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568b3e3fe716b51523007bee

How can I get rid of my laziness?

I am lazy. I am very aware of the problem and try to talk myself out of it all the time, but I never seem to shake the habits. I try to think of what it is doing to me and my future, but no matter what, I keep creating excuses for myself to continue the procrastination. All I'm ever left with is regrets and a low grade. I am at an all-time low in my life, and I'm not even that old. I've always been a straight-A student, but now I'm getting C's and F's, and it hurts me to know that I am way better than that. It's not even like the work is hard.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-rid-of-my-laziness

Behavioral Change

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Possibly laziness is not the true problem and is only what appears as the problem.</p><p>Since you describe your laziness as an observable quality, I assume you've not always felt or handled yourself this way.</p><p>Quite possibly and more likely, the particular conditions of your current life are not ones that are optimal for feeling good about yourself and your involvements.</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">One suggestion is to see if there is any purpose to what you're doing in all the areas in which you see yourself acting from laziness.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">If you're not able to notice any good purpose, then you may be mistaking "laziness" for a significant amount of stress in your life.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Stress can be opened and understood. &nbsp;If stress is what underlies what appears as laziness, then you define the contributors to your stress.</span><br></p><p>Not feeling enough support in your life, financial uncertainty, arguments w people who are close in your life, feeling misunderstood overall or by particular people, all are possibilities.</p><p><br></p><p>Good luck in learning more about who you are!</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get rid of my laziness? <</SYS>> I am lazy. I am very aware of the problem and try to talk myself out of it all the time, but I never seem to shake the habits. I try to think of what it is doing to me and my future, but no matter what, I keep creating excuses for myself to continue the procrastination. All I'm ever left with is regrets and a low grade. I am at an all-time low in my life, and I'm not even that old. I've always been a straight-A student, but now I'm getting C's and F's, and it hurts me to know that I am way better than that. It's not even like the work is hard. [/INST] <p>Possibly laziness is not the true problem and is only what appears as the problem.</p><p>Since you describe your laziness as an observable quality, I assume you've not always felt or handled yourself this way.</p><p>Quite possibly and more likely, the particular conditions of your current life are not ones that are optimal for feeling good about yourself and your involvements.</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">One suggestion is to see if there is any purpose to what you're doing in all the areas in which you see yourself acting from laziness.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">If you're not able to notice any good purpose, then you may be mistaking "laziness" for a significant amount of stress in your life.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Stress can be opened and understood. &nbsp;If stress is what underlies what appears as laziness, then you define the contributors to your stress.</span><br></p><p>Not feeling enough support in your life, financial uncertainty, arguments w people who are close in your life, feeling misunderstood overall or by particular people, all are possibilities.</p><p><br></p><p>Good luck in learning more about who you are!</p> </s>

567c9daca377e46d7ebe2b8a

I feel like I can't control having inappropriate thoughts.

I find that I imagine things sexually, and I hate it because it puts strain on my relationship. I feel helpless and guilty. I want it to go away, and I want to make my woman happy again.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-i-can-t-control-having-inappropriate-thoughts

Relationships,Human Sexuality

Ben Braaksma

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma

<p>It is completely understandable that you would like to find a way to make these intrusive thoughts go away, however, your feeling that you can't control having these thoughts is accurate. It's also understandable that you would feel helpless and guilty, given that you see how these thoughts are effecting your relationship, though I would encourage you to go easy on yourself and remember that you aren't choosing to have these thoughts. I'm sure that if there was a switch to turn them off, you would flip it.</p><p>There is no magic technique or pill that can guarantee these thoughts will go away, however, therapy may still have a lot to offer. In working with a competent therapist, you may be able to gain insight into where these thoughts are coming from and develop new ways of relating to them so that they do not leave you feeling as helpless and guilty and can be more present with your partner. Though there is no guarantee that the thoughts will go away, this may also be a result of work with a therapist. Either way, you may be able to find a way to deal with the thoughts and show up in your relationship in a way that will be satisfying to you and your partner. <br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I feel like I can't control having inappropriate thoughts. <</SYS>> I find that I imagine things sexually, and I hate it because it puts strain on my relationship. I feel helpless and guilty. I want it to go away, and I want to make my woman happy again. [/INST] <p>It is completely understandable that you would like to find a way to make these intrusive thoughts go away, however, your feeling that you can't control having these thoughts is accurate. It's also understandable that you would feel helpless and guilty, given that you see how these thoughts are effecting your relationship, though I would encourage you to go easy on yourself and remember that you aren't choosing to have these thoughts. I'm sure that if there was a switch to turn them off, you would flip it.</p><p>There is no magic technique or pill that can guarantee these thoughts will go away, however, therapy may still have a lot to offer. In working with a competent therapist, you may be able to gain insight into where these thoughts are coming from and develop new ways of relating to them so that they do not leave you feeling as helpless and guilty and can be more present with your partner. Though there is no guarantee that the thoughts will go away, this may also be a result of work with a therapist. Either way, you may be able to find a way to deal with the thoughts and show up in your relationship in a way that will be satisfying to you and your partner. <br></p> </s>

567bbaf7a377e46d7ebe2b7e

How do I know if I have bipolar disorder?

I feel that I am struggling with undiagnosed bipolar disorder, and it is making my day-to-day life extremely difficult.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-know-if-i-have-bipolar-disorder

Behavioral Change

Ben Braaksma

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma

It sounds like you are experiencing a great deal of distress and you're wondering if it may meet a diagnosis of Bipolar disorder. There are a few different types of Bipolar diagnoses in the DSM (diagnositc and statistical manual) and the best way to find out if your experiences would meet that diagnosis would be to meet with a mental health professional. You can also look up the diagnosis online and see if what you are going through meets the criteria.<br><br>One question that I would have for you is, what would it mean for you to find out that you meet the criteria for such a diagnosis? It sounds like whether or not you do, you are suffering and working with a therapist may help you get into a better place.<br>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I know if I have bipolar disorder? <</SYS>> I feel that I am struggling with undiagnosed bipolar disorder, and it is making my day-to-day life extremely difficult. [/INST] It sounds like you are experiencing a great deal of distress and you're wondering if it may meet a diagnosis of Bipolar disorder. There are a few different types of Bipolar diagnoses in the DSM (diagnositc and statistical manual) and the best way to find out if your experiences would meet that diagnosis would be to meet with a mental health professional. You can also look up the diagnosis online and see if what you are going through meets the criteria.<br><br>One question that I would have for you is, what would it mean for you to find out that you meet the criteria for such a diagnosis? It sounds like whether or not you do, you are suffering and working with a therapist may help you get into a better place.<br> </s>

5766784320c0173024ce0bc6

Is being mean and fighting with my boyfriend normal after an abortion?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-being-mean-and-fighting-with-my-boyfriend-normal-after-an-abortion

Grief and Loss,Relationships

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>Saying that this is a very emotional time for you would be quite the understatement. I would imagine that there are lots of changes in mood and different emotions that you feel about the abortion itself.</p><p>Also, there are probably quite a few hormonal changes happening as well.</p><p>Is your boyfriend able to provide support through this process?</p><p>There is some information here about some of the changes you may be experiencing as well as a link to a place where you may find support groups:&nbsp;http://psychcentral.com/lib/understanding-abortion-grief-and-the-recovery-process/?all=1&nbsp;</p><p>Please realize that if you would like to talk with someone about this, someone is there. There are links at the article above and you can also call a local mental health professional. The link above is meant to link you to some places that are supportive. I would just like to be clear that I respect the decision that you have made and I am looking only to link you to places and people that are supportive of that.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is being mean and fighting with my boyfriend normal after an abortion? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Saying that this is a very emotional time for you would be quite the understatement. I would imagine that there are lots of changes in mood and different emotions that you feel about the abortion itself.</p><p>Also, there are probably quite a few hormonal changes happening as well.</p><p>Is your boyfriend able to provide support through this process?</p><p>There is some information here about some of the changes you may be experiencing as well as a link to a place where you may find support groups:&nbsp;http://psychcentral.com/lib/understanding-abortion-grief-and-the-recovery-process/?all=1&nbsp;</p><p>Please realize that if you would like to talk with someone about this, someone is there. There are links at the article above and you can also call a local mental health professional. The link above is meant to link you to some places that are supportive. I would just like to be clear that I respect the decision that you have made and I am looking only to link you to places and people that are supportive of that.</p> </s>

569198fc33a2cb5364e7b50d

How do I find a therapist for my family as a minor?

I’m a teenager. My entire family needs family therapy, and more than likely individual therapy. My parents refuse to take action, and I'm tired of it. Is there any way I can get out of this myself?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-a-therapist-for-my-family-as-a-minor

Family Conflict,Legal & Regulatory

Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc

This sounds like a really tough situation.&nbsp; As a teenager, you may be able to get counseling on your own (without needing your parents' consent) under some circumstances.&nbsp; If your parents are refusing to&nbsp;consider counseling, you might want to try talking to your doctor or another trusted adult&nbsp;about finding some counseling resources - even without your parents' help.&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I find a therapist for my family as a minor? <</SYS>> I’m a teenager. My entire family needs family therapy, and more than likely individual therapy. My parents refuse to take action, and I'm tired of it. Is there any way I can get out of this myself? [/INST] This sounds like a really tough situation.&nbsp; As a teenager, you may be able to get counseling on your own (without needing your parents' consent) under some circumstances.&nbsp; If your parents are refusing to&nbsp;consider counseling, you might want to try talking to your doctor or another trusted adult&nbsp;about finding some counseling resources - even without your parents' help.&nbsp;&nbsp;<br> </s>

579c4f94188cd61c1684e819

Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend?

I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago. Why this is happening and what can I do about it?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-get-an-erection-with-my-girlfriend

Human Sexuality,Intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>I'm sorry to hear of your problem.</p><p>First step as always when a possible medical explanation exists, go for a urology check up to either your internist or a urologist.</p><p>Once you know there is no medical reason which would prevent an erection, then we can consider the psychological and emotion based factors.</p><p>Maybe you're nervous about your sexual performance or that your gf may be disappointed in your performance.</p><p>Men often mistake their own fears of performance failure with the assumption that their partner thinks about sex as a performance.</p><p>Talk with your gf about whatever is on your mind which may inhibit you from enjoying sex.</p><p>The reasons are endless.</p><p>What matters is to have a heartfelt dialogue with each other.</p><p>The emotional support which comes through such an intimate conversation may very well be the catalyst for a more relaxed and satisfying approach to sex w your gf.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend? <</SYS>> I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago. Why this is happening and what can I do about it? [/INST] <p>I'm sorry to hear of your problem.</p><p>First step as always when a possible medical explanation exists, go for a urology check up to either your internist or a urologist.</p><p>Once you know there is no medical reason which would prevent an erection, then we can consider the psychological and emotion based factors.</p><p>Maybe you're nervous about your sexual performance or that your gf may be disappointed in your performance.</p><p>Men often mistake their own fears of performance failure with the assumption that their partner thinks about sex as a performance.</p><p>Talk with your gf about whatever is on your mind which may inhibit you from enjoying sex.</p><p>The reasons are endless.</p><p>What matters is to have a heartfelt dialogue with each other.</p><p>The emotional support which comes through such an intimate conversation may very well be the catalyst for a more relaxed and satisfying approach to sex w your gf.</p> </s>

58577397950e2507cf23ddad

Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?

I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-wrong-for-me-to-be-attracted-to-my-girlfriend

Intimacy,Relationships

Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw

<p>No, that's perfectly normal. You're under 18, too. You're only a year older than she is. This is absolutely normal. What would be wrong is if you did anything to her against her will. Always remember that NO means NO, respect her, respect yourself, and be a normal teenager! Have a healthy relationship. Holding hands, kissing, and more should only be done when both are comfortable with it and agree to it. Although it is frowned upon by a lot of people, it's no secret that teenagers do have sex (even if their parents and perhaps religion would definitely not want them to do it). Only you can make the choice that is right for you. Just be responsible in the choices you make. Some states have laws on what age is old enough for consensual sex. You'd be surprised how young those ages are. A 14 year old having sex with a 20 year old would be against the law, but someone the same age as her, or just one year older is not. "Wrong" can be defined in a lot of different ways, though. Is it against the law? No. Is it against your religion? I can't answer that for you.&nbsp;</p><p>You can, however, have a relationship that is not physical in any way. It's okay to just be with her and enjoy her company. You can hang out, watch movies together, go on dates, do whatever it is that both of you enjoy doing. Your relationship can be anything you want it to be.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend? <</SYS>> I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18? [/INST] <p>No, that's perfectly normal. You're under 18, too. You're only a year older than she is. This is absolutely normal. What would be wrong is if you did anything to her against her will. Always remember that NO means NO, respect her, respect yourself, and be a normal teenager! Have a healthy relationship. Holding hands, kissing, and more should only be done when both are comfortable with it and agree to it. Although it is frowned upon by a lot of people, it's no secret that teenagers do have sex (even if their parents and perhaps religion would definitely not want them to do it). Only you can make the choice that is right for you. Just be responsible in the choices you make. Some states have laws on what age is old enough for consensual sex. You'd be surprised how young those ages are. A 14 year old having sex with a 20 year old would be against the law, but someone the same age as her, or just one year older is not. "Wrong" can be defined in a lot of different ways, though. Is it against the law? No. Is it against your religion? I can't answer that for you.&nbsp;</p><p>You can, however, have a relationship that is not physical in any way. It's okay to just be with her and enjoy her company. You can hang out, watch movies together, go on dates, do whatever it is that both of you enjoy doing. Your relationship can be anything you want it to be.&nbsp;</p> </s>

55d19067a412a77b78006ad8

I feel like my friends are ganging up on me

In this argument my friends are all against me so I'm wondering if I'm exaggerating my feelings. I feel like I'm being attacked and that is making me blow things out of proportion and taking the role of the victim, when in reality I'm the one being unreasonable and I am simply annoying my reasonable friends. Or are they really being insensitive and not respecting me in our friendship?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-my-friends-are-ganging-up-on-me

Social Relationships

Rebecca Wong

https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong

<p>Conflict is a tricky beast and shows up in <b>every</b> one of our relationships. What I'm reading is that you find yourself in a loop of  seeking validation of your thoughts and feelings from your friends rather than validating yourself. Am I right? If you aren't validating yourself, no one else will be able to either.  Try finding a small nugget of truth in the feedback your friends give you, this will help to lower your defenses and help your friends hear what you are really sharing.  And then if you are still feeling vulnerable, share that too... </p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I feel like my friends are ganging up on me <</SYS>> In this argument my friends are all against me so I'm wondering if I'm exaggerating my feelings. I feel like I'm being attacked and that is making me blow things out of proportion and taking the role of the victim, when in reality I'm the one being unreasonable and I am simply annoying my reasonable friends. Or are they really being insensitive and not respecting me in our friendship? [/INST] <p>Conflict is a tricky beast and shows up in <b>every</b> one of our relationships. What I'm reading is that you find yourself in a loop of  seeking validation of your thoughts and feelings from your friends rather than validating yourself. Am I right? If you aren't validating yourself, no one else will be able to either.  Try finding a small nugget of truth in the feedback your friends give you, this will help to lower your defenses and help your friends hear what you are really sharing.  And then if you are still feeling vulnerable, share that too... </p> </s>

5566f94fa64752d71ec3ca64

I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?

I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop

Substance Abuse,Addiction

Samantha Osborne

https://counselchat.com/therapists/samantha-osborne

<p>Breaking any habit is no easy feat. &nbsp; Cutting down or cutting out cigarettes is very challenging, and there aren't any one size fits all solutions. &nbsp;Fortunately, there are a lot of tricks and tools that you can use to stop smoking. &nbsp;1. Many habits that we have are paired habits. If we do one thing, then we will do the other thing. &nbsp;Think about the activities that you do when smoking and try to pair those activities with another activity other than smoking. &nbsp;For instance, many people smoke while they drive. &nbsp;Consider planning another activity to do while driving. (It might not be driving for you, but you get the idea! :)). &nbsp;It might be taking a walk instead of smoking on your break at work. &nbsp;</p><p>2. &nbsp;Create distance between you and the habit you are trying to break. &nbsp;This approach could be used in a variety of different ways. &nbsp;If you smoke first thing in the morning, consider leaving your cigarettes in a different room in your home. &nbsp;Walking the extra couple of feet could help you decide not to smoke. &nbsp; Leave your credit or debit cards at home and carry less emergency cash than a pack of cigarettes. &nbsp;With this strategy, you are trying to create some distance between you the cigarettes so that you have to jump through extra hoops to get them. &nbsp;</p><p>3. &nbsp;Consider cutting back before cutting out. &nbsp;If you are smoking 10 cigarettes a day, try smoking 9. Then cut back to 8 and so on. &nbsp;Having a plan to reduce harm may be more sustainable than cutting things out altogether.&nbsp;</p><p>4. &nbsp;You could also talk to your doctor about the safety of nicotine patches. If you aren't already pregnant, this could be a great resource to help boost your success. &nbsp;</p><p>5. Focus on what you are gaining instead of what you are loosing. You may be losing cigarettes,&nbsp;but you are gaining money, health, taste buds, an increased sense of smell, lung capacity, a healthy baby etc. &nbsp;You could plan small rewards/ treats with the money you save from decreasing cigarette purchases. &nbsp;I recommend&nbsp;making these purchases small and frequent to keep up the momentum rather than waiting for a big payout a couple of months down the road. &nbsp;</p><p><br></p><p>Good luck! Cutting out cigarettes will be good for you and your baby. &nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop? <</SYS>> I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction? [/INST] <p>Breaking any habit is no easy feat. &nbsp; Cutting down or cutting out cigarettes is very challenging, and there aren't any one size fits all solutions. &nbsp;Fortunately, there are a lot of tricks and tools that you can use to stop smoking. &nbsp;1. Many habits that we have are paired habits. If we do one thing, then we will do the other thing. &nbsp;Think about the activities that you do when smoking and try to pair those activities with another activity other than smoking. &nbsp;For instance, many people smoke while they drive. &nbsp;Consider planning another activity to do while driving. (It might not be driving for you, but you get the idea! :)). &nbsp;It might be taking a walk instead of smoking on your break at work. &nbsp;</p><p>2. &nbsp;Create distance between you and the habit you are trying to break. &nbsp;This approach could be used in a variety of different ways. &nbsp;If you smoke first thing in the morning, consider leaving your cigarettes in a different room in your home. &nbsp;Walking the extra couple of feet could help you decide not to smoke. &nbsp; Leave your credit or debit cards at home and carry less emergency cash than a pack of cigarettes. &nbsp;With this strategy, you are trying to create some distance between you the cigarettes so that you have to jump through extra hoops to get them. &nbsp;</p><p>3. &nbsp;Consider cutting back before cutting out. &nbsp;If you are smoking 10 cigarettes a day, try smoking 9. Then cut back to 8 and so on. &nbsp;Having a plan to reduce harm may be more sustainable than cutting things out altogether.&nbsp;</p><p>4. &nbsp;You could also talk to your doctor about the safety of nicotine patches. If you aren't already pregnant, this could be a great resource to help boost your success. &nbsp;</p><p>5. Focus on what you are gaining instead of what you are loosing. You may be losing cigarettes,&nbsp;but you are gaining money, health, taste buds, an increased sense of smell, lung capacity, a healthy baby etc. &nbsp;You could plan small rewards/ treats with the money you save from decreasing cigarette purchases. &nbsp;I recommend&nbsp;making these purchases small and frequent to keep up the momentum rather than waiting for a big payout a couple of months down the road. &nbsp;</p><p><br></p><p>Good luck! Cutting out cigarettes will be good for you and your baby. &nbsp;</p> </s>

5690e8f633a2cb5364e7b4e4

How do I become more self-confident in general?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-become-more-self-confident-in-general

Self-esteem

Erica Faulhaber

https://counselchat.com/therapists/erica-faulhaber

<p>Check out my latest blog: &nbsp;<a href="http://newdirectionswitherica.com/four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-list/" target="_blank">Four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-list</a></p><p>I hope this offers you some nuggets of helpfulness! &nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I become more self-confident in general? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Check out my latest blog: &nbsp;<a href="http://newdirectionswitherica.com/four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-list/" target="_blank">Four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-list</a></p><p>I hope this offers you some nuggets of helpfulness! &nbsp;</p> </s>

5670b5124c6f6bda188fb893

How can I stop abusing alcohol?

I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-stop-abusing-alcohol

Addiction,Substance Abuse

Bridget Borsdorf

https://counselchat.com/therapists/bridget-borsdorf

<p>This relationship with your step dad sounds very challenging. It is hard to to be told over and over again how not good enough we are. Let me offer you this, frequently when we say harsh, mean, nasty things to others, we are simply projecting our own thoughts about ourself. I am not advocating that this is ok, it seems like your stepdad could also use some support. You get to make your own empowered choice around this, this is your life and if you find yourself in a situation that does not suit you make a change.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I stop abusing alcohol? <</SYS>> I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others. [/INST] <p>This relationship with your step dad sounds very challenging. It is hard to to be told over and over again how not good enough we are. Let me offer you this, frequently when we say harsh, mean, nasty things to others, we are simply projecting our own thoughts about ourself. I am not advocating that this is ok, it seems like your stepdad could also use some support. You get to make your own empowered choice around this, this is your life and if you find yourself in a situation that does not suit you make a change.&nbsp;</p> </s>

57310529aaeea25a1918b5de

How do I deal with a lack of intimacy and partner's addiction to solo sex and porn?

I believe my partner has a masturbation and porn problem. He masturbates daily, even when I am lying in bed sleeping beside him. We have sex once a week. He is rough and worries about his needs. He never touches me, and treats me like a porn star, wanting to finish on my face or chest.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-a-lack-of-intimacy-and-partner-s-addiction-to-solo-sex-and-porn

Intimacy,Relationships,Human Sexuality

Cory Ian Shafer LPC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc

<p>It sounds like your in quite a rough place, my recommendation just based on what you type might warrant a visit to a psychotherapist to resolve what may be going on, I am not entirely sure but it sounds like he might have a bit of a sex addiction problem. One thing you need to ask yourself is "Am I happy?", "Do I feel loved?", these are deep questions, but the answers to those questions will give you a direction to travel in. <br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I deal with a lack of intimacy and partner's addiction to solo sex and porn? <</SYS>> I believe my partner has a masturbation and porn problem. He masturbates daily, even when I am lying in bed sleeping beside him. We have sex once a week. He is rough and worries about his needs. He never touches me, and treats me like a porn star, wanting to finish on my face or chest. [/INST] <p>It sounds like your in quite a rough place, my recommendation just based on what you type might warrant a visit to a psychotherapist to resolve what may be going on, I am not entirely sure but it sounds like he might have a bit of a sex addiction problem. One thing you need to ask yourself is "Am I happy?", "Do I feel loved?", these are deep questions, but the answers to those questions will give you a direction to travel in. <br></p> </s>

564670365e8030c4305b30c6

How do I fight inner loneliness from depression and a severe anxiety disorder?

