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800 | I guess he just didn't give a fuck. | {
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801 | Was the interviewer actually just your SO wearing a fake mustache? | {
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802 | Kerbal Space Program! | {
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803 | I nearly choked when I saw your username | {
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804 | "Thanks for the fish fellas, put it on my bill!" | {
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805 | I didn't accidentally sign up for Cat Facts again, did I? | {
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806 | http://i.imgur.com/P4h6PAy.jpg | {
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807 | You know, at 14 years old, you don't really contemplate success and that aspect of work, you kinda do things because it's fun to do. We had an amazing crew and cast, and I had the best 8 years of my life on the show. It's not something you can force, it's either something that happens or doesn't. *Yeah!* | {
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808 | I love when I actually do take their shift, then the fucking once every six months I need a shift covered nobody can fucking do it. I've begun to deny people shift covers because I can never get one in return. | {
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809 | Any appliance that beeps unnecessarily!! I have a baby thermometer that gives 3 shrill beeps when it's got a reading- right in your sleeping sick kid's face. | {
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810 | That's a really shitty policy, but it sounds like you were a pretty shitty employee. | {
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811 | Not to brag about my own mathematical prowess, but I once split a dinner bill ten-ways (between myself and nine friends) without using my iPhone. | {
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812 | Good morning honey! **( ͦ҈ )**\n\nEdit: wow, I didn't wake up yesterday thinking that I would get gold for a text depiction of a thai girl's squeaky clean butthole. Thank you magical internet gifter!! | {
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813 | Public Toilet Broke\n\nDo Women Shit in the Woods?\n\nA Homeless Man Hopes | {
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814 | You might try something a little more like "oh god, I'm gonna cum!" Less business-like... | {
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815 | I was asked this the other day, interviewing for a marketing job, and thought to myself: *I have single-handedly generated over 2.5 million clicks on the internet and can't even tell this guy about it.* | {
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816 | That's why I've watched every episode of survivorman 40 times. So yeah...you could say I'm quite the couchdoorsman. | {
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817 | But... but.. the neutrinos... are MUTATING | {
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818 | > a baby squirrel\n\nI want to believe you did that for comedic effect, because that's a rabbit. | {
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819 | No paperwork, but you have to transcribe your observations. | {
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820 | I worked at subway in college and some days i was so sleepy i would do this:\n\n1. Make sandwich.\n2. Wrap sandwich.\n3. Throw sandwich directly in garbage for no reason at all. | {
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821 | Close talker are the most fucking annoying thing ever. You take a step back because they are awkwardly close and they just move like 2cm closer than they were before.. | {
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822 | And it's worth every penny | {
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823 | Everyone with that amount of money who doesn't order fabulous extravagant shit like that is wasting it all | {
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824 | Although it's unlikely I'd like to believe in a 5th century Forrest Gump who actually did this. | {
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825 | TIL Reddit makes me question whether or not incest is normal... | {
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826 | "Hey honey when did we buy ten thousand dollars worth of ceiling tiles?" | {
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827 | My Amazon package actually arrived before this gif ended. | {
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828 | In youth, the time for bed was tough; \nI couldn't stand to wait - \nWhen 'soon' was never soon enough, \nAnd 'later' far too late.\n\n*The summers stretched an age ahead.* \n*An hour seemed a day.* \n*'Be patient, child,' my father said,* \n*'Don't wish your life away.'*\n\nAnd so the time would shuffle on, \nWith every moment spent - \nBut that was then, and now it's gone, \nI don't know where it went.\n | {
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829 | Keeping a straight face in the onslaught of hilarity from all of our cast, except Jerry. | {
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830 | Oh, Meg Griffin. Hands down. | {
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831 | "I know it's 2:25, but is there any chance you could come in at 2:30 for a double shift?" | {
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832 | You fucking liar, that's impossible. | {
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833 | I would watch that show. | {
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834 | The sock under her bed is evidence | {
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835 | "The Story of the Jobs Report that Fell Slightly Below Forecasted Projections for the Third Quarter." | {
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836 | I still recall her touch in truth - \nHer eager, questing kiss; \nOur clumsy escapade of youth - \nOur adolescent bliss.\n\n*Our ragged breaths were wrought in rhyme;* \n*Our passions, heaven-sent -* \n*And in that ageless, perfect time,* \n*Forever came and went.*\n\nI felt the earth and stars collide \nBetwixt our burning skin - \nAnd as I lay, relaxed and sighed, \nShe whispered... 'is it in?' | {
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837 | So did you think the New England Patriots just flew over every week or what? | {
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838 | I've been a dazesoft fan for years. Just saying.. | {
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839 | > college\n\n\nUniversity of Phoenix?\n\n\n\n\n\n | {
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840 | Here is our fat cat Sassy assisting in this experiment. http://youtu.be/DIt4bR677Us\n\nEdit: Thanks for the Reddit Gold, kind strangers!\nEdit2: Someone mentioned including the OP's link which has a cat video as well. See below for additional cat lamp action!\nhttp://youtu.be/kb3fTtUEmPY | {
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841 | I guess then it turned into a Bagel? | {
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842 | On a related but slightly off-topic note, what do parents think they're going to achieve by moving their gay kid to a separate state?\n\n"Your gay condition has been magically healed by the power of Arizona." | {
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843 | There are a ton of girls in the STEM fields at my college.\n\nNot many of them though. | {
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844 | Not even looking, but let me guess, the basketball scene? | {
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845 | Hey, I hope you know that it is medically recommended that you get 7-8 hours of sleep **minimum**. If you don't, you won't become an^extremely^successful^billionaire | {
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846 | ohio university marching band | {
