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I had a dream last night that someone actually loved me. I woke up and wondered where they were, realized what had happened; and it ruined my day before it even started. Nice.

happened to me last night. to make it even worse it was with my celeb crush mary elizabeth winstead. we had a blast, loved each other & laughed the entire time doing dumb shit I can't remember. I woke up & was more depressed than usual.

Hi. Hi guys, I joined like 3days ago. Nice to meet you or smth

Sorry I ate them all lol

Here's to another fucking single lonely Holiday season. May our ex SO's, who left us to die in a ditch, find that greener grass with that special person they've always wanted this Christmas!

Hey its okay man. Life sucks dick, just keep pushing through.

Why do I come on here just hoping someone will notice what I have to say, just to feel some sense of self worth.. I know, I'm pathetic and stupid for wanting to feel seen, but I can't help it...

You are seen! We care about you here. Its not always a booming because everyone is so sad themselves but we look out for eachother here

I am human waste. I am a waste of life. I am a joke. I am hopeless I need to die. I seriously am a waste. I contribute nothing. Please someone kill me.

this will probably not help you but i had a very long depression i was unable to do the most simple tasks, sleeping in my own trash, i lacked the energy to clean my god damn place how much more useless could i become? Sounds funny but its true, hurting my self, crying to sleep, no friends and honestly looking back i was a complete waste of space better off to have my brains blown the fuck out. But that doesnt mean we dont have the potential to completely change things around. This was me 2 years ago for a solid decade i was barely hanging on and now ive changed everything around and i do not suffer from daily suicidal thoughts, self harm and long depressing episodes.

If our lives are predetermined why can't I see the ending to know why I should continue living. I just don't know what I want to do anymore and wish I could see into my future to know whether or not there is going to be light at the end of this tunnel.

Our lives aren't predetermined. You have find out what you love doing & what makes you happy. It isn't easy, but it's always worth it.

is depression and anxiety selfish?. All I can think of is how crappy I feel. I can't even think about what other people are feeling or how things I say might make them feel. I'm just so consumed by what I feel and how to not feel like this.

Feeling at rock bottom is not selfish. When you continually feel like that, something is wrong and should be sorted. Dojt worry what others think. You are important. I've learned this

Think about your family! fuck off. they're half the reason I'm depressed and want to die.

Yes, tell them to fuck the right

Alone. I wanted to help you. I was worried. Stressed. Anxious. Always making sure you were okay. I felt like you needed me. I wanted to be there for you. But I guess you're better now and you don't need me anymore.

I hope that letting that out can put you at some peace.

High school has robbed me of my freedom. My schedule is filled with being forced to study things I already know its painful. Last week I only had 2 hours where the sun was up and I did what I wanted, and Im not a bloody owl, Im being a prisoner in this endless cycle of bullshit.

High school is incredibly strict. I suggest dropping out of any AP courses you may be in and taking early -college courses instead. They're much easier and by FAR more worthy of your time.

I'm going to be alone my entire life.. Even I don't to be with myself..

I think everyone has good characteristics to them. Everyone's good at something. Your mind won't buy it, I know, but there's a ton of stuff you've been doing longer successfully than anyone else has: your life, and everything in it. I don't know about you but I know you're good at something, not that you have a particular gifted talent but you do have a strong suit of some kind that you can hone in some way to your advantage. I believe everyone can find their if they try.

The more I think about my life the more depressed I get.. I'm a 19 y/o failure with nothing to live for I've attempted to suicide so many times, I just have no purpose, life is just plain shit and there's nothing to do about it.

I don't know how to help, but I'd just like to say that you're not alone in your depression. I haven't gotten to where you are yet, but I do understand your pain.

How do you find someone who cares?. I've been wondering that for my entire lifetime...

What do you want someone to care about?

I miss my bf so much it hurts, he was the only one who made me happy.. Now I do anything about it.

how did the relationship end

baffled. Does love even exist? like true actual love? halfway convinced that it

Love does exist. But our modern unrealistic rendition of what it is aka the so-called Real Love unfortunately doesn't. Humans are fallible and imperfect. We can't expect them to have emotions that are perfect let alone those that remain constant forever. That said, if you go in a relationship where you both embrace each other's imperfections and be honest then I don't know if it will be perfect but at least you won't drown in regrets and disappointments if it breaks up. And maybe you'll end up being happy

I’m sorry I’m too depressing, don’t hate me.. I think I could blame you if you did though

I've felt obligated to say that to friends for so long. But a lot of them (the good, right ones) insist I don't. Because I've been there for them, they should never argue I'm too much for them if I do the same. Just know anyone who cares for you will help you.

