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600
Nor is it appealing to 90% of the western world.
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601
> Single female\n\nNot disappointed ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)
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602
I'd rather have faith in my pullout game than put my dick in a ziplock bag.
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603
No one wants to smell his natural Musk.
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604
That is why I like the new James Bonds. In the new ones he is just tough as nails, running through walls, gets shot and stabbed multiple times. He even gets his fucking balls crushed by an insanely large monkey's fist, and laughs his ass off.\n\nThe old(er) ones with Pierce he gets shot at by 300 anonymous henchmen all named Vladmir and every single bullet avoids him. You ain't Neo, man.
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605
Netflix?! Jesus, I thought I was living on the edge browsing text-only subreddits, you crazy!\n\nEdit: Thank you!
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606
Ah, Australia. Come for the scenery, stay because you're in the hospital.
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607
I'm gonna go over there, and *small talk the shit* out of all of you
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608
"Iwillmeetyouatthemovietheatreat5:30?"\n\n"5:45,5:50,6pm,6:15..."
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609
Doubt it. This is basically a daily ritual in Australia.
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610
Yeah, I wish I could lose a Superbowl game.
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611
Its like a super meta How I Met Your Mother\n\n
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612
Did you point out how damned good-looking the people in that picture were and how you wished you could look that good in the uniform and felt maybe a little intimidated now?\n\nBecause if not, missed opportunities....
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613
All I can say is I am so glad I'm not you right now.
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614
Ahh. The blue mountain state aproach
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615
Yeah but they were still marooned on an island
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616
I awaken. I consume oxygen, then bacon, eggs and black coffee, then my wife, then bacon.\n\nI love to paddle my own canoe, and also wife. Best while staring at the leaves of the maple or sycamore.
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617
My parents think I'm a virgin.\n\nThey are correct :(
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618
Rolls of toilet paper that are perforated lengthwise instead of parallel to the roll. One sheet would be 1/4 inch wide and 60 yards long
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619
Stop when things start peeling or bleeding though.
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620
> that fucking bitch\n\naww, true love
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621
Made me spit my tea out, asshole.
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622
Agreed, his last crowning achievement was about 16 years ago.\n\n \n\nedit: Thank you for the gold anonymous redditor.
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623
The pun would work better if this wasn't a text-based interview, now wouldn't it?
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624
The guy on the right is Reddit's own /u/Ben10MMA
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625
Australian ponies have to be <56 inches.\n\nWe're a country that strives to have cuter ponies than the rest of the world.
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626
He didn't even use a period, he must have hated those hiking boots.
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627
Another interesting thing about The Office is that some actors were in the annex because they were actually also producers in the show and couldn't be in every scene in the background, so they put them in a place where most of the time they couldn't be seen.
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628
That was both fun and a fact. 9/10 would read again.
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629
Instructions unclear, she's pregnant in two places now.\n\nMandatory gold edit: thank you, random peep!
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630
honestly the most English part of this joke is that the Welsh were completely ignored
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631
you've been waiting an awfully long time with this very specific username...
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632
That's so simple it's brilliant; it reminds me of the one from Kiss Kiss Bang Bang:\n\nPerry: Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?\n\nHarry: A picture of me?\n\nPerry: No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!
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633
>We are putting a lot of effort into design esthetics, not just utility\n\nim glad we have top men ensuring the future is sexy
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634
What I don't understand is what is the point? It's not like Marylyn Monroe is some mythical figure. We have pictures of her. We can all see she isn't fat.
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635
Alive at the same time; one mimed and the other rhymed.\n\nEdit: Wow, Reddit Gold! Thank you kind stranger. May karma pay you back a hundredfold.
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636
Your coworker's going places. Namely circles.
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637
I don't have a wife, but I yelled at my dog earlier and he got pretty scared. I had a bad day. I'm going to go apologize, give him a treat and curl up with some Netflix. \nEDIT: Thanks for the gold fellow dog lover. I actually did apologize to him, give him a treat and watch Netflix. He enjoys It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia!
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638
Nothing lucky about it. Dude is a nice guy, people appreciate it.
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639
Classic sim. She's practicing to up her charisma point.
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640
Gilded comment goes here.
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641
I don't know where all the time goes. I'm just perpetually tired now.
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642
"Don't ask me how it got the gun, just run!"
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643
Rock: "Ok, Contestant #1, you've gotten a whiff of this dish. Now comes the most important part. Do you..."\n\nStudio Audience: "...smell what the Rock is cooking!"\n\nContestant #1: "Ok, let's see...It smells like--"\n\nRock: "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT IT SMELLS LIKE"
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644
Sorry Double D my mom caught me playing with the belly button jar so she took away my stairs.
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645
You're clearly not British. This is our equivalent of a furious rant.
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646
Wow, you're average-sized, are you an accountant? \n*sigh*
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647
I had this rare moment for the first time last year in my first year of university. We were sitting in the botanical gardens in the middle of the night hitting bongs and I looked around and we were all laughing, just sharing genuine happiness. It was the first time I just felt comfortable with the people around me. It was beautiful and I definitely considered one of the best moments in my life.
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648
Well, Spider-Man 3 was obviously worth it.
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649
"Can we turn off this R&B music? I kind of want to hear you breathing."\n\n"Ok..."\n\n"Do you wanna take off your pajama bottoms?"\n\n"No, actually I'd feel more comfortable if I just pulled my penis through the hole."
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650
They would of gotten away with it if it wasn't for the meddling kids
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651
If you want to be stealthy you can just plop it in the water.
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652
Haha everyone's had a posh wank at some point
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653
Yeah. 99.99% of Americans think they're creepy, too.
