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My(51f) daughter (25) says she is trans male, which means I guess she uses he/him pronouns in public and uses a different name, but doesn't say anything when I or her father call her by her birth name. Anyway, recently she got top surgery which is when she gets her breasts removed, and her boyfriend (27) has been taking care of her. It's been about 2 months since the last time I saw her in person because of covid, and also because last time we got in a huge argument because I told her she should have talked to her father and I about serious cosmetic surgery like that. We try to talk on the phone and text at least once a week, but lately she's been pretty quiet about her life and won't tell us anything that's going on. My husband and I were over to drop off some food as her boyfriend is taking care of her basically around the clock and neither of them can go anywhere right now. When we got there, we saw our daughter laying on the couch without a shirt and we immediately covered our eyes and I started scolding her about not wearing a shirt when her father and I come over, while she yelled back that she "paid a shit ton of money to not have to wear a shirt" (her exact words). We just dropped the groceries by the front door and walked out, and then texted my daughter about how disrespectful that was and how she should always be wearing a shirt even if she got some stupid surgery. My husband said we should let it go, but if she's not going to wear a shirt when her parents come over, then she might embarrass herself by not wearing a shirt in public and showing off those ugly scars she now has from her cosmetic top surgery.
Tldr:; daughter got top surgery, wouldn't put on a shirt after we came over to drop off groceries ###### | YTA. Stop deadnaming and misgendering your son and start respecting who he is. No 25 year old needs permission from their parents to make choices about their own body.
If you keep going this way you’re not going to have a relationship with him at all. ###### |
I’m just so frustrated right now.
My (28M) wife (29F) continues to try to blame the fact that I’m not attracted to her on ME factors. Maybe it’s MY work, or MY family, MY weight.
Now it is MY hormone levels.
So my wife gave birth to our twins a year ago and since then I haven’t been attracted to her.
She’s had huge stretch marks and is still about 70 pounds overweight. Her personal hygiene is also very low.
I’ve been trying to give subtle clues. Like let’s get a healthy meal subscription or let’s walk around the trails after dinner. Or I’d talk about what perfumes she would like to wear.
However today she asked if next time I went to the doctor I’d get a testosterone. I looked at her in disbelief. Then she said that there could be a medical reason for my lack of attraction and kept pushing it.
I couldn’t take it and started laughing and putting my head in my hands and shaking it.
My wife got extremely pissed and said that you didn’t have to be 60 to be erectile dysfunction.
I finally snapped and said that I DID get hard in the right circumstances ( and it’s true- every time I go back to the college campus where I do research, I have felt intense attraction for a lot of the women there.)
Now she’s saying I’ve devastated her beyond belief and that her body will never be the same.
AITA? I can’t help how disgusted I am about stretch marks and I can’t help that my previously dead sense of attraction goes all the way to 100 when I see women where I work and I hate my wife for denying that I’m not the problem at all. ###### | YTA. Stop comparing your wife, whose body went through pregnancy and birth of TWINS, to young college students who make you horny.
It might not be a medical issue, but yes you are the problem in this equation. ###### |
My mil came over the other day to see my kids and we were going to go to the park. She had a legit hickey on her neck, like the kind high schoolers have. I asked her about it and she said she mentioned to her fiancé how trashy they are so he held her down and fucking did that. I told her that that kind of makes him an ass and she rolled her eyes and said they were playing and she doesn’t take advice from someone who has been in marriage counseling as long as they’ve been married. It was pretty humid so I get why she didn’t want to cover it with clothes but I asked her to put makeup on it. She had makeup on her face so I don’t get why she didn’t automatically put some on her neck. She seemed really annoyed but put some of mine on. My husband came home furious because he said I was rude and that I’m advertising our lack of a sex life to her. ###### | YTA. Stop being a prude.
Oh no, consenting adults like to do things to eachother!
Power to your MIL. ###### |
Some our friends invited us to this little cozy spot where they have karaoke or you can just sing some songs you wrote.
My wife used to be a singer when she was younger and when they asked if anyone from the crowd wanted to come up to the stage to sing, our table went crazy. Especially me. I heard my wife sing in the shower and the car and I knew she was going to blow the place away.
We finally got her on the stage and sang a song I didn't recognize, but it was beautiful and she had so much emotion behind it. About missing an ex.
One of the guys who knew my wife longer than I had saw I was getting upset and leaned forward, "It was just an ex from high school. He was piece of crap, it doesn't mean anything." I excused myself from the table and I left.
When my wife got home later, she was upset because I had left without her, and our friends had to drive her home. I asked her why she had sang a song about her ex.
She said that she sang a song about me right after, and if I stayed around I would have heard it.
I said, "Yeah, but why would sing about your ex *first* and you were nearly crying like you still missed him or something."
She said she was going to bed. I called some of our friends and they confirmed that she did a sing a song about me after, but that still doesn't explain why she was singing a song about her ex first and nearly in tears.
Edit: Thank you u/CraptacularAdventure and u/Incognitoacon - you really helped put things in perspective for me. I'm going to apologize to her as soon as she gets home. ###### | YTA. Speaking as a singer, I would be so hurt if my partner walked out during a performance.
One of the things we're trained to do is to act in order to sell a song. We are entertainers and we know that a sad song about an old boyfriend will draw the audience in much more than a happy song about their current partner. So get over your jealous self and realize what a gift you have in your wife. She wrote a song about you and it was a happy one. Do you really want to be the source/inspiration for a tearjerker? ###### |
I’m a bisexual woman. Last night, I was at my brother’s house for dinner along with our parents. I admit I have a bit of a crush on my brother’s wife. She’s easily in my ‘Top 3 prettiest women I know’ list.
During the dinner, I was casually flirting with her. Nothing over the top. She didn’t seem to mind .
After we got back, my brother sent this message asking me to stop making his wife uncomfortable. I told him that he was being dense and some casual flirting is normal. There was a point when a lot of water had spilled over SIL’s dress, and I’d casually remarked if I could help her change. My brother brought this up saying that it made SIL very uncomfortable and she couldn’t say anything then because my parents were present. I told him that it’s probably his insecurities making him overreact and not to worry cause SIL was straight. He told me they were cutting me off until I apologised and promised never to bother SIL again.
Well, I’m not apologising . SIL should’ve told me she was uncomfortable, I would’ve stopped. I think that my brother’s being over dramatic.
AITA? ###### | YTA. Speaking as a bisexual woman myself, I'm saying you should be even MORE aware of how often women feel unable to speak up when they're uncomfortable with flirting. You crossed lines, even if you didn't intend you, and you owe her an apology. ###### |
Me (25M) and my (27F)girlfriend got into a heated debate about my (24F) roomate. Its not what it sounds like, my gf and roomate are very good friends. Ok, so my roomate is very filthy and I find myself doing most of the cleaning around our home. Even my girlfriend cleans up after her. My roomate will cook and leave everything out, even the food expecting I will clean it. My girlfriend also brought to my attention that my roomate expects me to do things, like feed her dog. My roomate will start watching tv on the couch, and then call me to fetch her a soda. I also have to drive my roomate to work, and I do shop for her. I find myself so frustrated and I do complain to my gf. Anyways, so my girlfriend asked me to come over and eat but my roomate and an old friend were doing LSD, I felt like I should stay and watch out for my roomate. My gf was livid, because she thinks 1. I am a pushover she said that my roomate would never do that for me (kinda true) and then she said I had to be lying, because my roomate wont even smoke or drink with us, but suddenly does LSD? She also just thought it was stupid for me to "babysit" an adult who chose to do that. I just feel like my roomate is very naive, and will hurt herself or her dog will get out while shes high. My girlfriend said it wasnt about not coming for dinner, it was about constantly enabling my roomate. Could she be jealous? ###### | YTA. Sounds like you’re a better boyfriend to your roommate than your actual girlfriend. ###### |
While my girlfriend was out of town, one of our cats peed in a laundry basket of her clothes. There was a lot of pee. It was really gross.
She is upset, however, because I did it without asking first, although she was hard to reach where she was. She says she would have washed them and not thrown them out. There were a few items that she liked that were noticeably gone, and she would have salvaged them. There may be others but we’re not sure what was in there.
AITA? ###### | YTA. Sounds like you were just too lazy to wash them or even contact her to ask what to do with them. ###### |
So in our drama class, we decided to host a play. The play goes around the central theme of twins being mistaken for each other and deciding on taking advantage of that. The entire play is based on the fact that the twins are identical.
We decided on doing this play because my best friend has an identical twin, and they both are in drama. However, we still had to hold an audition for fairness and for the other roles, and I was the casting director.
My best friend (lets call her twin 1) auditioned for the role of twin 1 and got it, but when it came to the role of twin 2, another girl came to audition. It was her and twin 1's twin, and I decided to give the role to the twin for obvious reasons (it is necessary for the twins to be identical).
Non-twin filed a complaint to the school and the drama council that I was racist (my friend was white and so was her twin, while non-twin was black) and I had to explain that while she did a great job, but to be in the play you have to look similar to the twin and be fitted to the character. She said that I was racist and that her skin color should not limit her roles.
Anyway, I was cut off from my drama club, and I am shunned by my entire school. There are people who don't think I am racist, but they are too afraid to say so. I saw the practice of the play, and I HATE how people are pretending the story makes sense, but since they look so different, it absolutely looks crazy. Imagine the whole point of the story being that A and B look alike, but A is a 5'7 white girl and B is a 5'2 black girl. I think people are crazy for pretending they look identical, and that "they do not see a difference". Maybe I am racist for not letting a girl get the role for how she looked/the color of her skin, but I know if she was white I would not have given her the role and nobody would call me racist.
Am I the asshole? ###### | YTA. Sorry, but you already had a casting in mind and you wanted to rubber stamp it with a fake "fair" casting. You failed as a leader of the casting process at this point.
You did not specify that the two roles had to be filled by identical twins, so everyone should be able to participate and be cast and you did not hold a fair casting.
This is not Hollywood, this is a school play. I bet this role has been played by countless non identical twins and even non related people in school plays of the past. ###### |
My wife is admittedly a gold digger and a damn good one. She always dated men who could take care of her and when I met her she was definitely looking for a husband to keep that up. I don’t care and I don’t think it means we never fell in love but she knew what she wanted.
Most of the women in my circle don’t like her for obvious reasons but it’s been thirteen years and two children. I rarely use social media but she was showing me something on her Instagram the other day and I noticed that her bio said “mom, part time artist, full time gold digger” I told her that’s kind of embarrassing when I’m a respected professional and I already get enough shit for marrying her. She said I’m being prudish and stifling her. ###### | YTA. Sorry, but that's fucking hilarious. She's trolling the people who talk shit about her. I doubt your reasons for marrying her were any less shallow and mercenary than hers; at least she's not ashamed of who she is and what she wants. She can write whatever she wants on her instagram. ###### |
I generally have a good relationship with my 19yo son. He was an only child until he was 9 when I remarried and my wife and I had another son. My son gets along very well with my 10yo son (his half-brother) and my wife (his step-mother).
My oldest was very mellow, almost meek as a kid. There were only a few times that I can recall where my eldest did something wild and crazy. My 10yo has a wild streak to him that has only gotten worse. A lot of it has to do with his attitude and disrespect. He just wants to do what he wants to do and doesn't want to do what he doesn't want to do. It's unfortunate because he the kid that you want your kids to be around because he's so much fun.
A couple of nights ago, I heard some rumbling in our yard and backdoor at 1AM in the morning. It scared the shit out of my wife and I. I thought it was a home invasion. It wasn't. It my was 10yo son. I asked him what the fuck was he doing outside at 1AM in the morning. He gave some lie about a noise that he wanted to check out (he's still scared of the dark and has a nightlight). As it turns out, his friend dared him to come to his window late at night and my son took him up on that dare. His friend lives down the street. I shudder when I think about all the horrible things that could have happened to a 10yo walking down the street at 1AM in the morning.
As a punishment, I grounded him for two weeks and his electronics for a month. I also chewed him out. My son came home the following day and my son made a beeline to him crying. Later my eldest son told me I was fucked up for giving such a harsh punishment after my 10yo told him what happened. My eldest said I should reconsider and even apologize to my 10yo. I told my eldest that how I disciplined my kid is none of his business. My eldest said is was kinda his business because I was going overboard. I replied that I wasn't having this conversation and he can leave if he doesn't like it. ###### | YTA. Someone living under the same roof as you had some valuable input you disagree with. Instead of gently ending the conversation, you went full-on nuclear "you can move out". That is, for a variety of reasons, a very bad idea. ###### |
My ex-husband came out as gay while I was pregnant. He has since moved across the country and decided being a parent was too much of a burden for his "new life" so I have sole custody. I'm now a single mother to an almost toddler.
I tried to "get back out there" with online dating when my baby was 6 months old. I'm not yet 30 and I pretty much had my old body back by then, so I thought it wouldn't be super hard to get "matches". I made a profile with some of my pre-baby hobbies and some recent pictures on it. What I left out was anything to do with motherhood or having a baby. I didn't mention anything about kids at all.
Maybe I come from a different time, but I was raised with the idea that you shouldn't be posting about your kids on the internet because you never know who might see it. I relaxed enough to post about the baby on my personal Facebook, but only holiday family pictures and sanitized things. Not anything that is overly personal or would be a problem. However, a dating website that is specifically for adult purposes and is a completely anonymous public forum? Absolutely not.
Of course I wouldn't introduce my child to any partner until I knew it was serious, but I feel like the person I date doesn't even need to know they exist until we've had a first and second date. Talking online is nothing, and tons of first dates don't work out. I don't need to attract people who are just going to think "lonely single mom" or make it easier for people to investigate and doxx me.
I put everything on pause, but am just now starting it up again. I've shown the profile to some friends and family, and they're appalled that I am "denying" having a baby. They say I need to be upfront about it so that people know that I have other responsibilities for when I "need to flake". They also say that I'm risking wasting my time with childfree men, or wasting their time. AITA? ###### | YTA. Some people don’t want kids and if they’re interested in you you’re building their hopes up and then dashing them when you mention you have a child. You don’t need to put a photo up but just a sentence to say you’re a single mother is ok. I’m dating out there at the moment and I personally don’t want to get to know someone who already has kids - my personal preference. And I know it’s hard when you start getting attached to someone and then you find out they have kids when that is a non negotiable for me. But there are others out there who wouldn’t mind. So you’ll find someone who doesn’t mind. ###### |
A bit of a background story : my son (let's call him isaac ) and I along with his father and siblings moved to this new country 2 years ago where we dont have any friends , however , my side of the family lives near to my house and my husband's side of family lives in the same country but in a different city (90 km away) ,isaac had always been the quiet kind of guy , he is not shy in particular but still queit , he made friends here and hang out with them but not very much , his friends invite him but he sometimes cancels without a real excuse in my opinion.
The quarantine had been lifted month ago ,My husband and I enjoy going to my mum's (let's call his grandma emma ) house and we like to get isaac and his siblings engaged so we get them to go with us so they could enjoy time with their cousins , isaac always complain about this "obsession" and says that , if we get bored that easily then we should try to try an other parts of the city instead of going to the same place (Emma's house) over and over .
however I dont feel the need to do that because I find Emma's house entertaining enough for me and isaac so I always try to get isaac to go with me when he has nothing else to do because I want to break his shell and I dont want him to be "introverted" .
One Week ago , our family just returned from my husband's side of family and thought it would be a good idea to go to emma's house , issac was furious and said that we are obsessed and need to be a bit more independent , I told emma about this , and now she teases him about his complaining not to go to her house whenever she sees him , now he got even more stubborn and started hanging out with his friends like crazy so he can stop going to his grandma .
When I comforted him about it , he told me that's what I get for using passive aggressive behaviour and telling Emma .
Am I the asshole ? ###### | YTA. Some people are introverted and don’t want to hang out with others constantly. Your choice to tell Emma was also unfair and violated what trust your son had in you. ###### |
My friend (we’ll call her Irene) is 21, and had her daughter very young, she’s only 6 months.
