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556bfebbc969ba5861709e00	Dealing with an unfaithful and judgmental significant other	I have been with this guy on and off for 8 years. At first, we used to do things together and our sex life was ok. Then things started to change, we'd break up and reconnect, and he cheated on me numerous times. We've also had two beautiful baby girls during this time. Now we argue and he says I am not affectionate at all or I don't know how to please a man, when I work part-time, take care of a 2 year old and a 5 month old and cook. Sometimes he cooks, but he also spends a lot of time on the internet. In addition, I have 2 boys and he has 1 son. I feel somewhere I have lost something. It's not that I don’t care, I truly love this guy, but I'm just tired of being the one who is always being judged. Please, I am in need of a Christian counselor to help us because I really need to speak to someone.	https://counselchat.com/questions/dealing-with-an-unfaithful-and-judgmental-significant-other	Relationships	Rebecca Duellman	https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-duellman	<p>I don't think you’ve lost something, I think you’ve found something - your breaking point, and it's about time. Your boyfriend seems to be a very selfish and immature man who reconnects with you when it's convenient for him. Obviously, he has his own issues, but I want to address yours. I agree you need to talk to someone. The fact that you’ve put up with his repeated cheating and then letting him blame you for it (by saying you're not affectionate enough, etc.), tells me you probably have low self-esteem and have likely told yourself over the years that you don't deserve any better. You do! You may truly love this guy, but based on his behaviors, he does not love you, not in the way you deserve. And although you may want to believe he can change, he has proved over and over again that he's not willing to, so you need to do what is best for you and your children. What would you tell your daughters if someone was treating them this way? Would you want your sons to treat women this way? That's what you're teaching your children when they see this.</p><p>Like I said, I agree that you should talk to someone. You can ask your boyfriend to go too, but my guess is he won't. Even if he does, you should still see someone individually to work on YOU. I understand it's not easy to just kick him out, especially since you have children together, but a counselor can help you talk through all the details while helping you raise your self-esteem and self-worth.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Dealing with an unfaithful and judgmental significant other <</SYS>> I have been with this guy on and off for 8 years. At first, we used to do things together and our sex life was ok. Then things started to change, we'd break up and reconnect, and he cheated on me numerous times. We've also had two beautiful baby girls during this time. Now we argue and he says I am not affectionate at all or I don't know how to please a man, when I work part-time, take care of a 2 year old and a 5 month old and cook. Sometimes he cooks, but he also spends a lot of time on the internet. In addition, I have 2 boys and he has 1 son. I feel somewhere I have lost something. It's not that I don’t care, I truly love this guy, but I'm just tired of being the one who is always being judged. Please, I am in need of a Christian counselor to help us because I really need to speak to someone. [/INST] <p>I don't think you’ve lost something, I think you’ve found something - your breaking point, and it's about time. Your boyfriend seems to be a very selfish and immature man who reconnects with you when it's convenient for him. Obviously, he has his own issues, but I want to address yours. I agree you need to talk to someone. The fact that you’ve put up with his repeated cheating and then letting him blame you for it (by saying you're not affectionate enough, etc.), tells me you probably have low self-esteem and have likely told yourself over the years that you don't deserve any better. You do! You may truly love this guy, but based on his behaviors, he does not love you, not in the way you deserve. And although you may want to believe he can change, he has proved over and over again that he's not willing to, so you need to do what is best for you and your children. What would you tell your daughters if someone was treating them this way? Would you want your sons to treat women this way? That's what you're teaching your children when they see this.</p><p>Like I said, I agree that you should talk to someone. You can ask your boyfriend to go too, but my guess is he won't. Even if he does, you should still see someone individually to work on YOU. I understand it's not easy to just kick him out, especially since you have children together, but a counselor can help you talk through all the details while helping you raise your self-esteem and self-worth.</p> </s>
5850880c950e2507cf23dd3e	How can I best fight the winter blues?	Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-best-fight-the-winter-blues	Depression	Richie (Yerachmiel) Donowitz	https://counselchat.com/therapists/richie-yerachmiel-donowitz	<p>Light therapy is very helpful. You are not alone. The name for the condition is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). You might want to see a therapist to assist you putting in place a behavioral program to help change the way you feel.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I best fight the winter blues? <</SYS>> Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this? [/INST] <p>Light therapy is very helpful. You are not alone. The name for the condition is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). You might want to see a therapist to assist you putting in place a behavioral program to help change the way you feel.</p> </s>
55723d8aa03de6c365f45c31	My girlfriend broke up with me but I want her back. What do I do?	Me and my girlfriend just broke up. She said she loves me but is not in love anymore. This came out of nowhere. We seemed so happy together. It all started when she went to Missouri to visit her family. The first week she was there she was fine then once she went to this one sister’s house everything changed. That's when she told me she loved me but was not in love with me anymore. I thought maybe it was just because she missed her family and she just wanted to be home because she told me that she could not leave them again. Then she told me to come to her in Missouri. So that's what I did. I quit my job I dropped everything, said goodbye to my family in Florida and drove 15 straight hours to be with her. Once I got there everything was fine again. She apologized for everything and said she didn't mean any of it then we were good for about a week. Then she went back to saying she didn’t love me anymore and had no feelings for me. The only thing that really gets me and makes me not want to accept this is that now she is pregnant. This wasn’t an accident. We were trying to get pregnant, so all this is hard to accept. I love her so much. I have never been bad to her. I've treated her the best I can. I wanted her to be my wife. I was going to propose to her when she got back. Now I'm losing my family and my mind. I don't know what to do.	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-girlfriend-broke-up-with-me-but-i-want-her-back-what-do-i-do	Relationships	Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw	<p>I am sorry to hear of these troubles. I see a few issues here. I wonder why you were both trying to get pregnant when the relationship seemed troubled? Some people think that they can fix a broken relationship by getting pregnant, and all this does is bring up more problems.</p><p>You say you never treated her badly, and I believe you. People in a relationship can still be unhappy even when there is no abuse or mistreatment going on. In fact, giving too much of yourself to the relationship and not having a “self” outside of this relationship can be unhealthy. It takes two whole, healthy, happy people who are that way when they are single to come together to make a whole, healthy, happy couple in a relationship. Expecting your partner to meet all your needs or to provide your happiness is not going to work.</p><p>There are two books that I recommend you buy and read. One is Codependent No More. The other is Can My Relationship Be Saved?</p><p>Sometimes when you cling and try even harder to hold onto someone, it makes you both miserable. You cannot change her and cannot change her mind. Sometimes the best thing is to let go. If it is meant to be, you will end up back together again. It seems like this is something that she needs to decide since she is the one that keeps doing the leaving. I suggest backing off and letting her go. Maybe she needs time to clear her head and make up her mind. If it is meant to be, she will come back. If not, use this time to work on being a healthy happy you on your own.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My girlfriend broke up with me but I want her back. What do I do? <</SYS>> Me and my girlfriend just broke up. She said she loves me but is not in love anymore. This came out of nowhere. We seemed so happy together. It all started when she went to Missouri to visit her family. The first week she was there she was fine then once she went to this one sister’s house everything changed. That's when she told me she loved me but was not in love with me anymore. I thought maybe it was just because she missed her family and she just wanted to be home because she told me that she could not leave them again. Then she told me to come to her in Missouri. So that's what I did. I quit my job I dropped everything, said goodbye to my family in Florida and drove 15 straight hours to be with her. Once I got there everything was fine again. She apologized for everything and said she didn't mean any of it then we were good for about a week. Then she went back to saying she didn’t love me anymore and had no feelings for me. The only thing that really gets me and makes me not want to accept this is that now she is pregnant. This wasn’t an accident. We were trying to get pregnant, so all this is hard to accept. I love her so much. I have never been bad to her. I've treated her the best I can. I wanted her to be my wife. I was going to propose to her when she got back. Now I'm losing my family and my mind. I don't know what to do. [/INST] <p>I am sorry to hear of these troubles. I see a few issues here. I wonder why you were both trying to get pregnant when the relationship seemed troubled? Some people think that they can fix a broken relationship by getting pregnant, and all this does is bring up more problems.</p><p>You say you never treated her badly, and I believe you. People in a relationship can still be unhappy even when there is no abuse or mistreatment going on. In fact, giving too much of yourself to the relationship and not having a “self” outside of this relationship can be unhealthy. It takes two whole, healthy, happy people who are that way when they are single to come together to make a whole, healthy, happy couple in a relationship. Expecting your partner to meet all your needs or to provide your happiness is not going to work.</p><p>There are two books that I recommend you buy and read. One is Codependent No More. The other is Can My Relationship Be Saved?</p><p>Sometimes when you cling and try even harder to hold onto someone, it makes you both miserable. You cannot change her and cannot change her mind. Sometimes the best thing is to let go. If it is meant to be, you will end up back together again. It seems like this is something that she needs to decide since she is the one that keeps doing the leaving. I suggest backing off and letting her go. Maybe she needs time to clear her head and make up her mind. If it is meant to be, she will come back. If not, use this time to work on being a healthy happy you on your own.</p> </s>
5724223bf90871f676cf4702	I hate the way I look	I hate everything I see in the mirror. I don't like being in pictures and always scribble out my face. It's stressing me out. I don't trust my parents enough to tell them and I don't know what to do.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-hate-the-way-i-look	Self-esteem	Erica Faulhaber	https://counselchat.com/therapists/erica-faulhaber	<p>Check out my latest blog:  <a href="http://newdirectionswitherica.com/four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-list/" target="_blank">Four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-list</a></p><p>I hope this offers you some nuggets of helpfulness!</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I hate the way I look <</SYS>> I hate everything I see in the mirror. I don't like being in pictures and always scribble out my face. It's stressing me out. I don't trust my parents enough to tell them and I don't know what to do. [/INST] <p>Check out my latest blog:  <a href="http://newdirectionswitherica.com/four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-list/" target="_blank">Four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-list</a></p><p>I hope this offers you some nuggets of helpfulness!</p> </s>
56879c53e716b51523007b44	How am I supposed to feel when I forgive someone?	My mom made a lot of mistakes a couple years back, and I can't seem to forgive her. I want to say that it's okay, but I can't. I feel like even if I did forgive her, I wouldn't be able to say it to her face.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-am-i-supposed-to-feel-when-i-forgive-someone	Family Conflict	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>Hi Cleveland, I think I get what you're feeling. You're scared that if you forgive your mom, that would mean it wasn't so bad, or she'll think it's okay to do it again, or she won't realize how hurt you are. </p><p>I invite you to look at forgiveness in a different way. Forgiveness doesn't have to mean what she did was okay. Not at all. Forgiveness can mean "I accept what she did, and I don't want to live in her worst moments constantly. I want to put it down and move past it because I want her in my life, because fear and resentment interfere with my relationship with her, and mostly because I'm tired of carrying them (fear and resentment) around constantly."</p><p>You can forgive your mom for yourself, not for her.  If there is evidence that your mom wants to respect you moving forward, then it might be worth it to risk putting down the resentment and the grudge that you think you need to protect yourself.  Your ability to draw boundaries with her in the present is your biggest protector; let her know in the present what hurts you, and notice her responses.</p><p>You don't have to say it to her face. Saying it to yourself is more important. Again, forgiving your mom helps you...it reduces your own burden of fear and resentment, leaving space for better things. </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How am I supposed to feel when I forgive someone? <</SYS>> My mom made a lot of mistakes a couple years back, and I can't seem to forgive her. I want to say that it's okay, but I can't. I feel like even if I did forgive her, I wouldn't be able to say it to her face. [/INST] <p>Hi Cleveland, I think I get what you're feeling. You're scared that if you forgive your mom, that would mean it wasn't so bad, or she'll think it's okay to do it again, or she won't realize how hurt you are. </p><p>I invite you to look at forgiveness in a different way. Forgiveness doesn't have to mean what she did was okay. Not at all. Forgiveness can mean "I accept what she did, and I don't want to live in her worst moments constantly. I want to put it down and move past it because I want her in my life, because fear and resentment interfere with my relationship with her, and mostly because I'm tired of carrying them (fear and resentment) around constantly."</p><p>You can forgive your mom for yourself, not for her.  If there is evidence that your mom wants to respect you moving forward, then it might be worth it to risk putting down the resentment and the grudge that you think you need to protect yourself.  Your ability to draw boundaries with her in the present is your biggest protector; let her know in the present what hurts you, and notice her responses.</p><p>You don't have to say it to her face. Saying it to yourself is more important. Again, forgiving your mom helps you...it reduces your own burden of fear and resentment, leaving space for better things. </p> </s>
55d7d750c724b5b66655bf9d	I have been in a relationship for a year and 7 months these few weeks have been bad	He's been losing feelings and he doesn't know why. I love him very very much. He sometimes thinks I'm obsessed when I'm not at all. I give him his space and I make sure he's okay but sometimes I think if me and him saw each other more it would be better? I truly want me and him to get better, it's kind of hard not to stress about it, because the love of my life is losing feelings which is a sad feeling. He's a great guy! I just don't know why he's been losing feelings towards me. He's starting to put less effort in talking to me. At this point I'll do anything to just make us better as a couple. I tried talking to him but he doesn't like talking about it much. Advice on what to do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-been-in-a-relationship-for-a-year-and-7-months-these-few-weeks-have-been-bad	Relationships	Rebecca Wong	https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong	<p>I'm willing to bet that this isn't what you are hoping to hear, but I'd suggest giving him space. Ooph, that's a tough one, right?! I know. But here's the thing, when you keep trying to process and talk it out with him you keep pushing him away. He needs to feel like a solid and whole person (as you do too) to be able to be fully in your relationship. It's the work of being in relationship to learn this. I get that this is tough stuff. I wonder, outside of being with him, how do you soothe and calm yourself? That's the stuff for you to tune into and focus on right now.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I have been in a relationship for a year and 7 months these few weeks have been bad <</SYS>> He's been losing feelings and he doesn't know why. I love him very very much. He sometimes thinks I'm obsessed when I'm not at all. I give him his space and I make sure he's okay but sometimes I think if me and him saw each other more it would be better? I truly want me and him to get better, it's kind of hard not to stress about it, because the love of my life is losing feelings which is a sad feeling. He's a great guy! I just don't know why he's been losing feelings towards me. He's starting to put less effort in talking to me. At this point I'll do anything to just make us better as a couple. I tried talking to him but he doesn't like talking about it much. Advice on what to do? [/INST] <p>I'm willing to bet that this isn't what you are hoping to hear, but I'd suggest giving him space. Ooph, that's a tough one, right?! I know. But here's the thing, when you keep trying to process and talk it out with him you keep pushing him away. He needs to feel like a solid and whole person (as you do too) to be able to be fully in your relationship. It's the work of being in relationship to learn this. I get that this is tough stuff. I wonder, outside of being with him, how do you soothe and calm yourself? That's the stuff for you to tune into and focus on right now.</p> </s>
579766b34a3c0cef34f02ada	I want to become a better man.	I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-become-a-better-man	Relationships	Margaret Van Ackeren	https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda	<p>Thanks for your question. Becoming a good listener is an essential piece in being a better communicator. Being an effective communicator will almost always improve the quality of your relationships. </p><p>What stands in your way of listening to her? Do you find yourself becoming defensive when she brings up issues? Do you often find yourself thinking of what you want to say next? Do you take her words personally, preventing you from having the ability to problem solve?</p><p>Here are some tips that may help you with being a better listener:</p><p>1. Concentrate on what you are hearing, not on what you will say next.</p><p>2. Ask questions if you need clarification or don't understand.</p><p>3. Summarize what you're hearing after every couple of minutes to make sure that you're not missing anything.</p><p>4. Ask your partner what she needs from you. Is she expecting advice or does she simply need to vent?</p><p>5. Keep eye contact and avoid using non-verbal cues that demonstrate defensiveness or irritation such as eye rolling or crossing your arms.</p><p>6. Remember that it's okay to disagree and, if this is the case, then decide as a team, how you want to move forward.</p><p>I hope this helps. Good luck to you!</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I want to become a better man. <</SYS>> I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together? [/INST] <p>Thanks for your question. Becoming a good listener is an essential piece in being a better communicator. Being an effective communicator will almost always improve the quality of your relationships. </p><p>What stands in your way of listening to her? Do you find yourself becoming defensive when she brings up issues? Do you often find yourself thinking of what you want to say next? Do you take her words personally, preventing you from having the ability to problem solve?</p><p>Here are some tips that may help you with being a better listener:</p><p>1. Concentrate on what you are hearing, not on what you will say next.</p><p>2. Ask questions if you need clarification or don't understand.</p><p>3. Summarize what you're hearing after every couple of minutes to make sure that you're not missing anything.</p><p>4. Ask your partner what she needs from you. Is she expecting advice or does she simply need to vent?</p><p>5. Keep eye contact and avoid using non-verbal cues that demonstrate defensiveness or irritation such as eye rolling or crossing your arms.</p><p>6. Remember that it's okay to disagree and, if this is the case, then decide as a team, how you want to move forward.</p><p>I hope this helps. Good luck to you!</p> </s>
55869458e1d57a380899c19c	How do I approach my doctor about seeing a therapist?	I'm worried I should see a therapist due to past events and current mental status. I'm just so unsure of how to ask my doctor about seeing someone.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-approach-my-doctor-about-seeing-a-therapist	Professional Ethics	Danielle Alvarez	https://counselchat.com/therapists/danielle-alvarez	<p>Thanks for your question. I'm glad you realize that you need extra support and are being proactive. Simply explain to your doctor the feelings you have been experiencing and how you feel that speaking with a mental health therapist would be beneficial. However, keep in mind that you do not have to go into detail about your personal feelings. You can simply state that you are feeling down, overwhelmed, stressed, or whatever it may be. </p><p>I'm sure your doctor will be glad to direct you from there. </p><p>Best of luck you you! I hope that you will be feeling better soon! </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I approach my doctor about seeing a therapist? <</SYS>> I'm worried I should see a therapist due to past events and current mental status. I'm just so unsure of how to ask my doctor about seeing someone. [/INST] <p>Thanks for your question. I'm glad you realize that you need extra support and are being proactive. Simply explain to your doctor the feelings you have been experiencing and how you feel that speaking with a mental health therapist would be beneficial. However, keep in mind that you do not have to go into detail about your personal feelings. You can simply state that you are feeling down, overwhelmed, stressed, or whatever it may be. </p><p>I'm sure your doctor will be glad to direct you from there. </p><p>Best of luck you you! I hope that you will be feeling better soon! </p> </s>
55e2686eae458abc371e078c	How do I quit letting little things bother me and be the mom that my kids deserve?	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-quit-letting-little-things-bother-me-and-be-the-mom-that-my-kids-deserve	Parenting	Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP	https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp	<p>Well, my first question was whether these are truly little things or things you really think the attention.</p><p>If they're really small things that you actually want to let go, try looking at it on a continuum  of things that really get attention (or correction) and things that really don't – and everywhere in between. Looking at this on a scale 1 to 10 or 1 to 100 may be helpful.</p><p>Another thing to do is consider trying to look at the world through their eyes. You may have a better way of explaining things so that they learn from the correction that you try to give them rather than repeating yourself.</p><p>Also recall that parenting working always have what they're looking for (permissive) is not usually helpful, just as the middle ground (authoritative) is better than very strict (authoritarian), according to most research.</p><p>You could also consider coming up with some affirming phrases for yourself, such as "it's okay for this to happen" or "I know they're not always going to get it right" or "I know that I can't always make them change overnight."</p><p>This can be a really tricky balance to find and I recommend seeing a local mental health professional if increased awareness of different levels is not helpful to you.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I quit letting little things bother me and be the mom that my kids deserve? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Well, my first question was whether these are truly little things or things you really think the attention.</p><p>If they're really small things that you actually want to let go, try looking at it on a continuum  of things that really get attention (or correction) and things that really don't – and everywhere in between. Looking at this on a scale 1 to 10 or 1 to 100 may be helpful.</p><p>Another thing to do is consider trying to look at the world through their eyes. You may have a better way of explaining things so that they learn from the correction that you try to give them rather than repeating yourself.</p><p>Also recall that parenting working always have what they're looking for (permissive) is not usually helpful, just as the middle ground (authoritative) is better than very strict (authoritarian), according to most research.</p><p>You could also consider coming up with some affirming phrases for yourself, such as "it's okay for this to happen" or "I know they're not always going to get it right" or "I know that I can't always make them change overnight."</p><p>This can be a really tricky balance to find and I recommend seeing a local mental health professional if increased awareness of different levels is not helpful to you.</p> </s>
579e400d188cd61c1684e835	Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous?	I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous	Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals	Keith Hughes	https://counselchat.com/therapists/keith-hughes	<p>Hello there.  You ask about being nervous and shaky walking in to your therapy session and want to know if its normal? ...  I realize there a few ways to look at this.  I presume you weren't anticipating feeling this way; and probably hoped to feel the opposite..  Well, my initial response is yes, sure, it can be within reason to feel this way.  Have you been in therapy before? Is this somewhat new? That could be part of the reason. But either way; new or not, I think when are entering into a meeting that holds potential evaluation of deep things about you and your heart and soul, it can cause anyone to tremble. The soul can be anticipating some things could be shaken up here, and it can feel scary to look at these things and then change.  Looking deep at our life can feel daunting and scary; so your response just might be regards to potential growth trying to happen.   </p><p>OR, is there something about the therapist you don't feel confident about?  This too might be in play as a reason for your feelings...  Maybe you lack confidence in that therapist ?  Have you let your therapist know how you feel?  That would be good to explore...</p><p>I would like to encourage you to look at these ideas.  Hope it helps.   Let me know</p><p>Kindly,</p><p>keith</p><p>keithcounseling.com<br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? <</SYS>> I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? [/INST] <p>Hello there.  You ask about being nervous and shaky walking in to your therapy session and want to know if its normal? ...  I realize there a few ways to look at this.  I presume you weren't anticipating feeling this way; and probably hoped to feel the opposite..  Well, my initial response is yes, sure, it can be within reason to feel this way.  Have you been in therapy before? Is this somewhat new? That could be part of the reason. But either way; new or not, I think when are entering into a meeting that holds potential evaluation of deep things about you and your heart and soul, it can cause anyone to tremble. The soul can be anticipating some things could be shaken up here, and it can feel scary to look at these things and then change.  Looking deep at our life can feel daunting and scary; so your response just might be regards to potential growth trying to happen.   </p><p>OR, is there something about the therapist you don't feel confident about?  This too might be in play as a reason for your feelings...  Maybe you lack confidence in that therapist ?  Have you let your therapist know how you feel?  That would be good to explore...</p><p>I would like to encourage you to look at these ideas.  Hope it helps.   Let me know</p><p>Kindly,</p><p>keith</p><p>keithcounseling.com<br></p> </s>
573fdc53647a15e353c46adf	Why do I always feel anxious?	It's especially bad at night time. I am scared of sleeping alone.	https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-always-feel-anxious	Sleep Improvement,Anxiety	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Being able to know you feel anxiety and write about it, is the first step to addressing and handling it!</p><p>Generally, anxiety is deep fear of not being able to handle what comes up in life. <br></p><p> Somehow the person was insufficiently nurtured and so felt  insecure when very young.</p><p>Usually the person had to fend on at least a psychological and emotional level for themselves before reaching an age when doing so would have been reasonable.</p><p>Their inner feeling of overwhelmed from when very young, hasn't faced the reality that the grown person is now capable, even if this takes some practice. </p><p>Try asking yourself what you are afraid of and theorize how you would handle these situations as a grown person.</p><p>Also, sometimes anxiety comes from feeling lonely.  This loneliness is reminiscent of the loneliness that the grown person now, felt when being left to take care of situations as a child which were too difficult and complex for any child to address.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I always feel anxious? <</SYS>> It's especially bad at night time. I am scared of sleeping alone. [/INST] <p>Being able to know you feel anxiety and write about it, is the first step to addressing and handling it!</p><p>Generally, anxiety is deep fear of not being able to handle what comes up in life. <br></p><p> Somehow the person was insufficiently nurtured and so felt  insecure when very young.</p><p>Usually the person had to fend on at least a psychological and emotional level for themselves before reaching an age when doing so would have been reasonable.</p><p>Their inner feeling of overwhelmed from when very young, hasn't faced the reality that the grown person is now capable, even if this takes some practice. </p><p>Try asking yourself what you are afraid of and theorize how you would handle these situations as a grown person.</p><p>Also, sometimes anxiety comes from feeling lonely.  This loneliness is reminiscent of the loneliness that the grown person now, felt when being left to take care of situations as a child which were too difficult and complex for any child to address.</p> </s>
575cb62fc792dd6c7063e82d	What should I do about my husband's emotional affair with his ex-wife?	My husband had an emotional affair with his ex-wife in November. She invited him to dinner, alone, with their daughter. I wasn’t aware of this until after 11pm when I asked where he was. He had been drinking, and I told him not to come home that night. The next morning, we talked about going to counseling. He went out that night with friends and said his ex-wife wasn't going. I found out in April that she did go. I gave him the chance to get everything out in the open. I found out that he stayed that second night with her. I asked if they slept in the same bed, and he said yes, both nights. His daughter wasn't there the second night. He claims they didn't have sex, but what else should I think?	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-about-my-husband-s-emotional-affair-with-his-ex-wife	Marriage,Intimacy	Karen Thacker	https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-thacker-2	My answer is going to be super simplistic but I believe this may be what you need. Ask your husband if he wants to stay married to you.  If he says yes, then it would be helpful to go to a marriage counselor and work this out with a professional.  If he says no, then you can file for divorce.	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What should I do about my husband's emotional affair with his ex-wife? <</SYS>> My husband had an emotional affair with his ex-wife in November. She invited him to dinner, alone, with their daughter. I wasn’t aware of this until after 11pm when I asked where he was. He had been drinking, and I told him not to come home that night. The next morning, we talked about going to counseling. He went out that night with friends and said his ex-wife wasn't going. I found out in April that she did go. I gave him the chance to get everything out in the open. I found out that he stayed that second night with her. I asked if they slept in the same bed, and he said yes, both nights. His daughter wasn't there the second night. He claims they didn't have sex, but what else should I think? [/INST] My answer is going to be super simplistic but I believe this may be what you need. Ask your husband if he wants to stay married to you.  If he says yes, then it would be helpful to go to a marriage counselor and work this out with a professional.  If he says no, then you can file for divorce.   </s>
