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579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Patti Thompson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/patti-thompson-2 | <p>Certainly. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? <</SYS>> I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? [/INST] <p>Certainly. </p> </s> |
575a489ec792dd6c7063e790 | How can I get over my fear of accidental pregnancy to have sex again? | I am so terrified of having sex anymore because I have been told over and over that sex is dangerous even though me and my partner used both forms of protection. My partner is not happy about this and simply wants more sex, and honestly, I want to give that to her. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-over-my-fear-of-accidental-pregnancy-to-have-sex-again | Anxiety,Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Relationships | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:="" "times="" new="" roman""="">I am wondering who is telling you that sex is dangerous. Is this medical advice, or is this someone’s
opinion trying to scare you from having sex?
And if so, how old are you? Is it ok to have sex, do you want to have
sex? It sounds like you want to make
your partner happy, and that you are taking care of protecting yourself and
your partner, but maybe you are forgetting to consider what do you really want. Having sexual relations is a very personal decision;
you and your partner have to consent. It
is also important to talk about the possible consequences and being responsible
for them as well. But sex should be something
that you enjoy, not that you should be fearful of. A therapist can help you to process those
negative thoughts and feelings that may impair you from enjoying your sexual
life.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:="" "times="" new="" roman";color:#666666"=""><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">¿Cómo puedo superar mi miedo de un
embarazo no deseado y poder tener sexo otra vez?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Estoy
aterrorizado de tener sexo porque me han dicho una y otra vez que el sexo es
peligroso, inclusive cuando yo y mi pareja usamos dos métodos de protección. Mi pareja no está contenta y simplemente
quiere más sexo, y honestamente, yo quiero darle lo que ella quiere.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="line-height: 16.75pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">Me pregunto quién
te está diciendo que el sexo es peligroso.
¿Esto es aviso medico, o es alguien intentando asustarte para que no
tengas relaciones? ¿Y si es así, que
edad tienes? ¿Es apropiado que tengas
sexo a tu edad? ¿Quieres tener sexo? Me
parece que estas enfocado en hacer feliz a tu pareja, y te estás protegiendo y protegiéndola,
pero tal vez están olvidando analizar que tu quieres realmente. Recuerda que tener una relación sexual es una
decisión personal, en la que tú y tu pareja deben de estar de acuerdo. También es importante hablar de las posibles
consecuencias de tener relaciones, como un embarazo, y discutir sus opciones e
intenciones, si eso ocurriera. Ya que
han tenido comunicación al respecto, el sexo debe ser algo que disfruten, no que temen.
Un terapista te puede ayudar a procesar esos pensamientos negativos y
los sentimientos que te pudieran impedir disfrutar de tu vida sexual</span><span style="line-height: 16.75pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get over my fear of accidental pregnancy to have sex again? <</SYS>> I am so terrified of having sex anymore because I have been told over and over that sex is dangerous even though me and my partner used both forms of protection. My partner is not happy about this and simply wants more sex, and honestly, I want to give that to her. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:="" "times="" new="" roman""="">I am wondering who is telling you that sex is dangerous. Is this medical advice, or is this someone’s
opinion trying to scare you from having sex?
And if so, how old are you? Is it ok to have sex, do you want to have
sex? It sounds like you want to make
your partner happy, and that you are taking care of protecting yourself and
your partner, but maybe you are forgetting to consider what do you really want. Having sexual relations is a very personal decision;
you and your partner have to consent. It
is also important to talk about the possible consequences and being responsible
for them as well. But sex should be something
that you enjoy, not that you should be fearful of. A therapist can help you to process those
negative thoughts and feelings that may impair you from enjoying your sexual
life.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:="" "times="" new="" roman";color:#666666"=""><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">¿Cómo puedo superar mi miedo de un
embarazo no deseado y poder tener sexo otra vez?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Estoy
aterrorizado de tener sexo porque me han dicho una y otra vez que el sexo es
peligroso, inclusive cuando yo y mi pareja usamos dos métodos de protección. Mi pareja no está contenta y simplemente
quiere más sexo, y honestamente, yo quiero darle lo que ella quiere.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="line-height: 16.75pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">Me pregunto quién
te está diciendo que el sexo es peligroso.
¿Esto es aviso medico, o es alguien intentando asustarte para que no
tengas relaciones? ¿Y si es así, que
edad tienes? ¿Es apropiado que tengas
sexo a tu edad? ¿Quieres tener sexo? Me
parece que estas enfocado en hacer feliz a tu pareja, y te estás protegiendo y protegiéndola,
pero tal vez están olvidando analizar que tu quieres realmente. Recuerda que tener una relación sexual es una
decisión personal, en la que tú y tu pareja deben de estar de acuerdo. También es importante hablar de las posibles
consecuencias de tener relaciones, como un embarazo, y discutir sus opciones e
intenciones, si eso ocurriera. Ya que
han tenido comunicación al respecto, el sexo debe ser algo que disfruten, no que temen.
Un terapista te puede ayudar a procesar esos pensamientos negativos y
los sentimientos que te pudieran impedir disfrutar de tu vida sexual</span><span style="line-height: 16.75pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">.</span></p> </s> |
574a6456c792dd6c7063e4ed | How do I fix or leave a bad relationship? | My ex-boyfriend and I have been back and forth for over a year now. He's in his late 20s, divorced for like five years now with two kids. He has a lot of narcissistic behaviors. He lies and cheats, but I love him. I've tried to date other people, but I always go back to him. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-fix-or-leave-a-bad-relationship | Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>There are a lot of pieces to the decision of whether to stay or leave. Can you have open conversations about your concerns? Is he able to listen to that? I'm not sure how you know for sure that he lies and cheats, but does he recognize these things as problems? Which part of you is bigger: the part of you that wants to stay or the part of you that wants to leave? Can you consider what you want, wish for, and desire while also considering the same for him? Can he do that for you?</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I fix or leave a bad relationship? <</SYS>> My ex-boyfriend and I have been back and forth for over a year now. He's in his late 20s, divorced for like five years now with two kids. He has a lot of narcissistic behaviors. He lies and cheats, but I love him. I've tried to date other people, but I always go back to him. [/INST] <p>There are a lot of pieces to the decision of whether to stay or leave. Can you have open conversations about your concerns? Is he able to listen to that? I'm not sure how you know for sure that he lies and cheats, but does he recognize these things as problems? Which part of you is bigger: the part of you that wants to stay or the part of you that wants to leave? Can you consider what you want, wish for, and desire while also considering the same for him? Can he do that for you?</p> </s> |
569c262ede405677109cb582 | Why do I still feel a connection with my ex-boyfriend that hurt me very badly? | My ex-boyfriend boyfriend and I lived together. He had a two year affair with a girl and had three pregnancies with her. One was an abortion, another was a miscarriage, and then she had the third baby. They are not together, but he continues to contact me and wants me back. He has nothing to offer me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-still-feel-a-connection-with-my-ex-boyfriend-that-hurt-me-very-badly | Relationships,Relationship Dissolution ,Intimacy | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Attica,</p><p>This is a question I think a lot of people deal with...they feel confusion about why they can't forget about or get over (or stop connecting with) someone who they absolutely know isn't good for them. </p><p>In your case, part of the problem is that he keeps trying to get back in touch with you. For some people, honestly, it's a game... to see how much power they have over you or it's their need to control you. If you don't want contact from this person, it's really important to give him clear messages about boundaries ("Don't contact me again"), and then ignore all of their communications. Any interactions or responses from you at all will feed their behaviour. Remind yourself why you don't want to be with them. I hear you doing that already when you say "he has nothing to offer me". That's great self-talk.</p><p>But let's get back to the question of why we have a hard time letting go of people like this. Sometimes it's because we still hope they will change. Maybe we remember who they used to be or how they used to treat us, and we think it can go back to the way it felt in those "good old days". The problem there is that, over the first few years, as intimacy grows, people tend to show more of who they are, not less. So what they're eventually showing you is who they are and what they're capable of. People do change and grow, but it won't happen at your pace. Accept that person for who they are and stop expecting them to change. </p><p>Another reason we can't let go is because we picture our ex with someone new in the future and we wonder if they will be a better person for the next partner in their life. This is a normal... but not a healthy... thought. It's as though we want them to stay, maybe apologize, and heal our hurts; maybe make up for past mistakes. You deserve that healing, you deserve better than you got, you deserve apologies, but to expect that from the person who hurt you and hasn't demonstrated that compassion as yet is probably foolhardy. </p><p>It is my belief that underlying some of the above scenarios is the deep belief that we must somehow be responsible for the hurts our exes have caused. If you blame yourself in any way for someone's poor treatment of you, you will be dancing around trying to do things differently so that they can treat you better. It will be impossible to let go, because you blame yourself for their behaviours.</p><p>Draw a line. Their behaviours are about them, not you, and the only solution is to challenge and reduce thoughts of them, and create physical and emotional distance. These things plus time will help the events of the past fade from importance. </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I still feel a connection with my ex-boyfriend that hurt me very badly? <</SYS>> My ex-boyfriend boyfriend and I lived together. He had a two year affair with a girl and had three pregnancies with her. One was an abortion, another was a miscarriage, and then she had the third baby. They are not together, but he continues to contact me and wants me back. He has nothing to offer me. [/INST] <p>Hi Attica,</p><p>This is a question I think a lot of people deal with...they feel confusion about why they can't forget about or get over (or stop connecting with) someone who they absolutely know isn't good for them. </p><p>In your case, part of the problem is that he keeps trying to get back in touch with you. For some people, honestly, it's a game... to see how much power they have over you or it's their need to control you. If you don't want contact from this person, it's really important to give him clear messages about boundaries ("Don't contact me again"), and then ignore all of their communications. Any interactions or responses from you at all will feed their behaviour. Remind yourself why you don't want to be with them. I hear you doing that already when you say "he has nothing to offer me". That's great self-talk.</p><p>But let's get back to the question of why we have a hard time letting go of people like this. Sometimes it's because we still hope they will change. Maybe we remember who they used to be or how they used to treat us, and we think it can go back to the way it felt in those "good old days". The problem there is that, over the first few years, as intimacy grows, people tend to show more of who they are, not less. So what they're eventually showing you is who they are and what they're capable of. People do change and grow, but it won't happen at your pace. Accept that person for who they are and stop expecting them to change. </p><p>Another reason we can't let go is because we picture our ex with someone new in the future and we wonder if they will be a better person for the next partner in their life. This is a normal... but not a healthy... thought. It's as though we want them to stay, maybe apologize, and heal our hurts; maybe make up for past mistakes. You deserve that healing, you deserve better than you got, you deserve apologies, but to expect that from the person who hurt you and hasn't demonstrated that compassion as yet is probably foolhardy. </p><p>It is my belief that underlying some of the above scenarios is the deep belief that we must somehow be responsible for the hurts our exes have caused. If you blame yourself in any way for someone's poor treatment of you, you will be dancing around trying to do things differently so that they can treat you better. It will be impossible to let go, because you blame yourself for their behaviours.</p><p>Draw a line. Their behaviours are about them, not you, and the only solution is to challenge and reduce thoughts of them, and create physical and emotional distance. These things plus time will help the events of the past fade from importance. </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
577189ba3c9e6b307a8ae61f | How should I handle the child I had with my ex-wife? | My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-should-i-handle-the-child-i-had-with-my-ex-wife | Parenting,Relationship Dissolution | Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-keys-lmhc-casac-ncc | <p>You're in a difficult situation and on behalf of you and your child, I commend you for trying to find the right thing to do.</p><p>Short version: your child needs you as much as possible. period. Always. We used to think that children were almost always harmed by divorce, unless there was extreme conflict or violence. More recent data shows that children are not necessarily harmed by divorce <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">if they keep both their parents. </span>In other words, the damaging part is losing half of themselves and losing the value of being connected to everyone who loves them, especially the other parent, in addition to the extra benefit there is from the other parent's perspective, strengths and so on. </p><p>The best thing for your child is for you to be available and loving and doing everything possible to allow the child to be whole - a person who incorporates BOTH parents. It's a tragedy for everyone to use a child to achieve adult aims, like getting back at a former spouse. In such a circumstance, your child needs you more than ever. If you and your wife have different rules and so on, your child will learn to adjust and adapt, just as they would if you remained in the household. A child quickly learns that they talk to mom about x,y,z or get away with whatever, but has different rules with dad. He/she will not be too confused in the long run. </p><p>Please stay the course in dealing with a difficult ex-wife for you and your child's wellbeing. Best of luck to all.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How should I handle the child I had with my ex-wife? <</SYS>> My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child? [/INST] <p>You're in a difficult situation and on behalf of you and your child, I commend you for trying to find the right thing to do.</p><p>Short version: your child needs you as much as possible. period. Always. We used to think that children were almost always harmed by divorce, unless there was extreme conflict or violence. More recent data shows that children are not necessarily harmed by divorce <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">if they keep both their parents. </span>In other words, the damaging part is losing half of themselves and losing the value of being connected to everyone who loves them, especially the other parent, in addition to the extra benefit there is from the other parent's perspective, strengths and so on. </p><p>The best thing for your child is for you to be available and loving and doing everything possible to allow the child to be whole - a person who incorporates BOTH parents. It's a tragedy for everyone to use a child to achieve adult aims, like getting back at a former spouse. In such a circumstance, your child needs you more than ever. If you and your wife have different rules and so on, your child will learn to adjust and adapt, just as they would if you remained in the household. A child quickly learns that they talk to mom about x,y,z or get away with whatever, but has different rules with dad. He/she will not be too confused in the long run. </p><p>Please stay the course in dealing with a difficult ex-wife for you and your child's wellbeing. Best of luck to all.</p> </s> |
5796b2c5bc069dff6a5339ce | Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-person-to-stop-feeling-emotions | Trauma | Miriam Dyak | https://counselchat.com/therapists/miriam-dyak | <p>I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you! What you are describing is being in a state of shock. You haven't suddenly become a sociopath - this is a normal reaction to an event that is completely overwhelming. There are most likely too many feelings to feel right now, so your body in its wisdom is shutting them down. You absolutely can recover, and it would be really important to get some trauma counseling with a counselor who feels safe for you to talk with. This is not the kind of situation to try and handle totally on your own. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? <</SYS>> I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? [/INST] <p>I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you! What you are describing is being in a state of shock. You haven't suddenly become a sociopath - this is a normal reaction to an event that is completely overwhelming. There are most likely too many feelings to feel right now, so your body in its wisdom is shutting them down. You absolutely can recover, and it would be really important to get some trauma counseling with a counselor who feels safe for you to talk with. This is not the kind of situation to try and handle totally on your own. </p> </s> |
567979b81dafd4552b77745e | I’ve been separated from my husband for six months and he still has not filed for divorce. | My husband and I got into a huge dispute. He said he wanted a divorce, and I left. I still come home a lot and see my kids, and he has not filed yet even though he still said he is. What does that mean for our marriage? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-ve-been-separated-from-my-husband-for-six-months-and-he-still-has-not-filed-for-divorce | Relationship Dissolution | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>In any relationship, including marriage, each partner will be better able to do their part, by understanding their own interests and wishes.</p><p>Concentrate more on what you'd like from your marriage. This will naturally raise the questions and criteria of what to talk with your husband about and what to ask of him.</p><p>Think over whether you wish to divorce or not.</p><p>Since he hasn't taken any action, then for the moment, you can assume he is not sure of what he wants.</p><p>Once you feel a little more clear on your opinion about your marriage, including feeling uncertain if you'd like it to end or continue, then you will be able to tell your husband the suggestions you have for resolving the dispute matter and emotions.</p><p>Try to re-direct your speculations about, "what does he want", "I wonder what he's thinking", back to answering these very reasonable questions, about yourself.</p><p>This will strengthen your own purpose in clarifying where to start and guide a discussion with him.</p><p>Good luck!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I’ve been separated from my husband for six months and he still has not filed for divorce. <</SYS>> My husband and I got into a huge dispute. He said he wanted a divorce, and I left. I still come home a lot and see my kids, and he has not filed yet even though he still said he is. What does that mean for our marriage? [/INST] <p>In any relationship, including marriage, each partner will be better able to do their part, by understanding their own interests and wishes.</p><p>Concentrate more on what you'd like from your marriage. This will naturally raise the questions and criteria of what to talk with your husband about and what to ask of him.</p><p>Think over whether you wish to divorce or not.</p><p>Since he hasn't taken any action, then for the moment, you can assume he is not sure of what he wants.</p><p>Once you feel a little more clear on your opinion about your marriage, including feeling uncertain if you'd like it to end or continue, then you will be able to tell your husband the suggestions you have for resolving the dispute matter and emotions.</p><p>Try to re-direct your speculations about, "what does he want", "I wonder what he's thinking", back to answering these very reasonable questions, about yourself.</p><p>This will strengthen your own purpose in clarifying where to start and guide a discussion with him.</p><p>Good luck!</p> </s> |
57688bd4008fce8e73e1ebc1 | How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex? | My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex | Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Marriage | Frank Walker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-walker | <p>There are many different ways that can be approached in your situation.</p><p>1. I would recommend a complete medical examination including blood test. i would want to know if there are any medical issues in your low sex drive.</p><p>2. Where is your husband in this situation? Is he resentful, accepting, demanding or neutral?</p><p>3. What is your past sexual history? has this had an affect on your current issue?</p><p>4.Has there been problems in your past with abuse of any kind?</p><p>5. Understand that intimacy is more than sex. What other ways can you be close to your spouse?</p><p>6. It sounds like there is some confusion about sexual intimacy from both of you.Couples counseling would be a great place to start. </p><p>All of these areas need to be explored before any treatment goals can be established.</p><p>You need to talk with a professional counselor to explore how to better connect with your spouse.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex? <</SYS>> My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband. [/INST] <p>There are many different ways that can be approached in your situation.</p><p>1. I would recommend a complete medical examination including blood test. i would want to know if there are any medical issues in your low sex drive.</p><p>2. Where is your husband in this situation? Is he resentful, accepting, demanding or neutral?</p><p>3. What is your past sexual history? has this had an affect on your current issue?</p><p>4.Has there been problems in your past with abuse of any kind?</p><p>5. Understand that intimacy is more than sex. What other ways can you be close to your spouse?</p><p>6. It sounds like there is some confusion about sexual intimacy from both of you.Couples counseling would be a great place to start. </p><p>All of these areas need to be explored before any treatment goals can be established.</p><p>You need to talk with a professional counselor to explore how to better connect with your spouse.</p> </s> |
577d5a227fe85f1465e20056 | How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt? | After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-husband-after-a-suicide-attempt | Marriage,Depression,Self-harm | Catherine Hobson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-hobson | <p>This is actually more common then we often realize, and actually understandable, as he has gone through a trauma, an unresolved existential crisis. He was taken care of by others and now is again left alone with his own internal, and rather horrific inner struggle.</p><p>In my work with CCT, or Contextual Conceptual Therapy, (see www.suicidetherapy.com) I have learned how trapped suicidal <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">people are in their own isolation, also called a "mysterious isolation," a form of self protection which cuts the off from their Self, or spirit. </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">And unless they address this message from their soul, </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">accompany a guide on a journey to discover their own missing information, that is to recognize how their own uncomforted emotional </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">pain has resulted in a coping stategy which has effectively cut themselves off from their own beauty, their Self, and their ability to receive love from themselves and others. </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Their attempt to kill themselves is a cry from their soul or spirit that they cannot live the life they are living any longer. They take this literally and try to end their life, when in fact what their soul or spirit is saying is they need to begin to live the life they came here to live.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><br></p><p> </p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt? <</SYS>> After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. [/INST] <p>This is actually more common then we often realize, and actually understandable, as he has gone through a trauma, an unresolved existential crisis. He was taken care of by others and now is again left alone with his own internal, and rather horrific inner struggle.</p><p>In my work with CCT, or Contextual Conceptual Therapy, (see www.suicidetherapy.com) I have learned how trapped suicidal <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">people are in their own isolation, also called a "mysterious isolation," a form of self protection which cuts the off from their Self, or spirit. </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">And unless they address this message from their soul, </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">accompany a guide on a journey to discover their own missing information, that is to recognize how their own uncomforted emotional </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">pain has resulted in a coping stategy which has effectively cut themselves off from their own beauty, their Self, and their ability to receive love from themselves and others. </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Their attempt to kill themselves is a cry from their soul or spirit that they cannot live the life they are living any longer. They take this literally and try to end their life, when in fact what their soul or spirit is saying is they need to begin to live the life they came here to live.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><br></p><p> </p><p><br></p> </s> |
5746401fc792dd6c7063e439 | Is my relationship with my stepdad normal? | My stepdad and I always mess around. I've noticed that whenever he playfully hits me, it's always my butt that he hits. He always comments on my outfits and always scans me head to toe when I walk into a room. I'm a teenager female, and I want to know if this is normal. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-my-relationship-with-my-stepdad-normal | Family Conflict | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It's hard to tell from the way you described it. Do you think he would be open to an honest discussion? It could be that his comments about your outfit are designed to make you feel good or to help them show how much he cares about you as his stepdaughter. As far as scanning you from head to toe, I can think of reasons that parents might do that. I also think that talking about it is probably very important so you really know what his intentions are. That way, it removes the guesswork and you have the opportunity to know what he is thinking and feeling and he can also know what your reactions are.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is my relationship with my stepdad normal? <</SYS>> My stepdad and I always mess around. I've noticed that whenever he playfully hits me, it's always my butt that he hits. He always comments on my outfits and always scans me head to toe when I walk into a room. I'm a teenager female, and I want to know if this is normal. [/INST] <p>It's hard to tell from the way you described it. Do you think he would be open to an honest discussion? It could be that his comments about your outfit are designed to make you feel good or to help them show how much he cares about you as his stepdaughter. As far as scanning you from head to toe, I can think of reasons that parents might do that. I also think that talking about it is probably very important so you really know what his intentions are. That way, it removes the guesswork and you have the opportunity to know what he is thinking and feeling and he can also know what your reactions are.</p> </s> |
55de6ff6b7325dee7db6fec0 | How do I, a LPC, start an online practice? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-a-lpc-start-an-online-practice | Legal & Regulatory | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>This is a great question - especially since technology assisted counseling is definitely the current growing edge of the field.</p><p>There are a few things you'll want to look into before starting an online practice:</p><p>1) Check out your state laws regarding online counseling - keep in mind there are different terms used in different states Including "technology assisted" or "distance" counseling. So it might take a little searching to find your state's rules. </p><p>Some states have extensive regulations regarding the scope of practice, informed consent, documentation, etc. Other states do not have any specific laws or policies regarding online counseling at all.</p><p>2) Next, it's a good idea to review the 2014 ACA code of ethics and the 2015 AMHCA code of ethics. Both have extensive new sections addressing the ethics of online counseling.</p><p>3) Lastly, you'll need to look into the law in the state(s) where your potential clients are located. This is really important since nearly every state considers counseling to occur in both the location of the client and the location of the counselor. For example, New York has a law that specifically requires any counselor who is providing online counseling services to a client in the state to be licensed by New York.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I, a LPC, start an online practice? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>This is a great question - especially since technology assisted counseling is definitely the current growing edge of the field.</p><p>There are a few things you'll want to look into before starting an online practice:</p><p>1) Check out your state laws regarding online counseling - keep in mind there are different terms used in different states Including "technology assisted" or "distance" counseling. So it might take a little searching to find your state's rules. </p><p>Some states have extensive regulations regarding the scope of practice, informed consent, documentation, etc. Other states do not have any specific laws or policies regarding online counseling at all.</p><p>2) Next, it's a good idea to review the 2014 ACA code of ethics and the 2015 AMHCA code of ethics. Both have extensive new sections addressing the ethics of online counseling.</p><p>3) Lastly, you'll need to look into the law in the state(s) where your potential clients are located. This is really important since nearly every state considers counseling to occur in both the location of the client and the location of the counselor. For example, New York has a law that specifically requires any counselor who is providing online counseling services to a client in the state to be licensed by New York.</p> </s> |
56aaceeb014e2eff2b4fede8 | How do I get my dad to understand that I don't want him to date or marry my best friend? | I have known her for years. She was dating my brother-in-law when we met. My kids think of her as their aunt. On Halloween 2014, I lost my mom to cancer. My mom and dad were still married when she passed away. My friend was there for me through that and my own cancer diagnosis. She has been a very big part of both me and my kids’ life, but now last month, my dad told me that he really likes my friend and wants to marry her. She’s like a sister to me. My kids hate the idea. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-dad-to-understand-that-i-don-t-want-him-to-date-or-marry-my-best-friend | Family Conflict | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>How are you measuring whether or not your dad understands your wish?<br></p><p>Your dad understanding your wish does not mean he will necessarily follow through with what you want.<br></p><p>Based on what you describe about your relationship to the woman in question, your discomfort with the idea of your dad marrying your friend, is reasonable.</p><p>Have the conversation with your dad that includes your viewpoint, and also ask him for his impression of your feelings.</p><p>Its even possible he already has considered your feelings and hasn't yet told you.</p><p>It is also possible that a conversation on the subject, as well as your dad following through with his decision to marry your best friend, may develop in a very positive way.</p><p>Part of the current uneasiness you feel may be from fear of how a change in circumstances and introducing new relationship dynamics might feel.</p><p>Given that the person who died was your mom, maybe your emotions are not yet ready seeing your dad with a replacement spouse. </p><p>Try to see the situation from the point of everyone, including yourself, who is involved in this major change. Maybe having a family discussion about acceptance and readiness to accept a new partner for your dad, would open new empathy for all of these family members.</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get my dad to understand that I don't want him to date or marry my best friend? <</SYS>> I have known her for years. She was dating my brother-in-law when we met. My kids think of her as their aunt. On Halloween 2014, I lost my mom to cancer. My mom and dad were still married when she passed away. My friend was there for me through that and my own cancer diagnosis. She has been a very big part of both me and my kids’ life, but now last month, my dad told me that he really likes my friend and wants to marry her. She’s like a sister to me. My kids hate the idea. [/INST] <p>How are you measuring whether or not your dad understands your wish?<br></p><p>Your dad understanding your wish does not mean he will necessarily follow through with what you want.<br></p><p>Based on what you describe about your relationship to the woman in question, your discomfort with the idea of your dad marrying your friend, is reasonable.</p><p>Have the conversation with your dad that includes your viewpoint, and also ask him for his impression of your feelings.</p><p>Its even possible he already has considered your feelings and hasn't yet told you.</p><p>It is also possible that a conversation on the subject, as well as your dad following through with his decision to marry your best friend, may develop in a very positive way.</p><p>Part of the current uneasiness you feel may be from fear of how a change in circumstances and introducing new relationship dynamics might feel.</p><p>Given that the person who died was your mom, maybe your emotions are not yet ready seeing your dad with a replacement spouse. </p><p>Try to see the situation from the point of everyone, including yourself, who is involved in this major change. Maybe having a family discussion about acceptance and readiness to accept a new partner for your dad, would open new empathy for all of these family members.</p><p><br></p> </s> |
5760b58416780993511710e0 | How do I handle being wanted in a relationship when I'm used to feeling unwanted? | I've always thought that there wasn't much good out there for me. Now that things are actually going well, it kind of scares me. I spent most of my life feeling unwanted and figured I would be alone. I recently met a great woman who seems to really like me, and I don't know how to process this. It's bothering both of us. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-handle-being-wanted-in-a-relationship-when-i-m-used-to-feeling-unwanted | Self-esteem,Relationships | Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-keys-lmhc-casac-ncc | <p>You're in a lot of good company and it's great that you're in a positive relationship. Congratulations!</p><p>I often hear people talk about loving yourself and self esteem. We often seem to blame ourselves for not "loving ourselves" enough or put ourselves down for having low self esteem. It seems to me that since we are essentially socially beings and in fact, need each other for our survival, we really know who we are through our many interactions with others and with our environment. In other words, you can't just snap your fingers and voila! now I love myself, where there was an empty space or self-doubt before. We grow that warm coal inside ourselves through the friction of contact with others who value and validate us. </p><p>Allow yourself to be patient with yourself as you experience this new relationship. You are learning a new model of who you are and how you fit into the world. What a marvelous gift for you! </p><p>You may also have fears that the current joys may be temporary or unreliable. These fears of loss may get in your way, however understandable. If you are truly close to your companion, you can share with her that you are loving your relationship but sometimes fear it will go away and sometimes have trouble really trusting it. Such a conversation may bring you both closer. </p><p>Hang in there. You're working on co-creating a new normal with a great woman. </p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I handle being wanted in a relationship when I'm used to feeling unwanted? <</SYS>> I've always thought that there wasn't much good out there for me. Now that things are actually going well, it kind of scares me. I spent most of my life feeling unwanted and figured I would be alone. I recently met a great woman who seems to really like me, and I don't know how to process this. It's bothering both of us. [/INST] <p>You're in a lot of good company and it's great that you're in a positive relationship. Congratulations!</p><p>I often hear people talk about loving yourself and self esteem. We often seem to blame ourselves for not "loving ourselves" enough or put ourselves down for having low self esteem. It seems to me that since we are essentially socially beings and in fact, need each other for our survival, we really know who we are through our many interactions with others and with our environment. In other words, you can't just snap your fingers and voila! now I love myself, where there was an empty space or self-doubt before. We grow that warm coal inside ourselves through the friction of contact with others who value and validate us. </p><p>Allow yourself to be patient with yourself as you experience this new relationship. You are learning a new model of who you are and how you fit into the world. What a marvelous gift for you! </p><p>You may also have fears that the current joys may be temporary or unreliable. These fears of loss may get in your way, however understandable. If you are truly close to your companion, you can share with her that you are loving your relationship but sometimes fear it will go away and sometimes have trouble really trusting it. Such a conversation may bring you both closer. </p><p>Hang in there. You're working on co-creating a new normal with a great woman. </p><p><br></p> </s> |
