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“Wow, is that Katniss making out with Yoda?”
Becky Albertalli,
[ "funny" ]
“POZZO:I am blind.(Silence.)ESTRAGON:Perhaps he can see into the future.”
Samuel Beckett,
[ "darkness", "funny", "future", "humor", "pessimism" ]
“Dearest Annie, Roses are red. Violets are blue. I’m using my hand But I’m thinking of you. - Ronan P.S. Just to clarify, I’m using my hand to write this note…get your mind out of the gutter.”
L.H. Cosway,
[ "funny", "hilarious", "note" ]
“Hayden?""Yes,Gia?""Nothing I just wanted to say your name”
Kasie West,
[ "cute", "funny", "love" ]
“Why couldn't you turn into a fireball when we were on the same team!”
Pittacus Lore,
[ "fireball", "funny", "humor", "nine" ]
“Are you suggesting I’m working with thezombies? That I paid them to pretend toattack me so that I’d trick you into letting me join you?”“Did you?” Mr. Holland demanded.“Yeah, okay,” I said in a sugar-sweet tone. “You’re right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steaks, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn’t tell. In exchange I asked him to gather hisbest undead buddies and stalk me throughmy friend’s yard. And oh, yeah, it wastotally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night dinner buffet, because having organs is so last season.”
Gena Showalter,
[ "funny", "paranormal-romance", "sarcasm", "zombie" ]
“Ren took off his jacket, which slicited a squeak from Jennifer who was now totally focused on Ren's golden-bronze biceps. His perfectly fitted muscle shirt showed off his extremely well-developed arms and chest. I hissed at him quietly, "For heaven's sake, Ren! You're going to give the women heart palpitations!”
Colleen Houck
[ "funny", "kelsey", "ren" ]
“I can't go to Amsterdam. One of my doctors thinks it's a bad idea."He was quiet for a second. "God," he said. "I should've just paid for it myself. Should've just taken you straight from the Funky Bones to Amsterdam.""But then I would've had a probably fatal episode of deoxygenation in Amsterdam, and my body would have been shipped home in the cargo hold of an airplane," I said. "Well, yeah," he said. "But before that, my grand romantic gesture would have totally gotten me laid."I laughed pretty hard, hard enought that I felt where the chest tube had been. "You laugh because it's true," he said.I laughed again."It's true, isn't it!" "Probably not," I said, and then after a moment added, "although you never know.”
John Green,
[ "augustus-waters", "funny", "hazel-grace-lancaster" ]
“I had a dream about you last night... you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs.”
Amy Summers,
[ "dreaming", "dreams", "funny", "humor", "life", "relationships", "sleep", "sleeping" ]
“Gods, I love it when you talk mathy to me.”
Kresley Cole,
[ "cute", "flirty", "funny" ]
“gray hair is gods graffiti”
Bill Cosby
[ "funny", "god", "graffiti", "hair" ]
“You read a book for the story, for each of its words," Gordy said, "and you draw your cartoons for the story, for each of the words and images. And, yeah, you need to take that seriously, but you should also read and draw because really good books and cartoons give you a boner."I was shocked:"Did you just say books should give me a boner?""Yes, I did.""Are you serious?""Yeah... don't you get excited about books?""I don't think that you're supposed to get THAT excited about books.""You should get a boner! You have to get a boner!" Gordy shouted. "Come on!"We ran into the Reardan High School Library."Look at all these books," he said."There aren't that many," I said. It was a small library in a small high school in a small town."There are three thousand four hundred and twelve books here," Gordy said. "I know that because I counted them.""Okay, now you're officially a freak," I said."Yes, it's a small library. It's a tiny one. But if you read one of these books a day, it would still take you almost ten years to finish.""What's your point?""The world, even the smallest parts of it, is filled with things you don't know."Wow. That was a huge idea.Any town, even one as small as Reardan, was a place of mystery. And that meant Wellpinit, the smaller, Indian town, was also a place of mystery."Okay, so it's like each of these books is a mystery. Every book is a mystery. And if you read all of the books ever written, it's like you've read one giant mystery. And no matter how much you learn, you keep on learning so much more you need to learn.""Yes, yes, yes, yes," Gordy said. "Now doesn't that give you a boner?""I am rock hard," I said.”
