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What if... What if you don't want to die but things aren't going to get better?

You try to make things better. And try. And try.

I'm fighting since last year and still there is so much to conquer.. I want to write about just one aspect of my journey. It's about a year since I've started lifting, I've gained 15kgs (33lbs), but I'm still very skinny and weak. I fucking hate when people laugh at me becouse they never spent a one single day in the gym, they are naturally better built, stronger, have bigger body frame, more T level. They even don't have to point at me, I fell some kind of sadness, but I know I have to swallow the bitterness... Thank you for your attention.

You're out there and improving yourself. You have the drive to get things done. Congrats and good luck

Im a deeple confused and flawd person. And i hate myself for it everyday

We all are, and that's ok.

Even if it does get better, that's years from now. Every day is long and agonizing. I can't deal with it anymore. I'm so fucking alone. I don't know how the fuck to cope.

The thing is, you never know when it gets better. Maybe a year from now, maybe tomorrow. However it's worth to wait.

Does anyone want to die but have no motivation to do it?. It can't be just me. Or maybe it is.

It's the last thing I'll do. But I have too much to do first.

Lost myself. I just feel so empty, like there is nothing there going on, no feeling or thoughts. I don't even have anything say beyond that. Just sitting on the couch in nothingness

I feel this way everyday. Its hard.

meds. should i take my meds? i mean the anti depressants make me feel numb, but my family tells me im better on them should i trust them?

Yes. Because when you take them and then suddenly stop it can be dangerous. So take them but if you do end up stopping- do it gradually so you dont go through horrible withdrawal feelings

Wish me bday!. I have been severely depressed since last few weeks and thought my bday would be just as awful. But it's actually turning out great. I am actually happy it's my bday ! :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I'm glad it's a good day!

Wait a minute parents are supposed to have unconditional love for their children?. Sign me up please! Oh wait :(

Check in with us! I hope we shed some light for you in there. Hugs.

Helping people. Does anyone else try to help others feel better because you dont want them the feel the way you feel? Its one of the only things that kinda makes me feel better.

I want to give it all.

Depression shower thought. Common saying out there that suicide is selfish, but what a lot of non-suicidal people don't understand is that people who are suicidal know that the people around them will have better lives if they were not in it and know that being alive is selfish.

I think it's more like...suicide IS selfish, but so is asking someone to not commit suicide. So the argument is just kind of invalid because it's merely a question of who gets to be selfish.

I'm not okay and I'm not going to be okay.. I've never been okay before. It's all pointless.

Sometimes, I feel like this is okay though. The not being okay. I think there's this expectation we all have just because everyone else and everything around us shows this picture perfect life that is normal. Also, I get to the opinion sometimes that when none of it matters, it's actually the most liberating, because then I am truly free of my worldly concerns. I don't know. Silver lining and framing and all that jazz. Best of luck, friend.

There is no escape from the loneliness. If no woman wants to date you, no woman wants to date you, and no amount of diet and exercise changes it. I get blocked for saying hello... all my family grew old and died. All my friends got married and moved away. I live in hell, alone.

I feel alone also. Although people want to date me I always feel they are just using me for my appearance and do not care about anything I have to say or care about me irl

Made a failed attempt last night. Nobody cares either. Guess I didn't do it right.

The 211 people online right now care. That's a fact. We're all here for one another.

Anyone else ever been so depressed you're too depressed to be depressed?. If that makes any sense. Idk maybe I'm just so lazy I can't even be bothered to feel depressed anymore, kinda like a feeling of being dead inside.

I honestly don't care about school anymore, I just wanna be 20 and see if I can get a job and a place so I don't worry my family and maybe tackle depression without them knowing.

Seeing a pretty girl makes me (a guy) so sad. And the more attractive she is, the sadder I get.. It can even ruin my day. And its so stupid. It just makes me feel sad, no amount of logic or awareness can fight that sad feeling. I even feel like crying now

Why? I don't like girls that try too hard, that wear too much makeup, or makeup at all, and skimpy clothing. Bitchy or stuck up girls are an instant turn off. I like a girl that doesn't wear makeup or tight and skimpy clothing, still takes care of herself, but doesn't try too hard and isn't trying to show off. I don't like girls that look too attractive. But I don't get girls either. I'm tall and fit and not horribly ugly but I'm socially awkward as shit and never really talk to anyone.