565d29bd0901991a77b207d5 | Is it normal for a pregnant woman to cry over everything? | I find myself crying over every little thing, like dropping a glass of water. Today, I got out of the shower and noticed that I had forgotten a shirt. I instantly started to cry. When I made it to my room, I began to shake a little, cry more, and I begged for it to stop. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-for-a-pregnant-woman-to-cry-over-everything | null | Claudia Higgins | https://counselchat.com/therapists/claudia-higgins | <p>It is very typical for pregnant moms to feel completely emotionally and extremely teary eyed, so not to worry. Biologically speaking, your body generates an influx of hormones, that affects you neurotransmitters (chemical messages to the brain) that takes you on an emotional rollercoaster, but that's a good thing for the baby. Everyone reponds differently to these changes in mood, ranging from being <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">anxious to being depressed. However it is mostly heightened in the first and third trimester. There is no guide as to how to handle these emotions, but engaging in various sensory activities like walking, yoga, swimming, listening to music may alleviate your mood. Embrace the emotions that go along with pregnancy and know that it is within the norm.</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal for a pregnant woman to cry over everything? <</SYS>> I find myself crying over every little thing, like dropping a glass of water. Today, I got out of the shower and noticed that I had forgotten a shirt. I instantly started to cry. When I made it to my room, I began to shake a little, cry more, and I begged for it to stop. [/INST] <p>It is very typical for pregnant moms to feel completely emotionally and extremely teary eyed, so not to worry. Biologically speaking, your body generates an influx of hormones, that affects you neurotransmitters (chemical messages to the brain) that takes you on an emotional rollercoaster, but that's a good thing for the baby. Everyone reponds differently to these changes in mood, ranging from being <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">anxious to being depressed. However it is mostly heightened in the first and third trimester. There is no guide as to how to handle these emotions, but engaging in various sensory activities like walking, yoga, swimming, listening to music may alleviate your mood. Embrace the emotions that go along with pregnancy and know that it is within the norm.</span></p> </s> |
576e22513c9e6b307a8ae5e5 | I crossdress and I don't know how to feel about it. | I am a heterosexual male in my late 20s. I find myself wearing pantyhose, heels, skirts and other women's clothing in private. I am torn on how to feel about it. I enjoy it very much. I have had a pantyhose/stocking fascination and other kinky fetish interests since I was young. I have no history of sexual abuse growing up. I am currently single. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-crossdress-and-i-don-t-know-how-to-feel-about-it | Human Sexuality,LGBTQ | Aimee Beardslee | https://counselchat.com/therapists/aimee-beardslee | <p class="MsoNormal">Hi there! It sounds like you have already started to answer
your own question by stating that you love cross dressing very much, and I am
glad you enjoy it! Cross dressing is something many people enjoy, and there is
no harm in it whatsoever. </p><p class="MsoNormal">My question to you would be: What is making you feel torn
about it? There is unfortunately still a lot of negative stigma associated with
people who express their gender or sexuality in ways that differ from the
majority. (And sometimes certain sexual interests are actually very common or
even in the majority, but because people carry shame about being different when
it comes to gender and sexuality we assume we are all alone!)</p><p class="MsoNormal">Being a sexual or gender minority or someone who
participates in kink or expresses their sexuality or gender identity in a
unique and personal way often means suffering from something called
"internalized oppression". We grow up being exposed to certain
assumptions and beliefs about what is "acceptable" behavior and even
face consequences sometimes if we don't "fit in" the way others tell
us to. Even if those assumptions are harmful and wrong, we still internalize
them and feel guilty about who we are. There is nothing wrong with us, but
feeling stigmatized and isolated can lead to feelings of shame, embarrassment,
or like something is "wrong" with us.</p><p class="MsoNormal">But there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, so be proud
of who you are and what you enjoy. You can continue to simply enjoy it
privately, or maybe you'd eventually like to share it with a partner or maybe
even join a community with similar interests. I'll leave you with a quote from
comedian Eddie Izzard, who identifies as, in his own words, a "straight
transvestite": "They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I
bought them!" Take care, and thanks for your question!</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I crossdress and I don't know how to feel about it. <</SYS>> I am a heterosexual male in my late 20s. I find myself wearing pantyhose, heels, skirts and other women's clothing in private. I am torn on how to feel about it. I enjoy it very much. I have had a pantyhose/stocking fascination and other kinky fetish interests since I was young. I have no history of sexual abuse growing up. I am currently single. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal">Hi there! It sounds like you have already started to answer
your own question by stating that you love cross dressing very much, and I am
glad you enjoy it! Cross dressing is something many people enjoy, and there is
no harm in it whatsoever. </p><p class="MsoNormal">My question to you would be: What is making you feel torn
about it? There is unfortunately still a lot of negative stigma associated with
people who express their gender or sexuality in ways that differ from the
majority. (And sometimes certain sexual interests are actually very common or
even in the majority, but because people carry shame about being different when
it comes to gender and sexuality we assume we are all alone!)</p><p class="MsoNormal">Being a sexual or gender minority or someone who
participates in kink or expresses their sexuality or gender identity in a
unique and personal way often means suffering from something called
"internalized oppression". We grow up being exposed to certain
assumptions and beliefs about what is "acceptable" behavior and even
face consequences sometimes if we don't "fit in" the way others tell
us to. Even if those assumptions are harmful and wrong, we still internalize
them and feel guilty about who we are. There is nothing wrong with us, but
feeling stigmatized and isolated can lead to feelings of shame, embarrassment,
or like something is "wrong" with us.</p><p class="MsoNormal">But there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, so be proud
of who you are and what you enjoy. You can continue to simply enjoy it
privately, or maybe you'd eventually like to share it with a partner or maybe
even join a community with similar interests. I'll leave you with a quote from
comedian Eddie Izzard, who identifies as, in his own words, a "straight
transvestite": "They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I
bought them!" Take care, and thanks for your question!</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> </s> |
5698873b47d36461662536aa | I think my trust issues are going to end my relationship early. | As I was growing up, my mother and father always fought. With that, I grew trust issues. I think it's going to affect my relationship now and end it sooner then I want to. I try not to let it affect me, but I can’t. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-think-my-trust-issues-are-going-to-end-my-relationship-early | Family Conflict,Relationships,Intimacy | Sonya Wilson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | <p>If you thing your trust issues are going to end or affect your relationship it will because you are being baggage from your parents into this relationship. Don't allow their problems to become your problem. You didn't mention that your partner in your present relationship have done anything to make you not trust them. Like in the court of law, if no evidence....find not guilty. Don't make them pay the consequences as if guilty of your parents unhealthy behavior.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I think my trust issues are going to end my relationship early. <</SYS>> As I was growing up, my mother and father always fought. With that, I grew trust issues. I think it's going to affect my relationship now and end it sooner then I want to. I try not to let it affect me, but I can’t. [/INST] <p>If you thing your trust issues are going to end or affect your relationship it will because you are being baggage from your parents into this relationship. Don't allow their problems to become your problem. You didn't mention that your partner in your present relationship have done anything to make you not trust them. Like in the court of law, if no evidence....find not guilty. Don't make them pay the consequences as if guilty of your parents unhealthy behavior.<br></p> </s> |
57573c4bc792dd6c7063e729 | What are the best ways to reduce anxiety? | I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-are-the-best-ways-to-reduce-anxiety | Anxiety,Stress | Marsha Mandel | https://counselchat.com/therapists/marsha-mandel | <div>Since it is clear that people react differently to the same stressors, we know that the stressors are not causing the anxiety, <b>our thoughts</b> about the stressors are. Often, cognitive distortions are the problem. Some common cognitive distortions include catastrophizing (predicting the worst), future telling, black and white thinking (if it's not perfect, it's terrible), mind-reading (I just know he is angry at me) and can't-standitis (I can't stand this situation). There are more, but the list is long, and if some of these are resonating with you, I would advise looking up CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) tips, worksheets, booklets etc. on line, or contact a local CBT therapist. </div><div><br></div><div>Another helpful piece of info on anxiety, is that it is prone to something called "symptom stress" - being anxious about anxiety. If we could hear this symptom stress it might sound like, "Oh no I'm getting nervous about this, I'm getting uptight, I look nervous, what if I have a panic attack!" followed by more cognitive distortions such as "I can't stand being anxious!" and "this is horrible!" The antidote to this is acceptance. Kind of like not stopping the waves but learning to surf instead (Jon Kabat-Zinn). If you happen to feel anxious, say to yourself - this is just a reaction I'm having that is unpleasant, but not horrible. I can tolerate and survive some anxiety, I can breathe deeply, and I'll be OK because panic attacks never killed anyone. I can stand this and it is temporary. You get the idea.</div><div><br></div><div>We can increase our awareness of anxiety-provoking self-talk, and counteract it with calming and reassuring self-talk. We have the ability to think about our thinking, decide which thoughts are healthy and which are unhealthy, and choose which to focus on. We brainwash ourselves with our thinking, and according to self-perception theory, " we learn what we believe when we hear ourselves speak," so we may as well be a calming, reassuring presence in our own minds. :)<br></div> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What are the best ways to reduce anxiety? <</SYS>> I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household. [/INST] <div>Since it is clear that people react differently to the same stressors, we know that the stressors are not causing the anxiety, <b>our thoughts</b> about the stressors are. Often, cognitive distortions are the problem. Some common cognitive distortions include catastrophizing (predicting the worst), future telling, black and white thinking (if it's not perfect, it's terrible), mind-reading (I just know he is angry at me) and can't-standitis (I can't stand this situation). There are more, but the list is long, and if some of these are resonating with you, I would advise looking up CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) tips, worksheets, booklets etc. on line, or contact a local CBT therapist. </div><div><br></div><div>Another helpful piece of info on anxiety, is that it is prone to something called "symptom stress" - being anxious about anxiety. If we could hear this symptom stress it might sound like, "Oh no I'm getting nervous about this, I'm getting uptight, I look nervous, what if I have a panic attack!" followed by more cognitive distortions such as "I can't stand being anxious!" and "this is horrible!" The antidote to this is acceptance. Kind of like not stopping the waves but learning to surf instead (Jon Kabat-Zinn). If you happen to feel anxious, say to yourself - this is just a reaction I'm having that is unpleasant, but not horrible. I can tolerate and survive some anxiety, I can breathe deeply, and I'll be OK because panic attacks never killed anyone. I can stand this and it is temporary. You get the idea.</div><div><br></div><div>We can increase our awareness of anxiety-provoking self-talk, and counteract it with calming and reassuring self-talk. We have the ability to think about our thinking, decide which thoughts are healthy and which are unhealthy, and choose which to focus on. We brainwash ourselves with our thinking, and according to self-perception theory, " we learn what we believe when we hear ourselves speak," so we may as well be a calming, reassuring presence in our own minds. :)<br></div> </s> |
5726ce09f90871f676cf4789 | What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide? | I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-best-way-to-cope-with-the-loss-of-someone-to-suicide | Grief and Loss,Substance Abuse,Trauma | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>I urge you to seek some therapeutic help for this, and also to connect with others who knew your friend, because they're likely feeling the same way. Suicide is difficult to understand, and those left behind have many mixed emotions that make their grief complicated and anguished. Your friend either had an impulse that no one could stop, or they made a big decision that impacted everyone around them. There are other things you can do to cope with this, and it has to do with accepting your powerlessness to stop it, not blaming yourself, forgiving your friend, and finding meaning in their life and yours. You won't find that meaning in a bottle or a joint. I hope you reach out soon. :)</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide? <</SYS>> I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? [/INST] <p>I urge you to seek some therapeutic help for this, and also to connect with others who knew your friend, because they're likely feeling the same way. Suicide is difficult to understand, and those left behind have many mixed emotions that make their grief complicated and anguished. Your friend either had an impulse that no one could stop, or they made a big decision that impacted everyone around them. There are other things you can do to cope with this, and it has to do with accepting your powerlessness to stop it, not blaming yourself, forgiving your friend, and finding meaning in their life and yours. You won't find that meaning in a bottle or a joint. I hope you reach out soon. :)</p> </s> |
557fc3a6a29507431fcd9e9b | Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me if we had sex as Christians? | I'm a Christian teenage girl, and I have lost my virginity. My boyfriend is a Christian teenager too, but things just got out of hand between us in a sexual manner. I planned to abstain from sex but I guess I wasn't clear about this because I was also tempted and led him on. We continued to have sex. Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me? We're so young, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming of a potential future together. I really do feel like he is in my life for an important reason. I'm incredibly happy for I was able to escape from several abusive relationships because of him. I love him very much. | https://counselchat.com/questions/does-it-mean-that-he-isn-t-the-one-god-planned-for-me-if-we-had-sex-as-christians | Spirituality,Relationships | Janice Harriet | https://counselchat.com/therapists/janice-harriet | <p>I'm not a super religious person... But I can't imagine that if you love him that much and you want him that much, that he wouldn't be the one for you because of something small like that. Sex is an act of love and commitment. If you feel that you want to be with this person for the rest of your life, want to marry them, then why should you have to wait until marriage? If you truly feel that this is the person you want to be with, then why would you need to wait until marriage if you're just showing commitment to each other? </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me if we had sex as Christians? <</SYS>> I'm a Christian teenage girl, and I have lost my virginity. My boyfriend is a Christian teenager too, but things just got out of hand between us in a sexual manner. I planned to abstain from sex but I guess I wasn't clear about this because I was also tempted and led him on. We continued to have sex. Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me? We're so young, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming of a potential future together. I really do feel like he is in my life for an important reason. I'm incredibly happy for I was able to escape from several abusive relationships because of him. I love him very much. [/INST] <p>I'm not a super religious person... But I can't imagine that if you love him that much and you want him that much, that he wouldn't be the one for you because of something small like that. Sex is an act of love and commitment. If you feel that you want to be with this person for the rest of your life, want to marry them, then why should you have to wait until marriage? If you truly feel that this is the person you want to be with, then why would you need to wait until marriage if you're just showing commitment to each other? </p> </s> |
577488c4c8c3e0180cffa1f0 | How can I get "out of my head" and stop obsessive thoughts? | Often times I find myself thinking scary thoughts and sometimes I even scare myself into thinking that something bad is going to happen to me. Once it starts, the thought continues going through my head and I can't get it out. How can I stop these thoughts? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-out-of-my-head-and-stop-obsessive-thoughts | Behavioral Change | Traci Lowenthal | https://counselchat.com/therapists/traci-lowenthal-2 | <p>Such a great question! I'm so sorry you are struggling! You may be experiencing Intrusive thoughts. These are thoughts that seem to come from no where and victimize us. I can strongly recommend a book called "When Panic Attacks" by Dr. David Burns. It helps you to identify the thoughts, and the help you create ways to counteract them! There is another technique, called Thought Stopping. Thought Stopping can be as simple as saying "Stop!" loudly (if you are alone) or in your head, if you are in public. It's a quick way to distract you from the distressing thought, and allow you to refocus. I recommend using this technique, followed by some deep breathing, while visualizing something that helps you feel relaxed (a favorite place, a pet, etc.). These three things in conjunction can be of great assistance. </p><p>One key component in addressing anxious thinking is building the skill of relaxation. I recommend an App called Headspace which teaches relaxation through some simple guided mediation. Super easy to do, and a great way to begin to build relaxation skills. </p><p>Plenty of sleep and reducing caffeine intake can also be things to explore. Hope this helps! </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get "out of my head" and stop obsessive thoughts? <</SYS>> Often times I find myself thinking scary thoughts and sometimes I even scare myself into thinking that something bad is going to happen to me. Once it starts, the thought continues going through my head and I can't get it out. How can I stop these thoughts? [/INST] <p>Such a great question! I'm so sorry you are struggling! You may be experiencing Intrusive thoughts. These are thoughts that seem to come from no where and victimize us. I can strongly recommend a book called "When Panic Attacks" by Dr. David Burns. It helps you to identify the thoughts, and the help you create ways to counteract them! There is another technique, called Thought Stopping. Thought Stopping can be as simple as saying "Stop!" loudly (if you are alone) or in your head, if you are in public. It's a quick way to distract you from the distressing thought, and allow you to refocus. I recommend using this technique, followed by some deep breathing, while visualizing something that helps you feel relaxed (a favorite place, a pet, etc.). These three things in conjunction can be of great assistance. </p><p>One key component in addressing anxious thinking is building the skill of relaxation. I recommend an App called Headspace which teaches relaxation through some simple guided mediation. Super easy to do, and a great way to begin to build relaxation skills. </p><p>Plenty of sleep and reducing caffeine intake can also be things to explore. Hope this helps! </p> </s> |
575e87241678099351171091 | Do I have some type of anxiety? | Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-some-type-of-anxiety | Anxiety | Sitka Stueve | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sitka-stueve | <p>These types of symptoms can be very disruptive to life! Anxiety often presents in two key ways: 1) physical symptoms such as: racing heart rate, sweaty palms, dry mouth, shaking or trembling or nausea - often these physical sypmtoms are categorized as a Panic Attack. 2) mentally anxiety presents itself as worry. Worry that spirals out of control, worry that dirsupts your life and concentration. Worry that keeps from being present in your life. </p><p>Anxiety when it begins to spiral out of control either with disruptive mental or physical symptoms, needs to be addressed formally. I urge you to see a counselor and/or a psychiatrist soon to begin to address these issues. </p><p>Good Luck, </p><p>Sitka Stueve, LSCSW</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Do I have some type of anxiety? <</SYS>> Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. [/INST] <p>These types of symptoms can be very disruptive to life! Anxiety often presents in two key ways: 1) physical symptoms such as: racing heart rate, sweaty palms, dry mouth, shaking or trembling or nausea - often these physical sypmtoms are categorized as a Panic Attack. 2) mentally anxiety presents itself as worry. Worry that spirals out of control, worry that dirsupts your life and concentration. Worry that keeps from being present in your life. </p><p>Anxiety when it begins to spiral out of control either with disruptive mental or physical symptoms, needs to be addressed formally. I urge you to see a counselor and/or a psychiatrist soon to begin to address these issues. </p><p>Good Luck, </p><p>Sitka Stueve, LSCSW</p> </s> |
5664cec20901991a77b2088e | I lie to my mom about my relationship. | I use to be so happy. No matter what, I always was happy. I got into a relationship with this guy. I love him so much. We’re both teenagers. The week after his birthday, my mom made me stop talking to him. It broke me. He came to my house and talked to her, and she let us date again but not see each other. He comes up to my school every day and it tears me apart that I have to lie to her. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-lie-to-my-mom-about-my-relationship | Relationships,Family Conflict | Kathryn Clapp | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kathryn-clapp | <p>I understand that this can be difficult when you care about someone. Have you had a discussion with your mom as to why she does not want you and this boy to see each other, and what her concerns are? It sounds as though you and your mom may be able to use some help with communicating, and compromising. It is understandable that you do not to feel comfortable having to lie to your mom. It would be helpful if she could understand that you having to lie to he is getting in the way of you being able to go to her with any issue and feel she will hopefully understand or try to understand where you are coming from. Have either one of you been in family therapy? This may be something you may want to suggest to your mom to help you both understand where each one is coming from. If your mood is sad, and your feeling worse, it is important that you reach out to an adult, parent, person at school whom you trust to share your feelings and help you feel understood and work through your problems.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I lie to my mom about my relationship. <</SYS>> I use to be so happy. No matter what, I always was happy. I got into a relationship with this guy. I love him so much. We’re both teenagers. The week after his birthday, my mom made me stop talking to him. It broke me. He came to my house and talked to her, and she let us date again but not see each other. He comes up to my school every day and it tears me apart that I have to lie to her. [/INST] <p>I understand that this can be difficult when you care about someone. Have you had a discussion with your mom as to why she does not want you and this boy to see each other, and what her concerns are? It sounds as though you and your mom may be able to use some help with communicating, and compromising. It is understandable that you do not to feel comfortable having to lie to your mom. It would be helpful if she could understand that you having to lie to he is getting in the way of you being able to go to her with any issue and feel she will hopefully understand or try to understand where you are coming from. Have either one of you been in family therapy? This may be something you may want to suggest to your mom to help you both understand where each one is coming from. If your mood is sad, and your feeling worse, it is important that you reach out to an adult, parent, person at school whom you trust to share your feelings and help you feel understood and work through your problems.</p> </s> |
568c945de716b51523007c23 | Why does the voice in my head never stop? | From the moment I wake up, I hear what I think is my voice in my head. Even now, I hear it saying every word I’m thinking. When I lay down to sleep, I think of weird and crazy things, and the voice will never stop talking. I don’t know if it’s me thinking. It never stops. I’ll lay in my bed for hours just thinking about weird stuff. I should mention that I talk to myself a lot: mostly in my head, but out loud as well. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-does-the-voice-in-my-head-never-stop | null | Robin Richardson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-richardson | <p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why does the voice in my head never stop? <</SYS>> From the moment I wake up, I hear what I think is my voice in my head. Even now, I hear it saying every word I’m thinking. When I lay down to sleep, I think of weird and crazy things, and the voice will never stop talking. I don’t know if it’s me thinking. It never stops. I’ll lay in my bed for hours just thinking about weird stuff. I should mention that I talk to myself a lot: mostly in my head, but out loud as well. [/INST] <p><br></p> </s> |
56d70c6affed53b4492cfef6 | I’m afraid that I’m gay. | I've been going through a rough time lately. I been into nothing but women. I’ve never thought about men until a week ago. I’m very upset and depressed about this. It's not normal to me. I looked at gay porn more than once to prove that I’m not gay. I get the same results each time, and I feel disgust. This is tough on me. I'm scared that I looked too many times. I keep thinking about it and shake all the time. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-afraid-that-i-m-gay | LGBTQ | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Brookfield, It can be unsettling when we feel something as fundamental as our sexual orientation shifting. I like that you're honest enough with yourself to say "I'm struggling with this". To accept that there is a question is a brave place to be. And...it doesn't necessarily mean you're gay.</p><p>Unfortunately, we live in a culture that wants to put people in slots...male or female, straight or gay...we tend to not like those grey areas so much as a culture. The truth is that, if we grew up in a society where there wasn't this categorization...if we felt free to explore and grow sexually, we might be surprised at who we are attracted to. You don't have to put yourself in a slot. Our sexual preferences are more fluid than we think, and it can change over time.</p><p>We also live in a culture where there is prejudice against homosexuality or "differentness" in general. The wish to not be gay can be powerful. Many people who are gay spend years believing they were heteroxual...fighting against, repressing or ignoring their gay thoughts. This is needless pain. If you are gay, there is no shame in that and you can still have a glorious life filled with love and passion.</p><p>Having said all that...just because you have thoughts about men or get turned on by gay porm doesn't mean you're gay. Many heterosexual people have thoughts and fantasies about the same sex; it's arousing because it's naughty...we're curious about the forbidden, or we're just curious. Becoming aroused by gay porn is normal for many heterosexual men. </p><p>Sexual orientation isn't just about sex either. A different gauge of who you are sexually can be found in your emotions towards men or women. Are you drawn into emotional connections with men more than women? Who do you feel the urge to explore and be close to?</p><p>Exploring your sexuality through being open to different experiences can help too. How does it feel to kiss a man, to touch a man, as compared with a woman...sometimes this feels like such a big and forbidden step that it's a barrier to discovering ourselves. We don't want to open that door. </p><p>I wish you well as you do exactly what you are supposed to be doing...exploring and discovering yourself. It's an exciting journey and you might want to find a trusted person to talk more about this with. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I’m afraid that I’m gay. <</SYS>> I've been going through a rough time lately. I been into nothing but women. I’ve never thought about men until a week ago. I’m very upset and depressed about this. It's not normal to me. I looked at gay porn more than once to prove that I’m not gay. I get the same results each time, and I feel disgust. This is tough on me. I'm scared that I looked too many times. I keep thinking about it and shake all the time. [/INST] <p>Hi Brookfield, It can be unsettling when we feel something as fundamental as our sexual orientation shifting. I like that you're honest enough with yourself to say "I'm struggling with this". To accept that there is a question is a brave place to be. And...it doesn't necessarily mean you're gay.</p><p>Unfortunately, we live in a culture that wants to put people in slots...male or female, straight or gay...we tend to not like those grey areas so much as a culture. The truth is that, if we grew up in a society where there wasn't this categorization...if we felt free to explore and grow sexually, we might be surprised at who we are attracted to. You don't have to put yourself in a slot. Our sexual preferences are more fluid than we think, and it can change over time.</p><p>We also live in a culture where there is prejudice against homosexuality or "differentness" in general. The wish to not be gay can be powerful. Many people who are gay spend years believing they were heteroxual...fighting against, repressing or ignoring their gay thoughts. This is needless pain. If you are gay, there is no shame in that and you can still have a glorious life filled with love and passion.</p><p>Having said all that...just because you have thoughts about men or get turned on by gay porm doesn't mean you're gay. Many heterosexual people have thoughts and fantasies about the same sex; it's arousing because it's naughty...we're curious about the forbidden, or we're just curious. Becoming aroused by gay porn is normal for many heterosexual men. </p><p>Sexual orientation isn't just about sex either. A different gauge of who you are sexually can be found in your emotions towards men or women. Are you drawn into emotional connections with men more than women? Who do you feel the urge to explore and be close to?</p><p>Exploring your sexuality through being open to different experiences can help too. How does it feel to kiss a man, to touch a man, as compared with a woman...sometimes this feels like such a big and forbidden step that it's a barrier to discovering ourselves. We don't want to open that door. </p><p>I wish you well as you do exactly what you are supposed to be doing...exploring and discovering yourself. It's an exciting journey and you might want to find a trusted person to talk more about this with. </p> </s> |
57980934b43cd7825e26e253 | How do I move on? | I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-move-on-2 | Relationship Dissolution | Viktoria Ivanova | https://counselchat.com/therapists/viktoria-ivanova | <p>Hi, </p><p>Break ups can be very devastating and even traumatic. Recovering from one is a process that is unique for everyone person and will take time. It's important that you don't compare yourself to others. Each and every person will experience this grieving process differently. Here are a few tips to help with your recovery: </p><p>1. Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and support you, friends and family. Even though you might feel like being alone, make an effort to be around them. </p><p>2. Although you might not feel like it, try to take care of yourself as much as possible: eat healthily, get regular sleep, & vigorous or gentle exercise (depending on your mood). The last thing that we want to do when we are physically sick (e.g. flu) is to take care of ourselves even thought that's what we need the most. But when we do get that chicken broth, sleep and vitamins we recover much faster and with less discomfort. That's exactly the same when it comes to emotional pain. Take care of yourself, keep yourself strong and healthy so you can recover faster. </p><p>3. As much as possible, put away reminders of the relationship. You might not be ready to throw things out, but try to put them away in a box in the storage or in a closet. And also block Social Media reminders. There is a lot of wisdom in the saying "Out of Sight, Out of Mind." </p><p>4. Once the initial shock and intensity of the break up wear off, try out something new. In a relationship, we often forget and give up on things that we always wanted to do or to try. Now it's time to bring out that dusty bucket list and start trying something new. </p><p>5. If possible, change your scenery by going away on vacation with a friend or even by yourself. Changing your surroundings can really help you change your thoughts, mindset and forget your ex even if just for a few hours. Even a weekend getaway with a couple of girlfriends can do wonders. </p><p>6. In addition, to help you make sense of your past relationship and what went wrong, I would highly recommend seeing a professional counsellor or therapist. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I move on? <</SYS>> I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? [/INST] <p>Hi, </p><p>Break ups can be very devastating and even traumatic. Recovering from one is a process that is unique for everyone person and will take time. It's important that you don't compare yourself to others. Each and every person will experience this grieving process differently. Here are a few tips to help with your recovery: </p><p>1. Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and support you, friends and family. Even though you might feel like being alone, make an effort to be around them. </p><p>2. Although you might not feel like it, try to take care of yourself as much as possible: eat healthily, get regular sleep, & vigorous or gentle exercise (depending on your mood). The last thing that we want to do when we are physically sick (e.g. flu) is to take care of ourselves even thought that's what we need the most. But when we do get that chicken broth, sleep and vitamins we recover much faster and with less discomfort. That's exactly the same when it comes to emotional pain. Take care of yourself, keep yourself strong and healthy so you can recover faster. </p><p>3. As much as possible, put away reminders of the relationship. You might not be ready to throw things out, but try to put them away in a box in the storage or in a closet. And also block Social Media reminders. There is a lot of wisdom in the saying "Out of Sight, Out of Mind." </p><p>4. Once the initial shock and intensity of the break up wear off, try out something new. In a relationship, we often forget and give up on things that we always wanted to do or to try. Now it's time to bring out that dusty bucket list and start trying something new. </p><p>5. If possible, change your scenery by going away on vacation with a friend or even by yourself. Changing your surroundings can really help you change your thoughts, mindset and forget your ex even if just for a few hours. Even a weekend getaway with a couple of girlfriends can do wonders. </p><p>6. In addition, to help you make sense of your past relationship and what went wrong, I would highly recommend seeing a professional counsellor or therapist. </p> </s> |
55dbae2d0cc7953a25e7ecce | I want to get back with my kid's mother and be a family again | I regret ever hurting her and they mean the world to me. But it feels like nothing I do seem to work.