Anyone feel numb/epmpty. I don't really know of its depression but I figured you guys could help. I have this number feeling where I just don't feel emotions other then sad or angry I just feel empty. Like I'm just a shell with nothing inside just going through life. I don't really know what to do with myself I don't want to kill myself because it would hurt the people I care about most but at the same time I can't feel anything other then everything suck why am I here. It's really tough to even get out of bed in the morning all I want to do is cry. Does anyone have any ideas on coping with this numb/empty feeling because nothing makes me happy.

Hellow, is bad to hear that you're doing bad, I feel kinda the same, don't kill yourself, you're going to die anyway, so try and enjoy as much as you can. I hate how my life is right now, I feel empty and bored with everything/everyone, but.. **I love being alive**, you know, even tho existence itself has no meaning, we can just try and take the best out of it as long as we can.

Self Harm Habit. My anxiety and depression has gotten out of control lately. The only way I can breath is when I turn to cutting. I want to kill myself but sometimes relaxing just to watch myself bleed. Gosh, that sounds so fucked up.

Is it the feeling or the visual that eases you?

Tried to kill myself and failed. Guess I'll just go on with my day. Was too much of a pussy to actually cut deep enough. It's a weird feeling now. I didn't expect to see this evening. No one else knows. I feel very removed.

For what worth it probably mean much coming from a complete stranger but glad it failed, or the world would have just lost 1 more good person and we are low on them as is You can pm me anytime if you wanna talk

What helps you lighten up your mood when there's nothing you wanna actually do?. Do you just force yourself to exercise or something?

Everyone suggests to exercise but its easier said than done when one feels this lethargic and hopeless. One thing i can say that works for me when im feeling this way are youtube meditations called solfeggio frequencies it subliminally lifts your mood and vibrations upon listening. Very cool amd its my go-to right now.

I can't stop thinking about hurting myself or being in some sort of accident. The thoughts won't go away, my heart is racing

What do you feel is bringing on said troubling thoughts?

I wish I had artistic talent. Art has been my obsession all of my life but i'm so bad at it because i'm an idiot. a cognitively deficient fuck up is what i am

Nah man, What you're saying is actually quite common of someone who is good at art. Most people with a high degree or artistic talent are really good at *recognizing* good art, but get frustrated because their own art doesn't live up to the crazy high standard they've set for themselves. Malcom Gladwell suggests that it takes 10,000 hours to gain mastery in something. Art is a skill just like anything else. I think a lot of people get fooled into this You either have it or you don't mentality when it comes to creative arts. It's just not the case. I think it's more important that you actually have an obsession and something that you want to be good at! Most people don't have that. Just keep practicing and never give up. If you have the drive you will succeed eventually. You'll get better and better every day.

I'm a Fucking failure and I hate myself.. That's really all there is to it. I can't handle the mornings. I wake up every day desperate to die.

I can't even be on Facebook anymore because of this. All the happy little lives while I enviously look on, suffering of course.

I want to die, but I don't want to die. Will this painful feeling of being torn ever be over?

I asked my therapist last week the same question and she promised that it would pass and get better. So to hoping she was telling the truth for both our sakes

We are really just celebrating the way that we keep track of time. And yet New Year's has made me feel very sad

Think of it as we made it through another year instead. It makes it feel more like an accomplishment.

Why do I always make myself sad. I keep trying to fix things with people who are obviously just done with me. I always end up feeling worse. I just want to die.

Stop trying to fix things with bad people and bring positive people into your life. If you can't do that, having no one is better than having the worst people.

Girlfriend of three years broke up with me through a text because my depression is too much to deal with. There are no words for how I feel

If any consolation, she probably cares about you a lot if she stayed with you for 3 years. got her own mental health to take care of, and okay. I hope it bring you down too much. This is a good opportunity for you to focus on your own mental health as well. not saying probable, but maybe she still likes you and would be willing to give it another try when/if you find ways to cope with your depression. take a lot of self introspection and time, however. Stay strong. Get better. Take baby steps. get there when ready.

They say being active helps but I pull 18 hours days and all I can think about the whole time is dying. Being active changes nothing.. Just another lie to keep us here longer.