I've been hospitalized twice. Once was last month for psychiatric help. I'm on medicine, but I'm struggling with fighting the negative thoughts, irrational fears, and loneliness. The people around me aren't helping much.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-fight-inner-loneliness-from-depression-and-a-severe-anxiety-disorder

Anxiety,Depression

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>If you are someone who usually has a job, pays or contributes to household bills, and generally manages your own daily life, then here are some suggestions.</p><p>Start with small changes in your life so that you will feel successful in developing little areas of personal happiness.<br></p><p>Since the people whom you currently are in your life "aren't helping much", consider branching out your life so that you are with those with whom you do feel help you.</p><p>Follow your natural interests. &nbsp;If you like reading, look online for a local book club. &nbsp; If you like watching birds, look up a bird watching group.</p><p>Social isolation increases the intensity of negative feelings.</p><p>Also, the way healthcare is set up in the US, psychiatrists spend 15 minutes asking a person questions and then giving them a pill script. &nbsp; &nbsp;There is almost no human interest in the person.</p><p>If you'd like feeling better as a person, then find people. &nbsp; Relying only on our mental health system will keep you feeling low and unsteady.</p><p><br></p><p>If your life is a little more sheltered and you are in a group home setting or your basic needs are taken care of by someone or some organization, then similar advice is still valid.</p><p>Find and participate in whatever human settings which appeal to you and are available on a somewhat regular basis.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I fight inner loneliness from depression and a severe anxiety disorder? <</SYS>> I've been hospitalized twice. Once was last month for psychiatric help. I'm on medicine, but I'm struggling with fighting the negative thoughts, irrational fears, and loneliness. The people around me aren't helping much. [/INST] <p>If you are someone who usually has a job, pays or contributes to household bills, and generally manages your own daily life, then here are some suggestions.</p><p>Start with small changes in your life so that you will feel successful in developing little areas of personal happiness.<br></p><p>Since the people whom you currently are in your life "aren't helping much", consider branching out your life so that you are with those with whom you do feel help you.</p><p>Follow your natural interests. &nbsp;If you like reading, look online for a local book club. &nbsp; If you like watching birds, look up a bird watching group.</p><p>Social isolation increases the intensity of negative feelings.</p><p>Also, the way healthcare is set up in the US, psychiatrists spend 15 minutes asking a person questions and then giving them a pill script. &nbsp; &nbsp;There is almost no human interest in the person.</p><p>If you'd like feeling better as a person, then find people. &nbsp; Relying only on our mental health system will keep you feeling low and unsteady.</p><p><br></p><p>If your life is a little more sheltered and you are in a group home setting or your basic needs are taken care of by someone or some organization, then similar advice is still valid.</p><p>Find and participate in whatever human settings which appeal to you and are available on a somewhat regular basis.</p> </s>

557a0ebca9732755160c6ab5

What can I do if my coworkers accuse me of mood swings?

My coworkers are making false statements about me to the boss, saying I have mood swings. They have no proof to back it up. Can my employer make me see a therapist of their choice?

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-if-my-coworkers-accuse-me-of-mood-swings

Workplace Relationships

Sonya Wilson

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson

<p>If this is a concern of a few coworkers, make sure it is not something they see but you don't admit to.&nbsp; Employers can "suggest" or something "stipulate" in continued employment with them&nbsp; for you to go to their Employment Assistance Provider (EAP) if they have noticed the same behavior and concerned of how it is effecting productivity or employee relationships.&nbsp; No one wants to work in a environment which they consider hostile.&nbsp; Employers can be held responsible if they do not take action.</p><p>Couple of things you can do...</p><p>Ask a coworker in which you trust and respect if what others are saying is true?<br></p><p>Seek professional help from your primary care provider or counselor if mood swings do exist.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; <br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What can I do if my coworkers accuse me of mood swings? <</SYS>> My coworkers are making false statements about me to the boss, saying I have mood swings. They have no proof to back it up. Can my employer make me see a therapist of their choice? [/INST] <p>If this is a concern of a few coworkers, make sure it is not something they see but you don't admit to.&nbsp; Employers can "suggest" or something "stipulate" in continued employment with them&nbsp; for you to go to their Employment Assistance Provider (EAP) if they have noticed the same behavior and concerned of how it is effecting productivity or employee relationships.&nbsp; No one wants to work in a environment which they consider hostile.&nbsp; Employers can be held responsible if they do not take action.</p><p>Couple of things you can do...</p><p>Ask a coworker in which you trust and respect if what others are saying is true?<br></p><p>Seek professional help from your primary care provider or counselor if mood swings do exist.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; <br></p> </s>

561f22867f76d02120593ce3

My ex left without fully explaining but I feel broken and empty

About 5 months ago my ex left without fully explaining why. For me it seemed out of the blue. I don't miss her as much as I used to but I just don't trust people anymore, not even my friends who I have known since my childhood not even my family. I'm so terrified of being judged or dismissed. Instead of acting like someone else or putting on a mask of a personality, I've just shut down. I haven't felt that sense of comfort and happiness with myself since everything fell apart. I'm scared to because I don't want it to be taken away from me again. I feel like ever lesson I learn only last a day. I just don't know what to do. I'm working at a place I know I should enjoy. I'm keeping up with my creative passions: working out, eating healthy, etc. I'm doing everything the books say I should do, but I don't feel any different. I just don't know what to do.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-ex-left-without-fully-explaining-but-i-feel-broken-and-empty

Self-esteem,Relationships

Tiffany Nicholas

https://counselchat.com/therapists/tiffany-nicholas

<p>Sounds like you need closure. I'm sure your doing your best to overcome this feeling but seem to be struggling with your own happiness. Trust God no one else. Give this some time and don't close yourself off to the world or the people who love you. Be open hearted and minded. And know that no matter what reason your ex walked out of your life, she missed out on how great of a person you truly are and may have had personal issues of her own.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My ex left without fully explaining but I feel broken and empty <</SYS>> About 5 months ago my ex left without fully explaining why. For me it seemed out of the blue. I don't miss her as much as I used to but I just don't trust people anymore, not even my friends who I have known since my childhood not even my family. I'm so terrified of being judged or dismissed. Instead of acting like someone else or putting on a mask of a personality, I've just shut down. I haven't felt that sense of comfort and happiness with myself since everything fell apart. I'm scared to because I don't want it to be taken away from me again. I feel like ever lesson I learn only last a day. I just don't know what to do. I'm working at a place I know I should enjoy. I'm keeping up with my creative passions: working out, eating healthy, etc. I'm doing everything the books say I should do, but I don't feel any different. I just don't know what to do. [/INST] <p>Sounds like you need closure. I'm sure your doing your best to overcome this feeling but seem to be struggling with your own happiness. Trust God no one else. Give this some time and don't close yourself off to the world or the people who love you. Be open hearted and minded. And know that no matter what reason your ex walked out of your life, she missed out on how great of a person you truly are and may have had personal issues of her own.&nbsp;</p> </s>

569ab70bde405677109cb55c

I have feelings for one of my best friends.

I was hanging out with my close guy friend. We started kissing, but afterwards, he said that we should just stay friends because he doesn't want to ruin anything. We both just got out of relationships. His was very sexual. I'm not a sexual person, and he knows that. I want to be with him, but I'm not ready for another relationship, and I don't know if he ever will want to be more than friends.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-feelings-for-one-of-my-best-friends

Relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Given that both you and your friend recently ended your respective romantic relationships, kissing each other sounds like each of you satisfied a very natural need which for right now does not has a natural source of satisfaction.</p><p>Suddenly being without a partner is difficult because a relationship absorbs and offers much of a person's energy.&nbsp;</p><p>Stay focused on what you know about yourself, which is that you're not ready for another relationship.</p><p>From what you describe about your friend, similar to you, he does not feel ready for a new relationship.</p><p>If and when you feel ready to enter a new relationship and your friend seems attractive, then you'll be in a position to find out, either by approaching your friend as a potential partner, or by asking your question of his interest in you.</p><p>Who knows?</p><p>It is possible your friend will feel ready for a new relationship, approach you, and depending on your personal wishes to be or not be with who he has become, accept his offer.</p><p>Good luck with Step One, becoming familiar with your new state of single hood, and sorting through the good news and bad news of your most recent relationship.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I have feelings for one of my best friends. <</SYS>> I was hanging out with my close guy friend. We started kissing, but afterwards, he said that we should just stay friends because he doesn't want to ruin anything. We both just got out of relationships. His was very sexual. I'm not a sexual person, and he knows that. I want to be with him, but I'm not ready for another relationship, and I don't know if he ever will want to be more than friends. [/INST] <p>Given that both you and your friend recently ended your respective romantic relationships, kissing each other sounds like each of you satisfied a very natural need which for right now does not has a natural source of satisfaction.</p><p>Suddenly being without a partner is difficult because a relationship absorbs and offers much of a person's energy.&nbsp;</p><p>Stay focused on what you know about yourself, which is that you're not ready for another relationship.</p><p>From what you describe about your friend, similar to you, he does not feel ready for a new relationship.</p><p>If and when you feel ready to enter a new relationship and your friend seems attractive, then you'll be in a position to find out, either by approaching your friend as a potential partner, or by asking your question of his interest in you.</p><p>Who knows?</p><p>It is possible your friend will feel ready for a new relationship, approach you, and depending on your personal wishes to be or not be with who he has become, accept his offer.</p><p>Good luck with Step One, becoming familiar with your new state of single hood, and sorting through the good news and bad news of your most recent relationship.</p> </s>

5773e438b9ff751f196e8df0

I'm worried about my new job.

I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-worried-about-my-new-job

Anxiety,Career Counseling

Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";="" mso-fareast-font-family:"times="" new="" roman";color:#888888"="">Anxiety often occurs when big or unexpected changes come to our lives, like having new jobs, relocating, or assuming new roles. Notice if your anxiety feels like excitement, concerns, or fear.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">It seems like you are excited about your new job, but worried because OTHERS are telling you that you have anxiety.&nbsp;&nbsp; Let's notice how other‘s input is affecting your thoughts and maybe causing more anxiety that you may really have. &nbsp;&nbsp;If you are indeed experiencing anxiety, that does not mean that you will have panic attacks.&nbsp;&nbsp; But if you are experiencing panic attacks, or suffer them at some point, you could learn how to reduce them either with therapy or medication.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">You can learn how to process it depending what triggers it and channel it, in a useful way.&nbsp; For example, you could plan a schedule around your new job and be meticulous about it because you are worried about how your new job may affect your routine, or, you could feel overwhelmed with your schedule, focus on the feeling, but not do anything about it.&nbsp; Notice the difference?&nbsp; The key is in recognizing if you are anxious about something that you can change or have control over it, and take action if you do, and recognizing when you cannot control things and be OK with not being in control.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">I teach clients how to use meditation and cognitive reframing techniques to help calm anxiety symptoms.&nbsp; If you are interested in engaging in counseling or teletherapy you may contact me at 787-466-5478.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; font-style: italic;">I wish you success on your new journey!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 22pt;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 22pt;">Estoy preocupada por mi nuevo trabajo</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136); font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">La gente me dice que tengo ansiedad y estoy aterrorizada de tener un ataque de pánico en la carretera.&nbsp; Esto es nuevo par a mí. ¿Que puedo hacer?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(127, 127, 127); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">La ansiedad ocurre comúnmente cuando llegan cambios grandes o inesperados en nuestras vidas, como tener un nuevo empleo, mudarse o asumir nuevos roles.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(127, 127, 127); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Al parecer estás emocionada por tu nuevo trabajo, pero preocupada por que OTROS te dicen que tienes ansiedad.&nbsp; Notemos como la opinión de otros esta influenciando tus pensamientos y tal vez te puede estar causando más ansiedad de lo que realmente tienes.&nbsp; Si realmente estas pasando por un periodo de ansiedad, no es necesario que vayas a experimentar ataques de pánico.&nbsp; Pero si ya los haz experimentado puedes utilizar terapia o medicamentos para controlarlos.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(127, 127, 127); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Nota si tu ansiedad se siente emocionante, preocupada o temerosa.&nbsp; Puedes aprender a procesar estos sentimientos dependiendo que pensamiento los causen y canalizar la ansiedad de manera productiva.&nbsp; Por ejemplo: te puedes enfocar en organizar una agenda porque te preocupa como tu nuevo empleo afectara tu rutina diaria.&nbsp; O te puedes sentir agobio respecto a cómo tu trabajo afecta tu rutina, y no hace nada más que preocuparte constantemente.&nbsp; ¿Notas la diferencia?&nbsp; La clave está en saber cuándo te preocupas &nbsp;por algo que puedes cambiar, y tomar acción; vs. cuando te preocupas &nbsp;por algo que no puedes cambiar y aceptar que no lo puedes cambiar.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(127, 127, 127); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Le enseño a mis pacientes a&nbsp; usar técnicas de meditación y re enfoque cognitivo para manejar síntomas de ansiedad&nbsp; y desorden de pánico.&nbsp; Si te interesa una cita de consejería o tele-terapia me puedes contactar al 787-466-5478.&nbsp;</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(127, 127, 127); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 107%;">¡Mucho éxito en tu nueva jornada!</span></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm worried about my new job. <</SYS>> I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do? [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";="" mso-fareast-font-family:"times="" new="" roman";color:#888888"="">Anxiety often occurs when big or unexpected changes come to our lives, like having new jobs, relocating, or assuming new roles. Notice if your anxiety feels like excitement, concerns, or fear.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">It seems like you are excited about your new job, but worried because OTHERS are telling you that you have anxiety.&nbsp;&nbsp; Let's notice how other‘s input is affecting your thoughts and maybe causing more anxiety that you may really have. &nbsp;&nbsp;If you are indeed experiencing anxiety, that does not mean that you will have panic attacks.&nbsp;&nbsp; But if you are experiencing panic attacks, or suffer them at some point, you could learn how to reduce them either with therapy or medication.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">You can learn how to process it depending what triggers it and channel it, in a useful way.&nbsp; For example, you could plan a schedule around your new job and be meticulous about it because you are worried about how your new job may affect your routine, or, you could feel overwhelmed with your schedule, focus on the feeling, but not do anything about it.&nbsp; Notice the difference?&nbsp; The key is in recognizing if you are anxious about something that you can change or have control over it, and take action if you do, and recognizing when you cannot control things and be OK with not being in control.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">I teach clients how to use meditation and cognitive reframing techniques to help calm anxiety symptoms.&nbsp; If you are interested in engaging in counseling or teletherapy you may contact me at 787-466-5478.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; font-style: italic;">I wish you success on your new journey!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 22pt;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 22pt;">Estoy preocupada por mi nuevo trabajo</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136); font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">La gente me dice que tengo ansiedad y estoy aterrorizada de tener un ataque de pánico en la carretera.&nbsp; Esto es nuevo par a mí. ¿Que puedo hacer?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(127, 127, 127); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">La ansiedad ocurre comúnmente cuando llegan cambios grandes o inesperados en nuestras vidas, como tener un nuevo empleo, mudarse o asumir nuevos roles.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(127, 127, 127); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Al parecer estás emocionada por tu nuevo trabajo, pero preocupada por que OTROS te dicen que tienes ansiedad.&nbsp; Notemos como la opinión de otros esta influenciando tus pensamientos y tal vez te puede estar causando más ansiedad de lo que realmente tienes.&nbsp; Si realmente estas pasando por un periodo de ansiedad, no es necesario que vayas a experimentar ataques de pánico.&nbsp; Pero si ya los haz experimentado puedes utilizar terapia o medicamentos para controlarlos.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(127, 127, 127); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Nota si tu ansiedad se siente emocionante, preocupada o temerosa.&nbsp; Puedes aprender a procesar estos sentimientos dependiendo que pensamiento los causen y canalizar la ansiedad de manera productiva.&nbsp; Por ejemplo: te puedes enfocar en organizar una agenda porque te preocupa como tu nuevo empleo afectara tu rutina diaria.&nbsp; O te puedes sentir agobio respecto a cómo tu trabajo afecta tu rutina, y no hace nada más que preocuparte constantemente.&nbsp; ¿Notas la diferencia?&nbsp; La clave está en saber cuándo te preocupas &nbsp;por algo que puedes cambiar, y tomar acción; vs. cuando te preocupas &nbsp;por algo que no puedes cambiar y aceptar que no lo puedes cambiar.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(127, 127, 127); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Le enseño a mis pacientes a&nbsp; usar técnicas de meditación y re enfoque cognitivo para manejar síntomas de ansiedad&nbsp; y desorden de pánico.&nbsp; Si te interesa una cita de consejería o tele-terapia me puedes contactar al 787-466-5478.&nbsp;</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.25pt; line-height: normal; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(127, 127, 127); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 107%;">¡Mucho éxito en tu nueva jornada!</span></p> </s>

5722358fa3d94fca1ccf8ec0

How can I be less insecure and needy with my girlfriend?

I blame my past relationship for it. I know it is bad to be this way. I want to get past it.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-insecure-and-needy-with-my-girlfriend

Relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>How did you come to the conclusion that you are acting needy?</p><p>Is this what your partner told you or are you feeling this way about yourself?</p><p>The difference is that what you'd like from a relationship may be very reasonable, only that your partner is not someone who wants to meet your needs.</p><p>One way of evaluating whether you're actually needy is whether you feel that you give yourself love, take good care of yourself when you're in situations that are not connected to being part of a couple.</p><p>If being by yourself feels uneasy most of the time, then probably practicing self-love, consciously treating yourself with consideration and thoughtfulness, may help you feel less needy of others.</p><p>This way, when you're with a partner, the time together will be in enjoying the partner, not getting love because of not figuring out a way of giving love to yourself.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I be less insecure and needy with my girlfriend? <</SYS>> I blame my past relationship for it. I know it is bad to be this way. I want to get past it. [/INST] <p>How did you come to the conclusion that you are acting needy?</p><p>Is this what your partner told you or are you feeling this way about yourself?</p><p>The difference is that what you'd like from a relationship may be very reasonable, only that your partner is not someone who wants to meet your needs.</p><p>One way of evaluating whether you're actually needy is whether you feel that you give yourself love, take good care of yourself when you're in situations that are not connected to being part of a couple.</p><p>If being by yourself feels uneasy most of the time, then probably practicing self-love, consciously treating yourself with consideration and thoughtfulness, may help you feel less needy of others.</p><p>This way, when you're with a partner, the time together will be in enjoying the partner, not getting love because of not figuring out a way of giving love to yourself.</p> </s>

574e59a2c792dd6c7063e566

I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?

Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-struggeling-with-the-idea-of-if-god-real-or-not

Spirituality,Social Relationships

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>There are an infinite number of ways to look at this. Spirituality, religion, God, higher power, and many other parts of this discussion mean different things to different people. My question for you is what does "real" actually mean to you? Often, the concept of God has to do with what you believe in. If you ask 1000 different people, you'll probably get almost that many different answers.</p><p>Consider talking with friends or family about this. I would suggest, though, that you have the discussion initially with people who you trust and who you feel are willing to listen to your questions and beliefs and perhaps offer an opinion without trying to make you believe as they do. You may also consider speaking with a pastor or another religious figure. The local Salvation Army may have a link to a religious or spiritual person that leads nondenominational church services. There may be able to help you to sort through this if your friends and family do not provide a comfortable environment for you related to this discussion.</p><p>Just a word of caution. In my experience, ideas of religion and spirituality can be lead to very deep discussions with some people who are very strongly connected to what they believe. Some people do not easily separate their own beliefs from those of others. When initiating conversations about this, try first asking whether someone would be comfortable discussing religion or spirituality. A second question may be whether it is okay with this person you are talking to if you have different beliefs or opinions.</p><p>As far as whether God is real or not, consider trusting yourself and what you learn, feel, and believe as you work through this process.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not? <</SYS>> Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? [/INST] <p>There are an infinite number of ways to look at this. Spirituality, religion, God, higher power, and many other parts of this discussion mean different things to different people. My question for you is what does "real" actually mean to you? Often, the concept of God has to do with what you believe in. If you ask 1000 different people, you'll probably get almost that many different answers.</p><p>Consider talking with friends or family about this. I would suggest, though, that you have the discussion initially with people who you trust and who you feel are willing to listen to your questions and beliefs and perhaps offer an opinion without trying to make you believe as they do. You may also consider speaking with a pastor or another religious figure. The local Salvation Army may have a link to a religious or spiritual person that leads nondenominational church services. There may be able to help you to sort through this if your friends and family do not provide a comfortable environment for you related to this discussion.</p><p>Just a word of caution. In my experience, ideas of religion and spirituality can be lead to very deep discussions with some people who are very strongly connected to what they believe. Some people do not easily separate their own beliefs from those of others. When initiating conversations about this, try first asking whether someone would be comfortable discussing religion or spirituality. A second question may be whether it is okay with this person you are talking to if you have different beliefs or opinions.</p><p>As far as whether God is real or not, consider trusting yourself and what you learn, feel, and believe as you work through this process.</p> </s>

571791ef6720004c63d5292d

My son plays alone at recess.

Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-plays-alone-at-recess

Parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>The answer depends on how the other areas of your son's life are doing.</p><p>Is he happy or does he seem happy, playing alone during recess?</p><p>Does he have friends in other social circles besides the students whom he's with at recess?</p><p>How is his academic progress?</p><p>How is his social integration among his classmates?</p><p>Are there any special or unusual circumstances in the home and family environment?</p><p>Go through this list to form a fuller idea of whether your son simply likes alone time and takes this option during recess, or if any if the above areas show stress or difficulty for him and which need to be further understood and handled.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My son plays alone at recess. <</SYS>> Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it? [/INST] <p>The answer depends on how the other areas of your son's life are doing.</p><p>Is he happy or does he seem happy, playing alone during recess?</p><p>Does he have friends in other social circles besides the students whom he's with at recess?</p><p>How is his academic progress?</p><p>How is his social integration among his classmates?</p><p>Are there any special or unusual circumstances in the home and family environment?</p><p>Go through this list to form a fuller idea of whether your son simply likes alone time and takes this option during recess, or if any if the above areas show stress or difficulty for him and which need to be further understood and handled.</p> </s>

55d7b9a2c724b5b66655bf7c

How do couples keep from being at risk for divorce?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-couples-keep-from-being-at-risk-for-divorce

Marriage,Relationship Dissolution

Rebecca Wong

https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong

<p>The Gottmans have been studying relationships in their &#34;love lab&#34; for over 4 decades and what they've found is pretty awesome. There are 4 things that, when added together and built up over time, predict divorce: criticism, defensiveness, contempt &amp; stonewalling. These behaviors lead towards emotional disengagement over time and will eat away at your positive feelings towards one another. The awesome news is that they've also identified antidotes; gentle start ups, taking responsibility, discussing your feelings and needs (not to be confused with what you need from your partner) and self soothing. No couple can ever truly eliminate saying/doing the wrong thing, that's ok though because sustaining your marriage isn't about always getting it right, it's about knowing/learning how to repair when your get it wrong. To learn more, pick up a copy of Gottman's &#34;The 7 Principals For Making Marriage Work&#34; or seek out a Gottman trained couples therapist. </p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do couples keep from being at risk for divorce? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>The Gottmans have been studying relationships in their &#34;love lab&#34; for over 4 decades and what they've found is pretty awesome. There are 4 things that, when added together and built up over time, predict divorce: criticism, defensiveness, contempt &amp; stonewalling. These behaviors lead towards emotional disengagement over time and will eat away at your positive feelings towards one another. The awesome news is that they've also identified antidotes; gentle start ups, taking responsibility, discussing your feelings and needs (not to be confused with what you need from your partner) and self soothing. No couple can ever truly eliminate saying/doing the wrong thing, that's ok though because sustaining your marriage isn't about always getting it right, it's about knowing/learning how to repair when your get it wrong. To learn more, pick up a copy of Gottman's &#34;The 7 Principals For Making Marriage Work&#34; or seek out a Gottman trained couples therapist. </p> </s>

572c4d60aaeea25a1918b4ed

My sister and my husband had an affair.

It was over 20 years ago, but the pain has resurfaced again now because I have started seeing her Facebook posts about how great her life is. I feel so angry. How can I handle this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-sister-and-my-husband-had-an-affair

Family Conflict,Marriage

Cory Ian Shafer LPC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc

<p>First thing that you must realize is that most people only post the "best parts" of their lives on Facebook, some people even go so far as to make their lives seem better or more interesting and post mostly false views of their life. Facebook is watered down, candied version of our life, you put on there only what you want people to see. The questions you should ask is "How have I grown from this?", Is my marriage currently in a good place? I really wish there was some form of magic that could be performed to solve peoples issues and help them sort out their emotions and troubles, however there is not, the closest we can get is by using {time and insight} to heal our wounds.<br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My sister and my husband had an affair. <</SYS>> It was over 20 years ago, but the pain has resurfaced again now because I have started seeing her Facebook posts about how great her life is. I feel so angry. How can I handle this? [/INST] <p>First thing that you must realize is that most people only post the "best parts" of their lives on Facebook, some people even go so far as to make their lives seem better or more interesting and post mostly false views of their life. Facebook is watered down, candied version of our life, you put on there only what you want people to see. The questions you should ask is "How have I grown from this?", Is my marriage currently in a good place? I really wish there was some form of magic that could be performed to solve peoples issues and help them sort out their emotions and troubles, however there is not, the closest we can get is by using {time and insight} to heal our wounds.<br></p> </s>

5760656c16780993511710ba

Should I talk honestly to my brother about his girlfriend, risking our own relationship?