Sherman Alexie,
[ "boners", "books", "funny", "knowledge", "reading" ]
“She should have remembered her past experiences in the relationship wars and not let herself get so excited. Evidently her hormones had overruled her common sense and she had become drunk on ovarian wine, the most potent, sanity- destroying substance in the universe.”
Linda Howard,
[ "funny", "love" ]
“If you're ever feeling a lack of middle-aged white men, just pop into the Capitol. Not so much the House of Representatives, which has a bit more color and texture, but the Senate -- jeez. Yes, let's have more testosterone running the country.Maximum Ride, School's Out--Forever”
James Patterson
[ "capitol", "funny", "maximum-ride", "senate" ]
“Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless”
Kiersten White,
[ "evie", "funny", "kiersten-white", "paranormalcy" ]
“So they finally gave you the license to kill, about time.”
Richelle Mead,
[ "christian", "funny", "vampire-academy-series" ]
“I hate witches. Humans had the right idea, burning them at the stake.”
Charlaine Harris,
[ "eric-northman", "funny", "sookie-stackhouse", "true-blood", "witches" ]
“As I climbed up into the high old bed, the large fly in my personal ointment did the same. Had I actually told him he could get in bed with me? Well, I decided, as I wriggled down under the soft old sheets and the blanket and the comforter, if Eric had designs on me, I was just too tired to care."Woman?""Hmmm?""What's your name?""Sookie. Sookie Stackhouse.""Thank you, Sookie.""Welcome, Eric.”
Charlaine Harris,
[ "eric-northman", "funny", "sookie-stackhouse", "true-blood" ]
“When mice run, cats give chase.”
Rachel Vincent,
[ "funny", "life" ]
“Not one word," Kel warned. "Tobe and I have reached an understanding." Neal's lips twitched. "Why do I feel you did most of the understanding.”
Tamora Pierce
[ "funny", "keladry-of-mindelan", "lady-knight", "tamora-pierce" ]
“It's sometimes funny to watch some people doing something the wrong way but doing it confidently. Even more funny, they succeeded.”
Toba Beta [Betelgeuse Incident],
[ "confident", "fun", "funny", "succeeded", "watch", "watching", "way", "wrong" ]
“Hey, princess of Popsicles! Queen of curlicue cones.”
Wendy Higgins,
[ "anna-whitt", "funny", "jay", "sweet-evil" ]
“I lost a horse today.''That sounds careless. What happened?''She jumped off a cliff.''A cliff! Is that normal?”
Maggie Stiefvater,
[ "cliff", "funny", "george-holly", "sean" ]
“Her voice was now so shrill only bats would be able to hear it soon, but she had reached a level of indignation that rendered her temporarily speechless..”
J.K. Rowling,
[ "funny", "hermione" ]
“A man touched me: his hand... my thigh.I touched him too: my fist... his jaw.”
Joseph Gordon-Levitt,
[ "funny", "girl-power", "unexpected" ]
“If god meant for people to talk into cellphones, he would've put our mouths on the side of our heads.”
Devon Sampson
[ "funny", "intelligent-design" ]
“Vic knelt by Lucas's side. 'You look like crap, by the way.''Thanks for breaking it to me gently.' Lucas took a deep breath, then groaned.”
Claudia Gray,
[ "funny" ]
“He started to touch the mechanism under the keyboard, then pulled his hand back with a snap."Ah," he said. "Must deactivate the security....Turn around, please.""What?""Turn around, Claire. It's a secure password!""You have GOT to be kidding.""Why ever would I joke about that? Please turn.”
Rachel Caine,
[ "claire-danvers", "funny", "ghost-town", "humor", "morganville-vampires", "myrnin", "rachel-caine", "vampire", "vampires" ]
“He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. He clicked his key chain and the car beeped and the doors locked."That's it?"He looked up. "Sorry?""Aren't you afraid it might get stolen? We're not exactly in a good part of town.""It's got a car alarm.""Don't you, like, cast a spell or something? To keep it safe?""No. It's a pretty good car alarm.”