Well being active *is* important, but so is not being overactive. 18 hour days, man? You can't do that for long. It's important to do something during the day so you have so.etbing to process at night.

My new years resolution. My new years resolution for 2019 is to just make it through the year without killing myself tbh.

Not a bad resolution though but add one more thing to it so not just about that one thing.

Anybody else daydream something or somebody would just kill them?. For example crossing a road and thinking please can this car just run a red light and kill me.

I day dream about death sometimes, but honestly I want to die but not just by myself or an accident. I want to die doing something good. I don't want my suicide to be just a loss of a life but more of a loss for a good cause. For example dieing while fighting for my country would be a good way.

Remembering why I usually try to shut out my emotions. Feeling anything is painful now. Anger makes me a ranting asshole, happiness makes me a grinning idiot, sadness just leaves me lying in my room for hours, and passion makes me exhausted. Plus, when I'm happy, I know it's going to be that much worse when I inevitably come down.

Its a bummer, I know exactly how you're feeling. I usually try not not feel too much of anything. I brush off happiness with the knowledge that whatever good happened is a rarity I shouldn't get used to or acknowledge. Sadness is can always be treated with a few stiff drinks or an exhausting run. That kind of thinking makes me pretty numb but I'm okay with it, until I find a consistent source of happiness.

You ever so sad you can't even masturbate?. Because I feel this exact way, I'm just absolutely repulsed by anything to do with sex right now.

Or play video games or eat or smile or think coherent thoughts or think of reality as real. Depression can really sap the life out of you and is really hard to communicate to someone who has not experienced it.

I've been so tired!. Last night I slept almost 15 hours and still felt groggy upon waking up. I've been sleeping in til noon whenever I don't have classes. Why?

Sleep is complicated, depression is complicated. Just sleeping more does not automatically make you more well rested. May I ask if there is a reason for your problems?

I haven't been to class in a month. lol I've just stopped going and absolutely stopped giving a Fuck. At some point with the depression you just become completely numb. I have 0 motivation to go. I haven't really left bed in a month

I never go to class. It sucks how badly my depression, anxiety and PTSD ruin my motivation to even get out of bed....

Had my heart broken by a girl about 6 months ago... will I feel love / be able to love ever again ?. I've experienced breakups before but this one was just vacuum levels of suck

I'm sorry that haopened. I've never had a breakup because I always get rejected. I've had similar things so I can at least get an idea of how that must feel. But I believe you can find another girl you live.

Anyone else use to be smart and then after years of being idol you became stupid. Happened to me. awful. I think from constantly disengaging myself

I was the smart kid getting straight As. Now I struggle to get Cs.

I’m holding on.. depressed as shit, but holding on. not giving up.

a sign of emotional strength and mental strength. Keep it up. on your team. :)

Life would be so much easier if I wasn't so ugly.. Just at least average... anything would be better than the face I have now. I'm the ugliest girl in my town... everything on my face is unproportional and alien-like. Especially my huge, wide eyes and high forehead. I'm a monster.

I assure you that you are not as ugly as you think. Have you heard of Body Dysmorphia? Its a condition in which people see themselves in ways that are very false and often they believe they are hideous.

I'm Really Fucking Sad. I'm angry and tired and I want a friend. I cant reach out to anyone. I've tried and it always ends up worse for me and the other person. I'm just really really sad.

hey, do you need someone to talk to?

feeling a little dead and v stressed. Functioning is hard lately. I'm doing my best though. Been trying to get motivation to take my old meds I no longer take back to pharmacy bc I'm worried with how many extra pills I have I'll have a bad night and end up as dead as I feel

Might be a good idea to avoid them for now. Good job on doing your best.

I guess I can never drink. There hasn't been a time where I've gotten drunk, and haven't thought heavily about milling myself. I used to think about it sober but I'm past that.

Are you alright? I know dealing with this shit is a bitch, but trust me...you aren't alone. I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I'm here if you need to talk.

Do happy occasions make anyone else feel more suicidal and depressed?. I'm currently at my cousin's wedding and everyone is having a great time but I'm sitting here just wanting to end it all. I'm probably not going to experience my own wedding so I'm trying to enjoy this but for some reason I'm subconsciously not letting myself.