My older brother (in his 60s) started dating a lady with Asperger's. She is hyper-sexual and flirty. She does not understand boundaries. They’ve been dating for a few months, and she's talking marriage. Another sibling and his wife have met her, and they have said she is never invited back. My brother always picks similar ladies. Do we speak honestly and risk losing a relationship?

https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-talk-honestly-to-my-brother-about-his-girlfriend-risking-our-own-relationship

Family Conflict

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>This is tricky and quite delicate.</p><p>I wonder if you could talk with your brother about whether he would be willing to have a discussion with you about something that is important to you. I would also suggest trying to make clear your true intentions. For example:</p><ul><li>Telling him that he has the right to do what he wants with who he chooses to date</li><li>That you are talking to him about this because you care about him</li><li>That your relationship with him is important to you and that you love him and care about him</li><li>Also try to stick to examples or ideas that are objectively observable (for example, when this happens ___, I notice ___). That way you are using facts rather than opinions and things that can be observed rather than subjective emotional decisions</li><li>I would also be curious with what your brother sees in this girl, and I might even recommend starting with that</li></ul><p>I cannot underline enough the importance of having this come across as genuine, and for lack of a better word, gentle.</p><p>I also be very honest with you that I cannot guarantee that he will react positively, neutrally, or even that he will have the discussion with you.</p><p>Because it is true that he could choose to continue dating this girl and perhaps even hold it against you for a while, I would also encourage you to look at the importance of this to you and where you consider the risk-benefit ratio to be.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should I talk honestly to my brother about his girlfriend, risking our own relationship? <</SYS>> My older brother (in his 60s) started dating a lady with Asperger's. She is hyper-sexual and flirty. She does not understand boundaries. They’ve been dating for a few months, and she's talking marriage. Another sibling and his wife have met her, and they have said she is never invited back. My brother always picks similar ladies. Do we speak honestly and risk losing a relationship? [/INST] <p>This is tricky and quite delicate.</p><p>I wonder if you could talk with your brother about whether he would be willing to have a discussion with you about something that is important to you. I would also suggest trying to make clear your true intentions. For example:</p><ul><li>Telling him that he has the right to do what he wants with who he chooses to date</li><li>That you are talking to him about this because you care about him</li><li>That your relationship with him is important to you and that you love him and care about him</li><li>Also try to stick to examples or ideas that are objectively observable (for example, when this happens ___, I notice ___). That way you are using facts rather than opinions and things that can be observed rather than subjective emotional decisions</li><li>I would also be curious with what your brother sees in this girl, and I might even recommend starting with that</li></ul><p>I cannot underline enough the importance of having this come across as genuine, and for lack of a better word, gentle.</p><p>I also be very honest with you that I cannot guarantee that he will react positively, neutrally, or even that he will have the discussion with you.</p><p>Because it is true that he could choose to continue dating this girl and perhaps even hold it against you for a while, I would also encourage you to look at the importance of this to you and where you consider the risk-benefit ratio to be.</p> </s>

5776119072f4321a37b641c4

Is screaming and cussing at your child considered emotional abuse?

My dad is always, and I mean always, cussing and screaming at me for no reason at all. He makes me feel stupid. He also compares me to my other siblings in a negative way and demeans me. Is this abuse?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-screaming-and-cussing-at-your-child-considered-emotional-abuse

Legal & Regulatory,Parenting,Family Conflict

Tamara Powell

https://counselchat.com/therapists/tamara-powell

<p>Oh my goodness, my heart goes out to you!! &nbsp;I pray you have other strong and supportive loved ones or friends surrounding you. If you are in school,<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span>please consider speaking with a counselor on site who can help give you some good coping mechanisms as well as other resources.</p><p><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I believe m</span>ost therapists would agree that this type of behavior is indicative of emotional AND verbal abuse</span>. And quite often the two overlap because someone who is being yelled at and demeaned is also frequently having his/her emotions preyed upon as well.&nbsp;</p><p><br></p><div><span style="color: rgb(58, 58, 58); font-family: arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/emotional-abuse-definitions-signs-symptoms-examples/" target="_blank">Healthy Place</a>&nbsp;offers us some great examples of <span style="font-style: italic;">emotional abuse</span> which certainly fit the criteria of what you describe:</span></div><div><span style="color: rgb(58, 58, 58); font-family: arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br></span></div><div><div class="_yXc" style="padding: 0px 20px; color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 19.2px;"><ul class="_kYe" style="margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px;"><li class="_AXc" style="margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; list-style-type: disc;">Yelling or swearing&nbsp;</li><li class="_AXc" style="margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; list-style-type: disc;">Name calling or insults; mocking.</li><li class="_AXc" style="margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; list-style-type: disc;">Threats and intimidation.</li><li class="_AXc" style="margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; list-style-type: disc;">Ignoring or excluding.</li><li class="_AXc" style="margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; list-style-type: disc;">Isolating.</li><li class="_AXc" style="margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; list-style-type: disc;">Humiliating.</li><li class="_AXc" style="margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; list-style-type: disc;">Denial of the abuse and blaming of the victim.</li></ul><div><br></div></div></div><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">And abuse survivor and author, </span><a href="http://verbalabusejournals.com/category/heal-from-abuse/" target="_blank" style="line-height: 1.42857; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">Kellie Jo Holly</a><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">, offers some other great examples of </span><a href="http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2011/09/examples-of-verbal-abuse/" target="_blank" style="line-height: 1.42857; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">verbal abuse</a><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">:</span><br></p><ul><li><h3 style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 15.444px; color: rgb(14, 103, 147); margin: 0.83em 0px; font-size: 1.17em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Emotionally Abusive Statements</h3><ul style="margin-top: 1.12em; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 15px; padding: 0px 0px 5px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 18px; font-family: arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: disc; color: rgb(58, 58, 58);"><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">You’re so cute when you try to concentrate! Look at you trying to think.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">I can’t believe I love a stupid jerk.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Aw, come on, can’t you take a joke?</li></ul><h3 style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 15.444px; color: rgb(14, 103, 147); margin: 0.83em 0px; font-size: 1.17em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Sexually Abusive Statements</h3><ul style="margin-top: 1.12em; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 15px; padding: 0px 0px 5px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 18px; font-family: arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: disc; color: rgb(58, 58, 58);"><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">You should know how to please me by now.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">I hoped you were less experienced.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Stop acting like a whore.</li></ul><h3 style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 15.444px; color: rgb(14, 103, 147); margin: 0.83em 0px; font-size: 1.17em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Financially Abusive Statements</h3><ul style="margin-top: 1.12em; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 15px; padding: 0px 0px 5px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 18px; font-family: arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: disc; color: rgb(58, 58, 58);"><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">You are going to nickel and dime me to death!</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">In what world does buying that make sense?</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Fine. You handle your finances. Let me know when things go to hell.</li></ul><h3 style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 15.444px; color: rgb(14, 103, 147); margin: 0.83em 0px; font-size: 1.17em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Societally Abusive Statements</h3><ul style="margin-top: 1.12em; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 15px; padding: 0px 0px 5px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 18px; font-family: arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: disc; color: rgb(58, 58, 58);"><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">How dare you spread around our private business!</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Let me do the talking; people listen to men.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">You took a vow in front of God and everybody and I expect you to honor it!</li></ul><h3 style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 15.444px; color: rgb(14, 103, 147); margin: 0.83em 0px; font-size: 1.17em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Threatening and Intimidating Statements</h3><ul style="margin-top: 1.12em; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 15px; padding: 0px 0px 5px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 18px; font-family: arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: disc; color: rgb(58, 58, 58);"><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">If you don’t train that dog I’m going to rub your nose in its mess.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">I will take our kids if you leave me.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">You’re scared?! This isn’t angry! You will KNOW when I’m ANGRY!</li></ul><h3 style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 15.444px; color: rgb(14, 103, 147); margin: 0.83em 0px; font-size: 1.17em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Spiritually Abusive Statement</h3></li><ul style="margin-top: 1.12em; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 15px; padding: 0px 0px 5px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 18px; font-family: arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: disc; color: rgb(58, 58, 58);"><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Keep your stupid beliefs to yourself.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">God will find a way to get you back, and it ain’t gonna be pretty.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">I can feel myself being pulled into hell just listening to your nonsense!</li></ul></ul><div><p>It's been my personal clinical experience that children who are experiencing the types of things you describe often say they feel misunderstood, lonely, or scared and don't want to make things worse by standing up for themselves.&nbsp;</p><p>Even if you feel you can't defend yourself outwardly, that doesn't mean your father's awful and toxic behavior is something you should ever internalize (i.e., believe to be true) which is why I hope you are surrounding yourself with people who will speak life and positivity back over you. &nbsp;</p><p>We are ALL worthy of respect, love, and kindness. Don't ever forget that!</p><p>My love and light to you hon.</p><p>Tamara Powell, LMHC</p></div>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is screaming and cussing at your child considered emotional abuse? <</SYS>> My dad is always, and I mean always, cussing and screaming at me for no reason at all. He makes me feel stupid. He also compares me to my other siblings in a negative way and demeans me. Is this abuse? [/INST] <p>Oh my goodness, my heart goes out to you!! &nbsp;I pray you have other strong and supportive loved ones or friends surrounding you. If you are in school,<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span>please consider speaking with a counselor on site who can help give you some good coping mechanisms as well as other resources.</p><p><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I believe m</span>ost therapists would agree that this type of behavior is indicative of emotional AND verbal abuse</span>. And quite often the two overlap because someone who is being yelled at and demeaned is also frequently having his/her emotions preyed upon as well.&nbsp;</p><p><br></p><div><span style="color: rgb(58, 58, 58); font-family: arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/emotional-abuse-definitions-signs-symptoms-examples/" target="_blank">Healthy Place</a>&nbsp;offers us some great examples of <span style="font-style: italic;">emotional abuse</span> which certainly fit the criteria of what you describe:</span></div><div><span style="color: rgb(58, 58, 58); font-family: arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br></span></div><div><div class="_yXc" style="padding: 0px 20px; color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 19.2px;"><ul class="_kYe" style="margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px;"><li class="_AXc" style="margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; list-style-type: disc;">Yelling or swearing&nbsp;</li><li class="_AXc" style="margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; list-style-type: disc;">Name calling or insults; mocking.</li><li class="_AXc" style="margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; list-style-type: disc;">Threats and intimidation.</li><li class="_AXc" style="margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; list-style-type: disc;">Ignoring or excluding.</li><li class="_AXc" style="margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; list-style-type: disc;">Isolating.</li><li class="_AXc" style="margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; list-style-type: disc;">Humiliating.</li><li class="_AXc" style="margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; list-style-type: disc;">Denial of the abuse and blaming of the victim.</li></ul><div><br></div></div></div><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">And abuse survivor and author, </span><a href="http://verbalabusejournals.com/category/heal-from-abuse/" target="_blank" style="line-height: 1.42857; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">Kellie Jo Holly</a><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">, offers some other great examples of </span><a href="http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2011/09/examples-of-verbal-abuse/" target="_blank" style="line-height: 1.42857; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">verbal abuse</a><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">:</span><br></p><ul><li><h3 style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 15.444px; color: rgb(14, 103, 147); margin: 0.83em 0px; font-size: 1.17em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Emotionally Abusive Statements</h3><ul style="margin-top: 1.12em; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 15px; padding: 0px 0px 5px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 18px; font-family: arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: disc; color: rgb(58, 58, 58);"><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">You’re so cute when you try to concentrate! Look at you trying to think.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">I can’t believe I love a stupid jerk.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Aw, come on, can’t you take a joke?</li></ul><h3 style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 15.444px; color: rgb(14, 103, 147); margin: 0.83em 0px; font-size: 1.17em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Sexually Abusive Statements</h3><ul style="margin-top: 1.12em; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 15px; padding: 0px 0px 5px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 18px; font-family: arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: disc; color: rgb(58, 58, 58);"><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">You should know how to please me by now.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">I hoped you were less experienced.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Stop acting like a whore.</li></ul><h3 style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 15.444px; color: rgb(14, 103, 147); margin: 0.83em 0px; font-size: 1.17em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Financially Abusive Statements</h3><ul style="margin-top: 1.12em; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 15px; padding: 0px 0px 5px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 18px; font-family: arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: disc; color: rgb(58, 58, 58);"><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">You are going to nickel and dime me to death!</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">In what world does buying that make sense?</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Fine. You handle your finances. Let me know when things go to hell.</li></ul><h3 style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 15.444px; color: rgb(14, 103, 147); margin: 0.83em 0px; font-size: 1.17em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Societally Abusive Statements</h3><ul style="margin-top: 1.12em; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 15px; padding: 0px 0px 5px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 18px; font-family: arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: disc; color: rgb(58, 58, 58);"><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">How dare you spread around our private business!</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Let me do the talking; people listen to men.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">You took a vow in front of God and everybody and I expect you to honor it!</li></ul><h3 style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 15.444px; color: rgb(14, 103, 147); margin: 0.83em 0px; font-size: 1.17em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Threatening and Intimidating Statements</h3><ul style="margin-top: 1.12em; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 15px; padding: 0px 0px 5px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 18px; font-family: arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: disc; color: rgb(58, 58, 58);"><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">If you don’t train that dog I’m going to rub your nose in its mess.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">I will take our kids if you leave me.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">You’re scared?! This isn’t angry! You will KNOW when I’m ANGRY!</li></ul><h3 style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Geneva, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 15.444px; color: rgb(14, 103, 147); margin: 0.83em 0px; font-size: 1.17em; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Spiritually Abusive Statement</h3></li><ul style="margin-top: 1.12em; margin-right: 0px; margin-left: 15px; padding: 0px 0px 5px; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 18px; font-family: arial, helvetica, geneva, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: disc; color: rgb(58, 58, 58);"><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">Keep your stupid beliefs to yourself.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">God will find a way to get you back, and it ain’t gonna be pretty.</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">I can feel myself being pulled into hell just listening to your nonsense!</li></ul></ul><div><p>It's been my personal clinical experience that children who are experiencing the types of things you describe often say they feel misunderstood, lonely, or scared and don't want to make things worse by standing up for themselves.&nbsp;</p><p>Even if you feel you can't defend yourself outwardly, that doesn't mean your father's awful and toxic behavior is something you should ever internalize (i.e., believe to be true) which is why I hope you are surrounding yourself with people who will speak life and positivity back over you. &nbsp;</p><p>We are ALL worthy of respect, love, and kindness. Don't ever forget that!</p><p>My love and light to you hon.</p><p>Tamara Powell, LMHC</p></div> </s>

5579c504a9732755160c6a58

Any suggestions for erection problems?

I'm a 40 year old male and having erection problems. Still have the desire for a woman. Awfully frustrated. Any suggestions? My Doc doesn't want to discuss it.

https://counselchat.com/questions/any-suggestions-for-erection-problems

Intimacy

Keisha Helms

https://counselchat.com/therapists/keisha-helms

<p>Hi there, first off I have to commend you for reaching out. It takes a lot for a man to reach out for help when it comes to erection problems. Believe it or not, this problem is very common for men and women. </p><p>There are some things that you can try naturally, before resulting in medication, such as your eating habits and exercise. I would suggest taking a look at what you are consuming throughout the day. Do you consume a healthy diet and do you exercise regularly? How much caffeine and sugar do you intake daily? These are just a few common things to look at. You would be surprised of how much pressure what we consume puts on our bodies. Our bodies are like a car. You have to maintenance it, in order for it to continue to run. </p><p><span>If you would like to get further natural advice and/or suggestions on eating healthy and exercising, I would recommend you see a nutritionist. A nutritionist specializes in maintaining a healthy diet. As far as your Doctor, I would recommend looking into getting another Doctor. I have never heard of a medical professional not wanting to talk about anything. That appears to be a personal issue on their part. I hope I was helpful and I wish you the best of luck!</span></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Any suggestions for erection problems? <</SYS>> I'm a 40 year old male and having erection problems. Still have the desire for a woman. Awfully frustrated. Any suggestions? My Doc doesn't want to discuss it. [/INST] <p>Hi there, first off I have to commend you for reaching out. It takes a lot for a man to reach out for help when it comes to erection problems. Believe it or not, this problem is very common for men and women. </p><p>There are some things that you can try naturally, before resulting in medication, such as your eating habits and exercise. I would suggest taking a look at what you are consuming throughout the day. Do you consume a healthy diet and do you exercise regularly? How much caffeine and sugar do you intake daily? These are just a few common things to look at. You would be surprised of how much pressure what we consume puts on our bodies. Our bodies are like a car. You have to maintenance it, in order for it to continue to run. </p><p><span>If you would like to get further natural advice and/or suggestions on eating healthy and exercising, I would recommend you see a nutritionist. A nutritionist specializes in maintaining a healthy diet. As far as your Doctor, I would recommend looking into getting another Doctor. I have never heard of a medical professional not wanting to talk about anything. That appears to be a personal issue on their part. I hope I was helpful and I wish you the best of luck!</span></p> </s>

5581331ea29507431fcd9f20

How can I determine if I should be a boy or girl?

I feel like I would be more comfortable as a girl even though I still like girls. I think I'm like a girl stuck in a guy body. I imagine myself as a girl too. I think this more because my friends say that if I was a girl I would be a hot looking one. And I don't care about having boobs or anything. I just feel like the way that I do act will make more sense if I was a girl.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-determine-if-i-should-be-a-boy-or-girl

LGBTQ

Lisa Shouldice

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lisa-shouldice-toronto

<p>Gender is personal thing. &nbsp;There is not just boy and girl. &nbsp;It is ok to be a boy and feel feminine and date women. &nbsp;It is also ok to be a transgendered women and date women. &nbsp;Have fun with it and feel it out. &nbsp;What is right for you?&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I determine if I should be a boy or girl? <</SYS>> I feel like I would be more comfortable as a girl even though I still like girls. I think I'm like a girl stuck in a guy body. I imagine myself as a girl too. I think this more because my friends say that if I was a girl I would be a hot looking one. And I don't care about having boobs or anything. I just feel like the way that I do act will make more sense if I was a girl. [/INST] <p>Gender is personal thing. &nbsp;There is not just boy and girl. &nbsp;It is ok to be a boy and feel feminine and date women. &nbsp;It is also ok to be a transgendered women and date women. &nbsp;Have fun with it and feel it out. &nbsp;What is right for you?&nbsp;</p> </s>

574e59a2c792dd6c7063e566

I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?

Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-struggeling-with-the-idea-of-if-god-real-or-not

Spirituality,Social Relationships

Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc

<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:&quot;Helvetica&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;">Believing in God is a&nbsp;matter of faith.&nbsp; There are many opinions out there for and against God’s existence.&nbsp; But the real question is not if God is real or not, but, do you want to have faith and decide that he exists?&nbsp; This is a personal choice.&nbsp; Reading scripture may help to learn more about those who struggle with believing, but again, you decide if you believe that scripture is true or not. &nbsp;&nbsp;Praying and asking for a revelation or a confirmation may help as well, but again it is another act of faith. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:&quot;Helvetica&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;color:#2E74B5;mso-themecolor:accent1; mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">Estoy teniendo dificultad con la idea de: ¿Dios es real o no?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:&quot;Helvetica&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;color:#666666;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">Tal vez es una pregunta estúpida, pero algunas veces no sé que es real o no.&nbsp; Siento que todo el mundo miente. ¿Cómo se si Dios es una de esas mentiras?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="line-height: 16.75pt; font-size: 11.5pt; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">C</span><span style="line-height: 16.75pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">reer en Dios es una cuestión de fe.&nbsp; Hay muchas opiniones en favor y en contra de la existencia de Dios.&nbsp; Pero la verdadera pregunta no es si Dios existe, pero si tu quieres creer que existe.&nbsp; Esto es una decisión muy individual.&nbsp; Leer la Biblia te puede ayudar a conocer sobre algunas personas que han dudado, pero de nuevo, tu decides si las escrituras son reales para ti. Orar y pedir una revelación o confirmación es otro acto de fe, que te puede ayudar.&nbsp;</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR"></span></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not? <</SYS>> Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:&quot;Helvetica&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;mso-fareast-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;">Believing in God is a&nbsp;matter of faith.&nbsp; There are many opinions out there for and against God’s existence.&nbsp; But the real question is not if God is real or not, but, do you want to have faith and decide that he exists?&nbsp; This is a personal choice.&nbsp; Reading scripture may help to learn more about those who struggle with believing, but again, you decide if you believe that scripture is true or not. &nbsp;&nbsp;Praying and asking for a revelation or a confirmation may help as well, but again it is another act of faith. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:&quot;Helvetica&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;color:#2E74B5;mso-themecolor:accent1; mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">Estoy teniendo dificultad con la idea de: ¿Dios es real o no?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:&quot;Helvetica&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; mso-fareast-font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;;color:#666666;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">Tal vez es una pregunta estúpida, pero algunas veces no sé que es real o no.&nbsp; Siento que todo el mundo miente. ¿Cómo se si Dios es una de esas mentiras?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="line-height: 16.75pt; font-size: 11.5pt; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">C</span><span style="line-height: 16.75pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">reer en Dios es una cuestión de fe.&nbsp; Hay muchas opiniones en favor y en contra de la existencia de Dios.&nbsp; Pero la verdadera pregunta no es si Dios existe, pero si tu quieres creer que existe.&nbsp; Esto es una decisión muy individual.&nbsp; Leer la Biblia te puede ayudar a conocer sobre algunas personas que han dudado, pero de nuevo, tu decides si las escrituras son reales para ti. Orar y pedir una revelación o confirmación es otro acto de fe, que te puede ayudar.&nbsp;</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR"></span></p> </s>

579766b34a3c0cef34f02ada

I want to become a better man.

I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-become-a-better-man

Relationships

Tamara Powell

https://counselchat.com/therapists/tamara-powell

<p><p>I love that you are so thoughtful and proactive about this!&nbsp; If only every client came in as solution focused as you, my job would be so much easier. </p><p>I would second&nbsp;Robin's suggestion of reading ANYTHING by Gottmann. He's fantastic.&nbsp;</p><p>Other favorites of mine are:</p>“<a href="http://amzn.to/2bqyng7" target="_blank"><u><font color="#0066cc">Getting Together and Staying Together: Solving the Mystery of Marriage</font></u></a>” by Dr. William &amp; Carleen Glasser<ul></ul><ul></ul></p><p>“<a href="http://amzn.to/2blACSJ" target="_blank"><u><font color="#0066cc">Eight Lessons for a Happier Marriage</font></u></a>” by Dr. William &amp; Carleen Glasser</p><p>“<a href="http://amzn.to/2a6rLnA" target="_blank"><u><font color="#0066cc">Hold Me Tight</font></u></a>” by Dr. Sue Johnson</p><p>“<a href="http://amzn.to/29LFMnF" target="_blank"><u><font color="#0066cc">Divorce Busting: A Step-By-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again</font></u></a>” by Michele Weiner-Davis, M.S.W.</p><p>“<a href="http://amzn.to/29TseZp" target="_blank"><u><font color="#0066cc">The Five Love Languages</font></u></a>” by Gary Chapman</p><p>“<a href="http://amzn.to/29SG9vD" target="_blank"><u><font color="#0066cc">The Flight from Intimacy: Healing Your Relationship of Counter-Dependency – the Other Side of Co-Dependency</font></u></a>” by Drs. Janae &amp; Barry Weinhold</p><p>I'll also add to Miriam's assertion that your&nbsp;partner is the expert on her. You can help things along by <b>becoming a better expert on you</b> as well. </p><p><i>What is it that you are craving and likely trying to get your need met in potentially unhelpful ways from your girlfriend or in ways she doesn't understand or vibe with</i>?&nbsp; </p><p>If you can better explain your own needs while trying to understand hers, you all have a recipe for great success! When both partners seek to serve one another and stay curious about each other in the process, intimacy abounds!</p><p>Best of luck my friend! </p><p>And if you get stuck, of course seeking help from a professional is always a great idea too. ;)</p><p><br></p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I want to become a better man. <</SYS>> I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together? [/INST] <p><p>I love that you are so thoughtful and proactive about this!&nbsp; If only every client came in as solution focused as you, my job would be so much easier. </p><p>I would second&nbsp;Robin's suggestion of reading ANYTHING by Gottmann. He's fantastic.&nbsp;</p><p>Other favorites of mine are:</p>“<a href="http://amzn.to/2bqyng7" target="_blank"><u><font color="#0066cc">Getting Together and Staying Together: Solving the Mystery of Marriage</font></u></a>” by Dr. William &amp; Carleen Glasser<ul></ul><ul></ul></p><p>“<a href="http://amzn.to/2blACSJ" target="_blank"><u><font color="#0066cc">Eight Lessons for a Happier Marriage</font></u></a>” by Dr. William &amp; Carleen Glasser</p><p>“<a href="http://amzn.to/2a6rLnA" target="_blank"><u><font color="#0066cc">Hold Me Tight</font></u></a>” by Dr. Sue Johnson</p><p>“<a href="http://amzn.to/29LFMnF" target="_blank"><u><font color="#0066cc">Divorce Busting: A Step-By-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again</font></u></a>” by Michele Weiner-Davis, M.S.W.</p><p>“<a href="http://amzn.to/29TseZp" target="_blank"><u><font color="#0066cc">The Five Love Languages</font></u></a>” by Gary Chapman</p><p>“<a href="http://amzn.to/29SG9vD" target="_blank"><u><font color="#0066cc">The Flight from Intimacy: Healing Your Relationship of Counter-Dependency – the Other Side of Co-Dependency</font></u></a>” by Drs. Janae &amp; Barry Weinhold</p><p>I'll also add to Miriam's assertion that your&nbsp;partner is the expert on her. You can help things along by <b>becoming a better expert on you</b> as well. </p><p><i>What is it that you are craving and likely trying to get your need met in potentially unhelpful ways from your girlfriend or in ways she doesn't understand or vibe with</i>?&nbsp; </p><p>If you can better explain your own needs while trying to understand hers, you all have a recipe for great success! When both partners seek to serve one another and stay curious about each other in the process, intimacy abounds!</p><p>Best of luck my friend! </p><p>And if you get stuck, of course seeking help from a professional is always a great idea too. ;)</p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s>

5686d79fe716b51523007b22

My wife no longer wants sex.