I'll always love them no matter what and when I'm with them nothing else matters. I love them more then anything. I don't want another guy raising my kids. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-get-back-with-my-kid-s-mother-and-be-a-family-again | Parenting,Relationships | Rebecca Wong | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong | <p>How you you expressed your regret and taken responsibility for the pain thus far? Repair is a very essential skill in and part of developing healthy relationships. Your love sounds deep, sit with that. Also sit with how she's been hurt. You get to feel your hurt too and your kids. In feeling all this you may also find our way to the repair. If feeling all this is tough to take on, seek out a local therapist to support your process. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I want to get back with my kid's mother and be a family again <</SYS>> I regret ever hurting her and they mean the world to me. But it feels like nothing I do seem to work.
I'll always love them no matter what and when I'm with them nothing else matters. I love them more then anything. I don't want another guy raising my kids. [/INST] <p>How you you expressed your regret and taken responsibility for the pain thus far? Repair is a very essential skill in and part of developing healthy relationships. Your love sounds deep, sit with that. Also sit with how she's been hurt. You get to feel your hurt too and your kids. In feeling all this you may also find our way to the repair. If feeling all this is tough to take on, seek out a local therapist to support your process. </p> </s> |
5696bf3547d3646166253664 | How can I avoid having past traumatic experiences affect my present and future? | I have family issues, and my dad was both violent and a cheater. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-having-past-traumatic-experiences-affect-my-present-and-future | Trauma,Family Conflict | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi New York, There's no way to keep your past from affecting your present and future, because it's a huge part of who we are. The GOOD news is, though, that the effect doesn't have to be negative. I'm met many people who have horrific pasts and it helps them know confidently, every day, what kind of person they want to be and what kind of world they want to live in, and it helps them make really great decisions. You can accept your past, integrate your traumas and move forward in a very different way. </p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">If you see negative ways in which your past affects you (and this is also common), you are wise to seek professional help. Without knowing more, it's impossible to give you a lot of direction here. Basically, our past creates emotional "bruises" that are touch on and triggered by present situations. But our reactions are often about more than just the present moment. I think you know that.</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I wish you the best as you sort it out. </span><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I avoid having past traumatic experiences affect my present and future? <</SYS>> I have family issues, and my dad was both violent and a cheater. [/INST] <p>Hi New York, There's no way to keep your past from affecting your present and future, because it's a huge part of who we are. The GOOD news is, though, that the effect doesn't have to be negative. I'm met many people who have horrific pasts and it helps them know confidently, every day, what kind of person they want to be and what kind of world they want to live in, and it helps them make really great decisions. You can accept your past, integrate your traumas and move forward in a very different way. </p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">If you see negative ways in which your past affects you (and this is also common), you are wise to seek professional help. Without knowing more, it's impossible to give you a lot of direction here. Basically, our past creates emotional "bruises" that are touch on and triggered by present situations. But our reactions are often about more than just the present moment. I think you know that.</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I wish you the best as you sort it out. </span><br></p> </s> |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Chris McDonald | https://counselchat.com/therapists/chris-mcdonald | <p>It takes a lot of courage to go to therapy. I have gone myself as a Counselor and know what that feeling is like. This is normal but hopefully you have become more comfortable with your therapist. This might be something to bring up to your Therapist and openly discuss (scary to do but its ok) this may even relieve some of your anxiety. If it continues, you may want to consider trying another therapist as this one may not be the best fit for you.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? <</SYS>> I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? [/INST] <p>It takes a lot of courage to go to therapy. I have gone myself as a Counselor and know what that feeling is like. This is normal but hopefully you have become more comfortable with your therapist. This might be something to bring up to your Therapist and openly discuss (scary to do but its ok) this may even relieve some of your anxiety. If it continues, you may want to consider trying another therapist as this one may not be the best fit for you.<br></p> </s> |
57a17b19188cd61c1684e860 | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.
What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-stop-these-thoughts | Diagnosis | Vikas Keshri | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vikas-keshri | <p>Life is beautiful without unwanted thoughts and stress. With proper strategies and tools it is possible to regain control over your thoughts. I guess you are just having "thoughts" and not actually "hearing voices"? My suggestion is to see a therapist and go from there.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why can't I stop these thoughts? <</SYS>> I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.
What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? [/INST] <p>Life is beautiful without unwanted thoughts and stress. With proper strategies and tools it is possible to regain control over your thoughts. I guess you are just having "thoughts" and not actually "hearing voices"? My suggestion is to see a therapist and go from there.</p> </s> |
56ae889c014e2eff2b4fee56 | How can I forgive myself? | Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-forgive-myself | Self-esteem | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Ohio, I totally get how it can be more difficult to forgive ourselves than to forgive others. My guess is that you tend to come down too hard on yourself a lot. That's a huge barrier to happiness that you can work to reduce. I'll get you started.</p><p>You feel shame in a debilitating way that is probably way out of proportion to the incident. Is it triggering some old shame? Unfortunately, a lot of adults use shame as a motivator for kids. It doesn't work. When was the first time you remember feeling a lot of shame, as in "I'm bad", or "I'm worthless"? Is there a younger version of you who is still feeling shame over something that wasn't your fault? Sometimes shame shadows are connected to an absent or hurtful parent, sexual abuse or some family loss or trauma. </p><p>If so, picture yourself at that age. Can you tell your child self that whatever horrible thing happened to them isn't their fault? Can you have compassion for that child who first felt shame or had shame heaped on them? <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">That's your first goal...to go to the source of the shame and heal that child's wound with compassion. What happens to children is never their fault (and fault is a pretty useless concept anyway).</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Once you take the layers of old "I'm bad" shame off, the load is lighter and you can use self talk to further reduce the shame. Here are some things you can say to yourself...every day...</span></p><ul><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I'm human and that's okay. I don't have to be perfect.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I can have compassion for my mistakes.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I can feel proud that I'm facing my mistake and making things right.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I deserve forgiveness and compassion, and I have that for other people too.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">There's no purpose to holding on to shame.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I can learn from my mistakes and move forward.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Everyone makes mistakes.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Other people don't want me to carry this shame around.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I don't need shame to remind me not to do it again. I've figured that out.</span></li></ul><div>Shame tries to convince you that you need to carry "it" around in order to prevent further mistakes. Poppycock. You've learned your lesson, now you can move forward to other mistakes. Sorry...but you're human and you'll keeping making... hopefully different, glorious mistakes. Embrace the learning. Lean into the experiences of life. It's all juicy stuff, and you're in good company; we're all in the same position of being mortal.</div><div><br></div><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I forgive myself? <</SYS>> Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me. [/INST] <p>Hi Ohio, I totally get how it can be more difficult to forgive ourselves than to forgive others. My guess is that you tend to come down too hard on yourself a lot. That's a huge barrier to happiness that you can work to reduce. I'll get you started.</p><p>You feel shame in a debilitating way that is probably way out of proportion to the incident. Is it triggering some old shame? Unfortunately, a lot of adults use shame as a motivator for kids. It doesn't work. When was the first time you remember feeling a lot of shame, as in "I'm bad", or "I'm worthless"? Is there a younger version of you who is still feeling shame over something that wasn't your fault? Sometimes shame shadows are connected to an absent or hurtful parent, sexual abuse or some family loss or trauma. </p><p>If so, picture yourself at that age. Can you tell your child self that whatever horrible thing happened to them isn't their fault? Can you have compassion for that child who first felt shame or had shame heaped on them? <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">That's your first goal...to go to the source of the shame and heal that child's wound with compassion. What happens to children is never their fault (and fault is a pretty useless concept anyway).</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Once you take the layers of old "I'm bad" shame off, the load is lighter and you can use self talk to further reduce the shame. Here are some things you can say to yourself...every day...</span></p><ul><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I'm human and that's okay. I don't have to be perfect.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I can have compassion for my mistakes.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I can feel proud that I'm facing my mistake and making things right.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I deserve forgiveness and compassion, and I have that for other people too.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">There's no purpose to holding on to shame.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I can learn from my mistakes and move forward.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Everyone makes mistakes.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Other people don't want me to carry this shame around.</span></li><li><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I don't need shame to remind me not to do it again. I've figured that out.</span></li></ul><div>Shame tries to convince you that you need to carry "it" around in order to prevent further mistakes. Poppycock. You've learned your lesson, now you can move forward to other mistakes. Sorry...but you're human and you'll keeping making... hopefully different, glorious mistakes. Embrace the learning. Lean into the experiences of life. It's all juicy stuff, and you're in good company; we're all in the same position of being mortal.</div><div><br></div><p><br></p> </s> |
58c61c9598741803743bf6cb | How does someone approach a counselor? | How does a person start the counseling process? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-someone-approach-a-counselor | Counseling Fundamentals | Anna McElearney | https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney | <p>Starting the counseling process can be daunting but here are some ways that hopefully help make the process a little less overwhelming. </p><p>First,</p><ul><li>I'd start with finding a therapist through a therapist directory and searching for a therapist specifically in your area and with the expertise you're looking for. There are many reputable therapist directories online that offer specific information and links to therapist websites to learn more about how they can help.</li></ul><p>Next, </p><ul><li>I'd pick two or three of interest to contact directly. Have a list of questions that are important to you that you can ask to determine whether a particular therapist is a good fit. Many therapists offer a free phone consultation to allow you both to determine whether it is a good fit.</li><li>Then, after you schedule, the next step is to see what it's like being in session to determine if the fit is still a match. </li></ul> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does someone approach a counselor? <</SYS>> How does a person start the counseling process? [/INST] <p>Starting the counseling process can be daunting but here are some ways that hopefully help make the process a little less overwhelming. </p><p>First,</p><ul><li>I'd start with finding a therapist through a therapist directory and searching for a therapist specifically in your area and with the expertise you're looking for. There are many reputable therapist directories online that offer specific information and links to therapist websites to learn more about how they can help.</li></ul><p>Next, </p><ul><li>I'd pick two or three of interest to contact directly. Have a list of questions that are important to you that you can ask to determine whether a particular therapist is a good fit. Many therapists offer a free phone consultation to allow you both to determine whether it is a good fit.</li><li>Then, after you schedule, the next step is to see what it's like being in session to determine if the fit is still a match. </li></ul> </s> |
5789afc0c5c377c17ceeecd7 | I'm not sure if I have social anxiety disorder. | I feel too scared to meet people I don't know - even relatives. I don't ever raise my hand or talk in school. I feel like no one understands. How can I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-not-sure-if-i-have-social-anxiety-disorder | Anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Congratulations on your courage to ask this question!</p><p>This shows you are willing to engage with other people, just not in all situations, especially the in person ones.</p><p>Start by "meeting" yourself.</p><p>Reflect as thoroughly as possible as to what you imagine will be the outcome of meeting others or of speaking up during a class.</p><p>Some people are afraid of being criticized or judged by other people, or do this to themselves inwardly. </p><p>If you are judging or criticizing yourself to be less worthy of having opinions or views or of being who you are, than others, then the thought of actually placing yourself in this situation, would feel intolerable.</p><p>One way to move out from this position of feeling less than others, is to recognize that these feelings are inside of you.</p><p>Then it is possible to know at least on an intellectual level that it is not true that any one person is superior to another.</p><p>All the people whom you are afraid to meet, also have their own insecurities.</p><p>We are all equal in worth and in having blindspots about ourselves.</p><p>Also, it is possible that you are naturally shy and may be expecting more from yourself than is reasonable, in terms of a standard about meeting others.</p><p>You may have a few fears of being judged unfairly, you may also simply not enjoy being around people very much.</p><p>Be aware to not push yourself beyond your natural limits. Overcoming fears of being judged is different than forcing yourself to do what is against your basic nature.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm not sure if I have social anxiety disorder. <</SYS>> I feel too scared to meet people I don't know - even relatives. I don't ever raise my hand or talk in school. I feel like no one understands. How can I handle this? [/INST] <p>Congratulations on your courage to ask this question!</p><p>This shows you are willing to engage with other people, just not in all situations, especially the in person ones.</p><p>Start by "meeting" yourself.</p><p>Reflect as thoroughly as possible as to what you imagine will be the outcome of meeting others or of speaking up during a class.</p><p>Some people are afraid of being criticized or judged by other people, or do this to themselves inwardly. </p><p>If you are judging or criticizing yourself to be less worthy of having opinions or views or of being who you are, than others, then the thought of actually placing yourself in this situation, would feel intolerable.</p><p>One way to move out from this position of feeling less than others, is to recognize that these feelings are inside of you.</p><p>Then it is possible to know at least on an intellectual level that it is not true that any one person is superior to another.</p><p>All the people whom you are afraid to meet, also have their own insecurities.</p><p>We are all equal in worth and in having blindspots about ourselves.</p><p>Also, it is possible that you are naturally shy and may be expecting more from yourself than is reasonable, in terms of a standard about meeting others.</p><p>You may have a few fears of being judged unfairly, you may also simply not enjoy being around people very much.</p><p>Be aware to not push yourself beyond your natural limits. Overcoming fears of being judged is different than forcing yourself to do what is against your basic nature.</p> </s> |
57749f5bc8c3e0180cffa1f4 | I feel completely alone in my marriage. | I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-completely-alone-in-my-marriage | Marriage,Relationships,Intimacy | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I'm sorry for how you're feeling in your marriage lately. </p><p>Are you and your husband able to talk directly about your feelings? </p><p>The way two people connect is usually by talking with each other to understand what each one cares about and thinks.</p><p>Your current emotional suffering is the natural result of being married to someone who shows no interest in doing this.</p><p>If your husband wants to start talking with you, then there is a chance the two of you can reconnect. If he doesn't want to participate in the relationship with you, then start to think if its possible and for how long, to get emotional support from friends and family who do care for you.</p><p>Also a question for the future is to understand what the value of your marriage is to you besides having a connection to your husband.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I feel completely alone in my marriage. <</SYS>> I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected? [/INST] <p>I'm sorry for how you're feeling in your marriage lately. </p><p>Are you and your husband able to talk directly about your feelings? </p><p>The way two people connect is usually by talking with each other to understand what each one cares about and thinks.</p><p>Your current emotional suffering is the natural result of being married to someone who shows no interest in doing this.</p><p>If your husband wants to start talking with you, then there is a chance the two of you can reconnect. If he doesn't want to participate in the relationship with you, then start to think if its possible and for how long, to get emotional support from friends and family who do care for you.</p><p>Also a question for the future is to understand what the value of your marriage is to you besides having a connection to your husband.</p> </s> |
579aae85188cd61c1684e80c | I just feel so alone. | I feel so alone. I have so many people around me, but it seems as they just listen and dont understand. They say it will all be okay, or they don't listen to me st all. Everyone says they are here for me but it doesn't feel like they are. Why do I feel so alone? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-feel-so-alone | Relationships,Social Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>You ask a very deep and sensitive question which reflects good self-awareness.</p><p>It is possible you are a more sensitive and aware person than the people whom you describe as listening and not really hearing you.</p><p>Not everyone has the same capacity or willingness to pay careful attention to what is going on in life.</p><p>Maybe for right now, until you are able to find in person friends whom you're able to feel hear you the way you'd like to be heard, find online forums and groups of likeminded people.</p><p>If you google a topic which you wish your friends would be better at understanding, there will be scores of groups, including google groups, which come up.</p><p>You're not alone in the sense that there are definitely people on this earth who are sensitive, caring, and willing to talk and understand others.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I just feel so alone. <</SYS>> I feel so alone. I have so many people around me, but it seems as they just listen and dont understand. They say it will all be okay, or they don't listen to me st all. Everyone says they are here for me but it doesn't feel like they are. Why do I feel so alone? [/INST] <p>You ask a very deep and sensitive question which reflects good self-awareness.</p><p>It is possible you are a more sensitive and aware person than the people whom you describe as listening and not really hearing you.</p><p>Not everyone has the same capacity or willingness to pay careful attention to what is going on in life.</p><p>Maybe for right now, until you are able to find in person friends whom you're able to feel hear you the way you'd like to be heard, find online forums and groups of likeminded people.</p><p>If you google a topic which you wish your friends would be better at understanding, there will be scores of groups, including google groups, which come up.</p><p>You're not alone in the sense that there are definitely people on this earth who are sensitive, caring, and willing to talk and understand others.</p> </s> |
57042380a9eb92e042647217 | I'm depressed because I want to lose weight. | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-depressed-because-i-want-to-lose-weight | Depression | Wendy Bangerter | https://counselchat.com/therapists/wendy-bangerter | <p>Depression is when you know what you need to do but are not doing it. The depression is telling you that are ready to accept who you are. Weight is traditionally an issue of protection and not feeling safe which in and of itself can add to the depression. This process is simple but is challenging to explain or walk someone through on social media. If there is one suggestion I would make it is to start living now, go do what you would do if you had lost the weight. Don't hold yourself back. Little shifts can help you start to make different choices. When you do these little shifts they create big shifts. </p><p>Of course adding Yoga, and Meditation is very helpful in weight loss. At our facility we have both of these as well as nutrition counseling using a wholistic approach. </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm depressed because I want to lose weight. <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Depression is when you know what you need to do but are not doing it. The depression is telling you that are ready to accept who you are. Weight is traditionally an issue of protection and not feeling safe which in and of itself can add to the depression. This process is simple but is challenging to explain or walk someone through on social media. If there is one suggestion I would make it is to start living now, go do what you would do if you had lost the weight. Don't hold yourself back. Little shifts can help you start to make different choices. When you do these little shifts they create big shifts. </p><p>Of course adding Yoga, and Meditation is very helpful in weight loss. At our facility we have both of these as well as nutrition counseling using a wholistic approach. </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
56ec7acb8f546b0a275a1a99 | How do I cope with posttraumatic stress disorder and its triggers? | I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse/rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-cope-with-posttraumatic-stress-disorder-and-its-triggers | Trauma | Sonya Wilson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | <p>Have you tried counseling? Having PTSD from multiple abusive sexual experiences is very overwhelming for one to handle alone. You may need the guidance, experience and support of a professional to identify all the triggers that effect you and obtain the best coping skills that would work for you. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I cope with posttraumatic stress disorder and its triggers? <</SYS>> I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse/rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them. [/INST] <p>Have you tried counseling? Having PTSD from multiple abusive sexual experiences is very overwhelming for one to handle alone. You may need the guidance, experience and support of a professional to identify all the triggers that effect you and obtain the best coping skills that would work for you. </p> </s> |
566e04f09f3a71de09b3c18c | I can't leave my negative environment without leaving behind my fiancé. | My fiancé and I have been in a relationship for two years. We have an infant son. My fiancé also has a child from a previous relationship. We do not live together. I live with my mother currently while I get on my feet, and he's living with some friends. My mother and I have an awful relationship that is completely unbearable most of the time. We cannot even stand to be around one another while living in the same house. She has made it clear that she wants me gone. Recently, I was talking to my father who lives in a different state. My father and I have always had a good relationship. I explained to him the situation I am in with my mother, and he said he would like for me, my fiancé, and our son to come live with him and his wife. I would really love to go. I do not want my son to be in this environment with constant arguing and negativity any longer. There is nowhere else for me to stay while remaining in this state. The problem is my fiancé is refusing to move away with me because he does not want to leave behind his other child. He and his child's mother have a horrible relationship, and she would absolutely not be willing to let him visit if we moved away. I believe I would be doing what is best for my child by moving away, but I do not want to leave without my fiancé. I have already explained the situation to him, and he will not give in. Do I continue to stay in this negative environment with my child and keep our family together? Do I move away with my child and have my relationship end? I do not want to take him out of either of his kids’ lives. What do I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-can-t-leave-my-negative-environment-without-leaving-behind-my-fianc | Relationships,Family Conflict,Parenting | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Bethlehem,</p><p>You have a big decision to make. I appreciate your fiancé's need to stay close to his child and be a stand-up dad, and I am glad that you know your son needs an emotionally safe place.</p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I'm a bit confused, because the obvious answer seems to be that you and your fiancé would get your own place together.</span> I get that you want your dad to take care of all of you, but maybe it's time to take responsibility for your own future and start building it independently of either parent. I say that without knowing how old you are, but if you have a child and a two year relationship, you basically have declared your independence anyway. </p><p> I wish you the best.</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I can't leave my negative environment without leaving behind my fiancé. <</SYS>> My fiancé and I have been in a relationship for two years. We have an infant son. My fiancé also has a child from a previous relationship. We do not live together. I live with my mother currently while I get on my feet, and he's living with some friends. My mother and I have an awful relationship that is completely unbearable most of the time. We cannot even stand to be around one another while living in the same house. She has made it clear that she wants me gone. Recently, I was talking to my father who lives in a different state. My father and I have always had a good relationship. I explained to him the situation I am in with my mother, and he said he would like for me, my fiancé, and our son to come live with him and his wife. I would really love to go. I do not want my son to be in this environment with constant arguing and negativity any longer. There is nowhere else for me to stay while remaining in this state. The problem is my fiancé is refusing to move away with me because he does not want to leave behind his other child. He and his child's mother have a horrible relationship, and she would absolutely not be willing to let him visit if we moved away. I believe I would be doing what is best for my child by moving away, but I do not want to leave without my fiancé. I have already explained the situation to him, and he will not give in. Do I continue to stay in this negative environment with my child and keep our family together? Do I move away with my child and have my relationship end? I do not want to take him out of either of his kids’ lives. What do I do? [/INST] <p>Hi Bethlehem,</p><p>You have a big decision to make. I appreciate your fiancé's need to stay close to his child and be a stand-up dad, and I am glad that you know your son needs an emotionally safe place.</p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I'm a bit confused, because the obvious answer seems to be that you and your fiancé would get your own place together.</span> I get that you want your dad to take care of all of you, but maybe it's time to take responsibility for your own future and start building it independently of either parent. I say that without knowing how old you are, but if you have a child and a two year relationship, you basically have declared your independence anyway. </p><p> I wish you the best.</p><p><br></p> </s> |
55fb0b37b6e30dc92f5089f5 | How do I communicate with my boyfriend of ten years without him feeling like I'm attacking him? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-communicate-with-my-boyfriend-of-ten-years-without-him-feeling-like-i-m-attacking-him | Relationships | Vladimire Calixte | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vladimire-calixte | <p>To follow please find some tips on getting your message across to each other, which will help you both stay emotionally connected in a healthy respectful way!</p><p>Step 1: Start with I...+ feeling (For example, I feel angry because...)</p><p>Step 2: About what... (Not describing your partner but the situation.) </p><p>Step 3: What needed...(How partner make it better) We want to be soft on the person but hard on the issue. Directing the complaint towards the situation rather than your partner always works. </p><p><b>It is important for us to be soft on the person, but tough on the issue. </b> </p><p>And at the end, say what can be done to make things right.<br></p><p>I am wishing you and your boyfriend the very best.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I communicate with my boyfriend of ten years without him feeling like I'm attacking him? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>To follow please find some tips on getting your message across to each other, which will help you both stay emotionally connected in a healthy respectful way!</p><p>Step 1: Start with I...+ feeling (For example, I feel angry because...)</p><p>Step 2: About what... (Not describing your partner but the situation.) </p><p>Step 3: What needed...(How partner make it better) We want to be soft on the person but hard on the issue. Directing the complaint towards the situation rather than your partner always works. </p><p><b>It is important for us to be soft on the person, but tough on the issue. </b> </p><p>And at the end, say what can be done to make things right.<br></p><p>I am wishing you and your boyfriend the very best.<br></p> </s> |
575942e0c792dd6c7063e76f | How do I shake self-doubt about sex? | I get very nervous and anxious/scared before sex. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-shake-self-doubt-about-sex | Anxiety,Self-esteem | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I first wonder what your anxiety or fear connects to. I don't know whether it is about sex itself or about ideas of worthiness or feeling desirable.</p><p>There is also a difference between having self-doubt about the actual physicality of having sex (performance-related) or having doubts about whether you want to have sex with a particular person.</p><p>Having sex can lead to feelings of great vulnerability. If your partner is someone you trust, consider discussing what it is that comes up for you around the issue of sex. This is the certain things that your partner would be willing to do that and the ease your discomfort, like staying with you for some time before and after sexual interactions.</p><p>Another idea to consider is spending time with your partner and using nonsexual touch for each other (perhaps first you to him and then him to you) and communicating very clearly about what you like and do not like. Some people like to be spoken to during physical touch and other people do not. All of this can be part of your discussions. When you feel comfortable with that, you could move into sexual touch in this manner and actually look at what you do and do not like. You may also consider discussing things that are totally off-limits for you all the time and things for which you would like warning or awareness before they happen. There are really a number of different ways to work on becoming more comfortable if you trust your partner and if your concern is about sex itself.</p><p>If this feels pretty structured, it is initially. Generally, the idea is to learn more about each other and yourselves and then the process becomes much more natural.</p><p>If the concern relates more to self-esteem related sex, consider asking your partner to list several things that he or she likes about you. Even if you don't necessarily see yourself in the same light, consider that this is how your partner sees you, so these are <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">some</span> of the things that make you attractive to them (perhaps both in sexual ways and in a wider discussion of the relationship).</p><p>If this is difficult for you to sort out on your own, consider seeing a therapist with experience working with couples or relationships.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I shake self-doubt about sex? <</SYS>> I get very nervous and anxious/scared before sex. [/INST] <p>I first wonder what your anxiety or fear connects to. I don't know whether it is about sex itself or about ideas of worthiness or feeling desirable.</p><p>There is also a difference between having self-doubt about the actual physicality of having sex (performance-related) or having doubts about whether you want to have sex with a particular person.</p><p>Having sex can lead to feelings of great vulnerability. If your partner is someone you trust, consider discussing what it is that comes up for you around the issue of sex. This is the certain things that your partner would be willing to do that and the ease your discomfort, like staying with you for some time before and after sexual interactions.</p><p>Another idea to consider is spending time with your partner and using nonsexual touch for each other (perhaps first you to him and then him to you) and communicating very clearly about what you like and do not like. Some people like to be spoken to during physical touch and other people do not. All of this can be part of your discussions. When you feel comfortable with that, you could move into sexual touch in this manner and actually look at what you do and do not like. You may also consider discussing things that are totally off-limits for you all the time and things for which you would like warning or awareness before they happen. There are really a number of different ways to work on becoming more comfortable if you trust your partner and if your concern is about sex itself.</p><p>If this feels pretty structured, it is initially. Generally, the idea is to learn more about each other and yourselves and then the process becomes much more natural.</p><p>If the concern relates more to self-esteem related sex, consider asking your partner to list several things that he or she likes about you. Even if you don't necessarily see yourself in the same light, consider that this is how your partner sees you, so these are <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">some</span> of the things that make you attractive to them (perhaps both in sexual ways and in a wider discussion of the relationship).</p><p>If this is difficult for you to sort out on your own, consider seeing a therapist with experience working with couples or relationships.</p> </s> |