Recently her and 2 of our friends were talking about having a weekend together, and Irene’s boyfriend would have their daughter. One of the girls in our “group” said we should all trip since we’ll have the night we get together and then another day to relax from the “hangover”. Irene said it sounds fun and she’s excited for our weekend together, but I told her it wasn’t a good idea.
I asked what if something happened to her daughter while she was gone, or needed to leave immediately. She said her boyfriend can handle their daughter and if she absolutely needs to leave she’ll take an Uber. I told her she’s ridiculous and is an irresponsible parent if she’s that persistent on doing drugs when she has a daughter at home, and she can trip sit if she’d like, if we even decide to do it. Irene got a bit upset and said she just wanted to have fun with us, and the last time she did anything of that sort was around 2 years ago, and she’s allowed to have fun even though she has a child. I responded with just “irresponsible parent” and she left the group chat.
My other 2 friends flipped out on me and said I should’ve just kept my mouth shut, and that Irene knows how to take care of her daughter, and Irene would never do anything that would put her daughter in danger. I told them she is being irresponsible, and they proceeded to leave the group chat. They all think I’ve ruined our weekend plans together, especially after not seeing each other for months.
TLDR; my friend Irene who is 21 wants to do acid with 2 or our friends and I. She has a daughter, and I told her she’d be irresponsible to trip with us, but she’s welcome to be a trip sitter and still hang out. Her and our friends are mad at me, and said I ruined our weekend plans and should’ve kept my mouth shut. AITA? ###### | YTA. So, you’re young enough to think doing acid is a great idea, but old enough to judge Irene for doing the exact thing you want to do. Interesting logic. Everyone seems to have shades of asshole here, but you for being a hypocrite, mostly. ###### |
So I have a habit of calling out to people on bike/walking paths "passing left" and/or "plingeling" (the sound of a bike bell) when coming up from behind before passing whilst exercising, running or biking. This can be used together with a real bike bell but I've found that calling out is more noticeable. Here I have to admit that I when passing people that wear headphones and that take up the majority of the path without moving, since they don't hear me, can get an extra call just when passing just to scare them and make them aware that they need to share the path. I know this is somewhat of a bitch move but I'm just so fed up with people taking up unnecessary space just because they're selfish or inconsiderate.
This time I was moving up on a teenager from behind getting ready to pass him. He was biking in the middle of the bike lane, leaving precious little space on either side. I was going for a left side pass since we have right hand traffic here. He was wearing headphones and not holding on to the handlebars of his bike. I called out. No response. So when passing, quite close due to the space issue, I called out again and spooked him. This resulted in him twitching, our handlebars locking and him falling of his bike into the road. No cars came just then luckily so no real harm done. The discussion after went something like this:
\-"Are you ok?"
\-"Yeah..."
\-"You shouldn't wear headphones if it means you can't hear the traffic when biking."
\-"Why'd you scare me so I fell?"
\-" I tried calling out before but you didn't hear me."
\-"But I couldn't hear you because I was wearing headphones!"
\-"Exactly..."
So AITA for scaring people when passing because they're wearing headphones? ###### | YTA. So, you also run over jaywalkers right? Because it’s their fault, for not being safe? And if you see someone not wearing a seatbelt, you jump in front of their car to make them brake and realize their stupidity, right? If someone is going downstairs without holding onto the railing, you push them to remind them to do it?
Do you realize how fucking dangerous your behavior is? What is wrong with you? Like really what the actual fuck. You are so, so lucky nobody got hurt!!
Safety first, safety first, safety first. Yes, even when other people are in your way. It d o e s n o t matter that you find it annoying.
I cycle too and there is no excuse for what you did. If someone doesn’t hear you ringing your bell, you ring again or call out again, and you wait until they are safely aware of your existence. Most people even with headphones will hear it. If you want, you can buy a little bike horn so you can warn from afar, they are usually a bit louder than bells.
If there is enough room, you can start coming on their side not too fast and wait for them to notice. And even that is risky. You do NOT startle people.
Nobody on the road is going to be safe 100% of the time. It is part of the deal. Creating dangerous situations to enforce the rules is fucking stupid. ###### |
I don’t know if this is a regular occurrence, but I went into the kitchen last night about an hour after I told my girlfriend I was going to bed. She always pumps before bed so I assumed that was what she was doing.
When I walked into the kitchen she was sitting at the table and she picked up the bottle she pumps into and took a sip. I said “what the hell” and she turned around and got super red in the face. I asked what she was doing and she said “I just took a sip I wanted to try it”. I said “you’re disgusting” and she started crying. I went back in the bedroom and she never came to bed until this morning she came in the room when our daughter started crying.
I asked why she never came to bed, and she said I made her feel embarrassed. I told her nobody was around, and I apologized if I upset her, but it was still gross. She made a comment about how drinking her own breast milk is less gross than drinking cows milk, but I said I disagree. Now she’s both upset and irritated with me. ###### | YTA. So you never licked your own blood off of a cut before? Never licked a vagina? Never got aroused from the sight of a woman swallowing? Never *kissed* someone-- cause newsflash, your saliva is 10x more disgusting (and 50x more dangerous) than her milk. Never chewed your nails, one of the most *dirtiest* parts of your body? Never licked tears/sweat off your own lips? Never stuck your finger into your mouth to dislodge that piece of food that's been sitting in your teeth for the past hour and swallow it down?
dude, the casual things you do on a everyday basis is 10x worse than silly little breast milk. (but breast milk is not disgusting, you had a knee jerk reaction and chose to be super stubborn and mean about it)
edit: thanks for the silver! ###### |
Context: I go to uni and draw as a hobby and as a way to get some money. I did various drawing lessons when I was younger and Im a very qualified and talented artist.
So my aunt(42f), uncle(40sm) and my cousin(6m) are staying at my house(parents house), and today my cousin put his filthy kid hands at the sketch of a drawing I was going to produce. I screamed at him many times and he started to cry, both my parents and his parents got mad at me and they said it was just a drawing and it doenst justify to scream at a kid, but danm, he is 6, not a fucking toddler, he is aware of his actions and if his parents dont teach him manners I will. After that shit I took some food and water and locked myself at my room so this little devil doenst touch my drawings again. Am I the asshole? It just doenst make sense that my parents got mad at me, I mean, I understand why his parents got angry since they are helicopter/overprotective parents, but not my parents. ###### | YTA. So you jumped right to screaming at a small child who merely touched something?
>filthy kid hands
>if his parents don’t teach him manners, I will
>locked myself in my room afterwards
You sound like the child here and I bet the consensus will be pretty unanimous.
Edit: I see from your comment history that you have overwhelmingly bad judgement ###### |
After my son married his husband, I always assumed I would never have grandchildren ( I only have him and his sister, who’s husband is sadly infertile ). However they recently told our family that they are thinking about raising a kid.
Of course I’m extremely exited about this, so he has been keeping me updated on what their plans are. They decided that whatever they do they will do it after this whole pandemic ends. And they are still trying to decide if they will try with a surrogate or just adopting.
I know that ultimately it’s their choice but I thought that I could still voice my opinion on the matter. I believe that a surrogate would be better because then it would actually be their biological children, and although I would still love the kid if he was adopted it simply isn’t the same. However he said that one of the problems with a surrogate is that they would have to choose who would donate the sperm, and so it would be “unfair” for one of them. And although I understand this I still thing is not that big of a deal, and that I would like my grandkid to look like my son.
And here’s where the problem came, my son’s husband happens to be Asian. So my son got really defensive when I said that, and he even asked me if I would dislike his kid if he was Asian. And look, I would definitely love the kid regardless of race, but just like any parent ( or in this case grandparent ) I would like the kid to look like our family. But he didn’t see it like that, and immediately called me racist.
Since then he has been really cold to me and doesn’t even mention the topic. Did I say something wrong? Because I just stated my opinion and then I got called racist and now my own son doesn’t want to talk to me. ###### | YTA. So when your son pointed out that it’s unfair for them to choose which one of them the kid would be biologically related to, it’s not that big of a deal. But when they’re talking about literally any other option, it’s a big deal and you want your grandkids to be biologically related to your son? You should probably just mind your business ###### |
I'll make this short. My boyfriend is allergic to pineapple, not deathly but it is very unpleasant for him. Whenever we have a moment of frustration, I will eat something pineapple related as a joke and he'll get pouty for a moment. Afterwards I'll obviously go brush my teeth, wash my hands, and apologize/talk out the argument we were having previously because I usually use the pineapple thing as a way to step back from the issue at hand since I tend to become heavily stressed when it comes to a possible big problem. Lately I realized that when I eat pineapple he'll get visibly upset and ask if something is wrong or if I'm upset with him. It obviously bothers me that he's getting upset over something as small as eating pineapple but I feel as if I am "conditioning" him of that because of my jokes. Am I overthinking? ###### | YTa. So when you’re angry, you eat something your partner is allergic to rather than having an adult conversation and you wonder if you’re an asshole? Is this really a question you don’t know the answer to? ###### |
My girlfriend is turning 21 on the 25th.
She and her mom have had their problems, but she said she always comes around for her birthday and they apparently have an unspoken agreement that they don’t fight on each other’s birthdays.
I (36), had already planned a birthday dinner for my girlfriend to be held at my dad and stepmother’s summer home in the Hamptons.
The problem is, my dad and stepmother invited, with my girlfriend’s permission a lot of people from their social circle who are highly educated, successful, and expect this party to be a classy affair.
Meanwhile, my girlfriend’s mom has battled on and off with alcohol issues and has run herself into debt due to said issues.
She also works as a housekeeper and tends to be ignorant on topics of conversation other people we socialize with are educated about.
I feel such a milestone birthday should be as tension free as possible, and inviting an estranged mother who would probably make other guests uncomfortable is the antithesis of that.
So I call her and bring up the fact that she mentioned she had $12,000 worth of debt she couldn’t pay off.
I offer to fork over the cash on the condition she tells her daughter that she can’t come to her birthday party this year.
Her mother refuses and ends up telling my girlfriend straight after. My girlfriend starts crying and saying she’s so angry at me.
She then hits below the belt and says she was already scared she was becoming too old for me and I was making it worse. Which was totally unwarranted because I’ve dated people much older than her and I feel she’s just imposing a stereotype on otherwise good relationship.
AITA? Now she doesn’t even want to celebrate her birthday and has been alternating between a lot of affection and a lot of anger towards me.
But I just wanted to protect her and make her birthday drama free. ###### | YTA. So many red flags here. You sound like a controlling elitist who thinks they can just throw money at any problem. Also, your girlfriend is celebrating her 21st birthday and you want to whisk her away to the Hamptons to spend it with a bunch of old people that she does not know? That says so much about your relationship. It honestly sounds like you're grooming this young woman and she's worried about keeping up with you. If your girlfriend had written this, I'd tell her to run as fast as she can away from you. You sound terrible and gross. ###### |
A little context. I (M34) have always had a very sensitive sense of smell especially to unpleasant odors. They really bother me. I think I might be a super-smeller or something.
Anyways, this causes issues when my GF (F25) is having her special tie of the month. I understand that it is something that girls have to do but when she does it it leaves a bothersome odor in the bathroom that bothers me. It isn't that she doesn't keep herself clean. I never have to see anything gross or anything. But I can still smell it.
I tried talking to her about it nicely but she just got all upset and defensive about it even though I tried to say it as gently as I could, maybe because it was her special time of the month. She said that she can’t even smell anything but I can and it really grosses me out.
Later when finally calmed herself down I offered a very reasonable compromise. I asked if she could use the bathroom in the pool house during her special time. It wouldn’t really be that inconvenient for her. It is just outside across a small lawn, only about 20 feet away once you get outside. She got all mad again and said that if I didn’t like it I could use the pool house bathroom but I told her that that didn’t seem fair since I wasn’t the one stinking up the bathroom. Why should I be the one who has to go outside all the time?
She is still mad at me but i think she is being unfair. She doesn’t understand how much the smell bothers me. Some of our friends say that I am the AH though so now I’m not sure.
What do you thing reddit? ###### | YTA. So I guess your shit doesn't stink. Are your seriously over 30? Grow the fuck up dude. ###### |
I 20(f) have decided to live child free. I used to be really Close I’m older sister but once she had kids I cut back on the time we spent together. At one point I made it truly clear I can’t be around kids at all. My sisters husband is rich like really rich. So because of the pandemic he decided to rent a yacht for two weeks. Now the whole family is going he’s even allowing so family to bring a friend or two. So I call my sister to see what weeks it is so I can make sure I off for those days. My sister told me that she didn’t invite me because she was sure I would decline like all the other times. I been invited to theme parks but didn’t go because of the kids. I called my mom and dad and they both sided with my sister. The only people on my side is my friends. So am I aita for regretting telling my sister I can’t be around her kids? ###### | YTA. So basically when it’s a two week getaway on a yacht suddenly you’re ok hanging out with your nieces/nephews otherwise you can’t be bothered? You’re a selfish asshole. ###### |
(Throwaway for obvious reasons.)
For some context, I (45M) have been dating this guy (42M) for around 4 years. We’ve had some pretty bad dips in our relationship, but I love him the same. He has three kids from his past marriage, two girls (16 and 12) and one boy (8M).
I have my own daughter (13). She has been diagnosed with ‘’’severe” misophonia’’’ by her therapist. I personally think she’s being way too oversensitive, and I don’t trust the therapist’s judgement very well. My daughter frequently complains about various noises such as white noise or eating sounds, which is quite disruptive. I tell her to stop, but she claims she can’t help it.
Anyway, the other day we were eating all together and her stepbrother was chewing with his mouth open. I have to admit, it was somwwhat obnoxious. But it is not my kid.
Then my daughter tells him to “Shut [his] mouth when eating for once.” Her stepbrother tears up and I tell her to stop being rude or I will restrict her phone again. She goes quiet and continues to eat as my husband scolds her for making his son feel bad.
After dinner she goes up to her room and doesn’t come out until it’s time for her to go to bed.
I personally don’t think IATA. She often overreacts and this is not the first time that she acts all down just because she got the scolding she needed.
So, Reddit, AITA? ###### | YTA. She’s diagnosed with a real disorder and you refuse to believe it and tell her she’s being too sensitive? What kind of shit parent does this? And why can’t you tell your stepson to chew with his mouth closed but your husband can scold your daughter? This poor kid. ###### |
She is upset with me for refusing to change my running pace now that she can't safely match it anymore.
I feel for her because I know it has to be hard to go through all of the bodily changes and give up something like this which has been a part of our relationship since we started dating nine years ago, but...I am not sure what good is accomplished by me changing my pace.
It is hard to regain your fitness and form when you drastically cut back. I am not sure if her aim is to have us both get back in shape together, but that is a terrible idea.
I have offered her a compromise of walking a mile or two with her after I finish my run, but she refuses because she says by this time I am too tired to do a power walk with her. I also suggested that she find another expectant mom to walk with or one of her friends, but she was not too keen on that idea either.
I really think it is more about her not being able to run than spending time with me or walking to stay active.
I told her I would not change my pace because it served no purpose and I had offered her a reasonable compromise, but do you think I am being the @$$h013? ###### | YTA. She's growing your kid dude. In a pandemic. The least you can do is move at her pace. Run at your speed at a different time. ###### |
I know that there are studies which say that it's good for bonding to hear the father's voice, but it makes me uncomfortable and feel silly. I am doing my best to prep for fatherhood, and I think that should count for something and she should cut me some slack here.
My wife is upset because she thinks I am not bonding with our son, but I haven't read anything which says that either of these things are critical. She denies that she is taking it personally, but she seems hurt even though I constantly explain to her that it doesn't have anything to do with dissatisfaction on my end or any resentments.
I know she feels like she is losing out on some Hallmark moments like some of her friends have gotten, but this isn't me or my sort of thing and I wish she would respect that. It's easy for her to say i should just do it, but it's not that easy from my perspective.
AITA? ###### | YTA. She's carrying your child. It takes zero effort to be silly for ten seconds and talk to her belly.