586ea98c152ba8625f40045b	How do I get my husband to listen to me?	I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me. How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-husband-to-listen-to-me	Relationships,Marriage	Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP	https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp	<p>Thanks for writing. There are many different house of things that may be helpful here. I can give you some general ideas, but if some of these things don't get you to where you would like to go, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in couples:</p><ul><li>Remember that you can only guarantee change in yourself. You can ask him to make changes, but you can't control whether he does or not. You can control your reactions and what you do about your own thoughts, feelings, and actions in the relationship.</li><li>If you're going to talk about something important or you really want him to listen, first ask whether this is a good time.</li><li>Try to talk to him without blaming, finger-pointing, or asking him to change (this can be difficult, but it also opens a lot of doors for effective discussions).</li><li>Be mindful of your packaging. By that, I mean that you may have a very important message that you're trying to get across. If you able to say it in a way that is clear and wrapped in such a way that he can hear what you're actually saying, that is helpful. If you are talking in ways that are angry, or as I sometimes say, wrapped in spikes, that can be difficult to hear and receive. Rather than hearing what you're actually trying to get across, he may just hear the fact that you are angry.</li><li>If your husband is able to listen to you and/or restate what you are saying and get it right or close to right, let him know what that feels like to you and how important it is.</li><li>If you're asking questions, try to avoid "why" question and use "what makes, how, when, where, who" instead. Questions starting with "why" can not only be difficult to answer, but can also trigger a lot of emotions that some people are not ready to deal with right away.</li><li>Also, keep in mind that listening and being able to reflect what you are saying does not imply agreement. This may be something that would be good to discuss with your husband – just because he is hearing what you're saying doesn't mean that he's agreeing with you.</li><li>Lastly, but importantly, some people really don't know how to listen effectively. There are people who just are not taught to do that until much later in their lives. Sometimes listening to someone can actually be very vulnerability-producing. It may be helpful to ask your husband if he knows what makes him struggle with being able to listen if you notice that he's really struggling.</li></ul>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get my husband to listen to me? <</SYS>> I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me. How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time? [/INST] <p>Thanks for writing. There are many different house of things that may be helpful here. I can give you some general ideas, but if some of these things don't get you to where you would like to go, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in couples:</p><ul><li>Remember that you can only guarantee change in yourself. You can ask him to make changes, but you can't control whether he does or not. You can control your reactions and what you do about your own thoughts, feelings, and actions in the relationship.</li><li>If you're going to talk about something important or you really want him to listen, first ask whether this is a good time.</li><li>Try to talk to him without blaming, finger-pointing, or asking him to change (this can be difficult, but it also opens a lot of doors for effective discussions).</li><li>Be mindful of your packaging. By that, I mean that you may have a very important message that you're trying to get across. If you able to say it in a way that is clear and wrapped in such a way that he can hear what you're actually saying, that is helpful. If you are talking in ways that are angry, or as I sometimes say, wrapped in spikes, that can be difficult to hear and receive. Rather than hearing what you're actually trying to get across, he may just hear the fact that you are angry.</li><li>If your husband is able to listen to you and/or restate what you are saying and get it right or close to right, let him know what that feels like to you and how important it is.</li><li>If you're asking questions, try to avoid "why" question and use "what makes, how, when, where, who" instead. Questions starting with "why" can not only be difficult to answer, but can also trigger a lot of emotions that some people are not ready to deal with right away.</li><li>Also, keep in mind that listening and being able to reflect what you are saying does not imply agreement. This may be something that would be good to discuss with your husband – just because he is hearing what you're saying doesn't mean that he's agreeing with you.</li><li>Lastly, but importantly, some people really don't know how to listen effectively. There are people who just are not taught to do that until much later in their lives. Sometimes listening to someone can actually be very vulnerability-producing. It may be helpful to ask your husband if he knows what makes him struggle with being able to listen if you notice that he's really struggling.</li></ul> </s>
574e59a2c792dd6c7063e566	I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?	Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-struggeling-with-the-idea-of-if-god-real-or-not	Spirituality,Social Relationships	Richie (Yerachmiel) Donowitz	https://counselchat.com/therapists/richie-yerachmiel-donowitz	<p>  It is not a stupid question, it is very basic. To help answer your question, let me begin with the premise that you will never have absolute proof. With that being said, one can look at different phenomena in nature and history and figure what is the statistical probability that they happened randomly. If one comes to the logical conclusion that many are quite improbable, then there must be a guiding force and plan.</p><p>  May you be successful in your journey.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not? <</SYS>> Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? [/INST] <p>  It is not a stupid question, it is very basic. To help answer your question, let me begin with the premise that you will never have absolute proof. With that being said, one can look at different phenomena in nature and history and figure what is the statistical probability that they happened randomly. If one comes to the logical conclusion that many are quite improbable, then there must be a guiding force and plan.</p><p>  May you be successful in your journey.</p> </s>
570071bd38d8448168a85dcf	Should I message my crush?	I have had a crush on this guy for years. I last talked to him a few years ago when we graduated from high school. We left off on a good note. Should I message him and see how he is doing, or is it too late?	https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-message-my-crush	Relationships,Social Relationships	Sonya Wilson	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson	<p>It's never to late to let a person know how you feel.  You never know where it will take you.  You don't want to hold this regret of not letting your feelings known and wondering "what if" for the rest of your life.   That can be torturous.   <br></p><p>Now prepare for whatever..if his feelings are the same or if they are not.  If they are the same...great.  If they are not, feel good that at least you let a person know they hold a special place in your life and wish him love, peace and happiness in his life.  <br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should I message my crush? <</SYS>> I have had a crush on this guy for years. I last talked to him a few years ago when we graduated from high school. We left off on a good note. Should I message him and see how he is doing, or is it too late? [/INST] <p>It's never to late to let a person know how you feel.  You never know where it will take you.  You don't want to hold this regret of not letting your feelings known and wondering "what if" for the rest of your life.   That can be torturous.   <br></p><p>Now prepare for whatever..if his feelings are the same or if they are not.  If they are the same...great.  If they are not, feel good that at least you let a person know they hold a special place in your life and wish him love, peace and happiness in his life.  <br></p> </s>
56d5d85d1f8f233e09696a58	My boyfriend is always accusing me of not loving him.	I love him so much, and I don't know what to do.	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-is-always-accusing-me-of-not-loving-him	Relationships,Intimacy	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>Hi Savannah, This is a pretty common issue; one person feels that they are doing a great job of being loving, yet their partner doesn't feel loved. There's a great book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. He explains that there are five main ways to give and receive love, but we don't necessarily all speak the same "love language" as our partner. You might feel that by going out to work and earn money, you're being loving, but if your partner's main love language is quality time, you're not hitting that bulls eye because you're not home! The five languages are words, quality time, acts of service, gifts and touch. I recommend couples grab this book, sit down and figure out what their love languages are, and then...slowly...you start to ask for the kind of love you want, and you start to speak your partner's language a bit better. You may never be fluent, but you can get better. The most important part is to understand each other better and to know that there's nothing wrong with either of you, you're just speaking different languages. You can help your boyfriend to get really specific about how he wants to be loved. I bet he just needs you to "speak his language".  :)</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My boyfriend is always accusing me of not loving him. <</SYS>> I love him so much, and I don't know what to do. [/INST] <p>Hi Savannah, This is a pretty common issue; one person feels that they are doing a great job of being loving, yet their partner doesn't feel loved. There's a great book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. He explains that there are five main ways to give and receive love, but we don't necessarily all speak the same "love language" as our partner. You might feel that by going out to work and earn money, you're being loving, but if your partner's main love language is quality time, you're not hitting that bulls eye because you're not home! The five languages are words, quality time, acts of service, gifts and touch. I recommend couples grab this book, sit down and figure out what their love languages are, and then...slowly...you start to ask for the kind of love you want, and you start to speak your partner's language a bit better. You may never be fluent, but you can get better. The most important part is to understand each other better and to know that there's nothing wrong with either of you, you're just speaking different languages. You can help your boyfriend to get really specific about how he wants to be loved. I bet he just needs you to "speak his language".  :)</p> </s>
579e400d188cd61c1684e835	Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous?	I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous	Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals	Linda Spyres	https://counselchat.com/therapists/linda-spyres	<p>Everyone has different experiences going to therapy. Being nervous can be a typical emotion one might feel. Emotions are our body's way of telling us important information about ourselves. I would suggest talking openly in your sessions about this. That way you can process your thoughts and feelings with the guidance of your counselor. There are probably underlining emotions (fears or insecurities) that are being stirred up during your therapy sessions. Your counselor might suggest individual counseling depending on what you learn about your anxiety. In individual therapy you would have time to deal with your own stressors. As you address your issues, then you will have tools and skills that will be useful in addressing the couple relationship. </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? <</SYS>> I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? [/INST] <p>Everyone has different experiences going to therapy. Being nervous can be a typical emotion one might feel. Emotions are our body's way of telling us important information about ourselves. I would suggest talking openly in your sessions about this. That way you can process your thoughts and feelings with the guidance of your counselor. There are probably underlining emotions (fears or insecurities) that are being stirred up during your therapy sessions. Your counselor might suggest individual counseling depending on what you learn about your anxiety. In individual therapy you would have time to deal with your own stressors. As you address your issues, then you will have tools and skills that will be useful in addressing the couple relationship. </p> </s>
561c6bd4e88a65597bb56a48	Am I somehow stressing myself out?	I think I'm annoying and bothersome, but my girlfriend says I'm just fine. I don't think so, I think I'm stressing everyone else out	https://counselchat.com/questions/am-i-somehow-stressing-myself-out	Anxiety	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>"Where you put your attention is where you will go". I forget who said this first, but it's very powerful. If all you think about and talk about is how annoying you think you might be, that will get annoying. Your intense self reflection is lovely; it will help you monitor yourself so that you're not affecting others negatively, but your alarm is going off too easily here and you risk having the opposite effect.</p><p>You don't have to be perfect. She's with you, so she probably likes you as you are. She seems to put far less emphasis on your possibly annoying traits. We all have faults and if that's what we focus on, that's all we will see. My hunch is that your most annoying trait might be your negative self-talk. How ironic is that?</p><p>There's another irony here...your goal is to be a better partner...but when you are self-critical, your focus is on <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span>, not her. Every moment that fear grabs ahold of you is a moment that you're not being present in the actual relationship; you're gazing at your imagined faults. Fear steals your ability to focus on your loving partner. </p><p>Maybe take a moment to image how she sees you...all of you. Put yourself in her shoes to see the entire you...how are you loving...thoughtful...a good partner? Confidence is a very attractive quality! </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Am I somehow stressing myself out? <</SYS>> I think I'm annoying and bothersome, but my girlfriend says I'm just fine. I don't think so, I think I'm stressing everyone else out [/INST] <p>"Where you put your attention is where you will go". I forget who said this first, but it's very powerful. If all you think about and talk about is how annoying you think you might be, that will get annoying. Your intense self reflection is lovely; it will help you monitor yourself so that you're not affecting others negatively, but your alarm is going off too easily here and you risk having the opposite effect.</p><p>You don't have to be perfect. She's with you, so she probably likes you as you are. She seems to put far less emphasis on your possibly annoying traits. We all have faults and if that's what we focus on, that's all we will see. My hunch is that your most annoying trait might be your negative self-talk. How ironic is that?</p><p>There's another irony here...your goal is to be a better partner...but when you are self-critical, your focus is on <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span>, not her. Every moment that fear grabs ahold of you is a moment that you're not being present in the actual relationship; you're gazing at your imagined faults. Fear steals your ability to focus on your loving partner. </p><p>Maybe take a moment to image how she sees you...all of you. Put yourself in her shoes to see the entire you...how are you loving...thoughtful...a good partner? Confidence is a very attractive quality! </p> </s>
57250c22f90871f676cf4760	Why is it so hard for me to talk publicly?	I feel really uncomfortable when I have people's attention. It makes me not want to talk in public or answer questions in class. Can I get over this social anxiety?	https://counselchat.com/questions/why-is-it-so-hard-for-me-to-talk-publicly	Anxiety,Social Relationships	Genevieve Rideout	https://counselchat.com/therapists/genevieve-rideout	<p>you can learn lots of skills/techniques to feel more confident in what you need to do that will decrease your anxious response for sure! :) And  you can also learn how to work with your personality that may not like the attention. You may find that "talking" to others through the internet is more comfortable and you are great at it, or that you love one on one talking but aren't really made for group talking. There is a place in this world for you either way! Public speaking skills can be practiced in speech class, or toastmaster group, they will give you practice in a safe environment where the cool kids or cutest boy aren't ready to laugh at you.  What topics are you interested in and what groups can you do a little speaking up? Maybe in your small group at church try and raise you hand to share your opinion, or maybe your Girl Scout troop? Look around for a peer and one adult who you like to hear speak out, ask them to share with you 2 things that help them feel comfortable speaking in public. Check out some Ted Talks and see how they share in groups. Social anxiety is a difficult concern and picking apart what is your awesome personality and what needs skill building and mindfulness/anxiety  help are important steps. Good luck!<br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why is it so hard for me to talk publicly? <</SYS>> I feel really uncomfortable when I have people's attention. It makes me not want to talk in public or answer questions in class. Can I get over this social anxiety? [/INST] <p>you can learn lots of skills/techniques to feel more confident in what you need to do that will decrease your anxious response for sure! :) And  you can also learn how to work with your personality that may not like the attention. You may find that "talking" to others through the internet is more comfortable and you are great at it, or that you love one on one talking but aren't really made for group talking. There is a place in this world for you either way! Public speaking skills can be practiced in speech class, or toastmaster group, they will give you practice in a safe environment where the cool kids or cutest boy aren't ready to laugh at you.  What topics are you interested in and what groups can you do a little speaking up? Maybe in your small group at church try and raise you hand to share your opinion, or maybe your Girl Scout troop? Look around for a peer and one adult who you like to hear speak out, ask them to share with you 2 things that help them feel comfortable speaking in public. Check out some Ted Talks and see how they share in groups. Social anxiety is a difficult concern and picking apart what is your awesome personality and what needs skill building and mindfulness/anxiety  help are important steps. Good luck!<br></p> </s>
56970df147d364616625368b	I feel like my existence is meaningless.	I've been depressed for quite a while. I've been trying to work through it, and my boyfriend has been my rock. He is honestly the only person I trust enough to talk to about anything, but he decided to break up with me because of my depression. I cannot afford to see a therapist or anything, so he saw no hope in staying with me. My insurance has a $5000 deductible, so I’m screwed. I've had everything from suicidal thoughts to trying to quit my job. I have no one. My family doesn't care about me; they kicked me out when I turned 18 a few years ago. I had friends, but they have all moved on with their lives and have no time for me. My ex-boyfriend is trying to help but is making things worse because every time I see or hear him, I break down into tears. I found out that I will never be promoted now because of my depression.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-my-existence-is-meaningless	Depression	Cimberly R. Nesker	https://counselchat.com/therapists/cimberly-r-nesker	<p>It sounds like you have been struggling with this for quite some time, using many of the same coping techniques that feel tried and true to no avail. Often, we fall back on coping techniques that would be helpful in other problems (stress, social anxieties, etc.) for our depression, but the truth is that depression requires it's own little tool kit. </p><p>Depression is all-encompassing, and, based on what you've written, the symptoms are already affecting work and your personal life in myriad ways.  The best route forward would be to seek out counselling, admittedly, but if your insurance deductible is too high, that can be very expensive. I would recommend contacting your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) if offered by your employer. If not, you can look into community centres for counselling options, check if your doctor will give you a referral or your local religious organization. </p><p>If, however, you are motivated to get your depression under control, there are some great workbooks out there that you can use on your own or with your therapist (as long as your therapist is trained in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or CBT), such as "Mind Over Mood".   <br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I feel like my existence is meaningless. <</SYS>> I've been depressed for quite a while. I've been trying to work through it, and my boyfriend has been my rock. He is honestly the only person I trust enough to talk to about anything, but he decided to break up with me because of my depression. I cannot afford to see a therapist or anything, so he saw no hope in staying with me. My insurance has a $5000 deductible, so I’m screwed. I've had everything from suicidal thoughts to trying to quit my job. I have no one. My family doesn't care about me; they kicked me out when I turned 18 a few years ago. I had friends, but they have all moved on with their lives and have no time for me. My ex-boyfriend is trying to help but is making things worse because every time I see or hear him, I break down into tears. I found out that I will never be promoted now because of my depression. [/INST] <p>It sounds like you have been struggling with this for quite some time, using many of the same coping techniques that feel tried and true to no avail. Often, we fall back on coping techniques that would be helpful in other problems (stress, social anxieties, etc.) for our depression, but the truth is that depression requires it's own little tool kit. </p><p>Depression is all-encompassing, and, based on what you've written, the symptoms are already affecting work and your personal life in myriad ways.  The best route forward would be to seek out counselling, admittedly, but if your insurance deductible is too high, that can be very expensive. I would recommend contacting your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) if offered by your employer. If not, you can look into community centres for counselling options, check if your doctor will give you a referral or your local religious organization. </p><p>If, however, you are motivated to get your depression under control, there are some great workbooks out there that you can use on your own or with your therapist (as long as your therapist is trained in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or CBT), such as "Mind Over Mood".   <br></p> </s>
57573c4bc792dd6c7063e729	What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?	I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-are-the-best-ways-to-reduce-anxiety	Anxiety,Stress	Dr. Dinelly Holder	https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-dinelly-holder	<p>Which one gives you the most anxiety? List from top to bottom which one gives you the greatest anxiety and ask the question how come? From there, we can figure out the underlying factors of your anxiety.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What are the best ways to reduce anxiety? <</SYS>> I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household. [/INST] <p>Which one gives you the most anxiety? List from top to bottom which one gives you the greatest anxiety and ask the question how come? From there, we can figure out the underlying factors of your anxiety.</p> </s>
5671f5881c0ef03721223706	How can I get my boyfriend to see my point of view when we argue?	I had to go to the emergency room today to get an X-ray of my spine. My boyfriend didn't want to sit there and wait with me. Instead, he wanted to go do things for his friends while I waited. When I was done, he was twenty minutes late in picking me up. He doesn't understand why I'm mad, and we keep bickering at each other over the smallest things. He thinks I don't have a reason to be mad, but I believe that I do.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-my-boyfriend-to-see-my-point-of-view-when-we-argue	Relationships	Margaret Van Ackeren	https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda	It is extremely frustrating when our significant other doesn't understand our points of view. Often times, arguments are not the best opportunities to try and make a point, as strong emotions can get in the way of understanding others' perspectives. <div><br></div><div>Try having a discussion with him about what is bothering you during a time when neither if you are upset or arguing. Communicate how you feel without placing blame and without yelling. Addionally, give him ideas of what he can do differently so that he understands what your expectations are. Lastly, consider seeing a couple's therapist who can assist with teaching more effective communication techniques. Best of luck.</div>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get my boyfriend to see my point of view when we argue? <</SYS>> I had to go to the emergency room today to get an X-ray of my spine. My boyfriend didn't want to sit there and wait with me. Instead, he wanted to go do things for his friends while I waited. When I was done, he was twenty minutes late in picking me up. He doesn't understand why I'm mad, and we keep bickering at each other over the smallest things. He thinks I don't have a reason to be mad, but I believe that I do. [/INST] It is extremely frustrating when our significant other doesn't understand our points of view. Often times, arguments are not the best opportunities to try and make a point, as strong emotions can get in the way of understanding others' perspectives. <div><br></div><div>Try having a discussion with him about what is bothering you during a time when neither if you are upset or arguing. Communicate how you feel without placing blame and without yelling. Addionally, give him ideas of what he can do differently so that he understands what your expectations are. Lastly, consider seeing a couple's therapist who can assist with teaching more effective communication techniques. Best of luck.</div> </s>
5750eeb7c792dd6c7063e5d0	is it normal not to feel empathy?	I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself.	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-not-to-feel-empathy	Anxiety,Depression	Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP	https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp	<p>Empathy usually falls on a spectrum, meaning that some people show more than others. Empathy is the ability to look at the world through someone else's eyes or "walk a mile in their shoes." There could be some people in your life for whom empathy is easier to feel and those for whom you have no idea what they are experiencing.</p><p>Empathy is not usually categorized as an emotion, but as something related to emotions. For example, you could have empathy about someone's anxiety.</p><p>I'm not sure whether you are also referring to the idea that you don't have sympathy for yourself or others. That's a different concept, but also involves different degrees.</p><p>When you say you don't have emotion except anxiety, I wonder if you are saying that you have anxiety all the time and it may be covering up other emotions? If you are experiencing a lot of anxiety, try to look at what it connects to and find something that changes your focus for a few minutes. This could be any number of activities, such as watching TV, cooking, reading a book, or many other options.</p><p>If you are feeling as if you are just going through the motions and not having a lot of emotions about anything, if it's just been a few days, it may just be related to a current stress that will lessen in a few days. If it has been quite a while, consider tracking your mood and looking at when you do notice changes in your emotions. There may be some variations that you are not aware of.</p><p>If you continue to feel anxious and as if you don't have as many emotions as you would like, consider talking with your primary care physician or a local therapist.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> is it normal not to feel empathy? <</SYS>> I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself. [/INST] <p>Empathy usually falls on a spectrum, meaning that some people show more than others. Empathy is the ability to look at the world through someone else's eyes or "walk a mile in their shoes." There could be some people in your life for whom empathy is easier to feel and those for whom you have no idea what they are experiencing.</p><p>Empathy is not usually categorized as an emotion, but as something related to emotions. For example, you could have empathy about someone's anxiety.</p><p>I'm not sure whether you are also referring to the idea that you don't have sympathy for yourself or others. That's a different concept, but also involves different degrees.</p><p>When you say you don't have emotion except anxiety, I wonder if you are saying that you have anxiety all the time and it may be covering up other emotions? If you are experiencing a lot of anxiety, try to look at what it connects to and find something that changes your focus for a few minutes. This could be any number of activities, such as watching TV, cooking, reading a book, or many other options.</p><p>If you are feeling as if you are just going through the motions and not having a lot of emotions about anything, if it's just been a few days, it may just be related to a current stress that will lessen in a few days. If it has been quite a while, consider tracking your mood and looking at when you do notice changes in your emotions. There may be some variations that you are not aware of.</p><p>If you continue to feel anxious and as if you don't have as many emotions as you would like, consider talking with your primary care physician or a local therapist.</p> </s>
5748059ac792dd6c7063e46a	What should I do when my parents won't let me see a therapist?	I think i may suffer from depression, and it is affecting my life and sleep. I am on my parent's insurance, and they won't let me see a therapist because they don't believe in it.	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-when-my-parents-won-t-let-me-see-a-therapist	Family Conflict,Depression	Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP	https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp	<p>The answer here really depends upon your age and something called the "age of consent" in the state where you live. In Pennsylvania, anyone over the age of 14 can provide consent for their own treatment. As for billing purposes, try talking to some local agencies. If you are under 18, you may be able to have Medicaid out of medical necessity so that you can have treatment. If you are over 18, there may be some discounted rates at some agencies because of the situation you're in. Maybe your primary care physician will be able to refer you to some local agencies.</p><p>If you are in school, you may be able to talk with a guidance counselor or someone at the school. This would not require using your insurance.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What should I do when my parents won't let me see a therapist? <</SYS>> I think i may suffer from depression, and it is affecting my life and sleep. I am on my parent's insurance, and they won't let me see a therapist because they don't believe in it. [/INST] <p>The answer here really depends upon your age and something called the "age of consent" in the state where you live. In Pennsylvania, anyone over the age of 14 can provide consent for their own treatment. As for billing purposes, try talking to some local agencies. If you are under 18, you may be able to have Medicaid out of medical necessity so that you can have treatment. If you are over 18, there may be some discounted rates at some agencies because of the situation you're in. Maybe your primary care physician will be able to refer you to some local agencies.</p><p>If you are in school, you may be able to talk with a guidance counselor or someone at the school. This would not require using your insurance.</p> </s>
56688858c4590e202d3f1f2f	My fiancé is trying to hide that he's texting his ex-girlfriend.	My fiancé doesn't think I trust him because I was cheated on before. However, he hides his phone and has been texting his ex-girlfriend, who he has two kids with. What should I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-fianc-is-trying-to-hide-that-he-s-texting-his-ex-girlfriend	Relationships	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>Oh Chino, I only have half the picture here so I will be cautious. There's a chicken and an egg, and I don't know which came first. One thing I see clearly is that your fiance will always have to have communications with his ex, because they have children. Can you accept that? </p><p>When suspicion and insecurity come along, your job is to look at the big picture and the real picture. Is there any real evidence that he is cheating? Remember that texting his ex is not evidence alone if the communications are about the kids. Has he earned your trust? If so, then it's not fair to punish him for the betrayals of others. He's not your ex. Reassure your heart that you are his priority if the larger evidence supports that. </p><p>At the same time, you can let him know what your triggers are. For example, hiding his phone doesn't send you a good message, right? See, this is the chicken and the egg...is he hiding the phone because you've been overreacting when he gets a text?  So let him know you won't blow up about him getting a text if he doesn't conceal or password his phone. Transparency helps build trust. You have sensitivities, and it helps you a lot if he's aware of them and willing to try not to do things that trigger fear. </p><p>Let him know when you get scared, and hopefully he'll give you the openness and security you need in order to trust him and act as if you trust him.  :)</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My fiancé is trying to hide that he's texting his ex-girlfriend. <</SYS>> My fiancé doesn't think I trust him because I was cheated on before. However, he hides his phone and has been texting his ex-girlfriend, who he has two kids with. What should I do? [/INST] <p>Oh Chino, I only have half the picture here so I will be cautious. There's a chicken and an egg, and I don't know which came first. One thing I see clearly is that your fiance will always have to have communications with his ex, because they have children. Can you accept that? </p><p>When suspicion and insecurity come along, your job is to look at the big picture and the real picture. Is there any real evidence that he is cheating? Remember that texting his ex is not evidence alone if the communications are about the kids. Has he earned your trust? If so, then it's not fair to punish him for the betrayals of others. He's not your ex. Reassure your heart that you are his priority if the larger evidence supports that. </p><p>At the same time, you can let him know what your triggers are. For example, hiding his phone doesn't send you a good message, right? See, this is the chicken and the egg...is he hiding the phone because you've been overreacting when he gets a text?  So let him know you won't blow up about him getting a text if he doesn't conceal or password his phone. Transparency helps build trust. You have sensitivities, and it helps you a lot if he's aware of them and willing to try not to do things that trigger fear. </p><p>Let him know when you get scared, and hopefully he'll give you the openness and security you need in order to trust him and act as if you trust him.  :)</p> </s>