I crave attention, companionship, and sex. She has had a hysterectomy, and she has a bad knee.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-no-longer-wants-sex

Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Marriage

Lynda Martens

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

<p>Hi Hampton,</p><p>Although I'd bet your wife also wants the attention and companionship, it seems that there are a few barriers in your sexual relationship right now. I also would bet that there are things that your wife would like from you.&nbsp;</p><p>This is a very common issue; two people with different sexual drives or needs. If you both want the relationship to improve, a couple's therapist who works in sexuality is a great idea; it's a complex picture that you've only given us a glimpse of.</p><p>In the meantime, you can try a few things: have compassion for your wife. She's in pain and this may preoccupy her. Sex may be uncomfortable for her. She needs understanding. You need understanding too, right? &nbsp;Help her to see that you're not just angry, but lonely and hurt; it might affect how you see yourself as a man. Showing her irritability or anger might push her farther away.</p><p>There are many ways to be close, intimate, and sexual that don't involve intercourse. You might want to explore some of these things and reassure her that you won't pressure her to have intercourse. Find out what your wife's wishes and ideas are. You might be surprised.</p><p>These things take time to address, especially if they've been years in the making. I do recommend seeing that therapist. Relationships are very complex and it takes time to explore all the layers and barriers to change. Best of luck.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My wife no longer wants sex. <</SYS>> I crave attention, companionship, and sex. She has had a hysterectomy, and she has a bad knee. [/INST] <p>Hi Hampton,</p><p>Although I'd bet your wife also wants the attention and companionship, it seems that there are a few barriers in your sexual relationship right now. I also would bet that there are things that your wife would like from you.&nbsp;</p><p>This is a very common issue; two people with different sexual drives or needs. If you both want the relationship to improve, a couple's therapist who works in sexuality is a great idea; it's a complex picture that you've only given us a glimpse of.</p><p>In the meantime, you can try a few things: have compassion for your wife. She's in pain and this may preoccupy her. Sex may be uncomfortable for her. She needs understanding. You need understanding too, right? &nbsp;Help her to see that you're not just angry, but lonely and hurt; it might affect how you see yourself as a man. Showing her irritability or anger might push her farther away.</p><p>There are many ways to be close, intimate, and sexual that don't involve intercourse. You might want to explore some of these things and reassure her that you won't pressure her to have intercourse. Find out what your wife's wishes and ideas are. You might be surprised.</p><p>These things take time to address, especially if they've been years in the making. I do recommend seeing that therapist. Relationships are very complex and it takes time to explore all the layers and barriers to change. Best of luck.</p> </s>

56804d32a377e46d7ebe2bfa

Is my ex-boyfriend a pathological liar?

I have an ex-boyfriend who just lies about everything. He is super lazy. He lies to everyone that he has a good job, builds trust, and then start borrowing money—and large amounts too. It has come to the point where he has gone through several group of friends. He is leaving a trail behind full of friends in debt because he would put on a sob story, borrow money, then disappear. He refuses to work, so he sits at home playing games all day and either lies to his mom for money or lies to his friends. I used to think his lying was due to his drug habit, but now I'm hearing from other ex-friends of his that this started even before the drugs got into his life. He would borrow anywhere from $5,000 to $50,000 from everyone and it would all disappear. He's in debt with bills. He doesn't gamble, but he spends his money on random stuff. Although he has this habit of lying compulsively and spending money, he seems to be a good person. He'll always give a homeless person all his change no matter what. My brother has epilepsy and is really antisocial—my ex-boyfriend makes an actual effort to socialize with my brother. He takes him out to the movies and plays video games with him. He drives me to school and work every day and picks me up—just basically the small things that add up to the fact that he's not totally a horrible human being. Is he just simple a pathological liar or is there something that could possibly be deep down in there?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-my-ex-boyfriend-a-pathological-liar

Behavioral Change

Ben Braaksma

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma

<p>It sounds like you have some ambivalent feelings towards your ex-boyfriend that are difficult to sort out. You notice that there are both desirable and undesirable things about him, and this is true of everyone to one degree or another. One question that I would have for you is, are you satisfied with your relationship with him as it currently stands? Are you happy with the boundaries between the two of you, or would you like them to be different? Negotiating through conflict and establishing different boundaries are definitely things you could work on with the help of a therapist. Another question I would have for you is, what would it mean for you to find out what motivates his behavior? Discovering the roots of such behavior is something that he would have to work on in his own therapy and not something that you and a therapist could discover without him.<br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is my ex-boyfriend a pathological liar? <</SYS>> I have an ex-boyfriend who just lies about everything. He is super lazy. He lies to everyone that he has a good job, builds trust, and then start borrowing money—and large amounts too. It has come to the point where he has gone through several group of friends. He is leaving a trail behind full of friends in debt because he would put on a sob story, borrow money, then disappear. He refuses to work, so he sits at home playing games all day and either lies to his mom for money or lies to his friends. I used to think his lying was due to his drug habit, but now I'm hearing from other ex-friends of his that this started even before the drugs got into his life. He would borrow anywhere from $5,000 to $50,000 from everyone and it would all disappear. He's in debt with bills. He doesn't gamble, but he spends his money on random stuff. Although he has this habit of lying compulsively and spending money, he seems to be a good person. He'll always give a homeless person all his change no matter what. My brother has epilepsy and is really antisocial—my ex-boyfriend makes an actual effort to socialize with my brother. He takes him out to the movies and plays video games with him. He drives me to school and work every day and picks me up—just basically the small things that add up to the fact that he's not totally a horrible human being. Is he just simple a pathological liar or is there something that could possibly be deep down in there? [/INST] <p>It sounds like you have some ambivalent feelings towards your ex-boyfriend that are difficult to sort out. You notice that there are both desirable and undesirable things about him, and this is true of everyone to one degree or another. One question that I would have for you is, are you satisfied with your relationship with him as it currently stands? Are you happy with the boundaries between the two of you, or would you like them to be different? Negotiating through conflict and establishing different boundaries are definitely things you could work on with the help of a therapist. Another question I would have for you is, what would it mean for you to find out what motivates his behavior? Discovering the roots of such behavior is something that he would have to work on in his own therapy and not something that you and a therapist could discover without him.<br></p> </s>

56e741e2fde92aa3233dc5a6

How can I get over social anxiety?

I have not had a friend since I was 19. I don't go anywhere, and I have no job, all because I'm afraid of people.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-over-social-anxiety

Anxiety

Ben Braaksma

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma

Individual and/or group therapy can be a powerful antidote for social anxiety. Often in therapy, the things that tend to get in the way of our securing satisfying and lasting personal relationships will appear in some way in the therapy relationship and a competent therapist will be able to help you work through this anxiety, in a sensitive way, and eventually encourage you to seek out the personal relationships that you want. In group therapy, you have an opportunity to have a relationship not only with the therapist, but several other people who are all in the group in order to give and receive mutual support to one another.<br><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get over social anxiety? <</SYS>> I have not had a friend since I was 19. I don't go anywhere, and I have no job, all because I'm afraid of people. [/INST] Individual and/or group therapy can be a powerful antidote for social anxiety. Often in therapy, the things that tend to get in the way of our securing satisfying and lasting personal relationships will appear in some way in the therapy relationship and a competent therapist will be able to help you work through this anxiety, in a sensitive way, and eventually encourage you to seek out the personal relationships that you want. In group therapy, you have an opportunity to have a relationship not only with the therapist, but several other people who are all in the group in order to give and receive mutual support to one another.<br><p><br></p> </s>

56f07288a2549bd957c94af9

A friend of my child's father is sending him inappropriate content

I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that.

https://counselchat.com/questions/a-friend-of-my-child-s-father-is-sending-him-inappropriate-content

Relationships,Workplace Relationships

Dr. Denise Hall

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-denise-hall

<p>It sounds like you are wanting to protect your child from degrading images and that is one of the important parts of the job of a parent. Although it is challenging to supply an answer without knowing the full situation, it might be helpful to have a more broad discussion about what you both think about the influences and images that your child is exposed to and what you think your role is in protecting your child. This situation is one about beliefs and values and could well be an example you can use for exploring your parenting roles in protecting your child.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> A friend of my child's father is sending him inappropriate content <</SYS>> I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that. [/INST] <p>It sounds like you are wanting to protect your child from degrading images and that is one of the important parts of the job of a parent. Although it is challenging to supply an answer without knowing the full situation, it might be helpful to have a more broad discussion about what you both think about the influences and images that your child is exposed to and what you think your role is in protecting your child. This situation is one about beliefs and values and could well be an example you can use for exploring your parenting roles in protecting your child.</p> </s>

5722d63aa3d94fca1ccf8ec8

I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship

I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-nightmares-and-flashbacks-about-a-past-relationship

Trauma,Relationships

Laurie Ward

https://counselchat.com/therapists/laurie-ward-parkville-missouri

<p>EMDR therapy has shown great results for work with PTSD symptoms which are similar to what you described. If you are unable to find a local EMDR specialist then I would suggest some meditation and journaling in addition to talk therapy to process your trauma. Your anxiety response centers int he brain are in hyper vigilance mode and retraining to turn down that response could be helpful for you.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship <</SYS>> I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. [/INST] <p>EMDR therapy has shown great results for work with PTSD symptoms which are similar to what you described. If you are unable to find a local EMDR specialist then I would suggest some meditation and journaling in addition to talk therapy to process your trauma. Your anxiety response centers int he brain are in hyper vigilance mode and retraining to turn down that response could be helpful for you.&nbsp;</p> </s>

567f3469a377e46d7ebe2bd4

How can I be sure that I'm not choosing my relationship out of fear of being alone?

I'm scared that I am with this man so I won't be alone. He should be with somebody who deserves him if this is the case, and I don’t want to hurt him.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-sure-that-i-m-not-choosing-my-relationship-out-of-fear-of-being-alone

Self-esteem,Relationships

Mark Morris, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/mark-morris-lcsw-new-orleans

<p>While not wanting to be alone may not be the best reason to be in a relationship, it is probably more common and normal a reason than you think. &nbsp;Since you seem to care about your friend ("don't want to hurt him"), I imagine there are many other reasons that you are together. &nbsp;I suggest that you talk about this open-heartedly with each other. &nbsp;The idea of being afraid of being alone sounds like an honest starting place. &nbsp;Don't try to "figure out" whether you should be with him. &nbsp;Just talk. &nbsp;The communication is likely to shine light on deepening connection for BOTH OF YOU.</p><p>In the meantime, your idea that you don't deserve him is rooted in a "core lie" that you are telling yourself. &nbsp;You can read about "core lies" and much more in my book, Living Yes, a Handbook for Being Human. &nbsp;Check out www.LivingYes.org.</p><p>Be easy on yourself. &nbsp;You are deserving!</p><p>~Mark</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I be sure that I'm not choosing my relationship out of fear of being alone? <</SYS>> I'm scared that I am with this man so I won't be alone. He should be with somebody who deserves him if this is the case, and I don’t want to hurt him. [/INST] <p>While not wanting to be alone may not be the best reason to be in a relationship, it is probably more common and normal a reason than you think. &nbsp;Since you seem to care about your friend ("don't want to hurt him"), I imagine there are many other reasons that you are together. &nbsp;I suggest that you talk about this open-heartedly with each other. &nbsp;The idea of being afraid of being alone sounds like an honest starting place. &nbsp;Don't try to "figure out" whether you should be with him. &nbsp;Just talk. &nbsp;The communication is likely to shine light on deepening connection for BOTH OF YOU.</p><p>In the meantime, your idea that you don't deserve him is rooted in a "core lie" that you are telling yourself. &nbsp;You can read about "core lies" and much more in my book, Living Yes, a Handbook for Being Human. &nbsp;Check out www.LivingYes.org.</p><p>Be easy on yourself. &nbsp;You are deserving!</p><p>~Mark</p> </s>

5643b88f000d774453b67197

I was duped into getting married to a therapist, but once her immigration status was secure, she bolted.

How do I ever trust another woman? I have found myself constantly reading between the lines with every other woman that I meet. I am having a difficult time making any sort of connection to anyone because of her deception and willingness to say and do literally anything in order to control my emotions. Once the "relationship" was over, she became extremely abusive and has attempted to intimidate me into silence regarding the many false claims made on her immigration application.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-was-duped-into-getting-married-to-a-therapist-but-once-her-immigration-status-was-secure-she-bolted

Marriage,Family Conflict,Professional Ethics,Legal & Regulatory

Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc

<p>I'm sorry to hear about that situation. If the woman was your therapist (or had been at one time), this could represent a significant ethical violation when she created a dual relationship with you.</p><p>Even if you were not her client, this might still be an ethical violation. Counselors are held to a high standard of conduct and honesty at all times.</p><p>In a situation like this you might consider filing a complaint with the state regulatory board.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I was duped into getting married to a therapist, but once her immigration status was secure, she bolted. <</SYS>> How do I ever trust another woman? I have found myself constantly reading between the lines with every other woman that I meet. I am having a difficult time making any sort of connection to anyone because of her deception and willingness to say and do literally anything in order to control my emotions. Once the "relationship" was over, she became extremely abusive and has attempted to intimidate me into silence regarding the many false claims made on her immigration application. [/INST] <p>I'm sorry to hear about that situation. If the woman was your therapist (or had been at one time), this could represent a significant ethical violation when she created a dual relationship with you.</p><p>Even if you were not her client, this might still be an ethical violation. Counselors are held to a high standard of conduct and honesty at all times.</p><p>In a situation like this you might consider filing a complaint with the state regulatory board.</p> </s>

579e4020188cd61c1684e837

I'm very depressed?

I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-very-depressed

Depression

Kim Hollingdale

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kim-hollingdale

<p>Hang in there! Feeling depressed sucks but talking with someone can really help - so its awesome that you're already trying to figure out how to find that person. Tons of good suggestions already but to add my two cents - you can find therapists in your area and read a little bit about them to find someone you like the sound of via this website, and also via www.psychologytoday.com; if you have health insurance your insurer might be able to make recommendations as to therapists covered by your plan, or if you happen to be in school, the school itself should be able to connect you with either their own counselor or a center that they recommend nearby. Finding someone can take a few calls or a bit of research so if you need some immediate support, or find yourself having thoughts of hurting yourself, you can also call the great folks who run the Suicide crisis line&nbsp;https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org - they are great in moments of crisis.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm very depressed? <</SYS>> I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to? [/INST] <p>Hang in there! Feeling depressed sucks but talking with someone can really help - so its awesome that you're already trying to figure out how to find that person. Tons of good suggestions already but to add my two cents - you can find therapists in your area and read a little bit about them to find someone you like the sound of via this website, and also via www.psychologytoday.com; if you have health insurance your insurer might be able to make recommendations as to therapists covered by your plan, or if you happen to be in school, the school itself should be able to connect you with either their own counselor or a center that they recommend nearby. Finding someone can take a few calls or a bit of research so if you need some immediate support, or find yourself having thoughts of hurting yourself, you can also call the great folks who run the Suicide crisis line&nbsp;https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org - they are great in moments of crisis.</p> </s>

5747f99dc792dd6c7063e468

How can I get past the hurt of being told by various significant others that I wasn't good enough to have a baby with?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-past-the-hurt-of-being-told-by-various-significant-others-that-i-wasn-t-good-enough-to-have-a-baby-with

Self-esteem

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>I'm not really sure what "not good enough" means. If multiple people have told you that, one thing to consider is that they each had their own reasons for not wanting a child at that moment. It is possible that it had nothing to do with you.</p><p>Did any of these significant others say anything about what made them feel that way? I hope that you were able to talk about these ideas rather than them telling you what they thought and then not further discussing it.</p><p>What qualities do you want to see in the partner that you want to have a baby with? What attributes do you have to give back to that relationship?</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get past the hurt of being told by various significant others that I wasn't good enough to have a baby with? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>I'm not really sure what "not good enough" means. If multiple people have told you that, one thing to consider is that they each had their own reasons for not wanting a child at that moment. It is possible that it had nothing to do with you.</p><p>Did any of these significant others say anything about what made them feel that way? I hope that you were able to talk about these ideas rather than them telling you what they thought and then not further discussing it.</p><p>What qualities do you want to see in the partner that you want to have a baby with? What attributes do you have to give back to that relationship?</p> </s>

575265fac792dd6c7063e5dd

My husband only has sex with me once a month or less.

I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-only-has-sex-with-me-once-a-month-or-less

Marriage,Intimacy,Human Sexuality

Frank Theus

https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus

<p>&nbsp; &nbsp;Feeling rejected and frustrated is a reasonable reaction to your experience with your husband. I want to encourage you that his actions may have little to do with you, and regardless of outcomes, I hope you find the help you need to process through your pain and still have hope for your marriage.</p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">&nbsp; &nbsp;If your husband was to work with me I'd explore with him his understanding of, and experience with, intimacy in relationship with others.</span>&nbsp;Furthermore, like other male clients of mine, I'd challenge your husband to secure an upd<span style="line-height: 1.42857;">ated full medical exam from his PCP (primary care physician) and/or urologist in order to identify or rule out any organic issues which may be causing his apparent lack of desire for sexual intimacy. If there are no physical issues, </span><span style="line-height: 1.42857; font-style: italic;">per se</span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">, I would encourage your husband to process further his family of origin story-line regarding rules, roles, sex, and sexuality along with working through his sexual and trauma histories.&nbsp;</span><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My husband only has sex with me once a month or less. <</SYS>> I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this. [/INST] <p>&nbsp; &nbsp;Feeling rejected and frustrated is a reasonable reaction to your experience with your husband. I want to encourage you that his actions may have little to do with you, and regardless of outcomes, I hope you find the help you need to process through your pain and still have hope for your marriage.</p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">&nbsp; &nbsp;If your husband was to work with me I'd explore with him his understanding of, and experience with, intimacy in relationship with others.</span>&nbsp;Furthermore, like other male clients of mine, I'd challenge your husband to secure an upd<span style="line-height: 1.42857;">ated full medical exam from his PCP (primary care physician) and/or urologist in order to identify or rule out any organic issues which may be causing his apparent lack of desire for sexual intimacy. If there are no physical issues, </span><span style="line-height: 1.42857; font-style: italic;">per se</span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">, I would encourage your husband to process further his family of origin story-line regarding rules, roles, sex, and sexuality along with working through his sexual and trauma histories.&nbsp;</span><br></p> </s>

5667ae8b1678044a13a77701

I always feel the need to tell people everything.

Whenever I don't tell my friends or anyone what I did or stuff that's not really important, I feel terrible, like there’s a hole in my stomach. It only goes away when I hurt myself.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-always-feel-the-need-to-tell-people-everything

Anxiety,Behavioral Change

Lynda Martens

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

<p>Hi Kansas, I feel strongly that the help of a professional therapist is important here. Feelings are never wrong, but it can help to understand where they come from and talk to someone who can teach you healthy ways to cope. Self-harm is not the answer to managing those emotions you feel in your stomach. Although I'm glad you said something here, a professional would need to spend some time with you and get a deep understanding of your life in order to help you sort all these reactions out effectively. I hope you reach out to someone soon.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I always feel the need to tell people everything. <</SYS>> Whenever I don't tell my friends or anyone what I did or stuff that's not really important, I feel terrible, like there’s a hole in my stomach. It only goes away when I hurt myself. [/INST] <p>Hi Kansas, I feel strongly that the help of a professional therapist is important here. Feelings are never wrong, but it can help to understand where they come from and talk to someone who can teach you healthy ways to cope. Self-harm is not the answer to managing those emotions you feel in your stomach. Although I'm glad you said something here, a professional would need to spend some time with you and get a deep understanding of your life in order to help you sort all these reactions out effectively. I hope you reach out to someone soon.&nbsp;</p> </s>

57733db6b9ff751f196e8dde

How do I stop a bully who adults wouldn't recognize as bullying without speaking to the bully?

