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We used to call them 'food fights'... | ... but kids today call them 'all you can yeet buffets'... | Continue a dad joke: |
Desmond Tutu was so famous they named next year after him | Too soon? | Continue a dad joke: |
I bought a small table for my bedroom but it broke the next day | Guess it was just a one night stand | Continue a dad joke: |
I took down the Christmas tree today | Not to be sappy, but… | Continue a dad joke: |
I lost my dictionary | and now I just can't find the words to describe how I feel about that. | Continue a dad joke: |
Got my son with some stinky food | Had leftover pad thai, and my wife said something that sounded like "I put my alarm in your food" and I did a double-take and asked her to repeat it. What she actually said was "I put my lime in your food", and my 11 yr old son looked at me with a weird expression and asked "Is that a recipe for disaster?" | Continue a dad joke: |
A cat would never let you know what their favorite tree is | But a dogwood | Continue a dad joke: |
My wife tried forcing me to use the bait for fishing. | That's a can of worms I don't want to open. | Continue a dad joke: |
I started taking gummy vitamins | They’re Lifesavers. | Continue a dad joke: |
What is the most popular font used by Italian doctors? | Ginotype | Continue a dad joke: |
Happy new year guys | I haven’t taken a poo since last year | Continue a dad joke: |
Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand? | Because a toothbrush works better. | Continue a dad joke: |
Christopher nolan is my new roommate | More of a Tenet though | Continue a dad joke: |
I heard Dubai just celebrated New Year's | I thought it was Dubai now. | Continue a dad joke: |
A new sport idea | There should be a version of boxing where the ring is divided into sections. Once you cross a certain line, you can only hit your opponent. That's the punchline. | Continue a dad joke: |
How do you tell the snowmen from the snowwomen? | The snowballs | Continue a dad joke: |
I got sent to find an untamed ornithoid without cause | It was a wild goose chase. | Continue a dad joke: |
LPT: If you're visiting New Orleans and can't afford to stay in the French Quarter | Try a cheaper neighborhood like the French Dime or French Nickel. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why do kids watch cartoons? | I mean, most of them have little to nothing to do with cars. A bit of false advertising if you ask me. | Continue a dad joke: |
I've got a joke about time travel | But you didn't like it | Continue a dad joke: |
What concert only cost $.45 | 50 cent ft nickel back | Continue a dad joke: |
I'd like to wish you all a Happy Last Year!! | Cause, ykno...after midnight...it'll be 2020 too... | Continue a dad joke: |
I left my speaker under my pillow at night | Must have been the Bluetooth fairy! | Continue a dad joke: |
Today I learnt the periodic table off by heart. | You might say I was really in my element. | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the man that got hit by a pendulum say? | This hertz. | Continue a dad joke: |
Remember to stand up at lift your left leg at 11:59 tonight. | So you can start 2022 on the right foot. | Continue a dad joke: |
I saw a blackbird going crazy the other day. | It was a raven lunatic.. | Continue a dad joke: |
Where to find multiple judgemental people? | Courts | Continue a dad joke: |
Some people laugh at my bank statement | Banks eat poop. | Continue a dad joke: |
A cheese factory exploded in France, | De Brie was everywhere! | Continue a dad joke: |
Why did the cop stick a toothpick in the kid he caught with a marijuana cigarette | He wanted to know if he was half baked | Continue a dad joke: |
How did the dad justify buying a boat | There was a sail | Continue a dad joke: |
I don't want to get all cheesy, but I just wanted to say | Happy gruyère! | Continue a dad joke: |
Why does Manuel Neuer smile during the New Year | He feels pressure since everyone in the world says “Happy Neuer”. | Continue a dad joke: |
My art teacher told me I mixed colors together to make the best shade of purple she's ever seen! | I guess I have a bright fuchsia; and although I've tried mixing other colors together, I always go back to the fuchsia. That's all for now folks have a great | Continue a dad joke: |
Finally, I achieve New Year resolution | Just bought a new full HD screen | Continue a dad joke: |
I’m not going to stop making next year jokes until | Next year! | Continue a dad joke: |
My New Year's resolution is to think outside the box. | That was my resolution for last year as well. | Continue a dad joke: |
In a surprising announcement the government has stated with all the issues recently instead of going forward in time we will go back 2 years... | It will be 2020 too! | Continue a dad joke: |
I only have a single package of milk left | And it has to last until the end of the year :( | Continue a dad joke: |
Oh man I’m so smelly I haven’t had a shower all year! | Happy NY /r/dadjokes | Continue a dad joke: |
What is the Grinch's favorite musical group? | The Who | Continue a dad joke: |
What are two things you need to be a successful doctor? | Patients and patience | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call it when you put vinegar on your fries but then taste it and wish you hadn't? | Vinaigrette | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the melon say when the Strawberry proposed? | I can't-elope. | Continue a dad joke: |
My wife said she's going to leave me if I don't stop telling llama jokes | Alpaca bags | Continue a dad joke: |
Why is a bee's hair sticky? | Because they use honeycombs. | Continue a dad joke: |
I once had a teacher with a lazy eye. | She couldn't control her pupils. | Continue a dad joke: |