574feab3c792dd6c7063e584 | Why does my husband like dressing as a female in our bedroom? | He wants to wear makeup and heels. He even tucks his penis away to resemble a vagina. He wants me to wear a strap on and have anal sex with him. I have tried this for him, but I don’t like it and have told him so. He keeps making comments about it and says he can't live without it. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-does-my-husband-like-dressing-as-a-female-in-our-bedroom | Marriage,Human Sexuality,LGBTQ | Tamara Powell | https://counselchat.com/therapists/tamara-powell | <p>Depending on your own sexual history and what you grew up expecting to be "normal" in the bedroom, I can easily imagine that this came as quite a shock to you! <br><br>It DOESN'T <span style="font-style: italic;">necessarily</span> mean, however that your husband is: gay, bisexual transgender, or even necessarily a cross-dresser etc. unless he has already told you so. I agree with the other poster who recommended you try and ask him more questions with an open and curious attitude and see if he might be open to explaining more with you. <br><br>That being said, what we also know from research is that frequently what turns us on isn't always what we identify as. Lots of people have fantasies or even sexual behaviors they may enjoy from time to time without considering themselves to be a part of any label or subculture. For example, many women are okay with having their hair pulled or bottom spanked during a particular rowdy sexual encounter but certainly don't consider themselves <span style="font-style: italic;">kinky, submissive</span>, or anything else. </p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">It could be that your husband enjoys pretending/ fantasizing that he is something completely different in the bedroom from time to time from what most other see him as outside in the corporate world or in other roles he plays as husband, father, son, friend etc. Many of my kink clients are drawn to their particular fetish simply because it's the opposite of what their life typically entails (e.g., a high profile CEO who is always responsible for making the decisions enjoys being at "the mercy" of someone else once a week). </span></p><p><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;">Each of us has a </span><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857; font-weight: bold;">sexual script</span><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;"> - a blueprint if you will of what we like and don't like in the bedroom and also what we have each come to see as being "normal." It's also an internal guideline for how we each define our role in sexual expression, sexual orientation, sexual behaviors, sexual desires, and how big a part our sexual identity plays in our everyday lives (Gagnon & Simon, 1973).</span></p><p><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;">You've been clued into the fact that your husbands greatly differs from yours on the surface level at the moment. </span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"><br></span></p><p><span style="text-indent: -24px;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">ALL of us are sexual beings yet none of us is exactly identical to one another in our sexual definitions and script expectations. It's like our own sex fingerprint.</span> </span><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;"><br></span></p><p><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;">In my role as a couples counselor, I often help partners become aware of their own sexual script and explore where it overlaps their partners and where it may always differ. If a couple is able to successfully navigate formulating a plan for both to feel validated and sexually satisfied, the relationship thrives. </span></p><p><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;">Most counselors would agree that a healthy script includes:</span></p><ul><li><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;">Both partners taking ownership for the couple's sexual experiences.</span></li><li><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;">Both partners learning to communicate openly and honestly about their feelings.</span></li><li><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;">Both partners learning to meet one another's - needs, desires, and wishes while making sure his/her own needs are being met.</span></li></ul><p>If "pegging" your husband as it's called is a hard and fast no for you, that will likely need to be respected as it may be too far off your own sexual script. However, if your husband is for sure absolutely adamant about "needing" to dress in a female fashion and/or be anally penetrated, you may seek professional counseling to help navigate how both of you will come to an agreement about fulfilling these desires in a way that doesn't hurt either one of you or the marriage.</p><p>My warmest wishes to you both!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why does my husband like dressing as a female in our bedroom? <</SYS>> He wants to wear makeup and heels. He even tucks his penis away to resemble a vagina. He wants me to wear a strap on and have anal sex with him. I have tried this for him, but I don’t like it and have told him so. He keeps making comments about it and says he can't live without it. [/INST] <p>Depending on your own sexual history and what you grew up expecting to be "normal" in the bedroom, I can easily imagine that this came as quite a shock to you! <br><br>It DOESN'T <span style="font-style: italic;">necessarily</span> mean, however that your husband is: gay, bisexual transgender, or even necessarily a cross-dresser etc. unless he has already told you so. I agree with the other poster who recommended you try and ask him more questions with an open and curious attitude and see if he might be open to explaining more with you. <br><br>That being said, what we also know from research is that frequently what turns us on isn't always what we identify as. Lots of people have fantasies or even sexual behaviors they may enjoy from time to time without considering themselves to be a part of any label or subculture. For example, many women are okay with having their hair pulled or bottom spanked during a particular rowdy sexual encounter but certainly don't consider themselves <span style="font-style: italic;">kinky, submissive</span>, or anything else. </p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">It could be that your husband enjoys pretending/ fantasizing that he is something completely different in the bedroom from time to time from what most other see him as outside in the corporate world or in other roles he plays as husband, father, son, friend etc. Many of my kink clients are drawn to their particular fetish simply because it's the opposite of what their life typically entails (e.g., a high profile CEO who is always responsible for making the decisions enjoys being at "the mercy" of someone else once a week). </span></p><p><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;">Each of us has a </span><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857; font-weight: bold;">sexual script</span><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;"> - a blueprint if you will of what we like and don't like in the bedroom and also what we have each come to see as being "normal." It's also an internal guideline for how we each define our role in sexual expression, sexual orientation, sexual behaviors, sexual desires, and how big a part our sexual identity plays in our everyday lives (Gagnon & Simon, 1973).</span></p><p><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;">You've been clued into the fact that your husbands greatly differs from yours on the surface level at the moment. </span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"><br></span></p><p><span style="text-indent: -24px;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">ALL of us are sexual beings yet none of us is exactly identical to one another in our sexual definitions and script expectations. It's like our own sex fingerprint.</span> </span><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;"><br></span></p><p><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;">In my role as a couples counselor, I often help partners become aware of their own sexual script and explore where it overlaps their partners and where it may always differ. If a couple is able to successfully navigate formulating a plan for both to feel validated and sexually satisfied, the relationship thrives. </span></p><p><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;">Most counselors would agree that a healthy script includes:</span></p><ul><li><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;">Both partners taking ownership for the couple's sexual experiences.</span></li><li><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;">Both partners learning to communicate openly and honestly about their feelings.</span></li><li><span style="text-indent: -24px; line-height: 1.42857;">Both partners learning to meet one another's - needs, desires, and wishes while making sure his/her own needs are being met.</span></li></ul><p>If "pegging" your husband as it's called is a hard and fast no for you, that will likely need to be respected as it may be too far off your own sexual script. However, if your husband is for sure absolutely adamant about "needing" to dress in a female fashion and/or be anally penetrated, you may seek professional counseling to help navigate how both of you will come to an agreement about fulfilling these desires in a way that doesn't hurt either one of you or the marriage.</p><p>My warmest wishes to you both!</p> </s> |
575a6291c792dd6c7063e796 | How can I make the dreams and voices go away? | For the past four weeks, I've been having nightmares and hearing voices telling me of horrible things. They're not random voices, but rather, the voices of those I care about. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-make-the-dreams-and-voices-go-away | Behavioral Change | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Are you in the middle of extreme emotional pressure right now?</p><p>Or, is someone with whom you're close, under stress or somehow suffering?</p><p>Dreams and nightmares are when our feelings and pressures we feel, try working themselves out without logic and language.</p><p>Even though the nightmares are horrible, they are one way your psyche is trying to come to terms w extraordinary difficulty in your life or someone's life whom you feel greatly attached.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I make the dreams and voices go away? <</SYS>> For the past four weeks, I've been having nightmares and hearing voices telling me of horrible things. They're not random voices, but rather, the voices of those I care about. [/INST] <p>Are you in the middle of extreme emotional pressure right now?</p><p>Or, is someone with whom you're close, under stress or somehow suffering?</p><p>Dreams and nightmares are when our feelings and pressures we feel, try working themselves out without logic and language.</p><p>Even though the nightmares are horrible, they are one way your psyche is trying to come to terms w extraordinary difficulty in your life or someone's life whom you feel greatly attached.</p> </s> |
5749dd14c792dd6c7063e4e2 | How can I be less angry? | I get really mad easily at my parents and family. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-angry | Family Conflict,Anger Management | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Anger is not necessarily a bad thing. If you are angry and you can talk about your feelings, that would be very helpful. Anger usually comes along with something else, like feeling sad, worried, overwhelmed, confused, and many others. Consider looking at what you notice in addition to anger and you may have a different starting point. If you get along well with friends and don't get angry with them, look at the differences. Do you feel criticized by your parents or family? Misunderstood? There could be any number of things.</p><p>I wonder if you start getting angry very slowly and it builds or if it happens quickly. Try to keep an eye on the patterns and see if you can stop and look at what else is going on as you start to get angry. Anger is a real emotion in itself. It almost always connects to something else as well.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I be less angry? <</SYS>> I get really mad easily at my parents and family. [/INST] <p>Anger is not necessarily a bad thing. If you are angry and you can talk about your feelings, that would be very helpful. Anger usually comes along with something else, like feeling sad, worried, overwhelmed, confused, and many others. Consider looking at what you notice in addition to anger and you may have a different starting point. If you get along well with friends and don't get angry with them, look at the differences. Do you feel criticized by your parents or family? Misunderstood? There could be any number of things.</p><p>I wonder if you start getting angry very slowly and it builds or if it happens quickly. Try to keep an eye on the patterns and see if you can stop and look at what else is going on as you start to get angry. Anger is a real emotion in itself. It almost always connects to something else as well.</p> </s> |
56f8964ab814e1ce46371938 | How do I tell my boyfriend I wanna be with him but not in a relationship? | I've been with him for a couple months. We will talk everyday and he will get mad over something I will say and not talk to me. We have our great moments, but I just need to focus on my personal situations, and I feel he is slowing me down with that. I still wanna be with him, but not now. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-i-wanna-be-with-him-but-not-in-a-relationship | Relationships | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>It sounds like you're pulling away instead of being honest. If you really want to be with him, why not now? If you don't have time for a relationship, why are you dating at all?</p><p>I don't understand the whole "phasing out" thing that people do these days (or "ghosting", where you just stop talking and disappear!). I get the sense that this relationship isn't working for you, but for some reason you're stopping yourself from being honest with yourself and him and just ending it. In the early stage of a relationship (the first year), if it doesn't feel fabulous, it's a good idea to move on. It's not personal. You don't owe this person anything. They deserve someone who's totally into them (and so do you) and you're doing him no favors by hanging on to something that's not amazing or giving him hope that it might work better in the future sometime. You don't have to slowly bow out. It actually creates more hurt than gentle honesty. Maybe people don't know how to say it?</p><p>"I've decided not to continue with this. I wish you the best." </p><p>Life is too short!</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I tell my boyfriend I wanna be with him but not in a relationship? <</SYS>> I've been with him for a couple months. We will talk everyday and he will get mad over something I will say and not talk to me. We have our great moments, but I just need to focus on my personal situations, and I feel he is slowing me down with that. I still wanna be with him, but not now. [/INST] <p>It sounds like you're pulling away instead of being honest. If you really want to be with him, why not now? If you don't have time for a relationship, why are you dating at all?</p><p>I don't understand the whole "phasing out" thing that people do these days (or "ghosting", where you just stop talking and disappear!). I get the sense that this relationship isn't working for you, but for some reason you're stopping yourself from being honest with yourself and him and just ending it. In the early stage of a relationship (the first year), if it doesn't feel fabulous, it's a good idea to move on. It's not personal. You don't owe this person anything. They deserve someone who's totally into them (and so do you) and you're doing him no favors by hanging on to something that's not amazing or giving him hope that it might work better in the future sometime. You don't have to slowly bow out. It actually creates more hurt than gentle honesty. Maybe people don't know how to say it?</p><p>"I've decided not to continue with this. I wish you the best." </p><p>Life is too short!</p> </s> |
557da2e6b1b211b80376b660 | How do I remember and deal with things I did as a kid? | I did some horrible sexual things as a kid and I regret everything. Can someone help me cope with myself? Can someone help me remember my past? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-remember-and-deal-with-things-i-did-as-a-kid | Trauma,Human Sexuality | Danielle Alvarez | https://counselchat.com/therapists/danielle-alvarez | <p>I'm very sorry to hear this. Hypnosis can be a valuable tool that a trained therapist can use to bring back suppressed memories. However, keep in mind that hypnosis doesn't work for everyone. </p><p>I think regardless, speaking with a therapist about your sexual issues would be beneficial. It seems like you have experienced some painful experiences in the past and may need help dealing with them in order to move forward. </p><p>In addition, if past memories do resurface a trained therapist will be able to help you cope with them as they arise. </p><p>I wish you the best of luck and I hope you receive the treatment that you deserve.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I remember and deal with things I did as a kid? <</SYS>> I did some horrible sexual things as a kid and I regret everything. Can someone help me cope with myself? Can someone help me remember my past? [/INST] <p>I'm very sorry to hear this. Hypnosis can be a valuable tool that a trained therapist can use to bring back suppressed memories. However, keep in mind that hypnosis doesn't work for everyone. </p><p>I think regardless, speaking with a therapist about your sexual issues would be beneficial. It seems like you have experienced some painful experiences in the past and may need help dealing with them in order to move forward. </p><p>In addition, if past memories do resurface a trained therapist will be able to help you cope with them as they arise. </p><p>I wish you the best of luck and I hope you receive the treatment that you deserve.</p> </s> |
56965d588819c1553ffa7909 | Should I take my daughter to therapy? | My daughter didn't see her biological father for the last three years. She doesn’t want to see him because she remember really bad things from him such as domestic violence and child abuse. The visitation is with supervision, but she refuses to see him. Is it better to take my daughter to the therapist and try to see him after the therapy? | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-take-my-daughter-to-therapy | Parenting | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Dillon,</p><p>I'm from Canada, so I don't know the laws in your state. It depends on that a good deal, perhaps. </p><p>In my opinion, a child should never be forced into a situation where they feel unsafe, even if it is "supervised". If the child is old enough to make a strong statement about not wanting to see a parent, then this should be honoured. </p><p>Unfortunately, the laws don't always uphold a parent's right to do what is best for their child. I recommend you see a lawyer, who will advise you about how to proceed without putting yourself at risk of breaching custody agreements.</p><p>If you feel your daughter can benefit from therapy, that is a separate question. Or is she already in therapy? A family therapist will typically meet with you alone first, in order to determine if therapy is a wise move for your child. It isn't always appropriate. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should I take my daughter to therapy? <</SYS>> My daughter didn't see her biological father for the last three years. She doesn’t want to see him because she remember really bad things from him such as domestic violence and child abuse. The visitation is with supervision, but she refuses to see him. Is it better to take my daughter to the therapist and try to see him after the therapy? [/INST] <p>Hi Dillon,</p><p>I'm from Canada, so I don't know the laws in your state. It depends on that a good deal, perhaps. </p><p>In my opinion, a child should never be forced into a situation where they feel unsafe, even if it is "supervised". If the child is old enough to make a strong statement about not wanting to see a parent, then this should be honoured. </p><p>Unfortunately, the laws don't always uphold a parent's right to do what is best for their child. I recommend you see a lawyer, who will advise you about how to proceed without putting yourself at risk of breaching custody agreements.</p><p>If you feel your daughter can benefit from therapy, that is a separate question. Or is she already in therapy? A family therapist will typically meet with you alone first, in order to determine if therapy is a wise move for your child. It isn't always appropriate. </p> </s> |
571791ef6720004c63d5292d | My son plays alone at recess. | Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-plays-alone-at-recess | Parenting | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#333333;mso-font-kerning:18.0pt"><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-plays-alone-at-recess">My son plays alone at recess.</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">Every mom is the expert on their children’s behavior. First of </span>all,<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"> I suggest checking with your son, asking him if he is happy while playing alone, or does he complain that no one wants to play with him? Does he plays alone in school, but is social in other environments, with family or neighbors?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"">Playing alone is healthy for children, it helps them to be independent and confident, it allows them to explore their environment and use their imagination, among other benefits. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif""> On the other hand, it is also important to develop social skills early on and become confident in our skills as we grow. Children go through stages of exploration until they develop a sense of “social confidence”. Depending on your son’s age, he might need some input or advice. Provide the opportunity to interact with other children, without pushing it. Take him to the park to play with a friend or to children’s activities in your neighborhood. Later ask him, what did he thought of the activity, and if he enjoyed playing there. Children also follow their parent’s model, so you can encourage social interaction by greeting other and asking your son to do the same, ask him to receive the guests who come to the house with you and sit to enjoy the conversation. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you notice any shakiness, becoming tearful, anxious or aggressive when approaching social encounters, you may want to talk to the school counselor or children’s therapist to evaluate those symptoms and rule out any behavioral problems or social anxiety.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 107%;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 107%;">Mi hijo juega solo en el receso.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;line-height:107%;
font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";color:#767171;mso-themecolor:background2;
mso-themeshade:128;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Debería preocuparme al respecto? ¿Debería hacer algo al respecto?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: normal;">Cada mama es experta en la conducta de sus hijos. Primero que nada te sugiero que revises con tu hijo y le preguntes si él se siente contento jugando solo, o si se queja porque nadie quiere jugar con él. Observa si él juega solo en la escuela, pero es sociable en otros ambientes como con la familia o los vecinos. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: normal;">Jugar solo puede ser saludable para los niños, les ayudo a ser independientes, desarrollan sentido de seguridad, y les permite explorar su ambiente y utilizar su imaginación, entre otros beneficios.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: normal;">Por otro lado, también es importante desarrollar destrezas sociales y perfeccionarlas con la práctica. Los niños van por etapas de exploración y prueba hasta que desarrollan un nivel de confianza en sus destrezas sociales. Dependiendo de la edad de tu hijo, puede que el necesite algunos consejos. Provéele la oportunidad de interactuar con otros niños, sin obligarlo. Ya sea yendo al parque a jugar con vecinos, o a actividades comunitarias infantiles con algún amigo. Luego pregúntale como le pareció la actividad y si le gusto compartir allí. También recuerda que los niños siguen el modelo de sus padres, así que puedes motivarlo invitándolo a que salude a otros después de ti, o invitándolo a recibir a la visita que llega a la casa y que los acompañe durante la conversación.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: normal;">Si observas que tu hijo está nervioso, lloroso, o agresivo cuando se acerca alguna actividad social, consulta con el consejero escolar o un consejero infantil para evaluar sus síntomas y descarta cualquier problema de conducta o ansiedad. </span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My son plays alone at recess. <</SYS>> Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it? [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#333333;mso-font-kerning:18.0pt"><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-plays-alone-at-recess">My son plays alone at recess.</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">Every mom is the expert on their children’s behavior. First of </span>all,<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"> I suggest checking with your son, asking him if he is happy while playing alone, or does he complain that no one wants to play with him? Does he plays alone in school, but is social in other environments, with family or neighbors?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"">Playing alone is healthy for children, it helps them to be independent and confident, it allows them to explore their environment and use their imagination, among other benefits. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif""> On the other hand, it is also important to develop social skills early on and become confident in our skills as we grow. Children go through stages of exploration until they develop a sense of “social confidence”. Depending on your son’s age, he might need some input or advice. Provide the opportunity to interact with other children, without pushing it. Take him to the park to play with a friend or to children’s activities in your neighborhood. Later ask him, what did he thought of the activity, and if he enjoyed playing there. Children also follow their parent’s model, so you can encourage social interaction by greeting other and asking your son to do the same, ask him to receive the guests who come to the house with you and sit to enjoy the conversation. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you notice any shakiness, becoming tearful, anxious or aggressive when approaching social encounters, you may want to talk to the school counselor or children’s therapist to evaluate those symptoms and rule out any behavioral problems or social anxiety.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 107%;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 107%;">Mi hijo juega solo en el receso.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;line-height:107%;
font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";color:#767171;mso-themecolor:background2;
mso-themeshade:128;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Debería preocuparme al respecto? ¿Debería hacer algo al respecto?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: normal;">Cada mama es experta en la conducta de sus hijos. Primero que nada te sugiero que revises con tu hijo y le preguntes si él se siente contento jugando solo, o si se queja porque nadie quiere jugar con él. Observa si él juega solo en la escuela, pero es sociable en otros ambientes como con la familia o los vecinos. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: normal;">Jugar solo puede ser saludable para los niños, les ayudo a ser independientes, desarrollan sentido de seguridad, y les permite explorar su ambiente y utilizar su imaginación, entre otros beneficios.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: normal;">Por otro lado, también es importante desarrollar destrezas sociales y perfeccionarlas con la práctica. Los niños van por etapas de exploración y prueba hasta que desarrollan un nivel de confianza en sus destrezas sociales. Dependiendo de la edad de tu hijo, puede que el necesite algunos consejos. Provéele la oportunidad de interactuar con otros niños, sin obligarlo. Ya sea yendo al parque a jugar con vecinos, o a actividades comunitarias infantiles con algún amigo. Luego pregúntale como le pareció la actividad y si le gusto compartir allí. También recuerda que los niños siguen el modelo de sus padres, así que puedes motivarlo invitándolo a que salude a otros después de ti, o invitándolo a recibir a la visita que llega a la casa y que los acompañe durante la conversación.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: normal;">Si observas que tu hijo está nervioso, lloroso, o agresivo cuando se acerca alguna actividad social, consulta con el consejero escolar o un consejero infantil para evaluar sus síntomas y descarta cualquier problema de conducta o ansiedad. </span></p> </s> |
56c3f53a8fa38a5a4e2e1f1b | Why do I throw all my stuff away? | I constantly have this urge to throw away all my stuff. It’s constantly on my mind and makes me feel anxious. I don’t sleep because I’m thinking about something I can get rid of. I don’t know why I do it. I started years ago when I lived with my dad then I stopped when I moved in with my mom. Years later, it has started again. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-throw-all-my-stuff-away | Anxiety,Behavioral Change | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Since you wrote that you noticed a change in your throwing away urge when you changed with which parent you lived, would you feel that throwing away things is connected to wanting to be done with certain areas of influence with either parent?</p><p>Play in your mind with the metaphor of "throwing away" and whatever associations you feel toward this. Are you feeling alarmed or freed, by throwing away things? I'm only suggesting these, not telling you that they apply necessarily.</p><p>Anxiety comes up when people feel helpless to manage a meaningful part of their lives. So pay attention whether your stuff represents difficult scenarios or phases of your growing up years. Possibly you are trying to rid yourself of painful feelings which were part of your early years' relationship with either parent.</p><p>Basically, sounds as though you are trying to establish a clearer sense of who you are and the throwing away part is a means of discovering who you are, once all the clutter is released.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I throw all my stuff away? <</SYS>> I constantly have this urge to throw away all my stuff. It’s constantly on my mind and makes me feel anxious. I don’t sleep because I’m thinking about something I can get rid of. I don’t know why I do it. I started years ago when I lived with my dad then I stopped when I moved in with my mom. Years later, it has started again. [/INST] <p>Since you wrote that you noticed a change in your throwing away urge when you changed with which parent you lived, would you feel that throwing away things is connected to wanting to be done with certain areas of influence with either parent?</p><p>Play in your mind with the metaphor of "throwing away" and whatever associations you feel toward this. Are you feeling alarmed or freed, by throwing away things? I'm only suggesting these, not telling you that they apply necessarily.</p><p>Anxiety comes up when people feel helpless to manage a meaningful part of their lives. So pay attention whether your stuff represents difficult scenarios or phases of your growing up years. Possibly you are trying to rid yourself of painful feelings which were part of your early years' relationship with either parent.</p><p>Basically, sounds as though you are trying to establish a clearer sense of who you are and the throwing away part is a means of discovering who you are, once all the clutter is released.</p> </s> |
5722d63aa3d94fca1ccf8ec8 | I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship | I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-nightmares-and-flashbacks-about-a-past-relationship | Trauma,Relationships | Candice Conroy, MA | https://counselchat.com/therapists/candice-conroy-ma | <p> A lot of times when you're experiencing nightmares and flashbacks, it can be a sign that you haven't fully processed what happened. Our brains tend to replay scenes in our life that we wish had turned out differently or in an effort to desensitize us to it. If you are comfortable with it, you may want to consider sharing what you're experiencing with your current partner so that he is able to understand what's going on. Also, you may want to consider what parts of your past relationship you blame yourself for. This can be a difficult task to undertake on your own, and the help of the therapist may be necessary to sort through the memories in a safe way. Typically however, flashbacks and nightmares are a sign that the trauma of what you went through needs to be addressed. it's a great thing that you were able to have the courage to get out of that relationship and you should be proud of yourself for that. You may want to begin therapy to address these traumatic memories and help you to sort through any conflicting emotions you have about it (i.e. Feeling like it's your fault for not recognizing the abuse or getting out of the relationship sooner, blaming yourself for being " The kind of person who gets into an abusive relationship ", or believing that you somehow caused your ex to abuse you in some way.) These types of beliefs and feelings can prevent us from moving past traumatic experiences and a trained therapist can certainly help you sort through them. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship <</SYS>> I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. [/INST] <p> A lot of times when you're experiencing nightmares and flashbacks, it can be a sign that you haven't fully processed what happened. Our brains tend to replay scenes in our life that we wish had turned out differently or in an effort to desensitize us to it. If you are comfortable with it, you may want to consider sharing what you're experiencing with your current partner so that he is able to understand what's going on. Also, you may want to consider what parts of your past relationship you blame yourself for. This can be a difficult task to undertake on your own, and the help of the therapist may be necessary to sort through the memories in a safe way. Typically however, flashbacks and nightmares are a sign that the trauma of what you went through needs to be addressed. it's a great thing that you were able to have the courage to get out of that relationship and you should be proud of yourself for that. You may want to begin therapy to address these traumatic memories and help you to sort through any conflicting emotions you have about it (i.e. Feeling like it's your fault for not recognizing the abuse or getting out of the relationship sooner, blaming yourself for being " The kind of person who gets into an abusive relationship ", or believing that you somehow caused your ex to abuse you in some way.) These types of beliefs and feelings can prevent us from moving past traumatic experiences and a trained therapist can certainly help you sort through them. </p> </s> |
574f7aacc792dd6c7063e578 | How do you overcome an embarrassing mistake and forgive yourself? | I am becoming a Water Safety Instructor but I didn't have enough for a proper swimsuit. I was told by a boy in class that my top was displaying everything. I was very embarrassed. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-overcome-an-embarrassing-mistake-and-forgive-yourself | Self-esteem | Dr. Bonnie Howell | https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-bonnie-howell | <p>As far as I can tell, you received unwanted attention, but you didn't do anything wrong. What did your instructor say? Anything? If the outfit was not appropriate then the instructor should tell you--If he/she didn't then assume the swimsuit was okay, but the gentleman in the class wanted your attention and took it upon himself to comment, in order to get that attention. If you don't want his attention then you have a couple of choices--wear a shirt over the swim top, find an inexpensive swim top to replace the one you have, or wear what you have as long as the instructor doesn't say anything, and if you get unwanted attention say in as confident, slightly loud, voice as you can muster. "I don't appreciate your critique of what I'm wearing, we're here to take a class, let's just focus on that. Then, Turn on your heel and walk away.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do you overcome an embarrassing mistake and forgive yourself? <</SYS>> I am becoming a Water Safety Instructor but I didn't have enough for a proper swimsuit. I was told by a boy in class that my top was displaying everything. I was very embarrassed. [/INST] <p>As far as I can tell, you received unwanted attention, but you didn't do anything wrong. What did your instructor say? Anything? If the outfit was not appropriate then the instructor should tell you--If he/she didn't then assume the swimsuit was okay, but the gentleman in the class wanted your attention and took it upon himself to comment, in order to get that attention. If you don't want his attention then you have a couple of choices--wear a shirt over the swim top, find an inexpensive swim top to replace the one you have, or wear what you have as long as the instructor doesn't say anything, and if you get unwanted attention say in as confident, slightly loud, voice as you can muster. "I don't appreciate your critique of what I'm wearing, we're here to take a class, let's just focus on that. Then, Turn on your heel and walk away.</p> </s> |