��. my own family makes me wanna die

I'm sorry for however long you still have to deal with them, but some day you will be able to walk away from them if you choose to, and that is 100% okay. You are your own very awesome person and they don't get a say in who you are.

Living in the past .... How to be more present..

Yesterday was yesterday, today is today. Tomorrow is tomorrow. If you have one foot on the past, and one foot on the future, then you are pissing on the present. Think about that one.

There's an everyday, physical heaviness in my heart now.. I can't get it to go away. I used to be better than this.

i know this feeling it sucks so hard, you should try meditating like breath 5 seconds in and 5 seconds out for a long time and you will feel a bit better

I didnt bleed at all..?. I poked a knife into my skin and think I broke through the entire skin layer but no blood came out. It was an attempt to find the artery. Since no blood came, does that mean I got deep enough but just managed to avoid and veins capillaries etc?

Trust me, don't do it. I have a scar on my left arm where I cut really deep and it gives me anxiety from people seeing it and depresses my mood looking at it. Doesn't help that I'm in fucking GCSEs either, but anyway I'm rambling. I know you wanna see blood; that's how I was too. But just don't, for me.

No friends?. How, as an adult, do you make friends in 2018??

Posting this, you are looking for a friwnd? Well I have not much to offer you but a chat. You want to be my friend?

I hope I die in my sleep. That way no one will feel guilty

I am trying my best to have a stroke! getting there because my face goes numb almost every day... and every time it does I get excited.

I hate life because i'm wasting it, I waste my life because I hate it.. I'm such a shit person. I don't do anything, I basically just waste as much time as possible and try to distract myself. I've literally done nothing with my life, the fuck is wrong with me.

Hey, sometimes myself think that I am wasting time. What makes you think that you waste your time in your cause? Has someone ever told you that? Or is it more of your personal opinion?

Question. Does anyone else struggle to make sure their depression is justified? Sometimes I think alright to feel this way and working through it and others I feel like Im making the issues up in my head.

Same honestly. Half the time I feel like overreacting and because of that I feel like a little bitch which brings me down more.

If I don’t feel depressed I feel empty.. When not feeling depressed I just feel void of emotion.

Sometimes when i take a mood enhancer it leaves me void of emotion as well. I wish I had helpful advice, man.

It was my birthday today. I finally turned 15 today. And it only reminded me how much time I've wasted doing nothing on this planet. The amount of time wasted feeling suicidal. This is already the worst day of the year so far

Happy Birthday. I'm sorry your birthday is going less well than you hoped. I had kind of a rough start in high school too so I know how you feel better than most. I'm open to talk whenever you like.

I'm so dead I find my own depression humorous. I usually come out of these gross episodes where I don't move, or bathe, or really do anything whatsoever, pretty quickly. Maybe this is my last huzzah for the descent into whatever comes next. Undoubtedly drug addiction or prostitution, but does it really matter?

What is something you can do that would feel healthy and bring you a sense of hope. Do you have a loving friend to reach out to? Do you have a pet you may be able to hang out with? A faith group that brings you peace? What's one thing you could do right now that would feel like a healthy step and would bring you some positive vibes.

I just got up the courage to ring Samaritans. The number on their website didn't work. Go figure.

That's some poetic bollocks, right there. Don't they have two numbers? I've seen that someplace.

How much pain can one person handle?. Mental pain, I mean. I'm in so much pain everyday and I just can't kill myself. I've tried and I can't do it. There's no escape. Am I just going to break down and go crazy because my mind can't deal with the pain anymore?

That is an interesting thought, i have pondered upon as well. Much bad shit has been and continues to be yet my mind has not broken. I always expected that at somepoint my mind will break and ill end up like say the Joker or then just a grazy person with no understanding of his surroundings. Would be nice even.

Not sure if this is right place but I need some answers.. Does anyone know how to find therapists / councilors for very low income & no insurance?

That depends on where you are in the world. Where I'm at in the USA, BHR (Behavioral Health Resources) would be the place to inquire. I'm pretty sure they're nation wide but lack the resources to really help many people though. Mental health care system is a joke, especially in the low/no income sector. Worth pursuing if you're in need. Just might take a little time and patience.

low self-worth. can be depression the cause of low self-worth? depression, loneliness, boredom, my self-worth is going down fucking fast. :S i want a girl

Can I ask why you have depression?

Lonely in a crowd. I'm hanging here at a party of about 75 drinking, and I feel completely alone.