I always see couples and hate them. Not because I am a bad person (or maybe I am), but mostly because of why I don't have anyone. I've come to the conclusion that people are so shit on everything that they shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. Every single one I've met is always doing stuff for himself/herself. EVERYTHING people do is for personal benefit, nowadays. From the way people start approaching others to the way people break up. * Wanna get a girlfriend? BETTER FIND ONE IN TINDER!. Yeah, let's all start liking some stupid slut's photos that will help you get laid and of course it will NEVER inflate her ego to think she Pretty and successful with men, while in fact she is a nobody to everybody. * Wanna take a girl on a date? BETTER USE MY PARENTS' MONEY TO SHOW I'M A MAN!. If the best thing you have to offer to the opposite sex for them to appreciate, is money that aren't even yours (and for them to like you) why the hell are you allowed to have children? We don't any more of you ass***s running around. I understand that what I am saying might seem over-dramatic to some of you(or all of you) but let me tell you some thinks about me: I am 27, I graduated the university after studying there for 8 years because I had to work and serve my conscription to the army, I've lived(and still am) my whole life with my mother because we were too poor to have a separate house, haven't found a job since I graduated because the financial crisis has ravaged my country and I feel like I have little will and reason to live anymore. I wish something happened and people couldn't have sex for over a year. Only then would society come to the place it was supposed to be. Too many sluts and too many rich kids doing shit they want.

People with no depression think that time is limitless. After a lot of thinking, I figure that a lot of people who don't suffer depression don't have the sense of time. There is just not enough time during the day (or year) to get to where you want or achieve what you want. People without depression can be so optimistic to start going to the gym at 40 or start a new business at 50. Time is very stressful to me, and the optimistic ones seem to live in LaLa land where they think they can get everything done and everything will work out great. Sometimes they shortcut it by cheating or doing so-and-so job to get that promotion

Yeah my life is over already I'm 22 and there's literally nothing I can do to start my life. People keep telling me I am young and have plenty time left for everything. It's just not the case though when you have nothing and never have there is no chance of you ever having anything and having a life.

The thing that causes me to feel so depressed is being told how I make someone else's life depressing.. Just me being me seems to cause my boyfriend depression, he will tell me that, he says I make life depressing. I make life an awful lot of things to him, but not positive things.

I'm in a somewhat similar position. I love my bf more than anything.. but my family issues and a big issue with a dog of mine is causing him to be depressed and not enjoy his life the way he should be... he tells me this... I solved the family issue.. but the only way to solve to dog issue involves me putting him down.. and I cant do it.. I just cant. I'm starting to think my only other option is just to leave him so he can fully enjoy his life the way he deserves to... n the thought of not being with him makes me want to die... Its devastating.... I know what you're going through... I'm bouncing between anxiety and depression... I guess I should just leave though...

Who else comes to this sub just read about other people problems?. I hope life gets better for everyone.

This sub is the only thing I can relate to

Went to the counciling center for the first time today and.... It was worth it. Today was my first experience with counciling and it made me feel much better. Anyone here who has the means to do so and has not please do this. It's worth the effort.

I'm glad it worked for you. I've been going for a few weeks and so far it hasnt helped, so good that it helps some people

Places. I like going places but after i go and an hour or so i wanna go home but when i come home i wanna go there again. :/

Why do you go to that places? Why staying? I feel the same when I go dancing, I dance salsa, Bachata and kizomba (mostly) from 2 years, I go to the night, maybe that night is boring and I want to go home, but then I always find a reason to stay, the same I went there, dancing,feeling my self. So, why do you go there? Staying with friends? Being thoughtless?

Feels good to be bad.. So far today I am being the most toxic, anger-fueled jerk I have probably ever been and you know what? It's such a liberating feeling. I don't know if it will pass tomorrow or will last longer but damn, after years of being a good guy it sure feels awesome to be the jerk.

Direct anger and expression can certainly have fantastic short-term gains: if you want someone to hurt like you have, you can hit them. If you are hungry, you can kill that guy eating a taco and then eat the taco for yourself. It may be important to consider the long-term effects: how does that anger affect the long-term goals? What are your long-term goals with them?

Not arsed with school. Can't study or do homework.. My family is in a bad way right now and I'm in a bad way, mentally. I just can't care about school anymore. Feels hopeless

That's why I'm repeating 11th grade. It sucks.

I wanna die everyone hates me. I wanna die everyone hates me

Why do you think so?

Anyone just take a moment to look at themselves in the mirror, and feel like there’s no one looking back?. so weird. Not feeling anything. Just looking and having no emotions showing, sucks.

