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A grizzly kept talking to me | He was unbearable | Continue a dad joke: |
I rubbed mayonnaise on my eyes | Oh fuck oh shit it hurts please help this is no joke it pains fuck help me already | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you say to encourage an asteroid? | Go little rockstar. | Continue a dad joke: |
They always ask me why my mood is always negative | Just multiply by -1 😉 | Continue a dad joke: |
Recently I started working with horses | It's a stable job. | Continue a dad joke: |
My favorite word is "drool" | Just rolls off the tongue. | Continue a dad joke: |
Where’s a dogs favorite place to eat | At Woofle House | Continue a dad joke: |
Why don't oysters share their pearls? | They're shellfish 🐚😂! | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call two guys hanging out above a window? | Kurt & Rod | Continue a dad joke: |
Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present! | So where's my present?! | Continue a dad joke: |
What is a visit to the dad joke factory called? | Sighseeing | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the mentally unstable train conductor they arrested down in Mexico? | He was a serial killer with Loco-motives. | Continue a dad joke: |
What would you call a diving dog? | Scuba-doo. | Continue a dad joke: |
I run Denmark's premier safari clothing destination. | You could say I dress the Danes down in Africa. | Continue a dad joke: |
If a friend comes clean about their STD | Be sure to clap for them. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a sword wielding platypus? | Parry the platypus | Continue a dad joke: |
A friend of mine collects blunt pencils, | personally I find his hobby a bit pointless. | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the first ant say to the second ant after he farted | It's not me, it's *deodorant*. | Continue a dad joke: |
What time did Sean Connery normally make it to Wimbledon? | Tennish | Continue a dad joke: |
Tell your young children that you bought them edible toilet paper. This way it will wipe their butt for them whenever they poop. I told this to my kids years ago when we | They thought it | Continue a dad joke: |
Someone threw a bunch of herbs in my face | Now I’m parsley sighted. | Continue a dad joke: |
How do you make the number one disappear? | Just add a g and it's gone. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you say when a Mexican is in bed? | Taco-Stado | Continue a dad joke: |
Christmas present | So now I look forward to get the other sock next time. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why did the old man fall in the well | Because he couldn't see that well. | Continue a dad joke: |
Where do shoes talk while they wait for trains? | At the Converse station! | Continue a dad joke: |
Why do astranomers are bad at eye contact | They tend to stare into space. | Continue a dad joke: |
How did the farmer find his wife? | He tractor down | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a person who repeatedly farts? | A BadAss | Continue a dad joke: |
Why didn't the apostles chase Jesus after their argument? | Anytime you crossed him, he would come back 3 days later | Continue a dad joke: |
My son’s fourth birthday was today, but when he came to see me I didn’t recognize him at first. | I’d never seen him be 4. | Continue a dad joke: |
Convertibles are the most cold-hearted and merciless of cars | They're roofless! | Continue a dad joke: |
Nasa wants you to find water on Mars. | say no more | Continue a dad joke: |
Why can’t dinosaurs clap? | Because they’re all dead. | Continue a dad joke: |
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" | Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't. "I continued... "Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!" | Continue a dad joke: |
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he found some cheese at a murder scene | It's emmental, dear Watson. | Continue a dad joke: |
There was this poor clinic for amputees. They didn’t have enough prosthetic limbs to go around. | So they resorted to arms trading | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the woman in Brazil who was wrongly convicted of having an abortion? | It was a miscarriage of justice | Continue a dad joke: |
Been a few years, my kid and I are catching up | he hasnt learned to hold the glove the other way yet. | Continue a dad joke: |
My stainless steel started rusting | It must've been a carbon copy | Continue a dad joke: |
When did the polish man wake up? | At the Kraków dawn | Continue a dad joke: |
What do conspiracists and Excel have in common? | They spreadsheet | Continue a dad joke: |
Why was the last season of The Office less popular | The cast was Carellless | Continue a dad joke: |
I went to a bookstore and asked where the self-help section was | The clerk said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. | Continue a dad joke: |
I had such high hopes for the New Year. | Until I realized 2022 is pronounced just like 2020 too. | Continue a dad joke: |
I just like surprising people. | I just like surprising people. | Continue a dad joke: |
How to be a great Dad! Check below for my 4 Keys to Success. | S U C E | Continue a dad joke: |
What is the name of the boy band made up of converted jews | Boys to Mensch. Oy vey | Continue a dad joke: |
I was really disappointed when I saw my Mom's sister orgasm | Such an Anticlimax | Continue a dad joke: |