Exactly. Don't worry OP it will be ok, if one of your conversations got awkward just shrug it off, it doesn't fucking matter. If you see someone alone , go talk to them. If everyone is in a group just be like hey guys what's sup , again don't try to be weird just be yourself. People will accept you I promise. It's best if you try taking to one person, it has much better results so go do your thing

I just want a hug. My family isn't at home right now and I'm feeling really sad. I wish I could have a hug from any of them, kinda need one :(

*hug* I can't remember the last time someone apart from my mom hugged me either, I need a hug or a cuddle so bad, the lack of intimacy with anyone is killing me. I feel incredibly lonely and empty all the time. I don't know how long I can go on. Best of luck!

medications?. Just a quick question. Does medication eventually stop working? I have been having a very tough time recently and was wondering if my meds have stopped working . can our bodies build up a tolerance to anti- depressants?

Depends on the medication, but yes.

Medication that works?. I have been dealing with depression for a long time and I have tried a few medications with no results. Was just wondering what medications have worked for people so I could look into them and their cost / side affects. Thanks in advance.

Medications work differently for everyone. Usually your doctor or psychiatrist will prescribe you with different ones depending on what you have tried that hasn't worked. I have personally been trialling all different medications for approximately 4 years now with no luck, I have been through almost all of the available medications.

I’ve struggled with anxiety my entire adult life and haven’t been depressed since I was an early teen.. Now depressed and I have no idea to get out of this hole. I thought I had gotten past this and had completely forgotten the consuming feelings. I thought I was more equipped to deal...

You are more equipped to deal with it :) Youre like a marathon runner thats been a couch potato for the past ten years because you didnt have a reason to run... How are you feeling ?

If anyone will listen. I'm in a bad place right now. I could really use a friend.

No friends here, willing to listen. Need someone to listen to me sometime too. I'm going to bed right now, but if you want to message me I will get back to you tomorrow.

I feel so sad. I feel so empty.. I know how I manage to make it through each day that passes. Somehow I make it, but all a blur.

Everything is pointless and hopeless I was born broken and forever unable to feel happiness please end me now I can't do this anymore. I had to let that out. Sorry. I hope you find meaning in your days, OP. I've given up myself, but I really, really hate to see other people feel this way. Life is so hard. I things get better and easier for you.

I finished a 6 hour motorcycle ride between two states.. Why didn't I get hit?

a motorcycle ride sounds super cool. i can't even force myself on my bike.

Ever thought you were in a good, stable place and then one thing tips you off and you fall back down into the harrowing pit of despair so easily you question whether you'd made any progress at all ?. I just want to know and understand normal brain chemistry just once.

Right now, I just fucked everything up

I’ve been fighting tears all day today.. been at work since 7am and been fighting back tears all damn day. just so damn lonely. I have friends and a gf but for some reason just not happy and I feel like I have nobody.

I feel the same and i think its because i have nobody to talk to, nobody to be vulnerable to and let them know how i feel inside. Why dont you try to talk to your girlfriend, i bet if she'd new she'd try to help. Open up to her! Hope it goes well :)

I have to go to work in 45 minutes. I tried calling off by lying about being sick but I find anyone to cover for me. I know how manage honestly.

Being a wagecuck is hard I feel you

Honestly, if being around other people doesn't make me less lonely, how the heck am I ever supposed to *not* be lonely?. I'm just frustrated about this. I feel lonely and disconnected from other people even when I'm actively engaged in conversation or activities with them...I feel like I just lack some fundamental skill that others have to connect. Can you guys relate?

Yes. I find maintaining friendships is so exhausting, and I can barely manage the other stuff in my life as is. I know that when I disappear for a bit because it's all too much, no one will be there when I come back. I also feel like I don't really have much in common with the people I talk to. They're all so motivated and seem to maintain social lives so effortlessly. They talk about their weekends at clubs and hanging out and I think of how I spent my weekend playing video games for 10 hours instead of doing papers and it makes me feel completely isolated.

Feelings too real. When you are going through a hard time/the feels, what do you do to unwind? Music? Memes? Masturbation?

Mostly video games, keeps my negative thoughts away pretty well. Music I try to avoid because when I'm in those kind of hard times I tend to listen to music that I can relate to so it kind of brings more of the feelings to the surface. Memes are funny I guess. Masturbation is short term. Yeah video games.

im depressed. can someone lift me up for a bit?