You are going to have A LOT of uncomfortable moments as a parent; I'd recommend getting used to that now because if you can't do something as simple as this you're going to have a tough time later on. ###### |
My family and I belong to a small gym with a 6 lane, pool often times since it is shallow there is no lifeguard on duty and when there are most of them are chill. So my wife and 3 kids, 5m, 11f, and 9m all went to the pool, half of the pool was closed due to a class and the lane on our left was being used by a guy swimming lap, and the one on our right was being used for a swim lesson, so my family and I had 1 lane to use, there was also an outdoor pool open that no one was using because it was chilly out.
Well I brought 2 balls to play catch with since it isnt against rules. My oldest 2 kids occasionally got it in the other lanes and even by where the class was happening but no complaints, I even made sure to ask the lady teaching the lesson, the guy working out and the lady in the class the ball almost hit if they where ok with us playing catch and they said sure. So I dont think I was doing anything wrong. Well the lifeguard approached my 2 oldest and asked if they could do short passes and keep the ball n the lane, I overheard and told my kids they dont have to since others arnt bothered by it so they didnt. Well she approached us again after my son almost accidentally hit someone with the ball lightly. I told her they said it was ok and she said that she some people say that and then complain later and not everyone who comes in is ok with that. I kinda went off on her a little bit telling her to get her manger and theyll take my side and that she was being an overeactive bully, Ill admit I said it rather sternly, but I wasnt bothering anyone and was following the rules. I later saw her mangers yelling at her and she looked like she's been crying. I feel bad even though I think she needed to learn her lesson.
​
TLDR: I yelled at a lifeguard for telling me to stop doing things that are not against the rule. ###### | YTA. She wasn't power tripping at all, she was doing her job. There's a good chance you may have just cost the woman her job with this, since some places don't give you a chance. It doesn't matter if the lady said she didn't mind them playing catch, it's what the actual owners think of the matter. ###### |
I am French and my wife is British. Our daughter was born in France and has a French passport only. At least for the moment. At home we speak English so my kid's French skill is very poor (shame on me for not speaking French more). She is starting school in France now.
So we're filling up forms for her school and my wife writes French/English against "Nationality". So I said, that the kid is only French and we should correct that.
My wife says that it will help if someone reads the form, to know that the kid speaks English.
To which I replied that nationality is different from language. We should put French only.
Apparently I had a smirk on when I said that. I didn't even notice. She blew up though "why you smirking at me? You're so arrogant. Stop doing that!"
Taken aback, I tried to explain again that nationality and languages are different, and that they'll find out soon enough for themselves if the kid struggles in French.
My wife was furious with me. I am confused and ashamed to have smirked even though I didn't mean to. ###### | YTA. She was right and you knew what she meant. Also, from what you’ve written, your kid is a dual French and British national even if she doesn’t have the passport yet.
And, jeez, speak French to your kid! Why on earth would you blow this opportunity to teach her to be bilingual?! ###### |
I (29m) live with my girlfriend (26f). She is a wonderful cook and amazing at baking, but she doesn’t do it very often because she thinks it’s too much effort to do it just for herself. She generally eats 4 times a day.
Breakfast, lunch, afternoon tea and then dinner.
Her country was a British colony and afternoon tea and an overall obsession with drinking tea just became ingrained into her culture over the course of their colonisation.
For reference, here’s how her meal plan is. Breakfast at 8am, lunch at 12pm, afternoon tea at 4pm, and dinner at 9pm. The quantities she eats are quite small, which is I guess why she can eat frequently. I just eat breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Now due to COVID, we’re working from home and she has a lot more free time. Her family comes over 3-4 times a week in the afternoon for tea and she’s been consistently baking for them.
I’ve been thoroughly enjoying her food, and joining them in eating when they come by but it + staying at home all day have made me put on a few pounds. I’ve been working on shedding it, but her baking makes it difficult for me to control. I’ve asked her if she could stop baking, and cut down to 3 meals a day, or just buy normal things from the store so I wouldn’t be as tempted.
She’s refused, and we got in a fight over it. I don’t think there’s an issue with her stopping baking, or at least doing it less frequently to help me lose weight. ###### | YTA. She shouldn’t have to stop doing something she enjoys (baking and having afternoon tea) just because you have no self-control. No one is forcing you to participate. You’re an adult. Time to grow the hell up and start taking responsibility for your own choices. ###### |
My GF has asked for space after our recurrent arguments and stated her family was angry w/me for some of what I said. But we have continued to text and call throughout said space. So yesterday I figured I'd go to her house (while she was not there) to visit them and just to blunt the blow of their anger toward me. No family member made any comments and it was seemingly going all right, then my GF came back from work and asked me on the side "what are you doing here?". I replied with "visiting". Two hours later my GF says we need to talk so we go outside and immediately begin to argue. She says I disrespected her need for space and came to her house uninvited and she wondered what my true goal was. I responded by saying the last time her family was mad at me they chewed me out for not coming by for a couple weeks so I did not want to repeat that, and said regardless of her and my issues, they're still family and I wanted to just simply visit to see how they are.
Edit 1: It's clear I made the wrong move and am the AH. I'll follow through with her need for space as I should have the first time. Thank you all. ###### | YTA. She said she needed space and you mutually agreed to spend a little bit of time apart. You should have honored that by not coming around where you KNOW she lives and would likely be. ###### |
I really don't like my boyfriend's mom. She's very bitchy and holier than thou. She has a three year old daughter who accidentally broke my phone when she knocked it into her pool. It was an iphone7 and I paid about $700 it, so she said she would give me $1,000 to replace it. I thought that was fair. She asked me if I had venmo and I said no. She asked if I could cash a check and I said no, because I don't know how to. She asked me to download venmo but I said she doesn't get to dictate that. Finally I asked for the money in cash and that day. She called me a dumbfuck and said no one has $1,000 in cash on them, but this woman drives a BMW so I don't get what her issue is. She refused to go to the bank, so right now she is sitting on her lazy ass and I don't have my $1,000, but my boyfriend thinks I'm being ridiculous because she tried to pay. ###### | YTA. She offered a couple of reasonable ways to pay you back, but you refused to do either of those. She can’t force you to accept a check, but in the same vein, you can’t force her to drive to the bank and take out $1000 that day. If you want to wait for cash, you’re going to have to accept that it might take a while for her to go to the bank.
Also, you really need to learn how to cash checks, because nobody is going to go out of their way to get you money out of their bank simply because you refuse to learn a basic life skill. ###### |
I(25M) have an older brother who I'll call bro (30M) who is father to his daughter, G(5F). Recently, he had found out that his Fiancé(31F) had unprotected intercourse with someone else (open relationship) and that G might not be his. Bro is emotionally attached to this child, as a father would be, so even if G wasn't his he would still consider G his daughter.
Well, last week the test came in and unfortunately G is not biologically his. Bro was true to his word and and treated G as his own, and props to him for doing that. He stayed with Fiancé. I, however, don't want any further relationship with G. You see, I am planning on paying for G's college as I was well off, so I would also be leaving Bro and Fiancé to their own devices.
After hearing this, Fiancé call me begging that I pay for G's College. I said no. She then asked how she was going to pay for G, and I said that A.) she could stop relying on people to pay for her children and work for a change, B.) She could get the father to pay or C. ) Acknowledge that her s*x drive had gotten her into this mess so maybe she can do what money moochers like herself do and go find a rich man to pay for her mistakes. She cried at C and then hung up. Later her mother called saying that Fiancé honestly didn't want to mooch off of Bro and that my comment was a horrible thing to say. I told her to not contact me again as we are not related.
Bro was mad at me saying that I shouldn't of been horrible to Fiancé. I accused him of picking the person who wronged him over the person who defended him. He said that who he is with is none of my business and that I am crossing too many boundaries with my comments. I accused him of only caring for my opinion when it gets him money and that he's a gold digger. We haven't spoken since but my mum is calling me the AH as I should at least be there for G.
Is she right? ###### | YTA. She might not be biologically related to you but as soon as your brother made the choice to raise her as his own, she became family. You’re punishing a child for what? Why is it your business if your brother is blood related to a child he is choosing to raise? It’s not like the fiancé cheated; they are in an open relationship. You’re going to destroy your relationship with your brother over this? If I were him, I would have cut you off by now at this point.
You’re right, it’s not your job to pay for his college. But I for the life of me can’t understand what anyone has done in this situation to justify your reaction. ###### |
I (25f) was supposed to get married late April. Due to COVID, we decided to postpone. We've been postponing and finally our venue is opening up, but they've said we can only bring 20 guests. We originally had a guest list of over a 100 people, but due to the pandemic a lot of them backed out and said they'd attend over Zoom. We're down to 60 people now. My sister was one of those people. She was 2 months pregnant at the time (now she's 7 months along or almost), and said that she'd attend over zoom. I know she felt very bad, so she bought me my wedding dress as my wedding gift + apology present.
For a while now, BIL and her have been in the process of buying a new house. They finally moved in a month and a half ago. Their house is absolutely gorgeous. It has a pool and a tennis court. I know that she can get her pool covered, and removing the nets from the tennis court would open up a world of possibilities and give us so much space to work with.
She was unhappy when I brought it up. Apparently she didn't want people coming in and out setting up the place, then giving up a spare bedroom or two to me and my bridesmaids and having makeup artists come into her house.
I don't get the big deal. She can still stay inside and watch the ceremony over zoom, or even better- her balcony. I mean, this is the only way that I can get all 60 of my guests to attend, without cutting down more. I don't get why she doesn't want to compromise. She doesn't have to attend in person if she doesn't want to.
She said that she's already bought me my wedding dress, but I'm willing to pay her back for it in monthly payments if it means she'll let me have her wedding at her place. I can't afford the cost of the dress upfront. ###### | YTA. She is pregnant and doesn’t want to deal with the stress of a wedding at her house not to mention she said she didn’t want to attend because of COVID so your solution is.....to have it at her house? Huge YTA ###### |
My wife was on facebook and saw a picture of her grandmother and got sad that she's looking older. She went on to say that she wishes she could get back to where her family lives more, which comes up pretty frequently. I asked her why she chose to move out here if this was going to be a constant issue. I guess what I said was less than cool, but her family treated her really poorly when she lived with them and took advantage of her and when she moved out here, she was thrilled to be leaving. So it rubs me the wrong way when she acts like she's missing out on not being around them. Then she got mad and told me that it's normal for families that live apart to see each other regularly and I disagreed. I'm poor. I grew up poor, I've always been poor. She knew I was poor when we got together. Poor people don't take cross country trips. My Nana is from North Dakota and it was a huge deal when she got to go see her mother before she passed. Likewise, my Pop saw his mother who lived in Kansas once the whole time I was alive at that point. His family from Alaska visited a few times, but that was because they had money. We also just travelled across country to see my wife's family (on her parent's dime) on a lie her mother told about a dying family member because she wanted my wife to come out for her birthday. It was a terrible time that was very stressful for both of us and they made us sleep in the room where their dogs piss all day. I cannot see why my wife is so eager to do it again. I personally have no desire to go back there. They basically ignored us the whole time we were there and all we did was eat. I think it's their turn to come out here, but they never will because they hate California. They don't like me. I don't understand why my wife wants to do that all over again. ###### | YTA. She is missing her family. While it's normal that families who live 2000 miles apart cannot meet regularly, criticizing her is AH behavior.
It sounds like an underlying issue is thay you don't like her family, which is a different issue.
Instead of saying you're too poor to go more often, you should work with her to make a plan on how to go visit next. Make the plan realistic, but this will make give ger something to look forward to and makes it feel like you are helping.
If it's any consolation, going to visit my family involves 30 hours of flights, so it could be worse! I'm 8,700 miles away. ###### |
I knew this was coming. My daughter brought a "friend" back from college at the end of last year that I suspected was her actual girlfriend. My thing is, if my daughter is a lesbian, I don't want to know. I'm homophobic. I admit it, I am. I don't hate gay people personally, and I think they should all be respected, but I don't understand it and I don't want to understand it. They can live their lives and I'll live mine and we'll just peacefully coexist.
So if my daughter is lesbian, great. I just don't want to talk about it, hear about it, think about it, see it, anything.
My daughter called me recently, and said, "Daddy, I have something to tell you..."
I said, "If this is about that friend you brought home last year, I already know. And I still love you. I just don't want to talk about it, okay? If you guys are happy, that's all I need to know."
She said, "Daddy, I want to see you. I'm coming to see you this weekend."
I said, "That's fine, but if it's to talk about it, I don't want to talk about it. Just do what you want to do with your life and be happy. I don't need to know all the details."
Then she started crying and I handed the phone off to my wife.
My wife came to me later and said, "I know how you feel, but that's still our daughter. She doesn't even want you to accept it, she just wants you to hear her out."
I said, "We can talk about anything else. I don't need to know about her sex life - she can share that with you."
AITA for not wanting to hear/ talk about my daughter's sex life? ###### | YTA. She doesn’t want to tell you about her *sex life*, she wants to tell you about her *relationship* that’s *important to her*. You’re not asking her to peacefully coexist, you’re expecting her to hide a huge part of herself from you. ###### |
Throwaway because my daughter has reddit.
I (45m) live with my wife (43f) and two daughters (18f and 11f). The housework in our home is done mostly by my wife - she does the cleaning and cooking while I do the shopping and mowing the lawn.
The thing is, the older daughter doesn't help around as much as someone her age should. She only does tasks that we specifically give her, she rarely cleans something without being asked to.
Anyway, the other day my wife wanted to spend some time in the garden, so I offered I'd vacuum the house for her, despite our 18 year old daughter being home and not doing anything at the moment. But I knew that if I asked her to do it, my wife would give me shit about it as she's very protective of her for some reason.
So I vacuumed the entire house except for the daughter's room - as always. I feel like at 18 years old she should have more responsibilies and skills concerning housework as she's a grown woman now and will have to do it in her own house one day, plus I don't see a reason why I should vacuum her room when she can do it herself.
She vacuumed her room without saying anything but later that day she came to me and claimed it's unfair that I always vacuum all the rooms except for hers. I told her that her room is not my responsibility, she then tried to turn that against me saying that in that case, her sister's room shouldn't be my responsibility either. I don't think it's the same since her sister is eleven.
Later my wife backed her up on it, saying it's not logical to vacuum the entire house minus one room. I still stand by what I said - she's eighteen, it's her room and therefore she should do it herself but she seemed angry the whole evening.
AITA here? ###### | YTA. She does all the chores you ask her to do. How can you possibly expect her to do something for you when you don’t tell her you want it done? It’s not like she’s lazy; she DOES do her chores. ###### |
We were having a family cookout and my kids were playing with their toys. I teach them to clean up their messes and they are starting to get the concept. But on occasion, they leave something on the floor and ill pick up the toy after them. My mom sometimes raises her voice at them but I've always held back because they helped out my husband and me I. Anyways the day was frustrating between some meat to bring spoiled, grill fell apart, etc. Typical first world problems. We were all hungry and a bit angry. My 3-year-old left his stuffed dinosaur on the floor and my mom lost her cool. She yelled, " Mikayla I'm sick and tired of your kids leaving their damn toys and my damn house".
I was got caught off guard by the language being directed at me. This came out of nowhere and she went on to say " If you can't clean up after your kids don't bring them over anymore". " They are so messy all the time". Something went off and I started screaming as well. I know my kids are messy and we try to clean up after them. But don't you ever talk badly about them.
After that scene, she apologized to me and said it was her being "hangry" I didn't expect the apology and left. All that yelling and screaming over a dinosaur. My older sister told me to smooth things over but I'm not going to. ###### | YTA. She didn’t insult your kids my dude, she insulted you. And she’s right. Clean up after your children if it’s not your house. Her wording shows that this is a recurring problem. ###### |
My daughter is 17 and ever since she was 11, she's had an entrepreneurial spirit. She would setup stands, get in trouble at school for sealing things to classmates, etc. It's never really been a problem.
