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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? | A fish. | Continue a dad joke: |
What's a diabetics favourite restaurant? | McJohnalds | Continue a dad joke: |
Why did the bland food file a police report | It was a-salted. But it's okay. They caught the perp, and now he's doing thyme. | Continue a dad joke: |
Crackheads be mad you don't have a dollar | Like bro you don't have one either | Continue a dad joke: |
If you ever got locked in or out, speak to the padlock. | Because communication is key. | Continue a dad joke: |
Prison van and a cement truck got in an accident on the highway today. | Police issue statement: be on the lookout for *hardened* criminals. | Continue a dad joke: |
A man with a cockney accent goes to the dentist. | "Alright boss," says the man, "how are me teeth looking?" "You appear to have a huge hole in one tooth. I think we need to find out the root cause." "Cavity?" asks the man. "Indeed," | Continue a dad joke: |
When a Cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid, | she becomes a Def Leppard | Continue a dad joke: |
I heard a good joke about vegan food | it's pretty tasteless | Continue a dad joke: |
Three Men Walked Into A Bar | They crashed into it. | Continue a dad joke: |
So What did 3 say to 8 | Hey, you two stop making out | Continue a dad joke: |
My family has a recipe for the perfect loaf of bread. | It's on a knead to know basis. | Continue a dad joke: |
My son and I went camping yesterday when he asked me how to start a campfire. | I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same." "Then you’ll have a match!" | Continue a dad joke: |
My carpet is very fluffy. | He’s a Pomeranian and has a strange attachment to our Toyota. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by its own | It was too tired | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the cheese factory that got hit by a tornado | Da-brie was everywhere! | Continue a dad joke: |
Last night an evil spirit was smoking cigarettes in my apartment and now the whole place smells like beef stew. | Must be all the ghoul ash. | Continue a dad joke: |
I don't mean to brag but Cashiers... | are always checking me out. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do people yell as the king of cheese land walks by? | Make whey, make whey | Continue a dad joke: |
I once tried to rob a bank | But the dye pack went off. Safe to say I was caught red handed. | Continue a dad joke: |
Friends are like bananas. | If you peel off their skins and eat them, you’ll have none left! | Continue a dad joke: |
I hate Russian dolls | They're so full of themselves | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the feather say when asked if it wanted to party? | I'm down. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a moving chicken? | Poultry in motion. | Continue a dad joke: |
what do call a laptop that can sing? | a dell | Continue a dad joke: |
A friend asked me how deep into the Trans community I was... | I said about six inches. | Continue a dad joke: |
I have a friend that's addicted to brake fluid | But he says it's okay, he can stop anytime. | Continue a dad joke: |
Man walks into a bar | The man said "fuck that hurt" | Continue a dad joke: |
My son asked what he should do when someone is having an allergic reaction to dairy | Ice cream for help. | Continue a dad joke: |
I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t trust marine biologists | Something about them feels…… fishy | Continue a dad joke: |
I knew she'd been working at the foundry | because I *smelter*. | Continue a dad joke: |
I finally peeled some cheese today! | Isn't that grate? | Continue a dad joke: |
Think of the punsobilities | I make a 'killer' truffle, and my gulache, it's to die for | Continue a dad joke: |
I knitted a belt made out of thyme leaves. | It was a huge waist of thyme. | Continue a dad joke: |
My 6 year old French daughter has a knack for painting gorgeous landscapes of the sea that our house overlooks | I guess you could say that she has got a sense of hue-mer. | Continue a dad joke: |
I walked in a bar and saw a bunch of people waiting to punch a guy | That was the punchline | Continue a dad joke: |
Dad joke pick-up lines? | Are you a pizza? Because I doughnut know what I'd do without you. | Continue a dad joke: |
How does a musician calm down? | He finds his composer. | Continue a dad joke: |
A pair of brooms are catching up on the latest dirt | Apparently the vacuum just bit the dust | Continue a dad joke: |
Frodo would have had a much harder time destroying the one ring | If Mount Doom had been in Lesdor instead | Continue a dad joke: |
Time travel? | When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. | Continue a dad joke: |
I told my doctor my eye hurts every time I drink tea | He told me to take the spoon out. | Continue a dad joke: |
What kind of weights do cops pump at the gym? | Hand Irons | Continue a dad joke: |
What happened to the scared Canadian | They got Canada goose bumps | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call wheat that curses you out | Vulgar Wheat | Continue a dad joke: |
Hey everyone, nice community you've got here. | My name is Christian and I'm pleased to join you. Hope everyone had a relaxing holiday, I know I sure did. I feel like a born-again Christian. | Continue a dad joke: |
What is a pirate's favorite food? | Cheese and crackers, but they're always plundering for something better! | Continue a dad joke: |
I've just been hospitalized due to a peek-a-boo accident. | They put me in the ICU | Continue a dad joke: |