Why was the blonde excited about taking 6 months to finish her puzzle? The box said 2-4 years lol

i wanna kill myself then kill myself again. holy fuck i hate this so much

Idk why twice, but seriously, i wish you the best to get through this, even though idk what this may be Also i loved atla too, even though i watched it years after it aired

I want to end my life. I even know why, I feel so much that I feel anymore

sick of life as well. I want to go to school tomorrow. I just want to sleep for all eternity.

I'm living off drugs. Drugs make me happy and they keep me living.

Same. Weed keeps me content and xanax gets me through the rough spots (speeches, class, social things).

Please help me. My ex fiance told me he's dating someone and doesn't want to get back together tonight after leading me on for two months. It's taking all I have not to kill myself. Please help me.

Im sorry that guys are douchebags. But honestly there are better people out there. I promise you out there there is someone who wants to love you. There are always people who want to be your friend, like me! I hope that you wanna talk more. -Reaper

I love being drunk.. I don't know how I survived before I started drinking. The more liquor I drink, the better I feel. If I drink enough, eventually I get to a state where I stop hating myself like a normal, well adjusted person.

It does feel like the human race doesn't suck as much when I'm drunk. I actually enjoy listening to what people have to say. I enjoy doing the stuff that brought me happiness when I was younger. Sucks I can't be drunk at work.

I'm Really Fucking Sad. I'm angry and tired and I want a friend. I cant reach out to anyone. I've tried and it always ends up worse for me and the other person. I'm just really really sad.

hey, do you need someone to talk to?

I'm so fucking lonely, can someone please tell me it will get better?. Family, social, mental issues. All of my friends left me. This is too much, I've never felt this lonely

Meh, life is what you make of it, and that can either be very scary or quite comforting. Personally, I am at a point where I feel circumstantially helpless and genetically inferior... so I am hopeless. But, tbh, everything is about your perspective and what you choose to focus your attention on. If you have the mental stregnth to seek help, get on medication, pursue interests you like and meet people through them and accept your reality, than maybe just maybe you can get better. Life is, in my opinion, just a series of accomplishments, experiences, relationships and habits... you need to have a groove and stick with it. Firstly, just be happy with yourself. You gotta do anything to make yourself like your own company and brain. Become your own best friend.

Just cut myself for the first time. I've been drinking and i don't know how I feel

Ok, how deeply did you cut yourself and with what? If it is bleeding a lot, clean it up, run it under water, don't let the blood dry and go nasty. Pat it dry. Bandage it up, if you can. Also if you have some antiseptic cream, use some of that on it. Don't drink any more for now, maybe try and get some sleep or have a nice bath or shower or watch tv or something so you can calm down. Please see a professional- a doctor or a therapist or something. Self harm is very serious. I have been doing it for many years, and it is a difficult addiction to break out of. If you feel the urge to cut again, take a deep breath, count to 10. Write your feelings down or draw them out, even if you don't think you're a great artist or whatever. It will help to get the emotions out. Do you have a good friend you can talk to about it? Or a pet or even a stuffed toy? Talking helps. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Please let me know if you want to talk. You are a strong person <3

Where did my old self went?. I sat in front of the mirror today and stared at myself in the eyes while my tears are falling. The things is, I don't know who that girl is anymore.

Similar thing happened to me when I looked into the mirror a while back. I like to think that boy is just a home in his birth country. He came with me and my mum to another country, a new life but he didn't like it so he went back home.

I can't keep up with school. I can't keep up with classes and everyone around me seems to be doing so much more. I gave up my social life to study but I still can't get good grades. I want to fucking die I'm so lonely and no one cares

Sorry to hear that man. What are you studying? Do you feel like the material you are studying is hard, or is the volume of the work too much?

I did the dishes today. It isn't a huge feat, but after 5 days of sitting around I finally did something to clean my house up.

Awesome! That's a success in my book. :) I managed to call someone and spoke to an actual human being about my car yesterday, now if only I could set up all the other appointments I need to lol. Keep doing small things like that, it helps you feel like you've accomplished something especially when they start to pile up after a bit. Maybe eventually we'll be productive right?

I finally ate something today. After around a week of having only a few bites of a slice of toast per day because of the ongoing gut wrenching feeling I've had; I finally ate a bagel today

way to go. keep it up champ!