Recently she's been working really hard on some side hustles along with her job. I didn't really understand what she was doing but thought it was just a little extra money on the side.
One day she sat me down and should me her paypal account. The balance read somewhere in the excess of $150,000.
I was absolutely floored by it, I won't get much into it but I interrogated her and made sure it wasn't anything illegal. Other than her having to lie about her age, the money was clean. Then I took all the money and put it into a savings account. I'm going to use some of it to pay for college and the rest goes to me and my wife.
My daughter is upset that I took all the money. But I just feel like I made the responsible choice. She doesn't know what to do with all that money. From now on her mother and I will be closely monitoring her accounts and take all money that comes to. But AITA? ###### | YTA. She clearly does know how to handle money since she has $150k. Give it back, but maybe in a bank account instead of PayPal. ###### |
Ok so breakdown of the situation, my partner and I both work but she leaves for work(hairdresser) at 7:30 i leave at 8:30 (Electrician). She gets up in the morning and usually heads to the gym and then comes home to get ready for work and I like to sleep in as I usually get home later and prefer to stay up a little later.
So one morning she comes into the bedroom after she's gotten changed and asks me to make her some toast or something cause she's running late for work. Ive awoken but I don't usually get up for breakfast myself as I don't eat till first smoko, so basically I said "umm surely you can make some toast yourself and not be any more late to work?". She absolutely spat it and made me feel like an asshole for not getting up to help her, in which is a situation I feel she put herself in. She knows how long it takes to leave the gym, how long it takes to get ready ect and she could have put some toast in the toaster by the time she had asked me to do and more after the time it took to tell me off.
Now now I get it, it would be the nice thing to do to get up and help my partner but it would also be the nice thing to not ask someone in bed to get up and make you food on a 5 degree morning.
Am I the asshole? ###### | YTA. She asked you for support — and a pretty small amount of it. If she did this every day that would be one thing, but one time? If you can’t make her toast one time when she’s running late and overwhelmed, then I can’t imagine you’re bringing much to the relationship. ###### |
I love my (27m) wife (30f). I do. But this greatly annoys me.
My wife decided on a whim about a year ago that she wanted to learn Spanish. We didn't have money for lessons, so she borrowed a Spanish textbook and some kind of dictionary with pictures of objects labelled in both English and Spanish. Made a ton of flash cards, tried to drill at least 50 new words every day and learn a piece of grammar.
It takes up so much of her time and she chatters about it a lot.
Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of her. It's cool that she can read and write in Spanish now (she can't really speak or understand it when it's spoken).
But people keep praising her when it inevitably comes up for "teaching herself Spanish" and she doesn't deny it.
I pointed out that she didn't teach herself Spanish. Even with 50 words a day she still has a long way to go, it's misleading to say she taught herself Spanish because it implies she can communicate fluently. Even if it wasn't misleading, even if she was fluent, she didn't reach herself. Textbooks, dictionaries, and Mexican guildmates online taught her (when she asked for clarification sometimes).
She didn't say anything when I brought this up. Just kind of wilted. But her friends keep glaring at me whenever we meet and they called me a jerk when I brought it up. It's like when you tell a kid Santa isn't real. Like "don't burst the bubble." But the bubble is *fake.*
AITA? ###### | YTA. She **is** teaching herself Spanish. Why are you intent on cutting down what your wife is accomplishing?!
She has stuck with it a year and she knows far more Spanish than many people. And she's continuing to learn.
You sure don't sound proud of her. You sound jealous of the positive responses she's getting. ###### |
My daughter (16f) is really introverted, and doesn't really play any sports, so my husband and I decided to fill up her schedule with afterschool activities every day. She has robotics two days a week, tennis practice three days a week, and band practice for two days a week. She was strongly against it, but went along with it at first. After going through a week of school, she expressed that she wants to drop every single one of those afterschool activities. I told her that she could either drop robotics or band, but she got really angry and said that she wasn't going to spend hours every week on activities she hates. When I mentioned that she wasn't really outgoing, and wouldn't do anything productive if it were up to her, she yelled at me, and called me a "b\*tch". For that, I told her that I wouldn't let her drop anything for at least the next month, and if she gave me any more sass, she wouldn't be allowed to drop any of the activities until the school year was over. She stormed off to her room, but I don't really think I was 'being a b\*tch', but she might have been right.
AITA? ###### | YTA. Seriously, THREE extracurriculars she’s not even into? There’s pushing your kid, then there’s just being mean. She’s not broken, and even if she was this wouldn’t fix anything.
You’re just pushing her away. Although that maybe that’s your goal. All those activities will keep her out of the house, until she has breakdown. ###### |
I (21M) like to be naked at home. I’m most comfortable when I’m au naturale, and I refuse to apologize for it. My sister (25F) has been having some financial difficulties due to the current situation, and she asked me if it was okay if she crashed on my couch for a bit. She’s my sister, so of course I said yes. Lately though we’ve been having some issues. She says that she’s uncomfortable with me walking around naked, and says that she thinks I should cover up when I’m not in my bedroom or the bathroom. However, it’s not like she’s never seen a naked man before, and she’s probably seen me naked plenty of times, so I don’t see what the issue is. Plus, it’s my apartment and if I want to hang dong, that’s my prerogative. I told her my house my rules, and if she’s so prudish, maybe she should live elsewhere. Apparently she’s been texting our parents about this and they think I need to be more accommodating while she stays here until things get better for her, but I don’t think I should have to sacrifice my bodily autonomy for someone who’s crashing on my couch.
AITA for being naked inside my own apartment? ###### | YTA. Seriously, I can see why she'd feel weird about seeing her brother naked. It's common courtesy that you cover up in front of guests unless they are comfortable with nudity. ###### |
My daughter is a 16F.
She has recently started practicing witchcraft at her father's and has told me about it.
I do not like this AT ALL. It goes against our religion (I am a Devout Catholic). I have told her she isn't allowed to practice it and she then tells me that the BIBLE involves witchcraft??? She also gives me things about Pagan vs. Catholic. I have repeatedly told her I will not allow her to worship the devil and that if she keeps up this contract with Satan, she will be going to Hell.
Recently, she told me the real reason why it helps her, she has Autism and ADHD, and tells me it helps her. I told her I still will not allow her to. She cried and told me I care more about my religion than her. This hurt me a bit. She then told me that if I believe in a "Magic man in the sky" she should be allowed to be pagan. I told her to get out and that I will be scheduling a meeting with the church to talk about this with her.
I forgot to mention that I've already let her have a girlfriend, I don't know what else she wants?
She has stopped talking to me completely, and I dont understand Why? I have had Reddit to monitor my daughter , and I've found this subreddit, after much consideration, I've decided to post, I hope I've done this right. AITA? ###### | YTA. Say it with me. It goes against YOUR religion. I guarantee you also believe a lot of bs churches have fed you about paganism being evil and it’s just not true. It’s bullshit, as I said. You can’t claim it goes against “our” religion when she clearly doesn’t share that religion. There’s nothing I can’t stand more than bible pushers and that’s what you are. Open your mind. Paganism has nothing to do with the devil. The ignorance is real.... ###### |
My cousin \[18F\] finished high school some time ago and made a post on Facebook that she now decided to give her books for free and if we need the books to contact her. Luckily, I was one of the first to see the post and immediately messaged her because I need the books for this year and next and they are ridiculously expensive ($50-60 per book).
So we talked and stuff and in the end we established that she’s going to give me most of the books. I was happy and all until she told me that I will have to pay for transportation. Here is where I lost it because transporting books from her country to mine is expensive and I in no way am going to pay that much money. I might as well just buy the books myself instead of getting the second hand books.
We had a huge argument which ended up with her blocking me which made me even more pissed and I commented on the fb post that in reality she isn’t giving the stuff for free (so that the others won’t waste time like I did). AITA here? Or is my cousin the asshole for not announcing on the post that transportation WON’T be free?
Also if u guys have any advice on how she could make the transportation costs cheaper plzzzzzz dm me and I’ll give you the details. DON’T comment your advice here though because Rule 9. If this still breaks the rule I’ll remove this paragraph. ###### | YTA. Posting books to another country is expensive. You honestly expected her to pay for that?
Publicly posting about it was totally out of line. ###### |
I (29M) live in a fairly affluent part of a city and I work for a more traditional firm. Admittedly they are a little behind the times in terms of dress codes (they still require full business attire unless you're in your cube/office).
I made a lot of friends working there and I have adapted to their style and customs. Now my brother and his girlfriend are in the process of moving but due to unfortunate circumstances, they have no place to live at for the month. Since my brother is a genuinely good guy, I offered to let him and his gf stay in a spare room at my apartment for the time being.
His girlfriend on the otherhand I think is completely trashy and we don't get along too well. But we get along enough that I could tolerate being around her for a month.
The issue is that since last time I saw her, she got a few piercings, dyed a strip of her hair, and got a nose ring. The piercings and hair I could stomach but the nose ring is out of line. The reason for this is that if I take my brother out on trips near us, his gf wants to come and I constantly see coworkers/bosses. This paints a negative picture of me and they start associating me with someone with the likes of her and that could be damaging.
I took her aside and told her that if she is going to stay with me, rent free, could she at least remove her nose ring? She got pissed off and told my brother what I said. We got into an argument and are now giving each other the silent treatment.
I don't ask much for them, I am letting them stay out of the goodness of my heart until they can move into their own place. All I wanted was her to remove a fucking ring and apparently it's such a big deal. I am baffled. Am I actually being an asshole about this?
And yes, I tried to find ways to get alone time with my brother so we can hang out by ourselves, but his gf always finds a way to tag along. ###### | YTA. Policing someone else’s body, especially when they don’t work for your conservative firm and are just living their lives, is a douche move. There’s nothing wrong with nose rings, and you should really think about how you view others, as it seems to be through a very narrow and unforgiving lens influenced by corporate America. ###### |
My gf has been working on improving her health and skin and one of the thing she’s doing is trying drink enough water each day. I don’t keep track of it but she seems to be doing pretty well, I always see her drinking water. But the issue is... she still drinks a can of soda once a week or so, sometimes less. I noticed her drinking one today and I pointed it out and I was like I thought you were trying to be healthier?? And she got annoyed and told me she is and I should be “proud” because she used to drink atleast a can a day. And I took the soda from her and said she is not healthy until she stops it 100% otherwise her “efforts” to be healthy are literally useless. Now she’s pissed off at me that I won’t let her have this one thing, and she claims it’s not that bad. I’m just trying to help her and I feel like she needs some tough love. Sure it’s just a few sodas a month but those few sodas are canceling out all of her efforts. So at the end of the day she’s still unhealthy as fuck. I’m actually considering going through the fridge and tossing out the soda while she is at work. Its risky but honestly for the best. AITA? ###### | YTA. Policing and denying food under the claim of being concerned for her health? Nah. You’re just an asshole. ###### |
So my wife is extremely into beauty & skincare. It’s a benefit for me because it means she’s really good looking and takes good care of herself.
She buys a lot of beauty products (her money) and they take up a lot of space in the bathroom. This doesnt bother me because skincare belongs in the bathroom.
Recently I went to the fridge to get a beer and noticed a glass vial in there. I asked my wife about it and she said it’s some kind of facial oil. I told her it doesn’t belong there. She rolled her eyes and walked off.
Now it bothers me when things aren’t in their right places. The fridge is for food. Period. Not skincare. I don’t wanna accidentally grab her oil one day thinking it’s like salad dressing or something and eat it.
I moved it to the bathroom and that night she saw it and was pissed. Apparently it was expensive and needs to be refrigerated after opening and was supposed to be kept away from sunlight (I put it on the windowsill with her other stuff)
She wants me to replace it but I don’t think I am wrong plus I told her it didn’t belong in the fridge
AITA? I just don’t think it’s safe to have non food items in food spaces. Thanks. ###### | YTA. Plenty of high quality skincare products require refrigeration. I have a mask sitting in my fridge right now. You’re not only the asshole in this situation but you are completely wrong. It was in the fridge because that’s where it belongs. Replace it. ###### |
Son is 14M, cat is 3F. My son’s bedroom is one the third floor of our house, so it’s basically a finished attic. Early in the morning, a thunderstorm rolled in. It was pretty brutal, and it shook the house especially up in his room. I yelled up to him to come downstairs to the first floor, just in case something happened. He yelled back to me that he was coming, he just needed to grab his cat. Well the cat is not usually great with being carried, but she was extra squirmy because she was freaked out and probably because she could tell my son was scared. Well it was almost five minutes after I told him to come down and I was freaking out so I ran upstairs and grabbed my son’s wrist and took him downstairs, without his cat. My son started hysterically crying and screaming about having to go back for his cat and that’s when I told him “the cat’s life can be replaced, yours can’t”. This just made him more upset.
Thankfully, the worst thing that happened was our neighbors’ tree got knocked into the street and the storm cleared out. But now my son is being really cold to me, and carrying his cat around in what seems like spite. I told him to stop with his attitude, and he started yelling at me that I was an “animal abuser”, which I am absolutely not. What you have to understand is when I grew up, our cats lived outside and sometimes showed up at night, sometimes stayed out. We never took them to the vet. If the cat died, a new stray cat would show up soon enough. So it was different in my childhood, and I was freaking out about the storm and was terrified that my son would get hurt. AITA? ###### | YTA. Pets are not just items that can be replaced. If you can get your pet to safety, you absolutely should. Your son wasn’t in imminent danger and had more than enough time to get his pet out of harm’s way. ###### |
I don’t want to go too much into my medical issues, but I’m in week 15 of my pregnancy and my doctors told me I had an incompetent cervix.
Long story short, their recommendation was that I go on modified bed rest until the baby is born.
However, I happen to be leading a project at work. This project is one I’m extremely excited about and every time I put work into it, I feel like I’m doing something great. And that’s always been my first priority in life- to do something great.
My coworkers and bosses always praise me for getting great results regardless of personal sacrifice and I want to continue to do that.
My husband stopped me on my way to work and asked where on earth I thought I was going. I told him I had other obligations and unfortunately that meant sacrificing my health.
He said that the doctor put me in bed rest and I should be doing that of I might miscarry. I left to go to work anyway and he says I’m a covert narcissist who’s choosing admiration of others over the well being of her child
AITA? I’m not a narcissist, but honestly I can’t stand staying at home where all I am is an upcoming “ weak momma” who relies on her husband to make the money. And this is before the baby is even born.
My husband promised that having a kid would not make me any less of the boss and accomplished person I am, but obviously he’s already not respecting the decisions I’m making regarding my own body.
I know better than anyone when I’m in pain, so I feel it should be up to me to decide what to do with my body. ###### | YTA. Perhaps the biggest A I've ever seen on this subreddit. And I will tell you why.
**You are already aware of your incompetent cervix and apparently do not care.** Your doctor has likely explained the risks to you, and **you** have decided they are not important. You would rather go about your business. You're already a terrible mother.
My wife found out about her incompetent cervix at 22 weeks into a relatively easy pregnancy, when she went into pre-term labor at 3AM. At that point, she was too dilated for the high risk OB to do anything, including hormone injections or a cerclage. All we could do at that point was to give my wife some steroid injections in hopes that it would help our daughter's lungs develop a little more. My wife basically had to lay in bed for five days with her feet up in the air and her head tilted down in hopes that *gravity itself* would keep her from giving birth. That lasted five days. Finally, the discomfort and the grief became too much and we decided to go ahead and deliver. We had an entire team of NICU support staff in our room waiting to take our baby to a nearby table and try to intubate her, even though she may have been too small. They managed to do that. Then they whisked her away to the nearby children's hospital for round-the-clock care.
She lived there for two weeks before her lungs popped under the pressure of the ventilator. Three times. She had a series of surgeries to insert chest tubes and relieve the pressure, but it didn't last. We were finally called into the hospital at 5am with the understanding that the prognosis was very grim. We'd already met with palliative care at this point. The neonatologist on call that day said she would not feel comfortable performing another chest tube surgery. That it would be **unethical**. So that morning they turned down the ventilator and gave us as much time as we could to hold her. My wife held our daughter for about a half hour. I got around 30 minutes, too. And then she was gone. And suddenly we were parents without a child.