56738e09c67f93fb5b313e7f	I'm scared of hurting my boyfriend after he had a cyst removed from his testicles.	My boyfriend and I have not had sex in a couple of weeks. He had to have a cyst removed on his testicles. I have been wanting to have sex with him for a while now, and it drives me crazy not to be able to make love to him. I'm scared to touch him and get close to him because I'm afraid that I will hurt him.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-scared-of-hurting-my-boyfriend-after-he-had-a-cyst-removed-from-his-testicles	Intimacy,Relationships	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Are you talking with your boyfriend about his doctor advises on starting to have sex again?</p><p>Being able to talk together about topics that involve both of you, will establish a new type of intimacy on an emotional level.</p><p>Also, there are many ways of making love.  If your bf's cyst hasn't yet healed, then another way of both increasing your emotional intimacy and learning different love making suggestions, is to read about these together with him.</p><p>I hope the two of you enjoy learning new ways of sexually taking care of one another, while developing more emotional closeness in the process.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm scared of hurting my boyfriend after he had a cyst removed from his testicles. <</SYS>> My boyfriend and I have not had sex in a couple of weeks. He had to have a cyst removed on his testicles. I have been wanting to have sex with him for a while now, and it drives me crazy not to be able to make love to him. I'm scared to touch him and get close to him because I'm afraid that I will hurt him. [/INST] <p>Are you talking with your boyfriend about his doctor advises on starting to have sex again?</p><p>Being able to talk together about topics that involve both of you, will establish a new type of intimacy on an emotional level.</p><p>Also, there are many ways of making love.  If your bf's cyst hasn't yet healed, then another way of both increasing your emotional intimacy and learning different love making suggestions, is to read about these together with him.</p><p>I hope the two of you enjoy learning new ways of sexually taking care of one another, while developing more emotional closeness in the process.</p> </s>
5850880c950e2507cf23dd3e	How can I best fight the winter blues?	Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-best-fight-the-winter-blues	Depression	Melissa Austin	https://counselchat.com/therapists/melissa-austin	<p>Change your total daily routine, different route, different lunch, different afternoon.  Sit outside for 10 minutes three times every day, use a therapy light during the day, aroma-therapy oils for stimulation, but....keep your routine bedtimes and wake up times......and exercise at least 3 times per week,  if after several weeks you are not feeling better....talk with your doctor.<br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I best fight the winter blues? <</SYS>> Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this? [/INST] <p>Change your total daily routine, different route, different lunch, different afternoon.  Sit outside for 10 minutes three times every day, use a therapy light during the day, aroma-therapy oils for stimulation, but....keep your routine bedtimes and wake up times......and exercise at least 3 times per week,  if after several weeks you are not feeling better....talk with your doctor.<br></p> </s>
5769f3bd008fce8e73e1ebfd	How do you know if someone is an alcoholic?	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-know-if-someone-is-an-alcoholic	Addiction,Substance Abuse	2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy Provider	https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider	<p><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: sans-serif;">Wikipedia states, </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholism">Alcoholism </a><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: sans-serif;">In a medical context, alcoholism is said to exist when two or more of the following conditions is present: a person drinks large amounts over a long time period, has difficulty cutting down, acquiring and drinking alcohol takes up a great deal of time, alcohol is strongly desired, usage results in not fulfilling responsibilities, usage results in social problems, usage results in health problems, usage results in risky situations, </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_withdrawal_syndrome" title="Alcohol withdrawal syndrome" style="color: rgb(11, 0, 128); background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: sans-serif;">withdrawal</a><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: sans-serif;"> occurs when stopping, and </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_tolerance" title="Alcohol tolerance" style="color: rgb(11, 0, 128); background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: sans-serif;">alcohol tolerance</a><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: sans-serif;"> has occurred with use.  Hope that helps.  </span><br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do you know if someone is an alcoholic? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: sans-serif;">Wikipedia states, </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholism">Alcoholism </a><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: sans-serif;">In a medical context, alcoholism is said to exist when two or more of the following conditions is present: a person drinks large amounts over a long time period, has difficulty cutting down, acquiring and drinking alcohol takes up a great deal of time, alcohol is strongly desired, usage results in not fulfilling responsibilities, usage results in social problems, usage results in health problems, usage results in risky situations, </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_withdrawal_syndrome" title="Alcohol withdrawal syndrome" style="color: rgb(11, 0, 128); background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: sans-serif;">withdrawal</a><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: sans-serif;"> occurs when stopping, and </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_tolerance" title="Alcohol tolerance" style="color: rgb(11, 0, 128); background: none rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: sans-serif;">alcohol tolerance</a><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: sans-serif;"> has occurred with use.  Hope that helps.  </span><br></p> </s>
579e400d188cd61c1684e835	Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous?	I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous	Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals	Laurel Fay	https://counselchat.com/therapists/laurel-fay-2	<p>It is totally normal - you have a lot riding on this and you're invested! Think about why you feel so shaky - is it something about the therapist or their style? If so, it would be a good idea to talk with them about it so you feel more at ease. In any case bringing up your feelings about therapy <span style="font-style: italic;">in</span> therapy is totally appropriate and even necessary. Good luck!</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? <</SYS>> I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? [/INST] <p>It is totally normal - you have a lot riding on this and you're invested! Think about why you feel so shaky - is it something about the therapist or their style? If so, it would be a good idea to talk with them about it so you feel more at ease. In any case bringing up your feelings about therapy <span style="font-style: italic;">in</span> therapy is totally appropriate and even necessary. Good luck!</p> </s>
55db3cfd5e81c58606334069	How can I deal with the anger problems I've gained from my soon-to-be husband?	I been having anger problems a lot lately. It only takes one word wrongly said to set me off. I use to not be like this until I got with my soon-to-be husband. I think his mood and rage/anger problems have rubbed off on me a lot. I don't get nearly as bad as he does, but I yell almost constantly and I can't seem to just stop. I have two young babies that have to hear this, and I don't want my girls growing up with a mommy like I have been lately. I just don't know how to get back to my old self.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-the-anger-problems-i-ve-gained-from-my-soon-to-be-husband	Anger Management,Relationships	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>My gut says that your own rage is being triggered partly because you feel trapped or shutdown by your fiance's moody/angry/rage responses and powerless to stop it. You can start by accepting that this is who he is and you won't change him. You can only change your own behaviours, and I see you taking responsibility for those, which is great. You want to protect your girls, and that's appropriate; children are greatly affected by this type of home environment. I urge you to see a therapist so you can understand your own emotions and sort out the choices you have to make, knowing that your fiance has to make his own choices about his behaviours. </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I deal with the anger problems I've gained from my soon-to-be husband? <</SYS>> I been having anger problems a lot lately. It only takes one word wrongly said to set me off. I use to not be like this until I got with my soon-to-be husband. I think his mood and rage/anger problems have rubbed off on me a lot. I don't get nearly as bad as he does, but I yell almost constantly and I can't seem to just stop. I have two young babies that have to hear this, and I don't want my girls growing up with a mommy like I have been lately. I just don't know how to get back to my old self. [/INST] <p>My gut says that your own rage is being triggered partly because you feel trapped or shutdown by your fiance's moody/angry/rage responses and powerless to stop it. You can start by accepting that this is who he is and you won't change him. You can only change your own behaviours, and I see you taking responsibility for those, which is great. You want to protect your girls, and that's appropriate; children are greatly affected by this type of home environment. I urge you to see a therapist so you can understand your own emotions and sort out the choices you have to make, knowing that your fiance has to make his own choices about his behaviours. </p> </s>
561dd0d0e88a65597bb56a7c	How do I cope or motivate myself without pain	When I'm not cutting, I'm drinking. When I try healthy outlets such as exercise, I end up running myself down into an asthma attack. From weapons, to words, I can't help but self harm. What am I supposed to do, how do I stop this cycle? I don't know how else to cope or motivate myself without pain.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-cope-or-motivate-myself-without-pain	Self-esteem	Ben Braaksma	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma	<p>It sounds like you are feeling helpless and out of control, you are concerned about your behavior, and at the same time you feel compelled to continue it. In working with a therapist, you may be able to get insight into what is motivating these behaviors, develop strategies for taking care of yourself, and get a stronger sense of who you are motivated to be when you are your authentic self.<br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I cope or motivate myself without pain <</SYS>> When I'm not cutting, I'm drinking. When I try healthy outlets such as exercise, I end up running myself down into an asthma attack. From weapons, to words, I can't help but self harm. What am I supposed to do, how do I stop this cycle? I don't know how else to cope or motivate myself without pain. [/INST] <p>It sounds like you are feeling helpless and out of control, you are concerned about your behavior, and at the same time you feel compelled to continue it. In working with a therapist, you may be able to get insight into what is motivating these behaviors, develop strategies for taking care of yourself, and get a stronger sense of who you are motivated to be when you are your authentic self.<br></p> </s>
57573c4bc792dd6c7063e729	What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?	I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-are-the-best-ways-to-reduce-anxiety	Anxiety,Stress	Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc	<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 7.5pt; line-height: 19.5pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:15.0pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";="" mso-fareast-font-family:"times="" new="" roman";color:#333333"=""><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/what-are-the-best-ways-to-reduce-anxiety">What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 7.5pt; line-height: 19.5pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: normal;">I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 7.5pt; line-height: 19.5pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Our everyday life is filled with pressures and deadlines that are common to cause anxiety.   Here are some basic tips to handle those stressors.</span></p><ul><li style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol">·<span style="font-variant-numeric: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: " times="" new="" roman";"="">         </span></span><!--[endif]-->Learn thought stopping techniques: There are multiple ways to teach your brain to refocus.  If you allow your brain to focus on the source of anxiety, the anxiety will be in charge.  But you can learn to put those anxiety-provoking thoughts on a parking lot, and focus on pleasurable thoughts, or the activity that you need to complete on the time being.</li><li style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol">·<span style="font-variant-numeric: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: " times="" new="" roman";"="">         </span></span><!--[endif]-->Plan, organize, delegate:  Create a schedule to manage demands, organize priorities, and delegate or share responsibilities.   Work as a team with your family, so you can share the load.   Prioritize actives, shores, and expenses. Focus on the urgent, necessary, and spread apart the not so urgent.</li><li style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol">·<span style="font-variant-numeric: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: " times="" new="" roman";"="">         </span></span><!--[endif]-->Identify triggers:  Once you understand what causes your anxiety, you can learn to channel process and refocus your thoughts.  You can also learn coping strategies to manage the problem or give up the desire to control it if needed.</li><li style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol">·<span style="font-variant-numeric: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: " times="" new="" roman";"="">         </span></span><!--[endif]-->Learn coping skills:  Having a balanced lifestyle helps tremendously to reduce and manage anxiety symptoms.  Looking at your eating, sleeping, physical activities, spirituality and leisure time is key to find that balance.</li></ul><p class="MsoNormal">If you find yourself struggling with anxiety, you can contact a Counselor or mental health provider.  I provide teletherapy for Texas residents and psychotherapy in Puerto Rico, you can reach me at 787-466-5478 for appointments.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15pt; line-height: 107%;">¿Cuáles son las mejores maneras de reducir la ansiedad?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Tengo ansiedad por preocupaciones diarias, como las finanzas, relaciones, niños y mantener mi casa.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Nuestra vida está llena de retos y presiones que comúnmente nos causan ansiedad.  Aquí unos consejos básicos para manejar esas preocupaciones.</span></p><ul><li style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">·<span style="font-variant-numeric: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman";">         </span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="ES-PR">Aprende como detener tus pensamientos: Hay múltiples maneras de enseñarle a tu cerebro a reenfocarse.  Si permites que tu cerebro se enfoque en la fuente de ansiedad, entonces la ansiedad se apoderará de ti.  Pero puedes aprender a poner a un lado esos pensamientos que causan ansiedad, y enfocarte en pensamientos positivos, placenteros o simplemente enfocarte en la actividad que estás haciendo. <o:p></o:p></span></li><li style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">·<span style="font-variant-numeric: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman";">         </span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="ES-PR">Planifica, organiza, delega: Crea una agenda para manejar las demandas diarias, organizar prioridades y delegar o compartir responsabilidades.   Trabaja en equipo con tu familia, de manera que puedas compartir la carga.  Organiza las actividades, gastos y tareas por prioridad.  Enfócate en lo urgente y necesario y distribuye lo que no es tan vital. <o:p></o:p></span></li><li style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">·<span style="font-variant-numeric: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman";">         </span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="ES-PR">Identifica la fuente:  Ya que comprendes donde o qué inicia la ansiedad, puedes aprender a canalizarla, procesarla o reenfocar tus pensamientos. También puedes aprender a manejar la fuente de ansiedad, resolver el problema, o aceptar que no lo puedes controlar, si ese fuera el caso. <o:p></o:p></span></li><li style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">·<span style="font-variant-numeric: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman";">         </span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="ES-PR">Aprende mecanismos de defensa: Tener un estilo de vida balanceado ayuda tremendamente a manejar síntomas de ansiedad.  Observar tus patrones de alimentación, descanso, ejercicio, espiritualidad y tiempo de ocio es clave para encontrar el balance.<o:p></o:p></span></li></ul><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent:-.25in;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1"><span lang="ES-PR"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.25in"><span lang="ES-PR">Si notas que continuas batallando con la ansiedad puedes contactar a un consejero profesional de salud mental.   Proveo teleterapia a residentes de Texas y Consejería en Puerto Rico, me puedes contactar al 787-466-5478 para hacer una cita. </span></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What are the best ways to reduce anxiety? <</SYS>> I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 7.5pt; line-height: 19.5pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:15.0pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";="" mso-fareast-font-family:"times="" new="" roman";color:#333333"=""><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/what-are-the-best-ways-to-reduce-anxiety">What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 7.5pt; line-height: 19.5pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: normal;">I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 7.5pt; line-height: 19.5pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Our everyday life is filled with pressures and deadlines that are common to cause anxiety.   Here are some basic tips to handle those stressors.</span></p><ul><li style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol">·<span style="font-variant-numeric: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: " times="" new="" roman";"="">         </span></span><!--[endif]-->Learn thought stopping techniques: There are multiple ways to teach your brain to refocus.  If you allow your brain to focus on the source of anxiety, the anxiety will be in charge.  But you can learn to put those anxiety-provoking thoughts on a parking lot, and focus on pleasurable thoughts, or the activity that you need to complete on the time being.</li><li style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol">·<span style="font-variant-numeric: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: " times="" new="" roman";"="">         </span></span><!--[endif]-->Plan, organize, delegate:  Create a schedule to manage demands, organize priorities, and delegate or share responsibilities.   Work as a team with your family, so you can share the load.   Prioritize actives, shores, and expenses. Focus on the urgent, necessary, and spread apart the not so urgent.</li><li style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol">·<span style="font-variant-numeric: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: " times="" new="" roman";"="">         </span></span><!--[endif]-->Identify triggers:  Once you understand what causes your anxiety, you can learn to channel process and refocus your thoughts.  You can also learn coping strategies to manage the problem or give up the desire to control it if needed.</li><li style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol">·<span style="font-variant-numeric: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: " times="" new="" roman";"="">         </span></span><!--[endif]-->Learn coping skills:  Having a balanced lifestyle helps tremendously to reduce and manage anxiety symptoms.  Looking at your eating, sleeping, physical activities, spirituality and leisure time is key to find that balance.</li></ul><p class="MsoNormal">If you find yourself struggling with anxiety, you can contact a Counselor or mental health provider.  I provide teletherapy for Texas residents and psychotherapy in Puerto Rico, you can reach me at 787-466-5478 for appointments.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15pt; line-height: 107%;">¿Cuáles son las mejores maneras de reducir la ansiedad?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Tengo ansiedad por preocupaciones diarias, como las finanzas, relaciones, niños y mantener mi casa.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Nuestra vida está llena de retos y presiones que comúnmente nos causan ansiedad.  Aquí unos consejos básicos para manejar esas preocupaciones.</span></p><ul><li style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">·<span style="font-variant-numeric: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman";">         </span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="ES-PR">Aprende como detener tus pensamientos: Hay múltiples maneras de enseñarle a tu cerebro a reenfocarse.  Si permites que tu cerebro se enfoque en la fuente de ansiedad, entonces la ansiedad se apoderará de ti.  Pero puedes aprender a poner a un lado esos pensamientos que causan ansiedad, y enfocarte en pensamientos positivos, placenteros o simplemente enfocarte en la actividad que estás haciendo. <o:p></o:p></span></li><li style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">·<span style="font-variant-numeric: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman";">         </span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="ES-PR">Planifica, organiza, delega: Crea una agenda para manejar las demandas diarias, organizar prioridades y delegar o compartir responsabilidades.   Trabaja en equipo con tu familia, de manera que puedas compartir la carga.  Organiza las actividades, gastos y tareas por prioridad.  Enfócate en lo urgente y necesario y distribuye lo que no es tan vital. <o:p></o:p></span></li><li style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">·<span style="font-variant-numeric: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman";">         </span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="ES-PR">Identifica la fuente:  Ya que comprendes donde o qué inicia la ansiedad, puedes aprender a canalizarla, procesarla o reenfocar tus pensamientos. También puedes aprender a manejar la fuente de ansiedad, resolver el problema, o aceptar que no lo puedes controlar, si ese fuera el caso. <o:p></o:p></span></li><li style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">·<span style="font-variant-numeric: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman";">         </span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="ES-PR">Aprende mecanismos de defensa: Tener un estilo de vida balanceado ayuda tremendamente a manejar síntomas de ansiedad.  Observar tus patrones de alimentación, descanso, ejercicio, espiritualidad y tiempo de ocio es clave para encontrar el balance.<o:p></o:p></span></li></ul><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent:-.25in;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1"><span lang="ES-PR"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.25in"><span lang="ES-PR">Si notas que continuas batallando con la ansiedad puedes contactar a un consejero profesional de salud mental.   Proveo teleterapia a residentes de Texas y Consejería en Puerto Rico, me puedes contactar al 787-466-5478 para hacer una cita. </span></p> </s>
573be0337d5e6b5321fad9dc	How can my marriage be fixed?	I've only been married three months. Every week, we argue about something, and it seems to be getting worse.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-my-marriage-be-fixed	Marriage	Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc	<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"">At the begin g of marriages, we expect to be living on an eternal honeymoon, but the reality can be different.  This is a process of adaptation, even if you had known your better half for a long time, during the first months and years of marriage you go through a process of settling in your new roles and confront new challenges together that as you resolve become new rules and agreements.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="line-height: 16.75pt; font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes, you can work this issues by practicing assertive communication, being clear with each other about what is the problem, how you feel about it and how would you like to resolve it.  Learn to close arguments with resolutions, and reminding that you care about each other, that’s why you choose to be together.  Discuss your roles and expectations, this is normally done over a marriage preparation class, is never too late to sit down a talk about what you want and look for in a husband/wife and clarify your roles and rules. Find couples therapist who mediates communication and helps both of to you learn assertive communication skills and conflict resolution.</span><span style="line-height: 16.75pt; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:16.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:17.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#1F4E79;mso-themecolor:accent1; mso-themeshade:128;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Cómo puedo arreglar mi matrimonio?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#666666;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">He estado casado por tan solo tres meses.  Cada semana discutimos sobre algo y parece ponerse cada vez peor.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Al inicio del matrimonio, esperamos vivir una eterna luna de miel, pero la realidad es diferente.  Es un proceso de adaptación, sin importar por cuánto tiempo hayas conocido a tu pareja.   Durante estos primeros meses se definen los roles en el matrimonio, también enfrentan nuevos retos juntos que según resuelven se convierten en reglas y acuerdos.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Sí, puedes resolver estos problemas practicando comunicación asertiva. Deben aclarar sobre cuál es el problema, como se sienten al respecto y como lo quieren resolver.  Aprendan a resolver las discusiones con decisiones claras y recordando que si les importan uno al otro, y por eso decidieron estar juntos en primer lugar.  Discutan sus roles y expectativas, regularmente esto se hace durante clases de preparación matrimonial, pero nunca es tarde para hablar sobre lo que les gustaría que fuera su matrimonio y lo que esperan de su pareja, así clarifican los roles y reglas que aplicaran a su unión.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Encuentren un consejero matrimonial que les ayude a mediar los problemas de comunicación y les ayude a aprender destrezas de comunicación asertiva y resolución de conflictos.</span></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can my marriage be fixed? <</SYS>> I've only been married three months. Every week, we argue about something, and it seems to be getting worse. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"">At the begin g of marriages, we expect to be living on an eternal honeymoon, but the reality can be different.  This is a process of adaptation, even if you had known your better half for a long time, during the first months and years of marriage you go through a process of settling in your new roles and confront new challenges together that as you resolve become new rules and agreements.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="line-height: 16.75pt; font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes, you can work this issues by practicing assertive communication, being clear with each other about what is the problem, how you feel about it and how would you like to resolve it.  Learn to close arguments with resolutions, and reminding that you care about each other, that’s why you choose to be together.  Discuss your roles and expectations, this is normally done over a marriage preparation class, is never too late to sit down a talk about what you want and look for in a husband/wife and clarify your roles and rules. Find couples therapist who mediates communication and helps both of to you learn assertive communication skills and conflict resolution.</span><span style="line-height: 16.75pt; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:16.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:17.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#1F4E79;mso-themecolor:accent1; mso-themeshade:128;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Cómo puedo arreglar mi matrimonio?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#666666;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">He estado casado por tan solo tres meses.  Cada semana discutimos sobre algo y parece ponerse cada vez peor.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Al inicio del matrimonio, esperamos vivir una eterna luna de miel, pero la realidad es diferente.  Es un proceso de adaptación, sin importar por cuánto tiempo hayas conocido a tu pareja.   Durante estos primeros meses se definen los roles en el matrimonio, también enfrentan nuevos retos juntos que según resuelven se convierten en reglas y acuerdos.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Sí, puedes resolver estos problemas practicando comunicación asertiva. Deben aclarar sobre cuál es el problema, como se sienten al respecto y como lo quieren resolver.  Aprendan a resolver las discusiones con decisiones claras y recordando que si les importan uno al otro, y por eso decidieron estar juntos en primer lugar.  Discutan sus roles y expectativas, regularmente esto se hace durante clases de preparación matrimonial, pero nunca es tarde para hablar sobre lo que les gustaría que fuera su matrimonio y lo que esperan de su pareja, así clarifican los roles y reglas que aplicaran a su unión.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Encuentren un consejero matrimonial que les ayude a mediar los problemas de comunicación y les ayude a aprender destrezas de comunicación asertiva y resolución de conflictos.</span></p> </s>
55ed2b76eeca901c0e7c12d2	Should I be concerned that my boyfriend will not introduce me to a female friend	He goes out with her to dinner/brunch/movies when we are not together (we live 2 hours apart).	https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-be-concerned-that-my-boyfriend-will-not-introduce-me-to-a-female-friend	Relationships	Rebecca Wong	https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong	<p>Would you have the same desire to meet this friend if she were a he? If you are concerned that their friendship is a substitute for you when you aren't present, <u>talk to him</u>. It sounds like you are concerned that he is building an emotional intimacy with her and spending time doing the sort of things with her that you'd otherwise be doing with him. Help him understand why this bothers you but try to also be open to allowing him to make friends. Is the issue that he hasn't introduced you? Is there another reason you don't trust their friendship? </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should I be concerned that my boyfriend will not introduce me to a female friend <</SYS>> He goes out with her to dinner/brunch/movies when we are not together (we live 2 hours apart). [/INST] <p>Would you have the same desire to meet this friend if she were a he? If you are concerned that their friendship is a substitute for you when you aren't present, <u>talk to him</u>. It sounds like you are concerned that he is building an emotional intimacy with her and spending time doing the sort of things with her that you'd otherwise be doing with him. Help him understand why this bothers you but try to also be open to allowing him to make friends. Is the issue that he hasn't introduced you? Is there another reason you don't trust their friendship? </p> </s>
570d3d545e87cfae7322eaaa	How can I control my anxiety?	I started having anxiety three months ago. I'm new to having anxiety, and it's making me depressed.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-control-my-anxiety	Anxiety,Depression	Cory Ian Shafer LPC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc	<p>As a past sufferer of anxiety myself, I have learned that it is a natural part of life, it is a natural part of us, the longer we try to run from it the more it entangles us in its clutches, if we deny certain parts of ourselves we will become depressed or even oppressed, the only way to deal with anxiety is to embrace it and accept it, and in fighting the fight without fighting we will eventually win, I would encourage you to look into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, your answer I think lies in that area of research. <br></p><p>Hope this helps,</p><p>C<br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I control my anxiety? <</SYS>> I started having anxiety three months ago. I'm new to having anxiety, and it's making me depressed. [/INST] <p>As a past sufferer of anxiety myself, I have learned that it is a natural part of life, it is a natural part of us, the longer we try to run from it the more it entangles us in its clutches, if we deny certain parts of ourselves we will become depressed or even oppressed, the only way to deal with anxiety is to embrace it and accept it, and in fighting the fight without fighting we will eventually win, I would encourage you to look into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, your answer I think lies in that area of research. <br></p><p>Hope this helps,</p><p>C<br></p> </s>