Derek Landy,
[ "funny", "skulduggery", "skulduggery-pleasant" ]
“vers libre," (free verse) or nine-tenths of it, is not a new metre any more than sleeping in a ditch is a new school of architecture.”
G.K. Chesterton,
[ "archtecture", "free-verse", "free-verse-poetry", "funny", "funny-but-true", "poetry" ]
“You can't kill us all, human.' He was right. I raised the machine gun a little. 'True, but who's going to be first in line?”
Laurell K. Hamilton,
[ "anita-blake", "bad-ass", "funny" ]
“Does it hurt?”He bent his head and lightly kissed her forehead. “Only when I laugh.”“I’ll try not to be funny.”“Epic fail, beautiful.”
Rachel Caine,
[ "claire-danvers", "funny", "shane-collins", "sweet" ]
“Caine tried to roll to his feet, but something was jabbing him in the crouch. He shook off the stars and saw Edilio standing over him. Edilio had the business end of his automatic rifle in a very sensitive place. "If you move, Caine, I will shoot your balls off," Edilio said. "Toto?" "He will," Toto said, "Although he's not sure it will be just your balls.”
Michael Grant,
[ "balls", "caine", "edilio", "funny", "gone", "gone-series", "light", "michael-grant", "toto" ]
“Shit, man, if I didn’t know you were in a world of pain right now, I’d be filming this.”
Tahereh Mafi,
[ "funny", "kenji", "restoreme", "warner" ]
“Leap out the window, my inner Tigress cried. You aren't ready to face such a powerful Tiger. I frowned. I thought a true Tigress never backed down from a fight. Don't you know anything? When she's in heat, she avoids everything male. Now run!”
Gena Showalter,
[ "funny" ]
“And so that means...""We have to rob the Henley," Simon said.Kat sank onto a truly uncomfortable sofa. "Again.”
Ally Carter,
[ "funny", "gabrielle", "heist-socity", "henley", "kat", "simon" ]
“Shane, in case we don’t … don’t come out of this, I wanted to say…”He glanced over at her, and she felt her whole body warm from it. She remembered that look. It made her feel naked inside and out, but not in a creepy kind of way. In a way that felt…. Free. “If what you say is true, and I guess it has to be, I think I know why we’re … together,” he said. “I think I’d fall for you no matter what, Claire. You’re kind of awesome.”
Rachel Caine,
[ "claire-danvers", "eve-rosser", "funny", "ghost-town", "humor", "michael-glass", "morganville-vampires", "myrnin", "rachel-caine", "shane-collins", "teacher", "vampire", "vampires" ]
“I’m not trying to—What do teenagers say nowadays?” he asked my grandmother.“Get all up in her biznez,” Nana said.Without cracking a smile.“That’s right,” he replied. “We’re not trying to get all up in your biznez, Ali.”
Gena Showalter,
[ "funny", "grandparents", "teenage-slang" ]
“The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.”
Bauvard,
[ "funny", "humor", "ideas", "random" ]
“The wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone." Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid, worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way.”
James Finn Garner,
[ "fairy-tales", "funny", "humor", "little-red-riding-hood", "politics", "sexist" ]
“The only thing known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Wheedle. He reasoned like this: you can't have more than one king, and tradition demands that there is no gap between kings, so when a king dies the succession must therefore pass to the heir instantaneously. Presumably, he said, there must be some elementary particles -- kingons, or possibly queons -- that do this job, but of course succession sometimes fails if, in mid-flight, they strike an anti-particle, or republicon. His ambitious plans to use his discovery to send messages, involving the careful torturing of a small king in order to modulate the signal, were never fully expanded because, at that point, the bar closed.”