Why are cannibals so popular? | People are really into them. | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the wizard that died of thirst? | He'd had a dry spell. | Continue a dad joke: |
How do cats communicate online? | They send each other e-meows. | Continue a dad joke: |
I told my kids my super-hero name would be: Mr. Pee Pee | because, if you see me, urine trouble! | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the banana say before it dived into the lake? | I think I'll peel first. | Continue a dad joke: |
What would you get if you crossed a small bear and a cow Winnie the Moo | Winnie the Moo! | Continue a dad joke: |
I bought an alcoholic ginger beer. | Now she’s back at AA. | Continue a dad joke: |
People often ask me how is it like working as an elevator operator | It has its ups and downs. | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the football say to the player? | I get a kick out of you. | Continue a dad joke: |
Have you guys heard of lemon demon | All of his songs are great but "two trucks" is a banger | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the artists that got into a fight | It ended in a draw. | Continue a dad joke: |
Where did George Washington keep his armies? | In his sleevies | Continue a dad joke: |
What do I know about dwarfs? | Very little. | Continue a dad joke: |
My parents were dwarfs. | For years they struggled to put food on the table. | Continue a dad joke: |
I asked my friend if he liked Nickleback | He told me that he never gave me any money. | Continue a dad joke: |
Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome | It had a bad start, but by the end I really liked it. | Continue a dad joke: |
Does anyone want to buy this tube of Polos I've kept from 1972? | It's a bit stale. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? | If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat. | Continue a dad joke: |
How do you get a country girl to like you? | Attract her. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why would a snake lose in a shootout? | Because they're unarmed | Continue a dad joke: |
Why do flamingos lift one leg? | If they lifted both, they'd fall. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why is Christmas just like another day at the office | Because you do all the work and some fat guy in suit a gets all the credit!! | Continue a dad joke: |
I was gonna write a joke about drills | But it's pretty boring | Continue a dad joke: |
What's the loudest kind of chair? | A Rockin’ chair! | Continue a dad joke: |
A little-known fact: Che Guevara decided for a while in the year of 1962 to give up the communist cause in Cuba and start a career instead in music. | Reporter: So what kind of music will you be playing, Sir? | Continue a dad joke: |
I sometimes look at myself in the mirror and laugh. | My humor is so ironic that I find myself funny. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why was my sushi buzzing? | It wasabi | Continue a dad joke: |
Why did the alcoholic marry the ghost? | For the Boos | Continue a dad joke: |
Will things be good or bad in 3,028 years? | It’s 5050 | Continue a dad joke: |
*Poo-Ping* Was a Chinese Man. | He was always a little crappy at kung fu. | Continue a dad joke: |
How do you make an adorable pickle? | You use a cute-cumber! | Continue a dad joke: |
My WIFI password | Giveme50bucks | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a duck that‘s addicted | A quackhead | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you get when you mix Cerave in a bowl with a fork? | Scramble Eczema Lotion | Continue a dad joke: |
How do Auto Body repairmen prefer their pasta cooked? | All Denty | Continue a dad joke: |
When one door closes, another one opens | Other than that, it’s a pretty good car. | Continue a dad joke: |
I use the word Mucho around my Spanish friends | It means a lot to them | Continue a dad joke: |
Why are coal miners so happy? | They mine their own business. | Continue a dad joke: |
What’s another name for a dozen donuts blessed by a priest | Holy Bread | Continue a dad joke: |
Here’s a joke my dad always used to play on me | Why did he always have to ruin the fun? | Continue a dad joke: |
I used to work for a knife manufacturing company | There was never a dull moment... But eventually I was cut | Continue a dad joke: |
My 5th grader’s joke today: Two friends walked into a store | Because H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide! | Continue a dad joke: |
Did I tell you about my friend with a boat making business in his attic? | Sails are through the roof! | Continue a dad joke: |
This year my resolution is to become an expert in both cattle roping and iambic pentameter. | I'm hoping to become a Poet Lariat. | Continue a dad joke: |
I like my kids and dad jokes just as I like my movies. | Not spoiled. | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear of the Librarian who became sick reading a book? | She became **ILL-**literate. | Continue a dad joke: |
For some reason i always think there is only 25 letters in the alphabet | ...i never know y? | Continue a dad joke: |
What's the difference between a goldfish and a clownfish? | The other fish doesn't wear makeup | Continue a dad joke: |
Have you heard about the tapeworm epidemic going on in France? | awful lot of Paris sights | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear Bill Gates lost a dance contest to Al Gore? | He didn’t have the Al Gore Rhythm | Continue a dad joke: |
What do 16yr old Sasquatches give you when you try and ask them a sensible question? | A whole lotta Squatch-sass. | Continue a dad joke: |