56953b7771d735d63910efb8	Could a car accident add more problems to my posttraumatic stress disorder?	I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago, I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems?	https://counselchat.com/questions/could-a-car-accident-add-more-problems-to-my-posttraumatic-stress-disorder	Trauma,Military Issues	Christopher Smith	https://counselchat.com/therapists/christopher-smith	<p>A car accident can be a traumatic event. Especially,  if it was serious, you could have feared for your life, felt everythingvwas out of control and had normal reactions to an abnormal situation afterwards. </p><p>This may or may not be related to the traumas that you experienced in the military. If it is then it is possible that you will see a direct effect in triggering off PTSD symptoms. Even if it didn't, it is possible that the complexity of the two situations will interact inside you to be a combined response. </p><p>Having already been diagnosed with PTSD, this might be a good time to reconnect with the help system you had around military experiences and explore it a little bit about the new experience. The right exploration does not have to make things worse and can be a good source of prevention. </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Could a car accident add more problems to my posttraumatic stress disorder? <</SYS>> I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago, I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems? [/INST] <p>A car accident can be a traumatic event. Especially,  if it was serious, you could have feared for your life, felt everythingvwas out of control and had normal reactions to an abnormal situation afterwards. </p><p>This may or may not be related to the traumas that you experienced in the military. If it is then it is possible that you will see a direct effect in triggering off PTSD symptoms. Even if it didn't, it is possible that the complexity of the two situations will interact inside you to be a combined response. </p><p>Having already been diagnosed with PTSD, this might be a good time to reconnect with the help system you had around military experiences and explore it a little bit about the new experience. The right exploration does not have to make things worse and can be a good source of prevention. </p> </s>
579bab40188cd61c1684e811	Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?	My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once	Intimacy,Relationships,Human Sexuality	Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP	https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp	<p>Finding out about an affair is quite an emotional experience. It's usually jarring. I encourage you to give yourself some compassion about emotions that you have.</p><p>You asked whether it is possible to get past the cheating and the answer is that it can be. It depends on many factors.</p><p>I would recommend that you see a therapist who specializes in working with couples. There are certain ways that both of you could learn more about yourselves and each other that may actually serve to make your relationship stronger. Sometimes there are motivations for having an affair that can be discussed in therapy in a way that you become more aware of what each other is experiencing and where you want to go from here. It could be that learning to communicate differently would be helpful.</p><p>Regarding whether you should "just move on," I recommend talking about with a therapist as well. At the very least, you can discuss more about what you are thinking and feeling and what your choices are as far as where you want to go from here.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once? <</SYS>> My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on? [/INST] <p>Finding out about an affair is quite an emotional experience. It's usually jarring. I encourage you to give yourself some compassion about emotions that you have.</p><p>You asked whether it is possible to get past the cheating and the answer is that it can be. It depends on many factors.</p><p>I would recommend that you see a therapist who specializes in working with couples. There are certain ways that both of you could learn more about yourselves and each other that may actually serve to make your relationship stronger. Sometimes there are motivations for having an affair that can be discussed in therapy in a way that you become more aware of what each other is experiencing and where you want to go from here. It could be that learning to communicate differently would be helpful.</p><p>Regarding whether you should "just move on," I recommend talking about with a therapist as well. At the very least, you can discuss more about what you are thinking and feeling and what your choices are as far as where you want to go from here.</p> </s>
579e400d188cd61c1684e835	Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous?	I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous	Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals	David Routt	https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-routt	<p>It can be uncomfortable talking to someone about your life in the great detail that is normally necessary for counseling to be beneficial. Since you're already going to counseling, congratulations on taking that big, first, stress-inducing step. Hopefully by now you are starting to feel a little more comfortable with your therapist. It can be helpful to address this big "elephant in the room" and talk to your therapist about this. I do my best to help people feel comfortable when they come to counseling, but regardless of how hard we try, sometimes it is just a little hard to get accustomed to. The good news is, the more you keep at it, the more "normal" it will become. </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? <</SYS>> I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? [/INST] <p>It can be uncomfortable talking to someone about your life in the great detail that is normally necessary for counseling to be beneficial. Since you're already going to counseling, congratulations on taking that big, first, stress-inducing step. Hopefully by now you are starting to feel a little more comfortable with your therapist. It can be helpful to address this big "elephant in the room" and talk to your therapist about this. I do my best to help people feel comfortable when they come to counseling, but regardless of how hard we try, sometimes it is just a little hard to get accustomed to. The good news is, the more you keep at it, the more "normal" it will become. </p> </s>
577189ba3c9e6b307a8ae61f	How should I handle the child I had with my ex-wife?	My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-should-i-handle-the-child-i-had-with-my-ex-wife	Parenting,Relationship Dissolution	Philip Kolba	https://counselchat.com/therapists/philip-kolba	<p>You can "move on and not live in the past" in the context of your ex-relationship, but that does not mean moving on from your child. "Moving on" then would involve accepting the end of the relationship and developing a civil relationship with your ex-partner as far as is possible for the sake of your child's development.</p><p>Generally, it's good for a functional (non-abusive) parent to spend time with his/her child, but only insofar as that doesn't cause your child unnecessary stress. That requires the two adults to <span style="font-style: italic;">act</span> like adults with each other for the sake of their child.</p><p>What's confusing for children is seeing their parents act uncivilly or manipulatively. Children also do well with routines so regular dependable visitation is preferable to random visitation or, worse, not following through on commitments.</p><p>But if one person is exploiting their child to harm their ex-partner, then visiting your child in that context may be stressful to him/her (depending on what you mean by using your child as a pawn). When dealing with a hostile ex-partner, your first challenge is to negotiate rules and boundaries with your ex-partner about appropriate behavior for the good of your child. If you cannot come to an agreement, a counselor can help mediate a conversation. If that's not an option, then it may be possible to turn to family court to stipulate visitation rules (for which you'd have to consult with an attorney).<br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How should I handle the child I had with my ex-wife? <</SYS>> My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child? [/INST] <p>You can "move on and not live in the past" in the context of your ex-relationship, but that does not mean moving on from your child. "Moving on" then would involve accepting the end of the relationship and developing a civil relationship with your ex-partner as far as is possible for the sake of your child's development.</p><p>Generally, it's good for a functional (non-abusive) parent to spend time with his/her child, but only insofar as that doesn't cause your child unnecessary stress. That requires the two adults to <span style="font-style: italic;">act</span> like adults with each other for the sake of their child.</p><p>What's confusing for children is seeing their parents act uncivilly or manipulatively. Children also do well with routines so regular dependable visitation is preferable to random visitation or, worse, not following through on commitments.</p><p>But if one person is exploiting their child to harm their ex-partner, then visiting your child in that context may be stressful to him/her (depending on what you mean by using your child as a pawn). When dealing with a hostile ex-partner, your first challenge is to negotiate rules and boundaries with your ex-partner about appropriate behavior for the good of your child. If you cannot come to an agreement, a counselor can help mediate a conversation. If that's not an option, then it may be possible to turn to family court to stipulate visitation rules (for which you'd have to consult with an attorney).<br></p> </s>
561ce62be88a65597bb56a5a	Thoughts of afterlife causes anxiety	Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven. When I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Sometimes I just can't get the thought out of my mind and the thoughts lead to panic and anxiety. Am I crazy? I don't think these thoughts are normal.	https://counselchat.com/questions/thoughts-of-afterlife-causes-anxiety	Anxiety,Spirituality	Janice Harriet	https://counselchat.com/therapists/janice-harriet	<p>You need to find an outlet. Someone to talk to. Your dad or someone who loves your mother as well is someone ideal. But anyone could help. Just look to someone for help. If you can't find anyone who you think will listen, talk to your mom. It can help greatly just to get the words out. Tell her how you feel about her passing, but then also about everything else. Talk to her about your day. Tell her about happy things. I don't know if you're a religious person, or where you believe she is now, but no matter what you can talk to her.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Thoughts of afterlife causes anxiety <</SYS>> Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven. When I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Sometimes I just can't get the thought out of my mind and the thoughts lead to panic and anxiety. Am I crazy? I don't think these thoughts are normal. [/INST] <p>You need to find an outlet. Someone to talk to. Your dad or someone who loves your mother as well is someone ideal. But anyone could help. Just look to someone for help. If you can't find anyone who you think will listen, talk to your mom. It can help greatly just to get the words out. Tell her how you feel about her passing, but then also about everything else. Talk to her about your day. Tell her about happy things. I don't know if you're a religious person, or where you believe she is now, but no matter what you can talk to her.</p> </s>
55fa0b411c9509fb5a04c104	My new husband constantly talks to himself	However, it seems as though he is really talking to someone other than himself. I have even accused him of having a secret phone. Is he trying to make me crazy on purpose, or is he really talking to himself?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-new-husband-constantly-talks-to-himself	Relationships	Rebecca Wong	https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong	<p>Some people simply talk to themselves as a way of processing information. Have you checked in with your husband about this in a non-accusatory way? Something like "Hey babe (or whatever sweet name you typically use), I'm so curious what that's all about? Do you notice that you are talking out loud?" Chances are it's just how he thinks things through and is not at all about trying to make you crazy, it's just one of his quirks you'll grow to endear. Early married life is a time full of discovering one another's quirks! </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My new husband constantly talks to himself <</SYS>> However, it seems as though he is really talking to someone other than himself. I have even accused him of having a secret phone. Is he trying to make me crazy on purpose, or is he really talking to himself? [/INST] <p>Some people simply talk to themselves as a way of processing information. Have you checked in with your husband about this in a non-accusatory way? Something like "Hey babe (or whatever sweet name you typically use), I'm so curious what that's all about? Do you notice that you are talking out loud?" Chances are it's just how he thinks things through and is not at all about trying to make you crazy, it's just one of his quirks you'll grow to endear. Early married life is a time full of discovering one another's quirks! </p> </s>
56fbe12db814e1ce4637199b	How can I not hate myself?	I feel like I'm ugly, stupid, useless, and that I can't make anyone happy.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-not-hate-myself	Self-esteem	Erica Faulhaber	https://counselchat.com/therapists/erica-faulhaber	<p>Check out my blog post on:  <a href="http://newdirectionswitherica.com/four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-list/" target="_blank">Four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-list/</a><br></p><p>I hope this offers you some nuggets of helpfulness!  </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I not hate myself? <</SYS>> I feel like I'm ugly, stupid, useless, and that I can't make anyone happy. [/INST] <p>Check out my blog post on:  <a href="http://newdirectionswitherica.com/four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-list/" target="_blank">Four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-list/</a><br></p><p>I hope this offers you some nuggets of helpfulness!  </p> </s>
56ea1cdf4a6d29576bd60347	Is it bad that I'm giving my ex-boyfriend another chance?	I was in a relationship with him for three years. My mom doesn't like it because she thinks I'm making a mistake. He got married a few months after we broke up, and now he is divorced. I forgave him for what he did in the past, and he says he’s sorry and he really loves me. I love him too, but is it bad that I'm giving him a second chance again?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-bad-that-i-m-giving-my-ex-boyfriend-another-chance	Relationships	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>Hey, it might be mistake in the end but this is a risk you want to take and you get to make your own mistakes. Your mom wants to protect you; I get that. Maybe she is worried you'll be hurt again. Were you hurt in some way by him? Can you understand where she's coming from? </p><p>Sometimes when we're mad at our partner and we complain about them to mom, it's hard to know how to repair mom's relationship with the partner when things are better and we reunite. Can you help your mom understand that you take responsibility for your part in how it went wrong; that the picture you may have painted of him isn't the total picture? She might need help there. </p><p>Thank your mom for her love and care, and you can also let her know clearly that you and your boyfriend are the only ones who get to decide whether you're together or not, that it's a risk you are going to take, and that you really need her support. :)</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it bad that I'm giving my ex-boyfriend another chance? <</SYS>> I was in a relationship with him for three years. My mom doesn't like it because she thinks I'm making a mistake. He got married a few months after we broke up, and now he is divorced. I forgave him for what he did in the past, and he says he’s sorry and he really loves me. I love him too, but is it bad that I'm giving him a second chance again? [/INST] <p>Hey, it might be mistake in the end but this is a risk you want to take and you get to make your own mistakes. Your mom wants to protect you; I get that. Maybe she is worried you'll be hurt again. Were you hurt in some way by him? Can you understand where she's coming from? </p><p>Sometimes when we're mad at our partner and we complain about them to mom, it's hard to know how to repair mom's relationship with the partner when things are better and we reunite. Can you help your mom understand that you take responsibility for your part in how it went wrong; that the picture you may have painted of him isn't the total picture? She might need help there. </p><p>Thank your mom for her love and care, and you can also let her know clearly that you and your boyfriend are the only ones who get to decide whether you're together or not, that it's a risk you are going to take, and that you really need her support. :)</p> </s>
57573c4bc792dd6c7063e729	What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?	I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-are-the-best-ways-to-reduce-anxiety	Anxiety,Stress	Nicole Stone	https://counselchat.com/therapists/nicole-stone	<p>Something to remember about anxiety is that it's a useful and necessary response to stressors, and we all have a level of anxiety that falls somewhere on the spectrum from very slight to very overwhelming. Anxiety is our brain's way of prompting us to deal with the stress in our lives by getting us geared up for action. </p><p>Some helpful ways of managing anxiety are actually very simple. The first I'd recommend is a calm breathing technique - breathe in for 4-5 seconds, and then out for 7-8 seconds. Try to repeat this for 3-5 minutes. Another suggestion is to pay closer attention in the moments you feel the physical symptoms of anxiety and see if you can describe - without judging - the sensations to yourself. Try to be very specific, such as "my palms are feeling very sweaty, and I can feel the slight tightness and fluttering in my belly of the butterflies." Then try to sit with these sensations without deciding if they are good or bad - just experiencing them as intentionally as possible.  Combining the calm breathing with this technique can also be very helpful. </p><p>If you feel that these techniques don't help and your anxiety about everyday stressors are inhibiting you from being able to engage in life the way you want to, then I'd highly recommend going for an assessment or even just consultation with a professional. This professional can help you determine if therapy/counseling would be helpful for you to develop additional skills for managing those interfering anxiety symptoms.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What are the best ways to reduce anxiety? <</SYS>> I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household. [/INST] <p>Something to remember about anxiety is that it's a useful and necessary response to stressors, and we all have a level of anxiety that falls somewhere on the spectrum from very slight to very overwhelming. Anxiety is our brain's way of prompting us to deal with the stress in our lives by getting us geared up for action. </p><p>Some helpful ways of managing anxiety are actually very simple. The first I'd recommend is a calm breathing technique - breathe in for 4-5 seconds, and then out for 7-8 seconds. Try to repeat this for 3-5 minutes. Another suggestion is to pay closer attention in the moments you feel the physical symptoms of anxiety and see if you can describe - without judging - the sensations to yourself. Try to be very specific, such as "my palms are feeling very sweaty, and I can feel the slight tightness and fluttering in my belly of the butterflies." Then try to sit with these sensations without deciding if they are good or bad - just experiencing them as intentionally as possible.  Combining the calm breathing with this technique can also be very helpful. </p><p>If you feel that these techniques don't help and your anxiety about everyday stressors are inhibiting you from being able to engage in life the way you want to, then I'd highly recommend going for an assessment or even just consultation with a professional. This professional can help you determine if therapy/counseling would be helpful for you to develop additional skills for managing those interfering anxiety symptoms.</p> </s>
56edef2ea2549bd957c94ab6	How can I create a better relationship with my adoptive mother?	We just cannot seem to get along. I cannot have a conversation with her without it turning into World War 3. She treats me like I have no right to an opinion and never really lets me speak. My real mother cares and tries to help me, but she can't do much, because my adoptive mother won't listen to her either.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-create-a-better-relationship-with-my-adoptive-mother	Family Conflict	Sonya Wilson	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson	<p>Going to see a experience counselor would be my advice.  You will have a neutral person that can listen to both sides and help you all find a common ground of understanding.  If she doesn't agree to counseling, really the only person you can change is you.  </p><p>I would suggest that you approach her with love and let her know what you appreciate about her, let her know the great things she have done that could not be replaced or forgotten however you want your relationship to get better than it has been lately.  Hopefully this will open the door of communication where you can explain your thoughts and feeling but in a loving way.  </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I create a better relationship with my adoptive mother? <</SYS>> We just cannot seem to get along. I cannot have a conversation with her without it turning into World War 3. She treats me like I have no right to an opinion and never really lets me speak. My real mother cares and tries to help me, but she can't do much, because my adoptive mother won't listen to her either. [/INST] <p>Going to see a experience counselor would be my advice.  You will have a neutral person that can listen to both sides and help you all find a common ground of understanding.  If she doesn't agree to counseling, really the only person you can change is you.  </p><p>I would suggest that you approach her with love and let her know what you appreciate about her, let her know the great things she have done that could not be replaced or forgotten however you want your relationship to get better than it has been lately.  Hopefully this will open the door of communication where you can explain your thoughts and feeling but in a loving way.  </p> </s>
58432aa8950e2507cf23dc87	How does counseling help people?	Does counseling really do anything that can help people?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-help-people	Counseling Fundamentals	Cory Ian Shafer LPC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc	<p>Counseling allows us to have a sacred space, a space that is set apart from the outside world, it is a space of non-judgement and exploration. Being that the universe is not made for us and that the the world tends to be a fairly untamed place at times, this sacred space allows us to explore ourselves. It allows for greater reflection upon our attitudes, our behaviors and our feelings. Imagine if you will a small goldfish swimming around the usual fish tank, although I dont attest to know what a goldfish thinks, I would imagine he does not see the world outside of him, he only sees the small fishbowl, oblivious to the outside world, when one comes into the counseling room, one is trying to gain insight that was not previously there. Remember the observer affect, one cannot truly act objectively with the world, we are in a dynamic relationship with life, it reacts to us and we to it, the time in the counseling room allows us to gain an understanding that is beyond the normal limits, allowing us to see what was before hidden, often times in plain sight.<br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does counseling help people? <</SYS>> Does counseling really do anything that can help people? [/INST] <p>Counseling allows us to have a sacred space, a space that is set apart from the outside world, it is a space of non-judgement and exploration. Being that the universe is not made for us and that the the world tends to be a fairly untamed place at times, this sacred space allows us to explore ourselves. It allows for greater reflection upon our attitudes, our behaviors and our feelings. Imagine if you will a small goldfish swimming around the usual fish tank, although I dont attest to know what a goldfish thinks, I would imagine he does not see the world outside of him, he only sees the small fishbowl, oblivious to the outside world, when one comes into the counseling room, one is trying to gain insight that was not previously there. Remember the observer affect, one cannot truly act objectively with the world, we are in a dynamic relationship with life, it reacts to us and we to it, the time in the counseling room allows us to gain an understanding that is beyond the normal limits, allowing us to see what was before hidden, often times in plain sight.<br></p> </s>
575a6291c792dd6c7063e796	How can I make the dreams and voices go away?	For the past four weeks, I've been having nightmares and hearing voices telling me of horrible things. They're not random voices, but rather, the voices of those I care about.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-make-the-dreams-and-voices-go-away	Behavioral Change	Lovener Wightman	https://counselchat.com/therapists/lovener-wightman	<p>It's important to take a look inside and find out why you are experiencing these feelings. It could anything and it will change your life to know what your particular issue or trigger is. Please contact us a call with the method that is most comfortable for you.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I make the dreams and voices go away? <</SYS>> For the past four weeks, I've been having nightmares and hearing voices telling me of horrible things. They're not random voices, but rather, the voices of those I care about. [/INST] <p>It's important to take a look inside and find out why you are experiencing these feelings. It could anything and it will change your life to know what your particular issue or trigger is. Please contact us a call with the method that is most comfortable for you.</p> </s>
5744e52ac792dd6c7063e40e	What can I do about my boyfriend insulting my body?	I'm in my early 20s, and I've been seeing my boyfriend for a year now. My boyfriend has always been the sweetest guy until recently. He has made comments such as “you would look better as a Tumblr girl" or "you should start doing more squats." It's really hurtful.	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-boyfriend-insulting-my-body	Relationships,Intimacy	Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP	https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp	<p>My first thought was that I wondered what changed recently. Is he open to having a discussion about this so you can ask questions such as that one?</p><p>It's possible that he does not understand the degree to which it hurts you.</p><p>Try asking if there is a time that would be good to have a discussion that is important. I don't know how well the two of you have communicated over the last year, but if you are concerned about this turning into an argument, you may consider asking him to just listen to your point of view and see if he is able to summarize it correctly. Then you can listen to his side of the concern.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What can I do about my boyfriend insulting my body? <</SYS>> I'm in my early 20s, and I've been seeing my boyfriend for a year now. My boyfriend has always been the sweetest guy until recently. He has made comments such as “you would look better as a Tumblr girl" or "you should start doing more squats." It's really hurtful. [/INST] <p>My first thought was that I wondered what changed recently. Is he open to having a discussion about this so you can ask questions such as that one?</p><p>It's possible that he does not understand the degree to which it hurts you.</p><p>Try asking if there is a time that would be good to have a discussion that is important. I don't know how well the two of you have communicated over the last year, but if you are concerned about this turning into an argument, you may consider asking him to just listen to your point of view and see if he is able to summarize it correctly. Then you can listen to his side of the concern.</p> </s>
56f41579466e9f5456bb48e5	How can I avoid becoming wrapped up in family issues and control my anxiety about them?	I started dating my fiancé two years ago. My first cousin is married to my fiancé’s sister. There has always been a communication issue between my uncle and aunt and my cousin and his wife. My uncle goes to my mom instead of talking to my cousin, and it upsets my mom.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-becoming-wrapped-up-in-family-issues-and-control-my-anxiety-about-them	Anxiety,Family Conflict	Nakisia McDaniel	https://counselchat.com/therapists/nakisia-mcdaniel	<p>Based on the information provided, this is an issue with boundaries.   Sounds like your uncle goes to your mom and possibly your mother takes the issues to you.  I do not like to assume so I will direct you to information regarding families dealing with enmeshment and triangulation.  Enmeshment is the concept of diffused boundaries in families and other personal relationships.  Triangulation is two individuals relaying information to a third party what cannot be said directly to each other.  From someone who has dealt with both these issues on a personal level, being informed about family dynamics is beneficial and can help you develop healthy boundaries for yourself within your family structure.  You may need assistance with developing healthy boundaries.  Although it is possible, it is not easy to change the way you have been operating for any extended amount of time.  Hope this help!<br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I avoid becoming wrapped up in family issues and control my anxiety about them? <</SYS>> I started dating my fiancé two years ago. My first cousin is married to my fiancé’s sister. There has always been a communication issue between my uncle and aunt and my cousin and his wife. My uncle goes to my mom instead of talking to my cousin, and it upsets my mom. [/INST] <p>Based on the information provided, this is an issue with boundaries.   Sounds like your uncle goes to your mom and possibly your mother takes the issues to you.  I do not like to assume so I will direct you to information regarding families dealing with enmeshment and triangulation.  Enmeshment is the concept of diffused boundaries in families and other personal relationships.  Triangulation is two individuals relaying information to a third party what cannot be said directly to each other.  From someone who has dealt with both these issues on a personal level, being informed about family dynamics is beneficial and can help you develop healthy boundaries for yourself within your family structure.  You may need assistance with developing healthy boundaries.  Although it is possible, it is not easy to change the way you have been operating for any extended amount of time.  Hope this help!<br></p> </s>
570f17f8158c725435c30670	How can I get therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder without any money or insurance?	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-therapy-for-posttraumatic-stress-disorder-without-any-money-or-insurance	Trauma	Sonya Wilson	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson	<p>Check with your local non-profit agencies.  I am sure there are programs which provides services for others in the same financial position as you.  Many have sliding scale fees based on your income which can be $0.<br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder without any money or insurance? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Check with your local non-profit agencies.  I am sure there are programs which provides services for others in the same financial position as you.  Many have sliding scale fees based on your income which can be $0.<br></p> </s>
579c2689188cd61c1684e817	How can I deal with my depression?	I know I need to deal with my depression. But I don't know how and I don't want to tell anyone. How can I deal with depression without telling anyone?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-my-depression-2	Depression	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Love yourself more and treat yourself kindly, with empathy and compassion.</p><p>Usually when people feel depressed they also feel lonely and isolated.  Since at this time you wouldn't want to tell anyone about the way you feel, which includes the possibility that a few of the ones whom you tell would offer you emotional support, give this to yourself.</p><p>Also consider to make a goal of eventually telling someone whom you are reasonably sure would understand and empathize, about your depression.</p><p>This will help alleviate the sense of shame, unworthiness and pervasive guilt which often comes along with depression.</p><p>Sending you good luck!</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I deal with my depression? <</SYS>> I know I need to deal with my depression. But I don't know how and I don't want to tell anyone. How can I deal with depression without telling anyone? [/INST] <p>Love yourself more and treat yourself kindly, with empathy and compassion.</p><p>Usually when people feel depressed they also feel lonely and isolated.  Since at this time you wouldn't want to tell anyone about the way you feel, which includes the possibility that a few of the ones whom you tell would offer you emotional support, give this to yourself.</p><p>Also consider to make a goal of eventually telling someone whom you are reasonably sure would understand and empathize, about your depression.</p><p>This will help alleviate the sense of shame, unworthiness and pervasive guilt which often comes along with depression.</p><p>Sending you good luck!</p> </s>