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654
They knew, man. You think your mum hasn't ever caught some yoghurt? And your dads a dad, dude.\n\nThat's nasty. You nasty.\n\n
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655
Hands on hips is the universal sign for "well fuck me".
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656
Yes, and vanilla-colored.
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657
He learned the hard way that adults don't want the truth, they want good liers.\n\nEdit: it is when I make a shitty comment that I get lots of karma, the world is definitely unfair!
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658
Fuck. I read your comment wrong the first time and for a moment thought wasps the size of dinner plates were a thing. \n\nEDIT: Please stop sending me pictures of big-ass wasps, I can't handle this.
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659
That woman was awesome. It was really nice of her to not only recognize that her date was a dick, but to actually come back and do something to rectify the situation. A lot of people would feel bad, but not actually return and try to set things right.
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660
You should have tipped the lady.
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661
One time Chris Brown tweeted something like "No more planking for me, unless its on a sexy lady!" And a fox newscaster retweeted saying "You spelled punching wrong." Then the news caster had to apologize on TV and he made it really sarcastic and it was hilarious
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662
**I decided my best bet would be to run inside and play video games.**\n\nHoly cow, I haven't laughed so hard for so long.
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663
He never learned spanish.\n___ \n\n*EDIT: I can't believe one of you fuckers gave me gold for this comment. Thanks to whomever it was... and I'll see you in hell.*
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664
He'd just go on the roof and shove his hand through the ceiling.
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665
He is saying that if you find his pot of gold, he will give you 3 wishes.
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666
'And then what happened?'
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667
They date on the web.
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668
Oh yeah well one time I got through an entire lollipop without biting it
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669
This may be the real-life equivalent of a risky click of the day for OP
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670
there's no time to be bored. i'm so busy doing the horse dance...
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671
I saw my teacher at the grocery store once, she bought food and stuff. It was weird.
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672
Hahah that's funny.\n\nNo!\n\nHaha.
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673
As a person with celiac it is HELL and I would never want to wish it on anyone. I hate it when my hands break out in blisters or the fact that if I ignore it I will probably get cancer. But I sure love that I can get gluten free food that isn't just garbage now. Thanks hipsters you have made it mainstream enough to be profitable. Now I dont have to eat 8 dollar bricks of rice "bread."
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674
They also own Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream which promotes highly unsexualised bellies.
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675
I GODDAM ASKED YOU IF YOU WANTED SOME FRIES AND YOU SAID NO SO FUCK NO KEEP YOUR GODDAM MITTS OFF MY FUCKING FRIES!!!
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676
She wouldn't last 10 minutes nowadays, she'd just dart for the dairy aisle to try to find some Activia to eat. \n\n\n\n\nEDIT: I'd like to dedicate this reddit gold I've received from a kind stranger to Jamie Lee Curtis's bowels.
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677
The problem is nobody cares. Look at any major crime thread and you'll see jokes about the criminal being raped and people saying they hope he is. \n\nPeople have been programmed to see prisoners as something less than human. There's more attention given to animal shelter conditions than prisons because the idea that the prisoners deserve this treatment is so common. \n\nThey aren't going to try to fix something that most people don't believe is broken.
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678
Well at least I won't be hungry.
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679
"why does he have 30 bookmarks of a crying panda bear?"
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680
Snoring is a sign that she is guzzling other dudes cum.
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681
Just like driving. Keeping them steady at 10 and 2.
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682
Sorry, we were looking for porn. The answer is porn. \n\nEdit... Gold really? Talk about /r/circlejerk
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683
Well you could build unlimited [boner-hiding apparatuses](http://i.imgur.com/zJKrQW5.png).
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684
Hell, talking to children like they're children. I didn't like it as a kid and I didn't do it with my own. They turned out OK.
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685
You don't have to wait it out. A man can get rid of an erection by flexing a large muscle for about 30 seconds or more, like both thighs. If you're sitting, rest your feet on your toes and push off the ground as if you're just about to stand up.
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686
"Never mind guys, I fixed the problem"
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687
Was this about 4 years ago? If so, it's possible I watched you the entire time.
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688
8% of people read this as "8% of people pronounce wiffy as wiffy"
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689
Apparently I already have reddit shit then.
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690
β”Œβ”€β”€β•β•§β•β”€β”€β”\n β”‚ Bang. β”‚\n β””β”€β”€β•β•€β•β”€β”€β”˜\n \n β”Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β•β•§β•β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”\n β”‚ Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang. β”‚\n β””β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β•β•€β•β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”˜
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691
I double clicked your upvote arrow.
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692
Stop mocking me, please.
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693
and if anyone asks to turn it down, you ask "for what?"\n\n
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694
Your brother's kind of a dick. If I found a vid of one of my sisters online, I'd let THEM know and let THEM handle it, not immediately go I'M TELLING MOM AND DAD WAAAAAAAAH. Especially since my sisters are adults who can make their own goddamn life decisions.\n\nSeriously. Your brother's a douche.
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695
You're a glass half empty kind of guy, ain'tchya.
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696
That's a long erection
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697
I got to "glitter pool" and couldn't continue because all I could think of was a gust of wind turning your neighborhood into the most fabulous neighborhood of all time, *forever.*\n\nEdit: *awww yeah.* My highest rated comment is about glitter. It's craft time.\n\nEdit the second: you're all really good at naming places that glitter can get into that would suck. Buttcracks and eyeballs have been said a few times.
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698
My co-worker did this...\n\n1. Tape over the laser\n\n2. Turns out, mouse was unplugged, too\n\n3. Also, image on screen was a screen-shot of the background of the computer, so even when the mouse was "fixed", it still didn't move\n\n
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699
I bet he's got a hell of a career doing nothing.
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