I look in the mirror and only see sad, dead eyes looking back.

I hate this hopelessness I'm stuck with.. Sometimes it's really impossible for me to see anything positive in my future, and all my motivation and willpower are just... Gone. All I want to do is just sleep my life away and ignore all the responsibilities I have.

I can 100% relate to this.

Can my doctor hospitalise me.. I live in Australia and over the age of 18. If i tell my doctor that i want to kill myself and have a plan and note can they hospitalise me

If it's anything like here in New York, walk into an emergency room and tell them you're there because you want to kill your self. That's probably the easiest fastest way, since you'll probably have to wait to talk to your doctor.

It could be only worse.. Life never gets better. Try to accept it.

Your foundation needs to fall down before you can start rebuilding. Have you started the plans the blueprint? List everything on a paper or make a note in your head what you need to do to make things better. I'm still rebuilding right now. But I don't have this dark ugly building that overshadowed me. Now I can start thinking what the fuck I need to do in order for my new building to be beautiful the way I want it. It'll take time but it's all worth it. Allow yourself to rebuild.

I am looking forward to New Years for the first time in my life. As a kid I would feel anxious and horrible that I am still alive and wasting time. Today is still a struggle but looking forward to how time will unfold.

Another holiday alone, not looking forward to this stupid holiday. New year, life is still shit. I stand seeing all the cheerful people when completely miserable. I stand the fucking music or the stupid forced family small talk. The holidays remind of how alone I really fucking am.

I dont deserve you.. I really don't deserve you in my life. My girlfriend deserves better. She has dealt with all my problems for the months we've been together and still deals with it. I really don't deserve that. :/

This actually sounds like me yesterday but with my boyfriend. Ended up talking to him and seeing how much he loves me despite all this really made me feel loved. Just like how my bf is, I believe your gf loves you for who you are. sell yourself short! The fact that you are trudging throng life despite fighting depression shows how strong of a person you are mentally~

Ex came back.... I want to go back, I want to feel cared about, but I don't want to be hurt again

My word of advice is just, be careful. If you genuinely feel like you can make it work again, then go for it, but if there's that doubt or feeling that you're going to get hurt again, it might be best to step away. Sometimes you can get back with an ex and it all goes well, but when it doesn't they can get in your head lay their eggs and just dominate every moment of thought. Look at your options and determine what the best result will be for yourself

I wish everyday was rainy and dark so i could justify staying inside drinking and smoking all day. I dont like the spring sun

I've been that way since a toddler. Never wanted to go outside if it was sunny--only at night or on cloudy days. Still avoid sunlight to an unhealthy degree haha. My folks joke about how pale I am :} I'm seeing now that sunlight avoidance seems to be a common thread w/ depressed folks... at least in this sub. Odd since light therapy is a proven treatment for improving mood. I get horribly depressed every Spring so I feel like my brain is wired backward.

friendzone. This girl I loved friendzoned me and my depression kick in, I haven't had it in a while but it's back. It clouds my mind and impairs my thinking, ad if being intoxicated. I don't want to die but I wouldn't mind if I did. I loved her.

I'm very sorry that happened to you - I know the pain of loving someone and not having them love you back - How long have you back feeling depressed for?

Irrationally sad over small things. Does anyone else get extremely sad about really small things? Like when a friend cancels plans and the next thing you think is such waste of time I should kill and then just want to lie in bed forever and never get up. Because me. Right now. Jk. All the time.

Ya a few weeks ago my manager at work made a rude comment to me. She does this all the time and it wasn't even that big of a deal but I was depressed for like 3 days. I went home that night and legitimately wanted to die. Sometimes it's just the straw that broke the camels back yknow.

I just want to die. Nothing else, just wanna fucking kill myself lol

im here if you want to talk op. ps-noice username lol

Fuck fuck fuck.. Can't sleep.. Have a tremendous amount of restlessness in myself. Just need to fucking calm down

When I can't sleep I've taught myself to use it. If I can concentrate I read, if I can't I play video games. Anything that helps me to relax. I tend to find that I need to distract myself from being unable to sleep, otherwise it makes me anxious and that makes the sleeplessness worse.

Pretty sure I will die alone. I am so depressed these days because I haven't lost enough weight. I want to lose it because I'm sick of being rejected. I can't stand it anymore. I'm having suicidal thoughts because I'm so lonely.