She mostly targets me on social media. The bullying used to be much worse, but it is still going on. The comments are so vague, but I know that they are meant for me. Even when I confront her, she messages me short phrases to try to get in my head. If I try to fight back, she will ruin me.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-a-bully-who-adults-wouldn-t-recognize-as-bullying-without-speaking-to-the-bully

Social Relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Sorry to hear of your problem situation. &nbsp;Feeling intimidated by another person is very unsettling.</p><p>Stop having contact with the person.</p><p>Bullies only interact with others either by intimidating someone or by themselves feeling intimidated by someone.</p><p>Bullies do not have the same dynamics as everyone else.</p><p>No one can convince or persuade or talk a bully out of their behavior.</p><p>The best protection for yourself, assuming you are not being physically threatened by the person, is to close contact with them.</p><p>This does not take away any of the disappointment or sadness of wishing for a better relationship with the person.</p><p>Until the bully wants to interact differently with others, only harm can result from contact with them.</p><p>Step one is to stop the bleeding, then to assess and learn to live with not having the person in your life.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I stop a bully who adults wouldn't recognize as bullying without speaking to the bully? <</SYS>> She mostly targets me on social media. The bullying used to be much worse, but it is still going on. The comments are so vague, but I know that they are meant for me. Even when I confront her, she messages me short phrases to try to get in my head. If I try to fight back, she will ruin me. [/INST] <p>Sorry to hear of your problem situation. &nbsp;Feeling intimidated by another person is very unsettling.</p><p>Stop having contact with the person.</p><p>Bullies only interact with others either by intimidating someone or by themselves feeling intimidated by someone.</p><p>Bullies do not have the same dynamics as everyone else.</p><p>No one can convince or persuade or talk a bully out of their behavior.</p><p>The best protection for yourself, assuming you are not being physically threatened by the person, is to close contact with them.</p><p>This does not take away any of the disappointment or sadness of wishing for a better relationship with the person.</p><p>Until the bully wants to interact differently with others, only harm can result from contact with them.</p><p>Step one is to stop the bleeding, then to assess and learn to live with not having the person in your life.</p> </s>

56f53228b814e1ce4637190c

I’m having problems moving on

We're not together, but I’m still doing things for him and we are intimate. He’s not there for his son.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-having-problems-moving-on

Relationship Dissolution

Sonya Wilson

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson

<p>You didn't ask a direct question because I feel from what you wrote you already know the answer.&nbsp; I hate to sound harsh but I am a therapist that call it how I see it so brace yourself...</p><p>You will always continue to have problems with letting your child's father go as long as you:</p><p>Don't love or respect yourself first...Don't love and respect your son...Don't demand respect as a woman and mother...Give up the goods regardless of what he does for you or your son...Don't hold your son as a priority in your life....Have self worth of a $1, etc.<br></p><p>I have a feeling you are saying...I do love my son and hold him as a priority even if you don't do it for yourself...</p><p>I would ask...Are your actions of allowing such disrespect from his father proof of that?</p><p>I know what I have said may have gotten under your skin...I want it to.... because I feel that you have a conscience, want to do better, know you and your son deserve better and you can do better.&nbsp; Believe in yourself and that you and your son DO desire better and it starts with you setting boundaries with his father.&nbsp; You can do&nbsp; it!!!<br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I’m having problems moving on <</SYS>> We're not together, but I’m still doing things for him and we are intimate. He’s not there for his son. [/INST] <p>You didn't ask a direct question because I feel from what you wrote you already know the answer.&nbsp; I hate to sound harsh but I am a therapist that call it how I see it so brace yourself...</p><p>You will always continue to have problems with letting your child's father go as long as you:</p><p>Don't love or respect yourself first...Don't love and respect your son...Don't demand respect as a woman and mother...Give up the goods regardless of what he does for you or your son...Don't hold your son as a priority in your life....Have self worth of a $1, etc.<br></p><p>I have a feeling you are saying...I do love my son and hold him as a priority even if you don't do it for yourself...</p><p>I would ask...Are your actions of allowing such disrespect from his father proof of that?</p><p>I know what I have said may have gotten under your skin...I want it to.... because I feel that you have a conscience, want to do better, know you and your son deserve better and you can do better.&nbsp; Believe in yourself and that you and your son DO desire better and it starts with you setting boundaries with his father.&nbsp; You can do&nbsp; it!!!<br></p> </s>

570fd03bdbf02b4149c3f632

My wife outed me to her sister

What should I do when we see each other?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-outed-me-to-her-sister

Social Relationships,LGBTQ

Sarah McIntyre

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sarah-mcintyre

<p>I am so sorry that this happened. &nbsp;Nobody deserves to be outed without their permission. &nbsp;</p><p>I would encourage you to get in touch with someone who is supportive and accepting and plan to touch base with them after you see your wife's sister. &nbsp;You can also plan to take some time for self care after you see her. &nbsp;For example, if you enjoy bike rides, plan on taking a bike ride afterward. &nbsp;Plan to do something that feels nurturing and caring. &nbsp;Best of luck!</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My wife outed me to her sister <</SYS>> What should I do when we see each other? [/INST] <p>I am so sorry that this happened. &nbsp;Nobody deserves to be outed without their permission. &nbsp;</p><p>I would encourage you to get in touch with someone who is supportive and accepting and plan to touch base with them after you see your wife's sister. &nbsp;You can also plan to take some time for self care after you see her. &nbsp;For example, if you enjoy bike rides, plan on taking a bike ride afterward. &nbsp;Plan to do something that feels nurturing and caring. &nbsp;Best of luck!</p> </s>

570f17f8158c725435c30670

How can I get therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder without any money or insurance?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-therapy-for-posttraumatic-stress-disorder-without-any-money-or-insurance

Trauma

Cory Ian Shafer LPC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc

<p>This can be tough to do in this money-driven crazy world where many therapists are not taking cases pro-bono anymore and quite often charge exorbitant prices for sessions, however I would ask potential therapists if they do take any cases on pro-bono, I usually reserve some hours for people who simply have no finances but need help, there are still some that do, if your ex-military you can look at "Give and Hour" which is an hour a week for ex-service members, often times you can look to your local pastor, minister or priest (there are still some good ones out there) to help with finding or providing help to you, there are free hotlines you can call that are staffed by knowledgeable people that cost nothing, lastly you may look into getting state insurance which would enable someone to take you on.</p><p>Hope this Helps, <br></p><p>C<br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder without any money or insurance? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>This can be tough to do in this money-driven crazy world where many therapists are not taking cases pro-bono anymore and quite often charge exorbitant prices for sessions, however I would ask potential therapists if they do take any cases on pro-bono, I usually reserve some hours for people who simply have no finances but need help, there are still some that do, if your ex-military you can look at "Give and Hour" which is an hour a week for ex-service members, often times you can look to your local pastor, minister or priest (there are still some good ones out there) to help with finding or providing help to you, there are free hotlines you can call that are staffed by knowledgeable people that cost nothing, lastly you may look into getting state insurance which would enable someone to take you on.</p><p>Hope this Helps, <br></p><p>C<br></p> </s>

5689cdeee716b51523007b9b

Why won’t my boyfriend for almost two years talk about our future together when he says he’s in love with me?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-won-t-my-boyfriend-for-almost-two-years-talk-about-our-future-together-when-he-says-he-s-in-love-with-me

Relationships

Pamela Griggs

https://counselchat.com/therapists/pamela-griggs

There are a few possibilities that might be keeping your boyfriend from talking about the future, but the best way to find out for certain is to ask him. &nbsp;If your desire is to have a permanent relationship with your boyfriend, two years should be plenty of time for him to determine whether or not he also wants this and if not yet, he should be able to give you a reason why.&nbsp;<div><br><div><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">People who drag their feet in the area of commitment sometimes do so because they fear commitment itself and the thought of permanency is terrifying to them. &nbsp;Such fears might be grounded in past failed relationships, past history of abuse or neglect, &nbsp;or just pure selfishness and a related fear of what they might have to give up in a relationship.&nbsp;</span></div><div><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"><br></span></div><div><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Another common reason for people to avoid talking about permanency is because there are things in the relationship that they feel may need to change before the relationship becomes more committed. &nbsp;Financial and career issues are common reasons for postponing commitment. &nbsp;Other issues may have to do with taking care of other family responsibilities such as raising children from previous relationships.&nbsp;</span></div><div><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"><br></span></div><div><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">The most important thing to remember I think in managing your own feelings in this relationship is that you have the right to ask questions and to have a conversation about your future. &nbsp;You are part of this relationship and you deserve to know what types of barriers are there that prevent this relationship from becoming permanent. &nbsp;True love needs to be grounded in truth.&nbsp;</span><br></div></div><div><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"><br></span></div><div><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Good luck to you! &nbsp;</span></div>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why won’t my boyfriend for almost two years talk about our future together when he says he’s in love with me? <</SYS>> None [/INST] There are a few possibilities that might be keeping your boyfriend from talking about the future, but the best way to find out for certain is to ask him. &nbsp;If your desire is to have a permanent relationship with your boyfriend, two years should be plenty of time for him to determine whether or not he also wants this and if not yet, he should be able to give you a reason why.&nbsp;<div><br><div><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">People who drag their feet in the area of commitment sometimes do so because they fear commitment itself and the thought of permanency is terrifying to them. &nbsp;Such fears might be grounded in past failed relationships, past history of abuse or neglect, &nbsp;or just pure selfishness and a related fear of what they might have to give up in a relationship.&nbsp;</span></div><div><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"><br></span></div><div><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Another common reason for people to avoid talking about permanency is because there are things in the relationship that they feel may need to change before the relationship becomes more committed. &nbsp;Financial and career issues are common reasons for postponing commitment. &nbsp;Other issues may have to do with taking care of other family responsibilities such as raising children from previous relationships.&nbsp;</span></div><div><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"><br></span></div><div><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">The most important thing to remember I think in managing your own feelings in this relationship is that you have the right to ask questions and to have a conversation about your future. &nbsp;You are part of this relationship and you deserve to know what types of barriers are there that prevent this relationship from becoming permanent. &nbsp;True love needs to be grounded in truth.&nbsp;</span><br></div></div><div><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"><br></span></div><div><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Good luck to you! &nbsp;</span></div> </s>

578c03afc5c377c17ceeecfc

How do I get my husband back?

My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me. He says he doesn't love me anymore, but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-husband-back

Relationship Dissolution ,Relationships,Marriage

Frank Walker

https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-walker

<p>There is always hope. So don't give up on hope.</p><p>However, you knew I would say that, there is a lot work ahead of you.</p><p>You need to see someone to talk things out.</p><p>Get some space between you and your husband. Don't chase and please don't stalk him.</p><p>Do some deep searching as to why he left and what part you had to cause the split.</p><p>You can't change him but you are in control of your own change.</p><p>With the help of a professional counselor you can get help and direction where you need to change.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get my husband back? <</SYS>> My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me. He says he doesn't love me anymore, but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope? [/INST] <p>There is always hope. So don't give up on hope.</p><p>However, you knew I would say that, there is a lot work ahead of you.</p><p>You need to see someone to talk things out.</p><p>Get some space between you and your husband. Don't chase and please don't stalk him.</p><p>Do some deep searching as to why he left and what part you had to cause the split.</p><p>You can't change him but you are in control of your own change.</p><p>With the help of a professional counselor you can get help and direction where you need to change.&nbsp;</p> </s>

56f1ce38466e9f5456bb4872

I've been having the same dream since I was a child.

I am a teenage girl. I've been seeing the same dream once in a while since I was very young. The problem is that I don't remember anything about this dream. I still know that it's the same one, and then I wake up in a panic, and I cry really loud without knowing the reason. Why do I see the same dream, why can I not remember it, and what should I do to remember it?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-ve-been-having-the-same-dream-since-i-was-a-child

Sleep Improvement,Anxiety

Ben Braaksma

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma

There is no scientifically established formula for understanding dreams, that I know about, however, many people get a great deal of value from exploring what their dreams mean. It is believed by many that our dreams contain metaphors that represent meaningful patterns in our lives and relationships and if we pay attention to them we can learn important things about ourselves. One thing you might try, to see if you can get more insight into the dream and possibly begin remembering things, is to take note of whatever you do remember, any details about your experience, such as when do you wake up from the dream, how do you feel, both emotionally and physically, what are you thinking about when you wake up, is there any pattern in terms of what happens to you in your waking life around the time you have this dream... If you can keep a journal or a recording device to speak into by your bed, you can try to record whatever you do remember and notice as soon as you wake up. People seem to have more difficulty remembering dreams, the more time they let go by before attempting to record the dream, or if you go back to sleep before recording what you remember.<br><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I've been having the same dream since I was a child. <</SYS>> I am a teenage girl. I've been seeing the same dream once in a while since I was very young. The problem is that I don't remember anything about this dream. I still know that it's the same one, and then I wake up in a panic, and I cry really loud without knowing the reason. Why do I see the same dream, why can I not remember it, and what should I do to remember it? [/INST] There is no scientifically established formula for understanding dreams, that I know about, however, many people get a great deal of value from exploring what their dreams mean. It is believed by many that our dreams contain metaphors that represent meaningful patterns in our lives and relationships and if we pay attention to them we can learn important things about ourselves. One thing you might try, to see if you can get more insight into the dream and possibly begin remembering things, is to take note of whatever you do remember, any details about your experience, such as when do you wake up from the dream, how do you feel, both emotionally and physically, what are you thinking about when you wake up, is there any pattern in terms of what happens to you in your waking life around the time you have this dream... If you can keep a journal or a recording device to speak into by your bed, you can try to record whatever you do remember and notice as soon as you wake up. People seem to have more difficulty remembering dreams, the more time they let go by before attempting to record the dream, or if you go back to sleep before recording what you remember.<br><p><br></p> </s>

58432b4a950e2507cf23dc88

What makes a good marriage?

What makes a healthy marriage last?

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-makes-a-good-marriage

Marriage

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>I appreciate your question.</p><p>The answer of what makes a "good marriage" are as varied as there are marriages.</p><p>Basically, similarity, like mindedness in beliefs and values, makes a good marriage.&nbsp;</p><p>The best chance of getting along with someone on a longterm basis is when two people see life and the world in similar ways.</p><p>Even though "opposites attract" this is a short lived dynamic which breaks apart when there aren't enough similarities in common between the partners.</p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What makes a good marriage? <</SYS>> What makes a healthy marriage last? [/INST] <p>I appreciate your question.</p><p>The answer of what makes a "good marriage" are as varied as there are marriages.</p><p>Basically, similarity, like mindedness in beliefs and values, makes a good marriage.&nbsp;</p><p>The best chance of getting along with someone on a longterm basis is when two people see life and the world in similar ways.</p><p>Even though "opposites attract" this is a short lived dynamic which breaks apart when there aren't enough similarities in common between the partners.</p><p><br></p> </s>

577efb897fe85f1465e20088

I think I empathize too much.

I empathize so much, even with characters on tv or in video games, that I actually feel physical pain. This has made life difficult to say the least. I believe I have an actually case of something called hyper empathy disorder. But since it's such a new disorder I can't find any information about it. Could this be what is going on with me?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-think-i-empathize-too-much

Diagnosis

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>It sounds like this would be difficult at times, particularly if you feel misunderstood.</p><p>You may or may not know that we all have chemicals in our brain. We also have different sections of our brain that become active when different things happen. There is a part of our brain where a lot of our emotions originate that is also designed to protect us when we are going through things that have been physically or emotionally painful in the past, and when that part of the brain is sometimes overactive (perceiving threat when there is no actual threat at the time), sometimes anxiety can develop. This doesn't necessarily mean that everyone has an anxiety disorder, but often if we are afraid of something that is not actually a legitimate concern (for example, most insects are not going to hurt me, but I still do not like them very much), we have anxiety about it.</p><p>The first thing I thought of when I read your question is that perhaps some part of your brain are overactive. I did find an article that may be helpful to you, but I just want to caution you. Not everything listed here applies to you. Also, the article uses the term "brain anomalies." This does not mean that there is something majorly wrong with your brain. While I cannot tell you exactly what is happening, I'm asking you not to panic over the term and to just consider that perhaps some of the chemical reactions in your brain may be a little overactive, which may be able to be corrected with medication or something similar. I can't tell for certain from what you posted whether or not this is what is happening, but I would recommend that you either talk to your primary care physician or a therapist or psychiatrist.</p><p>Here is the article:&nbsp;<a href="http://blogs.psychcentral.com/addiction-recovery/2012/09/too-much-empathy/" target="_blank">http://blogs.psychcentral.com/addiction-recovery/2012/09/too-much-empathy/</a></p><p>When you meet with your doctor or a therapist, please try to convey how much this is affecting your life.</p><p>Thank you so much for posting here and I wish you the best.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I think I empathize too much. <</SYS>> I empathize so much, even with characters on tv or in video games, that I actually feel physical pain. This has made life difficult to say the least. I believe I have an actually case of something called hyper empathy disorder. But since it's such a new disorder I can't find any information about it. Could this be what is going on with me? [/INST] <p>It sounds like this would be difficult at times, particularly if you feel misunderstood.</p><p>You may or may not know that we all have chemicals in our brain. We also have different sections of our brain that become active when different things happen. There is a part of our brain where a lot of our emotions originate that is also designed to protect us when we are going through things that have been physically or emotionally painful in the past, and when that part of the brain is sometimes overactive (perceiving threat when there is no actual threat at the time), sometimes anxiety can develop. This doesn't necessarily mean that everyone has an anxiety disorder, but often if we are afraid of something that is not actually a legitimate concern (for example, most insects are not going to hurt me, but I still do not like them very much), we have anxiety about it.</p><p>The first thing I thought of when I read your question is that perhaps some part of your brain are overactive. I did find an article that may be helpful to you, but I just want to caution you. Not everything listed here applies to you. Also, the article uses the term "brain anomalies." This does not mean that there is something majorly wrong with your brain. While I cannot tell you exactly what is happening, I'm asking you not to panic over the term and to just consider that perhaps some of the chemical reactions in your brain may be a little overactive, which may be able to be corrected with medication or something similar. I can't tell for certain from what you posted whether or not this is what is happening, but I would recommend that you either talk to your primary care physician or a therapist or psychiatrist.</p><p>Here is the article:&nbsp;<a href="http://blogs.psychcentral.com/addiction-recovery/2012/09/too-much-empathy/" target="_blank">http://blogs.psychcentral.com/addiction-recovery/2012/09/too-much-empathy/</a></p><p>When you meet with your doctor or a therapist, please try to convey how much this is affecting your life.</p><p>Thank you so much for posting here and I wish you the best.</p> </s>

56b769b392c6c8121977a0b6

Is it wrong that I'm married and I have a best friend that's like a sister to me?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-wrong-that-i-m-married-and-i-have-a-best-friend-that-s-like-a-sister-to-me

Marriage,Social Relationships,Intimacy

Angie Stones

https://counselchat.com/therapists/angie-stones

<p>Although we all want (or wish) that our partner is also our best friend, in reality this doesn't always happen. There may be issues, of course and there are many things to consider there, such as "why do we need" another person to confide in, or are we actually attracted to this "best friend" but because we know we can't have them we put this thought behind etc. etc. Is this friend and old friend, an old flame or a new acquired friend; the latter is complicated and probably the most questionable, in my view. So, many things to think about and there is no one answer fits all.<br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it wrong that I'm married and I have a best friend that's like a sister to me? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Although we all want (or wish) that our partner is also our best friend, in reality this doesn't always happen. There may be issues, of course and there are many things to consider there, such as "why do we need" another person to confide in, or are we actually attracted to this "best friend" but because we know we can't have them we put this thought behind etc. etc. Is this friend and old friend, an old flame or a new acquired friend; the latter is complicated and probably the most questionable, in my view. So, many things to think about and there is no one answer fits all.<br></p> </s>

5750b485c792dd6c7063e5cc

Do I have to go to counseling to get hormones to transition from female to male?

https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-to-go-to-counseling-to-get-hormones-to-transition-from-female-to-male

LGBTQ

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>I know that most people who are transitioning from one gender to another are required to enter into counseling at some point. Transitioning is a long process and there are many steps. I do not know for certain whether you need to be in counseling before receiving hormone therapy, but I do believe that it is a part of the process prior to an actual surgical transition.</p><p>You may consider a book called the Transgender Guidebook. While I have not read this book, a trusted coworker and clinician says that it is very informative.</p><p>If you are speaking with a physician about gender transition hormones, they would probably know whether counseling is required at that time or later in the process.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Do I have to go to counseling to get hormones to transition from female to male? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>I know that most people who are transitioning from one gender to another are required to enter into counseling at some point. Transitioning is a long process and there are many steps. I do not know for certain whether you need to be in counseling before receiving hormone therapy, but I do believe that it is a part of the process prior to an actual surgical transition.</p><p>You may consider a book called the Transgender Guidebook. While I have not read this book, a trusted coworker and clinician says that it is very informative.</p><p>If you are speaking with a physician about gender transition hormones, they would probably know whether counseling is required at that time or later in the process.</p> </s>

572148e2a3d94fca1ccf8eae

How do I handle getting the silent treatment from my boyfriend?

When my boyfriend gets in a snit, he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong, I get nothing: no reply, no phone call. If he does reply, it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-handle-getting-the-silent-treatment-from-my-boyfriend

Relationships,Intimacy

David Alpert

https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-alpert

<p>You are in an abusive relationship-not because of your boyfriend's silences but because he is comfortable being sarcastic and hurtful, never admits he is wrong and never apologizes. It is your choice to participate in an abusive relationship. You can not stop an abusive partner from being abusive no matter how wonderfully you treat your partner. You can either accept the terrible relationship as it is or reach out for the support that you need to leave the abusive relationship. I wish you well, always.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I handle getting the silent treatment from my boyfriend? <</SYS>> When my boyfriend gets in a snit, he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong, I get nothing: no reply, no phone call. If he does reply, it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes. [/INST] <p>You are in an abusive relationship-not because of your boyfriend's silences but because he is comfortable being sarcastic and hurtful, never admits he is wrong and never apologizes. It is your choice to participate in an abusive relationship. You can not stop an abusive partner from being abusive no matter how wonderfully you treat your partner. You can either accept the terrible relationship as it is or reach out for the support that you need to leave the abusive relationship. I wish you well, always.</p> </s>

577488c4c8c3e0180cffa1f0

How can I get "out of my head" and stop obsessive thoughts?

Often times I find myself thinking scary thoughts and sometimes I even scare myself into thinking that something bad is going to happen to me. Once it starts, the thought continues going through my head and I can't get it out. How can I stop these thoughts?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-out-of-my-head-and-stop-obsessive-thoughts

Behavioral Change

Alison Repp

https://counselchat.com/therapists/alison-repp

<p>Hi there,</p><p>I first want to let you know that having these thoughts is completely normal. Studies have been done that show that 80% of human thoughts are "negative" so you are not alone.&nbsp;</p><p>I like to think of thoughts as a tornado... if you are in a tornado, you are completely consumed by it and it is nearly impossible to do anything beneficial. However, when you are, let's say, a mile away from a tornado, it is still scary but you have the option to do something that is important to you such as get shelter or make sure your family and friends are safe.&nbsp;</p><p>When unhelpful or scary thoughts arise, we tend to start a "war" with them, which is the equivalent of jumping into the tornado. This makes the thoughts and emotions bigger and intensifies the feelings that go with them.&nbsp;</p><p>So the question I imagine you have is "how do I get out of the tornado?" There are 3 steps to doing this:</p><ol><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Get distance from your thoughts by adding "I am noticing I'm having the thought that...." to the front of them. For example, "I am noticing I am having the thought that something bad is going to happen to me."&nbsp; </span>&nbsp;<span style="font-style: italic;">The purpose of this is <span style="text-decoration: underline;">not</span> to decrease your fear or get rid of the thought. These thoughts might always be there and that is okay because that is how the mind naturally works so struggling with that is a waste of time and energy. The purpose is to gain some distance from the thoughts so you don't get swept away by them. You can imagine them floating along like leaves in a stream or clouds in the sky (and often the same thought will come back again and again but that's okay... just continue to notice it with curiosity). I imagine the thoughts get in your way of doing what really matters to you so if you can get a little bit of distance, you can do things that are fulfilling and meaningful to you.&nbsp;</span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Tune into your body and notice what sensations come up and where you feel them most intensely. Then breathe into them and make room for them. </span><span style="font-style: italic;">Our 5 main emotions are: joy, sadness, fear/anxiety, shame, and anger. ALL of these emotions are part of being human and there is no escaping them. So again, struggling with them ends up intensifying them. Instead, let them be and make a little bit of room for them. Often a side effect of this is the intensity will decrease but it might not. The purpose is to keep them from becoming <span style="text-decoration: underline;">more</span> intense.&nbsp;</span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Contact the present moment</span>. <span style="font-style: italic;">Notice what is happening here and now. One way of doing this is tuning into the five senses. What are some things you hear, see, taste, smell, and feel? Another way is to notice what is happening in your body (without trying to change it). How deep are your breaths, what is happening with your heart rate, are you cold/warm, etc?</span></li></ol><div>Implementing these three steps can help you to refrain from getting caught up in your unhelpful thoughts. Unfortunately there is no way to get rid of thoughts or feelings completely. So the only option that works in the <span style="font-style: italic;">long run</span> is to accept them while continuing to do what matters to you and what is fulfilling to you.</div><div><br></div><div>I hope this helps!</div>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get "out of my head" and stop obsessive thoughts? <</SYS>> Often times I find myself thinking scary thoughts and sometimes I even scare myself into thinking that something bad is going to happen to me. Once it starts, the thought continues going through my head and I can't get it out. How can I stop these thoughts? [/INST] <p>Hi there,</p><p>I first want to let you know that having these thoughts is completely normal. Studies have been done that show that 80% of human thoughts are "negative" so you are not alone.&nbsp;</p><p>I like to think of thoughts as a tornado... if you are in a tornado, you are completely consumed by it and it is nearly impossible to do anything beneficial. However, when you are, let's say, a mile away from a tornado, it is still scary but you have the option to do something that is important to you such as get shelter or make sure your family and friends are safe.&nbsp;</p><p>When unhelpful or scary thoughts arise, we tend to start a "war" with them, which is the equivalent of jumping into the tornado. This makes the thoughts and emotions bigger and intensifies the feelings that go with them.&nbsp;</p><p>So the question I imagine you have is "how do I get out of the tornado?" There are 3 steps to doing this:</p><ol><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Get distance from your thoughts by adding "I am noticing I'm having the thought that...." to the front of them. For example, "I am noticing I am having the thought that something bad is going to happen to me."&nbsp; </span>&nbsp;<span style="font-style: italic;">The purpose of this is <span style="text-decoration: underline;">not</span> to decrease your fear or get rid of the thought. These thoughts might always be there and that is okay because that is how the mind naturally works so struggling with that is a waste of time and energy. The purpose is to gain some distance from the thoughts so you don't get swept away by them. You can imagine them floating along like leaves in a stream or clouds in the sky (and often the same thought will come back again and again but that's okay... just continue to notice it with curiosity). I imagine the thoughts get in your way of doing what really matters to you so if you can get a little bit of distance, you can do things that are fulfilling and meaningful to you.&nbsp;</span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Tune into your body and notice what sensations come up and where you feel them most intensely. Then breathe into them and make room for them. </span><span style="font-style: italic;">Our 5 main emotions are: joy, sadness, fear/anxiety, shame, and anger. ALL of these emotions are part of being human and there is no escaping them. So again, struggling with them ends up intensifying them. Instead, let them be and make a little bit of room for them. Often a side effect of this is the intensity will decrease but it might not. The purpose is to keep them from becoming <span style="text-decoration: underline;">more</span> intense.&nbsp;</span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Contact the present moment</span>. <span style="font-style: italic;">Notice what is happening here and now. One way of doing this is tuning into the five senses. What are some things you hear, see, taste, smell, and feel? Another way is to notice what is happening in your body (without trying to change it). How deep are your breaths, what is happening with your heart rate, are you cold/warm, etc?</span></li></ol><div>Implementing these three steps can help you to refrain from getting caught up in your unhelpful thoughts. Unfortunately there is no way to get rid of thoughts or feelings completely. So the only option that works in the <span style="font-style: italic;">long run</span> is to accept them while continuing to do what matters to you and what is fulfilling to you.</div><div><br></div><div>I hope this helps!</div> </s>

567fad01a377e46d7ebe2beb

I'm worried that I will be single forever.