5710311890db94d66bf4426c	I am paranoid that my boyfriend hiding something from me	My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. We go to different schools, and we don't see each other that often. I just feel very paranoid that there's someone else or that he could be hiding something from me.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-am-paranoid-that-my-boyfriend-hiding-something-from-me	Anxiety,Relationships	Traci Lowenthal	https://counselchat.com/therapists/traci-lowenthal-2	<p>Have you spoken to him about your fears? Perhaps you can explain this feeling to him and let him know what might lead to feeling more secure.  Also, it is important to trust your intuition!  Perhaps there are good reasons to feel concerned. It may not be paranoia - it may be based in reality!  </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I am paranoid that my boyfriend hiding something from me <</SYS>> My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. We go to different schools, and we don't see each other that often. I just feel very paranoid that there's someone else or that he could be hiding something from me. [/INST] <p>Have you spoken to him about your fears? Perhaps you can explain this feeling to him and let him know what might lead to feeling more secure.  Also, it is important to trust your intuition!  Perhaps there are good reasons to feel concerned. It may not be paranoia - it may be based in reality!  </p> </s>
57461ed6c792dd6c7063e431	How do I deal with my trauma?	I was a victim of an incident. I've been made fun of and have been beating myself up for it because I don't feel anyone honestly believes me. There are so many other factors I deal with on a daily basis. I ignore my problems when I'm with my friends, but it’s scary when I’m alone.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-my-trauma	Trauma	Richie (Yerachmiel) Donowitz	https://counselchat.com/therapists/richie-yerachmiel-donowitz	<p>  As you seemed to have learned, the impact will not just "go away". Treatment of trauma is like surgery, it requires a skillful clinician to help resolve it. While you are contemplating getting help, you can focus on calming techniques like meditation and yoga. They will aid you when you begin the therapeutic process.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I deal with my trauma? <</SYS>> I was a victim of an incident. I've been made fun of and have been beating myself up for it because I don't feel anyone honestly believes me. There are so many other factors I deal with on a daily basis. I ignore my problems when I'm with my friends, but it’s scary when I’m alone. [/INST] <p>  As you seemed to have learned, the impact will not just "go away". Treatment of trauma is like surgery, it requires a skillful clinician to help resolve it. While you are contemplating getting help, you can focus on calming techniques like meditation and yoga. They will aid you when you begin the therapeutic process.</p> </s>
5696c7b547d3646166253668	I like a guy, but I worry that he thinks I'm creepy.	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-like-a-guy-but-i-worry-that-he-thinks-i-m-creepy	Relationships,Self-esteem	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>He may also think you're the most wonderful person in the world and that he's glad to know you!</p><p>Worrying what someone else thinks about us without directly approaching them in an open minded way to see what actually are their impressions of us, will wear out the person who has the worry.</p><p>Feeling nervous and to a degree anxious, is pretty typical of anyone.   Since until you find out whether this particular guy likes you or does not like you, the possibility of an unfavorable outcome, creates anxiousness.</p><p>The best way out of your anxiety is to decide on your way of being friendly to this guy and see how he handles himself.</p><p>Who knows, you may end up being the one who thinks he is creepy!</p><p>Good luck.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I like a guy, but I worry that he thinks I'm creepy. <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>He may also think you're the most wonderful person in the world and that he's glad to know you!</p><p>Worrying what someone else thinks about us without directly approaching them in an open minded way to see what actually are their impressions of us, will wear out the person who has the worry.</p><p>Feeling nervous and to a degree anxious, is pretty typical of anyone.   Since until you find out whether this particular guy likes you or does not like you, the possibility of an unfavorable outcome, creates anxiousness.</p><p>The best way out of your anxiety is to decide on your way of being friendly to this guy and see how he handles himself.</p><p>Who knows, you may end up being the one who thinks he is creepy!</p><p>Good luck.</p> </s>
58432aa8950e2507cf23dc87	How does counseling help people?	Does counseling really do anything that can help people?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-help-people	Counseling Fundamentals	Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc	<p>Hello. Yes, counseling can be beneficial to many people. One of the effective components to effective therapy, is when the client becomes willing to participate in the counseling. I don't mean just show up and listen to the counselor for 45-50 minutes, but also that the client themselves opens up and shares with the counselor the issues that brought them to counseling in the first place. This requires you to be vulnerable, capable of moving past your protective measures of showing the best of yourself, and allowing the counselor to see the sides of you that likely are not as favorable. Therapy works when you and the counselor engage openly, honestly, and with mutual trust that both of you will work for common goals - your improvement of self. It does take time, and there are no quick fixes (usually), so be prepared to invest in yourself and explore the dark places. You'll thank yourself later, knowing that you are more connected to yourself and might even feel more whole after the process. Be well.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does counseling help people? <</SYS>> Does counseling really do anything that can help people? [/INST] <p>Hello. Yes, counseling can be beneficial to many people. One of the effective components to effective therapy, is when the client becomes willing to participate in the counseling. I don't mean just show up and listen to the counselor for 45-50 minutes, but also that the client themselves opens up and shares with the counselor the issues that brought them to counseling in the first place. This requires you to be vulnerable, capable of moving past your protective measures of showing the best of yourself, and allowing the counselor to see the sides of you that likely are not as favorable. Therapy works when you and the counselor engage openly, honestly, and with mutual trust that both of you will work for common goals - your improvement of self. It does take time, and there are no quick fixes (usually), so be prepared to invest in yourself and explore the dark places. You'll thank yourself later, knowing that you are more connected to yourself and might even feel more whole after the process. Be well.</p> </s>
57921e55bc069dff6a5338b8	How can I get counseling if my primary care physician won't help?	I suffer from adult ADHD, anxiety disorder, and depression. It has been difficult to find a doctor in my area and my primary physician won't help. I am unemployed and overwhelmed. What would you suggest I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-counseling-if-my-primary-care-physician-won-t-help	Depression	Elizabeth Anderson	https://counselchat.com/therapists/elizabeth-anderson-3	<p>I would check out agencies that offer affordable counseling based on your income or very low cost counseling sessions, i.e., Pacific Clinics, Hathaway Sycamore, Pasadena Mental Health Center, Burbank Family Center. If you google affordable or low cost therapy in your particular area you will find resources to help you. </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get counseling if my primary care physician won't help? <</SYS>> I suffer from adult ADHD, anxiety disorder, and depression. It has been difficult to find a doctor in my area and my primary physician won't help. I am unemployed and overwhelmed. What would you suggest I do? [/INST] <p>I would check out agencies that offer affordable counseling based on your income or very low cost counseling sessions, i.e., Pacific Clinics, Hathaway Sycamore, Pasadena Mental Health Center, Burbank Family Center. If you google affordable or low cost therapy in your particular area you will find resources to help you. </p> </s>
5758fddfc792dd6c7063e76b	How do I find out the cause of my depression and anxiety?	I have been feeling more and more down for over a month. I have started having trouble sleeping due to panic attacks, but they are almost never triggered by something that I know of.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-out-the-cause-of-my-depression-and-anxiety	Depression,Anxiety,Sleep Improvement	Nicole Stone	https://counselchat.com/therapists/nicole-stone	It could be really helpful to see a counselor/therapist about your increasing depression/panic symptoms. Finding out the cause of depression/anxiety isn't always as straightforward as it seems, since both issues tend to become patterns we engage in rather than solely related to a specific trigger/reason. For example, if I am feeling down about a particular circumstance in my life, then I start seeing life through this lens of feeling down, and typically I'll start to see a lot more that I get down about, and it can really build very quickly on itself. Same with anxiety. Obviously, this is a very simplified example and it can be very difficult to see how the pattern is maintained, but that's where working with a counselor/therapist comes in. <div><br></div><div>I would be curious about whether you can start to notice the initial sensations of panic, and if you can (through the panic attack) continue to maintain awareness of the actual physical sensations. Even better if you can talk yourself through the sensations you're feeling - such as saying to yourself "Okay, I'm breathing really rapidly, and my heart is racing, now my palms are sweaty and my chest is feeling really tight..." Reminding yourself that it's just your body's reaction to stress, and while it might be overreacting right now, you're okay and eventually it will go away. I highly recommend the SAM for Anxiety Management app for the anxiety piece, and I wouldn't be surprised if addressing the anxiety helped to address some of the depression too. </div>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I find out the cause of my depression and anxiety? <</SYS>> I have been feeling more and more down for over a month. I have started having trouble sleeping due to panic attacks, but they are almost never triggered by something that I know of. [/INST] It could be really helpful to see a counselor/therapist about your increasing depression/panic symptoms. Finding out the cause of depression/anxiety isn't always as straightforward as it seems, since both issues tend to become patterns we engage in rather than solely related to a specific trigger/reason. For example, if I am feeling down about a particular circumstance in my life, then I start seeing life through this lens of feeling down, and typically I'll start to see a lot more that I get down about, and it can really build very quickly on itself. Same with anxiety. Obviously, this is a very simplified example and it can be very difficult to see how the pattern is maintained, but that's where working with a counselor/therapist comes in. <div><br></div><div>I would be curious about whether you can start to notice the initial sensations of panic, and if you can (through the panic attack) continue to maintain awareness of the actual physical sensations. Even better if you can talk yourself through the sensations you're feeling - such as saying to yourself "Okay, I'm breathing really rapidly, and my heart is racing, now my palms are sweaty and my chest is feeling really tight..." Reminding yourself that it's just your body's reaction to stress, and while it might be overreacting right now, you're okay and eventually it will go away. I highly recommend the SAM for Anxiety Management app for the anxiety piece, and I wouldn't be surprised if addressing the anxiety helped to address some of the depression too. </div> </s>
5640eea189f229480fbaad0f	How can I help my toddler with toilet training when he gags every time he sees his poop?	My toddler is having a real hard time with toilet training. He almost throws up every time he sees his poop. He gags and will not go on the toilet. We have tried a toilet chair and ring that goes on the big-boy toilet, but he refuses to use it. When he sits on the toilet, he just sits there forever and only will pee. He holds the poop in until he get up and then will poop in his diaper. I dump his diaper in the toilet and let him know that it is where it goes to try to encourage him. How can I help him get over this fear and passed the stress?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-toddler-with-toilet-training-when-he-gags-every-time-he-sees-his-poop	Parenting	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>Your son is showing signs that he's just not ready to be toilet trained. You don't say how old he is, so I'm not sure whether the problem is deeper, but right his fears may reflect that right now he is simply be not ready to take that step. Pushing him at this point could worsen the problem, so I suggest pulling back the expectations, waiting a month or two, looking for more signs of readiness and trying again. In general, teaching children to use the toilet works best when "mistakes" are handled calmly and when parents pay close attention to cues that the child is responding positively. </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I help my toddler with toilet training when he gags every time he sees his poop? <</SYS>> My toddler is having a real hard time with toilet training. He almost throws up every time he sees his poop. He gags and will not go on the toilet. We have tried a toilet chair and ring that goes on the big-boy toilet, but he refuses to use it. When he sits on the toilet, he just sits there forever and only will pee. He holds the poop in until he get up and then will poop in his diaper. I dump his diaper in the toilet and let him know that it is where it goes to try to encourage him. How can I help him get over this fear and passed the stress? [/INST] <p>Your son is showing signs that he's just not ready to be toilet trained. You don't say how old he is, so I'm not sure whether the problem is deeper, but right his fears may reflect that right now he is simply be not ready to take that step. Pushing him at this point could worsen the problem, so I suggest pulling back the expectations, waiting a month or two, looking for more signs of readiness and trying again. In general, teaching children to use the toilet works best when "mistakes" are handled calmly and when parents pay close attention to cues that the child is responding positively. </p> </s>
56d13fb39471b0b41ec68e34	How do I tell my parents that I'm gay?	I'm in love with my own gender, and my parents are against that. I don't know how to tell them because I'm afraid they'll not want me anymore.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-my-parents-that-i-m-gay	LGBTQ,Family Conflict	Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc	<p>Hello, and thank you for your question. This is one of those times when you wish you could assure someone that everything will go perfectly, but unfortunately I can't do that. There is no way of knowing how parents might respond until you tell them. </p><p>The truth is that people have come out to their parents in many different ways. Some have told their parents directly, some drop hints, some have had others tell their parents, etc. The only "right" way to come out is the one that you choose. The one that feels right to you. That is the best way. </p><p>Some people decide not to come out, and some wait for a very long time. Both of these things are okay. Coming out is deeply personal, and there can be real consequences to someone's emotional health and safety if they tell the wrong person. That is why it should only be done when <i>you </i>are ready. When you feel that you have the emotional and personal support that you need to take the risk. </p><p>Sometimes people can feel pressured to come out, but I encourage you to do it in your own time. The truth is, there is a spectrum of how people's parents react to this kind of news. On one end, you may have the parents who shut a person out and are abusive, and on the opposite side you may have parents that are totally okay with it and throw you a "Coming Out" party. </p><p>Most parents are going to fall somewhere in the middle. It is important to remember that their feelings may change over time. Many parents struggle at first, but they love their kids and get better with it over time. </p><p>If you decide to tell them, consider taking someone along to support you. Plan ahead on what you want to say. It can be an emotional time, so do what you need to do to take care of yourself. If you need to, leave. You don't have to stay anywhere where someone is being cruel to you. </p><p>I wish you well, and good luck.</p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I tell my parents that I'm gay? <</SYS>> I'm in love with my own gender, and my parents are against that. I don't know how to tell them because I'm afraid they'll not want me anymore. [/INST] <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. This is one of those times when you wish you could assure someone that everything will go perfectly, but unfortunately I can't do that. There is no way of knowing how parents might respond until you tell them. </p><p>The truth is that people have come out to their parents in many different ways. Some have told their parents directly, some drop hints, some have had others tell their parents, etc. The only "right" way to come out is the one that you choose. The one that feels right to you. That is the best way. </p><p>Some people decide not to come out, and some wait for a very long time. Both of these things are okay. Coming out is deeply personal, and there can be real consequences to someone's emotional health and safety if they tell the wrong person. That is why it should only be done when <i>you </i>are ready. When you feel that you have the emotional and personal support that you need to take the risk. </p><p>Sometimes people can feel pressured to come out, but I encourage you to do it in your own time. The truth is, there is a spectrum of how people's parents react to this kind of news. On one end, you may have the parents who shut a person out and are abusive, and on the opposite side you may have parents that are totally okay with it and throw you a "Coming Out" party. </p><p>Most parents are going to fall somewhere in the middle. It is important to remember that their feelings may change over time. Many parents struggle at first, but they love their kids and get better with it over time. </p><p>If you decide to tell them, consider taking someone along to support you. Plan ahead on what you want to say. It can be an emotional time, so do what you need to do to take care of yourself. If you need to, leave. You don't have to stay anywhere where someone is being cruel to you. </p><p>I wish you well, and good luck.</p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC</p> </s>
55ee14b1f6e37aad3143655b	I am fearful of social situations and avoiding people all together	This is preventing me from getting a job. I have bad relationship with my bipolar mother. I am living with her but it stresses me out so much to be around her that I have locked myself in my room. I have no friends or other family to help me. I have no money for therapy, but I think I need therapy before I can secure a job.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-am-fearful-of-social-situations-and-avoiding-people-all-together	Anxiety	Mark Morris, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/mark-morris-lcsw-new-orleans	<p>Overwhelming fear, social anxiety and depression are especially painful because they make behaving constructively a challenge.  But there are also lots of examples of folks who have successfully worked their way through this.  So there is hope!   </p><p>In addition to the suggestion to visit your doctor (who may prescribe a medication to help you relax), there are many social service agencies who provide free counseling or take medicaid.  A good CBT therapist will help you look at your thinking so that you may see how you are distorting your thoughts.  </p><p>Behavior is also important.  Despite how you may feel: it is helpful to go out, to do things that relax you (maybe a yoga class or a meditation class?).  Exercise. Diet. Eat well. Think back on the things that you used to do that helped in the past, and force yourself to do these things again.  I know that this seems hard, but it beats the alternative, doesn't it?  </p><p>Of course, I recommend you pick up a copy of my book, Living Yes, which will help you look at these and other ideas to help you out.  I hope you get unstuck soon!  ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I am fearful of social situations and avoiding people all together <</SYS>> This is preventing me from getting a job. I have bad relationship with my bipolar mother. I am living with her but it stresses me out so much to be around her that I have locked myself in my room. I have no friends or other family to help me. I have no money for therapy, but I think I need therapy before I can secure a job. [/INST] <p>Overwhelming fear, social anxiety and depression are especially painful because they make behaving constructively a challenge.  But there are also lots of examples of folks who have successfully worked their way through this.  So there is hope!   </p><p>In addition to the suggestion to visit your doctor (who may prescribe a medication to help you relax), there are many social service agencies who provide free counseling or take medicaid.  A good CBT therapist will help you look at your thinking so that you may see how you are distorting your thoughts.  </p><p>Behavior is also important.  Despite how you may feel: it is helpful to go out, to do things that relax you (maybe a yoga class or a meditation class?).  Exercise. Diet. Eat well. Think back on the things that you used to do that helped in the past, and force yourself to do these things again.  I know that this seems hard, but it beats the alternative, doesn't it?  </p><p>Of course, I recommend you pick up a copy of my book, Living Yes, which will help you look at these and other ideas to help you out.  I hope you get unstuck soon!  ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)</p> </s>
57511303c792dd6c7063e5d2	Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?	I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?	https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-be-upset-that-my-husband-may-have-lied-to-me-again	Marriage,Intimacy	Betsy Sansby	https://counselchat.com/therapists/betsy-sansby-3	<p>Imagine your best friend just told you that her husband lied to her all the time and that he had broken every promise he ever made to her. What would you tell her? If I were her best friend I'd tell her to run the other way. </p><p>You may love this man. We don't choose who we love. But the evidence is pretty clear, isn't it? </p><p>A healthy relationship cannot be built on a foundation of lies and broken promises. I believe that as adults, we are always treated as well as we insist on being treated by our partners. If you continue to accept unacceptable behavior, you are likely to see lots more of it. </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again? <</SYS>> I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset? [/INST] <p>Imagine your best friend just told you that her husband lied to her all the time and that he had broken every promise he ever made to her. What would you tell her? If I were her best friend I'd tell her to run the other way. </p><p>You may love this man. We don't choose who we love. But the evidence is pretty clear, isn't it? </p><p>A healthy relationship cannot be built on a foundation of lies and broken promises. I believe that as adults, we are always treated as well as we insist on being treated by our partners. If you continue to accept unacceptable behavior, you are likely to see lots more of it. </p> </s>
561ed77ddb761a811c20a28d	What is the proper procedure if your child's therapist is leaving the practice to work elsewhere?	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-proper-procedure-if-your-child-s-therapist-is-leaving-the-practice-to-work-elsewhere	Professional Ethics	David Cranford	https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-cranford	<p>I would recommend other providers who accept your insurance.  Once you choose, I would ask you to complete a release of information so I could discuss your child's case and send records so that the new therapist is aware of the general treatment issues.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What is the proper procedure if your child's therapist is leaving the practice to work elsewhere? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>I would recommend other providers who accept your insurance.  Once you choose, I would ask you to complete a release of information so I could discuss your child's case and send records so that the new therapist is aware of the general treatment issues.</p> </s>
55eee2ad21fbadd9096d0c3a	I'm transgender. I want help and I need help.	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-transgender-i-want-help-and-i-need-help	LGBTQ	Lisa Shouldice	https://counselchat.com/therapists/lisa-shouldice-toronto	<p>Hi.  I would find a counsellor to talk to.  Google to find a transgender specialized counsellor in your area.  They can help you make good decisions and feel good about who you are.  Good luck!</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm transgender. I want help and I need help. <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Hi.  I would find a counsellor to talk to.  Google to find a transgender specialized counsellor in your area.  They can help you make good decisions and feel good about who you are.  Good luck!</p> </s>
56cbd79fec2fe82640a5fcd1	How do I get rid of depression?	I've been feeling worthless, unaccomplished, and so frustrated. I want to break things, hit myself, run away, kick, scream, and cry. I just want to be happy and outgoing again. I want to be able to take care of my daughter and live comfortably.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-rid-of-depression	Depression	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>Philadelphia, there is help out there. For your daughter's sake, start somewhere. Feelings are only that; your worst fears about who you are are only based on a few moments that haven't gone well. Depression is so treatable, but you have to seek treatment from a professional.</p><p>Here's a quick exercise for you to do that can show you how therapy might work... fear is telling you the worst possible story of your life, right? So... if there was an <span style="font-style: italic;">opposite </span>story...the very<span style="font-style: italic;"> best </span>story that someone could tell about you and your life...what would that be? Who would be telling it? Someone who loves you? Someone who was around you when you were that outgoing person? Someone who's been watching your life from the start? God? Write that best story. I dare you to give it as much credibility as the worst one. </p><p>Therapy is often about helping people reject their "worst stories". I invite you to start exploring with a qualified therapist whatever barriers stand between you and your best life. I hope you reach out soon. :)</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get rid of depression? <</SYS>> I've been feeling worthless, unaccomplished, and so frustrated. I want to break things, hit myself, run away, kick, scream, and cry. I just want to be happy and outgoing again. I want to be able to take care of my daughter and live comfortably. [/INST] <p>Philadelphia, there is help out there. For your daughter's sake, start somewhere. Feelings are only that; your worst fears about who you are are only based on a few moments that haven't gone well. Depression is so treatable, but you have to seek treatment from a professional.</p><p>Here's a quick exercise for you to do that can show you how therapy might work... fear is telling you the worst possible story of your life, right? So... if there was an <span style="font-style: italic;">opposite </span>story...the very<span style="font-style: italic;"> best </span>story that someone could tell about you and your life...what would that be? Who would be telling it? Someone who loves you? Someone who was around you when you were that outgoing person? Someone who's been watching your life from the start? God? Write that best story. I dare you to give it as much credibility as the worst one. </p><p>Therapy is often about helping people reject their "worst stories". I invite you to start exploring with a qualified therapist whatever barriers stand between you and your best life. I hope you reach out soon. :)</p> </s>
56453f5d0a6eb23613af04b4	My husband wants a divorce after I was diagnosed with severe depression.	He said he would try and he never did. It's been nine months, and this is making me worse. Today, he said I have to respect whatever decision he makes. Is that true? Am I supposed to respect the decision to leave because he can't handle what I'm going through and leaves me here crying and worried every night? He's constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out.	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-wants-a-divorce-after-i-was-diagnosed-with-severe-depression	Relationship Dissolution ,Depression	Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP	https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp	<p>If your husband is changing his mind about whether or not he wants to stay in the relationship, I wonder if you both might benefit from seeing a therapist who specializes in couples. In my training working with couples, partners come into counseling with one of three goals in mind: strengthening the relationship, getting a divorce, or making a decision. The decision could be whether or not stay together or it could be any number of other things, such as what state to live in.</p><p>When you ask whether you have to respect whatever decision he makes, respecting his decision does not mean that you have to agree with what he decides. While you do not have the power to change his decision, he also does not have the power to change yours or how you feel about it. Having said that, if he is changing his mind a lot, chances are that the only decision he has made is that he needs to make a decision. Weighing the options of an important decision (any type of important decision) can be anxiety-producing its own right.</p><p>The fact that you said you were diagnosed with severe depression leads me to believe that you are already seeing a therapist. Perhaps he or she can assist you in navigating through this. I'm wondering how you feel when you are around your husband. I'm not sure whether you are saying that having him there is a source of comfort for you or that it leads you to feel more sad. Maybe it is a little bit of both.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband wants a divorce after I was diagnosed with severe depression. <</SYS>> He said he would try and he never did. It's been nine months, and this is making me worse. Today, he said I have to respect whatever decision he makes. Is that true? Am I supposed to respect the decision to leave because he can't handle what I'm going through and leaves me here crying and worried every night? He's constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out. [/INST] <p>If your husband is changing his mind about whether or not he wants to stay in the relationship, I wonder if you both might benefit from seeing a therapist who specializes in couples. In my training working with couples, partners come into counseling with one of three goals in mind: strengthening the relationship, getting a divorce, or making a decision. The decision could be whether or not stay together or it could be any number of other things, such as what state to live in.</p><p>When you ask whether you have to respect whatever decision he makes, respecting his decision does not mean that you have to agree with what he decides. While you do not have the power to change his decision, he also does not have the power to change yours or how you feel about it. Having said that, if he is changing his mind a lot, chances are that the only decision he has made is that he needs to make a decision. Weighing the options of an important decision (any type of important decision) can be anxiety-producing its own right.</p><p>The fact that you said you were diagnosed with severe depression leads me to believe that you are already seeing a therapist. Perhaps he or she can assist you in navigating through this. I'm wondering how you feel when you are around your husband. I'm not sure whether you are saying that having him there is a source of comfort for you or that it leads you to feel more sad. Maybe it is a little bit of both.</p> </s>
57980934b43cd7825e26e253	How do I move on?	I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-move-on-2	Relationship Dissolution	Lauren Goldstein	https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-goldstein	<p>The best way to move on is to give yourself sufficient time and space away from your ex so you can heal.  That means no checking out your ex on social media platforms and no contact.  In order to move on and diminish the obsessions, help yourself recognize and accept that the relationship is over, and make sure to get sufficient support in processing all your feelings.  Once that takes place, it can be useful to explore and process with a professional the meaning of the relationship and to understand your part in what transpired.</p><p>Sometimes people obsess because they have difficulties accepting what's already taken place and want things to be different.  The key to moving forward is to be loving toward yourself, to give yourself permission to grieve the loss, and to start cultivating new and healthy habits/patterns.  Reengage in your present life, ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and start creating goals and taking small steps to create the amazing life you want for yourself.  <br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I move on? <</SYS>> I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? [/INST] <p>The best way to move on is to give yourself sufficient time and space away from your ex so you can heal.  That means no checking out your ex on social media platforms and no contact.  In order to move on and diminish the obsessions, help yourself recognize and accept that the relationship is over, and make sure to get sufficient support in processing all your feelings.  Once that takes place, it can be useful to explore and process with a professional the meaning of the relationship and to understand your part in what transpired.</p><p>Sometimes people obsess because they have difficulties accepting what's already taken place and want things to be different.  The key to moving forward is to be loving toward yourself, to give yourself permission to grieve the loss, and to start cultivating new and healthy habits/patterns.  Reengage in your present life, ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and start creating goals and taking small steps to create the amazing life you want for yourself.  <br></p> </s>