Terry Pratchett,
[ "funny", "monarchy", "physics" ]
“     Illicit flight Alfa Bravo Charlie quickly reached a predetermined altitude and stopped dead. The passengers on board screamed the way people do on fairground rides. The shuttle hesitated momentarily and then shot forward accelerating rapidly to reach a blistering 145,222 miles per hour. They were in a Mach 22 situation. The cries from on-board could not be heard from the ground. Neither did anyone in the great metropolis of Llar witness the bright blue vapour trail the craft left behind in its wake. It was after all overcast and raining heavily.”
A.R. Merrydew,
[ "adventure", "drama", "dystopian", "fantasy-novel", "fast-paced", "full-on", "funny", "gripping", "magical", "wars" ]
“If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.”
Darynda Jones,
[ "funny", "humour" ]
“HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There arefour kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, andpraiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slainwhether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is foradvantage of the lawyers.”
Ambrose Bierce,
[ "funny", "homicide", "humor" ]
“Working for Mab now, are you, Wolfman?" he smirked. "Like a good little attack dog? Will you also roll over and beg if she asks?”
Julie Kagawa,
[ "funny", "puck" ]
“Demon pox, oh demon poxJust how is it acquired?One must go down to the bad part of townUntil one is very tired.Demon pox, oh demon pox, I had it all along—Not the pox, you foolish blocks,I mean this very song—For I was right, and you were wrong!”
Cassandra Clare,
[ "demon-pox", "funny", "the-infernal-devices", "will-herondale" ]
“The problem with having evil minions is that minions are stupid.”
Larissa Ione,
[ "funny", "humor" ]
“Save your explanations, I got some questions for you first and you'd better answer them!' [slurred Hellian.] 'With what?' [Banaschar] sneered. 'Explanations?' 'No. Answers. There's a difference-' 'Really? How? What difference?' 'Explanations are what people use when they need to lie. Y'can always tell those,'cause those don't explain nothing and then they look at you like they just cleared things up when really they did the opposite and they know it and you know it and they know you know and you know they know that you know and they know you and you know them and maybe you go out for a pitcher later but who picks up the tab? That's what I want to know.' 'Right, and answers?' 'Answers is what I get when I ask questions. Answers is when you got no choice. I ask, you tell. I ask again, you tell some more. Then I break your fingers, 'cause I don't like what you're telling me, because those answers don't explain nothing!”
Steven Erikson,
[ "answers", "banaschar", "drunk", "explanations", "funny", "hellian", "humor", "malazan-book-of-the-fallen", "philosophy", "priest", "sergeant", "the-bonehunters", "wordplay" ]
“Come on," I said, taking his hand. Clutching the afghan with the other hand, he trailed down the hall after me, a snow white giant in tiny red underwear.”
Charlaine Harris,
[ "eric-northman", "funny", "sookie-stackhouse", "true-blood" ]
“Angelina leaned forward as Sara pulled Miki back to her, "You know what they say about curiosity? That it stabbed the annoying biker girl over and over and over again until she spit up blood.”
Shelly Laurenston,
[ "funny", "humor", "humour" ]
“In the war room, love? What if someone comes in?”I stood and removed his shirt. “Then they’ll have a good story to tell.”“Good?” He adopted the pretense of being offended.“Prove me wrong.”
Maria V. Snyder,
[ "funny", "love" ]
“Everything's amazing right now, and nobody's happy.”
Louis C.K.,
[ "amazing", "ck", "funny", "louis" ]
“sometimes when everything seems atits worstwhen all conspiresand gnawsand the hours, days, weeksyearsseem wasted – stretched there upon my bedin the darklooking upward at the ceilingi get what many will consider anobnoxious thought:it’s still nice to beBukowski.”
Charles Bukowski,
[ "bukowski", "ego", "funny", "ironic", "irony", "obnoxious", "poem", "poetry" ]
“I've never felt so bereft and panicky. What do I do without my phone? How do I function? My hand keeps automatically reaching for my phone in its usual place in my pocket. Every instinct in me wants to text someone, 'OMG, I've lost my phone!' but how can do that without a bloody phone?”
Sophie Kinsella,
[ "funny" ]
“I had liked him for all the wrong reasons.”