I have lately been having lots of anxiety and self-loathing about the fact that I am a young adult virgin girl who has never had a boyfriend before. It seems like everyone my age has already had boyfriends by now or are not virgins anymore, and I just had my first kiss five months ago. I’m worried that, at this rate, I won’t have a boyfriend for a very long time. The problem is that I want to lose my virginity to my first boyfriend who cares about me, but at the same time, I don't want to be waiting forever in order to experience sex. I have already given in to bad temptations by hooking up with random strangers on social media sites and having oral sex with them. Luckily, they were nice guys, but none of them wanted a relationship with me. I feel dirty by doing this, but I feel pressured to do this things in order to seem normal. Most people are surprised when they find out that I am a virgin or never had a boyfriend because people think I am really good looking. I am tall, I play lots of sports, and I get excellent grades in school. I am in my first year of university right now, and no guys have approached me to go out on a date or showed any interest. It bothers me. Most of the people in my family have been in relationships at my age already. I feel like I will be single forever sometimes.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-worried-that-i-will-be-single-forever

Relationships,Self-esteem,Anxiety

Cimberly R. Nesker

https://counselchat.com/therapists/cimberly-r-nesker

<p>I think one of the first questions that springs to mind for me is, "what's the rush?" &nbsp;Just because other people in your circle have had experiences that you are still warming up to does not mean that there's something wrong or something to be ashamed of. &nbsp;If anything, I want to commend you on the self-respect you have in wanting to wait and share this most intimate of experiences with someone that will feel the same way about it. &nbsp;<br><br>One of the most common distortions in our thinking is when we try to directly compare ourselves to others; while these people and even those in your family share a level of closeness to you they are not exactly like you - they don't see or feel things in the exact same way as you nor do they share the exact same perspective. It's important to be making choices for you and for your own desires and life goals. &nbsp;Once you stop comparing your happiness, you may find that you are already experiencing it and allow more of your guard to fall down.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I'm worried that I will be single forever. <</SYS>> I have lately been having lots of anxiety and self-loathing about the fact that I am a young adult virgin girl who has never had a boyfriend before. It seems like everyone my age has already had boyfriends by now or are not virgins anymore, and I just had my first kiss five months ago. I’m worried that, at this rate, I won’t have a boyfriend for a very long time. The problem is that I want to lose my virginity to my first boyfriend who cares about me, but at the same time, I don't want to be waiting forever in order to experience sex. I have already given in to bad temptations by hooking up with random strangers on social media sites and having oral sex with them. Luckily, they were nice guys, but none of them wanted a relationship with me. I feel dirty by doing this, but I feel pressured to do this things in order to seem normal. Most people are surprised when they find out that I am a virgin or never had a boyfriend because people think I am really good looking. I am tall, I play lots of sports, and I get excellent grades in school. I am in my first year of university right now, and no guys have approached me to go out on a date or showed any interest. It bothers me. Most of the people in my family have been in relationships at my age already. I feel like I will be single forever sometimes. [/INST] <p>I think one of the first questions that springs to mind for me is, "what's the rush?" &nbsp;Just because other people in your circle have had experiences that you are still warming up to does not mean that there's something wrong or something to be ashamed of. &nbsp;If anything, I want to commend you on the self-respect you have in wanting to wait and share this most intimate of experiences with someone that will feel the same way about it. &nbsp;<br><br>One of the most common distortions in our thinking is when we try to directly compare ourselves to others; while these people and even those in your family share a level of closeness to you they are not exactly like you - they don't see or feel things in the exact same way as you nor do they share the exact same perspective. It's important to be making choices for you and for your own desires and life goals. &nbsp;Once you stop comparing your happiness, you may find that you are already experiencing it and allow more of your guard to fall down.&nbsp;</p> </s>

561c6bd4e88a65597bb56a48

Am I somehow stressing myself out?

I think I'm annoying and bothersome, but my girlfriend says I'm just fine. I don't think so, I think I'm stressing everyone else out

https://counselchat.com/questions/am-i-somehow-stressing-myself-out

Anxiety

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>I'm glad to hear you have friends and that your friends say they like you.</p><p>Trust your own sense of who you are which tells you that something feels uneasy within yourself.</p><p>Is the friend who says you're "just fine", very familiar with who you are?</p><p>"Friend" is a broad category.</p><p>She may not know you as fully as you know yourself.</p><p>Basically, it is possible to be "fine" and have some inner stress.</p><p>Follow your own thoughts and observations to more fully learn about yourself in ways your friend may not notice or be aware.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Am I somehow stressing myself out? <</SYS>> I think I'm annoying and bothersome, but my girlfriend says I'm just fine. I don't think so, I think I'm stressing everyone else out [/INST] <p>I'm glad to hear you have friends and that your friends say they like you.</p><p>Trust your own sense of who you are which tells you that something feels uneasy within yourself.</p><p>Is the friend who says you're "just fine", very familiar with who you are?</p><p>"Friend" is a broad category.</p><p>She may not know you as fully as you know yourself.</p><p>Basically, it is possible to be "fine" and have some inner stress.</p><p>Follow your own thoughts and observations to more fully learn about yourself in ways your friend may not notice or be aware.</p> </s>

5775c7b072f4321a37b641c2

I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day.

I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-over-endulge-when-i-drink-alcohol-and-feel-extremely-guilty-about-it-the-next-day

Substance Abuse,Social Relationships

Lola Georg

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lola-georg

<p>The short answer is yes - if you feel 'really guilty after a night of drinking', then you probably have a problem. What you could do is visit this website by the National Institutes of Health:&nbsp;http://rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov/How-much-is-too-much/ &nbsp;There you will find information on how many drinks is too much, and the general answer for women is more than seven drinks in a week. There is also a quiz you can take anonymously that will help you determine if your drinking is a problem. The good news is that you can get help for substance abuse through counseling, self-help programs, or alcoholics anonymous.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day. <</SYS>> I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem? [/INST] <p>The short answer is yes - if you feel 'really guilty after a night of drinking', then you probably have a problem. What you could do is visit this website by the National Institutes of Health:&nbsp;http://rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov/How-much-is-too-much/ &nbsp;There you will find information on how many drinks is too much, and the general answer for women is more than seven drinks in a week. There is also a quiz you can take anonymously that will help you determine if your drinking is a problem. The good news is that you can get help for substance abuse through counseling, self-help programs, or alcoholics anonymous.&nbsp;</p> </s>

55dc21c49b8c19d146fcd297

I am 18 years old with a baby on the way

Me and the father of my child have been dating for a year. We had a big argument and at first he wanted to work it out. But with time he started asking others and they told him to leave me. Now he wants me to wait on him to mature. He wants to talk to other people. Then come back in four years. He doesn't want to deal with me while I'm pregnant. He doesn't take me to the doctor or anything. I feel alone. How do I handle this situation?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-am-18-years-old-with-a-baby-on-the-way

Relationships

Sonya Wilson

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson

<p>Well, as far as your boyfriend, sounds like he has received advice from others that is not wise advice.&nbsp; Leaving is not the answer after a "big argument" as you mentioned.&nbsp; However this is not surprising to me based on his possible age and maturity level.&nbsp; <br></p><p>Having a baby is a lifetime responsibility and there are very few who handle this or who realizes that it requires one to step their game up.&nbsp; This is something that he has to realize and be encouraged by his parents or a mature adult to do.&nbsp; Hopefully, someone who has better (wise) advice will talk to him and he will listen.<br></p><p>As for you,&nbsp; how do you handle this situation is your question....you do what you have to do to prepare for your baby, with or without him.&nbsp; A lot can happen in four years and you don't have time, are not required, and can't wait to see what will happen with him.&nbsp; You have a LIFE to prepare for,&nbsp; to feed, to protect, and to love.&nbsp; Can you tell your baby to wait; I don't want to deal with you now; I need to mature; I will be back to see you later; Hope you will be fine?&nbsp; Nope!!! &nbsp; As I always say, you are not alone because there is someone somewhere going through the same or similar thing.&nbsp; Develop healthy friendships...whether with family, friends or new people who may enter your life.&nbsp; Your support system will grow and life will go on...with or with him.&nbsp; Stay focus on you and your baby... <br></p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I am 18 years old with a baby on the way <</SYS>> Me and the father of my child have been dating for a year. We had a big argument and at first he wanted to work it out. But with time he started asking others and they told him to leave me. Now he wants me to wait on him to mature. He wants to talk to other people. Then come back in four years. He doesn't want to deal with me while I'm pregnant. He doesn't take me to the doctor or anything. I feel alone. How do I handle this situation? [/INST] <p>Well, as far as your boyfriend, sounds like he has received advice from others that is not wise advice.&nbsp; Leaving is not the answer after a "big argument" as you mentioned.&nbsp; However this is not surprising to me based on his possible age and maturity level.&nbsp; <br></p><p>Having a baby is a lifetime responsibility and there are very few who handle this or who realizes that it requires one to step their game up.&nbsp; This is something that he has to realize and be encouraged by his parents or a mature adult to do.&nbsp; Hopefully, someone who has better (wise) advice will talk to him and he will listen.<br></p><p>As for you,&nbsp; how do you handle this situation is your question....you do what you have to do to prepare for your baby, with or without him.&nbsp; A lot can happen in four years and you don't have time, are not required, and can't wait to see what will happen with him.&nbsp; You have a LIFE to prepare for,&nbsp; to feed, to protect, and to love.&nbsp; Can you tell your baby to wait; I don't want to deal with you now; I need to mature; I will be back to see you later; Hope you will be fine?&nbsp; Nope!!! &nbsp; As I always say, you are not alone because there is someone somewhere going through the same or similar thing.&nbsp; Develop healthy friendships...whether with family, friends or new people who may enter your life.&nbsp; Your support system will grow and life will go on...with or with him.&nbsp; Stay focus on you and your baby... <br></p><p><br></p> </s>

5682c2cba377e46d7ebe2c7b

Should I let my boyfriend go?

I'm an early 20 something year-old virgin, and my boyfriend is in his early 20s with kids. He's cheated on me twice: once in the beginning and then four months ago. He wasn't use to dating a virgin and broke up with me three times because he wasn't sure. We both work at the same job (where we met) and it’s with the girl that works with us. I've been trying to get over it, but now my confidence and self-esteem are low, and sometimes I feel like he’ll do it again or that he's not ready to be with me. I think about it all over again when I see her. He says he's in love with me, and with the last time he cheated, it didn't feel right, and that's when he knew he had to stop because his feelings were for me. He's contacted her and told her he will not communicate with her because he's in a relationship with me. How do I gain confidence? Should I let him go? If I let him go, I don't want to be sad about it being that we work together. I try to tell myself I'm beautiful every day, and I think I am a pretty attractive female with a great personality, but I don't like the fact that she works there.

https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-let-my-boyfriend-go

Relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Sorry to hear about all the stress in the relationship.</p><p>You're on the right track by knowing and sticking with your own standards of what qualifies as acceptable behavior by your boyfriend.</p><p>Since he was the one who broke your trust, he is one in the position of earning back your trust.</p><p>This is always a basic formula for couple's therapy in which there has been infidelity.</p><p>Understand within yourself whether you'd like being with your boyfriend and what you'd like him to do so that you start feeling more secure in the relationship.</p><p>If yes, then tell him what you now know about yourself as partner in the relationship.</p><p>For example, some people who are getting over being cheated on, would like knowing details about the affair person, some people want to see the phone of the one who cheated.</p><p>Recuperating after a cheating incident takes many months.</p><p>If he tells you he'd like earning back your trust, give him some time to see if there is progress in this area.</p><p>As results unfold, you will feel clearer on the direction your relationship is naturally taking.</p><p>About the girl at work, she will feel less meaningful to you as you work together with your boyfriend on securing the relationship.</p><p>She has her greatest meaning right now because you are at the beginning stage of knowing what direction to take.</p><p>As you go along this road, more than likely, you'll be more at ease in naturally finding a way of relating to her that feels ok to you.</p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should I let my boyfriend go? <</SYS>> I'm an early 20 something year-old virgin, and my boyfriend is in his early 20s with kids. He's cheated on me twice: once in the beginning and then four months ago. He wasn't use to dating a virgin and broke up with me three times because he wasn't sure. We both work at the same job (where we met) and it’s with the girl that works with us. I've been trying to get over it, but now my confidence and self-esteem are low, and sometimes I feel like he’ll do it again or that he's not ready to be with me. I think about it all over again when I see her. He says he's in love with me, and with the last time he cheated, it didn't feel right, and that's when he knew he had to stop because his feelings were for me. He's contacted her and told her he will not communicate with her because he's in a relationship with me. How do I gain confidence? Should I let him go? If I let him go, I don't want to be sad about it being that we work together. I try to tell myself I'm beautiful every day, and I think I am a pretty attractive female with a great personality, but I don't like the fact that she works there. [/INST] <p>Sorry to hear about all the stress in the relationship.</p><p>You're on the right track by knowing and sticking with your own standards of what qualifies as acceptable behavior by your boyfriend.</p><p>Since he was the one who broke your trust, he is one in the position of earning back your trust.</p><p>This is always a basic formula for couple's therapy in which there has been infidelity.</p><p>Understand within yourself whether you'd like being with your boyfriend and what you'd like him to do so that you start feeling more secure in the relationship.</p><p>If yes, then tell him what you now know about yourself as partner in the relationship.</p><p>For example, some people who are getting over being cheated on, would like knowing details about the affair person, some people want to see the phone of the one who cheated.</p><p>Recuperating after a cheating incident takes many months.</p><p>If he tells you he'd like earning back your trust, give him some time to see if there is progress in this area.</p><p>As results unfold, you will feel clearer on the direction your relationship is naturally taking.</p><p>About the girl at work, she will feel less meaningful to you as you work together with your boyfriend on securing the relationship.</p><p>She has her greatest meaning right now because you are at the beginning stage of knowing what direction to take.</p><p>As you go along this road, more than likely, you'll be more at ease in naturally finding a way of relating to her that feels ok to you.</p><p><br></p> </s>

5719884e6720004c63d529e3

What can I do about my dad being on drugs?

My dad is doing some really bad drugs, and I'm not allowed to see him anymore because of what he can do to me or my siblings on this drug. It has affected me tremendously in my life. It’s even caused me anger and stress.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-dad-being-on-drugs

Family Conflict,Stress

Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:&quot;Helvetica&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;">It seems like you are going trough stages of grief, since the inability to see your father causes you similar feelings as if you had lost him.&nbsp; Perhaps you could send him letters expressing your feelings and hopes.&nbsp; But do understand that if he is under the influence of drugs he might not be able to empathize with your feelings or react in the way that he would have done so in the past.&nbsp; As the issue evolves find a therapist or counselor to help you work on letting go of that anger and stress, which may affect you negatively.&nbsp; Find forgiveness so you can have a relationship with him in the future.&nbsp;</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-family:">&nbsp;</span><span style="color: rgb(31, 78, 121); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 107%;">¿Qué puedo hacer con mi padre usuario de drogas?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(127, 127, 127);">Mi papa está usando drogas muy malas, y no estoy autorizada a verlo por lo que me puede hacer a mí y a mis hermanos.&nbsp; Esto afecta mi vida tremendamente.&nbsp; Me causa coraje&nbsp; estrés</span><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Parece que estas pasando por estados de luto, ya que el no poder ver a tu padre causa sentimientos similares a cuando hay una perdida.&nbsp; Tal vez puedes escribirle cartas expresando tus sentimientos y esperanzas.&nbsp; Pero comprende que si el está bajo la influencia de drogas puede que no sienta empatía o te responda como lo solía hacer.&nbsp; Mientras el problema se resuelve busca un consejero o terapeuta que te ayude a trabajar en resolver los sentimientos de coraje y estrés, trabaja también en perdonarlo para que puedas tener una relación con él en el futuro.</span></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What can I do about my dad being on drugs? <</SYS>> My dad is doing some really bad drugs, and I'm not allowed to see him anymore because of what he can do to me or my siblings on this drug. It has affected me tremendously in my life. It’s even caused me anger and stress. [/INST] <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:&quot;Helvetica&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;">It seems like you are going trough stages of grief, since the inability to see your father causes you similar feelings as if you had lost him.&nbsp; Perhaps you could send him letters expressing your feelings and hopes.&nbsp; But do understand that if he is under the influence of drugs he might not be able to empathize with your feelings or react in the way that he would have done so in the past.&nbsp; As the issue evolves find a therapist or counselor to help you work on letting go of that anger and stress, which may affect you negatively.&nbsp; Find forgiveness so you can have a relationship with him in the future.&nbsp;</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-family:">&nbsp;</span><span style="color: rgb(31, 78, 121); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 107%;">¿Qué puedo hacer con mi padre usuario de drogas?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(127, 127, 127);">Mi papa está usando drogas muy malas, y no estoy autorizada a verlo por lo que me puede hacer a mí y a mis hermanos.&nbsp; Esto afecta mi vida tremendamente.&nbsp; Me causa coraje&nbsp; estrés</span><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Parece que estas pasando por estados de luto, ya que el no poder ver a tu padre causa sentimientos similares a cuando hay una perdida.&nbsp; Tal vez puedes escribirle cartas expresando tus sentimientos y esperanzas.&nbsp; Pero comprende que si el está bajo la influencia de drogas puede que no sienta empatía o te responda como lo solía hacer.&nbsp; Mientras el problema se resuelve busca un consejero o terapeuta que te ayude a trabajar en resolver los sentimientos de coraje y estrés, trabaja también en perdonarlo para que puedas tener una relación con él en el futuro.</span></p> </s>

5722d63aa3d94fca1ccf8ec8

I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship

I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-nightmares-and-flashbacks-about-a-past-relationship

Trauma,Relationships

David Alpert

https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-alpert

<p>Your challenge is called "co-dependency." People seek approval from others in an obsessive way when they are failing to truly accept themselves. I encourage you to truly love yourself and know that you have every right to every sensation, emotion, thought, and inspiration that you may have. Best of luck on your journey.</p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship <</SYS>> I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. [/INST] <p>Your challenge is called "co-dependency." People seek approval from others in an obsessive way when they are failing to truly accept themselves. I encourage you to truly love yourself and know that you have every right to every sensation, emotion, thought, and inspiration that you may have. Best of luck on your journey.</p><p><br></p> </s>

56a1a7c320fd22722a53607a

Can I go see a psychiatrist without my dad finding out, even if I am on his insurance?

https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-go-see-a-psychiatrist-without-my-dad-finding-out-even-if-i-am-on-his-insurance

Legal & Regulatory

Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc

<p>It might be possible, but it's difficult.&nbsp;</p><p>First, &nbsp;depending on how old you are, you might be able to restrict &nbsp;a &nbsp;mentalhealth &nbsp;provider from disclosing your confidential information to your parents. The age at which you can do this is different from state to state (the range is generally anything from age 13 to age 18) &nbsp;</p><p>Second, even if you are old enough to to be able to tell your provider not to give any information to your parents, they will probably find out if you use their insurance.&nbsp;</p><p>It seems like you might have a few options. You might want to try talking to your dad about seeing a psychiatrist. He might be supportive. You could also try talking to a counselor or nurse at your school. They could also help you find some confidential options. I hope this helps.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Can I go see a psychiatrist without my dad finding out, even if I am on his insurance? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>It might be possible, but it's difficult.&nbsp;</p><p>First, &nbsp;depending on how old you are, you might be able to restrict &nbsp;a &nbsp;mentalhealth &nbsp;provider from disclosing your confidential information to your parents. The age at which you can do this is different from state to state (the range is generally anything from age 13 to age 18) &nbsp;</p><p>Second, even if you are old enough to to be able to tell your provider not to give any information to your parents, they will probably find out if you use their insurance.&nbsp;</p><p>It seems like you might have a few options. You might want to try talking to your dad about seeing a psychiatrist. He might be supportive. You could also try talking to a counselor or nurse at your school. They could also help you find some confidential options. I hope this helps.</p> </s>

579bab40188cd61c1684e811

Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once

Intimacy,Relationships,Human Sexuality

Anna McElearney

https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney

<p>Hello. Thank you for your question. Many couples that experience infidelity in their relationship face this important question - <span style="font-weight: bold;">"is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?"</span>&nbsp;</p><p>Deciding to stay or leave is such a personal decision, one that only you can make.</p><p>When an affair is disclosed or found out, it can have a traumatic impact on the betrayed partner. The betrayed partner might be overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts - Wanting answers to specific questions - Wanting details. And the partner that had the affair might be feeling overwhelm around "Will their partner ever forgive them?" "Will they trust them again?" "How long will it take to regain their trust again?"&nbsp;</p><p>While it is possible for couples to get past the cheating, it does take a commitment from each partner to do the work needed. Because of the complexities cheating has on the bond couples have with each other, I would recommend seeing a couple therapist that specializes in working with the issue of infidelity. When infidelity happens, there are usually a number of secrets that accompany it, and this can be incredibly difficult for couples to work through on their own.&nbsp;</p><p><br></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once? <</SYS>> My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on? [/INST] <p>Hello. Thank you for your question. Many couples that experience infidelity in their relationship face this important question - <span style="font-weight: bold;">"is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?"</span>&nbsp;</p><p>Deciding to stay or leave is such a personal decision, one that only you can make.</p><p>When an affair is disclosed or found out, it can have a traumatic impact on the betrayed partner. The betrayed partner might be overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts - Wanting answers to specific questions - Wanting details. And the partner that had the affair might be feeling overwhelm around "Will their partner ever forgive them?" "Will they trust them again?" "How long will it take to regain their trust again?"&nbsp;</p><p>While it is possible for couples to get past the cheating, it does take a commitment from each partner to do the work needed. Because of the complexities cheating has on the bond couples have with each other, I would recommend seeing a couple therapist that specializes in working with the issue of infidelity. When infidelity happens, there are usually a number of secrets that accompany it, and this can be incredibly difficult for couples to work through on their own.&nbsp;</p><p><br></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p><br></p> </s>

557f06d6b1b211b80376b6ab

What should I do if my boyfriend can't get over my past?