So to recap, here's what your brazen disdain for your kiddo's life will probably net you (if you're lucky):
* A pre-term birth your child may not survive.
* A short NICU stay.
* A lengthy NICU stay at the best.
* The inevitable divorce after your husband blames you for your child's death.
For my wife's second pregnancy, her office was *extremely* accommodating, which is great because she was and is still our breadwinner. She stayed home for the last few months aside from one or two trips out. I did the grocery shopping. I picked up dinner. She essentially became a remote employee for the back half, and she *still* went into labor early, even with hormone injections and a cerclage.
**TLDR: Not listening to your doctor will be the worst decision you ever make and you will likely kill your child by being such a blatant narcissist.** ###### |
My (30) girlfriend (23) is having trouble sleeping lately. She has nightmares every night in a row for a week now and we don't know where they come from or how to get rid of them. She stayed over at my place yesterday and she moved and sweat a lot in her sleep wich made me to also wake up a lot and have a bad night.
She has been a bit on edge lately and not as calm and collected as I would like her to (and am used to). She told me it's because she's not getting enough sleep for over a week now and offered to not sleep at my place until it gets better (wich I don't want to because I like spending time with her).
Here is where it got critical: I told her, her blaming her bitch behaviour on not getting enough sleep is the same as a criminal getting drunk and doing bad things and blaming it on the alcohol. Alcohol is no excuse, neither is no sleep. And while her behaviour is not that bad, I don't want her to make excuses for her actions.
She simply raised her eyebrows, got ready for work and left without a word. She hasn't spoken to me since.
I didn't mean to harm her with what I said. I'm simply worried she will treat others badly because she's exhausted from her nightmares and get in trouble.
AITA for using this metaphor?
Tl;dr: I compared my gf being bitch and blaming it on not getting enough sleep to criminals using alcohol as an excuse for their actions and now she won't talk to me anymore. ###### | YTA. People get cranky when they don't sleep. If she was actively trying to keep herself awake you might have a point, but instead she's having horrible nightmares and night sweats. These things are out of her control. It's not like drinking alcohol AT ALL and the fact that you equated it to that is, frankly, disgusting.
You haven't even stopped to consider the *reason* that she's having this awful nightmares. It sounds like a PTSD flare-up. She's probably having terrible anxiety too. And instead of being supportive you tell her she's essentially an alcoholic.
You're so, so much the asshole here. ###### |
Some our friends invited us to this little cozy spot where they have karaoke or you can just sing some songs you wrote.
My wife used to be a singer when she was younger and when they asked if anyone from the crowd wanted to come up to the stage to sing, our table went crazy. Especially me. I heard my wife sing in the shower and the car and I knew she was going to blow the place away.
We finally got her on the stage and sang a song I didn't recognize, but it was beautiful and she had so much emotion behind it. About missing an ex.
One of the guys who knew my wife longer than I had saw I was getting upset and leaned forward, "It was just an ex from high school. He was piece of crap, it doesn't mean anything." I excused myself from the table and I left.
When my wife got home later, she was upset because I had left without her, and our friends had to drive her home. I asked her why she had sang a song about her ex.
She said that she sang a song about me right after, and if I stayed around I would have heard it.
I said, "Yeah, but why would sing about your ex *first* and you were nearly crying like you still missed him or something."
She said she was going to bed. I called some of our friends and they confirmed that she did a sing a song about me after, but that still doesn't explain why she was singing a song about her ex first and nearly in tears.
Edit: Thank you u/CraptacularAdventure and u/Incognitoacon - you really helped put things in perspective for me. I'm going to apologize to her as soon as she gets home. ###### | YTA. People can have feelings and put emotion into songs - part of a performance is conveying exactly that. This whole thing reeks of insecurity and a rational adult would have talked with their spouse instead of walking out partway through the first song and not being supportive of their spouse. ###### |
This is a throwaway account. I (20F) was at home three months ago when my mom offed herself. She was a vile woman so I honestly didn't care.
She left completely out of her will and left her estate, vehicles, and everything else to my brother. My brother is a homicide detective and already makes good money.
I had been holding on to her note for the past couple months and the note states that she wants us to always stick together. I brought this up to my brother and asked him if I could have the estate and he told me "no, because it's his property".
I told him that we had to stick together and my brother said that "I wasn't gonna leach off of him the same way I leached off our mom". I was pissed so I tore up the note and threw the scraps at him.
He began crying and wailing loudly. I started to feel bad but I just walked away. He was crying the entire time I was walking away. I left when his wife came into the living room.
He told me over the phone that he was no longer gonna talk to me. He said that I was "evil" and "cold-blooded". So reddit, AITA? ###### | YTA. Out of all the stuff in here, the thing that stood out to me the most was that you used your mother's note as a way to try and manipulate your brother into giving you his property.
​
I hope you're a troll. ###### |
I have a 20 year old daughter. Shes always struggled badly with her mental health, all stemming from her dad passing away when she was 7. The way she’s always dealt with this is eating. Last year she went through a stage where she’d stay home from university simply to order a McDonalds, and this happened every day without my knowledge. Somehow she’s not massively overweight, just a bit podgy.
I also have a 17 year old son, and they get on really well. My son eats the entire house and puts no weight on and is an avid gym goer. Quite often he’ll ask my daughter if she wants to get takeout, and most of the time she says yes.
Last night he asked her if she wanted to get a dessert from a local dessert takeout. She, of course, said yes and ordered an XXL Brownie Waffle and a huge bottle of full fat coke. When it arrived I took the coke and told my son to tell her it hadn’t came. He told her I had it.
She storms downstairs all guns blazing and demands I give her the coke. She’s shouting and asking why I think it’s okay to tell her what she can and can’t eat. We get in a huge argument before she storms back upstairs. About ten minutes later I go upstairs to go to bed, and she calls me into her room. She says “you do realise I’m 20 right, why do you think you can dictate what I eat” and I, out of pure frustration, said “because if I didn’t you’d just keep going and fucking going” and walked out. She kept calling me to come back but I didn’t and went to bed.
I’ve woken up to her having taken the handle off her door so I can’t get in and not talking when I ask her to open it. When I text her asking her to eat she replies “oh I didn’t realise I was allowed to eat now” and just being snarky. I was just trying to protect her from herself. AITA? ###### | YTA. One cause of over eating is low self esteem. Guess who is causing that?
​
Love her unconditionally or give her enough money to move out. ###### |
I am French and my wife is British. Our daughter was born in France and has a French passport only. At least for the moment. At home we speak English so my kid's French skill is very poor (shame on me for not speaking French more). She is starting school in France now.
So we're filling up forms for her school and my wife writes French/English against "Nationality". So I said, that the kid is only French and we should correct that.
My wife says that it will help if someone reads the form, to know that the kid speaks English.
To which I replied that nationality is different from language. We should put French only.
Apparently I had a smirk on when I said that. I didn't even notice. She blew up though "why you smirking at me? You're so arrogant. Stop doing that!"
Taken aback, I tried to explain again that nationality and languages are different, and that they'll find out soon enough for themselves if the kid struggles in French.
My wife was furious with me. I am confused and ashamed to have smirked even though I didn't mean to. ###### | YTA. One British parent and one French parent makes child both, with or without a passport. ###### |
I (19F) got my boyfriend(20M) of 3 years a switch back in January as a gift. We're both university students so money is kinda tight, but I saved up and I was finally able to buy it for him because he'd been talking about it for about a year. It was $600 for the switch, a game and the tax, so it wasn't exactly a small gift but he was so happy so it was worth it. Fast forward eight months and he mentions that he told his friend he would lend it to him for a few days to finish a game that he had started way back while they still lived together at university. I was a little bit upset when he told me after he already told his friend because I'm just... not fond of this idea. It doesn't help that I don't exactly like or trust this specific friend. But I also just don't like the idea of him lending something that I spent months saving up for, but maybe I'm being too overprotective and controlling. Because on the other hand, I understand that I gave it to him as a gift so it's his property and he can do as he wishes with it. Furthermore, it's one of his best friends and he trusts him alot. But when I asked him if he had asked his friend if he would pay to replace it if it was damaged but he says he doesn't need to ask cause that's not gonna happen.
So Reddit, am I the asshole if I ask my boyfriend not to lend the switch I bought to his friend? He proof read this post so it's not biased; we agreed we would let Reddit decide. ###### | YTA. Once you give someone a gift, you no longer get to control what they do with it. I know you spent a lot of money and this bothers you but it’s his and if he wants to let his friend borrow it for a couple days, he can. ###### |
I’m just so frustrated right now.
My (28M) wife (29F) continues to try to blame the fact that I’m not attracted to her on ME factors. Maybe it’s MY work, or MY family, MY weight.
Now it is MY hormone levels.
So my wife gave birth to our twins a year ago and since then I haven’t been attracted to her.
She’s had huge stretch marks and is still about 70 pounds overweight. Her personal hygiene is also very low.
I’ve been trying to give subtle clues. Like let’s get a healthy meal subscription or let’s walk around the trails after dinner. Or I’d talk about what perfumes she would like to wear.
However today she asked if next time I went to the doctor I’d get a testosterone. I looked at her in disbelief. Then she said that there could be a medical reason for my lack of attraction and kept pushing it.
I couldn’t take it and started laughing and putting my head in my hands and shaking it.
My wife got extremely pissed and said that you didn’t have to be 60 to be erectile dysfunction.
I finally snapped and said that I DID get hard in the right circumstances ( and it’s true- every time I go back to the college campus where I do research, I have felt intense attraction for a lot of the women there.)
Now she’s saying I’ve devastated her beyond belief and that her body will never be the same.
AITA? I can’t help how disgusted I am about stretch marks and I can’t help that my previously dead sense of attraction goes all the way to 100 when I see women where I work and I hate my wife for denying that I’m not the problem at all. ###### | YTA. Oh, buddy. This not going to go well for you. ###### |
Well, that’s basically it. My wife was serious about applying to a part-time receptionist job at my company that would pay about half of what she makes now. Considering that we have three children, it would be difficult, not impossible, to continue the humble lifestyle we have (we’re not rich by any means) but we make ends meet to be comfortable. I lied and told her that I talked to the HR director and he said a candidate has been selected for the position already since it has been opened for a month already.
She wants to leave her salaried job because she doesn’t like the women at her company, but she told me that she had outstanding evaluations and she is doing just fine when it comes to fulfilling her role there. She just feels unhappy with the “toxic” people. But there is a pandemic right now and I think it would be illogical to leave a good paying job when so many people have been laid-off or are unemployed.
I just wish maybe I could have been more honest and maybe helped her apply and negotiate for higher pay in the open position at my company. But I don’t know if I have that kind of foothold yet. Considering that role though, she’s way overqualified, so I don’t know if they would have brought her in or not regardless.
Thanks for listening and reading. ###### | YTA. Of course you're an asshole for lying to your wife. You need to actually listen to what she's telling you about her unhappiness in her job, communicate your concerns, and make a plan to together. What you did was sneaky and infantilizing. Tell her what you did and apologize ASAP. ###### |
A few days ago she said she need a text book for school. I’ve been buying her textbooks since freshmen year but since she has a job now, I make her pay a lot of her own things now that aren’t a necessity. The textbook that she needed was $100 on top of some literature books that were about $25. I told her if she bought it I would loan back the money at some other time.
Few weeks into school and I thought she bought what she needed but then I get an email from her teaching saying she didn’t have the required material for the class. Turns out, she didn’t have enough money and maybe only had like $60 in the account. She didn’t mention it because she didn’t want to make me feel bad. ###### | YTA. Of course you are. You are responsible for making sure she has educational supplies, and a textbook is not on the list of "things that aren't a necessity." ###### |
I have had a dream wedding date my entire life. I'm finally engaged, and my fiance and I wanted to book our wedding right away. However, my dream date is the weekend before his sister's wedding.
He called his parents to tell him and they said they thought it was too close, but that he should talk to his sister; they would be okay with it if she was okay with it. He called his sister to tell her. She said she thought it was too close.
We booked it the next day because someone else was looking at the venue we wanted for the same day. She's very upset. We can't wait another year because we want to start having children. ###### | YTA. Of course the weekend before his sister's wedding is too close. Why would you think it isn't? If it's your "dream wedding date" you could have planned it for the next year but if you can't wait to start having children then plan it for another day.
You're going to have to compromise on something.
She clearly said she wasn't okay with it, never mind the fact if you're planning a honeymoon will you even be back in time for his sister's wedding? Why bother even asking if you were just going to do it anyway?
People are going to think you're doing it to upstage his sister and get married before her. ###### |
My husband is deployed overseas. While he tries to communicate with us as often as possible, sometimes his internet access is minimal.
My daughter has made it no secret that she hates school. At the end of first semester, her teachers said she would be getting held back and she said she wanted to drop out.
Before my husband left, my daughter was already modeling in NYC ( we live in suburbs just outside the city). But we would always have to work around her school schedule, and her grades would in turn suffer.
My husband would refuse to let her drop out every time she asked, and before leaving said I under no circumstance was to let her drop out without him.
However, after being home and seeing how miserable she was, complaining about how she didn’t need chemistry, I had enough. So I went to a meeting with school officials and she has officially dropped out.
Now she’s planning to move from the suburbs to an agency apartment in NYC to pursue modeling.
When my MIL found out via social media from Italy that my daughter had dropped out, she angrily messaged me, calling me a bad mom.
She then gets the message to my husband before I could contact him with my explanation and now he’s extremely furious. He sends me angry emails whenever he can and said I explicitly breached his trust.
However, he’s never here so AITA for acting like the primary parent because I practically am a single mom right now? AITA for helping my daughter pursue her passions, which don’t include a high school diploma? ###### | YTA. Of course she hated being in school. Who didn't? School sucked.
Replace modeling with twitch streaming, youtubing, etc and ask yourself if you'd be okay with this.
You have facilitated her permanently marring her future because "school sucks mom, who needs chemistry anyway"
You did breach your husband's trust, and you breached your obligation to your daughter. Modeling is *not* a sure fire career path and *when* she's no longer able to pursue it (WHEN. Not IF, WHEN.) she will be left with far less money than she thinks she'll have and a resume consisting of "I'm a dropout who got a lucky early break in modeling"
You have *no idea* the consequences of your actions. ###### |
Okay so first of all, yes my username is a joke, and no, I’m not Chinese.
Anyway, I (28M) am going to get married to my fiancée (28F) once covid is all over. Recently, I got one of those AncestryDNA/23AndMe DNA tests to find out all about my genetic ancestral history.
I’m an super curious about what my future wife’s history is so that when he have children, I know what they will be racially, so I asked my fiancée if she could do it was well. She didn’t want to. I don’t really understand why, but she doesn’t want to.
I have been pushing her to do it so that we can know about our future children’s make up, but she refused to. Am I the asshole for continuing to push for it? ###### | YTA. Not wanting a third party to have your genetic info is both common and smart. You also know basically what race your children will be, and it also doesn’t matter. ###### |
So my brother and I have kept a list of my parents quotes that they say to us. Everything to calling me a "massive waste of potential" to accusing me of child p\*rn because I have a vpn. The list is big and still growing. Next year I graduate HS, and unless I absolutely fail, I'm going to be either Valedictorian or Salutatorian. WIBTA if in my speech, I include their quotes? I was thinking of adding them as a "this is what people said about me, but don't let that stop you". So, Reddit, WIBTA?
Edit: I go to a very small, Christian school. Everyone knows everyone, and everyone is very religious. ###### | YTA. Not to your parents though, to yourself. This isn’t going to end how you think. You’re going to cause yourself unnecessary grief and unfortunately your parents won’t learn that they suck. You still rely on them in some ways, so you’d be cutting your nose off to spite your face. Be gracious. Be kind. Walk away with your class and your dignity and if they ever question why you no longer talk to them, then you can privately quote them. Don’t do it publically. ###### |
I (22f) was visiting my sister’s (24f) house this weekend and I went outside to watch my 4 year old nephews (we’ll call them Milo and Otis) play in their sandbox.