57218c3ba3d94fca1ccf8eb6 | Is it normal for married men to fantasize about having oral sex with men? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-for-married-men-to-fantasize-about-having-oral-sex-with-men | LGBTQ,Human Sexuality | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. Everyone fantasizes about something. In relationships, it is absolutely normal to have fantasies of a sexual nature about other people, whether they are real or imaginary. This could certainly include fantasies about people of the same gender. Marriage doesn't stop us from fantasizing, but it may stop us from <i>acting </i>on our fantasies if we are in a monogamous relationship. </p><p>It seems to me that you may be wondering if having these fantasies says something about someone's sexual orientation. It may or may not. One thing that is important to think about is that there is a lot more variety in people's sexual interests than what we generally learn about in society. We mostly talk about lesbian, straight, gay, bisexual, or queer folks, but there are actually many other interests than those. </p><p>Some people are attracted to some men <i>and</i> women, and yet they are married to one partner and remain committed and monogamous in that relationship. They may still fantasize, however. </p><p>Other people are simply curious and are aroused by the thought of someone of the same gender, but they have no plan to explore the interest. </p><p>There are many possibilities, and that could include the possibility of being gay or bisexual. </p><p>So, is it normal? Yes. Not every married man has these fantasies, obviously, but some surely do. Where there may be a problem is if the person is actually struggling with their sexual orientation, and the fantasies are about more than just curiosity and arousal. If that is the case, then the person may need help sorting through feelings that may confuse them. </p><p>Hope this was helpful.</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal for married men to fantasize about having oral sex with men? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. Everyone fantasizes about something. In relationships, it is absolutely normal to have fantasies of a sexual nature about other people, whether they are real or imaginary. This could certainly include fantasies about people of the same gender. Marriage doesn't stop us from fantasizing, but it may stop us from <i>acting </i>on our fantasies if we are in a monogamous relationship. </p><p>It seems to me that you may be wondering if having these fantasies says something about someone's sexual orientation. It may or may not. One thing that is important to think about is that there is a lot more variety in people's sexual interests than what we generally learn about in society. We mostly talk about lesbian, straight, gay, bisexual, or queer folks, but there are actually many other interests than those. </p><p>Some people are attracted to some men <i>and</i> women, and yet they are married to one partner and remain committed and monogamous in that relationship. They may still fantasize, however. </p><p>Other people are simply curious and are aroused by the thought of someone of the same gender, but they have no plan to explore the interest. </p><p>There are many possibilities, and that could include the possibility of being gay or bisexual. </p><p>So, is it normal? Yes. Not every married man has these fantasies, obviously, but some surely do. Where there may be a problem is if the person is actually struggling with their sexual orientation, and the fantasies are about more than just curiosity and arousal. If that is the case, then the person may need help sorting through feelings that may confuse them. </p><p>Hope this was helpful.</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
56b266f0c2bfe0f729d6e738 | My daughter calls me crazy, and I’m not sure how to handle that. | I am divorced and happily remarried. Our blended family of children are in their 20s. My youngest, age 20, continues to call me crazy and favors her dad. He was abusive to me, and I left with injuries. He never wanted kids, and I did. He paid child support only through forced wage earners. Now my daughters favor him after all the sacrifices I made for them the past 15 years as a single mom. I don’t deny them a relationship with their dad, but to be called crazy and then watch them hang out with him hurts me to the very core. I’m not sure how to handle this. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-daughter-calls-me-crazy-and-i-m-not-sure-how-to-handle-that | Parenting,Relationship Dissolution ,Family Conflict | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Arkansas, </p><p>Your situation sounds like a case of parental alienation. Your ex-partner unfortunately has the power to say things to your children that poison their relationship with you. It's a form of woman abuse and child abuse. He's likely doing this to hurt you and have power over you, and he's not considering how it's affecting the kids. I've seen this happen in many families; parents who once had a strong loving relationship with their children suddenly feel abandoned in favor of the other parent. In some cases, children actually stop having contact with one parent, who is left bewildered and powerless. It's your ex's job to support your relationship with your kids, not try to destroy it. </p><p>While you can't change his behaviours, and I think you know that, there are things you can do for yourself and your kids. </p><p>For your children, you can refuse to enter into the war he's setting up. He's trying to provoke you into acting "crazy", but you don't have to fall for this. If you run around screaming "he's lying!", it only makes you look more 'crazy'. Try to stay calm, and don't put their dad down to them, no matter how tempting it is. One day, they may be ready to hear the truth of your relationship with their father, but wait until they ask. Trust that they have their own experience of their dad, and trust that he doesn't have the power to destroy their love for you. Children, in the long term, lose respect for parents who denigrate the other parent. They see who their dad is already, I'd bet, but they don't know how to cope with that. If he's the only one fighting a war, you're helping them feel less trapped in a parental conflict. Don't engage on his level. </p><p>Don't blame your children completely. Although I have to say that for them to call you names like crazy is not acceptable and you don't need to tolerate that disrespect, try to deal with this behaviour without bringing their dad into it. They are acting out their father's agenda, likely because they instinctively see his weakness. Children often support the weaker parent, rather than abandon them. You get the worst because they trust your love. But you can still have boundaries. Letting them abuse you isn't the answer, but have compassion for their position. This picture isn't their fault, but as adults, they can be held accountable for their choices.</p><p>Reassure yourself that you are the mom you know you are. You don't need them to gush all over you in order to know that you made sacrifices. Hold onto the likelihood that some day, they will come back and be grateful. It may take a while, you can't rush it, but they will see you for who you are. Your power is in giving them a consistently calm, generous, connected, supportive mom who refuses to play games or be walked on. </p><p>I'd recommend trying to connect with other parents who experience this phenomenon, or a therapist who can reinforce these goals and help keep you grounded. Good luck!</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My daughter calls me crazy, and I’m not sure how to handle that. <</SYS>> I am divorced and happily remarried. Our blended family of children are in their 20s. My youngest, age 20, continues to call me crazy and favors her dad. He was abusive to me, and I left with injuries. He never wanted kids, and I did. He paid child support only through forced wage earners. Now my daughters favor him after all the sacrifices I made for them the past 15 years as a single mom. I don’t deny them a relationship with their dad, but to be called crazy and then watch them hang out with him hurts me to the very core. I’m not sure how to handle this. [/INST] <p>Hi Arkansas, </p><p>Your situation sounds like a case of parental alienation. Your ex-partner unfortunately has the power to say things to your children that poison their relationship with you. It's a form of woman abuse and child abuse. He's likely doing this to hurt you and have power over you, and he's not considering how it's affecting the kids. I've seen this happen in many families; parents who once had a strong loving relationship with their children suddenly feel abandoned in favor of the other parent. In some cases, children actually stop having contact with one parent, who is left bewildered and powerless. It's your ex's job to support your relationship with your kids, not try to destroy it. </p><p>While you can't change his behaviours, and I think you know that, there are things you can do for yourself and your kids. </p><p>For your children, you can refuse to enter into the war he's setting up. He's trying to provoke you into acting "crazy", but you don't have to fall for this. If you run around screaming "he's lying!", it only makes you look more 'crazy'. Try to stay calm, and don't put their dad down to them, no matter how tempting it is. One day, they may be ready to hear the truth of your relationship with their father, but wait until they ask. Trust that they have their own experience of their dad, and trust that he doesn't have the power to destroy their love for you. Children, in the long term, lose respect for parents who denigrate the other parent. They see who their dad is already, I'd bet, but they don't know how to cope with that. If he's the only one fighting a war, you're helping them feel less trapped in a parental conflict. Don't engage on his level. </p><p>Don't blame your children completely. Although I have to say that for them to call you names like crazy is not acceptable and you don't need to tolerate that disrespect, try to deal with this behaviour without bringing their dad into it. They are acting out their father's agenda, likely because they instinctively see his weakness. Children often support the weaker parent, rather than abandon them. You get the worst because they trust your love. But you can still have boundaries. Letting them abuse you isn't the answer, but have compassion for their position. This picture isn't their fault, but as adults, they can be held accountable for their choices.</p><p>Reassure yourself that you are the mom you know you are. You don't need them to gush all over you in order to know that you made sacrifices. Hold onto the likelihood that some day, they will come back and be grateful. It may take a while, you can't rush it, but they will see you for who you are. Your power is in giving them a consistently calm, generous, connected, supportive mom who refuses to play games or be walked on. </p><p>I'd recommend trying to connect with other parents who experience this phenomenon, or a therapist who can reinforce these goals and help keep you grounded. Good luck!</p><p><br></p> </s> |
56cdf10d9fda1fcc7f4ccddc | Is it okay to date my ex-boyfriend’s cousin? | I have been dating my ex-boyfriend’s cousin for a few years. We have gotten pretty serious. He wants to cut it off because people are giving him a hard time that our kids will be related to my ex. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-okay-to-date-my-ex-boyfriend-s-cousin | Family Conflict,Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Does your boyfriend agree with the other people's opinions or is the problem that he feels that doing what they want will be an easy way to stop hearing them say what he doesn't like hearing?</p><p><br></p><p>Talk through whether he actually believes what the others are telling him or figures that complying will make them stop bothering him.</p><p>Once the two of you understand what, if any, the differences are in the opinions you each have on the double relationship status, you'll be more clear whether the differences can be aligned somehow.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it okay to date my ex-boyfriend’s cousin? <</SYS>> I have been dating my ex-boyfriend’s cousin for a few years. We have gotten pretty serious. He wants to cut it off because people are giving him a hard time that our kids will be related to my ex. [/INST] <p>Does your boyfriend agree with the other people's opinions or is the problem that he feels that doing what they want will be an easy way to stop hearing them say what he doesn't like hearing?</p><p><br></p><p>Talk through whether he actually believes what the others are telling him or figures that complying will make them stop bothering him.</p><p>Once the two of you understand what, if any, the differences are in the opinions you each have on the double relationship status, you'll be more clear whether the differences can be aligned somehow.</p> </s> |
55d4319d4eadfb434bcb5bfd | How can I be more confident around girls? | I keep hearing I am attractive from people around me, and I think I believe it. But I have low confidence regarding approaching girls I like. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-more-confident-around-girls | Self-esteem,Relationships | Jessica Dobbs | https://counselchat.com/therapists/jessica-dobbs | <p>I recommend that you focus on the negative thoughts or irrational beliefs that are going through your mind at the time in which you are trying to approach a girl. When you are aware of the negative thoughts or irrational beliefs, you can then work on changing them. An easy way to recognize an irrational belief is a thought that contains the words "must or never." Once you recognize the thought or belief, I would like you to picture a big red stop sign. This is called thought stopping. This is a technique to use to stop unwanted or unhealthy thoughts. Then, I would like you to think of a more positive thought to replace it with such as: Negative thought: "That girl will never go out with me" STOP Positive thought: "I won't know if she will go out with me unless I ask". What this does is increase your self confidence by replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones that will ultimately boost your self esteem.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I be more confident around girls? <</SYS>> I keep hearing I am attractive from people around me, and I think I believe it. But I have low confidence regarding approaching girls I like. [/INST] <p>I recommend that you focus on the negative thoughts or irrational beliefs that are going through your mind at the time in which you are trying to approach a girl. When you are aware of the negative thoughts or irrational beliefs, you can then work on changing them. An easy way to recognize an irrational belief is a thought that contains the words "must or never." Once you recognize the thought or belief, I would like you to picture a big red stop sign. This is called thought stopping. This is a technique to use to stop unwanted or unhealthy thoughts. Then, I would like you to think of a more positive thought to replace it with such as: Negative thought: "That girl will never go out with me" STOP Positive thought: "I won't know if she will go out with me unless I ask". What this does is increase your self confidence by replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones that will ultimately boost your self esteem.</p> </s> |
58c61c8e98741803743bf6c9 | What are the skills needed by a counselor? | What are the basic skills a good counselor needs to have? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-are-the-skills-needed-by-a-counselor | Counseling Fundamentals | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>To be non-judgemental, know who they themselves are, be able to step forward and ask questions with ease and grace into painful emotional areas.</p><p>Also to respect human difference in accomplishing basic life tasks and everyday living. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What are the skills needed by a counselor? <</SYS>> What are the basic skills a good counselor needs to have? [/INST] <p>To be non-judgemental, know who they themselves are, be able to step forward and ask questions with ease and grace into painful emotional areas.</p><p>Also to respect human difference in accomplishing basic life tasks and everyday living. </p> </s> |
5750eeb7c792dd6c7063e5d0 | is it normal not to feel empathy? | I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-not-to-feel-empathy | Anxiety,Depression | Charles Lucas | https://counselchat.com/therapists/charles-lucas | <p>Thank you for posting. I'm interested to hear some more information; such as, if you live by yourself or family, if you go to school/employed/unemployed, and what kind of things do you like to do with friends or by yourself. Often times, when we are experiencing a strong emotion that we interpret as negative, we put most of our focus on that negative emotion and struggle to see that we do not <span style="text-decoration: underline;">always</span> feel that specific emotion. There are typically points in the day (even if it is for only in 1 minute intervals) when we do not feel that negative emotion. When we overgeneralize, we use words like "always" or "never" and when we use those words and it may not be totally true, we feel the negative emotion based on an inaccuracy which is not fair to you. Ask yourself some of these questions: Am I being realistic when I'm overgeneralizing things? Have I ever noticed a short period of time that I wasn't feeling anxious? What do I notice when I am feeling anxious? What am I thinking about? When was the last time I felt empathy? What was different when I was able to feel empathy? Hopefully this helps get you started. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> is it normal not to feel empathy? <</SYS>> I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself. [/INST] <p>Thank you for posting. I'm interested to hear some more information; such as, if you live by yourself or family, if you go to school/employed/unemployed, and what kind of things do you like to do with friends or by yourself. Often times, when we are experiencing a strong emotion that we interpret as negative, we put most of our focus on that negative emotion and struggle to see that we do not <span style="text-decoration: underline;">always</span> feel that specific emotion. There are typically points in the day (even if it is for only in 1 minute intervals) when we do not feel that negative emotion. When we overgeneralize, we use words like "always" or "never" and when we use those words and it may not be totally true, we feel the negative emotion based on an inaccuracy which is not fair to you. Ask yourself some of these questions: Am I being realistic when I'm overgeneralizing things? Have I ever noticed a short period of time that I wasn't feeling anxious? What do I notice when I am feeling anxious? What am I thinking about? When was the last time I felt empathy? What was different when I was able to feel empathy? Hopefully this helps get you started. </p> </s> |
5773e438b9ff751f196e8df0 | I'm worried about my new job. | I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job.
People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-worried-about-my-new-job | Anxiety,Career Counseling | Manya Khoddami | https://counselchat.com/therapists/manya-khoddami | <p>Bravo, on your success in securing a job and also for being proactive with your need. Starting a new job can be scary and having to travel away from your home and family can make it even more anxiety provoking. </p><p>Do allow yourself to be anxious about this new journey, we can be hard on ourselves, think if it was a friend that was turning to you for help, what solutions would you have offered them, but also continue to seek to secure right support as well. Talking to your physician is always a good place to start; your physician can tell you if there are organic influences causing your anxiety that may be out of your control. Additionally, talking to close or compassionate family and friends is always good. It is important that you turn to supportive people at the time of emotional need, talking about our challenges can help break the cycle of anxiety at least momentarily. </p><p>Remember, to further your success, it requires a healthy self, if you have supportive relationships relying on and turning to people who can be there without judgment is great. Healthy lifestyle like eating right, sleeping enough, and regular exercise also never fails to help improve overall emotional health. </p><p>Additional self-care measures such as repeated relaxation practices can help you become more familiar with your nervous systems reactivity and you can implement strategies to ease anxiety in various situations as it demands. The more resources the better you will be equipped to manage challenges and concerns at the time notice. You can find a lot from the internet too, use your best judgment as what may not be appropriate for you there are some wonderful apps on most smartphones that can help you learn and practice grounding strategies to ease anxiety. </p><p>If you have access to a therapy you find more specific strategies that would best fit your needs. Good luck, wish you a happy journey and much success.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm worried about my new job. <</SYS>> I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job.
People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do? [/INST] <p>Bravo, on your success in securing a job and also for being proactive with your need. Starting a new job can be scary and having to travel away from your home and family can make it even more anxiety provoking. </p><p>Do allow yourself to be anxious about this new journey, we can be hard on ourselves, think if it was a friend that was turning to you for help, what solutions would you have offered them, but also continue to seek to secure right support as well. Talking to your physician is always a good place to start; your physician can tell you if there are organic influences causing your anxiety that may be out of your control. Additionally, talking to close or compassionate family and friends is always good. It is important that you turn to supportive people at the time of emotional need, talking about our challenges can help break the cycle of anxiety at least momentarily. </p><p>Remember, to further your success, it requires a healthy self, if you have supportive relationships relying on and turning to people who can be there without judgment is great. Healthy lifestyle like eating right, sleeping enough, and regular exercise also never fails to help improve overall emotional health. </p><p>Additional self-care measures such as repeated relaxation practices can help you become more familiar with your nervous systems reactivity and you can implement strategies to ease anxiety in various situations as it demands. The more resources the better you will be equipped to manage challenges and concerns at the time notice. You can find a lot from the internet too, use your best judgment as what may not be appropriate for you there are some wonderful apps on most smartphones that can help you learn and practice grounding strategies to ease anxiety. </p><p>If you have access to a therapy you find more specific strategies that would best fit your needs. Good luck, wish you a happy journey and much success.</p> </s> |
56879c53e716b51523007b44 | How am I supposed to feel when I forgive someone? | My mom made a lot of mistakes a couple years back, and I can't seem to forgive her. I want to say that it's okay, but I can't. I feel like even if I did forgive her, I wouldn't be able to say it to her face. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-am-i-supposed-to-feel-when-i-forgive-someone | Family Conflict | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>How someone feels when they forgive another, is at peace with themselves and their understanding of what went wrong, who was responsible for what in the situation, and clarity on their own motivation, actions, emotions including pain, regret, resentment, sadness.</p><p>These steps ideally allow a new door to open in order to develop new paths in the existing relationship or accept that this will not be possible due to either person's way of handling themselves.</p><p>The long answer would be that you're not yet through with this process.</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I commend you on being truthful with yourself about yourself.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">You're on the right track by expecting to feel resolved when you've reached resolution, and not before.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Finding patience with the unpredictable amount of time needed to thoroughly examine all the details of the incidents you mention, sometimes is a frustration of its own.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Keep up your good work of knowing your own life.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">It is a worthwhile endeavor!</span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How am I supposed to feel when I forgive someone? <</SYS>> My mom made a lot of mistakes a couple years back, and I can't seem to forgive her. I want to say that it's okay, but I can't. I feel like even if I did forgive her, I wouldn't be able to say it to her face. [/INST] <p>How someone feels when they forgive another, is at peace with themselves and their understanding of what went wrong, who was responsible for what in the situation, and clarity on their own motivation, actions, emotions including pain, regret, resentment, sadness.</p><p>These steps ideally allow a new door to open in order to develop new paths in the existing relationship or accept that this will not be possible due to either person's way of handling themselves.</p><p>The long answer would be that you're not yet through with this process.</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I commend you on being truthful with yourself about yourself.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">You're on the right track by expecting to feel resolved when you've reached resolution, and not before.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Finding patience with the unpredictable amount of time needed to thoroughly examine all the details of the incidents you mention, sometimes is a frustration of its own.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Keep up your good work of knowing your own life.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">It is a worthwhile endeavor!</span></p> </s> |
5756ea7bc792dd6c7063e723 | I'm soon to be married, and I've been messing around with others. | I’m a man, and I’m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing, but it’s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-soon-to-be-married-and-i-ve-been-messing-around-with-others | Relationships,Intimacy,LGBTQ | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>If you are happy with the person that you are about to be married to and are also enjoying time with other men, it could be possible that you are attracted to people of more than one gender.</p><p>Having said that, some people have feelings toward people of more than one gender that are not really related to romance or attraction, but any number of other feelings, such as trust and communication. I don't know whether your use of the phrase "messing around" was related specifically to being romantically or sexually involved with the people who you are or referring to or if you are saying that you are enjoying spending time with them. These terms have different definitions for almost everyone.</p><p>I would definitely recommend speaking with a local mental health practitioner in your area, not because there is anything wrong about the way you are feeling, but because there are a lot of different parts of what is happening in your life right now and it may be helpful to talk about the feelings and thoughts with someone who can help you to learn more about yourself and the people are most important in your life (yourself included).</p><p>I also suggest looking at a few things that you love and appreciate about yourself.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm soon to be married, and I've been messing around with others. <</SYS>> I’m a man, and I’m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing, but it’s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do. [/INST] <p>If you are happy with the person that you are about to be married to and are also enjoying time with other men, it could be possible that you are attracted to people of more than one gender.</p><p>Having said that, some people have feelings toward people of more than one gender that are not really related to romance or attraction, but any number of other feelings, such as trust and communication. I don't know whether your use of the phrase "messing around" was related specifically to being romantically or sexually involved with the people who you are or referring to or if you are saying that you are enjoying spending time with them. These terms have different definitions for almost everyone.</p><p>I would definitely recommend speaking with a local mental health practitioner in your area, not because there is anything wrong about the way you are feeling, but because there are a lot of different parts of what is happening in your life right now and it may be helpful to talk about the feelings and thoughts with someone who can help you to learn more about yourself and the people are most important in your life (yourself included).</p><p>I also suggest looking at a few things that you love and appreciate about yourself.</p> </s> |
56cbd90bec2fe82640a5fcd3 | How do I better handle my breakup? | I got involved with my best friend who is married but has been very unhappy for the last five years. We both fell in love and have been together for eight months. He left the house and filed for divorce. He decided to tell her about our relationship, and she is willing to forgive and work on things. This shook him. They have two kids together. He decided to put the divorce on hold. He left town for a month to get clarity on the situation and see a therapist. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-better-handle-my-breakup | Relationships | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Miami, I feel your sadness; you might have planned a future with your best friend. We live in a world where we are constantly exposed and connected to people who intrigue us and to whom we might feel a connection. I believe that our ability to protect our relationships from the risks involved here has not developed fast enough. </p><p>Your friend came face to face with what leaving the marriage meant...huge changes and many intense emotions. He is wise to consider his choices carefully; especially if you have children, there is good reason to work at a relationship that is less than fulfilling. Therapy can help.</p><p>So you fell in love with a man who was in an unstable place. He's taking the steps to create some stability for himself and that leaves you "on hold", not knowing what his decision will be. I love that you seem willing to give him the space he needs to figure it all out. This decision is his. </p><p>For yourself, you can accept that being "best friends" with a man might not be a wise thing. Many marriages don't fair well when friendships like that exist. You flirted with danger; both of you. You fell in love but he wasn't free, really. I'm sure his love for you is real and powerful, but it's not a competition. It's one man choosing his life path. You can focus on thoughts like this:</p><ul><li>He has the right to choose his life.</li><li>We flirted with danger by being best friends.</li><li>I know he does love me; this is not a reflection on my worth.</li><li>I can feel really good about giving him patience and the space he needs.</li><li>I feel proud of his honesty.</li><li>I feel proud if he's willing to fight for his marriage; lucky her...lucky kids.</li><li>Acknowledge and allow yourself to feel that sadness, that grief. It's real.</li></ul><p>If you have told anyone about the affair, seek the support of that trusted person and know you have to grieve this in silence because it was born in silence. I wish you well, and for the record, I'm proud of the maturity you show in this situation. :)</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I better handle my breakup? <</SYS>> I got involved with my best friend who is married but has been very unhappy for the last five years. We both fell in love and have been together for eight months. He left the house and filed for divorce. He decided to tell her about our relationship, and she is willing to forgive and work on things. This shook him. They have two kids together. He decided to put the divorce on hold. He left town for a month to get clarity on the situation and see a therapist. [/INST] <p>Hi Miami, I feel your sadness; you might have planned a future with your best friend. We live in a world where we are constantly exposed and connected to people who intrigue us and to whom we might feel a connection. I believe that our ability to protect our relationships from the risks involved here has not developed fast enough. </p><p>Your friend came face to face with what leaving the marriage meant...huge changes and many intense emotions. He is wise to consider his choices carefully; especially if you have children, there is good reason to work at a relationship that is less than fulfilling. Therapy can help.</p><p>So you fell in love with a man who was in an unstable place. He's taking the steps to create some stability for himself and that leaves you "on hold", not knowing what his decision will be. I love that you seem willing to give him the space he needs to figure it all out. This decision is his. </p><p>For yourself, you can accept that being "best friends" with a man might not be a wise thing. Many marriages don't fair well when friendships like that exist. You flirted with danger; both of you. You fell in love but he wasn't free, really. I'm sure his love for you is real and powerful, but it's not a competition. It's one man choosing his life path. You can focus on thoughts like this:</p><ul><li>He has the right to choose his life.</li><li>We flirted with danger by being best friends.</li><li>I know he does love me; this is not a reflection on my worth.</li><li>I can feel really good about giving him patience and the space he needs.</li><li>I feel proud of his honesty.</li><li>I feel proud if he's willing to fight for his marriage; lucky her...lucky kids.</li><li>Acknowledge and allow yourself to feel that sadness, that grief. It's real.</li></ul><p>If you have told anyone about the affair, seek the support of that trusted person and know you have to grieve this in silence because it was born in silence. I wish you well, and for the record, I'm proud of the maturity you show in this situation. :)</p> </s> |
577d5a227fe85f1465e20056 | How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt? | After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-husband-after-a-suicide-attempt | Marriage,Depression,Self-harm | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Since as husband and wife your lives are closely joined, how your husband feels greatly influences the way you feel.</p><p>Give yourself some time to concentrate on how you've been affected by your husband's suicide attempt. Even if you decide against immediately telling him how you're feeling, knowing this about yourself will guide how and the topics you bring up with him.</p><p>Is your husband talking easily with you?</p><p>Do you have some ideas as to what is creating his feeling of hopelessness?</p><p>The ideal approach would be if the two of you are able to discuss what bothers him and what bothers you.</p><p>Depending on how far away you each are from such a position, you may benefit from speaking with a licensed professional therapist who can guide you and or you and your husband on opening up for discussion what feels stressful enough to merit taking one's own life.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt? <</SYS>> After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. [/INST] <p>Since as husband and wife your lives are closely joined, how your husband feels greatly influences the way you feel.</p><p>Give yourself some time to concentrate on how you've been affected by your husband's suicide attempt. Even if you decide against immediately telling him how you're feeling, knowing this about yourself will guide how and the topics you bring up with him.</p><p>Is your husband talking easily with you?</p><p>Do you have some ideas as to what is creating his feeling of hopelessness?</p><p>The ideal approach would be if the two of you are able to discuss what bothers him and what bothers you.</p><p>Depending on how far away you each are from such a position, you may benefit from speaking with a licensed professional therapist who can guide you and or you and your husband on opening up for discussion what feels stressful enough to merit taking one's own life.</p> </s> |
57749f5bc8c3e0180cffa1f4 | I feel completely alone in my marriage. | I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-completely-alone-in-my-marriage | Marriage,Relationships,Intimacy | Anna McElearney | https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney | <p>Feeling alone in your marriage is one of the most painful feelings. Wanting connection with your spouse yet feeling the all too familiar distance that's keeping you apart can be so hurtful. But, change is possible. You might be able to move closer toward each other on your own but since there has been two years of distance, I would suggest looking into couples therapy with a trained couples therapist. They are trained in helping couples begin to examine what's been happening that has caused a drift in your marriage. </p><p>I'm also curious if there was a significant event that occurred around the time you started feeling distant. If there was something that occurred during this time that is hard for you both to talk about, couples therapy can help with this also. It can provide a safe and supportive space for you both. </p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I feel completely alone in my marriage. <</SYS>> I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected? [/INST] <p>Feeling alone in your marriage is one of the most painful feelings. Wanting connection with your spouse yet feeling the all too familiar distance that's keeping you apart can be so hurtful. But, change is possible. You might be able to move closer toward each other on your own but since there has been two years of distance, I would suggest looking into couples therapy with a trained couples therapist. They are trained in helping couples begin to examine what's been happening that has caused a drift in your marriage. </p><p>I'm also curious if there was a significant event that occurred around the time you started feeling distant. If there was something that occurred during this time that is hard for you both to talk about, couples therapy can help with this also. It can provide a safe and supportive space for you both. </p><p><br></p> </s> |