Nothing. Nothing I say means anything to anyone. I'm fucking invisible.

you might find someone wholl like you enough to want you around

Friendless, jobless, skillless, useless... Anyone in the same boat?

You are not useless. I used to think the same, but I have always been good at writing and research. I decided to start freelancing my services, and I do quite well for myself. It's no replacement to a full time job just yet, but I really enjoy the freedom and receiving positive client feedback. Everyone has something to offer, just have to make a start..

What does it feel like to be loved and desired?. I wanna know. In text form that is,

Not sure if i want to know , probably take me down to the next level of my depression .

I fucking hate weekends. I'm always so anxious about the weekend coming because I know I'm going to be alone the entire time.

Make him take you to a movie or something

What is it like to seek help as a minor. 14 years old and am depressed and have issues with anxiety and self harm. If i tried to seek help with a doctor what process would I go through and what would most likely happen. in the U.S. if it makes a difference

it *probably* depends on the state (edit: what state in the US). being 14, you are going to be tethered to your parent/guardian legally. the therapist/counselor/psychologist will be legally required to tell your guardians of anything that serves of specific risk. for example, i told my therapist that i was suicidal and he had to contact my mother and explain the basics of the situation. for self harm, im not sure exactly how/if the information would be disclosed by the therapist/counselor/psychologist to your parents.. but im assuming if you are physically hurting yourself to a GREAT EXTENT then yes, it would most likely be disclosed. im 18 now, and started seeing my on-campus(university) therapist and psychiatrist at the beginning of the school year, where i was 17. it sucks not being in control of your life, but what can you do, you know? if getting to see a therapist is an issue, i would recommend asking to talk to your doctor/pediatrician in private (during a normal check-up) and say tht youve had symptoms of depression/anxiety and you'd like to have some help talking to your parent about getting help. if it's not an issue of talking to your parent/guardian, then what's the worry? if you cant see a doctor, a school counselor could help you have this conversation with your parent! or even a supportive teacher that you trust. i went through a very similar situation when i was younger, and very much regret not being more persistent about getting help when i needed it. it mght not go away, and with school only getting harder and more stressful as you age, it's *really hard* to deal with all this emotional baggage. everyone deserves to feel the best that they can. you dont want to suffer anymore and someday you wont! feel free to pm me, i'd be happy to be your pen-pal through all this <3

understanding. cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself

Before you wish for others to understand, you must be able to understand it well yourself, be able to explain it to yourself, only then can others help you.

Writer with a quick question. Hi! I'm a journalist, looking to interview relatively recent grads on their experience losing the counseling services that had access to in college. PM me if you're interested - I can provide more details. I'd love to chat.

There aren't that many threads here though. Sometimes it just depends on the time it's being posted (or the title).

Anyone else on here in their twenties and never been employed?. I'm pretty sure this is not a really common thing... And it sure is debilitating. Makes me feel like a totally lost cause.

No real job. I've have cash in hand stuff. Last job looked promising but I said I didn't want to do cash anymore as it's illegal and they didn't call me back at all.

How is sex even a thing?. And how the hell is it so popular? I can barely speak to people and make friends, and there are probably hundreds of people within a mile of me having sex.

I think I probably spend too much time thinking about sex and stuff and it would probably be better if I didn't. Though I don't think I could enjoy it due to the ever present risk of STI's and unwanted pregnancies and even vasectomies don't technically 100% alleviate that risk. I don't think it would be really all as great as it gets built up in my mind to be. I think the biggest thing is the difficulty building up and sustaining interest in things to distract myself with. I have things I like, at least theoretically, but I never feel much like persuing them. It all seems kind of meaningless and stupid and pointless. I'm not sure how to get over that hurdle.

She sits quietly with the knife.. When will someone hear her cries?

I can lend a ear if she'd like...

Not havin fun. When your friends ignore you cause you bring them down so your forced into isolation and your depression gets even worse. Ha ha fuck this place also no matter how much you sleep you always remain tired sore and beaten down.

I feel you. Have you thought about speaking to a therapist or call a depression hotline? I'm not sure where you are living, but those calls are usually free and the people on the other end are pretty great at listening and coming up with helpful strategies. Hang in there.