561ed77ddb761a811c20a28d	What is the proper procedure if your child's therapist is leaving the practice to work elsewhere?	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-proper-procedure-if-your-child-s-therapist-is-leaving-the-practice-to-work-elsewhere	Professional Ethics	Nat Roman	https://counselchat.com/therapists/nat-roman-toronto	<p>Generally speaking therapists are obligated to help their clients connect with a new therapist should they require ongoing support and the therapist is no longer able to continue working with them. This may simply mean that the therapist provides some names and numbers for other therapists or agencies that may be appropriate for your child. </p><p>If the therapist is leaving one practice for another and is able to continue seeing the client than that may be arranged and is often the most desired outcome for the sake continuity. Sometimes partners or employers in the original practice may expect and require clients of the practice to be transferred to another therapist within that practice instead of being taken to a new practice. </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What is the proper procedure if your child's therapist is leaving the practice to work elsewhere? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Generally speaking therapists are obligated to help their clients connect with a new therapist should they require ongoing support and the therapist is no longer able to continue working with them. This may simply mean that the therapist provides some names and numbers for other therapists or agencies that may be appropriate for your child. </p><p>If the therapist is leaving one practice for another and is able to continue seeing the client than that may be arranged and is often the most desired outcome for the sake continuity. Sometimes partners or employers in the original practice may expect and require clients of the practice to be transferred to another therapist within that practice instead of being taken to a new practice. </p> </s>
5580d739a29507431fcd9efa	I don't trust my boyfriend	I found messages between my boyfriend and this girl on social media. He was asking her for naked pictures and then hung out with her once, but nothing happened. I didn’t find out about the messages until last month and that was six months after it happened. I can’t trust him anymore and I'm just wondering if I ever will. He admitted that he wanted to have sex with her but he didn't. He was only talking with her because he thought we were going to have a break up. My heart is completely broken. I feel like I'm in competition with every girl on the planet for my boyfriend’s affection. I'm afraid that he doesn't like me anymore, but without me he's homeless and without a car. I love him so much. It's been tearing me apart. I don't feel pretty anymore though. I don't feel good enough for anyone or anything. I thought I knew him as well as I knew myself. Then all of a sudden my world was flipped upside down. I'm still trying to figure out which way is up.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-trust-my-boyfriend	Relationships,Self-esteem	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>I'm sorry for so much stress in your relationship life.</p><p>In what ways does your boyfriend express his commitment and positive feelings about you, to you?</p><p>From what you write, you feel more aggravation, stress, loneliness and insecurity, than satisfaction by being in this relationship.</p><p>Does he care that you don't trust him?</p><p>Very often people stay in relationships from fear of knowing who they really are.  The feeling is of needing a partner in a way that is similar to how a fearful child needs staying nearby a parent.</p><p>My suggestion is to think over how much your sense of need for a partner, may be preventing you from actually seeing the amount of love and investment in your relationship, your boyfriend actually has.</p><p>These realizations are sometimes painful and frightening to understand, especially if you grew up in a family that largely ignored or didn't adequately nurture you as a child.</p><p>A therapist for your Self may be a good investment of time and cost in giving yourself a safe and trustworthy space to think deeply about your best interest.</p><p><br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I don't trust my boyfriend <</SYS>> I found messages between my boyfriend and this girl on social media. He was asking her for naked pictures and then hung out with her once, but nothing happened. I didn’t find out about the messages until last month and that was six months after it happened. I can’t trust him anymore and I'm just wondering if I ever will. He admitted that he wanted to have sex with her but he didn't. He was only talking with her because he thought we were going to have a break up. My heart is completely broken. I feel like I'm in competition with every girl on the planet for my boyfriend’s affection. I'm afraid that he doesn't like me anymore, but without me he's homeless and without a car. I love him so much. It's been tearing me apart. I don't feel pretty anymore though. I don't feel good enough for anyone or anything. I thought I knew him as well as I knew myself. Then all of a sudden my world was flipped upside down. I'm still trying to figure out which way is up. [/INST] <p>I'm sorry for so much stress in your relationship life.</p><p>In what ways does your boyfriend express his commitment and positive feelings about you, to you?</p><p>From what you write, you feel more aggravation, stress, loneliness and insecurity, than satisfaction by being in this relationship.</p><p>Does he care that you don't trust him?</p><p>Very often people stay in relationships from fear of knowing who they really are.  The feeling is of needing a partner in a way that is similar to how a fearful child needs staying nearby a parent.</p><p>My suggestion is to think over how much your sense of need for a partner, may be preventing you from actually seeing the amount of love and investment in your relationship, your boyfriend actually has.</p><p>These realizations are sometimes painful and frightening to understand, especially if you grew up in a family that largely ignored or didn't adequately nurture you as a child.</p><p>A therapist for your Self may be a good investment of time and cost in giving yourself a safe and trustworthy space to think deeply about your best interest.</p><p><br></p> </s>
576345ceca5745ed07aa14af	My ex-boyfriend say we're finished but still acts like we aren't	I've been with a man for four years. For the last year, he has said he is done, but he still talks, texts, visits, and has not moved on with anyone else. His words do not match his actions. I love this man, but it's hurting so much.	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-ex-boyfriend-say-we-re-finished-but-still-acts-like-we-aren-t	Relationships	Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP	https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp	<p>This can be difficult and confusing.</p><p>If you think your boyfriend would be open to having a discussion, try asking him for a time when he is willing to have an important discussion. When that time matches with a time that is good for you, try discussing the type of relationship that you each want to have and what you can start and stop doing to get there. He may want to be really good friends. He may also be trying to figure out what he is feeling. </p><p>If you end up talking over one another, try letting one person be the one who is talking about their feelings for about five minutes and during that time, try having the other person asked questions to gain more understanding of their experience. Then you can switch. Also consider asking questions that cannot be answered with yes or no, but lead to more explanations.</p><p>Questions that start with the words how, what, when, who are usually better than questions starting with "why" because they can be emotional triggers for some people.</p><p>If this is difficult to do between the two of you, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in couples.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My ex-boyfriend say we're finished but still acts like we aren't <</SYS>> I've been with a man for four years. For the last year, he has said he is done, but he still talks, texts, visits, and has not moved on with anyone else. His words do not match his actions. I love this man, but it's hurting so much. [/INST] <p>This can be difficult and confusing.</p><p>If you think your boyfriend would be open to having a discussion, try asking him for a time when he is willing to have an important discussion. When that time matches with a time that is good for you, try discussing the type of relationship that you each want to have and what you can start and stop doing to get there. He may want to be really good friends. He may also be trying to figure out what he is feeling. </p><p>If you end up talking over one another, try letting one person be the one who is talking about their feelings for about five minutes and during that time, try having the other person asked questions to gain more understanding of their experience. Then you can switch. Also consider asking questions that cannot be answered with yes or no, but lead to more explanations.</p><p>Questions that start with the words how, what, when, who are usually better than questions starting with "why" because they can be emotional triggers for some people.</p><p>If this is difficult to do between the two of you, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in couples.</p> </s>
579b8756188cd61c1684e80f	How can I help my girlfriend?	My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-girlfriend	Relationships,Substance Abuse,Depression	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>People often have very different values and opinions when they are drinking excessively and when they stop drinking so much.</p><p>Did the two of you share drinking as an activity?  If yes, then did you stop drinking too?</p><p>Often when partners meet each other as drinking buddies when one gets sober, the relationship ends.  Once the terms of any relationship changes, one possibility is that it dissolves.</p><p>The best way to go is to start the conversation of what you genuinely want.  This is the only way she'll really know your thoughts.</p><p>Ask her to give serious consideration and discussion over at least a few weeks or months, to moving away from you.  This is a fair request since you are in a relationship.</p><p>If she's changed so much by giving up drinking, which is possible, that she no longer wants to be in relationship to you, then you are better off being without a drinking gf, even if the truth she delivers is a hurtful one.</p><p><br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I help my girlfriend? <</SYS>> My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay. [/INST] <p>People often have very different values and opinions when they are drinking excessively and when they stop drinking so much.</p><p>Did the two of you share drinking as an activity?  If yes, then did you stop drinking too?</p><p>Often when partners meet each other as drinking buddies when one gets sober, the relationship ends.  Once the terms of any relationship changes, one possibility is that it dissolves.</p><p>The best way to go is to start the conversation of what you genuinely want.  This is the only way she'll really know your thoughts.</p><p>Ask her to give serious consideration and discussion over at least a few weeks or months, to moving away from you.  This is a fair request since you are in a relationship.</p><p>If she's changed so much by giving up drinking, which is possible, that she no longer wants to be in relationship to you, then you are better off being without a drinking gf, even if the truth she delivers is a hurtful one.</p><p><br></p> </s>
5796b2c5bc069dff6a5339ce	Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?	I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-person-to-stop-feeling-emotions	Trauma	Lola Georg	https://counselchat.com/therapists/lola-georg	<p>Terrible things do happen in life, and I am sorry to hear about what happened to you. Please rest assured that you are not a sociopath, and that your reactions are normal responses to traumatic events. I'm guessing you are experiencing a sense of numbness, which is a common response to trauma. The best thing you can do is to get some trauma counseling with a professional counselor.  As you process your experience, you will be able to feel emotions again. However, the first feelings to come back may be related to trauma, such as fear, panic, and a sense of hyper vigilance. A professional counselor will be able to help you tolerate these feelings, manage them, and heal from your trauma.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? <</SYS>> I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? [/INST] <p>Terrible things do happen in life, and I am sorry to hear about what happened to you. Please rest assured that you are not a sociopath, and that your reactions are normal responses to traumatic events. I'm guessing you are experiencing a sense of numbness, which is a common response to trauma. The best thing you can do is to get some trauma counseling with a professional counselor.  As you process your experience, you will be able to feel emotions again. However, the first feelings to come back may be related to trauma, such as fear, panic, and a sense of hyper vigilance. A professional counselor will be able to help you tolerate these feelings, manage them, and heal from your trauma.</p> </s>
5579c6a0a9732755160c6a5d	How do I deal with a weird fetish I'm afraid of opening up about?	I have this weird fetish that I'm afraid to open up about it. What should I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-a-weird-fetish-i-m-afraid-of-opening-up-about	Intimacy	Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw	<p>This is difficult to answer because you don’t tell us what the fetish is. I do understand that this is something that is bothering you though. </p><p>The first thing to ask yourself is if this is something that is illegal or not. If this is illegal to engage in, then you need to seek counseling help immediately to control the urges.</p><p>However, if your fetish is not something illegal and you just feel that it is something odd, a therapist could still help you deal with these feelings. You may find that it is something very common and not something to be ashamed of. You may find other people have the same interest as you. Find a therapist that you can trust and tell them. Don’t hold back with your therapist. Trust me, they have heard and seen it all by now, and they can help you either stop the behavior that is causing you distress, or help you come to terms with accepting the behavior as part of who you are. There is no need to suffer with this alone. </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I deal with a weird fetish I'm afraid of opening up about? <</SYS>> I have this weird fetish that I'm afraid to open up about it. What should I do? [/INST] <p>This is difficult to answer because you don’t tell us what the fetish is. I do understand that this is something that is bothering you though. </p><p>The first thing to ask yourself is if this is something that is illegal or not. If this is illegal to engage in, then you need to seek counseling help immediately to control the urges.</p><p>However, if your fetish is not something illegal and you just feel that it is something odd, a therapist could still help you deal with these feelings. You may find that it is something very common and not something to be ashamed of. You may find other people have the same interest as you. Find a therapist that you can trust and tell them. Don’t hold back with your therapist. Trust me, they have heard and seen it all by now, and they can help you either stop the behavior that is causing you distress, or help you come to terms with accepting the behavior as part of who you are. There is no need to suffer with this alone. </p> </s>
56bd6cfa4e568f192e1bfb8a	I have voices in my head.	They don't go away, and I feel like I'm going crazy. Does that ever stop? Can it be a symptom of medication?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-voices-in-my-head	Behavioral Change,Depression	Angie Stones	https://counselchat.com/therapists/angie-stones	<p>This can certainly be a side effect of some medications. If the voices are so powerful that you can not sleep or they are constantly present, you shouldn't wait any time, but go and see your doctor straight away. <br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I have voices in my head. <</SYS>> They don't go away, and I feel like I'm going crazy. Does that ever stop? Can it be a symptom of medication? [/INST] <p>This can certainly be a side effect of some medications. If the voices are so powerful that you can not sleep or they are constantly present, you shouldn't wait any time, but go and see your doctor straight away. <br></p> </s>
57749ac5c8c3e0180cffa1f2	I did something I can't get over.	I was with my friends fishing by a pond. I found a frog and stabbed it with my friend's knife. I'm not sure why I did it. My friends saw me do it it and were shocked and got really mad at me. Now if someone brings it up I get really upset and panicked. I don't know why I feel like this. Does this mean there is something wrong with me?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-did-something-i-can-t-get-over	Behavioral Change,Social Relationships	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>The good news is your awareness that being violent to animals feels out of character for you.   </p><p>I'm glad you have awareness and I'm glad you are not at ease with killing frogs.</p><p>Fairly likely that you were acting out aggressively toward the frog, feelings of being on the receiving side of similar type of violence.</p><p>Basically, you did unto the frog what someone has or to you, feels like, has been done to you.</p><p>Use your surprising finding of how strong your anger and most likely inward pain.   Reflect on your closest relationships and how these people treat you.   It is possible you feel more hurt by someone who is close to you than you ever realized.</p><p>Stabbing innocent frogs is wrong.  It is understandable as a way to show you how much inner pain you probably have.</p><p>It is also wrong that someone close to you hurt you.</p><p>The direction to go is to recognize your pain and then decide how to go about changing what is possible on your side of that or those relationship(s).</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I did something I can't get over. <</SYS>> I was with my friends fishing by a pond. I found a frog and stabbed it with my friend's knife. I'm not sure why I did it. My friends saw me do it it and were shocked and got really mad at me. Now if someone brings it up I get really upset and panicked. I don't know why I feel like this. Does this mean there is something wrong with me? [/INST] <p>The good news is your awareness that being violent to animals feels out of character for you.   </p><p>I'm glad you have awareness and I'm glad you are not at ease with killing frogs.</p><p>Fairly likely that you were acting out aggressively toward the frog, feelings of being on the receiving side of similar type of violence.</p><p>Basically, you did unto the frog what someone has or to you, feels like, has been done to you.</p><p>Use your surprising finding of how strong your anger and most likely inward pain.   Reflect on your closest relationships and how these people treat you.   It is possible you feel more hurt by someone who is close to you than you ever realized.</p><p>Stabbing innocent frogs is wrong.  It is understandable as a way to show you how much inner pain you probably have.</p><p>It is also wrong that someone close to you hurt you.</p><p>The direction to go is to recognize your pain and then decide how to go about changing what is possible on your side of that or those relationship(s).</p> </s>
56f58ed0b814e1ce46371910	How can I control my temper?	I get angry and act out. It scares my wife and child.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-control-my-temper	Anger Management	Myron Jones, Ph.D, LPC-S, LCDC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/myron-jones-ph-d-lpc-s-lcdc	<p>Anger is a normal emotion, no different than joy, elation, or sadness. It's not anger that gets us in trouble it's the overtness of the emotion or how we allow it to manifest that gets us in trouble. Being able to control your temper depends on several variables: how you saw anger acted out as a child in terms of your primary caregivers and what you internalized as being normal in terms of managing conflict, and your communication style regarding how you confront problematic situations. There are some whose anger takes on a volcano effect whereby they don't readily address problematic situations but rather they continue to stuff their emotion until the right trigger causes them them to explode, and then there are those who are very impulsive in terms of how they react to stressful situations, they don't take time to think out situations or to make sense of them, they just impulsively respond. I would encourage you to seek anger management from a therapist who utilizes a Cognitive Behavioral approach in order that you may explore how your irrational thinking related to certain situations may be influencing your problematic behavior. In addition, I would encourage you to engage in activities that promote stress reduction if your blowups are indeed related to being overly stressed. The first step is recognizing that you have a problem that you need help in understanding and addressing, which you have, now take the next step in finding a therapist in order that you may learn to control your temper and undo some faulty wiring that may be related to how you process emotion, and communicate that you're angry. Remember, anger is the overt expression of some other emotion (i.e., disappointment, hurt, frustration, etc..) Hope this helps...</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I control my temper? <</SYS>> I get angry and act out. It scares my wife and child. [/INST] <p>Anger is a normal emotion, no different than joy, elation, or sadness. It's not anger that gets us in trouble it's the overtness of the emotion or how we allow it to manifest that gets us in trouble. Being able to control your temper depends on several variables: how you saw anger acted out as a child in terms of your primary caregivers and what you internalized as being normal in terms of managing conflict, and your communication style regarding how you confront problematic situations. There are some whose anger takes on a volcano effect whereby they don't readily address problematic situations but rather they continue to stuff their emotion until the right trigger causes them them to explode, and then there are those who are very impulsive in terms of how they react to stressful situations, they don't take time to think out situations or to make sense of them, they just impulsively respond. I would encourage you to seek anger management from a therapist who utilizes a Cognitive Behavioral approach in order that you may explore how your irrational thinking related to certain situations may be influencing your problematic behavior. In addition, I would encourage you to engage in activities that promote stress reduction if your blowups are indeed related to being overly stressed. The first step is recognizing that you have a problem that you need help in understanding and addressing, which you have, now take the next step in finding a therapist in order that you may learn to control your temper and undo some faulty wiring that may be related to how you process emotion, and communicate that you're angry. Remember, anger is the overt expression of some other emotion (i.e., disappointment, hurt, frustration, etc..) Hope this helps...</p> </s>
57490938c792dd6c7063e494	Why am I so sad?	I have friends, family, I live in a good home, I go to a nice high school, and I get pretty good grades, but I don’t know why I'm so unhappy. These friends are my best friends and they’re all amazing people, and yet I'm sad all the time and feel alone.	https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-so-sad	Depression	Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP	https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp	<p>I wonder if you have moments where you feel happy?</p><p>You say you have amazing friends. I wonder if you get along with them and feel as though you can be yourself around them.</p><p>Sometimes we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to do really well at everything all the time and this can be overwhelming sometimes. Where do you have support? I hope you can tell someone that you are feeling sad so that you can talk about your feelings.</p><p>Sleeping can make a big difference as far as feeling sad as well. If you're not sleeping well at night, that could be a big part of feeling sad a lot.</p><p>Perhaps you could try to find a person or two who makes you feel totally safe and comfortable and try to talk with them.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why am I so sad? <</SYS>> I have friends, family, I live in a good home, I go to a nice high school, and I get pretty good grades, but I don’t know why I'm so unhappy. These friends are my best friends and they’re all amazing people, and yet I'm sad all the time and feel alone. [/INST] <p>I wonder if you have moments where you feel happy?</p><p>You say you have amazing friends. I wonder if you get along with them and feel as though you can be yourself around them.</p><p>Sometimes we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to do really well at everything all the time and this can be overwhelming sometimes. Where do you have support? I hope you can tell someone that you are feeling sad so that you can talk about your feelings.</p><p>Sleeping can make a big difference as far as feeling sad as well. If you're not sleeping well at night, that could be a big part of feeling sad a lot.</p><p>Perhaps you could try to find a person or two who makes you feel totally safe and comfortable and try to talk with them.</p> </s>
567082c85bb022840f42baf4	How do I find myself?	I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-myself	Spirituality	Betsy Sansby	https://counselchat.com/therapists/betsy-sansby-3	<p>The older I get, the more I believe that our real task isn't to 'find' ourselves. We're already 100% "there." What we do have to do is become more mindful of the times when we feel the most alive, most happy, most creative, and most fully engaged with life. It is in those moments that we find ourselves.</p><p>For example, I couldn't help loving the people or things I loved, no matter who tried to talk me out of them. All I needed to do was notice when my heart opened and I felt the most alive--not because I was afraid or addicted, but because in those moments, I was in contact with my highest self. </p><p>On the flip side, I needed to recognize the people and activities that consistently brought out the worst in me--the ones that made me feel controlled, constricted, dishonest, resentful, or afraid--and be honest about them. </p><p>Mindfulness of "what already is" is the key to finding yourself. Align yourself with the people and activities that matter most to you. Don't let old habits, crappy jobs, or mean-spirited people define you. Just stumble your way forward as best you can, with greater self-awareness followed by affirmative action..   </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I find myself? <</SYS>> I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. [/INST] <p>The older I get, the more I believe that our real task isn't to 'find' ourselves. We're already 100% "there." What we do have to do is become more mindful of the times when we feel the most alive, most happy, most creative, and most fully engaged with life. It is in those moments that we find ourselves.</p><p>For example, I couldn't help loving the people or things I loved, no matter who tried to talk me out of them. All I needed to do was notice when my heart opened and I felt the most alive--not because I was afraid or addicted, but because in those moments, I was in contact with my highest self. </p><p>On the flip side, I needed to recognize the people and activities that consistently brought out the worst in me--the ones that made me feel controlled, constricted, dishonest, resentful, or afraid--and be honest about them. </p><p>Mindfulness of "what already is" is the key to finding yourself. Align yourself with the people and activities that matter most to you. Don't let old habits, crappy jobs, or mean-spirited people define you. Just stumble your way forward as best you can, with greater self-awareness followed by affirmative action..   </p> </s>
55717c13a03de6c365f45be9	Sleeping, Anger and Anxiety	I have a lot of issues going on right now. First of all, I have a lot of trouble sleeping at times, while other nights I sleep too much and still feel quite tired. I’m also noticing increased irritability and experiencing anxiety attacks that last for hours. Is there something wrong with me and if so what should I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/sleeping-anger-and-anxiety	Anxiety,Anger Management	Keisha Helms	https://counselchat.com/therapists/keisha-helms	<p>Hi there. I have to commend you on reaching out to get some answers on why you are feeling the way that you are feeling. A lot of people secretly go about their lives every day feeling this way because they are too afraid of what the answer might be.</p><p>First off, what stressors do you have in your life right now? Financial, relationship and unemployment are all common stressors for people. They can often make it difficult for us to sleep at night due to the constant racing thoughts and wonders of how you will deal with it all. </p><p>Secondly, do you have a history of depression or does depression run in your family? Some of the symptoms listed here in this question (i.e. trouble sleeping, constant fatigue, too much sleep, anger & anxiety) are all common symptoms of depression. Often times, these symptoms can be overlooked and mistaken for "just being tired." </p><p>Furthermore, it's important to ask yourself, if you are feeling worthless, problems with concentration and recurrent thoughts of death. If you are having these symptoms, please seek help IMMEDIATELY. </p><p>Lastly, considering your stated symptoms I would recommend reaching out to your Doctor for further consult. It's always better to be safe and the earlier you catch the symptoms the faster you will get to feeling better! do Some helpful tips for the your Doctor would be to monitor your sleep habits (i.e. how much or little are you sleeping), make a list of your triggers for your anger outbursts as well as your triggers for your anxiety attacks. </p><p>I hope this was helpful and the best of luck to you.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Sleeping, Anger and Anxiety <</SYS>> I have a lot of issues going on right now. First of all, I have a lot of trouble sleeping at times, while other nights I sleep too much and still feel quite tired. I’m also noticing increased irritability and experiencing anxiety attacks that last for hours. Is there something wrong with me and if so what should I do? [/INST] <p>Hi there. I have to commend you on reaching out to get some answers on why you are feeling the way that you are feeling. A lot of people secretly go about their lives every day feeling this way because they are too afraid of what the answer might be.</p><p>First off, what stressors do you have in your life right now? Financial, relationship and unemployment are all common stressors for people. They can often make it difficult for us to sleep at night due to the constant racing thoughts and wonders of how you will deal with it all. </p><p>Secondly, do you have a history of depression or does depression run in your family? Some of the symptoms listed here in this question (i.e. trouble sleeping, constant fatigue, too much sleep, anger & anxiety) are all common symptoms of depression. Often times, these symptoms can be overlooked and mistaken for "just being tired." </p><p>Furthermore, it's important to ask yourself, if you are feeling worthless, problems with concentration and recurrent thoughts of death. If you are having these symptoms, please seek help IMMEDIATELY. </p><p>Lastly, considering your stated symptoms I would recommend reaching out to your Doctor for further consult. It's always better to be safe and the earlier you catch the symptoms the faster you will get to feeling better! do Some helpful tips for the your Doctor would be to monitor your sleep habits (i.e. how much or little are you sleeping), make a list of your triggers for your anger outbursts as well as your triggers for your anxiety attacks. </p><p>I hope this was helpful and the best of luck to you.</p> </s>
5714391d703efcb72f718981	How do I trust others?	I'm having problems shutting them out and putting up walls.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-trust-others	Social Relationships	Ben Braaksma	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma	It sounds like you would like to let other people get close to you and at the same time you are finding yourself compelled to keep people at a distance. Often times, when we have difficulty trusting others, it is because we have specific fears about what would happen if we get close or let our guard down. Such fears may be rooted in past experiences in relationships in which we were hurt and or disappointed. In working with a therapist, you can gain insight into what is underneath your compulsion to put walls around yourself and develop ways to form authentic, lasting, satisfying relationships with others.<br><p><br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I trust others? <</SYS>> I'm having problems shutting them out and putting up walls. [/INST] It sounds like you would like to let other people get close to you and at the same time you are finding yourself compelled to keep people at a distance. Often times, when we have difficulty trusting others, it is because we have specific fears about what would happen if we get close or let our guard down. Such fears may be rooted in past experiences in relationships in which we were hurt and or disappointed. In working with a therapist, you can gain insight into what is underneath your compulsion to put walls around yourself and develop ways to form authentic, lasting, satisfying relationships with others.<br><p><br></p> </s>