Have you lost any weight? At least you're going in the right direction, right? Are you seeing a therapist? Are you seeing a psychiatrist? They can help a lot. Hope this helps

I'm scared to get the help that I know I need.. And I don't know what to do.

Don't be scared. Reaching out for help is what you have done with this post and it's small steps that count towards the big goal. Use an anonymous forum for a while to talk if that's what you need. When you feel ready to speak to a doctor please do it.

Im 22 with literally 0 friends. Living alone with crippling anxiety day after day, college sucks because at the fourth year things have not changed in the slightest. I'm at a loss because I have been fighting this battle for too long and I have no results. What's the fucking point to live if I'm always solo and nobody cares if I exist? Seems like a waste when I see even younger then me thrive socially and I'm not an introvert in the slightest. I just lack social circles since god awful high school. On a side note I do believe I'd be better if I leave the country (Bulgaria) foreigners my age seem more accepting and empathetic to me. Needed to vent somewhere because I'm 24/7 alone and I have no idea if I'm gonna be alive tommorow.

well it could always be worse lol

Anybody else think depression is just part of life?. Can anybody please elaborate? Thank you in advance!

Watch anything about Jim Carey and his philosophical beliefs. He considers depression as deep rest, you denying and separating a part of yourself from you as you move forward and grow.

im at my lowest point in life. i keep on failing at everything i do, i have no reason to live. Please help i cant do this anymore. Its become too big for me, i have no idea or hope on what to do. Please, help.

I'm here. I'll try to help.

Why do i do this. When I'm having a real bad night. I will sleep in an uncomfortable place. Last night it was on the living room floor with just a hoody as cover.. it doesn't make me feel better. I maybe feel like I don't deserve something as normal as a bed..

I think it just could be that you're tired from all the pain and suffering you endured throughout the day, and (as you've said) feel that you dont deserve the bed. But trusy me, that bed will be the greatest thing in your life. Whether its to sleep in, or cry on, you will feel bettee

I'm angry. I don't even know what I'm angry at, so just life I guess. I don't really have any motivation to do anything about it, so it's just sitting there inside me and I hate it.

I get angry at myself as well, along with all other negative Emotion and toxic feelings. Lately i have been trying to better myself by reading,and browsings like deciding to do better/get disciplined/get motivated. Some posts are really refreshing to read. Maybe you could try to find something to distract you. Learn a language or skill or something. Spending time with friends. Make new friends. It is good that you have some long term friendship. short term friendship is not bad too. Dont know if you do this or not. A mistake i made is that I used to watch a lot of comedy. Comedians would make a lot of self deprecating jokes, they would say things like : nobody likes them, they are unattractive, got terrible personalities, they have messed up life, blablabla in a very funny way. And i actually took it serious (by this i dont mean i get offend by jokes ) And proud that i am relate to that. So i always lookdown on myself. But i stopped doing that and try not to read posts on depression/ 2meirl /other sub that might bring me down.

For the past 6 months, I have had this persistent head pressure (not a migraine or headache). It's like my brain is expanding but has no room. It's incredibly distracting.. I've tried taking everything from excedrin to ibuprofen and neither do anything. I also find it incredibly difficult to concentrate and remember anymore, constantly needed things repeated over and over slowly. Aside from the insomnia, I feel like the head pressure, concentration and memory issues are the most crippling part of depression for me, more so than the feeling of anhedonia and emptiness. Has anyone else experienced this? Has anything worked for you? Does it even get better? I feel like there's no end in sight.

Do you have anger issues as well? I've been feeling like this too with head pressure. Sometimes it fluctuates and it ranges in its severity, but definitely seems the pressure is there when I'm most in a depressed state.

painless way to die?. im out of this bitch whats the most painless way to die im ending it all on tuesday currently im probably gonna hang my self but if theres a painless way

How are you gonna play the new cod if you're dead?

Going to get high tomorrow. Welp, tired of living in general. Going to call up a few dealers and get high tomorrow. I know it'll probably make my problems worse, but I honestly don't care anymore.

Well I sincerely hope you have a good time

Your experience with cannabis and mental health?. Love to hear people personal stories on the topic.

I've smoked pot about 7 times or so. First time freaked me out, made me a little paranoid. I kept trying it in small doses and never really made me feel nice, just kinda paranoid. The very last time I took it I was with 2 friends and I took like 1 big-ish hit and became paranoid, again. Unfortunately, I spent that night freaking out over my heart racing and thinking I was going to have a heart attack. This ended up developing into chronic heart anxiety. This was about 4 or so years ago and now I live with extremely, extremely bad anxiety. I thought it'd be nice using it as an escape for my depression back then but never made me feel nice, alcohol did weirdly. I would love to try weed again in a different environment to see if it would help with my depression/anxiety. I hate taking heavy meds, I would much rather use weed.