Any good literature or media about depression?. PLS help I haven't read anything in years and I feel like something that can I can either relate or help me through this will help me out of this rut

I can only recommend fiction (apologies; not much of a self-help/non-fiction kind of guy) but The Perks of Being a Wallflower (the film; never read the book myself) deals with depression among other things and is very powerful. Much of Sylvia Plath's poetry centres around mental health and depression, if that's of interest, and while it's not something I've read 'The Bell Jar' (which is prose) is also supposed to be very good, according to a former acquaintance of mine. And I recently finished watching an anime called Orange which was mostly very good at dealing with the issue, the one caveat being that characters tend to talk about 'saving' people quite a lot, which can be a little bit galling (lol). Music-wise, Brand New have done a number of songs which either deal with depression (or emotions that can be closely linked to depression) or are pretty evocative in that sense tonally-speaking. Can't think of anything else right off the top of my head but hopefully that's a fair amount of stuff, in the short-term at least

Advice for when random depression hits at work. Yeah, basically the title. Does anyone have advice for dealing with anxiety and depression that hits randomly through the work day? It's been happening to me a lot now and I have a hard time pulling myself out of it.

I make a handwritten to-do list and then see what thing on the list strikes me as the least difficult to do. And then I do it, and don't think about anything but that task until it's done. Sometimes having a concrete list helps the anxiety/depression pass, and sometimes it just makes my day less overwhelming, so I'm at least able to get through the easiest and/or most important tasks.

I no longer see a point in living. I have no friends, no goals, nothing that I aspire to be, and nothing makes me happy. I see myself as a complete waste of human life. I just do not see the point to life anymore.

Is there anything that brings you happiness?

Writing it out. I tried to write my feelings down on a piece of paper but it stayed blank. And somehow, it have been any more accurate.

Spend some time just to meditate and clear out your mind. Take a walk around town. Maybe go buy a coffee, something to distract yourself before you attempt the 'writing assignment'. Just start simple. It doesn't have to be in paragraph form or even complete sentences. Maybe bullet points will make it easier.

I will never be anybody's favorite.. I will always be the backup, the good friend. Someone else will always be picked over me. I have never been somebody's very best friend, and I never will be. And that hurts, so very much.

I of course don't know your situation as well as you, but i think it could be worth a shot to organize something with a group of friends. That way, you are involved because you are organizing. Idk what's going on with you, but i think it could work out

What does it feel like to not be depressed?. I am 19 now and have had depression for as early as I can recall being fifth grade. what does life feel like when you are not suffering from depression?

You're not evaluating yourself or being overly critical of your personality. There's no feelings of anxiety or any bipolar fluctuations of emotions. In fact, zero emotion. Just peaceful, not happy, not sad. No neurotic thinking or urgency to evaluate every thought going through the mind. Basically, you don't take yourself or life so personally or too seriously. You feel light, not heavy. You have expectations and desires in life, but you don't overly invest your mind and emotion in them. You're just...Cool, even keeled.

Does anyone else feel like a child?. 20 and just feel like I have the emotional development of a 15 year old

In my twenties and still buy toys to put on a shelf if that counts.

Why does self harm feel good?. too much of a pussy to use a real knife but every time I feel suicidal, I use my nails the scratch deep into my skin. It stings, but also feels good. I know why.

quite a few things ive noticed for myself. ill over simplify my thought process to get the point across. Ill list them quickly. I thought that if I could go through physical pain, then I can go through mental pain. A physical scar is easier to understand that an emotional one. Having to tend to my wounds to stop the bleeding and cover them up distracted me from what I really wanted to tend to and cover up. There was a couple times where I self harmed because my thoughts were too overwhelming while I was trying to fall asleep. Afterwards, I would spend some time in the bathroom alone, taking care of my bleeding and by the time it was all finished, I forgot what I was thinking about. Self harm was an effort to try and beat life at its own game. If life was beating me up, maybe if I did a better job at that than life then maybe the punches life throws at me seem so bad. since moved on from this. These mindsets were unhealthy for me but recognizing them was essential to my own recovery.

Have waking up interrupted you from the most beautiful dream, then you wish you could sleep all the time?. I once had a dream that felt so real. I was surrounded by good friends and I was having a blast, then I find myself at a party with some good company getting drunk and dancing the night away, but then I wake up and ....... back to reality.

Same. I had a really fun dream where I made new friends at college. It felt so real and I wish I could live in it...

Anyone else here have Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria?. It makes take any kind of chance or risk impossible.

Truer words have never been written

Does anyone else feel like they are meant to be in misery?. I've been broken since day one.