58432aa8950e2507cf23dc87	How does counseling help people?	Does counseling really do anything that can help people?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-help-people	Counseling Fundamentals	Chris McDonald	https://counselchat.com/therapists/chris-mcdonald	<p>Counseling definitely helps people!  I have seen so many positive changes from those willing to engage in the counseling process.  Having a safe place to openly share concerns with an objective listener really is therapeutic and can make a huge difference in your life.    Many times people don't feel heard or validated by people in their lives, counseling call help validate your feelings and help you become more self-aware.  You can learn new skills to better manage your life as well.  I find the people who get the most out of it are the ones most willing to make changes.<br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does counseling help people? <</SYS>> Does counseling really do anything that can help people? [/INST] <p>Counseling definitely helps people!  I have seen so many positive changes from those willing to engage in the counseling process.  Having a safe place to openly share concerns with an objective listener really is therapeutic and can make a huge difference in your life.    Many times people don't feel heard or validated by people in their lives, counseling call help validate your feelings and help you become more self-aware.  You can learn new skills to better manage your life as well.  I find the people who get the most out of it are the ones most willing to make changes.<br></p> </s>
5744cc65c792dd6c7063e40b	What can I do about my boyfriend's verbal abuse?	I try to do everything right just so we won't argue, and it doesn't help the only time he is calm is when he is drinking alcohol. I get anxiety over having fights with him.	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-boyfriend-s-verbal-abuse	Relationships	Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP	https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp	<p>Because of the way that you say your boyfriend is only calm when he is drinking and you have concerns about flights, it would probably be most helpful for you to speak with a local therapist so you can have specific conversations about what happens during these fights.</p><p>When you do "everything right," are you saying that you don't argue? It sounds a bit as though you are trying to read each other's mind without being able to communicate effectively. I recommend working on this with a therapist, though (even if you end up going without your boyfriend to sessions), so that you can talk about specific strategies and what you can do when he is not calm.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What can I do about my boyfriend's verbal abuse? <</SYS>> I try to do everything right just so we won't argue, and it doesn't help the only time he is calm is when he is drinking alcohol. I get anxiety over having fights with him. [/INST] <p>Because of the way that you say your boyfriend is only calm when he is drinking and you have concerns about flights, it would probably be most helpful for you to speak with a local therapist so you can have specific conversations about what happens during these fights.</p><p>When you do "everything right," are you saying that you don't argue? It sounds a bit as though you are trying to read each other's mind without being able to communicate effectively. I recommend working on this with a therapist, though (even if you end up going without your boyfriend to sessions), so that you can talk about specific strategies and what you can do when he is not calm.</p> </s>
5612b4dd76ab99287e3b88ed	How can I train myself to stop eating when I'm full?	I have no self control over food. Most people stop when they've had enough, but I keep eating for the pleasure of it. Especially with sweets - I'm never done eating dessert.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-train-myself-to-stop-eating-when-i-m-full	Eating Disorders,Addiction	Amber Madden, MA, LPCA	https://counselchat.com/therapists/amber-madden-ma-lpca	<p>Hello! I'm so glad you decided to write in today. This is such a great question and I'm sure many others will relate to exactly what you're describing. There are a few different ways we can look at in understanding your concern. </p><p>First, I think it's important to understand food is just food. Food is meant to nourish our bodies, provide us with energy and yes, sometimes reserved for special occasions and celebrations. But in many cultures, we place a LOT of emphasis on food. We have food at every gathering and every celebration. What's more people have come to almost EXPECT food to be present at any and every get-together. And if it's not? Well, then forget about it! </p><p>I see this time and time again with my clients. Donuts appear in the office, and it's almost like donuts have never been there before! <i>Must eat one (or two)!</i> However, we need to remind ourselves that this occurrence, or similar ones, will not be the last time we can enjoy this particular food. It is likely the office donuts have happened before, and they will be there again on another day. During these moments, I like to have my clients employ a Stop-and-Think method. Stop-and-Think about your goals before you eat. Is this donut getting you where you want to be? Also, I have my clients ask themselves how special is this donut? If the donut really is a special donut (from the best bakery in town and you've never been there before) then now might be a time to have the donut. But if not, it would be wise to pass and wait until that "special" donut. </p><p>Another aspect we need to remember about food, is to think about what we're getting from overindulging or overeating. Are you trying to drown out other emotions? Are you trying to feel better and the food gives you that feeling for a brief moment? What ELSE is going on? This can be determined by utilizing what we describe as a Thought Record. A Thought Record involves tracking and identifying thoughts and feelings associated with food triggers. By targeting the emotions, we can then determine where they're coming from, as well as how to decipher them. A therapist can also help you with understanding your emotions related to food and will be helpful in assisting you with the Thought Record.</p><p>The most important thing to remember is that "food addiction" can be a real problem for a lot of people. If food is taking over your life and you are preoccupied and overwhelmed with knowing where to start, please seek out help. Binge eating is the most common eating disorder and impacts the lives of thousands. </p><p>There are lots of free resources and information on my website at www.maddenwellnessky.com. In addition, I offer individual coaching and counseling through my website and I would love to help!</p><p>- Amber</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I train myself to stop eating when I'm full? <</SYS>> I have no self control over food. Most people stop when they've had enough, but I keep eating for the pleasure of it. Especially with sweets - I'm never done eating dessert. [/INST] <p>Hello! I'm so glad you decided to write in today. This is such a great question and I'm sure many others will relate to exactly what you're describing. There are a few different ways we can look at in understanding your concern. </p><p>First, I think it's important to understand food is just food. Food is meant to nourish our bodies, provide us with energy and yes, sometimes reserved for special occasions and celebrations. But in many cultures, we place a LOT of emphasis on food. We have food at every gathering and every celebration. What's more people have come to almost EXPECT food to be present at any and every get-together. And if it's not? Well, then forget about it! </p><p>I see this time and time again with my clients. Donuts appear in the office, and it's almost like donuts have never been there before! <i>Must eat one (or two)!</i> However, we need to remind ourselves that this occurrence, or similar ones, will not be the last time we can enjoy this particular food. It is likely the office donuts have happened before, and they will be there again on another day. During these moments, I like to have my clients employ a Stop-and-Think method. Stop-and-Think about your goals before you eat. Is this donut getting you where you want to be? Also, I have my clients ask themselves how special is this donut? If the donut really is a special donut (from the best bakery in town and you've never been there before) then now might be a time to have the donut. But if not, it would be wise to pass and wait until that "special" donut. </p><p>Another aspect we need to remember about food, is to think about what we're getting from overindulging or overeating. Are you trying to drown out other emotions? Are you trying to feel better and the food gives you that feeling for a brief moment? What ELSE is going on? This can be determined by utilizing what we describe as a Thought Record. A Thought Record involves tracking and identifying thoughts and feelings associated with food triggers. By targeting the emotions, we can then determine where they're coming from, as well as how to decipher them. A therapist can also help you with understanding your emotions related to food and will be helpful in assisting you with the Thought Record.</p><p>The most important thing to remember is that "food addiction" can be a real problem for a lot of people. If food is taking over your life and you are preoccupied and overwhelmed with knowing where to start, please seek out help. Binge eating is the most common eating disorder and impacts the lives of thousands. </p><p>There are lots of free resources and information on my website at www.maddenwellnessky.com. In addition, I offer individual coaching and counseling through my website and I would love to help!</p><p>- Amber</p> </s>
55d431424eadfb434bcb5bfa	I keep on changing my life when things get tough.	I've been like this ever since I was in school; back then I transferred to another school. Now I'm thinking about changing my job.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-keep-on-changing-my-life-when-things-get-tough	Anxiety,Career Counseling	Nicole Stone	https://counselchat.com/therapists/nicole-stone	<p>There's a quote I love that says, "Wherever you go, there you are" and the book by the same name by Jon Kabat-Zinn may be very helpful for you. The thing about changing things up when they get tough is that they often aren't the things that need changing. The awesome (and challenging) thing about it is that when you work on the internal aspects that may need attention, you can learn to find a sense of centeredness that comes with practicing mindfulness and asking yourself who you really are and want to be. Through this deeper work, you can actually be in the midst of chaos and still feel that calm and peace within yourself. If you look for support in this journey from a counselor or therapist, I'd recommend looking for someone offering Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) or Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (MCBT). Also helpful may be the online program of <a href="http://palousemindfulness.com/">Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MSBR) found here.</a> There are in-person programs across the country, but this online self-guided version is free and a great resource!</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I keep on changing my life when things get tough. <</SYS>> I've been like this ever since I was in school; back then I transferred to another school. Now I'm thinking about changing my job. [/INST] <p>There's a quote I love that says, "Wherever you go, there you are" and the book by the same name by Jon Kabat-Zinn may be very helpful for you. The thing about changing things up when they get tough is that they often aren't the things that need changing. The awesome (and challenging) thing about it is that when you work on the internal aspects that may need attention, you can learn to find a sense of centeredness that comes with practicing mindfulness and asking yourself who you really are and want to be. Through this deeper work, you can actually be in the midst of chaos and still feel that calm and peace within yourself. If you look for support in this journey from a counselor or therapist, I'd recommend looking for someone offering Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) or Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (MCBT). Also helpful may be the online program of <a href="http://palousemindfulness.com/">Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MSBR) found here.</a> There are in-person programs across the country, but this online self-guided version is free and a great resource!</p> </s>
5691c28d33a2cb5364e7b510	How do I get my girlfriend back?	My girlfriend broke up with me five months ago because I said awful things to her one night for no reason of hers. I have been trying to get her back, but it isn’t easy. She is in her 50s and I am in my 40s. She is the one I want for my life, and this is killing me. Every day, I cry, and I am desperate for help.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-girlfriend-back	Relationships	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>New York, what would it mean about you if you got her back? Is that the only way you can like or forgive yourself...if she forgives you and takes you back? Your self respect doesn't need to rely on this working with her. She simply doesn't want to be with you, and every day that you refuse to honour her decision is another day that you hurt her all over again. Move on and heal, perhaps with the help of a therapist.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get my girlfriend back? <</SYS>> My girlfriend broke up with me five months ago because I said awful things to her one night for no reason of hers. I have been trying to get her back, but it isn’t easy. She is in her 50s and I am in my 40s. She is the one I want for my life, and this is killing me. Every day, I cry, and I am desperate for help. [/INST] <p>New York, what would it mean about you if you got her back? Is that the only way you can like or forgive yourself...if she forgives you and takes you back? Your self respect doesn't need to rely on this working with her. She simply doesn't want to be with you, and every day that you refuse to honour her decision is another day that you hurt her all over again. Move on and heal, perhaps with the help of a therapist.</p> </s>
56e60f1a02b3f7e43463d3f2	Is this depression?	I feel like I am internally screaming all the time. Externally, I am calm, but I have this intense, unidentifiable emotion constantly. I don't feel sad. I don't cry a lot. I feel rather emotionally distant other than the internal screaming. It kind of feels like I'm a caged animal.	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-this-depression	Depression	Ben Braaksma	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma	As far as the formal diagnosis of depression goes, it would be hard to determine without more information. It sounds like you are noticing that there is a significant difference between how you are feeling on the inside and how you express yourself outwardly. Part of you is quite distressed and yet it remains invisible to the outside world, almost as if it is trapped inside of your body. Many people who are depressed experience such things as intrusive thoughts, emotional numbness, difficulty expressing themselves, and bodily tension (caged animal?). In working with a competent therapist, you may be able to get more insight into what you are going through, the nature of the disconnect between you inner feelings and outer expression, and eventually gain relief from the distress as well as a greater sense of connection with yourself and personal freedom.<br><p><br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is this depression? <</SYS>> I feel like I am internally screaming all the time. Externally, I am calm, but I have this intense, unidentifiable emotion constantly. I don't feel sad. I don't cry a lot. I feel rather emotionally distant other than the internal screaming. It kind of feels like I'm a caged animal. [/INST] As far as the formal diagnosis of depression goes, it would be hard to determine without more information. It sounds like you are noticing that there is a significant difference between how you are feeling on the inside and how you express yourself outwardly. Part of you is quite distressed and yet it remains invisible to the outside world, almost as if it is trapped inside of your body. Many people who are depressed experience such things as intrusive thoughts, emotional numbness, difficulty expressing themselves, and bodily tension (caged animal?). In working with a competent therapist, you may be able to get more insight into what you are going through, the nature of the disconnect between you inner feelings and outer expression, and eventually gain relief from the distress as well as a greater sense of connection with yourself and personal freedom.<br><p><br></p> </s>
557fc3a6a29507431fcd9e9b	Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me if we had sex as Christians?	I'm a Christian teenage girl, and I have lost my virginity. My boyfriend is a Christian teenager too, but things just got out of hand between us in a sexual manner. I planned to abstain from sex but I guess I wasn't clear about this because I was also tempted and led him on. We continued to have sex. Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me? We're so young, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming of a potential future together. I really do feel like he is in my life for an important reason. I'm incredibly happy for I was able to escape from several abusive relationships because of him. I love him very much.	https://counselchat.com/questions/does-it-mean-that-he-isn-t-the-one-god-planned-for-me-if-we-had-sex-as-christians	Spirituality,Relationships	Frank Walker	https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-walker	<p>Having sex with your boyfriend is and was a mistake. Mistakes can be forgiven and you can make amends.</p><p>But it is not the end of your relationship or God's will for you.</p><p>Have a serious talk with your guy and get back on track with where you want to be. Talk to a counselor or your priest/pastor. Get someone to be your guide and mentor. Check in with them regularly.</p><p>Getting back to square one could actually strengthen your relationship.</p><p>Have a plan for the future where you will not be put into a place of temptation. Group dates, public places and no alone time where temptations might arise.</p><p>Forgive yourself and move on.</p><p><br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me if we had sex as Christians? <</SYS>> I'm a Christian teenage girl, and I have lost my virginity. My boyfriend is a Christian teenager too, but things just got out of hand between us in a sexual manner. I planned to abstain from sex but I guess I wasn't clear about this because I was also tempted and led him on. We continued to have sex. Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me? We're so young, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming of a potential future together. I really do feel like he is in my life for an important reason. I'm incredibly happy for I was able to escape from several abusive relationships because of him. I love him very much. [/INST] <p>Having sex with your boyfriend is and was a mistake. Mistakes can be forgiven and you can make amends.</p><p>But it is not the end of your relationship or God's will for you.</p><p>Have a serious talk with your guy and get back on track with where you want to be. Talk to a counselor or your priest/pastor. Get someone to be your guide and mentor. Check in with them regularly.</p><p>Getting back to square one could actually strengthen your relationship.</p><p>Have a plan for the future where you will not be put into a place of temptation. Group dates, public places and no alone time where temptations might arise.</p><p>Forgive yourself and move on.</p><p><br></p> </s>
57990e44b43cd7825e26e27d	How do I tell one parent I want to live with the other one?	I want to live with my mom. My dad gets angry and makes me feel like everything is my fault. I still talk to my mom although My dad tells me that I'm no allowed to. I'm scared I will make the wrong decision and that my dad will hate me. How do I tell him that I want to live with my mom?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-one-parent-i-want-to-live-with-the-other-one	Family Conflict,Parenting	Frank Walker	https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-walker	<p>There is a lot of information that needs to be filled in first. </p><p>So what the custody arrangement? Does your dad have full custody? Is the custody shared? </p><p>What does your mom think about the situation? Is she willing to go to bat for you?</p><p>What is your age? Usually you have the right to choose based on age requirements set by the state.</p><p>Legally you can't be kept away from your mom unless there is some legal complications that prevent it.</p><p>Is your father abusive and should you seek protection?</p><p>Many details need to be filled in.</p><p>You can seek counseling without your parents approving or knowing, depending on your age.</p><p>Find counseling through school or local agencies.</p><p>You have rights and one of those is the right to choose.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I tell one parent I want to live with the other one? <</SYS>> I want to live with my mom. My dad gets angry and makes me feel like everything is my fault. I still talk to my mom although My dad tells me that I'm no allowed to. I'm scared I will make the wrong decision and that my dad will hate me. How do I tell him that I want to live with my mom? [/INST] <p>There is a lot of information that needs to be filled in first. </p><p>So what the custody arrangement? Does your dad have full custody? Is the custody shared? </p><p>What does your mom think about the situation? Is she willing to go to bat for you?</p><p>What is your age? Usually you have the right to choose based on age requirements set by the state.</p><p>Legally you can't be kept away from your mom unless there is some legal complications that prevent it.</p><p>Is your father abusive and should you seek protection?</p><p>Many details need to be filled in.</p><p>You can seek counseling without your parents approving or knowing, depending on your age.</p><p>Find counseling through school or local agencies.</p><p>You have rights and one of those is the right to choose.</p> </s>
585599b3950e2507cf23dd9a	Can I sign my brother into a mental health facility?	My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather. I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved because she's afraid of financial responsibility. Do I have the rights to be able to sign my brother into mentalhealth facility?	https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-sign-my-brother-into-a-mental-health-facility	Family Conflict,Legal & Regulatory,Substance Abuse	Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw	<p>Family members sometimes get Power of Attorney over vulnerable adults. If you had this, you could do something like that. I'm assuming that you don't, though. There are steps family members can take through the court system to get someone involuntarily committed, but it is a long process. </p><p>I deal with situations like this everyday on the job. The only time an adult can be committed against their will is if they are deemed by the doctor (such as at an emergency room) to be a threat to self or others. For instance, if he had suicidal thoughts and a plan to carry out the action, or if he had homicidal thoughts against someone else and a plan to carry it out, he could be placed on a short hold, but these holds only last for a few days. This still isn't a long-term solution. </p><p>An adult has the right to refuse treatment and the right to make their own choices, no matter how bad those choices are. If you have a way to get him to an ER whenever things like that happen, such as being found sleeping outside in 12 degree weather, it will help a lot. They may or may not do a short term commitment for treatment based on the situation that brings him to the ER, but it's a start. They can help set him up with appointments for psych and he can get on medications. You can help by taking him to appointments and making sure his medications get filled. However, you can't force him to take the meds, so this may be something that happens a lot. With enough of a paper trail of many ER visits and that sort of thing, you'll stand a better chance of getting a court appointed psych ward stay. </p><p>Some tips about ER visits: Don't send him alone. Always go with him or have someone go with him, because you will be able to give the treatment team better insight into what's going on than he will. He may say everything's fine and he wants to leave, so they won't have any reason to keep him if that is the case. Go with him. </p><p>If you do get Power of Attorney, take the paperwork with you when you go to the ER and to doctor's appointments because they aren't just going to take your word. They need to see the actual paperwork. Having it on file in their system isn't good enough because paperwork expires, etc. Take it with you at all times. You can also compile his medical records and that sort of thing to take with you so they can see a full history of what's going on.</p><p>Keep in mind that if you do get Power of Attorney, this makes you his guardian and you have to take care of him. Otherwise, you can get reported for vulnerable adult abuse and neglect. In fact, your mom ignoring and not helping may already put her at risk of that because she is willingly doing nothing to help someone who clearly needs the help. She won't be financially responsible for the hospital or doctor bills, but should be held responsible for his safety. Someone should. There are group homes for people with schizophrenia. " Being responsible" for someone doesn't mean you have to pay their bills, it just means you are going to make sure they get the care they need. That care may be placement in a long-term care facility like a group home or a nursing home. Psych inpatient hospitals aren't long-term, so you do need to look into other long-term options. Psych inpatient stays are temporary and are to stabilize him, they're not where someone stays forever.</p><p>Good luck, and keep up the good attitude! Work with his treatment team. Ask for a social worker. If they see family that is wanting to do the right thing and wanting to help, they'll help you even if it does take a while to get things sorted out. The worst thing any of you can do is NOT go to appointments and that sort of thing. </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Can I sign my brother into a mental health facility? <</SYS>> My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather. I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved because she's afraid of financial responsibility. Do I have the rights to be able to sign my brother into mentalhealth facility? [/INST] <p>Family members sometimes get Power of Attorney over vulnerable adults. If you had this, you could do something like that. I'm assuming that you don't, though. There are steps family members can take through the court system to get someone involuntarily committed, but it is a long process. </p><p>I deal with situations like this everyday on the job. The only time an adult can be committed against their will is if they are deemed by the doctor (such as at an emergency room) to be a threat to self or others. For instance, if he had suicidal thoughts and a plan to carry out the action, or if he had homicidal thoughts against someone else and a plan to carry it out, he could be placed on a short hold, but these holds only last for a few days. This still isn't a long-term solution. </p><p>An adult has the right to refuse treatment and the right to make their own choices, no matter how bad those choices are. If you have a way to get him to an ER whenever things like that happen, such as being found sleeping outside in 12 degree weather, it will help a lot. They may or may not do a short term commitment for treatment based on the situation that brings him to the ER, but it's a start. They can help set him up with appointments for psych and he can get on medications. You can help by taking him to appointments and making sure his medications get filled. However, you can't force him to take the meds, so this may be something that happens a lot. With enough of a paper trail of many ER visits and that sort of thing, you'll stand a better chance of getting a court appointed psych ward stay. </p><p>Some tips about ER visits: Don't send him alone. Always go with him or have someone go with him, because you will be able to give the treatment team better insight into what's going on than he will. He may say everything's fine and he wants to leave, so they won't have any reason to keep him if that is the case. Go with him. </p><p>If you do get Power of Attorney, take the paperwork with you when you go to the ER and to doctor's appointments because they aren't just going to take your word. They need to see the actual paperwork. Having it on file in their system isn't good enough because paperwork expires, etc. Take it with you at all times. You can also compile his medical records and that sort of thing to take with you so they can see a full history of what's going on.</p><p>Keep in mind that if you do get Power of Attorney, this makes you his guardian and you have to take care of him. Otherwise, you can get reported for vulnerable adult abuse and neglect. In fact, your mom ignoring and not helping may already put her at risk of that because she is willingly doing nothing to help someone who clearly needs the help. She won't be financially responsible for the hospital or doctor bills, but should be held responsible for his safety. Someone should. There are group homes for people with schizophrenia. " Being responsible" for someone doesn't mean you have to pay their bills, it just means you are going to make sure they get the care they need. That care may be placement in a long-term care facility like a group home or a nursing home. Psych inpatient hospitals aren't long-term, so you do need to look into other long-term options. Psych inpatient stays are temporary and are to stabilize him, they're not where someone stays forever.</p><p>Good luck, and keep up the good attitude! Work with his treatment team. Ask for a social worker. If they see family that is wanting to do the right thing and wanting to help, they'll help you even if it does take a while to get things sorted out. The worst thing any of you can do is NOT go to appointments and that sort of thing. </p> </s>
56ebea576174eaae0589c6fe	How do I get to know myself?	I am a single mother. As a child, I was molested by my mother's boyfriend. I never knew my father. I started having children at 18 right after high school. After having children, I completely lost myself and gave all of my focus on my children. Now my children are getting older, but I still don't know myself. I've had several attempts at relationships, and they all fail. I stopped caring about a lot after my children's father left me. I fell into a spiral and got depressed.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-to-know-myself	Depression,Self-esteem	Sonya Wilson	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson	<p>What your are experience is normal for most women.  We usually forget about self and totally focus on our children putting our personal wants and needs aside.  So to answer your question of how do you get to know yourself I usually do a 6 session course with my client by having them answer questions such as the following in the first session:  What do I love? (other than your children)  What are my own needs and desires?  What 3 things have I accomplished in my life that I'm most proud of?  What are 5 strengths or qualities I have?  What is one event that had a major impact on my life?  How have that event affected my life today?   For their homework assignment after the 1st session, they are asked to write a letter to self tell self what they love, cherish, appreciate and even admire about themselves.  </p><p><br></p><p>Most women feel awkward at first, but I remind them that the truth is that only to the extent that you are able to love and value yourself, you are to love and support others.  </p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get to know myself? <</SYS>> I am a single mother. As a child, I was molested by my mother's boyfriend. I never knew my father. I started having children at 18 right after high school. After having children, I completely lost myself and gave all of my focus on my children. Now my children are getting older, but I still don't know myself. I've had several attempts at relationships, and they all fail. I stopped caring about a lot after my children's father left me. I fell into a spiral and got depressed. [/INST] <p>What your are experience is normal for most women.  We usually forget about self and totally focus on our children putting our personal wants and needs aside.  So to answer your question of how do you get to know yourself I usually do a 6 session course with my client by having them answer questions such as the following in the first session:  What do I love? (other than your children)  What are my own needs and desires?  What 3 things have I accomplished in my life that I'm most proud of?  What are 5 strengths or qualities I have?  What is one event that had a major impact on my life?  How have that event affected my life today?   For their homework assignment after the 1st session, they are asked to write a letter to self tell self what they love, cherish, appreciate and even admire about themselves.  </p><p><br></p><p>Most women feel awkward at first, but I remind them that the truth is that only to the extent that you are able to love and value yourself, you are to love and support others.  </p> </s>
5773e438b9ff751f196e8df0	I'm worried about my new job.	I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-worried-about-my-new-job	Anxiety,Career Counseling	Cimberly R. Nesker	https://counselchat.com/therapists/cimberly-r-nesker	Anxiety can cause such a feeling of discomfort in our bodies that it can seem unbearable. The concern that I can hear in what you have written is that the thought of having some anxiety has now left you uncomfortable with any anxiety at all - and that can become a problem, indeed. <div><br></div><div>As opposed to thinking about your anxiety as something much bigger than you, it could be helpful to start breaking it down. What are the things specifically that cause you anxiety about this new job? Is it being away from your family? If so, why? </div><div><br></div><div>Once you start breaking down what causes you to feel anxiety into smaller "mouthfuls", then we are far better able to understand what has led to discomfort and start to problem solve the issue. </div><div><br></div>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm worried about my new job. <</SYS>> I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do? [/INST] Anxiety can cause such a feeling of discomfort in our bodies that it can seem unbearable. The concern that I can hear in what you have written is that the thought of having some anxiety has now left you uncomfortable with any anxiety at all - and that can become a problem, indeed. <div><br></div><div>As opposed to thinking about your anxiety as something much bigger than you, it could be helpful to start breaking it down. What are the things specifically that cause you anxiety about this new job? Is it being away from your family? If so, why? </div><div><br></div><div>Once you start breaking down what causes you to feel anxiety into smaller "mouthfuls", then we are far better able to understand what has led to discomfort and start to problem solve the issue. </div><div><br></div> </s>
