and beat him severely . Several months passed, and suddenly, he couldn't lean to his right. "Tick tick tick." was all he could say. the man came in and beat him, but it did nothing. Then high ranking officials came in, and screamed at him while hitting him with wires. Finally the head prison guard came in. After looking at him for a while, the head prison guard yelled, "We have ways of making you Tock!"

0

87

Dentist

I had a dream that I went to the dentist and when I woke up I had a toothache. I told my wife about it and she said that it was coincidental.

0

Why did the nun stop wearing the outfit?

Because it was a bad habit. AN ORIGINAL woo

0

22

Why did the skeleton not attend prom?

He had no body to go with.

0

7

How did Taiwan get its name?

Because standing in line for Chinese food, all the customers said, "Hmm, wha' ti wan?" ("Hmm, what do I want?")

0

70

Why did everyone trust the marsupial?

Everything he said was troo

0

12

What happens at night in Bangladesh?

It gets Dhaka

0

74

The nun and the laundry

A nun noticed after doing the orders' laundry that their clothes had gotten a bit gray and faded from their original black as though some bleach had gotten in. In a effort to save the order some money, mother superior purchased some black dye and asked the sister to try to fix the clothes. The sister tried and tried but it didn't work because as everyone knows old habits are hard to dye.

0

18

What did the closed can say to the half opened can?

YOU'RE BEING UNCANNY!

0

16

What do caves have?

Echosystems. From my 9 year-old.

0

49

What did the inflatable principal say to the inflatable student who bought a pin to the inflatable school?

Not only have you let me down, you've also let the school down but, above all, you’ve let yourself down.

0

16

What did the hammer say to the drill?

You're too boring.

0

23

I used to be addicted...

to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around (x-post from /r/jokes)

0

42

What other body parts did Voldemort not have apart from his nose?

His legs and arms.. because he was disarmed and defeated.

0

28

My brother...

Likes driving black and white F1 race cars. They call him the F1 racist.

0

1

I saw a semi-truck Papa John's logo on it...

"That must be one big party."

0

Just met a man reading the smallest text in the world.

I asked him what it said and he said, "The world goes round the sun" I said, "That's a little known fact"

0

20

Two fish in a tank

Fish 1:Uh, Greg? Fish 2:What Fish 1:How do we drive this thing

0

50

At the end of the Age of Dinosaurs what happened to the good ones?

They got veloci-raptured.

0

38

A frog decided to trace his genealogy one day...

He discovered he was a tad Polish.

0

131

Why did the superhero make a lot of shredded cheese?

It was for the grater good.

0

27

What's an idealist vegetarian's favorite meal?

Peas and hominy

0

16

Where do dogs go when they lose their tails?

To a retail store.

0

13

What does a Vulcan lawnmower need to function?

A spock plug.

0

61

I made half a cup of tea the other day...

It was so nice I had two.

0

Phil Collins Jokes

Why did Phil Collins only buy portrait pictures? Because he took everything at face value. What does Phil Collins do at court? Testify. What do you get if you cross Phil Collins and a boxing compilation? Phil Collins' Greatest Hits. What's Phil Collins' favourite game? Sorry. Why does Phil Collins write his fiction both at the front and at the back of his books? Because he wants you to read both sides of the story. Why did the guests at Phil Collins' party only turn up in shirts? Because on the invitations it said, 'No Jackets Required'. ...I'll get my coat.

0

The Worlds Funniest Joke

A man walks into a bar and screams at the top of his voice, "I know the funniest joke ever! £10 and I will tell you it!" A man at the far end, a regular holds up a £10 pound note and the man comes over and whispers the joke in his ear. The bar regular falls off his stool and laughs uncontrollably for around 30 minutes and as a result, is taken to the hospital. A second man is curious at how funny this joke could be so he holds up a £10 note and the man whispers the joke in his ear. The man howls with laughter with tears streaming down his face and continues to laugh for 60 minutes. Eventually he is taken to hospital. Old Gus at the corner of the bar is intrigued. No one has seen Old Gus laugh for over 30 years. No joke has ever been able to make him laugh, but he decides to throw £10 down anyway, just to hear it. The man comes over and whispers the joke to Old Gus. Old Gus then proceeds to slam the table whilst chortling like a hyena for 90 minutes. He is then eventually taken to hospital. There is one man left at the bar, the bartender and the guy goes up to him and says, "Want to hear my joke, it's the funniest joke ever made and I will tell you it for just £10, then I'm off." And the man responds, "No, because then there will be no one left to call in the ambulance!"

0

157

A police officer, while out on patrol (x-post dadjokes)

A police officer, while out on patrol, pulls a brand new sports car over for speeding. He walks up to the car and sees a large, dirty pig in the passenger seat. The cop says to the guy driving "Why do you have a huge, filthy pig in this brand new car?" The guy says to the officer, "I don't know what to do. My father just closed his farm and sold the land, and gave me his prized pig. His farm was the last in the county, and I live in a small house. I have no idea what to do with this pig!" The officer then says to the guy, "Well, take him to the zoo!" The guys eyes brighten and thanks the officer for the brilliant idea. The officer lets the guy go, and off they drive to the zoo. A week later the same police officer is on patrol when he sees the same new sports car. He pulls the car over and walks up to it only to see the same pig in the passenger seat. "What are you doing?" says the officer, "I thought I told you to take that pig to the zoo!" "I did," says the guy, "and he had so much fun, I am taking him to the movies."