I feel the same, I feel as if I was born defective.

can anyone make me happy?. I know I'm not gonna last

No. only you can make yourself happy. Other people will only disappoint you.

effort. I put so much time and effort into making the people around me happy, making sure their needs are fit. I care too much. I wish someone cared about me like that.

Well I don't anymore. I may hate myself but I'm done pandering. Anyway aren't we always pandering to each other?

Maybe I'm not meant to be part of this world. Feels like it's against me sometimes. Feels like I have no future in it.. Wish things could be different.

What makes you say these things?

I'm curious about how anti-depressants have affected you. I've been dealing with depression since I was 12 (I'm nearly 19 now) and in the past, my doctor recommended anti-depressants. I was hesitant because I've had friends say it essentially makes you feel like an emotionless robot, so I ended up declining that option entirely. I feel like my depression has only gotten worse and worse and am now looking to meds as a last resort. To anyone currently/previously on anti-depressants, could you tell me how it's affected you both mentally and physically? Thank you all <3

Really depends on the particular medication. Everyone responds differently as well. I have mostly had bad experiences with antidepressants, but I am not a good example. I know people who really improved while being on them. It is a bit of a gamble and it can take time to find the suitable med for you. I would say it is worth a try though.

DAE ever get that dropped/sunken feeling in their stomach when they have a really self deprecating realization?. I always have to catch my breath for a second and try not to cry; sometimes the thought and feeling comes and goes really quickly. Anyone else?

yea I feel ya, I often end up redirecting the feeling out as anger instead, so I get like that then immediately get very angry and want to hit something. (anger directed at myself for being such a piece of shit usually)

Finally decided to go out!. but all my friends decided not to go at the last minute. fuck you guys.

This post made me smile because of the grim feel, but then I felt super sorry and sad because I can relate too well..

Not even 2 weeks into 2019 and already everything is going wrong :(. I was alone on new years as expected, don't know why I thought this would be my year. Already I have had a swollen infected gum and now what seems to be a kidney infection. I'm back to my crappy sleeping pattern and it's still the same old bullshit. A crazy family fight and other stupid shit. Why do I have to suffer, why can't I just have one good year? :(

I feel for you. Even minor setbacks can feel like major hurtles when depressed. found that setting small goals talking to myself positively helps. Maybe just start by trying to eat, shower, and get to sleep on time everyday. If you can do that, then consider the day a success. Having realistic expectations can help you be nicer to yourself. It sucks that going though difficult things and that may not fair, but gotta accept shit. Just work on the little things, my friend! So many things are out of our control.

Should you masturbate if you are depressed?. Serious question. ​ I ask because every high has a low, and when you already feel pretty low it's probably better not to do it. Thoughts? ​ I know I feel better for a while but then I feel shittier than before.

Why do you feel shittier after?

Staring into Emptiness. I often find myself staring into space for some quite time without even thinking of anything. This happens to me in every kind of situation. Beeing at work. While browsing the Interwebs, even in middle of conversations. I stare and i freeze...you guys have the same thing goin on?

I daydream a lot, and I always have done. It doesn't mean you're depressed (it could be a symptom), but it could very well be something else? ADD? check it out with a doctor if you are worried :)

I’m such an unlovable piece of shit. considering suicide. Can someone give me some support right now?

Hey, I don't know you, but I'm sure there are a lot of people here who could relate to you. Why do you feel like you're unlovable?

I'm thinking about checking myself into a hospital. Any advice?. I can't take this anymore. Thanks in advance.

Right or wrong, we must choose. If we choose not to decide, then we still have made a choice. I say you should go for it. No matter how harsh the road we're on, we'll reach the end of we keep moving forward. However, It's not necessary for us to try and brave the conditions alone. I wish you the best.

Things will get better. Things never fucking get better

You change, life changes. 10+ years since my diagnose (I'm still young by the way). Most likely much longer though. It doesn't getter better, you learn to cope with it, life goes on. It will always be there, the baseline depression. Sometimes it will pull you down in a deep hellhole.

I no longer feel, I just think.. Does anyone else feel this way?

Just numb. It sucks having younger siblings, they want attention from me and shit but it's just so hard to even talk to them really because I see the world so shitty I can't even fake a happy normal conversation with them.

one question. I'll keep it simple. Can there be happiness in despair? Because I think I felt it and I want to kill off any hope that's left for me.