Any painless methods of suicide?. Just wondering in case I feel even worse than I already am about me, my life and I? Plus my mind

No. The people who love you will feel some measure of pain for the rest of their lives. I know that wasn't the kind of pain you were asking about, but yeah, there's always going to be pain for someone I'm afraid.

Today was the furthest I have been outside in 8 months. I fought my compulsion to visit my ex girlfriend despite a restraining order. Instead, I drove the opposite direction spent about an hour by water and contemplated taking my life.

Glad you didn't. Made you stronger, remember that. You will make it. One day at a time.

feeling .. disconnected?. sometimes i feel so disconnected from the world, like im watching it through a window. like im in a glass cage, or invisible cage. its hard to concentrate, things seem strange i took a walk a few days ago and everything seemed so alien, like from another world

I experience this all the time. It increases when I'm in an especially bad place, like I am now. I feel part of a completely different universe to this one. So near yet so far away. It's horrible but there are times it feels peaceful. It doesn't scare me anymore, and I'm not quite sure why. Maybe because I've been experiencing this for years?

Any other mid 20 year olds who haven't gotten a job yet?. Just asking. Domt want to feel like I'm the only dumbass. Which is most likely.... 9 to 5 with overtime sounds good. And its rewarding overall. Everyone needs to survive and theres many fucken ways to make money now. I'm just stuck and afraid personally.

Make a resume and send it out

I need a drink. I know it doesn't help, I know it makes things worse, but I need an hour or two away from all the stupid little things that keep snowballing into stupid big things.

Having a drink is okay now and then. Most do it even when they aren't depressed just to feel relaxed. If you have problems with it then yes it can be bad for you.

I don’t think people love me. They love versions of me I have spun for them, versions of me they have construed in their minds. The easy versions of me, the easy parts of me to love.. But no one will ever love me

I feel the exact same way as you do and I'm tell my self that I'm fine. If ever want to talk about PM. I feel when you talk about your lonliness it helps to get through. I use discord and WhatsApp if that's your thing. Don't be to hard on yourself everyone in the world is loved by someone.

I'm tired of being single, but i wouldn't wish myself on anyone.. I'm fat. I'm ugly. I'm boring. And I have no redeeming qualities. I should do the world a favor and just die already.

Oh god yes. I know this feeling. There is nothing good about me. I got rejected by a guy a couple months ago that I was sure liked me too. He doesn't even know it but he made the best decision for himself. It would be the worst decision of his life if he started talking to me again. I'd feel so guilty letting somebody deal with my shit.

Very seriously considering ending it.. I'm at a crossroads and everything feels jumbled. I can't decide by the desire is over taking me.

I'm available as well. I'll even give you my phone number

Has anyone gained weight on Wellbutrin XL?. I've put on about 20 pounds since I started taking it - thyroid is good and eating healthy/working out. I know Dr.'s say it should make you lose weight but this is not the case for me. Would love to know if anyone has had a similar experience.

I usually lose weight, but I may gain if I'm coming out of an episode where my appetite had been really low - Wellbutrin returns me to just below baseline, so to speak. This will be one of those times.

Lying in my bed at 2pm, too tired to do anything. My mother is pounding on the door and screaming at me because I am so worthless.. I just want to fucking kill myself. Wish I wasn't such a coward. edit: I really fucking hope I will get over myself and do it today.

Disability resources has made college much more doable for me. Please seek them.

When (if you remember at all) was the last time you were happy?. For me, it's been 4 years. I'm anxious, and timid, and I hate my life but I remember those times and try to have hope... Will I ever be happy again? I'm only 16 but damn that would be a fucking shitty life.

I'm 15, I'm not sure that I've been really happy since I was seven years old. I can hardly remember what it feels like anymore.

Have you ever just stared blankly at a car's headlights as it speeds towards you, wishing that it would it would hit and kill you instantaneously?. You close your eyes accepting the promised bliss of death... and the car stops. You slowly sink bank to reality as you open your eyes again and walk on.

One of my old therapists used to tell me that these were still considered suicidal thoughts even though I actively planning to do anything. I always told her it was just wishful thinking. Lol.