Wendelin Van Draanen,
[ "drama", "funny", "humor", "romance" ]
“You've read half the books in this house? This whole house?" "Well, approximately half." Sticky said. "To be more accurate, I suppose I've read more like" - his eyes went up as he calculated - "three sevenths? Yes, three sevenths." "Only three sevenths?" said Kate, pretending to look disappointed. "And here I was prepared to be impressed.”
Trenton Lee Stewart,
[ "books", "funny", "reading", "sarcasm" ]
“Your level of neuroses will only find love in a made-for-TV movie.”
Michelle Hodkin,
[ "describes-me", "funny", "humor" ]
“When this is all over, when Van Eck has been put in his place, when Rollins goes running, and the money is paid, these will still be my streets. I can’t live in a city where I can’t hold up my head.” “If you have a head to hold up,” said Jesper. “I’ve taken knives, bullets, and too many punches to count, all for a little piece of this town,” said Kaz. “This is the city I bled for. And if Ketterdam has taught me anything, it’s that you can always bleed a little more.”
Leigh Bardugo,
[ "bleed", "funny" ]
“Agatha: "If you say anything smug or stuck-up or shallow, I'll have Reaper follow you home."Sophie: "But then I can't talk!”
Soman Chainani,
[ "agatha", "funny", "sophie", "vanity" ]
“No one messes around with a nerd’s computer and escapes unscathed.”
E.A. Bucchianeri,
[ "computer", "computer-hackers", "computers", "funny", "geek", "geek-humor", "humor", "humour", "nerd", "nerd-humor", "nerds", "revenge", "vengeance" ]
“Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like... after "I love you"... or "You're going to live"... or "It's a boy!”
Demetri Martin
[ "comedian", "comedy", "equivocation", "funny", "humor" ]
“So, Mr. Digence, home to visit the family?""That's right. My mother's folks are from Killarney.""Oh, really?""O'Reilly, actually. But what's a vowel between friends?""Very good. You should be on the stage.""It's funny you should mention that."The passport officer groaned. Ten more minutes and his shift would have been over. "I was being sarcastic, actually. . .""Because my friend, Mr. McGuire, and I are also doing a stint in the Christmas pantomime. It's Snow White. I'm Doc, and he's Dopey."The passport officer forced a smile. "Very good. Next."Mulch spoke for the entire line to hear. "Of course, Mr. McGuire there was born to play Dopey, if you catch my drift."Loafers lost it right there in the terminal. "You little freak!" he screamed. "I'll kill you! You'll be my next tattoo! You'll be my next tattoo!"Much tutted as Loafers disappeared beneath half a dozen security guards."Actors," he said. "Highly strung.”
Eoin Colfer,
[ "funny" ]
“But — why would she break up with you? Why was she crying?” At this, I laugh again.“ Because I,” I say, pointing at myself, “am a monster."Kenji looks confused. “ And how is that news to anyone?”I smile. He’s funny, I think. Funny guy.”
Tahereh Mafi,
[ "funny", "kenji", "restoreme", "warner" ]
“I watch the Eruptions. Mount Dad, long dormant, now considered armed and dangerous. Mount Saint Mom, oozing lava, spitting flame. Warn the villagers to run into the sea.”
Laurie Halse Anderson,
[ "accurate", "funny" ]
“You look angry," he said."You put me on hold.""For a very good reason.""You put me," she said very, very slowly, "on hold.”
Derek Landy,
[ "funny", "humor", "skeleton", "valykrie" ]
“It's a very small object to be capable of doing many wonderful things, don't you think?""It does much more that that," Valkyrie said, opening up a game and showing it to him.His eyes widened. "What wonder is this?""It's called Angry Birds. Now do you believe me?”
Derek Landy,
[ "angry", "angry-birds", "birds", "funny", "humour", "valkyrie" ]
“You be sure to throw the book at him, you hear me? I feel violated, Detective. Violated.""I'll throw this table at you if you don't give us the names we're looking for.”