586ea98c152ba8625f40045b	How do I get my husband to listen to me?	I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me. How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-husband-to-listen-to-me	Relationships,Marriage	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Does your husband want to listen to you?</p><p>Find this out by asking him the question!</p><p>This way you know whether the goal you'd like to reach is even possible.</p><p>Some partners prefer that one person is the rule maker or the only one who is entitled to talk about themselves.</p><p>If your husband tells you he wants to listen to you, or even that he does listen to you, then you can explain in detail the way you define "listening", which may be very different than his definition.</p><p>Basically, no one can directly change someone into being more openminded.</p><p>What is possible is to tell him your wishes, your willingness to be patient while he develops the habit of listening to you and point out that a relationship is more fulfilling when both partners feel they are receiving from the other one.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get my husband to listen to me? <</SYS>> I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me. How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time? [/INST] <p>Does your husband want to listen to you?</p><p>Find this out by asking him the question!</p><p>This way you know whether the goal you'd like to reach is even possible.</p><p>Some partners prefer that one person is the rule maker or the only one who is entitled to talk about themselves.</p><p>If your husband tells you he wants to listen to you, or even that he does listen to you, then you can explain in detail the way you define "listening", which may be very different than his definition.</p><p>Basically, no one can directly change someone into being more openminded.</p><p>What is possible is to tell him your wishes, your willingness to be patient while he develops the habit of listening to you and point out that a relationship is more fulfilling when both partners feel they are receiving from the other one.</p> </s>
55e2299ea4803564117ec302	I have a tendency to not finish tasks I set my heart/mind to.	I've been struggling with it for a test and I'm starting to believe it's something mental. What could it be?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-a-tendency-to-not-finish-tasks-i-set-my-heart-mind-to	null	Barika Grayson LMHC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/barika-grayson-lmhc-ncc	<p>Hello in Jacksonville, </p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">It sounds like you are struggling with motivation to either take or study for a test.  There could be several different causes.  If you were being seen at my </span><a href="http://www.counselflorida.com/Services.html" target="_blank" style="line-height: 1.42857; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">practice</a><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">, I would ask you to describe your self-talk when engaging in these activities, during the different phases ie. in beginning, after a few days, and after few weeks.  Negative self-talk leads to increased disinterest and eventually tasks not being completed.  It is great that you recognize that you have the tendency to not complete tasks that you start.  Some questions that would be great to explore with a therapist are:</span><br></p><ul><li> how often you start and stop tasks without completing them?</li><li>how you are feeling when you choose to start/ stop a project/task?</li><li>how many tasks do you complete?  Sometimes we need to recognize list our accomplishments so that they do not go unnoticed.   </li><li>Do you ever feel like you are working against yourself?</li></ul><p>A licensed <a href="http://www.counselflorida.com">counselor in Jacksonville</a> will be able to asses you and rule out or diagnose self-sabotaging, depression, anxiety or other possible contributing factors.  </p><p><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Remember to continue to provide yourself daily motivation and encouragement towards your goals.</span></p><p><span style="font-style: italic;"><br></span></p><p><br></p><p><br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I have a tendency to not finish tasks I set my heart/mind to. <</SYS>> I've been struggling with it for a test and I'm starting to believe it's something mental. What could it be? [/INST] <p>Hello in Jacksonville, </p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">It sounds like you are struggling with motivation to either take or study for a test.  There could be several different causes.  If you were being seen at my </span><a href="http://www.counselflorida.com/Services.html" target="_blank" style="line-height: 1.42857; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">practice</a><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">, I would ask you to describe your self-talk when engaging in these activities, during the different phases ie. in beginning, after a few days, and after few weeks.  Negative self-talk leads to increased disinterest and eventually tasks not being completed.  It is great that you recognize that you have the tendency to not complete tasks that you start.  Some questions that would be great to explore with a therapist are:</span><br></p><ul><li> how often you start and stop tasks without completing them?</li><li>how you are feeling when you choose to start/ stop a project/task?</li><li>how many tasks do you complete?  Sometimes we need to recognize list our accomplishments so that they do not go unnoticed.   </li><li>Do you ever feel like you are working against yourself?</li></ul><p>A licensed <a href="http://www.counselflorida.com">counselor in Jacksonville</a> will be able to asses you and rule out or diagnose self-sabotaging, depression, anxiety or other possible contributing factors.  </p><p><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Remember to continue to provide yourself daily motivation and encouragement towards your goals.</span></p><p><span style="font-style: italic;"><br></span></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s>
579e400d188cd61c1684e835	Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous?	I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous	Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals	Jill Barnett Kaufman	https://counselchat.com/therapists/jill-barnett-kaufman	<p>It is absolutely normal to be nervous about therapy.  Many people take years to make the decision to start counseling and although it is a safe place to explore feelings, it may be the first time you are facing certain issues.  It takes courage to face issues head on.  Being nervous is part of the process.  The fact that you are continuing to go to therapy sessions despite feeling nervous demonstrates your strength.  Keep it up!</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? <</SYS>> I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? [/INST] <p>It is absolutely normal to be nervous about therapy.  Many people take years to make the decision to start counseling and although it is a safe place to explore feelings, it may be the first time you are facing certain issues.  It takes courage to face issues head on.  Being nervous is part of the process.  The fact that you are continuing to go to therapy sessions despite feeling nervous demonstrates your strength.  Keep it up!</p> </s>
5748d98dc792dd6c7063e48f	How can you get back to my old self?	I no longer carry expressions on my face, and my emotions are decreasing the more I have fights with my fiancée.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-you-get-back-to-my-old-self	Depression,Relationships	Sarah McIntyre	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sarah-mcintyre	Sometimes repressing anger can lead to depression and block all kinds of other emotions too.  I would wonder about your experience with anger and if you've ever been discouraged from expressing anger.  I would also wonder if you feel like you have space to express yourself in your relationship or if you feel like you really aren't being heard.  It's hard to feel cared for and connected to someone else when you don't feel accepted by them.	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can you get back to my old self? <</SYS>> I no longer carry expressions on my face, and my emotions are decreasing the more I have fights with my fiancée. [/INST] Sometimes repressing anger can lead to depression and block all kinds of other emotions too.  I would wonder about your experience with anger and if you've ever been discouraged from expressing anger.  I would also wonder if you feel like you have space to express yourself in your relationship or if you feel like you really aren't being heard.  It's hard to feel cared for and connected to someone else when you don't feel accepted by them. </s>
5689a796e716b51523007b94	How do I manage my anger?	I am so angry. I feel like the arguments with my parents have caused me so much anxiety and stress, and I don't know what to do. I want to sit down with a psychologist, but I cannot afford one, nor do I have my own health insurance. I can feel myself starting to get violent. I throw things of value when I start to get mad. I have punched holes in my wall. I can feel my aggression getting worse.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-manage-my-anger	Anger Management	Margaret Van Ackeren	https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda	<p>First off, it is great that you recognize that some changes need to be made. It is also really good that you understand where the source of your anxiety and stress comes from. Fortunately there are many self help books and internet sources that provide free tools to help you cope with life's obstacles, including anger management. There are several strategies that you can try to help control your anger, but the ones that I would recomend first are the following:</p><p>1. Try a different way of communicating with your parents. Since arguing with them is a great source of anger for you, learning more effective ways of communicating with them will likely be of great benefit. Choose a time to talk with them about "heated issues" when everyone is calm and emotions are not heightened. Use "I phrases" by telling them how the arguments effect you, as opposed to placing blame on them. Validate what you hear your parents say in order to allow them to know that you understand their point of view.</p><p>2. When you feel yourself becoming angry, take a break. Simply excuse yourself from the situation, find a quiet place to be by yourself, and do some deep breathing. Close your eyes, slowly count to four as you inhale, and exhale even slower, counting to 6. Focus on nothing except for your breathing and do this for 5 minutes.</p><p>3. Stop any negative thoughts in their tracks. Often times when we get upset, we catastrophize and do not see things clearly. When you catch yourself thinking negatively stop the thoughts and ask yourself if your thinking is logical and rational. If you cannot find much or any evidence that your thoughts are valid, then let them go and replace them with realistic, logical thoughts.</p><p>4. Finally, find a friend or someone to talk to and/or keep a journal. Keeping your emotions to yourself will not help you. Being able to express your feelings and problem solve will allow for some relief when feeling sad or angry.</p><p>I wish you all the best!<br></p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I manage my anger? <</SYS>> I am so angry. I feel like the arguments with my parents have caused me so much anxiety and stress, and I don't know what to do. I want to sit down with a psychologist, but I cannot afford one, nor do I have my own health insurance. I can feel myself starting to get violent. I throw things of value when I start to get mad. I have punched holes in my wall. I can feel my aggression getting worse. [/INST] <p>First off, it is great that you recognize that some changes need to be made. It is also really good that you understand where the source of your anxiety and stress comes from. Fortunately there are many self help books and internet sources that provide free tools to help you cope with life's obstacles, including anger management. There are several strategies that you can try to help control your anger, but the ones that I would recomend first are the following:</p><p>1. Try a different way of communicating with your parents. Since arguing with them is a great source of anger for you, learning more effective ways of communicating with them will likely be of great benefit. Choose a time to talk with them about "heated issues" when everyone is calm and emotions are not heightened. Use "I phrases" by telling them how the arguments effect you, as opposed to placing blame on them. Validate what you hear your parents say in order to allow them to know that you understand their point of view.</p><p>2. When you feel yourself becoming angry, take a break. Simply excuse yourself from the situation, find a quiet place to be by yourself, and do some deep breathing. Close your eyes, slowly count to four as you inhale, and exhale even slower, counting to 6. Focus on nothing except for your breathing and do this for 5 minutes.</p><p>3. Stop any negative thoughts in their tracks. Often times when we get upset, we catastrophize and do not see things clearly. When you catch yourself thinking negatively stop the thoughts and ask yourself if your thinking is logical and rational. If you cannot find much or any evidence that your thoughts are valid, then let them go and replace them with realistic, logical thoughts.</p><p>4. Finally, find a friend or someone to talk to and/or keep a journal. Keeping your emotions to yourself will not help you. Being able to express your feelings and problem solve will allow for some relief when feeling sad or angry.</p><p>I wish you all the best!<br></p> </s>
567202c81c0ef0372122370e	Relationships cause me anxiety and nausea.	I am in high school and have been facing anxiety issues lately. Whenever I get close to being in a relationship, some kind of anxiety takes over and keeps me from the relationship. This anxiety causes me depression at times and even makes me want to vomit. While a semi-relationship should be joyous, for me, it’s an emotional nightmare I can’t get to the bottom of. I’ve had this before and had to leave the semi-relationship to avoid throwing up every time I made contact with my crush. What could be the reason behind this? Is it massive nerve problems? Is it a fear of a bad relationship? While I’m not quite ready to be in one anyway, I want to get to the bottom of this for a brighter future in which I can be in one. I don’t take medications and have no desire to, I have read forums, and I’ve talked about the issue with my sister who has faced similar problems.	https://counselchat.com/questions/relationships-cause-me-anxiety-and-nausea	Depression,Anxiety,Relationships	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>Hi Helena,</p><p>I felt a bit sad when I read this. This is a new term for me... "semi-relationship". What does it mean? I know that today's culture for young people is more of a "hook-up" culture than a dating one. Maybe that means that you develop connections to people but you keep yourself from hoping for a full relationship because no one is doing that anymore. That makes me feel sad. I hear a lot of young women (I'm not sure you're female, but that's my guess) say that they struggle with hook-ups because they can't let themselves hope for a phone call after a hook-up. Research tells us that, after a hook-up, college age women tend to feel used and unworthy, and men tend to feel guilty. I think this scenario works better for men than women, but many of both genders are left unsatisfied in the end.</p><p>This is only one possible explanation for your anxiety...that your gut knows that it wants to feel fully coupled with someone but you struggle with whether it's okay to want or expect that.</p><p>Maybe take a moment and listen to anxiety. Anxiety tends to try to convince us that something's wrong with us or something bad's going to happen. Anxiety sometimes prefers to stay vague (it's more difficult to refute it then), but you can try to clarify it's whisperings by asking yourself these questions: What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that might happen here? Then what might happen, and what would be the worst part of that? Keep going until you find the very worst thing that might happen? Might someone not want you...might you feel rejected...or feel not good enough...you might get hurt?</p><p>Then when you find that core fear, you can look at your life and I bet you'd find a place where that idea or fear originated. A big moment (or many smaller ones) when you actually DID feel or get rejected or abandoned or hurt. In the end, it's a feeling you're trying to avoid (not life or relationship), and anxiety is trying to help you avoid it by making you overcautious. But this doesn't work for you! Good! With the help of a qualified therapist, you can learn to talk back to anxiety and move forward in life and love with calm. confidence.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Relationships cause me anxiety and nausea. <</SYS>> I am in high school and have been facing anxiety issues lately. Whenever I get close to being in a relationship, some kind of anxiety takes over and keeps me from the relationship. This anxiety causes me depression at times and even makes me want to vomit. While a semi-relationship should be joyous, for me, it’s an emotional nightmare I can’t get to the bottom of. I’ve had this before and had to leave the semi-relationship to avoid throwing up every time I made contact with my crush. What could be the reason behind this? Is it massive nerve problems? Is it a fear of a bad relationship? While I’m not quite ready to be in one anyway, I want to get to the bottom of this for a brighter future in which I can be in one. I don’t take medications and have no desire to, I have read forums, and I’ve talked about the issue with my sister who has faced similar problems. [/INST] <p>Hi Helena,</p><p>I felt a bit sad when I read this. This is a new term for me... "semi-relationship". What does it mean? I know that today's culture for young people is more of a "hook-up" culture than a dating one. Maybe that means that you develop connections to people but you keep yourself from hoping for a full relationship because no one is doing that anymore. That makes me feel sad. I hear a lot of young women (I'm not sure you're female, but that's my guess) say that they struggle with hook-ups because they can't let themselves hope for a phone call after a hook-up. Research tells us that, after a hook-up, college age women tend to feel used and unworthy, and men tend to feel guilty. I think this scenario works better for men than women, but many of both genders are left unsatisfied in the end.</p><p>This is only one possible explanation for your anxiety...that your gut knows that it wants to feel fully coupled with someone but you struggle with whether it's okay to want or expect that.</p><p>Maybe take a moment and listen to anxiety. Anxiety tends to try to convince us that something's wrong with us or something bad's going to happen. Anxiety sometimes prefers to stay vague (it's more difficult to refute it then), but you can try to clarify it's whisperings by asking yourself these questions: What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that might happen here? Then what might happen, and what would be the worst part of that? Keep going until you find the very worst thing that might happen? Might someone not want you...might you feel rejected...or feel not good enough...you might get hurt?</p><p>Then when you find that core fear, you can look at your life and I bet you'd find a place where that idea or fear originated. A big moment (or many smaller ones) when you actually DID feel or get rejected or abandoned or hurt. In the end, it's a feeling you're trying to avoid (not life or relationship), and anxiety is trying to help you avoid it by making you overcautious. But this doesn't work for you! Good! With the help of a qualified therapist, you can learn to talk back to anxiety and move forward in life and love with calm. confidence.</p> </s>
57799c9772f4321a37b64221	Is it normal to cry during therapy?	I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-cry-during-therapy	Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals	Miriam Dyak	https://counselchat.com/therapists/miriam-dyak	<p>People do cry in therapy sometimes, but it's not at all necessary to cry in order for most kinds of therapy to be helpful. When you start counseling you don't yet know your counselor very well, so it's normal to keep your feelings in check until you feel comfortable and a bit more relaxed with your counselor and with the situation. Sometimes, though, there are emotions that have been waiting and waiting to finally find someone who will listen with a kind ear. If you feel safe right away in the situation with your counselor, you might just cry in spite of your fears about it. Your therapist is used to people expressing how they feel and will keep strict confidentiality, so even though it's embarrassing, finally experiencing someone truly listening with empathy and kindness may just be worth it. It's okay too to let your counselor know right at the beginning that you're kind of freaked out about getting too emotional in front of another person.</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to cry during therapy? <</SYS>> I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about? [/INST] <p>People do cry in therapy sometimes, but it's not at all necessary to cry in order for most kinds of therapy to be helpful. When you start counseling you don't yet know your counselor very well, so it's normal to keep your feelings in check until you feel comfortable and a bit more relaxed with your counselor and with the situation. Sometimes, though, there are emotions that have been waiting and waiting to finally find someone who will listen with a kind ear. If you feel safe right away in the situation with your counselor, you might just cry in spite of your fears about it. Your therapist is used to people expressing how they feel and will keep strict confidentiality, so even though it's embarrassing, finally experiencing someone truly listening with empathy and kindness may just be worth it. It's okay too to let your counselor know right at the beginning that you're kind of freaked out about getting too emotional in front of another person.</p> </s>
576841ff008fce8e73e1eba5	How can I avoid family members who stress me out?	My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-family-members-who-stress-me-out	Family Conflict,Stress	Linda Spyres	https://counselchat.com/therapists/linda-spyres	<p>This sounds like a possible boundary issue. Boundaries are important in relationships. They are invisible lines that we will or will not cross. It is up to us to create and hold them. We have the ability to rethink them and change them as needed. It sounds like you have thought it through and would like to makes changes in the relationship between your mother and you. In the main question, you want to avoid the family member, however in the following comment, it sounds like you may just want the avoid that conversation, not so much your mother. </p><p>Once we review the issue and decide what we need (create the boundary), I suggest opening talking with the person when everyone is calm (not in the middle of a stressful moment when we often are unable to focus and hear the other person). Always understanding that we had time to think about this issue and the other person has not (catching them off guard). State clearly your need. Such as "I am not comfortable with hearing about my sister. It stresses me out. I would appreciate it if you would not bring it up anymore. If you do, I will not respond and I will change the subject " It is important to use "I" statements. I feel" this way". I will "do this". We only have power over our actions. Also when we use "you " comments, the other person can become defensive and unable to hear what we are saying. </p><p>Once we let ourselves know what we need, then let the other people know our new boundary, then it is up to us to follow through. We will make mistakes. Not follow through every time with our boundary. That is okay. Start again. It gets easier with practice. It is also appropriate to reconsider and change your boundary as needed. Just let the others know when you need to change it. Remember, they can not read our minds. </p><p>I wish you much strength and hope the best for you and your family.</p><p>www.parishhealthandwellness.com</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I avoid family members who stress me out? <</SYS>> My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore. [/INST] <p>This sounds like a possible boundary issue. Boundaries are important in relationships. They are invisible lines that we will or will not cross. It is up to us to create and hold them. We have the ability to rethink them and change them as needed. It sounds like you have thought it through and would like to makes changes in the relationship between your mother and you. In the main question, you want to avoid the family member, however in the following comment, it sounds like you may just want the avoid that conversation, not so much your mother. </p><p>Once we review the issue and decide what we need (create the boundary), I suggest opening talking with the person when everyone is calm (not in the middle of a stressful moment when we often are unable to focus and hear the other person). Always understanding that we had time to think about this issue and the other person has not (catching them off guard). State clearly your need. Such as "I am not comfortable with hearing about my sister. It stresses me out. I would appreciate it if you would not bring it up anymore. If you do, I will not respond and I will change the subject " It is important to use "I" statements. I feel" this way". I will "do this". We only have power over our actions. Also when we use "you " comments, the other person can become defensive and unable to hear what we are saying. </p><p>Once we let ourselves know what we need, then let the other people know our new boundary, then it is up to us to follow through. We will make mistakes. Not follow through every time with our boundary. That is okay. Start again. It gets easier with practice. It is also appropriate to reconsider and change your boundary as needed. Just let the others know when you need to change it. Remember, they can not read our minds. </p><p>I wish you much strength and hope the best for you and your family.</p><p>www.parishhealthandwellness.com</p> </s>
56d70c6affed53b4492cfef6	I’m afraid that I’m gay.	I've been going through a rough time lately. I been into nothing but women. I’ve never thought about men until a week ago. I’m very upset and depressed about this. It's not normal to me. I looked at gay porn more than once to prove that I’m not gay. I get the same results each time, and I feel disgust. This is tough on me. I'm scared that I looked too many times. I keep thinking about it and shake all the time.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-afraid-that-i-m-gay	LGBTQ	Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LMHC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lmhc	<p>Hello. Coming to terms with the idea that you might be of a sexuality other than the one in which you were socially raised to be, can be emotionally disturbing, and quite unsettling. It creates anxiety, maybe even panic, and leaves us feeling confused and uncertain about our own sense of identity. It becomes important to first ask yourself how you feel when you are thinking of being intimate with guys, or if you desire them to be intimate with you. It is important to know what impact this has on you, because it can determine your level of follow through and desire in pursuing sexual activity with someone of the same sex. I am not going to pass judgment on you either way - even for having the thoughts. I have worked with the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer (LGBTQ) community in various ways over the years. Many I speak to, say they had to struggle to come to terms with this awareness about how they see themselves sexually. Maybe you are bisexual, and don't have an exclusive attraction to the same sex. You might consider doing some searches online for community support groups in your area, to explore the feelings and issues around this topic. Talking to someone who you trust can be helpful too. Running from your feelings is not a good idea, and others in a support group for sexuality issues, might be able to relate to you and what you're going through right now. This will offer you perspective, as you think on how this plays out in your life.</p><p>Counselors are typically well trained to provide clinical services to clients who are experiencing feelings and thoughts much like the ones you are having now. I encourage you to consider reaching out for help. You are not crazy or insane for thinking of working with a counselor, nor of having feelings of same sex attraction. If you decide you are indeed gay, then know that you are not alone and never will be alone in that feeling. There is a huge community of support for you. Additionally, we all need help sometimes dealing with all sort of issues. A counselor can work more in depth with you to examine the motivations behind the feelings, and help you come to terms with them more directly. I hope that you come to a place where you feel less alone and more secure with yourself as you examine this area of your life. No matter what, do not fear being yourself. Again...you are not alone, I promise.</p><p><br></p><p>Warm regards,</p><p>Shawn Berthel, M.S., LMHC</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I’m afraid that I’m gay. <</SYS>> I've been going through a rough time lately. I been into nothing but women. I’ve never thought about men until a week ago. I’m very upset and depressed about this. It's not normal to me. I looked at gay porn more than once to prove that I’m not gay. I get the same results each time, and I feel disgust. This is tough on me. I'm scared that I looked too many times. I keep thinking about it and shake all the time. [/INST] <p>Hello. Coming to terms with the idea that you might be of a sexuality other than the one in which you were socially raised to be, can be emotionally disturbing, and quite unsettling. It creates anxiety, maybe even panic, and leaves us feeling confused and uncertain about our own sense of identity. It becomes important to first ask yourself how you feel when you are thinking of being intimate with guys, or if you desire them to be intimate with you. It is important to know what impact this has on you, because it can determine your level of follow through and desire in pursuing sexual activity with someone of the same sex. I am not going to pass judgment on you either way - even for having the thoughts. I have worked with the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer (LGBTQ) community in various ways over the years. Many I speak to, say they had to struggle to come to terms with this awareness about how they see themselves sexually. Maybe you are bisexual, and don't have an exclusive attraction to the same sex. You might consider doing some searches online for community support groups in your area, to explore the feelings and issues around this topic. Talking to someone who you trust can be helpful too. Running from your feelings is not a good idea, and others in a support group for sexuality issues, might be able to relate to you and what you're going through right now. This will offer you perspective, as you think on how this plays out in your life.</p><p>Counselors are typically well trained to provide clinical services to clients who are experiencing feelings and thoughts much like the ones you are having now. I encourage you to consider reaching out for help. You are not crazy or insane for thinking of working with a counselor, nor of having feelings of same sex attraction. If you decide you are indeed gay, then know that you are not alone and never will be alone in that feeling. There is a huge community of support for you. Additionally, we all need help sometimes dealing with all sort of issues. A counselor can work more in depth with you to examine the motivations behind the feelings, and help you come to terms with them more directly. I hope that you come to a place where you feel less alone and more secure with yourself as you examine this area of your life. No matter what, do not fear being yourself. Again...you are not alone, I promise.</p><p><br></p><p>Warm regards,</p><p>Shawn Berthel, M.S., LMHC</p> </s>
579766b34a3c0cef34f02ada	I want to become a better man.	I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-become-a-better-man	Relationships	Reid Stell	https://counselchat.com/therapists/reid-stell	<p>The best tool for becoming a better listener that I know of is called Imago Dialogue. It consists of 3 steps:</p><p>1. Mirroring what she says (without judging, commenting, refuting, defending, arguing, or scoffing--just listening, no matter the content) and repeating it back, word-for-word. Continue to ask if she has more to add until she doesn't.</p><p>2. Validating. You tell her you you understanding why she feels this way. (If you don't understand, then find a way.) You can also say, "That makes sense" or "I hear you" or "I get that."</p><p>3. Empathizing. Tell her how you think she must feel about what she's telling you. Your job is to try and feel what it feels like to be her.</p><p>This is a very different way of communicating than we're used to. My guess is that the arguments, discussions, and debates you've had with her have been counterproductive because you're both trying to win. With Imago Dialogue, you both win. She gets to be heard and you get to hear for a change.</p><p>At the end of the exercise, switch roles. For more info: http://imagorelationships.org/pub/about-imago-therapy/imago-dialogue-101/</p>	<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I want to become a better man. <</SYS>> I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together? [/INST] <p>The best tool for becoming a better listener that I know of is called Imago Dialogue. It consists of 3 steps:</p><p>1. Mirroring what she says (without judging, commenting, refuting, defending, arguing, or scoffing--just listening, no matter the content) and repeating it back, word-for-word. Continue to ask if she has more to add until she doesn't.</p><p>2. Validating. You tell her you you understanding why she feels this way. (If you don't understand, then find a way.) You can also say, "That makes sense" or "I hear you" or "I get that."</p><p>3. Empathizing. Tell her how you think she must feel about what she's telling you. Your job is to try and feel what it feels like to be her.</p><p>This is a very different way of communicating than we're used to. My guess is that the arguments, discussions, and debates you've had with her have been counterproductive because you're both trying to win. With Imago Dialogue, you both win. She gets to be heard and you get to hear for a change.</p><p>At the end of the exercise, switch roles. For more info: http://imagorelationships.org/pub/about-imago-therapy/imago-dialogue-101/</p> </s>