I walked by a series of large spider webs. | It was a no fly zone. | Continue a dad joke: |
I went to a psychic I knocked on her front door. | She yelled: "Who is it?" So I left. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call people who have dated many people before | Ex-perts | Continue a dad joke: |
It's not Little Debbie Cakes anymore. | She's a CPA. | Continue a dad joke: |
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. | He got pulled under by a strong current. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why a traveler never gets furious | because they are a no-mad | Continue a dad joke: |
Short Order Cooks on New Year's Eve | Let me make a toast. | Continue a dad joke: |
What kind of food is always stoned? | A Pot Roast | Continue a dad joke: |
Optometrists on New Year's Eve | everybody raise your glasses. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a fake injury on New Year's Eve? | Sham pain | Continue a dad joke: |
Yall heard about the new corduroy pillows? | They are making headlines. | Continue a dad joke: |
My friend is so paranoid that he started wearing a tinfoil hat. | I don’t know what he’s thinking anymore. | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear that Elon Musk had to cancel his New Years Eve party on Mars? | Apparently he didn’t have enough time to planet. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why are old mushrooms always richer than young mushrooms? | Because they always start out s’poor. | Continue a dad joke: |
There was an old man of Blackheath, who sat on his set of false teeth | Said he with a start, "Oh, Lord bless my heart... I have bitten myself underneath!" | Continue a dad joke: |
I’m so good at sleeping… | I can do it with my eyes closed | Continue a dad joke: |
Never give up on your dreams | Keep sleeping. | Continue a dad joke: |
I don't consider myself a helicopter dad, but if I were | would I be sfathering my kid? | Continue a dad joke: |
What do vampires sing on new years? | Auld Fang Syne! | Continue a dad joke: |
I think people forget how environmentally friendly the Pokemon World is | They've had EV's since the beginning | Continue a dad joke: |
What’s the smallest splinter, but hurts like hell? | A splinter cell | Continue a dad joke: |
For 2022, I’m going to keep the same resolution as last year | 1920x1080 | Continue a dad joke: |
From my 8 year old - what do you get when you put a ginger ale on a stick | A lollipop! | Continue a dad joke: |
All I can afford to eat are jam sandwiches | Two pieces of bread jammed together. | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you now that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same? | Yeah. Proof: 10+10=20 and 11+11=22 | Continue a dad joke: |
What did the Leper say to the prostitute? | That was great, keep the tip. | Continue a dad joke: |
How do you steal a sweater? | You jacket | Continue a dad joke: |
Is this sub dead? | I haven’t showered all year! | Continue a dad joke: |
Why was 6 afraid of 7? | Because it was always one away! | Continue a dad joke: |
What did 50 cents do when he was hungry | make change | Continue a dad joke: |
Why can't a leopard hide? | Because he's always spotted. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer? | To start off the new year in a cool way. | Continue a dad joke: |
My New Year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating | But I’ll wait until tomorrow to start. | Continue a dad joke: |
Did you hear about the cows that were sent up to space | The steaks have never been higher | Continue a dad joke: |
You guys are so last year! | Sincerely, New Zealand | Continue a dad joke: |
And a special message for all those coronaviruses out there: take it easy in 2022, buddies. | don't strain yourself, ok? | Continue a dad joke: |
Have you heard the gossip about the butter. | I would tell you but I don't want to spread it. | Continue a dad joke: |
We lost to 2020 last year | Because 2021, but next year we will have another chance against it, because 2022 | Continue a dad joke: |
My cat was just sick on the carpet | I don’t think it’s feline well. | Continue a dad joke: |
Knock knock | Who's there? Smellmup | Continue a dad joke: |
I don't care that i cut my finger when chopping cheese. | I have grater problems to worry about. | Continue a dad joke: |
Where can you get chicken broth in bulk? | The stock market. | Continue a dad joke: |
Is this sub still active? | There hasn't been a single post this year! | Continue a dad joke: |
Had to have a chat with my dog about his behavior | his response was rough. | Continue a dad joke: |
One from my daughter (5) Daughter: Dad, whats your name? | Daddy nose nothing. | Continue a dad joke: |
In 2022, I intend to only get sick on work days | Call it a weekend immunity | Continue a dad joke: |
TIL the swordfish has no natural predators to be afraid of | ...the penfish, which is thought to be mightier. | Continue a dad joke: |
I was at the dinner table with my mum when I was younger, I told her ‘when I’m older I want to drive a linguini’ | She started laughing hysterically and replied ‘you mean Lamborghini, it’s pronounced Lamborghini’ then continued to laugh: | Continue a dad joke: |
My son just asked me if I've seen the dog bowl | I said I didn't know that he could but it sounds pretty impressive. | Continue a dad joke: |
Oh man, I'm so tired I could sleep until next year | Happy new years all, 10:30pm clocking off in New Zealand. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why aren't there any good stoner cow jokes? | Because high steaks are rare and never well done. | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call a pie maker who is interested in politics? | A member of Pie-liament | Continue a dad joke: |