Derek Landy,
[ "detective", "funny", "humour", "violated" ]
“Yeah, I get it; you're a vampire," she said. "Creepy. And okay, a little hot, I admit." "You don't mean that." "Come on. I still like you, you know, even if you... crave plasma." Michael blinked and looked at her as if he had never seen her before."You what?""Like. You." Eve enunciated slowly, as if Michael might not know the words. "Idiot. I always have. What, you didn't know?" Eve sounded cool and grown-up about it, but Claire saw the hectic color in her cheeks, under the makeup. "How clueless are you? Does it come with the fangs?" "I guess I... I just thought... Hell. I just didn't think... You're kind of intimidating, you know." "I'm intimidating? Me? I run like a rabbit from trouble, mostly," Eve said."It's all show and makeup. You're the one who's intimidating. I mean, come on. All that talent, and you look... Well, you know how you look." " How do I look?" He sounded fascinated now, and he'd actually moved a little closer to Eve on the couch. She laughed. "Oh come on. You're a total model-babe." "You're kidding.""You don't think you are?"He shook his head. "Then you're kind of an idiot, Glass. Smart, but and idiot." Eve crossed her arms.“So? What exactly do you think about me, except that I’m intimidating?”“I think you’re…you’re…ah, interesting?” Michael was amazingly bad at this, Claire thought, but then he saved it by looking away and continuing. “I think you’re beautiful. And really, really strange.”Eve smiled and looked down, and that looked like a real blush, under the rice powder. “Thanks for that, “ she said, “I never thought you knew I existed, or if you did, that you thought I was anything but Shane’s bratty freak friend.”“Well, to be fair, you are Shane’s bratty freak friend.”“Hey!”“You can be bratty and beautiful,” Michael said. “I think it’s interesting.”
Rachel Caine,
[ "claire-danvers", "eve-rosser", "funny", "ghost-town", "humor", "michael-glass", "morganville-vampires", "myrnin", "rachel-caine", "shane-collins", "teacher", "vampire", "vampires" ]
“Well, I don’t know how to break this to you, but I think they might have noticed we broke into Gringotts.”
J.K. Rowling,
[ "funny", "gringotts", "ron-weasley" ]
“A snap of Rhys’s fingers, and my nightclothes—and some flimsy underthings—appeared on the bed. “I couldn’t decide which scrap of lace I wanted you to wear, so I brought you a few to choose from.” “Pig,” I barked”
Sarah J. Maas,
[ "feyre", "flirting", "funny", "rhysand" ]
“Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.”
Eion Colfer,
[ "funny", "humour" ]
“Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy.”
Ilona Andrews
[ "funny", "ilona-andrews-website", "kate-daniels", "magic-bleeds" ]
“If anything attacked us, we could just panic at it until it went away.”
Seanan McGuire,
[ "books", "funny", "ironic", "rosemary-and-rue", "seanan-mcguire" ]
“I shouldn't have lost my temper that way. It just pricks his pride, makes him dig in his heels.""So why did you?" I asked, genuinely curious. It was rare for Nikolai's emotions to get the best of him. "I don't know," he said, shredding the leaf. "You got angry. I got angry. The room was too damn hot.""I don't think that's it.""Indigestion?" he offered."It's because you actually care about what happens to this country," I said. "The throne is just a prize to Vasily, something he wants to squabble over like a favorite toy, You're not like that. You'll make a good king."Nikolai froze. "I…" For once, words seemed to have deserted him. Then a crooked, embarrassed smile crept across his face. It was a far cry from his usual self-assured grin. "Thank you," he said.I sighed as we resumed our pace. "You're going to be insufferable now, aren't you?"Nikolai laughed. "I'm already insufferable.”
Leigh Bardugo,
[ "alina", "feels", "funny", "nikolai" ]
“Don’t do anything stupid.""Don’t worry," I whispered over the line, "I’m an expert on stupid.""You’re...""Like, I can spot stupidity, because I know it so well. The way an exterminator knows bugs really well, and can spot where they’ve been? I’m like that. A stupidinator.""Never say that word again," Prof said.”