My boyfriend can't get over my promiscuous past. He says he loves me but says the thought of my past is disgusting and a sexual distraction. He says he should have had more sex with different people. I don't know how to handle this.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-if-my-boyfriend-can-t-get-over-my-past

Relationships,Intimacy

Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw

<p>I am sorry to hear of your relationship struggles. </p><p>One thing I wonder is did you volunteer the information about your past or is this something that he asked about? In the future, it is probably best to leave details out of conversations like this. I think it is common and natural for partners to ask about the sexual history. For one thing, it is a good idea to be checked for STD’s before entering into a sexual relationship with someone, and it is fair to share that information with each other. Partners usually want to know how many you have been with and what kind of sexual preferences you have or if there is anything you don’t like to do. This gets into a gray area for some people. I don’t necessarily want to know how many people my partner has been with and I certainly don’t want a whole lot of details. Sometimes that is an image I just don’t want in my head about my partner. Vague details are usually enough.</p><p>However, I understand that your partner has the details and is not happy with your past. This is a reflection on him, not you. This shows insecurities on his part. You cannot control how he will react to information that you provide to him and you cannot control how he feels about the information. The past should remain in the past and not be held against you in the present or future. If he cannot handle your past then it is going to cloud your relationship. You can offer couples counseling to him and see if he will go with you. I have seen relationships recover from some very serious problems such as infidelity. It takes two people who both want it to work to make it work though. </p><p>If your boyfriend cannot get over your past, you may have to let him go. Don’t keep yourself tied to someone who is not right for you. Constantly holding your past over your head and holding that against you is only going to bring you down and eventually you may start having insecurities or low self-esteem due to this type of treatment. I don’t see that you have done anything wrong. If you aren’t cheating on him now and you answered his questions about your past honestly, how he handles that information is on him. Ultimately, relationships have a tendency to come and go. Don’t fight to hold onto someone who is not right for you. It is okay to be single and enjoy being the best you that you can be. In time, the right person for you will enter your life.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What should I do if my boyfriend can't get over my past? <</SYS>> My boyfriend can't get over my promiscuous past. He says he loves me but says the thought of my past is disgusting and a sexual distraction. He says he should have had more sex with different people. I don't know how to handle this. [/INST] <p>I am sorry to hear of your relationship struggles. </p><p>One thing I wonder is did you volunteer the information about your past or is this something that he asked about? In the future, it is probably best to leave details out of conversations like this. I think it is common and natural for partners to ask about the sexual history. For one thing, it is a good idea to be checked for STD’s before entering into a sexual relationship with someone, and it is fair to share that information with each other. Partners usually want to know how many you have been with and what kind of sexual preferences you have or if there is anything you don’t like to do. This gets into a gray area for some people. I don’t necessarily want to know how many people my partner has been with and I certainly don’t want a whole lot of details. Sometimes that is an image I just don’t want in my head about my partner. Vague details are usually enough.</p><p>However, I understand that your partner has the details and is not happy with your past. This is a reflection on him, not you. This shows insecurities on his part. You cannot control how he will react to information that you provide to him and you cannot control how he feels about the information. The past should remain in the past and not be held against you in the present or future. If he cannot handle your past then it is going to cloud your relationship. You can offer couples counseling to him and see if he will go with you. I have seen relationships recover from some very serious problems such as infidelity. It takes two people who both want it to work to make it work though. </p><p>If your boyfriend cannot get over your past, you may have to let him go. Don’t keep yourself tied to someone who is not right for you. Constantly holding your past over your head and holding that against you is only going to bring you down and eventually you may start having insecurities or low self-esteem due to this type of treatment. I don’t see that you have done anything wrong. If you aren’t cheating on him now and you answered his questions about your past honestly, how he handles that information is on him. Ultimately, relationships have a tendency to come and go. Don’t fight to hold onto someone who is not right for you. It is okay to be single and enjoy being the best you that you can be. In time, the right person for you will enter your life.</p> </s>

567bb16ba377e46d7ebe2b71

My brother never hangs out with me anymore.

I am a teenager, and my brother is a few years older. He has a girlfriend who is always with him. He never hangs out with me anymore. We were really close, and it is making me really sad.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-brother-never-hangs-out-with-me-anymore

Family Conflict

Lynda Martens

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

<p>Hi Zionsville. It's so sweet that you have a special relationship with your brother. You will ALWAYS have that, you know? He's doing what's natural at his age...spreading his wings and looking for love. You may be heading into that zone soon too, but I get that it's weird that he's there before you, and you miss him.</p><p>Try to respect your brother's autonomy, wish him well, be friendly with his girlfriend, and it's also okay to say "Hey, bro, I'm still here. When can we hang out!?"</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My brother never hangs out with me anymore. <</SYS>> I am a teenager, and my brother is a few years older. He has a girlfriend who is always with him. He never hangs out with me anymore. We were really close, and it is making me really sad. [/INST] <p>Hi Zionsville. It's so sweet that you have a special relationship with your brother. You will ALWAYS have that, you know? He's doing what's natural at his age...spreading his wings and looking for love. You may be heading into that zone soon too, but I get that it's weird that he's there before you, and you miss him.</p><p>Try to respect your brother's autonomy, wish him well, be friendly with his girlfriend, and it's also okay to say "Hey, bro, I'm still here. When can we hang out!?"</p> </s>

56872010e716b51523007b2d

Should I just move on from my demanding girlfriend?

My girlfriend and I have broken up and gotten back together numerous times in the past two years. We recently just broke up again last night on New Year’s Eve. When we break up, the very next day, she calls me and acts as if nothing has happened. She acts like everything is alright. This has been going on for two years. I do love her and care about her and her children a lot, but she seems really demanding as far as what she deserves from a man. She is always telling me that she deserves this and that from a man. It makes me feel like crap because I cannot give her everything that she wants. She told me one time that she wants a man who is going to be afraid to lose her. Is that a normal thing that women want, or should I just move on already? I am in my 30s and she is in her 40s.

https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-just-move-on-from-my-demanding-girlfriend

Relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Love is not enough to keep a relationship together.</p><p>The people need to get along happily too.</p><p>Let's start with knowing more about your happiness in being with your partner.</p><p>The frequent break ups happen for a reason. &nbsp;Try understanding more of why you go back together again.</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">You state a few very clear reasons to not continue this relationship, such as "feeling like crap" and not liking that your girlfriend hopes her &nbsp;partner will feel afraid to leave her.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Trust your intuition telling you that these feelings matter.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Sometimes men aren't sure whether following their instinct is a right action to take.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">It is.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Also, hoping a partner will fear losing them, shows a wish to control a person.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Control has nothing to do with love and trust, and these are basics of a relationship.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Good luck!</span></p><p><br></p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Should I just move on from my demanding girlfriend? <</SYS>> My girlfriend and I have broken up and gotten back together numerous times in the past two years. We recently just broke up again last night on New Year’s Eve. When we break up, the very next day, she calls me and acts as if nothing has happened. She acts like everything is alright. This has been going on for two years. I do love her and care about her and her children a lot, but she seems really demanding as far as what she deserves from a man. She is always telling me that she deserves this and that from a man. It makes me feel like crap because I cannot give her everything that she wants. She told me one time that she wants a man who is going to be afraid to lose her. Is that a normal thing that women want, or should I just move on already? I am in my 30s and she is in her 40s. [/INST] <p>Love is not enough to keep a relationship together.</p><p>The people need to get along happily too.</p><p>Let's start with knowing more about your happiness in being with your partner.</p><p>The frequent break ups happen for a reason. &nbsp;Try understanding more of why you go back together again.</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">You state a few very clear reasons to not continue this relationship, such as "feeling like crap" and not liking that your girlfriend hopes her &nbsp;partner will feel afraid to leave her.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Trust your intuition telling you that these feelings matter.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Sometimes men aren't sure whether following their instinct is a right action to take.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">It is.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Also, hoping a partner will fear losing them, shows a wish to control a person.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Control has nothing to do with love and trust, and these are basics of a relationship.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Good luck!</span></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s>

568c765ae716b51523007c1f

How to help my best friend get over a break up?

I'm a female freshman in high school, and this question is for my male best friend. At the start of freshman year, we dated for about a week before his parents ended it because they said he is too young to date. He has been dating a really sweet senior girl for a month or two. I have nothing against her except for the fact that she has Tim's heart. He is convinced that they are in love, and maybe they are, but I don't really believe him. Lately, Tim had been expressing concern about what is going to happen when Sally leaves for college at the end of term this year. He's been asking me to help him with Sally and what girls like to show her how much he loves her. But he's also been thinking about breaking up with her just so they won't have to deal with it when she leaves. He seems really torn up about it, and I want to know what to say to him and how to help him once she leaves. He knows that I still crush on him. He doesn't rub it in my face. He's a good guy, but I want to actually help him out and recover before we think about maybe another relationship between us. How do I do that when the time comes? How do I support him and show him that I'm here without wanting to hook up? How do I make him feel better? He is convinced he's never going to be able to love anyone ever again, which I think is ridiculous.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-to-help-my-best-friend-get-over-a-break-up

Relationships

Margaret Van Ackeren

https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda

<p>First off, I think it is great that you are willing and able to help out your friend with issues regarding his current relationship, despite the fact that you have feelings for him. I think that the best thing you can do is let him know that you are there for him if he wants to talk about things. You can also help by presenting options that he has and help him weigh out the pros and cons of his decision, but ultimately he has to decide what to do. Know that you won't be able to heal the pain he feels when his girlfriend leaves but you can be a friend to him by simply listening, validating his feelings,&nbsp;and understanding. Regarding your question about being there for him without wanting to hook up....I'm not sure if that is possible. If you care for him on more than a friendship level, then that desire will likey be there for you no matter what. Be careful that you take care of yourself and don't jeopardize your own happiness while trying to help him with his issues. Good luck to you!<br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How to help my best friend get over a break up? <</SYS>> I'm a female freshman in high school, and this question is for my male best friend. At the start of freshman year, we dated for about a week before his parents ended it because they said he is too young to date. He has been dating a really sweet senior girl for a month or two. I have nothing against her except for the fact that she has Tim's heart. He is convinced that they are in love, and maybe they are, but I don't really believe him. Lately, Tim had been expressing concern about what is going to happen when Sally leaves for college at the end of term this year. He's been asking me to help him with Sally and what girls like to show her how much he loves her. But he's also been thinking about breaking up with her just so they won't have to deal with it when she leaves. He seems really torn up about it, and I want to know what to say to him and how to help him once she leaves. He knows that I still crush on him. He doesn't rub it in my face. He's a good guy, but I want to actually help him out and recover before we think about maybe another relationship between us. How do I do that when the time comes? How do I support him and show him that I'm here without wanting to hook up? How do I make him feel better? He is convinced he's never going to be able to love anyone ever again, which I think is ridiculous. [/INST] <p>First off, I think it is great that you are willing and able to help out your friend with issues regarding his current relationship, despite the fact that you have feelings for him. I think that the best thing you can do is let him know that you are there for him if he wants to talk about things. You can also help by presenting options that he has and help him weigh out the pros and cons of his decision, but ultimately he has to decide what to do. Know that you won't be able to heal the pain he feels when his girlfriend leaves but you can be a friend to him by simply listening, validating his feelings,&nbsp;and understanding. Regarding your question about being there for him without wanting to hook up....I'm not sure if that is possible. If you care for him on more than a friendship level, then that desire will likey be there for you no matter what. Be careful that you take care of yourself and don't jeopardize your own happiness while trying to help him with his issues. Good luck to you!<br></p> </s>

564aa3195e8030c4305b3113

Could a rape that happened years ago be the cause of my anxiety?

I was raped repeatedly when I was younger. I told my parents and action was taken, but now that I’m an adult, I suffer from extreme anxiety.

https://counselchat.com/questions/could-a-rape-that-happened-years-ago-be-the-cause-of-my-anxiety

Anxiety,Trauma

Lynda Martens

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

<p>Hi. Even though (thankfully) your parents responded well to you telling them, and you received treatment, it's possible, and very normal for sexual abuse trauma to affect you in different ways as you age and develop. Please see a therapist, who can help you find the root of the anxiety.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Could a rape that happened years ago be the cause of my anxiety? <</SYS>> I was raped repeatedly when I was younger. I told my parents and action was taken, but now that I’m an adult, I suffer from extreme anxiety. [/INST] <p>Hi. Even though (thankfully) your parents responded well to you telling them, and you received treatment, it's possible, and very normal for sexual abuse trauma to affect you in different ways as you age and develop. Please see a therapist, who can help you find the root of the anxiety.</p> </s>

559399cd072cf5401c482525

What can I do to help my dad stop drinking?

Or how to send him somewhere that can help him, something like The Baker Act.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-to-help-my-dad-stop-drinking

Substance Abuse,Addiction

Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw

<p>More information would be needed for me to accurately answer this question, such as your age, whether you live with your dad or not, and what other family members live in the household. </p><p>Something like this, alcoholism, is a whole family disease. In other words, family members often unknowingly contribute to the alcoholism and enable the alcoholic to continue the destructive behavior.</p><p>First of all, you can’t make your dad do anything, and constantly nagging him or begging him to stop is just going to make him defensive and make this worse. Nobody can change another person. What you can do is change how you react to him and the things that you and other family members do for him. </p><p>Research codependency. There’s a great book called Codependent No More. There are a lot of articles on the internet that you can read. In short, you have to stop enabling him. Like I said, you cannot control him, but you can control yourself. This means do not buy his alcohol. Do not make it easy for him to get. Don’t loan him the car keys or pay any household bills for him. Don’t call in sick to work for him or make excuses for him in any way. Do not bail him out of jail when he gets arrested. He needs to be responsible for himself. This may mean losing his job or losing his driver’s license. This may mean that he loses his family if he doesn’t stop. </p><p>What you and your family can do is set boundaries about what you will put up with. It is his choice to drink, but it is your choice to put up with the behaviors of his drinking. A lot of people go into rehab because their spouse said if they don’t then they are getting a divorce.</p><p>If you are an adult and you don’t live with your dad, then the best thing you can do for him is STOP doing things for him. If you are a child who lives at home with him, then this could be a case for child protective services. In my state this is called DHS. A report is made to this organization for child abuse or neglect. Substance abuse in the home qualifies. Of course, alcohol is legal and when consumed in moderation, there is no problems. The problem will be the result of his alcohol consumption. Does he drive with children in the car while intoxicated? Is he left to care for minors while in an intoxicated state? Are there any domestic violence issues due to his drinking? This could be a reason for the authorities to step in.<span> </span></p><p>You can look for a local meeting for family members of alcoholics. They are similar to the AA meetings that an alcoholic should go to, but are for the family members. They can help you. </p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> What can I do to help my dad stop drinking? <</SYS>> Or how to send him somewhere that can help him, something like The Baker Act. [/INST] <p>More information would be needed for me to accurately answer this question, such as your age, whether you live with your dad or not, and what other family members live in the household. </p><p>Something like this, alcoholism, is a whole family disease. In other words, family members often unknowingly contribute to the alcoholism and enable the alcoholic to continue the destructive behavior.</p><p>First of all, you can’t make your dad do anything, and constantly nagging him or begging him to stop is just going to make him defensive and make this worse. Nobody can change another person. What you can do is change how you react to him and the things that you and other family members do for him. </p><p>Research codependency. There’s a great book called Codependent No More. There are a lot of articles on the internet that you can read. In short, you have to stop enabling him. Like I said, you cannot control him, but you can control yourself. This means do not buy his alcohol. Do not make it easy for him to get. Don’t loan him the car keys or pay any household bills for him. Don’t call in sick to work for him or make excuses for him in any way. Do not bail him out of jail when he gets arrested. He needs to be responsible for himself. This may mean losing his job or losing his driver’s license. This may mean that he loses his family if he doesn’t stop. </p><p>What you and your family can do is set boundaries about what you will put up with. It is his choice to drink, but it is your choice to put up with the behaviors of his drinking. A lot of people go into rehab because their spouse said if they don’t then they are getting a divorce.</p><p>If you are an adult and you don’t live with your dad, then the best thing you can do for him is STOP doing things for him. If you are a child who lives at home with him, then this could be a case for child protective services. In my state this is called DHS. A report is made to this organization for child abuse or neglect. Substance abuse in the home qualifies. Of course, alcohol is legal and when consumed in moderation, there is no problems. The problem will be the result of his alcohol consumption. Does he drive with children in the car while intoxicated? Is he left to care for minors while in an intoxicated state? Are there any domestic violence issues due to his drinking? This could be a reason for the authorities to step in.<span> </span></p><p>You can look for a local meeting for family members of alcoholics. They are similar to the AA meetings that an alcoholic should go to, but are for the family members. They can help you. </p> </s>

55f98f1ab82f58123979a0ed

There's this girl I've been dating for months

We went out had great sex and I was really liking her. Then one day she says we should just be friends, but I can't stop thinking about her. She's always on mind and I want her back.

https://counselchat.com/questions/there-s-this-girl-i-ve-been-dating-for-months

Relationships

Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc

<p>It can be really difficult when someone you care about doesn't feel the same about you. The most important thing to remember is that you can not make her feel a certain way. &nbsp;There is nothing you can do to force her to want to be in a relationship with you.</p><p>In the end, if she "just wants to be friends" then she's probably not the right match for you.</p><p>Remember, every relationship ends - until that last one that doesn't. &nbsp;And that is how it's supposed to be &nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> There's this girl I've been dating for months <</SYS>> We went out had great sex and I was really liking her. Then one day she says we should just be friends, but I can't stop thinking about her. She's always on mind and I want her back. [/INST] <p>It can be really difficult when someone you care about doesn't feel the same about you. The most important thing to remember is that you can not make her feel a certain way. &nbsp;There is nothing you can do to force her to want to be in a relationship with you.</p><p>In the end, if she "just wants to be friends" then she's probably not the right match for you.</p><p>Remember, every relationship ends - until that last one that doesn't. &nbsp;And that is how it's supposed to be &nbsp;</p> </s>

572ac2e3aaeea25a1918b493

How do I get back on my feet while going through a bad divorce?

I am going through a divorce. He is extremely angry. He refuses to physically assist me with our teenager daughter. I have no extended family support. Often times, I feel overwhelmed, tired, and joyless. I feel out of control, sad and depressed on a daily basis. I am just going through the motions of life every day. I am in my mid-50s. I have almost 29 years on my job. How can I handle this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-back-on-my-feet-while-going-through-a-bad-divorce

Relationship Dissolution ,Depression

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Going through a divorce is often a very low point for the people involved.</p><p>Are you surprised that your soon to be ex doesn't help with your teenage daughter?</p><p>Usually patterns and dynamics in parenting are not &nbsp;sudden developments.</p><p>Is it possible that what you're feeling now is more intensity to the stress of parenting by yourself, not that this is a sudden problem?</p><p>This is relevant because you may be more familiar and more capable than you're giving yourself credit. &nbsp;</p><p>The lack of emotional support is definitely stressful.</p><p>Your parenting skills may still be at the level at which they were prior to the divorce.</p><p><br></p><p>Take your emotional weariness seriously and reflect on the various ways of stress relief which are available and interest you.</p><p>Give yourself extra time to rest, nurture yourself and be flexible in finding what feels right for stabilizing yourself.</p><p>Since you talk about your daughter and help in physical ways, if it is a matter of strength that you need, talk with your attorney so that the child custody agreement includes whatever is physically necessary in the way of strength, in taking care of your daughter.</p><p>The Courts are very good at making effort that the custody agreement offers proper care to the kids.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I get back on my feet while going through a bad divorce? <</SYS>> I am going through a divorce. He is extremely angry. He refuses to physically assist me with our teenager daughter. I have no extended family support. Often times, I feel overwhelmed, tired, and joyless. I feel out of control, sad and depressed on a daily basis. I am just going through the motions of life every day. I am in my mid-50s. I have almost 29 years on my job. How can I handle this? [/INST] <p>Going through a divorce is often a very low point for the people involved.</p><p>Are you surprised that your soon to be ex doesn't help with your teenage daughter?</p><p>Usually patterns and dynamics in parenting are not &nbsp;sudden developments.</p><p>Is it possible that what you're feeling now is more intensity to the stress of parenting by yourself, not that this is a sudden problem?</p><p>This is relevant because you may be more familiar and more capable than you're giving yourself credit. &nbsp;</p><p>The lack of emotional support is definitely stressful.</p><p>Your parenting skills may still be at the level at which they were prior to the divorce.</p><p><br></p><p>Take your emotional weariness seriously and reflect on the various ways of stress relief which are available and interest you.</p><p>Give yourself extra time to rest, nurture yourself and be flexible in finding what feels right for stabilizing yourself.</p><p>Since you talk about your daughter and help in physical ways, if it is a matter of strength that you need, talk with your attorney so that the child custody agreement includes whatever is physically necessary in the way of strength, in taking care of your daughter.</p><p>The Courts are very good at making effort that the custody agreement offers proper care to the kids.</p> </s>

557f8f3aa29507431fcd9e78

How do I overcome being jealous of my boyfriends mother?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-overcome-being-jealous-of-my-boyfriends-mother

Family Conflict

Danielle Alvarez

https://counselchat.com/therapists/danielle-alvarez

<p>Try to think of his close relationship with his mother in a good way. It means that they have a positive family structure which can transfer down to your own family if you have one together in the future. </p><p>Despite your boyfriend having a good relationship with his mother, it will never be equal to the relationship that you have with him. A love for a mother is a very different love than one with a girlfriend or wife. There are certain things that he may look towards his mother for and certain things that he may look toward you for. </p><p><span>So, instead of comparing your relationship with him to the one he has with his mother, try viewing them as two separate entities. She can not replace you, and you cannot replace her. However, all together, you can have a positive, healthy family dynamic.</span><br/></p><p><br/></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I overcome being jealous of my boyfriends mother? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Try to think of his close relationship with his mother in a good way. It means that they have a positive family structure which can transfer down to your own family if you have one together in the future. </p><p>Despite your boyfriend having a good relationship with his mother, it will never be equal to the relationship that you have with him. A love for a mother is a very different love than one with a girlfriend or wife. There are certain things that he may look towards his mother for and certain things that he may look toward you for. </p><p><span>So, instead of comparing your relationship with him to the one he has with his mother, try viewing them as two separate entities. She can not replace you, and you cannot replace her. However, all together, you can have a positive, healthy family dynamic.</span><br/></p><p><br/></p> </s>

577b9eea7fe85f1465e1ffff

How do I deal with bullying at school?

I've been bullied for years and the teachers have done nothing about it. I haven't been diagnosed with depression, but i have been extremely sad for years. How can I deal with being bullied at school when the teachers won't help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-bullying-at-school

Children & Adolescents

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>To be bullied is very painful.</p><p>I'm glad you know the bullies are doing the wrong thing and whatever they are telling you is pure meanness.</p><p>Depending on how independent you feel, why not tell either your classroom teacher or schedule an appointment with the vice principal?</p><p>Bullying other students is taken very seriously in some states and schools are expected to address the bullying until the victimized student feels safe.</p><p>If you hesitate to do this on your own, then would you ask either of your parents or even a friend of yours who is also in the school, to report the problem?</p><p>In case you are afraid the bullies will retaliate for reporting them, then tell this to whatever school authority you decide to ask for help.</p><p>You're entitled to be protected by your school.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I deal with bullying at school? <</SYS>> I've been bullied for years and the teachers have done nothing about it. I haven't been diagnosed with depression, but i have been extremely sad for years. How can I deal with being bullied at school when the teachers won't help? [/INST] <p>To be bullied is very painful.</p><p>I'm glad you know the bullies are doing the wrong thing and whatever they are telling you is pure meanness.</p><p>Depending on how independent you feel, why not tell either your classroom teacher or schedule an appointment with the vice principal?</p><p>Bullying other students is taken very seriously in some states and schools are expected to address the bullying until the victimized student feels safe.</p><p>If you hesitate to do this on your own, then would you ask either of your parents or even a friend of yours who is also in the school, to report the problem?</p><p>In case you are afraid the bullies will retaliate for reporting them, then tell this to whatever school authority you decide to ask for help.</p><p>You're entitled to be protected by your school.</p> </s>

567d08faa377e46d7ebe2b98

I always feel depressed.