That's a pretty profound question, but I think happiness is something that a lot of people don't understand. In a period or prolonged period of despair, I don't believe there can be happiness at all, and it's only after that period has been solved, over, attacked enough by effort and time, that you can start experiencing happiness. I don't think happiness and gratitude should be forced, or you should try to feel happy when you truly cannot feel happy. I'm still going through that period, and there might be rivets or jewels of happiness along the way, but they are fleeting and leave very quickly. The whole reason why people despair is because they are tied so strongly to negative emotional memories that they outweigh any trivial positive emotional memories. Think about it, which memories are the quickest, strongest, and most easily able to be remembered for you? The most emotional ones. If your most emotional memories are negative, you will be in despair. On the converse, if one's most emotional memories are positive, you will be in a state of happiness. There is a way to end your despair, you just have to face it head on and let go of everything, and keep trying to let go and accept. Very few people have any science on this and might be the thing we need to explore the most as a society as a whole.

How do people see the beauty in life?. I am just tired. Too tired to put up a fight living. I fail to see the beauty in living life. At this point, all I see are the hardships in life and the ugliness of everyone's personality... I don't know what to do anymore.

Buddhism would fit your life views and might help you with depression. Look into it. It's aimed at eliminating the suffering thing and moving towards constant unconditional satisfaction with life. P.S.: I promote Buddhism so much I might come across as sectarian lol.

Sad and drunk. That's me right now. I've been trying everything to get better but I can't. But I also don't freel like I have the strength to kill myself. It's so hard being in between like this

I feel that it's hard to exist. It hurts. But I'm scared to kill my self. What if things get better? If I killed myself I wouldn't be there to enjoy the things in life that I wish for. what the fuck do I do?

I hate myself. I don't even know why. It's utterly irrational. It's stupid. It's childish. It's contraproductive. FUCK. This can't keep going like this.

I hate myself too but I have a reason I got into some stupid shit that ended up ruining my life. I have fucked up siblings that aided in this but in the end I only have myself to blame

Became homeless today. This sucks. I am living with my mom in our car. I have no idea what I'm going to do, I think I am officially fucked. Not a very good past couple of days.

Do you want to share what happened?

Had a shitty day. Fuck winter. Fuck snow. Fuck life.

It's okay to have a shitty day. It's allowed to defeat you occasionally. What happened?

I feel like going to college was pointless, because I'll be living paycheck to paycheck once I graduate. i'm going to be 100k in school debt by the time I graduate with a degree in IT. my payments with the longest repayment plan will be about $700/mo. i feel like i'll never be able to afford a house, kids, etc when i graduate so what's the point? i've been having panic attacks all day and night and i feel like all i've worked for up until this point has been useless.

IT is a sector in boom right now. There are tons of jobs and its only growing. You will have no problem finding a job whatsoever, however i understand your worry is money. Even after you get a job, keep looking, and applying. The more experience you have the better. You can probably find jobs that pay higher and higher. Idk how far youre in right now through your course, but if it's not too late, try taking some security courses as well. While IT is in a boom, having security courses on your resume would almost guarantee that you will always have a job. Literally every company needs help with security, and they're will to pay lots of money to find it. Everything will be fine.

Last year went poorly in college and I ended up having to repeat the entire academic year. I just showed up to my last Christmas exam today and found out it was on yesterday. I feel like such a failure and want to die.. There's nothing I can do now

Hey, I know how you feel. Sometimes it's hard to handle daily responsibilities when you're depressed. Everyone fucks up dude. (A practice that is helpful albeit uncomfortable is closing my eyes and breathing, imagining the place that I dread returning to, and picturing myself sitting in there, breathing and at peace. Then I zoom out to the building and picture all the rooms filled with all the other students.. Then I zoom out and picture the exterior... I zoom out and imagine the city view, then the state, then the country, then the hemisphere, then the whole planet, suspended in the I stay there and I just watch it spin slowly. And This puts into perspective that my mistake cannot defeat me.) I flunked out of college my freshman year and still haven't had the courage to go back, so I commend you for trying again. And as unsolicited as this is, I gotta say I disagree with the polarizing statement that there isn't anything you can do. You can own your mistake, which you already have. You can brush yourself off and see the mistake in the context of the rest of your life (which is priceless and you are worth so much.) And you can try to do better tomorrow. You are only human. Try and keep your chin up, buddy. (edit* for clarity)