5738e8cc4eb3dd523a6db442 | How should we punish our son for peeing his pants because of laziness? | He is an adolescent. He has peed his pant multiple times over the last few years, all at times when he is too wrapped up in a video game or video. We have taken away games and videos for long periods of time as punishment, but after a few months of having then back, he pees his pants again. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-should-we-punish-our-son-for-peeing-his-pants-because-of-laziness | Parenting | Barika Grayson LMHC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/barika-grayson-lmhc-ncc | From a behavioral standpoint you should refrain from punishing your son. Instead of utilizing punishment when he wets himself provide contingencies prior to any accidents. Sit down with your son and discuss the importance of utilizing the bathroom and responsibilities and inform him that if he chooses to wet his pants that his video games will not be available for use for him the next day(or your designated realistic time frame). <div><br></div><div> This way if an accident occurs, no heated words have to be exchanged because you have already laid the ground work. Also allow him to clean up himself. Gather cleaning supplies and and oversee cleaning operations without ridicule or negative feedback. <div><br></div><div>Since you have stated that you have an adolescent who is experiencing enuresis, you may want to check with your PCP and a licensed professional for underlying diagnosis that can be treated. You can also call a local behavioral analyst.</div></div> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How should we punish our son for peeing his pants because of laziness? <</SYS>> He is an adolescent. He has peed his pant multiple times over the last few years, all at times when he is too wrapped up in a video game or video. We have taken away games and videos for long periods of time as punishment, but after a few months of having then back, he pees his pants again. [/INST] From a behavioral standpoint you should refrain from punishing your son. Instead of utilizing punishment when he wets himself provide contingencies prior to any accidents. Sit down with your son and discuss the importance of utilizing the bathroom and responsibilities and inform him that if he chooses to wet his pants that his video games will not be available for use for him the next day(or your designated realistic time frame). <div><br></div><div> This way if an accident occurs, no heated words have to be exchanged because you have already laid the ground work. Also allow him to clean up himself. Gather cleaning supplies and and oversee cleaning operations without ridicule or negative feedback. <div><br></div><div>Since you have stated that you have an adolescent who is experiencing enuresis, you may want to check with your PCP and a licensed professional for underlying diagnosis that can be treated. You can also call a local behavioral analyst.</div></div> </s> |
55f1bc18934eadd0573da77d | What do you do if your partner isn't satisfying your needs sexually? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-do-you-do-if-your-partner-isn-t-satisfying-your-needs-sexually | Intimacy | Rebecca Wong | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong | <p>Talking to your partner about what's <i>off </i>would be a good place to start, but sometimes that can be really hard to muster the courage to do alone. It may not feel emotionally safe to dive into. This is where couples, and even more specifically, sex therapy can be really helpful. Therapy with a qualified professional can help to hold a safe and supportive space for you and your partner to open and explore these dynamics. You can also pick up some amazing books like <a href='http://passionatemarriage.com/' target='_blank'>Passionate Marriage</a> which could be what you need to get that conversation started.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What do you do if your partner isn't satisfying your needs sexually? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Talking to your partner about what's <i>off </i>would be a good place to start, but sometimes that can be really hard to muster the courage to do alone. It may not feel emotionally safe to dive into. This is where couples, and even more specifically, sex therapy can be really helpful. Therapy with a qualified professional can help to hold a safe and supportive space for you and your partner to open and explore these dynamics. You can also pick up some amazing books like <a href='http://passionatemarriage.com/' target='_blank'>Passionate Marriage</a> which could be what you need to get that conversation started.</p> </s> |
5796b7bfbc069dff6a5339d0 | Overcoming fears. | I have a fear of something and I want to face that fear to overcome it, but I don't know how. What can I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/overcoming-fears | Anxiety,Behavioral Change | Cory Ian Shafer LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc | <p>Fears are not that difficult to deal with, first you need to train yourself to relax using some relaxation strategy, once you are able to employ that in your daily life, you then need to start facing your fear, for instance I'll use an example of a man who has a fear of driving over a bridge. We would build a hierarchy of fears, that is a list of fears ranging from least to most, for example the man may want to start by looking at a picture of a bridge while employing his relation technique, then he may want to see a real bridge from a distance while employing that same relaxation technique, then moving closer to the bridge, then maybe standing on a bridge, all the while moving closer to his fear while relaxing, until you come to most fearful proposition which is crossing that bridge, or you can also engage in flooding which is for example, if you were scared of an elevator, go into an elevator until you are not panicking anymore, in the movie Batman Begins, Bruce Wayne who has a great fear of bats, goes into this cave and allows himself to be surrounded by bats until he is no longer fearful of them. Secondly, look at your fears, do they even need to be worked on, some fears are healthy, for example if i was a therapist in New York City and someone came to me and said "I'm scared of snakes", I would probably say that is OK because there are very little snakes left in Manhattan</p><p>Hope that helps <br></p><p>C<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Overcoming fears. <</SYS>> I have a fear of something and I want to face that fear to overcome it, but I don't know how. What can I do? [/INST] <p>Fears are not that difficult to deal with, first you need to train yourself to relax using some relaxation strategy, once you are able to employ that in your daily life, you then need to start facing your fear, for instance I'll use an example of a man who has a fear of driving over a bridge. We would build a hierarchy of fears, that is a list of fears ranging from least to most, for example the man may want to start by looking at a picture of a bridge while employing his relation technique, then he may want to see a real bridge from a distance while employing that same relaxation technique, then moving closer to the bridge, then maybe standing on a bridge, all the while moving closer to his fear while relaxing, until you come to most fearful proposition which is crossing that bridge, or you can also engage in flooding which is for example, if you were scared of an elevator, go into an elevator until you are not panicking anymore, in the movie Batman Begins, Bruce Wayne who has a great fear of bats, goes into this cave and allows himself to be surrounded by bats until he is no longer fearful of them. Secondly, look at your fears, do they even need to be worked on, some fears are healthy, for example if i was a therapist in New York City and someone came to me and said "I'm scared of snakes", I would probably say that is OK because there are very little snakes left in Manhattan</p><p>Hope that helps <br></p><p>C<br></p> </s> |
5756ea7bc792dd6c7063e723 | I'm soon to be married, and I've been messing around with others. | I’m a man, and I’m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing, but it’s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-soon-to-be-married-and-i-ve-been-messing-around-with-others | Relationships,Intimacy,LGBTQ | Karen Thacker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-thacker-2 | <p>Divorce is expensive emotionally and financially. If your fiance is not ok with an open marriage, it would be a good idea to seek the help of a counselor before you get married.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm soon to be married, and I've been messing around with others. <</SYS>> I’m a man, and I’m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing, but it’s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do. [/INST] <p>Divorce is expensive emotionally and financially. If your fiance is not ok with an open marriage, it would be a good idea to seek the help of a counselor before you get married.</p> </s> |
56f4ab17b814e1ce46371900 | Why am I so anxious in social situations? | Whenever I have to speak in public or be in big crowds, I freak out. I get light-headed, sweaty, and I have trouble breathing. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-so-anxious-in-social-situations | Anxiety | Sonya Wilson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | <p>As you do it more, it should get better or at less with less anxiety. Anxiety is normal for most when speaking in public. I hear this from even the best of facilitators who have been doing it for years. I even experienced that when I first became a counselor and had to lead classes. I asked myself why were I so anxious? I admit at that time I didn't have confidence in myself. The more I prepared and practiced, the more my confidence level increased. Yours will too... <br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why am I so anxious in social situations? <</SYS>> Whenever I have to speak in public or be in big crowds, I freak out. I get light-headed, sweaty, and I have trouble breathing. [/INST] <p>As you do it more, it should get better or at less with less anxiety. Anxiety is normal for most when speaking in public. I hear this from even the best of facilitators who have been doing it for years. I even experienced that when I first became a counselor and had to lead classes. I asked myself why were I so anxious? I admit at that time I didn't have confidence in myself. The more I prepared and practiced, the more my confidence level increased. Yours will too... <br></p> </s> |
573fb0d0647a15e353c46ad8 | How can I get back to being the person I truly am? | I feel like I am not at a good state of mind. I'm very unsettled in my soul. I'm not happy with myself or the decisions I make, which makes me not happy with anyone else. I feel like a failure most of my days. I don't feel like I'm good at anything anymore. I feel like less of a person. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-back-to-being-the-person-i-truly-am | Depression | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">It seems like you may be experiencing depression symptoms, they could be the triggered by unexpected life changes, or building up throughout time.</span><br></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">The important part is that you have identified them and wanting to change them. The first step is to establish a </span>self-care<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;"> routine that will help you to feel centered and motivated: go for walks, or make any physical activity that you enjoy ( be kind to yourself, anything helps at this point), eat balanced, add whole grains and fibers to your diet, make a point to rest at night and avoid naps, practice a hobby that you love, or look for a new one that you are curious about. You mentioned that you feel unsettled in your soul: explore your spirituality, meditate about what makes your soul at peace, and find ways to practice that or surround yourself by those activities.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">If you find it difficult to begin, talk to your therapist to identify roadblocks and ways to find motivation. Suicidal and homicidal thoughts are common but serious depression symptoms, discuss them with your therapist, contact your doctor or psychiatrist, and call 9-1-1 if its and emergency.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Once you feel stable, you can focus on exploring the source of the problem and see if you need to make changes or learn coping skills that will help you manage it. It will also be a good time to explore your spirituality and your purpose in life, that may help you to feel better </span>with<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;"> yourself and then happier around others.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:17.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:
11.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";color:#2E74B5;
mso-themecolor:accent1;mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Cómo puedo volver a ser la persona que realmente soy?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:
"Helvetica","sans-serif";color:#767171;mso-themecolor:background2;mso-themeshade:
128">Siento que m</span><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;line-height:
107%;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";color:#767171;mso-themecolor:background2;
mso-themeshade:128;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">i mente no está bien. My espíritu está intranquilo. No me siento feliz con las decisiones que tomo, lo cual me hace infeliz con los demás. Me siento como un fracaso la mayoría del tiempo. Siento que ya no soy bueno para nada. Siento que soy menos que los demás.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Al parecer estas experimentando síntomas de depresión, la cual puede ser causada por cambios recientes en tu vida o estarse acumulando a través del tiempo.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Lo importante en este momento es que tú reconoces los síntomas y estas buscando cambiar la situación. El primer paso sería trabajar en restablecer una rutina de cuidado personal que te ayude a sentirte emocionalmente estable y motivado: Sal a caminar o hacer alguna actividad física(ten compasión contigo mismo, cualquier cosa funciona para comenzar), comienza a comer balanceado, especialmente granos y fibras integrales, , procura descansar en las noches y evita las siestas, y practica algún tipo de actividad que hayas disfrutado en el pasado o que te de curiosidad. Mencionaste que tu espíritu esta intranquilo, explora tu espiritualidad, y que te ayudaría a encontrar la paz, busca la manera de hacer esa práctica una rutina.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Si te cuesta mucho trabajo iniciar estas actividades, será bueno buscar a un consejero para que te ayude a identificar formas de estar motivado o obstáculos que te estén deteniendo. Es común tener pensamientos que atentan en contra de tu vida o la de otros, discútelos con tu terapeuta, con tu medico primario o psiquiatra, y llama al 9-1-1 si es una emergencia. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Ya que consigas estabilidad, puedes comenzar a trabajar o explorar la causa del problema y ver si hay cambios mayores que debes hacer o destrezas que debes aprender para manejar el mismo. También es un buen momento para explorar tu espiritualidad mas profundamente y tu propósito en la vida, cuando encontramos un propósito y como ejercerlo, tendemos a ser más felices con nosotros mismos y con los demás. </span></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get back to being the person I truly am? <</SYS>> I feel like I am not at a good state of mind. I'm very unsettled in my soul. I'm not happy with myself or the decisions I make, which makes me not happy with anyone else. I feel like a failure most of my days. I don't feel like I'm good at anything anymore. I feel like less of a person. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">It seems like you may be experiencing depression symptoms, they could be the triggered by unexpected life changes, or building up throughout time.</span><br></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">The important part is that you have identified them and wanting to change them. The first step is to establish a </span>self-care<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;"> routine that will help you to feel centered and motivated: go for walks, or make any physical activity that you enjoy ( be kind to yourself, anything helps at this point), eat balanced, add whole grains and fibers to your diet, make a point to rest at night and avoid naps, practice a hobby that you love, or look for a new one that you are curious about. You mentioned that you feel unsettled in your soul: explore your spirituality, meditate about what makes your soul at peace, and find ways to practice that or surround yourself by those activities.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">If you find it difficult to begin, talk to your therapist to identify roadblocks and ways to find motivation. Suicidal and homicidal thoughts are common but serious depression symptoms, discuss them with your therapist, contact your doctor or psychiatrist, and call 9-1-1 if its and emergency.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Once you feel stable, you can focus on exploring the source of the problem and see if you need to make changes or learn coping skills that will help you manage it. It will also be a good time to explore your spirituality and your purpose in life, that may help you to feel better </span>with<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;"> yourself and then happier around others.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:17.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:
11.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";color:#2E74B5;
mso-themecolor:accent1;mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Cómo puedo volver a ser la persona que realmente soy?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:
"Helvetica","sans-serif";color:#767171;mso-themecolor:background2;mso-themeshade:
128">Siento que m</span><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;line-height:
107%;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";color:#767171;mso-themecolor:background2;
mso-themeshade:128;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">i mente no está bien. My espíritu está intranquilo. No me siento feliz con las decisiones que tomo, lo cual me hace infeliz con los demás. Me siento como un fracaso la mayoría del tiempo. Siento que ya no soy bueno para nada. Siento que soy menos que los demás.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Al parecer estas experimentando síntomas de depresión, la cual puede ser causada por cambios recientes en tu vida o estarse acumulando a través del tiempo.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Lo importante en este momento es que tú reconoces los síntomas y estas buscando cambiar la situación. El primer paso sería trabajar en restablecer una rutina de cuidado personal que te ayude a sentirte emocionalmente estable y motivado: Sal a caminar o hacer alguna actividad física(ten compasión contigo mismo, cualquier cosa funciona para comenzar), comienza a comer balanceado, especialmente granos y fibras integrales, , procura descansar en las noches y evita las siestas, y practica algún tipo de actividad que hayas disfrutado en el pasado o que te de curiosidad. Mencionaste que tu espíritu esta intranquilo, explora tu espiritualidad, y que te ayudaría a encontrar la paz, busca la manera de hacer esa práctica una rutina.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Si te cuesta mucho trabajo iniciar estas actividades, será bueno buscar a un consejero para que te ayude a identificar formas de estar motivado o obstáculos que te estén deteniendo. Es común tener pensamientos que atentan en contra de tu vida o la de otros, discútelos con tu terapeuta, con tu medico primario o psiquiatra, y llama al 9-1-1 si es una emergencia. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Ya que consigas estabilidad, puedes comenzar a trabajar o explorar la causa del problema y ver si hay cambios mayores que debes hacer o destrezas que debes aprender para manejar el mismo. También es un buen momento para explorar tu espiritualidad mas profundamente y tu propósito en la vida, cuando encontramos un propósito y como ejercerlo, tendemos a ser más felices con nosotros mismos y con los demás. </span></p> </s> |
5579c504a9732755160c6a58 | Any suggestions for erection problems? | I'm a 40 year old male and having erection problems. Still have the desire for a woman. Awfully frustrated. Any suggestions? My Doc doesn't want to discuss it. | https://counselchat.com/questions/any-suggestions-for-erection-problems | Intimacy | Rebecca Wong | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong | <p>When a doc blows you off it may be a signal that it is time to find a new one! ED can often be caused by health issues. If all physical possibilities are ruled out then it's time to look within and enlist the help of a sex therapist. Here's a good <a href='https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/save-your-sex-life/201011/healing-erectile-dysfunction' target='_blank'>article for you to start with</a>.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Any suggestions for erection problems? <</SYS>> I'm a 40 year old male and having erection problems. Still have the desire for a woman. Awfully frustrated. Any suggestions? My Doc doesn't want to discuss it. [/INST] <p>When a doc blows you off it may be a signal that it is time to find a new one! ED can often be caused by health issues. If all physical possibilities are ruled out then it's time to look within and enlist the help of a sex therapist. Here's a good <a href='https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/save-your-sex-life/201011/healing-erectile-dysfunction' target='_blank'>article for you to start with</a>.</p> </s> |
56757c7d9c01d6e4177f8b49 | How do I know if I have social anxiety? | I'm a teenager, and I struggle with going out and talking to people. I feel awful about leaving home. I know I can't afford a therapist so I don't know what my problem is, but I think I might have social anxiety. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-know-if-i-have-social-anxiety | Anxiety | Ben Braaksma | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma | <p>If you are noticing that anxiety tends to be triggered around interactions with others, then you may have social anxiety. Working with a therapist, you may be able to gain insight into the nature of the anxiety, develop tools for coping with it, and take steps that may alleviate it over time, so that you can enjoy your interactions with others. <br></p><p>If you are short on money, there still may be options for you to be able to see a therapist. Check with your insurance provider about your behavioral health coverage. If you have medicaid/apple care, there are some private practice therapists who accept this form of insurance, as well as community clinics which do. If you are not insured, some therapists and clinics will work on a sliding fee scale, and accept either low fee or may even work with you pro-bono (for free).<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I know if I have social anxiety? <</SYS>> I'm a teenager, and I struggle with going out and talking to people. I feel awful about leaving home. I know I can't afford a therapist so I don't know what my problem is, but I think I might have social anxiety. [/INST] <p>If you are noticing that anxiety tends to be triggered around interactions with others, then you may have social anxiety. Working with a therapist, you may be able to gain insight into the nature of the anxiety, develop tools for coping with it, and take steps that may alleviate it over time, so that you can enjoy your interactions with others. <br></p><p>If you are short on money, there still may be options for you to be able to see a therapist. Check with your insurance provider about your behavioral health coverage. If you have medicaid/apple care, there are some private practice therapists who accept this form of insurance, as well as community clinics which do. If you are not insured, some therapists and clinics will work on a sliding fee scale, and accept either low fee or may even work with you pro-bono (for free).<br></p> </s> |
57749f5bc8c3e0180cffa1f4 | I feel completely alone in my marriage. | I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-completely-alone-in-my-marriage | Marriage,Relationships,Intimacy | Earl Lewis | https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis | <p>Absolutely. Your question shows that you are going through a lot of pain and I'm sorry for that. Many couples go through this disconnect and hope to come to reconnect before things get to a breaking point. What I think can help is the following: </p><p>1.) Understand what his primary concern is</p><p>2.) Understand what your primary concern is</p><p>3.) What would you like to see different?</p><p>4.) What would he like to see different? </p><p>5.) Be honest about your concern with him having friends (Be ready for honesty)</p><p>6.) Help him understand you feel alone without him feeling guilty.</p><p>7.) Let him know how committed you are to making this relationship despite the two of you drifting apart.</p><p>8.) Sometimes if you just acknowledge the elephant in the room.</p><p>9.) Couples/Marriage Therapy</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I feel completely alone in my marriage. <</SYS>> I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected? [/INST] <p>Absolutely. Your question shows that you are going through a lot of pain and I'm sorry for that. Many couples go through this disconnect and hope to come to reconnect before things get to a breaking point. What I think can help is the following: </p><p>1.) Understand what his primary concern is</p><p>2.) Understand what your primary concern is</p><p>3.) What would you like to see different?</p><p>4.) What would he like to see different? </p><p>5.) Be honest about your concern with him having friends (Be ready for honesty)</p><p>6.) Help him understand you feel alone without him feeling guilty.</p><p>7.) Let him know how committed you are to making this relationship despite the two of you drifting apart.</p><p>8.) Sometimes if you just acknowledge the elephant in the room.</p><p>9.) Couples/Marriage Therapy</p> </s> |
5897188a152ba8625f4005df | Are some clients more difficult than others? | What are some difficulties that a counselor can encounter when dealing with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/are-some-clients-more-difficult-than-others | Counseling Fundamentals | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Each counselor will have their own list of "difficulties" in doing therapy work with a client. Even if clinically trained similarly, since counselors are human then their response to your question will reflect their unique differences as humans.</p><p>On my list is when the emotional pain I feel for someone describing some type of injustice or unfair treatment by another, feels very deep.</p><p>Sometimes I feel like avoiding the pain I feel by asking questions which will steer the conversation away from the painful areas the client talks about.</p><p>What in fact is necessary to clear out their pain, is to step further into so as to realize their emotional pain isn't greater than who they are.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Are some clients more difficult than others? <</SYS>> What are some difficulties that a counselor can encounter when dealing with a client? [/INST] <p>Each counselor will have their own list of "difficulties" in doing therapy work with a client. Even if clinically trained similarly, since counselors are human then their response to your question will reflect their unique differences as humans.</p><p>On my list is when the emotional pain I feel for someone describing some type of injustice or unfair treatment by another, feels very deep.</p><p>Sometimes I feel like avoiding the pain I feel by asking questions which will steer the conversation away from the painful areas the client talks about.</p><p>What in fact is necessary to clear out their pain, is to step further into so as to realize their emotional pain isn't greater than who they are.</p> </s> |
5789b3b5c5c377c17ceeecd9 | Why do I get angry so easily? | Sometime when small thing happen, like losing a comb, I get furious. I even start throwing things. Do I have a problem? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-get-angry-so-easily | Anger Management | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Anyone who asks whether or not they have a problem, usually feels at least partly, that they do have a problem.</p><p>Your answer to the question is what matters.</p><p>Since you already understand that your reaction is overstated to the events which trigger them, the reactions you're having are more than likely anger that is leftover from past events, either in the near or distant past.</p><p><br></p><p>Be aware, consider, reflect on how you usually handle feeling angry. </p><p>Based on your description here, it is quite likely that the anger you show toward what you call "little things" reflect anger at much bigger matters that are uncomfortable and not easy to understand.</p><p>Knowing more about the more significant matters causing frustration for you, may very likely decrease reacting angrily toward smaller matters.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I get angry so easily? <</SYS>> Sometime when small thing happen, like losing a comb, I get furious. I even start throwing things. Do I have a problem? [/INST] <p>Anyone who asks whether or not they have a problem, usually feels at least partly, that they do have a problem.</p><p>Your answer to the question is what matters.</p><p>Since you already understand that your reaction is overstated to the events which trigger them, the reactions you're having are more than likely anger that is leftover from past events, either in the near or distant past.</p><p><br></p><p>Be aware, consider, reflect on how you usually handle feeling angry. </p><p>Based on your description here, it is quite likely that the anger you show toward what you call "little things" reflect anger at much bigger matters that are uncomfortable and not easy to understand.</p><p>Knowing more about the more significant matters causing frustration for you, may very likely decrease reacting angrily toward smaller matters.</p> </s> |
5796b2c5bc069dff6a5339ce | Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-person-to-stop-feeling-emotions | Trauma | Kathy Hicks | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kathy-hicks | <p>You are describing a very legitimate reaction to trauma. Rape is an aweful experience and I am very sorry that happened to you. When horrible things happen, people often react in a way that interferes with the ability to live a normal life and function the way they did in the past. This is very common and the goal is to help you manage the stress caused by dealing with negative events and with help you can regain emotional well-being. This is especially important if you have had more than one negative thing happen. Oftentimes, the unconscious reaction is to become numb and avoid all feelings, especially if more than one negative event occurred. </p><p>A big part of what causes people trouble are feelings of guilt. We often blame ourselves when bad things happen. It is actually difficult to comprehend the concept that we don't always have control of what happens in life. In addition, when you mentioned feeling like a sociopath, it sounded like you feel like your reaction is wrong. The first thing you can do is realize that your feelings and reactions are o.k., you aren't doing anything wrong, and nothing is wrong with you. </p><p>The next step is to start dealing with the impact of these traumatic experiences. Identifying your feelings, and knowing the thoughts and beliefs that are behind those emotions can help you regain your sense of happiness. </p><p>Research shows that understanding and expressing those thoughts and feelings can help. If doesn't sound like you need to do anything to change yourself, but talking to a counselor can be helpful in managing your reaction to a incredibly traumatic experience. </p><p>I hope this helps you understand your feelings and can get to a place where you enjoy life. </p><p><br></p><p><span style="color: rgb(38, 38, 38); font-family: Overlock; font-size: 20px; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2; background-color: rgb(229, 239, 241);"><br></span></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? <</SYS>> I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? [/INST] <p>You are describing a very legitimate reaction to trauma. Rape is an aweful experience and I am very sorry that happened to you. When horrible things happen, people often react in a way that interferes with the ability to live a normal life and function the way they did in the past. This is very common and the goal is to help you manage the stress caused by dealing with negative events and with help you can regain emotional well-being. This is especially important if you have had more than one negative thing happen. Oftentimes, the unconscious reaction is to become numb and avoid all feelings, especially if more than one negative event occurred. </p><p>A big part of what causes people trouble are feelings of guilt. We often blame ourselves when bad things happen. It is actually difficult to comprehend the concept that we don't always have control of what happens in life. In addition, when you mentioned feeling like a sociopath, it sounded like you feel like your reaction is wrong. The first thing you can do is realize that your feelings and reactions are o.k., you aren't doing anything wrong, and nothing is wrong with you. </p><p>The next step is to start dealing with the impact of these traumatic experiences. Identifying your feelings, and knowing the thoughts and beliefs that are behind those emotions can help you regain your sense of happiness. </p><p>Research shows that understanding and expressing those thoughts and feelings can help. If doesn't sound like you need to do anything to change yourself, but talking to a counselor can be helpful in managing your reaction to a incredibly traumatic experience. </p><p>I hope this helps you understand your feelings and can get to a place where you enjoy life. </p><p><br></p><p><span style="color: rgb(38, 38, 38); font-family: Overlock; font-size: 20px; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2; background-color: rgb(229, 239, 241);"><br></span></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s> |
557cbd57b1b211b80376b631 | How do I deal with depression? | I'm in a state of depression right now. Who can I talk to? I've been sick in a lot of pain and crying. Don't know where to turn. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-depression | Depression | Rebecca Duellman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-duellman | <p>First of all, if you’re sick and in pain, have you seen your doctor? If you have a chronic illness and pain, this can often lead to depression and is very common. You’ve taken the first step to dealing with it. You can talk to your doctor, even if your depression isn’t related to your health. He or she can either look at prescribing you an antidepressant or can refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist.</p><p><span>If that’s not really an option for you, there are also helplines (local or national) or support groups where people dealing with similar issues can talk to each other. If you can't find any in your area (newspapers usually publish this information), there are online support groups as well. </span><br/></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I deal with depression? <</SYS>> I'm in a state of depression right now. Who can I talk to? I've been sick in a lot of pain and crying. Don't know where to turn. [/INST] <p>First of all, if you’re sick and in pain, have you seen your doctor? If you have a chronic illness and pain, this can often lead to depression and is very common. You’ve taken the first step to dealing with it. You can talk to your doctor, even if your depression isn’t related to your health. He or she can either look at prescribing you an antidepressant or can refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist.</p><p><span>If that’s not really an option for you, there are also helplines (local or national) or support groups where people dealing with similar issues can talk to each other. If you can't find any in your area (newspapers usually publish this information), there are online support groups as well. </span><br/></p> </s> |
568eb035e716b51523007c8f | Can a past therapist disclose information to a current therapist that you are seeing? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/can-a-past-therapist-disclose-information-to-a-current-therapist-that-you-are-seeing | Legal & Regulatory,Professional Ethics | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>Generally, the laws regarding confidentiality would require a past therapist to obtain your permission before disclosing any information about you to your current therapist.</p><p>Depending on state law, there could be some exceptions to this general rule. For example, most states would allow your former therapist to provide information about you to your current therapist if he/she reasonably believed it would protect you or someone else from an imminent harm.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Can a past therapist disclose information to a current therapist that you are seeing? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Generally, the laws regarding confidentiality would require a past therapist to obtain your permission before disclosing any information about you to your current therapist.</p><p>Depending on state law, there could be some exceptions to this general rule. For example, most states would allow your former therapist to provide information about you to your current therapist if he/she reasonably believed it would protect you or someone else from an imminent harm.</p> </s> |