People said try finding yourself a goal. But I have goals. I can't work on them because I feel tired. Which makes me feel more worst due to my failure.. I am not sad I am just feel...given up.

i guess the idea is that have something strong enough to motivate you towards it. I personally have goals but I never have so I really help you here.

.. I feel that I belong in this world I feel that my existence is a mistake.

hard to see our impact on society from a single moment in our lives. We downplay our contributions or sometimes we never even know that a small act of kindness affected someone. Or just being around helped them get the the day. Your not worthless or a mistake. Your life matters a lot.

I hate the direction my life is going right now, but I love it to be alive. Just wanted to say it...

I'm kind of the same way. My life sucks, I see no light in the proverbial tunnel but I rather be alive to see how the world turns out than leave my life for nothingness. Disclaimer, I believe that there's no life after death. If you've ever been unconscious you know what I'm talking about, one moment you're awake, the next you wake up somewhere else with no sense of time gaining passed. That but forever is death to me, there's simply nothing, it just ends completely. I rather suffer than cease to exist.

My mom just literally told me to man up, stop pitying myself and get a girlfriend. Thanks mom, I'm cured mom.

My friend said something like that to me recently. It fucking hurt. I could tell if I was more pissed at her or myself.

I don't even know anymore.. Feels like I'm faking all this bullshit for attention from people. Even writing this makes me feel like shit. I just have to let it out.

Just let it out then, that's what this is place is for. Hugs, hope things become better for you soon! :)

My boyfriends friends hate me. I dont know why but they are making lies about me and dont want me to be in their parties anymore. His female friends seems to be really jealous about me.

Maybe they're just jealous that he's spending more time with you than them. Regardless, it's not nice for them to make to be making lies about you. Does your boyfriend know that they are?

Without music i wouldve killed myself. Listing to music help get away from life. Just being fully submerged in the music and listening to lyrics. Truely without it I don't know where my life would be.

I can totally relate to this. Do you mind sharing your playlist?

I’m a fuck up. All I ever do is compare myself to others because the only way I get self worth. I was doing so fucking good and now back at square one

I hear you. So well. And I'm so sorry you feel that way. I left my difficult-to-get-into art school because of this (and my classmates treated it like high school and were jerks, but thats irrelevant). It's not easy.

Friend: Hey, you seem to be doing a bit better! :) *inside: WELL ACTUALLY- no, don't argue with them, don't...*. I always almost argue with people whenever they say they think I look/seem better, haha. You sound a bit better today! I'm glad you're doing better! Inside: WELL AKCHUALLY NOT REALLY BUT IM GLAD YOU NOTICED MY FACADE- I don't know why I wanna correct them so much!!

I sometimes respond with oh yeah im very good today and start laughing but they never understand why im laughing.

I wanna kill myself. Fuck. Shit. Fuck my life.

Do you want to talk about what's going on?

Guys it really hurts. I just want it to stop

Can you open-up a bit to explain? What's the matter? Go on, if it's alright with you.

I don't see the point in having friends. All they do is bore me and cause anxiety when I think about them. And yet, I still feel lonely.. I hate this so much. I'm a shit person.

I think I can relate to what you're saying. I feel like a big part of my depression is loneliness. I can't make friends. I want friends but even when I put myself out there, I can't say anything. It's like my mouth is taped shut. Makes me uncomfortable so I leave. Then I feel lonely, then I try to put myself out there... the whole cycle starts again. I've tried sports clubs, and other extracurriculars. I guess I just wasn't meant to have friends.

How do you escape your thoughts?. Do people even find it possible to do so?

I sleep, a lot. It actually takes practice to sleep a lot, the trick is to try your best not to wake up. You want to sleep long hours in one sitting, otherwise you will have problem falling asleep. Nothing is better than sleep. Sometimes I dream, and regardless what I dream it's always better than reality.

Help. I’ve only gone to get meals 3 times in the last 3 days.. Hungry but just get out of my dorm

maybe you could order something for delivery?

$700 and I can be in Hawaii. I'd have nowhere to stay but I'd be far away in paradise... I could escape. Would it change anything?

If you feel like you have nothing else and have tried the alternatives such as meds and therapy, what would it hurt to try? What would you be leaving behind? Are there alternatives? Do you have a plan for when you got there? Unfortunately you can't live simply on beautiful views and sunshine but a new start may be nice