The math checks out | Damn NFL refs are always calling THIRTY-SECOND TIMEOUT and it really makes a dude wonder why they didn't mention the previous 31 timeouts. | Continue a dad joke: |
Me seeing someone watching a fashion show: Those look absolutely terrible. | "Well they aren't meant to be worn as every day clothes. It's high fashion." "Oh. So you have to be high to wear it." *cringe* | Continue a dad joke: |
This year will be as bad as 2020 | because it's 2022! | Continue a dad joke: |
As its my cake day here is my favourite birthday joke | How did pickles celebrate their birthday? They relish the moment. | Continue a dad joke: |
I run my life like a small-bird aviary. | No egrets. | Continue a dad joke: |
Two blondes walked into a bar | You figure the second one would have seen it when the first one hit it. | Continue a dad joke: |
A man walked into a bar | It hurt | Continue a dad joke: |
Wife wanted new shoe laces | I said, "why, you only have two." | Continue a dad joke: |
A termite walks into a bar | is the bar tender here? | Continue a dad joke: |
Who doesn't need Covid testing? | Negative Nancy | Continue a dad joke: |
Who absolutely does not need Covid vaccination? | Negative Nancy. | Continue a dad joke: |
2 guys walk into a bar | You’d think the second guy would’ve ducked. | Continue a dad joke: |
A woman drops of her dress at the dry cleaners | come again She says no, just toothpaste this time. | Continue a dad joke: |
Me: Son, what grade am I in? | You’re grade at cleaning poop. | Continue a dad joke: |
Asked my 2 year old daughter why she is goofy. | Her response... "I'm not goofy, I'm Gracie!" | Continue a dad joke: |
I decided to invest in a watch for my hips | It was a waist of time | Continue a dad joke: |
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people | Sadly none of them work | Continue a dad joke: |
I hear Betty White will be buried at Mineral Point, an extremely popular cemetery | People are just dying to get in there. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call the head of the Catholic church covered in flowers and aromatic herbs? | Pope-purri | Continue a dad joke: |
Where does Batman go to take a crap | The Batroom | Continue a dad joke: |
What was the berry so sad? | Because he was a blue berry | Continue a dad joke: |
My wife couldn’t fit my speaker system into the car | She was getting hy-stereo-cal about it. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why did green goblin name his glider | Because it was the end of May | Continue a dad joke: |
Why did Trump want to invade Poland? | He hated the polls. | Continue a dad joke: |
What crime do blacksmiths most commonly get charged with | Forgery | Continue a dad joke: |
I recently founded a dating service for the elderly... | It's called Carbon Dating | Continue a dad joke: |
I am not a good electrician | People are usually shocked when they find out | Continue a dad joke: |
Why do I dislike Rubik's Cubes so much? | Well, I don't know where to begin. | Continue a dad joke: |
So I got a buddy of mine a new belt for his birthday. | What a waist. | Continue a dad joke: |
I’m glad it’s 2022… | Time to even things out after the odd 2021. | Continue a dad joke: |
A sandwich walks into a bar | The barman says, ‘Sorry we don’t serve food in here.” | Continue a dad joke: |
What animal do you find at a lingerie store? | Ze bra | Continue a dad joke: |
I don't like camping in pairs | It's two in tents | Continue a dad joke: |
It's two minutes past midnight on January the 1st and I just stubbed my toe | Worst year of my life so far | Continue a dad joke: |
The local tavern owner passed recently | It was a real bar-gain. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a Sith lord in the fog | Darth Vapor | Continue a dad joke: |
I recently purchased a set of plate mail armour. | I'm afraid to wear it though, as I'm afraid it might make me look middle-aged. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call one Cini Mini? | Single Mini | Continue a dad joke: |
Who guards the Samsung store | The Guardians of the Galaxy. | Continue a dad joke: |
I once asked my neighbor to help me move a box of bulbs. | He said "no it's too light". | Continue a dad joke: |
There was a robbery at an Apple store today | They caught the guy because they had an iWitness! | Continue a dad joke: |
A Joke About Enigmatic People | Why are men with the last name “Edwards” confusing? They’re always a “Mister E.” | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you know Mortal Kombat is based off of an old church song? | Finish Hymn | Continue a dad joke: |
People always forget my name when I say 'thank you.' | You're welcome. | Continue a dad joke: |
If the host of Dirty Jobs gives a speech on stage... | Is he speaking into a Mike Rowe phone? | Continue a dad joke: |
What are deers favorite type of bread? | Sour-doe! | Continue a dad joke: |
My son knocked a picture of himself off the shelf | Don't worry about it, champ. Pick yourself up. | Continue a dad joke: |
Cashews seem to have a lot of calories in them. | It's nuts. | Continue a dad joke: |
I visited a monastery and as I walked by the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. | He replied "no im the chip monk." | Continue a dad joke: |
What's a pirate's favorite fish? | Tuna. What you expected Gaaaaar? | Continue a dad joke: |
I feel so grounded when I’m outdoors | but whenever I walk inside I’m floored | Continue a dad joke: |
I feel appreciation of Eminem jokes is below average. Maybe it's because people don't UNDERSTAND them? | Stan as in his song "Stan", also, technically Stan is currently down under at the end of the song. Stand as in his other song, "The | Continue a dad joke: |