57511303c792dd6c7063e5d2 | Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again? | I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset? | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-be-upset-that-my-husband-may-have-lied-to-me-again | Marriage,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Is really difficult to tell whether he honestly forgot about someone or whether he was really lying again.</p><p>I don't know whether he would be open to having a discussion with you about your concerns about this and whether you would be actually willing to listen to your thoughts about it.</p><p>This might be something to discuss with a local therapist so that you can look at the patterns of lying in the past as well as whether you have a way to discuss this with your husband in the way that you would feel comfortable feeling vulnerable with your own feelings and also listening to what his responses are.</p><p>This is difficult because I imagine you have a react very quickly and strongly to things like this because of what has happened in the past between you. All of this make sense. Having said that, there is also a question of whether he is telling the truth in this particular case and your reaction is based on past events.</p><p>There's no easy way to know.</p><p>If you do decide to have a discussion with your husband about it, consider these things:</p><ul><li>Ask if this is a good time to have a conversation about something that is important to you</li><li>Maybe you will be able to listen and ask questions about what came up for him (emotionally) when he realized that he didn't tell you about this other person</li><li>Maybe he would be willing to listen to what you are thinking about if you are both able to do so without blaming, pointing fingers, or asking the other person to change. This would just be an exchange of information. Ideally this part of the competition would not be about you saying he did something wrong, but just expressing how you felt when you heard about it</li><li>It may be helpful to discuss these things with a therapist first so you have some coping skills for being able to listen to him without being overly defensive and also expressing your feelings without blaming, both of which would be very natural in this situation.</li></ul> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again? <</SYS>> I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset? [/INST] <p>Is really difficult to tell whether he honestly forgot about someone or whether he was really lying again.</p><p>I don't know whether he would be open to having a discussion with you about your concerns about this and whether you would be actually willing to listen to your thoughts about it.</p><p>This might be something to discuss with a local therapist so that you can look at the patterns of lying in the past as well as whether you have a way to discuss this with your husband in the way that you would feel comfortable feeling vulnerable with your own feelings and also listening to what his responses are.</p><p>This is difficult because I imagine you have a react very quickly and strongly to things like this because of what has happened in the past between you. All of this make sense. Having said that, there is also a question of whether he is telling the truth in this particular case and your reaction is based on past events.</p><p>There's no easy way to know.</p><p>If you do decide to have a discussion with your husband about it, consider these things:</p><ul><li>Ask if this is a good time to have a conversation about something that is important to you</li><li>Maybe you will be able to listen and ask questions about what came up for him (emotionally) when he realized that he didn't tell you about this other person</li><li>Maybe he would be willing to listen to what you are thinking about if you are both able to do so without blaming, pointing fingers, or asking the other person to change. This would just be an exchange of information. Ideally this part of the competition would not be about you saying he did something wrong, but just expressing how you felt when you heard about it</li><li>It may be helpful to discuss these things with a therapist first so you have some coping skills for being able to listen to him without being overly defensive and also expressing your feelings without blaming, both of which would be very natural in this situation.</li></ul> </s> |
55723117a03de6c365f45c1a | How can I get people to listen? | I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-people-to-listen | Anxiety,Family Conflict,Depression,Stress,Social Relationships | Earl Lewis | https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis | <p>First, thank you for sharing such deep personal information. It can be difficult to share such intimate information. To begin, it sounds likes your primary concern your desire to speak to someone who takes your mental health seriously. You've tried talking to your parents and your friends and neither have made that connection in the area you need. I'm sorry to hear that. it's unfortunate. However, I think a couple things can be done to try to address this. </p><p><span style="font-weight: bold;">If you want support</span></p><p>1) Parents- Sit down with one of them and tell them with all seriousness that you need to talk about something that is affecting you deeply. Perhaps speaking to both can be too much for one room. If you try to speak to mom or dad by themselves, it may create that intimate atmosphere needed to understand where you are coming from. </p><p><br></p><p>2) Friends: Like parents it can be difficult to speak to your friends about challenges with your mental health. When you're feeling down and anxious, friends can be great help or not their at all. With friends, it may be one of those things where you also need to create an intimate environment with one friend to speak to about your sadness and anxiety. If anything, speak to the fact you're hurt and help them understand that if they can't understand the depression</p><p><br></p><p><span style="font-weight: bold;">If you don't want support</span></p><p> Coping Strategies: Identify coping skills and strategy that help you when you're feeling down. </p><p>Ideas:</p><p>A.) Journaling</p><p>B) Painting</p><p>C) Exercise</p><p>D) Music</p><p>E) Reading Affirmation</p><p>F) Listening To Motivation Videos</p><p><br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get people to listen? <</SYS>> I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust. [/INST] <p>First, thank you for sharing such deep personal information. It can be difficult to share such intimate information. To begin, it sounds likes your primary concern your desire to speak to someone who takes your mental health seriously. You've tried talking to your parents and your friends and neither have made that connection in the area you need. I'm sorry to hear that. it's unfortunate. However, I think a couple things can be done to try to address this. </p><p><span style="font-weight: bold;">If you want support</span></p><p>1) Parents- Sit down with one of them and tell them with all seriousness that you need to talk about something that is affecting you deeply. Perhaps speaking to both can be too much for one room. If you try to speak to mom or dad by themselves, it may create that intimate atmosphere needed to understand where you are coming from. </p><p><br></p><p>2) Friends: Like parents it can be difficult to speak to your friends about challenges with your mental health. When you're feeling down and anxious, friends can be great help or not their at all. With friends, it may be one of those things where you also need to create an intimate environment with one friend to speak to about your sadness and anxiety. If anything, speak to the fact you're hurt and help them understand that if they can't understand the depression</p><p><br></p><p><span style="font-weight: bold;">If you don't want support</span></p><p> Coping Strategies: Identify coping skills and strategy that help you when you're feeling down. </p><p>Ideas:</p><p>A.) Journaling</p><p>B) Painting</p><p>C) Exercise</p><p>D) Music</p><p>E) Reading Affirmation</p><p>F) Listening To Motivation Videos</p><p><br></p> </s> |
56dfacf3095966e22a8c149f | How do I handle my binge eating? | I have a problem with binge eating, especially during times of stress. I binge eat and feel so overwhelmed with shame and disappointment that I end up going to the gym and trying to exercise the calories off. I am in my late 20s, and I have been dealing with this since I was a teenager. Are there any coping mechanisms I can use to break this cycle? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-handle-my-binge-eating | Stress,Eating Disorders | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I believe that for results that last, the best approach is to understand why someone feels like doing a certain behavior.</p><p>"Coping mechanisms" are superficial instruction that people usually give up on when feeling extreme pressure from the problem behaviors.</p><p>Take the slower road of understanding why you would deprive yourself of enjoying food.</p><p>Also, if you consider the binging as a mistake of some kind, reflect on why doing something less than ideal, deserves harsh criticism and not tolerance and acceptance that people mess up occasionally.</p><p>I'm glad you know that there are better ways of treating yourself. This is a valuable awareness of realizing you deserve patience and respect, not humiliation and severe criticism when you are lost as to best ways of self-care.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I handle my binge eating? <</SYS>> I have a problem with binge eating, especially during times of stress. I binge eat and feel so overwhelmed with shame and disappointment that I end up going to the gym and trying to exercise the calories off. I am in my late 20s, and I have been dealing with this since I was a teenager. Are there any coping mechanisms I can use to break this cycle? [/INST] <p>I believe that for results that last, the best approach is to understand why someone feels like doing a certain behavior.</p><p>"Coping mechanisms" are superficial instruction that people usually give up on when feeling extreme pressure from the problem behaviors.</p><p>Take the slower road of understanding why you would deprive yourself of enjoying food.</p><p>Also, if you consider the binging as a mistake of some kind, reflect on why doing something less than ideal, deserves harsh criticism and not tolerance and acceptance that people mess up occasionally.</p><p>I'm glad you know that there are better ways of treating yourself. This is a valuable awareness of realizing you deserve patience and respect, not humiliation and severe criticism when you are lost as to best ways of self-care.</p> </s> |
564b83855e8030c4305b3123 | How do I get my sex drive back after my rape? | I was raped by multiple men, and now I can't stand the sight of myself. I wear lingerie to get my self excited enough to have sex with my wife. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-sex-drive-back-after-my-rape | Self-esteem,Marriage,Trauma,Intimacy | Pamela Griggs | https://counselchat.com/therapists/pamela-griggs | <p>I am very sorry to hear about your rapes. Traumatic events, such as rape, can have some lasting effects. Issues with sex drive are one of these effects. Therapy can help to decrease the impact that traumatic events have upon our lives as we process through some of our experiences. EMDR can be a particularly effective modality of treatment to address this issues. </p><p>I would also encourage you to have an honest conversation with your wife about this concern. Sometimes it is helpful to have that conversation with a therapist so that the therapist can help educate your wife in regards to effects of trauma. This may help her understand that your feelings are more about the trauma and less about her as a person. </p><p>Best of luck to you! </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get my sex drive back after my rape? <</SYS>> I was raped by multiple men, and now I can't stand the sight of myself. I wear lingerie to get my self excited enough to have sex with my wife. [/INST] <p>I am very sorry to hear about your rapes. Traumatic events, such as rape, can have some lasting effects. Issues with sex drive are one of these effects. Therapy can help to decrease the impact that traumatic events have upon our lives as we process through some of our experiences. EMDR can be a particularly effective modality of treatment to address this issues. </p><p>I would also encourage you to have an honest conversation with your wife about this concern. Sometimes it is helpful to have that conversation with a therapist so that the therapist can help educate your wife in regards to effects of trauma. This may help her understand that your feelings are more about the trauma and less about her as a person. </p><p>Best of luck to you! </p> </s> |
57688bd4008fce8e73e1ebc1 | How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex? | My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex | Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Marriage | Marissa Talarico | https://counselchat.com/therapists/marissa-talarico | <p>I work with many couples that experience a wide range of sexual and relationship challenges. The one aspect I tell many folks that I work with, is this: Every person and relationship is different. There really isn't a "normal" amount of sex a person should have or want to have. If having sex 4 to 5 times in the course of your relationship is satisfying to you and your husband, there is nothing wrong with it. If you or your husband would like to have sex more often, I suggest talking with a counselor about this to find ways to engage in a sexual life in which you are both satisfied. <br></p><p>The aspect of connectedness is an important one. While sex can be very connecting for many couples, it isn't the only way to connect. I find that communication about the matter of frequency of sex, checking in to see how you and your husband feel, as well as communicant about your needs for connection are an important start to fulfilling this need.<br></p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex? <</SYS>> My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband. [/INST] <p>I work with many couples that experience a wide range of sexual and relationship challenges. The one aspect I tell many folks that I work with, is this: Every person and relationship is different. There really isn't a "normal" amount of sex a person should have or want to have. If having sex 4 to 5 times in the course of your relationship is satisfying to you and your husband, there is nothing wrong with it. If you or your husband would like to have sex more often, I suggest talking with a counselor about this to find ways to engage in a sexual life in which you are both satisfied. <br></p><p>The aspect of connectedness is an important one. While sex can be very connecting for many couples, it isn't the only way to connect. I find that communication about the matter of frequency of sex, checking in to see how you and your husband feel, as well as communicant about your needs for connection are an important start to fulfilling this need.<br></p> </s> |
574130e6c792dd6c7063e3aa | How can I free myself from my narcissistic, codependent, ill mother? | I'm in my mid-twenties now, and my boyfriend of seven years and I want to start a life. My mother is 100% codependent on me and is extremely manipulative. She suffers from type 1 diabetes, which she uses to guilt me if I ever leave her. The problem is that I will feel guilty. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-free-myself-from-my-narcissistic-codependent-ill-mother | Family Conflict | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Focus more on your own life and less on the very heavy descriptors you wrote to describe your mom.</p><p>All the words you wrote represent psychological conditions which are either lifelong or take a lot of motivation and effort to change.</p><p>Since the only person who can change how your mom handles her life, is your mom, and you are the only one who can do the same for yourself, devote more energy and time to living your own life fully, despite the emotions you feel regarding her.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I free myself from my narcissistic, codependent, ill mother? <</SYS>> I'm in my mid-twenties now, and my boyfriend of seven years and I want to start a life. My mother is 100% codependent on me and is extremely manipulative. She suffers from type 1 diabetes, which she uses to guilt me if I ever leave her. The problem is that I will feel guilty. [/INST] <p>Focus more on your own life and less on the very heavy descriptors you wrote to describe your mom.</p><p>All the words you wrote represent psychological conditions which are either lifelong or take a lot of motivation and effort to change.</p><p>Since the only person who can change how your mom handles her life, is your mom, and you are the only one who can do the same for yourself, devote more energy and time to living your own life fully, despite the emotions you feel regarding her.</p> </s> |
556b6940c969ba5861709de4 | How do I break an unhealthy relationship pattern? | I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.
I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.
I am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-break-an-unhealthy-relationship-pattern | Relationship Dissolution | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | <p>It is a good thing that you have recognized that you have been in some unhealthy relationships and that you are wanting to break this pattern. You seem to have some good insight into the situation.</p><p>The type of behavior that you are describing is usually rooted in childhood issues with insecure attachment bonds with your caregivers, childhood trauma and/or abuse or neglect, or dysfunctional family issues that did not allow you to develop healthy boundaries for yourself or a sense of self. This is something that is going to take some time to work through in therapy. I recommend a book titled “Boundaries: Where you end and I begin” by Anne Katherine. Another book that might be helpful is “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie. </p><p>In the meantime, until you can work through your personal issues, absolutely do not enter into another relationship. Take however long you need to and work on becoming a whole, happy, emotionally healthy person on your own. Needing another person to define you is problematic. That’s too much to expect from any individual.</p><p>For a relationship to be healthy and happy, both people in the relationship first need to be a whole person on their own. That means having a clear sense of self, knowing who you are and what you want, knowing how to set healthy boundaries, and knowing how to meet your own needs. It is unreasonable to expect your partner to meet all of your needs all of the time. There will be times that they won’t be able to meet your needs. You have to know how to meet those yourself. </p><p>When you are working on becoming the best you that you can be, eventually the right person will come into your life. Then you can CHOOSE to be with someone because you want them in your life instead of feeling like you NEED them to complete you.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I break an unhealthy relationship pattern? <</SYS>> I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.
I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.
I am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process? [/INST] <p>It is a good thing that you have recognized that you have been in some unhealthy relationships and that you are wanting to break this pattern. You seem to have some good insight into the situation.</p><p>The type of behavior that you are describing is usually rooted in childhood issues with insecure attachment bonds with your caregivers, childhood trauma and/or abuse or neglect, or dysfunctional family issues that did not allow you to develop healthy boundaries for yourself or a sense of self. This is something that is going to take some time to work through in therapy. I recommend a book titled “Boundaries: Where you end and I begin” by Anne Katherine. Another book that might be helpful is “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie. </p><p>In the meantime, until you can work through your personal issues, absolutely do not enter into another relationship. Take however long you need to and work on becoming a whole, happy, emotionally healthy person on your own. Needing another person to define you is problematic. That’s too much to expect from any individual.</p><p>For a relationship to be healthy and happy, both people in the relationship first need to be a whole person on their own. That means having a clear sense of self, knowing who you are and what you want, knowing how to set healthy boundaries, and knowing how to meet your own needs. It is unreasonable to expect your partner to meet all of your needs all of the time. There will be times that they won’t be able to meet your needs. You have to know how to meet those yourself. </p><p>When you are working on becoming the best you that you can be, eventually the right person will come into your life. Then you can CHOOSE to be with someone because you want them in your life instead of feeling like you NEED them to complete you.</p> </s> |
56c3da858fa38a5a4e2e1f17 | I'm questioning my sexuality. | I'm a teenage girl. I don't know if I'm straight, bisexual, or gay. I've been straight all my life, but a sudden rush of questions have come over me, and I don't know anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-questioning-my-sexuality | LGBTQ | Lynda Martens | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | <p>Hi Brentwood, While our society tends to want to put us into categories...slots...when it comes to sexuality, because this is nice and neat and convenient...many people find that they don't fit perfectly into one or the other. All you have to do is exactly what you're doing; be aware of yourself and allow yourself to explore these thoughts and emotions both alone and in connection with a safe partner. The people who love you will continue to love you as you sort through this. You can resist the temptation to please others by giving yourself a label. We are attracted to, and fall in love with, people...and we can't always predict what gender they might be. I love how open you are to discovering yourself. Keep on that track. :)</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm questioning my sexuality. <</SYS>> I'm a teenage girl. I don't know if I'm straight, bisexual, or gay. I've been straight all my life, but a sudden rush of questions have come over me, and I don't know anymore. [/INST] <p>Hi Brentwood, While our society tends to want to put us into categories...slots...when it comes to sexuality, because this is nice and neat and convenient...many people find that they don't fit perfectly into one or the other. All you have to do is exactly what you're doing; be aware of yourself and allow yourself to explore these thoughts and emotions both alone and in connection with a safe partner. The people who love you will continue to love you as you sort through this. You can resist the temptation to please others by giving yourself a label. We are attracted to, and fall in love with, people...and we can't always predict what gender they might be. I love how open you are to discovering yourself. Keep on that track. :)</p> </s> |
58d18b6498741803743bf7df | How can I cope with work related stress better? | I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing.
What can I do to manage my stress? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better | Stress,Workplace Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Recognize your reason for continuing to work for this place.</p><p>Sometimes "overworked and underpaid" is tolerable bc of the valuable learning which the person will take with them when they've decided the time has come for these lessons to end.</p><p>Or, are you in this place bc it is an easy commute to your home or fits well with other parts of your life such as education or some health related program?</p><p>As long as you have a good reason to be there, you will feel there is good purpose.</p><p>If there is no good purpose and every day you wake up to work for a place you can't stand, then its time to look for a new position.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I cope with work related stress better? <</SYS>> I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing.
What can I do to manage my stress? [/INST] <p>Recognize your reason for continuing to work for this place.</p><p>Sometimes "overworked and underpaid" is tolerable bc of the valuable learning which the person will take with them when they've decided the time has come for these lessons to end.</p><p>Or, are you in this place bc it is an easy commute to your home or fits well with other parts of your life such as education or some health related program?</p><p>As long as you have a good reason to be there, you will feel there is good purpose.</p><p>If there is no good purpose and every day you wake up to work for a place you can't stand, then its time to look for a new position.</p> </s> |
575970f2c792dd6c7063e776 | My toddler wants her daddy to die when she's mad at him | I told her that if daddy dies, we will never see him again. She started crying because I wouldn't make her daddy die. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-toddler-wants-her-daddy-to-die-when-she-s-mad-at-him | Parenting | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Children often have a difficult time expressing emotions accurately. It is also very likely that your daughter does not understand the permanence of death. Having said that, she is using some very specific ideas here and I would recommend contacting a local mental health professional with some experience working with children.</p><p>I would also wonder where she is getting this idea. Sometimes children hear things on TV or from an adult and we are not even aware of how much they are remembering.</p><p>It may be helpful to teach her things that she can do when she is angry, like say that she is mad because she cannot have the toy that she is asking for.</p><p>I'm curious as to how long it is that she stays mad like this and whether she talks to her dad after she is no longer angry. Does she say the same sorts of things about you?</p><p>It may also be helpful for you to work with a mental health professional (possibly the same one who is working with your daughter) so that you can have some support with this as well.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My toddler wants her daddy to die when she's mad at him <</SYS>> I told her that if daddy dies, we will never see him again. She started crying because I wouldn't make her daddy die. [/INST] <p>Children often have a difficult time expressing emotions accurately. It is also very likely that your daughter does not understand the permanence of death. Having said that, she is using some very specific ideas here and I would recommend contacting a local mental health professional with some experience working with children.</p><p>I would also wonder where she is getting this idea. Sometimes children hear things on TV or from an adult and we are not even aware of how much they are remembering.</p><p>It may be helpful to teach her things that she can do when she is angry, like say that she is mad because she cannot have the toy that she is asking for.</p><p>I'm curious as to how long it is that she stays mad like this and whether she talks to her dad after she is no longer angry. Does she say the same sorts of things about you?</p><p>It may also be helpful for you to work with a mental health professional (possibly the same one who is working with your daughter) so that you can have some support with this as well.</p> </s> |
58c61c7698741803743bf6c8 | How does counseling end? | How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-end | Professional Ethics,Counseling Fundamentals | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>In my therapy practice the decision to end therapy is mutually made together with the patient.</p><p>Otherwise, the person can end up with a sense of tremendous rejection and abandonment.</p><p>The way you'll both know therapy is coming to a close is that the discussion will feel lighter and move easily.</p><p>The person's mood will be better, they will smile more, sit in their seat in a more relaxed way, look more at ease, take better care of their appearance.</p><p>One of the ways to end therapy is to gradually decrease the frequency of the sessions.</p><p>Sometimes people who are in my practice start to come each three weeks, then monthly, then every three months.</p><p>This gives a sense of security, friendliness, and casualness to the therapy, and de-medicalizes it as though the person was treated for a medical symptom and the symptom stops completely one day.</p><p>Talk therapy is about life and life problems usually end gradually.</p><p>I end my therapy in a way which mirrors the life process in which many interaction and situation problems show their effects gradually and show different effects over time.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does counseling end? <</SYS>> How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? [/INST] <p>In my therapy practice the decision to end therapy is mutually made together with the patient.</p><p>Otherwise, the person can end up with a sense of tremendous rejection and abandonment.</p><p>The way you'll both know therapy is coming to a close is that the discussion will feel lighter and move easily.</p><p>The person's mood will be better, they will smile more, sit in their seat in a more relaxed way, look more at ease, take better care of their appearance.</p><p>One of the ways to end therapy is to gradually decrease the frequency of the sessions.</p><p>Sometimes people who are in my practice start to come each three weeks, then monthly, then every three months.</p><p>This gives a sense of security, friendliness, and casualness to the therapy, and de-medicalizes it as though the person was treated for a medical symptom and the symptom stops completely one day.</p><p>Talk therapy is about life and life problems usually end gradually.</p><p>I end my therapy in a way which mirrors the life process in which many interaction and situation problems show their effects gradually and show different effects over time.</p> </s> |
58432aa8950e2507cf23dc87 | How does counseling help people? | Does counseling really do anything that can help people? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-help-people | Counseling Fundamentals | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Yes, counseling can help people.</p><p>How this happens is bc the counselor can guide the person or couple into deeper areas of their thoughts and emotions than the person or partners would typically avoid or not even realize they are avoiding.</p><p>Also, a counseling session offers emotional safety because the therapist will intervene with thoughtful questions if someone's strong emotions overwhelm them.</p><p>This is different than in everyday circumstances. When someone feels overwhelmed by their own or someone else's feelings, there is no one who asks reflective questions.</p><p>Last, people get better in therapy because often therapy is the first time the person has a chance to trust someone with their confidential information and know this information will always be protected.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How does counseling help people? <</SYS>> Does counseling really do anything that can help people? [/INST] <p>Yes, counseling can help people.</p><p>How this happens is bc the counselor can guide the person or couple into deeper areas of their thoughts and emotions than the person or partners would typically avoid or not even realize they are avoiding.</p><p>Also, a counseling session offers emotional safety because the therapist will intervene with thoughtful questions if someone's strong emotions overwhelm them.</p><p>This is different than in everyday circumstances. When someone feels overwhelmed by their own or someone else's feelings, there is no one who asks reflective questions.</p><p>Last, people get better in therapy because often therapy is the first time the person has a chance to trust someone with their confidential information and know this information will always be protected.</p> </s> |
579f8d7d188cd61c1684e840 | Why am I experiencing dfficulty maintaining an erection? | A few years ago I was making love to my wife when for no known reason I lost my erection,
Now I'm In my early 30s and my problem has become more and more frequent. This is causing major problems for my ego and it's diminishing my self esteem. This has resulted in ongoing depression and tearing apart my marriage.
I am devastated and cannot find a cause for these issues. I am very attracted to my wife and want to express it in the bedroom like I used to.
What could be causing this, and what can I do about it? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-experiencing-dfficulty-maintaining-an-erection | Intimacy,Human Sexuality,Depression,Relationships | Kelly Mulroy, LMHC, NCC, DCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kelly-mulroy-lmhc-ncc-dcc | When I'm working with men with this type of situation, I always suggest a medical examination to rule out any type of organic reason for a difficulty in maintaining interaction. In cases where there is no medical reason for the loss of erection, I find that many men have a similar situation in experiencing negative intrusive thinking during lovemaking. My counseling approach for this situation is to incorporate the use of mindful sex. | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why am I experiencing dfficulty maintaining an erection? <</SYS>> A few years ago I was making love to my wife when for no known reason I lost my erection,
Now I'm In my early 30s and my problem has become more and more frequent. This is causing major problems for my ego and it's diminishing my self esteem. This has resulted in ongoing depression and tearing apart my marriage.
I am devastated and cannot find a cause for these issues. I am very attracted to my wife and want to express it in the bedroom like I used to.
What could be causing this, and what can I do about it? [/INST] When I'm working with men with this type of situation, I always suggest a medical examination to rule out any type of organic reason for a difficulty in maintaining interaction. In cases where there is no medical reason for the loss of erection, I find that many men have a similar situation in experiencing negative intrusive thinking during lovemaking. My counseling approach for this situation is to incorporate the use of mindful sex. </s> |
575ddb401678099351171084 | Why is my ex-boyfriend upset with me? | I went to my ex-boyfriend to reach out to one of his high school friends who's attempted to commit suicide. When I went to him to reach out to his high school friend, he told me that I put him in a terrible position and put an enormous load on his shoulders. He was very angry that I went to him to do that. Am I in the wrong for going to him to reach out? He helped me so much with my depression and bad habits, so that's why I thought of him to reach out. He made me feel awful for thinking highly of him to help. Why did he react this way towards me? I think he's being selfish. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-is-my-ex-boyfriend-upset-with-me | Social Relationships,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I'm glad you think so highly of your boyfriend and his ability to be there when you would like to talk about things that are important to you.</p><p>I see why you would want them to reach out. I also wonder about how close he was with his friend and what he thought you meant when you asked him to reach out. It sounds as if he is thinking that doing so would mean that he is responsible for his friend's well-being, although I can't say that for certain.</p><p>Would you be willing to have a discussion with your boyfriend where for a few minutes (five minutes or so), you ask him about what made him react that way? During this time, try to listen and ask questions is if you are an investigative reporter and are trying to learn more about his experience. You can also summarize what you are hearing to make sure that you understand it as he does. This does not mean that you have to agree with what you say, but just that you follow. I hear you saying that you think he's being selfish. I'm suggesting that just during this conversation, you ask questions to focus on what he is thinking and feeling. In one sentence, the goal would be to learn more about his experience.</p><p>I would not be at all surprised if he is scared.</p><p>Are you aware of what kind of support he wants through this time?</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why is my ex-boyfriend upset with me? <</SYS>> I went to my ex-boyfriend to reach out to one of his high school friends who's attempted to commit suicide. When I went to him to reach out to his high school friend, he told me that I put him in a terrible position and put an enormous load on his shoulders. He was very angry that I went to him to do that. Am I in the wrong for going to him to reach out? He helped me so much with my depression and bad habits, so that's why I thought of him to reach out. He made me feel awful for thinking highly of him to help. Why did he react this way towards me? I think he's being selfish. [/INST] <p>I'm glad you think so highly of your boyfriend and his ability to be there when you would like to talk about things that are important to you.</p><p>I see why you would want them to reach out. I also wonder about how close he was with his friend and what he thought you meant when you asked him to reach out. It sounds as if he is thinking that doing so would mean that he is responsible for his friend's well-being, although I can't say that for certain.</p><p>Would you be willing to have a discussion with your boyfriend where for a few minutes (five minutes or so), you ask him about what made him react that way? During this time, try to listen and ask questions is if you are an investigative reporter and are trying to learn more about his experience. You can also summarize what you are hearing to make sure that you understand it as he does. This does not mean that you have to agree with what you say, but just that you follow. I hear you saying that you think he's being selfish. I'm suggesting that just during this conversation, you ask questions to focus on what he is thinking and feeling. In one sentence, the goal would be to learn more about his experience.</p><p>I would not be at all surprised if he is scared.</p><p>Are you aware of what kind of support he wants through this time?</p> </s> |
579bde2e188cd61c1684e815 | I don't want to keep going back and forth between my parents' houses. | I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past.
Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-want-to-keep-going-back-and-forth-between-my-parents-houses | Anxiety,Parenting,Family Conflict | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | <p>I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Divorce can be so disruptive in a child's life.</p><p><br></p><p>I'd really need a lot more information about your situation before I'd feel comfortable offering any advice or suggestions. There are so many variables, and not knowing the whole story, any advice could possibly make your situation worse.</p><p>I do see some positives, though. <br></p><p>One, you say you have a therapist. That's great! I hope you're able to talk to them about this soon. Still, they can't give you legal advice, and a lot of this situation may be dictated by the law. What your therapist can help with, though, is dealing with whatever situation you have to follow by law. If you can't change the situation, you at least need to learn how to cope with it better. </p><p>Two, you're 17. When you're 18, you're legally an adult and will not be bound by any custody rules or visitation plans in place. </p><p>Honestly, teenagers usually have a lot of say with the courts in custody arrangements. Since you didn't specify more on the situation, I have no idea what your specific situation is. Were your parents ever married? Are they separated or divorced? Was there ever a court hearing for custody? Not all couples have an official court order arrangement. All families are different, too. Was there abuse between your parents? Towards you by one of them? Does either of them have addiction issues, major health or mental health issues, or anything like that? You mentioned that you want to live with your mom, but didn't say why. Are you afraid to tell your dad you want to stay with your mom? Is mom the lenient and fun parent while dad is the more strict one, or is there something else going on? This isn't a decision that should be placed entirely on you, and it also isn't a decision that anyone else needs to make on your behalf without your input. But advice on what to do needs to come from the people who know more about your situation so they can help recommend the best thing for you. </p><p><br></p><p>Whatever you do, hang in there! 18 will be here before you know it. Focus on that. Freedom. College. Plan for your future that YOU control, and focus on making it the best it can be. Do not let the anxiety and depression cloud your thoughts and make you do something irreversible. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I don't want to keep going back and forth between my parents' houses. <</SYS>> I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past.
Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this? [/INST] <p>I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Divorce can be so disruptive in a child's life.</p><p><br></p><p>I'd really need a lot more information about your situation before I'd feel comfortable offering any advice or suggestions. There are so many variables, and not knowing the whole story, any advice could possibly make your situation worse.</p><p>I do see some positives, though. <br></p><p>One, you say you have a therapist. That's great! I hope you're able to talk to them about this soon. Still, they can't give you legal advice, and a lot of this situation may be dictated by the law. What your therapist can help with, though, is dealing with whatever situation you have to follow by law. If you can't change the situation, you at least need to learn how to cope with it better. </p><p>Two, you're 17. When you're 18, you're legally an adult and will not be bound by any custody rules or visitation plans in place. </p><p>Honestly, teenagers usually have a lot of say with the courts in custody arrangements. Since you didn't specify more on the situation, I have no idea what your specific situation is. Were your parents ever married? Are they separated or divorced? Was there ever a court hearing for custody? Not all couples have an official court order arrangement. All families are different, too. Was there abuse between your parents? Towards you by one of them? Does either of them have addiction issues, major health or mental health issues, or anything like that? You mentioned that you want to live with your mom, but didn't say why. Are you afraid to tell your dad you want to stay with your mom? Is mom the lenient and fun parent while dad is the more strict one, or is there something else going on? This isn't a decision that should be placed entirely on you, and it also isn't a decision that anyone else needs to make on your behalf without your input. But advice on what to do needs to come from the people who know more about your situation so they can help recommend the best thing for you. </p><p><br></p><p>Whatever you do, hang in there! 18 will be here before you know it. Focus on that. Freedom. College. Plan for your future that YOU control, and focus on making it the best it can be. Do not let the anxiety and depression cloud your thoughts and make you do something irreversible. </p> </s> |
5850880c950e2507cf23dd3e | How can I best fight the winter blues? | Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-best-fight-the-winter-blues | Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>There can be lots of different factors contributing to this. Here are some possible tips:</p><ul><li>Consider if you know anything about what specifically is making you feel sad? If you're looking for activities because you cannot participate in what you like to do in the warmer months, consider finding some indoor winter activities</li><li>Connect with others. One idea is to join a group (such as a book club) that meets regularly. This could give you something to look forward to regardless of the colder weather.</li><li>Enjoy the sunshine from indoors. You may notice that sometimes looks are deceiving women is bright and sunny outside, but is also quite cold when you open the door. If you are staying inside for the day, consider allowing yourself to enjoy the sunlight without specifically considering that it is also cold.</li><li>Consider using a light box. Certain types of light boxes are designed to help with the "winter blues." You can find more information here: http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/light-therapy/home/ovc-20197416</li><li>Recently, one of the nurse practitioners that I work with has been checking a lot of vitamin D and vitamin B12 levels and she says the lower levels of these vitamins can contribute to feelings of less motivation or energy than is desired.</li><li>Each of us has days when we are not thrilled about the weather and may be feeling sort of "bummed" or "down." If you find yourself having these days frequently or for several consecutive days in the above strategies are not helping, consider talking with a therapist about more specific strategies that may be of help to you. Also, because if everything you would see is likely to live in your area, they would be familiar with the weather patterns where you are and may have some tips that they use for themselves or With other clients.</li></ul> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I best fight the winter blues? <</SYS>> Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this? [/INST] <p>There can be lots of different factors contributing to this. Here are some possible tips:</p><ul><li>Consider if you know anything about what specifically is making you feel sad? If you're looking for activities because you cannot participate in what you like to do in the warmer months, consider finding some indoor winter activities</li><li>Connect with others. One idea is to join a group (such as a book club) that meets regularly. This could give you something to look forward to regardless of the colder weather.</li><li>Enjoy the sunshine from indoors. You may notice that sometimes looks are deceiving women is bright and sunny outside, but is also quite cold when you open the door. If you are staying inside for the day, consider allowing yourself to enjoy the sunlight without specifically considering that it is also cold.</li><li>Consider using a light box. Certain types of light boxes are designed to help with the "winter blues." You can find more information here: http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/light-therapy/home/ovc-20197416</li><li>Recently, one of the nurse practitioners that I work with has been checking a lot of vitamin D and vitamin B12 levels and she says the lower levels of these vitamins can contribute to feelings of less motivation or energy than is desired.</li><li>Each of us has days when we are not thrilled about the weather and may be feeling sort of "bummed" or "down." If you find yourself having these days frequently or for several consecutive days in the above strategies are not helping, consider talking with a therapist about more specific strategies that may be of help to you. Also, because if everything you would see is likely to live in your area, they would be familiar with the weather patterns where you are and may have some tips that they use for themselves or With other clients.</li></ul> </s> |
575a2ec6c792dd6c7063e78a | Why am I upset or down every day even when nothing is going on? | How can I get to a place where I can be content from day to day? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-upset-or-down-every-day-even-when-nothing-is-going-on | Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>One thing that comes to mind is making a list of some things that happen each day. It could be that there are things that are affecting how upset you are, but because so many other things are going on, you may not notice.</p><p>Another idea to try is to keep a list for a month of one good thing that happened each day. This way, when you're having a rough day, you have a list to think of and take a look at.</p><p>Are you eating and sleeping in ways that are typical for you (typically at least two meals per day and roughly 8 hours of sleep that night (may be different depending on your age)? These two ideas are closely related to changes in your mood.</p><p>From where do you have support? Friends or family?</p><p>Can you take 5 or 10 minutes per day to do something that you enjoy?</p><p>If you think back to the last time that you felt "content," what was contributing to that?</p><p>Another possibility is to try to be mindful of things that you do every day. For example, rather than eating a turkey sandwich as fast as possible on your lunch break, consider actually tasting it and enjoying it. Also consider giving yourself praise for doing something well. For example, when you finish your paperwork, take a moment to notice that and maybe reward yourself by checking your e-mail, reading five pages of a book, or something else that can be done quickly before you get back to your next task.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why am I upset or down every day even when nothing is going on? <</SYS>> How can I get to a place where I can be content from day to day? [/INST] <p>One thing that comes to mind is making a list of some things that happen each day. It could be that there are things that are affecting how upset you are, but because so many other things are going on, you may not notice.</p><p>Another idea to try is to keep a list for a month of one good thing that happened each day. This way, when you're having a rough day, you have a list to think of and take a look at.</p><p>Are you eating and sleeping in ways that are typical for you (typically at least two meals per day and roughly 8 hours of sleep that night (may be different depending on your age)? These two ideas are closely related to changes in your mood.</p><p>From where do you have support? Friends or family?</p><p>Can you take 5 or 10 minutes per day to do something that you enjoy?</p><p>If you think back to the last time that you felt "content," what was contributing to that?</p><p>Another possibility is to try to be mindful of things that you do every day. For example, rather than eating a turkey sandwich as fast as possible on your lunch break, consider actually tasting it and enjoying it. Also consider giving yourself praise for doing something well. For example, when you finish your paperwork, take a moment to notice that and maybe reward yourself by checking your e-mail, reading five pages of a book, or something else that can be done quickly before you get back to your next task.</p> </s> |
579bab40188cd61c1684e811 | Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once? | My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.
I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once | Intimacy,Relationships,Human Sexuality | Marissa Talarico | https://counselchat.com/therapists/marissa-talarico |
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<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">First off, let's start with really
validating the potential emotional pain you are feeling right now. There is
generally no lack of uncertainty, anxiety, fear, sadness, and anger. These are
all normal emotions and being allowed to feel them is the beginning of the
healing process. It might be helpful to talk about these feeling with your fiancé,
a friend or a counselor.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Now to get to your primary question.
Can a relationship move past infidelity? The short answer is yes. A bit longer
of an explanation is that is sounds like you and your fiancé had pieces of a solid
foundation to base a relationship on. For many couples they encounter a primary
challenge, sometimes that's money, or parenting and for some it's sexuality. If
you and your fiancé are both committed to balancing the positive aspects of your
relationship while improving the challenges than it's definitely possible to
move past this. This is not an easy process and for many couples takes months
or years of healing while engaging in relationship counseling. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Good luck to you and your continues
healing and growth!</span></p>
| 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once? <</SYS>> My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.
I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on? [/INST]
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<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">First off, let's start with really
validating the potential emotional pain you are feeling right now. There is
generally no lack of uncertainty, anxiety, fear, sadness, and anger. These are
all normal emotions and being allowed to feel them is the beginning of the
healing process. It might be helpful to talk about these feeling with your fiancé,
a friend or a counselor.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Now to get to your primary question.
Can a relationship move past infidelity? The short answer is yes. A bit longer
of an explanation is that is sounds like you and your fiancé had pieces of a solid
foundation to base a relationship on. For many couples they encounter a primary
challenge, sometimes that's money, or parenting and for some it's sexuality. If
you and your fiancé are both committed to balancing the positive aspects of your
relationship while improving the challenges than it's definitely possible to
move past this. This is not an easy process and for many couples takes months
or years of healing while engaging in relationship counseling. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Good luck to you and your continues
healing and growth!</span></p>
</s> |
5684383ba377e46d7ebe2ca5 | Should I go back on my medicine? | I have experienced cycles of depression for the past four years, and it hits me harder every time it comes back. This past time, it was extremely debilitating, so I went on Wellbutrin. I could feel the effects of the medicine after the first week. A month and a half later, I decided that my depression was being caused by my own unwillingness to move forward and address my behaviors and thoughts that were keeping me in a place of despair. I became worried that the medicine was making me complacent and prohibiting me from working out what I needed to in my life to bring back true fulfillment. I stopped taking it a month ago and feel okay; a lot of the anxiety it was paired with has gone away. However, I still don't feel my sense of self has been completely regained, and I have days where I feel a zombie-like haze of having no interests or the ability to fully concentrate on anything. Is it better to continue letting time and good habits work out the remaining depression or should I go back on the medicine? | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-go-back-on-my-medicine | Depression | Ben Braaksma | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma | Deciding whether or not psychiatric medicine is a good option can be complicated, as you have noticed, and only a person who is licensed to prescribe can give you medical advice regarding medications. While there is sometimes relief from symptoms from medication, as you have pointed out, there are often negative side effects as well. While I can't give you advice on whether or not to continue medication, I would urge you to take an inventory of the positive and negative effects that you have noticed and educate yourself as much as possible about the short and long-term costs and benefits of psychiatric medication. If you can find a doctor, psychiatrist, or ARNP who is competent in mental health, it may also benefit you to consult with them.<br><br>One thing that I am wondering about is, what is your support system like, in regards to your fight against depression? Are you seeing a therapist or attending any therapeutic or supportive group? While there are many things that one can do on their own to work through challenges such as depression, psychotherapy has been shown time and again in research to be highly effective and sometimes having a relationship with a caring, competent professional who understands depression and ways of helping can make a huge difference.<br> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should I go back on my medicine? <</SYS>> I have experienced cycles of depression for the past four years, and it hits me harder every time it comes back. This past time, it was extremely debilitating, so I went on Wellbutrin. I could feel the effects of the medicine after the first week. A month and a half later, I decided that my depression was being caused by my own unwillingness to move forward and address my behaviors and thoughts that were keeping me in a place of despair. I became worried that the medicine was making me complacent and prohibiting me from working out what I needed to in my life to bring back true fulfillment. I stopped taking it a month ago and feel okay; a lot of the anxiety it was paired with has gone away. However, I still don't feel my sense of self has been completely regained, and I have days where I feel a zombie-like haze of having no interests or the ability to fully concentrate on anything. Is it better to continue letting time and good habits work out the remaining depression or should I go back on the medicine? [/INST] Deciding whether or not psychiatric medicine is a good option can be complicated, as you have noticed, and only a person who is licensed to prescribe can give you medical advice regarding medications. While there is sometimes relief from symptoms from medication, as you have pointed out, there are often negative side effects as well. While I can't give you advice on whether or not to continue medication, I would urge you to take an inventory of the positive and negative effects that you have noticed and educate yourself as much as possible about the short and long-term costs and benefits of psychiatric medication. If you can find a doctor, psychiatrist, or ARNP who is competent in mental health, it may also benefit you to consult with them.<br><br>One thing that I am wondering about is, what is your support system like, in regards to your fight against depression? Are you seeing a therapist or attending any therapeutic or supportive group? While there are many things that one can do on their own to work through challenges such as depression, psychotherapy has been shown time and again in research to be highly effective and sometimes having a relationship with a caring, competent professional who understands depression and ways of helping can make a huge difference.<br> </s> |
588861ae152ba8625f400559 | My family says I have depression. | I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.
Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
Are they right, am I depressed? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-family-says-i-have-depression | Depression | Vikas Keshri | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vikas-keshri | <p>I would not focus on what other people say. Do you feel what you have described impacts your day to day functioning? Try to evaluate how is your self esteem, motivation and self confidence. How about negative thoughts or hopelessness? Any concerns about your grades sliding down? If you answered yes to any questions, may be its time to see a counsellor.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> My family says I have depression. <</SYS>> I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.
Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
Are they right, am I depressed? [/INST] <p>I would not focus on what other people say. Do you feel what you have described impacts your day to day functioning? Try to evaluate how is your self esteem, motivation and self confidence. How about negative thoughts or hopelessness? Any concerns about your grades sliding down? If you answered yes to any questions, may be its time to see a counsellor.</p> </s> |
5737edb24eb3dd523a6db43a | How do I stop feeling jealous in my relationship? | My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year. I suddenly find myself jealous when I see him talking to other girls. I have never been this way before. I don't like these feelings. He said that my jealousy would cause our relationship to have problems. I told him I can't help these feelings. I don't know where they are coming from, but this is how I feel, I tried to stop, but I can't. I really like this guy, but I'm afraid that I'm messing up the relationship. It's just stupid. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-feeling-jealous-in-my-relationship | Relationships,Intimacy | Amy Nolan | https://counselchat.com/therapists/amy-nolan | <p>Trust is at the top of what makes a healthy relationship. It sounds like you may benefit from personal counseling to explore where this jealousy comes from and what keeps you from having complete trust in your boyfriend. This is not stupid, this is your mind telling you that there is something that needs to be worked through. Sometimes we need to talk to someone like a counselor who is disconnected from our life to understand our feelings and what they mean in our relationships.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I stop feeling jealous in my relationship? <</SYS>> My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year. I suddenly find myself jealous when I see him talking to other girls. I have never been this way before. I don't like these feelings. He said that my jealousy would cause our relationship to have problems. I told him I can't help these feelings. I don't know where they are coming from, but this is how I feel, I tried to stop, but I can't. I really like this guy, but I'm afraid that I'm messing up the relationship. It's just stupid. [/INST] <p>Trust is at the top of what makes a healthy relationship. It sounds like you may benefit from personal counseling to explore where this jealousy comes from and what keeps you from having complete trust in your boyfriend. This is not stupid, this is your mind telling you that there is something that needs to be worked through. Sometimes we need to talk to someone like a counselor who is disconnected from our life to understand our feelings and what they mean in our relationships.</p> </s> |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Viktoria Ivanova | https://counselchat.com/therapists/viktoria-ivanova | <p>Hi there, </p><p>Thank you for your question. It's absolutely ok to feel nervous going to therapy. I have experienced anxiety going to see my own therapist. There can be a few reasons why you might feel this way. </p><p>First, it is always unnerving to see a person who is a stranger and to share intimate things with that stranger. You mentioned it has only been a couple of sessions. Your anxiety might subside as you continue to see your therapist and grow more comfortable with him/her. </p><p>Another reason why you might feel particularly nervous is perhaps you are not comfortable sharing things. As children, we might have bad experiences opening up to others. Someone might bully or ridicule us, and that experience can stay with us for a long time, making it extra scary to share our intimate feelings and thoughts with others. If this the case, as you continue with your sessions and have positive interactions with your therapists, this anxiety will subside with time and you will re-learn that it is safe to share. </p><p>And the last thought why you might feel the shakes is perhaps you know that you need to talk about some past experiences or memories that are uncomfortable and difficult. </p><p>Regardless of the reason, it might help you to bring up your nervousness in your session and share how you feel with your therapist. Having an open dialogue about your anxiety with your therapist can help you resolve some of that anxiety and built greater trust with your therapist. </p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? <</SYS>> I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? [/INST] <p>Hi there, </p><p>Thank you for your question. It's absolutely ok to feel nervous going to therapy. I have experienced anxiety going to see my own therapist. There can be a few reasons why you might feel this way. </p><p>First, it is always unnerving to see a person who is a stranger and to share intimate things with that stranger. You mentioned it has only been a couple of sessions. Your anxiety might subside as you continue to see your therapist and grow more comfortable with him/her. </p><p>Another reason why you might feel particularly nervous is perhaps you are not comfortable sharing things. As children, we might have bad experiences opening up to others. Someone might bully or ridicule us, and that experience can stay with us for a long time, making it extra scary to share our intimate feelings and thoughts with others. If this the case, as you continue with your sessions and have positive interactions with your therapists, this anxiety will subside with time and you will re-learn that it is safe to share. </p><p>And the last thought why you might feel the shakes is perhaps you know that you need to talk about some past experiences or memories that are uncomfortable and difficult. </p><p>Regardless of the reason, it might help you to bring up your nervousness in your session and share how you feel with your therapist. Having an open dialogue about your anxiety with your therapist can help you resolve some of that anxiety and built greater trust with your therapist. </p> </s> |
577f36087fe85f1465e20094 | How do I end an unhealthy relationship? | My boyfriend and I have a toxic relationship due to his emotional and verbal abuse but he makes me feel like I could never find someone better, and that I can't be happy without him.
How do I get away from this relationship? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-end-an-unhealthy-relationship | Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I'm glad you recognize your own best interest and that your life will be much better without verbal and emotional abuse.</p><p>One of the terrible results of being abused in a relationship which is expected to be loving, safe and supportive, is that the one who is being abused, starts to question their own judgement, rights, opinions, overall way of thinking.</p><p>This happens because partners who are intimately involved with one another are very meaningful. Regardless of how irrational, wrong, mean, selfish, intimidating, thoughtless, a partner is to the other, the person on the receiving side gradually starts questioning whether they are wrong for not accepting these sorts of interactions.</p><p>Stick with what your own intuition tells you.</p><p>There is a part within each of us which knows the truth of what is going on.</p><p>Leaving a relationship is always difficult to some degree. People are in familiar patterns of daily behavior, no one wants to suddenly "be alone", even if this only means showing up as a physical body, not as a truly loving partner, no one wants to start telling others about a breakup, answer questions about it, feel blamed, worry what others think.</p><p>These are secondary matters to following the truth in your own heart.</p><p>Listen to yourself about leaving this guy. Your inner self does not lie to you.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I end an unhealthy relationship? <</SYS>> My boyfriend and I have a toxic relationship due to his emotional and verbal abuse but he makes me feel like I could never find someone better, and that I can't be happy without him.
How do I get away from this relationship? [/INST] <p>I'm glad you recognize your own best interest and that your life will be much better without verbal and emotional abuse.</p><p>One of the terrible results of being abused in a relationship which is expected to be loving, safe and supportive, is that the one who is being abused, starts to question their own judgement, rights, opinions, overall way of thinking.</p><p>This happens because partners who are intimately involved with one another are very meaningful. Regardless of how irrational, wrong, mean, selfish, intimidating, thoughtless, a partner is to the other, the person on the receiving side gradually starts questioning whether they are wrong for not accepting these sorts of interactions.</p><p>Stick with what your own intuition tells you.</p><p>There is a part within each of us which knows the truth of what is going on.</p><p>Leaving a relationship is always difficult to some degree. People are in familiar patterns of daily behavior, no one wants to suddenly "be alone", even if this only means showing up as a physical body, not as a truly loving partner, no one wants to start telling others about a breakup, answer questions about it, feel blamed, worry what others think.</p><p>These are secondary matters to following the truth in your own heart.</p><p>Listen to yourself about leaving this guy. Your inner self does not lie to you.</p> </s> |
5726ce09f90871f676cf4789 | What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide? | I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-best-way-to-cope-with-the-loss-of-someone-to-suicide | Grief and Loss,Substance Abuse,Trauma | Jessica Dobbs | https://counselchat.com/therapists/jessica-dobbs | <p>Suicide is a very traumatic loss and affects survivors significantly. Everyone deals with their grief in different ways. One way I recommend to deal with the loss of a loved one is to write letters to them. Some people like to keep the letters in a jar, maybe fill the jar with sand so the letters are buried. I recommend writing the letters as often as you need to. You will notice over time the need to write the letters will decrease and the intense feelings of loss will decrease. I also recommend finding a survivors support group in your area. You can find more information on www.afsp.org.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide? <</SYS>> I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better? [/INST] <p>Suicide is a very traumatic loss and affects survivors significantly. Everyone deals with their grief in different ways. One way I recommend to deal with the loss of a loved one is to write letters to them. Some people like to keep the letters in a jar, maybe fill the jar with sand so the letters are buried. I recommend writing the letters as often as you need to. You will notice over time the need to write the letters will decrease and the intense feelings of loss will decrease. I also recommend finding a survivors support group in your area. You can find more information on www.afsp.org.</p> </s> |
57996eb0b43cd7825e26e29d | I want to have a threesome with my husband and another girl, but I feel really nervous. | My husband and I had our first threesome recently. Everyone was drinking and he was on her more then me.
He and I talked about it afterwards and it made me feel better, and now I'm craving more of it. But before it gets close to happening I get this empty feeling. Why am I feeling this way? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-have-a-threesome-with-my-husband-and-another-girl-but-i-feel-really-nervous | Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Relationships | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | <p>You need to have an honest conversation with each other about WHY you both want a threesome. Evaluate the status of your relationship with each other. Are you having issues? Fighting? Not feeling satisfied with each other? How has your sex life been with each other? If there are any problems, insecurities, issues, introducing something like this may only make your relationship worse. </p><p>Open relationships and threesomes rarely work out well. Sure, there are some who successfully live this lifestyle, but it only works when both people are completely secure in their relationship with each other, harbor no jealousies or insecurities, and aren't looking to someone else to satisfy needs that aren't getting met by their spouse. </p><p>Let me say that again: This is not likely to work out well for you if either of you are insecure, jealous, or looking to have needs met by this other person that you aren't getting from your spouse. </p><p>That empty feeling you're having - listen to it. Dig deep to find out where it is coming from. What thoughts are going through your head when you feel that way? You'll get the answer.</p><p>The other thing that helps make something like this work is for both of you to listen and respect each other. If you don't like it that he paid more attention to the other girl, he needs to know that, and he needs to respect that. If you're going to do it again, he needs to know what you're comfortable with and what you want. Set the limits before you're in the moment, before it's too late to take an action back. Turn it around and ask him what he would be comfortable with if it were a man instead of a woman.</p><p>It is perfectly natural to be curious and want to experiment. A lot of people get that out of the way before settling down in a monogamous relationship. People who marry young and/or inexperienced may still feel that curiosity about things like that and want to experience them, but don't want to hurt their spouse. The REASON you are both doing this matters a lot. If there are problems in your relationship, this is likely to only make things worse.</p> | 0 | <s> [INST] <<SYS>> I want to have a threesome with my husband and another girl, but I feel really nervous. <</SYS>> My husband and I had our first threesome recently. Everyone was drinking and he was on her more then me.
He and I talked about it afterwards and it made me feel better, and now I'm craving more of it. But before it gets close to happening I get this empty feeling. Why am I feeling this way? [/INST] <p>You need to have an honest conversation with each other about WHY you both want a threesome. Evaluate the status of your relationship with each other. Are you having issues? Fighting? Not feeling satisfied with each other? How has your sex life been with each other? If there are any problems, insecurities, issues, introducing something like this may only make your relationship worse. </p><p>Open relationships and threesomes rarely work out well. Sure, there are some who successfully live this lifestyle, but it only works when both people are completely secure in their relationship with each other, harbor no jealousies or insecurities, and aren't looking to someone else to satisfy needs that aren't getting met by their spouse. </p><p>Let me say that again: This is not likely to work out well for you if either of you are insecure, jealous, or looking to have needs met by this other person that you aren't getting from your spouse. </p><p>That empty feeling you're having - listen to it. Dig deep to find out where it is coming from. What thoughts are going through your head when you feel that way? You'll get the answer.</p><p>The other thing that helps make something like this work is for both of you to listen and respect each other. If you don't like it that he paid more attention to the other girl, he needs to know that, and he needs to respect that. If you're going to do it again, he needs to know what you're comfortable with and what you want. Set the limits before you're in the moment, before it's too late to take an action back. Turn it around and ask him what he would be comfortable with if it were a man instead of a woman.</p><p>It is perfectly natural to be curious and want to experiment. A lot of people get that out of the way before settling down in a monogamous relationship. People who marry young and/or inexperienced may still feel that curiosity about things like that and want to experience them, but don't want to hurt their spouse. The REASON you are both doing this matters a lot. If there are problems in your relationship, this is likely to only make things worse.</p> </s> |