Milo started eating sand, and I told him to stop, but he didn’t and said he does it all the time. He kept doing it and I figured I should just let it go because I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. He wasn’t eating a ton. Just a few grains of it occasionally.
At one point my sister came outside to bring us lemonade, and Otis said “Aunt ___ is letting Milo eat sand.” My sister got really mad, and told me I should be more responsible. I apologized, but she’s currently ignoring me.
AITA for letting my nephew eat sand? ###### | YTA. not sure why you would take a 4 year old at their word that they’re allowed to eat rocks “all the time”. If you’re not familiar with kids, you could’ve checked with your sister instead of just letting it happen. ###### |
She was induced and in labor for over 24 hours. Not all of it was active labor, and I probably could have gone home and slept and showered at some point, but she didn't want me to leave in case something happened.
A few hours after she had our baby and they both were okay and not in danger, I told her I was going home to shower and nap and would be back sometime later in the day. She didn't want me to leave, but I needed to sleep and I couldn't do that in the hospital. I also needed a shower because I was starting to smell ripe due to the stress sweat. I also wanted to get a decent meal.
I left anyway and took a long nap after I got home. That plus the time it took to eat and shower ended up taking around 6 hours.
She still seems bothered by what I did, but I am a person like anyone else with physical limitations. I don't know how that makes me an asshole. ###### | YTA. Not only did you leave right after the birth when she didn't want you to, it sounds like you would have left *during* labor if she hadn't asked you not to. Really, dude? You also didn't check if she'd have any help caring for the baby in those six hours, when she needed rest much more than you did. Sounds like you're preparing to be the husband who just can't possibly help with night feedings because he's sooo tired. ###### |
I’m a bisexual woman. Last night, I was at my brother’s house for dinner along with our parents. I admit I have a bit of a crush on my brother’s wife. She’s easily in my ‘Top 3 prettiest women I know’ list.
During the dinner, I was casually flirting with her. Nothing over the top. She didn’t seem to mind .
After we got back, my brother sent this message asking me to stop making his wife uncomfortable. I told him that he was being dense and some casual flirting is normal. There was a point when a lot of water had spilled over SIL’s dress, and I’d casually remarked if I could help her change. My brother brought this up saying that it made SIL very uncomfortable and she couldn’t say anything then because my parents were present. I told him that it’s probably his insecurities making him overreact and not to worry cause SIL was straight. He told me they were cutting me off until I apologised and promised never to bother SIL again.
Well, I’m not apologising . SIL should’ve told me she was uncomfortable, I would’ve stopped. I think that my brother’s being over dramatic.
AITA? ###### | YTA. Not only are you flirting with a MARRIED WOMAN, it’s your BROTHER’S wife. If he approached you and said it made her uncomfortable, she probably talked to your brother about this. Please leave the poor girl alone. ###### |
This is a throwaway for obvious reasons, but a couple of days ago it was my friend’s birthday and my friend came out as gay and she was accepted by her whole group except for me. Now I am not homophobic but I don’t like gay people. We had a party where I pulled her into a separate room and told her to drop the act, she said that she didn’t know what I was talking about. I said that being gay is not a lifetime thing and she was just on a phase, she told me that she was in fact gay and that I was being really weird. I told her that she was the weird one and that I hoped that god would help her move on from this phase. She ran out of the room crying and when I exited all of my friends were calling me a bitch and a couple of other mean things. I feel a bit bad, but I think I am helping her in her life. ###### | YTA. Not liking gay people is homophobic, and it's not a phase ###### |
I work at a call center in a cubicle and I hate it, which is why I've recently decided to go to college and get a degree. I was telling one of my co-workers about this and when he asked why I wanted to go to college, I said to him "I just want to improve my chances of getting a real job." That's when my friend got all defensive and started telling me that a call center was a real job. I corrected him and told him that call centers are just for young kids going through school and single parents who need to support their bastard kids and have no other motivation in life and that's when he stormed off.
On top of that, he apparently went around telling all of my other co-workers. One of them called me an "elitist prick" and another hoped that I ended up being a college drop-out. Everyone is against me just because I'm daring to get out of this hellhole of a call center and pursue an actual career. AITA? ###### | YTA. Not for wanting another job or to go to college.
But for denigrating someone else’s job, even if you do it too. The others are right by calling you elitist. That’s such a low thing to do. ###### |
My (27M) girlfriend (25 F) the other night mentioned she was thinking of getting a piercing below her lip. I pretty much just said "ok" as I am not into piercings and didn't want to encourage her to get one nor did I want to stop her as it is her choice ultimately.
She asked me what I thought about it and I decided to be honest and I said "personally I think most piercings are trashy." She got upset which didn't surprise me. We had an argument and she kept asking me how piercings are trashy. I said "sticking pieces of metal in your body isn't attractive, it's just gross and in my opinion when I see people with piercings they often are the type you see on Jerry Springer or one of those shows."
We haven't been talking since then, and this whole situation is just pissing me off, if my girlfriend wasn't prepared to hear an answer she didn't like, why even ask? ###### | YTA. Not for disliking piercings, but because of the way you use that dislike to generalize about people who have them. ###### |
I (21M) proposed to my girlfriend(22F) last week. When i proposed to her she was overjoyed and accepted my proposal. Yesterday my girlfriend asked me how much the ring cost and where i bought it from .When i told her that it was worth 200$ ,she lost it and told me that i shouldn't have been cheap for such a moment. I told her that in case she breaks up with me the money i would have spent for an engagement ring would have gone waste. I also told her that when we renew our wows in a few years time after we get married , i would buy her an expensive ring . She started crying and i got angry at her ungratefulness and i have and will be sleeping on the sofa until she speaks to me . AITA for buying her a cheap ring? ###### | YTA. Not for buying the cheap ring, but for your reasoning behind it. If you think diamonds are a waste of money then fine, but telling her that you don’t trust her not to dump you is pretty shitty.
Her reaction to the price is a bit assholey, but you are the bigger asshole ###### |
I (42f) have a daughter (19f). She’s a university student, but has moved home because her university closed down and turned to online classes.
English is not our first language, but it’s a compulsory part of our syllabus. My daughter was very good at it, did English as a first language, when most do English as a second language here and got perfect scores on her IELTS.
My son, on the other hand struggles a lot with English. He’s currently doing English as a second language, and he’s failing. Since she’s come home, and isn’t paying rent I asked her to tutor him for a while everyday, and make sure not to leave if he doesn’t finish his homework.
It’s been a few weeks since this arrangement, and she’s angry now. Apparently he doesn’t like to do his homework, and it takes hours to convince him to do it and there’s other things she’d rather be doing.
She says if she sits down with him at 2pm, he’ll take until 8pm to finish it because he plays with his xbox, phone and switch and slowly does the work after she begs him so she can leave. I do insist that she stays until he finishes his homework, but I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
She’s complaining that she doesn’t want to babysit her 13 year old brother for 6 hours a day until he’s ‘bothered to do his homework’. That she wants to call her friends and do her coursework as well. But if she’s going to live with me rent free for who knows how long until her university opens up she’s going to have to contribute somehow. And I think getting my son to do his homework and tutoring him is contributing enough. ###### | YTA. Not for asking her to pull her weight. That is reasonable. For not lighting a fire under your son and allowing him to waste her time like that with zero consequence. ###### |
A year ago my GF moved to my country and we met soon after. We have been together for almost a year. Her dad suddenly passed away about a month ago and she flew home for a week to attend the funeral. Because she hasn't lived here long she does not have a strong support system here besides me, all her close friends/family live very far away with a big time difference. She has some friends here but especially due to the pandemic they are not close and can't really offer any support for her. She has communicated to me that I am the only person here she can rely on.
When she returned we spent most of 3 weeks together. At the end of those 3 weeks I decided to go on vacation (it was not planned before her dad passed) to visit friends which meant we were not together for 12 nights. I've been really busy with my friends and so I haven't responded to her texts/calls as quickly as she would like and haven't always had the time for phone calls, or am around other people when we call.
I've noticed when calling her lately she seems distant and sad, and when I ask whats wrong she said she feels like I abandoned her and she feels very alone. So now I am wondering if AITA for going on the trip? ###### | YTa. Not because you went on vacation, but because you seem to unaware of your girlfriend needing someone to lean on right now. Why not take her with you? Or at least set aside time to call her and check in? ###### |
My (26) mom’s (46) best friend (f52) was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer 6 years ago. She made it to the 15-20% survival rate. She was a beautiful person. She’s been in my life since I was 2 years old.
Even though she was on heavy doses of pain meds over the years she always randomly texted me telling me she loves me. She honestly texted me more than she texted my mom.
She was admitted to hospice roughly 2 weeks ago. I’ve been able to see her about 2 times since she was diagnosed because she was always back and forth between the hospital and her home. The trip to and from was about 5 hours. She was always exhausted and out of it. Understandably so, we kept our distance. Especially because we didn’t want to compromise her health any further with unknown illnesses we might of had.
We went to say our goodbyes on Monday. She looked like a whole different person. I won’t go too in to detail but, let’s just say I couldn’t stop crying. She looked so unhappy and as if she was mentally stuck inside a body (like being awake during a coma) that no longer served her.
Just 15 minutes ago we got the news that she had passed. I didn’t cry. I felt peace and happiness for her. When I saw her on Monday, she found the strength to wake up and even though she barely had a voice or any energy left, she told me the most beautiful things that helped me be okay with her leaving this earth.
Of course my mom is devastated. But, I told her that it was not a way to live and even though her friend was dealt the shittiest of all cards, we should be happy for her that she no longer has to live in pain, anger and sadness. My mom did not like this, she won’t even look at me. Guys AITA? I really wasn’t trying to upset her. ###### | YTA. Not because what you said is wrong, but because it’s too soon to say it.
Your mom absolutely didn’t need someone telling her how she SHOULD feel in that moment. She needed support in what she was ACTUALLY feeling. And then later, much later, you can say what you said. ###### |
I really don't like my boyfriend's mom. She's very bitchy and holier than thou. She has a three year old daughter who accidentally broke my phone when she knocked it into her pool. It was an iphone7 and I paid about $700 it, so she said she would give me $1,000 to replace it. I thought that was fair. She asked me if I had venmo and I said no. She asked if I could cash a check and I said no, because I don't know how to. She asked me to download venmo but I said she doesn't get to dictate that. Finally I asked for the money in cash and that day. She called me a dumbfuck and said no one has $1,000 in cash on them, but this woman drives a BMW so I don't get what her issue is. She refused to go to the bank, so right now she is sitting on her lazy ass and I don't have my $1,000, but my boyfriend thinks I'm being ridiculous because she tried to pay. ###### | YTA. No one carries that much cash on them. She tried two other ways to pay you. If you had asked her to instead give you cash next time you saw them, that would be more acceptable. ###### |
Our son is 6 and his half sister 4. They barely see each other, my ex tries get them to hang out with each other all the time for they can get to know each other. I'm against it because I don't want to throw anyone new in his life while he's so Young.
My ex came to pick up his son for the weekend. I guess during this he had his daughter and planned on our son spend time together with each other. I was never told about it. Let me this clear I have no hard feelings towards the little girl because my ex has another kid with someone else.
Our son has a phone were you can really only text/call and watch Netflix and YouTube. On Sunday i called him when he was with his father to just check up on. He said he was sister playing. I said sounds like fun and to call me later. The next day when I meet up with his father to pick him up, my ex says his goodbyes and has his daughter facetime saying goodbye also. "Your sister says bye also". This where I butt in and say "technically she isn't your real sister just half."
My ex just shakes his head and say "don't do that". Lot of questions I had to answer carefully to my son while driving home. Then when I got home I got some more angry text from my ex saying I'm trying to pin them against each other. I just don't want them to get accustomed to each other and be sad if something happens between their parents relationship. ###### | YTA. My son has a half brother through his dad. My son refers to him as his brother and never in a million years did I think to tell him “that’s not your real brother, that’s your half brother”.
It makes me wonder, if YOU were to ever have more children, will you tell your son “this isn’t your REAL sibling, this is your HALF sibling”? I think not. ###### |
I always wanted to send my children to private school if I could afford it.
When my first kid (19m) was younger I could have afforded to send him to private, but it would have taken most of mine and my wife’s income. It would’ve made it near impossible to go on fancy holidays, ever buy a new car, get good Christmas presents etc. Back then we made the choice to send him to a state school and save the money.
Recently, however, I received a promotion at work and my wife and I are sending our second son (13m) to a private school this year. We are much more financially stable now. Both of my sons will get 10 thousand dollars from me to help pay for college
When my older son found out his brother was going to a better school he wasn’t too fussed as he knew of me making more money. He recently overhead me on the phone telling my friend that we chose not to send him there due to money at the time, but could’ve afforded it. He’d always believed we couldn’t.
Now he’s pissed at me for treating him worse than his brother. He claims I’m being unfair and could’ve paid for him, but I didn’t intend so send my younger son until I started to earn more. My wife is with me but my sister and mother think I’m being unfair and I should send my younger to state to for fairness.
AITA here? ###### | YTA. My dad allways says his legacy to us is education because that could never be taken away from us. He is right. You have shit priorities. And shit opinions, if you think your oldest doesnt know his brother is your favorite and its being greedy... My god you are naive. BTW, I went to private school having none of my classmates luxuries and didnt bother me a bit because my parents were firm believers that money wasnt everything. To this day I appreciate having better teachers for languages or not being in an overcrowed classroom in my early years. I agree not sending the youngest one is not the answer, the idea is not repeating a mistake. Put every single month the same amount you pay for the youngest in the older one college fund. One is getting ahead with less debt and the other with quality education. Tell you youngest. Make sure he is getting the best out of a good oportunity. Have some empathy for fucks sake, one son just learned you dont think he is a priority over a months vacation abroad. Like going to a freaking family picnic could be the worst idea ever for a break... ###### |
So when my wife and I were dating we had a pregnancy scare. She told me one day that she hadn't been feeling well, that her boobs felt heavy, her nipples were a lot darker than usual, and she felt nauseated but, she didn't think she was pregnant because she had two periods very close together within like two weeks of each other and she had ended her last period about a week prior to all these symptoms. So anyways, we take a few pregnancy tests. Three come out negative and one comes out positive with a very faint line. We wait another month and take a few more and they all come back negative.
So anyway, she refused to go to the doctor because she was very anxious and emotional thinking she had lost a baby. I generally support all her decisions so I just supported her and helped her emotionally through what she thought we were going to.
So fast forward years later to today and we're married and have two kids. She tells me the "first Baby" would have been due on this date and that he would be 10, and then proceeds to start crying. I rub her back and comfort her, but I casually mention that we don't know for sure if she miscarried and if she was every pregnant because we just got that one faint line and never got a confirmation from the doctor. She gets really upset with me and says that she's absolutely positive she was pregnant and miscarried and is now not speaking with me. so reddit, AITA? ###### | YTA. Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester before a woman even knows for sure that she’s pregnant. They confuse implantation bleeding for a period or hormonal spotting. Her reasoning for not going to the doctor was because she didn’t want to confirm what she felt like she already knew. Even if you didn’t think it was true you shouldn’t have verbalized it especially while trying to comfort her on the subject. ###### |
I've been teaching my daugher how to swim and she's got everything down pat, but she's just scared to go into the deep end.
So today I snuck up on her and pushed her in.
She disappeared under water for a bit, but when she came back, our lessons kicked in and she started swimming. She said, "Look, Daddy, I'm swimming!"
My wife came running out. "What was that? I heard a scream."
I told her, "Oh, I just pushed her in."
She shouted, "YOU *WHAT*?! What if she drowned?"
"Uhm, I'm standing right here... how is she going to drown?"
She said she doesn't want me to do that again, but I'm definitely going to when my other two daughters are old enough. My parents did it to us and it worked, didn't it?