I think about death all the time because I feel so alone. I want someone to love and someone to love me.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-always-feel-depressed

Depression

Lynda Martens

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

<p>Hi Ohio,</p><p>I'm so glad you reached out. I urge you to talk to someone close to you, today, about your feelings, and to also seek professional help for your serious thoughts and feelings. We want you to be safe, and your depression is treatable.</p><p>Loneliness is so painful, and when we feel lonely, this can lead to fears that we are not worthy of love or that the world is just a cold and lonely place. Neither are truths; only thoughts. Once we have fears like this though, we start to pull away from people, the fears keep us isolated, which makes the thoughts worse, and the cycle continues.&nbsp;</p><p>We all have a place in this world. We all have value, we all deserve love, and there are safe, wonderful people out there waiting to meet you and care for you.&nbsp;</p><p>Can you take a moment right now to become more in touch with three things? First, who in your life, if they were sitting beside you right now, would say "wait a minute...I love you!" What is the evidence that you are already cared about? Then ask yourself "what is the evidence that I am lovable?" What qualities do you have that make you a good friend or person? The third question is "what tells you the world is a good place?" What evidence do you see that there are people out there who care about others?&nbsp;</p><p>Please reach out to someone today as you ask yourself those questions. I wish you the best.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I always feel depressed. <</SYS>> I think about death all the time because I feel so alone. I want someone to love and someone to love me. [/INST] <p>Hi Ohio,</p><p>I'm so glad you reached out. I urge you to talk to someone close to you, today, about your feelings, and to also seek professional help for your serious thoughts and feelings. We want you to be safe, and your depression is treatable.</p><p>Loneliness is so painful, and when we feel lonely, this can lead to fears that we are not worthy of love or that the world is just a cold and lonely place. Neither are truths; only thoughts. Once we have fears like this though, we start to pull away from people, the fears keep us isolated, which makes the thoughts worse, and the cycle continues.&nbsp;</p><p>We all have a place in this world. We all have value, we all deserve love, and there are safe, wonderful people out there waiting to meet you and care for you.&nbsp;</p><p>Can you take a moment right now to become more in touch with three things? First, who in your life, if they were sitting beside you right now, would say "wait a minute...I love you!" What is the evidence that you are already cared about? Then ask yourself "what is the evidence that I am lovable?" What qualities do you have that make you a good friend or person? The third question is "what tells you the world is a good place?" What evidence do you see that there are people out there who care about others?&nbsp;</p><p>Please reach out to someone today as you ask yourself those questions. I wish you the best.&nbsp;</p> </s>

572ac70baaeea25a1918b495

Why have I been feeling empty lately?

I have a lot on my mind, but all I want to do is stay locked in my room and not socialize with anyone. Why do I feel so alone?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-have-i-been-feeling-empty-lately

Social Relationships,Depression

John Rummel

https://counselchat.com/therapists/john-rummel

<p>There are many possible issues to consider as depression &nbsp;social anxieties, even medical illness. &nbsp;For some, even grief creates a sense of isolation, pains from relationship break up. &nbsp;Also, obsessive thinking can be debilitating. &nbsp;Seeking at least one trusted friend or family member can be a start towards increased personal support. &nbsp;Some persons may simply feel connected by spending time with someone as this, even if not talking directly on issues, just being around another is positive. &nbsp;Obviously there is more to explore on this question, given minimal information from two sentences.<br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why have I been feeling empty lately? <</SYS>> I have a lot on my mind, but all I want to do is stay locked in my room and not socialize with anyone. Why do I feel so alone? [/INST] <p>There are many possible issues to consider as depression &nbsp;social anxieties, even medical illness. &nbsp;For some, even grief creates a sense of isolation, pains from relationship break up. &nbsp;Also, obsessive thinking can be debilitating. &nbsp;Seeking at least one trusted friend or family member can be a start towards increased personal support. &nbsp;Some persons may simply feel connected by spending time with someone as this, even if not talking directly on issues, just being around another is positive. &nbsp;Obviously there is more to explore on this question, given minimal information from two sentences.<br></p> </s>

579e6e84188cd61c1684e839

My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy

I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends. I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-is-upset-about-my-friendship-with-another-guy

Relationships,Social Relationships

Kelly Mulroy, LMHC, NCC, DCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kelly-mulroy-lmhc-ncc-dcc

<p>This can be a very complicated situation. The boundaries of relationship include the rules to follow in the relationship. It is important to follow the rules of your relationship &nbsp;in regards to each person being able to spend time with exes. If you and your boyfriend agree upon a rule about spending time with exes, then there should be no problem.&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy <</SYS>> I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends. I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong? [/INST] <p>This can be a very complicated situation. The boundaries of relationship include the rules to follow in the relationship. It is important to follow the rules of your relationship &nbsp;in regards to each person being able to spend time with exes. If you and your boyfriend agree upon a rule about spending time with exes, then there should be no problem.&nbsp;</p> </s>

5750b485c792dd6c7063e5cc

Do I have to go to counseling to get hormones to transition from female to male?

https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-to-go-to-counseling-to-get-hormones-to-transition-from-female-to-male

LGBTQ

Aimee Beardslee

https://counselchat.com/therapists/aimee-beardslee

<p>Hi there, and thanks for your question! To answer your question, I'm going to point you to a link from Dara Hoffman-Fox's blog. Dara is a gender therapist like myself, and everything Dara says is very accurate!&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://darahoffmanfox.com/ask-gender-therapist-want-transition-see-therapist/" target="_blank">Ask a Gender Therapist: “I Want to Transition – Do I Have to See a Therapist?”</a></p><p>Also, since you asked specifically about hormones, it really depends on where you live, how accessible transgender friendly medical providers/endocrinologists are in your area, and also whether you feel you would benefit from counseling-regardless of whether a counselor's letter of referral is required from your medical provider. I hope this information helps!&nbsp;</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Do I have to go to counseling to get hormones to transition from female to male? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>Hi there, and thanks for your question! To answer your question, I'm going to point you to a link from Dara Hoffman-Fox's blog. Dara is a gender therapist like myself, and everything Dara says is very accurate!&nbsp;</p><p><a href="http://darahoffmanfox.com/ask-gender-therapist-want-transition-see-therapist/" target="_blank">Ask a Gender Therapist: “I Want to Transition – Do I Have to See a Therapist?”</a></p><p>Also, since you asked specifically about hormones, it really depends on where you live, how accessible transgender friendly medical providers/endocrinologists are in your area, and also whether you feel you would benefit from counseling-regardless of whether a counselor's letter of referral is required from your medical provider. I hope this information helps!&nbsp;</p> </s>

5747e6bbc792dd6c7063e461

Why am I so protective of my friends and family?

Any time my family and friends are in an altercation, I’m the one who steps in. I’m the one they call to fight for them. I do this even though I have a tough time trusting the people I’m fighting for. I’m only in my early 20s.

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-so-protective-of-my-friends-and-family

Social Relationships,Family Conflict

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Breaking the patterns of relating to family members, is difficult work.</p><p>In the situation you describe, both you and the family members who ask for your intervention, will be affected by any change you decide to make in the way all of you handle family disagreements.</p><p>Always, it is best for any two people who have a disagreement, to talk directly with each other. &nbsp; A third person distracts from the content and reasons for disagreeing.</p><p>Maybe knowing that by pulling yourself away from mediating family arguments, you will in the long term be doing good for your family, helps you do the actual work of separating yourself from their arguments.</p><p>Definitely, the fact that you're writing about the problem, shows you feel like doing something which feels better than how you feel currently.</p><p>It is very healthy for you to listen to your gut intuition telling you to pull out of the mediator role you are in currently.</p><p>You may feel guilty, your family members will most likely do everything possible to persuade, convince, &nbsp;and push you back into their arguments.</p><p>This doesn't make them right in what they're doing, it only makes your job harder of trying to let them have their fights on their own.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why am I so protective of my friends and family? <</SYS>> Any time my family and friends are in an altercation, I’m the one who steps in. I’m the one they call to fight for them. I do this even though I have a tough time trusting the people I’m fighting for. I’m only in my early 20s. [/INST] <p>Breaking the patterns of relating to family members, is difficult work.</p><p>In the situation you describe, both you and the family members who ask for your intervention, will be affected by any change you decide to make in the way all of you handle family disagreements.</p><p>Always, it is best for any two people who have a disagreement, to talk directly with each other. &nbsp; A third person distracts from the content and reasons for disagreeing.</p><p>Maybe knowing that by pulling yourself away from mediating family arguments, you will in the long term be doing good for your family, helps you do the actual work of separating yourself from their arguments.</p><p>Definitely, the fact that you're writing about the problem, shows you feel like doing something which feels better than how you feel currently.</p><p>It is very healthy for you to listen to your gut intuition telling you to pull out of the mediator role you are in currently.</p><p>You may feel guilty, your family members will most likely do everything possible to persuade, convince, &nbsp;and push you back into their arguments.</p><p>This doesn't make them right in what they're doing, it only makes your job harder of trying to let them have their fights on their own.</p> </s>

576442d0ca5745ed07aa14b9

How do I cope with a break up if we still live together?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-cope-with-a-break-up-if-we-still-live-together

Relationship Dissolution

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp

<p>I'm not sure whether you're asking for help to cope with the relationship between you or feelings that you are having.</p><p>This may be a good time to talk about what kind of relationship you want to have (whether friends, just people who are sharing a living space, etc.) and what boundaries you both have as far as personal space, belongings, conversation, etc. There are a lot of different pieces to consider and it may be helpful to take a day or two to consider the ways in which you typically interact and make a list of the things that you would like to discuss.</p><p>When you are discussing whatever relationship you are going to have now, consider taking the time to listen to how each of you feel and think about different things that are most important to you. Hearing the other person's point of view does not mean that you have to agree, but just the you can see where they're coming from.</p><p>If you are asking how better to cope with your own feelings, there can be a lot of different emotional reactions to a breakup. It is certainly expected that you could have lots of feelings related to sadness, nervousness, anger, and many other things. Having these emotions is okay. If you find that it is difficult to eat or sleep (beyond a few days) or its difficult for you to follow through with other daily activities, you may consider talking with a local therapist. It can be helpful to have someone there to discuss thoughts and feelings that you have and be there to help you consider your next steps.</p><p>&nbsp;Try to be patient with yourself as you work through this.</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do I cope with a break up if we still live together? <</SYS>> None [/INST] <p>I'm not sure whether you're asking for help to cope with the relationship between you or feelings that you are having.</p><p>This may be a good time to talk about what kind of relationship you want to have (whether friends, just people who are sharing a living space, etc.) and what boundaries you both have as far as personal space, belongings, conversation, etc. There are a lot of different pieces to consider and it may be helpful to take a day or two to consider the ways in which you typically interact and make a list of the things that you would like to discuss.</p><p>When you are discussing whatever relationship you are going to have now, consider taking the time to listen to how each of you feel and think about different things that are most important to you. Hearing the other person's point of view does not mean that you have to agree, but just the you can see where they're coming from.</p><p>If you are asking how better to cope with your own feelings, there can be a lot of different emotional reactions to a breakup. It is certainly expected that you could have lots of feelings related to sadness, nervousness, anger, and many other things. Having these emotions is okay. If you find that it is difficult to eat or sleep (beyond a few days) or its difficult for you to follow through with other daily activities, you may consider talking with a local therapist. It can be helpful to have someone there to discuss thoughts and feelings that you have and be there to help you consider your next steps.</p><p>&nbsp;Try to be patient with yourself as you work through this.</p> </s>

56b4159ec2bfe0f729d6e762

How do you get over someone cheating on you when you are trying to make it work?

My boyfriend of five years told me he cheated on me during our relationship after we broke up. We've since gotten back together and are trying to make it work. I don't know how to trust him now, but I really want to make it work, and it seems like he does too. But my trust issues are getting in the way and causing problems.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-get-over-someone-cheating-on-you-when-you-are-trying-to-make-it-work

Intimacy,Relationships

Lynda Martens

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

<p>Hi Michigan,</p><p>This is a common issue. How do you trust after you know someone is capable of hurting you? I totally get that it's hard, and I believe it's worth it if you truly love and want to be with someone. You can be stronger in the scarred places.&nbsp;</p><p>I would suggest that you each have a separate job to do to rebuild this trust. It is definitely possible to rebuild it, because anything is possible if both people want it enough.</p><p>Your boyfriend came clean to you...this is pretty crucial. He chose to honour your needs rather than keep the secret. You can use that as evidence in your "proof that he loves me" file. Work on that file...thicken it up. Having a thick "he does care about me and wouldn't hurt me again" file will help you.&nbsp;</p><p>Other things that <span style="font-weight: bold;">he</span> can do to help you thicken that file (because after all, his behaviours caused this problem): answer all your questions, don't brush you off if you're feeling insecure, treat you as though you're a priority, avoid questionable contact with other women, have open communication, give you passwords to devices so there is transparency. He can help you to understand where those behaviours came from...why he cheated in the first places (although people aren't always good with those 'why' questions!)</p><p>You can focus on telling yourself that people change, that he deserves a chance to show you he can be loyal (or at least you've decided to give him that chance), and that you want to be a trusting person. If you act like a trusting person, you will likely feel more like one. Don't go snooping, don't interrogate him. It's normal you might feel scared and try to tell him that when you do. Let him know what happens that leads to you feeling scared.</p><p>This is a start for you. A good therapist can be helpful too!</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How do you get over someone cheating on you when you are trying to make it work? <</SYS>> My boyfriend of five years told me he cheated on me during our relationship after we broke up. We've since gotten back together and are trying to make it work. I don't know how to trust him now, but I really want to make it work, and it seems like he does too. But my trust issues are getting in the way and causing problems. [/INST] <p>Hi Michigan,</p><p>This is a common issue. How do you trust after you know someone is capable of hurting you? I totally get that it's hard, and I believe it's worth it if you truly love and want to be with someone. You can be stronger in the scarred places.&nbsp;</p><p>I would suggest that you each have a separate job to do to rebuild this trust. It is definitely possible to rebuild it, because anything is possible if both people want it enough.</p><p>Your boyfriend came clean to you...this is pretty crucial. He chose to honour your needs rather than keep the secret. You can use that as evidence in your "proof that he loves me" file. Work on that file...thicken it up. Having a thick "he does care about me and wouldn't hurt me again" file will help you.&nbsp;</p><p>Other things that <span style="font-weight: bold;">he</span> can do to help you thicken that file (because after all, his behaviours caused this problem): answer all your questions, don't brush you off if you're feeling insecure, treat you as though you're a priority, avoid questionable contact with other women, have open communication, give you passwords to devices so there is transparency. He can help you to understand where those behaviours came from...why he cheated in the first places (although people aren't always good with those 'why' questions!)</p><p>You can focus on telling yourself that people change, that he deserves a chance to show you he can be loyal (or at least you've decided to give him that chance), and that you want to be a trusting person. If you act like a trusting person, you will likely feel more like one. Don't go snooping, don't interrogate him. It's normal you might feel scared and try to tell him that when you do. Let him know what happens that leads to you feeling scared.</p><p>This is a start for you. A good therapist can be helpful too!</p> </s>

564b58c85e8030c4305b311b

I feel insecure, on edge, and drink too much.

I feel insecure in my life. I don't think my wife truly wants our relationship even though she says she does. I have turned to drinking to help relieve my repressed stress about this and other issues. I have had a drinking problem for a few years. I feel the reason I drink is not just because I like to, but because I have lately been on edge. I’ve been very oddly emotional when watching movies that I have been watching for years. I’m paranoid about driving on main roads. I’m very jumpy at the slightest noises.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-insecure-on-edge-and-drink-too-much

Addiction,Substance Abuse,Anxiety

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>Sorry hearing about the big amount of stress which you are feeling at this time.</p><p>Since a lot of your stress is directed to uncertainty of whether your wife is happy being with you, would you consider continuing the conversation with her about your understanding of her answer to you?</p><p>Your observation that she says one thing and behaves in a different way, is meaningful.</p><p>Bringing your point to her attention would at the very least demonstrate her interest in showing and explaining her viewpoint about you.</p><p>Basically, you'd be expecting her to care about you and how she handles herself with this question, may clarify what you're trying to find out.</p><p>The good news about your relationship with alcohol, is that you realize you're overdoing it.</p><p>From what you write, the emotional pain and helplessness you feel currently, seem too much to know about all at once.</p><p>One possibility is to accept your feelings of hurt and insecurity. &nbsp;This is the first step of working with them. &nbsp; If they start feeling overwhelming, then maybe too, you can distract yourself for a while from the intensity by engaging in an activity that is not self-harming.</p><p>After all, you are the most important person in your life, so keep yourself safe and healthy!</p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> I feel insecure, on edge, and drink too much. <</SYS>> I feel insecure in my life. I don't think my wife truly wants our relationship even though she says she does. I have turned to drinking to help relieve my repressed stress about this and other issues. I have had a drinking problem for a few years. I feel the reason I drink is not just because I like to, but because I have lately been on edge. I’ve been very oddly emotional when watching movies that I have been watching for years. I’m paranoid about driving on main roads. I’m very jumpy at the slightest noises. [/INST] <p>Sorry hearing about the big amount of stress which you are feeling at this time.</p><p>Since a lot of your stress is directed to uncertainty of whether your wife is happy being with you, would you consider continuing the conversation with her about your understanding of her answer to you?</p><p>Your observation that she says one thing and behaves in a different way, is meaningful.</p><p>Bringing your point to her attention would at the very least demonstrate her interest in showing and explaining her viewpoint about you.</p><p>Basically, you'd be expecting her to care about you and how she handles herself with this question, may clarify what you're trying to find out.</p><p>The good news about your relationship with alcohol, is that you realize you're overdoing it.</p><p>From what you write, the emotional pain and helplessness you feel currently, seem too much to know about all at once.</p><p>One possibility is to accept your feelings of hurt and insecurity. &nbsp;This is the first step of working with them. &nbsp; If they start feeling overwhelming, then maybe too, you can distract yourself for a while from the intensity by engaging in an activity that is not self-harming.</p><p>After all, you are the most important person in your life, so keep yourself safe and healthy!</p> </s>

561f0d4a7f76d02120593cde

Why do I feel like I need a man in my life?

Why am I attracted to older men?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-need-a-man-in-my-life

Relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

<p>What a wonderful question!</p><p>Good for you on clearly knowing your priorities.</p><p>If I was sitting with you now, I'd ask you to list your reasons.</p><p>Start with whatever answers you do come up with and examine each of these a little further.</p><p><br></p><p>If, for example, you feel you need a man because many of your friends are in relationships, then possibly you feel insecure about being your unique self, even when this sets you apart from your friends.</p><p>If, you feel you need a man to protect you financially, then possibly you've lost faith in your ability to financially support yourself.</p><p>If you'd like a man in your life to offer your love and are willing to contribute the work of relating intimately, then you've found the best reason for wanting a man in your life.</p><p>This is far different than "need".</p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I feel like I need a man in my life? <</SYS>> Why am I attracted to older men? [/INST] <p>What a wonderful question!</p><p>Good for you on clearly knowing your priorities.</p><p>If I was sitting with you now, I'd ask you to list your reasons.</p><p>Start with whatever answers you do come up with and examine each of these a little further.</p><p><br></p><p>If, for example, you feel you need a man because many of your friends are in relationships, then possibly you feel insecure about being your unique self, even when this sets you apart from your friends.</p><p>If, you feel you need a man to protect you financially, then possibly you've lost faith in your ability to financially support yourself.</p><p>If you'd like a man in your life to offer your love and are willing to contribute the work of relating intimately, then you've found the best reason for wanting a man in your life.</p><p>This is far different than "need".</p><p><br></p> </s>

57170d75923aed67440ab55d

Why do I always feel like I'm being watched?

I often get the feeling that I'm being watched, like video cameras are hidden wherever I am, even at home. I feel like people can see all that I do and are reading my thoughts. Things I read or hear on the radio seem to be about (or meant for) me, and people are talking about me when they whisper.

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-always-feel-like-i-m-being-watched

Anxiety

Ben Braaksma

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma

It sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed with worry about being continuously monitored, with no privacy even in your own mind, and as if people are constantly saying things about you in whispers on in the media. It's hard to say from a post online what is at the root of this experience, but you may be able to get insight into that, as well as develop ways of coping with the distress of feeling this way, with the help of a good therapist. There is no pill or technique that can guarantee that this experience will go away, though it might, however, there are things that you can do so that you can understand it better and so that it does not have such an impact on your ability to lead a satisfy life.<br><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> Why do I always feel like I'm being watched? <</SYS>> I often get the feeling that I'm being watched, like video cameras are hidden wherever I am, even at home. I feel like people can see all that I do and are reading my thoughts. Things I read or hear on the radio seem to be about (or meant for) me, and people are talking about me when they whisper. [/INST] It sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed with worry about being continuously monitored, with no privacy even in your own mind, and as if people are constantly saying things about you in whispers on in the media. It's hard to say from a post online what is at the root of this experience, but you may be able to get insight into that, as well as develop ways of coping with the distress of feeling this way, with the help of a good therapist. There is no pill or technique that can guarantee that this experience will go away, though it might, however, there are things that you can do so that you can understand it better and so that it does not have such an impact on your ability to lead a satisfy life.<br><p><br></p> </s>

576e1e553c9e6b307a8ae5e3

How can I get over my fear of public embarrassment?

A lot of times, I avoid situations where I am to meet new people because I have a fear of embarrassing myself. I often avoid large groups of people, like parties, because I think they all constantly judge me.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-over-my-fear-of-public-embarrassment

Anxiety,Social Relationships

Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc

<p>Hello, and thank you for your question. First, I want you to know that you are certainly not alone on this issue.&nbsp;Everyone, at&nbsp;some point in time, has a fear of public embarrassment. But for many&nbsp;people, this fear can become&nbsp;so awful that it begins to&nbsp;have a real negative impact on their quality of life.&nbsp;&nbsp;They will&nbsp;try to avoid any situation that they even THINK will cause them embarrassment or anxiety. Escaping a possible embarrassing moment by avoiding or isolating may cause some relief at first, but then many times the avoidance will eventually&nbsp;lead to loneliness, isolation, and even despair. By avoiding, we can also miss out on things that make us feel alive and bring enjoyment. </p><p>There are many self-help books that offer advice on this issue. You can do an internet search, and I recommend reading the reviews of the book. That is&nbsp; great way to find out if others have found the book helpful. </p><p>Another option is to seek a counselor to help you with this fear.&nbsp;I would recommend a counselor who specializes in helping people who have anxiety or social anxiety. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is&nbsp; a good choice for helping with anxiety, but there are many others. </p><p>The truth is that anxiety and fear of embarrassing ourselves is not something that any of us will ever "get over", but we can learn to respond to those feelings differently. </p><p>A colleague may offer some other advice, as well.. Be well</p><p><br></p><p>Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p>

<s> [INST] <<SYS>> How can I get over my fear of public embarrassment? <</SYS>> A lot of times, I avoid situations where I am to meet new people because I have a fear of embarrassing myself. I often avoid large groups of people, like parties, because I think they all constantly judge me. [/INST] <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. First, I want you to know that you are certainly not alone on this issue.&nbsp;Everyone, at&nbsp;some point in time, has a fear of public embarrassment. But for many&nbsp;people, this fear can become&nbsp;so awful that it begins to&nbsp;have a real negative impact on their quality of life.&nbsp;&nbsp;They will&nbsp;try to avoid any situation that they even THINK will cause them embarrassment or anxiety. Escaping a possible embarrassing moment by avoiding or isolating may cause some relief at first, but then many times the avoidance will eventually&nbsp;lead to loneliness, isolation, and even despair. By avoiding, we can also miss out on things that make us feel alive and bring enjoyment. </p><p>There are many self-help books that offer advice on this issue. You can do an internet search, and I recommend reading the reviews of the book. That is&nbsp; great way to find out if others have found the book helpful. </p><p>Another option is to seek a counselor to help you with this fear.&nbsp;I would recommend a counselor who specializes in helping people who have anxiety or social anxiety. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is&nbsp; a good choice for helping with anxiety, but there are many others. </p><p>The truth is that anxiety and fear of embarrassing ourselves is not something that any of us will ever "get over", but we can learn to respond to those feelings differently. </p><p>A colleague may offer some other advice, as well.. Be well</p><p><br></p><p>Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> </s>