Brandon Sanderson,
[ "bugs", "comedy", "expert", "exterminator", "exterminators", "funny", "humor", "stupid", "stupidity" ]
“A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.”
Erma Bombeck
[ "amusing", "funny", "humor" ]
“Pops: How about you finish this sentence for me, Jason? When a girl says no she means...Justin, looking desperately at me: No?Nana: Are you sure?Justin, shifting uncomfortably: I'm sure. No means no.Nana: Well look at you. You got one right. Now here's another, even tougher sentence for you to finish. Premarital sex is...Me: Nana! I'm so sorry Justin.Nana: Unlike Pops, I'm not moving on. Justin?Pops: His name is Jason.Justin:Uh....uh....Pops: While you think about that, why don't you tell me how you feel about drinking and driving?Justin: I'm totally against it, I swear!Nana: Methinks he protests too much.”
Gena Showalter,
[ "date", "drinking", "funny", "justin", "zombieland" ]
“Whenever I think of something but can't think of what it was I was thinking of, I can't stop thinking until I think I'm thinking of it again. I think I think too much.”
Criss Jami,
[ "brain", "challenge", "clever", "cognition", "cognitive", "cognitive-psychology", "contemplation", "creative", "creative-thinking", "excessive", "funny", "humor", "ideas", "insanity", "mentality", "perfectionism", "philosophy", "psychology", "think", "thinking", "thought", "witty", "wordplay" ]
“Maybe a friend is someone who wants your updates. Even if they're boring. Or sad. Or annoyingly cutesy. A friend says "Sign me up for your boring crap, yes indeed"--because he likes you anyways. He'll tolerate your junk”
E. Lockhart,
[ "friendship", "funny", "sweet", "true" ]
“When I die, I want them to bury me facedown and ass up so that the whole world can kiss my ass!”
Julie Halpern,
[ "funny", "humor" ]
“Because he sounded so lost-the Eric I knew had never been one to do anything other than assume others should serve him-I patted around under the covers for his hand. When I found it, I slid my own over it. His palm was turned up to meet my palm, and his fingers clasped mine. And though I would not have thought it possible to go to sleep holding hands with a vampire, that's exactly what I did.”
Charlaine Harris,
[ "eric-northman", "funny", "sookie-stackhouse", "true-blood" ]
“What were you thinking?" I demanded once we were moving to the music. I was trying to ignore his hands. "Do you know how much trouble you may have gotten me in?"Adrian grinned. "Nah. They all feel bad for you. You'll achieve martyrdom after dancing with a mean, wicked vampire. Job security with the Alchemists.”
Richelle Mead,
[ "adrian-ivashkov", "funny", "hilarious", "indigo-spell", "romance", "sydney-sage", "sydrian" ]
“My parents didn't raise me to be religious. The closest we come to worship is the Trinity of Visa, Mastercard, and American Express. I think the Merryweather cheerleaders confuse me because I missed out on Sunday School. It has to be a miracle. There is no other explanation. How else could they sleep with the football team on Saturday night and be reincarnated as virginal goddesses on Monday?”
Laurie Halse Anderson,
[ "accurate", "funny" ]
“What are you?” he demanded. “A slayer?" I rolled my eyes. “The name's Val, not Buffy. Do I look like a blond cheerleader with questionable taste in men?”
Parker Blue,
[ "funny", "tv-reference" ]
“He slowed down a bit more. "Gaia, how do you know these things?" She shrugged. "I'm smart." "And modest, too." "Modesty is a waste of time," she pronounced. "I'll keep that in mind.”
Francine Pascal,
[ "ed-fargo", "fearless", "funny", "modesty" ]
“Whatever you do, in the privacy of your own rain shower, is your own business”
Gregory David Roberts,
[ "funny", "humor" ]
“No such word as can't. No such word as babagoozle neither!”
Charlie Higson,
[ "funny" ]
“In the office, Michael sat behind our father’s desk, clicking away at the computer with his right hand, and making notes with his left. Ambidextrous freak.”