I just wanna know...AITA or can other people understand where I'm coming from? ###### | YTA. More for your daughter to grow and learn by conquering her fear of the deep end on her own terms then being forced into it by someone she trusted in an act that was, at the very least, obnoxious. You're lucky she still trusts you.
Also for insisting on doing it again despite your wife's feeling on it. Children have died this way.
Also for the assumption (and insistence) that it would not negatively impact your other two children when they are "old enough".
I can understand your thinking, to an extent. Sure, it works. But there are far better / more beneficial ways of going about it. ###### |
Hello reddit, my husband told me that I was an asshole for the way I acted but I don't think so. Please take a moment to read and share your opinion on this.
My daughter \[17F\] came to me yesterday and told me that she would like to see a therapist as her mental state has been down ever since she broke up with her ex boyfriend and she believes she has a major depressive disorder. Personally, I find it kind of silly to pay $100 just to see a therapist especially considering the fact that it’s completely normal to be upset after a break up. That’s not to say that she doesn’t have a major depressive disorder, but it’s unlikely. I obviously did not tell her that she is not depressed, but I did tell her that almost everyone goes through this moment during a break up and even I did in my teenage years.
My daughter still insisted that she would love to see one. The thing is, she rarely has open discussions with me, and it took her almost one week to tell me that she broke up with her boyfriend and that was only because I caught her sobbing in her room.
I believe that if she would give me a chance she won’t need another therapist because in the end, no one understands their daughters better than a mother. When I told her this she just said ‘fine’ and left.
I told my husband after I ended the discussion with her and he told me that I was an asshole for the way I acted since our daughter rarely opens to us and this was the chance I had to show her that I am always there for her and (he believes) I failed. I on the other hand think I acted pretty reasonable with her. What do you guys think? ###### | YTA. Maybe she wants to talk to someone unbiased. ###### |
I 16m and my sister 14f live in Korea, but we are American expats. We live in Seoul and were in vacation in Busan. My parents wanted us out of the hotel and told us to leave for like 4 hours. Unfortunately the only restaurant that wasn't completly crowded or opened was some seafood restaurants. My sister hates seafood, she finds it gross yet she never tries it so she really wouldn't know.
We saw a seafood restaurant and we agreed to go there and see if there was non seafood options. I speak Korean, she does not and i asked about nonseafood options. He said htey didn't have any. I ordered calamari and some other seafood dishes and I told my sister that they were chicken and stuff. She ate them and really enjoyed it.
After we left teh restaurant i told her she ate squid and now she's pissed at me and told our parents. My dad thought it was hilarious and my mom is annoyed. They aren't that pissed at me though becuase my sister is a really picky eater and its annoying as fuck becuase she bitches about every restaurant ###### | YTA. Lying to people about what they’re eating is a dick move.
You are not responsible for her palate. Don’t act like you are.
Besides that, being deceitful is a sure fire way to guarantee she’ll never try new foods ever again. Try using encouragement. ###### |
I am a fifth-grade teacher. Last year I had a student who had a family that very difficult to deal with and was going through a divorce and the grandparents were overbearing and very hard. The student was a very average student not exceptional or bright, but her mother tended to believe she was beyond gifted. So we switched to remote learning and the student did not attend classes for the first week and then attended sporadically for the rest of the semester. So her grades dropped from Bs and As to Ds. During the summer the mother contacted me to complain stating that the grades I gave hurt the child's chances of getting a scholarship to a private middle school, that the child was looking forward to attending. I told her if she was so concerned she should have made sure the child attended class regularly. She explained that she didn't have internet in her home for the first week and she and the child would have to drive to the Mcdonalds for the rest of the semester for the child to sit in on classes and that the father was not paying child support. She also explained that the custody agreement said that the father would have time with the child and those are the days the child wouldn't attend classes. I told her that the district offered help for parents without the internet and she said she had contacted them and never heard back. (Seems false to me) She also stated that the father lied to her and said he had her in class. I told her that the child was old enough to get herself to watch the classes when she was with him. I told her it was simple, the child didn't met the requirements i have for grades and therefore she earned her Ds. AITA? ###### | YTA. Looking at your comments, you were informed during the school year that the child had internet problems and issues at home, you weren’t reporting the grades so her mom thought she was still receiving A’s and B’s until July, when you decided to calculate in attendance and then she had D’s. You even said the mom immediately contacted you in July after final grades were posted. We are in unprecedented times and to have no compassion for your students is just disappointing. The child didn’t do anything wrong and she did submit all the required assignments. You left out a ton of information in your original post and you should have changed her grade (and any other kid you did this to). ###### |
My SO wants her ex’s father to walk her down the aisle
Pretty much what the title says. My SO & I got engaged recently & she dropped this on me last night. She dated her ex for 6 years & got really close to the family.
I don’t want her ex’s family that involved in our wedding, but she insists that he’s there.
Her father died while they were dating, so I understand she doesn’t want to walk down the aisle alone, but she’s also close with my father.
AITA for not wanting my SO to walk down the aisle with her ex’s dad?? ###### | YTA. Lightly, and you’re allowed to have feelings on the situation, but YTA. She is closest to him, he was probably a father figure when her Dad died. Your Dad is also likely a father figure, but clearly she is closer with ex’s dad. Let him walk her down the aisle. She is marrying you and not his son after all. ###### |
My daughter is currently a senior in high school and for as long as i can remember she has wanted to be a musician. My MIL went to Julliard and made it big in the industry. I don't want to give any details because I think some people might recognize her name, and it is hard to teach my daughter that just because her grandmother did it and succeeded does not mean it is a attainable goal. Also and i would never say this to my daughter, she just isn't as talented as her grandmother. I would be all for something more reasonable like a music teacher, but she wants to do just what MIL does, and MIL always tells her that taking risk is good and everyone told her to just go to nursing school like her sister, but look at her now.
Today i sat my daughter down for a very honest talk about what is going to happen if she doesn't get into Julliard (I know she isn't and MIL has confirmed in private that she really doesn't have enough to stand out and get into a school like that) She got defensive and thought that i was just trying to keep her from being like MIL because of my personal issues with MIL, so i told her the truth. It is almost impossible to succeed, so many people have talent, but MIL had two things beyond talents, she is nasty and vicious and doesn't care who she was willing to sleep with any man who can help her career. My daughter isn't like that, thank god, but i told her that nice people don't make it that far and the industry is full of people like MIL.
I guess my daughter told MIL because i got an irate message from her saying that i called her a prostitute and that she loves her husband. My husband thinks that I went too far though he agrees our daughter is making a mistake. ###### | YTA. Let the Julliard admission's office decide. Rejection is part of the human experience. She'll get it out of her system and she'll be inspired to try something else *then*, when someone who is *actually* educated in such matters decides. NEVER take away someone's fuel-- you'll be sorry when she's aimless. ###### |
I'm a shift lead at a fast food joint.
Here's the deal, I have this worker, Shannon (18f) who is on the shy side. I'm not saying she's ugly but when compared to the other girls working, eh, lets just say she doesn't get a lot of attention. It's Saturday, it's busy, I have 3 cashiers and Shannon running food and bussing. We're running low on certain ingredients so I send her back to the kitchen to prep. In the kitchen I have my cooks, all guys. There's Joe who is known as the crew's asshole. He can be mean, jokingly, but it goes too far sometimes and we managers gotta step in and redirect him. I wasn't thinking anything bad would happen. I thought Joe would be too busy cooking. Peaking in on the kitchen every few minutes Joe is cracking jokes about Shannon right in front of her. I tell him to focus on his work. I don't know when but 30 mins in I find Shannon in back crying in the utility closest. Most days I'd take her to the side and talk to her but most days we aren't getting slammed and I'm getting chewed out by customers. I ask her simply if it's because of Joe's comments. She says yes. I tell her okay, either she gets back out front, we discuss this later or she can leave and take a write up. She tells me she just needs 5 minutes. No. I need her out there now and seeing as she wasn't doing anything I tell her to get out.
I discussed it later with both my store manager and assistant manager. Joe is getting a write up and talking to but we also came to the agreement Shannon will be getting one as well for leaving early.
AITA? ###### | YTA. Let me count the ways.
1. You pass judgement on employees based on their looks.
2. You observed Joe harassing Shannon and did nothing.
3. When Shannon informs you why she is in a closet crying, your response is to tell her to get back on the floor or get written up.
4. When you discussed things with your manager, you failed to back her up.
Should your store be investigated for allowing harassment, you'll be lucky if you're still employed at its conclusion. ###### |
My roommate has this weird hobby where she listens to FM radio for hours on end. She has several radios, and sets up all these things so that she can pull in as distant a station as possible. Today, she brought home this $200 thing that's the size of my desktop. She was raving about how "good" of a deal it was, even though you can get a radio for $5 these days, not considering that she's paying $200 to sit through commercials and crappy music. I told her that $200 is a little much for a radio, and that it's strange to fork over so much money when she can stream radio for free. She said, "Well, I'm very happy with my purchase, and that's what matters." I told her that she already has like 4 radios and doesn't need another one, and she said, "I'll spend my money however I want." I told her that I'm just giving my opinion, and she said, "Your opinion doesn't matter because you're not using it." I told her that was a little condescending, and she accused me of tone policing and getting off on telling women how to spend their money.
AITA? I can't imagine spending half of my paycheck on something you can do for free with a phone app, and she didn't need to accuse me of sexism when gender had nothing to do with it. ###### | YTA. Keep your unsolicited opinions to yourself. ###### |
My fiancée and I have been engaged for a year now. We've just been stuck looking for the right time and place but we found one and chose a destination wedding in September. We found out she was pregnant three weeks ago and we're excited about that. Until today I didn't think that'd change anything but apparently it does. She doesn't want to have the wedding while she's pregnant and wants to have it afterwards. We've already paid a deposit for the venue so that's already more than 2 grand down the drain. I'm honestly already over the wedding and just want it over and done with so I told her we're either getting married on the date in September or we're just going to sign the papers and be done with it. She got upset and called her parents who are now yelling at me for this. For the sake of transparency they are offering to pay 3/4 for the make up wedding but I'm not for that idea because then we'll have to wait a couple more months so the baby is old enough and so she can get back into her wedding dress. It's just too much. AITA? ###### | YTA. Just postpone it. I wouldn’t want to be a pregnant bride either. Her parents are recouping most of your loss so it’s really not that big of a deal. ###### |
Just to be clear she has seen the kids. My husband put his foot down and since she isn't super close to the kids I don't have a problem with it. My MIL doesn't like me very much and she would rather not be close to my children and not babysit than have to follow any rules. In general we just don't have anything in common and if she wasn't family she isn't someone I would ever talk to.
We had to stay at their house for a few days because we had some flooding and MIL had a friend over. I was not ease dropping but I'd cooked for my kids and I was cleaning the kitchen, while they were in the living room and it is an open kitchen (I don't think she knew I was in there) MIL's best friend was saying how someone she knew gave a kidney to their boss, and she said that is so nice but she would never do that for someone she wasn't super close to. MIL agreed. The friend said I'd do it for you and my husband and fuck everyone else. MIL said that when you get older you lose tolerance for fake relationships and then she said "the only people I really love are FIL, you, and my brother"
I was floored that she didn't include my husband or my kids. I confronted her the next day and asked if she meant that. MIL just kind of shrugged and said sometimes you chose your own family. She tried to backtrack and she said she might do it in the situation, but really she doesn't feel that same closeness and her best friend is more family to her than my kids. I told her that she is evil and doesn't deserve to ever her her grandchildren again. My husband thinks I shouldn't have said that and I have to understand it is a 30 year friendship. ###### | YTA. Just because you she's dropped and heard she won't hypothetically give you or the kids a kidney doesnt mean she is a negative influence on their lives ###### |
My husband was previously married to a woman who was physically unable to have children so they adopted my stepdaughter when she was nine months old. I didn't meet her until she was 19 and thank god because I don't think I would have been able to deal with her. She is incredibly spoiled. When we moved we had to get rid of all of her childhood things because he just shoved them in a room instead of actually going through them, and she had nine American Girl Dolls, and an entire room just filled with toys. She had two horses growing up, he paid for her school all through her PhD, paid for her wedding, bought her a house.
I have a 21 year old daughter and my husband is very nice to her but he doesn't seem interested in any financial responsibility. My ex and I paid for her college but she didn't get to go to a fancy school like her stepsister did and he never offered to help though he makes great money. My daughter was interested in a study abroad but my ex couldn't afford it and my husband didn't offer though his daughter has a PhD in history and he funded "educational" trips to Europe every summer throughout college and grad school.
My sister was over the other day and made a joke about why don't I quit my job, isn't that the point of being married to a rich man. I said maybe after \*daughter's name\* gets married because I know he isn't going to pay for the wedding. This prompted a fight when she left and he said he doesn't owe my daughter anything because she isn't his child. I said \*stepdaughter's name\* isn't really your child either and he stormed out of the house. I feel like I went too far but i am so sick of my daughter watching her stepsister have everything handed to her. ###### | YTA. Just because she is adopted doesn't mean she isn't his daughter. He made the decision to adopt her and has been her father for almost 100% of her life. ###### |
I am now in extremely shitty situation. My daughter(Jane) cut all contact with me after my wife made some racist comments about her bf. I agree what she did is disgusting but Jane told me choose either between her or wife. How the hell I am supposed to do that. TBH my wife comes from racist family I called her out many times but I think racism is deeply rooted into her now it is impossible to do anything about it. This happened five years ago, Jane and her bf getting married soon. She called me yesterday and asked for some money as she is laid off. Actually she told me to honour promise I made to all my daughters(I helped them financially when they get married). I refused. I told her I made promise to my daughter and as she denounced me as her father I am no longer going to help her out. AITA ? ###### | YTA. Jesus, YTA. The wedding money is the least of it, FFS, you chose a racist over your own daughter. Hell, YTA for marrying the racist in the first place, surely if she's "from a racist family" she let those colors show before you married her. You purposely brought this awful person into their lives, *married* her, and are now reaping the rewards. The rest of your children would do well to disown you too. ###### |
I (42f) have a daughter (19f). She’s a university student, but has moved home because her university closed down and turned to online classes.
English is not our first language, but it’s a compulsory part of our syllabus. My daughter was very good at it, did English as a first language, when most do English as a second language here and got perfect scores on her IELTS.
My son, on the other hand struggles a lot with English. He’s currently doing English as a second language, and he’s failing. Since she’s come home, and isn’t paying rent I asked her to tutor him for a while everyday, and make sure not to leave if he doesn’t finish his homework.
It’s been a few weeks since this arrangement, and she’s angry now. Apparently he doesn’t like to do his homework, and it takes hours to convince him to do it and there’s other things she’d rather be doing.
She says if she sits down with him at 2pm, he’ll take until 8pm to finish it because he plays with his xbox, phone and switch and slowly does the work after she begs him so she can leave. I do insist that she stays until he finishes his homework, but I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
She’s complaining that she doesn’t want to babysit her 13 year old brother for 6 hours a day until he’s ‘bothered to do his homework’. That she wants to call her friends and do her coursework as well. But if she’s going to live with me rent free for who knows how long until her university opens up she’s going to have to contribute somehow. And I think getting my son to do his homework and tutoring him is contributing enough. ###### | YTA. Its time to take the electronics away and parent your child to do his homework. Your daughter has her own classes to do, and tutoring is not normally for 6 hours a day. An hour a day is fine, but making her be in charge of him finishing his homework is too much. ###### |
I (19F) got my boyfriend(20M) of 3 years a switch back in January as a gift. We're both university students so money is kinda tight, but I saved up and I was finally able to buy it for him because he'd been talking about it for about a year. It was $600 for the switch, a game and the tax, so it wasn't exactly a small gift but he was so happy so it was worth it. Fast forward eight months and he mentions that he told his friend he would lend it to him for a few days to finish a game that he had started way back while they still lived together at university. I was a little bit upset when he told me after he already told his friend because I'm just... not fond of this idea. It doesn't help that I don't exactly like or trust this specific friend. But I also just don't like the idea of him lending something that I spent months saving up for, but maybe I'm being too overprotective and controlling. Because on the other hand, I understand that I gave it to him as a gift so it's his property and he can do as he wishes with it. Furthermore, it's one of his best friends and he trusts him alot. But when I asked him if he had asked his friend if he would pay to replace it if it was damaged but he says he doesn't need to ask cause that's not gonna happen.