0

9

Knock knock

- Who's there? - Impatient cow. - Impatient co- - He already left.

0

35

Why did the hippie drown?

He was too *far out*!

0

60

I met Phil Spector's brother Crispin the other day.

He's head of quality control at Lays.

0

Why did no one ever consider Tony Stark (the Iron Man) a protagonist?

Because he was always cited as the Anthony hero.

0

37

Little Johnny and his dead were going kayaking

when they reached the end of the river and they saw it was blocked Little Johnny asked his Father, Dad why are we stopping, His father replied, Dam.

0

43

A Photon checks into a hotel...

The receptionist asks "Do you have any luggage?" "No," replies the Photon, "I'm travelling light..."

0

10

The past, the present and the future walked into a bar...

Let's just say the situation was tense :)

0

35

Two fonts went into a diner...

The server shouted at them and ordered them out. "We don't serve your type in here!"

0

56

[OC c/o my 9 y.o.] What holds up a bowl's pants?

Suspoonders!

0

86

What kind of soda do dogs drink?

Barq's Root Beer.

0

24

Why did the squirrel cross the road on the telephone wire?

To be on the safe side!

0

23

A chemistry teacher asked a student if they know anything about Sodium...

The student replies "Na" :)

0

The Barman says "We don't serve time travelers in here."

A time traveler walks into a bar.

0

4

There's only one problem with reading articles about space based technology

It all goes waaaay over my head.

0

63

Two antennas got married last week...

The ceremony dragged on for ages, but the reception was absolutely fantastic! 😉

0

12

What do you call someone who makes a lot of money through deforestation of the Amazon?

A Brazillionaire!

0

72

Where did the team get there uniforms?

New Jersey

0

77

why are there fences around graveyards?

people are just dying to get in there these days.

0

37

If I bought a balloon for $0.99 ...

How much should I sell it for when I adjust for inflation?

0

54

Why did the scarecrow get a raise?

He was outstanding in his field!

0

30

Did you hear that H.P. Lovecraft wrote a cookbook?

It's called the Necronomnomnomicon.

0

16

Why does the Pope only eat munchkins?

Cause they're the holy part of the donut!

0

67

What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? (x-post from /r/3amjokes)

[It's pasture bedtime!](http://www.reddit.com/r/3amjokes/comments/1y8d67/what_did_the_mama_cow_say_to_the_baby_cow/)

0

15

A long joke

jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke

0

47

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger...

Then it suddenly hit me :)

0

63

What mysterious hair product does Lucifer use to keep himself looking good?

Arcane-gel!

0

98

What do you call a pachyderm that doesn't matter?

Irrelephant.

0

68

What bird can write underwater?

A ball-point Penguin!

0

61

If you walk into the bathroom an American and walk out an American, what are you in the bathroom?

European.

0

33

What is the scientific name for a crippled tyrannosaurus rex ?

Tywalkasoreus Rex

0

What did the three holes in the ground say?

Well, well, well My grandpa's favorite joke. Took me five years to get it.

0

62

What did the amazed Kazakhstani say?

That's Astana-shing

0

82

What do you call a productive Asian?

China get something done.

0

21

My dad died in 9/11...

...He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia

0

51

Two fish are in a tank...

Two fish are in a tank... First one says: I'll drive! Second one says: "I'll man the guns!"

0

37

How many Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes 5 episodes.

0

5

Chameleon joke

The teacher showed her class pictures of a chameleon changing color. "Does anyone know what this animal is called?" "A colorchanger," said Johnny. "No. That's not right. The correct name is 'chameleon.' Johnny thought for a minute, then asked, "An animal like that, that can change its color -- is it so hard to believe it can't change its name too?" '

0

What instrument does God play?

He plays the cello. As it says in scripture: "Our God is a cellist God."

0

63

Why did the melon try so hard to get her father's approval?

Because she cant-aloupe

0

23

What is black, bitter and dont work worth a damn?

Decaf coffee

0

25

What's the longest word in the dictionary?

"Smiles" because there is a mile between each S!

0

69

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan!

0

38

bad scary film

I was watching a really poorly done scary movie last night, it was horrorble.

0

25

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles

0

7

If you're not buying kraft mac and cheese

you might be buying an impasta.

0

53

What did the teenaged girl zombie say?

I decay.

0

21

Joke request

Tell me your best joke that includes "July" "fourth" and "fire" Let's see what you've got, Reddit!

0

81

A man hires an Australian tour guide...

A man hires an Australian tour guide to lead two camels and a llama across the outback to a new nature preserve. There are no roads, so they must make the two day journey on foot with the necessary food and supplies. The guide finally shows up with the animals a day and a half late. Irritated, the man asks him, "Why is the llama carrying all the supplies??" The guide replies "Llama? I thought he was an allpacker!"

0

53

What do you call the ultimate fish doctor?

The Sturgeon General

0

10

When I grow old, I am sure I will look back at my life and say

"aaaah! my neck hurts"