Rachel Vincent,
[ "funny" ]
“-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful."-"It was stupid.”
Lloyd Alexander,
[ "comebacks", "comedy", "comical", "funny", "humor", "humorous", "ironic", "satire", "sharp", "witty" ]
“I just don't believe in helping people who are going to torture me. Though I don't see any bamboo slivers. How can you possibly torture someone without bamboo slivers?”
Laurell K. Hamilton,
[ "anita-blake", "bad-ass", "funny" ]
“They said I was a valued customer, now they send me hate mail.”
Sophie Kinsella,
[ "funny", "humor", "humour", "shopping" ]
“Skulduggery.""Fletcher."Fletcher stuck out his hand. Skulduggery observed it for a moment."I'm sorry, what are we doing now?""Shaking hands," Fletcher said. "Like adults. I just want you to know that this past year has changed me. I've grown, as a person. I'm not the same Fletcher you used to know."You look a lot like him.""Well, yeah, but-""And you have the same ridiculous hair.""Can we just shake hands?""Of course we can," Skulduggery said, and they shook. "Now what?""I, uh...I don't really know. What do adults usually do after they shake hands?""Generally, the first thing they do is let go.""Oh, right," Fletcher said, and Skulduggery took his hand back. "So, Skulduggery, how have you been? You're looking well. That's a really nice tie."It's blue.""And such a nice shade."Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie. "You promised me he wouldn't be annoying.”
Derek Landy,
[ "funny", "greet", "hair", "shake" ]
“How'd you get to be so good at this?""I had a good teacher.""Better not have been Myrnin or I'll have to kick his predatory ass.""I mean you, dummy.""Oh.”
Rachel Caine,
[ "claire-danvers", "funny", "ghost-town", "humor", "morganville-vampires", "myrnin", "rachel-caine", "shane-collins", "teacher", "vampire", "vampires" ]
“Our problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit.”
Rick Riordan,
[ "carter-kane", "destruction", "earthquakes", "floods", "funny", "funny-and-random", "giant-snake", "humour", "ra", "rebellious", "riordan", "riots", "sadie-kane", "serpent", "snake", "sun", "survive", "tornado", "tsunamis" ]
“Just so you know, I get incredibly bored quite easily and you will be forced to be my source of entertainment. You'll kind of be like my own personal jester."I flipped him off."Well that wasn't funny at all.”
Jennifer L. Armentrout,
[ "alex", "deacon", "funny", "sarcasm" ]
“I brought you some coffee.” he held out the cup but she waved it away.“I hate that stuff. It tastes like feet.”At that he smiled. “How would you know what feet taste like?”“I just know.”-Luke and Clary, pg.209-”
Cassandra Clare,
[ "clary-fray", "coffee", "food-critics", "funny", "luke" ]
“He told me that if you yelled out "JAMBA!" at full volume, all the employees would yell back "JUICE!" He lied.”
Morgan Matson,
[ "amy", "brother", "charlie", "funny" ]
“Claire found herself staring at his feet, which were in bunny slippers. Myrnin looked down. "What?" he asked. "They're quite comfortable." He lifted on to look at it, and the ears wobbled in the air. "Of course they are," she said. Just when she thought Myrnin was getting his mental act together, he'd do something like that. Or maybe he was just messing with her. He liked to do that, and his dark eyes were fixed on her now, assessing just how weirded-out she was. Which, on the grade scale of zero to Myrnin, wasn't much.”
Rachel Caine,
[ "bunnies", "funny", "lol", "morganville-vampires", "vamps" ]
“Lief. That's not nice, considering all your sister has done for you," admonished Perl."Oh right. How could I forget that she made me bait for a snake, left me on house arrest in Ixia, and smuggled me into the Keep in a coffin.”
Maria V. Snyder,
[ "fire-study", "funny", "lief" ]
“I'm sure I look like a drowned cat.""You look fine. The wet look works for you."I scowled. "Now I know you're lying.”
Jennifer L. Armentrout,
[ "compliment", "daemon", "funny", "katy" ]