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847 | A guy I know, he was 21 at the time, did this to try to win back his girlfriend. It failed. Since he was broke he covered it up with a giant black square. He thought it looked weird so i talked him into getting another black square on his other arm to even it out. Now he has several black squares on his arms.\n\nEdit: Obligatory thanks for the gold, I will use my new found gold powers to create more black squares | {
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848 | I used to do this all the time. Till my parents had a sit down with me and told me that if I'm gonna masturbate don't take forever with the water on. They didn't believe me that I just sat in there. The water bill was sky high. | {
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849 | I'd rather fight with 100 ducks the same size as a horse! Weird question though. Haha\n\n | {
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850 | What does Yoshi have to do with this? | {
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851 | http://i.imgur.com/aQ2FlvG.jpg | {
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852 | But how would they divide the cost of the condom? | {
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853 | Life has a funny way of not being a porno | {
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854 | Gross!! Then they would get terrible movies on their spit! | {
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855 | Oh you mean the Oral B/Anal B | {
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856 | The doctor asked me how many sex partners I've had. \nSo I started counting and fell asleep. | {
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857 | "I don't ask people stupid questions." | {
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858 | No this is Reddit. Everyone is a victim here get used to it. | {
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859 | I didn't knew until just now reading your comment | {
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860 | I can't tell if you just blew my mind or not | {
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861 | "No but I'm getting a vasectomy tomorrow if that counts." | {
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862 | "repeat for 2 to 25 years" lol | {
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863 | Seeking dark delights diverting, \nUnconcerned by disconcerting \nYarns of bathroom-bottom-squirting, \nHere I looked in luck:\n\n*So I read and laughed, disgusted;* \n*Overjoyed for maladjusted* \n*Ghastly, grim and gruesome, crusted* \n*Toilets blocked and stuck!*\n\n'Ha!' I laughed aloud, elated - \n*Maintenance were called*, it stated. \n'Man, I wonder what awaited! \n\n... Jesus, what the *fuck*?!' | {
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864 | "I'll dunk when it's worth three points." | {
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865 | I would have just sent him a live sample of the virus and told him to rub it in his eyes and mouth. | {
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866 | When I was still living with my dad I remarked that I was tired, he laughed and said to me, "son, I've been tired since I was 25." \n\nEdit: My dad was not 25 when I was born, although you are all hilarious geniuses. Well done. | {
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867 | For the sake of her husband please stop. | {
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868 | You have to take it to the extreme.\n\nScreenshot the desktop. Flip the picture upside down. Open it in full screen. Turn monitor upside down. | {
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869 | Kid is always talking to himself. | {
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870 | whats that saying? don't fall in love with a girl who likes horses, you'll always be number 3 for her, behind her horse and her dads money. | {
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871 | I thought it was going to be a great love story... | {
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872 | "Ok! I think I left it upstairs..."\n\n"Johnny no!"\n\n*fwoomph* | {
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873 | Or trying to downplay a whole fucking barrel of crazy. | {
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874 | So I'm getting a squad of...\n\nThai fighters? | {
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875 | But there are bears outside. | {
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876 | "On a scale of 1 to consuming the flesh of the leader of your nation, how angry do you feel right now?"\n\nThe temptation to ask questions like that is why I will never be a psychotherapist. | {
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877 | He (she?) won't last long. Looks like he (she?) has been targeted with an AoE spell already. | {
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878 | "Ok, that will be $3.99"\n\n"No, you don't get it. I want hot chocolate with Oreos on top." | {
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879 | We also invented America. \n\n*We're terribly sorry* | {
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880 | tell me more about how you are always finding videos of kids jerking off online | {
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881 | A lot of people don't realize just how bad the Belgian Congo was. \n\nOh you're too sick to work? I'll cut off your hand to motivate you! Or you can't work cause you're missing your hand? We'll then we'll just burn down your entire village. | {
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882 | It's true that he wouldnt brag about his car, but he would have a Honda. Jesus does not speak of his own Accord. | {
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883 | They certainly do it on the field | {
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884 | >Russia will turn into a nation of pedestrians.\n\nNah, the trick is to have laws on the book that everyone is guilty of and then not actually follow through on the prosecution. You only go after such 'offenders' when they do things you dislike. Staying out of prison requires no real due process then, as everyone is 'technically' a criminal but the 'criminals' who are complacent are allowed to go about their lives as long as those that are in power approve of the things they're doing. | {
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885 | The concierge was probably sleeping with her. | {
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886 | Also anytime someone refers to copying a file to a thumb drive as "downloading".\n\nDouble negative points if this action is accompanied by a progress bar that takes up a 3rd of the screen. | {
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887 | http://i.imgur.com/jca3Z9Z.gifv | {
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888 | There literally does not need to be any other comments than this one. | {
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889 | khaleesi's titties.\n | {
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890 | > "911, what's your emergency?"\n\n> "Yes, hello 911? There's a black m-\n\n> "Officers are enroute."\n\nFTFY\n | {
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891 | The other 9 gave up trying to find it. | {
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892 | You're not the only one. I can feel it coming in the air tonight. Oh lord. | {
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893 | I'd have to stay in there just to pay that damn bill | {
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894 | Laugh loudly, turn 180 degrees and run. | {
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895 | Fuckin baller shit right there. Good on the guy. | {
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896 | This is the answer neckbeards didnt want to hear\n\nEdit: oh great. Now donkeydick's comment got gold. Why live? | {
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897 | *Two* loaves of bread. | {
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898 | Hey! We Polish aren't fat!\n\nedit: Thanks Stranger! You've popped my gilded cherry. | {
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899 | About time they learned how to dance. | {
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