So Reddit, am I the asshole if I ask my boyfriend not to lend the switch I bought to his friend? He proof read this post so it's not biased; we agreed we would let Reddit decide. ###### | YTA. Its a gift and he can do whatever he wants with it. Asking him what to do/not to do is controlling. ###### |
Throwaway because I’m not sure if my children are on Reddit.
I have two kids with a four year age gap, my oldest, Sara, is 26 and my youngest, Bella, is 22. Sara went to undergraduate school and her father and I supported her by paying half of her living expenses and college tuition. We did the same for Bella. They both worked during college, and Bella worked while doing unpaid internships.
Sara went to graduate school for social work and she took out loans to pay for her education. We helped her out with groceries as well as paying her car insurance and phone bill. She graduated and got a steady decently paying job a couple years back.
Bella graduated this winter and had been job searching throughout her last semester with no luck. Things took a turn for the worse when the pandemic hit, and all of her leads dried up. She couldn’t get the stimulus check, and she no longer had her college gig. She did some side work to get her self through while hoping that her job prospects would come back. Luckily one of the places she applied for hired her after three months of unemployment. She has been employed for one month and she makes an okay salary, nothing great, but she can live off of it.
Long story short, I realized that my phone contract was up for renewal. I decided that since both bella and Sara are now employed I would take them off my plan. Sara took it well enough, but Bella got upset saying that Sara was able to stay on my plan four years longer than she did and that she is just beginning to recover from the financial hit of being unemployed during a pandemic. She asked me if I could keep her on the plan until next year, but I don’t think it’s right. Both my girls are employed and it’s time for them to make it on their own. AITA? ###### | YTA. It’s the middle of a pandemic. She’s literally just got a job and there’s hardly much job security going around right now. You can’t give your kid a break for a year? In a pandemic, whilst she gets settled and can start saving? ###### |
My friend draws art in her spare time and frequently does commissions. I asked her if she could draw something for me and she charged the standard price, which I found a bit steep. I asked if she could just count this as doing a favor for a friend and do it for free and she laughed and called me cheap as a joke.
I did feel a bit hurt by it and I ended up paying the price she asked for but I just want to know if it was unreasonable for me to have asked her for a free commission. ###### | YTA. It’s tacky. She earns money from it and why would she paint something for free when she could be earning some cash. ###### |
She has recently become very into recycling and conservation, which is fine, but she now has taken to needling myself and our kids over behaviors she disapproves of even though in my opinion they're minor issues which shouldn't bother her so much. I've tried to be supportive as much as possible until she started complaining because I stuff trash into my empty bottles and she says she can't recycle them. I really don't think about it. It just happens, but she gets so upset and acts as if I am doing it to spite her. I'm not. She says I should remember or make more of an effort, but who really thinks about things like that after doing this for decades?
My children also are irritated by the change in behavior but are less vocal about it than I am.
On Sunday I had been spending time with my son. It was just the two of us, so we ordered a pizza and watched some movies. When my wife came home she saw that we both had bottles filled with trash and started in on us. I didn't say anything because usually it's better to just let it go, but she didn't stop. That irritated me so after she was done and was leaving the room I loudly told our son that we had to comply with his mother's wishes because she was a greeniac and would call in the national guard on us otherwise.
He thought it was funny. I did too, and it really was meant as a joke and not anything else, but my wife took offense to it and told me I was an asshole.
I feel like with as much grief as she's given me lately I should be allowed to express frustration with a joke - and a harmless one at that.
She wants me to apologize to her and tell our kids I was wrong for saying it since I am the "asshole." Am I? ###### | YTA. It’s really not hard at all to keep your trash and recyclables separate. It’d be annoying to me too if you kept doing it over and over since she’s making an effort and you’re clearly not. ###### |
My (43F) daughter (17F) and I got in an argument about this today and we are at an impasse. She suggested we post here to see who is right and I thought, hell why not. Could be an interesting little experiment.
Here is my side:
When out and about, I am very honest when people ask me how I am doing or how my day is going. Whether it is the cashier at the grocery store, the bank teller, a neighbour, my kids' friends or boyfriends, their parents, etc., when they ask me how I'm doing or how my day is going I give them an honest answer. Sure, this sometimes means that the answer is negative, but I feel like if people don't want an actual answer, why would they ask in the first place? I pride myself on my honesty and on telling it like I see it, so I see no reason to be dishonest when asked a direct question.
My daughter's side:
My mom doesn't get that people ask this out of politeness and not because they actually want to know how she is. The grocery store cashier making minimum wage is just trying to do their job and doesn't actually give a shit how every customer is doing that day. It's a formality, and the thing to do is say "Good, you?" and move on. Also, she goes into way too much detail about what exactly is bothering her, has started crying at cash registers, to my boyfriend and friends, to anyone really when she is having a bad day or is stressed out, and doesn't see that this makes people uncomfortable who were basically just saying hello and hoping to move on with their day. It's really embarrassing. Also 'priding herself on honesty' is just a fancy way of saying that you don't care about being mean to people, imo....
So, Reddit, AITA? Does my daughter have a point, or am I right in saying that if you're going to ask someone how they are, you should actually mean it and should want and expect an honest answer? I would never ask someone how they were doing if I didn't genuinely want to know, and didn't care about the answer. ###### | YTA. It’s one thing to be honest and say “not great,” it’s another to unburden yourself on others and basically vent to whoever you want. It’s not the job of virtual strangers to help you process your emotions. This isn’t “honesty,” it’s over sharing and it’s selfish. I would be embarrassed and frustrated to deal with you too. ###### |
We are both 17...So i don't see my girlfriend very much, maybe once a week, her birthday was on August 30th.
My girlfriend didn't do anything for her birthday (including me at least), so i made her a nice video which she said she liked. That night we were on a call and i asked if i was an Ahole for not getting her a proper gift, she said no and just to get her some chocolates next time i saw her, i said okay and I'd make a card or something for her too.
So it's been a week and i still haven't gotten her these things (i saw her once but we were in a hurry so i couldn't get them to her)
We were talking today i said i was kinda busy so i could see you without bringing them, or i can see you tomorrow and bring them. She got mad at me and said it's like she's begging me to do something for her birthday, and how if i wanted to get her something i would've done it sooner. I said how because she didn't do anything for her birthday i treated it a bit more casually
Side note: she was like months late to getting me a letter for our one year anniversary... So i thought being a week late for getting her these things for her birthday wouldn't be such a big deal.. She said birthdays are different
I apologized and said how i should've been more thoughtful, but i thought she was very casual about it until like right now so it's very confusing ###### | YTA. It’s okay though, it’s important to learn these lessons as a kid. Every relationship is different but if gifts on birthdays are expected, it’s important you prepare for that.
Also, try not to use someone else’s doing to excuse your poor actions. ###### |
I’ve been with my boyfriend for six years and we have two kids. I’ve always had the impression his mom didn’t like me but she’s never said anything. His mom was wealthy on her own and probably made on the higher end of six figures. She’s been with her fiancé for about a year and a half and I think he might be a millionaire. He bought her a Birkin for her birthday and I’ve heard that those can cost tens of thousands and when the pandemic got bad he somehow got them to his vacation house on a helicopter even though the area was supposed to be closed off. Honestly it kind of grossed me out how someone can have so much money when so many people are struggling.
He proposed while they were in quarantine and I only know what the ring cost because he asked my boyfriends sister to help him pick it out and she couldn’t believe the price and she kind of has a big mouth. This ring cost more than most people make in a couple years. I literally can’t get over the fact that someone would spend that much money on a piece of metal. They’re home and we saw them for the first time in a few months and when we left my boyfriend said I was the only one who didn’t say congratulations. He feels like I’m being an asshole but I don’t see how she can wear that ring and not care that people are struggling and her grandkids are struggling. ###### | YTA. It’s his money, not even hers. Also, STOP judging how people spend their money. You don’t like the fact that some people are super wealthy and other are struggling? Neither do I, but not congratulating because of an expensive ring is plain stupid. ###### |
This just happened. I (21F) am upset at my SO (22M). One of our cats got tangled in his earphones while he was watching a video in bed, the cat scratched his foot trying to detangle. (not serious but a decent couple scratches)
He went to go disinfect and put a bandage on it. But he saw we were out of gauze pads, we also do not have any bandaids big enough.
So instead of using a substitute like a paper towel, toilet paper, or the unopened pack of cotton rounds.... He takes one of my tampons, takes it apart and uses that to bandage.
Didn't ask or anything, just uses my (realatively expensive, i buy the big packs due to heavy flow) sanitary items.
I admit when I get upset, I have a tendency to take it a bit far too long but I had left the room to cool down and the tried to talk to him about it.
I wouldn't have had a problem if he asked but he didn't. I've discussed and asked him time and time again to ask me before using ~my~ things (anything specifically bought for me).
He won't talk to me right now, I've tried to explain why I was upset but he just won't listen.
AITA for getting upset?? ###### | YTA. It’s a singular tampon. Ask him for a dollar or two if the cost means that much and be done with it. There’s no rational reason why one tampon should make you so angry that you have to leave the room.
It’s a TAMPON. He didn’t take your phone or eat your leftovers or use your shirt to mop the floor.
And without a doubt, a tampon is gonna be closer to gauze than a paper towel. They’re at least sanitary. ###### |
This happened a few hours ago.
My parents are divorced. Throughout quarantine I (M17) have spent most of my time in my room when at my mom's (F46) apartment. I go down to the living room/kitchen area a few times a day to get food and see what's going on with my mother and sister (F15).
Today I hadn't eaten all day, so I went down to get lunch. My mom was sitting at the table and appeared to be wearing no pants. I asked her if she could please put some pants on because she is in the living room. She said that she won't because she's in her bathing suit. We do not have a pool, nor was she getting ready to go to one. She was just sitting in the living room in her bathing suit which was revealing as most bathing suits are. I told her very clearly and calmly to please put on some clothes because it was making me uncomfortable, which at this point it was. She proceeded to gaslight me, aggressively telling me that I should be fine with it, that it isn't a big deal, and that she's going up to her room in a bit anyway. I then went to get myself some food, and as she was still just sitting there, I started to get angry because of my discomfort and asked her again to go up to her room and put some clothes on because I was seriously uncomfortable. It has been about 5 minutes at this point, and she gets up and starts yelling at me and continues the gaslighting. As she goes up to my room, I tell my sister that "I won't accept that kindof bullshit". My mom overheard this, told me to get my stuff, and drove me over to my dads place. My sister later mentioned that she had also asked my mom to change.
The way I see it is that if the roles were reversed and my dad did the same thing to my sister, my mother and many others would be absolutely furious, and that my mother has no right to treat me the way she did after I specifically told her I was uncomfortable with what she was wearing in the living room. Am I just overreacting? AITA? ###### | YTA. It’s a bathing suit, grow up. She was sitting there minding her own business and you came out of your room with a problem and demanded she change right that very second. It took her a whole 5 minutes to get up? God forbid 🙄
Edit: she’s a saint for just taking you to your dad’s after that ‘bullshit’ comment cause I would have lost my temper at that. ###### |
I took a trip and brought a game (an old-school RPG called Lunar if anyone's wondering) I've been wanting to play. The airplane was loud so I figured I'll play it with the sound on and without headphones. After a few minutes, the person next to me who was working on a laptop gave me a dirty look and asked me passive aggressively if I could turn the sound down. I did turn the sound down because maybe I broke some etiquette rule since I'm not a frequent flier like it looked like they were, but I have been wondering if they were the asshole or if I was. ###### | YTA. It's rude to make others listen to the sound of your music, movie or game on an airplane. On a game in particular, the little noises it makes can make it impossible to sleep or read a book. By contrast, airplane noises are largely white noise and easy to ignore. ###### |
Me and my girl went to grab food. While we were heading there I got a call from a friend that I also do some gigs with. I'm ordering food while still on the phone. Some times passes and we take our food to go home. I tell her let's just eat in the car because I'm still on the phone. Eventually 30 minutes passes by the time I finish my phone call. We were just sitting in the car eating, really don't see nothing wrong with that.
She seemed irritated when I got off the phone but didn't express her thoughts until we got home. Told me I put work over everything and everyone sometimes and that It can frustrating and draining to people close around me. She even said that she wasn't the only one to notice. That even my mom said that to her. Which I doubt, because she has never told me that personally. Why wouldn't my own mom tell be something like that?
After hearing that, I understood sometimes I do go overboard but then I felt like she was disrespecting me. Not in a blatant way but in subtle way. That's when I said "you didn't complain when we went on a new years trip last year, you don't complain when I pay for your food, you didn't complain when we decided to get a nicer crib to stay in." Then not to expect anything and act like me working hasn't benefited her and raised her expectations in life.
She was most definitely hurt, not even speaking to me but so was I by her comments. I work to put myself and other ones in a better situation. ###### | YTA. It's really rude when you're in the company of another person - especially sharing a meal - to spend 30+ minutes on the phone. You basically told your GF that because of the money you spend on her, you don't owe her love, companionship, conversation and your attention. ###### |
I went on vacation for a week and setup an autoresponder, for colleagues only. The autoresponder mentioned when I was coming back and gave instructions for who to contact in case of emergency. Finally, the message also said something along these lines: *"If this is really important, I would recommend you send it again after $DATE, since inbox is a LIFO queue and it'll likely get lost in hundreds of other messages"* followed by a smiley face. I thought it was an honest way to remind colleagues that email inbox is a s\*show and messages are likely to get lost. Besides, I do this all the time: I don't want to give people excuses to miss my emails so I use Gmail scheduled send when colleagues are on vacation or even to optimize hitting their inbox top when they're commuting to/from work.
I have heard backchannel that someone thought this statement was not professional. I guess some people prefer to live in the fantasy that their emails get read when one comes back from holiday?
AITA? ###### | YTA. It's massively unprofessional.
>>It is part of your job to read /reply to work emails<<
Writing: "I'm going to mass delete everything when I get back, I don't care how inconvenient it is to you, resend all emails after my vacation because I can't be bothered to pay attention and sort through them properly like everyone else does. Smiley face" ? Totally out of line. ###### |
Because I (29f) worked in fast food/restaurants during high school and early adulthood, I put in my best effort to be courteous to the worker. Usually, when I'm with friends or family and we have a split order (they pay for their food, I pay for mine) I make sure we go inside instead of drive thru to avoid extra hassle for them.
I was out with my friend (24f) when we decided to stop for dinner. We check the times to make sure the lobby is still open. Online it says it is. We get there and only drive thru is open.
In the past my family has ordered separate orders through drive thru, so while I don't like it, I know we can do it.
Nope! We get to the order box and apologize right away saying we needed separate orders. Immediately they say they can't do that. I'm a little taken back and but am still polite and just ask if they changed that due to everything going on. No reply, until a minute later when they yell out are you going to order. They tell us we can either get one order now and pull back around for the second, or put them on the same order. Seeing as 6 cars are now behind us my friend just pays for us.
At the window I ask the cashier when did the policy change. She tell me a while ago, pretty shortly, and they have their reasons. I'll admit I'm a little confused and ask what those reasons were. She snaps and says just for safety and slams the window. She throws us are food and tells me I don't need to badger them on a policy they have no control over. My friend and I left in shock.
Now I'm feeling like a Karen. Was I over the line? ###### | YTA. It's a drive-thru, where people wait in line to get their orders. I think it is entitled of you to want to spend time splitting up orders, and then wasting more time questioning their policy. Just pay the bill and figure out later who owes what. That's what ATMs are for. ###### |